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Guest post: 7 daily strategies to reduce overwhelm

By

Thea Jolly

Thea Jolly

In-house Coach at One of many
Thea is one of our Certified Coaches and part of the coaching team on our the Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.

Thea's mission is to help women feel at peace with themselves - because only then can they make their biggest and boldest contributions to their families, communities and the world.
Thea Jolly

Latest posts by Thea Jolly (see all)

This article is by Thea Jolly, one of our Certified Coaches and part of the coaching team on our Lead the Change and BePowerful Programmes.

Modern life is often busy, chaotic and overwhelming. If you struggle with a tendency to take on too much or hold yourself to impossibly high standards, you might well feel overwhelmed from time to time. Many of us live in our heads too much, doubting ourselves and ruminating on the bad stuff – what we’ve got to do, what we should have done, and how we wish things were different.

How to reduce overwhelm – day by day

In my Daily Drops of Calm video series I offer simple techniques that can bring some peace, calm and perspective to our daily lives at work and at home.

Here are seven simple practices that can quickly take you from frantic and frazzled to calm and centred.

1. Start your day in Peace

When my kids were very young, mornings could be difficult. It got to the point where I’d had enough of being woken up by a loud ‘Mum!’ in my ear, or worse, being hit on the head, and starting the day off in pain, engulfed by the fear reflex or just plain grouchy.

Toddlers get up very early – but I had to come up with a better way to start my day. I made a conscious choice to change my daily routine so that I could start my day in peace.

Sometimes, I’d set the alarm for 5.30 but mostly I was able to wake at 6 and have at least a few minutes to myself before one of them came padding in. And as my husband was commuting into London everyday he made me a cup of tea before he left at 6am. I could sit in bed, sip my tea and wake up in peace.

Some days I would only have a couple of minutes, but on other blissful mornings I would get to enjoy a whole hour to myself before I had to get up. It made a massive difference to how calm and in control I felt throughout the rest of the day.

Even now, when my kids are teenagers who sleep in for hours, I love that feeling of waking early and reading, meditating or journaling, and it seems to set the tone for the coming day.

Is there room in your schedule to allow yourself to wake up more gently, and do something just for you before the rest of the day’s activities begin?

2. Press the Pause Button

Do you have days when from the moment you get up to the moment you go to bed you feel busy, busy, busy and you don’t have a moment to yourself? What often happens is you go through the day on automatic pilot, responding and reacting to what’s happening to you in unconscious, and often reactive and unhelpful ways.

It doesn’t feel good does it?

I’ve found that getting into the habit of taking just five minutes from a busy day to stop and pause really helps me.

Try this by giving yourself a few minutes with a cup of tea – preferably outside, or by a window – to press the pause button and be still.

Let your thoughts wonder lightly without getting caught up in any particular train of thought.

Let the worries go and be still in that moment.

Notice what you see and what you hear and allow yourself to step back into the present, in your senses, into yourself.

It’s like a drop of calm in a busy day and instead of taking a precious five minutes away from you, it gives you the sense of having more time, energy and control than beforehand.

3. Your thoughts are not true!

Do you go about your day believing everything you think? Do you take everything you say as the gospel truth? I used to – before I realised that thoughts are often automatic and just because they are in my head doesn’t mean they are true.

Learning to notice and label your thoughts is extremely powerful. For example, when you next notice that you are feeling stressed or upset, stop and pause. Tell yourself that what you are thinking is just a thought and it’s not true. Start questioning and standing back from your thoughts instead of taking them to be the gilt-edged truth.

When my children were younger I used to get irritated when they messed around at the table because I thought that it would inevitably lead to an argument or get out of control. When I realised that this thought was not true, it was just one of many possible interpretations, I could choose whether to listen to it or not. OK, I’m not saying it’s always easy, and it’s a practice that builds into a habit over time.

In this case, I decided to label it as my ‘messing-around-always-leads-to-arguments’ story and when it triggered me I took responsibility for that triggering.

I could choose to walk away, soothe myself with deep breathing, and sometimes even join in the silliness!

I know that when these thoughts are attached to strong emotions, they feel completely true and it’s hard to disbelieve them, but they are only one interpretation of what’s going on.

You can decide whether they are helpful or not and whether you are going to heed them.

4. Stop “Shoulding” yourself.

It’s time to eliminate the word should from your vocabulary. Many of us use it all the time, piling unhelpful pressure and guilt upon our shoulders. How often do you say: I should, I must, I have to, I need to as you go about your day?

And how does that make you feel? Do you spring into action joyfully? Probably not.

What if you used the word ‘could’ instead?

I could make those phone calls now. I could visit my mother. I could finish this document today.

Notice how much lighter this feels, and how much more likely you are to do The Thing when you are using could instead of should.

So, next time you are feeling stressed or fearful notice the words you are using. Stop shoulding yourself and start coulding yourself instead.

5. What do you need right now?

When you are rushing around, dealing with the demands of life, do you put other people’s needs before your own? At work, at home, or with your family and friends?

This drop of calm is to stop and ask the question, what does my body need right now?

Do you need more sleep, a glass of water, do you need to get outside in the fresh air?

Do you need to stand up and move away from your desk for a few minutes before getting back to work? Do you need to get an eye test? Do you need an evening on the sofa with your partner or kids to watch your favourite box set? Or do you need some alone time?

Get into the habit of asking yourself: What do I need right now? What does my body, my soul, my mind need right now? And if you listen carefully, you might be surprised by the answer.

Learning to tune into yourself and your body like this means you are able to manage your energy far more effectively. Managing our energy helps us deal with all the day to day activities and demands with more patience, resilience and balance. What’s not to like about that?

6. Experiment with Trust

Many women grow up deciding that to be safe, get stuff done and be approved of, they need to be in control of themselves, the world around them, and even other people. We become control freaks, needing to micro-manage everything to make sure that things run smoothly. This awareness of what’s going on around us, this hypervigilance to what needs doing, what we need to control is a big drain on our energy. Can you relate to this?

Furthermore, when things don’t go the way we wanted or planned, we get anxious, stressed and sometimes downright stroppy. We end up acting in reactive ways that we later regret.

Instead we could start believing that everything is going to be OK. I know this is a massive change for many of us, because our whole belief system that needs to shift. But we can start with five minutes at a time and slowly bring back a sense of trust and faith in ourselves. And ironically, this very letting go of control, gives us a different, but I would argue, more powerful sense of being in control. (You’ll have to believe me until you’ve tried it a few times!)

To experiment with trust, take a deep breath and let go of your need to be in control. Ask yourself: “What if, in the next five minutes I could trust that everything is going to be OK?”

Breathe and trust that you have the competencies, skills, courage and resources to deal with whatever comes up.

You are just one person with one of many interpretations of the best way to do something, and in reality you don’t always know best.

