One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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How to live life on your own terms

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One of the greatest privileges we have is to make choices. When it comes to knowing how to live life on your own terms, it’s so important that we take stock of the many freedoms we now have, compared to generations of women before us. That’s not to say it’s always easy. Today I want to share some practical insights into why that is, and how to live life on your own terms.

Recognising how lucky we are

Discrimination, inequality and massive imabalances in power are very real, even in today’s world. And yet, there are many choices we’re able to make as women that would have been unthinkable for our mothers, grandmothers, and generations before them.

I loved hearing Michelle Williams acknowledge this at the Golden Globes 2020. She said:

"I’m grateful for the acknowledgment of the choices I’ve made, and I’m also grateful to have lived at a moment in our society where choice exists...

I’ve tried my very best to live a life of my own making and not just a series of events that happened to me, but one that I can stand back and look at and recognize my handwriting all over, sometimes messy and scrawling, sometimes careful and precise, but one that I carved with my own hand."

Now, if you’re rolling your eyes a little, I get it. A Hollywood actress, receiving a glittering award at a fancy event… it’s easy to feel like she’s got it all sorted.

As though it’s easy to talk about “choice” when you’re wealthy and privileged.

And yet most of us are extremely fortunate to also have choices. If you’ve received an education, have access to clean water and healthcare, and are able to make fundamental decisions about contraception, finances and marriage, you’re better off than millions of women around the world.

So why do we end up feeling like we’re stuck?

Gratitude for your good fortune is one thing. And then there's the daily reality – bills to pay, kids to wrangle, relationships to navigate, jobs to do.

Sure, we might have more freedom than many, many other women throughout history. But it's also very normal to feel as though right now, today, you don't have an awful lot of say in the demands being made of you. 

At One of many we use “archetypes” to explore common patterns of being that show up in the lives of many women.

As well as the 5 Women’s PowerTypes, our models of powerful feminine leadership, we also see 3 “disempowering archetypes” show up.

These can help you understand what’s happening at those times when it doesn’t feel as though you’re living life on your own terms.

We often feel powerless when...

We’re in “victim” mode: We feel helpless, and as though we can’t do anything to change the situation we’re in.

We’re in “martyr” mode. This is the archetype of the woman who sacrifices everything for others, and never has the space to give to her own needs or desires.

We’re in “bitch” mode. This is where our pent up anger and resentment comes out, and we lash out at those around us (yes, often with the people we love most).

How do you find your way back to the life you want?

If these disempowering archetypes help us understand why we’re feeling boxed in or lacking in power, the Women’s PowerTypes are a framework that allow us to connect to the choices we do have in ay given moment.

These might be as simple as the choices you have about how to respond to a situation. The details you notice, the lessons you take, or the aspects you choose to let go of.

We become conscious of our choices when…

We get to know ourselves. We start to explore what we want, what makes us feel good, what our fears and patterns are. This might be through journaling, talking to a trusted friend or coach, or taking time out regularly without an agenda to enjoy some space that’s just for us.

We give ourselves permission. We allow ourselves to (shock, horror!) do things that are only for us, not for anyone else. If you’re someone who spends their time making other people’s lives easier, this can be a truly radical step.

We get support. At One of many we believe that collaboration is key to changing the kind of world we live in. When we support each other and share our journeys, we’re all able to thrive and grow further than we ever could by ourselves.

Do you want to live life on your terms?

At One of many we’ve developed a specific set of tools to help women find their power and take control of their lives. And our mission is to get those tools into the hands of as many women as possible.

Would you like to be part of this turning tide?

Take a look at Living the Change – our groundbreaking community providing the support, community and tools you need to create the life you want.

Click here to find out more.

You’ll find out what makes our approach so different, and how it’s helping women around the world live life on their own terms.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to take control of your day

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Picture this: You’ve got a big deadline to meet. You wake up feeling sluggish but still manage to scarf a coffee and get to your desk early. Time to get going. But from then on, things start to rapidly unravel. Emails need tactful – and immediate – responses. A colleague comes to you with a crisis you feel duty bound to help with, even though your own time is slipping away. By the time 6 o clock rolls round you’re no closer to getting the work you needed to done. Today’s been a write off, but could you have done anything differently? Here's how to take control of your day.

The power of finding your rhythm

One of the biggest shifts for women who take our BeFruitful program is shifting from a focus on best utilising their time, to focusing on their energy.

What does this look like in practice? Well, it starts by taking a step back and observing the way your energy flows over the course of a day, a week or a month.

Most of us know whether we tend to be ‘larks’ who hit the ground running at the start of the day, or owls who find our flow later in the evening. (These days there’s a lot of focus on optimizing your ‘morning routine’, but if you’re someone who doesn’t get going until the afternoon that’s probably not going to be helpful. Don’t feel bad – just pay attention to what works for you.)

Then there’s the pattern of your week, some of which will depend on your schedule. Maybe you have a meeting on a Monday that tends to leave you fired up and motivated, or a day when you work from home and know you’ll have more space to concentrate.

Finally, it’s important to look at how things change for you over the course of a month. If you’re menstruating, hormonal shifts are likely to have an impact on what you’re able to get done. But many women who don’t have periods also notice an ebb and flow in their energy, sometimes connected to the moon cycle.

Focus on observing what’s true for you and ignore what anyone else might share. We’re all unique when it comes to this stuff.

What to do when you know your energy flow

So, you’ve established more or less what your energy flow looks like. This is the most important step when it comes to discovering how to take control of your day without burning out. You don’t have to go crazy over the exact detail (although when you see how effective this approach is, I have no doubt you’ll add to this data!).

