One of Many

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How to lead a team through change

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

In turbulent times, powerful leadership is crucial. Perhaps you’re going through a big organizational restructure; have some near-impossible deadlines looming or are facing big changes in your family life. Today I want to share a slightly different approach to how to lead a team through change – which can prove hugely effective.

The importance of faith and trust

We’ve navigated some big changes in the business over the years, but one of my greatest personal tests as a leader came not at work, but at home. A while back, our family faced a huge and unexpected upheaval. We discovered that the lease on the long-term rental we’d lived in for years was ending – and we’d need to move house.

It was the same feeling you’ve probably experienced if you’ve ever been shaken by a bombshell in the workplace: The sudden loss of a major client; a restructure that puts jobs on the line or even a very positive, but all too fast, expansion. I knew I needed to help us stay focused and manage the inevitable upheaval – so what kind of leadership was called for in that moment?

When it comes to change, there are many options open to us as leaders. The Women’s PowerTypes we use at One of many give us clues to some of them:

  • Mother focuses on taking care of the team, acknowledging their emotions and creating a haven of safety and security amidst the chaos
  • Queen connects to her powerful vision, inspiring others to take bold action
  • Warrioress rolls up her sleeves and brings infectious energy and enthusiasm to making things happen

But today I want to draw your attention to a different form of leadership – that of the Sorceress.

Who is the Sorceress?

If you’re someone who usually pushes their way to their goals with sheer grit and determination, even the name of this PowerType might set your teeth on edge. So let’s take a minute to discover what we mean by the Sorceress.

For a lot of people, the word sorceress conjures up images of the esoteric – witches huddled round a cauldron, that sort of thing. If that’s your bag, that’s totally OK!

And – that’s not exclusively what we mean.

The name for this PowerType comes partly from the shorthand we like to use for divine, or our connection to the divine: Source.

You might refer to this in so many different ways: God, Allah, Goddess, Jesus, the Tao, the Oak Tree, the Universe, Quantum Physics, Nature.

It’s how you conceptualise the force that’s so much bigger than you; that gives you your energy and connects you to something far beyond your own perceived experience and understanding.

Many of the atheist and agnostic people I’ve coached, who might at first claim to have no spiritual connection at all, can immediately think of an environment or experience they find fulfilling in this way. Perhaps it’s staring up at the night sky; walking among breathtaking architecture or looking at the ocean.

The name Sorceress is a nod to this “Source”. And when you strengthen the relationship you have with Sorceress, the results can be incredibly profound – especially if it’s all been grit and determination. Here are some of the resources this PowerType can give you access to as a leader.

How to lead a team through change with Sorceress

1. Learn how to make miracles

Sorceress is the part of us which can manifest. Now, before you start rolling your eyes – I’m not talking about visualising a pile of money, putting your feet up, and letting “The Universe” do its work. (If you’ve figured out how to do that, go for it!).

But for the rest of us, I’m talking about the part of you that’s already manifesting tiny everyday miracles. You might call them luck, coincidence, serendipity, synchronicity.

The appointment that’s cancelled just when you need an extra hour, or the lights that mysteriously tun to green just when you’re running late.

The more you activate your inner sorceress, the more you can bring these small path-easers your way – smoothing your team’s capacity to adapt and roll with the punches.

2. Connect to faith and trust

One of Sorceress’s most powerful capabilities is her ability to maintain faith and trust that everything will work out for the best – whatever the outcome.

In our family’s sudden house move, it was my commitment to trusting that all would be well that allowed the rest of my family to relax, and see the change as a grand adventure rather than a devastating break.

When others see you trusting and letting go, they trust you too.

In a team environment, when the pressure’s on, individuals often start to unravel. Embodying deep faith can allow everyone to calm and ground themselves, so that they can access their talents and get on with their roles, trusting that as leader you’re confident that you’ll collectively achieve your aims.

3. Allow the team to experience your wisdom

It’s all very well tapping into that faith and trust, but why do those around you lean in so strongly when you’re in Sorceress? One quality I love about this PowerType is that she’s “Master of her chosen technologies”. I often think of her as the wiser, “older” part of us, and part of that wisdom is that she’s devoted to learning and mastering the things she’s really good at. 

When others see Sorceress in action, it inspires real awe and wonder. Often, she seems to achieve things effortlessly or “as if by magic”. If your team can’t believe how fast you come up with punchy communication, or are wowed by your “knack” for budget projections or people management, that’s Sorceress at work.

Sorceress comes up with incredible solutions and her team really value that, often deferring to her wisdom and following her advice. When times are tough, it’s the point at which Sorceress can help you to stop holding back and let your true ability to find creative solutions really shine.

How to cultivate your Sorceress leadership

If you’re ready to bring a bit more ease to your leadership, and tap into Sorceress, here are some ways to do so:

  • Spend some time reflecting on what connects you with Source. What is the divine for you? Has it changed, perhaps, from the concept you were brought up with? How conscious are you of maintaining and cultivating that connection?
  • Start thinking and thanking. Make a habit of ending each day thinking back over the coincidences, good fortune and, yes, miracles that have occurred – and feeling grateful for them. (If you’re not already a member of our BeOne community, click here to join for free and get access to our series of Soft PowerCasts – there’s a whole audio on this practice.)
  • Make some alone time. Sorceress is one of the most independent PowerTypes – she craves time by herself in a place where she can really feel that Source energy. How can you carve out some regular time to tune into the energy that’s more powerful than you, and rest into your intuitive side?

Curious about Sorceress and your leadership?

There are many other sides to the Sorceress – her creativity, her ability to facilitate transformation, and her ability to find extraordinary solutions. If you’d like to find out more about the Women’s PowerTypes, and your current relationship to Sorceress, take a look at the Women’s PowerTypes Profile.

Knowing your PowerTypes Profile will give you clear insight into the PowerTypes you currently use most, as well as the ones you could do with a little more support to access. It’s a powerful way to gain a fresh perspective on you strengths and challenges – especially useful if you’re heading into a time of change.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Can I learn to be a coach if I’ve had a difficult past?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

You know a certain path is calling you. Maybe it’s becoming a coach, or perhaps it’s writing a book, taking a promotion, or starting an initiative. Whatever your big leap is, the doubts often surface when you start to dream big. Will the challenges you’ve faced in the past block you from stepping up to this new challenge? Some of the really common questions we hear from women thinking about becoming a coach start with “Can I learn to be a coach if…”

… I’ve experienced mental health challenges?

… I’ve been through a relationship breakdown – and things are still messy?

… I still don’t feel like I’ve got my sh*t together?

It’s a version of that old familiar phenomenon we know as “imposter syndrome”, and it often boils down to a deep-rooted doubt: “Who am I to think I can do this?”

Here are 4 questions to ask yourself if you’ve found yourself here.

1. Do you need to put your own oxygen mask on first?

First things first, it’s important to make sure you’ve accessed the care and support you need before thinking about being of service to others.

Many of us are well practiced at putting everyone else’s needs before our own. It’s why at One of many, our Soft Power principle number one is “First, replenish your energy”.

That applies to big picture stuff – like seeking help from your GP to manage your depression – as well as the little things (drink that glass of water, lady!).

