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Can’t make a decision? Try this

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When you can’t make a decision the feeling of mounting pressure can be intense – and the impact of not taking action can be bigger than you think.

A while ago I coached a woman who absolutely hated her job. I mean, really hated it. She described herself as “feeling slowly suffocated” by the time she spent at work… and yet when we talked it through, she told me there were simply too many options.

  • Should she follow her passion for illustration and try to make it as an artist?
  • Should she create a business sharing the work of other illustrators, using her knowledge of the industry to support others?
  • Should she follow her other calling and become a coach?

The choice felt too tricky to make. And meanwhile, she was stuck in the same routine, spending her time in a place that she hated while she put off making the “wrong” decision.

If you can relate to that feeling of being stuck, I want to share a simple process that can help you. But first, let’s get clear about one thing.

Why make decisions faster?

There are some decisions that you clearly don’t want to rush. If you’re considering something like whether to remain in your marriage; uprooting your family to move halfway round the world; or taking on a massive investment in a renovation project, you’ll likely want to spend some time meditating on the best course of action.

But as a rule of thumb, the faster you’re able to make decisions, the more successful you’ll be.

That’s not because you’re necessarily choosing the best course of action every time. But whatever action you do take gives you feedback – even if it’s that “this isn’t working” – and the opportunity to course correct.

When you stop making decisions altogether, you’re losing that forward motion.

So instead of getting new and different feedback from each choice, you’re stuck in a loop of running over the same options, and the same potential outcomes, without getting anywhere.

Analysis paralysis

This is what we call being in “Analysis Paralysis”. It describes those times when you’re not just taking your time over a decision, but putting off making it all together.

When you’re in that place, the inertia and “stuckness” can start to creep into all kinds of other areas of your life.

  • It starts to chip away at your self esteem.
  • You begin to question yourself, and doubt your ability to make a choice.
  • And eventually, it can even spiral into depression or anxiety.

The faster we can make decisions, the faster we get feedback, the faster we know if we’re on the right path.

So how do you make a decision?

Whether you’re choosing between two options that seem equally good, or gritting your teeth to choose between options where nothing feels ideal, here’s a 5 step process to move you out of inertia and into action.

1. Call it what it is

You’ll know when you’ve moved from “weighing up options” and into paralysis – so be honest with yourself. After a certain amount of time, you’ll find you’ve tipped into a place where it’s no longer about making the “right” decision as making any decision.

Maybe you’ve just set up your own coaching business and you’re trying to decide what to launch with.

Should you offer a group program, one-on-one coaching, or host an event? The reality is, after a while, you’ll get to a point where leaving the decision any longer is going to wind up with you broke.

Doing nothing isn’t an option.

You’re stuck in analysis paralysis – and it’s time to move on to step 2.

2. Get into the right state

We use the 5 Women’s PowerTypes™ to inspire the most powerful versions of ourselves, and the PowerType connected to decision making is the Queen.

When you connect to the Queen PowerType you’re accessing a specific set of resources that will enable you to swiftly take action without second-guessing yourself.

The Queen is serene, decisive, and she’s also visionary: she sees the big picture, and she’s clear. She knows that decisions need to be made, and she also knows they can be difficult.

What’s powerful about the Queen when it comes to decisions is that she’s connected to her logic – she wants to gather all the information that she needs – but she also trusts her intuition to steer her right. Above all, she wants the best for everyone she cares about.

How can you connect to Queen energy? Try thinking about the qualities I’ve described here – is there someone you know, in real life or a public figure, who exemplifies them? What would your posture look like if you were the Queen? How would you look at this issue that’s got you foxed?

If you’d like more inspiration for accessing the Queen, click here to download Life’s Little Toolkit. Along with our favourite resources to help you meet life’s challenges, it contains a guide to all 5 Women’s PowerTypes and some playlists to help you connect to their essences.

3. Ask “what do I know in my heart?”

Once you’re in that Queen energy, ask yourself what you know in your heart.

Sometimes, when it feels as though you’re stuck, it’s because although you know what course of action you should take, you just don’t want to. Maybe it’ll make someone angry or upset someone, even though you know it’s the right thing to do.

Listen for the answer and list out everything you do know in your heart.

One of the biggest ways you can get stuck in decision making is when you start to focus on everything you don’t know.

So shift your focus. Write down everything you DO know about the situation, and trust yourself, as the Queen, to be able to use this when you move forward.

4. Ask “Do I have enough information to make this decision?”

The Queen is happy to make decisions; she knows it’s for the good of everyone in her realm. But she won’t make one unless she has all the information she needs.

Maybe you’re missing a key piece of information that would allow you to make a final choice. If that’s the case, work out what’s missing and take steps to get all the details you need.

It’s not about getting tangled in endless research! Work out what you need to know, and commit to taking action once you have it.

5. Now, make a decision

You’ve connected to Queen energy.

You’re clear on what you know in your heart.

And you’ve made sure you have all the information you need to make your choice.

Now is the time to move into action.

But because this is the part you’ve been avoiding, you might experience a bit of resistance here – what if you make the wrong decision?

Here’s the good news: once you’ve got stuck in analysis paralysis, in most cases there is no longer a “right” decision. The impact of being locked in procrastination and not going anywhere means that ANY action you take is going to improve things.

If you discover that the choice you’ve made doesn’t work out, that’s useful feedback that will allow you to course correct and move onto something else. But you won’t get that until you move into action.

So the woman I was coaching didn’t need to waste her time trying to predict exactly what she should do when she left her job. Having gone back and forth about what to do, the right decision was simply to take action and leave the job that was draining her.

Whatever comes next, trust that you’ll be able to handle it. Whilst every option remains hypothetical, it’s impossible to know how it will pan out or what the “best” step is.

What are you in analysis paralysis about? What are your challenges and how are you going to move forward? Let us know in the comments – let’s celebrate moving into action!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to manage women

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Irene Rosenfeld is the CEO of Mondelez International, one of the largest snack companies in the world. With $26 billion in annual sales, they count Oreos and Ritz crackers among their products, so it’s probably safe to say she knows a thing or two about managing people to have an incredible impact.

When asked for her best piece of advice, she shared this:

“I think my very best piece of advice is be yourself.

You know, I grew up in business at a time where there weren’t very many female role models, and so in the early days we wore little bow ties like the guys, and we talked about the Army even though we weren’t in the Army. And the reality was that wasn’t the right way to approach the business world.

Over time, there is more understanding of the value of diversity… [more opportunities] to be able to express ourselves and approach business in a way that makes the most sense for us.”

Interview with Sara Silverstein for Business Insider, 2017

A different style of leadership?

