One of Many

Woman looking to create change

post

Can you do coaching certification online?

By

Annie Stoker

Annie Stoker

Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of many
Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK's most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Annie Stoker

Latest posts by Annie Stoker (see all)

If you’ve decided that you want to become a coach you’re probably already excited about making powerful transformation a bigger part of the work you do in the world. Naturally you’re curious about how certification works – can you do coaching certification online? Do you need to choose a residential course? And what do you need to be aware of when choosing a coaching training program?

No two coaches are the same

Every coach embarks on their journey to certification with a totally unique background, set of experiences, and motivation.

You might be planning to add coaching tools to your existing work as a manager or a leader in a corporate setting. You’re confident that coaching is going to be the missing piece when it comes to radically shifting the results that are possible – in an environment that brings the very best out of the people you work with.

Or maybe you’re ready to go it alone. You want to set up your own business and run it exactly how you want to you – perhaps offer coaching sessions via Skype or phone from your home, and you’re wondering if you could do the certification process remotely too.
Here are some things to consider when choosing the coaching certification that’s right for you.

Coaching certification online

The beauty of technology means that these days it’s perfectly possible to undertake coaching training online from anywhere in the world.

Profound transformation can take place over video call; you can observe coaching sessions and receive feedback on your own practice remotely; and trainers can answer questions, provide support and help you reflect on challenges from anywhere in the world.

Advantages

  • Convenient no matter where you are or how easy it is for you to travel: if you’ve got an internet connection, you’re good to go
  • If you’re planning on coaching remotely, it makes sense to complete your training in the same format
  • You can choose the training provider that’s right for you regardless of their location

Disadvantages

  • If you’re on the other side of the world, timezones can be an issue – always check the times of live components to make sure you don’t miss out
  • If you never meet your peers or teachers face to face, it can take longer to develop rapport
  • Completing certification from your own environment means you’ll need to be disciplined about creating the appropriate space to learn

Coaching certification in-person

In a world that’s ever more connected digitally, face-to-face interaction has a unique quality. It feels richer and more potent than ever. The connection we feel and the learning we’re able to experience when we’re physically present has a very different quality to it. And the very act of travelling to a different location can help facilitate an even deeper learning experience.

So what are the pros and cons of completing your coaching certification in person?

Advantages

  • If you’re going to be coaching in person, for example of part of managing the team, having training that takes into account your body language and presentation is invaluable
  • No need to worry about creating an appropriate place to learn – that’s all taken care of for you
  • If you’re a kinaesthetic learner, in person training is likely to match your learning style better
  • The intense nature of setting aside back to back training days, means lessons can be integrated more deeply without the interruption of every-day life
  • You’ll make closer friends with your cohort of trainees- people who will be your peer support group as you venture into your new profession or role

Disadvantages

  • There may be additional costs for travel and accommodation
  • Your choice of training provider will be limited by your ability to travel
  • Your time commitment may need to be greater

What about a blend of the two?

Finally, there is the option of undertaking a certification which blends online and off-line components. This means you get to combine some of the advantages of both virtual and live courses. For example, we teach much of our own coaching certification remotely – allowing our trainees to observe coaching sessions, experience coaching, and be mentored on their practice.

Our five day intensive, on the other hand, is held in person and live. It’s when our coaching trainees come together in person to experience deep transformation and connect with their peers and our trainers in real life. At the moment it’s not an experience we think can be replicated online, meaning our global trainees travel to the UK to experience that part of the training. (They’ve flown to the UK from Australia, New Zealand, the Netherlands, Kuwait, Switzerland, Germany and the USA so far!)

Advantages

  • Different learning styles will suit different teaching methods, and you’ll get to experience the full range
  • Learning how to coach both in person and online will give you an insight into the differences each format brings to your coaching practice
  • Travel costs and time commitment will be significantly reduced if you can complete part of the training at home
  • A live component will allow you to connect more deeply with your training provider and your fellow students meaning your post-graduation support network is profound
  • Virtual spaces to learn and connect with trainers and peers can support you wherever you are in the world, no matter where your coaching takes you!

Disadvantages

  • You’ll still be responsible for some travel, and possibly accommodation
  • Dates for live elements are likely to be planned well in advance, and might not be flexible
  • Connections that are made in person may have to be maintained online depending on your proximity to the other trainees

However you do it, coaching training is transformational

When you train as a coach, you’re learning how to use tools and techniques that can create huge transformation for people.

During coach training you not only learn to work with these tools with your prospective clients, but you also experience what it’s like to receive coaching yourself.

So it’s important you choose the environment that is right for you, and which fits with both your learning style and the vision you have for your future coaching practice.

If you’re trying to make a decision about which coaching certification to choose right now and would like to talk through what’s available with a member of our team we’d be really happy to help. Just click here to contact us and we’ll be in touch to arrange the best time for a call.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

5 ways to give effective presentations

By

Cath Daley

Cath Daley

In-house Coach at One of many
Cath is one of our Certified Coaches on our the Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes. Cath’s passion is helping women to tap into their natural feminine talents to be extraordinary leaders and compelling speakers.
Cath Daley

Latest posts by Cath Daley (see all)

This blog is by Cath Daley, one of our Certified Coaches on our the Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes. Cath’s passion is helping women to tap into their natural feminine talents to be extraordinary leaders and compelling speakers. And today, she’s addressing a thorny issue for any of us called to stand in front of a crowd.

Are women worse at presenting than men?

The answer is yes.

Why?….. because we think we are.

And it happens at all levels.

Several years ago I was at a business conference and went to hear the female CEO of a global private bank speak because it was so unusual (and still is!) to see a woman in that role and wanted to hear what she had to say.

She was introduced by a man called John and the first thing she said was “I’m sorry, I’m not as good a speaker as John so you’ll have to bear with me”. This set the bar really low because John wasn’t actually very good.

I have never yet heard a man begin his speaking slot with that sort of apology but over the years have heard many versions of that from women.

From my experience men are more likely to assess they are better than they are and tend to blag it whereas most women are likely to assess they are worse than they are and avoid it.

