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Guest post: The power of your Wild Voice™ – and how to find it

By

Kate Wolf
Kate Wolf
Highly sensitive. Wildly creative. Surprisingly practical.
Kate Wolf is the founder of Spirited Business Ltd, creator of the Wild Voices ™ process, and two flagship programs, StorySchool and Mesmerise. She leads a community of highly sensitive, deeply caring, wise & loving rebels who are tired of bowing at the altar of What Other People Think. She supports them to find their own wild way to build businesses that both fill up their bank accounts, and feel deeply fulfilling. So they can shine brighter, love louder and stand taller - together.
Kate Wolf
Latest posts by Kate Wolf (see all)

I waited, fixated on the whirring circle of doom on my phone, the internet buffering, as always, at the moment I most needed it to work. Suddenly, the words appeared, a comment beneath my video from a stranger on the internet:

‘I’m sure you’re full of good intentions but you come across as a bit weird.’

If you’re anything like me, a cruel comment like this doesn’t just sting. It stops us from standing up in the first place.

Fear of criticism. Ridicule. Rejection.

These are the things that keep too many of us from standing up for what we truly believe in, raising our voices (and if self-employed, our prices) and sharing our words, work and wisdom with the world.

We’re worried about what they will think…

As a transformational coach and communications consultant, I regularly hear my clients say ‘I’m worried about being seen as weird, or ridiculous. Or naive or unrealistic. I’m worried they won’t get it’.

But let’s pause for a minute. After all, who is this elusive ‘they’?

Are they the person you *really* want to connect with? Or are they someone who thinks it’s OK to criticize others and shoot down creativity and inspiration when they see it?

If that’s the case – then why should their opinion impact your level of self-expression?

As long as we squash ourselves to fit in with the – mostly imaginary – fear of what ‘they’ will think – editing ourselves, hiding our true magic and wonderful uniqueness – the people who will love us just as we are, can’t hear us.

Whether it’s your ideal client, ideal partner or ideal friends, when we hide who we truly are, the connections we make cannot fulfil us.

How to show up (when you know you’ve been hiding)

If you are struggling in any way right now, try saying something true.

Start with admitting it to yourself.

After a decade of walking a two-fold path – spiritual teacher and energy healer by day, theatre director and performer by night, I realised that the most healing thing we can do is express ourselves. And most free-ing. And most fun.

Start with yourself. Take a piece of paper and write: ‘This is my Wild Voice and this is what I want to say…’

Let yourself write freely, unedited. Let the words come from deep within. And then read what you have dared to write. You might be surprised by your own clarity and wisdom.

What your wild voice can teach you

My client Morag who is now training with me to become a Wild Voice ™ Facilitator shared that this work has helped her ditch the requirement for ‘perfection and right’ in favour of ‘intention and quality’. That the first time I guided her through the process she thought ‘what is this? This is strange,’ and yet very quickly found herself thinking ‘can we do it again?’

Morag’s empowering realisation – that is available for you, too – was that her Wild Voice had been there all the time, just waiting for her to listen.

There is a part of us that was never tamed, never conditioned. That knows exactly what you want and need and who you are and what you’re here for. It is wise and deep and may seem weird or strange to those who are stuck in their own prisons of judgement. But it holds the key to your freedom and your joy.

Oodles more joy for a bit of judgement? I’ll take that deal any day. Because the truth is – it is a choice we make.

Do you choose to suppress who you really are to keep the favour of those who don’t even know the real you?

Or do you choose to show up and shine and let yourself have the kind of real connections that can ONLY come when we are being real?

When I saw that comment from the stranger on Facebook, I got back in bed. With my phone with the offending message on it still in my hand, raised stiff above my head, not welcome in the safe space underneath my duvet. And I had a conversation with myself.

There was one voice saying:

‘See? See it’s not safe to show up and shine. You need to quit this self-employment thing and go and get a job where you can fit in, toe the line, follow the rules. Get down’.

And there was another voice, much quieter, that said:

‘This is exactly why you need to keep going. Because we’re taught to compete and judge and tear each other down, not see another woman trying to fly and go over and lend her our wings and cheer when she wins. And you’re going to play a part in changing that. Get up’.

I got up. I kept going. And I’m so glad and grateful that I did. This blog post, like all my work, is a clarion call to unique and individual expression. To consistently unravelling the layers of who you are not so you can reveal the truth and magic of who you are.

Because from that place, what you put out in the world can only be good.

From that place, there is no such thing as competition.

From that place, there is room and freedom for us all to be exactly who we are, to be playing our unique part to play at this time on our planet.

Your Wild Voice will lead you to that part to play, if you’ll listen. If you’ll let her speak.

Meet KateKate Wolf - Find your wild voice

Highly sensitive. Wildly creative. Surprisingly practical.

Kate Wolf is the founder of Spirited Business Ltd, creator of the Wild Voices ™ process, and two flagship programs, StorySchool and Mesmerise. She leads a community of highly sensitive, deeply caring, wise & loving rebels who are tired of bowing at the altar of What Other People Think. She supports them to find their own wild way to build businesses that both fill up their bank accounts, and feel deeply fulfilling. So they can shine brighter, love louder and stand taller – together.

If you do deep work that is hard to explain, Kate will guide you to find joy and courage in your unique self-expression that speaks straight to the heart of your real ideal client. Join Kate’s free community here: https://www.katewolf.global/community and receive your guide to moving through the fear of showing up and shining here: https://www.katewolf.global/move-through-fear/

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How to develop your intuition

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Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

How much do you trust yourself? Everyone has intuitive potential – but for some of us, it can feel as though our intuition is frustratingly out of reach. Don’t worry. There are some simple tools that have helped women in our community learn how to develop their intuition, and with regular practice I think you’ll find them really helpful too. So if you’re curious about how to develop your intuition, read on.

What do we mean by intuition?

Before we consider how to develop your intuition, it’s helpful to get clear on what we actually mean by the term. You may know that I’m a bit of an etymology geek — and I think the history of this word is especially useful.

You see, many of us assume intuition is something a little bit esoteric, or somehow spiritual. There’s a ‘mystic’ sense to the world that can be a turn-off if you’re more of a science-minded woman. And indeed, part of the word’s history is the Late Middle English, ‘denoting spiritual insight or immediate spiritual communication’.

But the other root of this word is the Latin ‘intueri’ — to consider, or look into.

So another way to think about your intuition is simply the insight or consideration you can bring to a challenge or problem.

