One of Many

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How to achieve financial stability

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Financial stability is the foundation for so much of life. When your income and outgoings are roughly equal, and you know exactly what your money situation is, you have choices: where to focus your energy; what your next career move is; what your priorities are based on your values. And yet most of us aren’t ever taught how to achieve financial stability.

So let’s go back to basics, and explore exactly what it looks like – and how you can get there.

How to achieve financial stability

If you’re feeling unstable financially it can be tempting to throw all sorts of tactics at the problem. We rush to trim our budgets, fret about how to earn “more” with only the vaguest idea of what our goals need to be, or find ourselves overwhelmed with complicated investment and asset management plans – when in reality, we’d find ourselves derailed by an unexpected gas bill.

Distracting yourself with that stuff keeps you from the real challenge: getting a clear, unbiased picture of where you are right now, and taking responsibility for changing it.

So if the mere thought of looking at your bank statement sends you into a cold sweat, or you’ve ever found yourself saying “I’m just hopeless with money”, I invite you to stop, and take a deep breath.

Getting to grips with this doesn’t have to be a struggle. It can actually be an easy, gentle process and today I’m going to walk you through exactly what it looks like.

The first thing you need to know is this simple principle:

The key to financial stability is ACCOUNTABILITY

That’s it. That’s what you need to embrace. And if that seems too simple, or too easy (Where’s the 25-step plan? The percentages and spreadsheets?), then let’s walk through exactly what’s involved.

Step one: Take responsibility

Becoming fully responsible in this context means acknowledging that you are the one who’s responsible for your thoughts, actions, and behaviours.

If your outgoings are more than you have coming in, it’s your responsibility to make the shifts you need to.

If you don’t know your financial situation, or it fluctuates so wildly you can’t keep track of it, you’re the one who needs to take action to address that.

It’s a principle that the richest women I know follow. But it’s also a mindset you can adopt today – no matter what your circumstances.

Taking responsibility means being fully committed to “owning” what’s happening in your life, instead of placing the cause outside of your control.

A simple way to track this is to begin to notice any time you find yourself doing any of the following:

  • Placing blame on others (If my boss wasn’t so stingy about pay rises… if my partner didn’t have such expensive hobbies…)
  • Justifying your circumstances (It’s the economy… it’s my lack of qualifications… it’s the competition)
  • Shaming yourself (I’m just no good with figures… As soon as I get money I spend it… I’m never going to be rich)

This week, become aware of any time you find yourself blaming, shaming or justifying your current financial situation. That might be in conversation with others, or just as part of your internal dialogue.

How can you reframe those thoughts, so that you can begin to be someone who takes responsibility for how things are?

2. Be accountable to others

When we look at financially successful women, we generally find they’re not only committed to taking personal responsibility. They have someone in their life who they report to when it comes to their finances. It might be a coach, business partner or accountant.

For you, it might be a close friend, your partner, sister or perhaps another woman in our community.

When we lead women through the 10 Week Wealth Turnaround, our comprehensive financial training for busy women, we invite them to be accountable within our online forum and to “buddy up” with someone else on the program. We know that this makes a huge difference in how effective the techniques and tools we teach are.

Showing up and being answerable for the promises you’re making can make the difference between setting good intentions (that quickly fall by the wayside) and starting to truly get honest about what’s going on.

Who could you be accountable to? Your partner, or someone else?

Reach out to them and ask them if they’d be willing to check in with you once a week on how things are going.

3. Get clear on your numbers

The final step when it comes to reaching financial stability is being accountable in the more familiar way we think of when it comes to money.

For most successful, capable women, the biggest challenge isn’t actually earning or budgeting. Those are important pieces, but they’ll come later.

First you need to know where you are: what’s coming in, what’s going out, and what needs to change in order for things to be different.

You’ll need to know:

  1. Your expenses – How much is going out each month. This will include your obvious monthly expenditure like housing, bills and groceries as well as less frequent expenses, from annual holidays to sporadic plumbing bills or house maintenance.
  2. Your income – Not just your salary, but other income like benefits, dividends, interest payments and income from things like rental properties.
  3. Your liabilities – A fancy word for any debts you have. This might be so called “good” debt, like your mortgage, or that high interest credit card you’re trying to forget. Having it all in one place means you can begin to get to grips with what’s going on.

This is an absolutely vital step, so don’t rush or skip it. I know it might sound counter-intuitive. When you’re slowly turning crimson as your card’s declined by the supermarket cashier, or guiltily trying to hide the evidence of that late-night online shopping spree when the credit card statement arrives, it can certainly feel like getting to financial stability just means finding more money – fast.

But without a clear picture of exactly where your money’s going, you won’t be able to make the empowered, intelligent decisions you need to.

A note on fear

For many of us, this third step is the hardest.

Why?

Often, especially if we’re capable and successful in other areas of our lives, we find ourselves paralysed by fear when it comes to looking at data which relates to our personal finances. This can be true even if handling budgets is something you breeze through as part of your business or job.  

If you’re feeling uncomfortable at the thought of gathering your financials in one place, take a moment now and gently ask yourself why.

You might be afraid of what you’re going to find, when it’s all laid out in black and white. You might be worried that you can’t work out a spreadsheet, or that the maths is too complicated, or even that you’re going to be far more successful than you think. (Remember, our fears aren’t always rational!)

If that fear is enough to stop you moving forward, here’s my simple suggestion: Find someone who can do this with you. There will be someone out there who can help you. A friend, neighbour, brother, mum, or your partner. If your fear is going to cloud your ability to do this, reach out and ask someone else to help you through it.

And keep it simple! You don’t have to use a spreadsheet or fancy app. A simple sheet of paper and a pen is all the technology you need to get the clarity that will make the difference. 

