One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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Guest blog: Why don’t we (actually) change the world?

By

Sara Price

Sara Price

Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author.
Sara Price

Latest posts by Sara Price (see all)

My vision is a world in which everyone who wants to change the world for the better is inspired and empowered to do so.

It’s a big vision. Making this vision a reality is like eating the proverbial elephant – I’ll be doing it one bite at a time and in collaboration with many others – including the amazing Founder of One of Many, Joanna Martin. The current ‘bite’ is to write a book – catchily entitled ‘How to (Actually) Change the World’. That’s a lot to deliver in 55,000 words but I’m going to give it my best shot!

As part of my research, I’ve spoken to hundreds of people all over the world about the kind of changes they want to create, and what gets in the way of them actually doing it. So if you’re on a mission to change the world right now and you’re feeling blocked; or if you are feeling increasingly called to make a difference, to make an impact on this beautiful planet of ours, but you’re not sure how to go about it – please read on, because you are not alone.

Here’s what I’ve found so far…

So…Who Wants to Change the World?

An awful lot of us want to change the world. . If you’re an active member of the BeOne Global Community on Facebook, you may have seen and perhaps completed my survey for actual and aspiring changemakers. Of the people who have filled in the survey thus far, EVERYONE wants to change the world in some way.

When asked if there was something they would like to change to make the world a better place, 47% said that there were so many things they didn’t know where to start! Another 24% had one big issue that they were truly passionate about. Everyone else felt passionate about 2 or 3 main subjects and couldn’t pick one.

How Do We Want to Change the World?

We want to change the world for other women. My survey may be slightly skewed because of where it was posted and the kinds of women who’ve completed it, but of all the issues that we are passionate about, the top three categories are:

  • Women’s issues
  • Environment
  • Education & training

In other words, the issues which matter most to us are: other women; the planet and the next generation.

Some of us are dedicating our working lives to these issues. About 12% of respondents have already set up / run or work for a social enterprise dealing with the specific issue that they are most passionate about. Another 12% are operating in the charitable sphere on their number one issue.

Many respondents wrote in comments that tackling their number one issue was the mission of their business. That’s a lot of women dedicating their working lives to making the world a better place!

Many of those who work in other fields are taking action in their personal time. Nearly 95% of us are talking to friends and family – trying to persuade them of the importance of our cause. 85% have taken to social media to make our point and demonstrate our passion. Over 80% have signed online petitions.

Are We Making Progress?

Most of us feel that we’re not making enough progress. Amongst the social entrepreneurs, charity leaders and those whose professional mission is to change the world, only 30% were satisfied with the progress they are making.

Most of us want to do more: Of those who are taking action in their personal time, a whopping 97% want to do more but are hampered by a perceived lack of time and a feeling of not knowing where to start. The same feeling that stops about 20% of us from taking any action at all.

And that is where I hope that my book will help.

It’s Not Complicated…

I understand that changing the world can seem overwhelming but here is what I believe: changing the world may be hard work but it is not actually that complicated.

I can already feel the waves of disagreement and disbelief heading my way but, I’m sticking to my guns here because I genuinely believe that in principle changing the world is not complicated. It requires only one thing: you have to make people care.

You have to make companies care enough to change their policies; or make politicians care enough to change legislation; or make individuals care enough to change their behaviour and / or their minds. You have to know who holds the power to make the change, and you have to make them care enough to do it.

In Fact, It’s Really Quite Simple…

To make people care, you need to harness the power of great communications. It’s about communicating your message to the right people at the right time in a way that feels compelling to them. That’s it.

Now, there are a lot of experts out there with a vested interest in making you think that this is difficult. The more jargon they use, the more complex they make it seem – the more valuable their expertise appears and the more you are made to feel disempowered and dependent on their expertise.

This is where I hope my book will help. I plan to show you exactly how simple great communications can be. I will walk you through how to develop a comprehensive campaign plan for your vision that makes people care enough to create change.

So at the end of the process, you’ll be equipped to make a difference. You can make people care.

You can ACTUALLY change the world.

So…How Do You Want to Change the World?

This is a community full of changemakers and women with huge visions for how to change the world for the better.

So tell me, what ONE thing would you change about the world if you could wave a magic wand? What causes are you passionate about, and what change are you already creating through your life and work?

Share in the comments below, and let’s support each other to create the change we want to see.

And, if you have a moment, I’d be grateful if you would take part in my survey. Tell me how you want to change the world and how I can help you.

And as a great big thank you for doing so, I’m offering one participant the chance to win a 2-hour PR and communications brainstorm with a leading London PR agency, Pagefield (the one I co-founded!). Just click the link below to take the survey and be in with a chance of winning:

https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/HowToActuallyChangetheWorld

About Sara Price

The Knitting, Baby-whispering Karaoke queen!

Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author!

Sara began her career in Parliament developing an in-depth understanding of the corridors of power. She then moved on to work as a political advisor to UNICEF where she witnessed the power of individuals and organisations to effect change on a global scale. She sat on the UK Board of one of the world’s largest PR agencies, H&K Strategies, and in 2010 she co-founded Pagefield.

Over the course of her career, she has developed communications programmes for some of the biggest brands in the world from Kelloggs to EDF Energy; advised organisations as diverse as Allied Bakeries and Variety, the Children’s Charity; and co-created multi-national campaigns for Global Peace Ambassador Prem Rawat.

Sara’s newest venture – How to Actually Change the World – is in development right now. If you’d like to help to shape the whole programme and be on the list to hear more, please sign up by emailing sara@renaissance-life.co

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Want to change your life? Read this first

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Whether it’s a career change, a house move, or the end of a relationship, change is hard. It’s crazy, right – you can be in a job that feels like it’s sucking your soul, an eating pattern that has you feeling like absolute crap or a relationship you know it’s time to end. And yet when it comes to actually making a big shift, it can feel like wading through treacle.

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking “if it were that easy to change, then I’d have done it already!” then read on – I’m going to shed light on the huge thing that might well be holding you back from turning the change you crave into real action.