And it can have a knock-on effect on your leadership. Many women leaders are brilliant at what they do but miss opportunities to be more visible and gain more professional credibility as leaders because they don’t volunteer to present or avoid speaking to groups or get others to do it for them. Men get nervous too but they don’t self- sabotage in the same way women do.

So how do women self-sabotage?

1. Through Self- talk

Presenting is one of those areas where Impostor Syndrome and the Inner Critic kick in big time.

When you are put in the spotlight it can be scary – even the thought of it can trigger those negative emotions and patterns of behaviour and that’s when the self- talk starts…..

“The part of me that’s hidden away may be on display…. and I’m not good enough!”

“I know I’ll forget what I’m talking about and then I’ll look stupid”

“What if I go red? That will be so embarrassing”

“Everyone will be looking at me and I don’t look good/am too fat/ have got wrinkles etc”

“Why would anyone want to listen to me or what I have to say?”……

And although men occasionally suffer from this, as women we let it gnaw away at our self- esteem and self-confidence to a much greater extent.

2. By our body language

When you lack confidence internally it will be reflected in the way you stand and although you want to appear confident you will give yourself away.

Many women stand with their arms crossed over the body and one foot crossed over the other. We often tilt the head or touch our hair and these unconscious gestures and this body language communicate “little girl” which makes you look small and unimposing.

And this has a knock-on effect on your state as well. Research by Amy Cuddy, of the Harvard Business School, has found that a woman’s body language has a profound impact on her body chemistry. And it becomes a vicious circle because the “little-girl” stance elevates the stress hormone, cortisol, making you feel even less confident.

And one of the biggest causes of the “little girl” stance is wearing very high heels!

They may be fashionable but they add to the self-sabotage.

If you stand for any length of time when wearing very high heels you probably end up crossing one foot over the other because it’s more stable and comfortable that way and it stops you wobbling. But the consequence is that this undermines your authority because the “little girl” stance can be perceived as very defensive and it indicates a lack of confidence and you come across as shy and insignificant.

So when wearing very high heels the choice is between wobbling and looking defensive neither of which enhances your presence as a speaker.

3. Through the language we use

In her book “The Language of Female Leadership” Dr. Judith Baxter, a linguistics expert from Aston University in the UK, asks whether language is a reason why women in business are under-represented at senior levels of leadership.

She found that women are more self-deprecating and try to avoid conflict. She goes on to say that “It may be seen as a bit of weakness on the part of women, because you are not playing the game in the same way” and this can have a detrimental effect on how women are perceived as successful leaders.

Women often tend to soften their statements by using qualifiers which limit a word or phrase e.g. “I just thought,” “ I’ll try to get it done by Tuesday” or “this might be a better way” and this undermines your authority.

Qualifiers dilute your message and reduce your impact.

So what can women do instead?

Tip 1

Make friends with your Inner Critic and dispel Impostor Syndrome. If you’re part of the BeOne community, you can listen to the Softpower casts on Impostor Syndrome and Inner Critic to help you do this. (Not a member yet? It’s free to join, and you get access to lots of free resources: click here for access).

Tip 2

Leave the very high heels at home! Instead wear the size of heel that you can comfortably stand in for hours.

Tip 3

Instead of adopting the ”little girl” stance practise standing like a Queen for presenting. That calm and grace convey a sense of authority, and a Queen always has great inner confidence.

Tip 4

Avoid using quantifiers like these……

Try
Maybe
Possibly
Perhaps…
With luck…
Might
Hope to …
Would like to…?
I suppose …

Tip 5

Being able to present well is a skill like any other. If you feel that you need to develop your skills then make sure you get some great presentation skills training.

Many presentations skills training courses are based around acting skills and will teach you how to “perform”. In my experience they don’t work well from a leadership or a business perspective because you can come across as inauthentic so make sure that the course teaches you how to be confident being yourself when presenting.

Women are fantastic at presenting when we learn to stop the self-sabotage – and that’s easy when you know how!

Cath Daley: How to make effective presentationsCath is one of our Certified Women’s Coaches, and is an in-house coach on our Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.

To find out more about Cath, and how you can work with her, click here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

When you feel like you’re failing

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Do you ever feel like a total failure? Whether it’s messing up as a mum or dropping the ball on a key work target, when you feel like you’re failing it can be tough to pick yourself up and keep going.

And yet failure can actually be an incredibly powerful tool for growth. What makes the difference is how you look at it – and what you allow the experience to teach you.

Here are 5 ways to rethink failure

1. Are you really failing at all?

Successful women have a tendency to be really hard on ourselves. We have high standards, sure, but sometimes wanting to do things well can tip into “Superwoman” mode.

Superwoman doesn’t just set the bar high, she demands nothing less than perfection – even when it’s impossible.

If you’ve just got back from a fraught day at work, supported a team member who’s going through a really difficult divorce, met some vital deadlines, and cooked yourself a healthy meal – are you really a failure because you didn’t make it to the gym?

If your failure stems from being worn out, depleted or burnt out, it’s time to take care of yourself.

Delegate. Order a takeway. Get an early night. The world won’t end, I promise. And once you’re in a better place, get realistic about everything you’ve been doing. Perhaps it’s a case of managing your own expectations, rather than writing yourself off as a hopeless case.

But let’s say you’ve rested, nourished yourself, and it’s still there in black and white: you’ve failed at something you set out to do. What then? Time for step two…

2. What have you learned about what you CAN do?

Arianna Huffington is a roaring success by most people’s standards, and she’s been really open about the mistakes and missteps she’s made along the way. In a 2013 interview she explained how she consciously frames failure in a way that allows her to grow and take risks.

“In own life, a key component of whatever successes I’ve had has been what I’ve learned from my failures. When I ran for governor of California in 2003, it was a failure—but I learned a tremendous amount about the power of the internet.

I also learned a lot about myself, about communicating, being able to touch people’s hearts and minds, and listening. All the things that were ingrained in me during the campaign definitely had an impact in forming Huffington Post.”—Inc, 2013

Almost every failure contains some lessons about what you can do well. Maybe your first foray into event planning was a total bust. Turned out you’d forgotten some key details, totally underestimated the catering, and felt super stressed all day.

On the other hand, you might have loved the process of spreading the word about the meetup, sharing on social media, and planning the overall theme of the event.

