One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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How Trust Is Built

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

At One of many we believe in the power of collaboration. The community we’ve created and the mutual support we offer each other is fundamental to our success. And that support rests on one crucial thing: knowing how trust is built, and making sure our collaboration rests on strong foundations.

I’ve experienced what it’s like to develop a relationship of trust on countless occasions. In fact, one of the people in my life I trust most – Suzanne Dibble, who leads the Empress Collective with me – was someone I ‘met’ online way before we connected face to face. I was looking for someone to interview about UK law, and her name was recommended by someone in a Facebook group I was in.

Fast forward a few years, and I’m trusting Suzanne with my name, my business reputation, and a big chunk of my revenue. But how do you get from Facebook friend to trusted ally? It’s not a fast process, that’s for sure – and there are some key pitfalls to avoid.

How Trust is built

Let’s be clear – I’m definitely not suggesting that you blindly trust everyone you come across. That’s a recipe for heartbreak and let down, for sure. But from the people who take care of our kids to the accountants who keep an eye on our income and the partners we blend our lives with, a full and fulfilling life requires us to trust people.

Here’s how we see trust being built:

1. Approach with an open heart

We see this a lot in relationships: A bad experience can shut down our willingness to be vulnerable and get to know someone. But just as one heartbreak doesn’t mean you’ll never find a partnership that’s right for you, having one negative experience certainly doesn’t prevent you from trusting again. Try to give each person you come across a blank sheet. It doesn’t mean being naive – it does mean giving them the chance to prove themselves, one way or another.

2. Always start small

The simplest answer to the question of how trust is built is: in small steps, one chunk at a time. When you first meet someone, you begin to get a feel for how good they are at keeping their word. Do they show up on time? Do they do what they say they’re going to do? Over time, these little agreements build up to a sense of how trustworthy someone is. For Suzanne and I, it started with me interviewing her for a business program I was running. Later, I spoke at her event – another chance to see the countless tiny clues that told me the kind of person she was, and how she ran her business.

3. Lean on your community

Suzanne’s name came to me via a colleague who I trusted already, because she’d been on my team for years. Personal recommendations go a long way to helping us know if someone’s who they say they are. Of course, someone else’s experience is no guarantee that yours will be the same, but if you’re considering a new hire, or wondering about a romantic partner, chatting to an objective third party who knows them already can be incredibly helpful.

4. The internet can help us trust

We might be wary of meeting fraudsters on the internet, but it can also be our friend when we’re deciding whether or not we can trust someone. The first thing to remember is that not everyone online is who they say they are. (At One of many we manage a community of thousands, and there’s no way we could “vet” everyone who wanted to join us.)

But the internet also means it’s fairly easy to get a snapshot of who someone is, from a variety of different sources. “Due diligence” means, essentially, doing your homework. A quick google search on someone (married and maiden names!) can be a great step towards peace of mind. When I googled Suzanne it was quickly apparently that she was well respected in her industry, had a professional website, and was indeed a qualified lawyer. Other due diligence might involve contacting someone who’s worked with the person and asking for their honest review, or asking them to provide you with references.

5. Trust your instincts

Someone who’s genuinely trustworthy in any realm is unlikely to be offended if you explain you want to be sure before committing your time, money or emotions to them. If things feel like they’re moving too fast; if your concerns are being brushed under the carpet or if there’s something that just “doesn’t feel right”, it’s time to take stock. It can be helpful to talk through your concerns with someone you do trust, to get an objective perspective, especially when there’s lots at stake.

How about you? Do you have any red flags that tell you when someone’s not quite who they say they are – or things that tell you it’s fine to go ahead? Without naming any names, do share your wisdom in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.
We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.
Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to say no politely

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

If you wear lots of different hats in the course of your life, you know how valuable it is to know how to say no politely.

It’s one thing to say no to things you don’t want to do. But finite time and energy also means turning down requests for things we’d love to do from people we’d love to help.

So, how to say no politely without sacrificing our relationships or letting people down?

In this episode of Jo & Co, I’m breaking down the really simple template I use when I need to turn down an opportunity that doesn’t fit in with my priorities.

I deliberately designed this to be really simple because these kinds of challenges come around so often, and when you want to be helpful it’s incredibly tempting to say yes. I wanted a quick little framework I could whip out every time, and I hope you find it helpful when it comes to honouring your time without letting other people down.

3 steps to a healthy “no”

In the video I share:

  • What you need to be clear about BEFORE you get the ask
  • The crucial distinction that allows you to say no without offending, letting people down, or hurting their feelings
  • My 3-step process that leaves the other person feeling you’ve helped them without compromising your priorities

The most effective people in life are the ones who are able to gracefully say no to everything that takes them away from their values.