Something that might help you begin to embrace it as a tool you can use in your day to day life — whatever your beliefs.

Knowing beyond logic

In Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking Malcolm Gladwell examines research around decision-making. He looks at fascinating cases where split-second judgments: from firemen dealing with a chaotic and dangerous situation, to art dealers ‘sensing’ a flawlessly executed fake, turned out to be as accurate as carefully pondered judgments.

He concludes that those experts who have truly mastered their subject are able to make incredibly accurate decisions at lightning speed. But it’s not magic. They absorb the different facets of a situation so quickly, that they can ‘feel’ what needs to happen before their rational brain has time to assimilate the evidence.

What we might, in fact, call intuition.

“…If we are to learn to improve the quality of the decisions we make, we need to accept the mysterious nature of our snap judgements. We need to respect the fact that it is possible to know without knowing why we know and accept that — sometimes — we’re better off that way.” — Malcolm Gladwell

Intuition and the Sorceress

At One of many we use the 5 Women’s PowerTypes as models of leadership that can help us resource ourselves in any situation. The PowerType who leads us in this realm of instinct beyond logic is The Sorceress. She’s the part of you that instinctively understands what needs to be done, even if you can’t quite explain how. Her instincts guide her when it comes to decision making. And she has complete faith in her ability to ‘sense’ a situation or relationship, and know the truth that lies beneath it.

This is one of the most powerful aspects of leadership you can cultivate.

So how can you turn this to your advantage? How can you develop your intuition into a powerful tool for life?

Here’s how to develop your intuition

1. Clear your mind

If you’re anything like me you probably have lots of thoughts running through your mind at any given moment. All of this “noise” makes it difficult to hear your intuitive voice. Let them go. Picture your thoughts floating away on a cloud. Try meditation, or a practice like yoga or mindfulness which allows you to focus your mind on one activity, and let the other distractions float away.

2. Imagery

Here’s an exercise that can help you if you’re pondering a specific challenge:

Imagine yourself in a quiet place in nature, surrounded by beauty and wonder. Make this image as vivid as possible by using all of your senses. Then, imagine a treasure chest nearby. You feel excited as you approach the chest because you know that the answer to your question is inside. Take a deep breath and imagine yourself opening the treasure chest.

Now, if you struggle with this whole ‘imagine’ thing, know this. When I close my eyes and visualize, it’s black. I don’t see anything. But I pretend I can. And it still works!

I’ve changed my entire life by pretending I can visualize.

(Not to mention pretending I don’t feel dumb when I move my body… When actually it’s quite ridiculous on some level! And pretending it’s OK for me to smother a pillow in snot from crying… When really I’m a grown woman, come on!!)

Turns out pretending can be life changing if you give it a chance…

3. Dream

Take some time before you fall asleep to ask for an answer to come to you through your dreams. Your answers may come symbolically and may need some interpretation.
Look for the emotions and themes of your dreams, and see if this sheds light on your problem.

4. Affirmations

Here are just a few examples of affirmations to increase your intuitive abilities:

  • I trust my intuition.
  • My intuitive voice is consistently accurate.
  • I access my intuition easily.

Can you think of others? Find one that works for you, and try popping it on a post-it somewhere you can see it, or repeating it to yourself while you’re brushing your teeth.

5. Practice

The more you use and trust your intuition, the stronger it will get and the more confident you will feel about it. The whispers from your soul will always guide you to the path that is for your highest good.
Enjoy developing this incredible gift you have. And don’t forget to let us know how you get on!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to use stories to create change

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

If you’ve ever gone to the movies and found yourself so involved with a character that it feels as though watching their journey has actually shifted something in your own life, you’ll know what I mean by the power of story. We learn, we get inspired, we transform… all from the stories we’re told, or the ones we tell ourselves. Today I want to share some of what I’ve learned about how to use stories to create change, so that you can begin to apply it in your own life and work.

Story is an extraordinarily powerful tool. We remember stories far longer than we remember any points that have ever been taught to us. So storytelling is something that I have spent a lot of time studying and learning and practicing over the years.

If you have a vision to create real change in the world, today I invite you to think about how story could play a part in that.

Why stories work

If you’ve been to one of our live events you’ll know that we always start with stories – often opening with the start of a tale, and closing it at the end. It’s one way we weave a little bit of magic into the experience, and it’s a key focus for our One of many Certified Trainers when they learn how to create extraordinary experiences for groups.

As human beings, we naturally create stories to explain our experiences. When you think about it your life is really just a series of moments. Our perception of our lives as being journeys connected by meaning – I did X, so I learned Y, and became Z – is in the narrative our minds create.

We weave a story to make meaning of what this series of events could tell us, about us and about the world and about others.

Sometimes they’re empowering stories and sometimes they’re disempowering stories.

You could be telling yourself a story right now, reading this article.

You could be telling yourself that you’re connecting with me, a woman called Jo who has something that she wanted to share with you. Maybe this is a story about sharing and sisterhood.

You might tell yourself that you’re taking a few minutes to read these ideas and to absorb some wisdom that’s going to help you grow, perhaps in ways you don’t yet know, or won’t know until you need it.

Or you could tell a remarkably different story about this moment – maybe you’re berating yourself for “wasting time”, telling yourself a story about how easily distracted you are.

It’s really just a choice you make of how you want to link these pieces of your experience together.

Using storytelling as a leader

So the first part of discovering the power of story is to be conscious that you’re always making stories and that those in your team are always making stories too.

From a leadership perspective, there’s a part of us that takes responsibility for the stories that her team are making from the events that occur.

It’s the Women’s PowerType we call Sorceress. When she’s in leadership she knows that she is accountable for the stories that her team are making. And that it is her job to make sure that whenever events happen, that she takes charge of the stories that are made.

A couple of years ago we ran a retreat where the place we were staying was completely snowed in. Actually, it was one of 3 retreats that year where we found ourselves in the midst of epic snowfalls. I’m sure there are some stories I could make about that!

By the time we came to our closing session for our Lead the Change participants on Sunday, the outlook was pretty grim. We were hearing one by one that the roads were closed, taxis weren’t running, trains had been cancelled, airports were closed…

As you can imagine, our team were faced with a big challenge.

We had lots of material to cover, for which we needed the participants to be present and receptive. But the fact is, for most of our community just taking a couple of days away from home and work is a big thing. It takes a lot of rearranging. So the prospect of being stranded for an extra night, even if it was at a perfectly comfortable hotel and spa, was a pretty distracting one.

