One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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When there’s too much to do, dance!

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

It’s the end of a tough day. Things are always busy – but right now, it feels as though I’m in the centre of a tornado. The team’s almost doubled in size over the past months; we’re launching new events, fine-tuning (OK, creating…) systems and building projects. And the rest of life doesn’t stop, right? Friends need support, kids need time with mum, partners have their own challenges to work through. My go-to remedy is a simple one. When there’s too much to do, dance.

When there’s too much to do, dance

If you’ve ever been to one of our live events, you know we like to start (and end… and break up the day…) with dance parties. It’s one of our secret weapons when it comes to creating the warm, relaxed, focused atmosphere we’re renowned for. But dancing isn’t something we only do when we’re together.

At the end of that tough day, I love to close the door of the office, turn the music up loud, and let loose. Often with the kids involved as well – they instinctively understand the freedom and joy that comes with letting go to music. And they’re the masters of unselfconsciousness!

If you find it hard to imagine letting go and shaking your thing – or if you’re like me, a devotee of the one-woman dance party – read on. I want to share 5 serious benefits to shaking it out when things get tough.

5 reasons dancing is your secret leadership weapon

1. Dance gets you moving.

Moving your body, even slowly, is good for you. It:

  • Raises your cardiovascular activity
  • Stretches your muscles
  • Gets your blood pumping
  • Makes your parasympathetic system work to balance you

… and generally gets your energy flowing again.

On days you “don’t have time for” exercise, if it involved travelling to a class or getting changed to go for a run, dancing can give you the boost of a mini-workout in just a few minutes. And it makes a difference! Moving your body gets oxygen flowing to your brain and has a powerful impact on your performance, even if your job’s a sedentary one.

In a 2018 study, researchers found that dancing is a way to promote the connectivity between the brain’s two hemispheres. They concluded that long-term dance practice positively affects brain activity, and is linked to our “neuroplasticity” – our capacity to adapt and change by forming new neural connections. Pretty useful if your role’s a demanding one, no?

2. Dance shifts your emotional state.

At One of many we work with the Women’s PowerTypes; 5 distinct archetypes that help us access different kinds of female power. When it feels as though there’s too much to do, these become even more important.

At busy times it’s essential to be able to change the way you’re leading, to allow yourself to be most effective in the new context.

So if you need to shift out of decision-making “work mode” to connect with your partner; or you’ve been flat out getting things done and now need to show up for a really sensitive meeting with a staff member; or you’ve come out of a fast-paced creative brainstorm and need to look in close detail at a budget spreadsheet… how do you change your state?

There are lots of ways to tap into the different PowerTypes, but the fastest and most effective one I know is to have a quick dance.

Even in the office, it’s possible if you get creative. Plug in your headphones, find an empty meeting room, and dance it out. This really works at the end of the day, if you’ve been handling a lot. Give it a try next time you’ve not stopped since breakfast. 

And if you need some inspiration about working this practice into your day, come into the BeOne group where you’ll find a friendly community with great suggestions on integrating this tool into your life.

3. Dancing isn’t an achievement

OK, sometimes stepping away from the screen for 5 minutes feels like an achievement. (While you’re at it, Superwoman, have a glass of water and pop to the loo. Your body will thank you…)

But “dance really badly to an embarrassingly bad pop tune” probably isn’t on your list of quarterly priorities, your daily to-do list, or your life goals. It’s play, pure and simple — something you’re doing just for the joy of it. Because it feels good.

Sticking on a song and throwing some shapes isn’t something that will result in any income, kudos or approval from others. It’s not productive, there’s no value tied to it. And that’s why it’s important. It reminds us of our gift to the world simply by being – of the value of experiencing our lives.

The same goes for any creative activity. We can use it as a way to practice letting go of our competent, high achieving, successful selves and unlock that creative side. In the words of Glennon Doyle,

“If you feel something calling you to dance or write or paint or sing, please refuse to worry about whether you’re good enough. Just do it. Be generous. Offer a gift to the world that no one else can offer: yourself.”

4. Dance gets you out of your head

When we put on music and move our bodies at the same time, we gain distinct benefits that add up to more than the sum of both activities. John Krakauer, a neuroscientist at Columbia University, suggested why that might be:

“Maybe synchronizing music, which many studies have shown is pleasing to both the ear and brain, and movement—in essence, dance—may constitute a pleasure double play.

Music is known to stimulate pleasure and reward areas like the orbitofrontal cortex, located directly behind one’s eyes, as well as a midbrain region called the ventral striatum. In particular, the amount of activation in these areas matches up with how much we enjoy the tunes. In addition, music activates the cerebellum, at the base of the brain, which is involved in the coordination and timing of movement.”

In other words, when we “lose ourselves” in music we’re allowing different areas of our brain to take over, giving our thinking, strategizing, and let’s face it worrying brain a break. It’s one reason I think just a few minutes of dancing can feel like such a powerful break from routine – and really “reset” you for the next mountain you’ve got to tackle. If you have too much to do, giving your brain a chance to rest is a powerful way to find the extra energy you need.

5. It sets a powerful example.

As leaders, we don’t just need to be driving forward, creating results. If you’ve ever faced burnout personally, or led a team who were at the point of exhaustion, you’ll know how unsustainable the “keep going at all costs” philosophy is.

When things get busy, I’ve been known to start a virtual team meeting with some desk dancing. It lightens the mood, gets us connected and replaces those purposeful frowns with bright smiles. It keeps my mood up and replenishes my energy, ready to handle whatever throws at me. And it reminds us all that we exist beyond our targets and priorities, and can support and connect with each other beyond our usual communication.

How about you?

Do you love to dance, or does the thought make you squirm a little? Do you have any other practices that have similar effects, or ways to quickly shift your mood? I’d love to know – share your experience with others in the comments.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: What menopause means

By

Alexandra Pope

Alexandra Pope

Alexandra Pope is co-director of Red School and co-author of the iconic and hugely celebrated book from Hay House, Wild Power: discover the magic of the menstrual cycle and awaken the feminine path to power.

Together with colleague and co-author, Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, she teaches a radical new approach to women’s health and wellbeing; creativity and leadership; and spiritual life based on the power of our menstruality consciousness.

With a background in teaching, psychotherapy and hypnotherapy and drawing on 40 years collective experience pioneering this emerging field of menstruality, they offer workshops, online courses, training and coaching worldwide based on the power of the menstrual cycle, and the developmental journey from menarche to menopause. Find out more at www.redschool.net
Alexandra Pope

Latest posts by Alexandra Pope (see all)

“Menopause is an opportunity”. Let’s be honest, if you ask most people what menopause means, you won’t often hear that said!

For those of you in menopause right now, you may either be scratching your head wondering what I am on… or throwing epithets of rage at me.

Bear with me!

What menopause means: a different way of thinking about “The Change”

I am not discounting the very real suffering that too many of us experience when we begin to go through the menopause.

