One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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What a toddler can teach you about how to manage anger

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

If you’ve spent any time with a strong-willed young lady lately, you’ll know how utterly uninhibited toddlers can be when it comes to managing anger. My two year old daughter has no qualms when it comes to letting me know EXACTLY what she wants – and doesn’t want! – right now, with no holds barred. How many of us can say the same? Today it’s got me thinking about what a toddler can teach us about how to manage anger.

It’s rare that we see a grown woman really let rip, and in this video I’m unpacking some of the reasons behind that.

As well as sharing my own experience observing my little girl’s emerging leadership, I’m exploring:

  • Why our cultural conditioning plays such a big part in how we learn to express our emotions.
  • The unhelpful archetype you might find yourself slipping into – and why.
  • A graceful way to strongly express your needs and desires, whilst maintaining good relationships with those around you.

Why little girls never seem to listen

 

As leaders, we need to know how to manage anger – without losing our passion

Historically speaking, many of our global societies are only relatively recently emerging from a time when women had no voice at all. So speaking up, commanding respect and expressing our views is a challenge almost every female leader will have to navigate at some point.

I’d love to know your thoughts – have you ever found yourself repressing your emotions, only to have them burst out at a far less appropriate time? Have you noticed women in your workplace being treated differently from men when they spoke passionately about a subject?

Let us know in the comments below. This is such an important discussion, and I’d love to hear your voice in it.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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One of many Voices: Valerie Schlegel Stettler

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

As a former stockbroker and self described “modern witch”, Valerie Schlegel Stettler is a living example of the many different facets women leaders can embody. Today, the One of many Certified Trainer and in-house coach shares her journey to authentic leadership on her own terms, as well giving us a peek into her daily routine…

What do you do?

I’m a leadership coach, facilitator and holistic mentor for women. My focus is helping women take their place in the world for the benefit of all genders. I work with clients on topics like financial knowledge, confidence, inner posture, intuition and joy.

I’ve always been very intuitive and highly sensitive – what I call my “Cassandra Syndrome“. A capacity for “seeing and sensing“ things that I now understand has helped me just as much as it has scared the hell out of me when I was very young! I often had a sense of what was right and (mostly) used it to make my decisions, but struggled to explain it in a logical way.

It felt like a part of me needed to be constantly hidden away, that it was not the “right” way to do it and that I could not be “all of me“.

In my current life, I am delighted to be able to use this talent and to help my clients connect to their feminine intuition and strengths to embrace all of what/who they are and to powerfully and happily BE in the world.

I’m honored to be a One of many Trainer and in-house Coach. Currently based in Germany, I interact in three languages (English, German and French) and I am looking to grow a local One of many community there.

Give us the big “why” you do what you do?

I was born in a feminist family and was told that I could do anything I wanted to… and so I did!

Before I was 35, I was a managing director at a leading investment bank responsible for a global trading and sales business.

I was working crazy hours and eventually nearly burned out. During this time, I had difficulties conceiving which is not so surprising when you experience that amount of stress and I eventually resigned and left the industry.

I was rewarded with two beautiful children AND this still left a bittersweet taste, as I would have liked to truly have the choice. It also left long-lasting “impressions” on me, at soul and body level. Even after becoming a coach, I would not intervene in financial services, “fearing” what I was projecting as a destructive energy there.

It took release work to lose that fear, and to see the advantages that I was bringing when I allowed myself to facilitate in these environments that I know so well.

This is why I accompany women and also pass on the message to men and companies that it is important to allow for a change in the way women do what they do.

It’s also why I was so happy when I discovered One of many. One of many has created such useful tools along with an amazing community of like-minded women. Through the training and deep work, I am living my life at a higher intensity without needing to make up some drama to feel alive. Today, I am truly playing with many keys on the piano and it is fun, powerful, full of love and sustainable!

What’s your daily routine?

Each day is a bit different depending on whether I’m facilitating at a company, speaking, delivering a workshop or coaching virtually from home.

My children are almost grown up now, so the morning routine has become pretty simple. On my part, I get up and do my morning pages. This is part of my daily routine and I miss it if I skip it for a couple of days. I observe my brain getting too full and I become unsettled.

I then take my dog for a long walk, shower, and make a point of being at my desk (I work from home) by 9:00 am. I take a break at lunchtime to eat and nap and often go for a shorter walk before getting back to work. I coach 2-3 times a week in the evenings as this is my clients’ preferred time – so I make sure to have replenishing time during the day.

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

My main “balancing act” is with myself! As I work from home, I have to be very conscious to separate working hours from family hours. I have to develop all sorts of strategies to preserve my working energy mode. It starts when I go to the bathroom and the cat comes purring because he would love a cuddle or some food 🙂 I am now planning on renting an office space, just to increase my concentration and productivity.

How do you juggle all the demands on you?

I have a husband who is absolutely pro-woman, and we share all life admin chores. That was an essential quality for me in a partner, so I probably scared away those who would have wanted it a different way 😀

What I’ve found to be rare unfortunately, but so important, is that beyond loving me, he has always been very supportive and proud of my professional accomplishments. It is probably our secret: we truly admire each other’s successes as much as we support each other when the going gets tough.

How do femininity and Soft Power feature in your business/career?

In my corporate time, I forbid myself to show my feminine side because I wanted to be taken seriously for my work and not for my boobs. That was as exhausting as reductive.

Now, the more I practice being in the PowerType energies the more I feel femininely strong and beautiful.

It gives me a lot of confidence, in a cheeky way and this is important at all ages of course but going now through menopause, becoming a crone, it helps me own it.

I decided to let my hair grow grey naturally a couple of months ago, and not cut it short. It is going to take about three years until the color is grown out. I’m embracing that period as a time of metamorphosis. Just as puberty, you don’t fall into it within weeks. It is a long process and if you let it, a beautiful one.

For me, it is more than just appearance, it is taking a stand to encourage others. A twinkle of the eye: “I see you sister!”.

Do you think people around you (on social media, and face to face) understand who you authentically are?