But hopefully you'll be able to identify a pattern that makes sense. Let’s say…

  • The week before your period you tend to feel short tempered, decisive and very clear about what’s not working in your life.
  • You’re usually sluggish before 12 but tend to get a big burst of energy at 9pm, and can happily work until midnight if you don’t have an early start ahead of you.
  • Monday has you feeling a bit scattered as you respond to colleagues at the start of the week, but by Tuesday the priorities are clear and you’re able to tackle big tasks with a bit more headspace.

Can you see how developing this kind of picture suddenly opens up a whole lot of options?

How to take control of your day

When you start to look at each day not as a linear progression of hours within which to cram your tasks, but as a fluctuating model of energy which you can choose how you focus, things get a whole lot easier.

Rather than feeling frustrated with things not going to plan, you can prepare yourself to optimise your energy on any given day. We use a tool called "Batching for Energy Matching" to assign tasks to the times when you're going to be most effective at doing them.

So in the example we started off with, it might not have been that the world was against you.

Perhaps you weren’t in the right time in your cycle to be looking at a deep-dive piece of work. Certainly, with hindsight, the pull you felt to support your distressed colleague and respond to those emails indicated that you might have been better off prioritising supporting the team rather than working on a solo project. And getting to your desk early doesn't really have helped if your best thinking time isn’t until later in the day.

This approach to planning can transform how you're able to juggle the competing tasks on your list.

Elizabeth, a BeFrutiful participant, found that focusing on her own energy made a real shift in the way she approached each day. In fact, she started implementing the technique as she worked through BeFruitful, to help her get the most out of the training. She wrote to tell us:

“I am so enjoying the modules, and in the spirit of finding and embracing my own rhythms have begun to 'identify' the most fruitful ways for me to watch, listen, reflect and implement the elements of each lesson.

I have found this week's rhythm and cycles work in lesson 2 fascinating and am now beginning to look differently at the emotions I have so far attributed to hormones, life's knocks, the attitudes and behaviours of others or external factors that come from nowhere.

I'm stopping and taking a different look at each situation as it arises and even though I know I can't stop all the external stuff coming at me, I'm aligning my own responses to a soft power or archetype response which in itself is bringing a very interesting perspective and a deep sense of calm.”

– Elizabeth Jane Kent, Director, Learning Teaching Leading

What about the things you really can’t control?

OK, you might be thinking, that’s all well and good. I’ll take a week off a month for PMT, never have a meeting before 11am and just tell that client that my “energy’s not right” for their pressing deadline. Is that a pig flying past the window I just saw?

Of course, in the real world we can’t shape every event to fit with our understanding of our energies. We’ve all had to call on “Superwoman” to get us through from time to time. The presentation that falls on a day when you really want to be in bed weeping over a soppy movie. Or the gently meandering “visioning session” that frustrates the hell out of you -- you’re ready to roll up your sleeves and take action!

What matters is that you're not in that misaligned place for the parts you can control.

Learning to work to your rhythms won’t stop the rest of the world from working to theirs. But when you understand what works best for you, you can do your utmost to make sure you’re working as effectively as possible – and forgive yourself faster when life throws you a curveball.

Want to learn how to take control of your days?

If you’re curious about learning to apply these tools to your own busy schedule, BeFruitful could transform the way you approach life. In fact, it’s guaranteed to free up at least 4 hours a week, minimum, for you to spend doing what you love.

This 6 week online program allows you to learn at your own pace from anywhere in the world, and is packed with helpful tools, practical exercises and new ways of approaching the daily juggle.

Click here to find out more.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Sorting out your finances: 20 ways to start

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Let's get real: When sorting out your finances looms on your to-do list, it can be easy to keep putting it off. There’s often a big scary task (getting honest about your pension situation, facing up to debt, or figuring out what your investments are doing, perhaps) that you’ve been avoiding.

But the truth is, there are countless ways to move into action around your money. And it’s often the smallest, simplest ones that will get you feeling empowered and confident enough to move onto the scarier items on your list.

By the time you get there, they might not even seem quite as daunting after all…

Our mission: To help women take control of their wealth

We’ve helped hundreds of women get control of their finances through our BeWealth retreat, one-day events and online programs, and the feedback we get is inspiring. Take Boryana's celebration after she attended our Wealth Insights workshop.

"The biggest impact of Wealth Insights for me was the realisation that wealth is achievable by ordinary people and that when you know how to appropriately manage your money, you can create predictable results. The second big aha moment was that you are not born with the knowledge of how to multiply money. It comes with education. I cannot thank you enough for these insights. They have started my ongoing journey to wealth in a sustainable way."

And every woman’s journey is different. So today I want to share just some of the ways we’ve seen women in our community make a start. My hope is that one of them might be the first step for you when it comes to sorting out your finances.

Let us know which one you’ll choose in the comments!

20 ways to start sorting out your finances

1. Get clarity

Don’t worry about changing anything, just find out where you arewhen it comes to one area: Maybe your pensions, savings or investments. Could you fire off a quick email at lunchtime and get access to the data you need?

2. Write down every penny you spend for a week

Perhaps the simplest and most effective way to start changing your financial habits. A spreadsheet is great for this. Not a tech fan? A little notebook works just as well!

3. Set up ‘jam jars’ or allocated pots for your money

This is a really powerful tool to use when it comes to taking control of your finances, and it can go well beyond spending and saving. We teach this and lots of other helpful tools around managing your money as part of our 10 Week Wealth Turnaround training. Give the office a call if you'd like to know more.