From awareness to action

When you’ve got clarity on where you are, you’re able to take action based on reality.

You might be pleasantly surprised, and find that you’re actually far more flush than you think. Your income is greater than your outgoings, and you’re ready to look at the next stage of wealth.

You might realize that things need to change if you’re going to “break-even” at the end of the month. Now you know by how much, and you can probably see whether your expenses have room to be trimmed or it’s time to think about raising your earnings.

Perhaps you’re almost there. Your incomings and outgoings are roughly the same. Getting this powerful habit of accountability in place will be the final piece when it comes to reaching stability. After a few tweaks, you’ll be ready to think about your next area of focus.

Need a helping hand with your money?

At One of many, we use a model called the 4 Stages of Wealth to map financial priorities. Financial stability is just the first stage – and we help busy, capable women navigate every step of the journey.

Whether you’re wondering how to set up a budget that works to starting to think bigger about your legacy once you’ve reached financial freedom, we’d love to have a chat about supporting you to take action.

Click here to book a call with the office and find out more.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Why the climate crisis needs female leaders

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Climate change is perhaps the biggest challenge we’re currently facing as a planet. The scientists have spoken; the technology to turn things around is there.

What we need now are leaders who are ready to make the bold, and perhaps unpopular decisions that will create the change we need.

Whether or not you “believe” the evidence, the level of risk alone should be enough to compel us all to take action.

In my latest blog on joannamartin.com I explain why I think it’s now on our shoulders as leaders, big or small, to turn our knowledge into action.

“Nature gives so much to us. Not just beauty – but life.

The science is clear – our current lifestyle and treatment of her is unsustainable.

And it’s up to all of us: politicians, grassroots leaders, people who care of every ilk – to take personal steps to change our own actions and other’s minds.

We will not get there with only those who are already aware making changes. I believe we have a duty to change the hearts and minds of others too.”

Click here to read the full article – and please, share this with as many people as you can.

It’s up to each of us to do our part.

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How to avoid spreading yourself too thin

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You know when, mid-shower, you realize you left shampoo off the shopping list again – so you try to convince yourself a mouse-sized amount of over-diluted product is going to get you through another wash? So many women find ourselves doing exactly that with our time and energy. We water ourselves down until there’s barely anything left to go around, whilst pretending we’re totally on top of it all. It’s exhausting. So today I want to invite you to join me at my kitchen table, so I can share a nifty distinction I’ve found when it comes to knowing how to avoid spreading yourself too thin.

Why knowing how to avoid spreading yourself too thin matters

The shampoo thing is actually a pretty apt example here. Because when you’re trying to take care of everyone else’s needs – your boss, your neighbour, your mum, your best friend, the friend you’re not actually that close to but who always seems to be popping up on messenger with an urgent request for your take on her latest drama… it’s often your own that suffer most.

It might be that you just don’t have a spare minute to sort out your basic needs: making sure your groceries are stocked up, and your space is organised, rather than being a dumping ground for tasks you haven’t got around to.

Maybe you find yourself skipping your lunch break to help a colleague with the deadline they’re about to miss. Sacrificing a gym session because you’re being “mum taxi” at the last minute. Or staying up past midnight organizing finances for the community association, because they just “don’t know what they’d do without you”.

The cost of “I’m too busy”

When you’re spread too thin, lots of little sacrifices made over time can gradually end up. You might find yourself feeling frazzled, forgetful and exhausted. Your executive function starts to suffer, as you juggle multiple deadlines and demands. And eventually, that stress can take a more serious toll – burnout, exhaustion, and a feeling of chronic overwhelm.

So whether you can’t remember what life was like when you weren’t overcommitted, or could just do with a refresher on how to set clear boundaries, take 5 minutes now to watch this:

Need a little more support?

If you know that taking on too much is a real challenge right now, you might want to take a look at BeFruitful. It’s our much-loved online time and energy management program designed specifically for busy women. It’ll show you how to free up 5 hours a week, minimum, whilst actually making you more effective. And setting clear boundaries is just one of the topics we cover in the easy bite-sized modules, to help you get to the root of your busy-ness as well as learning the practical tools to handle it.

Click here to find out more about the course, and enrol.

Who’s at your table?

If today’s video was helpful, I’d love to know how you’ve created better boundaries in your life. Share your tips below so we can help each other take care of our needs as well as those of everyone else.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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One of many Voices: Sarah-Jane Volkers

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How do the women in our community show up as leaders in their lives, and make bold choices without losing sight of their own needs?

Today we’re settling down for a chat with Sarah-Jane Volkers, who’s opening up about her exciting career transition after 18 years as creative director of the company she co-founded.

She’s sharing the “big why” behind her new business, her non-negotiables when it comes to taking care of herself and the 20-minute activity that always starts her day off right.

What do you do?

I’m currently very happily in career transition! I’m still working a busy full-time creative director role for a company I help set up 18 years ago. We have three catalogue and online brands producing over 40 catalogues a year, which involves a huge amount of product selection, design, photography, production – and an absolute need for good humour and sensitive chivvying.

And the transition? I’m also a trained image consultant and am now combining this with my styling and design experience to help female business owners feel confident in their own style and personal brand, paying particular attention to how that sits alongside and supports their business brand.

So often I see women working hard, building brilliant businesses, confident in their ability to deliver exceptional skills and services yet faltering when they get that hard won opportunity to make that big presentation, or accept that amazing speaking gig – all because they are unsure about what to wear to ‘do the business’.

Developing a signature look can do more than liberate you from wardrobe meltdowns – it can support your business and reinforce your values. You need it to be easy and, most importantly, you want to feel confident that you are still showing up as you. That’s when we can relax, be in flow, do our best work and represent our businesses in the best way possible.