I love encouraging my clients to see and embrace “all of them“. You are much more than just a mum, or just a lawyer or a banker, or just a woman loving woman or just… the list goes on. We are so many things and this is what makes us so unique. It actually feels so good to be able to show all of oneself, to love all of oneself, to leverage all of oneself…

That can be hard to do “on paper” such as when writing a website, (as I am at the moment!) or on social media.

On the other hand, I also believe people see a lot more of you than you think. I once experienced a training exercise in which people were asked to describe what they saw in you after just a day and a half spent together (we were strangers before). I was amazed by how accurately they described me and how clearly I could describe them!

And this is why it is good and important to be authentic and to allow oneself to be vulnerable – because people see it anyway 😉 Vulnerability is like a little door to our true self, to our heart, where we are good by essence. When we do open that door to others, we allow them to do the same to us.

Do you exercise your #righttobesoft in your workplace? If so, how?

Yes, all the time. I am in soft power when I coach, interact or speak. I do a lot of embodiment which requires me to be in the energy of the PowerTypes, and I love doing this. My clients get so much out of this exercise.

With time, I am more and more consciously connect with the PowerType I want to be in. A couple of days ago, I had a conversation with a person I wanted to get to know “beyond the surface“ because she is responsible for a business that might potentially impact mine. I consciously deeply connected to my Lover energy and within minutes she was relaxing and opening up and that allowed me to better judge whether or not I wanted to be involved.

What’s one “breakthrough” you have had in your life, that shifted the way you saw things – how did it impact those around you?

A big breakthrough for me was to become a coach. It finally gave me the tools to do what I was doing naturally for years already. It showed me that I could work WITH people and not AGAINST them. In investment banking, it feels like it is always “you against the rest of the world” (the benchmark, your fellow traders, the market, the competition,…). AND it allowed me to use that so important part of me, my intuitive sensitive part.

 

Thanks so much, Valerie!

About Valerie

Modern witch | Numbers whisperer | Hippo collector

To find out more about Valerie and connect, click the links below:

Facebook page: Full You With Joy

Website: www.valerieschlegel.com

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Guest post: What anxiety really feels like

By

Abigail Athaide

Abigail Athaide

Abigail has over 20 years experience in relationship marketing having worked with clients within Global FTSE 100 companies, animation, film, nutraceuticals, education, and within her own companies. She currently works within the marketing and strategic arena of her family’s global business developing their interests in publishing, art, property, finance and agriculture.

Her family’s vision has been to create viable legacy businesses which supports culture and community. These are achieved through their umbrella company called “Village Sanctuary” with locations in Goa and Kenya, where they have built a thriving art, culture and heritage centre for residents, artists and the local community. In their first year alone the project welcomed over 1000 children from the local schools to explore the village of artists, workshops, crafts, a live radio station, and food venues.
Abigail Athaide

Latest posts by Abigail Athaide (see all)

Standing on the tube platform at South Kensington, a feeling of overwhelm came over me. I felt hot, light headed, wobbly on my feet, but unable to move – as though my feet were welded to the floor. I could see and hear everybody around me, but they were moving in slow motion. It came from nowhere, and there was nothing I could pinpoint as a trigger. I was in my twenties and it wasn’t until some years later that I identified that moment as a “panic attack”. So this is what anxiety really feels like.

In my forties, it happened again. This time it felt like hitting a wall. I was emotionally spent, going through the emotions of nurturing my son, running my businesses, keeping the house going and dealing with difficult neighbours objecting to a planning application – a saga which had lasted over a decade.

What anxiety really feels like

To the outside world I was ‘functioning,” but it was getting harder and harder. My emotional resilience to silly things was off the scale, and I would quickly lose my temper and my perspective. I didn’t want to socialise, and every time I went out the fear of others talking about me, or bumping into the neighbours or somebody I knew was crippling. I would break out in a cold sweat, feeling as though my knees could collapse from under me.

My sleep pattern was completely erratic and I was medicating my emotions with food, sugar, caffeine and wine and isolating myself.

I realised something had to change – but I had no idea where to start.

So I started by saying “yes!” to something completely out of my comfort zone in my current frame of mind.

The Power of “yes!”

A lady I had met once invited me to the One Woman Conference, as she had a half price ticket. We agreed to meet there, so I arrived to face the first of many fears – walking into a room full of hundreds of women. Oh my goodness – I had no idea what to expect!

I sat quietly at the back hoping I could just be invisible and thinking, well at least this is going to be a family pass for a weekend away in London.

That weekend reignited a healing journey for me. I realised that for too long I had neglected myself. My emotional tank was completely empty and I needed to rediscover what would fill that up for me.

I distilled this into one word: “reconnection”.

I had disconnected from my mind, body and spirit and needed to reinvest in those areas. Just like a bank account my emotional account was overdrawn and I hadn’t discovered a strategy to deposit and save energy.

My journey to reconnection

I discovered one of the most important elements of my recovery from anxiety: food.

Food is a huge passion of mine, but as I began to pay closer attention to my energy and moods I noticed something interesting. When I’m feeling crap and disconnected I gravitate towards bland food, crisps, cheese, “love in a bag” – sugar. It’s as though my taste buds are in “neutral”. I avoid colour – in the way I dress and the way I eat.

At first, I believed that my emotions were affecting my gut. But then I began to question if it might actually be the other way around. What if the emotions were the last link in the chain, and perhaps the “disconnection” started in inflammation in my gut?

The gut/brain connection

According to growing research, the vagus nerve is the longest nerve in the body. It runs all the way from the brainstem to the part of the colon that helps regulate many critical aspects of human physiology, including heart rate, blood pressure, sweating, digestion, and even speaking.

Learning this was an “aha!” moment. So this was the gut/brain connection that I kept reading about. Turns out, there was truth to the saying “gut feeling” – and it’s a physical connection, not a metaphorical one!

I kept reading about gut bacteria that live in your body naturally and help your intestines break down food. One fact I love is that the average lifespan of a bacterium in your microbiome is 20 minutes. That means you have the opportunity every time you eat to begin to change the population of your gut!