What does that tell you about where your strengths are? What can you choose to focus on as you move forward?

3. What have you learned about what you can let go of?

The other big lesson “failures” can teach us is that we’re on the wrong path. It’s easy to get sucked into an idealistic version of what a new thing might be like.

Take starting a business – if you’re in the corporate world it might seem like a dream come true to be able to set your own hours, choose your clients and have full control over your income.

And yet when you do set out on your own, there are all sorts of other realities. The loneliness of working from home when you’re used to being surrounded by colleagues. The responsibility of setting your own strategy and targets, and then having to make sure everything gets done – from accounts to tech support. The lack of boundaries between work and the rest of your life.

Failure is a wonderful opportunity to find out if it’s time to adjust and find a different course. And the relief of deciding “that’s not for me”, instead of beating yourself up for not being instantly great at something, really is priceless.

4. What’s this failure making space for?

This mindset shift is a really powerful one.

One thing I’ve learned about failure is this: you can trust in life that if the thing you hoped hasn’t worked out like you planned, it’s usually because life has something much bigger and better in store.

When you take action, you begin to build connections and flow in an infinite number of ways. You become visible, you connect to new and different opportunities, and you strengthen your ability to take action, try things out, and make changes.

To take that last example, maybe you decide that self-employment isn’t for you. But when you started your business, you went to a bunch of networking events and met some really interesting people. One of them reaches out to you via LinkedIn because they’ve got the perfect opportunity for you in an organization you’d never heard of before then.

Failure isn’t an end point. It’s a door to something different – and you have to move through it if you’re going to get there. Which leads me to a question you might not have thought about before.

5. How can you celebrate this failure?

When you’re stinging from criticism, or churning over a mistake again and again in your mind, celebrating what’s gone wrong might be the furthest thing from your mind.

But overcoming failure is often a major precursor to our greatest successes. The only way to avoid failure is never to try anything new; never to step outside what’s comfortable and easy. And that’s never going to allow you to make the difference you’re here to make in the world.

“Great people do things before they’re ready. They do things before they know they can do it. Doing what you’re afraid of, getting out of your comfort zone, taking risks like that – that’s what life is. You might be really good. You might find out something about yourself that’s really special and if you’re not good, who cares? You tried something. Now you know something about yourself”

― Amy Poehler

Whether you’ve learned something about what you love to do, or just gained some incredible clarity about what you’ll never attempt again, celebrate the fact that you tried. You’ve learned. And instead of saying safe, you’ve put yourself out there into the world. If that’s not worth celebrating, I don’t know what is.

What’s your relationship with failure?

How do you feel about failure? Are you pretty comfortable picking yourself up and getting back on track, or does the prospect of failure leave you paralysed? Let us know in the comments below – I have a hunch this is a bigger fear than a lot of us admit, and I’d love to know your take.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

How to manage women

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Irene Rosenfeld is the CEO of Mondelez International, one of the largest snack companies in the world. With $26 billion in annual sales, they count Oreos and Ritz crackers among their products, so it’s probably safe to say she knows a thing or two about managing people to have an incredible impact.

When asked for her best piece of advice, she shared this:

“I think my very best piece of advice is be yourself.

You know, I grew up in business at a time where there weren’t very many female role models, and so in the early days we wore little bow ties like the guys, and we talked about the Army even though we weren’t in the Army. And the reality was that wasn’t the right way to approach the business world.

Over time, there is more understanding of the value of diversity… [more opportunities] to be able to express ourselves and approach business in a way that makes the most sense for us.”

Interview with Sara Silverstein for Business Insider, 2017

A different style of leadership?

As Irene points out, it’s only relatively recently that women have played an active role in the workforce and been able to show up as ourselves in business.

As more and more of us begin to take leadership roles, and to nurture and support those rising up beneath us, the question of how to manage women is vital for us to consider.

Of course, Not all women are the same. There’s no “one way” to manage women any more than there’s “one way” to manage men.

But the growth of a more diverse and balanced workforce has triggered a healthy evolution of what was once a very uniformly patriarchal, masculine model of doing business.

As more and more women have risen to positions of leadership, we’ve all gained a greater understanding of the unique role women can play in helping businesses reach their goals.

This can help all of us, both women and men, approach business in a more nuanced way than before.

As Irene reflects,

“Our emerging workforce is not interested in command-and-control leadership. They don’t want to do things because I said so; they want to do things because they want to do them.”

Being a manager requires flexibility

Managing people works best when we understand that flexibility and openness to different ideas allows us to tap into the techniques which are most effective at any given time.

After all, all sorts of factors influence the best choices to make when it comes to managing our teams.

  • The current business environment
  • The length of time the individuals have been in post
  • Previous management styles
  • Company culture
  • Current priorities and goals for the business

And if you’re not in the corporate world, you can probably apply these to your own situation, or even your family (Teething toddler + family goal to get a solid night’s sleep? That’s a leadership challenge if ever I heard one!)

Managing women tends to flow best when we add into that context an awareness that most women experience regular cycles (whether or not they’re menstruating). Our mood, motivation and talents fluctuate, and will respond best to leadership that’s able to flex and adapt to that.

I’m not suggesting for one minute that you ask your team personal questions about their cycles, or ascribe poor performance to “hormones” or “women’s troubles.” After all, that would simply be perpetuating the idea that there’s one linear “norm” that anything else diverts from.

But try noticing how your team, whether they be men or women, are feeling at any given time.

Do they feel fired up, energetic, bursting with ideas? It could be a great time to harness that exciting energy to come up with new strategies…

Are they fed up and complaining? Maybe that decisiveness and awareness of what’s not working could allow you to trim unnecessary processes and get clarity on any areas that have felt fuzzy.

Women managing women

As women managing women, we also have our own cycles and flows to pay attention to. We have access to powerful styles of leadership that allow us to draw on our natural strengths and embrace the flow of our energy to maximise how effective and fruitful we can be.

When it comes to enhancing your strength as a leader and giving your team the best chance of getting on board with your plans, knowing your strengths and weaknesses is invaluable. It’s also helpful to know how your energy flows throughout the day, week or month, and which tasks and activities are optimum for you to undertake at each time.