Why is change so hard?

When we get bogged down by our fear of taking action it’s usually because we’re being held back by something deep. Something internal, something which we’re often not even conscious that actually impacts us.

And that is shame.

Shame is an amazing emotion for controlling us. When we shame somebody else, it’s often an attempt to stop that person from doing something that embarrasses us.

I remember using it as a teenager. When my father took us out for dinner he had a tendency to be really obnoxious with the waiting staff, and it used to drive me crazy. So I would make fun of him and how he was with the staff because I didn’t want him to embarrass me by treating people in a way which I didn’t agree with. I was consciously trying to lever the power of shame to force him to change.

That’s how big a tool shame can be. The trouble is, as we grow up most of us experience it not as something we’re using (hopefully we’ve developed slightly more advanced ways to communicate our values with those around us!) but as the invisible block that stops us moving forward.

How shame blocks change

When we’re looking at changing our lives, it’s usually because we want to make our life more aligned with who we are.

We want to experience more joy in our life, in our work, or in our relationship, and we know instinctively that the path to more joy is to be more of ourself, to be more authentic, to be more vulnerable.

But to be more authentic, and to be more vulnerable, actually means showing more of ourself to the world.

Even declaring the change that we want to make: “I want to make my green smoothie everyday because I know that will make me healthier”.

…Is quite possibly to be met with a reaction we don’t want. So the commentary swirls round in your mind…

“Will my colleagues think I’m crazy because I want to make a green smoothie instead of grabbing a giant sugary latte like I usually do?”

“Is my husband going to have a go at me because I want to spend a small fortune on a blender?”

Or maybe you really want to have sex more frequently, and that’s the change you’re gearing up to try and make. What will happen when you tell your partner that’s an issue for you? How is that going be met? What will they think?

When it comes to changing something in your life, whether it be your lifestyle, your intimate relationships, or even stepping into more leadership at work, all kinds of fears come up.

It  brings to light who we are at the core, and what is authentic to us. And in doing that we’re also shining that light into what others don’t know about us, and that can really trigger shame.

If you’re thinking about making a career change, you’re saying “this is no longer working for me”, to your family, to your friends. It’s like saying “look – here’s who I really am, and it’s not this.”

The unspoken question then becomes, “Well, who are you? And are we going to approve?”

Because when we step into our true selves, when we declare more of ourself to the world, it brings out who we are.

We get exposed at a deeper level, and that can really cause us to be open and vulnerable to criticism, to be open and vulnerable to shame.

And if we’re still bringing and carrying a lot of shame from our past, that we’re not even conscious of, then it can stop us from making those changes.

Moving past shame

Frankly, it doesn’t matter what anybody thinks about whatever it is you want to change. If it is more authentic and more aligned with who you are. If this new habit that you want to bring into your life. (This new job… new relationship… whatever.)

If it’s more aligned with who you are at a deep and individual level, then absolutely you should do more of it, but you have to move through vulnerability to get there.

If you’re thinking about making a big change and wondering what keeps getting in your way, one of the things I highly recommend doing is watching Brené Brown’s great TED talk on vulnerability.

One of the things she says, if we want to experience more of the positives, and the richness, the joy and the love… All of that great stuff happens on just the other side of vulnerability.

And to get through vulnerability we have to go through shame.

We often numb ourselves from experiencing shame with things like alcohol, drugs, too much sex, too much work, too much exercise. All things which will block us off from having to feel vulnerable, and move through to this more joyful place.

To become leaders, we need to move through vulnerability

What we need to do as women who are growing, as women who are stepping into leadership, which is an incredibly vulnerable place to be, is we need to get okay with whatever we’re feeling ashamed of, and let it go.

We need to step into our vulnerability.

We need to open up to the opportunity of feeling ashamed or embarrassed again. Because on the other side of that, lies the change we’re feeling called to make: and the impact we are truly meant to have.

If you could do with some support to open up and create a big change in your life, then working with a coach might be the answer you’re looking for. Helping women move through big changes and overcome the subtle, self-sabotaging shame that can stop us in our tracks is something coaches specialise in.

No idea where to find the right coach for you? Click here to access the One of Many coaching directory. You’ll find skilled, trained coaches specializing in supporting women in everything from career to health, and a whole lot more – or you can search for someone in your area.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to handle Imposter Syndrome

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

I was in the boarding lounge at Heathrow Airport, in tears.

(Not one of my proudest moments, I have to say)

I was crying because I was about to do something amazing. It was my first trip to work with Ali Brown, someone who I had followed and looked up to for years and years and years in my industry, and I was getting on a plane to head over to her very first Repower event in Phoenix, Arizona.

So I did what I always do in times like this – I called my sister.

“Sis, I’m freaking out. I feel like a total fraud. I’m heading over to this event and it is going to be full of highly successful women. You have to be doing seven figures even to be in the room.

I don’t even know how I’m going to cope. I’m going to feel like I just don’t fit in. I’m not supposed to be here. I feel like such a fraud.

I’ve just got this baby business that’s a total fluke, and I’m doing this ditzy personal development thing, and what the hell?”

Even thinking about it now I can still feel that feeling. Maybe you can relate? Have you ever found yourself feeling as though, however far you’ve come in life or whatever you’ve achieved, one day you’re going to be “found out” for not having a clue what you’re doing and being a complete fraud?

Welcome to imposter syndrome

For high achieving and successful women, impostor syndrome is incredibly common. And we’re in good company! I was amazed to read what Jodie Foster told one interviewer about her experience of winning an Academy Award for best actor. Now that’s an accolade you’d think would feel like pretty concrete proof you’d arrived, right? Wrong.

“I thought it was a fluke,” she said. “I thought everyone would find out and they’d take the Oscar back. That they’d come to my house knocking on the door, ‘Excuse me, we meant to give that to someone else. That was going to Meryl Streep.'”

Or how about Maya Angelou, a writer who I’ve looked up to my entire life as an incredible fount of wisdom and knowledge and extraordinary insight. She’s been quoted as saying,

“I’ve written 11 books but each time I think, uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.”

