One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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I love my kids, so why do I shout at them?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

It’s something every parent has surely found themselves wondering from time to time: I love my kids, so why do I shout at them?

If you don’t have children, there’s probably another example you can think of.

You adore your partner – so what was with those sarcastic words that came out of your mouth when they asked an innocent question about your plans a few weeks ago?

Or maybe you find yourself responding with surly monosyllables in conversation with your Dad one Sunday afternoon. Are you forty, or fourteen right now?

I’m sure you can think of an example from your own life where you found yourself lashing out at someone you know you care very deeply about. It can be so frustrating. You know you’re a capable, confident woman deep down. So where on earth does she disappear to at these times, and what can you do to get her to return?

You’re not alone

First things first, you are most definitely not alone. Sit down for a glass of wine with any mother and she’ll probably confess to moments when she really wasn’t proud of the example she was setting to her kids.

Sit down with a glass of wine with me, and I’ll confess to moments of the same.

We all have times when we slip into a mode that’s not really who we are, or who we want to be…

One client I talked to at one of our retreats told me abut a recent time when she’d totally lost it with her husband. “I was cruel and mean,” she told me, thinking back to the way she’d lashed out at him. “And it wasn’t even over anything big.”

At One of manywe refer to these unhelpful responses as coming from disempowering archetypes, and there’s three that most of us identify with at one time or another.

3 ways we lose it with our loved ones

1. There’s the Bitch – cutting, maybe even sarcastic, and always unkind, she’s the sharp tongue that snaps at your kids when they’re taking far too long to get ready; the tone that has your partner running for cover, or the look that makes your colleagues wish the floor would swallow them up.

2. The Victim is that stroppy teenager part of you – the girl who just thinks life is so unfair, but that there’s absolutely nothing she can do about it. In victim mode, we throw up our hands and declare that everything’s out of our control. It’s all other people’s fault, and you might as well just curl up in a ball and give up. Nothing you can do could possibly make a difference anyway, right?

3. The final sister in our trio of despondency is the Martyr. Her signature is to pile up her plate with task after task, responsibility after responsibility, sacrificing her own wellbeing for everyone else – and simmering with resentment about it. She’s the last one to leave the office and the first to volunteer for an extra duty, with a big sigh to make sure everyone knows how hard she’s working.

Breaking free of the disempowering archetypes

Crowning all 3 of these is the archetype we call Superwoman. She’s the woman trying to juggle everything: her home, her relationship, her work, her self-expression… doing it all, by herself, with no one else’s help. She simply doesn’t have a stop button.

Superwoman runs on pure adrenaline, most of the time, and it’s no surprise that when we push ourselves to be in superwoman mode for most (or all!) of the time, we can find ourselves heading for exhaustion, sickness or burnout.

What’s going on?

Knowing these archetypes is a really great way of starting to be able to get to a more resourceful place – one where you can actually begin to anticipate times when things are going to get tough, and maybe even change your behavior ahead of time.

In our BePowerful program we use an exercise called “trigger tracking” to begin to notice exactly when we tend to move into the archetypes that least serve us.

For my client who’d shouted at her husband, she identified quickly that she was moving into”bitch” mode. And the trigger was nothing to do with her husband – it was a looming work deadline that sent her into a tailspin of stress that was directed at her nearest and dearest.

What you can do

So if you find yourself yelling at your kids, it’s likely that you’re moving into one of these disempowering archetypes – and that might well be because Superwoman is showing up in your life.

Here’s how to gently retire these ladies from your day-to-day life.

1. Forgive yourself

When you’ve shouted at your children or said something unkind, it’s easy to let that drag you into self-recrimination: “I shouldn’t have said that”… “I’m a horrible person”.

Start by forgiving yourself. We all have off days; we’ve all said things we wished we could take back from time to time. Apologise to the person you snapped at, if that’s appropriate, and then move on. This is a prompt for you to take a closer look at yourself and see if you can change the pattern.

2. Notice what happened

Get curious about what it is that flared up, and what happened just before it to prompt it. Was it, like my client, a reminder of a pressing work deadline that had you worrying you might fail – a touch of “imposter syndrome”? Or did your partner inadvertently remind you of an insecurity about feeling accepted?

Kids can be great at pushing our buttons, completely without meaning to – and with no idea of the reaction they’re going to get.

Identifying your “triggers” isn’t about going into victim mode or blaming others for setting us off. But it can help you give those closest to you clues about times you’re likely to feel tense, and give you a heads up that it might be time to prepare for stress to come up.

3. Take care of yourself first

The bottom line when temper flares is that your needs aren’t being met in some way. Perhaps you’re run down and exhausted, and you just need a rest. (If you’re completely overwhelmed, our overwhelm first aid kit might be just the thing).

Or there might be some historical emotional patterns that are asking for your attention. Working with a coach or through a program like BePowerful is a really gentle, supportive way to take a look at any area where you know you’re not feeling at your best, and learn new strategies to make changes.

How about you?

Do you know you have a tendency to flare up at certain points? What are the triggers for you, and how do you work through them – letting the people in your life know when you have a pressing deadline, perhaps, or giving yourself an extra time buffer in between appointments so you (and the kids) can decompress? Share what works for you in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

 

 

 

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How to stop feeling guilty

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

All of us feel guilt at some time or another. But if you think that guilt’s a purely negative thing that you ought to be avoiding at all costs, pause. I believe that guilt can actually be an incredibly useful emotion, and if we learn what it’s trying to tell us we can absolutely learn how to stop feeling guilty, as well.

As a mother, it feels that guilt is almost something that’s inbuilt into my life – so you’ll have to excuse me if this blog is a bit mum-centric as I share my personal experience. Because guilt’s absolutely not a feeling that’s limited to mothers.

Whether it’s an awareness of our impact on the environment, the amount of time we spend with our partners, our choices about what we eat or how we behave, there are plenty of things to potentially feel guilty about in the modern world.