Bringing this level of nuance to your own workflow will bring a fresh momentum that can completely revitalise your ability to reach and surpass your goals.

There’s no one size fits all

So, how to manage women? There’s no simple answer to that question. We’re creating a new paradigm of leadership, that involves paying attention to the people we work with and ourselves, and using that connection to find what works for us.

There’s no need to follow tired ways of doing things, just as there’s no need to reinvent the wheel without good reason. Staying open, following your instincts and never being afraid to shift things up or experiment is what will create the future we all want to see.

Do you want to transform the results you get with your team, your clients or yourself? Register for our complimentary training to explore this topic further and discover how the 5 Women’s PowerTypes ™ can be used in your coaching, consulting and management to bring the best out in the women you work with (and yourself). Click here to access The Secret To Coaching Women.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

How to start a coaching business

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Imagine:

  • Spending your days with inspiring clients, watching them go on to make a massive difference in their communities.
  • Supporting women to step into their power with powerful choices that work for them and their families.
  • Choosing your hours, playing to your strengths and getting paid for what you love to do.

Sounds like a dream come true, doesn’t it – but surely being a coach can’t be all roses?

What do you need to be aware of before taking the leap? If you’ve ever wondered about making the shift to become a coach, but felt like you wouldn’t know where to start, then here are five things to bear in mind.

How to start a coaching business in 5 steps

1. Find your “big why”

Any big transition in life, but especially one like training as a coach, needs purpose. After all, to become a coach you’ll need to invest time, energy and money, and knowing your reason for doing that is what will keep your motivation and momentum going.

In Simon Sinek’s groundbreaking book, Start With Why, he explored how the greatest leaders used their “Big Why” to inspire others. So what’s your “Big Why” for becoming a coach?

For many women in our community, coaching will allow them to make a real difference to causes they’re truly passionate about. Take Anna.

“6 out of every 100 UK people experience domestic abuse. 6.7% of all women. 1 in 4 LGBT women (from their partners). Around 80% of trans people. Half of all gay and bi men (from partners or family members). One of those women is me.

When I imagine the world in 7 generations time, I want to see these figures be drastically different, or even gone.

My next commitment to this future is to complete my One of Many coaching certification to work alongside Newcastle Women’s Aid to offer coaching to the women who access their service, to help them reclaim their soft power and move forward into fruitful, vital, happier lives. To help them lead more change in the world when they can.” – Anna Knight

Playing an active part in building the future we want to create is a huge driver for many coaches. Through supporting and championing their clients, they’re able to create a “ripple effect” that has an impact far beyond their individual contribution.

Your “Big Why” might be about empowering corporate leaders to make courageous decisions, or helping mums reconnect to themselves after having children. It could be something totally different! Get clear on what it is, and you’ll find that every other action you take flows from that well of inspiration.

2. Get qualified

Coaching is much more than a conversation or supportive words. The greatest, and most successful, coaches have a whole wealth of tools at their disposal as well as the confidence to lead their clients through complex and sometimes challenging transformations.

Our One of many women’s coaching certification is a rigorous program designed to give you all the skills you need to become a confident and effective coach. Our graduates are trained in using unique, cutting edge and proven tools to unleash the leadership potential of the women they work with – and through our comprehensive training, have the full support to practice and implement them.

There are lots of coaching certifications out there, and they’re all different – so do your homework before making an investment. Some things to consider might be:

  • What’s the focus of the program, and does it fit with my values?
  • How do the organizers respond to questions? Can I have a conversation with someone to check if this is the right fit for me?
  • What’s the feedback like from previous graduates?

If you could do with a hand comparing the different options, feel free to get in touch and someone in the office will be happy to talk them through.

3. Figure out what you’re selling

So you’ve done your training, got your qualification, and you’re ready to get started. Fab! Now what?

Well, some of our graduates decide they want to use the tools they’ve learned within an organization, to help them manage their teams and lead more effectively. But if you decide to set up your own business, there’s a really key thing to bear in mind. A lot of coaches make the mistake of trying to get clients by selling them “coaching”.

When the truth is, the impact you’ll have on your clients isn’t that you’ll have “coached” them. It’ll be in:

  • The pay rise they’re finally able to ask for (and get!)
  • The connection and trust that’s returned to their relationship
  • The clutch of anxiety they used to feel every day when they wake up has melted away

See the difference? Build a business around the changes you help your clients make, rather than the way you help them get to that change, and you’ll find clients much easier to come by.

4. Make sure you have support

As your work grows and evolves, nothing beats having a group of equally committed and excited peers to keep you on track, help you navigate challenges, and support you as your business expands. (Our coaching grads stay in touch via our private Facebook group – a place to celebrate each other, share challenges and ask questions.)

You might also want to investigate a coaching mentor going forward – someone to help suggest areas of growth and development, and help support you through any tricky times. Ask any training provider how they support their coaches and what network you’ll have access to in future.

5. Plan your transition

You’re inspired – coaching is for you, and you’re ready to sign up and get started. Time to wave goodbye to the day job, set up a website, and watch the clients roll in, right?

Well, we’d certainly love that to be your experience – but the reality is, making any change takes time. All sorts of factors will impact how quickly coaching can become your main focus, including your finances, time, and other commitments.

Take the time to plan the transition, get advice and support when you need it, and reach out to others doing the same thing.

If you’re thinking about coaching and have a question, post it in the comments below! And if you’re already a coach, let us know what lessons you’d share with someone just starting out. Your experience might make all the difference.

Time for a change?

If you’d like to find out more about our coaching training, click here to read the full details. The first step is to book in a no-obligation chat with one of our team so we can find out if this would be a great fit for you. Just click the button at the bottom of the page to schedule a call.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

When to say no to your boss

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

You know you have to say no if you’re going to make progress on what you’re actually trying to achieve at work. But one of the most challenging times to uphold your boundaries can be when the request you’re declining comes from your boss, a client, or someone else in a position of authority. You respect them, you have a role to respond to the tasks they ask of you, and you probably work with them pretty closely. So when is it appropriate to turn down what’s being asked of you? How do you know when to say no to your boss?