So if you ever achieve great success and try and write it off as luck or being at the right place at the right time or undeserved, then you’re in really great company.

What is imposter syndrome?

What we’re talking about is that feeling of being a fraud, or being a fake, when actually you’re not. Like sooner or later the whole world is going to find you out. Now that might make sense if you really were ripping people off, or pretending in some way. If you’re an undercover cop, you probably would feel fake from time to time.

But if you are a successful small business owner doing six or seven figures and people love your work… or if you keep getting promoted and praised in your role in an organization, then it’s probably not appropriate to feel like an imposter.

The bottom line is, if you’re really good at whatever you’re doing, then it’s okay for people to believe in you. It doesn’t matter what the thing is – if you’re good at it, it doesn’t make sense to feel like an imposter. So why do we?

The phenomenon was first described by psychologists Suzanne Imes and Pauline Rose Clance in the 1970s. And they described it as occurring among high achievers who are unable to internalize and accept their success.

These high achievers will often attribute their accomplishments to luck rather than to ability, and fear that others are eventually going to unmask them as a fraud.

Imposter syndrome holds us back

This feeling that we’re going to be found out stops us stepping into our greatness.

I’ve spoken to successful corporate employees, women who are doing very, very well in high positions inside of their organization who don’t put themselves forward for promotion because they feel like they’re actually not even supposed to be where they already are.

Someone told me she was writing her LinkedIn profile the other day, and she didn’t want to put X, Y and Z into it because she didn’t want to come across like some egomaniac.

We don’t position ourselves powerfully to be able to be of service to the people that we can make a real difference with… because we don’t want to sound like egomaniacs?

That’s imposter syndrome. It stops us from really owning, promoting and putting ourselves forward. Not in a way which says, “Look at how great I am.” But in a way that says, “Look these are my achievements. This is what I have done. And I can help you.”

How to handle imposter syndrome

  1. Reach out

Having someone you can talk to when Imposter Syndrome strikes is something that I highly recommend. I’ve got my sister, who I can always count on. Back in that airport lounge at Heathrow, when I called her in tears before my trip to meet Ali Brown, she gave it to me straight:

“You own your success, woman. You go over there and you’re not just networking for you, you’re networking for our whole business and for all of those women in the developing world that we help out. You get out there, you own your success and you go for it.”

I rely on loads of other people too – my husband, my team, my fellow coaches. These days I’m consciously leaning into collaboration and working with others, because if I’m feeling not good enough then they will remind me.

Who could you turn to when you need an outside perspective on how you’re doing?

  1.  Read over your bio

If you’re an entrepreneur you might have a bio you share; if you’re employed, it might be a CV. Either way, looking at how you present the facts of what you’ve achieved to others is a great way to remind yourself of just how great you really are. (If you’re a mum, there’s always asking your kids – it might not be the specific insight you’re looking for, but they definitely think you’re pretty awesome!).

  1. Keep an “I rock” file

My friend Kim taught me this – she keeps a file of all of the clippings and little thank you cards and everything that anyone’s ever given her that has her feel really great. You could keep a special folder in your emails for the notes that really make your day, or pin thank you cards above your desk so you can see them whenever self-doubt kicks in.

  1. Go deeper

At a deeper level you do have to accept that you have had some role in your success. You may well have had an opportunity that others weren’t given but you need to accept that you were instrumental in being ready for that opportunity.

It’s not fair, if you had an advantage over others, sure. Life isn’t fair. But you had to do something to get where you are, and you need to own that. So spend some time accepting that success that you’ve had.

  1. It’s not about you

The final thing that really helps me is shifting from “me” focus to “other” focus. When my sister asks me to refocus on the women in the developing world that we’ve supported through the Hunger Project, it’s much easier for me to recognise, “Yeah, I did help those women to create something they would not have otherwise been able to create. I do make a difference.”

So focusing on the value that you provide and the difference you make to others really, really helps.

Time to get real

What opportunities are you not stepping into because of the fear of being found out?

It might be in your relationship. It might be as a mother. It might be in your business. It might be in your job. Whatever it is, identify it, and reframe it for yourself.

How are you stopping being of service for others by holding yourself back in this way?

Share in the comments below!

And remember – Kate Winslet feels it every time she goes on set. Jodie Foster feels it when she receives her awards. Maya Angelou feels it every time she writes a new book. You’re in great company. You’re one of many women who feels this impostor syndrome and hey, that’s a great club to be a part of, but it doesn’t stop them – so don’t let it stop you.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Can wealth make you happy?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Can wealth make you happy? If you don’t have much money it’s tempting to think that it can; if you know you have plenty, you’re probably wondering why it doesn’t.

The fact is, wealth alone is the wrong measure to be looking at when it comes to our happiness, and here’s why: In every area of our lives, our ultimate fulfillment comes down to one thing.

Our values.

The real question we need to be asking

Before you know whether money will make you happy, you first need to be clear on your values.

Your values in relation to your wealth is something we look at in depth at our BeWealth retreat, but in a nutshell, values are those things which are most important to us. They provide all of our upfront motivation in life – you can pretty much guarantee you won’t spend time or money on something if it’s not of value to you.

Values are usually single words or short word phrases like love, achievement, pleasure, joy or freedom, and while they’re nouns, they’re usually things that you can’t put in a wheelbarrow. It’s not books that you value, for example, it’s education.

Using the wheelbarrow test, is money a value? Probably not, because money you could put in a wheelbarrow. It’s what money provides you that’s actually important to you.

That tells us that money in itself can’t be one of our values.

How can you know what is? Take a look at what you choose to spend your time, energy and money on.

If you’re always squirrelling funds towards your next holiday, it might be that you value travel, or adventure, or sunshine. If your amazon wishlist is longer than your arm, it’s a fair bet that reading, learning, or escape is one of your values.

And the books on your shelf are another great clue. Maybe you’re obsessed with spirituality, interiors, or rich imaginative worlds.

Your values are what bring you joy, fulfillment, and happiness.