One of my first jobs, then, was to find the narrative. Not to ignore what was happening, not to let things sink into panic, but find the possible narratives there could be and reframe them in a way that enabled us to be present and feel safe and supported.

That’s what the sorceress leader knows. She thinks “There’s a narrative here. Let’s take charge of what it is.” She’ll think through the possible stories, and take charge of the narrative that her team agree to tell themselves. From there, we can find unexpected possibility.

How do you use story?

Have you come to one of our events and experienced the power of story? Or perhaps you’ve shared your own story, and seen the effect it can have to inspire and empower others. Share your story in the comments below.

In fact, we will remember stories far longer than we remember any points that have ever been taught to us.

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How to lead a team through change

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

In turbulent times, powerful leadership is crucial. Perhaps you’re going through a big organizational restructure; have some near-impossible deadlines looming or are facing big changes in your family life. Today I want to share a slightly different approach to how to lead a team through change – which can prove hugely effective.

The importance of faith and trust

We’ve navigated some big changes in the business over the years, but one of my greatest personal tests as a leader came not at work, but at home. A while back, our family faced a huge and unexpected upheaval. We discovered that the lease on the long-term rental we’d lived in for years was ending – and we’d need to move house.

It was the same feeling you’ve probably experienced if you’ve ever been shaken by a bombshell in the workplace: The sudden loss of a major client; a restructure that puts jobs on the line or even a very positive, but all too fast, expansion. I knew I needed to help us stay focused and manage the inevitable upheaval – so what kind of leadership was called for in that moment?

When it comes to change, there are many options open to us as leaders. The Women’s PowerTypes we use at One of many give us clues to some of them:

  • Mother focuses on taking care of the team, acknowledging their emotions and creating a haven of safety and security amidst the chaos
  • Queen connects to her powerful vision, inspiring others to take bold action
  • Warrioress rolls up her sleeves and brings infectious energy and enthusiasm to making things happen

But today I want to draw your attention to a different form of leadership – that of the Sorceress.

Who is the Sorceress?

If you’re someone who usually pushes their way to their goals with sheer grit and determination, even the name of this PowerType might set your teeth on edge. So let’s take a minute to discover what we mean by the Sorceress.

For a lot of people, the word sorceress conjures up images of the esoteric – witches huddled round a cauldron, that sort of thing. If that’s your bag, that’s totally OK!

And – that’s not exclusively what we mean.

The name for this PowerType comes partly from the shorthand we like to use for divine, or our connection to the divine: Source.

You might refer to this in so many different ways: God, Allah, Goddess, Jesus, the Tao, the Oak Tree, the Universe, Quantum Physics, Nature.

It’s how you conceptualise the force that’s so much bigger than you; that gives you your energy and connects you to something far beyond your own perceived experience and understanding.

Many of the atheist and agnostic people I’ve coached, who might at first claim to have no spiritual connection at all, can immediately think of an environment or experience they find fulfilling in this way. Perhaps it’s staring up at the night sky; walking among breathtaking architecture or looking at the ocean.

The name Sorceress is a nod to this “Source”. And when you strengthen the relationship you have with Sorceress, the results can be incredibly profound – especially if it’s all been grit and determination. Here are some of the resources this PowerType can give you access to as a leader.

How to lead a team through change with Sorceress

1. Learn how to make miracles

Sorceress is the part of us which can manifest. Now, before you start rolling your eyes – I’m not talking about visualising a pile of money, putting your feet up, and letting “The Universe” do its work. (If you’ve figured out how to do that, go for it!).

But for the rest of us, I’m talking about the part of you that’s already manifesting tiny everyday miracles. You might call them luck, coincidence, serendipity, synchronicity.

The appointment that’s cancelled just when you need an extra hour, or the lights that mysteriously tun to green just when you’re running late.

The more you activate your inner sorceress, the more you can bring these small path-easers your way – smoothing your team’s capacity to adapt and roll with the punches.

2. Connect to faith and trust

One of Sorceress’s most powerful capabilities is her ability to maintain faith and trust that everything will work out for the best – whatever the outcome.

In our family’s sudden house move, it was my commitment to trusting that all would be well that allowed the rest of my family to relax, and see the change as a grand adventure rather than a devastating break.

When others see you trusting and letting go, they trust you too.

In a team environment, when the pressure’s on, individuals often start to unravel. Embodying deep faith can allow everyone to calm and ground themselves, so that they can access their talents and get on with their roles, trusting that as leader you’re confident that you’ll collectively achieve your aims.

3. Allow the team to experience your wisdom

It’s all very well tapping into that faith and trust, but why do those around you lean in so strongly when you’re in Sorceress? One quality I love about this PowerType is that she’s “Master of her chosen technologies”. I often think of her as the wiser, “older” part of us, and part of that wisdom is that she’s devoted to learning and mastering the things she’s really good at. 

When others see Sorceress in action, it inspires real awe and wonder. Often, she seems to achieve things effortlessly or “as if by magic”. If your team can’t believe how fast you come up with punchy communication, or are wowed by your “knack” for budget projections or people management, that’s Sorceress at work.

Sorceress comes up with incredible solutions and her team really value that, often deferring to her wisdom and following her advice. When times are tough, it’s the point at which Sorceress can help you to stop holding back and let your true ability to find creative solutions really shine.

How to cultivate your Sorceress leadership

If you’re ready to bring a bit more ease to your leadership, and tap into Sorceress, here are some ways to do so:

  • Spend some time reflecting on what connects you with Source. What is the divine for you? Has it changed, perhaps, from the concept you were brought up with? How conscious are you of maintaining and cultivating that connection?
  • Start thinking and thanking. Make a habit of ending each day thinking back over the coincidences, good fortune and, yes, miracles that have occurred – and feeling grateful for them. (If you’re not already a member of our BeOne community, click here to join for free and get access to our series of Soft PowerCasts – there’s a whole audio on this practice.)
  • Make some alone time. Sorceress is one of the most independent PowerTypes – she craves time by herself in a place where she can really feel that Source energy. How can you carve out some regular time to tune into the energy that’s more powerful than you, and rest into your intuitive side?

Curious about Sorceress and your leadership?

There are many other sides to the Sorceress – her creativity, her ability to facilitate transformation, and her ability to find extraordinary solutions. If you’d like to find out more about the Women’s PowerTypes, and your current relationship to Sorceress, take a look at the Women’s PowerTypes Profile.