When you head up your own company, it’s important to get the balance right between your business brand and your own unique personal brand. Ideally you want each to reflect and enhance the other, because although you may be your business – your business is not all of you!

Give us the big “why” you do what you do?

I spent quite a bit of my early life feeling awkward and out on the side – with my confidence held back by a slightly eccentric childhood I had a lot of anxiety around fitting in and being seen to be likeable. Through personal and professional experience I understand how successful first impressions can impact confidence, credibility, and sales – both for people and products. Switching the focus of my skills to help others is one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done.

What’s your daily routine?

I’m such an early bird it’s crazy! Mornings are my best time, so I’ve perfected my routine to squeeze as much time out for me before I have to give to the day job.

I’m always up before 5 am and, after rehydration and writing my three “morning pages”, I’m heading out for fresh air. I walk just 20 minutes a day, first thing – before my mind can find an excuse not to! It’s the only way I manage to get out for a walk at least once a day – it’s not perfect, but it’s something. It keeps my mind sharp and my migraines at bay.

Whether in the office, studio or on set I tend to now work standard office hours plus travel either end – a great improvement on my pre-Lead The Change days when life was just work!

I’m truly lucky in that I don’t have to be in the office everyday; I can escape and become completely absorbed in the creative process.

I always take time to prepare good food – I need to eat carefully to manage headaches and hormones – but I make sure I enjoy every morsel.

My major need is a minimum of 7.5 hours sleep – more if I can get it. So with an early start, I’m always in bed by 9pm and if I can sneak away earlier I will!

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

I started my career in print production – hence I’m an organiser and a ferocious scheduler. Juggling is my life-blood, and in a weird way, it gives me energy.

I’ve also spent the majority of my adult life as a single parent of one, or living by myself and therefore my ‘lot’ is MY life – I haven’t had to deal with the detritus of family living for a long time. I do though have to be careful not to become too mechanical about life when things do get busy – my inner scheduler can get a bit carried away sometimes!

How does femininity and Soft Power feature in your life? What does it look like?

Lead The Change completely changed the way I work. I had spent years pushing myself to continually single-handedly achieve the standards I believed were expected of me, even though the business and workload was near doubling year-on-year.

I was acting like a madwoman – think art directing all day in London and then getting the later afternoon flight to Germany to do an overnight press pass, flying back to London in the morning.

Now we have a great creative team, small but perfectly matched skill for skill. Instead of top-down management we very much come from a collaborative stance, and I hope set an example for other teams within the business. Ironically, although the majority of the company is female, we are the only team to now employ two men!

What is the most common emotion you feel on a day-to-day basis?

Empathy. I see so many people struggling with day-to-day issues and I see where I have been and where I could and can still be. We all need to try and be more understanding.

What do you do for SoftPlay? How do you look after yourself?

Soft Play has always been difficult for me – but I do work at it.

When I first did Lead The Change I was shocked (can you believe this?) at the idea that you might buy yourself a cup of coffee when you were out shopping – you know, just rock up and take 5 minutes to yourself without anyone else to treat or talk to!

One of the first tasks I was set by my coach was to go out and buy myself a lipstick… I found that so tough.

So it’s remarkable to think I took a rare shopping day on my own two weeks ago, buying myself a lovely lunch after spending a happy half hour at the make-up counter. It’s not about spending money – it’s about playing, be that time out or learning or engaging or just being. For me sometimes it’s about being messy – I’ve spent a lifetime being neat, tidy and on time – sometimes you have to cause a ruckus.

And yes sometimes I forget – but I try and notice the signs, be kind to myself and get back on track.

Do you exercise your #righttobesoft in your workplace? If so, how?

I believe I’m now confident enough in myself to know I don’t have to act hard to do my job. If I find myself slipping into old defensive ways I always end up apologising.

I’m still learning to deal with the shame I feel about some of my interactions in the past. Knowledge can bring pain, as well as understanding.

What’s one “breakthrough” you have had in your life, that shifted the way you saw things?

Realising that I was good enough as I am and that I didn’t need to drive myself to prove it to anyone. I truly believe it’s made me whole. I’d like to believe it’s had a positive effect on my daughter.

Who do you look up to as a woman?

There are many women I admire, but the one who had a major impact on my life and influenced the way I understood womanhood is Chrissie Hynde – the musician and songwriter.

I worked for her both on the road and at home for 5 years when I was putting myself through university, and she revolutionised my thinking about how you should be in the world. After a sheltered upbringing in the home counties I learned so much from her about being true to yourself, sticking to your values and trusting your instincts. She was incredibly patient and kind to me, then a very shy teenager, and I’m forever in awe of her strength and courage.

Where do you look for hope?

My daughter, her contemporaries and their deliciously positive outlook on the future.

Thanks so much, Sarah-Jane!

Ready to start your journey?

If you’re curious about Lead the Change and would like to find out more about this life-changing women’s leadership program, book a call with the office by clicking here. We’d love to answer your questions and share more about the program.

About Sarah-Jane

Style coach | Obsessive note-taker | Courage catalyst

After over 25 years as a successful Creative Director designing and styling brands, Sarah-Jane is now sharing her expertise to help busy, independent businesswomen define and develop their own personal style so they can confidently represent their brand, without compromising their individuality. 

You can find Sarah-Jane at the following links:

Instagram: @sarahjanevolkers
Facebook page: Sarah-Jane Volkers
Website: sarahjanevolkers.co.uk

 

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Selfish or selfless? How personal development helps you contribute

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For some of us, embarking on a path of personal development feels oddly, well, selfish. Whether it’s starting an online program, undertaking a full certification training or just setting aside a few hours each week to listen to a 20 minute podcast, taking time out for ourselves can feel as though it’s detracting from our ability to contribute to our work, families or communities. But is it selfish or selfless to take that time for ourselves?