I decided it was time to Marie Kondo my gut and control my hormones, particularly cortisol, as my adrenals were exhausted. A blood test revealed that my vitamin D levels were non-existent.

Gradually I came to understand that the food I ingest is a metaphor for life, and how I view life. Think about it for a moment: Are you eating to exist, or eating to truly enrich your life and support your purpose?

I learned that a healthy gut would reduce inflammation in my body as a whole, and replenishing my good bacteria would allow me to process foods better as well as, critically, allowing me to absorb the mineral and nutrients in the food I ate. In turn, that would support my emotional resilience… at least that was the theory.

Testing and experimenting to find what works

I researched and I talked to friends and family and most importantly trusted my intuition – my gut. I took a number of natural supplements for the symptoms I felt needed to be addressed urgently, kept a detailed food and emotional diary… and slowly I found myself a new normal.

My husband is a natural pharmacist, and as I learned more and more about the importance of nutrition we were inspired to begin a new project together: “The Naked Pharmacy”, providing 100% natural remedies and supplements backed by science and expert advice.

The supplement that made the most difference to me was one called “Saffrosun”, made from organic saffron. I literally felt like the sun had been turned on inside me within 7 days and I just felt lighter and calmer, and as though I was able to make better positive decisions overtime. It tackled my overworked cortisol levels taking it in the morning when the cortisol levels were the highest allowed them to adjust to a balance over the day allowing for better restful sleep. The ripple effect of better cortisol for me was I lost weight, felt more energised and my brain fog was eased.

One of my favourite colours is orange so I instinctively loved this spice in cooking, but never realised that there was genuine historic and scientific evidence for its use for emotional balance – and that it contained vitamin D. Even now, 2 years later, it still works for me. I will take it and within an hour feel aware that my breathing is calmer and I feel more balanced.

As a One of many woman, I also connect with the Women’s PowerTypes, relating them to the chakra colours and integrating them as foods and clothes to support how I’m feeling. So if Lover is orange, and we’re struggling with self care, it might be time to eat more salmon, mangoes, and oranges and integrate spices such as turmeric and saffron.

How about you?

If you know what anxiety really feels like for you, and maybe you’re ready to make a real change, I urge you to take stock in a gentle way and discover your internal body and its relationship with food.

Start today and have a good look at yourself and ask “what’s working in me and for me, and what isn’t?”. Gently and with curiosity, park your preconceived ideas and set aside what other people have said, what you have read, what works for so-and-so, and reconnect with yourself.

You are unique. A unique collection of experiences, DNA, emotions, and food history.

As part of your routine you might find it valuable to keep a detailed food journal which doesn’t just monitor your food or drink in-take, but your moods, the weather, moon cycles, when you eat, who do you eat with? It’s the way we live and the way we are that creates our health – not just the food!

Patterns may emerge that can help you understand what supports or triggers an emotional state such as anxiety and how that manifests for you. Perhaps you’ll be able to discover tools that can support you holistically, so issues don’t escalate – and you can leave feelings like stress and anxiety behind.

Meet Abigail

Spice Queen | Recipe inventor | Inappropriate giggler

Abigail Athaide - she shares what anxiety really feels likeAbigail has over 20 years experience in relationship marketing having worked with clients within Global FTSE 100 companies, animation, film, nutraceuticals, education, and within her own companies. She currently works within the marketing and strategic arena of her family’s global business developing their interests in publishing, art, property, finance and agriculture.

Her family’s vision has been to create viable legacy businesses which supports culture and community. These are achieved through their umbrella company called “Village Sanctuary” with locations in Goa and Kenya, where they have built a thriving art, culture and heritage centre for residents, artists and the local community. In their first year alone the project welcomed over 1000 children from the local schools to explore the village of artists, workshops, crafts, a live radio station, and food venues.

Find recipes and read Abigail’s blog at www.reconnection.kitchen.

For a special discount at The Naked Pharmacy as a member of the One of many community, simply go to the website www.thenakedpharmacy.com and use the code OOM20 for 20% off all products – or just call Kevin for advice.

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How to find more energy

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Ask me how to find more energy so you can focus on the things that really matter to you, and the answer I give might surprise you.

At One of many our Soft Power principle number one is “First, replenish your energy” – and as a doctor, you might expect me to advocate eight hours sleep a night, regular exercise, or an energy-boosting diet.

Those things are all great. But most of us are already doing our best with them. There’s a more powerful question to dig into if you really want to shift the way we’re able to show up for the causes we love.

Where are you losing your energy?

For most of us, there are two big areas where we find ourselves “leaking” energy:

Saying “yes”, and saying “no”.

Let me explain.

Energy leak #1: Saying NO

For some of us, saying NO is costing us a huge amount of energy.

I remember this most vividly from drama school. The school I attended had this amazing motto: “Good humans make good actors”. So as you might expect, as well as the skills training to learn to act there was a lot of personal development type stuff going on.

Initially, I found myself resisting it. Even though I’d made the bold choice to quit my medical career and attend, there was still a part of me that felt really out of my comfort zone. Eventually, I realized that it was actually taking me more energy to say no, explain why I wasn’t going to do something or why I didn’t do it, and to try and hold myself back from the experience than it would to actually just say yes and have a go.

Can you relate?

There’s often a part of us that works really, really hard to protect us from making a mistake, or failing, or looking stupid, or whatever our biggest fear is.

So you might say no to new experiences because you’re worried about failure.

Or about what other people might think – your colleagues, or your partner, or your parents, or your kids. Maybe you’re even worried about what you might think about yourself.

If that’s the case for you, I invite you to ponder this:

How much energy is it taking you to say “no” to opportunities that involve some perceived risk, as opposed to just letting rip and getting it “wrong”?

(The wonderful thing is – you can get it wrong. You’ll learn, and grow, and try again.)