4. Explore your limiting beliefs around money

Is it the root of all evil? Goes as quickly as it comes? Causes stress and arguments?

What did you grow up believing about money, and how might that be holding you back? Taking time to journal about these feelings is free and easy -- and it’s often the biggest barrier to getting things on track.

5. Teach your kids the basics of saving, spending and investing

How do you manage issues like pocket money, and what do your children understand about money? Start having conversations with them and make finances feel fun!

6. Have an honest conversation with a friend about your finances

Many of us are happier confessing the deepest details of our sex lives than broaching the topic of money. Find a friend you trust and have a money chat. What do they earn? How do they spend, save, or invest? What are their challenges? You might find common ground.

7. Book an appointment with an Independent Financial Adviser (IFA)

Whether you’d like to be sure you’re investing ethically, want a financial MOT or need advice on handling an inheritance, separation or windfall, an IFA can give you qualified, impartial advice. And if you're imagining a stuffy old man in a suit, think again. We have several IFAs in our own One of many community, who love helping other women feel confident and empowered about their finances without patronising or making assumptions. Pop a post in the Facebook group if you'd like to find them!

8. Schedule a time to talk money with your partner

Hint: Not in the middle of an argument or when the joint bank statement’s revealed a nasty surprise. Find a time when you’re both ready to get honest -- and have a frank talk about where you’re at. Bonus points for making a date night out of it: win-win!

9. Print out your bank statements

Simple. Powerful. Grab a highlighter and see what's going in and out. Any surprises? Get familiar with the numbers. It’s the first step towards taking back control.

10. Update your CV

Make sure it accurately reflects your achievements, training and growth. Even if you're not actively job hunting, this can be a great way to identify the value you’re bringing to your organisation, company or clients. Might it be time to explore a promotion, pay rise or career move?

11. Write a list of your financial values

What’s more important to you: Freedom or security? Providing for your family or feeling independent? What would you like to be doing with your money? Spend some time exploring what matters most to you.

12. Find out about One of many’s wealth training

If you’d love to get control of your finances, book in a chat with one of the team to find out if our training can help. We have a few different options, and if there’s someone else we think would be a better fit, we’ll happily signpost you.

13. Listen to a podcast or read a book about money

This is a great one if you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious about your own situation. Start by listening to what other people have experienced -- it might be just the inspiration you need.

14. Get clear on WHY

Feeling guilty or unclear is never the most positive motivation to get started on change. What’s your vision for your financial future? What would you do if you had zero financial worries? Draw a picture, write down some ideas, don’t be afraid to dream big.

15. Find an accountant/bookkeeper who can help you

If you’re self employed or an entrepreneur, having the right support in place will make all the difference.

16. Shop around

When it comes to renewing your insurance, the difference between quotes can be surprising. Or perhaps you'd prefer to be with a company that aligns better with your values? Spend an hour shopping around, and celebrate what you can achieve.

17. Commit to a regular money check-in

Like going to the gym, it’s little committments that can add up to big changes. Book in half an hour a week and commit to making that your money slot. How you use the time is up to you, but knowing it’s there will enable you to make a difference.

18 Up your self care to give you the energy you need

If you’re burned out and exhausted, looking at money stuff can feel like the last straw. Can you go to bed an hour earlier, book yourself in for a massage or have a long bath to recharge before you tackle the task?

19. Spend an hour journalling about your relationship with money, starting with your childhood

How have you felt about money, how much have you earned, what have you spent it on? Watch out for any patterns that recur, whether it’s online shopping binges when you’re feeling low or avoiding money conversations with those close to you.

20. Identify where you are on the Stages of Wealth - and what your priorities need to be

Knowing where you are on the stages of wealth means you can quickly identify what you need to focus on first. Read more about the different stages, and how they can help you focus your energy most effectively, here.

What's your first step?

As Boryana realised at Wealth Insights, nobody's born knowing how to manage their finances. Feeling confident and in control around money is something any of us can achieve, with the right support and education. So if you know you want to sort out your finances, take one small step today. Ask for help, share your journey, and celebrate every way you move forward. You've got this!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to feel more awake and energised

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Want to feel more awake and energised? When you’re feeling sluggish and exhausted, it can be challenging to know where to begin. If you’re at the point where you’re ready to make change but nothing seems to ‘stick’, it can feel especially frustrating. You want to spring out of bed instead of dragging yourself up every morning. But how can you make change when you feel as though you’ve got lead weights attached to your feet? Where do you start, and how do you keep going?

Here are 3 ways to feel more awake and energised

#1 Track your energy

If you’re feeling exhausted and run down, the last thing you might feel like doing is noticing just how tired you are. But before you start throwing things at the screen, let’s slow down a little. Observing how your energy changes over the course of the day, the week or the month doesn’t mean you’re resigning yourself to things never changing.

What it will do is give you the data you need to make shifts that will actually last.

After all, feeling wiped out after a day picking up your team’s slack at the office, will take different adjustments to addressing a monthly slump around your period.

Instead of feeling hopeless about why you lack energy, it’s time to turn detective.

Keep a journal for a month and track your energy levels and mood. It doesn’t have to be complicated -- perhaps just a smiley or grumpy face, and a rating out of 10 for how much energy you have.

Then, look for patterns. Do you already feel awake and energised at certain times, even if it's not as often as you'd like? Perhaps they correspond to:

  • Something you do (Does fresh air wake you up? Do you sleep better the day after exercising?)
  • What's going into your body (Do you notice a particular slump after a night of drinking, or a heavy meal?)
  • Who you spend time with (A friend who always lifts your mood?)
  • What's happening around you (Is there a work task that has you feeling like you’re flying? Maybe you can't sleep on Sunday nights because you're anxious about what Monday will hold?)