When you know your values, your relationship to money changes

If money is an area of your life that’s currently causing you stress, looking at it through the lens of your values can give you fresh clarity into what action you need to take.

Say you’re fretting about money because there just never seems to be enough left over at the end of the month. When you think about your values, perhaps you find that security is something that’s really important to you. You want to know that if something unexpected happened, you’d have the funds you needed to fall back on.

If security’s important to you, you probably want to spend some time and energy learning about budgeting, money management and insurances. Perhaps you want to have a chunk of cash earmarked as a “rainy day” fund – like 6 month’s worth of living expenses – so you know the mortgage will be paid no matter what.

Or perhaps helping the environment is a really strong value of yours. Setting up a regular donation to an amazing organization helping preserve ecosystems, plant trees, or support indigenous communities might be a way to feel incredibly fulfilled about where your money is going. Volunteering a few hours a week to clear up a local beauty spot would cost nothing, and yet be a big investment in your happiness.

Whether you’re donating five dollars a month or investing tens of thousands, the fact that your money is aligning with what matters to you is what will ultimately lead you to happiness.

Can wealth make you happy? It’s what you do with it that counts

When we feel stuck, small or uncomfortable around money it’s often because we’ve been taught to use it in a paradigm that doesn’t line up with what really matters to us.

What we’ve learned about money is often outdated, and not particularly useful for us. That is, if we were taught anything about money at all! It’s not uncommon for women to be very successful at work but not understand anything about how money actually works.

After all, it’s only relatively recently that women have actually been allowed, from a societal perspective, to be involved with money. In the UK, it wasn’t until 1975 that a woman was allowed to open a bank account without her husband’s permission. To say nothing of the fact that for millennia, commerce was a strictly masculine domain – one in which we simply didn’t have a say.

When you consider that our grandmothers and great-grandmothers, going back for hundreds of generations, were not allowed to learn about or handle money, it makes sense that historically we don’t have power around it.

But things have changed dramatically for women in the last hundred years. It’s time for that shift to start to take root in the realm of our finances.

Build the future you want to see

If you’d like to explore a new way of thinking about money that empowers you to have the impact you’d like in the world, come along to Wealth Insights. Registration opened this week and you can read the full details and book your place here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

 

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What’s my leadership style?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Where are you a leader in your life? At work? Running a business? Or within your family, community, or voluntary organization?

Here at One of many our mission is to create a movement of women ready to become the leaders the world needs. After all, as a planet, the model of power that’s been dominant so far just isn’t going to cut it to get us where we want to be. But what does a new way of leading look like in practice?

Our Soft Power framework is the tool we’ve developed to radically shift our approach in an incredibly effective way. It’s a new kind of leadership for the new world we want to create, and it’s so exciting to see it in action.

Today I want to share one of our Lead the Change participants, Carol’s inspiring story with you.

Stepping into Lover at NATO

One area which you might not associate with innovative feminine models of leadership is the military. But as part of NATO, Carol’s role is all about inviting different ways of thinking to this very hierarchical environment.

Last year, she had an opportunity to put it into practice.

“I was co-facilitating a set of 5 workshops at the NATO Allied Command Transformation “Chiefs of Transformation” conference.

The Chiefs of Transformation are the second most senior level in our militaries, reporting directly to the top tier Generals and Admirals who provide strategic leadership and advice to Presidents and Prime Ministers.

At the conference there were 70 senior officers representing almost 50 nations and around 300 other attendees, including lower ranking military officers, industry representatives and a few post-graduate students from Washington universities.”

Straight away, Carol saw a possibility.

“The opportunity I had was to get these very senior military commanders thinking about the value of becoming more collaborative, and ideally agreeing to develop collaborative opportunities as a result.”

The conference happened to come the week after our BeLove retreat, when our Lead the Change cohort had explored the Women’s PowerType™ of Lover in some depth. So Carol was ready to discover what a new kind of leadership could achieve.

5 PowerTypes – what’s my leadership style?

Lover is one of the 5 PowerTypes™– along with Sorceress, Warrioress, Queen and Mother – we use to model new ways of women’s leadership.

All of us are naturally drawn more to some of these PowerTypes than others. For example, you might naturally step into “Warrioress” energy when you’re in charge. As a leader, you roll up your sleeves and work alongside your team, never asking anyone to do anything you wouldn’t do yourself. Full of energy and ever-resilient, your commitment to fighting for justice and what’s right is formidable.

Or perhaps you connect more to Lover as a leader. Your team are drawn to you because of how you make them feel: special, lavished with attention, and magnetic through your innate persona.

In Carol’s words,

“My story is mainly about using Lover, alongside Queen archetype in order to achieve buy-in and collaboration among senior military leaders across NATO, and other allied nations, to become more diverse in their thinking and collaborative in their style of command.”

Carol’s story

“During the conference set-up, it was immediately noticeable how radically different our workshop set-up was to that of the other 4 nations leading workshops.

We had no top table for the senior commanders, instead spreading them out around our large circle (we had about 70 attendees in each workshop, differing on each occasion).

On the first day of the conference I took conscious steps to step into both Queen and Lover PowerTypes, listening to key songs that really help me embody them.

At the start of each session I had a 5-minute introductory brief, which I delivered using every ounce of Queen PowerType I could muster – serenely and at what felt like an incredibly slow pace to allow for the majority of participants who would be working with English as a second language.

Then I joined my colleague who was leading the facilitation at the central table; at which point I would switch to Lover.

In “fishbowl facilitation”, the style we had chosen to use, anyone who wishes to speak has to step up from the outer circle to join one of the couple of chairs where the conversation happens in the centre of the room.

In a military hierarchy it is a massive challenge for officers to speak their opinion in front of those many ranks senior to them.

My role was to invite people to feel confident enough to come up and speak, then ensure they felt heard and valued when they did.

Although the first workshop worked, and many thanked us afterwards – we learned a few lessons: in particular to wait out silences, and at times to use the two officers we had supporting us to step up and speak.