Knowing your PowerTypes Profile will give you clear insight into the PowerTypes you currently use most, as well as the ones you could do with a little more support to access. It’s a powerful way to gain a fresh perspective on you strengths and challenges – especially useful if you’re heading into a time of change.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: What menopause means

By

Alexandra Pope
Alexandra Pope
Alexandra Pope is co-director of Red School and co-author of the iconic and hugely celebrated book from Hay House, Wild Power: discover the magic of the menstrual cycle and awaken the feminine path to power.

Together with colleague and co-author, Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, she teaches a radical new approach to women’s health and wellbeing; creativity and leadership; and spiritual life based on the power of our menstruality consciousness.

With a background in teaching, psychotherapy and hypnotherapy and drawing on 40 years collective experience pioneering this emerging field of menstruality, they offer workshops, online courses, training and coaching worldwide based on the power of the menstrual cycle, and the developmental journey from menarche to menopause. Find out more at www.redschool.net
Alexandra Pope
Latest posts by Alexandra Pope (see all)

“Menopause is an opportunity”. Let’s be honest, if you ask most people what menopause means, you won’t often hear that said!

For those of you in menopause right now, you may either be scratching your head wondering what I am on… or throwing epithets of rage at me.

Bear with me!

What menopause means: a different way of thinking about “The Change”

I am not discounting the very real suffering that too many of us experience when we begin to go through the menopause.

However, I believe there is also something very powerful trying to happen at menopause. If you know how to connect with that, menopause can be experienced as a path that supports you to refine and hone who you truly are. And therein lies great freedom.

Menopause is an ending, a death process in short. Your body and soul go through a transformation, and like the caterpillar going into the cocoon, as you enter menopause you go to ‘mush’ first.

Much of the powerful emotion that can emerge at menopause is connected to feelings that can emerge with ‘endings’. You are shedding who you think you are and for awhile may have no idea what it is that you want, or even who you are. You are left feeling psychologically exposed. This is all normal and it is the prelude to waking up to what you are truly about.

This is the opportunity of menopause – the opportunity to know and accept yourself deeply.

To help harness this opportunity, you have two particular superpowers that awaken at menopause very strongly:

1. Inner knowing

As you start to let go into menopause, you will notice the veils fall from your eyes. By that I mean you will suddenly feel, sense, see and know things that you didn’t or couldn’t before.

You’ll know things that you need to do, however difficult or challenging. You’ll just know and can’t argue with them! You have both a deep instinctual knowing and can really see-through both yourself and the illusions of society, particularly all the subtle and not so subtle ways that patriarchy operates. A true ‘emperor’s got no clothes’ moment.

And you’ll have zero tolerance for it!

2. The power of No

You may well find yourself saying No to just about everything.

This is not ‘being negative’, it is about you knowing what is no longer relevant, what you do not want in your life. Be heartened by the words of Warren Buffet who said that ‘the really successful person says NO to practically everything’ and harness this force.

It’s helping you to clear the ground of all those things that aren’t really you anymore, or no longer float your boat, even as you might, for instance, be really good at a certain job.

This process can also include a literal clearing of stuff and people from your life. Some relationships bite the dust at this point. In clearing the ground you create space for something new to emerge or for what is most essential or important in you to flourish. You will find this voice of ‘No’ is uncompromising. But remember:

Behind the No lies a great and powerful Yes to yourself.

The shadow side of your new power

Like all powers, these energies have their shadow side. If you are not sufficiently mindful and self caring, the inner sight and knowing can simply be experienced as overwhelm, grief or rage (the latter two may happen regardless, but you don’t want to get stuck there). And the ‘No’ power can simply come out as reactivity, irritation, frustration and anger.

To activate these powers in a wholesome way you need time and space for yourself. Time and space for yourself are the commodities most often in short supply. You may be someone who still has children at home, elderly parents to care for, a demanding job or any combination of these. In other words, someone who has precious little time for yourself.

But here’s the rub, the one thing that your soul demands of you at menopause is time and space for you.

Time to simply be, with no responsibility for anyone.

Without it you will feel as though you are going mad, with it you will start to slowly and quietly feel the order and meaning of this powerful life transition get to work.

So how are you going to get it?

Here are 4 powerful ways to begin to embrace what menopause means, and tap into the deep well of power that is waiting to be drawn on.

1. Be aware of what is happening

Consciously name what is happening to yourself, metaphorically turn and face the change and greet it with dignity.

2. Recognise that some things will need to change

Be kind to yourself – cut yourself some slack. Do not hold the same expectations that you would normally have of yourself. No more ‘going the extra mile’ for anybody. What you do and who you are will still be enough. You need your energy for yourself now.

3. Start small

Give yourself microdoses, or one percent, of sacred time for yourself with plentiful doses of silence, and no, emphatically, no ‘to do ‘ lists or demands on yourself.

One percent is always doable. It may not be perfect but it’s something and you will begin to feel moments of relief coming into the system. Schedule it in. It might be no more than half an hour at first, but it’s all yours. Sacrosanct. The more you taste it, the easier it will be to claim. You’ll get ruthless with your schedule as you wield that ‘No’ power!

4. Write it out

Keep a journal to hand to help you drop your bundle – sometimes writing everything that’s in you head is a way of slowing down and putting the stuff of the world to one side temporarily.

And as you let go, your inner life starts to speak…emotions, feelings, memories, realisation, revelations emerge. You might feel you want to note some of that. It’s your call. I impose no rules on you in your alone time.

Menopause: A time to come home to yourself

Think of menopause as an opportunity to truly come home to yourself, get some deep rest and repair, and receive utter clarity about who you are and what you truly want. This is the recipe for experiencing a deeply creative and meaningful post menopause life.

Want to learn more about the power of menopause?

If this article has seeded something in you, and you’d like encouragement and support from a like-minded group of women as you undergo this powerful transition, we invite you to check out our online programme, “Menopause: The Great Awakener”. To find out more and listen to a free introductory webinar on the topic, click here: www.redschoolmenopause.com

About Alexandra

Alexandra PopeAlexandra Pope is co-director of Red School and co-author of the iconic and hugely celebrated book from Hay House, Wild Power: discover the magic of the menstrual cycle and awaken the feminine path to power.

Together with colleague and co-author, Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, she teaches a radical new approach to women’s health and wellbeing; creativity and leadership; and spiritual life based on the power of our menstruality consciousness.