Positive and negative, start to map the ebb and flow of your energy, without judgment. Identify the main areas you think could be factors, and then you can begin think about what you could do differently. A conversation about boundaries? A health check up? A career change?

But first -- a note.

There is no ‘magic bullet’

Getting your energy back so that you feel as awake and energised as you'd like isn’t as simple as eating superfoods or taking the ‘right’ supplement.

If only!

If the fundamental issue is that you’re doing too much, too often, without ever replenishing your energy, no amount of beating yourself up or adding extra activities will make a difference.

I know that can be hard to hear. But it's true.

Making time to rest, play and enjoy yourself is critical. And if you’re slipping into burnout, that might take more of an adjustment than your inner Superwoman would like. Think reducing what you're committed to, or letting yourself off the hook for not doing everything on your list to 100% of your ability, 100% of the time.

This is an aspect of 'self care' that's often glossed over when we think only about adding to our plate (more yoga! more sleep!) and don't consider what we'll need to take away in order to make space for that. But getting honest about your expectations, your commitments and your own capacity is really important.

If you’d like support with this, working with a coach can be a great place to start.

And when it is time to make a change, bear in mind the second vital step.

#2 Start with what feels good

When we think about changing our habits, it’s really tempting to begin with a list of what we’re not going to do. No more carbs, no screens in bed, no working late…. When you’re desperate to stop feeling so sluggish, those hard and fast rules can feel really seductive.

The trouble is, over the long term that motivation often fizzles out. As soon as you start to see a slight improvement that ‘I’ll do anything not to feel this way’ feeling slips away. Before you know it, you’re back at square one.

So, as you review your energy journal, try to focus on times when you did feel energised instead of focusing on when you were most exhausted.

  • Was it when you’d got a proper 8 hours sleep?
  • After a weekend catching up with old friends?
  • Or the day you went outside for a walk at lunch instead of eating at your desk?

Try to connect to how you felt in those moments when you were at your best. What words would you use -- energised, vital, spacious, free, playful…?

When you shift your motivation to the way you’d LOVE to feel, and take steps to get more of that into your life, the momentum you can generate is astonishing.

Feeling good can start to become addictive, and with every boost you get you’ll feel more inspired to keep going.

#3 Take it one step at a time

When you start making changes, it’s important to go slow and steady. Remember step one? Approaching the shifts you make with that spirit of research and experimentation means making a change that feels good, and then observing it.

Maybe an earlier bedtime does the trick, and you find yourself thrilled by how awake and energised you feel in the morning.

Maybe choosing soft drinks over wine has you reconnected to the sparkle that was missing, or having a conversation with your team about the ‘presenteeism’ in your industry takes a weight off.

With every change you make, take notice of the effect it has -- and don’t be tempted to add in anything else straight away. Give yourself time to absorb the difference it’s making, and celebrate yourself for every small win along the way.

Know that things won’t happen all at once.

You’ll make mistakes, you’ll feel frustrated, you might even feel as though you’re going round in circles. And if you really don’t know where to begin, or feel that nothing you do has the effect you want, it might be time to get some support. If that’s the case we’d love to have a chat!

A frank (and free!) talk with one of the team can help you identify exactly what it is you need to focus on -- and whether one of our retreats, trainings or online programs could give you the support you need.

Click here to book a time to talk to one of the team about getting your energy back for good

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ womenBecome One of many™ womenBecome One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Are you already coaching?

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A surprising number of women, whether or not they’re interested in pursuing coaching as a career, already use some fundamental coaching skills in their day to day lives – often without realising they’re doing it. Are you one of them? Today I’m going to share 3 ways to find out if you’re already coaching people around you, and why this could be an important signal for you about where to focus your energy.

Why coaching skills are so valuable

In the coming decade, coaching skills are emerging as an increasingly valuable attribute across industries, as well as outside of the workplace in areas like family, relationships and wellbeing. Why? At the start of the decade, a shift is beginning to emerge in the traditional priorities of business.

In 2019, Deloitte asked nearly 10,000 CEOS to state what they considered to be the most important measure of success. The top answer might surprise you: Ahead of profit or customer satisfaction, top CEOs rate their ‘impact on society’ as the most important achievement.

That’s not the easiest thing to achieve in today’s fast moving, ever connected world. A business’s impact on society needs to be led by people with a clear vision, the ability to hold steady and inspire others through turbulence and uncertainty, and a real sense of integrity aligned with their deepest values. If success is measured by wider impact, leaders need the kind of deep support that coaching brings. Their legacy will be defined not only by their financial acumen or management ability, but by their clarity of purpose and vision. Their ability to respond to global events and social shifts, with discernment and integrity. And that’s the kind of support trained coaches have the skills to provide.

A second key trend comes as ‘Generation Z’ — our current 16-25 year olds — enter the worksplace. By 2030, they’re estimated to make up almost 33% of the global workforce. And their priorities, as Dan Schawbel, research director at Future Workplace writes, are not what we might assume

“This digital generation, primarily relying on technology to communicate, suffers from anxiety. Thus, Gen Zers are looking for leaders who are trusting, support their needs, and express care for them as humans – not just employees. Focusing on Gen Zers human needs will be the best way to address their workplace needs.”