Just as you wouldn’t show up for a new role if you were so physically unwell you couldn’t function, if you’re currently experiencing mental or emotional challenges that need taking care of, pause.

Get the support you need from an appropriate professional before stepping into a new challenge that will require your energy, creativity and focus.

Stepping back to look after yourself doesn’t mean you can’t go on to become a coach, enjoy a fulfilling new career, or shine as the leader you’re meant to be (any more than taking time off for a broken arm would). But trying to “push through” could do more harm than good, so make sure you listen to your instincts, and ask for help when you need to.

2. Can you reframe your pain?

The archetype of the “wounded healer” refers to someone who takes on the role of healing others by drawing on the pain they have themselves experienced.

When you’ve been through tough times and managed to come out the other side, you’re often able to access a profound empathy and depth of understanding.

We often give ourselves a hard time for times when life hasn’t gone well, or feel shame about things we wish we’d handled differently.

But as our own coaching graduates come to recognise, it can actually be those hardest experiences that enable us to help others through their own pain.

In the words of One of many in-house coach Jane Lewis,

“Most of the greatest coaches I have come across have gone through a journey and done a lot of work on themselves. I have been coaching over 20 years, but going into it I was coming out of clinical depression and burnout.” – Jane Lewis

3. Have you got the training and support you need?

Just having been through a challenging experience doesn’t on its own qualify you to help someone else through it. To know you’re going to do a great job in any new role, you also need to have the right support in place.

For coaches, that means ensuring you’ve undertaken rigorous training that means you’re clear about how you’re able to deal with your own “stuff” and have the tools you need to support clients. Are you clear about the support you need, and how you’re going to manage if a client shares an experience that might be triggering for you?

In a new role, it could be finding a mentor or asking an employer to invest in leadership coaching to support you to meet any challenges and make the most of the development opportunity.

Setting yourself up for success means making sure the support is there before you need it – especially if you’ve found yourself in burnout or overwhelm in the past.

4. Does your experience give you a key to your own specialism?

For many coaches, deeply experiencing a difficulty gives them a clue as to where they are able to best be of service in the world. Thea is a “recovering perfectionist” who now works with other women struggling with self-doubt, negative chatter, or constant striving for perfection. She says:

“The best thing about the ups and downs that I’ve been through is that now I know all the nitty gritty details of the journey from self-doubt to self-confidence, from depression to happiness. Being able to see the same patterns in my clients and help them let them go is incredibly rewarding for me.” – Thea Jolly

With time, your challenges can become your biggest strengths as you begin to understand how they’ve shaped you into the unique, powerful and perfectly imperfect leader you are today.

And in the words of Anna, one of our recent coaching graduates:

“I see the things I have gone through as one of my greatest strengths – they made me into who I am today. It shapes my coaching practice and how I show up in the world” – Anna Louise

How about you?

What experiences have shaped and guided you – and how have you been able to turn your biggest challenges into sources of strength? If you can relate to this, we’d love to know your story – celebrate and share in the comments!

Curious about coaching?

If you’re interested in finding out more about One of many Coaching Certification, take a look at our free online training: The Secret to Coaching Women.

In it I share some really valuable tools you can use straight away if you coach, manage or lead women – and introduce you to someof the key distinctions that make our certification differet from any other.

Click here to register for the free workshop now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest post: What anxiety really feels like

By

Abigail Athaide

Abigail Athaide

Abigail has over 20 years experience in relationship marketing having worked with clients within Global FTSE 100 companies, animation, film, nutraceuticals, education, and within her own companies. She currently works within the marketing and strategic arena of her family’s global business developing their interests in publishing, art, property, finance and agriculture.

Her family’s vision has been to create viable legacy businesses which supports culture and community. These are achieved through their umbrella company called “Village Sanctuary” with locations in Goa and Kenya, where they have built a thriving art, culture and heritage centre for residents, artists and the local community. In their first year alone the project welcomed over 1000 children from the local schools to explore the village of artists, workshops, crafts, a live radio station, and food venues.
Abigail Athaide

Latest posts by Abigail Athaide (see all)

Standing on the tube platform at South Kensington, a feeling of overwhelm came over me. I felt hot, light headed, wobbly on my feet, but unable to move – as though my feet were welded to the floor. I could see and hear everybody around me, but they were moving in slow motion. It came from nowhere, and there was nothing I could pinpoint as a trigger. I was in my twenties and it wasn’t until some years later that I identified that moment as a “panic attack”. So this is what anxiety really feels like.

In my forties, it happened again. This time it felt like hitting a wall. I was emotionally spent, going through the emotions of nurturing my son, running my businesses, keeping the house going and dealing with difficult neighbours objecting to a planning application – a saga which had lasted over a decade.

What anxiety really feels like

To the outside world I was ‘functioning,” but it was getting harder and harder. My emotional resilience to silly things was off the scale, and I would quickly lose my temper and my perspective. I didn’t want to socialise, and every time I went out the fear of others talking about me, or bumping into the neighbours or somebody I knew was crippling. I would break out in a cold sweat, feeling as though my knees could collapse from under me.

My sleep pattern was completely erratic and I was medicating my emotions with food, sugar, caffeine and wine and isolating myself.

I realised something had to change – but I had no idea where to start.

So I started by saying “yes!” to something completely out of my comfort zone in my current frame of mind.

The Power of “yes!”

A lady I had met once invited me to the One Woman Conference, as she had a half price ticket. We agreed to meet there, so I arrived to face the first of many fears – walking into a room full of hundreds of women. Oh my goodness – I had no idea what to expect!

I sat quietly at the back hoping I could just be invisible and thinking, well at least this is going to be a family pass for a weekend away in London.

That weekend reignited a healing journey for me. I realised that for too long I had neglected myself. My emotional tank was completely empty and I needed to rediscover what would fill that up for me.

I distilled this into one word: “reconnection”.

I had disconnected from my mind, body and spirit and needed to reinvest in those areas. Just like a bank account my emotional account was overdrawn and I hadn’t discovered a strategy to deposit and save energy.

My journey to reconnection

I discovered one of the most important elements of my recovery from anxiety: food.

Food is a huge passion of mine, but as I began to pay closer attention to my energy and moods I noticed something interesting. When I’m feeling crap and disconnected I gravitate towards bland food, crisps, cheese, “love in a bag” – sugar. It’s as though my taste buds are in “neutral”. I avoid colour – in the way I dress and the way I eat.

At first, I believed that my emotions were affecting my gut. But then I began to question if it might actually be the other way around. What if the emotions were the last link in the chain, and perhaps the “disconnection” started in inflammation in my gut?

The gut/brain connection

According to growing research, the vagus nerve is the longest nerve in the body. It runs all the way from the brainstem to the part of the colon that helps regulate many critical aspects of human physiology, including heart rate, blood pressure, sweating, digestion, and even speaking.

Learning this was an “aha!” moment. So this was the gut/brain connection that I kept reading about. Turns out, there was truth to the saying “gut feeling” – and it’s a physical connection, not a metaphorical one!

I kept reading about gut bacteria that live in your body naturally and help your intestines break down food. One fact I love is that the average lifespan of a bacterium in your microbiome is 20 minutes. That means you have the opportunity every time you eat to begin to change the population of your gut!