As Irene points out, it’s only relatively recently that women have played an active role in the workforce and been able to show up as ourselves in business.

As more and more of us begin to take leadership roles, and to nurture and support those rising up beneath us, the question of how to manage women is vital for us to consider.

Of course, Not all women are the same. There’s no “one way” to manage women any more than there’s “one way” to manage men.

But the growth of a more diverse and balanced workforce has triggered a healthy evolution of what was once a very uniformly patriarchal, masculine model of doing business.

As more and more women have risen to positions of leadership, we’ve all gained a greater understanding of the unique role women can play in helping businesses reach their goals.

This can help all of us, both women and men, approach business in a more nuanced way than before.

As Irene reflects,

“Our emerging workforce is not interested in command-and-control leadership. They don’t want to do things because I said so; they want to do things because they want to do them.”

Being a manager requires flexibility

Managing people works best when we understand that flexibility and openness to different ideas allows us to tap into the techniques which are most effective at any given time.

After all, all sorts of factors influence the best choices to make when it comes to managing our teams.

  • The current business environment
  • The length of time the individuals have been in post
  • Previous management styles
  • Company culture
  • Current priorities and goals for the business

And if you’re not in the corporate world, you can probably apply these to your own situation, or even your family (Teething toddler + family goal to get a solid night’s sleep? That’s a leadership challenge if ever I heard one!)

Managing women tends to flow best when we add into that context an awareness that most women experience regular cycles (whether or not they’re menstruating). Our mood, motivation and talents fluctuate, and will respond best to leadership that’s able to flex and adapt to that.

I’m not suggesting for one minute that you ask your team personal questions about their cycles, or ascribe poor performance to “hormones” or “women’s troubles.” After all, that would simply be perpetuating the idea that there’s one linear “norm” that anything else diverts from.

But try noticing how your team, whether they be men or women, are feeling at any given time.

Do they feel fired up, energetic, bursting with ideas? It could be a great time to harness that exciting energy to come up with new strategies…

Are they fed up and complaining? Maybe that decisiveness and awareness of what’s not working could allow you to trim unnecessary processes and get clarity on any areas that have felt fuzzy.

Women managing women

As women managing women, we also have our own cycles and flows to pay attention to. We have access to powerful styles of leadership that allow us to draw on our natural strengths and embrace the flow of our energy to maximise how effective and fruitful we can be.

When it comes to enhancing your strength as a leader and giving your team the best chance of getting on board with your plans, knowing your strengths and weaknesses is invaluable. It’s also helpful to know how your energy flows throughout the day, week or month, and which tasks and activities are optimum for you to undertake at each time.

Bringing this level of nuance to your own workflow will bring a fresh momentum that can completely revitalise your ability to reach and surpass your goals.

There’s no one size fits all

So, how to manage women? There’s no simple answer to that question. We’re creating a new paradigm of leadership, that involves paying attention to the people we work with and ourselves, and using that connection to find what works for us.

There’s no need to follow tired ways of doing things, just as there’s no need to reinvent the wheel without good reason. Staying open, following your instincts and never being afraid to shift things up or experiment is what will create the future we all want to see.

Do you want to transform the results you get with your team, your clients or yourself? Register for our complimentary training to explore this topic further and discover how the 5 Women’s PowerTypes ™ can be used in your coaching, consulting and management to bring the best out in the women you work with (and yourself). Click here to access The Secret To Coaching Women.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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When to say no to your boss

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

You know you have to say no if you’re going to make progress on what you’re actually trying to achieve at work. But one of the most challenging times to uphold your boundaries can be when the request you’re declining comes from your boss, a client, or someone else in a position of authority. You respect them, you have a role to respond to the tasks they ask of you, and you probably work with them pretty closely. So when is it appropriate to turn down what’s being asked of you? How do you know when to say no to your boss?

When to say no to your boss

Of course, there are some clear situations when it’s definitely necessary to say no. If you’re being asked to do something illegal, unethical or immoral, for example, most of us would feel pretty confident in taking the right course of action and letting them know that’s not okay.

But what if your “no” is more of a grey area? If you’re saying no to something because you have too many other things on your plate, for example, or because there’s something happening at home that’s impacting your capacity to absorb extra tasks?

Here are 3 times when it’s good to say no

Say no before you’re overwhelmed

If you’re someone who’s motivated by feeling helpful and getting approval from those in senior positions, it can be easy to find yourself saying “yes” to every request that comes your way.

The trouble with that approach is that eventually, it all tends to mount up on top of you. 

The pressure builds until, whether through sickness, burnout or overwhelm, you can find yourself at breaking point. That’s when you have no choice but to say “no” because you’re simply not able to function any more.

If you notice the signs of burnout appearing, or you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, anxious or unwell, it’s time to say no to some of the things on your plate.

“It’s fine for you to ask me to do extra things but I’m going to have to say no to some of them. I’ve been doing a lot lately, and I need some time to recharge right now.”

Say no when you’re replenished

If you’re asked to do something that feels as though it might not be possible, it’s OK not to respond straight away. It sounds obvious but it can make a huge difference to your judgment, and the way you convey your response. Let the person know that you need some time to see if you can accommodate them, and that you’ll get back to them.

“I have a lot on right now – I’ll see if I can fit this in and get back to you.”

Seeing that you’re taking the time to consider a request is reassuring to the person asking. It shows you take your commitments seriously, and that you value completing the tasks you do competently.

Take some time to have a drink, eat if you’re hungry, go to the loo or take a few deep breaths. You’ll find it easier to convey the reasons for your “no” more clearly when you’re filled up rather than running on empty.

Say no when you’re clear on your priorities

When you’re someone who’s competent and capable it’s easy to become the office “go-to” for all kinds of requests. After all, you:

handled that challenging client…

unblocked the photocopier…

formulated the perfect wording… so beautifully before, right?

If it’s a task you love, you might be happy to say yes. (If you’re thinking of shifting your career, for example, it can be great development to have the opportunity to experiment with tasks outside your normal role).

But if it’s something that’s way outside your remit, and you know the person is asking because they think you’ll say yes rather than because it’s your job, then ask yourself if what they’re asking really fits with your priorities. Is this part of the difference you’re here to make to the team or the business?

“I’m focusing on [Big Goal] right now, and that’s my main priority. So I can’t help with  [request] today.”

Framing your no with reference to your shared goals is a powerful way to remind others that your time is just as important as theirs. If they’re persistent, let them know what you’ll need to re-prioritise in order to help them out: so they’re absolutely clear on the impact their request will have.