The ability to set a clear vision and purpose, and to support the human needs of employees, ask for a new kind of leadership to emerge. One that will be fostered by the kind of coaching skills many of us take for granted. In this short video, I share 3 signs that you might already be coaching — and what you should be aware of if you are.

Are you already coaching without knowing it?

If you’re already coaching…

If you’re currently coaching without realising it, or are practicing as a coach and want to develop your skills further to reflect these emerging trends in business, it’s clear that the world needs your talent. And when it comes to equipping yourself with the most up to date tools to enhance your impact, I share what you need to know in a free online workshop on Thursday 3rd December 2020: Essential Skills for Coaching Women.

.Click here to register and find out more.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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The most important question to ask yourself

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The most important question to ask yourself if you want to create change might not be what you think. Most of us focus on what it is we want to DO. But there’s a shift that needs to happen before we take any kind of action. One that makes all the difference to how effective an impact we can have. And I realised just how much this one question mattered on an ordinary morning towards the end of 2019, in the most unexpected setting…

Looking back…

My local café is playing back to back classics from 25 years ago. These were the tunes that accompanied me around my first GAP year tour around Europe.

Green Day, The Beautiful South, Sinead O’Connor…

What are the tunes which take you back?

What song, when you hear it on the radio, transports you through time to a moment decades ago – maybe being driven up to university, dancing with friends on a night out, wracked with adolescent angst in a room with the curtains drawn?

Because, hearing that music, I’m forced, and I mean FORCED, to reflect back on what has happened over those 25 odd years.

(Trust me – I’m trying to do a completely different job right now – but the power of music is hard to ignore.)

What have you achieved over the past decade or two?

I did a medical degree. Travelled a lot. Lost my virginity. Directed plays. Dated. Was a doctor for a time. Was an acting student for a time. Found my true calling. Fell in love – way too many times. Spent a long time perplexed by men. Started a business. Struggled. Cried a lot. Succeeded. Laughed so much my sides hurt with my family. Toured the world doing what I love. Was heartbroken by the insensitivity of humans more times than I care to remember. Burned out. Rested.

Started another business. Succeeded. Got married. Tried to have a baby. Had palpitations. Had a miscarriage. Stopped. Re-assessed. Learned to sail. Got pregnant. Had a baby. Started One of many. Moved to the English countryside. Met great friends. Grew what’s becoming a movement. Started another business with one of my best mates. Had another baby at home in the bath, all 10lb 14oz of her. Impacted a load of lives. Went to Necker Island and met presidents, business mavens and human rights leaders. Sang carols in my loungeroom with my friends.

I’ve done A LOT of awesome in the last 25 years.

Goodness.

But what I’m MOST present to listening to these old tunes is that WHO I AM is so different to who I was then.

Indeed who I am is different to who I was 10 years ago. Five years ago.

Dammit, who I am today is different to who I was 1 year ago!

And I think that’s because throughout my life I’ve asked myself the same question over and over.

If I want to do x, then WHO do I need to BE?

You see, the me of twenty five years ago? You probably wouldn’t recognise her.

Perhaps the one thing we still have in common is that she cared, deeply and passionately, about the world around her. I still do.

But almost everything else: how we approach life, how we decide what to do, how we show up in relationship with friends, family, colleagues… all of that is different.

How about you?

When you think about the difference you need to make, have you ever asked yourself that question?

Or have you tended to get caught up in the far more common one: “What do I need to do?”

When I look at the challenges the world is facing, I see so many things that will require our energy, commitment and passion to solve.

In our society as we grapple with inequality, injustice and intolerance.

As a planet, wondering what impact climate change, artificial intelligence, and our ever more connected society will have.

And as stewards to the next generation, wondering what on earth they need to know to thrive and find joy in the coming decades.

Today, I think perhaps the answers might lie in asking the right question.

Not what do we need to DO.

But who do we need to BE?

It’s the only way I can credit the big changes I’ve been able to make. And it’s something I think we could all do with reflecting on more as we set goals.

What is it you want to achieve in the coming year? How are you ready to change?

Start by asking yourself that simple question, and you might find the key to many of your challenges, dreams and ambitions.

Find out who you need to be

This important question is just one of the ways you can set yourself up for success in the coming months. To find out how to turn it into results, join me in September 2020 for a LIVE interactive workshop.

You, me and hundreds of other women round the world gathering to get clear on the future we want to create from this historic moment of change, and how we can make it happen.

Click here to join us.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to make a fresh start

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At the end of the year, decade, or even the week, we have an opportunity to draw a line under what has and hasn’t happened. We draw a line under what was before… and get ready for what’s about to come. Trouble is, most of us aren't actually clear on how to make a fresh start and create change that really sticks.

If you want to make a truly effective commitment to change in any form, read on to understand how to make a fresh start that lasts.

Happy new year?

New year is probably the most potent experience of this opportunity – when we collectively experience that looking back/looking forward feeling. Trouble is, we tend to arrive there bloated and fed up after a holiday of overindulging, in the company of those who don’t always bring out our best.

Maybe you feel it on your birthday – that sense of a year passing. Who hasn’t felt that moment of “Oh god – I thought I’d be WAY more sorted by now!”?

Regardless of how “together” we look on the outside, or how much success others tell us we’ve had. That little voice which whispers “You should have done more / earned more / been better” can be a pesky one to get rid of.

A time of opportunity

At these times we have an opportunity to set our course for what’s to come. But all too often, we go about it in a way that sets us up to fail.

It’s not about how you frame what it is you want to do in the coming months.

Some of us make resolutions.

Some us avoid them at all cost.

What we rarely do is make the time to what needs doing at these moments.