When to say no to your boss

Of course, there are some clear situations when it’s definitely necessary to say no. If you’re being asked to do something illegal, unethical or immoral, for example, most of us would feel pretty confident in taking the right course of action and letting them know that’s not okay.

But what if your “no” is more of a grey area? If you’re saying no to something because you have too many other things on your plate, for example, or because there’s something happening at home that’s impacting your capacity to absorb extra tasks?

Here are 3 times when it’s good to say no

Say no before you’re overwhelmed

If you’re someone who’s motivated by feeling helpful and getting approval from those in senior positions, it can be easy to find yourself saying “yes” to every request that comes your way.

The trouble with that approach is that eventually, it all tends to mount up on top of you. 

The pressure builds until, whether through sickness, burnout or overwhelm, you can find yourself at breaking point. That’s when you have no choice but to say “no” because you’re simply not able to function any more.

If you notice the signs of burnout appearing, or you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, anxious or unwell, it’s time to say no to some of the things on your plate.

“It’s fine for you to ask me to do extra things but I’m going to have to say no to some of them. I’ve been doing a lot lately, and I need some time to recharge right now.”

Say no when you’re replenished

If you’re asked to do something that feels as though it might not be possible, it’s OK not to respond straight away. It sounds obvious but it can make a huge difference to your judgment, and the way you convey your response. Let the person know that you need some time to see if you can accommodate them, and that you’ll get back to them.

“I have a lot on right now – I’ll see if I can fit this in and get back to you.”

Seeing that you’re taking the time to consider a request is reassuring to the person asking. It shows you take your commitments seriously, and that you value completing the tasks you do competently.

Take some time to have a drink, eat if you’re hungry, go to the loo or take a few deep breaths. You’ll find it easier to convey the reasons for your “no” more clearly when you’re filled up rather than running on empty.

Say no when you’re clear on your priorities

When you’re someone who’s competent and capable it’s easy to become the office “go-to” for all kinds of requests. After all, you:

handled that challenging client…

unblocked the photocopier…

formulated the perfect wording… so beautifully before, right?

If it’s a task you love, you might be happy to say yes. (If you’re thinking of shifting your career, for example, it can be great development to have the opportunity to experiment with tasks outside your normal role).

But if it’s something that’s way outside your remit, and you know the person is asking because they think you’ll say yes rather than because it’s your job, then ask yourself if what they’re asking really fits with your priorities. Is this part of the difference you’re here to make to the team or the business?

“I’m focusing on [Big Goal] right now, and that’s my main priority. So I can’t help with  [request] today.”

Framing your no with reference to your shared goals is a powerful way to remind others that your time is just as important as theirs. If they’re persistent, let them know what you’ll need to re-prioritise in order to help them out: so they’re absolutely clear on the impact their request will have.

Say no whenever you want

You’re a grown woman, and it goes without saying that you can absolutely say no to whoever you want, whenever you want. You don’t need my, or anyone else’s permission for that.

But if you want your “no” to be powerful, effective and impactful – and not to burn bridges or hurt feelings – then it’s worth thinking about how you express it.

When did you last say “no”, and how was it received? Did you learn anything from the experience: either strategies you’d use in future, or something you’d definitely avoid? Share your experience in the comments.

Want to say no with confidence and be respected every time?

Enough is Enough is our free guide to creating unshakeable boundaries and reclaiming your space. Click here to download your free copy.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

What makes a career meaningful?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

What makes a career meaningful? We all have good days and bad days – times when it feels like your tasks are flying off the to-do list, and others when it’s more like wading through treacle. But apart from the usual ups and downs, do you feel like your days are spent doing work that’s ultimately fulfilling?

It might sound obvious, but it’s worth emphasising: there’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to building a meaningful career.

I started my career training as a doctor – for lots of people, one of the most meaningful careers they can find. After all, it’s helping people at a really fundamental level: with their health. For me, however, it became apparent relatively quickly that while I knew I wanted to help people, it wasn’t as part of the medical profession.

Working in a career that isn’t as meaningful as it could be is often the catalyst for us embarking on a journey to discover what really is our life’s purpose.

You might have had a similar experience of shifting careers or roles. Perhaps you’ve had a break from employment, started your own business, or been a full-time mum for a few years.

Whatever your experience, here are 3 questions to ask yourself when considering whether your career is as meaningful as it could be – and what you might need to change.

1. What are your values?

What makes a career meaningful to you is not the same as it is for me. That’s because each of us has a unique set of values – the things which bring you joy, fulfillment and happiness.

For you to find meaning in your career, it needs to connect to your values in some way. (That’s not to say that you necessarily need to be working in an area that’s directly related to a value.)

For example, creativity might be a really high value for you, but you don’t need to be working in a traditionally “creative” career to express that through your work.

Perhaps you’re an engineer who excels at finding creative solutions to problems, or a teacher who brings creativity to lesson delivery. Maybe your career allows you the time and resources to bring creativity into your life in other ways – art supplies, the band you love to play in, or the garden you’re cultivating.

You might bring your values into the way you manage your team, lead your family, or run your business.

Knowing your values and exploring how they relate to your work can help you see if there are any values that aren’t currently being met at all – and think about how you could pivot to include them.

Prompts for reflection:

Take some time to think about what your top 5 values are. How are they reflected in your life right now? Does your career involve all, some, or none right now? Which ones would you like to have more of? How could you bring them into your career?

2. What’s your life’s purpose?

Granted, this isn’t a simple question, or one you’ll necessarily have an answer to at all right now. Your life’s purpose is a concept that will most likely evolve throughout your life.

I’ve heard of some people who discover their life’s purpose as a dream or a vision that descends from on high. Lucky them! For me, the process has been one of a gradual evolution and exploration.

I compare it to peeling back the layers of an onion – around each version of your purpose are ever more fuzzy versions of it, each one needing to be lived through and “burned up” to get to the next level.

So, start thinking about your life’s purpose in broad terms. Looking back at the experiences you’ve lived through and the work you’ve done so far, is there a common thread that connects them? It might be something really subtle – your values can really help here when it comes to seeing what it is.

