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Breathing Underwater: stress about stress!

April 8, 2021 By Joanna Martin Leave a Comment

Woman awimming: How to breathe when you're feeling stress about stress
  • About
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Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

Ever had one of those days when you feel like you’re drowning? When stress about stress seems to pile on, and you’re not sure how to find your way out?

Everything we need to do in our busy lives gets overwhelming from time to time. All of a sudden we are sinking and we can’t breathe.

On one memorable Sunday I had a deadline, a houseguest, a broken washing machine, a sick child and a birthday party all at the same time. I flailed around, uselessly grasping at straws and eventually gave up and let myself sink.

Naturally, the self-criticism was loud. Why is it that despite being bombarded with messages about me-time and meditation we still don’t seem to listen?

When I read about the dangers of stress, instead of doing something about it I stress about it…stress about stress! I don’t know about you but when I’m in a frantic state the last thing I think of doing is getting to a yoga class.

My mantra becomes ‘I don’t have time’ and the very choices that could help me most are the last ones on my mind.

(It’s the same way we find ourselves staying up late watching Netflix when we know we’ve got an early start. Or leaving a big work project until you can almost smell the deadline.)

If you’re feeling stress about stress, it’s a sign it’s time for change

Whilst it’s easy to joke about our lapses in self care – if we’re not careful, the idea that we’re “too busy to stop” can become something of a badge of honour.

We start to feel a little burst of pride or importance when we boast that we “don’t have time” to take care of ourselves. But running on cortisol takes a huge toll on our physical and mental health.

If you’re finding yourself swamped by responsibilities, and noticing stress getting out of hand, it’s a sign it’s time to take action. Listen to it.

The good news is, that action can be small to start off with!

Just enough to break the ‘Superwoman’ cycle, and get your head above water.

So if you keep forgetting to find twenty minutes twice a day for meditation, or if getting to the gym seems like an impossible dream this week, here are three quick fixes to start to create some space.

1 – Talk to Someone

The quickest and easiest way to get perspective on your stresses is to the share them with someone else. Often just the act of putting our worries into words makes them seem smaller. The thing is, we don’t talk like we used to and that’s okay. Text a pal, stick it on Twitter, post on Facebook. It’s all good venting. Chances are that if you write a ranty email to a friend you’ll feel better without even sending it.

2 – Look Up

One consistent message is that being in nature helps us to relax. Except it’s not easy to go for a country walk when you’re being pulled in ten different directions. We dismiss the advice because it is impractical. But there is one soothing natural beauty that is never far away. Are you by a window? Look up from the sink full of dirty dishes or the screen with ten different projects open and find the sky. Remind yourself that you are One of many. Feel the light on your face. Breathe.

3 – The Sixty-Second Massage

There’s a reflexology point about two finger widths above the armpit where the arm meets the chest. It’s called the Central Treasury. Stimulate this point by massaging here quite firmly with your opposite fingertips. Do this for thirty seconds then switch sides. You’ll find yourself instinctively breathing more deeply. The Central Treasury helps to increase blood flow and balance your emotions. It also feels fantastic!

Get out of overwhelm for good

If feeling like there’s too much on your plate is starting to be he background to your days, it’s time to make a change. We can only run on fumes for so long — and being constantly busy is getting in the way of the impact you’re really here to make on the world.

(Be honest. How much on your to do list would fall under the category of ‘things I’d like to be remembered for’?)

The Overwhelm First Aid Kit is our tried and tested method to calm the chaos and get yourself back to calm (with tea!).

Click here to download your free copy.

What are your favourite stress busters?

Let us know in the comments!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: Energy, Leadership, work Tagged With: keep head above water, quick fix to stop stressing, stress about stress

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The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover”

January 1, 2021 By Joanna Martin

Woman laughing: Why pleasure is the secret to rest
  • About
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Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

When you’ve been drawing deeply on your energy reserves, and perhaps even slipped into Superwoman to achieve everything you need to, there comes a point when just “stopping” doesn’t really cut it. At times like these, knowing the secret to rest becomes an art in itself. And it’s one I want to share with you today.

Maybe your “holiday” looked more like taking care of everyone in your household.

Perhaps you’ve been caring mode for a loved one, and you can’t switch off that sense of alertness just in case the phone rings.

Or you’ve been pushing through a big project – managing deadlines, soothing wobbles from the team, doing what it takes. The finish line’s there – but somehow, you can’t seem to switch off.

You tell yourself it’s finally time to relax and yet… wine and Netflix doesn’t seem to have the numbing effect you crave. You’re checking your email “one last time” before bed. Stress dreaming about the project you can’t let go of.

Screens, deadlines, worries and responsibility just won’t stop.

So what’s the answer? How do you deal with what I’ve started to lovingly refer to as the “Superwoman hangover” and get yourself back on track?

The secret to rest: 3 steps to handle a “Superwoman hangover”

#1 Call it what it is

The first step (isn’t it always the first step?) is awareness. Superwoman can be a sneaky visitor. She can often come disguised as just being super caring, or as taking responsibility, or as “going the extra mile”. 

But when her tendrils creep in, she begins to show up in every area of your life. Suddenly, it’s not just everything at your work you’re trying to juggle – you’re beating yourself up for not responding to that Whatsapp message from your neighbour two weeks ago.

Time off to recharge starts to look like impossible goals to run 10km, quit carbs and complete 8 hours unpaid work for the voluntary work you’ve (guiltily) neglected).

Before you know it, you’re holding yourself accountable for everything that’s happening, and telling yourself “there’s no other way”.

Don’t get me wrong. The ability to perform to an exceptionally high standard, in multiple domains, all at once? It’s a talent that comes in extremely handy from time to time. 

But learn to recognise when you’re in Superwoman mode. And know that, like any substance, when it’s time to return to reality, you’re going to have a hangover to deal with.

#2 Switch off – properly – for as long as you can

There are no half measures with Superwoman – which means it’s nigh-on impossible to switch her off gradually. When you’ve been keeping an eye on a global team across timezones, have been doing 24hour shifts with the kids or whatever your flavour of Superwoman looks like, the only way to truly rest is to really, truly switch off.

Like, not even “a quick check in”. Putting your phone in another room (or switching it off all together).

When I’ve been going at one hundred miles an hour, ONLY fully stepping back – going to bed for a day if I can – is enough to really rest my brain.