Say no whenever you want

You’re a grown woman, and it goes without saying that you can absolutely say no to whoever you want, whenever you want. You don’t need my, or anyone else’s permission for that.

But if you want your “no” to be powerful, effective and impactful – and not to burn bridges or hurt feelings – then it’s worth thinking about how you express it.

When did you last say “no”, and how was it received? Did you learn anything from the experience: either strategies you’d use in future, or something you’d definitely avoid? Share your experience in the comments.

Want to say no with confidence and be respected every time?

Enough is Enough is our free guide to creating unshakeable boundaries and reclaiming your space. Click here to download your free copy.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What to do when you’re jealous

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Who do you know who’s annoyingly perfect? Maybe it’s a friend who’s given up drinking and carbs for pre-dawn yoga sessions, and looks about ten years younger. An ex-colleague who’s  out there killing it and soaking up the praise, while you’re stuck behind the same old desk. Or the mum in the playground frolicking happily with her kids without once checking her phone or losing her temper. It’s an icky feeling, but if you recognize what I’m talking about, you’re definitely not alone. Here’s what to do when you’re jealous of someone.

A while back I joined a high level mentoring program full of scarily successful women entrepreneurs doing big and inspiring things. One of my fellow participants was a really inspiring woman, who had once been a client of mine. I’ll never forget one session where she described the way she’d grown her work.

As she spoke about her business, I remember thinking that it almost felt like watching a virtuoso performance by a concert pianist. She absolutely lit up as she shared her passion.

I took in the amazing wisdom she had about what was going well and why; the trust and sense of purpose coming through in her words; her insight into her process and the theories behind her actions.

Everything about her exuded flow and connection. She evidently deserved her success. And I’d love to tell you I was filled with happiness and joy at seeing her finding her “thing” and doing what she loved, but you know what?

Instead, I felt myself shrinking and shriveling inside. I was comparing myself to her – and the experience wasn’t pleasant.

The truth about competition

When we see someone else succeeding, it is so, so easy for a mindset of competition to creep in.

Competition is a signature ‘masculine’ energy. That doesn’t mean we don’t feel it as women, but it gives us a very different experience to when we’re connected to more feminine energy. Competition can be a really helpful tool to harness – think about when we’re aiming to beat our own performance and improve our results – but when it comes to thinking about someone else’s success, competition can actually be less than helpful.

Instead of thinking about how inspiring it was that this woman had achieved such amazing things, I was starting to ask myself “why am I not as good as she is?”

And before I knew it, I was in a state of complete insecurity. “What have you been doing?” the voices in my head clamoured. “Look how great she is, and now look where you are! Nowhere! You’ve been coasting along taking it easy when you could have been getting results like that!”

Comparison like that is a trap. If you’ve ever found yourself in that kind of mindset, you’ll know how fast it can take over. The criticism we generate for ourselves is rarely fair (in my case, the ‘coasting along’ I was berating myself for included having an actual baby, for goodness’ sake!)

And this is when we can start to get hostile towards the other person. To imagine them judging us or looking down on us. Have you ever heard the phrase “tall poppy syndrome”? It’s that thing where we see someone enjoying success and we want to tear them down, to bring them back to our level.

That kind of thinking is very much rooted in competition, because it places our goal not as rising together, but as needing to get ahead of someone else by any means necessary.

Next we start to make excuses. “It’s not fair.” or “She must have better connections”. All those mean things our brains come up with when we’re feeling less-than someone else, right?

What to do when you feel jealous

So what can you do if, like me, jealousy takes hold and you find yourself in a vortex of insecurity?

1. Replenish yourself first

It won’t surprise you to hear that the first thing I did was to take myself out for a walk. Notice those feelings; have a glass of water; get some fresh air.

Take care of your basic needs and you’ll be far better placed to respond from your higher-level self and not that lizard brain (which might well just need a sandwich and a walk round the block to calm down a little.)

2. Next, go deeper

The simultaneous curse and blessing of our insecurities is that they are the gateway to deep, rich and rewarding human connection. Any time our insecurities come up, it’s usually because we’re opening ourselves up.

So if jealousy has reared its head, don’t dismiss it or try and ignore it. You’re feeling it for a reason – that person has something that you desire. The unkind thoughts we often feel are simply a mechanism by which your mind is trying to protect you. By projecting your insecurity outwards on to the person you’re jealous of, it’s defending you from feeling inadequate or small.

Take a few minutes to connect to what you’re feeling and identify: what is it specifically that you’re jealous of? It might be deeper than you think at first, so give yourself some time to explore it.

If you’re jealous of someone’s business, what does that mean? Would you like to have the sense of accomplishment, financial success, or public profile that the other person has?

Find out what’s at the root of the feeling, and you’ll know where you’re ready to grow. 

3. Remember: they are human too

Now you’re clear about what your jealousy has flagged up for you, take some time to remember that however amazing they are, the person who’s brought these feelings to light for you is definitely not perfect. No one is!

They have their own doubts, fears, and challenges. And even if they don’t seem to have any insecurities at all, they are still on a journey of growth and evolution.

4. Recognise your own strengths

Ask yourself: What am I great at? What am I grateful for? At this stage I invite you to, literally, count your blessings!

So your marriage might not be the world’s greatest right now – but you’ve been pouring a ton of energy into supporting your team, and you know that it’s made a huge difference to their lives. Or maybe you’re

  • a brilliant problem solver
  • a calm and courteous driver
  • the best at bringing humour to the driest of meetings

…Or something completely different. Think of all the things you’re great at; all the ways you make a difference to the people around you. There are probably people out there who are jealous of you!

5. Be Vulnerable

Now, return to that desire that jealousy has opened up for you. There’s an opportunity here, for the sharing of wisdom, and for connection. An opportunity for growth, which will only come from being vulnerable and opening up to the person you’re feeling jealous of.

I use this simple script: “I see you’re great at X. How do you do that?”

They might be a great parent.

“You are always so calm with your child. How do you do that?”

Or perhaps they’re great at motivating their team.

“Your team are so loyal. I can see you have an amazing relationship. How do you do that?”

Get curious, and allow yourself ‘not to know’.

Because this is where we really find the deliciousness that lies on the other side of insecurity. Where we are able to use our jealousy to open us up to learning new things.

Jealousy can allow you to receive wisdom from others that might really transform things in your life.

Insecurity and comparison unite almost all of us at points – whether it’s hidden or overt. Learning to spot it can be an amazing opportunity to grow and learn, and is a huge part of us stepping into collaboration instead of competition when we see other women succeeding.

And that’s exactly what I did with the woman in my mastermind. I asked her to share how she achieved her amazing results – and the result was learning I would never have experienced if I hadn’t allowed myself to connect with the jealousy, and move into a vulnerable place of learning.