So how on earth can this actually be something that’s helpful to us?

Guilt: a personal story

When my first child, James, was born, I was fortunate to be able to take a big chunk of time off. So the classic “Mum guilt” didn’t have such an impact on me. But when our second child, Rosie, came along, that all changed.

As our vision has evolved over the past few years, I’ve fallen more and more deeply in love with this work and our amazing community. More than just a job, this is my soul calling – my true purpose in the world. So when Rosie was born I knew one thing to be true: I didn’t want to stop working with One of many just at the point where it felt our mission was really gathering momentum.

That means my work has grown alongside my family. Rosie’s been coming along with me to events since she was 5 weeks old. Of course, I made some changes to accommodate my needs as a new mum, but halting my contribution to the team completely just wouldn’t have felt right.

And there you have it, the perfect recipe for guilt: two children for whom I am the sun, moon and stars, and a business that I’m absolutely clear is my soul purpose.

James is old enough now to be able to ask me outright: “Why do you have to go to work today – why can’t you pick me up from school?” Cue the guilt!

Don’t get me wrong, I know how lucky I am. For so many mums, doing the school pickup is never an option, let alone being able to work from home and spend time together during holidays and breaks.

And then there are mums like our team’s amazing Wendy, who almost lost her life after the birth of her third child. Seriously ill, it just wasn’t possible for her to be there in the way she wanted to for her newborn baby – and yet the guilt was still there!

Whether you’re a mum or not, I don’t think guilt is something any of us can escape from experiencing, but it’s really important we pay attention to it: and here’s why.

Why guilt can be so destructive

If we find ourselves doing guilt a lot, it’s often because we’ve slipped into the disempowering archetype of the Martyr. This is often associated with the role of mother, whether or not or you have children. If that sounds confusing – being a Mother when you don’t have kids? – let me explain.

In our Women’s PowerTypes™ tool, Mother is one of the powerful roles that all of us women can choose to step into. Along with Warrioress, Queen, Sorceress and Lover, it’s a PowerType we can draw on from time to time.

Regardless of whether or not you have children of your own, Mother is our nurturing, compassionate, deeply loving side that sees the best in everyone and is always there to offer comfort and support.

It’s also an aspect that, when over-expressed, can slip into feeling guilty, and ultimately become the Martyr, endlessly exhausting herself in the service of others.

When guilt become destructive

It can be tempting to try and fight feelings of guilt with more action. To take another example, perhaps you feel guilty about not spending enough time with your friends – and book in drinks on an evening when you’ve already done a full day of work, made dinner and done all the evening chores at home. You meet your friend feeling tired, ratty, and utterly uninterested in hearing the latest saga in her ongoing feud with a colleague.

That’s when guilt can lead to resentment, and start to become really destructive in our relationships. We start telling ourselves that everyone else gets attention before we do, and forget the importance of really giving to ourselves.

So why do we feel guilt?

If we can’t get rid of guilt by doing more, what’s the solution?

The whole issue of guilt starts to make a lot more sense when we get to the bottom of the real reason we feel guilty.

Guilt is an emotion that prompts us to take a look at whether we’re really living according to our values.

So, when you feel it, the important thing to do is to stop. If you know what your values are, you can do a quick check in – are you living in alignment with them right now? If the answer’s yes, you know you can let go of that guilt.

For me, I know that self-expression is a really high value for me. Contributing through my work is the impact I am here on this planet to make, and so I’m able to recognize that, although my instincts as a mother create feelings of guilt from time to time, they’re not something I need to hold on to.

How to let go of guilt

If you’re clear you’re living up to your values, and yet you’re still finding it really hard to release any guilty feelings that come up, it might be a sign that you’re hanging on to an emotion from the past that it’s time to let go of.

That might even include guilt you’ve inherited from someone else. If your own mother felt a lot of guilt, you might have been brought up hearing things like “it’s selfish to think about yourself”.

In our members area we have free resources to help you release emotions, including guilt, which might be holding you back. You can click here to join our community and get access to all of them, including a free audio recording all about emotions and how to manage them.

Guilt and you

Guilt’s such a common emotion that it’s really important we gain the understanding we need of why it occurs and what we can do to shift it.

Whether it’s taking the time to look after yourself – so your Mother doesn’t slip into Martyr – or dealing with residual emotions that are no longer serving you, addressing guilt is a powerful way to create change in your life.

And the effect on those around you, if guilt is something that’s been a big presence in your life, can be immense.

How about you? Does guilt play a big part in your life, or is it something you’re pretty confident you know how to handle? Share your experience in the comments.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to drink enough water

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

If there was a really easy, almost completely free way to increase your energy, boost your performance and make you look younger, would you leap at it? Most of us have a vague idea we could probably be more hydrated. But we don’t always know how to drink enough water, so today I want to share what I’ve learned about how to easily make this huge difference to your life.

Simply upping our water intake is one of the most effective things you can do to impact your mental clarity and our overall wellbeing. So if you know you’re going through your days drier than an Aussie backyard at the end of a long summer, read on.

The day I realized how important water is

My personal “aha” moment came a while back, when I got so rundown that I ended up in a clinic to have intravenous vitamins administered via a drip. (It’s an extreme example, I know!).

Incredibly, I started feeling better almost immediately – even before the vitamins could possibly have taken effect. That’s when I realised the reason was simple: the hydration boost I was getting from the drip meant I finally had enough water in my body.

There and then, my intellectual understanding that my body needed water was transformed into an experience of just how much of a difference it can make.

From one quick blast of hydration I felt happier, more energized and mentally sharper than I had done in weeks. Nowadays, I’m evangelical about the difference simply staying hydrated can have on our lives – and I also know it’s not as easy as it sounds.

Research shows that 80% of adults in Australia and 75% in the United States are dehydrated, so if you suspect you could do with drinking a bit more water but aren’t sure how to make that intention a reality, read on.