Clearing out, learning from and releasing what's past – whether it’s the year, decade, quarter or week. SO that we can ACTUALLY create some NEW intentions.

Not reactionary promises rooted in guilt, that will result in us feeling like we’ve let ourselves down all over again!

Thinking and thanking

If we choose to, we can experience this “fresh start” at the beginning of every day. And one way I set myself up to do that is to do a simple exercise at the end of the day that’s gone before.

(See a theme emerging here? It’s how we end what’s past that’s often the missing piece of our good intentions!)

The process is as simple as it sounds.

First, I think back over what’s happened. The good, the bad, the mess ups, the moments of serendipity. I try to reflect on it all, honestly and

And I give thanks in my heart for the good things – the coincidences, the people who’ve helped me. In doing that, I choose to focus on the positives, rather than dwell on the things that didn’t go well.

I'm not alone. Amanda Nguyen is the founder of Rise, a social movement accelerator that fights for sexual assault survivors’ rights, she’s written 27 laws that have helped 72 million people. She’s been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. So this is a woman who knows a thing or two about being effective.

She says:

“Every night, I text my girlfriends five things I’m grateful for, and they share five things they’re grateful for, too. It’s really helpful. It’s a meditative practice. Even if things aren’t great, you always have something to be grateful for.”

It’s a weekly practice in our team meetings, too. Every member of the team shares a “win” from the previous week, as well as acknowledging someone else for their contribution. It’s one way we consciously foster gratitude and focus on our positives as well as the inevitable challenges we come across.

Where to start?

As well as thinking and thanking, try spending some time really digging into what you've experienced and what you might be able to learn from it.

Here are some prompts which you can use in your journal to begin to reflect and let go on what’s passed. You can reflect on any period of time – a year, a week, a decade. Just let the memories and ideas flow, without censoring them.

  • Where were you twelve months ago? What was worrying you then? What was your biggest goal?
  • What lessons have you learned?
  • How did you learn them?
  • What did you do for the first time this year?
  • What would you be happy to do for the last time?
  • What change are you ready to create?

Take a moment to celebrate everything you've been through. The successes, the challenges, the unexpected curveballs. You've made it to today – and the future is filled with possibility. 

Want some support?

Our BeOne group is an extraordinary community – and it’s the perfect place to share what you’re grateful for, the challenges you've overcome, and the lessons you've learned.

If you’d like some support and tips on how to turn this reflection into action, this Tuesday 31st December I’ll be hosting a live session in the group, all about how to release the year that’s gone.

We’ll be reflecting on what’s passed and I’ll be sharing my tips on letting go of the past so that you’re in the best place to move forward.

Click here to join the group.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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The most important question to ask yourself

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My local café is playing back to back classics from 25 years ago. These were the tunes that accompanied me around my first GAP year tour around Europe.

Green Day, The Beautiful South, Sinead O’Connor…

What are the tunes which take you back? What song, when you hear it on the radio, transports you through time to a moment decades ago – maybe being driven up to university, dancing with friends on a night out, wracked with adolescent angst in a room with the curtains drawn…

Because, hearing that music, I’m forced, and I mean FORCED, to reflect back on what has happened over those 25 odd years.

Trust me – I’m trying to do a completely different job right now – but the power of music is hard to ignore.

I did a medical degree. Travelled a lot. Lost my virginity. Directed plays. Dated. Was a doctor for a time. Was an acting student for a time. Found my true calling. Fell in love – way too many times. Spent a long time perplexed by men. Started a business. Struggled. Cried a lot. Succeeded. Laughed so much my sides hurt with my family. Toured the world doing what I love. Was heartbroken by the insensitivity of humans more times than I care to remember. Burned out. Rested. Started another business. Succeeded. Got married. Tried to have a baby. Had palpitations. Had a miscarriage. Stopped. Reassessed. Learned to sail. Got pregnant. Had a baby. Started One of many. Moved to the English countryside. Met great friends. Grew what’s becoming a movement. Started another business with one of my best mates. Had another baby at home in the bath, all 10lb 14oz of her. Impacted a load of lives. Went to Necker Island and met presidents, business mavens and human rights leaders. Sang carols in my living room with my friends.

I’ve done A LOT of awesome in the last 25 years.

Goodness.

But what I’m MOST present to listening to these old tunes is that WHO I AM is so different to who I was then.

Indeed who I am is different to who I was 10 years ago. Five years ago.

Dammit who I am today is different to who I was 1 year ago.

And I think that’s because throughout my life I’ve asked myself the same question over and over.

If I want to do x, then WHO do I need to BE?

You see, the me of twenty five years ago? You probably wouldn’t recognise her. Perhaps the one thing we still have in common is that she cared, deeply and passionately, about the world around her. I still do. But almost everything else: how we approach life, how we decide what to do, how we show up in relationship with friends, family, colleagues… all of that is different.

How about you?

When you think about the difference you need to make, have you ever asked yourself that question? Or have you tended to get caught up in the far more common one: “What do I need to do?”

When I look at the challenges the world is facing: in our society as we grapple with inequality, injustice and intolerance. As a planet, wondering what impact climate change, artificial intelligence, and our ever more connected society will have. And as stewards to the next generation, wondering what on earth they need to know to thrive and find joy in the coming decades.

I think perhaps the answer might lie in asking the right question.

Not what do we need to DO.

But who do we need to BE?

