One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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Why self care is a priority for leaders

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

For leaders who are serious about having the impact they want to on the world, self care is a priority that’s not to be ignored. I don’t just mean leaders in the ‘traditional’ sense – CEOs, politicians, founders. If you want to set a great example to your kids; be a force for change in your team, organization or small business or simply feel proud to set your own course in life, this needs to be at the top of the list.

Self care and soft power

Soft Power is the term we use at One of many to encompass a whole range of principles and behaviours, which together form a new paradigm of female leadership.

Top of the list?

Soft Power principle #1: First, replenish yourself.

It’s the mantra our team repeat to ourselves when things get hectic; it’s what our coaches teach their clients; it’s what the leaders in our programs support each other to do, time and again.

And yet, something funny happens when we start to understand the importance of taking good care of ourselves. If you’re not careful, you can begin to notice some unhelpful behaviours creeping in…

3 reasons self care can slip down the list

1. Perfectionism creeps in

You don’t have the full hour you wanted to go to that yoga class… so instead you stay slumped on the sofa, scrolling through your phone.

The heavens open right before your grand hike in the countryside – may as well catch up on some work emails instead, right?

Or you commit to sessions at the local pool, since swimming’s the one place you can clear your head, only you need a new costume. And nothing fits. So that time to yourself slips quietly off the calendar, never to return…

Part of our challenges around self care can often come when we imagine a “perfect” scenario for what that self care will look like. Uninterrupted quiet, a partner who’s thrilled to give us time to ourselves, a world that runs smoothly and on time. It doesn’t exist, right?

  • Are you letting perfectionism get in the way of doing any kind of self care at all?
  • How could you consciously choose to lower the bar and make “good enough” self care better than none at all?

2. Superwoman takes over

Superwoman is the archetype of our times. She’s the high achieving, always-on, success-at-all-costs woman who to put it bluntly, is on a fast track to burnout.

Sometimes, she shows up in our self care with a focus on competition and “success”.

Never mind going for a walk – she wants to sign up for a marathon, and set a ridiculous sponsorship goal while she’s at it. If you’re thinking of eating a bit more healthily, she’ll be the voice in your head telling you nothing but a 3-month juice fast will do. And so on…

Take a moment to think about how you’re taking care of yourself. Is it in ways that feel delicious, restorative and precious to you? Or has Superwoman snuck in and slipped on your cape?

  • Try brainstorming a quick list of 5 minute ways to practice self care. Deep breathing, a mindful cup of tea, a stretch, a silly text to a friend… what would fill you up?
  • Set three alarms throughout the day, and pick one from the list. Setting micro-goals like this can help disrupt Superwoman, and start building the habit you need.

3. Life takes over

Probably the most common reason we find ourselves in bad habits when it comes to self care is a very prosaic one. Life just… happens. We make good resolutions, create time, feel great. Then there’s a work crisis, a family drama, or you get super excited about a new project – and before you know it, the calendar fills up.

We all move through cycles and seasons of busyness and activity in our lives.

Don’t beat yourself up, if you’re noticing that things have slipped slightly.

Do take the opportunity to check in with yourself, and take action if you need to.

Hold yourself accountable, and schedule in self care like the priority it is.

Use those around you to support you: Tell a colleague you’re going out at lunch; join a class or book in for a massage.

The overlooked side of self care

One thing it’s important to remember is that self care doesn’t always look like those stereotypical images of long baths or massages.

  • Sometimes, self care might mean getting training in an area of life that’s making you anxious, whether it’s your relationship or your finances.
  • It’s asking for help from your boss when you’re sinking under your schedule; not checking email when you’ve finished work.
  • Saying no, even when it’s met with resistance.

Self care is fundamentally taking care of you – and other people won’t always be happy with that. Managing their reactions, and holding fast to your own priorities, is an art that leaders must cultivate.

You might have heard me talk about self care from the perspective of the Lover PowerType – this beautiful, magnetic, sensual aspect of female leadership.