  • Sometimes the chaotic way children do things, brings about a more positive result (if we let them).
  • Sometimes trusting that a lastminute.com colleague really can get that task done on time without your direction will bring positive results that you hadn’t even considered.
  • Sometimes, letting go of the responsibility for everything means you can focus on what’s most important. It could be life-changing.

Go on, give it a try, and start with just five minutes a day.

7. What did you do well today?

As humans we tend to focus on the negative. It’s what has kept us safe for so long; scientists call it the negativity bias. To counter this, a good habit to get into is to take a couple of moments to really appreciate what you did well today.

Alongside all the ‘shitty stuff’ that you want to change, there are many little things, and a few very big things that you’ve done well today.

  • Have you kept your children alive?
  • Did you take time to speak to a colleague when he was upset?
  • Did you pay that bill on time?
  • Did you smile at a stranger?
  • Did you drive your children to school, or ask about their day?
  • Did you move over when you heard the police car siren?

I know life is not all gold stars and awards, but we have stopped noticing all the important daily things that we do well.

Next time you tie your shoelaces notice how fast, nimble and amazing your fingers are.

Next time you go to bed feeling like you’ve failed your children go through the day and count all the ways you’ve loved and supported them. Yes, you may have done some things or not done some things which make you feel bad, but that number will be far less than all the good stuff.

Trust me on this.

If I could visit you in your head I would be able list over 100 things you’ve done well today and there will only be about five that we could call ‘negative’. Stop focusing on the five negative ones and savour all the other things you are doing.

All these ideas take less than five minutes a day, and by experimenting with them you can find out which work best for you. With practice they could become powerful tools for a calmer, happier and more fruitful life.

Want more daily drops of calm?

Thea Jolly is one of our Certified Women’s Coaches, and is an in-house coach on our Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.

For more daily drops of calm, and to find out when Thea releases her weekly video, click here to visit and like her Perfectionism Coach page on Facebook.

Subscribe directly to her You Tube channel by clicking here.

Or to find out more about Thea, click here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to avoid spreading yourself too thin

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

You know when, mid-shower, you realize you left shampoo off the shopping list again – so you try to convince yourself a mouse-sized amount of over-diluted product is going to get you through another wash? So many women find ourselves doing exactly that with our time and energy. We water ourselves down until there’s barely anything left to go around, whilst pretending we’re totally on top of it all. It’s exhausting. So today I want to invite you to join me at my kitchen table, so I can share a nifty distinction I’ve found when it comes to knowing how to avoid spreading yourself too thin.

Why knowing how to avoid spreading yourself too thin matters

The shampoo thing is actually a pretty apt example here. Because when you’re trying to take care of everyone else’s needs – your boss, your neighbour, your mum, your best friend, the friend you’re not actually that close to but who always seems to be popping up on messenger with an urgent request for your take on her latest drama… it’s often your own that suffer most.

It might be that you just don’t have a spare minute to sort out your basic needs: making sure your groceries are stocked up, and your space is organised, rather than being a dumping ground for tasks you haven’t got around to.

Maybe you find yourself skipping your lunch break to help a colleague with the deadline they’re about to miss. Sacrificing a gym session because you’re being “mum taxi” at the last minute. Or staying up past midnight organizing finances for the community association, because they just “don’t know what they’d do without you”.

The cost of “I’m too busy”

When you’re spread too thin, lots of little sacrifices made over time can gradually end up. You might find yourself feeling frazzled, forgetful and exhausted. Your executive function starts to suffer, as you juggle multiple deadlines and demands. And eventually, that stress can take a more serious toll – burnout, exhaustion, and a feeling of chronic overwhelm.

So whether you can’t remember what life was like when you weren’t overcommitted, or could just do with a refresher on how to set clear boundaries, take 5 minutes now to watch this:

Need a little more support?

If you know that taking on too much is a real challenge right now, you might want to take a look at BeFruitful. It’s our much-loved online time and energy management program designed specifically for busy women. It’ll show you how to free up 5 hours a week, minimum, whilst actually making you more effective. And setting clear boundaries is just one of the topics we cover in the easy bite-sized modules, to help you get to the root of your busy-ness as well as learning the practical tools to handle it.

Click here to find out more about the course, and enrol.

Who’s at your table?

If today’s video was helpful, I’d love to know how you’ve created better boundaries in your life. Share your tips below so we can help each other take care of our needs as well as those of everyone else.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to motivate yourself to exercise

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

You already know what you need to do to stay healthy. Eat your greens, move your body, get enough sleep… And yet, so many of us find ourselves lapsing when it comes to taking care of our bodies. Today I want to share a simple mindset technique for how to motivate yourself to exercise, change your diet, or embrace whatever healthy habit is top of your list.

The most effective way to make change

Karen, one of the ladies in our community, asked a great question in our Facebook Group. She wanted to know the group’s tips on finding ‘towards motivation’ when it comes to health.

If you’re not familiar with the distinction, ‘towards’ motivation is a way to describe something that inspires you to take steps in the direction of a specific goal.

For example, if you’re stopping smoking you might be motivated by:

  • Being a great example of healthy living for my kids
  • Enjoying extra energy and good health
  • Treating myself to a monthly massage with your extra cash

It’s different from ‘away’ motivation, which focuses on what you’re leaving behind. In the above example, that would be:

  • No longer being a bad role model to my kids
  • Getting rid of that persistent cough and continual feeling of tiredness
  • Stopping wasting money on cigarettes

You can see the difference, right?

Among other things, “away” motivation tends to wear off once you’ve taken the first steps. (When your cough is gone, that’s no longer driving you forward.)

Whereas, ‘towards’ motivation tends to build and strengthen as time goes on, making the change more likely to stick.

Why motivation to get healthy is hard

Now, health can be a particularly tricky area to find our “towards” motivation for, partly because of the huge role our media culture plays in our relationship to our bodies.

For example, in a 2016 study by Dove, researchers found that one out of every two Australian women reported feeling worse about themselves after looking at images of attractive women in magazines.

When we’re often encouraged to compare ourselves to unattainable physical standards, it’s natural for us to start to frame our healthy choices in negative ways.

“I need to lose weight round my middle.”

“I hate how my arms look in sleeveless dresses.”

“I wish I could stop eating so much junk food.”

This kind of self-talk breaks my heart. It adds to the countless ways women often blame, criticise and find fault with ourselves. What’s more, it often does very little to motivate us to make change.

After all, who’d want to show up for an exercise class with a sharp-tongued drill sergeant, constantly pointing out your perceived faults and shortcomings? (OK, I know the brutal bootcamp thing works for some people – but most of us could do with a bit more support, right?)

How to motivate yourself without criticism

So, when Karen reached out for help finding ‘towards’ motivation when it came to her health she was absolutely on the right track.

As always happens, when someone in our tribe reaches out for help, the women around her rally.

And the responses to this question were brilliant examples of the different ways we each find our own ways to thrive.