Saying “I’m just too busy” won’t cut it – it implies that we’re frantic, stressed and short on time. It also suggests we’re so bad at prioritising we can’t actually make space for something we’d be interested in – what a mixed message! It can really leave the other person confused about where they stand.

Using this framework allows us to say no at the same time as building relationships and supporting those around us. That’s crucial if we’re to have our biggest impact, and it’s something we can absolutely help each other learn and practice. So, when you’ve watched the video, I’d love to know what you’re going to say no to! Let’s encourage and support each other in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to Juggle Competing Priorities.

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Are you caught up in festive “busy-ness”? – Giving your all to preparations AND juggling everyday priorities?

This time of year, women all over the world are multi-tasking their way to the “big day” feeling increasingly overwhelmed- festive to do lists, diaries and schedules crammed with a ton of extra “must do’s!”

So often seasonal tasks compete with all the other usual priorities and demands on your time, it can make the countdown to Christmas feel like it’s filled with festive madness rather than festive cheer.

It’s not Christmas… it’s stress-mas!

Does that resonate with you?

Perhaps it’s not just Christmas but most of the year. We all know those work deadlines, engagements, family commitments and relationships that can all demand your time and attention. A daily juggling act of competing priorities that makes you want to reach for the wine and chocolate!

It’s exhausting isn’t it? But…

Just because it’s always been that way, doesn’t mean it has to stay that way.

Let me share with you how to find your way with ease and grace through those competing demands.

What to do when everything feels like a priority!

So many things to do and so little time to do it- sounds familiar hey?

But, hang on sister do you REALLY need to be doing all of it?

Keys to juggling priorities…

  • Knowing what’s a priority
  • Making decisions that are right for you
  • Recognising you have a choice
  • Using the right Powertype

At One of many, we know how precious time is, how important it is to get that balance just right so that you have more time to do the things you love.

So, here’s my solution…

Ways to Effectively Juggle Competing Priorities.

    1. What is important to you?

      When you’ve got 101 things demanding your attention it can be hard to distinguish exactly what your priorities are.

      Priorities are like voices in your mind and some shout louder than others! But it doesn’t necessarily mean these are the most important- What IS important is to take the time to identify YOUR priorities.

      My tip is to write a list of all of your commitments.
      Ask this…
      Do I really need to do this?

      When you get really clear on what is truly important to you, when you see all the stuff that demands your attention, realisation dawns that you just don’t need some of it in your life!

      It’s not always easy to do but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

      Would the world REALLY stop turning if you stepped down from the school PTA?

    2. Set your boundaries.

      Generally speaking, as women we’re not always great at saying no!

      Let’s face it, we often…

      1. Do guilt
      2. Seek approval
      3. Think people won’t like us if don’t do something
      4. Exhaust ourselves multi-tasking to meet other’s needs

      Learning to say no is a wonderful gift; your self-worth increases, it frees up your time and you feel great energetically- What are you waiting for?

      I get it, saying no isn’t always easy. It may feel a little icky at first but believe me the more you do it, the more liberated you’ll feel!

      Saying no to others is saying YES to yourself.

      Wouldn’t it be nice to say “YES!” to that coffee with a friend? Instead of “I’m sorry, I’m too busy”.

      Next time someone asks you to do something you haven’t got the time, energy or space for- Try this “I’m not able to do that right now but this might help” or “Thanks for asking but I can’t make that day.”

    3. Other people demands.

      You’re never going to get away from the demands of others- we all have valid commitments to family, to work, to relationships, but, what we can do, is manage those demands effectively so that you feel in control instead of overwhelmed.

      If there’s one person in particular, say your boss, that’s responsible for competing priorities- try meeting their demands with this gem of a response.

      “I’m happy to prioritise this task for you right now but it will mean that I will have to place the other projects you have given me on the back burner. Is that what you would like me to do?”

      By taking action in this way you are pushing the decision back to them, this will help both of you to prioritise and leave you feeling a lot less overwhelmed.

    4. Give yourself permission not to.

      How often do you feel obliged to do something?

      This is something I’m familiar with too. A few years back I put together a package, clients had signed up and I felt obliged to deliver. The trouble was it was harder than I thought! Much too expensive and taking up way too much time.

      The solution?

      To give myself permission NOT to do it. It wasn’t working for me so it wasn’t going to work for my clients.

      Simply putting it out there energetically by saying to myself ‘You know what? I don’t have to do this’ enabled me to…

      • Find the space to come up with a more creative solution
      • Deliver an alternative programme without the stress
      • Free up my energy for other tasks

      This really great tip was first given to me by Wendy Harrington, one of our lovely team members here at One of many – Thank you, Wendy, you saved my life!

      Try it yourself, next time you feel obliged to do something. Maybe visiting relatives this Christmas. Give it a go! – give yourself full permission NOT to and just notice how energetically, that can open up new ways of dealing with it.