You might be bringing so much energy to saying “no” to things, you’ve lost sight of the fact that it’s actually easier to be a yes. Especially at the beginning of something, when you’re not yet in momentum, yes can be everything.

So if you’ve been saying that you want to start writing your novel, or learn a new skill, or get back into yoga, it might be that one tiny yes is all it needs.

Don’t wait for things to be perfect.

Write for half an hour after the kids are in bed, or stretch for 10 minutes before your morning coffee. Just do what it takes to bring that “yes” energy in and see what gets freed up when you’re no longer resisting.

Energy leak #2: Saying YES

Now, once we start saying yes, then comes the next problem. Because for many of us, when we start saying yes to things we find ourselves expending way too much energy on all the things we’re agreeing to.

Someone says, “Can we have coffee?” You say yes before you even thought about it.

Can you handle this extra project?

Can you take the minutes at this meeting… can you drop everything and pick up the kids from school… can you sort out the car’s MOT

… it never ends, right?

If you find yourself saying yes to everything and ending up completely overwhelmed, it’s time to bring some no in.

You’re showering energy everywhere rather than your vision – no wonder you’re struggling to find the mojo you need to make a difference. 

The simplest question in the world

So here’s what we’ve discovered.

Some of us, in some contexts, need to bring more “yes” into our lives.

Some of us, in some contexts, need to bring a lot more no.

Knowing which is where your discernment comes in.

So here’s a super simple exercise to start off with – this only needs to take 5 minutes, but it can bring you a huge level of insight into where you can tweak things to free up your energy.

Grab a paper and a pen, and think about the different areas of your life which are not currently satisfying you.

You can have a look across a few different areas, but start off with one.

The question to ask is this: Do you need more yes energy or more no energy?

Write for 5 minutes, just freeflow without censoring, and see what comes up.

What would the Queen do?

The Queen is the Women’s PowerType we use to delve into questions like this. The Queen’s always mindful of how she spends her energy, and since she trusts herself implicitly, and knows in her bones how irreplaceably valuable her time and energy are, she doesn’t second guess decisions.

So if you’re finding answering the question challenging, you might want to try stepping into your “Queen” energy.

You could literally imagine placing a crown on your head, try walking a little taller or listen to a piece of music that helps you feel confident and in charge.

Turning insight into action

Once you’ve established the direction your pendulum needs to swing in, it’s time to take action.

If you could do with an extra hand, we have a free guide to making powerful decisions around boundaries that are depleting your energy.

Click here to download your free Enough is Enough PDF guide to creating unshakeable boundaries.

How about you?

Are you the Queen of powerful boundaries, or more of a “say yes first, ask questions later” kind of gal? Share in the comments below – between us all, we’ve got all the bases covered!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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When self care feels like a chore

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When you’re working flat out just to stay on top of your responsibilities, self-care can feel like one more thing you don’t have time for. If your idea of self-love is crossing the final item off your to-do list – and maybe getting 8 hours sleep to celebrate – today I’m sharing 5 simple steps to try. When self-care feels like a chore, it’s a sign that it’s time to go back to basics, and these simple actions won’t take more than a few minutes out of your day.

If self-care feels like a chore, you’re not alone

Given the media clichés of women lounging in fluffy towels, stopping to grab a coffee with girlfriends, or getting ready for “date night”, you might be surprised how many of us struggle to connect with the idea of taking even a few minutes of time out just for us.

In our recent interview with Sarah Jane Volkers, a graduate of our Lead the Change program, she shared that before finding One of many “I was shocked (can you believe this?) at the idea that you might buy yourself a cup of coffee when you were out shopping – you know, just rock up and take 5 minutes to yourself without anyone else to treat or talk to!”

But self-care isn’t necessarily what you think. To understand why, it’s time to introduce an important Women’s PowerType™ – The Lover.

The Lover and self-care

At One of many we use 5 powerful female archetypes to support our holistic approach to leadership. One that many successful women struggle to connect with is The Lover.

If your Lover PowerType is under-expressed, you might find that life feels like an endless round of rules, discipline and obligations. It might even seem as though your days are “grey” or “monotone”, made up of tasks to be achieved and crises to be dealt with. Relationships, especially intimate ones, can feel stagnant or stuck and taking care of yourself or experiencing pleasure probably falls even lower on the priority list.

We often assume that stepping into our “Lover” means reconnecting to our partners, but the foundation of Lover is in your own experience.

It’s the PowerType that allows you to take care of yourself, and experience the fullest joys of life. The Lover finds pleasure in every sense, whether it’s a delicious scent, an exquisite meal or a piece of music that transports her to a different time.

So learning to embrace The Lover is the perfect way to discover your unique path to self-care. It might have nothing to do with the clichés you’ve seen… or you might find that, as you learn to connect to yourself, you surprise yourself with activities you’ve previously sneered at.

Remember, keeping an open mind is vital. When we’re running in “Superwoman” mode we often switch off from the parts of ourselves that aren’t harnessed to our productivity. So even if it feels silly at first, try building some of these suggestions into your daily or weekly routine, and what subtle differences you start to notice.

5 ways to love yourself when self care feels like a chore

1. Find the music that lifts your heart

Music is an incredibly powerful tool to change your emotional state and allow you to connect to different feelings. In just a few minutes, you can start to connect to parts of yourself you might have long forgotten.

Think about pieces of music that spark emotion in you (or ask the One of many community for their recommendations!). They might be songs with moving lyrics, reminders of a different time in your life (maybe when you first met your partner?) or just pieces of music that are meaningful to you in some way.

Dancing is a wonderful way to take the experience to the next level. If you’re not used to moving physically, just swaying from side to side can be a profound thing to try.

Could you find five minutes to play some music, each day? While cooking dinner, on your way home from work, or alone in your bedroom?

Try it: Cue up a song, close your eyes, and see what comes up for you. 

2. Connect to your senses

What do you see, smell, hear, touch or taste during the course of a typical day? If you find that life passes by in a blur, try just simply slowing down.