Here are 5 that might help you. As you read through each one, think about how this might apply to you right now, today, or this week. How could they support you to feel great about making positive choices when it comes to your health?

1. Focus on the present – not the future

It’s easy to get hung up on future outcomes when it comes to things like doing exercise or eating healthily. But what about how good they feel in the present? Enjoying delicious food, having fun playing frisbee in the park or letting yourself relax into a yoga class – these moments can be their own reward. The clear-headed feeling you get after going out for a brisk walk or the emotional release of a high-energy workout are worth savouring in themselves.

What activities leave you feeling great? How can you build more of them into your life?

2. When you’re healthy, you can give your best

If you’re a leader aiming to make a difference, you’ll be at your most effective when you’re feeling physically fit. That might mean balancing your mood to enable you to lead your team through challenges; making sure you’re really able to make the most of your time; or just having the energy to approach your mission with a positive mindset.

What’s the contribution only you can make, and how will being in full health support that?

3. Taking care of your body is a form of gratitude

However badly we treat our bodies, or unkindly we think about them, they are astonishing, complex, beautiful systems. Every day of your life your heart’s been pumping blood around your body. Your brain’s been absorbing and processing information. Your digestive system has been turning food into incredible cellular chemistry, giving you the energy to keep going; your organs have been processing and integrating a vast array of processes.

How can you show your incredible body how much you value and appreciate it?

4. Living longer means more fun, impact, fulfillment…

Staying healthy is more likely to result in a longer, happier life. If you have kids, they’re often a strong motivator. Who doesn’t want to get to know the amazing grownups we’re helping to emerge? Then there are the sunsets to watch, changes to witness, projects to bring to fruition… not to mention gorgeous dinners, earth-shattering orgasms, fascinating conversations…

What do you want to experience more of in the years to come? How can your choices today contribute to even more of them?

5. Enjoy the benefits of good health

When we focus on things like ‘losing weight’ or ‘looking better’ we often miss out on the real tangible experience of good health. Things like feeling grace and ease when you do things; the sense of confidence and vitality that comes when you’re on top form, or knowing that you’re nourishing and taking care of yourself. These things have nothing to do with your physical ability, the numbers on a scale, or what you see on the outside.

What does true health and vitality mean for you? How does it feel, and what does it allow you to do?

Thriving women make powerful leaders

Supporting women to feel true vitality is an important part of how we equip female leaders to make a difference. If you’d like to have a chat to one of our team about the kind of support we offer, click here to arrange a time to talk.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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When you can’t express emotions easily

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

If you’re someone everyone relies on, you probably know what it’s like to keep your emotions in check. Team blowing up and a big deadline to meet? Time to smooth things over and play the diplomat. Partner furious that you’re working through the weekend yet again? Swallow your frustration and reassure them you’re not going to make a habit of it. But when you can’t express emotions at all, it can start to have a real impact on your capabilities.

Today I want to explore why that might be – andshare some ideas of what you can do about it.

Holding back emotions is common, especially for women

We often have good reasons for developing a habit of keeping our true feelings back.

Unfortunately, research shows that women can be judged more harshly for expressing themselves emotionally than men. In one Harvard study, researchers found that

“Women’s expressions of anger – because they run counter to social expectations – can decrease rather than increase women’s status and perceived competence. Displays of anger from men are often viewed as a response to external circumstances, (i.e. they were provoked), while displays of anger by women are more likely to be seen as an internal trait (i.e. she is an angry person)…

In evaluating job candidates, study participants conferred higher status on angry men than on sad men; higher status on angry men than angry women; and higher status on sad women than angry women.” – Brescoll and Uhlmann, Can an Angry Woman Get Ahead?: Status Conferral, Gender, and Expression of Emotion in the Workplace, 2008

So anger in particular is an emotion we’re often taught or expected to repress.

But any emotion, when held back, can become something that blocks us from accessing all of our potential.

In the words of One of many head coach Annie Stoker,

“Emotions don’t cause us problems, but avoiding them does”

Annie talks about ‘emotional allergies’. These are the uncomfortable emotions we try to avoid at all costs, to the point where doing so actually begins to impact our lives.

If anger is that emotion for you, you might find yourself bending over backwards to please people – and even putting up with behaviour that’s unacceptable – in order to avoid an argument.

If you’re driven by avoiding feelings of shame, you might steer clear of any kind of vulnerability. But avoiding opening up to anyone cuts you off from deeper, and ultimately more fulfilling intimacy.

These emotional allergies can run many of our behaviours – and therefore results – without us knowing about them. They can also result in what feels like uncontrolled explosions, when tiny triggers release the full flood of dammed up emotion.

Perhaps you’ve held back your fury at the systemic issues you’re seeing at work, but find yourself blowing up at your kids when you get home.

It’s therefore important to know how to release your emotions when they arise to allow you to fully process your reactions to our daily life.

Making space to express your emotions is vital

But what happens when you can’t express your emotions, even when you’re consciously trying to let them out?

Perhaps you’re making a real effort to unlock some of the anger you’ve been bottling up, and yet trying to journal about it leaves a blank page.

In our Facebook community, this question’s arisen on more than one occasion. It’s common for so many of us, it seems – we’re the “safe pair of hands”, the person who’s relied on to keep it together and deliver. So stepping out of that mindset and really allowing ourselves to get to the root of our feelings is a challenge.

Within our community, there’s a wealth of wisdom and experiences when it comes to ways to tap into those feelings and release them in a way that’s effective.

Here are some suggestions for practical approaches to releasing emotions.

What to try when you can’t express emotions

It’s important to note that releasing pent up emotion can be a vulnerable process. Depending on your experience, you might have detached from certain feelings as a defence mechanism, and you may need professional support to reconnect to them in a safe way.

If you feel that you need some extra help, do ring the office and we can help signpost you to what might be appropriate.

But if you’re confident that letting go of a feeling you’ve been holding back is something you’re ready to do, these approaches from the community might be just what you need.

Lisa suggested that expressing emotions in stages can be helpful. So if you’re struggling to express anger, you could try connecting to “disappointment”, “irritation” or “frustration” in the first instance.

“I do a fair amount of emotional release and here’s what I find: Once you release the first layer, the unconscious mind feels safe to bring up the deeper (less conscious) stuff. So sometimes you need to do it in stages.

I also find that women tend to “code” anger as hurt and men tend to code hurt as anger. So if a woman tells me she was hurt, I suspect she was also angry. if a man tells me he was angry, I suspect he was also hurt. It’s just conditioning, and as all negative emotions are essentially the same thing (resistance to love) it makes absolutely ZERO difference what the label you put on it is.

My experience is that if you’re releasing negative emotions, you’re releasing them no matter what they’re called. ” – Lisa Turner, Psycademy

Ana Goncalves had some specific advice around expressing anger, involving getting back to your physical body.

“A tip for when you feel irritated is to punch some pillows, that helps with emotional release. Or you can find a quiet spot, or put some loud music on and scream.