With a background in teaching, psychotherapy and hypnotherapy and drawing on 40 years collective experience pioneering this emerging field of menstruality, they offer workshops, online courses, training and coaching worldwide based on the power of the menstrual cycle, and the developmental journey from menarche to menopause. Find out more at
www.redschool.net

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How to create a sacred space at home

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Whether you’re a proud, science-loving sceptic or a fully paid up embracer of all things esoteric in life, knowing how to create a sacred space at home is one of the most important steps you can take towards success.

It’s easy to get caught up in the multiple roles you play in the world: Parent, partner, independent woman, sister, leader, and so on.

A sacred space is one where you leave those roles behind and really connect to who you are at a deep level, beneath the various responsibilities to others.

Taking the time and putting in the effort to make a special area of your home that’s just for you can, in my experience:

  • Help you connect to yourself and hear your “inner wisdom” guiding you
  • Give you a reminder to focus on what really matters in life, and allow you to create success with more ease
  • Allow you to notice and be receptive to unexpected opportunities – hidden miracles you might not otherwise have seen

What exactly is a sacred space?

When I talk about a “sacred space” what I mean is a space that’s just for you. Its purpose is to be a place where you can pause, and reconnect to the bigger picture.

Now, this doesn’t have to be a religious space – you may already have a place in your house that’s designated for religious purposes.

But it should be somewhere you can feel a connection to something much bigger than you, whatever your name for that is: God, goddess, the universe, nature, creativity, or your own highest self.

You could call it an altar, a meditation spot, or a writing chair. I like to think of it as a little corner of your world that when you see it, walk past it, or spend time in it, your soul says “yes”.

What does a sacred space look like?

Everyone’s sacred space will be different. Just how yours looks will be partly shaped by how much physical space you’re able to set aside.

You might be lucky enough to be able to designate a whole room, or perhaps the very best you can do is to clear a few inches on a bookshelf or windowsill.

Personally, I always aim to set aside at least a desk and chair to use as my sacred space. To have somewhere I can sit and write my morning pages every day.

(If I’m travelling, I’ll find a corner of the hotel room – a bedside table even – where I can place some objects and continue my practice.)

Find something that works for you, and don’t get caught up on trying to create the “perfect” setting. What matters is that you use this place as a way to set your intention, and connect more deeply to who you are.

What should I put in my sacred space?

The short answer is, whatever you like!

Choose objects which are meaningful to you and which have a resonance or an inspiring quality to them.

My own sacred space includes some beautiful crystals I’ve been given; candles; the goddess cards I use to draw inspiration each morning, and a salt lamp.

You could think about including:

  • Plants or natural objects – found leaves, shells, or twigs
  • Photographs of loved ones or ancestors
  • Cards with images that speak to you
  • Souvenirs from meaningful trips, or found items from your travels
  • Quotes or poetry
  • Favourite jewellery
  • Fabric with beautiful texture or patterns

What matters is that every object in your space is one that has meaning for you. That doesn’t mean it needs to be valuable – a hand-scribbled scrap of paper can be worth more than an expensive antique.

If you’re creating a space for the first time, you might want to leave space for objects to gradually be added, rather than trying to “fill” it.

Or why not take yourself on an adventure to find those special things – a nature walk, a trip to an art shop, a visit to a church… the possibilities are endless.

What to do in your sacred space

This space is yours – it’s a physical reminder of your connection to the bigger picture; to Source, or the divine. 

So, the activities you do there will naturally be ones which foster that connection.

You may wish, like I do, to sit and write your morning pages there.

Or perhaps you choose to pause, and take a few deep breaths when you walk past it.

It might be a place for prayer or meditation, or perhaps your space is one where you dance with joy, shaking off the weight of the world and remembering how glorious it is to be alive.

Maintaining your space

Keeping your space clean and clear is an ongoing practice. Cultivating a greater connection to your intuition means taking the care of your sacred space seriously, and honouring the intention with which you created it.

If you have an existing space, take a few minutes to think about what objects are in it. Do they still speak to you? Or are you ready to let go of them and move on?

Do you need to dust, clean, or refresh the objects on it for a new season?

A final note

My final tip for you is to make the space easy.

Let me explain: a while back, I used a corner of our attic guest room as my sacred space. It housed my desk, where I thought I’d sit to write my morning pages, and the meaningful objects I’ve gathered over the years.

Only somehow, resistance crept in. I found myself finding excuses not to go up there in the mornings as I’d intended – I was too tired, too busy, it was too cold…

Aha! Finally, I realised the problem. The attic room was chilly in the mornings. And making my usual morning tea before I began writing meant padding down to the kitchen, from which I had to climb two flights of stairs to get up to the cold room. No wonder my sleepy morning mind was coming up with excuses not to go!

The solution was simple. I popped an electric kettle, a stash of tea, and a heater set on a timer to start just before my alarm went off. Now, I could leave the bedroom, tiptoe upstairs to a welcoming, warm room with the refreshment I needed to start the day.

So if you can make your space even more easy to use, do it.

That might mean rearranging things so you have a comfy chair, better lighting, or a cosy blanket.

Perhaps you need to be stricter about not dumping laundry to fold on the chair you’d like to sit on, or just give everything a freshen up with some essential oils.

Make your sacred space a place that feels joyful to be in, and you might be surprised at the gifts it can bring you.

What’s in your space?

Share your tips and tricks for connecting to yourself in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to know what you want

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When it comes to setting goals – whether quarterly aims for your business, New Year’s resolutions, or any change you want to create in your life – it’s important to know what you want before moving into action. To do that, there’s a process I use that’s radically different to other goal-setting techniques out there. It’s helped me to achieve some extraordinary things, and I want to share it with you today so you can see if it has the same effect in your life if you’ve found yourself wondering how to know what you want.

This approach is probably very different to others you might have tried when it comes to creating change. But when it comes to figuring out how to know what you want, I believe it’s important to be open to trying new ways of doing things.

After all, many of us find traditional goal-setting, even when we start with the best intentions, leads to stress and exhaustion. The tendency is often to push and strive our way towards the thing we’ve decided we want.

Often, it’s because we go into “Superwoman” mode once we’ve set our goals – and achieve them at the expense of our own wellbeing.

Starting with a different energy from the outset is crucial if we’re going to avoid that old-fashioned way of being and find a new way to create. If there’s anything we’re a stand for here at One of many, it’s creating with less force, push and grit.

So let’s get started.