#3 Reconnect to pleasure

The real secret to rest is this one. Let me explain.

So often, when it comes to replenishing ourselves, we think the secret to rest is in getting back to “OK” again. Drink enough water, get a good night’s sleep, meet our own needs, that kind of thing.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past 12 months, it’s that when we go beyond our usual levels of depletion – when we’ve been pushing, and pushing, and keeping going, and holding it all together…

We need to practice RADICAL levels of rest and self care.

And the fastest way to really reconnect to your creative, energised, motivated self isn’t to focus on “getting back to OK”. It’s to prioritise pleasure.

What do I mean by pleasure?

When I shared this lesson on a lunch and learn live a few months ago, it was fascinating to hear some of the responses.

Some of us have been in “get sh*t done” mode for so long we’ve almost forgotten what pleasure is.

If that’s the case for you, I suggest you start by trying something other people find pleasurable. For example, these were some the ideas that came up on the call. Have you ever…

  • Ridden a bike?
  • Watched a musical?
  • Bought a vibrator?
  • Sung at the top of your lungs?
  • Flown a kite?
  • Blown bubbles?
  • Got a message whilst lying in the garden?

The other thing that struck me was how utterly reasonable – modest, even – our pleasures are. Think reading a book by the river. Getting dressed up to have an exquisite afternoon tea. Using the fancy bubble bath.

One of my benchmarks for pleasure is when you start to feel slightly guilty.

Here’s my secret: sometimes, when I’m supposed to be “working”, I snuggle onto the sofa in my office and watch a TV show on the iPad.

And another: last summer, the kids were in bed one evening when I realised we’d forgotten to pick the raspberries in the garden.

Do you know what I did?

I stood by myself in the dusk, and I picked every single ripe berry off  that bush and ate them. I savoured them, and felt deliciously selfish and subversive. And it didn’t hurt anyone, or cost anything. It was a powerful signal to my brain of how much I value and care for myself, and I have zero regrets!

Your turn

So today, if you’re someone who cares deeply about the world, who feels the heartache of everything that needs to change, I invite you to stir things up. 

Start this year by prioritising YOU. Because when YOU are firing on all cylinders, you will be able to have an impact that’s bigger than you ever thought possible on the causes you care about.

Don’t focus on what’s sensible. On what will get you back to “OK”.

Focus on what gives you PLEASURE. That’s the secret to rest that leads to real results.

And let me know how you do so in the comments…

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

And next week, we’re launching a brand new 5 day challenge to show you a new way to live and lead. It’s called Activate, and if you’re part of the community you’ll be first to hear when we open registrations.

Click here to become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: Energy, happiness, vitality Tagged With: burnout, pleasure, replenish, rest, superwoman

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How to make peace with anything

November 25, 2020 By Annie Stoker

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Annie Stoker
Annie Stoker
Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of many
Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK's most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Annie Stoker
Latest posts by Annie Stoker (see all)
  • How to make peace with anything - November 25, 2020
  • How to deal with your emotions - August 13, 2020
  • How to stop worrying what people think - March 26, 2020

When it comes to coaching or being coached, it’s easy to focus on the extraordinary impact it can have on the things you CAN change in your life. Coaching can help you find a new career. Discover relationships that fulfil you in ways you could never have imagined; set powerful boundaries around what’s acceptable; learn to bring joy and delight into your daily life.

But what about the things you can’t change? What if coaching could teach you how to make peace with anything?

After all, some of the biggest challenges we face in our lives are often things that are totally out of our power to change in any way.

Maybe you’re coming to terms with the fact that you’re not going to have children in this lifetime.

Perhaps someone close to you has died, and the grief feels overwhelming.

You might have lost a business, or your home, or life has gone wrong in some other horrible way.

Or you’ve made a mistake, or done something so harmful, you can’t ever imagine moving on.

Can coaching help you then?

Coaching and the things we can’t change

A while back, while having a BIG clear out of a whole heap of old things, I came across a memory from decades ago.

A set of beautiful, colourful baby clothes I’d bought while travelling in Peru. At the time, I was desperate to have children. I imagined the kind of mother I’d be, the lives they’d have, the adventures we’d go on together.

But it wasn’t meant to be.

For a while, coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to do this thing I wanted more than anything was incredibly painful.

But this time, when I came across those tiny outfits, I felt nothing but peace with the way things have unfolded. In fact, they now bring a smile to my face. The pangs of longing are gone. The heartache is over. I’m even happy that I don’t have kids now! I have enough on my plate just looking after me so that I can look after everyone else.

I’m loving the stability, serenity and settledness of post menopause life. And that I get to support many people, not just a couple of small ones! I get to do what I love most… like supporting women to becoming incredible coaches for the women around them. Sharing these tools that have made such a difference in my life.

And helping others find peace with the life experiences they once thought they would never overcome.

What if you can’t “get over it”?

If you’re reading this and thinking that this all sounds well and good, but there’s no way YOU could get over the particular heartbreak you’re facing, then let me give you the brutal truth.

Whatever happens in life, you have two options:

Accept it… or change it.

If you can’t accept what’s happened, you have to change it.

And if you can’t change it?

You have no choice but to accept it, one way or the other.

When we can’t accept the things we can’t change, that’s when all kinds of problems show up. We can turn to crutches like drink, drugs, work, codependent relationships… anything to avoid coming to terms with what’s happened. This is nothing to be ashamed of – it’s far more common than you might think.

Many of us have been squashing down this realization for years. Decades. Maybe even most of our lives.

To understand how you can finally move forward, you need to look at why that is.

What stops us from accepting things?

At the root of the things we can’t accept tend to be feelings we haven’t allowed ourself to fully express. Many of us are terrified of the emotions we’re avoiding.

So if you want to know how to make peace with anything, that’s often a good place to start.

Think about something you find it hard to let go of.

On a scale of one to ten, how strongly do you feel emotionally about it?

If there’s ANY emotion there, it’s a sign there is some work to do.

What kind of work?

Well, all kinds of things. As Women’s Coaches we have a whole range of tools to help women move through emotions they’re feeling. Some things to try might be:

  • Journalling, so you can really be honest about your thoughts and feelings
  • Meditations to help you release unhelpful limitations or emotions
  • Dynamic meditations, which allow you to move feelings through your body
  • Embodiment work, such as dance, movement or massage
  • Getting clear on your needs
  • Learning how to ask for things
  • Setting boundaries with those around you
  • Understanding the role of the different Women’s PowerTypes in your life

… and many, many more.