I decided it was time to Marie Kondo my gut and control my hormones, particularly cortisol, as my adrenals were exhausted. A blood test revealed that my vitamin D levels were non-existent.

Gradually I came to understand that the food I ingest is a metaphor for life, and how I view life. Think about it for a moment: Are you eating to exist, or eating to truly enrich your life and support your purpose?

I learned that a healthy gut would reduce inflammation in my body as a whole, and replenishing my good bacteria would allow me to process foods better as well as, critically, allowing me to absorb the mineral and nutrients in the food I ate. In turn, that would support my emotional resilience… at least that was the theory.

Testing and experimenting to find what works

I researched and I talked to friends and family and most importantly trusted my intuition – my gut. I took a number of natural supplements for the symptoms I felt needed to be addressed urgently, kept a detailed food and emotional diary… and slowly I found myself a new normal.

My husband is a natural pharmacist, and as I learned more and more about the importance of nutrition we were inspired to begin a new project together: “The Naked Pharmacy”, providing 100% natural remedies and supplements backed by science and expert advice.

The supplement that made the most difference to me was one called “Saffrosun”, made from organic saffron. I literally felt like the sun had been turned on inside me within 7 days and I just felt lighter and calmer, and as though I was able to make better positive decisions overtime. It tackled my overworked cortisol levels taking it in the morning when the cortisol levels were the highest allowed them to adjust to a balance over the day allowing for better restful sleep. The ripple effect of better cortisol for me was I lost weight, felt more energised and my brain fog was eased.

One of my favourite colours is orange so I instinctively loved this spice in cooking, but never realised that there was genuine historic and scientific evidence for its use for emotional balance – and that it contained vitamin D. Even now, 2 years later, it still works for me. I will take it and within an hour feel aware that my breathing is calmer and I feel more balanced.

As a One of many woman, I also connect with the Women’s PowerTypes, relating them to the chakra colours and integrating them as foods and clothes to support how I’m feeling. So if Lover is orange, and we’re struggling with self care, it might be time to eat more salmon, mangoes, and oranges and integrate spices such as turmeric and saffron.

How about you?

If you know what anxiety really feels like for you, and maybe you’re ready to make a real change, I urge you to take stock in a gentle way and discover your internal body and its relationship with food.

Start today and have a good look at yourself and ask “what’s working in me and for me, and what isn’t?”. Gently and with curiosity, park your preconceived ideas and set aside what other people have said, what you have read, what works for so-and-so, and reconnect with yourself.

You are unique. A unique collection of experiences, DNA, emotions, and food history.

As part of your routine you might find it valuable to keep a detailed food journal which doesn’t just monitor your food or drink in-take, but your moods, the weather, moon cycles, when you eat, who do you eat with? It’s the way we live and the way we are that creates our health – not just the food!

Patterns may emerge that can help you understand what supports or triggers an emotional state such as anxiety and how that manifests for you. Perhaps you’ll be able to discover tools that can support you holistically, so issues don’t escalate – and you can leave feelings like stress and anxiety behind.

Meet Abigail

Spice Queen | Recipe inventor | Inappropriate giggler

Abigail Athaide - she shares what anxiety really feels likeAbigail has over 20 years experience in relationship marketing having worked with clients within Global FTSE 100 companies, animation, film, nutraceuticals, education, and within her own companies. She currently works within the marketing and strategic arena of her family’s global business developing their interests in publishing, art, property, finance and agriculture.

Her family’s vision has been to create viable legacy businesses which supports culture and community. These are achieved through their umbrella company called “Village Sanctuary” with locations in Goa and Kenya, where they have built a thriving art, culture and heritage centre for residents, artists and the local community. In their first year alone the project welcomed over 1000 children from the local schools to explore the village of artists, workshops, crafts, a live radio station, and food venues.

Find recipes and read Abigail’s blog at www.reconnection.kitchen.

For a special discount at The Naked Pharmacy as a member of the One of many community, simply go to the website www.thenakedpharmacy.com and use the code OOM20 for 20% off all products – or just call Kevin for advice.

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Self-esteem versus self worth – what you need to know

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Defining your life’s work starts with defining your value. But what does “value” actually mean? Your own sense of how important you are, or something else? Today I want to share my personal distinction between self-esteem versus self worth, and explain why getting the difference clear can be a source of immense freedom (it has been for me).

But first, let’s dig into some definitions.

What do we mean by value?

You probably know by now that I’m a bit of an etymology geek. Looking at the way language has evolved often helps us to better understand the concepts they represent.

When we look at value from this perspective, we see that value generally means the regard that something is held to deserve: the “importance, worth or usefulness of something”.

It comes from the Latin meaning “Be strong, be well, be of value, be worth”.

Now I find it really fascinating that value’s original meaning wasn’t just about worth, but also about strength and wellness.

If you’ve experienced burnout (or are in it right now), you’ve probably already begun to see how much value there is in your ability to stay well and take good care of yourself. It doesn’t matter how “productive” you are in the traditional sense, if you’re falling apart at the seams, right?

So valuing ourselves has to begin with making sure we’ve got the resources we need to be strong and allow ourselves to thrive.

And your value – your importance, worth, or usefulness – builds on that in many other ways, some of which you might not have thought of in this way before.

4 factors to consider when thinking about your unique value

1. Your talents

This is the place where most of us start when we think about our value. We ask ourselves a version of a question like “What’s my boss really paying me for?” Or “what do my clients really want of me?”

Usually, the answer to those questions comes out as a version of talents.

Well, I’m really good at writing. 

I’m a really good facilitator.

I’m a genius with an Excel spreadsheet.

But that’s only one piece of your value. There are others – and they’re the ones we’re going to really dig into right now.

2. Your purpose

Your purpose can be summed up as “why you do what you do”. Given two people with the same skill sets, an employer is always going to take the person whose “why” is driving them.

The reason is simple: if you’ve got internal motivation to do something, you’re more likely to do it, and to do it well. It adds more value to have a clear purpose.

If someone has a vision for their life that they’re moving towards – a clear vision for their own life or the legacy they want to leave – that provides internal motivation. It adds to the value of that individual, when they have that clarity that’s pulling them forward.

So perhaps your talents include being a great teacher – you’re organised, engaging, and good at conveying information. But your purpose is to equip the next generation withthe skills they need to respond to the global challenges they’ll face.

Can you see how that adds to the value of your talents?

What would your version of those statements look like?

3. Your mission

A mission is what an individual wants to achieve with their work.

Again, being clear on that adds to your value. Start speaking about that mission in your job interviews, or to your clients when you’re talking to them, and you’ll find that if they are aligned with the mission, they will be aligned with you.

4. Your values

Slightly different to the value we’re talking about here, are those things that you value.

Perhaps as a teacher you value creativity, excellence and teamwork. If those values are shared by a prospective school, they’ll add to the value you can bring as a member of the Senior Management team.

They are also the filters through which you make decisions about how you want to do your work. So you might choose to evaluate a new opportunity in terms of your values.