However, I believe there is also something very powerful trying to happen at menopause. If you know how to connect with that, menopause can be experienced as a path that supports you to refine and hone who you truly are. And therein lies great freedom.

Menopause is an ending, a death process in short. Your body and soul go through a transformation, and like the caterpillar going into the cocoon, as you enter menopause you go to ‘mush’ first.

Much of the powerful emotion that can emerge at menopause is connected to feelings that can emerge with ‘endings’. You are shedding who you think you are and for awhile may have no idea what it is that you want, or even who you are. You are left feeling psychologically exposed. This is all normal and it is the prelude to waking up to what you are truly about.

This is the opportunity of menopause – the opportunity to know and accept yourself deeply.

To help harness this opportunity, you have two particular superpowers that awaken at menopause very strongly:

1. Inner knowing

As you start to let go into menopause, you will notice the veils fall from your eyes. By that I mean you will suddenly feel, sense, see and know things that you didn’t or couldn’t before.

You’ll know things that you need to do, however difficult or challenging. You’ll just know and can’t argue with them! You have both a deep instinctual knowing and can really see-through both yourself and the illusions of society, particularly all the subtle and not so subtle ways that patriarchy operates. A true ‘emperor’s got no clothes’ moment.

And you’ll have zero tolerance for it!

2. The power of No

You may well find yourself saying No to just about everything.

This is not ‘being negative’, it is about you knowing what is no longer relevant, what you do not want in your life. Be heartened by the words of Warren Buffet who said that ‘the really successful person says NO to practically everything’ and harness this force.

It’s helping you to clear the ground of all those things that aren’t really you anymore, or no longer float your boat, even as you might, for instance, be really good at a certain job.

This process can also include a literal clearing of stuff and people from your life. Some relationships bite the dust at this point. In clearing the ground you create space for something new to emerge or for what is most essential or important in you to flourish. You will find this voice of ‘No’ is uncompromising. But remember:

Behind the No lies a great and powerful Yes to yourself.

The shadow side of your new power

Like all powers, these energies have their shadow side. If you are not sufficiently mindful and self caring, the inner sight and knowing can simply be experienced as overwhelm, grief or rage (the latter two may happen regardless, but you don’t want to get stuck there). And the ‘No’ power can simply come out as reactivity, irritation, frustration and anger.

To activate these powers in a wholesome way you need time and space for yourself. Time and space for yourself are the commodities most often in short supply. You may be someone who still has children at home, elderly parents to care for, a demanding job or any combination of these. In other words, someone who has precious little time for yourself.

But here’s the rub, the one thing that your soul demands of you at menopause is time and space for you.

Time to simply be, with no responsibility for anyone.

Without it you will feel as though you are going mad, with it you will start to slowly and quietly feel the order and meaning of this powerful life transition get to work.

So how are you going to get it?

Here are 4 powerful ways to begin to embrace what menopause means, and tap into the deep well of power that is waiting to be drawn on.

1. Be aware of what is happening

Consciously name what is happening to yourself, metaphorically turn and face the change and greet it with dignity.

2. Recognise that some things will need to change

Be kind to yourself – cut yourself some slack. Do not hold the same expectations that you would normally have of yourself. No more ‘going the extra mile’ for anybody. What you do and who you are will still be enough. You need your energy for yourself now.

3. Start small

Give yourself microdoses, or one percent, of sacred time for yourself with plentiful doses of silence, and no, emphatically, no ‘to do ‘ lists or demands on yourself.

One percent is always doable. It may not be perfect but it’s something and you will begin to feel moments of relief coming into the system. Schedule it in. It might be no more than half an hour at first, but it’s all yours. Sacrosanct. The more you taste it, the easier it will be to claim. You’ll get ruthless with your schedule as you wield that ‘No’ power!

4. Write it out

Keep a journal to hand to help you drop your bundle – sometimes writing everything that’s in you head is a way of slowing down and putting the stuff of the world to one side temporarily.

And as you let go, your inner life starts to speak…emotions, feelings, memories, realisation, revelations emerge. You might feel you want to note some of that. It’s your call. I impose no rules on you in your alone time.

Menopause: A time to come home to yourself

Think of menopause as an opportunity to truly come home to yourself, get some deep rest and repair, and receive utter clarity about who you are and what you truly want. This is the recipe for experiencing a deeply creative and meaningful post menopause life.

Want to learn more about the power of menopause?

If this article has seeded something in you, and you’d like encouragement and support from a like-minded group of women as you undergo this powerful transition, we invite you to join our upcoming online programme, “Menopause: The Great Awakener” starting Tuesday 29th October. To see if this programme is for you, we invite you to join our free introductory webinar on Tuesday 15th October 2019 at 7pm UK, Menopause: Reclaim the Dignity and Power here: www.redschoolmenopause.com

About Alexandra

Alexandra PopeAlexandra Pope is co-director of Red School and co-author of the iconic and hugely celebrated book from Hay House, Wild Power: discover the magic of the menstrual cycle and awaken the feminine path to power.

Together with colleague and co-author, Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, she teaches a radical new approach to women’s health and wellbeing; creativity and leadership; and spiritual life based on the power of our menstruality consciousness.

With a background in teaching, psychotherapy and hypnotherapy and drawing on 40 years collective experience pioneering this emerging field of menstruality, they offer workshops, online courses, training and coaching worldwide based on the power of the menstrual cycle, and the developmental journey from menarche to menopause. Find out more at
www.redschool.net

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How to motivate yourself to exercise

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

You already know what you need to do to stay healthy. Eat your greens, move your body, get enough sleep… And yet, so many of us find ourselves lapsing when it comes to taking care of our bodies. Today I want to share a simple mindset technique for how to motivate yourself to exercise, change your diet, or embrace whatever healthy habit is top of your list.

The most effective way to make change

Karen, one of the ladies in our community, asked a great question in our Facebook Group. She wanted to know the group’s tips on finding ‘towards motivation’ when it comes to health.

If you’re not familiar with the distinction, ‘towards’ motivation is a way to describe something that inspires you to take steps in the direction of a specific goal.

For example, if you’re stopping smoking you might be motivated by:

  • Being a great example of healthy living for my kids
  • Enjoying extra energy and good health
  • Treating myself to a monthly massage with your extra cash

It’s different from ‘away’ motivation, which focuses on what you’re leaving behind. In the above example, that would be:

  • No longer being a bad role model to my kids
  • Getting rid of that persistent cough and continual feeling of tiredness
  • Stopping wasting money on cigarettes

You can see the difference, right?

Among other things, “away” motivation tends to wear off once you’ve taken the first steps. (When your cough is gone, that’s no longer driving you forward.)

Whereas, ‘towards’ motivation tends to build and strengthen as time goes on, making the change more likely to stick.

Why motivation to get healthy is hard

Now, health can be a particularly tricky area to find our “towards” motivation for, partly because of the huge role our media culture plays in our relationship to our bodies.