Could you do with more support?

It can be challenging to dig into feelings we’re not proud of, and to know exactly where to start when it comes to creating the life you really want. If you want to make the most of your time and start turning challenges into opportunities to step up and make a real impact, working with a coach is a great place to start.

Our coaches are skilled in applying our cutting edge tools and methods to help you up-level in your life, and have all been certified through our rigorous training, feedback and certification process. To find the right coach for you, take a look at our easy to use directory where you can search by location or keyword to find the right person to support you. Click here to find out more. 

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Mindfulness: where to start

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Mindfulness is the practice of bringing awareness to the present moment, or what is actually happening. It can be easier said than done – most of us spend a lot of our time either processing what has happened in the past, or projecting and planning the future. Here are some tips if you’re curious about mindfulness: where to start, how to come back to being mindful if you find yourself caught up in old patterns, and why it can be such a powerful practice.

Why mindfulness?

Mindfulness has been practiced for thousands of years and forms an important part of the Buddhist tradition, where it takes the form of meditation. Other common ways to experience mindfulness include yoga, mindful eating, classes, and online courses and apps. Since the 1970s, it’s been increasingly used within Western medicine as a way to reduce stress, anxiety and depression.

In the UK, mindfulness combined with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is currently recommended by the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) for the prevention of relapse in recurrent depression.

Many people have reported that mindfulness has helped reduce stress and anxiety and enabled them to cope better with the demands of their busy lives.

In the words of our Head Coach Annie Stoker, mindfulness is

“A tool to become totally aware in the present moment, feel radically alive and completely open to your own experience. Not only can life become more vivid, enjoyable and interesting, but mindfulness also brings the opportunity for profound healing of unhelpful mental and emotional patterns.”

Mindfulness: Where to start?

If you’re curious about mindfulness, and how it could have an impact on your life, it’s important to remember that mindfulness is most effective when it’s used as a practice: something you do regularly, ideally daily, even if it’s only for a few minutes at a time.

If you’re someone who tends to dive into new ideas you might be tempted to sign up for a week-long retreat, or commit to an hour of mindfulness every morning at dawn. Those things can be great, but can be hard to keep up over the long term, which is how you’ll receive the best benefit.

Here are three ways to start introducing mindfulness into your life.

1. Start with a plan

If mindfulness is a practice you’ve been thinking about trying, start by planning how you’re going to incorporate it into your day.

Like exercise, mindfulness isn’t something that will create lasting change overnight, so think about how you could realistically include it in your life.

Are there particular times when you know you’ll be able to create the space to change into a different mindset?

Here are some ideas for how to bring mindfulness into your day:

  • Get up slightly earlier each day and practice mindfulness in the quiet of the morning
  • If you make a regular journey, like a commute or school pickup, commit to spending some time being mindful at the beginning or end
  • Practice mindful eating for a meal, snack or cup of tea each day
  • Give yourself a few moments of mindfulness before you go to bed
  • Instead of listening to music or podcasts, try incorporating mindfulness into your regular exercise routine: walking, running or yoga

2. Be consistent, not perfect

A lot of us have the impression that the “perfect” way to be mindful involves smiling peacefully to yourself as you connect to your inner sense of zen.

Well, sometimes that can be the case – but mindfulness is an invitation to connect to the present moment and really become aware of what you’re experiencing, both in your body and your mind. Which, unless you’re some kind of saint, won’t always be calm and serene! In fact, you might be experiencing anxiety, sadness, anger or frustration.

The point isn’t to “fix” what you’re feeling, but to become aware of it.

So don’t be tempted to skip a session if you’re not in the ‘right’ frame of mind. The purpose of the practice is to become aware of how you are in that moment.

If you’re feeling stressed or worried, give yourself the space to pay attention to exactly how that’s showing up (hunched shoulders? churning tummy?) for the time you’ve allocated to yourself.

It’s the commitment to pausing and paying attention at moments of tension that can be the most powerful way to change our patterns.

3. Notice what changes

When you’ve started a new activity, there are two benefits to noticing how it’s impacting you: it can motivate you to continue, and it can also show you where you might want to change your approach.

If you don’t do it already, journalling first thing in the morning (“morning pages” as taught by Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way) is a fantastic tool for tracking your emotions and recording how you’re doing when you make changes in your life.

Notice if after a few weeks or months mindfulness has an impact on how you’re responding to challenges or upsets, or your approach to what’s going on in your life.

Ask yourself if practicing mindfulness has felt challenging at all, and whether it’s time to make any changes.

For example:

  • Could you change the time you’re practicing? Perhaps you’re too tired at night and it would work better for you to get up a bit earlier so you can be mindful before work
  • Could you set up prompts to help you be more consistent? An alarm on your phone, or an app that might support you if you find yourself forgetting or skipping sessions?
  • Could you find support or training? A local class, coach or online group to answer questions and help overcome the feeling of ‘not doing it right’?

When you just don’t have time

If you’re thinking “I’d love to make some time to be mindful – but I barely have five minutes to myself these days” then it might be time to create some time to nourish yourself before things get too much.

BeFruitful is our signature time management program designed by women, for women – and we promise it will help you find an extra 5 hours in your week, at least. Read the full details and book your place on this life-changing training by clicking here.

Not every approach works for every woman. But unless you give it a try, you won’t know if this is a technique that might make all the difference. With the current levels of stress, anxiety and burnout in women it’s vital that we each find the ways that work best for us to maintain our wellbeing and take care of our physical and mental health.

Have you tried mindfulness? How did you get started, and do you have any tips to share with anyone who’s curious about bringing it into their lives? Let us know in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: Why don’t we (actually) change the world?

By

Sara Price

Sara Price

Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author.
Sara Price

Latest posts by Sara Price (see all)

My vision is a world in which everyone who wants to change the world for the better is inspired and empowered to do so.

It’s a big vision. Making this vision a reality is like eating the proverbial elephant – I’ll be doing it one bite at a time and in collaboration with many others – including the amazing Founder of One of Many, Joanna Martin. The current ‘bite’ is to write a book – catchily entitled ‘How to (Actually) Change the World’. That’s a lot to deliver in 55,000 words but I’m going to give it my best shot!

As part of my research, I’ve spoken to hundreds of people all over the world about the kind of changes they want to create, and what gets in the way of them actually doing it. So if you’re on a mission to change the world right now and you’re feeling blocked; or if you are feeling increasingly called to make a difference, to make an impact on this beautiful planet of ours, but you’re not sure how to go about it – please read on, because you are not alone.