At our BeFulfilled retreat, we explore each of these aspects in more depth. It can be hard to get clarity on them by yourself, after all – often we’re so immersed in our worlds that we’re not really able to pull back and see the threads that join it all together. If you’d like to find out more, book a call with the team here to get the full details.

Self-esteem versus value

So where does self-esteem come into it? Well, what I want to share next is my own personal definition. Thinking about value and esteem in this way really set me free when I understood it, and I’d love to know if it does the same for you.

Self-esteem and self-value are different. A lot of us believe we’ve got low self-esteem for one reason or another. I believe, whether or not that’s true, it doesn’t mean you can’t value yourself.

Value is something that you can find immediately. It’s already there, within you, waiting to be discovered.

And the fastest way of all to connect to your value is simply to become present to the value that you bring to others.

It might be a tiny bit of value to start with, just that you give really great hugs. You make a great cup of tea.

Self-value therefore comes oftentimes not even from within, but from without. By having it reflected back to us how other people see us.

Self-esteem, on the other hand, is not something you can necessarily experience immediately. Self-esteem, for me, is that cumulative confidence that builds each time you contribute value. It comes from positive feedback, when you’re in an environment that values your particular unique contribution.

You set yourself a goal to lead a project inside your organization and you lead that as well as you can and it’s successfully delivered.

That is going to add to your self-esteem. But sitting there trying to psych yourself up to have the self-esteem to be able to do it first is having the cart before the horse.

The way I look at it, self-esteem is about setting achievable goals and achieving them. It’s a reward.

But even if just for a moment, you can see yourself the way others who appreciate you see you, you can feel value.

How about you?

I’d love to know how that distinction lands for you. Can you relate? Does it help you to see that your value is made up of so many things, and that you can experience it even if you know your self-esteem is low?

Leave a comment and let us know. Our aim is to encourage and inspire you, so I’d love to know if this is a distinction that helps.

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Can women leaders be true to themselves?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

The trouble with deciding to be “true to yourself” as a leader, is that first you have to know which self to choose. You in the car doing a one-woman karaoke version of a song you don’t actually know all the words to? Might not wash with the senior leaders who need to really respect your authority. You having a meltdown as you wrangle your kid back to bed fourteen hundredth time? Probably not the most diplomatic persona to bring to a tense meeting with a team member. And yet the version of ourselves we do often choose to show up as can feel just as narrow a way to contain all of who you are. So how can women leaders be true to themselves?

You contain many selves

We all contain a blend of personalities, whether or not we’re conscious of them. Some of them might be “inherited” from people in your life, maybe from when you were growing up. A strict teacher’s phrases might ring in your ears when you write important documents. Or your granny’s no-nonsense words might fortify you when you’re overthinking a decision.

Some of them have arisen from your own experiences, or just evolved with you over time. And they’re not always incredibly helpful.

For example, you might recognise some of these common personalities:

  • The people pleaser, who’s always trying to keep everyone happy
  • The worrier, expert in foreseeing the absolute worst-case scenario
  • The inner critic, never happy with the standard round here
  • The rebel, who thinks you can stick your spreadsheets where the sun doesn’t shine
  • The dreamer, who…. sorry, what were you saying? I’d drifted off

From a psychological perspective, then, deciding to simply be “true to yourself” doesn’t quite wash. And there’s something else to bear in mind.

Society shapes (some of) who you are

The second thing to think about when it comes to being “true to yourself” is the impact society has on our actions and identities.

For example, research shows that, in the workplace, women are far more likely to offer to do non-promotable tasks. These are defined as tasks which “benefit the organization but likely don’t contribute to someone’s performance evaluation and career advancement.” (Think: organizing the office party, or taking minutes at a meeting).

In a Harvard Business Review study, researchers found that

“Although neither men nor women really want to volunteer for thankless tasks, women volunteer more, are asked to volunteer more, and accept requests to volunteer more than men. These differences do not appear to result from gender differences in preferences, but rather from a shared understanding that women will volunteer more than men.”

When a job’s identified, the group are asked to volunteer to do it, and that slightly awkward silence descends on the meeting? Women are far more likely to be the ones to sigh and raise our hands.

This kind of cultural conditioning is a tricky thing to navigate. After all, if we’ve been raised to be helpful, and the expectation is that we’re going to offer a hand if one’s needed, you could say it’s being “true to yourself” to volunteer.

But unconscious gender stereotyping like this is harmful. It plays a big part in the gender pay gap and the lack of women in senior leadership positions. And it relies on our tendency to have absorbed stereotypes like being helpful, pleasing people, and being “good” – which can be to our detriment.

Superwoman to the rescue!

So we’re more likely to volunteer to help out with “thankless” tasks at work. And we’re also more likely to be doing more of the day to day household tasks at home.

A Goldman Sachs report reported statistics from the US Bureau of Labor Statistics showing that

“over the past 15 years, significantly more women than men have spent time on household activities on a daily basis (84% of women vs 65% of men). And the women who engaged in these activities each day spent about 25% more time doing so than the men who engaged in them.”

The solution? Enter, Superwoman.

Superwoman is the archetype of our times. She doesn’t bat an eyelid at all these extra responsibilities. In fact, she also has several productive hobbies, eight children, a regular Pilates practice, a sex life that would make you blush and still finds time to let her hair down with the girls at the weekend.

Sleep? Who needs it!

It’s easy to laugh but when it comes to piling on the commitments, you’ve probably been guilty of going a bit too heavy on the multitasking yourself from time to time.

Conference calls while cooking dinner… business books on holiday… emails on the phone while you’re at the playground.

Ring any bells?

When we’re in Superwoman mode we can often feel like we’re being “true to ourselves”, or at least trying to be.

We’re endeavouring to live up to the idea we have of the perfect wife… mother… manager… friend.

But Superwoman only lasts for so long, before the cracks begin to show.

Burnout is the price we pay for ignoring the need to bring more of ourselves to the table. And when we burn out, we really do get to be ourselves. Just not as the leaders we’d imagined we’d be.

It’s tough. It’s avoidable. And for many of us it’s the wake up call we need to do things differently.

Is there another way?

Being true to yourself requires honesty.

So showing up as yourself isn’t as simple as just letting it all hang out, uncensored. There’s a bit more work involved.

Find out who you are

Beneath all the different roles you play in your life, what makes you tick? What gets you excited? What do you love to do, and what would you like to never do again?

A daily journaling practice is a great way to start when it comes to discovering who you are.

It might feel a little awkward at first – like hanging out with an acquaintance you’ve only just met. Keep going. Even if at first, you’re just writing “I don’t know what to write” or “I don’t know who I am” over and over again.

At some point, you’ll find your voice and the words will begin to flow.

Work through what’s holding you back

When you’re starting to show up as a leader without putting on a “mask”, it also requires that you deal, at least to some extent, with what’s going on in the rest of your life.

If you’re a raging ball of fury at home, snapping at your partner and roaring at your kids, it’s probably safe to say your team might not want to see you let your guard down.

Finding a coach to work with, or exploring a program like BePowerful, can help you safely explore the different aspects of yourself. When you’ve got a handle on any issues that are keeping you from relaxing into your unique self, you’ll find shining as yourself comes far more easily.