Cynic or intuitive, this process is for you

You might be someone who’s really happy when you’re using your intuition or connecting to something outside of you – whether it’s a religion, a spiritual practice, or a connection to “Source” or the universe.

But for this process to work, you don’t need to believe in any of those things.

The trick to making this work is simply to work through the steps – even if you’re a cynic or a natural sceptic. With a science background, I certainly approach the idea of “manifesting” with a healthy dose of scepticism, and it’s not the word I use to describe this process. Rather, I think of it as “Forming dreams”.

In my experience, when you allow yourself the space to dream and imagine accurately and using your unconscious rather than your conscious or “ego” mind, you can start to create things beyond your expectations, and with far more ease.

2 key principles

Before we get started, there are two important things to remember.

Firstly, don’t start this process by thinking of what you want. Rather, think of this as a process to help you get clear on what that might be. You might be surprised by what emerges!

And when it comes to you, there are four words to keep in mind: “This… or something better”. Be open to receiving what it is that emerges from this process – or something even better.

Can you see how that already activates an exciting, open energy?

The second thing to bear in mind is this: Make sure your intention is to receive what you want in divine timing.

After all, we have no idea what’s around the corner. Sometimes what we think we want simply isn’t right for us at a given time. And getting into Superwoman mode to “make it happen” isn’t the most effective way to approach things.

Accept that what’s right for you will come when it’s the right time, and you instantly remove a whole lot of pressure.

Using the Sorceress PowerType

We use 5 powerful female archetypes – called PowerTypes – to step into a new kind of leadership that creates truly empowered results. The PowerType to connect to for this process is the Sorceress. She has absolute faith in being able to achieve things that might seem unlikely or even impossible, and knows that unseen forces support and inspire her.

Start by getting yourself into Sorceress energy, and allow your actions to flow from that.

Step One: Set the scene.

At the very least, you want to be somewhere quiet and distraction free. When I’m using this process I often choose to create a really beautiful space – lower the lights, light a candle, and make sure I’m in an undisturbed place.

Choose to honour this process and give yourself the space and time to really embrace it.

Step Two: Enter a relaxed state.

This kind of state has been described in many different ways – as an “alpha brainwave”, or “wordless”, or “meditative” state. It really doesn’t matter what you call it. But you want to try to get to a point where your internal chatter has gone, and you’re thinking more in pictures than words.

Here are some ways you might be able to access that:

  • Lie on the floor and relax all the muscles in your body
  • Listen to your heartbeat
  • Focus on your breath
  • Listen to soothing, wordless music
  • Stare at a candle or peaceful image, like a mandala
  • If you find it really hard to quieten your brain, you might want to “dump” your thoughts into a notebook and consciously choose to return to them later

The goal is to get to a place where you’re no longer hearing the “chatter” of your mind, and are connected instead to a deeper, more peaceful state of mind.

Step Three: Feel connection

Tune into your feeling of connection with everything in the universe.

If you’re religious, that might be accessing your connection to God or Creation. My trick is to think about things on a scientific level. Under an electron microscope, I know that my body is largely made up of space. We are literally interconnected, at an atomic level, to the air around us, and everything in the universe.

Really feel your connection to all that is, and open up to the sense of energy flowing through and all around you.

Step Four: Open your imagination

Now, open your imagination to receive the images of what is going to come into your life.

I use the word “receive” mindfully here – because this is very much a sensation of feeling images or visions come to you, rather than trying to create them.

Some of the biggest things I’ve achieved in my life – massive financial goals, professional achievements – have been things that have come to me as visions like this without me understanding necessarily exactly how they were going to pan out.

Focus on receiving what’s there for you in the context you’re dreaming about. See the images, hear the sounds, feel the feelings. Really experience the image fully.

Step Five: Let it go

Once you’ve really absorbed the image, sounds, and feelings of the vision or dream you’ve had, it’s time to release your attachment to it. The easiest way to do that is to literally imagine cutting a cord, or letting go of a balloon – watching the vision float away.

This isn’t a goal you need to guard or hang on to. I know – if you’ve seen a really juicy dream in your mind’s eye, that might feel hard to do!

Trust in the process.

An important part of it is the concept of surrender. Allow change to happen without feeling you need to push or rush it.

Step Six: Write it down

Remaining unattached, grab your journal and write down as many details as you can of what you’ve experienced. This step is a fun one – it means you can return to your dream when it’s come into your life, and see how the details match up!

Step Seven: Move into inspired action

You don’t need to be attached, and you don’t need to grit your teeth and grind this vision into action – but you do need to be willing to take a step towards making your dream happen.

I used this process before I met my husband, when I wanted to find the relationship I was ready for. And my first step after completing the process was to join an online dating site. As it happened, that wasn’t where I met Greg. But I believe it was a vital signal that I was ready for the dream I’d had, and willing to take action to bring it to life.

What’s your dream?

This might seem like an unconventional way to figure out what you want, but it’s one that has given me some truly incredible results. So I’d love to know how it works for you – when you’ve tried it, share your vision in the comments.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Can’t make a decision? Try this

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When you can’t make a decision the feeling of mounting pressure can be intense – and the impact of not taking action can be bigger than you think.

A while ago I coached a woman who absolutely hated her job. I mean, really hated it. She described herself as “feeling slowly suffocated” by the time she spent at work… and yet when we talked it through, she told me there were simply too many options.

  • Should she follow her passion for illustration and try to make it as an artist?
  • Should she create a business sharing the work of other illustrators, using her knowledge of the industry to support others?
  • Should she follow her other calling and become a coach?

The choice felt too tricky to make. And meanwhile, she was stuck in the same routine, spending her time in a place that she hated while she put off making the “wrong” decision.

If you can relate to that feeling of being stuck, I want to share a simple process that can help you. But first, let’s get clear about one thing.

Why make decisions faster?

There are some decisions that you clearly don’t want to rush. If you’re considering something like whether to remain in your marriage; uprooting your family to move halfway round the world; or taking on a massive investment in a renovation project, you’ll likely want to spend some time meditating on the best course of action.

But as a rule of thumb, the faster you’re able to make decisions, the more successful you’ll be.

That’s not because you’re necessarily choosing the best course of action every time. But whatever action you do take gives you feedback – even if it’s that “this isn’t working” – and the opportunity to course correct.

When you stop making decisions altogether, you’re losing that forward motion.

So instead of getting new and different feedback from each choice, you’re stuck in a loop of running over the same options, and the same potential outcomes, without getting anywhere.