And it’s true; self care can mean gorgeous robes, spa days and walks in nature; it arises spontaneously when we’re deeply connected to our love for ourselves and our own needs.

But self care is just as applicable when we’re accessing our “Queen” PowerType – decisive, strategic and making the best decisions for her “realm”.

After all, for a Queen to be Queen and leading her realm, she has to prioritize self care.

You can’t have a burnt out, overwhelmed, knackered Queen.

So what does she require her realm to do? Get her the best doctors, chiropractors, nurses and dentists – the best possible care in the realm – to look after her.

She has to accept that as part of her duty, if she’s going to be able to be the figurehead she needs to be.

Every leader needs to take self care seriously

Need a hand setting boundaries?

If you could do with some support to create effective boundaries without feeling like you’re letting people down, take a look at Enough is Enough.

It’s our free guide to creating unshakeable boundaries with grace, and you can download it right now by clicking here.

How are you doing… really?

Let’s have a quick check in, ladies – how are things with you right now? Flat out and flailing, achieving what you need to with grace, or somewhere in between?

Share in the comments, and leave a message of support for anyone who could do with a hand. We’re all in this together!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to avoid spreading yourself too thin

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

You know when, mid-shower, you realize you left shampoo off the shopping list again – so you try to convince yourself a mouse-sized amount of over-diluted product is going to get you through another wash? So many women find ourselves doing exactly that with our time and energy. We water ourselves down until there’s barely anything left to go around, whilst pretending we’re totally on top of it all. It’s exhausting. So today I want to invite you to join me at my kitchen table, so I can share a nifty distinction I’ve found when it comes to knowing how to avoid spreading yourself too thin.

Why knowing how to avoid spreading yourself too thin matters

The shampoo thing is actually a pretty apt example here. Because when you’re trying to take care of everyone else’s needs – your boss, your neighbour, your mum, your best friend, the friend you’re not actually that close to but who always seems to be popping up on messenger with an urgent request for your take on her latest drama… it’s often your own that suffer most.

It might be that you just don’t have a spare minute to sort out your basic needs: making sure your groceries are stocked up, and your space is organised, rather than being a dumping ground for tasks you haven’t got around to.

Maybe you find yourself skipping your lunch break to help a colleague with the deadline they’re about to miss. Sacrificing a gym session because you’re being “mum taxi” at the last minute. Or staying up past midnight organizing finances for the community association, because they just “don’t know what they’d do without you”.

The cost of “I’m too busy”

When you’re spread too thin, lots of little sacrifices made over time can gradually end up. You might find yourself feeling frazzled, forgetful and exhausted. Your executive function starts to suffer, as you juggle multiple deadlines and demands. And eventually, that stress can take a more serious toll – burnout, exhaustion, and a feeling of chronic overwhelm.

So whether you can’t remember what life was like when you weren’t overcommitted, or could just do with a refresher on how to set clear boundaries, take 5 minutes now to watch this:

Need a little more support?

If you know that taking on too much is a real challenge right now, you might want to take a look at BeFruitful. It’s our much-loved online time and energy management program designed specifically for busy women. It’ll show you how to free up 5 hours a week, minimum, whilst actually making you more effective. And setting clear boundaries is just one of the topics we cover in the easy bite-sized modules, to help you get to the root of your busy-ness as well as learning the practical tools to handle it.

Click here to find out more about the course, and enrol.

Who’s at your table?

If today’s video was helpful, I’d love to know how you’ve created better boundaries in your life. Share your tips below so we can help each other take care of our needs as well as those of everyone else.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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The truth about burnout

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

I’m one of many women who know burnout first hand. In fact, once upon a time I’d been running on adrenaline for so long, I ended up in hospital. Which seems nuts to me, now that I know it is possible to be effective without getting swallowed up by everything on my plate. But I’m not alone.