From a young age, we’re taught that it’s important not to be selfish. Learning to share and get along with others is a key factor in most schooling systems, for example. As we get older, we learn to sacrifice what we want to do – our selfish impulses – for self-discipline, contribution, and doing the right thing. 

As students we’re rewarded for those choices with external markers of success. Getting a good job; earning lots of money; having an impressive title.

Michelle Obama has spoken about her early career, which was characterised by such markers of success.

“When I was in my 20s, I thought I had it all. I had degrees from two prestigious universities. I had an office on the 47th floor of a skyscraper in downtown Chicago. I wore nice clothes to work and I was the proud owner of a Saab, which was pretty cool back then.”

What prompts us to turn inwards?

And yet life events can trigger moments where we begin to question our achievements, and perhaps to wonder whether they’re really as fulfilling as we imagined they would be.

For Michelle, it was a moment of bereavement that sparked a process of turning inwards – getting to know herself.

“…after I lost two of the people I loved the most – my incredible father and my free-spirited best friend from college – I started to question it all. I embarked on a journey of self-examination that ultimately led me into a lifetime of public service.”

Is self-examination the same thing as being selfish?

When Michelle talks about a “journey of self-examination” she’s referring to a concept that many of us can relate to.

Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar – a point in your life when you started to read books on topics you’d never previously been interested in.

Or find teachers who were asking bigger questions, about the purpose of life, and the meaning of our actions.

It’s at times like these that we begin to wonder “what makes me tick?” or “why has life led me to where I am now?”

Being selfish is defined as “lacking consideration for other people; being concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure”. But starting to look more closely at your own motivations and desires is rarely something you undertake with a motive of your own profit.

In fact, it can be driven by a deep desire to take better care of those around you

Why do you find yourself yelling at your kids, when you know that’s not the kind of parent you want to be?

What’s driving you to take on so many work projects that you’re drowing in deadlines, and ultimately performing at a level far lower than you could be with more time to think?

Personality tools – like the Women’s PowerTypes Profile – can be invaluable here. They can give you an external perspective on your motivations, patterns and responses that are hard to see by yourself.

When self-examination leads to a bigger contribution

What’s interesting about Michelle’s path is that the “self-examination” she embarked on led her to, in her words, “a lifetime of public service”.

I find it interesting – but not surprising.

It’s something we see time and again in graduates of our programs. It seems that paradoxically, the better we know and understand ourselves, the more motivation we find to begin to direct our energy in service of others. That might mean changing your industry; leading an initiative to support your community; or just being a more loving and engaged partner.

When we begin to tune in to ourselves, we start to access a way of being that’s sustainable.

We take care of ourselves. And it means that we can begin to hear our deepest values.

Your values are the core principles that matter most to you. Some of them might be things you were brought up with; others will be deeply personal to you.

No one else can tell you what your values are; they emerge when you’re able to quieten down the noisy demands around you, and really pay attention to yourself.

For Michelle, that sense of an “inner voice” has pulled her forward.

“In the years since, the issues I’ve been working on have often changed – from working in city government, to leadership development, to community engagement, to the issues of health, education and supporting military families that I focused on in the White House. But what hasn’t changed is the way my work makes me feel.

I believe in the goals I’m pursuing and they resonate with my values and my vision for the kind of communities – and the kind of world – I want to live in.

I feel like I’m connected to something larger than myself.”

For so many women, the process of getting to know ourselves is one which ultimately connects us to a far bigger impact on the world.

Want to understand yourself better?

The Women’s PowerTypes Profile is a quick questionnaire, which asks you to respond spontaneously to detailed questions. It’s been designed to give you deep insight into who you are – so you can tap into the natural way of leading that’s best for you.

Click here to discover your profile today

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

<a href=”https://oneofmany.co.uk/beone/” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”>Become One of many™ women</a> creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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One of many Voices: Felicity Wingrove

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With three businesses, a busy household and a passion for living life on her own terms, Felicity Wingrove is a force to be reckoned with. In her words “I get shit done better than almost anyone else I know”

A self-confessed linguistics geek, she’s also a One of many Certified Trainer and powerful advocate for women’s empowerment at work and home. We asked Felicity to give us a candid look at what life’s really like behind the scenes, and her secrets to finding balance.

What do you do?

I run my own PR and content creation agency; speak, train and coach C-suite executives to discover their own personal power and to take control of how they’re perceived in all areas of their lives; I’m mum to two delicious little ones (Arabella is 15 months and Alexander is four); and I act as an Associate in my partner’s business, coaching SME business owners and running a Mastermind group.

Give us a daily routine (or a normal day in the life of you)…

I genuinely co-parent with my partner so I’m up by 6am all week (and usually weekends too). Half the week I’m straight off to work and at my desk by 7am, the other half I’m corralling a toddler and a pre-schooler into clothes, feeding brekkie and trying to blank out the strains of Peppa Pig.

Four days a week I work from my agency. A working day usually lasts until 6pm, and I can be anywhere in the country – taking briefings, crafting strategy, or working with my team.

Friday (or ‘mummy day’ as clients, team and everyone else knows it) I’m with my little ones, and usually covered in mud, paint or water. We have a *lot* of fun and I’m careful to be really present with them. And weekends are sacred family time. Walks, adventures, trips out, meals together, snuggles on the sofa, that sort of thing.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

I feel frustrated by this. I ‘get’ that many women have to carry the emotional load of the family. One of my team, for example, has a husband who will do whatever she wants. Need the kids taking to school? He’ll do it with a smile. But she’s the one who has to remember that it’s dress-up day, or that they need £2 for a charity something, or whatever it might be. I’m not doing that down, as I know that lots of women have the same experience, but I chose not to and that required some really honest conversations with my partner before we had kids.