Analysis paralysis

This is what we call being in “Analysis Paralysis”. It describes those times when you’re not just taking your time over a decision, but putting off making it all together.

When you’re in that place, the inertia and “stuckness” can start to creep into all kinds of other areas of your life.

  • It starts to chip away at your self esteem.
  • You begin to question yourself, and doubt your ability to make a choice.
  • And eventually, it can even spiral into depression or anxiety.

The faster we can make decisions, the faster we get feedback, the faster we know if we’re on the right path.

So how do you make a decision?

Whether you’re choosing between two options that seem equally good, or gritting your teeth to choose between options where nothing feels ideal, here’s a 5 step process to move you out of inertia and into action.

1. Call it what it is

You’ll know when you’ve moved from “weighing up options” and into paralysis – so be honest with yourself. After a certain amount of time, you’ll find you’ve tipped into a place where it’s no longer about making the “right” decision as making any decision.

Maybe you’ve just set up your own coaching business and you’re trying to decide what to launch with.

Should you offer a group program, one-on-one coaching, or host an event? The reality is, after a while, you’ll get to a point where leaving the decision any longer is going to wind up with you broke.

Doing nothing isn’t an option.

You’re stuck in analysis paralysis – and it’s time to move on to step 2.

2. Get into the right state

We use the 5 Women’s PowerTypes™ to inspire the most powerful versions of ourselves, and the PowerType connected to decision making is the Queen.

When you connect to the Queen PowerType you’re accessing a specific set of resources that will enable you to swiftly take action without second-guessing yourself.

The Queen is serene, decisive, and she’s also visionary: she sees the big picture, and she’s clear. She knows that decisions need to be made, and she also knows they can be difficult.

What’s powerful about the Queen when it comes to decisions is that she’s connected to her logic – she wants to gather all the information that she needs – but she also trusts her intuition to steer her right. Above all, she wants the best for everyone she cares about.

How can you connect to Queen energy? Try thinking about the qualities I’ve described here – is there someone you know, in real life or a public figure, who exemplifies them? What would your posture look like if you were the Queen? How would you look at this issue that’s got you foxed?

If you’d like more inspiration for accessing the Queen, click here to download Life’s Little Toolkit. Along with our favourite resources to help you meet life’s challenges, it contains a guide to all 5 Women’s PowerTypes and some playlists to help you connect to their essences.

3. Ask “what do I know in my heart?”

Once you’re in that Queen energy, ask yourself what you know in your heart.

Sometimes, when it feels as though you’re stuck, it’s because although you know what course of action you should take, you just don’t want to. Maybe it’ll make someone angry or upset someone, even though you know it’s the right thing to do.

Listen for the answer and list out everything you do know in your heart.

One of the biggest ways you can get stuck in decision making is when you start to focus on everything you don’t know.

So shift your focus. Write down everything you DO know about the situation, and trust yourself, as the Queen, to be able to use this when you move forward.

4. Ask “Do I have enough information to make this decision?”

The Queen is happy to make decisions; she knows it’s for the good of everyone in her realm. But she won’t make one unless she has all the information she needs.

Maybe you’re missing a key piece of information that would allow you to make a final choice. If that’s the case, work out what’s missing and take steps to get all the details you need.

It’s not about getting tangled in endless research! Work out what you need to know, and commit to taking action once you have it.

5. Now, make a decision

You’ve connected to Queen energy.

You’re clear on what you know in your heart.

And you’ve made sure you have all the information you need to make your choice.

Now is the time to move into action.

But because this is the part you’ve been avoiding, you might experience a bit of resistance here – what if you make the wrong decision?

Here’s the good news: once you’ve got stuck in analysis paralysis, in most cases there is no longer a “right” decision. The impact of being locked in procrastination and not going anywhere means that ANY action you take is going to improve things.

If you discover that the choice you’ve made doesn’t work out, that’s useful feedback that will allow you to course correct and move onto something else. But you won’t get that until you move into action.

So the woman I was coaching didn’t need to waste her time trying to predict exactly what she should do when she left her job. Having gone back and forth about what to do, the right decision was simply to take action and leave the job that was draining her.

Whatever comes next, trust that you’ll be able to handle it. Whilst every option remains hypothetical, it’s impossible to know how it will pan out or what the “best” step is.

What are you in analysis paralysis about? What are your challenges and how are you going to move forward? Let us know in the comments – let’s celebrate moving into action!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Are relationships about compromise?

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Are relationships about compromise? In 2011, Madonna was quoted as saying:

“The older I get, the more I understand about the nature of relationships and how to have a successful one. The more I realize that it has to do with compromise and sacrifice and that’s just the way it goes. And unless you want to be alone for the rest of your life, you have to realize that.”

Put like that, it sounds pretty black and white, doesn’t it? And yet, you probably know other people who are equally adamant that the right relationships are ones where you don’t have to sacrifice any part of yourself, or compromise who you are. So what’s the answer?

Here’s a quick guide to getting clear on when it’s a good idea to compromise.

What are you compromising on?

First things first, it’s important to get clear on your values when it comes to relationships. Values are the things which matter most to us – they’re our fundamental motivations in life. To explore your relationship values, start by asking yourself the following questions:

  • What’s most important to you?
  • What won’t you tolerate?
  • What motivates you?

When you have a list, try grouping similar values together so you can come up with a list of around 5 that feel most important to you.

Knowing your values is a really helpful sign post when it comes to considering a compromise. (If trust is on that list, for example, you’re unlikely to want to compromise when it comes to a partner who isn’t honest with you.)

But it’s not the only thing to bear in mind. Some things aren’t values, but are vital to you being able to live your life. These are your needs, and they’re the second aspect to consider when a compromise comes up.

What are your needs?

Needs are the basic requirements for us to be able to function. Not luxuries or desires, they’re the minimum things we need in place to be ourselves. Maybe you need 8 hours’ sleep at night, time to walk in nature, or plenty of water. In relationship, you might need to have a certain amount of physical contact, or time to be alone.

That’s not to say that you’ll never compromise on your needs. If your adventure-loving partner wants to get up at dawn to go on the holiday of their dreams, you might agree to compromise as a one-off.

But if your friend won’t stand for anything other than a night of cocktails, when you know your body needs to steer clear of alcohol, it could be time to decide you’re not going to compromise.