For example, in a 2016 study by Dove, researchers found that one out of every two Australian women reported feeling worse about themselves after looking at images of attractive women in magazines.

When we’re often encouraged to compare ourselves to unattainable physical standards, it’s natural for us to start to frame our healthy choices in negative ways.

“I need to lose weight round my middle.”

“I hate how my arms look in sleeveless dresses.”

“I wish I could stop eating so much junk food.”

This kind of self-talk breaks my heart. It adds to the countless ways women often blame, criticise and find fault with ourselves. What’s more, it often does very little to motivate us to make change.

After all, who’d want to show up for an exercise class with a sharp-tongued drill sergeant, constantly pointing out your perceived faults and shortcomings? (OK, I know the brutal bootcamp thing works for some people – but most of us could do with a bit more support, right?)

How to motivate yourself without criticism

So, when Karen reached out for help finding ‘towards’ motivation when it came to her health she was absolutely on the right track.

As always happens, when someone in our tribe reaches out for help, the women around her rally.

And the responses to this question were brilliant examples of the different ways we each find our own ways to thrive.

Here are 5 that might help you. As you read through each one, think about how this might apply to you right now, today, or this week. How could they support you to feel great about making positive choices when it comes to your health?

1. Focus on the present – not the future

It’s easy to get hung up on future outcomes when it comes to things like doing exercise or eating healthily. But what about how good they feel in the present? Enjoying delicious food, having fun playing frisbee in the park or letting yourself relax into a yoga class – these moments can be their own reward. The clear-headed feeling you get after going out for a brisk walk or the emotional release of a high-energy workout are worth savouring in themselves.

What activities leave you feeling great? How can you build more of them into your life?

2. When you’re healthy, you can give your best

If you’re a leader aiming to make a difference, you’ll be at your most effective when you’re feeling physically fit. That might mean balancing your mood to enable you to lead your team through challenges; making sure you’re really able to make the most of your time; or just having the energy to approach your mission with a positive mindset.

What’s the contribution only you can make, and how will being in full health support that?

3. Taking care of your body is a form of gratitude

However badly we treat our bodies, or unkindly we think about them, they are astonishing, complex, beautiful systems. Every day of your life your heart’s been pumping blood around your body. Your brain’s been absorbing and processing information. Your digestive system has been turning food into incredible cellular chemistry, giving you the energy to keep going; your organs have been processing and integrating a vast array of processes.

How can you show your incredible body how much you value and appreciate it?

4. Living longer means more fun, impact, fulfillment…

Staying healthy is more likely to result in a longer, happier life. If you have kids, they’re often a strong motivator. Who doesn’t want to get to know the amazing grownups we’re helping to emerge? Then there are the sunsets to watch, changes to witness, projects to bring to fruition… not to mention gorgeous dinners, earth-shattering orgasms, fascinating conversations…

What do you want to experience more of in the years to come? How can your choices today contribute to even more of them?

5. Enjoy the benefits of good health

When we focus on things like ‘losing weight’ or ‘looking better’ we often miss out on the real tangible experience of good health. Things like feeling grace and ease when you do things; the sense of confidence and vitality that comes when you’re on top form, or knowing that you’re nourishing and taking care of yourself. These things have nothing to do with your physical ability, the numbers on a scale, or what you see on the outside.

What does true health and vitality mean for you? How does it feel, and what does it allow you to do?

Thriving women make powerful leaders

Supporting women to feel true vitality is an important part of how we equip female leaders to make a difference. If you’d like to have a chat to one of our team about the kind of support we offer, click here to arrange a time to talk.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Why failure matters

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

I don’t think many of us start the day wondering what we’re going to fail at, or getting excited to discover which of our brilliant ideas will end up falling flat. And yet, failure is also inevitable – if we’re to do anything that’s outside of our comfort zones. Here’s why failure matters – and how you can think differently about it.

What is failure?

In some situations, failure’s a clear cut fact. Driving tests, school exams, tenders – there are cases when the situation’s black or white. Yes or no. Pass or fail.

Funnily enough, these situations can sometimes be easier to handle than their greyer sisters. If you know you’ve failed, you have two options: Try again, or find a new strategy.

Sometimes retaking’s an option, and your setback can be a catalyst to redouble your efforts – or bring clarity to where you need to focus.

When failure’s a matter of perception

But sometimes, failure’s less objective.

Nobody gives us a wooden spoon to take home from work that announces “I’m a massive failure”.

It just feels like they might as well have done when the meeting that was meant to rally team spirit ends in frosty silence… or outright revolt.

And when it comes to failings in other areas of your life – your marriage, your motherhood, your friendships – the experience is all the more vivid for the fact that you’re the one defining it.

How do you know you’re a failure as a parent? You just DO. And there’s no evidence anyone else could produce to counter that – you simply feel it in your bones, right?

Failure’s favourite friend

When it comes to failure, there’s a particular archetype that loves to get stuck into those feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. We know her as Victim – and she’s a familiar one to many of us.

When you’re at your lowest, convinced no one else is as incompetent or selfish as you, and the only action you’re ready to take is to wallow a bit more in your own self-loathing?

It’s likely Victim is at play.

First and foremost, be kind to yourself. If you find yourself stuck in a dark mood, or genuinely can’t see a way out of feelings of hopelessness, it might be time to seek help from a doctor or therapist. Have a chat to a professional about what’s going on and see if they have some suggestions that could help.

But if you’re just getting stuck in the mud of failure, it might be helpful to start thinking about it a little differently.

The unexpected advice

Here’s something you might not expect to hear from someone whose mission in life is to equip and empower you to lead:

Expect failure.

Whether you’re launching a new business venture, diving into motherhood, or resolving to drink that extra glass of water every day if it bloody kills you… it’s something I share with the greatest sincerity and love.

Celebrate change, but expect failure.

Expect that you will slip up, that you will have a week where things will go wrong, or take longer than you thought, or you just won’t feel like it.

Expect that, because that’s going to happen, but let that be a reminder to recommit.

Let it be proof that you’re human, and because you’re human, you can change, because that’s what we do.

You are imperfect, therefore you will fail, and that’s okay. Let the little failures stand as a pathway to the whole beautiful tapestry that you’re creating.

Failure is inevitable

As humans, we’re naturally gifted at all sorts of things: great creativity, vast capacity for love, brilliantly innovative ideas… and failure. Because we’re not robots. We’re complex, living, breathing beings, and we’re living in a vast and complex world.

So even the most brilliant among us can never predict how things will turn out.

Oprah Winfrey was already hugely successful when she launched her own network, but she’s opened up about the challenge it brought her when it failed to perform.

When asked how she dealt with failures in life, she told an interviewer that her approach was to “think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to success.”

And in a commencement address at Harvard University, she emphasised the point again to the graduating students.