Accessing your anger is actually one of the best ways to connect to your power, especially if you have repressed it. I was too scared to express it, but upon doing so (as it got to a point where I needed to express or I was going to go crazy) I felt in charge and in my power and much more true with my emotions.”

And Elizabeth Calderara, a One of many certified coach, uses the Zen Letters approach to help unlock emotions through writing.

“I find it helps if you follow no rules, no grammar, no punctuation. No constraints – even just writing one word about that person’s behaviour over and over again will often unblock the stream of anger and pain in words which will then become sentences. Talk whilst you are writing at the same time.

If your voice has been stifled this is a great way of getting that person hear your truth, and you too. For me, I explain the burning of the letter as a practical way of shedding the past. Everything that exists is energy. You don’t need to keep the energy of that feeling, that person, that experience with you in your home.” – Elizabeth Calderara

How about you?

Do you find expressing emotions challenging, and do you recognise any “emotional allergies” that have evolved in your life? Share in the comments below – it could make all the difference to another woman reading this to know she’s not alone.

And if you’d like some support around exploring what might be blocked for you, do consider working with a coach. You can search by region and area of expertise in the One of many coach directory by clicking here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What procrastination means

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

We’ve all been there. There’s a massive deadline looming, or a really important task to do. And you’re on Facebook. Or tackling a bunch of waaay less important things. Rearranging your desk drawer… watching Netflix… we’ve all got our particular habits, but one thing is certain. You’re not doing the one thing you know you should be. Today I want to talk about the meaning behind that. Here’s what procrastination means – and what you can do when it strikes.

What procrastination means

Let’s first get one thing clear, because an awful lot of us have an inner voice that can be, shall we say, less than kind.

I’m willing to bet good money that you’re NOT procrastinating for any of the following reasons, which may or may not have popped into your head:

  • You’re lazy
  • You’re incompetent
  • You’re destined to fail

Written out like that they look pretty ridiculous, huh?

But so many of us actually use that kind of language to berate ourselves, when we find ourselves stuck in procrastination mode.

When the fact is, almost all of us procrastinate. We’re not robots, right? Some of the most capable, competent women I know put things off from time to time. I know I do. So let’s stop for a minute and think about procrastination from another vantage point.

What if procrastination is a sign?

Procrastination – putting things off – is almost always a sign that something needs attention. Think of it as the equivalent of an ache in your back or a twinge in your wrist. It’s discomfort, albeit of a mental kind, that’s trying to tell you something.

Here are 3 things it might be.

1. Procrastination might mean you’re tired

The #1 reason for procrastination is that you simply don’t have the energy for the task you’re attempting to do. You’re pushing through, maybe even getting into  Superwoman mode, and the result is that your brain’s shutdown.

There’s a reason that Soft Power Principle #1 is this: First, replenish your energy.

When your bum’s numb and your brain’s fried from sitting in front of a screen for six hours solid… and yet you’re still expecting yourself to pull a razor-sharp strategic report out of the bag? Honey, it ain’t gonna happen.

Do yourself a favour.

Have a big glass of water and get out in the fresh air for fifteen minutes – you’ll notice a world of difference when you come back.

Or perhaps you need a different energy boost.

  • A good night’s sleep – is there any way you can start the task you’re tackling again first thing in the morning?
  • Some decent food? (The nearest vending machine or your secret-from-the-kids snack drawer doesn’t count)
  • A blast of your favourite energy-pumping tunes – if you don’t have one, ask the BeOne community to tell you theirs!

But sometimes, replenishing takes more.

I don’t have to tell you that getting your mojo back isn’t always as simple as grabbing some rest or getting a snack.

And here’s where it’s so important to think about your procrastination not as a vice or a weakness, but as a signal that’s trying to tell you something.

If you’ve handled your immediate needs, but you’re still not in your flow, it’s time to dig a little deeper.

2. Procrastination might mean you’re overwhelmed

Sometimes, we procrastinate between tasks because there’s simply too much on our plate. Juggling is one thing, but if you’ve been overloaded for a long time, or you’re in a crisis state where there simply aren’t enough hours in the day, you can find yourself in overwhelm.

It might be that you’re swept up fighting fires while simultaneously fretting about all the really important stuff that’s being dropped.

The outcome is that you begin to lose executive function. It feels impossible to choose. The longer you flounder, the worse it all gets.

When it’s all urgent, nothing is, right? And so you flit from task to task or even find yourself lost in distractions, unable to focus on what matters.

Luckily, we have a tool for just that scenario.

It’s called the Overwhelm First Aid Kit and it does exactly what it says on the tin.

It’ll help you stop, slow down, and walk you step by step through the decisions you need to make to get back on top.

Click here to grab your copy now.

3. Procrastination might mean you’re afraid

This last one is a sneaky one, because when you have high standards you naturally care about doing a good job. But left unchecked, that desire to achieve competence can translate into an inability to make headway.

Simply put, you’re worried about getting it wrong, and that’s halting you from even taking the first step. A great exercise to beat that is what our Head Coach Annie Stoker calls “Future Pacing”.

What we mean is, imagine the worst case scenario for what you’re afraid of. If you’re stalling on starting to write your book because you’re not sure that it’s going to be great then imagine your published book in your hand, and you’re finding typos in it or changing your mind about some of the content.

Go through and imagine all the imperfect things that could actually happen and then ask yourself “Really, is that going to be enough to not do it?”

I think about that and I go “Okay, there’s a spelling mistake in there. Well, I’ll just make sure it’s changed for the next re-run.”

It might sound counter-intuitive, but getting OK with the worse that could happen can be a really comforting thing. After all, it’s rare that you’ll actually come to physical harm from the action you’re putting off.

Still procrastinating?

These 3 enquiries are great places to start when thinking about what procrastination means. But there are lots of other things you can do to tackle it, and ultimately prevent it from happening, in the long term.

We share a deeper perspective on procrastination as well as more ideas and tips on planning sustainably (so you don’t find yourself procrastinating to start with!) in Module 6 of BeFruitful.

It’s a 6-week online time and energy management training designed for women, to help you be more effective without burning out.

You can find out all about it here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How the Women’s PowerTypes can be useful in daily life

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

The Women’s PowerTypes™ are 5 archetypes that guide us to access our power as female leaders. You might have read inspiring stories of women like Carol, who used them to manage an international NATO workshop. Or seen other women in our community sharing big projects and impressive wins. But what about the day to day stresses and struggles? Today we’re celebrating how the Women’s PowerTypes can be useful in daily life. Because sometimes, it’s handling the smallest tasks that can allow you to shine when it comes to the big stuff.

Leadership comes in all forms. At One of many our mission is to empower one million grassroots women leaders. In other words, you don’t have to be a corporate executive, a politician, or a business owner to be able to step up and have an impact, without burning out.

Perhaps you’re a leader in your family, community, or within a team of equally dedicated, sometimes-a-bit-frazzled women.