When you know your values and needs, you can set clear boundaries

Your boundaries are the agreements you make with yourself and others about what you will and won’t tolerate. You can have boundaries with others, for example about how your kids behave or when you’re available for work requests from your boss. And you can also have boundaries with yourself, for example about what you will or won’t tolerate.

At our BeLove retreat, we create a relationship manifesto. This isn’t just for intimate relationship, but for how you’re going to behave in all relationships. If you have a partner, this can be an incredibly helpful thing to share, so you know the common agreements you want to put in place.

Perhaps you commit to discussing disagreements over a cup of tea, instead of having a screaming match in the car on the way to your mum’s. Knowing that in advance can help you figure out compromises before tensions rise and things get heated.

So when could you think about compromising?

Outside of your values, boundaries and needs there are many cases when compromising your personal preference is something you’re happy to do. For example, you might decide to compromise when it comes to expressing appreciation for people you’re in relationship with.

The Five Love Languages are a system of distinguishing the ways we express and receive love. They are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Acts of service
  • Receiving gifts
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch

Maybe you’re a hugger – you love physical touch and it’s the way you’d naturally show your partner you love them. But what your Dad would most appreciate is having your help with things he’s trying to do – he’s all about the quality time.

Or you really want to show your colleague how much you appreciate them. You’ve noticed how words of praise really light them up, and so you take the time to compose a thoughtful email detailing exactly the impact they’re having on you.

We’re all different, and the Love languages are a great example of how we can compromise in a way that feels good, because it allows us to deepen our connection with others.

The same thing goes for many other areas of compromise. Often, it’s those differences from other people that attract us to be in relationship with them in the first place.

So whether it’s expressing love, choosing what to have for dinner, or where to live, there are all kinds of opportunities for compromise. What’s key is understanding the motivation behind your decision, from an understanding of where your own boundaries lie.

What’s at the root of the compromise?

Perhaps the most important thing to consider when it comes to compromise is what the motivation is behind it. If you’re compromising in an effort to please the other person, or make them like you, it might be that the root cause is a fear of not being good enough. Eventually, that kind of pattern can lead to you feeling resentful, put-upon or drained.

On the other hand, compromise can come from a place of wanting to make the other person feel good, and brighten their day. Maybe you don’t love that one band your partner’s been obsessed with since university – but you’ll book them tickets and go along to the concert because you know what deep joy it will bring to their lives.

When you know your needs and your boundaries, and you’re clear on your values, you know you’re staying true to the things which matter most to you. Compromise can be a place you choose to visit to express love to those around you, without feeling like you’re betraying yourself.

How about you?

What’s your experience of compromise? Do you make conscious decisions to compromise for your partner – and do they make compromises for you? Share your experiences, positive or negative, in the comments.

If you’re ready to transform your personal relationships, and discover profound self-love, our BeLove retreat could be just for you. For a no obligation consultation with one of our team members to find out if this is the right step for you, click here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How Trust Is Built

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

At One of many we believe in the power of collaboration. The community we’ve created and the mutual support we offer each other is fundamental to our success. And that support rests on one crucial thing: knowing how trust is built, and making sure our collaboration rests on strong foundations.

I’ve experienced what it’s like to develop a relationship of trust on countless occasions. In fact, one of the people in my life I trust most – Suzanne Dibble, who leads the Empress Collective with me – was someone I ‘met’ online way before we connected face to face. I was looking for someone to interview about UK law, and her name was recommended by someone in a Facebook group I was in.

Fast forward a few years, and I’m trusting Suzanne with my name, my business reputation, and a big chunk of my revenue. But how do you get from Facebook friend to trusted ally? It’s not a fast process, that’s for sure – and there are some key pitfalls to avoid.

How Trust is built

Let’s be clear – I’m definitely not suggesting that you blindly trust everyone you come across. That’s a recipe for heartbreak and let down, for sure. But from the people who take care of our kids to the accountants who keep an eye on our income and the partners we blend our lives with, a full and fulfilling life requires us to trust people.

Here’s how we see trust being built:

1. Approach with an open heart

We see this a lot in relationships: A bad experience can shut down our willingness to be vulnerable and get to know someone. But just as one heartbreak doesn’t mean you’ll never find a partnership that’s right for you, having one negative experience certainly doesn’t prevent you from trusting again. Try to give each person you come across a blank sheet. It doesn’t mean being naive – it does mean giving them the chance to prove themselves, one way or another.

2. Always start small

The simplest answer to the question of how trust is built is: in small steps, one chunk at a time. When you first meet someone, you begin to get a feel for how good they are at keeping their word. Do they show up on time? Do they do what they say they’re going to do? Over time, these little agreements build up to a sense of how trustworthy someone is. For Suzanne and I, it started with me interviewing her for a business program I was running. Later, I spoke at her event – another chance to see the countless tiny clues that told me the kind of person she was, and how she ran her business.

3. Lean on your community

Suzanne’s name came to me via a colleague who I trusted already, because she’d been on my team for years. Personal recommendations go a long way to helping us know if someone’s who they say they are. Of course, someone else’s experience is no guarantee that yours will be the same, but if you’re considering a new hire, or wondering about a romantic partner, chatting to an objective third party who knows them already can be incredibly helpful.

4. The internet can help us trust

We might be wary of meeting fraudsters on the internet, but it can also be our friend when we’re deciding whether or not we can trust someone. The first thing to remember is that not everyone online is who they say they are. (At One of many we manage a community of thousands, and there’s no way we could “vet” everyone who wanted to join us.)

But the internet also means it’s fairly easy to get a snapshot of who someone is, from a variety of different sources. “Due diligence” means, essentially, doing your homework. A quick google search on someone (married and maiden names!) can be a great step towards peace of mind. When I googled Suzanne it was quickly apparently that she was well respected in her industry, had a professional website, and was indeed a qualified lawyer. Other due diligence might involve contacting someone who’s worked with the person and asking for their honest review, or asking them to provide you with references.

5. Trust your instincts

Someone who’s genuinely trustworthy in any realm is unlikely to be offended if you explain you want to be sure before committing your time, money or emotions to them. If things feel like they’re moving too fast; if your concerns are being brushed under the carpet or if there’s something that just “doesn’t feel right”, it’s time to take stock. It can be helpful to talk through your concerns with someone you do trust, to get an objective perspective, especially when there’s lots at stake.

How about you? Do you have any red flags that tell you when someone’s not quite who they say they are – or things that tell you it’s fine to go ahead? Without naming any names, do share your wisdom in the comments below.

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