After all, I’m really good at what I do, and I’ve worked really hard to get really good. But I also desperately wanted kids and didn’t want to miss out on that side of life too. To ‘have it all’ I needed someone who would be happy to pick up the other side for me. And my other half did (and does).

On a Friday when I’m mummy, he’s running his business and doing what he needs to do, but mid-week mornings when I need to be suited and booted and off kicking arse somewhere, he’s on the nursery run. And I don’t pack the kids’ bags for him – he’s an intelligent guy and perfectly capable of working out that it’s sunny so they may need sunglasses…

My – controversial I know – opinion, is that we as women have created our own significance from being so essential to the running of our homes and families. ‘I go away for a day and the whole thing falls apart’ is a martyr-esque cry in my mind, and a badge of honour.

Maybe it’s because I’m from a business background (I’m ex-corporate) but a business that can’t run without me is a sign of abject failure on my part. Hell, my entire goal with my own business is to make myself completely dispensable and for my team to be empowered to thrive without me. And while I’m not advocating that for women at home, I love the fact that my home works without me, albeit that it can still bring out vulnerability sometimes.

Let’s face it, it’s tough to be ‘managed without’ but I look to the example that I’m setting my son and my daughter and it’s worth the odd wobble, the odd tears en route to a meeting, or the odd tummy lurch when my daughter reaches for Daddy first. Tomorrow it’s just as likely to be me first and isn’t it great that he’s so important in her life too. And when it all gets a bit much, well then we have the PowerType Release Process 😉

How does femininity and Soft Power feature in your business/ career? What does it look like?

I used to be tough, and hard and even a bit brittle. I was the ex cage fighter that Jo talks about at conference… Soft was weak, and yielding made me feel a bit sick. Discovering One of many changed all that. I stopped pushing so hard at everything and chilled the **** out!

Soft power has allowed me to be softer but still unapologetic. Not aggressive by any stretch but I know my worth, my value and also my boundaries, and they’re non-negotiable. I lead from soft power and while I’ll always enjoy my Warrioress yang energy, I also see the real benefit of bringing yin to the boardroom. I work almost exclusively with men, and in masculine sectors such as manufacturing, engineering and tech. Tapping into my genuine femininity allows me to communicate authentically with them. I’m more compelling and inspiring as a result.

What is the most common emotion you feel as a woman on a day-to day basis?

Excitement. We have never had so much opportunity – to see, feel, hear, taste, touch and experience. To lead and to be led into new adventures. To inspire. To shape the world exactly as we wish and need. To bring up the next generation and to learn from those before us. We’re connected like never before.

What’s the soundtrack of inspiration for you?

Oh my gosh, I *love* music. This Is Me reminds me of the Trainers’ Certification and the gorgeous ladies I shared that journey with. Thunder by Imagine Dragons makes me want to conquer the world. Havana by Camila Cabello makes me want to get up and dance. My theme tune though would probably be something like Best Day of My Life, or Reach by S Club 7!

Thanks, Felicity!

Ready to start your journey?

If you’re curious about Lead the Change and would like to find out more about this life-changing women’s leadership program, book a call with the office by clicking here. We’d love to answer your questions and share more about the program.

About Felicity

Psycholinguist | Corporate survivor | Ex-cage fighter

Felicity Wingrove is a coach, speaker and trainer as well as the founder of Zen Communications. Her work centers around giving others a voice, whether that’s helping professionals who are struggling to find theirs; working with awesome businesses who need to authentically position and market themselves; or supporting business owners who have a dream and just need the marketing (and sales) know-how to deliver it to those that matter.

She previously worked in a variety of senior communications positions, applying her language skills on behalf of some of the nation’s leading brands, organisations and associations. After time as Senior Communications Adviser for FTSE100 BAE Systems’ Air Systems, and Account Director at national PR agency Golley Slater, she launched her own consultancy in 2007. Now, she helps clients take positive control of how they’re perceived, truly own their space, and powerfully and ethically influence the people who matter the most to them.

Connect with her at the following links:

Twitter: @Felicity_ZenPR
Facebook page: Zen PR
Website: www.zen-communications.co.uk
Linked In: Felicity Wingrove

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If you feel disconnected…

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One thing which makes the new paradigm of leadership distinct is the fact that it thrives not on competition – success despite others – but in collaboration and connection.

Success with and through others.

I was vividly awakened to the importance of this level of connection when I realised it was missing from my own life.

In my latest blog on joannamartin.com I’m sharing what I learned, and the steps I took to rectify the problem.

“I have a natural tendency to play solo. In the past, I’ve relied on my profound connection to Source – the universe, nature, the vision that pulls me forwards – for my connection needs, rather than other people.

I’d never seen that as a problem until I experienced really great connections in a new environment. But in that extraordinary setting, I experienced a depth of connection, and a feeling of such motivation to deepen and grow my work, that I became vividly aware of what I was missing.”

Click here to read the full article – and do share, if you’ve experienced something similar.

Leave a comment and let’s connect.

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Self-esteem versus self worth – what you need to know

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Defining your life’s work starts with defining your value. But what does “value” actually mean? Your own sense of how important you are, or something else? Today I want to share my personal distinction between self-esteem versus self worth, and explain why getting the difference clear can be a source of immense freedom (it has been for me).

But first, let’s dig into some definitions.

What do we mean by value?

You probably know by now that I’m a bit of an etymology geek. Looking at the way language has evolved often helps us to better understand the concepts they represent.

When we look at value from this perspective, we see that value generally means the regard that something is held to deserve: the “importance, worth or usefulness of something”.

It comes from the Latin meaning “Be strong, be well, be of value, be worth”.

Now I find it really fascinating that value’s original meaning wasn’t just about worth, but also about strength and wellness.