Perhaps you’ve brought a playful energy to serious tasks – been the person who is able to inject a sense of lightness and fun to important responsibilities. Or maybe you’ve had a knack for bonding teams together, connecting people and allowing them to create fruitful collaborations.

When I first started my personal development journey the purpose I came up with was “To transform”. I’ve honed and refined that over the years, but the essence remains.

Prompts for reflection:

Take 5 minutes and play with a one-word life purpose. If you had to break down what you’re here to do into one word, what would you choose? How does it feel? How might that guide you as you think about where your career is heading?

3. How can you connect to yourself?

Getting closer to your life’s purpose isn’t something that happens overnight. It will change and evolve with time. But if you’re starting to think about what makes your career meaningful, the best place to start is to spend some time cultivating your connection to yourself.

In case you needed the reminder, connecting to yourself isn’t selfish. It allows you to show up more fully in your relationships, at work and as a parent. It also gives you a space to tap into your values, the change you want to be a part of, and the difference only you can make.

Try making space each morning to journal your thoughts and feelings. These “morning pages” are suggested by Julia Cameron in the Artist’s Way as a way to reconnect with your creativity – but you don’t need to be an artist of any kind to benefit from the space to explore what’s coming up in a private, safe space that no one else will see.

Creating a meaningful career isn’t something someone else can give you a blueprint for. It starts with you connecting to yourself and understanding what matters most to you – and taking action from that place.

Prompts for reflection

Using what you’ve discovered about your values and your life’s purpose, use morning pages as a tool to explore the level of meaning in your career. Try exploring the idea of a meaningful career in your morning pages every day for a week, and see what you learn.

Careers with meaning

Coaching is one of the most meaningful careers out there, because it revolves around connecting deeply with others and supporting them to have the impact they’re truly capable of. When you have the tools you need to make a powerful difference, the work you do can have an incredible effect on the world.

If you feel called to find out more about becoming a coach, click here to find out about our one-of-a-kind training.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

Want to change your life? Read this first

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Whether it’s a career change, a house move, or the end of a relationship, change is hard. It’s crazy, right – you can be in a job that feels like it’s sucking your soul, an eating pattern that has you feeling like absolute crap or a relationship you know it’s time to end. And yet when it comes to actually making a big shift, it can feel like wading through treacle.

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking “if it were that easy to change, then I’d have done it already!” then read on – I’m going to shed light on the huge thing that might well be holding you back from turning the change you crave into real action.

Why is change so hard?

When we get bogged down by our fear of taking action it’s usually because we’re being held back by something deep. Something internal, something which we’re often not even conscious that actually impacts us.

And that is shame.

Shame is an amazing emotion for controlling us. When we shame somebody else, it’s often an attempt to stop that person from doing something that embarrasses us.

I remember using it as a teenager. When my father took us out for dinner he had a tendency to be really obnoxious with the waiting staff, and it used to drive me crazy. So I would make fun of him and how he was with the staff because I didn’t want him to embarrass me by treating people in a way which I didn’t agree with. I was consciously trying to lever the power of shame to force him to change.

That’s how big a tool shame can be. The trouble is, as we grow up most of us experience it not as something we’re using (hopefully we’ve developed slightly more advanced ways to communicate our values with those around us!) but as the invisible block that stops us moving forward.

How shame blocks change

When we’re looking at changing our lives, it’s usually because we want to make our life more aligned with who we are.

We want to experience more joy in our life, in our work, or in our relationship, and we know instinctively that the path to more joy is to be more of ourself, to be more authentic, to be more vulnerable.

But to be more authentic, and to be more vulnerable, actually means showing more of ourself to the world.

Even declaring the change that we want to make: “I want to make my green smoothie everyday because I know that will make me healthier”.

…Is quite possibly to be met with a reaction we don’t want. So the commentary swirls round in your mind…

“Will my colleagues think I’m crazy because I want to make a green smoothie instead of grabbing a giant sugary latte like I usually do?”

“Is my husband going to have a go at me because I want to spend a small fortune on a blender?”

Or maybe you really want to have sex more frequently, and that’s the change you’re gearing up to try and make. What will happen when you tell your partner that’s an issue for you? How is that going be met? What will they think?

When it comes to changing something in your life, whether it be your lifestyle, your intimate relationships, or even stepping into more leadership at work, all kinds of fears come up.

It  brings to light who we are at the core, and what is authentic to us. And in doing that we’re also shining that light into what others don’t know about us, and that can really trigger shame.

If you’re thinking about making a career change, you’re saying “this is no longer working for me”, to your family, to your friends. It’s like saying “look – here’s who I really am, and it’s not this.”

The unspoken question then becomes, “Well, who are you? And are we going to approve?”

Because when we step into our true selves, when we declare more of ourself to the world, it brings out who we are.

We get exposed at a deeper level, and that can really cause us to be open and vulnerable to criticism, to be open and vulnerable to shame.

And if we’re still bringing and carrying a lot of shame from our past, that we’re not even conscious of, then it can stop us from making those changes.

Moving past shame

Frankly, it doesn’t matter what anybody thinks about whatever it is you want to change. If it is more authentic and more aligned with who you are. If this new habit that you want to bring into your life. (This new job… new relationship… whatever.)

If it’s more aligned with who you are at a deep and individual level, then absolutely you should do more of it, but you have to move through vulnerability to get there.

If you’re thinking about making a big change and wondering what keeps getting in your way, one of the things I highly recommend doing is watching Brené Brown’s great TED talk on vulnerability.

One of the things she says, if we want to experience more of the positives, and the richness, the joy and the love… All of that great stuff happens on just the other side of vulnerability.

And to get through vulnerability we have to go through shame.

We often numb ourselves from experiencing shame with things like alcohol, drugs, too much sex, too much work, too much exercise. All things which will block us off from having to feel vulnerable, and move through to this more joyful place.

To become leaders, we need to move through vulnerability

What we need to do as women who are growing, as women who are stepping into leadership, which is an incredibly vulnerable place to be, is we need to get okay with whatever we’re feeling ashamed of, and let it go.

We need to step into our vulnerability.

We need to open up to the opportunity of feeling ashamed or embarrassed again. Because on the other side of that, lies the change we’re feeling called to make: and the impact we are truly meant to have.