“It doesn’t matter how far you might rise,” Oprah said. “At some point, you are bound to stumble. If you’re constantly pushing yourself higher and higher, the law of averages predicts that you will at some point fall. And when you do, I want you to remember this: There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction.”

“There is no such thing as failure”

Well, sometimes there’s a temporary challenge. A project that doesn’t have the outcome you want; a gym membership that expires without you having made it to a single class. A week where you end up further behind than you started.

But when we label these human experiences as failures and judge them against an imaginary bar of perfection, we set ourselves up to slip back into that Victim mode – when we could be reaching for our crowns.

A Queen might discover that a military campaign hasn’t gone to plan, or that a harvest has been devastated by bad weather. But she’d never think of that as being a personal failing of some kind. Rather, they offer new challenges for her to seek advice on. She might reconsider her approach, suggest a new direction, or reassure her people that she’s supporting them whatever the outcome.

So next time you find yourself feeling like you’ve failed, take a deep breath and channel your inner Oprah. What new direction is presenting itself? What might this be a stepping stone to? Lift your head, and sit a little taller on your throne, my darling.

You’ve got this.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest Post: 5 Pelvic Floor Myths – Revealed

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

This is a guest post by Wendy Powell.

I want to get real about all things pelvic floor and clear up some of the myths you may have heard about these muscles. When it comes to women’s health, especially pelvic health, there’s a lot of myths that need busting. I want to help you to get informed and arm you with the facts, so you can feel in control and empowered. Here are 5 pelvic floor myths we commonly hear from the women around us – and the truth behind them.

What is your pelvic floor?

Good question! Here’s a quick rundown in case you’re not 100% clear on what we mean when we talk about your pelvic floor.

Your pelvic floor is responsible for holding your pelvic organs in place. It’s made up of the muscles, ligaments and tissues that support your Bladder Uterus and your Bowel and the three openings – Your urethra, vagina and anus.

There are a lot of misconceptions and myths that go around about taking care of your pelvic floor, and some of the symptoms and challenges that can be associated with it. Read on to find out the truth about this much-misunderstood area of the body…

Here are the 5 pelvic floor myths about to get BUSTED!

MYTH 1 – Leaking is just something that just comes with age.

Nope! Leaking is not something you have to just accept as you age. There is no reason why you cannot have a strong and functional pelvic floor, whatever your age.

(And yes, even if you’ve had children…)

MYTH 2 – It’s okay to wee a little bit when I sneeze or laugh.

Total myth! And one that’s being pushed on the regular by big corporations, selling incontinence products. The messaging around incontinence is all wrong. It’s never okay to just mask the problem with a pad. Pads serve a purpose in the short term, but the “oops moment” messaging isn’t helpful to women or conducive to an effective recovery. It’s spreading the belief that leaking is inevitable and something, as women, that we have to put up with and keep quiet about.

You don’t need to be discreet about it, there is help for you and opening up conversations about it helps in spreading the message and destroying the taboo! If you are weeing a little or a lot when you shouldn’t be, you can see a Women’s Health Physio or find out more about what you can do below.

MYTH 3 – Pain during sex is normal.

Okay. Let’s get one thing straight here. Pain-free intercourse is the VERY LEAST you should expect from your sex life. Your enjoyment and comfort are important. You deserve to feel like a goddess, pain-free, with all the orgasms!

Painful sex can be a result of a hypertonic (too tight) pelvic floor. Focusing on engaging and releasing your pelvic floor correctly will help, and seeking a referral to a Women’s Health Physiotherapist should be next on your to-do list.

MYTH 4 – A few Kegels will cure all my pelvic floor issues.

Kegels and other traditional pelvic floor exercises, involving squeezing, are an important starting point but sometimes they may not be enough, or you may not be performing them correctly.

There is a really important relaxation phase that’s often missing along with postural and alignment adjustments. Watch my free 6 minute pelvic floor workout to help you master this.

MYTH 5 – If I ignore this, it’ll go away.

Something that starts as a little leak can often lead to something more serious, like prolapse or hernia. It’s important to address any symptoms you have, sooner rather than later. You can and will get a more functional pelvic floor with effective exercises designed to reconnect with and strengthen those muscles.

Every woman deserves a body that works. A functional body means you can do you whatever you were put on this earth to do, in the best way possible.

Learn how to stop leaks and strengthen your pelvic floor with a step by step guide and video here.

About Wendy

Wendy is a globally recognised leading voice on women’s health and wellness, bringing education and awareness about physiological and emotional postpartum issues to a wider audience. She is Founder and CEO of world best selling postpartum recovery program, MUTU System, and accredited education provider, MUTU Pro. She works alongside pelvic health specialists around the world including Physiotherapists, Physical Therapists and sex therapists, as well as NHS Trusts and hospital Physio departments to offer a trusted and credible resources on postpartum health.

After a decade as an in-demand certified pregnancy and postpartum specialist personal trainer in London, Wendy created and launched the first MUTU System online training program in 2010. Since then the global brand and community has grown and flourished, offering expertise and support to women who want to heal their core and pelvic floor and get strong, fit and confident. The highly engaged, body positive and supportive MUTU Mama online community offers women a trusted, safe space of education and empowerment.

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Guest blog: What does perimenopause feel like?

By

Nicki Williams

Nicki Williams

Nicki Williams is a qualified Nutritional Therapist, author, speaker and founder of Happy Hormones for Life, helping women to get back to their absolute best – slimmer, energized, more productive and in full control of their hormones!
Nicki Williams

Latest posts by Nicki Williams (see all)

There’s so much attention (deservedly) on the menopause right now, which is great news for all women needing support. But menopause is still regarded as something that happens in your fifties, and you may not realise that you are actually in the middle of ‘peri-menopause’. So what does peri-menopause feel like, and how do you know when you’re in it?

Read on to find out what you need to know.

What is peri-menopause?

The peri-menopause is regarded as the transition between your reproductive years and post-menopause, which officially happens a year after your final period.

Symptoms can include fatigue, mood swings, irregular or heavy/painful periods, brain fog, poor sleep, weight gain, hot flushes, night sweats, depression, anxiety, hair-loss, joint pain, low libido, vaginal dryness…..and the list goes on!

Are you in it?

If you’re over 35 and you have symptoms (and periods), then yes! Many Doctors will tell you you’re too young.  Or you may get your FSH or LH levels tested. But all those results will tell you is that the brain is pumping out a constant message for hormones to be produced because you are under-producing.

That’s the nature of peri-menopause – that test is just telling you what you already know!  It’s much more useful to get your actual hormones measured.

What are the drivers of peri-menopause?