If you’ve experienced burnout (or are in it right now), you’ve probably already begun to see how much value there is in your ability to stay well and take good care of yourself. It doesn’t matter how “productive” you are in the traditional sense, if you’re falling apart at the seams, right?

So valuing ourselves has to begin with making sure we’ve got the resources we need to be strong and allow ourselves to thrive.

And your value – your importance, worth, or usefulness – builds on that in many other ways, some of which you might not have thought of in this way before.

4 factors to consider when thinking about your unique value

1. Your talents

This is the place where most of us start when we think about our value. We ask ourselves a version of a question like “What’s my boss really paying me for?” Or “what do my clients really want of me?”

Usually, the answer to those questions comes out as a version of talents.

Well, I’m really good at writing. 

I’m a really good facilitator.

I’m a genius with an Excel spreadsheet.

But that’s only one piece of your value. There are others – and they’re the ones we’re going to really dig into right now.

2. Your purpose

Your purpose can be summed up as “why you do what you do”. Given two people with the same skill sets, an employer is always going to take the person whose “why” is driving them.

The reason is simple: if you’ve got internal motivation to do something, you’re more likely to do it, and to do it well. It adds more value to have a clear purpose.

If someone has a vision for their life that they’re moving towards – a clear vision for their own life or the legacy they want to leave – that provides internal motivation. It adds to the value of that individual, when they have that clarity that’s pulling them forward.

So perhaps your talents include being a great teacher – you’re organised, engaging, and good at conveying information. But your purpose is to equip the next generation withthe skills they need to respond to the global challenges they’ll face.

Can you see how that adds to the value of your talents?

What would your version of those statements look like?

3. Your mission

A mission is what an individual wants to achieve with their work.

Again, being clear on that adds to your value. Start speaking about that mission in your job interviews, or to your clients when you’re talking to them, and you’ll find that if they are aligned with the mission, they will be aligned with you.

4. Your values

Slightly different to the value we’re talking about here, are those things that you value.

Perhaps as a teacher you value creativity, excellence and teamwork. If those values are shared by a prospective school, they’ll add to the value you can bring as a member of the Senior Management team.

They are also the filters through which you make decisions about how you want to do your work. So you might choose to evaluate a new opportunity in terms of your values.

At our BeFulfilled retreat, we explore each of these aspects in more depth. It can be hard to get clarity on them by yourself, after all – often we’re so immersed in our worlds that we’re not really able to pull back and see the threads that join it all together. If you’d like to find out more, book a call with the team here to get the full details.

Self-esteem versus value

So where does self-esteem come into it? Well, what I want to share next is my own personal definition. Thinking about value and esteem in this way really set me free when I understood it, and I’d love to know if it does the same for you.

Self-esteem and self-value are different. A lot of us believe we’ve got low self-esteem for one reason or another. I believe, whether or not that’s true, it doesn’t mean you can’t value yourself.

Value is something that you can find immediately. It’s already there, within you, waiting to be discovered.

And the fastest way of all to connect to your value is simply to become present to the value that you bring to others.

It might be a tiny bit of value to start with, just that you give really great hugs. You make a great cup of tea.

Self-value therefore comes oftentimes not even from within, but from without. By having it reflected back to us how other people see us.

Self-esteem, on the other hand, is not something you can necessarily experience immediately. Self-esteem, for me, is that cumulative confidence that builds each time you contribute value. It comes from positive feedback, when you’re in an environment that values your particular unique contribution.

You set yourself a goal to lead a project inside your organization and you lead that as well as you can and it’s successfully delivered.

That is going to add to your self-esteem. But sitting there trying to psych yourself up to have the self-esteem to be able to do it first is having the cart before the horse.

The way I look at it, self-esteem is about setting achievable goals and achieving them. It’s a reward.

But even if just for a moment, you can see yourself the way others who appreciate you see you, you can feel value.

How about you?

I’d love to know how that distinction lands for you. Can you relate? Does it help you to see that your value is made up of so many things, and that you can experience it even if you know your self-esteem is low?

Leave a comment and let us know. Our aim is to encourage and inspire you, so I’d love to know if this is a distinction that helps.

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One of many Voices: Shona Easton

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Shona Easton is a designer and business owner whose bright and beautiful handbags and accessories help successful women stand out. Her quality, ethical accessories are made in India by women she works closely with in her workshop and her commitment to making a difference also shines through in her more recent charity work.

We asked her to share some of her inspiration and give us an insight into what her life is like “behind the scenes”, doing such diverse work.

Tell us what you do – how do you fill your days?

Dreaming up new ideas, designing, selling and marketing ethically made handbags, purses, and wallets.

My workshop is in rural India – where the women from the local village are employed to make handbags and leather goods. Before the workshop moved there, there was little prospect of finding jobs locally, especially for women (it’s a rice farming area). Now they have learned many new skills, they work near their homes and see their families every day. And their kids get to go to school.

We also make other accessories, like the luggage tags you might have spotted at the One Woman Conference, and new doggy accessories – leads and collars so far, but we’re planning to expand.

I love creating accessories that are practical, in gorgeous bright colours, which as well as being useful, people love – and make their friends go ‘wow!’.

I love the fact that I can work from anywhere (I’m in France right now) and I work when I want to – which is definitely not full time!

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

As well as running my business, I’m a trustee of a charity I helped to set up ‘Care & Consideration With A Smile’, which helps people with a hidden disability. I became involved when I met the incredibly inspiring founder, Julie Luxton. She told me her story of how she became a person with a hidden disability.

Many people reacted to her by assuming she was drunk or stupid, when she was only trying to learn to speak again and walk again after her massive brain injury. So she wanted to form a new charity to raise awareness of people with hidden disabilities.