Grassroots leaders are powerful change agents

That kind of leadership still means you can make a difference.

It still means having great leadership skills up your sleeve can have an impact on what you’re able to achieve.

And sometimes, quite frankly, the biggest leadership battle we all face is with ourselves. Staying motivated; adapting and going with the flow whatever it is we’re doing; and allowing ourselves to have a bit of fun while we do it. 

So today I want to share a fun example of how the Women’s PowerTypes can help you be happier, more effective and more fulfilled at every end of the spectrum.

From world changing events to the most mundane of tasks – knowing that you have these different ways of being at your fingertips can transform every day of your life.

How the Women’s PowerTypes can be useful in daily life

A while back Sara popped into the Facebook group to celebrate the way the PowerTypes supported her during a mammoth day of cleaning and decluttering at home.

Sounds like it could be a recipe for boredom and exhaustion, right?

Well, here’s how the PowerTypes helped her out:

Sara wrote:

“Changing seasons always gives me a spurt of ‘tidying’ energy. So as we head into autumn, I’m having a cleaning and clearing kind of day in full blown Mother PowerType.

Clearing out handbags of all the ticket stubs, old pens and half empty packets of painkillers that collect in the bottoms. Clearing kitchen cupboards of food past its use by date and emptying my wardrobe of clothes and shoes that I’ll never wear again. Emptying the last of the boxes from my storage unit. Tidying and sorting the ‘odds and sods’ drawers.

Marigolds and bin bags and polish. Oh my!”

The Mother

The Mother, as you might imagine, has a powerful nurturing quality. When we connect to our Mother PowerType we’re not thinking of our own children (you might not have them – you can still access Mother).

What we’re connecting to are those wonderfully accepting, nurturing qualities that typify a truly caring, warm and devoted Mother.

And Mother cares deeply about the wellbeing of those in her care. So it’s natural that Sara’s urge to clear and sort might come from that place of deep nurture – for herself, for her home, and for the possessions and objects that fill it.

In the workplace, Mother energy supports those around you to feel safe and secure. She’s a wonderful PowerType to help bring out the unique contributions of everyone and to make sure they feel able to express themselves.

But Mother alone, when over-expressed, can sometimes become less than helpful.

At worst she can tip into “Martyr” – sacrificing herself for the needs of others.

So Sara wisely decided to introduce the beautiful balancing energy of The Warrioress.

The Warrioress

“Still in my PJs – Warrioress and I decided that was much more fun than getting dressed. She’s also selected the accompanying music. Everything is easier with the One of many dynamic dance playlist blaring out!”

Warrioress is the perfect PowerType for tackling a big physical job like cleaning. High-energy and focused, she brings enthusiasm, bags of energy and the will to make even the seemingly impossible happen. She also knows how to have a good time while she does it!

If you’ve got kids, Warrioress is often the part of you who thrives on rough and tumble play – getting a bit silly and letting your hair down. (She can be a lot of fun in the bedroom, too… ;-))

Blasting through house cleaning with music sounds like a lot of fun. And it’s pretty much an open secret that getting rid of things you don’t need and creating a bit more space for living can have a pretty great impact on our mental and emotional state too.

(Does you also like to have a really good clear out when you’re stuck on a project or needing to shift some “mental furniture?”)

So I love that Sara also allowed herself to use Sorceress in her day.

The Sorceress

Sorceress is the PowerType we use to connect to our intuition. The Universe, God, Goddess, Allah, Source… whatever your name is for the “bigger picture” beyond our thinking comprehension, she is it.

In leadership terms, cultivating your connection to Sorceress can allow you to access that hard-to-define quality that helps you navigate the toughest challenges. She can fuel your inner calm and certainty when things get rocky or find inexplicable ways to solve what seem like insurmountable challenges.

Even just 5 minutes in a hectic day can help connect you to Sorceress and open up space for some of the unplannable to come in. So Sara decided to consciously make some space later in the day to access that PowerType and see what might come up.

“Sorceress feels more able to manifest and is planning a smudging and blessing ritual for later.”

And as my house is getting tidier and the energy is getting clearer – I am getting muckier so Lover is looking forward to a long soak in the bath when I’m done.”

The Lover

The Lover, it probably goes without saying, is the part of you that enjoys sensual, beautiful experiences. When it comes to making your space great, connecting and delighting in good company, she’s a great one to invite in.

She’s definitely one to access at bathtime – where she’ll encourage you to go all out with candles and the posh bubble bath you’ve been “saving”.

She also plays an important role in preventing you from overwhelm and burnout. Many of us struggle to prioritise self-care and rest, so having access to The Lover ensures you don’t skip the vital work of taking care of yourself. And actually enjoying all of your achievements, along with those you care most about.

The Queen

The last of the 5 PowerTypes is The Queen. For many women, she’s one of the most compelling PowerTypes because of the ability she has to wield power, make decisions and set boundaries – without losing any of her grace or femininity. For Sara, Queen is

“Holding the vision of what my home could and should be. A place of welcome, comfort and sanctuary for me and for those within my realm that I choose to invite into this space.”

The Women’s PowerTypes help you lead powerfully in any situation

Needless to say, the PowerTypes can be used to achieve an awful lot more than cleaning your house. Sara’s a One of many Certified Trainer, a Mastercoach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. She co-founded Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency and is founder of Actually, empowering changemakers to use the power of great communications and campaigns to inspire action.

But having a big impact starts when you get really fluent in making the everyday shifts in your state. To keep you focused, flexible and supremely well resourced when it comes to the task at hand.

Want to get to know the PowerTypes better?

Whether you’re ready to change the world or would just love to be able to sail through day to day tasks without losing your marbles, we’ve got all the tools you need.

BePowerful is our 12 week online training that allows you to get in touch with each of the PowerTypes and apply them in your life. Using a blend of audios and meditations, video lessons and downloadable worksheets – as well as our incredibly supportive private Facebook Group – you’ll discover how the PowerTypes can help you have a bigger impact in your world.

Find out all the details here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest post: How to stop judgmental thoughts

By

Susie Heath

Susie Heath

One of many master coach and trainer Susie Heath is an expert in love and intimacy and an internationally acclaimed author and speaker. She has been a buyer for Marks and Spencer, a shoe designer, a horticulturist featured at the Chelsea Flower Show and more.

Now, as a coach and trainer she has has worked personally with hundreds of men and women, helping them reawaken their authentic selves with her profound coaching and movement workshops.
Susie Heath

Latest posts by Susie Heath (see all)

Competent women all too often feel we have to supervise everything; that it’s up to us to decide if something or someone is up to scratch or not. This urge to control is often born from a deeper fear of getting things wrong. And very often it doesn’t help us – which is why knowing how to stop judgmental thoughts is such an important skill to learn.

Where judgment comes from

Did you know that most of our thoughts, feelings, and choices don’t actually belong to us? They are “borrowed” from other people, taught to us and conditioned, mostly before the age of 2. We grow up looking at the world and our relationships through these conditioned reactions.