After that we got people stepping up and joining the discussion much more smoothly: students in their mid-twenties providing responses to questions put forward by senior military commanders; having a non-commissioned officer speaking up for the experience of other ranks; and eventually getting some female voices (other than mine) heard. Women were outnumbered about 15 to 1!

The point I knew I was definitely leading from Lover was when a French General walked past an empty chair at the table saying, “I am Frrrench, I vill sit next to ze lady.”

I had already noticed a tendency for people to sit next to me, walking past the other chair when it was empty.

Prior to my One of many trainings I would have felt nervous getting that attention, but with the balance of Queen and Lover I felt totally safe, and understood I was achieving the leadership that was required in that moment.

After each session my co-facilitator and I had a lot of people (including those who hadn’t spoken) thanking us for a good workshop, sharing ideas and giving us their business cards. I became very good at gracefully excusing myself so I got a few minutes downtime between each session!”

The outcomes:

  • 17 Nations, 3 different organisations within NATO and an international research alliance all expressed interest in collaborating to develop capabilities to make military command more collaborative.
  • The buzz around the conference was that the UK workshops were the best. The report from the UK’s Chief of Transformation to three of the most senior officers in the UK military was glowing. This and the level of interest from other nations is being used to try and secure significant additional funding to enhance our capability in this area.
  • Our team learned a lot about overcoming this discomfort of leading in such an unusual and unfamiliar way – I’m pulling this experience back in to enhance my research and exploitation of the challenging ideas it presents to UK military.

Bringing different leadership styles into your life

Carol’s story shows just how powerful this work can be. We really are changing the world, and having an impact that will ripple out into all kinds of realms.

But you don’t have to be a leader at NATO to use these tools.

If you’re curious about your leadership style, and how to bring more of the different PowerTypes into your life, you might want to take a look at our free bundle of resources.

As part of Life’s Little Toolkit you can download a guide exploring each of the PowerTypes, along with a playlist of music that can help you bring them to life. Click here to access your Toolkit now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What burnout feels like

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

The statistics about burnout are pretty sobering – here in the UK, women are 60% more likely to suffer from it than men. If we’re going to change those stats, the first stage is knowing exactly what we’re talking about: what does burnout feel like, and what can we do about it before, or if, it sets in?

We had an amazing discussion over in the Facebook group recently all about what burnout feels like. I’m talking the specifics: physically, mentally and emotionally. It sparked some incredible shares from so many courageous and capable women, all of whom knew straight away what burnout out felt like. (If you’ve been there, take a second to think – how would you put it into words?)

What blows me away is how many common threads there are in our experience. If you’ve felt like this before (heck, maybe you’re feeling like this right now) the most important thing to take away from this is: you’re not alone.

Here’s what you need to watch out for:

What burnout feels like: 6 signs it’s time to press pause

1. Burnout is exhausting

“Burnout is waking up in the morning feeling pinned to the bed wondering how you will possibly move your limbs to get out”

Yes, we’re all tired from time to time. But when you’re struggling to get up in the morning, every morning, don’t give yourself a hard time.

It may well be a sign that it’s time to ask for some extra support. If exhaustion’s a recurring issue, ask yourself if you might be heading towards burnout.

2. Burnout is confusing

When capable, intelligent women find their brains just aren’t working, burnout’s likely to be the cause.

“A grey cloud fogging my brain”
“It stops me from making clear decisions and fuels self-doubt and inertia”

When we can’t think straight, more often than not, burnout’s the culprit.

3. Burnout is lonely

Burnout sneaks in to make us feel as though we’re all on our own. Words like “isolated”, “alone” and “cut off” came up again and again when women reflected on their experiences.

The truth is, you’re not alone – this is a really common experience, and one that there are so many people willing to help you through. It’s with the support of those around you, and communities like ours at One of many that you’ll find your way back out again.

4. Burnout is constricting.

“It feels like being behind bars”
“Like being stuck in the middle of a whirlwind of panic and impossibility”

We can be so quick to blame ourselves when we’re stuck, but the truth is real possibilities open up once we’re back on track and feeling taken care of.
Are you really out of options, or is overwhelm to blame?

5. Burnout is physical

It might not have a medical diagnosis, but our bodies are often the first to give us powerful indications that something’s up.

“It feels like a metallic ‘taste’ in my whole body”
“Thinking causes physical pain in my head and I can’t get my face to smile”

For you it might be a sensation in your throat, tummy or shoulders. Learn to spot it early, and you’ll be able to get the support you need before it gets too much.

6. Burnout isn’t you

“It feels like I am not me”
“Like being an imposter in your own life”
“As though I have lost the essence of me”

When things get too much, it can feel as though we’ve failed somehow. When the truth is, these are all signs that it’s time for a break. You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and it’s time to stop and replenish yourself to get back to who you really are.

Getting out of overwhelm

If you’re starting to notice some of the signs of burnout right now, there are some simple things you can do straight away to start to turn things around.

From frantic to fruitful is a free online training I run to help get you off the treadmill and back to a space where you feel calm and in control of everything that’s on your plate. Click here to book your spot on this powerful webinar and discover a simple but counter-intuitive step-by-step approach to overwhelm.

Another exercise I’ve found really helpful to get you out of that emotional fear-based “I’ve fallen short” feeling is to consciously tap into a “celebrating and acknowledgement” phase. Start to get present to what you have achieved, instead of focusing on everything you haven’t done.

Grab a pen and paper and reflect on what you have achieved over the past six months or year. Take some time to look back and recognize what outcomes and intentions you did bring to fruition.

Even if they are smaller in number or magnitude to what you had hoped, look at the less-obvious intentions you’ve achieved

Having done that, you’ll see that, you know what? Often what’s wearing you out, more than the actual pace, more than what’s on your plate is a conflict between perhaps what you intend for yourself – your big goals and high expectations – and where you are on your journey.

Recognizing that, you may find that you can discover a new perspective that takes the pressure off and gives you space to be able take better care of yourself and be grateful for how far you’ve come.