Water makes a bigger difference than we think

If you’ve ever felt tired for no reason, felt foggy or stuck, or just feel that you’re not performing at your best, try looking at your hydration habits. Keeping hydrated makes a difference to so many areas of our lives.

Water…

  • Helps alkalize the body
  • Plumps our cells, making us look more “well”
  • Balances our moods and emotions
  • Increases our metabolism: drinking water has been proven to reduce hunger and also temporarily improve your metabolism by 24-30%.
  • Helps our joints stay lubricated and our organs functioning optimally
  • Boosts our cognitive ability. Research by a UK university found that when we’re dehydrated we’re as prone to making errors whilst driving as if we’d drunk low levels of alcohol – and yet many of us make most of our decisions in this state!

How to know if you’re dehydrated

A drop of just 1% in hydration can negatively affect our cognitive ability and mood. It takes a drop to 2% before we start feeling thirsty, by which point we’re already dehydrated.

Of course, if you already drink plenty of water, I’m not suggesting you overdo it. Drinking more than the recommended amount can actually be harmful.

But if you know you tend to skip hydrating yourself, think about whether you’ve experienced any of these symptoms:

  • Feeling tired even before you start your day
  • A heavy headed or “brain fog” sensation
  • Headaches
  • Getting cravings for certain foods
  • Feeling down or dejected

Any of these could be a sign you need to up your water intake.

3 top tips for how to drink enough water

If you’re curious about the difference water could make to your wellbeing, it’s time to get some good hydration habits in place.

  1. Make sure you’re drinking the right stuff

Staying hydrated is best achieved with water (coffee and alcohol can actually dehydrate us). Our bodies also need salt to absorb water, so try experimenting with a “hydration hero” once a day to see if that helps you get more of the benefits. Simply mix 1 part fruit juice to 4 parts water, and add a pinch of salt.

  1. Try water scheduling

I learned this tip from Geeta Sidhu-Robb, health coach and one of the mentors at our BeVital retreat, and I’ve used it ever since. The idea is to set a schedule for how much water to drink during the day. Here’s how the day breaks down:

  • 1 glass of water first thing in the morning
  • 2 glasses of water at 12pm, 3pm and 5pm
  • 1 glass of water at 7pm
  • Bonus: 1 glass of water at 10pm (if you’re still awake!)

For me, this schedule made a huge difference. I literally set an alarm on my phone to remind me to go and drink my water (these can also be great prompts for quick movement breaks). But what works for me might not work for you, which leads me to my third suggestion…

  1. Know yourself

Lots of us have tried to increase our water intake at various times, but we each have our own unique needs. Maybe you’re more of a water sipper – having a jug of water on your desk is a better strategy than drinking whole glasses at certain times. Personally, I hate drinking cold water first thing, and prefer to have a mug of hot water with a squeeze of lemon. Or perhaps you’d rather have herbal teas to make up your quota.

Whatever your preference, you might be surprised what a difference upping your water intake can make. Got a tip or a story to share about your hydration? Let us know in the comments!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to avoid money arguments

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

“I just can’t talk to you about this any more!” Never mind going into another room. I was on the other side of the suburb before I’d calmed down, after yet another blow up with my husband about our finances. If you’re wondering how to avoid money arguments, here’s how we learned to get past the conflict and into alignment when it comes to the money stuff.

I can still remember so vividly how it felt, that particular day. I was hurt, frustrated, and confused. I even wondered if this meant the end of our relationship.

What was most maddening was that for the most part we agreed about money. We knew we had aligned long-term goals and our thoughts about money in general were pretty similar. I knew that something had to change.

Finding a way through the financial storms

Years later, my husband and I are working in our third business together, having navigated big financial hurdles like becoming parents, moving countries, and buying property.

These days, I’m pleased to report that our money conversations always end with us both in the same room – even if we’re not always on the same page. So I wanted to share the things I’ve learned that have made all the difference in our interactions on the topic.

Whether it’s your boss, mum, best friend or partner, here’s how to have productive, effective conversations about money.

5 keys to helping you avoid money arguments

1. Be aware and gentle

For many of us, money is an area of emotional or psychological wounding. Questions of how much we earn or what’s left over at the end of the month recall unconscious judgments in our minds about all kinds of things. This is really normal – almost all of us get tripped up by this from time to time.

What that means is that money conversations start to feel really personal. Statements the other person makes can easily feel like criticism, for example, even if they weren’t intended that way.

The first step then, is to be aware that this is likely to be true. If money comes up, know that this might become a tricky conversation and check in with yourself – is now the time to talk about this? Are you already feeling tender or tense?

Put it into action:
  • Understand that money can be a source of tension
  • Prepare for conversations about money ahead of time
  • Recognise that money talk can feel like it’s personal, even when it’s not intended that way

2. Know what’s yours

Aside from the numbers, it’s vital to know what’s yours on an emotional level. What do I mean by that? Well, a lot of the conflict that arises about money can actually come from within us. For example…

They say: “I think we should have a chat about setting up a joint account for shared bills”

You hear: “You’re terrible with money – I can’t trust you to handle your finances on your own”

You say: “Stop trying to control everything!”

Or…

They say: “How much did you say that retreat was going to cost?”

You hear: “You’re spending too much on extravagant things that don’t matter”

You say: “It’s up to me what I spend my money on – I don’t criticise you for the crap you waste your pay on!”

Hmm… it’s not hard to see how arguments flare up, right?

Becoming aware of the stuff money conversations bring up for us can open up awareness of deeper things that need healing, for example an area you feel especially defensive about, or a particular person whose criticism had a big effect on you in the past.

What’s important is that, when you are aware of these issues, you take responsibility for changing them. What’s yours to deal with? What do you need support from a coach or mentor around?