There are so many tools that help us move through things.

A good coach can help you identify the ones which are right for you. And the impact can transform your life.

When you find peace, the future opens up

The only reason we find ourselves unable to make peace with things is because of the stories we’re holding on to. That keep us stuck to our past experiences, and attached to the meanings we decide they have.

When we’re able to unravel those stories and release them of their power, we find ourselves in a place of new potential. It’s as though, instead of looking at everything through the murky filter of our unexpressed emotions, we’re finally able to look through clear lenses at what’s right in front of us.

Clients I’ve coached in the past have experienced the pain of divorce, of losing their homes, bankruptcy, bereavement, and unimaginable trauma and loss.

With the right support, I don’t think there’s anything we can’t make peace with (with the exception of clinical diagnoses which need support beyond a coach’s expertise).

Start by reminding yourself of that simple fact: You can accept what’s happened, or you can change it.

What are you going to accept, starting today?

Do you want to know how to make peace with anything?

If you’re curious about these simple, powerful ways to move through emotion and find freedom from what’s past, there’s a free workshop coming up which you might be interested in.

It’s called Essential Skills for Coaching Women, and in it Jo Martin will be introducing One of many’s unique coaching toolkit – designed by women, for women. You’ll discover some practical tools you can use straight away to support the women in your life to move past even the toughest challenges.

If you’d love to know how to share this work with others, and allow them to move forward with their lives, you’d be so welcome. Just click the link below to register for your place:

https://oneofmany.co.uk/essential-skills-for-coaching/

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: Energy, happiness, mindset Tagged With: coaching, coaching cert, coaching skills, emotions, freedom

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2 needs that define 2020

October 9, 2020 By Susie Heath

needs that define 2020
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Susie Heath
Susie Heath
One of many master coach and trainer Susie Heath is an expert in love and intimacy and an internationally acclaimed author and speaker. She has been a buyer for Marks and Spencer, a shoe designer, a horticulturist featured at the Chelsea Flower Show and more.

Now, as a coach and trainer she has has worked personally with hundreds of men and women, helping them reawaken their authentic selves with her profound coaching and movement workshops.
Susie Heath
Latest posts by Susie Heath (see all)
  • 2 needs that define 2020 - October 9, 2020
  • How to be present in your relationship - May 28, 2020
  • Is your relationship draining you? - February 13, 2020

All of us have needs in our lives. And in relationships, we learn to balance our needs with those of someone else  – so that we can feel we’re being supported, and be there for others in turn. Two specific needs have been deeply tested this year in particular.

If you’re in a relationship, knowing which one of these matters most to your partner can be hugely insightful when it comes to challenges you might have been facing as a couple.

If you’re single, understanding which is important to you can help you navigate what’s coming with even greater grace.

So today I want to explore what these two important needs are, and how you can find ways to meet them.

Need #1: Certainty

We can define this need as “The ability to feel certain in advance as to what is likely to happen now and in the future.” Hmm… not exactly a defining feature of recent months!

With certainty comes a level of confidence as we learn how life works, are able to express ourselves more easily in the world, and are able to achieve our desires.

If certainty is one of your top needs then safety and security are very important to you. So people whose top priority is certainty will do everything in their power to ensure that very little changes.

For example, they may…

  • Work to a budget
  • Stay in the same job even if they hate it
  • Go on holiday to the same place each year
  • Repeat the same habits day in day out,
  • Keep the house the same way (either immaculately tidy or in organised chaos)
  • Choose the same haircut,
  • Wear the same style of clothes
  • Hate surprises,
  • Get thrown if their routine is disrupted
  • Seldom step out of their comfort zone.

Are you someone who values certainty above all else?

Or do you know someone in your life who does?

How has 2020 impacted you or your partner when it comes to your need to feel certain? Perhaps periods of strict regulation and even lockdown have felt strangely reassuring, as you repeat the same routines every day – but constantly moving plans around, and ever-changing guidance has really derailed your sense of stability.

How to bring greater certainty into your life

If this describes your partner, then rather than be judgmental about them, think of this as a road map which helps you to understand why they operate in this way. The more you can give them reassurance, the happier and more relaxed they will be. Without it, all their fears come up to the surface.

If you’re the one who values certainty, consider ways you can bring more stability into your life. What small practices could you introduce to bring a feeling of control and steadiness into your world, despite the wider uncertainty? Share your ideas in the comments.

For some of us however, the downside of too much certainty is that we start to become bored, uncomfortable and stuck, because we need the opposite of certainty to provide stimulation to help us grow. Which leads us to the second

Need #2: Uncertainty or Variety.

This is where taking risks comes in, where we dare to challenge the status quo. We actively create more excitement and variety which make life worthwhile, where we open ourselves to new experiences to bring out new qualities in ourselves.

When faced with a challenge, most people run back to the area they are most comfortable in. But a combination of certainty and uncertainty generates growth as we search for answers in as yet unknown territory. This is where we explore who we have the possibility of becoming.

People who love uncertainty and variety are the risk-takers. These tend to be the entrepreneurs, the creative people, artists in different genres.

They may…

  • Play the stock market
  • Challenge the elements with sailing, skiing and diving
  • Change their jobs frequently
  • Be willing to step right out of their comfort zone
  • Hate routine
  • Argue just for the sake of it to see what will happen,
  • Love surprises
  • Go away on holiday on a whim without planning, who are spontaneous.
  • Be untidy and then enjoy blitzing the place and making it look fantastic
  • Move furniture around in the house to break with conformity.

When they have conquered a challenge, they become certain about it – so they have to stretch their boundaries even more to explore further. This is where extreme sports and outrageous behaviours can come in.

The downside of uncertainty and variety is the inability to be happy with where one is. These people may find “settling down” and commitment somewhat of a challenge unless lots of variety is built in.

Who do you know who is like this?

Is uncertainty or variety a top need for you?

How have the challenges of this year impacted your need for change? Perhaps you’ve found the need to pivot and adapt energising, even exciting – but struggled with a lack of freedom, travel restrictions, or the need to obey rules.

If this is your partner what can you do to help fulfil their need for variety? It doesn’t have to be extreme – you will be surprised what you can do to satisfy this need.

If it’s you, how can you introduce novelty and difference to your life? Perhaps there’s a new form of creativity to explore, a different way to exercise, or a new area near your home you can get to know. Learning new skills or researching a topic can also help you find that edge of learning and growth.