For me, going through this process gives me access to an energy which is forgiving, nurturing and nourishing. And I hope that you’ll be able to do the same, if you recognise some of the signs of burnout starting to creep up. Challenge yourself to be gentler. Challenge yourself to pull your goals back.

If you’re nice to yourself, you might just discover that you can be more, do more, and give more than you ever thought possible.

Feeling particularly stuck?

Sometimes we are so burned out that no amount of positive reflection on our own is going to help. You may well need professional support- medical or otherwise.

Don’t be embarrassed. This is all too common in women, and very frequent symptom of what we affectionately call “Superwoman Syndrome”.

If this feels like the situation for you and you’re not sure which way to head, please reach out to one of our team by booking a call here. We are more than happy to help you determine whether this is something that can be handled with some gentle slowing down and coaching, or whether you need to seek other professional help.

Burnout is a biggie. Let’s help each other recognise it, heal it, and shift the culture to prevent it.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What self love is not

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

The concepts of “self love” and “self care” get talked about a lot in personal development circles. You might catch yourself thinking that you really should be doing more to take care of yourself, or show yourself love. (Feeling like a failure about your lack of kindness to yourself kind of defeats the point, don’t you think?). At One of many we have a very clear take on self love, and how it fits into our lives, so today I thought I’d break down 3 important distinctions to make when we talk about self love – and what self love is not.

Self love is not selfish

It’s a common assumption that loving yourself is a selfish or narcissistic tendency, when the opposite is true. Being able to accept yourself for who you are – imperfections included – is a really important step in becoming someone who’s able to be generous and forgiving of others.

The fact is, constantly feeling inadequate, or experiencing feelings of shame, doesn’t just affect you. Getting caught up in insecurity takes your energy and focus away from the things you’re here to do – whether it’s making a difference with your career, your family or your community.

Learning how to love yourself might in fact be one of the most generous things you can do.

Self love is not something you have to do alone

A bubble bath, a good book… our stereotypical images of self love often involve us being alone, and for good reason. Time to ourselves is a precious commodity in this hyper-connected world.

But learning to love yourself can be something that’s far easier to do in a group of likeminded others – people who can really appreciate your special qualities, and reflect them back to you.

On our retreats, and in the training we lead for coaches, many women experience for the first time what it’s like to be seen and truly appreciated. Even within the lively community of our Facebook Group it’s remarkable how much lifting up there is of one another; how much appreciation for all the hundreds of tiny unseen acts of courage we show in our daily lives.

If you’ve been trying to find a way to love yourself in isolation, maybe it’s time to connect with a safe community of women who can help show you what you’re missing – the things others notice that you might never have stopped to appreciate.

Self love is not a luxury

When you need comfort, reassurance, or just some time to rest up after a setback or a blow to your confidence, it’s really important to be aware of how you can best take care of yourself. That doesn’t have to mean having a full-on spa experience when things are going well and you’re feeling sky high. (Though that sounds lovely – sign me up!)

It’s also about noticing when you could do with a bit more rest, and choosing to have an early night. It might mean standing up for yourself when it comes to your demanding boss or needy friend, setting clear boundaries, and claiming some space for yourself.

Self love can be choosing to get up and have a glass of water when you need a break; making sure your kitchen’s stocked with nourishing food when you know you’ve got a busy few weeks coming up, or spending time with a friend who lights you up.

The Women’s PowerTypes™ perspective

At One of many, we use the Women’s PowerTypes™ as a tool to help us understand where we need to grow, and as tools to help guide our expansion. We each have a unique “profile” reflecting the PowerTypes we most easily embody, as well as those we find more challenging to step into.

These 5 powerful PowerTypes help us to show up fully as ourselves, whatever the situation, as well as showing us where we might want to focus our attention to see the biggest results when it comes to making change.

Each of the PowerTypes™: Warrioress, Sorceress, Mother, Lover and Queen – contains aspects of self love. Whether it’s honouring our playful nature, trusting in the mystery of the universe, or knowing we have the capacity to make great decisions, loving yourself starts by knowing that you are able to step into your power whatever the circumstances.

The two PowerTypes™ most relevant to self love are Lover and Mother.

When we’re in Mother, we are infinitely empathetic and compassionate. At our best, these qualities allow us to nurture ourselves as we do everyone else in our orbit. But when this aspect of our personalities is over-expressed, we can tip into the martyr, neglecting our own wellbeing to support others.

This is where the PowerTypes of the Lover comes in. Sensual and pleasure-seeking, she reminds us to honour our physical needs and delight in the world of the senses.

To find out more about the PowerTypes™, download our free guide to the Women’s PowerTypes™ – it’s part of Life’s Little Toolkit, our secret weapon of 5 free resources to help you through whatever life throws at you.

Click here to download it now.

And share your take on self love in the comments – how do you take good care of yourself in your day to day, and what tips would you give any woman who’s finding it a challenge?

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to avoid money arguments

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

“I just can’t talk to you about this any more!” Never mind going into another room. I was on the other side of the suburb before I’d calmed down, after yet another blow up with my husband about our finances. If you’re wondering how to avoid money arguments, here’s how we learned to get past the conflict and into alignment when it comes to the money stuff.

I can still remember so vividly how it felt, that particular day. I was hurt, frustrated, and confused. I even wondered if this meant the end of our relationship.

What was most maddening was that for the most part we agreed about money. We knew we had aligned long-term goals and our thoughts about money in general were pretty similar. I knew that something had to change.

Finding a way through the financial storms

Years later, my husband and I are working in our third business together, having navigated big financial hurdles like becoming parents, moving countries, and buying property.

These days, I’m pleased to report that our money conversations always end with us both in the same room – even if we’re not always on the same page. So I wanted to share the things I’ve learned that have made all the difference in our interactions on the topic.

Whether it’s your boss, mum, best friend or partner, here’s how to have productive, effective conversations about money.

5 keys to helping you avoid money arguments

1. Be aware and gentle

For many of us, money is an area of emotional or psychological wounding. Questions of how much we earn or what’s left over at the end of the month recall unconscious judgments in our minds about all kinds of things. This is really normal – almost all of us get tripped up by this from time to time.