Even if you’ve managed to avoid burnout yourself, I’m willing to bet you know someone who has experienced it – and she was likely a woman. A recent article by Alexandra Michel on Burnout and the Brain got me thinking about how important a topic this is, and re-presenced me to the imperative that we get a collective handle on it.

Frankly, there’s too much at stake for us not to.

In our current cohort of Lead the Change – our year long advanced leadership program – over 70% of our participants have been burned out, or nearly so.

Now that might be an anecdotal statistic. But simply as an observation, it frightens me a little. Because it signals just how common it is for incredibly talented women – ones with a massive contribution to make to the world – find ourselves utterly worn out and broken by the demands of the modern workplace.

And not every woman is able to access the kind of leadership support we offer here at One of many.

It’s an epidemic, and if we want more women leaders we need to recognize it, heal it and then change the culture that fosters it.

Burnout costs business serious talent

There’s plenty of research out there pointing to the positive impact having more women in senior leadership positions has in business.

And almost as much asking why corporations still struggle to achieve gender balance at the top level.

The Global Markets Institute at Goldman Sachs produced a report in 2018 that didn’t explicitly mention burnout.

But some of their findings spoke to me of burnout as an invisible issue.

For example, when considering the lack of women in senior roles, the research found:

“Our analysis of attrition among full-time working women indicates that well-educated women stop working full-time relatively early in their careers at a higher rate than similar men do. While the difference is relatively small at the start of their careers, it widens meaningfully as women grow older, peaking when women are in their early 40s.”

Now, of course, there is a whole range of factors why women might not want to continue in their careers. We might choose not to continue in full-time employment for a whole number of reasons.

But my hunch is that burnout, or the risk of it, has to play a part.

This amazing graphic sums up many of the findings of Michel’s article. One of the quotes I love from it is this:

“Burnout won’t look like we expect. Burnout will tell us “I’m bad at this” or “I don’t even like it or care about it”. This can cause people to abandon a career instead of seeking rest or support.”

How many hugely talented leaders step back because they think they’re simply not cut out for senior roles – when in fact, burnout’s the culprit?

A culture that fuels burnout

And yet many of the most highly valued professions seem to be moving towards increased pressure on their workforce.

A New York Times article in April this year highlighted the insanity of many industries’ expectation from those who work ‘full time’. In elite careers, like medicine or law, the amount that we’re expected to work has increased dramatically in recent years, to the point where being more or less constantly “on call” is almost a prerequisite.

“The returns to working long, inflexible hours have greatly increased. This is particularly true in managerial jobs and what social scientists call the greedy professions, like finance, law and consulting — an unintentional side effect of the nation’s embrace of a winner-take-all economy. It’s so powerful, researchers say, that it has canceled the effect of women’s educational gains.”

If burnout arises when the demands of a job outweigh the resources we have to cope with it, this shift to working ever-longer hours surely indicates a clear increase in risk.

Add in family and household demands and it seems fair to assume that many women who choose to step back from their careers might be making a pragmatic decision to avoid burnout.

And yet, the loss of those leaders has a significant impact on the talent available to businesses and organizations. To society as a whole, in fact.

Ironically, the women leaders who could be the very ones to change this culture are often the ones who find themselves disillusioned and stepping back from it altogether.

Healing a culture takes time

Changing the way we work isn’t a small project. It’s no coincidence that our mission at One of many is to equip one million women leaders. That’s probably only going to be the start of what it’s going to take to create the new way of working, living and leading we need to turn back the tide of burnout and overwhelm.

But it’s one that I’m convinced isn’t just worth doing. It’s essential if we’re going to be able to fully make the most of our capabilities to solve the massive challenges we’re facing.

Burnout and you

Have you experienced burnout? Are you there right now? Share a comment below and let us know – it’s going to take us all getting really honest about our experiences if we’re going to turn this ship around.

And if you’re struggling right now, a good place to start is by clicking here to download the free Overwhelm First Aid kit.