And remember, the other person might not be on this journey with you. It’s not your job to point out their limiting beliefs or identify what they need to work on. Approach the conversation with compassion, and deal with what’s yours – no more.

Put it into action:
  • Discern what issues you need to deal with when it comes to money
  • Seek external support where you need to – from a coach, financial expert, or trusted friend
  • Recognise what’s not your responsibility, and let it go

3. Choose your timing

Remember, our first step was being aware that conversations about money can be tender. Knowing that, it’s smart to have them at the right time.

That could include being aware of your cycle, for example. Now, before you think I’m some monster who thinks women are incapable of rational thought, hear me out.

In my own life I know that 7 days before my period comes, I could swear that the world is ending and there’s nothing you, I, or anyone else can do about it. That can actually be an incredibly powerful day for me – I sure as hell get clear on the change I want to make in the world – but it’s also a terrible day for me to have a conversation with anyone.

Knowing that, if I’m aware I need to have an important conversation about something like money I’ll do my best to shift it to a day when I’m likely to be feeling much clearer.

That won’t be the same for everyone, of course, but I wonder if any of that applies to you? Do you know you’re better able to be open, compassionate or empathetic at certain times of the month? Bear that in mind when you make an appointment to discuss your finances.

And make sure you take the other person’s needs into account too – allow them to tell you when would suit them, instead of springing it on them at a time when they’re not really ready.

Put it into action:
  • Choose a time when you’re both fed, rested and hydrated
  • Find a space where you won’t be disturbed or interrupted
  • Take into account your own rhythm and emotional needs

4. Be respectful in your communication

Sticking to some basic principles of clear and respectful communication is so important when the topic is an emotional one. Always seek to hear the other person out without interruption. You don’t want to be nagged, so don’t nag either.

And make an effort to find things to celebrate together – focus on what’s working, as well as what you want to change.

Put it into action:
  • Be respectful – don’t interrupt or nag
  • Notice when it’s time to take a break
  • Listen curiously and give space for the other person to say what they need to

5. Be clear about what you’re looking for

Now that you’ve chosen the best possible time and place, and you’re aware of what’s your responsibility, it’s time to communicate as clearly as possible what you want to share.

For the best possible outcome, try and recognise what’s driving both of you in the conversation. One of you might be more interested in feeling connected and loved, or seeking reassurance, and one of you might be looking for problems and tasks to solve.

What’s vital is that you’re clear about what it is you’re both looking for.

Put it into action:
  • Start by giving the point of the conversation for you – not the big long story that precedes it
  • Ask for what you need; leave them to decide the “how” of solving it, if that’s something they’re keen to do
  • Allow yourself to be receptive – if they agree with what you’re saying, there’s no need to keep on convincing them

Not being able to talk about money holds us back

It’s really important that we are able to move into more powerful conversations. In all the women I’ve coached and connected with over the years, I’ve noticed that the people who are most comfortable talking about finances tend to be the ones with the highest level of wealth.

In fact, I’d go as far as to say that your net worth increases in direct relation to your ability to talk to key people in your life about money.

How about you?

These steps have played a huge part in Greg and I sorting out our differences and getting to a stage where we can actually enjoy money conversations. Has money been a source of tension for you, and do you have an experience to share? Let us know in the comments.

If money is a problem for you – not just in conversations but also in terms of what you have or haven’t got – and you’re ready to get sorted so you can talk about it confidently, join us for Wealth Insights. If money feels like a challenge, this seminar will turn it into an ally – so that you can feel truly powerful about where you are and what your next steps are.

Click here to join the waiting list and be the first to get access to tickets when we open registration.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What are good money habits?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

In my work I’ve met many women who have made and grown wealth for themselves and their families. And as I’ve talked to them about how they created and sustained that wealth, I’ve noticed certain patterns. So many of us many of us didn’t grow up with strong role models of how to create wealth. Maybe you’d like to make more money, but you’re unsure: What are good money habits?

Very few of the wealthy women I spend time with didn’t wake up one morning with a huge number in their bank accounts, and then learn how to manage that money. Instead, they developed strong financial skills which led to the wealth they enjoy. Financial skills spring out of good money habits. As part of our 10-Week Wealth Turnaround we focus on 10 good money habits. I’ve picked off 5 of these that can implement no matter what the balance in your account right now. So, as you read this today, think: which of these will you implement first? Let us know how you go in the comments!

What are good money habits? 5 starting points to get your money working for you

1. Millionaire women know why

The really wealthy women I know are always clear on one key thing: the answer to the question WHY?

And the answer has a couple of parts.

First they understand WHY they are in the financial position they are in. They take ownership of the good decisions and bad decisions they have made. They bring consciousness to every spending, saving and investing decision.

The second part of the answer to “Why?” is the WHY they’re BUILDING that wealth. When it comes to earning, managing and multiplying their money, they have a clear vision for their money. They know what’s important to them, perhaps their family, their business or their desire to give to the causes that really matter to them. No matter what they have something fuelling and driving their desire to grow wealth, beyond “I just want more money.”

Action: Set aside twenty minutes to journal your WHY when it comes to money. Answer the following questions:

  1. Why are you in the financial position you are in. What good choices have you made, and what not good choices have you made?
  2. What do you want money for?
  3. What would life be like if you were receiving the kind of income you want?
  4. Why is money important to you – does it represent approval, stability, security, power or freedom, for example?
2. Millionaire women are accountable

We’re talking about money habits, but accountability starts with taking responsibility for our own power. The millionaire women I know are really clear about where they put their energy. They don’t lay blame, justify, or make excuses when it comes to their results. If they want things to be different, they take responsibility for making the changes that are needed.

They’re also accountable to others around them, answerable to any promises they’re making.

Finally, they’re accountable in the more usual sense of their financial accounts. They know what’s going in and what’s coming out when it comes to their money.

When we look at the stages of wealth, accountability is one of the key ways we move from financial instability to a place of financial stability. So if right now you’re not sure whether you’ll be up or down financially from month to month- the first and most important habit you need to implement is the habit of accountability.