Here’s what I’ve found so far…

So…Who Wants to Change the World?

An awful lot of us want to change the world. . If you’re an active member of the BeOne Global Community on Facebook, you may have seen and perhaps completed my survey for actual and aspiring changemakers. Of the people who have filled in the survey thus far, EVERYONE wants to change the world in some way.

When asked if there was something they would like to change to make the world a better place, 47% said that there were so many things they didn’t know where to start! Another 24% had one big issue that they were truly passionate about. Everyone else felt passionate about 2 or 3 main subjects and couldn’t pick one.

How Do We Want to Change the World?

We want to change the world for other women. My survey may be slightly skewed because of where it was posted and the kinds of women who’ve completed it, but of all the issues that we are passionate about, the top three categories are:

  • Women’s issues
  • Environment
  • Education & training

In other words, the issues which matter most to us are: other women; the planet and the next generation.

Some of us are dedicating our working lives to these issues. About 12% of respondents have already set up / run or work for a social enterprise dealing with the specific issue that they are most passionate about. Another 12% are operating in the charitable sphere on their number one issue.

Many respondents wrote in comments that tackling their number one issue was the mission of their business. That’s a lot of women dedicating their working lives to making the world a better place!

Many of those who work in other fields are taking action in their personal time. Nearly 95% of us are talking to friends and family – trying to persuade them of the importance of our cause. 85% have taken to social media to make our point and demonstrate our passion. Over 80% have signed online petitions.

Are We Making Progress?

Most of us feel that we’re not making enough progress. Amongst the social entrepreneurs, charity leaders and those whose professional mission is to change the world, only 30% were satisfied with the progress they are making.

Most of us want to do more: Of those who are taking action in their personal time, a whopping 97% want to do more but are hampered by a perceived lack of time and a feeling of not knowing where to start. The same feeling that stops about 20% of us from taking any action at all.

And that is where I hope that my book will help.

It’s Not Complicated…

I understand that changing the world can seem overwhelming but here is what I believe: changing the world may be hard work but it is not actually that complicated.

I can already feel the waves of disagreement and disbelief heading my way but, I’m sticking to my guns here because I genuinely believe that in principle changing the world is not complicated. It requires only one thing: you have to make people care.

You have to make companies care enough to change their policies; or make politicians care enough to change legislation; or make individuals care enough to change their behaviour and / or their minds. You have to know who holds the power to make the change, and you have to make them care enough to do it.

In Fact, It’s Really Quite Simple…

To make people care, you need to harness the power of great communications. It’s about communicating your message to the right people at the right time in a way that feels compelling to them. That’s it.

Now, there are a lot of experts out there with a vested interest in making you think that this is difficult. The more jargon they use, the more complex they make it seem – the more valuable their expertise appears and the more you are made to feel disempowered and dependent on their expertise.

This is where I hope my book will help. I plan to show you exactly how simple great communications can be. I will walk you through how to develop a comprehensive campaign plan for your vision that makes people care enough to create change.

So at the end of the process, you’ll be equipped to make a difference. You can make people care.

You can ACTUALLY change the world.

So…How Do You Want to Change the World?

This is a community full of changemakers and women with huge visions for how to change the world for the better.

So tell me, what ONE thing would you change about the world if you could wave a magic wand? What causes are you passionate about, and what change are you already creating through your life and work?

Share in the comments below, and let’s support each other to create the change we want to see.

And, if you have a moment, I’d be grateful if you would take part in my survey. Tell me how you want to change the world and how I can help you.

And as a great big thank you for doing so, I’m offering one participant the chance to win a 2-hour PR and communications brainstorm with a leading London PR agency, Pagefield (the one I co-founded!). Just click the link below to take the survey and be in with a chance of winning:

https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/HowToActuallyChangetheWorld

About Sara Price

The Knitting, Baby-whispering Karaoke queen!

Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author!

Sara began her career in Parliament developing an in-depth understanding of the corridors of power. She then moved on to work as a political advisor to UNICEF where she witnessed the power of individuals and organisations to effect change on a global scale. She sat on the UK Board of one of the world’s largest PR agencies, H&K Strategies, and in 2010 she co-founded Pagefield.

Over the course of her career, she has developed communications programmes for some of the biggest brands in the world from Kelloggs to EDF Energy; advised organisations as diverse as Allied Bakeries and Variety, the Children’s Charity; and co-created multi-national campaigns for Global Peace Ambassador Prem Rawat.

Sara’s newest venture – How to Actually Change the World – is in development right now. If you’d like to help to shape the whole programme and be on the list to hear more, please sign up by emailing sara@renaissance-life.co

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Want to change your life? Read this first

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Whether it’s a career change, a house move, or the end of a relationship, change is hard. It’s crazy, right – you can be in a job that feels like it’s sucking your soul, an eating pattern that has you feeling like absolute crap or a relationship you know it’s time to end. And yet when it comes to actually making a big shift, it can feel like wading through treacle.

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking “if it were that easy to change, then I’d have done it already!” then read on – I’m going to shed light on the huge thing that might well be holding you back from turning the change you crave into real action.

Why is change so hard?

When we get bogged down by our fear of taking action it’s usually because we’re being held back by something deep. Something internal, something which we’re often not even conscious that actually impacts us.

And that is shame.

Shame is an amazing emotion for controlling us. When we shame somebody else, it’s often an attempt to stop that person from doing something that embarrasses us.

I remember using it as a teenager. When my father took us out for dinner he had a tendency to be really obnoxious with the waiting staff, and it used to drive me crazy. So I would make fun of him and how he was with the staff because I didn’t want him to embarrass me by treating people in a way which I didn’t agree with. I was consciously trying to lever the power of shame to force him to change.

That’s how big a tool shame can be. The trouble is, as we grow up most of us experience it not as something we’re using (hopefully we’ve developed slightly more advanced ways to communicate our values with those around us!) but as the invisible block that stops us moving forward.

How shame blocks change

When we’re looking at changing our lives, it’s usually because we want to make our life more aligned with who we are.

We want to experience more joy in our life, in our work, or in our relationship, and we know instinctively that the path to more joy is to be more of ourself, to be more authentic, to be more vulnerable.

But to be more authentic, and to be more vulnerable, actually means showing more of ourself to the world.

Even declaring the change that we want to make: “I want to make my green smoothie everyday because I know that will make me healthier”.

…Is quite possibly to be met with a reaction we don’t want. So the commentary swirls round in your mind…

“Will my colleagues think I’m crazy because I want to make a green smoothie instead of grabbing a giant sugary latte like I usually do?”