If you could do with some support to open up and create a big change in your life, then working with a coach might be the answer you’re looking for. Helping women move through big changes and overcome the subtle, self-sabotaging shame that can stop us in our tracks is something coaches specialise in.

No idea where to find the right coach for you? Click here to access the One of Many coaching directory. You’ll find skilled, trained coaches specializing in supporting women in everything from career to health, and a whole lot more – or you can search for someone in your area.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

5 reasons why leadership training doesn’t work

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Think about the leaders who inspire you – the ones who’ve made the biggest difference in the world. The catalysts for social change, the humanitarians who ease suffering and promote equality, and the business leaders who’ve changed the way we interact with the world and each other.

Was the impact they created fuelled by leadership training?

I very much doubt it.

They might well have picked up skills along the way that helped them implement their big vision more effectively, but the legacy of great leaders isn’t made in a seminar room or workshop.

Here at One of many our mission is to empower one million grassroots women leaders. We call ourself a “leadership training company”. But very little of what we teach is traditional leadership techniques.

And that’s for good reason. Our belief is that you already have everything you need inside you to become the leader you were born to be. What you need is:

  • Support to identify and enhance your personal leadership strengths
  • Removal of the barriers that get in your way of your brilliance
  • A foundation that supports you in the 5 key areas of your life: wealth, vocation, relationships, vitality and community

Notice how “Leadership strategies” isn’t on that list? It might be surprising, but we don’t think that traditional training specifically around leadership is what you really need. In fact, our Lead The Change program looks very different to most other training programs for future leaders.

Here are 5 reasons why:

Why Some Leadership Training Doesn’t Work

1. It ignores the evidence

What makes an effective leader? Think about the human beings who have really made a difference in the world. What most of them have in common, I think, isn’t that they knew the latest ‘techniques’ or ‘tactics’.

It’s that they were passionate about their mission, and authentic in how they conveyed it. That integrity, that wholeness, is what draws people to certain individuals.

Anita Roddick was the visionary businesswoman who grew The Body Shop into one of the best known British brands. In her words,

“I want to work for a company that contributes to and is part of the community. I want something not just to invest in. I want something to believe in.”

It’s this ‘something to believe in’ that marks truly visionary leaders out from the skilled managers who never quite seem to inspire the dedication that would drive their missions forward.

Leaders have purpose – a driving belief that inspires others to dive in and support them. And your purpose comes from within you. It’s not something that anyone can teach you.

The best we can hope is to create environments where it is revealed.

What are you passionate about? What makes you angry? If you ruled the world, what would be the first thing you’d change?

These questions are what will give you hints toward your purpose.

2. It emphasizes the HOW

Traditional leadership training tends to focus our attention externally: its aim is to equip you with the skills to influence others, and manage teams effectively.
But research by McKinsey and company called ‘Centered leadership: How talented women thrive’ found that wasn’t what distinguished the successful women they spoke to.

They found the most successful leaders weren’t those with the strongest skills when it came to taking care of others, but who had the best strategies in place to manage their own energy. They found, “it’s about having a well of physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual strength that drives personal achievement and inspires others to follow.”

In their research it was those women who looked after their internal needs, that made the impact they were capable of.

What strategies do you have for managing your energy, replenishing yourself, and ensuring you stay focused and resourced?

3. It underestimates our power

When we’re at our best, thriving, and managing our energy in the way that works for us, we’re able to step into a centred and powerful place as a leader.

At One of many we use 5 Women’s PowerTypes: Warrioress, Mother, Lover, Sorceress and Queen; to describe the different aspects of leadership we all have access to.

These PowerTypes aren’t tactics we need to be taught. They’re instinctive modes of being, that each of us have access to. Sure, some of us rely on one or two more than the others, but we can learn to access all five and harness them for when the situation requires. The power to move others, to inspire action, to stay on purpose and to achieve great things is there within all of us.

What kind of power do you have access to? What’s your natural style of leadership, and what other ways of being can you draw on when you need them?

4. It focuses on the wrong things

There’s an old saying that leaders are “born not made” – and to be clear, that’s not what I’m suggesting when I say that leadership training in the traditional sense isn’t effective.

The innate qualities of good leaders are within each and every one of us. But we’ll only get to discover what they are if we truly focus on the right things.

When we spend time honing our skills of managing people or setting strategy, we’re ignoring the fact that more often than not it’s the rest of the stuff we’ve got going on our lives that detracts from our leadership.

In other words, you’ll never be the leader you were meant to be if you’re exhausted from sleeping on the couch because you couldn’t face sharing a bed with your partner.

It’s hard to inspire a team when you’re burned out because you keep getting more work piled on top of you, and you can’t seem to say “that’s enough”.

It’s hard to bring leadership to the family when you’re feeling sluggish having wolfed half your weight in Nutella on toast when you got in from work because you felt so miserable about the snidey email your boss sent you.

It’s these kinds of things that are the real barrier to our success. All the management techniques in the world won’t help us without the support we need to thrive in our day to day lives.

What’s blocking you from being the most effective leader you can be? What’s taking up your energy right now that doesn’t serve your big mission? How can you get the support you need to free yourself from that today?

5. It’s old-paradigm

Our paradigm is the reality we live in. The example I often give is of a fish in water – it doesn’t know that water is its paradigm, until it’s shaken out of it.

In the same way, we’re often not conscious of the wider paradigms we’re operating in until we’re given a snapshot of what life might be like without them. When it comes to stepping into leadership, we need to be a part of a new movement for change that gives those around us the courage to do things differently.

The old paradigm of leadership is:

  • Hierarchical and linear
  • Celebrates the individual
  • Looks at results in terms of productivity
  • Seeks to motivate others using strategies and techniques
  • Is taught through training

In the new paradigm, leadership is:

  • Flexible and cyclical
  • Requires collaboration and connection
  • Looks at results in terms of impact
  • Inspires others with that big mission/purpose
  • Arises naturally when we’re thriving in the key areas of our lives

Are you ready to be a part of the change?

If you’re someone who is interested in leadership (your own, or bringing the best out in others) and you’re tired of the old way and ready to tap into a brand new way of making change in the world, you might be interested in becoming a One of Many Certified Coach.