What that means is that money conversations start to feel really personal. Statements the other person makes can easily feel like criticism, for example, even if they weren’t intended that way.

The first step then, is to be aware that this is likely to be true. If money comes up, know that this might become a tricky conversation and check in with yourself – is now the time to talk about this? Are you already feeling tender or tense?

Put it into action:
  • Understand that money can be a source of tension
  • Prepare for conversations about money ahead of time
  • Recognise that money talk can feel like it’s personal, even when it’s not intended that way

2. Know what’s yours

Aside from the numbers, it’s vital to know what’s yours on an emotional level. What do I mean by that? Well, a lot of the conflict that arises about money can actually come from within us. For example…

They say: “I think we should have a chat about setting up a joint account for shared bills”

You hear: “You’re terrible with money – I can’t trust you to handle your finances on your own”

You say: “Stop trying to control everything!”

Or…

They say: “How much did you say that retreat was going to cost?”

You hear: “You’re spending too much on extravagant things that don’t matter”

You say: “It’s up to me what I spend my money on – I don’t criticise you for the crap you waste your pay on!”

Hmm… it’s not hard to see how arguments flare up, right?

Becoming aware of the stuff money conversations bring up for us can open up awareness of deeper things that need healing, for example an area you feel especially defensive about, or a particular person whose criticism had a big effect on you in the past.

What’s important is that, when you are aware of these issues, you take responsibility for changing them. What’s yours to deal with? What do you need support from a coach or mentor around?

And remember, the other person might not be on this journey with you. It’s not your job to point out their limiting beliefs or identify what they need to work on. Approach the conversation with compassion, and deal with what’s yours – no more.

Put it into action:
  • Discern what issues you need to deal with when it comes to money
  • Seek external support where you need to – from a coach, financial expert, or trusted friend
  • Recognise what’s not your responsibility, and let it go

3. Choose your timing

Remember, our first step was being aware that conversations about money can be tender. Knowing that, it’s smart to have them at the right time.

That could include being aware of your cycle, for example. Now, before you think I’m some monster who thinks women are incapable of rational thought, hear me out.

In my own life I know that 7 days before my period comes, I could swear that the world is ending and there’s nothing you, I, or anyone else can do about it. That can actually be an incredibly powerful day for me – I sure as hell get clear on the change I want to make in the world – but it’s also a terrible day for me to have a conversation with anyone.

Knowing that, if I’m aware I need to have an important conversation about something like money I’ll do my best to shift it to a day when I’m likely to be feeling much clearer.

That won’t be the same for everyone, of course, but I wonder if any of that applies to you? Do you know you’re better able to be open, compassionate or empathetic at certain times of the month? Bear that in mind when you make an appointment to discuss your finances.

And make sure you take the other person’s needs into account too – allow them to tell you when would suit them, instead of springing it on them at a time when they’re not really ready.

Put it into action:
  • Choose a time when you’re both fed, rested and hydrated
  • Find a space where you won’t be disturbed or interrupted
  • Take into account your own rhythm and emotional needs

4. Be respectful in your communication

Sticking to some basic principles of clear and respectful communication is so important when the topic is an emotional one. Always seek to hear the other person out without interruption. You don’t want to be nagged, so don’t nag either.

And make an effort to find things to celebrate together – focus on what’s working, as well as what you want to change.

Put it into action:
  • Be respectful – don’t interrupt or nag
  • Notice when it’s time to take a break
  • Listen curiously and give space for the other person to say what they need to

5. Be clear about what you’re looking for

Now that you’ve chosen the best possible time and place, and you’re aware of what’s your responsibility, it’s time to communicate as clearly as possible what you want to share.

For the best possible outcome, try and recognise what’s driving both of you in the conversation. One of you might be more interested in feeling connected and loved, or seeking reassurance, and one of you might be looking for problems and tasks to solve.

What’s vital is that you’re clear about what it is you’re both looking for.

Put it into action:
  • Start by giving the point of the conversation for you – not the big long story that precedes it
  • Ask for what you need; leave them to decide the “how” of solving it, if that’s something they’re keen to do
  • Allow yourself to be receptive – if they agree with what you’re saying, there’s no need to keep on convincing them

Not being able to talk about money holds us back

It’s really important that we are able to move into more powerful conversations. In all the women I’ve coached and connected with over the years, I’ve noticed that the people who are most comfortable talking about finances tend to be the ones with the highest level of wealth.

In fact, I’d go as far as to say that your net worth increases in direct relation to your ability to talk to key people in your life about money.

How about you?

These steps have played a huge part in Greg and I sorting out our differences and getting to a stage where we can actually enjoy money conversations. Has money been a source of tension for you, and do you have an experience to share? Let us know in the comments.

If money is a problem for you – not just in conversations but also in terms of what you have or haven’t got – and you’re ready to get sorted so you can talk about it confidently, join us for Wealth Insights. If money feels like a challenge, this seminar will turn it into an ally – so that you can feel truly powerful about where you are and what your next steps are.

Click here to join the waiting list and be the first to get access to tickets when we open registration.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: How to build inner confidence

By

Helen Reynolds
Follow Helen

Helen Reynolds

Image Consultant | Professional Shopper | Blogger | Mum of two boys | Sock Washer |Confidence Booster
Helen Reynolds
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Latest posts by Helen Reynolds (see all)

Equipping you with the tools you need to go out and make positive change happen is our number one goal. And one vital tool that we could all do with a bit more of is confidence – the kind that lights us up from the inside.

As a gender, on average, we are far less confident than the average man. Lower confidence levels mean that we are far less likely to take the brave, crucial, and damn difficult, first steps needed to make the progress that our world needs.

How to build inner confidence

Why is this? Well, there is lots in the mixing pot, from our likelihood of suffering from imposter syndrome, to the effect of the media and the way we beat ourselves up about not being ‘perfect’ enough.