Action: It can take a few hours to get a clear picture of your finances, so make time for it. Schedule a coffee date with yourself to get really clear on where things are: your debts, savings, and what’s coming in and out for the month. Getting a clear picture of where you are is essential if you’re to start steering your financial ship in the direction you want to be going.

3. Millionaire women manage their money effectively

This habit probably doesn’t come as a surprise – after all, we’re talking about women who are millionaires. They know how to manage their money effectively to make sure that they’re creating the financial future they want.

You might have read things like this before and thought: “Fine, I need to be ‘effective’ – but what does that actually MEAN?”. Well, at the very least, it’s about allocating something towards your financial future every single month – making that a part of the work your money does however much you earn right now.

In the great book The Millionaire Woman Next Door Thomas Stanley shares that 68% of millionaire women know exactly how much they spend every month on living: mortgage, fuel, food etc. They are brilliant budgeters. Of the other 32%, the “non-budgeters”, they make a commitment to INVEST money first each month and then only spend what is left over.

Either way millionaire women organise the money they have, and routinely put some aside to invest (not save) for the future.

One of the biggest mistakes I see women making is thinking that they’ll start to invest their money when they’re making “enough”. Most of us will never grow the kind of wealth we want without a commitment to investment right from the start. Just telling ourselves we’ll invest what’s left over isn’t sufficient. We must start the investing habit first. Creating your financial future means becoming conscious of the flow of money through your accounts. When we start to plan for the future immediately, we open up the amount of focus we give our financial future. So even if its $1 a month, starting the habit of investing in the future is the crucial step.

This is how we start to become truly conscious of our finances.

Action: Are you confident you understand the flow of money in your life? If you’re not really clear on how much you’re earning or spending, go back to the previous step – getting a clear picture of your finances is essential before you move into actively managing your money. Once you understand what’s coming in and out, you can start looking at what you want to invest in your future. Even if it’s only a small amount at first, this habit is one that will pay off in the long term. How much will you commit to investing monthly?

4. Millionaire women get their money working for them

In a culture which encourages us to continually spend, spend, spend, the millionaire women I know don’t only play the role of consumers in the marketplace. They’re in the habit of seeing themselves as creators of opportunity.

That means thinking of money as a way that we can make things happen for ourselves and for others, not just through our spending but through our investments. Investors see their money as a way of creating opportunities, whether that’s through property, the stock market, becoming a partner in a business, or something else.

Action: What would you like your money to do if it was working for you, instead of the other way round? Brainstorm a few priorities to investigate further, if this isn’t a part of your current finances.

Not sure where to start? Move on to habit 5 – it might be time to make some financial education your first investment.

5. Millionaire women educate themselves

If we start early enough in life, and have the right level of income, simply saving part of what we earn could possibly lead to wealth. But for most of us, creating the wealth we want to requires a little more. Usually our money needs to work a little harder than your average savings plan allows, to really provide for a financial future.

Most of us aren’t born knowing this stuff, so the first step is education to learn how to get our money working harder than a 0.5% annual interest rate in a bank!

Action: When it comes to finances, what do you wish you knew more about? Real estate investing? Stocks? Precious metals? What interests you to learn more about? Do a quick bit of reading today. Great authors on the subject are:

Rebecca Robertson of Evolution Financial Planning.

Gill Fielding of Fielding Financial.

Barbara Huson of Barbara-Huson.com, Author of one of my favourite books on financial power for women “Sacred Success”

Wealth Insights is our own half-day foray into reclaiming your power when it comes to money, and really increasing your wealth. Click here for upcoming events.

The bottom line when it comes to creating good money habits

At One of many we believe wealth is one of the most important areas of women’s power, and we’re on a mission to empower every woman in our community to create and manage the wealth she wants.

Do you recognise these habits in yourself? Is one of them a particular challenge for you, or an area where you have a tip to share for someone else? Let us know in the comments – your experience might be just what another woman needs to read today.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Why is burnout more common in the helping professions?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

You’ve probably heard of burnout – if you haven’t suffered from it yourself, you’ll no doubt know someone who has. It’s especially common among those in caring roles. Figures in the UK suggest almost 25% of healthcare workers will experience burnout. Not to mention the hundreds of other helping professionals like coaches, teachers, and carers. So why is burnout more common in the helping professions, and what we can do to prevent and heal it?

Understanding the background of burnout as a concept gives us some powerful clues as to what it is and how we can tackle it. Burnout was first described in the 1970s by a researcher called Herbert Freudenberger, who worked at a clinic for drug addicts. He observed volunteers and staff at the clinic experiencing the symptoms we now commonly recognise as burnout:

● Exhaustion
● Cynicism/demotivation relating to work
● Signs of depression or anxiety
● Reduced performance

What’s interesting is that this phenomenon was first described among people whose work was all about helping others. Although we now talk about burnout occurring in all sorts of careers, right from the start it seems to have been a particular issue for people in these types of roles. Why might that be?

Contributing factors to burnout

1. Idealism

When our work is helping, we’re often motivated by a deep desire to care for those in need; a sense of altruism is what drives us. It’s a wonderful thing, but that idealism can also be a challenge. After all, it can be hard to “switch off” at the end of the day, or keep a sense of perspective, when your identity and core values are so bound up in your day to day activities. Boundaries between work, home and self care quickly unravel in these circumstances, and that can lead to overwhelm and burnout.

2. The nature of the work

Working with people is unpredictable. It can be frustrating, and sometimes chaotic. What’s more, in roles which involve caring for people, mistakes can have serious consequences. Although some caring roles are given low status by society, they carry huge responsibility for the health and wellbeing of vulnerable people, placing additional stress on those who work in them.