  • Age! After 35 your eggs are starting to run out, and ovulation can be more erratic. This affects the production of oestrogen and progesterone. Both hormones are starting a long slow decline towards final menopause, but on the way they can fluctuate wildly, and this can feel like a mood swing roller coaster!
  • Stress– any kind of stress on the body can be a major disruptor to your peri-menopause journey. Cortisol can not only have an impact on your energy, mood, brain function and metabolism, but it can also suppress your thyroid and sex hormones, making your symptoms even worse.
  • Thyroid – the impact of stress, a poor diet, gut health or environmental toxins can take a toll on your thyroid hormones and crash your metabolism, leaving you exhausted, sluggish, foggy and achey. And that extra weight isn’t going anywhere soon.
  • Diet – your hormones need a whole load of different nutrients from your diet to work properly. If you’re not packing in the protein, healthy fats and tons of veggies, then you’re likely going to be missing a few. And if you’re eating too many carbs or you’re stressed out, then you might be on the blood sugar roller coaster, increasing your insulin and messing with your other hormones.
  • Toxins – Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals (EDC’s) can mimic or alter hormones, especially oestrogen, and impair mitochondrial function (your energy battery cells).
  • Medications– certain medications can disrupt your hormones, including the Birth Control Pill, HRT, steroids and anti depressants
  • Liver overload – if the liver is struggling to process and eliminate toxins, alcohol, caffeine or drugs, then hormone metabolism can be affected
  • Gut health– if your gut is not working optimally, certain hormones might not be metabolised or converted properly. Inflammation in the gut caused by food sensitivities or underlying infections can also spread to the neighbouring areas and disrupt hormone function.

What you can do

Obviously there are medical options – Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or other medications are often used to treat symptoms.

However, if you don’t want to take HRT, or can’t take it for any reason, or even if you are taking it, implementing the right diet and lifestyle foundations is going to be beneficial not just for your hormones but for your future health.

Here are 7 steps you can take to support yourself to thrive through peri-menopause, whether or not you choose to use HRT.

1. Diet

Balancing blood sugar is a priority as it helps to sustain energy levels, balance moods, improve cognitive function and lose excess weight.

2. Include phytoestrogens

Making sure you have plenty of phytoestrogens in the diet (eg flaxseeds and fermented soy) can help to balance oestrogen levels and reduce incidences of hot flushes and night sweats. Ensuring enough protein, healthy fats and phytonutrients are in the diet to support thyroid and cellular health is very important.

3. Support gut and liver

Cruciferous vegetables help to support your liver detoxification pathways and oestrogen clearance. Hydration helps to keep the bowels moving, while reducing alcohol and caffeine can support the liver and gut. Including probiotic foods (live yoghurt, sauerkraut, kefir, kombucha) can help to support the microbiome (your good bugs!) and digestive function.

4. Minimise exposure to EDC’s

Eat organic where possible to avoid pesticide exposure. Swap BPA plastics to glass or stainless steel. Avoid products containing phthalates (eg synthetic fragrance in personal and household products).

5. Activity

Increasing NEAT movement (Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis) helps to reduce sedentary behaviour and increase metabolism. Avoiding over-exercising is as important to not increase stress on the body.

6. De-stress and sleep

Managing stress through mindfulness or other relaxation techniques can have a huge impact on symptoms. Improving sleep quality through dietary changes, stress management techniques and sleep hygiene routines can be very helpful.

7. Get appropriate tests carried out

Whether through your doctor or privately, tests can be very helpful in identifying the root cause of any imbalance. We look at including thyroid, adrenals, sex hormones, blood sugar, gut health and key nutrients. If you’d like to discuss whether testing would benefit you, do contact us for a free Discovery Call.

About Nicki Williams

The chocolate, coffee and wine loving nutritionist!

Nicki Williams is a qualified Nutritional Therapist, author, speaker and founder of Happy Hormones for Life, helping women to get back to their absolute best – slimmer, energized, more productive and in full control of their hormones!

After failing to find any medical help for her symptoms of exhaustion, weight gain and hormone issues herself in her early 40’s, she discovered that she could turn things around using diet, lifestyle and natural supplements.

She went on to qualify as a nutritional therapist and hormone expert, and now helps women all over the world with her online programmes, workshops and individual and group coaching.

You check out more articles like this in the brand new Happy Hormones magazine.

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A nifty trick for creating healthy habits

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

It was seriously cold. Think, minus 28 degrees Celsius. My eyelashes were frozen… my hair was frozen… and there, on the back of a sled, whizzing through the breathtaking Swedish scenery, I learned a really nifty trick when it comes to developing healthy habits.

From a husky, of all things.

Yup, my 2018 trip to Sweden with the Empress collective of female entrepreneurs certainly came with some unexpected results! And I want to share one of them with you today – because it might just make the difference when it comes to any healthy habits you’re planning to create.

What a husky has to teach you about habits

Just in case you’re not au fait with dog-sledding terminology (you mean that’s not one of the many strings to your bow?), here’s how it works.

The sled is made up of a team of dogs. To the untrained eye, it looks like they’re all pelting madly in the direction you want to be heading.

But, as in any effective team, every member plays a different role. There are some that are great for balancing the sled on turns and corners; others who provide the “muscle” that keeps the pace up and the momentum going.

And right at the front, are the “Lead Dogs”. These are the ones that caught my imagination – and I’m going to explain how they relate to you, I promise!

Lead dogs are great at listening to and responding to commands. They’re fearless, and motivated to keep bounding forward even when the going gets tough. In short, they’re the dogs which pull all the others behind them, keeping them on course.

And this is where your habits come in. You see, there are certain needs which I now think of as “lead needs”. They pull everything else behind them.

For me, a really key need is sleep. If I have a good night’s sleep, I’m more likely to meet all my other needs more effectively – drink enough water, do my morning pages, make a healthy breakfast… everything else follows on from there.

Why “lead needs” make a difference

In the words of Sarah Stokey, of Turning Heads Kennel in Alaska,

“Sled dogs with good attitudes see obstacles as challenges to overcome and they thrive in adversity. Great lead dogs do not back down when the going gets tough, rather that is when they shine the most!”

Your “Lead Needs” will operate in exactly the same way. When life gets full and challenges arise, embedding these key habits will help support you in every other area of your life.

So when you’ve figured out your “lead needs”, how do you build habits around them that will really stick?

Habits that stick

In his excellent book The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg calls these kinds of foundational needs “Touchstone habits”. They’re the habits which have a knock-on effect on multiple other areas of your life.

When it comes to getting these behaviours in place, he suggests a 3 step process:

  • Cue
  • Reward
  • Routine

Now in my experience, the “cue” part bears careful thinking about.

Research shows us that if we’ve thought through in really specific detail exactly what we’ll do when it comes to a desired behaviour, we’re much more likely to follow it through.

Thinking through the real-life scenario of what you’ll do as part of your new habit can also help you identify the little tweaks that will allow you to craft a truly effective trigger for what you want to do.

Creating an effective trigger

Let me give you an example. A while back I had a goal to drink more water. I came up with a great cue – every time I took a loo break, I’d have a drink of water. The more hydrated I am, the more I need to go, so it’s a virtuous circle, right?