Your needs and your relationships

Most couples inevitably experience conflict and misunderstanding in their intimate relationships. But once you understand your partner’s core needs, you will be able to go some way towards fulfilling them.

And once you understand your own needs, you’re far more able to ask for them to be met with the help of your partner. In turn this will lead to a more conscious and enlightened relationship.

When you realise the importance of this, it also helps you to make a more conscious choice when selecting a partner, and also to realise why a previous relationship may not have been fulfilling.

How about you?

Does looking at your recent experience through this lens help you understand some of the challenges you’ve been facing? How could you support your loved ones, and ask them to support you, when it comes to balancing uncertainty and change?

We’d love to know what you think. Share your experience in the comments – and forward this article to anyone you think might find it helpful.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Filed Under: Energy, mindset, relationships Tagged With: behaviour, lockdown, needs, quarantine, relationships

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Guest post: Being an introvert in an extrovert world

March 19, 2020 By Margaret Collins

Introvert in an extrovert world
  • About
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Margaret Collins
Margaret Collins
Margaret Collins is a One of many in-house coach. She has been coaching for nearly 20 years, and is the author of several books (including "Beyond Impostor Syndrome”). In addition to her One of Many™ training she has experienced many different approaches and tools including cognitive behavioural confidence coaching, neuropsychology, NLP and The Daring Way™/Dare to Lead™ based on the research of Dr Brené Brown.

Founder of CABS Cardiff, Margaret is familiar with the challenge of juggling demanding work roles with caring responsibilities whilst managing and running a business. She loves helping women explore how to create a dynamic and flexible work-life balance that works for them and their needs.
Margaret Collins
Latest posts by Margaret Collins (see all)
  • Guest post: Being an introvert in an extrovert world - March 19, 2020
  • Guest post: Are there advantages to Imposter Syndrome? - January 30, 2020

What does it feel like to be an introvert in an extrovert world?

It was the weekend before Christmas and I was getting ready to visit a neighbour who had invited me and other neighbours for drinks. I knew most of the people who might be at the gathering and would enjoy catching up with their news and stories.

Then my sister (a disabled adult) came home from her day out, tired, under the weather with a cold starting and fell deeply asleep just before we were due to leave for the party. With a degree of sadness – and a larger part of joy – I called my friend and explained that we wouldn’t be able to join her, but “many thanks for the invitation!”

Many introverts will completely understand this feeling.

It’s great to be invited… and even better to not have to attend!

What being an introvert isn’t

Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re antisocial or don’t like being with people. Many introverts are very sociable, they just prefer smaller, more intimate gatherings rather than larger and potentially noisy parties. Introverts tend to enjoy deeper or more meaningful conversations in preference to making small talk with strangers.

So what does it mean to be an “introvert”?

In truth, there is more than one way to be introverted but the thing that all introverts have in common is that social interactions tend to drain their energy reserves. (Even when they are enjoying themselves in larger groups, it often feels exhausting.)

After a long day at work, an introvert will want to recharge their internal batteries – their preferred system is likely to involve a quiet night in, reading, listening to music, playing videos or games. Their energy is replenished internally, often alone.

In a similar situation a tired extrovert is more likely to come home and exclaim “I’m exhausted, let’s go out and party!”. A typical extrovert charges their batteries by “plugging in” to the energy of the people and events around them.

As you reflect on that last paragraph most people will totally understand both options, some people want quiet time, others want to socialise… yet, the truth is, that people who are quieter within groups or prefer to withdraw from groups and spend time on their own are often judged more harshly in most western cultures.

Is it really an extrovert world?

Unless you are an introvert, it can be easy to miss the extrovert bias. In most workplaces there are by default, shared or open plan offices and workspaces. These spaces are often noisy – and most introverts find this type of environment particularly challenging.

In most workplaces, work is assigned to teams. This style of working does not play to an introvert’s strengths and is often challenging for them. During job interviews and assessment centre exercises our group interactions are scrutinised, our willingness or ability to be an enthusiastic leader, to make our voice heard in a crowd, to be proactive and to persuade or influence others is evaluated and any preference for holding back, for reflection or quiet thought is usually given lower value in the “potential leader” stakes.

And yet introverts have many strengths.

  • They are very comfortable with data analysis, providing constructive critical analysis, planning (they love planning!) and risk assessment.
  • Introverts prefer to listen, reflect and evaluate before they offer a considered opinion. When making decisions a typical introvert may prefer to consider a body of evidence and choose a relatively risk averse option for the way forward. They provide a steady hand on the helm in troubled times.
  • There is an increasing body of evidence that shows that introverted employees, managers and leaders can be highly effective, can develop the members of their teams, deliver on their promises and follow-through on their work commitments.
  • And while it is a common perception that extroverts make better leaders, there really isn’t the evidence to back that hypothesis.

How can we harness the power of introverts?

As managers within organisations there are many small changes that can easily be made that will make a more even playing field for all your workers to give of their best. Here are a few practical ideas:

  1. Give people the information to be discussed at a meeting in advance of the meeting so that people have the opportunity to read and consider that information before open discussion.
  2. Invite people to write their thoughts on sticky notes before a group discussion, adding the notes to a collection on a wall for group consideration before evaluation.
  3. Rather than the typical “free-for-all” discussion, there may be times when taking turns around the table inviting everyone to add their time-limited piece, might allow a reluctant introvert the opportunity to be heard.

And if you’re an introvert in an extrovert world?

Maybe the most important step is to recognise that you are an introvert and understand what this means for demands on your energy reserves. Once you clearly see that social interactions and group meetings drain energy, plan your strategy.

  1. If you know you have a busy day ahead, rest up beforehand, maximise your alone time so you go into the day with your batteries topped up.
  2. Understand that you may need to plan for time alone before or after a meeting – how can you create the space you need? Sometimes a tea or coffee break taken alone or a walk around the building will provide a 10 minute oasis of peace.
  3. Recognise that creating this space may well be meeting a fundamental need for you – it’s not a sign of weakness or something to beat yourself up for. Do understand that it’s often more helpful to take this break before returning to engage fully with the group rather than to struggle on, miserable and withdrawn.
  4. Another important step is for introverts to understand and own their strengths. When we realise that we have an unusual passion for planning, that our ability to spot potential risks is a great asset for the team not shared by all of our colleagues, and our hunger for information makes us natural researchers we begin to see that there’s nothing wrong with being introverted, we are essential to the organisation!
  5. It might not be the highlight of your day but do go to meetings prepared, maybe even determined to make a contribution and get your voice heard. I actively seek to speak within the first ten minutes of the start of a meeting.