Judgment, tolerance and acceptance put massive limitations around the possibilities in our own lives and in our relationships. Because they are all ways of closing down potential.

Judgment in relationships

We judge our own sex as well as the opposite sex, and we carry with us deep-rooted cultural judgments of each other.

For women, there is the unspoken historical accusation of tempting man away from his connection with God. Laughable though this may seem in our modern age, it is deeply imprinted in our cellular memory. And of course there are all the other damaging stereotypes and assumptions that have been used to oppress and stifle women’s freedom and power.

Men carry deep guilt too. They have been taught that nothing good came from man, only from woman; that they are bad not only for having suppressed women, but also for putting them through the pain and suffering of childbirth. At an unconscious level, men often feel they have to heal and make up for all the damage done. That can show up as trying to solve problems – but also as resentment.

We each hold assumptions about the other sex which come out in our behaviour and verbally towards each other, as you will hear in many conversations.

So imagine how it would be to stop invalidating each other.

It’s time to stop devaluing yourself and let go of all these judgments – to look for the greatness in the other and in yourself, rather than the limitations.

How we judge ourselves

You will be amazed how many of us judge ourselves to be wrong much of the time, because we hide it so well.

For instance,

  • Some religions have taught us that we are born in sin, live in sin and that sex is sinful. When you judge this, you make your very existence wrong, and limit who you are.
  • We judge our body and our talents for not being enough
  • If someone else rejects us we make ourselves wrong, rather than acknowledging that it’s just their point of view.

Thus we walk around with the “wrongness” of us locked into every cell. Our sensuality feels like wrongness, and even our joy feels like wrongness as if we are supposed to be as sad as everyone else.

When we judge ourselves we have no option but to judge others. That’s because in order to judge anything, whether good or bad, we have to have been there and done it ourselves at some level, even if only in our imagination.

It’s the difference between “What’s that?” (excitement and curiosity) or “Ooh, gross” (judgment).

The habit here is to look for the wrongness of you – it’s one we’ve all been indoctrinated in from day 1. If you’ve not conformed, you are told you are wrong, and so in order to protect yourself, you automatically look for the wrongness in others.

Judgments and limitations stop us seeing the real person in front of us and create barriers between us; they are solid and unmoving. In judging, we buy into points of view that keep us trapped.

We lock definitions of ourselves into our body that we are too young, too old, too stupid, too pink, too blue, too different, but it’s all programming. We can’t receive goodness and kindness when we create these barriers.

The more you eliminate barriers, the more information falls into your consciousness, and awareness of everything increases, which makes life so much more interesting and exciting.

How many definitions have you locked into your body? Be willing to be the inspiration and start to see the beauty that you truly are.

So what’s the solution – more tolerance and acceptance?

A word on tolerance and acceptance: To tolerate someone’s behaviour is in itself judgmental and has an element of superiority about it, as if you are better than them. It is seeing the wrongness of someone and despite that, agreeing to put up with it.

Acceptance is a begrudging of someone and who they are, and neither of these have any heart in them.

So what can you do to turn this round? Are you willing to take a risk of being open to creating something far more dynamic, where you can choose with far greater awareness?

The risk of non-judgment

Choosing to question your judgmental thoughts can feel risky at first. In asking yourself whether your judgment of someone is necessary, you’re calling into question what you believe to be true.

But a risk is a very special opportunity to transform.

We can hold on so tightly to our own beliefs and “stuff” that there is no room for anything else; we get weak if we avoid taking risks and we lose energy.

Trusting someone is a risk, and there may be some disappointment. But you don’t have to give so much importance to disappointment.

The fact that you are alive and reading this means that you are far stronger than you think, and that you can support your mistakes in life.

So when would now be a good time to let go of all these limitations and jump out? It is far better to have 1000 disappointments than not take enough risks.

It’s time to stop creating yourself as the limited being you pretend to be and claim and own the magnificence of who you are.

How to stop judgmental thoughts

So let’s get practical here. Where can you start when it comes to stopping judgmental thoughts for good?

Just saying “I won’t think that any more” probably won’t help. Instead, the trick is to begin to change the script you’re habitually using.

Start by asking yourself more powerful questions. The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions you ask yourself.

When you ask questions such as “What has to happen to…?” or “Who do I need to become in order to change …?” your life will expand.

Life-contracting questions such as “Why?” produce life-contracting answers.

“Why can’t I find the right person to be with?” will bring out all sorts of negative answers – because you’re too old/too fat/too thin/too young/too intelligent/too stupid/ green/bald/short/tall.

In the same way, asking “Why can’t my boss make a sensible decision?” probably won’t be a fruitful line of questioning for you.

Using “What/ when/where/ who questions instead, encourage the unconscious mind to expand and awaken, to come up with new experiences to guide you into a new way of enjoying your life.

Living in the question is the only way to break free and allows the expression of who you really are and who the other person is.

In turn this creates depth, harmony, excitement, newness, a sense of wonder and awe.

“What has to happen for me to…?”
“How can I help create…”
“Where do I need to focus my attention right now?”
“How can I honor and nurture my body today?

Start looking for the greatness and the possibility, rather than the limitations, in yourself and others.

Living free from judgment

When we’re afraid of being judged, we try and stay invisible and not let others see how amazing we are. Of course, they then do the same.

Take the lid off the box and let yourself out. Give up the sadness and embody the joy.

Dare to let go of all the things you’ve pretended to be – it’s such a relief.

When you are in allowance of who the other person is, it takes away such a large amount of effort. It’s just a point of view – neither right nor wrong.

So if you take away judgment and decision, what is left? There is choice. You can choose moment by moment how you want to live and love.

Be at choice instead of decision.
Be in allowance instead of tolerance and acceptance.
Be in awareness rather than judgment.

It will change your life.

About Susie

Fashion Designer | Grandmother | Dancer

One of many master coach and trainer Susie Heath is an expert in love and intimacy and an internationally acclaimed author and speaker. She has been a buyer for Marks and Spencer, a shoe designer, a horticulturist featured at the Chelsea Flower Show and more.

Now, as a coach and trainer she has has worked personally with hundreds of men and women, helping them reawaken their authentic selves with her profound coaching and movement workshops.

 

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When you feel responsible for everything

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

As a child, did you ever imagine how fun it would be when you could “make all the rules”? When to go to bed (never!)… What to have for dinner (icecream!)… Who to allow in your special secret club (no boys!). Unfortunately, along with growing up comes the dawning realization that “making all the rules” isn’t as fun as it seemed when you were six years old. Here’s what to do when you feel responsible for everything.

When you feel responsible for everything

First things first, let’s get one thing clear: almost every successful woman I meet has struggled with some version of this. You might sometimes feel like you’re the only one who feels she’s responsible for everything – but trust me, you’re not alone.