Healthcare workers especially are often under pressure to meet targets and be mindful of cost implications as well as the responsibility for the interests of the patient. Stress and anxiety flourish in these contexts, and can lead to a sense of lack of control or apathy – key features of burnout.

Even if you’re in a helping profession like coaching where you get to set your own hours, it doesn’t mean your clients are any more predictable. Our phones go at every hour of the day, and our urge to be of service makes it hard to carve out uninterrupted time or to “switch off” our care and concern.

3. Greater sensitivity

Whether you work in the helping professions or not, you might be able to recognise some of these factors in your own experience. If you’re someone who tends to put other peoples’ needs ahead of your own; if you’re highly tuned in and sensitive to the emotions and environment around you, you might identify – like me– as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as defined in Elaine Aron’s (highly recommended!) book.

HSP’s aren’t necessarily introverts or people who are emotionally fragile, but we do find ourselves reacting differently to environments with a lot of sensory input, especially when there’s a lot going on combined with pressure to conform to deadlines and targets. Being sensitive to other’s needs can make us highly effective and skilled helping professionals, but it also increases the likelihood of us becoming overwhelmed by the context we’re working in.

So how can we prevent it?

At One of many, we use a tool called the Women’s PowerTypes™ to explore the different “roles” we play in our lives. These have been developed specifically for women, and reflect underlying traits which allow us to understand the different ways we can approach the challenges in our lives: they’re the Warrioress, Queen, Sorceress, Mother and Lover.

It’s those last two which are the lens through which we can look at the issue of burnout and gain a greater understanding of what it is and how we can prevent it.

Why is burnout more common in the helping professions? The PowerTypes answer

When we look at these five PowerTypes, two are especially relevant here. The first is the Mother.

Mother

The Mother PowerType is above all nurturing, caring and driven by a desire to take care of others. These are all values which are really important for women working in helping professions. The best teachers, coaches, nurses and doctors are those who really care about the people they look after.

However, as with all the PowerTypes, there are elements of the Mother that can be unhealthy if this PowerType becomes too dominant, and isn’t balanced out by the other elements of female power.

The Mother’s shadow side is the Martyr. Aggrieved, angry and hurt, the Martyr feels put upon and resentful. It’s a deeply negative state to be in, and left unchecked can easily spiral into what we’d recognise as burnout: exhausted, demotivated and depressed.

The clue to avoiding this lies in the second relevant PowerType when talking about burnout:

Lover

The Lover is the PowerType associated with love, desire and sexuality. This relates not only to our partners, but also to ourselves. The Lover is the PowerType who most powerfully embodies the practice of self care.

Sensual, relaxed and deeply motivated by the desire to honour herself and create sublime experiences, she is the PowerType who tells us to rest, to play and to take care of ourselves so that we can take better care of others.

For Highly Sensitive People, having pleasurable sensory experiences is vital to allow us to calm, ground and “reset” ourselves.

The Soft Powertypes and burnout

Understanding the PowerTypes can help us to make sense of the statistics from a very practical standpoint. We can see how likely it is that women who are drawn to the helping professions might have overdeveloped Mother profiles, and might need support in expressing their Lover side.

The Lover can be nurtured through activities like:

● Making a list of things you’d love to do and working through it (putting your needs first, for once)
● Taking yourself on trips alone to explore new things
● Giving yourself experiences to delight the senses: a soft scarf, a delicious perfume, your favourite food

Using the PowerTypes gives us clues to our innate tendencies, enabling us to act before we reach crisis point. If we know we tend to be over-expressed in our Mother, we can remember to give more focus to the Lover before we reach the stage of burnout, allowing us to thrive in a more healthy balance.

How about you? Have you experienced burnout in you or someone close to you, and can you see the factors that caused it? We love to know your experiences and advice – leave a comment below, let us know.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What is true financial freedom?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

What is true financial freedom? The phrase has a delicious ring to it – but for an awful lot of us the actual definition isn’t clear. The reality is, unless you know what you’re aiming for, it’s impossible for you to create strategies that will get you there. When it comes to financial empowerment, too many of us get confused about the basics – like what is true financial freedom – meaning we don’t focus our energy where it’s most effective.

And this stuff matters. According to CNN, the largest growing economic force in the world isn’t China or India – it’s women. We account for 85% of all consumer purchases. If we were all able to make conscious, empowered choices around what we spend, rather than making those decisions unconsciously, we really could change the world.

Financial empowerment is a really important strand of our work here at One of many, because our finances are one area where a lot of us experience a great sense of disempowerment. To be clear, I’m not just talking about how much money you have. When I talk about financial empowerment, I mean being really clear on what our financial situation is, taking responsibility for it, and understanding the strategies we need to move us forward to the next level of growth. Without that level of understanding of wealth, you won’t be truly empowered.

What is true financial freedom?

So what is true financial freedom? The first thing a lot of us think of is an emotional state.

“When I’m no longer stressed about money” or “Never having to think twice about buying what’s best for my family.”

Sound familiar? But these kinds of woolly definitions can actually hold us back, because they don’t give us a clear sense of what we need to do in our lives right now to change things.

(After all, it’s perfectly possible to have millions in the bank and still think twice about buying things – or to be earning very little, but feel great clarity about how you’re moving forward.)

At One of many, financial freedom has a very specific meaning, and that’s what I want to share with you today. It’s one of the 4 stages in our “pyramid of wealth” – a really simple model we use to help us understand where we are financially.

The 4 stages of wealth

1. Stability

Let’s say you work for a salary of $30,00 per year, and your living expenses come to $30,000 – you’re at stability. Your earnings equal your outgoings. At the end of each month, you’ve got nothing left over in the bank account, but your expenses and your income is steady.

2. Security

If you’re earning $50,000 and your expenses are $40,000 per year, you’re probably at stability. Your expenses are covered by your earned income, with a little bit left over. At this stage, your family has a “rainy day” fund that means you’ve got the money in the bank to cover your expenses for the next 3–12 months. You’ve also got relevant wills and insurances in place to make sure you’re covered in the event on an unexpected emergency.