Begin to value your strengths and to offer them to your colleagues in ways that show that you understand their value.

At the moment, most organisations do have an extrovert bias so introverts will do well to plan for behavioural flexibility – even a little bit of fake-it-til-you-make-it.

So remember:

  • Plan to regularly replenish your energies
  • Use your strengths in strategy, preparation, analysis and detail orientation
  • Identify the highlights you wish to share in meetings
  • And yes, be brave!

Over to you…

If you’re an introvert, what strategies do you use to thrive and play to your strengths? Share them in the comments below!

About Margaret

Margaret Collins is a One of many in-house coach. She has been coaching for nearly 20 years, and is the author of several books (including “Beyond Impostor Syndrome”). In addition to her One of Many™ training she has experienced many different approaches and tools including cognitive behavioural confidence coaching, neuropsychology, NLP and The Daring Way™/Dare to Lead™ based on the research of Dr Brené Brown.

Founder of CABS Cardiff, Margaret is familiar with the challenge of juggling demanding work roles with caring responsibilities whilst managing and running a business. She loves helping women explore how to create a dynamic and flexible work-life balance that works for them and their needs. Find out more about her work by clicking here.

Filed Under: Energy, fulfilment, happiness Tagged With: awareness, confidence, energy, fulfilment, money mindset

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7 tiny ways to stop feeling tired all the time

March 4, 2020 By Joanna Martin

Woman looking tired - what to do if you're tired all the time
  • About
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Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

As an in-house coach one of the most common challenges I see in my clients is a lack of energy. Most are combining multiple priorities: building a business whilst still in corporate life, raising a family, taking care of elderly parents, and doing their best to try and outrun that pesky inner critic. Is it any wonder so many of us feel as though we’re tired all the time?

I frequently ask, “When did you last stop or do something just for yourself? When did you last do anything to replenish?”

And the answer is always met with silence and then an embarrassed whisper of, “I can’t remember…”

Tired all the time… Does this sound familiar?

I’m just as guilty.

It seems our number one soft power principle of replenish, replenish, replenish is one of the hardest to allow.

What the bloody hell is that all about?

Well, I suppose I could write about all the challenges and excuses we make that stop us from being kind to ourselves, but quite frankly I’m too tired!

So instead I thought I’d share with you the fundamental principle to follow when you’re tired all the time.

“Just stop it!”

I’m kidding of course – kind of. Have you ever seen the comedy sketch with Bob Newhart – he plays a therapist imparting words of wisdom. It’s hilarious – and there’s more than a grain of truth in it.

Of course, yelling “stop it!” at ourselves when we know we’re already on the edge of burnout isn’t actually a very helpful approach. The thought of taking a whole day off, a week’s holiday, or even an entire lunch break can be enough to send us into a spiral of panic.

The secret to getting your energy back

So instead of exhausting yourself further, with radical lifestyle changes that will take even more energy to organise and implement, why not try a different approach?

When we’re running on empty and everything seems like a mountain to climb, sometimes the only way forward is with small acts of kindness everyday that will take you from overwhelmed and burning out to energised and vital.

Don’t know where to start? Try one of these tiny micro-acts of kindness.

7 tiny ways to stop feeling tired all the time

  1. Drink enough water. Fill up a glass and keep it on your desk – don’t forget to sip it throughout the day.
  2. Morning pages – the daily journaling practice that helps you offload, reflect and connect to yourself.
  3. Good quality sleep. If your worries are keeping you up at night, research some ways to help yourself get fully rested.
  4. Walking in nature, even if it’s just a brisk 20 minutes through the park on your way to work.
  5. Mindful breathing. There are lots of videos and apps that can help you find a 5 minute way to connect to your breath.
  6. Learning who and what you need to say no to. Setting boundaries is a powerful act of kindness to yourself.
  7. A good film or drama where you can just switch off. I’m very late to the party as I’ve only just discovered Call The Midwife – 50 minutes of loveliness and feel-good stories and I’m restored!

Where to begin

You might be thinking that one of those tiny actions would be the perfect place to start – but you might also have some better ideas of your own.

Give yourself permission to take a moment for yourself and your first act of kindness – go watch Bob Newhart, have a good giggle and then get a pen and paper.

Draw a line down the centre and in the left hand column brainstorm all the small acts you can do for yourself that will leave you feeling replenished.

Then, in the right hand column write down the boundaries you need to put in place so you’re able to take those baby steps back to life.

As you start to take care of yourself in tiny ways every day, you’ll find the balance gradually shifts. With more energy you’re better able to set boundaries, and so the cycle continues.

Share the kindness

If you know you could be a bit kinder to yourself, let’s help spread that commitment. Share ONE tiny act of kindness in the comments below, and let’s inspire each other to take that first baby step.

About Kat

Filed Under: Energy, vitality, work Tagged With: burnout, energy, health, vitality

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How to live life on your own terms

February 20, 2020 By Joanna Martin

Woman holding arms out: How to live life on your own terms
  • About
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Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

One of the greatest privileges we have is to make choices. When it comes to knowing how to live life on your own terms, it’s so important that we take stock of the many freedoms we now have, compared to generations of women before us. That’s not to say it’s always easy. Today I want to share some practical insights into why that is, and how to live life on your own terms.

Recognising how lucky we are

Discrimination, inequality and massive imabalances in power are very real, even in today’s world. And yet, there are many choices we’re able to make as women that would have been unthinkable for our mothers, grandmothers, and generations before them.

I loved hearing Michelle Williams acknowledge this at the Golden Globes 2020. She said:

"I’m grateful for the acknowledgment of the choices I’ve made, and I’m also grateful to have lived at a moment in our society where choice exists...

I’ve tried my very best to live a life of my own making and not just a series of events that happened to me, but one that I can stand back and look at and recognize my handwriting all over, sometimes messy and scrawling, sometimes careful and precise, but one that I carved with my own hand."

Now, if you’re rolling your eyes a little, I get it. A Hollywood actress, receiving a glittering award at a fancy event… it’s easy to feel like she’s got it all sorted.