Allow yourself to change

Women are, by our natures, cyclical beings. We’re not the same, monotonous robots day in and day out (OK, I know men aren’t either – but you get my drift).

The Women’s PowerTypes™ are the 5 leadership archetypes we use to harness the very different energies we all contain – from cool, decisive Queen to fiery Warrioress.

The PowerTypes are the key to allowing yourself to embrace very different aspects of yourself without sacrificing your effectiveness as a leader. In fact, when you’re able to track your natural flow of energy you can consciously step into the right PowerType at any time – giving you access to a well of energy and leadership power that’s unstoppable.

If you’re committed to being true to yourself as a leader, that also means being aware that you’re going to change. You’re going to make mistakes. But you’ll also have more of an impact than you ever could staying stuck in one, narrow version of your glorious self.

In the words of Brené Brown,

“Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be; embrace who you are.”

More than just a snappy quote, becoming yourself as a leader is a process. But if we’re going to build a different world, it’s a challenge I think it’s high time we rose to.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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3 people every leader needs on her team

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

If you want to be the most effective leader you can be, you can’t do it on your own. Sometimes that means making sure you have specialist support on a nitty-gritty level – team members to delegate to, or support around practical things like childcare. But today I want to talk about 3 people every leader needs on her team beyond those specific roles. These are essential levels of support for your growth on a wider level, and if you’re serious about making a difference they’re not to be ignored.

What do we mean by team?

Before we start, a quick note on what I mean by “team”. I’m not talking necessarily about the people you work directly alongside, or manage, as part of your day to day job. They might not be directly connected to your current role at all. Here, I’m using team in a much wider sense – the people you’re connected with who can help you move in the direction of your goals.

A metaphor we often use in our leadership training is that of the “leader as weaver”. In a piece of fabric, every single strand is supported by – and supports in turn – every other strand. We can’t point to a beautiful bolt of silk and say that this strand is more important than that one. Every single one is important.

When you think about your unique and vital role in this world, it’s really helpful in my experience to remember that you’re not doing it on your own. Your role, and your purpose, is unique to you. But in fulfilling your life’s work, you’ll also be supporting a whole network of others – the other “threads” which are touching yours – in big and small ways.

And in turn, everyone you come into contact with has the potential to enable you to shine that little bit brighter. So today I want to walk you through 3 really important people you’ll want to have in your wider network in order to make you the most effective leader you can be.

3 people every leader needs on her team

1. A sponsor or mentor

Let’s start with sponsors and mentors. If you imagine a grid network of threads in a piece of fabric, with you in the middle, we could think of them as being above you. That’s not to say they’re more important, but when it comes to the difference you’re trying to make they might just be a little bit further along the path.

I define mentors very simply as people who have walked the path before you. They care about you and they’re available to answer questions, but they’re not proactively furthering things for you all the time, necessarily.

Sponsors, on the other hand, are a particular subcategory of mentors, which are people who have a very vested interest in your success – people who really want to open doors for you.

  • If you’re in an organization it might be someone in the C Suite that’s taken a particular interest in your journey
  • It might be someone inside your church group who’s really watching out for you and checking in on you every Sunday
  • It might be a teacher or facilitator who you connected with some years ago, and have stayed in touch with

It’s someone who deeply cares about your career path, or deeply cares about the wellbeing of your project. Someone who, for whatever reason, is particularly interested and is actively working for you, almost as much as they work for (and sometimes maybe even more) than they work for themselves.

If you’ve experienced that kind of support, you can probably recall how good it feels. Mentors and sponsors have the wisdom and experience to reassure you when you hit a bump in the road, or to remind you that you’ll make it through the specific challenges you’re facing. They might have specific advice or they may simply be there to say “keep going – you’re doing great” or “this is always how it feels at this stage”.

They may be able to smooth your path and make introductions; warn you of potential pitfalls and difficulties; or put your day-to-day difficulties into perspective.

Sponsors and mentors: a warning

If you’ve only got sponsors and mentors, you can run the risk of feeling “less than”. Which makes sense, doesn’t it? You’re only comparing yourself to those that are further along or more awesome.

In fact, in a worst-case scenario you can sometimes find yourself falling into victim mode, or getting a bit co-dependent and saying things like “This isn’t working because my mentor is not doing what they should be.”

Over the years I’ve mentored a lot of business people, and sometimes people join Business Masterminds thinking that my role as leader is to somehow “fix” whatever’s not working for them. It’s an unhelpful mentality, which rather than helping you grow can ultimately hold you back.

The best way to guard against that is to make sure the other elements of your support network are in place.

2. A charge, or mentee

Now, going back to this idea of a woven “grid” pattern, when a fabric is woven together there are also going to be threads running beneath yours. These are just as important as the ones above you when it comes to supporting you and holding you in place.

These are the people I call your charges, or mentees. People for whom you’re a bit further on the path, and who you’re helping along.

A charge is the flipside of the mentor/sponsor – someone very special, who you care about, and who you’re wanting to get doors open for.

So you might be acting as a sponsor to them and really driving things forward, actively networking on their behalf and helping create opportunities.

Or perhaps you’re in more of a mentor role, there to answer questions or perhaps have informal check-ins on a regular basis, just to share the benefit of your experience.

If you’re being mentored by someone yourself and you’ve found yourself falling into the trap of only comparing yourself to them, then becoming a mentor to someone else can be an incredibly powerful experience. Suddenly, you’ll become aware of how much you do know about your industry or profession. You might find there are aspects of your role you’ve been completely taking for granted – but when you’re asked about them, you realize that you really do have some expertise to share.

One surprising bonus of having a charge is that they can also bring a fresh perspective. The Zen concept of “beginner’s mind” states that someone who’s new to a challenge often has far more ideas for how to solve it, because they’re not constrained by ideas of how things are “always done” or that “could never work”. So being a mentor can help invigorate your own work in surprising ways.

Alyssa Wrapp is the managing partner of AJR venturers, a management lecturer at Stanford University, and a wife and mother. In a piece for Forbes magazine she shared the benefit she’s found of ensuring she has both these kinds of support in her network:

“As a mentee, I have benefitted from the deep experience of people who have made a personal investment in me; as a mentor, I have accelerated other people’s learning and career growth just by investing time and insight, which has been incredibly gratifying. Furthermore, when I take the time to mentor someone, my company or organization often benefits from this relationship.”

Alyssa Wrapp

3. Peers

The third pillar of support that’s essential for you as you contnue your leadership journey is your peers. One way to think about them in this “fabric” metaphor would be as the vertical threads running along either side of you.

Your peers are those people that are at the same level as you on the journey. Not further along the path, not less along the path, but about the same level.

They’re there to champion and cheerlead you, have fun with you, and inspire you when you’re feeling a bit down. They might be a group you’re a part of, like a mastermind, or your cohort in an extended program like our year-long Lead the Change leadership training.

In your workspace, they’re people who are at roughly the same level as you when it comes to experience and responsibilities; they might be your fellow mums, or your business network.

When you get together with people who are on exactly the same part of the journey as you, you get to laugh about stuff together. Often, there’s a real relief that comes with poking fun at the daily frustrations of your role or debriefing about what you’ve recently learned. That kind of cameraderie can really lift you up.