It’s the step by step resource you need when things start to feel like too much, with strategies to get you back on top and tips to get back to a more sustainable way of working.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What procrastination means

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

We’ve all been there. There’s a massive deadline looming, or a really important task to do. And you’re on Facebook. Or tackling a bunch of waaay less important things. Rearranging your desk drawer… watching Netflix… we’ve all got our particular habits, but one thing is certain. You’re not doing the one thing you know you should be. Today I want to talk about the meaning behind that. Here’s what procrastination means – and what you can do when it strikes.

What procrastination means

Let’s first get one thing clear, because an awful lot of us have an inner voice that can be, shall we say, less than kind.

I’m willing to bet good money that you’re NOT procrastinating for any of the following reasons, which may or may not have popped into your head:

  • You’re lazy
  • You’re incompetent
  • You’re destined to fail

Written out like that they look pretty ridiculous, huh?

But so many of us actually use that kind of language to berate ourselves, when we find ourselves stuck in procrastination mode.

When the fact is, almost all of us procrastinate. We’re not robots, right? Some of the most capable, competent women I know put things off from time to time. I know I do. So let’s stop for a minute and think about procrastination from another vantage point.

What if procrastination is a sign?

Procrastination – putting things off – is almost always a sign that something needs attention. Think of it as the equivalent of an ache in your back or a twinge in your wrist. It’s discomfort, albeit of a mental kind, that’s trying to tell you something.

Here are 3 things it might be.

1. Procrastination might mean you’re tired

The #1 reason for procrastination is that you simply don’t have the energy for the task you’re attempting to do. You’re pushing through, maybe even getting into  Superwoman mode, and the result is that your brain’s shutdown.

There’s a reason that Soft Power Principle #1 is this: First, replenish your energy.

When your bum’s numb and your brain’s fried from sitting in front of a screen for six hours solid… and yet you’re still expecting yourself to pull a razor-sharp strategic report out of the bag? Honey, it ain’t gonna happen.

Do yourself a favour.

Have a big glass of water and get out in the fresh air for fifteen minutes – you’ll notice a world of difference when you come back.

Or perhaps you need a different energy boost.

  • A good night’s sleep – is there any way you can start the task you’re tackling again first thing in the morning?
  • Some decent food? (The nearest vending machine or your secret-from-the-kids snack drawer doesn’t count)
  • A blast of your favourite energy-pumping tunes – if you don’t have one, ask the BeOne community to tell you theirs!

But sometimes, replenishing takes more.

I don’t have to tell you that getting your mojo back isn’t always as simple as grabbing some rest or getting a snack.

And here’s where it’s so important to think about your procrastination not as a vice or a weakness, but as a signal that’s trying to tell you something.

If you’ve handled your immediate needs, but you’re still not in your flow, it’s time to dig a little deeper.

2. Procrastination might mean you’re overwhelmed

Sometimes, we procrastinate between tasks because there’s simply too much on our plate. Juggling is one thing, but if you’ve been overloaded for a long time, or you’re in a crisis state where there simply aren’t enough hours in the day, you can find yourself in overwhelm.

It might be that you’re swept up fighting fires while simultaneously fretting about all the really important stuff that’s being dropped.

The outcome is that you begin to lose executive function. It feels impossible to choose. The longer you flounder, the worse it all gets.

When it’s all urgent, nothing is, right? And so you flit from task to task or even find yourself lost in distractions, unable to focus on what matters.

Luckily, we have a tool for just that scenario.

It’s called the Overwhelm First Aid Kit and it does exactly what it says on the tin.

It’ll help you stop, slow down, and walk you step by step through the decisions you need to make to get back on top.

Click here to grab your copy now.

3. Procrastination might mean you’re afraid

This last one is a sneaky one, because when you have high standards you naturally care about doing a good job. But left unchecked, that desire to achieve competence can translate into an inability to make headway.

Simply put, you’re worried about getting it wrong, and that’s halting you from even taking the first step. A great exercise to beat that is what our Head Coach Annie Stoker calls “Future Pacing”.