Maybe you have an opportunity to walk through a park on your commute, take ten minutes to savour a morning cup of tea or snuggle into a soft blanket when it’s time for bed.

Taking care of yourself means finding opportunities to make yourself feel special in some way, whatever that looks like for you. It doesn’t have to mean extravagant shopping sprees or days at the spa.

Here are some ideas to bring your world alive:

  • Choose stationery that makes you smile. Next time you need a new notebook, could you choose one that really speaks to you with a beautiful cover, or textured pages? Or choose a pen that feels really delicious to write with?
  • Rearrange your space: move a favourite piece of artwork or furniture so it’s the first thing you see when you wake up; or display photos of your loved ones to greet you when you walk in the door.
  • Buy fresh flowers for your workspace, every week. Make it a ritual, just for you.
  • Explore essential oils, or find a new perfume, that makes you feel special.
  • Stop saving your nicest things for a “special occasion” – whether it’s your fancy underwear, special mug or a beloved piece of jewellery. Let yourself enjoy the “best” every day, and see how that changes your perception of yourself.

3. Enjoy touch — without pressure

Touch is often the sense we pay least attention to, especially when we’re living “in our heads” as a leader. If you’re in a partnership which feels like it’s lost its spark; spend most of your time being grabbed and mauled by small children or hate the idea of a full body massage, take baby steps.

Are there parts of your daily routine involving touch, that you could stop and enjoy?

  • Brushing your hair
  • Moisturizing after a shower
  • Stretching and yawning first thing in the morning?

Taking a few seconds to enjoy using a gorgeous hand cream, noticing the way the sun feels on your face or giving your feet a massage when you take off your shoes can be gentle ways to begin to reconnect with your body.

4. Be thankful

Gratitude is a practice that’s becoming increasingly popular – it’s the foundation of our “thinking and thanking” ritual, which you can find in your audio library of Soft PowerCasts when you join our community (it’s free!).

But how often, even when you think about all you’re grateful for, do you remember to thank yourself?

One of the simplest ways to begin is by appreciating your body for everything it does.

No matter what physical challenges you face, there’s so much to be grateful for – from your incredible organs, to your trusty hands and of course your amazing brain.

Try whispering a “thank you” to your body last thing at night, or when you glance in the mirror.

You’re amazing!

5. Connect to others

It might sound like a strange way to practice self-care. But one of the ways you can begin to experience life more fully, and understand that your own struggles are shared by those around you, is to learn to listen to the other people in your life in a new way.

“Devoted listening” is a simple practice of staying quiet and really tuning in to what another person is telling us.

You can try it with colleagues, clients, friends or family. Even your partner – someone you see every day – might be someone you’ve not recently taken the time to really listen to.

Here are a few prompts to try:

  • Pay attention to what the other person is saying – don’t be tempted to start formulating your response, or assuming you know what they’re expressing.
  • What’s their body language telling you? What do they really look like – if they’re familiar to you, when did you last see them for who they really are?
  • What emotions do you detect they’re feeling? Are they tired, frustrated, enthusiastic? Without judging them, can you observe as closely as possible?

Notice how many people you connect with each day, and how rich and unique their lives, personalities and experiences are.

Without judging, fixing or envying them, how can you begin to cultivate a genuine appreciation for everything they bring to the world?

Deepening your connection with others can begin to awaken your own feelings, thoughts and emotions. And this element of meaningful connection means The Lover is a powerful energy to draw on as a leader, especially when building a network or inspiring others to join a fledgling movement.

Self-care is a practice

If self-care feels like a chore, rather than a reminder to find and appreciate enjoyment in your everyday life, it’s a sign that something needs to change.

When you’ve been locked in “Superwoman” mode, just taking a few minutes just for you can feel like an alien concept, let alone actively seeking pleasure, joy or a connection to your physical body.

Stick with it.

The rewards – from helping you rediscover the pleasure of relationships, to cultivating appreciation for yourself and becoming a more powerful and magnetic leader – are immense.

How about you?

Have you struggled to make time for yourself, or do you have unorthodox ways to practice self-care that work for you? I’d love to know. Share in the comments below, and let’s help each other to take baby steps towards putting our own needs first.

If you’d like to find out about how we support successful, sometimes a little too-busy women like you to discover a different way of leading, click here to book a call with the office. We’d love to walk you through our different programs and see if we have a training that’s the perfect fit for you.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: How to beat stress: 5 powerful mindset shifts

By

Annie Stoker

Annie Stoker

Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of many
Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK's most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Annie Stoker

Latest posts by Annie Stoker (see all)

The work emergency that only you can fix. The full glass of water splashing across the laptop. “Mum, I need a costume for school TOMORROW!”. Unfortunately, we haven’t yet come across a magic cure for the curveballs life likes to surprise us with from time to time.

What I can share are some simple mindset shifts to help you handle the day to day dramas – and prevent stress from growing from a one-off spike in heart rate to a chronic, and serious, background to your life.

What is stress?

Stress can be characterised as your body’s response to a perceived threat of some kind, whether physical, emotional or mental. It creates a “fight or flight” response that helps us react quickly and effectively when we need to. Think about that burst of mental clarity that helps you meet a tough deadline, or the surge of adrenaline behind your just-in-time sprint to catch your train.

New research has indicated that stress can actually be positive in some instances. In one University of Berkeley study in 2013, rats exposed to moderate stress appeared to demonstrate enhanced neural function and ability to learn. There’s also some evidence that reframing stress as positive – for example, seeing a raised heart rate or faster breathing as a sign of excitement or energy rather than fear – can help mitigate its effects.

But when stress becomes chronic or long term, its detrimental effects are well documented. It’s a key factor in burnout, as well as contributing to insomnia, high blood pressure, lowered immunity, and a whole heap of other conditions.

These 5 mindset shifts to control stress can help prevent day to day stress from becoming chronic. See if any of them feel relevant to you right now.

1. Judgment

Judgment comes from the part of us that makes things right or wrong, good or bad.

For example, you might feel that being landed with an additional project on your plate at work is “wrong” or that the driver holding you up on the way to pick up the kids from school is “bad”.