If you don’t have peers, and you’ve only got those that you’re looking up to, and those that you’re helping along, it can feel like a pretty lonely old journey. Because you don’t necessarily feel the fun, and the love, and the inspiration with those relationships. And they’re not as attuned to the details and the challenges that you’re experiencing day in and day out on your path.

Connected, integrated, aligned

Every layer of this support is necessary if you’re going to truly thrive as a leader.

Because without this strong fabric of support, we can end up feeling quite isolated. We can feel alone. We can end up in superwoman. And we can feel either smarter than everyone or dumber than everyone depending on which elements of the fabric are missing.

So, we want to be able to orientate ourselves as close to the truth of how things are and feel as supported as is possible. This is the state in which we’ll experience the most profound, and sustainable, growth. 

How strong is your fabric?

  • Take a moment to reflect for yourself on these 3 people – sponsors or mentors, charges, and peers. Can you identify one person fulfilling each of those roles in your life right now? Can you identify more than one?
  • If there were a few actions that needed to be put in place to strengthen out that fabric, what might they need to be?

Take a couple of minutes to give some thought to that, and jot down some ideas. And if you’d like some specific support around a particular area of your life and are interested in joining one of our retreats or leadership trainings, click here to find out more about our programs.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest Post: 5 Pelvic Floor Myths – Revealed

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

This is a guest post by Wendy Powell.

I want to get real about all things pelvic floor and clear up some of the myths you may have heard about these muscles. When it comes to women’s health, especially pelvic health, there’s a lot of myths that need busting. I want to help you to get informed and arm you with the facts, so you can feel in control and empowered. Here are 5 pelvic floor myths we commonly hear from the women around us – and the truth behind them.

What is your pelvic floor?

Good question! Here’s a quick rundown in case you’re not 100% clear on what we mean when we talk about your pelvic floor.

Your pelvic floor is responsible for holding your pelvic organs in place. It’s made up of the muscles, ligaments and tissues that support your Bladder Uterus and your Bowel and the three openings – Your urethra, vagina and anus.

There are a lot of misconceptions and myths that go around about taking care of your pelvic floor, and some of the symptoms and challenges that can be associated with it. Read on to find out the truth about this much-misunderstood area of the body…

Here are the 5 pelvic floor myths about to get BUSTED!

MYTH 1 – Leaking is just something that just comes with age.

Nope! Leaking is not something you have to just accept as you age. There is no reason why you cannot have a strong and functional pelvic floor, whatever your age.

(And yes, even if you’ve had children…)

MYTH 2 – It’s okay to wee a little bit when I sneeze or laugh.

Total myth! And one that’s being pushed on the regular by big corporations, selling incontinence products. The messaging around incontinence is all wrong. It’s never okay to just mask the problem with a pad. Pads serve a purpose in the short term, but the “oops moment” messaging isn’t helpful to women or conducive to an effective recovery. It’s spreading the belief that leaking is inevitable and something, as women, that we have to put up with and keep quiet about.

You don’t need to be discreet about it, there is help for you and opening up conversations about it helps in spreading the message and destroying the taboo! If you are weeing a little or a lot when you shouldn’t be, you can see a Women’s Health Physio or find out more about what you can do below.

MYTH 3 – Pain during sex is normal.

Okay. Let’s get one thing straight here. Pain-free intercourse is the VERY LEAST you should expect from your sex life. Your enjoyment and comfort are important. You deserve to feel like a goddess, pain-free, with all the orgasms!

Painful sex can be a result of a hypertonic (too tight) pelvic floor. Focusing on engaging and releasing your pelvic floor correctly will help, and seeking a referral to a Women’s Health Physiotherapist should be next on your to-do list.

MYTH 4 – A few Kegels will cure all my pelvic floor issues.

Kegels and other traditional pelvic floor exercises, involving squeezing, are an important starting point but sometimes they may not be enough, or you may not be performing them correctly.

There is a really important relaxation phase that’s often missing along with postural and alignment adjustments. Watch my free 6 minute pelvic floor workout to help you master this.

MYTH 5 – If I ignore this, it’ll go away.

Something that starts as a little leak can often lead to something more serious, like prolapse or hernia. It’s important to address any symptoms you have, sooner rather than later. You can and will get a more functional pelvic floor with effective exercises designed to reconnect with and strengthen those muscles.

Every woman deserves a body that works. A functional body means you can do you whatever you were put on this earth to do, in the best way possible.

Learn how to stop leaks and strengthen your pelvic floor with a step by step guide and video here.

About Wendy

Wendy is a globally recognised leading voice on women’s health and wellness, bringing education and awareness about physiological and emotional postpartum issues to a wider audience. She is Founder and CEO of world best selling postpartum recovery program, MUTU System, and accredited education provider, MUTU Pro. She works alongside pelvic health specialists around the world including Physiotherapists, Physical Therapists and sex therapists, as well as NHS Trusts and hospital Physio departments to offer a trusted and credible resources on postpartum health.

After a decade as an in-demand certified pregnancy and postpartum specialist personal trainer in London, Wendy created and launched the first MUTU System online training program in 2010. Since then the global brand and community has grown and flourished, offering expertise and support to women who want to heal their core and pelvic floor and get strong, fit and confident. The highly engaged, body positive and supportive MUTU Mama online community offers women a trusted, safe space of education and empowerment.

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Guest post: How to love yourself first

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

I know you will have heard this before, but the most important relationship you have is with yourself. You are the first person you need to fall in love with – otherwise you are expecting someone else to fulfil you, putting a massive burden on them. Today I’m going to share some simple exercises so that you can discover how to love yourself first and foremost.

What’s your self-love score?

Let’s start by establishing where you are right now in terms of your love for yourself.

On a score of 0 – 100 – where 0 means you loathe yourself, feel you are a worthless pile of junk, and 100 means recognising that you are the most magnificent being and there is still more to come – where do you rate yourself right now?

Take a second and jot it down.

This will become the benchmark from which you will see yourself unfold.Whatever it is now, by the time you have finished this article, your score will have dramatically increased.

(If your score is low, do not fret because that means there is lots of lovely untapped potential to play with!)

Now take your score away from 100. So if you score yourself at 35, your new total will be 65.

The fantastic news is that there is 65% of you that you haven’t even begun to uncover yet!

Why does self-love feel hard?

In this society we are often taught to be self-critical, to weigh ourselves against others, and we are always found wanting. We never deem ourselves good enough. But until we can break down the barriers to our own heart, we have insufficient love to be able to share with another.

Unfair though it may sound, you are responsible for your own happiness. Nobody makes you happy or sad – that’s down to how you choose to respond to the circumstances around you.

No doubt you will have heard stories of incredible courage and even joy of people in the depths of human misery, yet deep from within emerges their limitless spirit.

That spirit is in you too.

What relationships with others can teach you about self-love

Intimate relationships present our greatest challenge because it is here that our reactive patterns of behaviour tend to be triggered by the close proximity and interaction with another person.

All our insecurities, self doubts and fears come up to be addressed. Your beliefs, your values, your rules, and your behaviour get challenged by someone else’s ideas about life and come up to conscious awareness, ready to be healed if you allow them to be.