As though it’s easy to talk about “choice” when you’re wealthy and privileged.

And yet most of us are extremely fortunate to also have choices. If you’ve received an education, have access to clean water and healthcare, and are able to make fundamental decisions about contraception, finances and marriage, you’re better off than millions of women around the world.

So why do we end up feeling like we’re stuck?

Gratitude for your good fortune is one thing. And then there's the daily reality – bills to pay, kids to wrangle, relationships to navigate, jobs to do.

Sure, we might have more freedom than many, many other women throughout history. But it's also very normal to feel as though right now, today, you don't have an awful lot of say in the demands being made of you. 

At One of many we use “archetypes” to explore common patterns of being that show up in the lives of many women.

As well as the 5 Women’s PowerTypes, our models of powerful feminine leadership, we also see 3 “disempowering archetypes” show up.

These can help you understand what’s happening at those times when it doesn’t feel as though you’re living life on your own terms.

We often feel powerless when...

We’re in “victim” mode: We feel helpless, and as though we can’t do anything to change the situation we’re in.

We’re in “martyr” mode. This is the archetype of the woman who sacrifices everything for others, and never has the space to give to her own needs or desires.

We’re in “bitch” mode. This is where our pent up anger and resentment comes out, and we lash out at those around us (yes, often with the people we love most).

How do you find your way back to the life you want?

If these disempowering archetypes help us understand why we’re feeling boxed in or lacking in power, the Women’s PowerTypes are a framework that allow us to connect to the choices we do have in ay given moment.

These might be as simple as the choices you have about how to respond to a situation. The details you notice, the lessons you take, or the aspects you choose to let go of.

We become conscious of our choices when…

We get to know ourselves. We start to explore what we want, what makes us feel good, what our fears and patterns are. This might be through journaling, talking to a trusted friend or coach, or taking time out regularly without an agenda to enjoy some space that’s just for us.

We give ourselves permission. We allow ourselves to (shock, horror!) do things that are only for us, not for anyone else. If you’re someone who spends their time making other people’s lives easier, this can be a truly radical step.

We get support. At One of many we believe that collaboration is key to changing the kind of world we live in. When we support each other and share our journeys, we’re all able to thrive and grow further than we ever could by ourselves.

Do you want to live life on your terms?

At One of many we’ve developed a specific set of tools to help women find their power and take control of their lives. And our mission is to get those tools into the hands of as many women as possible.

Would you like to be part of this turning tide?

Take a look at Living the Change – our groundbreaking community providing the support, community and tools you need to create the life you want.

Click here to find out more.

You’ll find out what makes our approach so different, and how it’s helping women around the world live life on their own terms.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: career, Energy, fulfilment Tagged With: coach cert, coaching, energy, freedom, fulfilment, gratitude, power, soft power

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Is your relationship draining you?

February 13, 2020 By Susie Heath

Woman and man hugging. But is your relationship draining you?
  • About
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Susie Heath
Susie Heath
One of many master coach and trainer Susie Heath is an expert in love and intimacy and an internationally acclaimed author and speaker. She has been a buyer for Marks and Spencer, a shoe designer, a horticulturist featured at the Chelsea Flower Show and more.

Now, as a coach and trainer she has has worked personally with hundreds of men and women, helping them reawaken their authentic selves with her profound coaching and movement workshops.
Susie Heath
Latest posts by Susie Heath (see all)
  • 2 needs that define 2020 - October 9, 2020
  • How to be present in your relationship - May 28, 2020
  • Is your relationship draining you? - February 13, 2020

Is your relationship draining you? Today I want to explain the importance of energy in relationships – and give you some simple ways you can revitalize a relationship where things are starting to feel draining, frustrating or stale. First, let me explain what I mean by the “energy” of a relationship.

Inside every human being is a life source from which comes life-force in the form of an energy. This is the energy that grows your hair, that heals your body, that sends the blood coursing through your veins. It is the pulsation you feel when you are resting quietly, like a stream of electricity tingling through your body, without you having to do anything to make it happen. It is this energy which when it is harmony with another person can rocket you to the stars, or when at odds with them, will sink you like a stone.

We are like radio transmitters with our energy – we affect everything around us with our thoughts, feelings and actions and it emanates from us like radio signals to be picked up by those on a similar wave-length to us. People who are particularly sensitive can even see our energy around our heads and body in our aura, sometimes in colour but certainly as a fuzzy pattern around the body.

It is this energy that we pick up on when we meet someone and when we are in connection with them, in our communications and in our interaction with them.

Is your relationship draining you?

So does your relationship rocket you to the stars, enabling you to express who you truly are with joy and inspiration? Or is your relationship draining you?

  • Does it make you feel good about yourself, good about the future and positive about life?
  • Does it bring out the best in you?
  • Do you feel healthier and rejuvenated, whole and nourished, loved and loving towards your partner?
  • Do you feel connected and at one with your partner?

This is how a good relationship will make you feel.

If that sounds idealistic, it is because it is rather rare in this throwaway society, because love is in your actions and in the way you speak, move and touch those you love and care about – just in the way you turn up.

Does that mean you will never have moments of feeling that you don’t like your partner or that they irritate you or that you want to get away? No, it just means that like the foundations of a house, it is deep and broad and will withstand the storms and raging that go in life. Love is a gifting and a receiving – it is a generosity of spirit and when you have the desire to sustain and nurture it, like a beautiful plant it can bloom to reveal something truly inspirational.

What you bring to the relationship makes a tremendous difference.

If you are bringing positivity, a healthy way of thinking, an enjoyment of life no matter what it throws at you, and a willingness to be flexible and generous, the energy will be high.

If on the other hand you are bringing old negative memories, hurt, resentment, guilt and shame, you will lower the energy dramatically.

So what are you bringing with you? What are you transmitting? What are you receiving?

How do we create energy?

Much of it is by our thought patterns which influence the way our energy flows. Our temperament allows flow or blocks it. What we put into our body, our food, drink, chemicals, exposure to technology, the way we move and our environment have strong influences on our energy. But what drains our energy mostly is anger, depression, misery and negative thoughts, particularly blame, resentment and shame – these are the most damaging both health-wise and for any relationship.

Here are some ways to help the energy of your relationship thrive.