Only, when I thought through the actual step-by-step of how that would work, I realised that something often stopped me. I didn’t want to go into the kitchen when Rosie, my little girl, was playing – it would disrupt my work time and distract her from her activities too.

So my game-changing action was to leave a jug of water in the hallway, so I didn’t need to go into the kitchen. That made the cue I’d chosen really effective.

Maybe for you you’d love to get to bed earlier.

You think through what needs to happen – and realise that when it doesn’t it’s usually because you’ve been on your phone, scrolling through social media and falling down those “internet rabbit holes” that suck us in.

The solution might be to set an alarm on your phone for an hour before bedtime and at that point, literally switch off the wi-fi router. That’s a powerful trigger for your bedtime routine, with a reward of a lovely herbal tea in your favourite mug, to help you drift off.

So here’s my suggestion if you’d like to implement a new habit:

1. Identify your Lead Need

(It might be a Touchstone like exercise, which research shows has several beneficial effects or something you know makes a huge difference to you personally.)

2. Think through the actions you’ll need to take

Include what blocks or challenges you can head off before they stop you

3. Pick your trigger and set yourself up to succeed

Make sure you choose a lovely reward – it doesn’t need to cost money or be complicated – to celebrate your new habit!

I’d love to know how this works out! Let me know in the comments, and share your healthy habits with others.

Not sure what your lead would be?

If you know you’d love to feel healthier and more energised, but aren’t sure where to begin, you might be interested in joining us for BeVital – a 2-day retreat where you’re guided through an in-depth look at how you can bring more vitality into your life. It’s definitely not a bootcamp, a diet or an exercise regime – more a gentle, supportive transformational process designed to give you back control.

For more info, click here to arrange a call with the team and find out all the details.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Why can’t I just relax and enjoy life?

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

If you’re reading this, you’re probably lucky enough to have a fridge full of food, a computer and an internet connection, and a level of comfort and luxury that vast numbers of women in the world would long for. And yet, for many of us, being able to actually relax and enjoy life feels like an impossible challenge. (Which we promptly feel more guilty about…).

A famous 2009 study, “the paradox of female unhappiness” showed that women reported their levels of happiness to be declining overall, even as they gained equality and economic power during the 1970s. So if you’re feeling unsure about how to get some joy back into your life, perhaps it’s reassuring to know you’re not alone.

Finding happiness: where to start

If you’re struggling to find any motivation at all, or feel that you’re in need of extra support, it might be time to get some more tailored help. Chat to your doctor or give the office a call if you think you need support beyond the simple tips I’m going to share now.

But if you’re just feeling a little flat, and would love to get your “mojo” for life back, these 5 questions can make a real difference.

After all, finding out what makes you happy and discovering ways to bring more joy into your life wasn’t on the curriculum for most of us at school. And the archetype of “Superwoman” – the mode so many of us find ourselves trapped in – is characterised by a constant state of striving towards the next (often unattainable) goal.

So what’s the answer? Here are 5 quick questions to ask yourself if being able to relax and enjoy life is something you’d love to know the trick to.

1. Are you playing to your strengths?

When it comes to how you spend your time – at work, with your family, or with friends, are you the proverbial square peg in a round hole? Perhaps you’re a creative free-thinker, and yet your role in your team has you cracking the whip to meet deadlines and tick boxes. Or you crave security, and yet are stuck on the freelance rollercoaster, desperate for some consistency in your income and your workload.

For high achieving women, the tendency is often to blame ourselves if we’re not happy. We think we need to work harder or adopt new habits. But it may simply be that you’d be more in flow, feel more valued and in control, and find everything easier, if you were doing activities that suited you better.

Knowing your strengths is the first step here. When you understand what makes you tick, you’ll find it far easier to make decisions about what might be beneficial to change.

2. Are you being too hard on yourself?

Perhaps you’re pretty sure your work is a good fit for you. In fact, it might be something you’re so passionate about that it’s starting to be a problem – when you find you can’t switch off and nothing you do feels like it’s enough.

Feeling constantly inadequate is a sure symptom of Superwoman. The truth is, we’re all human, and there are limits to what we’re able to achieve. High standards aren’t a problem per se, but if your expectations are unrealistic you’re setting yourself up for exhaustion, overwork and even burnout.

Talking through what’s on your plate with a coach, peer or trusted friend can be a good way to gauge if you’re overstretching yourself. Or try writing out a big list of everything you’re aiming to achieve in the next month or so. Is it realistic? Does it leave time for you to rest and replenish your energy? Be honest – creating a more achievable framework might radically reduce the pressure you feel.

3. Are you building in time to relax?

We often need more rest than we think. And one of the key ways to make sure that rest is as effective as possible is by paying attention to your natural energy cycles. If you’re menstruating, that might mean scheduling in extra downtime around your period. And if you don’t have a menstrual cycle, you’ll probably still notice an ebb and flow of your energy at different times.

Whether it’s as simple as taking a walk after lunch or getting an early night the day before a breakfast meeting, paying attention to the rest you need and allowing the time you need to replenish your energy can pay dividends.

Fresh air, movement, time to connect – the exact replenishment you need will vary. The key is to make time to ask yourself what you need – and then do it.

4. Do you have the support you need?

Good relationships lift you up and support you. In the words of Michelle Obama:

“Good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt. They’re not painful. That’s not just with somebody you want to marry, but it’s with the friends you choose. It’s with the people you surround yourself with.”

If the friends you spend time with, the people you follow on social media or the team you work with are draining, unkind or just not aligned with your values, it’s bound to feel challenging. Our online community is a great place to connect with likeminded women – or perhaps there’s a local group you could meet with in person. From sport to knitting to personal development, there are countless groups where you might find the support you really need. Get that warm support in place, and you might find your outlook begins to change.

5. How can you bring more pleasure into your life?

I’m a big fan of “bridging rituals” – ways of marking the transition from one way of being to another. For example, taking a walk round the garden on my way to my home office; pulling an inspirational “goddess card” to set an intention, or having a bath to relax at the end of a long day.

Part of the function of these rituals is to act as a marker that I’m shifting from one energy to another. Perhaps I’ve been having a difficult conversation with a team member, or been deep in a financial meeting where we’re making projections for the future, and it’s time for me to transition into “Mum” mode. Or I might have been down on the floor playing Lego with my son, and now it’s time for me to spend some quality time with my husband outside of our work and family responsibilities. These little rituals help make me more effective and present in each of the different activities that make up my day.

But the other thing they do is act as small mindful moments. They’re pleasurable things in themselves – a scented candle, the fresh air of the garden, a delicious bath.

There’s no rule that says life has to be difficult or boring. If you’re finding it hard to relax, ask yourself what small pleasures you can bring into your day. Could you get some photos of happy times printed and framed, to brighten up your desk? Buy yourself some gorgeous stationery to brighten tedious admin tasks? Or find an inspiring podcast or audiobook to make a long commute something you look forward to?