This is often our greatest opportunity to make changes in our life, and causes us to look deep inside ourselves to find out what it is we really think, feel, believe and desire.

It is also our greatest opportunity to go beyond what we know, beyond what we feel we can give and beyond how we feel we can love. It stretches our limits and gives us the chance to expand and become more.

It is where our vulnerabilities are on display, where we can make the decision to let go of control and learn to trust, and be open to receiving the love of another.

How to learn to love yourself

So how can we learn to love ourselves first when we’ve been taught since childhood to put ourselves last, to view others as being better than ourselves? When we continually find fault with ourselves, why would anyone else not find those faults in us too?

Understand that you are a limitless being with the whole of the history of the Universe inside you. You are unique. We are all unique. You are an amazing creation – the chances of you being born are zillions to one – and the chances of being on this planet are zillions to one.

You are an extraordinary creature – a miracle of life, and when you start to see yourself and view your life as a miracle you will start to appreciate others as a miracle too, so you won’t get so caught up with the humdrum and the nastiness which is so prevalent in society these days.

When we let go of feeling inferior, we are amazing.

Grab a piece of paper and jot down the answers to the following questions as they come to you – you don’t have to share this with anyone else.

1. What do you love about yourself?

There are always things to love about yourself, even if it’s your nose or your feet, the way you tenderly care for animals, your smile, your touch, your ability to sing, your talents.

Come up with at least 10 things, and preferably 100, and please write them down so you can look at them on those occasional days when things may not be going according to plan.

2. What is your most valuable treasure?

  • Is it your vision?
  • Your talents?
  • Your love?
  • Your sense of humor?
  • Your ability to be flexible?
  • Compassion, creativity?

What would you be prepared to let go of – old limitations, old behaviours, limiting beliefs, continually telling your bad experiences to anyone who will listen…

You see, there’s part of you that you don’t know yet.

To find the amazingness of you, you have to go to places you’ve not yet been. Give yourself permission to be open, trusting and allow the process to happen. Allow love to pour through you as you uncover more of who you are – love is unlimited and boundless.

What we are still searching for is that feeling of being unconditionally loved, and being held and caressed and touched. This is why it is so important that we create that feeling for ourselves first by being kind to ourselves, loving our body and treating ourselves well.

Treat yourself well by understanding that who you choose to spend time with will affect your values, your language, your happiness, your health and even your earnings. Learn to love yourself by enjoying and appreciating your body – notice how you talk to yourself and what you put in your body.

Do you feed yourself with nourishing foods and drinks, and do you give it the exercise it enjoys?

When you learn to treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend, your body will respond beautifully.

4. What can you do for you that makes you feel really good inside?

Write down 3 ideas you could do this week – it might be as simple as wearing a favourite outfit, or taking 5 minutes to go for a walk somewhere beautiful.

5. Now write a vision of how you would like life to be as if it has already happened.

When you read this every day, your unconscious mind will take it on as a new program, so the new way of enjoying your life will be installed and overwrite old unhelpful beliefs. This works, it really works!

What’s changed?

Having completed those exercises, score yourself again as to how you feel about yourself, and see how much you’ve grown from how you scored at the beginning of this exercise.

When we accept ourselves fully, we stop being needy – it doesn’t mean we don’t need someone else in our life, just that we don’t expect them to do it all for us, as we don’t base our self-esteem on other peoples’ opinions.

If you learn to admire and honor and respect who you are, (the good, the bad and the ugly) it doesn’t mean you’re big-headed but that you honor and appreciate yourself and desire to be the best you can be.

When you continually enhance this special relationship with yourself, you will find your levels of happiness increasing more and more, and then you have more to bring to the world.

Would you like some extra support to reconnect to yourself?

If you’d like to talk about some extra support when it comes to relationships – with yourself or others – or find out details of our BeLove retreat where we look at these topics in more detail, we’d be happy to chat. Click here to book in a free, no-strings call with one of our friendly team and find out how we can help you find fulfillment in your relationships.

About Susie

Fashion Designer | Grandmother | Dancer

One of many master coach and trainer Susie Heath is an expert in love and intimacy and an internationally acclaimed author and speaker. She has been a buyer for Marks and Spencer, a shoe designer, a horticulturist featured at the Chelsea Flower Show and more.

Now, as a coach and trainer she has has worked personally with hundreds of men and women, helping them reawaken their authentic selves with her profound coaching and movement workshops.

 

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Why is women’s leadership important in our world?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Female leadership matters. All other considerations aside, it results in better performance. Studies have shown that companies with greater gender diversity, not just among the workforce as a whole but specifically among senior leaders, are more profitable. So, the answer to the question “why is women’s leadership important in our world?”, the answer is simple: it gives us better results.

But when it comes to stepping into our power as leaders, it’s clear that we face some pretty big challenges.

Today I want to share some current research into women’s leadership, as well as an angle on it that I think you’ll find incredibly motivating – whether or not you think of yourself as a leader in the traditional sense.

If you’re a woman keen to have your biggest impact, and to discover a take you might not have considered when it comes to changing things, read on.

Why is women’s leadership important in our world?

Let’s start with the basics: women leaders have a measurable impact on the bottom line.

In a 2015 report, McKinsey and co found that “In the UK, greater gender diversity on the senior executive team corresponded to the highest performance uplift in our data set: for every 10% increase in gender diversity, earnings before interest and taxes rose by 3.5%”

And yet, when it comes to representation of women in senior positions, the stats show we still have a long way to go. In 2018, Goldman Sachs undertook a report into gender diversity and – whilst noting the limitations on available data – reported that “Women make up about 40% of all employees – but just 6% of CEOs.”

So why is this – and what can we do about it?

Why do we see fewer women in leadership positions?

Well, it won’t surprise you to know that the answer to this is complicated. As we all know, women are a diverse bunch and the individual decisions and choices we make – or have made for us – about stepping up to more senior roles are as unique as we are.

Still, there are some threads that emerge. One of them is the cultural paradigm – the social context most of us have been raised in, which continues to promote certain gender stereotypes.

At the start of BePowerful, our 12 week online coaching program that connects women to their power, we invite the women taking part to spend some time thinking about what traits they associate with being “female”. It’s always so fascinating to see what gets shared in our virtual forum in response to this question.

If you haven’t done this exercise before, have a quick think now about what you’d list out as “feminine” attributes.

Often, women share that they’ve been surprised to uncover some very negative entrenched views of being called “girly” or “like a woman”. Being told you “throw like a girl” or comments like “typical woman driver” spring to mind.

We’re rightly outraged when we hear these comments being made, and yet however hard we try to resist them, they have an impact.

We internalize a certain set of associations with being a woman compared to being a man, and that has a real impact on our confidence when it comes to stepping into leadership roles.

This phenomenon is something the Goldman Sachs report picked up on.

“Women may be uncomfortable exhibiting more stereotypically “masculine” traits such as ambition and self-promotion in the workplace. They may fear a backlash if their behavior is at odds with prevailing gender stereotypes.

In fact, traits and behavior that are often rewarded in men may be seen as inappropriate, discomforting and perhaps ultimately counter-productive when demonstrated by women.