It’s the only way I can attribute the success I’ve had. And it’s something I think we could all do with reflecting on more as we set goals. What is it you want to achieve in the coming year? How are you ready to change? Ask yourself that simple question, and you might find the key to many of your challenges/
Find out who you need to be

This important question is just one of the ways you can set yourself up for success in the coming months. To find out how to turn it into results, join me tomorrow for a LIVE interactive workshop – no replay, no recording, just you and me and hundreds of other women around the world gathering to get clear on the future we want to create, and how we can make it happen.

Click here to register

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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The truth about manifestation: money, mindset and miracles

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When it comes to money – making it, managing it and multiplying it – there are an awful lot of myths and misconceptions out there. From the “just roll up your sleeves and make more of it” school of thought to the “visualise and believe and miracles will happen” one, it can be hard to know what to do. Should you be learning about the stock market, or working on your chakras? Today I want to share the truth about manifestation as I see it, and bring a bit of sanity to the sometimes polarizing debate. Ready? Let’s go.

Why mindset matters

As a scientist and a businesswoman, I really understand a lot of the sceptical responses we get when the topic of “manifesting” comes up at the BeWealth retreat.

It can all sound a bit fluffy, a bit woo-woo, a bit “out there” for those of us who are committed to making results through our own intelligence, determination and hard work.

But it’s also true that it’s not only what you do that has an impact. It’s how you do it.

Approach a sales call, a client meeting or a strategy discussion when you’re feeling pissed off, resentful and fed up with the world and the outcome will be very different to what it might have been if you were feeling confident, positive and enthused.

This isn’t anything airy-fairy, it's just being in the right frame of mind to do the right job.

The truth about manifestation

From that perspective, the idea of manifesting, or creating, your reality isn’t something quite so outlandish. And the same thing also applies not only to practical situations you’re in, but things you’d like to see happen in the future.

Ever had a bad dream and woken up sweating, and shaking, and afraid? You're sweating and shaking because of something that's not real. It's in a dream, but your body responds as though it's real. It’s one example of the way your brain doesn’t actually distinguish between fantasy and reality.

Which is weird on one hand, and bloody great on the other. Because it means you can actually harness the power of imagination to create what you want. If you're focusing on the future, and imagining it, you can create results, because your brain goes, "Ah! I know what to do! I've done this before!".

It can work before a big presentation, when you get your energy flowing and your confidence boosted so that you can deliver exactly what your audience wants.

So it follows it can also work for income targets, salary raises and dream clients.

But is it really as simple as visualising what you want to create… and then watching it happen?

The limits of manifestation

Let’s come back to reality for a moment. Because whilst your brain might not be able to distinguish between something you’ve imagined and something that’s real, your bank account certainly can.

(Last time I checked, you couldn’t pay staff, mortgages or bar bills by visualisation alone… more’s the pity!)

Physical manifestation is a combination of the right action at the right time. You do the right things at the right time, having cultivated the right frame of mind, and you’re able to create the outcome. It’s a combination of both.

The truth about manifestation, then, is that its effectiveness lies in balance.

Some people spend a lot of time focusing on their energy. They might devote hours to manifesting, learning about the Law of Attraction and sitting there and just hoping and praying and thinking and visualizing, without actually putting in the work.

And then at the other end of the scale we have the women who are working, working, working really hard, struggling and fretting and stressing out about what they want to happen – and never acknowledging the difference their mindset or energy could be making.

At our BeWealth retreat we talk about “active creating”. One way to think of this concept is as a bridge.

A connection between the physical world - going out and doing your business, talking on the phone to clients, managing your spreadsheets, advertising, and Facebook pages, and all of the things that you need to do... but also having one foot in the energetic world. The area of the Sorceress PowerType, the area of just bringing your energy and your connection with all that is to your manifestation, to making manifest.

Creating and letting go

Women are gifted to be able to create from seed. Whether or not you're a mother of children, as this creator, as this receptive and creative principle, you are that creative aspect.

So, if you can bring that and then bring your intentionality to creation, there's a balance between putting your energy into it and then letting go.

Letting go of the timing and actually also letting go of the outcome.

You might think

"I would love to have my business make X amount of money per year or have this many clients or make this difference, be able to give 10,000 pounds a year to the Hunger Project."

But the approach I've found is the most effective is to say to myself

"Let this be in divine timing. Let it be as life wants it to be and let the outcome be what it's going to be. It's this or something better. "

By focusing your energy on "this or something better", you're not sitting there going, "I have to have this today. Otherwise, I'm going to be a failure." Or, "I have to have this tomorrow because otherwise, I'm going to feel like everyone's rejecting me."

It's harnessing the doing and also harnessing this "Sorceress" energy of manifestation.

Which, when it comes down to it, is simply the fact that we do create things through our emotions and our thoughts and our decisions.

We do it moment by moment, day by day. And if you can find that balance, you can do that in the big picture as well.

That's the place where miracles are made.

Curious about discovering the truth about manifestation for yourself?

There are so many layers to the way we create our individual realities. Your challenges, experiences and talents are unique, and navigating your way through them can be tough.

If you'd like help to find your path and change your financial situation, we have a whole host of trainings and programs that can help. Just click here to book a call with the office and we'll talk you through which one might work for you.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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3 Lessons for creating success without burnout… from an unlikely role model

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When you’re used to living life in “Superwoman” mode, it can be hard to stop – even when you know it’s time you learned to create success without burnout. And frankly, it’s frustrating!

Logically, we know that rushing through life, running on fumes, barely making time to deal with our basic bodily functions (gone all day without a wee again?) isn’t good for us. It leads to exhaustion, burnout, and the appearance of the parts of us we’d like to pretend don’t exist.