Want more help to enjoy life?

Knowing how to make life more fun starts with knowing who you are: what lights you up, what feels natural and easy, and what challenges, blocks or frustrates you.

Your Women’s PowerTypes Profile™ is a personalised report into your unique balance of PowerTypes and the insight it brings is remarkable. It can help you:

  • Get clarity on your motivations, reactions, and natural strengths – why you behave the way you do (and why that varies in different situations)
  • “Change the channel” and choose a fresh approach whenever you encounter a new challenge – one that feels good
  • Step away from triggers, flare-ups and frustration without getting caught up in drama or switching off your emotions
  • Understand why other profiles or personal development tools might have felt incomplete or failed to “stick” – and what you can do differently
  • Feel more in control, relaxed, and able to express yourself fully in every area of your life

Sound good? Click here to get your report today.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Exhausted for no apparent reason? Here’s how to recover

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

A couple of years ago I was so tired that trying to decide whether to just collapse into bed, or have a bath first, was enough to leave me utterly stuck. OK, in my case there were pretty clear reasons for me to have got to that state: I was 26 weeks pregnant, anaemic, and I’d just completed 2 events practically back to back – one of which had required to me to be onstage for 3 days straight. But whether you’ve been in Superwoman mode like I was, or if you’re exhausted for no apparent reason, when the going gets tough the wise woman takes heed.

We all know what it’s like to be tired from time to time, or to reach the point of exhaustion after an especially draining period. If you’ve been getting a big project at work off the ground; are breastfeeding a newborn or have been pushing it for some other reason, you probably anticipate needing to replenish for a while. But if you’re feeling exhausted for no apparent reason and just can’t seem to stop feeling tired, it’s definitely time to take stock.

Here are 5 signs you’ve got a point of exhaustion, and 5 emergency steps to take right away – before you find yourself at burnout.

5 signs you’re exhausted

Overdoing it is one thing. But if you’re in a chronic state of stress, overstimulation and over performance – and you’ve been in that mode for a few months or even a few years – it can be harder to recognise the signs.

Here are 5 things to watch out for.

1. You’re tired… all the time.

No matter what you eat or how much you sleep, you’re still tired. Ironically, this can actually make it even harder to get to sleep or experience quality rest when we do finally drop off. It’s a sign your system’s running on adrenaline (quite probably reinforced with caffeine) which can leave your nervous system actually unable to calm down enough for you to get the rest you crave. It can also show up as oversleeping which still doesn’t seem to cure your tiredness.

2. Procrastination or lack of motivation.

If you’re an overachiever, you’ll know this as the time when you really start to be hard on yourself for not performing. Similar signs include decreased executive functioning: reduced productivity, reduced performance, forgetfulness, and a general sense of mental fogginess.

If you find yourself berating yourself for messing up or dropping the ball, take a moment to consider if any of these other signs are present. Could you be suffering from exhaustion?

3. Escapism

This is a symptom I’ve lovingly nicknamed the “Netflix sign”. It’s when you know there are things you could do that would probably help how you’re feeling — like going to bed, for one — but instead you stay on the couch and fire up another episode of whatever series you’re into. Or lie in bed scrolling through Instagram or checking Facebook.

These kinds of behaviours tend to arise because we’re trying to avoid a feeling of overwhelm, and they often go hand in hand with other “bad habits” like drinking too much alcohol, smoking, or reaching for the sugary snacks.

4. Detaching.

When we’re tired, many of us find ourselves tending to detach from others – for me it’s accompanied by a feeling of “I just can’t be bothered talking to anyone”. I’ll stop ringing my family, not want to talk to my husband when the kids have gone to bed and find myself avoiding communication with friends. Ironically, it’s when I’m most likely to need the support of those who love me that I withdraw most; can you relate?

5. Trying to control/fix things.

This is the flipside of the tendency to detach or withdraw – some of the women I’ve coached have shared that the opposite is true. When they’re exhausted they find themselves going into “fixing” mode, in an effort to control the people around them.

Suddenly driven to distraction by your colleague’s disorganization or your partner’s refusal to address their family strife? Check in with yourself first – is this a distraction from your own exhaustion?

What are your early warning signs?

This list is by no means exhaustive, if you’ll pardon the pun. We all have unique patterns and behaviours that come up when things have got on top of us. Take a few minutes to think about times when you’ve been at a point of exhaustion – or to be honest abut how things are right now.

If you’ve got an exhaustion sign that’s not on this list, chances are someone else will share it too. Share it in the comments below, so we can help each other spot the warning signs together.

How bad is it?

Are you reading through the list above thinking you’ve got every single one of those signs going on in your life – and more? Then it’s time to take action, because you might well be very close to – or already – burned out. If that’s the case, reach out and let us know. Click this link to book a call with the team. Burnout needs dealing with, and we have some of the best support out there for women who’ve reached that point – and if we can’t help, we can signpost you to somewhere that can.

If you’re not in crisis, and know you need to turn things around before you get to that point, here are 5 steps to take.

5 steps to get you out of exhaustion

These steps are simple, because we’re dealing with exhaustion. That’s the point where it actually becomes really hard to make plans for how you’re going to replenish yourself and get back on top of things, because you’re simply not functioning.

So, these 5 steps are designed to get you out of exhaustion and back to a more resourceful place from which you can start to see a real difference.

1. Reach out

One of the most important skills we need to foster is the ability to lean in to the support we need – from each other. Ask for help, in whatever form you need. In my case, it was literally asking a friend to come round and tell me: do I need to have a bath now or just go to sleep?

Maybe you need someone to babysit so you can go to bed at 7pm, or to do your grocery shopping, or lend you their spare room for a night whilst promising not to tell you the wifi password.

Don’t know who you’d call? Our BeOne community is the online space where women around the world gather to find community and support. Click here to join us.

2. Sleep.

Of course you need sleep, you’re exhausted. But when you’re past the point of clear thinking, it can be easy to underestimate just how powerful this is. Turn off the TV, put your phone on airplane mode, and get to bed early. Like, 7pm early. It’s time to get serious about catching up on sleep.

If you’re having trouble sleeping, work through some of the other steps first – or try some simple steps to help you unwind like avoiding screens or taking gentle exercise.

3. Rehydrate.

This is a less obvious one, but it can make a real difference becauseone of the first things we forget to do when we’re knackered is drink enough fluid. Rehydrate quickly by mixing up a jug of a mix of 1 part juice, 4 parts water, and a couple of pinches of salt.

Rehydrating the brain dramatically helps your executive function – and when you’re thinking more clearly you’ll take exponentially better care of yourself as you get back to a place of replenishment.

4. Nourish.

Yup, we’re going right back to basics. If you’ve been grazing on chocolate or eating out of the work vending machine, it’s time to get some decent nutrients inside you and eat a good square meal. Get your body filled up and make sure you have the energy you need to replenish physically.