“Is my husband going to have a go at me because I want to spend a small fortune on a blender?”

Or maybe you really want to have sex more frequently, and that’s the change you’re gearing up to try and make. What will happen when you tell your partner that’s an issue for you? How is that going be met? What will they think?

When it comes to changing something in your life, whether it be your lifestyle, your intimate relationships, or even stepping into more leadership at work, all kinds of fears come up.

It  brings to light who we are at the core, and what is authentic to us. And in doing that we’re also shining that light into what others don’t know about us, and that can really trigger shame.

If you’re thinking about making a career change, you’re saying “this is no longer working for me”, to your family, to your friends. It’s like saying “look – here’s who I really am, and it’s not this.”

The unspoken question then becomes, “Well, who are you? And are we going to approve?”

Because when we step into our true selves, when we declare more of ourself to the world, it brings out who we are.

We get exposed at a deeper level, and that can really cause us to be open and vulnerable to criticism, to be open and vulnerable to shame.

And if we’re still bringing and carrying a lot of shame from our past, that we’re not even conscious of, then it can stop us from making those changes.

Moving past shame

Frankly, it doesn’t matter what anybody thinks about whatever it is you want to change. If it is more authentic and more aligned with who you are. If this new habit that you want to bring into your life. (This new job… new relationship… whatever.)

If it’s more aligned with who you are at a deep and individual level, then absolutely you should do more of it, but you have to move through vulnerability to get there.

If you’re thinking about making a big change and wondering what keeps getting in your way, one of the things I highly recommend doing is watching Brené Brown’s great TED talk on vulnerability.

One of the things she says, if we want to experience more of the positives, and the richness, the joy and the love… All of that great stuff happens on just the other side of vulnerability.

And to get through vulnerability we have to go through shame.

We often numb ourselves from experiencing shame with things like alcohol, drugs, too much sex, too much work, too much exercise. All things which will block us off from having to feel vulnerable, and move through to this more joyful place.

To become leaders, we need to move through vulnerability

What we need to do as women who are growing, as women who are stepping into leadership, which is an incredibly vulnerable place to be, is we need to get okay with whatever we’re feeling ashamed of, and let it go.

We need to step into our vulnerability.

We need to open up to the opportunity of feeling ashamed or embarrassed again. Because on the other side of that, lies the change we’re feeling called to make: and the impact we are truly meant to have.

If you could do with some support to open up and create a big change in your life, then working with a coach might be the answer you’re looking for. Helping women move through big changes and overcome the subtle, self-sabotaging shame that can stop us in our tracks is something coaches specialise in.

No idea where to find the right coach for you? Click here to access the One of Many coaching directory. You’ll find skilled, trained coaches specializing in supporting women in everything from career to health, and a whole lot more – or you can search for someone in your area.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What marriage is really like

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Want to know what marriage is really like? Let me paint you a picture.

We’re in the kitchen, when Greg opens the fridge and does a double take.

“Why is there so much food in the fridge? Do we have people coming round, or something?”

He knows the answer already. I’ve mentioned it at least twice, once when we were talking business last weekend and again as we played with the kids at the park.

“Yup. Annie and Susie are coming to stay at the weekend”

His response, let’s say, is not what I expect.

“Well. That’s the first I’ve heard of it.”

Ever experienced something similar with your other half? A time when it felt like they’d totally ignored something you’d clearly told them at least once?

Did you fly off the handle, accuse them of ignoring you, or seethe inwardly at the fact that for the hundredth time the thing you’ve told them has taken second place to sports fixtures, historical trivia, or whatever else they deem to matter more than your words?

Marriage, or indeed any loving partnership, is a wonderful and deeply beautiful thing. But beyond the wedding photos, special dinners and mushy moments (I’m not knocking them for a second) are the thousands, millions perhaps, of interactions just like the one Greg and I had in our kitchen that day.

Opportunities to connect – or withdraw.

To confront – or surrender.

How about you? When was the last time you had a communication breakdown with your partner? Think back to it now, because today I want to share a really helpful reframe that helped give me a different perspective on these kinds of interactions, and what they mean to me.

The difference in how we think

I am a big fan of anything that brings us a greater understanding of what makes us tick, and more capacity to empathise with other people’s behaviour.

That’s why I’ve found it so helpful to learn about the science of how our brains can work in vastly different ways.

So, let’s dig into what’s really going on in the interaction I described.

Ignoring… or interruption?

So in the example above, the scenario was pretty clear from my perspective. I’d told Greg numerous times about the plans for the weekend, and he’d chosen to ignore me, right?

Previously, I would certainly have taken it personally. After all, I know that when it comes to certain other facts – historical dates, the price of gold, all kinds of random (and from my perspective pretty irrelevant) trivia – are lodged in his brain indelibly. And yet when it comes to important information about guests in our house, apparently it just wasn’t important enough to hold on to.

What changed that tendency to take things personally was when I learned about the modal tendency some people – including Greg – have wired right into their brains.

No idea what I’m talking about? Read on.

The ‘modal’ model

What I learned after looking at some really fascinating research is that some people’s brains, especially when they’re in instinctive or ‘animal’ states tend to be much more “modal” than others.

That is to say, they tend to be focused on one task or problem, with anything not directly related to solving that problem being filtered out as having less significance.

In other words, when I mentioned our upcoming guests in the context of a business meeting, Greg was focused on the specific challenge we were discussing in that moment. He wasn’t ignoring me – he simply wasn’t registering its relevance outside of that context.

The same thing happened when we were having family time with the kids. Playground time meant playground time for Greg – not time to plan ahead, think about guests, or wonder what the fridge would look like when he opened it on Friday morning.

The strengths of modal thinking

Now, when I discovered my husband hadn’t heard a word I’d said I could have easily jumped straight into anger. But the more I learn about the way other people’s brains work, the more I appreciate the strengths that way of thinking can bring.

Narrow, deep focus allows problems to be solved all the way through to completion. The focus is on finding the solution to that one priority – which makes for incredibly efficient, focused resolution to even complex problems.

It’s a fantastic way to combat stress, because wider worries and awareness of things which aren’t directly relevant is swiftly filtered out by the modal brain. Greg definitely hadn’t been worrying about how we’d be taking care of our guests when they arrived, after all.

When we start to recognize that the ability to think modally is a distinctive thing, we can not only have compassion. We can start to admire it. That way of thinking is a real gift – it allows them to be completely present, immersed and ‘in flow’ in what they’re doing.

What’s more, it gives us clues as to how to make future interactions more positive.

How to interact with a modal thinker

Male or female, partner or boss, when you’re interacting with someone whose brain works in this modal way there are 3 key things to bear in mind.