Our comprehensive training has helped brand new coaches discover the fulfillment of changing lives for a living; seasoned coaching and leadership professionals revitalize their practice and transform their clients’ lives with powerful on-trend tools, and leaders and managers of all kinds create massive shifts in organizations worldwide.

To find out more and book in an application call with one of our team, click here for the full details.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

What’s my leadership style?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Where are you a leader in your life? At work? Running a business? Or within your family, community, or voluntary organization?

Here at One of many our mission is to create a movement of women ready to become the leaders the world needs. After all, as a planet, the model of power that’s been dominant so far just isn’t going to cut it to get us where we want to be. But what does a new way of leading look like in practice?

Our Soft Power framework is the tool we’ve developed to radically shift our approach in an incredibly effective way. It’s a new kind of leadership for the new world we want to create, and it’s so exciting to see it in action.

Today I want to share one of our Lead the Change participants, Carol’s inspiring story with you.

Stepping into Lover at NATO

One area which you might not associate with innovative feminine models of leadership is the military. But as part of NATO, Carol’s role is all about inviting different ways of thinking to this very hierarchical environment.

Last year, she had an opportunity to put it into practice.

“I was co-facilitating a set of 5 workshops at the NATO Allied Command Transformation “Chiefs of Transformation” conference.

The Chiefs of Transformation are the second most senior level in our militaries, reporting directly to the top tier Generals and Admirals who provide strategic leadership and advice to Presidents and Prime Ministers.

At the conference there were 70 senior officers representing almost 50 nations and around 300 other attendees, including lower ranking military officers, industry representatives and a few post-graduate students from Washington universities.”

Straight away, Carol saw a possibility.

“The opportunity I had was to get these very senior military commanders thinking about the value of becoming more collaborative, and ideally agreeing to develop collaborative opportunities as a result.”

The conference happened to come the week after our BeLove retreat, when our Lead the Change cohort had explored the Women’s PowerType™ of Lover in some depth. So Carol was ready to discover what a new kind of leadership could achieve.

5 PowerTypes – what’s my leadership style?

Lover is one of the 5 PowerTypes™– along with Sorceress, Warrioress, Queen and Mother – we use to model new ways of women’s leadership.

All of us are naturally drawn more to some of these PowerTypes than others. For example, you might naturally step into “Warrioress” energy when you’re in charge. As a leader, you roll up your sleeves and work alongside your team, never asking anyone to do anything you wouldn’t do yourself. Full of energy and ever-resilient, your commitment to fighting for justice and what’s right is formidable.

Or perhaps you connect more to Lover as a leader. Your team are drawn to you because of how you make them feel: special, lavished with attention, and magnetic through your innate persona.

In Carol’s words,

“My story is mainly about using Lover, alongside Queen archetype in order to achieve buy-in and collaboration among senior military leaders across NATO, and other allied nations, to become more diverse in their thinking and collaborative in their style of command.”

Carol’s story

“During the conference set-up, it was immediately noticeable how radically different our workshop set-up was to that of the other 4 nations leading workshops.

We had no top table for the senior commanders, instead spreading them out around our large circle (we had about 70 attendees in each workshop, differing on each occasion).

On the first day of the conference I took conscious steps to step into both Queen and Lover PowerTypes, listening to key songs that really help me embody them.

At the start of each session I had a 5-minute introductory brief, which I delivered using every ounce of Queen PowerType I could muster – serenely and at what felt like an incredibly slow pace to allow for the majority of participants who would be working with English as a second language.

Then I joined my colleague who was leading the facilitation at the central table; at which point I would switch to Lover.

In “fishbowl facilitation”, the style we had chosen to use, anyone who wishes to speak has to step up from the outer circle to join one of the couple of chairs where the conversation happens in the centre of the room.

In a military hierarchy it is a massive challenge for officers to speak their opinion in front of those many ranks senior to them.

My role was to invite people to feel confident enough to come up and speak, then ensure they felt heard and valued when they did.

Although the first workshop worked, and many thanked us afterwards – we learned a few lessons: in particular to wait out silences, and at times to use the two officers we had supporting us to step up and speak.

After that we got people stepping up and joining the discussion much more smoothly: students in their mid-twenties providing responses to questions put forward by senior military commanders; having a non-commissioned officer speaking up for the experience of other ranks; and eventually getting some female voices (other than mine) heard. Women were outnumbered about 15 to 1!

The point I knew I was definitely leading from Lover was when a French General walked past an empty chair at the table saying, “I am Frrrench, I vill sit next to ze lady.”

I had already noticed a tendency for people to sit next to me, walking past the other chair when it was empty.

Prior to my One of many trainings I would have felt nervous getting that attention, but with the balance of Queen and Lover I felt totally safe, and understood I was achieving the leadership that was required in that moment.

After each session my co-facilitator and I had a lot of people (including those who hadn’t spoken) thanking us for a good workshop, sharing ideas and giving us their business cards. I became very good at gracefully excusing myself so I got a few minutes downtime between each session!”

The outcomes:

  • 17 Nations, 3 different organisations within NATO and an international research alliance all expressed interest in collaborating to develop capabilities to make military command more collaborative.
  • The buzz around the conference was that the UK workshops were the best. The report from the UK’s Chief of Transformation to three of the most senior officers in the UK military was glowing. This and the level of interest from other nations is being used to try and secure significant additional funding to enhance our capability in this area.
  • Our team learned a lot about overcoming this discomfort of leading in such an unusual and unfamiliar way – I’m pulling this experience back in to enhance my research and exploitation of the challenging ideas it presents to UK military.

Bringing different leadership styles into your life

Carol’s story shows just how powerful this work can be. We really are changing the world, and having an impact that will ripple out into all kinds of realms.

But you don’t have to be a leader at NATO to use these tools.

If you’re curious about your leadership style, and how to bring more of the different PowerTypes into your life, you might want to take a look at our free bundle of resources.

As part of Life’s Little Toolkit you can download a guide exploring each of the PowerTypes, along with a playlist of music that can help you bring them to life. Click here to access your Toolkit now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.