She inspired me to jump on board and help her get the charity going. I also have other friends and family members with hidden disabilities (most people do…eg, depression, anxiety, MS, stroke – anything you can’t actually ‘’see’) and so I really want to help get this cause out in the open and understood.

I spend time working on social media updates and going to meetings on behalf of the charity.

On top of that, I let out two properties on Airbnb, so there is also cleaning, washing and organizing for them. And I also make time to go out with friends and see family.

And then there’s the usual food shopping, cleaning and running a household.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

I think women’s ‘lot’ is what we make it. For example, I have a ‘traditional’ role at home. I organize the house, cooking, cleaning, etc. – but that really feels like my choice. I love cooking – it’s my main hobby, so I’m pleased that my husband doesn’t want to cook as then I’d have to share my kitchen with him! I do most of the life admin at home too but I’m happy with that.

I juggle the many demands by not trying to fit in too much. One of many has definitely helped with this. I am reminded to have me-time and soft play, and I’ve definitely started saying no to things that previously I would have said yes to.

What is the most common emotion you feel as a woman on a day-to-day basis?

Happy! I am very lucky – I have a great life right now.

How important do you think vulnerability is in life and career? Have you ever been vulnerable in an uncomfortable (or usually unacceptable) situation?

I think that being vulnerable helps to remind you of how lucky you are. I was in India a couple of years ago, with my workshop guy, and our car broke down in the middle of the countryside early one evening on the way back to the city.

He left me by the car (not in it as he’d taken one wheel off) and I felt extremely vulnerable being a lone female beside the highway in the middle of nowhere. As it got dark I became very nervous, imagining all sorts of terrible things that could have happened.

What do you do for Soft Play? How do you look after yourself?

I don’t have a regular soft play slot but I count things like having a pedicure or other pamper session as soft play.

I love cooking and sometimes just spend a couple of hours inventing something – not a cooking session for necessary meals – just a play session for me. Of course, it ends with my having created something to eat, but I did it because I enjoy it and it relaxes me.

How do you juggle your relationship and business?

As my husband is now retired I do have to put my foot down and tell him ‘I’m at work now’ sometimes, so that he doesn’t interrupt me. But having him around has probably made me spend less time working, which is actually good as it means I’m more productive in the time that I do spend ‘at work’.

Who do you look up to as a woman?

Loads of inspirational women, including:

  • Malala Yousafzai for her dedication to the education of girls
  • Michelle Obama for juggling career, kids, charity and being very much in the public eye
  • Coco Chanel for some inspirational quotes – one of my favourites is ‘Luxury isn’t luxury unless it’s comfortable’.
  • Madonna, Adele and Kylie Minogue (and many more!) for showing us how to BE the Brand
  • Dame Maggie Smith for longevity in her career and how to adapt.

So many…

Where do you look for hope?

Looking for hope in the world and for the future: to change peoples attitude to waste – I look to FashionRevolution.org who are leading campaigners to end slave labour, child labour and promote fair wages in the garment and textile industry worldwide.

They inspired me to take the photos of my workshop ladies with the ‘I made your handbag/Purse/Wallet’ signs. They want people to ask – Who Made My Clothes? So that fashion businesses NEED to be transparent about what is really going on in their overseas factories.

For inspiration in business, I get ideas from finding beautiful fabrics and seeing amazing colours when I travel.

I also get inspired by being out in nature, looking at the beauty of the countryside or just gazing at water whether it’s a river, sea or a lake.

What do you tell yourself when times are tough?

Tomorrow is another day! My mantra is ‘Just be yourself’

What’s the soundtrack of inspiration for you?

Right now it’s Get Lucky by Daft Punk and Nile Rodgers. I saw Nile Rodgers live at Hampton Court Palace a couple of weeks ago and he shared how when the song came out he had just ‘got lucky’ and had the all clear from his cancer. Every time I hear it, I just want to get up and dance.

About Shona

World traveller | Stubborn dreamer | Early riser

Shona is Head Designer and Owner at Shona Easton Design Studio, making high-quality ethical handbags and accessories that help successful women stand out. From making her own clothes on her bedroom floor as a teenager, she went on to design for well-known brands including Next, Esprit, M&S, Banana Republic, and Gap, before setting up her own business. She’s passionate about changing attitudes to waste and promoting full transparency in the global fashion industry, and is also a trustee of the UK’s hidden disability charity “Care & Consideration With A Smile”.

You can find Shona online at the following links:

Twitter: @ShonaEaston

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/ShonaEastonHandbags/

Website:  www.eastondesignstudio.com

And learn more about Care and Consideration With a Smile at:

Facebook: https://facebook.com/CareAndConsideration/

Twitter: @CareWithASmile

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Liz Gilbert, Mother and the Alpha Wolf

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You love certain people in your life deeply. Your family, dear friends, partner or team. They’re so precious to you that when something goes wrong in their lives, it affects you too. And for those you care most strongly for, you’d do anything to help them be the happiest version of themselves.

Only… what happens when that care starts to feel like being squashed, controlled or criticized?

Today I want to share an incredibly vulnerable and moving example of this kind of support in action. It’s a story of love through one of the most painful possible times. And it’s also filled with hope, and the wisdom which came from it.

Here’s what Liz Gilbert taught me about balancing our desire to help with respecting the freedom of those you love.

Liz Gilbert, Mother, and the Alpha Wolf

Before we dive in, let me give a bit of background – just in case you’re not as much of a fan of this writer as I am.

Liz Gilbert’s a globally renowned author, speaker and teacher. She’s one of my favourite writers, both for her incredible fiction and her teachings around love, fulfilment and creativity. As well a being the bestselling author of Eat, Pray Love and Big Magic and her latest novel, City of Girls, she’s a passionate advocate for social justice.