10 simple energy boosters to revitalise your relationships

  1. Let go of stress by doing things you love to do. Learn to relax! 
  2. Take full responsibility for your emotional state and become more conscious of your moods; move your body and change your energy; empower yourself with new positive beliefs.
  3. Be in allowance of who you are and stop trying to be perfect.
  4. Enjoy yourself. Laugh.
  5. Plan time out for fun, rest time and holidays; for romance and meaningful conversation.
  6. Touch, cuddle, make time for romance and make love.
  7. Think about how you’re nourishing yourself. Drink plenty of water; eat low GI (slow sugar release foods), avoid processed meals and refined foods;
  8. Commit to paying it forward and contributing to others.
  9. Give yourself the gift of regular pampering such as massage, reflexology; regular daily deep breathing; exercise which you enjoy, with proper recovery/stretching; or daily walks outside in sunlight.
  10. Meet up regularly with positive like-minded people.

You might notice that none of these requires any shift in your partner! Revitalising your energy isn’t about trying to shape, change or confront anyone else. To become aware of and harness this energy and ultimately gain access to its source is to cease mental effort – tune into your energy and find out what it wants of you. It is the still, small voice within that often gets drowned by our self-talk.

We need to learn to relax and listen, mentally as well as physically. It’s not easy in our often hectic life, but it is possible particularly as you just wake up in the morning and as going to sleep at night.

What if you had all that kind of wonderful energy continually running through your body? The magic of it is that when you feel it flowing, it will direct you. You can put hopes and dreams onto the energy and watch them materialise. Go with the flow trusting that Life is indeed looking after you.

About Susie

Fashion Designer | Grandmother | Dancer

One of many master coach and trainer Susie Heath is an expert in love and intimacy and an internationally acclaimed author and speaker. She has been a buyer for Marks and Spencer, a shoe designer, a horticulturist featured at the Chelsea Flower Show and more.

Now, as a coach and trainer she has has worked personally with hundreds of men and women, helping them reawaken their authentic selves with her profound coaching and movement workshops.

Filed Under: Energy, happiness, relationships, Uncategorized Tagged With: energy, energy management, love, relationships

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How to take control of your day

February 6, 2020 By Joanna Martin

Woman looking at schedule: Here's how to take control of your day
  • About
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Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

Picture this: You’ve got a big deadline to meet. You wake up feeling sluggish but still manage to scarf a coffee and get to your desk early. Time to get going. But from then on, things start to rapidly unravel. Emails need tactful – and immediate – responses. A colleague comes to you with a crisis you feel duty bound to help with, even though your own time is slipping away. By the time 6 o clock rolls round you’re no closer to getting the work you needed to done. Today’s been a write off, but could you have done anything differently? Here's how to take control of your day.

The power of finding your rhythm

One of the biggest shifts for women who take our BeFruitful program is shifting from a focus on best utilising their time, to focusing on their energy.

What does this look like in practice? Well, it starts by taking a step back and observing the way your energy flows over the course of a day, a week or a month.

Most of us know whether we tend to be ‘larks’ who hit the ground running at the start of the day, or owls who find our flow later in the evening. (These days there’s a lot of focus on optimizing your ‘morning routine’, but if you’re someone who doesn’t get going until the afternoon that’s probably not going to be helpful. Don’t feel bad – just pay attention to what works for you.)

Then there’s the pattern of your week, some of which will depend on your schedule. Maybe you have a meeting on a Monday that tends to leave you fired up and motivated, or a day when you work from home and know you’ll have more space to concentrate.

Finally, it’s important to look at how things change for you over the course of a month. If you’re menstruating, hormonal shifts are likely to have an impact on what you’re able to get done. But many women who don’t have periods also notice an ebb and flow in their energy, sometimes connected to the moon cycle.

Focus on observing what’s true for you and ignore what anyone else might share. We’re all unique when it comes to this stuff.

What to do when you know your energy flow

So, you’ve established more or less what your energy flow looks like. This is the most important step when it comes to discovering how to take control of your day without burning out. You don’t have to go crazy over the exact detail (although when you see how effective this approach is, I have no doubt you’ll add to this data!).

But hopefully you'll be able to identify a pattern that makes sense. Let’s say…

  • The week before your period you tend to feel short tempered, decisive and very clear about what’s not working in your life.
  • You’re usually sluggish before 12 but tend to get a big burst of energy at 9pm, and can happily work until midnight if you don’t have an early start ahead of you.
  • Monday has you feeling a bit scattered as you respond to colleagues at the start of the week, but by Tuesday the priorities are clear and you’re able to tackle big tasks with a bit more headspace.

Can you see how developing this kind of picture suddenly opens up a whole lot of options?

How to take control of your day

When you start to look at each day not as a linear progression of hours within which to cram your tasks, but as a fluctuating model of energy which you can choose how you focus, things get a whole lot easier.

Rather than feeling frustrated with things not going to plan, you can prepare yourself to optimise your energy on any given day. We use a tool called "Batching for Energy Matching" to assign tasks to the times when you're going to be most effective at doing them.

So in the example we started off with, it might not have been that the world was against you.

Perhaps you weren’t in the right time in your cycle to be looking at a deep-dive piece of work. Certainly, with hindsight, the pull you felt to support your distressed colleague and respond to those emails indicated that you might have been better off prioritising supporting the team rather than working on a solo project. And getting to your desk early doesn't really have helped if your best thinking time isn’t until later in the day.

This approach to planning can transform how you're able to juggle the competing tasks on your list.

Elizabeth, a BeFrutiful participant, found that focusing on her own energy made a real shift in the way she approached each day. In fact, she started implementing the technique as she worked through BeFruitful, to help her get the most out of the training. She wrote to tell us:

“I am so enjoying the modules, and in the spirit of finding and embracing my own rhythms have begun to 'identify' the most fruitful ways for me to watch, listen, reflect and implement the elements of each lesson.

I have found this week's rhythm and cycles work in lesson 2 fascinating and am now beginning to look differently at the emotions I have so far attributed to hormones, life's knocks, the attitudes and behaviours of others or external factors that come from nowhere.

I'm stopping and taking a different look at each situation as it arises and even though I know I can't stop all the external stuff coming at me, I'm aligning my own responses to a soft power or archetype response which in itself is bringing a very interesting perspective and a deep sense of calm.”

– Elizabeth Jane Kent, Director, Learning Teaching Leading

What about the things you really can’t control?

OK, you might be thinking, that’s all well and good. I’ll take a week off a month for PMT, never have a meeting before 11am and just tell that client that my “energy’s not right” for their pressing deadline. Is that a pig flying past the window I just saw?