3. Independence

This is the “financial freedom” which a lot of us find hard to define. We describe it very simply: At this stage, if your living expenses are $50,000 per year, then they’re covered by the money generated by your assets – like income from property or stocks and shares.

Any amount of money you earn is a bonus because at this level, your living expenses are covered by your asset income. In other words, once you reach financial freedom, you don’t have to work any more to maintain your standard of living: your investments will cover your day to day costs.

4. Affluence

The final stage of wealth is affluence. As with independence, your living expenses (say $100,000 per year) are completely paid by the income from your assets.This is the point at which you begin to diversify – to invest in lots of different assets, and to begin to understand how you can make a difference with the money you invest. At these stage, we start to become really interested in what we can invest in, and begin to understand entire markets and the part we can play in them.

When we don’t have stable finances

You might be reading this thinking “Jo, that’s all well and good – but I’m not sure I’m on the pyramid at all!”. Maybe you’re a self-employed person experiencing “feast and famine”, your expenses seem to vary wildly, or you’re just not sure what your finances really look like.

First of all, you’re not alone! Instability is the step most of us are at before we get onto the pyramid, and it’s worryingly common among women. (After all, for a long time, women weren’t permitted to have any access to money, and these inherited patterns often persist.)

How do I change the stage I’m at?

Step one: Instability to stability

The key to making this first transition is accountability. This means tracking exactly what all of your incomings and outgoings are and being accountable for earning income. (At this stage, sometimes the simplest thing to do is to get a job.)

Step two: Stability to security

Accountability isn’t enough here, because reaching security means increasing your income or reducing your expenses. Now, the key is finding your flow. That might look like doing something you’re passionate about so your ability to earn income is greater, or tapping into a bigger flow of money by aligning yourself with a business or organization where the money is flowing.

This is something we explore at a much deeper level at BeWealth, where we use the Energy Outcome Matrix to get clear on the different elements to wealth creation and tell us where we need to be focused.

Step three: Security to freedom

Achieving financial freedom requires learning about investment: investing in oneself; investing in assets; or perhaps investing in teams to run your business for you. Just earning more won’t make that change. Now, the focus is on investing in assets which can generate money. And for many of us, the first step to that is investing in our own education so we can feel confident about making those decisions wisely for us and our families.

Step four: Freedom to affluence

The final stage of the pyramid is all about balance. We learn how to balance different kinds of assets, and to understand the balance sheets which tell us what’s going on in our finances. We also learn to balance our own energy, so that we’re paying attention evenly to every area where we spend energy.

Take action today

Finances can bring up all kinds of emotions and triggers for a lot of us, and it’s not surprising to find that there’s a temptation to “stick our heads in the sand” and ignore what’s going on. Looking at wealth in stages like this helps us understand where we’re at without judgement or emotion, but simply asa stage on a journey. So today, get honest with yourself: where are you right now?

Wherever you are, take a few minutes to notice the habits and the thinking that have got you to that level and be grateful for that. But notice that the same habits and thinking could keep you stuck here. What is it you need to get to the next level? In the next twelve months, what’s the big thing you know you need to do to change your financial circumstances and be in a place where you’re ready to move to the next stage?

The more we talk about these things, the more we can support each other to get empowered when it comes to money, relationships and health. If this is helpful to you, let us know in the comments below!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How Trust Is Built

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

At One of many we believe in the power of collaboration. The community we’ve created and the mutual support we offer each other is fundamental to our success. And that support rests on one crucial thing: knowing how trust is built, and making sure our collaboration rests on strong foundations.

I’ve experienced what it’s like to develop a relationship of trust on countless occasions. In fact, one of the people in my life I trust most – Suzanne Dibble, who leads the Empress Collective with me – was someone I ‘met’ online way before we connected face to face. I was looking for someone to interview about UK law, and her name was recommended by someone in a Facebook group I was in.

Fast forward a few years, and I’m trusting Suzanne with my name, my business reputation, and a big chunk of my revenue. But how do you get from Facebook friend to trusted ally? It’s not a fast process, that’s for sure – and there are some key pitfalls to avoid.

How Trust is built

Let’s be clear – I’m definitely not suggesting that you blindly trust everyone you come across. That’s a recipe for heartbreak and let down, for sure. But from the people who take care of our kids to the accountants who keep an eye on our income and the partners we blend our lives with, a full and fulfilling life requires us to trust people.

Here’s how we see trust being built:

1. Approach with an open heart

We see this a lot in relationships: A bad experience can shut down our willingness to be vulnerable and get to know someone. But just as one heartbreak doesn’t mean you’ll never find a partnership that’s right for you, having one negative experience certainly doesn’t prevent you from trusting again. Try to give each person you come across a blank sheet. It doesn’t mean being naive – it does mean giving them the chance to prove themselves, one way or another.

2. Always start small

The simplest answer to the question of how trust is built is: in small steps, one chunk at a time. When you first meet someone, you begin to get a feel for how good they are at keeping their word. Do they show up on time? Do they do what they say they’re going to do? Over time, these little agreements build up to a sense of how trustworthy someone is. For Suzanne and I, it started with me interviewing her for a business program I was running. Later, I spoke at her event – another chance to see the countless tiny clues that told me the kind of person she was, and how she ran her business.

3. Lean on your community

Suzanne’s name came to me via a colleague who I trusted already, because she’d been on my team for years. Personal recommendations go a long way to helping us know if someone’s who they say they are. Of course, someone else’s experience is no guarantee that yours will be the same, but if you’re considering a new hire, or wondering about a romantic partner, chatting to an objective third party who knows them already can be incredibly helpful.

4. The internet can help us trust

We might be wary of meeting fraudsters on the internet, but it can also be our friend when we’re deciding whether or not we can trust someone. The first thing to remember is that not everyone online is who they say they are. (At One of many we manage a community of thousands, and there’s no way we could “vet” everyone who wanted to join us.)