In 2016, she celebrated publically the news that a new relationship had blossomed in her life – with her best friend of 15 years, Rayya Elias. Tragically, the trigger for this awakening was Rayya’s diagnosis with terminal cancer. And in January 2018, Rayya died.

The time up to and following Rayya’s death is one about which Liz has been astonishingly lucid, vulnerable and raw about sharing in many of her public posts, talks and appearances.

Caring for a terminally ill partner is a devastating process. And I’m awed by how open Liz has been in sharing what she learned.

First, as a tribute to her fierce and beautiful partner. And secondly, as a profound lesson in the ways we can support and care for those we love, whilst honouring their independence and individuality.

The Mother in relationships

When we’re in a mode of caring and nurturing, the Women’s PowerType we tend to draw on is Mother.

She’s the archetypal version of the strongest Mothering instinct – unconditionally loving, gentle, and powerfully protective of  those in her care.

When does Mother help?

There are 5 Women’s PowerTypes™, and Mother might not be the first to spring to mind when it comes to your partner.

But the PowerTypes are archetypes – embodiments of certain ways of being – not literal descriptions. And there are times, in any relationship, that Mother energy is what’s needed.

  • When you or your partner are feeling hopeless, uncared for and small. We all need unconditional love from time to time, no matter what’s been going on.
  • When you or your partner are feeling vulnerable or unsafe – craving a sense of home, safety, being nurtured and nourished.
  • In times of sickness or exhaustion. Mother is the perfect energy in which to rest and feel cared for.

Just as Mother can be the most effective guide to caring for ourselves, bringing out the best in our team members or helping friends through tough times, so she can be a powerful support in relationships.

And for Liz, navigating the unthinkable – Rayya’s terminal illness and loss of independence – it was naturally an energy which came to the fore.

In a moving podcast for The Moth, called The Alpha Wolf, she shared some of the ways she moved into that caring role.

“I made plans to take care of her… and my whole planning was based on this idea that I was powerless to stop her from dying but by God, I was going to make sure that she had the gentlest, the safest and the most enlightened, the most cushioned death that a human being could possibly have.”

And yet, Rayya – the recipient of her care – was a reluctant – in fact a defiantly resistant patient. She didn’t want to be cosseted and cushioned; she insisted on continuing to live as she always had, right up until the end.

Here’s the beautiful, and even funny way Liz observes and pays tribute to that rebellion.

“She didn’t want to talk to the bereavement counselor that I brought to her house. She wanted to watch football afternoon with her nephews. I made her all this beautiful organic food to keep her as healthy as we could keep her, and she didn’t want it. She wanted to live on Oreos and cigarettes and did live almost exclusively on Oreos and cigarettes for a solid year past her original expiration date. And of course I got her to sign up with hospice, because I wanted to make sure that she had the best and safest quality homecare… and then Rayya got kicked out of hospice.”

There’s such humour, in that description of what must have included some really painful moments.

Overexpressed Mother in action

What Liz has picked up on is the way that Mother energy can sometimes run the risk of going into overdrive. “Overexpressed” Mother energy begins to show up as possessive, controlling or inappropriately ”fussy”.

It also starts to swallow your own resources.

And the situation doesn’t have to be extreme as Liz’s for this to be true.

Maybe you care so deeply about your team that you find yourself losing sleep over their personal lives.

Or you’re so concerned about your friend’s finances that unasked, you draw up a spending plan to help them get unstuck. (Never mind everything else that’s on your plate right now… or the fact that they’ve never stuck to a budget in their lives.)

What feels like care to the overexpressed Mother can feel a lot like being controlled or bossed about by the person in the “child” role.

And in the end, that can be a less effective way of supporting them on their path.

Finding balance with Mother

In Liz’s telling of the story, it was at the end of Rayya’s life that she finally understood the kind of care her lover wanted.

“Rayya didn’t want my help. She didn’t want my pity. She didn’t want my planning. She certainly didn’t want my story. The only thing that really wanted from me was that thing which I had always so effortlessly and naturally given her which was my devotion and my all. She just wanted me there in the room, in love with her and bearing witness.”

That pure, unwavering devotion – that honouring of the wholeness of the other person, and commitment to being there for them without trying to fix or change them – is a wonderful description of the Mother at her most powerful.

And Liz’s courage in sharing this lesson, continuing the legacy of she and Rayya’s love story and her own journey towards greater understanding, is something I find incredibly inspiring.

Taking charge of your Mother energy

If you know Mother’s a PowerType you tend to overexpress, here are some questions to ask yourself when you find yourself slipping into a caring mode.

1. Has this person asked for my help in this way?

You might be powerfully attuned to the challenges someone’s facing. But have you asked them what would help the most?

Checking in with them to see what they’d like you to do, or asking “would you be willing for me to…” gives them the autonomy to tell you what would be of most help to them. The answer might be “nothing right now” or “just being here to talk to” – if that’s the case, resist the urge to solve or fix things further.

2. Am I being depleted by my actions?

There are some people in our lives we’d willingly sacrifice energy for. Most mums have probably sacrificed their sleep and at times their sanity to support a sick kid; you might have a handful of drop-everything friends or family members who you’d turn your life upside down to be at their side.

But if you’re regularly being drained or exhausted in service of others, it might be time to take a look at how many people you’re committed to supporting.

Enough is Enough is our free how-to guide to setting boundaries and getting clear on what is and isn’t yours to take on. Click here to download your free copy now.

3. Do I have access to other leadership modes?

As a leader, Mother inspires independence, gratitude and courage in those around her.

But there are times when leaders need to call on other PowerTypes – decisive Queen, visionary Sorceress, energetic Warrioress or magnetic Lover.

If you’d like to find out how you can gain greater access to the full range of PowerTypes, book a call with one of the team today and find out if one of our programs or retreats might be a good fit for you.

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