5. Get physical

Finally, do something to take care of your physical body. A massage, a sauna, a long bath… something to take care of your physical body will make an enormous difference to your exhaustion. It doesn’t have to be expensive and it definitely isn’t a luxury – it’s an essential if you’ve found yourself at rock bottom.

Taking these 5 simple steps will give you the best possible chance of replenishing yourself to a stage where you can start thinking about a longer term strategy to get out of this state for god. Put them somewhere where you can see them in case of emergency – and pass them on to anyone in your life who needs them.

Need to get back on track?

When you’ve dealt with a crisis of exhaustion, it’s time to look at longer term ways to avoid reaching that limit. That might include reducing stress, asking for regular support from people around you and getting really clear on what you need in order to maintain your energy and wellbeing.

If you’re a member of our BeOne Community, check out Soft PowerCast 52 for an audio session all about how to deal with exhaustion. And if you’re not yet a member, click here to join – it’s free and this and a whole bunch of other resources are free when you do.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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When you’re so tired you could cry

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

I was exhausted. At the end of my tether. And I knew there was one place I could turn to for help. “Today I feel so tired I could cry,” I typed into Facebook.

It was August, and we were in Bali, where our peaceful family time had been interrupted by an earthquake, of all things. While badly shaken, luckily we weren’t in one of the worst impacted areas. But it felt like the final straw.

You’ve probably been there at some point – those times when you’ve been keeping it all together and then, suddenly, it all catches up with you.

It had been a few months of fairly epic amounts of getting stuff done. Business was thriving; we’d welcomed new team members and grown our community. We’d unexpectedly had to move house, packing up all our belongings and putting them in storage before travelling halfway round the world to Australia. The restful break we’d planned in Thailand on the way out featured our entire family (me included) getting totally wiped out by a gastric bug… and now, on our way home, the earthquake.

When things feel hard? Reach out

So I did what I often do when things feel too much – I reached out to the One of many community. The place where some of  the most capable, competent women I know come to be vulnerable, admit we’re human, and ask for help. (If you’re not in it, and that sounds like what you need – come join us! Here’s the link).

And, of course, the ladies there did what they always do. They rallied.

Within hours I was looking at a huge list of virtual hugs, practical support, and some of the most grounded advice I’ve received. So, with deep thanks to everyone who came to my aid, here are some of the best bits of advice they shared:

1. Write a list

This was actually the first thing I did, as part of my post – and wow, did it feel good to get it all out. Off the top of my head a total of 31 things I’d achieved in the past 7 weeks came pouring out – everything from packing up our house and moving it into storage, to nursing the family through gastro – and the important detail that I’d not slept for longer than 3 hours since my daughter was born over a year ago!

Writing things out doesn’t change them, but it’s a powerful way of remembering just WHY you’re so tired. And I don’t know about you, but I have a tendency to spend more time staring at the list of everything I haven’t done than the amazing things I have.

So go ahead: write out everything you’ve been up to lately: your wins, big and small, the unplanned challenges, and all the little energy-draining things that you’ve been managing.

I bet you’ll be pretty impressed when you consider it all!

2. Show yourself some love

The love I felt from the community who took the time to write comments, send heart emojis, and generally let me know I was seen and valued, was something else.

And the person I really needed to love me… was me.

We’re all so supportive of each other. And yet it can be easy to be much harder on ourselves than we would a friend.

Next time you’re having a rough day, think about what you’d say to someone you loved who found themselves in your situation. Would you tell her to go gentle? Take it easy? STOP?

Take your own advice, and give yourself some of that loving care and attention.

3. Feel it in your body

Loads of women reminded me that after something like an earthquake (or shock, or burnout, or meltdown), it takes time for the fear and stress hormones to pass through your body.

Massage, exercise and deep rest are so important to allow our bodies to process.

If you’re menstruating, consider where you are in your cycle. That’s not to invalidate your feelings, but to acknowledge the impact that our physical bodies have on our emotions. Listen to what they have to tell you.

Ask yourself: what does my body need right now?

Movement? Rest? Touch? Chocolate? And then do it.

4. Be honest

If there’s one thing I learned from sharing my story it’s that so many of us have been through this. Telling people you’re feeling wiped out does two things: it allows you to bask in the amazing love and support, and it allows others to know they’re not alone.

When you hit rock bottom, don’t isolate yourself. Reach out, no matter how.

Post on social media, tell your neighbour, answer honestly when someone asks how you’re doing.

We’re all in this together.

5. Ask for help

“Delegate for all your worth!” was one comment.

I love this, because it reminds us that when we’re exhausted it’s time to lean on the support that’s always out there for us. My tip? Be specific.

I need you to cook dinner.

I need you to babysit the kids for one hour while I take a walk outside and let out how I’m feeling.

I need you to read through this email and tell me what the person is actually asking me to do.

Make a list of the things you’d love to get help with, and ask as many people as you can for help with them. That way if one person says no, you’ll have someone else who’d probably love to help.

6. Keep it simple

Soft Power Principle #1 is this: Rest and replenish.

In other words, don’t try to solve the world’s problems (or even just yours) when everything’s on top of you. Eat something, for the love of god, and get some rest. (“Go to bed and sleep until YOU wake up” was one piece of advice I loved.)

Promise your anxious brain that everything will still be there when you’re back on form – and I promise it will seem ten thousand times more manageable.

7. Remember all the tools you already have

The one big thing I learned? That the practices and routines I ALREADY had in place were my biggest weapon. It was one of our coaches whose comment really struck a chord with how I was feeling:

“There is no way you’d have been able to do all this without looking after yourself along the way.

Your mind, body and connection to the Divine have enabled you to do all this because you look after them and your connections to them. You and they have done an amazing job. You built up all these energy resources and a support network which has enabled you to achieve and cope with so much.

Now it’s time to rest and recharge and be grateful for it all”

She was right. I hadn’t got to the point of burnout, because the tools I’ve been using along the way were so powerful they’d allowed me to stay replenished through it all. They were what made this a low point rather than a total crash.

Do you have a set of strategies or practices in place to support you if life took an unexpected turn? If you don’t, our free resources are a great place to start.

When you’re so tired you could cry, what happens next?

And so, I took the advice I was given, and that my heart and body were telling me to do:

First I replenished my energy. I had a massage that very afternoon, followed by going to bed early – and I spent the hour on the massage table dreaming about what I could possibly not do, and the following days asking for the support I needed to make that happen.

It wasn’t an overnight fix. Some of the challenges I had took a bit more time to sort out. But I was able to get there, using the amazing support our community gave me – and whatever you’re facing, I have no doubt you can do the same.

Who would you call?

If you could do with your own community of amazing women cheering you on when things get rough, click here to join the BeOne community. You’ll get an invitation to join our amazing Facebook group, invitations to free coaching calls, and access to a huge bank of resources, recordings and friends.

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