Sadly, it’s a fact that the way we feel about how we look impacts the level of confidence we have. If you aren’t happy with how you look on the outside, especially if you don’t feel that the clothes you wear truly represents the you on the inside, it can monkey with your confidence.

If you’ve ever had that horrible sensation of not ‘looking the part’ you know that it can prevent you from having the courage to ask for a promotion, get out and meet people, or take on a job that involves regular board meetings or speaking engagements. This is wrong, but it’s also fact.

Having ‘What the heck am I going to wear today?’ squared away FOR LIFE means having one less thing to worry about, and brings with it the confidence of knowing that you always look authentically yourself.

So, how to get this sorted?

Well, when Jo wanted to deal with this herself she asked me for my help. And today I want to share the advice I gave her – and my other clients – when it came to creating a signature style that would really help her to have the biggest impact.

I’ve created this video to help you learn how to develop a ‘personal style’ that reflects your personality and makes choosing the right outfit for the right occasion effortless.

You’ll discover:

• Why some clothes, no matter how nice or expensive they are, make you feel terrible.
• The 3 steps you can take today to figure out your personal style.
• How to get your image sorted for life, so that you can get on with everything else!

Here it is….

 

There’s something truly empowering about knowing that you look the best version of yourself, without having to resort to spending a fortune, or slavishly following fashion.

So you can carry on being the leader you are here to be.

 

About Helen Reynolds

Helen Reynolds: How to build inner confidenceHelen Reynolds is one of our BeFruitful mentors, and works personally with Jo to put together her powerful outfits for the stage.

As an image consultant she’s helped hundreds of women to turbo-boost their personal style and develop killer confidence. Her speciality is in helping women who have lost their way with style and need a boost find clothes they love – and which love them back.

Time to get your style sorted?

If you’d like an easy way to get this stuff sorted out, and learn more, why not join Helen at her ‘Get Your Style Sorted!’ Masterclass in London on 12th of May. Helen has been running this annual event for the past five years and plenty of women in our community have attended.

Not only is it a great day out, but you’ll come away knowing the fundamental lessons that you need to create a personal style for yourself. Having this stuff nailed takes the stress out of shopping and ends wondering what to wear FOR LIFE.

To get £27 off the usual ticket price (and bring a friend for half price!) click here to book your ticket.

This will be an awesome day out, and a fantastic opportunity to spend some time on yourself in the company of great women, so, don’t miss out on the opportunity to get your style sorted!

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How Trust Is Built

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

At One of many we believe in the power of collaboration. The community we’ve created and the mutual support we offer each other is fundamental to our success. And that support rests on one crucial thing: knowing how trust is built, and making sure our collaboration rests on strong foundations.

I’ve experienced what it’s like to develop a relationship of trust on countless occasions. In fact, one of the people in my life I trust most – Suzanne Dibble, who leads the Empress Collective with me – was someone I ‘met’ online way before we connected face to face. I was looking for someone to interview about UK law, and her name was recommended by someone in a Facebook group I was in.

Fast forward a few years, and I’m trusting Suzanne with my name, my business reputation, and a big chunk of my revenue. But how do you get from Facebook friend to trusted ally? It’s not a fast process, that’s for sure – and there are some key pitfalls to avoid.

How Trust is built

Let’s be clear – I’m definitely not suggesting that you blindly trust everyone you come across. That’s a recipe for heartbreak and let down, for sure. But from the people who take care of our kids to the accountants who keep an eye on our income and the partners we blend our lives with, a full and fulfilling life requires us to trust people.

Here’s how we see trust being built:

1. Approach with an open heart

We see this a lot in relationships: A bad experience can shut down our willingness to be vulnerable and get to know someone. But just as one heartbreak doesn’t mean you’ll never find a partnership that’s right for you, having one negative experience certainly doesn’t prevent you from trusting again. Try to give each person you come across a blank sheet. It doesn’t mean being naive – it does mean giving them the chance to prove themselves, one way or another.

2. Always start small

The simplest answer to the question of how trust is built is: in small steps, one chunk at a time. When you first meet someone, you begin to get a feel for how good they are at keeping their word. Do they show up on time? Do they do what they say they’re going to do? Over time, these little agreements build up to a sense of how trustworthy someone is. For Suzanne and I, it started with me interviewing her for a business program I was running. Later, I spoke at her event – another chance to see the countless tiny clues that told me the kind of person she was, and how she ran her business.

3. Lean on your community

Suzanne’s name came to me via a colleague who I trusted already, because she’d been on my team for years. Personal recommendations go a long way to helping us know if someone’s who they say they are. Of course, someone else’s experience is no guarantee that yours will be the same, but if you’re considering a new hire, or wondering about a romantic partner, chatting to an objective third party who knows them already can be incredibly helpful.

4. The internet can help us trust

We might be wary of meeting fraudsters on the internet, but it can also be our friend when we’re deciding whether or not we can trust someone. The first thing to remember is that not everyone online is who they say they are. (At One of many we manage a community of thousands, and there’s no way we could “vet” everyone who wanted to join us.)

But the internet also means it’s fairly easy to get a snapshot of who someone is, from a variety of different sources. “Due diligence” means, essentially, doing your homework. A quick google search on someone (married and maiden names!) can be a great step towards peace of mind. When I googled Suzanne it was quickly apparently that she was well respected in her industry, had a professional website, and was indeed a qualified lawyer. Other due diligence might involve contacting someone who’s worked with the person and asking for their honest review, or asking them to provide you with references.

5. Trust your instincts

Someone who’s genuinely trustworthy in any realm is unlikely to be offended if you explain you want to be sure before committing your time, money or emotions to them. If things feel like they’re moving too fast; if your concerns are being brushed under the carpet or if there’s something that just “doesn’t feel right”, it’s time to take stock. It can be helpful to talk through your concerns with someone you do trust, to get an objective perspective, especially when there’s lots at stake.

How about you? Do you have any red flags that tell you when someone’s not quite who they say they are – or things that tell you it’s fine to go ahead? Without naming any names, do share your wisdom in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.
We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.
Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.