1. Firstly, be aware of this tendency.

If your partner is a one-task-at-a-time kind of guy, it might be worth doing what Greg and I do and allocating specific slots in the week to talk about things you need to. We have 3 meetings: one for business, one for life admin, and one for finances. If you’re not running a business you probably need less, but the principle is the same: by allocating a time to talk about the topics you need to cover, you’ll avoid the spontaneous interruptions that modal thinkers find so challenging.

2. If you need to interrupt, do so thoughtfully.

Just as with my toddler, if it’s appropriate then touch can be a great way to signal that a change in topic is needed. Ask permission: is it OK if I interrupt you for a minute? And wait until you get a clear “yes” before launching into what you’re saying. A non-committal “uh-huh” or silence probably indicates you don’t yet have their full attention.

3. Ask them what they need

You might suspect your partner is a modal thinker, but nothing beats having a conversation to find out their perspective. I don’t mean launching into a “I’ve diagnosed you with this problem I read about on the internet” next time you have a disagreement, tempting as that might sound. But you could try asking your partner “How does it feel when you’re interrupted from something you’re doing?” or suggesting you agree a way to deal with logistics when it comes to your home.

What marriage is really like

So, to return to my original question – what’s marriage really like? For us at least, it’s a journey of learning.

Of noticing what causes emotions to run high, and getting curious about why that might be.

It might be to do with brain chemistry, personal triggers, or something that’s totally unique to you. Either way, it’s worth exploring what you can learn about each other and instead of taking the patterns personally, asking what they can teach you to appreciate in your partner. Choosing to understand, admire and celebrate our differences only deepens our connection with each other.

How about you? Have you found a niggle or source of friction that you were able to investigate and turn into a strength? Let us know in the comments below.

And if you’d like to get more tools and strategies to strengthen your relationship and bring more love into your world, join us for our BeLove Retreat. Click here to book in a no-obligation chat with one of our team and find out the full details.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to handle Imposter Syndrome

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

I was in the boarding lounge at Heathrow Airport, in tears.

(Not one of my proudest moments, I have to say)

I was crying because I was about to do something amazing. It was my first trip to work with Ali Brown, someone who I had followed and looked up to for years and years and years in my industry, and I was getting on a plane to head over to her very first Repower event in Phoenix, Arizona.

So I did what I always do in times like this – I called my sister.

“Sis, I’m freaking out. I feel like a total fraud. I’m heading over to this event and it is going to be full of highly successful women. You have to be doing seven figures even to be in the room.

I don’t even know how I’m going to cope. I’m going to feel like I just don’t fit in. I’m not supposed to be here. I feel like such a fraud.

I’ve just got this baby business that’s a total fluke, and I’m doing this ditzy personal development thing, and what the hell?”

Even thinking about it now I can still feel that feeling. Maybe you can relate? Have you ever found yourself feeling as though, however far you’ve come in life or whatever you’ve achieved, one day you’re going to be “found out” for not having a clue what you’re doing and being a complete fraud?

Welcome to imposter syndrome

For high achieving and successful women, impostor syndrome is incredibly common. And we’re in good company! I was amazed to read what Jodie Foster told one interviewer about her experience of winning an Academy Award for best actor. Now that’s an accolade you’d think would feel like pretty concrete proof you’d arrived, right? Wrong.

“I thought it was a fluke,” she said. “I thought everyone would find out and they’d take the Oscar back. That they’d come to my house knocking on the door, ‘Excuse me, we meant to give that to someone else. That was going to Meryl Streep.'”

Or how about Maya Angelou, a writer who I’ve looked up to my entire life as an incredible fount of wisdom and knowledge and extraordinary insight. She’s been quoted as saying,

“I’ve written 11 books but each time I think, uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.”

So if you ever achieve great success and try and write it off as luck or being at the right place at the right time or undeserved, then you’re in really great company.

What is imposter syndrome?

What we’re talking about is that feeling of being a fraud, or being a fake, when actually you’re not. Like sooner or later the whole world is going to find you out. Now that might make sense if you really were ripping people off, or pretending in some way. If you’re an undercover cop, you probably would feel fake from time to time.

But if you are a successful small business owner doing six or seven figures and people love your work… or if you keep getting promoted and praised in your role in an organization, then it’s probably not appropriate to feel like an imposter.

The bottom line is, if you’re really good at whatever you’re doing, then it’s okay for people to believe in you. It doesn’t matter what the thing is – if you’re good at it, it doesn’t make sense to feel like an imposter. So why do we?

The phenomenon was first described by psychologists Suzanne Imes and Pauline Rose Clance in the 1970s. And they described it as occurring among high achievers who are unable to internalize and accept their success.

These high achievers will often attribute their accomplishments to luck rather than to ability, and fear that others are eventually going to unmask them as a fraud.

Imposter syndrome holds us back

This feeling that we’re going to be found out stops us stepping into our greatness.

I’ve spoken to successful corporate employees, women who are doing very, very well in high positions inside of their organization who don’t put themselves forward for promotion because they feel like they’re actually not even supposed to be where they already are.

Someone told me she was writing her LinkedIn profile the other day, and she didn’t want to put X, Y and Z into it because she didn’t want to come across like some egomaniac.

We don’t position ourselves powerfully to be able to be of service to the people that we can make a real difference with… because we don’t want to sound like egomaniacs?

That’s imposter syndrome. It stops us from really owning, promoting and putting ourselves forward. Not in a way which says, “Look at how great I am.” But in a way that says, “Look these are my achievements. This is what I have done. And I can help you.”

How to handle imposter syndrome

  1. Reach out

Having someone you can talk to when Imposter Syndrome strikes is something that I highly recommend. I’ve got my sister, who I can always count on. Back in that airport lounge at Heathrow, when I called her in tears before my trip to meet Ali Brown, she gave it to me straight:

“You own your success, woman. You go over there and you’re not just networking for you, you’re networking for our whole business and for all of those women in the developing world that we help out. You get out there, you own your success and you go for it.”

I rely on loads of other people too – my husband, my team, my fellow coaches. These days I’m consciously leaning into collaboration and working with others, because if I’m feeling not good enough then they will remind me.

Who could you turn to when you need an outside perspective on how you’re doing?

  1.  Read over your bio

If you’re an entrepreneur you might have a bio you share; if you’re employed, it might be a CV. Either way, looking at how you present the facts of what you’ve achieved to others is a great way to remind yourself of just how great you really are. (If you’re a mum, there’s always asking your kids – it might not be the specific insight you’re looking for, but they definitely think you’re pretty awesome!).