In colloquial terms, aggressive men may be perceived as being “go-getters,” while similarly aggressive women may be perceived as having “sharp elbows.” Closing the Gender Gap: Advancing Women in Corporate America, Goldman Sachs

The playing field when it comes to male and female leadership then, is clearly not a level one. And the very leadership characteristics that accelerate the advancement of our male colleagues can actually be seen as negative when applied to women.

So what’s the solution?

What can we do about it?

Changing our culture when it comes to the stereotypes we have of each gender would be a great place to start. As a parent, I’m passionate about ensuring the next generation isn’t raised with these outdated ideas of women and men’s roles and characteristics.

But I think this also offers us a real opportunity to change things right now when it comes to modelling what effective leadership looks like. With courage and confidence, it’s time to change not only the diversity among our leadership teams but to create a new form of leadership.

Instead of trying to squeeze ourselves into old-fashioned ways of working, here is an opportunity to radically shift our organizations, and evolve a more balanced, diverse, and ultimately resilient way of leading.

Stephanie S Mead, author of The Art of Strategic Leadership: How Leaders at All Levels Prepare Themselves, Their Teams, and Organizations for the Future, sees this ability to change as being fundamental to successful business.

“If you want to be relevant in the future, you have no choice but to change and evolve…

Leaders have a responsibility to build and support a culture where breaking down ingrained habits and old standards is recognized as an important part of rebuilding and creating a stronger, more successful organization.

They not only see the need for change, they work hard to identify and manage resistance in order to push the needed change forward.” – Stephanie S Mead

When we are given the support we need to become unique leaders, rather than doing things “the way they’ve always been”, we actually strengthen our organizations.

Change starts with you

You might not be in a corporate setting right now – but I believe you are absolutely a leader, whether for your family, your community, in the public or not-for-profit sectors. All of us are role models for the upcoming generations; as citizens each of us has responsibility for changing our corner of the world.

So, I invite you to connect to this inspiration in whatever form your leadership takes. To recognise that while the world we are living in is often unfair, if we connect and support each other we have the power to create an entirely different system.

And if you’re wondering where to start, the seeds of that change can be planted in the simplest possible way: starting with you.

“Whether you are a leader or not, I think you have to pay attention to thought patterns and processes so you start to recognize when resistance is emerging, either in yourself or in others…. You can also coach yourself and others to get out of the routine and try new things that will encourage you and them to work outside your comfort zones and look at the change as an opportunity to grow.” Stephanie Mead

Getting more comfortable with change is something that can start in the smallest possible way.

  • Take a different route on a well-worn commute
  • Speak up when you might stay silent
  • Reach out to someone you don’t know that well, and invite them for a virtual coffee
  • Apply for a role that’s slightly outside your comfort zone
  • Show up in a way that’s more authentically you instead of “fitting in” to the expectations of others

I’m sure you can think of more ideas when it comes to beginning to get more comfortable with the idea of change. Whatever it looks like for you, I would love you to share somewhere you’re overcoming resistance or trying something new in the comments. Together, we can create a ripple of change that goes far beyond our individual impact – and adds up to a wave that could change the world.

Ready to overcome resistance?

If you’re feeling the pull to change and would like to be supported and guided into allowing your authentic self to come through, take a look at our BePowerful program. Click here for the full details and scroll down to book in a no-pressure application call.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What Michelle Obama has to say about the power of community

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

It was as the First Lady of the United States that we first came to know Michelle Obama. But since leaving the White House she’s stepped seemingly effortlessly into a role that arguably eclipses her husband’s in terms of influence and inspiration.

As a mother, a leader and an advocate for women’s power (not to mention a sought-after speaker and best selling author), she’s managed to retain a genuine air of relatability.

I’m sure I’m one of many women who could totally imagine grabbing a coffee (or a cocktail!) with Michelle, instinctively feeling that sense of closeness that only comes from deep authenticity and openness.

It’s a rare quality in a public figure and one that speaks of remarkable inner strength. And as I read back over some of her best-known quotes, it’s easy to see why. So many of the Soft Power principles we live by here at One of many have been powerfully articulated by Michelle over the years. Here’s a roundup of just a few.

On the importance of taking care of yourself

In her interviews and conversations, Michelle’s repeatedly been an advocate for taking care of ourselves as women. Around here, we know it as “Soft Power Principle Number One”: First, replenish yourself.

It might sound obvious – if you’re hungry, you eat. If you’re tired, you sleep… Right? Only, as any woman who’s pushed through overwhelm, exhaustion or fed-up-ness knows – it’s surprising how long you can keep going past your own natural limits, when you feel you have no choice.

As mothers, as leaders and as team members we know that even when we’re mentally and physically depleted, somehow we can keep going. But that doesn’t mean we should. In Michelle’s words,

“Women in particular need to keep an eye on their physical and mental health, because if we’re scurrying to and from appointments and errands, we don’t have a lot of time to take care of ourselves. We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own ‘to do’ list.”

I love how Michelle frames self-care not only as a matter of doing what’s right for ourselves, but as a model for the next generation.

Our actions matter when it comes to the example we set to the women looking up to us.

How can we show them how we expect them to be treated in the world? Leaving the office on time, so that junior colleagues see that holding power responsibly doesn’t entail burning the candle at both ends? Or letting the young people in your life – nieces, baristas, the student intern – see that you’re not afraid to show up as you are, and ask for what you need?

For Michelle, part of her leadership is showing her daughters how important it is to make time for herself.

“When I get up and work out, I’m working out just as much for my girls as I am for me, because I want them to see a mother who loves them dearly, who invests in them, but who also invests in herself.

It’s just as much about letting them know as young women that it is okay to put yourself a little higher on your priority list.”

Whether it’s taking responsibility for our finances; creating equal partnerships with our spouses, or standing up for the causes we believe in, we’re not only doing it for us but also acting as leaders to the women growing up in the world we’re creating. I don’t know about you but for me that’s a real motivator when it comes to prioritizing my needs.

We can’t do it alone

So it’s important to take time for ourselves, and to remember that we’re always modelling choices for those around us to. But what happens when things get hard? When perhaps the thought of being an “example” to others can feel like pressure we just don’t need.

Here’s another thread where I find our work hugely aligned with Michelle’s – connection with other women. In her words,

“Sometimes we can’t do this alone, and we shouldn’t have to.”

Our community of women is one of the most powerful I’ve ever experienced – when it comes to work, life, or relationships, I never fail to be astonished by the depth of the friendships and support I see at our retreats, at the One Woman Conference, and in our online community.

For some of us, it’s the first time we’ve experienced true connection with other women – who we can rely on to tell us the truth, share their highs and their lows, and stand with us as we grow.

On the days when I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water I can hugely relate to how highly Michelle speaks of her own inner circle of women.

“I relied on my girlfriends to get me through one of the hardest eight years of my life. … We have to remember to be that for each other.

We have to be each other’s light. We cannot get into that catty stuff. We have to find a way to continue to lift other women up in our worlds and in our lives as much as possible.”

Lifting other women up. It’s a phrase that sums up so beautifully the power of our community and the truth that we’ll all rise higher when we do it together.

If you’d love to experience it for yourself, click here to join us and find out more. We all need each other if we’re going to create the world we want to live in.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.