But the internet also means it’s fairly easy to get a snapshot of who someone is, from a variety of different sources. “Due diligence” means, essentially, doing your homework. A quick google search on someone (married and maiden names!) can be a great step towards peace of mind. When I googled Suzanne it was quickly apparently that she was well respected in her industry, had a professional website, and was indeed a qualified lawyer. Other due diligence might involve contacting someone who’s worked with the person and asking for their honest review, or asking them to provide you with references.

5. Trust your instincts

Someone who’s genuinely trustworthy in any realm is unlikely to be offended if you explain you want to be sure before committing your time, money or emotions to them. If things feel like they’re moving too fast; if your concerns are being brushed under the carpet or if there’s something that just “doesn’t feel right”, it’s time to take stock. It can be helpful to talk through your concerns with someone you do trust, to get an objective perspective, especially when there’s lots at stake.

How about you? Do you have any red flags that tell you when someone’s not quite who they say they are – or things that tell you it’s fine to go ahead? Without naming any names, do share your wisdom in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.
We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.
Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to not burnout: A 4-step response

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

These days, pushing ourselves past capacity is something of an epidemic among women. Beyond the hype about “having it all” are some pretty sobering statistics – like the fact that right now, we’re 60% more likely to suffer job stress and burnout than men. So when it comes to reaching our potential, learning how to not burn out needs to be a priority. Trying to be “superwoman” really does come at an insidious cost.

One of our BePowerful participants, Mary, saw that play out vividly in her life: “In the past I did Superwoman spectacularly and burned out” she reflected.

That kind of experience can be a huge motivator in seeking support to change the pattern. Of course, we can’t stop life from gathering momentum but we can choose how we respond to when it does.

How to not burnout – the 4-step response

1. Look after yourself

Especially when there’s a lot on your plate, taking care of your needs and asking for the support you need is vital. It can be easy to lose perspective when we’re not at our best, but there’s usually an inner whisper that tells us when things are getting too much.

So listen to it and get honest with yourself: how well are you really coping? Is it time for a break? What’s going on physically for you? Gentle awareness of your own needs and acknowledgment of all you’re doing (rather than focusing on what you’re not getting to) is the first step to making a change.

2. Replenish your energy

Did you know that cortisol, the hormone released when we’re stressed, prepares the body for a fight-or-flight response by releasing glucose? Even if we’re not resorting to sweet treats to get us through the day, feeling constantly stressed or anxious effectively floods our body with sugar.

Replenishing ourselves and reducing cortisol takes more than just stopping. It also means finding a way to release that fight-or-flight reflex by taking exercise (a walk in the fresh air is a great start), meditating, or making active choices to address our workload.

3. Stop over committing

Sometimes we don’t realise how over committed we are until looking at the diary makes us want to crawl back under the duvet. And yet we keep saying “yes” to more and more things, because we don’t want to offend people or feel as though we’re letting anyone else down.

Burnout thrives when we put our need to feel helpful above our own capacity. Get real about what you can commit to – and practice saying “no” politely until it’s second nature.

4. Prioritise

The fact is, we can’t do everything, and telling ourselves we could if we only pushed ourselves harder is what results in overwhelm. Our culture tends to reward “busy-ness”, and it’s easy to find ourselves taking on more and more without stopping to consider the bigger picture.

Prioritising means we need to get really clear on our values and the bigger impact we want to make. Beyond being “busy”, how are the activities that fill our day actually making a difference to our families, our communities, and the world?

Learning to let go anything that doesn’t contribute to that is a challenge for all of us, but to avoid burnout, we have to learn to change our expectations. Make sure you do only what really matters.

Banishing Superwoman

These steps might be straightforward, but they’re definitely not easy. Putting our own needs first, saying no, and getting clear on how we really want to spend our time and energy is a challenge for all women. After all, most of us have been raised in cultures which expect us to be the cheerful, capable high-achievers in everything we do.

But those statistics about overwhelm and burnout speak for themselves. “Superwoman” is a role that comes at the expense of our health, our wellbeing and ultimately our impact on the world.

Don’t let her take over your life.

If you’ve experienced your own brush with burnout in whatever form, do share what you’ve learned in the comments below. Your experience might be just what another woman needs to read today.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to say no politely

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

If you wear lots of different hats in the course of your life, you know how valuable it is to know how to say no politely.

It’s one thing to say no to things you don’t want to do. But finite time and energy also means turning down requests for things we’d love to do from people we’d love to help.

So, how to say no politely without sacrificing our relationships or letting people down?

In this episode of Jo & Co, I’m breaking down the really simple template I use when I need to turn down an opportunity that doesn’t fit in with my priorities.

I deliberately designed this to be really simple because these kinds of challenges come around so often, and when you want to be helpful it’s incredibly tempting to say yes. I wanted a quick little framework I could whip out every time, and I hope you find it helpful when it comes to honouring your time without letting other people down.

3 steps to a healthy “no”

In the video I share:

  • What you need to be clear about BEFORE you get the ask
  • The crucial distinction that allows you to say no without offending, letting people down, or hurting their feelings
  • My 3-step process that leaves the other person feeling you’ve helped them without compromising your priorities

The most effective people in life are the ones who are able to gracefully say no to everything that takes them away from their values.

Saying “I’m just too busy” won’t cut it – it implies that we’re frantic, stressed and short on time. It also suggests we’re so bad at prioritising we can’t actually make space for something we’d be interested in – what a mixed message! It can really leave the other person confused about where they stand.

Using this framework allows us to say no at the same time as building relationships and supporting those around us. That’s crucial if we’re to have our biggest impact, and it’s something we can absolutely help each other learn and practice. So, when you’ve watched the video, I’d love to know what you’re going to say no to! Let’s encourage and support each other in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.