Of course, in the real world we can’t shape every event to fit with our understanding of our energies. We’ve all had to call on “Superwoman” to get us through from time to time. The presentation that falls on a day when you really want to be in bed weeping over a soppy movie. Or the gently meandering “visioning session” that frustrates the hell out of you -- you’re ready to roll up your sleeves and take action!

What matters is that you're not in that misaligned place for the parts you can control.

Learning to work to your rhythms won’t stop the rest of the world from working to theirs. But when you understand what works best for you, you can do your utmost to make sure you’re working as effectively as possible – and forgive yourself faster when life throws you a curveball.

Want to learn how to take control of your days?

If you’re curious about learning to apply these tools to your own busy schedule, BeFruitful could transform the way you approach life. In fact, it’s guaranteed to free up at least 4 hours a week, minimum, for you to spend doing what you love.

This 6 week online program allows you to learn at your own pace from anywhere in the world, and is packed with helpful tools, practical exercises and new ways of approaching the daily juggle.

Click here to find out more.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: Energy, fulfilment, work Tagged With: burnout, Busyness, superwoman, women in business, work

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How to feel more awake and energised

January 16, 2020 By Joanna Martin

How to feel more awake and energised
  • About
  • Latest Posts
Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

Want to feel more awake and energised? When you’re feeling sluggish and exhausted, it can be challenging to know where to begin. If you’re at the point where you’re ready to make change but nothing seems to ‘stick’, it can feel especially frustrating. You want to spring out of bed instead of dragging yourself up every morning. But how can you make change when you feel as though you’ve got lead weights attached to your feet? Where do you start, and how do you keep going?

Here are 3 ways to feel more awake and energised

#1 Track your energy

If you’re feeling exhausted and run down, the last thing you might feel like doing is noticing just how tired you are. But before you start throwing things at the screen, let’s slow down a little. Observing how your energy changes over the course of the day, the week or the month doesn’t mean you’re resigning yourself to things never changing.

What it will do is give you the data you need to make shifts that will actually last.

After all, feeling wiped out after a day picking up your team’s slack at the office, will take different adjustments to addressing a monthly slump around your period.

Instead of feeling hopeless about why you lack energy, it’s time to turn detective.

Keep a journal for a month and track your energy levels and mood. It doesn’t have to be complicated -- perhaps just a smiley or grumpy face, and a rating out of 10 for how much energy you have.

Then, look for patterns. Do you already feel awake and energised at certain times, even if it's not as often as you'd like? Perhaps they correspond to:

  • Something you do (Does fresh air wake you up? Do you sleep better the day after exercising?)
  • What's going into your body (Do you notice a particular slump after a night of drinking, or a heavy meal?)
  • Who you spend time with (A friend who always lifts your mood?)
  • What's happening around you (Is there a work task that has you feeling like you’re flying? Maybe you can't sleep on Sunday nights because you're anxious about what Monday will hold?)

Positive and negative, start to map the ebb and flow of your energy, without judgment. Identify the main areas you think could be factors, and then you can begin think about what you could do differently. A conversation about boundaries? A health check up? A career change?

But first -- a note.

There is no ‘magic bullet’

Getting your energy back so that you feel as awake and energised as you'd like isn’t as simple as eating superfoods or taking the ‘right’ supplement.

If only!

If the fundamental issue is that you’re doing too much, too often, without ever replenishing your energy, no amount of beating yourself up or adding extra activities will make a difference.

I know that can be hard to hear. But it's true.

Making time to rest, play and enjoy yourself is critical. And if you’re slipping into burnout, that might take more of an adjustment than your inner Superwoman would like. Think reducing what you're committed to, or letting yourself off the hook for not doing everything on your list to 100% of your ability, 100% of the time.

This is an aspect of 'self care' that's often glossed over when we think only about adding to our plate (more yoga! more sleep!) and don't consider what we'll need to take away in order to make space for that. But getting honest about your expectations, your commitments and your own capacity is really important.

If you’d like support with this, working with a coach can be a great place to start.

And when it is time to make a change, bear in mind the second vital step.

#2 Start with what feels good

When we think about changing our habits, it’s really tempting to begin with a list of what we’re not going to do. No more carbs, no screens in bed, no working late…. When you’re desperate to stop feeling so sluggish, those hard and fast rules can feel really seductive.

The trouble is, over the long term that motivation often fizzles out. As soon as you start to see a slight improvement that ‘I’ll do anything not to feel this way’ feeling slips away. Before you know it, you’re back at square one.

So, as you review your energy journal, try to focus on times when you did feel energised instead of focusing on when you were most exhausted.

  • Was it when you’d got a proper 8 hours sleep?
  • After a weekend catching up with old friends?
  • Or the day you went outside for a walk at lunch instead of eating at your desk?

Try to connect to how you felt in those moments when you were at your best. What words would you use -- energised, vital, spacious, free, playful…?

When you shift your motivation to the way you’d LOVE to feel, and take steps to get more of that into your life, the momentum you can generate is astonishing.

Feeling good can start to become addictive, and with every boost you get you’ll feel more inspired to keep going.

#3 Take it one step at a time

When you start making changes, it’s important to go slow and steady. Remember step one? Approaching the shifts you make with that spirit of research and experimentation means making a change that feels good, and then observing it.

Maybe an earlier bedtime does the trick, and you find yourself thrilled by how awake and energised you feel in the morning.

Maybe choosing soft drinks over wine has you reconnected to the sparkle that was missing, or having a conversation with your team about the ‘presenteeism’ in your industry takes a weight off.

With every change you make, take notice of the effect it has -- and don’t be tempted to add in anything else straight away. Give yourself time to absorb the difference it’s making, and celebrate yourself for every small win along the way.

Know that things won’t happen all at once.

You’ll make mistakes, you’ll feel frustrated, you might even feel as though you’re going round in circles. And if you really don’t know where to begin, or feel that nothing you do has the effect you want, it might be time to get some support. If that’s the case we’d love to have a chat!

A frank (and free!) talk with one of the team can help you identify exactly what it is you need to focus on -- and whether one of our retreats, trainings or online programs could give you the support you need.

Click here to book a time to talk to one of the team about getting your energy back for good

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

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Filed Under: Energy, happiness, vitality Tagged With: energy management, vitality, wellbeing

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