The trouble is, the way we look at events is subjective – it’s only from our perspective.

What if you discovered that in fact your boss had given you that extra assignment to bolster your chances of a promotion they’re lobbying for on your behalf?

Or that the dithering driver was struggling through a devastating day, just doing their best to stay safe and focused as their world crumbled around them?

Judgment can stop you seeing what’s actually happening, and add a layer of stress that doesn’t need to be there.

Where could you let go of your perceptions and look at the neutral facts, rather than your interpretation of them?

2. Comparison

“Comparison is the thief of joy” goes the saying, and there’s a lot of truth in it. Whether you’re comparing yourself favourably to others, and feeling superior, or feeling inadequate and ordinary next to the shining star on your social media feed, comparing yourself to others is unlikely to be serving you.

Comparison gives us the illusion of separation from one another, and increases our tendency to feel lonely, isolated or misunderstood.

When do you tend to compare yourself to others?

How can you gently remind yourself that everyone has their own challenges and struggles, and that no one of us is more valuable than any other?

3. Issues

When we discover what feels like a real “issue” – perhaps it’s with trust, or commitment, or self-confidence – it can feel like we’ve unlocked a mystery. And to an extent, it really is helpful to get a handle on our deep-rooted motivations and fears.

The problem can arise when self-reflection starts to tip into self-obsession, or we begin to define ourselves by our “issues”. It can be stressful to navigate life feeling as though the issues that trouble us are insurmountable, and it removes our power to change.

How can you acknowledge your amazing resilience, and your capacity to change and let go?

Can you find a balance between honouring and accepting your experience, and moving on from it?

4. Discouragement

Many of us have an “Inner Critic” who can be increasingly loud at times when we’re stressed. And it can really impact our ability to rest and unwind, when it tells us we’re “lazy” or “weak” for taking time out to care for ourselves.

If you notice you tend to slip into a discouraging mindset, try imagining what a really supportive friend would say instead. Perhaps they’d encourage you to take time out, or reassure you that everything will work out.

Or maybe they’d simply tell you how amazing you are just for being you.

Try checking in with their voice instead.

5. Expectations

One of the biggest causes of stress can be our expectations.

You’re picturing a perfect reunion of your laughing family… except your mum’s her usual critical self and your brother still has the emotional maturity of a toothbrush. You daydream of hitting a six figure profit… except your business is just starting up and you’re still ironing out exactly who your ideal clients are.

Coming back to reality can help us let go of expectations that just end in disappoinment. Mindfulness is a technique that we can use to bring ourselves back to the present moment. It allows us to be present to what is, instead of being swallowed up by past regrets or future expectations.

Researchers are exploring the impact this can have, with positive outcomes. One study at the University of Surrey reported a 40% reduction in perceived stress after participants completed an online mindfulness course.

How could you be more present in your day to day life, and less fixated on what might happen – whether it’s an outcome you long for, or dread?

If you’d like some support to introduce mindfulness into your life, take a look at Be Happy Now – a video course to help you put mindfulness into action in all areas of your everyday life.

How do you beat stress?

Stress has been described as a modern epidemic. In the largest known study of stress levels in the UK, a 2018 survey of 4619 people, 74% of people reported that in the last year they’d felt “so stressed they have been overwhelmed or unable to cope”.

So it makes sense that ensuring your day-to-day experience is as stress-free as possible will better help you handle the curveballs life likes to lob at you from time to time.

I’d love to know which of these 5 mindset shifts makes a difference in your life. Leave a comment below, let us know.

About Annie Stoker

Psychotherapist. Author. Property Investor. Dog-Lover. Chilled-Out Friend.

Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK’s most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.

Annie is our Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of many.

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Selfish or selfless? How personal development helps you contribute

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

For some of us, embarking on a path of personal development feels oddly, well, selfish. Whether it’s starting an online program, undertaking a full certification training or just setting aside a few hours each week to listen to a 20 minute podcast, taking time out for ourselves can feel as though it’s detracting from our ability to contribute to our work, families or communities. But is it selfish or selfless to take that time for ourselves?

From a young age, we’re taught that it’s important not to be selfish. Learning to share and get along with others is a key factor in most schooling systems, for example. As we get older, we learn to sacrifice what we want to do – our selfish impulses – for self-discipline, contribution, and doing the right thing. 

As students we’re rewarded for those choices with external markers of success. Getting a good job; earning lots of money; having an impressive title.

Michelle Obama has spoken about her early career, which was characterised by such markers of success.

“When I was in my 20s, I thought I had it all. I had degrees from two prestigious universities. I had an office on the 47th floor of a skyscraper in downtown Chicago. I wore nice clothes to work and I was the proud owner of a Saab, which was pretty cool back then.”

What prompts us to turn inwards?

And yet life events can trigger moments where we begin to question our achievements, and perhaps to wonder whether they’re really as fulfilling as we imagined they would be.

For Michelle, it was a moment of bereavement that sparked a process of turning inwards – getting to know herself.

“…after I lost two of the people I loved the most – my incredible father and my free-spirited best friend from college – I started to question it all. I embarked on a journey of self-examination that ultimately led me into a lifetime of public service.”

Is self-examination the same thing as being selfish?

When Michelle talks about a “journey of self-examination” she’s referring to a concept that many of us can relate to.

Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar – a point in your life when you started to read books on topics you’d never previously been interested in.

Or find teachers who were asking bigger questions, about the purpose of life, and the meaning of our actions.

It’s at times like these that we begin to wonder “what makes me tick?” or “why has life led me to where I am now?”

Being selfish is defined as “lacking consideration for other people; being concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure”. But starting to look more closely at your own motivations and desires is rarely something you undertake with a motive of your own profit.

In fact, it can be driven by a deep desire to take better care of those around you

Why do you find yourself yelling at your kids, when you know that’s not the kind of parent you want to be?

What’s driving you to take on so many work projects that you’re drowing in deadlines, and ultimately performing at a level far lower than you could be with more time to think?