From coaching team members to “managing upwards” and making sure your boss has all the information they need; keeping track of school holidays to knowing when the car insurance runs out (and finding the best deal); getting your daily steps in to keeping up on social media – there are countless areas that for one reason or another seem to end up on our plates.

And it has an impact.

In a VIP day with a client, she shared how frustrated she felt that she seemed to suddenly be responsible for everything. Her business was going really well – in fact, it was growing. But with success seemed to come an endless list of new responsibilities – tasks to follow up, people to take care of, relationships to nurture.

I could relate. As an oldest child, I’ve been feeling responsible for taking care of those around me ever since I can remember.

And having a partner doesn’t necesarily help lessen the burden.

Studies have shown that in heterosexual partnerships, women tend to take the lion’s share of the household management on top of their other responsibilities. (I read a recent piece of research which showed that women with male partners actually did more housework than single women – how’s that for some extra responsibility?!)

Here’s what to do when you feel responsible for everything

1. Get clear on what responsibility is (and what it isn’t…)

When I’m grappling with a concept in my life, the first thing I do is reach for the dictionary. The history of a word often contains valuable clues as to how we might be misinterpreting it through the lens of our current era.

The word “responsibility”, I discovered, has an original connotation of “being answerable to another for something”.

To be responsible for something, you need to be answerable to someone for it. Simply appreciating that level of specificity brings clarity about how to think about those things you’re responsible for.

Responsibility doesn’t mean “keeping everyone happy”. It means being answerable to someone.

So your responsibility for raising your kids requires you to be answerable to them.

It doesn’t mean your mum, your neighbour or someone on Facebook has any say in your parenting choices.

Responsibility for tending your relationship means you’re answerable to your partner.

So your best friend thinks you’re not getting enough sex? That’s their issue – if things between you and your honey feel good, no one else has a say in the matter.

It doesn’t mean that you have to actually do the thing yourself, either.

You might be answerable for bringing a batch of cakes to the charity bake sale – no one says you need to have baked them yourself from scratch that morning.

2. Recognise when your responsibility level is getting out of hand

If you’re anything like my client, or me, you probably have certain clues when you’re starting to feel your responsibilities as more of a weight than a privilege.

Maybe it’s starting to feel like you’re never any fun to be around. You’re like the class monitor, constantly checking up on things – have you done that? Did I forget this? And never able to let your hair down or relax.

We talk a lot about the Women’s PowerTypes here – the 5 models of female leadership that elicit powerful results without tipping us into burnout. But there are other, less powerful archetypes that come into play from time to time too.

When it comes to responsibility, here are a few to watch out for:

  • The martyr – sacrificing herself for everyone else’s good
  • The people-pleaser – her one goal is to get everyone to like her and approve of her
  • The caretaker – taking care of everyone else’s needs

Notice the thing all of these archetypes have in common? They’re all trying to do something for “everyone”.

And yet, we know that taking responsibility means quite the opposite – it means being answerable to “someone”.

If you notice yourself slipping into one of these archetypes, or beginning to feel that “everyone” is relying on you, stop. It’s time to take a look at what’s going on, and set some boundaries around what’s yours to deal with.

3. Do a “responsibility audit”

I promise this is way easier than the word “audit” sounds – and it’s a powerful way to let go of some of the stuff that really doesn’t need to be stealing your attention right now!

Start by making a list of everything you feel responsible for right now. Just go with whatever comes to mind, and give yourself time – it might be a long list!

Now, next to each item on the list, answer this question: Has someone actually asked you to take responsibility for this?

You might be surprised how many things you’ve “assumed” are your responsibility, without ever being asked.

Next, ask yourself “Do I WANT to be responsible for this?”. Be honest.

If you don’t, is there someone you could delegate to? Or perhaps a way to negotiate sharing responsibility?

Finally, note down who you’re answerable to for that particular area.

Try to write a specific name if you can. If the answer is something like “my team” or “my family”, that could be a clue that you’re taking on an extra area, or that there’s a discussion to be had with the people involved about how and why you answer for that.

Over to you

I’d love to know what your challenges around responsibility are.

Did you discover anything you could delegate?

Or perhaps doing the audit revealed something utterly crazy that you’d added to your list – and you’re ready to just let go of right away? Let us know in the comments!

And if you’d like more support with taking back control of your energy, take a look at BePowerful.

This 12 week program is a step-by-step, supportive way to transform how you approach the different areas of your life. It’s not about changing who you are, it’s about becoming MORE of who you are, and you can access it wherever you are in the world. Click here for full details.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to turn a bad mood around in 4 steps

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

Have you ever had one of those days where everything’s going great – you’re rocking and rolling through your to-do list, staying on top of things, looking forward to your plans for the evening and then – BAM – out of the blue something happens that makes it all fall apart? It’s moments like that you need to know how to turn a bad mood around, fast, and today I’m sharing 4 powerful ways to do just that.

It can be all kinds of things that can derail us, right? Maybe it’s a stinking email from a client with all kinds of complaints and niggles. You know that they’ve got their own stuff going on and you shouldn’t take it personally; you tell yourself that you’re a good person and you’re only trying your best… but you still want to curl up in a ball and cry.

It could be a bit of well-meaning feedback from your boss. You were expecting a quick once-over on the presentation; she’s given you chapter and verse on your shortcomings as a writer and you’re back in Year 9 English class, squirming with shame.

Or, if you’re a mum, it might be that your carefully prepared morning has gone out the window. There’s an unmentionable mess on the carpet, your toddler’s coated in cereal and climbing the walls, and you’re wondering when it’s your turn to go for a nap.

Sister, I’ve got you. Here’s how to banish the grumps and get yourself back on track.

How to get out of a bad mood: 4 ideas

In BePowerful, our 12-week coaching program that helps you get into a more empowered version of you, we call this “first aid”.

It’s the do-it-fast, catch it while it’s hot techniques you want to have up your sleeve to use right away, as soon as you start feeling that negative energy creeping in. 

A quick note here that a “bad mood”really can look different for everyone. We talk about 3 disempowering archetypes – Bitch, Martyr and Victim – and very often, when you start to feel yourself “sink” it’s into one of those.

So you might not be a screaming and shouting bitch. Perhaps you tend to slide into that victim mode where nothing you do is right and everyone’s always having a go at you… or you slap on a big fake smile and start going over and above what people ask you, proving to them what an incredible martyr you are…

Whatever your bad mood is like, these are the steps to take in the moment, right then and there.

1. Move your body

Changing your physical state might sound odd, but it really, really works. If you can get up and stretch at your desk, that will help – even better if you can jog briskly down the stairs and head out into the fresh air for 5 minutes.

Get your blood pumping, get some air into your lungs, and really try to move as much of your body as you can. Shaking is a brilliant way to release pent-up emotion, especially if something’s landed emotionally.

Get moving and move for as long as you can. Your mental state will respond.