  1. Keep an “I rock” file

My friend Kim taught me this – she keeps a file of all of the clippings and little thank you cards and everything that anyone’s ever given her that has her feel really great. You could keep a special folder in your emails for the notes that really make your day, or pin thank you cards above your desk so you can see them whenever self-doubt kicks in.

  1. Go deeper

At a deeper level you do have to accept that you have had some role in your success. You may well have had an opportunity that others weren’t given but you need to accept that you were instrumental in being ready for that opportunity.

It’s not fair, if you had an advantage over others, sure. Life isn’t fair. But you had to do something to get where you are, and you need to own that. So spend some time accepting that success that you’ve had.

  1. It’s not about you

The final thing that really helps me is shifting from “me” focus to “other” focus. When my sister asks me to refocus on the women in the developing world that we’ve supported through the Hunger Project, it’s much easier for me to recognise, “Yeah, I did help those women to create something they would not have otherwise been able to create. I do make a difference.”

So focusing on the value that you provide and the difference you make to others really, really helps.

Time to get real

What opportunities are you not stepping into because of the fear of being found out?

It might be in your relationship. It might be as a mother. It might be in your business. It might be in your job. Whatever it is, identify it, and reframe it for yourself.

How are you stopping being of service for others by holding yourself back in this way?

Share in the comments below!

And remember – Kate Winslet feels it every time she goes on set. Jodie Foster feels it when she receives her awards. Maya Angelou feels it every time she writes a new book. You’re in great company. You’re one of many women who feels this impostor syndrome and hey, that’s a great club to be a part of, but it doesn’t stop them – so don’t let it stop you.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: Mindfulness for women

By

Annie Stoker

Annie Stoker

Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of many
Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK's most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Annie Stoker

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Mindfulness is everywhere. You can buy books on Mindful Cooking, Mindful gardening, Mindful walking. There are mindfulness diaries and even Mindfulness colouring books! So what does mindfulness for women look like?

Mindfulness has become a buzz word and is being rolled out through corporate, health sectors, schools and even in Government. It is an attention training technique known for reducing stress and increasing relaxation.

Mindfulness for women

Mindfulness isn’t just about calming down and observing your thoughts. Mindfulness is actually about waking up! It’s a tool to become totally aware in the present moment, feel radically alive and completely open to your own experience. Not only can life become more vivid, enjoyable and interesting, but mindfulness also brings the opportunity for profound healing of unhelpful mental and emotional patterns.

How? You might well ask.

Well here at One of many we use the Cycle of Creation as a way of describing how we create our reality. Simply put in any moment, we create meaning about that moment based on our beliefs, values, history, health and ideas about Source. This meaning then creates our mood and that feeling then impacts what we move towards.

This all generally happens unconsciously, which means we often get results in life that we don’t really want. However, mindfulness allows us to bring awareness to this process and to interrupt the habitual patterns of reaction that we have.

Mindfulness in practice

For example imagine walking into a restaurant to meet some friends, but as soon as they see you they all stop laughing. What do you make this situation mean? Do you think they were laughing about you, feel really uncomfortable and walk out? Or do you decide that they were planning a fun party for your birthday, feel really excited and try to tickle them into telling you? Either way the rest of your day will be impacted.

With mindfulness you can become aware of the thoughts you are having about your friends laughter and let them pass by. This can allow you to calmly ask them what was really going on without jumping to conclusions.

Bringing non-judgmental awareness to your thoughts can also set you free from habitual patterns such as self-criticism, negativity, discouragement and wallowing.

Emotions and mindfulness

It’s very powerful to bring acceptance to your emotions too. We tend to have a few emotions we like and lots that we don’t. However, if we take the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ labels off what we are feeling, we can bring compassionate acceptance to whatever emotions have turned up.

Judging and therefore avoiding emotions is at the core of most people’s challenges. If you are worried about your performance at work, you’re probably trying to avoid the feelings of failure. If you’re feeling jealous and trying to control who your partner is seeing, you are probably trying to avoid rejection. If you don’t want to ask questions at a seminar, you may be trying to avoid the feelings of humiliation you’d have if you get it wrong.

By bringing heartful awareness to your feelings you can learn to tolerate all of them. Emotions aren’t actually good or bad. They are just sensations. Some are pleasant and some are uncomfortable. With emotional equity you can welcome all of them, even the painful ones. This allows you to have an empowering conversation with your boss, shine the light of honest exploration with your partner or get a helpful answer to a burning question at a seminar.

This gives you the freedom to act from your heart, rather than from the old fears and patterns in your mind. I actually think heartfulness is a much better term than mindfulness! Bringing full hearted acceptance to your feelings is at the core of self love. And self love, as I’m sure you know, is the key for connecting with your yummy Lover powertype!

How to bring more mindfulness into your life

Here are some tips for cultivating Mindfulness:

  • Mindful Moments
    Set an hourly alarm on your phone and for one minute each hour close your eyes, feel your feet on the floor, notice your breathing and bring all of your attention inside your body to what you are experiencing
  • Practicing Pauses
    Instead of arriving somewhere and jumping straight out of the car onto the next appointment, turn off the engine, pause and fully arrive. Give yourself a minute to breathe, feel this moment before shifting to the next scene change in the movie of life.
  • Body Awareness
    Bring your focus to your right big toe. Take your awareness right inside your big toe and notice the sensations of your sock, shoe or the other toes against your big toe. Next move to your left thigh and feel the clothes on your leg or any pressure or tightness. Pick random parts of your body to pay attention to during your day.
  • Mindful Movement
    Instead of planning tomorrow’s supper when you are brushing your teeth, bring your full awareness to the feelings of the brush against your teeth, the toothpaste tingling on your tongue, the muscles in your arm holding your toothbush. Try paying full attention to every footfall while you are walking, feeling the wind flow past your face and the swing of your arms. Bring fresh awareness to drinking water so that you can feel the weight of the glass, the coolness of the water in your mouth and follow it all the way down your throat as you swallow.
  • Cultivating Compassion
    Send a warm smile of acceptance to all your emotions. Welcome them as a valid part of your experience. Without judgment or labels, gently investigate the sensations of each emotion. Where are they in your body, what shape, what colour, how do they move? Notice what actually happens when you let yourself feel even a bit of them. Does the world really end?!

Mindfulness isn’t just a practice, it’s a way of life. Practice regularly and it becomes a new way of finding peace with what happens in life, joy in the simplest things and a freedom to bring all your gifts to the world. Enjoy!

About Annie Stoker

Psychotherapist. Author. Property Investor. Dog-Lover. Chilled-Out Friend.

Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK’s most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.

Annie is our Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of Many.