Personality tools – like the Women’s PowerTypes Profile – can be invaluable here. They can give you an external perspective on your motivations, patterns and responses that are hard to see by yourself.

When self-examination leads to a bigger contribution

What’s interesting about Michelle’s path is that the “self-examination” she embarked on led her to, in her words, “a lifetime of public service”.

I find it interesting – but not surprising.

It’s something we see time and again in graduates of our programs. It seems that paradoxically, the better we know and understand ourselves, the more motivation we find to begin to direct our energy in service of others. That might mean changing your industry; leading an initiative to support your community; or just being a more loving and engaged partner.

When we begin to tune in to ourselves, we start to access a way of being that’s sustainable.

We take care of ourselves. And it means that we can begin to hear our deepest values.

Your values are the core principles that matter most to you. Some of them might be things you were brought up with; others will be deeply personal to you.

No one else can tell you what your values are; they emerge when you’re able to quieten down the noisy demands around you, and really pay attention to yourself.

For Michelle, that sense of an “inner voice” has pulled her forward.

“In the years since, the issues I’ve been working on have often changed – from working in city government, to leadership development, to community engagement, to the issues of health, education and supporting military families that I focused on in the White House. But what hasn’t changed is the way my work makes me feel.

I believe in the goals I’m pursuing and they resonate with my values and my vision for the kind of communities – and the kind of world – I want to live in.

I feel like I’m connected to something larger than myself.”

For so many women, the process of getting to know ourselves is one which ultimately connects us to a far bigger impact on the world.

Want to understand yourself better?

The Women’s PowerTypes Profile is a quick questionnaire, which asks you to respond spontaneously to detailed questions. It’s been designed to give you deep insight into who you are – so you can tap into the natural way of leading that’s best for you.

Click here to discover your profile today

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

<a href=”https://oneofmany.co.uk/beone/” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”>Become One of many™ women</a> creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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If you feel disconnected…

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

One thing which makes the new paradigm of leadership distinct is the fact that it thrives not on competition – success despite others – but in collaboration and connection.

Success with and through others.

I was vividly awakened to the importance of this level of connection when I realised it was missing from my own life.

In my latest blog on joannamartin.com I’m sharing what I learned, and the steps I took to rectify the problem.

“I have a natural tendency to play solo. In the past, I’ve relied on my profound connection to Source – the universe, nature, the vision that pulls me forwards – for my connection needs, rather than other people.

I’d never seen that as a problem until I experienced really great connections in a new environment. But in that extraordinary setting, I experienced a depth of connection, and a feeling of such motivation to deepen and grow my work, that I became vividly aware of what I was missing.”

Click here to read the full article – and do share, if you’ve experienced something similar.

Leave a comment and let’s connect.

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Self-esteem versus self worth – what you need to know

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Defining your life’s work starts with defining your value. But what does “value” actually mean? Your own sense of how important you are, or something else? Today I want to share my personal distinction between self-esteem versus self worth, and explain why getting the difference clear can be a source of immense freedom (it has been for me).

But first, let’s dig into some definitions.

What do we mean by value?

You probably know by now that I’m a bit of an etymology geek. Looking at the way language has evolved often helps us to better understand the concepts they represent.

When we look at value from this perspective, we see that value generally means the regard that something is held to deserve: the “importance, worth or usefulness of something”.

It comes from the Latin meaning “Be strong, be well, be of value, be worth”.

Now I find it really fascinating that value’s original meaning wasn’t just about worth, but also about strength and wellness.

If you’ve experienced burnout (or are in it right now), you’ve probably already begun to see how much value there is in your ability to stay well and take good care of yourself. It doesn’t matter how “productive” you are in the traditional sense, if you’re falling apart at the seams, right?

So valuing ourselves has to begin with making sure we’ve got the resources we need to be strong and allow ourselves to thrive.

And your value – your importance, worth, or usefulness – builds on that in many other ways, some of which you might not have thought of in this way before.

4 factors to consider when thinking about your unique value

1. Your talents

This is the place where most of us start when we think about our value. We ask ourselves a version of a question like “What’s my boss really paying me for?” Or “what do my clients really want of me?”

Usually, the answer to those questions comes out as a version of talents.

Well, I’m really good at writing. 

I’m a really good facilitator.

I’m a genius with an Excel spreadsheet.

But that’s only one piece of your value. There are others – and they’re the ones we’re going to really dig into right now.

2. Your purpose

Your purpose can be summed up as “why you do what you do”. Given two people with the same skill sets, an employer is always going to take the person whose “why” is driving them.

The reason is simple: if you’ve got internal motivation to do something, you’re more likely to do it, and to do it well. It adds more value to have a clear purpose.

If someone has a vision for their life that they’re moving towards – a clear vision for their own life or the legacy they want to leave – that provides internal motivation. It adds to the value of that individual, when they have that clarity that’s pulling them forward.

So perhaps your talents include being a great teacher – you’re organised, engaging, and good at conveying information. But your purpose is to equip the next generation withthe skills they need to respond to the global challenges they’ll face.

Can you see how that adds to the value of your talents?

What would your version of those statements look like?

3. Your mission

A mission is what an individual wants to achieve with their work.

Again, being clear on that adds to your value. Start speaking about that mission in your job interviews, or to your clients when you’re talking to them, and you’ll find that if they are aligned with the mission, they will be aligned with you.

4. Your values

Slightly different to the value we’re talking about here, are those things that you value.

Perhaps as a teacher you value creativity, excellence and teamwork. If those values are shared by a prospective school, they’ll add to the value you can bring as a member of the Senior Management team.

They are also the filters through which you make decisions about how you want to do your work. So you might choose to evaluate a new opportunity in terms of your values.

At our BeFulfilled retreat, we explore each of these aspects in more depth. It can be hard to get clarity on them by yourself, after all – often we’re so immersed in our worlds that we’re not really able to pull back and see the threads that join it all together. If you’d like to find out more, book a call with the team here to get the full details.