(The bitch who snaps at her partner when they gently ask us why we’ve taken on yet another project. The martyr who agreed to the extra work while feeling put upon and secretly resentful.)

On the other hand, we’re often able to achieve so much when we push ourselves that it can be really challenging to let go of that way of working!

Why do we stay in “Superwoman"?

Let’s start by thinking about those reasons we often find not to step back from Superwoman.

Take a moment to jot down some reasons, big or small, that stop you from moving to a saner pace.

For example:

  • Everyone’s relying on me – I can’t leave them in the lurch
  • People will think I don’t take my work seriously if I block out time for a long lunch
  • Slowing down’s for people who lack ambition and drive
  • The only way to get anywhere in life is through hard work and sacrifice
  • I’ll rest as soon as we’re out of this busy period

These might feel familiar. Or perhaps you have some of your own to add in. What might strike you when you’re looking over your list is that these are actually rooted in quite logical goals.

You want to be effective; you want to help and support those around you; you want to express yourself, make a difference, and achieve your potential.

These are great motivations! But Superwoman mode – pushing yourself, never stopping, and only focusing on maximising your productivity in every second – really isn’t the most effective way to go about reaching those goals.

Which leads me to an unexpected role model for female leaders I recently came across, and the lesson they have for us all about how to achieve success without burnout.

A different style of leadership

Let me describe this leader’s day to you:

They wake at 7:30, enjoying a leisurely few hours to themselves to eat breakfast and read the news. They work from bed until mid-morning, take a walk, and then join family and friends for a multi-course lunch.

In the afternoon they enjoy creative relaxation: painting, reading, listening to music, or perhaps a period of quiet reflection in nature. Around 3pm they return to bed for a long nap. Dinner is another leisurely affair, after which they stay and talk with friends for a few hours.

Then, around midnight, they return to their study when they connect to their “night owl” energy. They might work until 2am – or at busy times 3 or 4 – to write and work.

Now, how does that sound? Be honest – are you finding yourself inwardly judging the person I’m describing?

“She sounds like she doesn’t take her work that seriously” you might be thinking. Or “It’s alright for some – clearly this is a person who’s happy to be a lady of leisure, and doesn’t have much ambition in her life.”

If either of those thoughts have crossed your mind, you might be surprised to know that I’m not talking about a woman at all. In fact, this is the reported daily schedule of none other than Sir Winston Churchill.

Churchill is one of the most well known leaders and statesmen, best known as the prime minister who led Britain during World War Two. He was also a prolific writer. And yet, when we compare his leisurely daily schedule to many of our own, there are some fundamental differences at play.

Let's look at three of the most striking:

1. Rest comes first and foremost

When you might stay up until 2am working, it's understandable that getting enough sleep requires an afternoon nap.

But there are other moments of rest in Churchill's schedule too; like working from bed in the morning, or taking time for reflection and meditation in the afternoon. Rest isn’t something that gets squeezed in after the work is done.

With that long, late session ahead of him he’s evidently confident that devoting his day to leisure and replenishment will pay off. And Churchill’s quoted as sharing this message of prioritising replenishment with others, too:

"We were not made by Nature to work, or even to play, from eight o’clock in the morning till midnight. We throw a strain upon our system which is unfair and improvident." – Winston Churchill

2. Soft play is a priority

Notice that afternoon of reading, painting, or spending time in nature? It’s what we know at One of many as "soft play". Time spent doing things you love to do, not because they’re something you’re paid or rewarded for but simply because they fill your soul.

Many of us really struggle to make time that’s just for us. But Churchill’s a great example of a leader who knew that his “hobbies” helped free his mind and allowed him to access the prolific fluency with which he dictated his books, articles and leadership decisions.

What do you regularly make time for to bring you delight, distraction and enjoyment – just for you?

3. Understand your cycles – and work with them

You might look at that morning in bed, or the restful afternoon, and assume that this is a person who doesn’t get much done. But when we consider that Churchill sometimes worked until 3 or 4 in the morning, it becomes clear that this is someone deeply in tune with their natural rhythms.

You might not be someone who could write thousands of words until the small hours of the morning, especially after a long dinner. But there will be times of the day when you’re naturally in flow, and really able to hit your stride. How confident do you feel to put things on hold when you’re not at your best, so that you’re raring to go when it’s time to get going?

Soft power in action

The quintessential image of Churchill is the “British Bulldog” – a portly, dogged statesman with cigar clamped between his teeth. He's often seen as the epitome of masculinity – the great leader who steered his country to victory in a world war.

And yet these characteristics demonstrate a far more feminine model of leadership. Not female, note. Men can access this “soft power” too, just as women can be guided by a more linear, masculine way of working.

What’s fascinating to note is just how effective, impactful and successful Churchill was able to be with this style of leadership. If you’ve worried that doing things a different way might reduce your impact or curtail your chances of leaving a meaningful legacy, perhaps this might help you think again.

A note on privilege

Winston Churchill was an aristocrat, born into the elite governing class. He enjoyed immense inherited wealth, and lived on a country estate well served by dedicated staff. Although he had 5 children, I doubt that he was the one arranging doctor’s appointments, chasing missing shoes, or soothing chicken pox. And his desire to serve his country was aided by his world class education, stellar network and unshakeable self confidence.

As a white, upper class man it’s important not to overlook the systemic support Churchill enjoyed from birth. But it’s also true that, compared to millions of people in the world, most of us enjoy lives of great privilege too. If you’ve had access to food and clean water; been educated, and have the freedom to earn money and make decisions about your own life, you’re also enjoying great fortune.

How are you choosing to use it?

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.