2. Use the power of music

The second mood-lifter we swear by here at One of many is music. In fact, when we’re learning to integrate the 5 Women’s PowerTypes™ into our lives, we associate certain tracks with each one to allow us to really recall what that feels like in our bodies.

If you know your PowerTypes and have access to the music that connects you to them, now’s the time to use it! If not, think about the songs that best lift your state.

You might have a favourite track that gets you feeling energised and inspired; one which you associate with feeling safe and loved; or one that just puts a smile on your face.

It’s a great idea to have a mood-lifting playlist saved on your phone or computer, so that when you need to you can plug in your headphones and connect. (Unless you happen to work alone – or have some extremely understanding office mates!)

3. Question yourself

The Women’s PowerTypes are a quick way to tap into really powerful leadership archetypes, that all of us have access to. If you know your strongest PowerType, as well as the ones you tend to use least often, you have a really useful lens through which to view your situation.

For example, you might be aware that your Queen is your lowest PowerType. Perhaps that’s one reason why you often find yourself frustrated when people dont respect your boundaries.

Asking yourself the simple question “What would my Queen do in this situation?” can suddenly open up new possibilities.

4. Replenish your energy

This is point number 4 today, but if you’ve followed step one and moved your body you might well already have connected to some of your basic needs.

Did you stand up and realise with a shock that you’d been busting for the toilet for the past half hour? Or suddenly feel a wave of hunger crash over you and realise you hadn’t eaten a thing since breakfast?

It’s so common to find that you’re in need of some kind of replenishment when a bad mood strikes.

You might not be able to address it straight away (by heading back to bed, for example) but can you offer yourself a bit of love and recognition of what’s going on?

Is there some small action you can take to give yourself a boost right now?

Prevention is better than cure

These 4 steps are the tried and tested ones I use when I feel myself spiralling into rage or despair. But I trained as a doctor, and so if there’s one thing I believe in firmly it’s that taking steps to prevent emergencies are far more effective than any strategies we can use to stabilize things when they’ve already turned pear-shaped.

If you find yourself often slipping into a disempowered or difficult frame of mind, it may be that you’ve got bigger issues to address than a momentary bad mood.

BePowerful is a 12-week online coaching problem that supports you to step into your true power – and ditch those disempowering archetypes for good.

If you’re curious, you can read all about it and book in a call to find out more by clicking here. 

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: Is positive thinking good for you?

By

Annie Stoker

Annie Stoker

Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of many
Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK's most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Annie Stoker

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Positive thinking is everywhere! You can’t have a coffee, go on Facebook or buy a journal without seeing messages to “think positively” and “be happy”. In our modern culture of busyness, stress and overwhelm, staying positive has become ever more popular as a way to keep focused on what we want to achieve and how we want to feel. But is positive thinking good for you, or could it have hidden drawbacks? Here’s a take you might not have thought of – and some important aspects to watch out for.

How can positive thinking help?

Many people are familiar with the saying that we ‘create what we think about’, and from this perspective positive thinking makes sense.

  • When we focus on something positive, such as going for a promotion that we want with a constructive outlook, we will create pleasant feelings which will influence how we act in the interview.
  • If we tell ourselves that we will never get the promotion, are not good enough and that nothing good ever happens to us, then we are likely to create a negative mood which will cause us to show up as anything but our best in the interview.

In this way, what we tell ourselves has a very real impact on our experience and results. However, this is not the only effect of positive thinking. Sometimes it can have some downsides too!

3 downsides of positive thinking

1. It can lead us to ignore our instincts

If we constantly need to change our thoughts from negative to positive, we may be ignoring what those so-called negative thoughts are trying to tell us.

I have met quite a few ‘deluded optimists’ in my time, who insist on putting a positive spin on situations that are clearly really unpleasant or upsetting.

There is a wonderful book by the philosopher Voltaire called ‘Candide’ in which the hero is taught that ‘everything is the best in this best of all possible worlds’. He is told to keep seeing life this way even though life is throwing him disaster after disaster.

By not listening to our thoughts that tell us ‘this is not ok’ we can risk ignoring warnings that could actually help us.

2. It gives power to the negative thoughts

If we constantly need to change our thoughts from positive to negative, we don’t learn how to deal with thoughts as a whole. Think of it this way: The mind is a machine that churns out thoughts. Some are useful and many are not.

However, if we don’t learn how to interact with the mind in a more mindful way, then we are always believing the negative thoughts, not liking them and then needing to turn them into positive ones.

Mindfulness gives us the ability to neutrally observe all types of thoughts, so that we are less affected by their content and don’t automatically believe them, just because they are in our head.

Let’s face it, the mind will always churn out thoughts, so having to always change negative thoughts to positive is quite a task! Mindfulness allows us to accept thoughts just as ‘mental events’ rather than the truth. As such we can engage or disengage from individual thoughts at will which allows us a great degree of autonomy from the mind.

3. It drains your energy

As we discussed earlier, negative thoughts create negative emotions. Positive thoughts create positive emotions. So, therefore, I hear you say, we just need to keep thinking positive thoughts so that we will feel happy!

Well, it’s not quite that simple.

If we insist on thinking positively, we run the very real risk of avoiding the negative feelings inside us. These may be from the past, or from current events. You may think that is a good thing! But research shows that when we avoid or suppress any of our emotions, it has a significant effect in lowering our levels of wellbeing.

Emotions are designed to be felt and released. For example, crying releases oxytocin and endorphins in tears which helps you to feel better. Emotions don’t cause us problems, but avoiding them does. If we suppress our emotions, they don’t go away, but just create a backlog inside us.

This can cause us to be overreactive to small triggers, to develop addictions to substances that make us feel better and can eventually negatively impact our health.

It is therefore important to keep releasing our emotions when they arise so that we fully process our reactions to our daily life. Many of us also have a big backlog from past events that we didn’t process completely, often because we didn’t like the feelings we had. These can turn into what I call ‘emotional allergies’ which we will do anything to avoid. That can include avoiding relationships so that we don’t feel hurt, not going for a promotion so that we don’t feel rejected or not taking our business to the next level in case we feel failure. These emotional allergies can run many of our behaviours – and therefore results – without us knowing about them.

What emotional balance looks like

Developing emotional equity, on the other hand, allows us to feel and welcome all emotions equally. There aren’t actually any negative emotions. Only ones that we find comfortable and those that we find uncomfortable.

Mindfulness gives us the skills to allow, welcome and accept all our emotions with kindness and compassion towards ourselves. This can enable us to both clear the backlog from the past effectively and deal with emotions in the present much more easily.

So, in summary, yes – positive thinking helps us feel positive! But it can also sometimes cause us to either avoid reality as it is, or our emotions as they are.

Bringing mindful awareness to your external life and your internal experience can give you a sense of peace no matter what is going on.

About Annie Stoker

Psychotherapist. Author. Property Investor. Dog-Lover. Chilled-Out Friend.

Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK’s most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.