      Watch that stress melt away!

    5. Accessing the right PowerType.

      When juggling competing priorities, The Queen is perfect for the role. She is one of the 5 Women’s PowerTypes we work with at One of many. Although The Mother PowerType is great at multitasking, she’s a little too self-sacrificing for this task – What we need here, is The Queen, who…

      • Has a clear vision of her future
      • Knows what’s worth spending her time and energy on and what’s not!
      • Recognises her own values and priorities and can make decisions aligned with them

Now, although it’s true we may all have different personalities the great thing is that we all have the ability to access to the PowerTypes, to call upon them at certain times for certain tasks- it’s simply a question of choosing the right PowerType for the right time.

Want to learn more about how to say no? Do check out our free Soft PowerCast (podcast) on How to Say No Gracefully. You’ll find it our BeOne members area via the link below.

I know this time of year is super busy! So, tell me how do you juggle your competing priorities?

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.
We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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When you feel like you have nothing left to give, do this…

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

We all know that woman who is everyone’s saviour… or everyone’s doormat… depending on how you look at it.

Maybe she’s you.

She’s the one who is always there to listen to anyone with a problem. The one that you call at the last minute to babysit, the one who’s always there to co-host the webinar, the one that will whip up two dozen cupcakes for every school bake sale.

Sometimes she’s the one that stays in a situation that even she admits is no good for her, or the one that is waiting for that magical ‘one day’ when other people are going to realise everything she’s done for them and finally start paying her back. Most often, she’s the one that’s gradually sinking under a tide of over commitment, time poverty, exhaustion, and simmering resentment.

 Maybe she’s you.

I think a lot of women go through at least one phase of trying to be everything to everyone at some point in their lives. Perhaps it’s being supermum, a die-hard activist, or the career woman who runs herself ragged at work during the week and then beats herself up for not doing more on the weekends. As women, we sometimes use sacrifice as a way of showing love. But the problem comes when we start sacrificing ourselves and letting people take advantage of us.

If you read nothing past this point, then I really hope you’ll at least take this away:

  • There are no prizes in life for exhaustion and self-sacrifice.
  • You’re not going to be able to help anyone if you don’t learn how to take care of yourself first.
  • And it really, truly doesn’t have to be this way.

We all come to this edge every now and again. As a recovering perfectionist with a side order of Imposter Syndrome I really get it. I want you to know that it’s not uncommon for women to reach this place no matter how wise you are. I think it’s our big hearts that do it to us. But it’s imperative that we put ourselves first and find the solution to this problem.

The answer lies in boundaries.

Boundaries are so important, and yet for so many of us women, talking about them feels uncomfortable. If you want to have strong boundaries, it feels like you either have to run people over and generally be very masculine, or if you want to care for people it feels like you have to be a pushover. But this is absolutely not the case!

You don’t have to choose between being a bitch and being a pushover — what you need to be is a Queen.

Every Queen has a realm; what’s yours going to be? Your realm is those people you care about and choose to impact or have some kind of personal connection with. This could be your clients, your family, your friends, a charity you support, your colleagues … whomever you choose.

But the key is that you have to choose. You can’t be responsible for the whole world, and you can’t take everything to heart. You have a finite amount of time and energy, and it’s incredibly important that you spend these resources carefully! So before you do anything else, ask yourself who’s in your realm.

How to figure out your boundaries

When figuring out your boundaries, you need to have some sense of what you’re OK with. This will intersect strongly with your personality and your needs. For instance, an introvert will likely have a boundary of needing a specific amount of alone time, and would feel infringed upon if they were constantly required to be out and about. Someone else might have a boundary around the amount of chores they do around the house, while another might have a boundary about how they get feedback. And of course, everyone has boundaries around their basic rights and treatment as humans.

What you really need to remember as you’re setting your boundaries is to set them at the level where your needs are met. You don’t set a boundary below where your
needs are met, or at the point where you put up with it and put up with it until you suddenly explode. You set it at the point where you’re doing fine. But any further
infringement would cause you to feel anger, disrespect or upset.

So when you’re thinking about the different areas of your life, ask yourself, “What is it that I need to be fine in this situation? What boundaries or rules do I need?”

Action Step:  Take some time to think about some boundaries which are important to you right now. You don’t have to have them all, just a few to get started with!
If you’re having trouble, think about things that make you angry. Anger is often a sign that someone is crossing one of your boundaries, so it makes a good indicator.

For more on setting and enforcing your boundaries, Grab your free Enough is Enough report now. In it you’ll learn how to gracefully set unbreakable boundaries and how to say no with ease, in a way that works for everyone. There are specific action steps for you to take to guide you on a gentle journey of reclaiming your space.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

After all stuff happens no matter how intelligent or important we are. It’s how we handle it that determines our impact.