Self-esteem versus value

So where does self-esteem come into it? Well, what I want to share next is my own personal definition. Thinking about value and esteem in this way really set me free when I understood it, and I’d love to know if it does the same for you.

Self-esteem and self-value are different. A lot of us believe we’ve got low self-esteem for one reason or another. I believe, whether or not that’s true, it doesn’t mean you can’t value yourself.

Value is something that you can find immediately. It’s already there, within you, waiting to be discovered.

And the fastest way of all to connect to your value is simply to become present to the value that you bring to others.

It might be a tiny bit of value to start with, just that you give really great hugs. You make a great cup of tea.

Self-value therefore comes oftentimes not even from within, but from without. By having it reflected back to us how other people see us.

Self-esteem, on the other hand, is not something you can necessarily experience immediately. Self-esteem, for me, is that cumulative confidence that builds each time you contribute value. It comes from positive feedback, when you’re in an environment that values your particular unique contribution.

You set yourself a goal to lead a project inside your organization and you lead that as well as you can and it’s successfully delivered.

That is going to add to your self-esteem. But sitting there trying to psych yourself up to have the self-esteem to be able to do it first is having the cart before the horse.

The way I look at it, self-esteem is about setting achievable goals and achieving them. It’s a reward.

But even if just for a moment, you can see yourself the way others who appreciate you see you, you can feel value.

How about you?

I’d love to know how that distinction lands for you. Can you relate? Does it help you to see that your value is made up of so many things, and that you can experience it even if you know your self-esteem is low?

Leave a comment and let us know. Our aim is to encourage and inspire you, so I’d love to know if this is a distinction that helps.

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Why failure matters

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

I don’t think many of us start the day wondering what we’re going to fail at, or getting excited to discover which of our brilliant ideas will end up falling flat. And yet, failure is also inevitable – if we’re to do anything that’s outside of our comfort zones. Here’s why failure matters – and how you can think differently about it.

What is failure?

In some situations, failure’s a clear cut fact. Driving tests, school exams, tenders – there are cases when the situation’s black or white. Yes or no. Pass or fail.

Funnily enough, these situations can sometimes be easier to handle than their greyer sisters. If you know you’ve failed, you have two options: Try again, or find a new strategy.

Sometimes retaking’s an option, and your setback can be a catalyst to redouble your efforts – or bring clarity to where you need to focus.

When failure’s a matter of perception

But sometimes, failure’s less objective.

Nobody gives us a wooden spoon to take home from work that announces “I’m a massive failure”.

It just feels like they might as well have done when the meeting that was meant to rally team spirit ends in frosty silence… or outright revolt.

And when it comes to failings in other areas of your life – your marriage, your motherhood, your friendships – the experience is all the more vivid for the fact that you’re the one defining it.

How do you know you’re a failure as a parent? You just DO. And there’s no evidence anyone else could produce to counter that – you simply feel it in your bones, right?

Failure’s favourite friend

When it comes to failure, there’s a particular archetype that loves to get stuck into those feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. We know her as Victim – and she’s a familiar one to many of us.

When you’re at your lowest, convinced no one else is as incompetent or selfish as you, and the only action you’re ready to take is to wallow a bit more in your own self-loathing?

It’s likely Victim is at play.

First and foremost, be kind to yourself. If you find yourself stuck in a dark mood, or genuinely can’t see a way out of feelings of hopelessness, it might be time to seek help from a doctor or therapist. Have a chat to a professional about what’s going on and see if they have some suggestions that could help.

But if you’re just getting stuck in the mud of failure, it might be helpful to start thinking about it a little differently.

The unexpected advice

Here’s something you might not expect to hear from someone whose mission in life is to equip and empower you to lead:

Expect failure.

Whether you’re launching a new business venture, diving into motherhood, or resolving to drink that extra glass of water every day if it bloody kills you… it’s something I share with the greatest sincerity and love.

Celebrate change, but expect failure.

Expect that you will slip up, that you will have a week where things will go wrong, or take longer than you thought, or you just won’t feel like it.

Expect that, because that’s going to happen, but let that be a reminder to recommit.

Let it be proof that you’re human, and because you’re human, you can change, because that’s what we do.

You are imperfect, therefore you will fail, and that’s okay. Let the little failures stand as a pathway to the whole beautiful tapestry that you’re creating.

Failure is inevitable

As humans, we’re naturally gifted at all sorts of things: great creativity, vast capacity for love, brilliantly innovative ideas… and failure. Because we’re not robots. We’re complex, living, breathing beings, and we’re living in a vast and complex world.

So even the most brilliant among us can never predict how things will turn out.

Oprah Winfrey was already hugely successful when she launched her own network, but she’s opened up about the challenge it brought her when it failed to perform.

When asked how she dealt with failures in life, she told an interviewer that her approach was to “think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to success.”

And in a commencement address at Harvard University, she emphasised the point again to the graduating students.

“It doesn’t matter how far you might rise,” Oprah said. “At some point, you are bound to stumble. If you’re constantly pushing yourself higher and higher, the law of averages predicts that you will at some point fall. And when you do, I want you to remember this: There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction.”

“There is no such thing as failure”

Well, sometimes there’s a temporary challenge. A project that doesn’t have the outcome you want; a gym membership that expires without you having made it to a single class. A week where you end up further behind than you started.

But when we label these human experiences as failures and judge them against an imaginary bar of perfection, we set ourselves up to slip back into that Victim mode – when we could be reaching for our crowns.

A Queen might discover that a military campaign hasn’t gone to plan, or that a harvest has been devastated by bad weather. But she’d never think of that as being a personal failing of some kind. Rather, they offer new challenges for her to seek advice on. She might reconsider her approach, suggest a new direction, or reassure her people that she’s supporting them whatever the outcome.

So next time you find yourself feeling like you’ve failed, take a deep breath and channel your inner Oprah. What new direction is presenting itself? What might this be a stepping stone to? Lift your head, and sit a little taller on your throne, my darling.

You’ve got this.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.