What we mean is, imagine the worst case scenario for what you’re afraid of. If you’re stalling on starting to write your book because you’re not sure that it’s going to be great then imagine your published book in your hand, and you’re finding typos in it or changing your mind about some of the content.

Go through and imagine all the imperfect things that could actually happen and then ask yourself “Really, is that going to be enough to not do it?”

I think about that and I go “Okay, there’s a spelling mistake in there. Well, I’ll just make sure it’s changed for the next re-run.”

It might sound counter-intuitive, but getting OK with the worse that could happen can be a really comforting thing. After all, it’s rare that you’ll actually come to physical harm from the action you’re putting off.

Still procrastinating?

These 3 enquiries are great places to start when thinking about what procrastination means. But there are lots of other things you can do to tackle it, and ultimately prevent it from happening, in the long term.

We share a deeper perspective on procrastination as well as more ideas and tips on planning sustainably (so you don’t find yourself procrastinating to start with!) in Module 6 of BeFruitful.

It’s a 6-week online time and energy management training designed for women, to help you be more effective without burning out.

You can find out all about it here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How the Women’s PowerTypes can be useful in daily life

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

The Women’s PowerTypes™ are 5 archetypes that guide us to access our power as female leaders. You might have read inspiring stories of women like Carol, who used them to manage an international NATO workshop. Or seen other women in our community sharing big projects and impressive wins. But what about the day to day stresses and struggles? Today we’re celebrating how the Women’s PowerTypes can be useful in daily life. Because sometimes, it’s handling the smallest tasks that can allow you to shine when it comes to the big stuff.

Leadership comes in all forms. At One of many our mission is to empower one million grassroots women leaders. In other words, you don’t have to be a corporate executive, a politician, or a business owner to be able to step up and have an impact, without burning out.

Perhaps you’re a leader in your family, community, or within a team of equally dedicated, sometimes-a-bit-frazzled women.

Grassroots leaders are powerful change agents

That kind of leadership still means you can make a difference.

It still means having great leadership skills up your sleeve can have an impact on what you’re able to achieve.

And sometimes, quite frankly, the biggest leadership battle we all face is with ourselves. Staying motivated; adapting and going with the flow whatever it is we’re doing; and allowing ourselves to have a bit of fun while we do it. 

So today I want to share a fun example of how the Women’s PowerTypes can help you be happier, more effective and more fulfilled at every end of the spectrum.

From world changing events to the most mundane of tasks – knowing that you have these different ways of being at your fingertips can transform every day of your life.

How the Women’s PowerTypes can be useful in daily life

A while back Sara popped into the Facebook group to celebrate the way the PowerTypes supported her during a mammoth day of cleaning and decluttering at home.

Sounds like it could be a recipe for boredom and exhaustion, right?

Well, here’s how the PowerTypes helped her out:

Sara wrote:

“Changing seasons always gives me a spurt of ‘tidying’ energy. So as we head into autumn, I’m having a cleaning and clearing kind of day in full blown Mother PowerType.

Clearing out handbags of all the ticket stubs, old pens and half empty packets of painkillers that collect in the bottoms. Clearing kitchen cupboards of food past its use by date and emptying my wardrobe of clothes and shoes that I’ll never wear again. Emptying the last of the boxes from my storage unit. Tidying and sorting the ‘odds and sods’ drawers.

Marigolds and bin bags and polish. Oh my!”

The Mother

The Mother, as you might imagine, has a powerful nurturing quality. When we connect to our Mother PowerType we’re not thinking of our own children (you might not have them – you can still access Mother).

What we’re connecting to are those wonderfully accepting, nurturing qualities that typify a truly caring, warm and devoted Mother.

And Mother cares deeply about the wellbeing of those in her care. So it’s natural that Sara’s urge to clear and sort might come from that place of deep nurture – for herself, for her home, and for the possessions and objects that fill it.

In the workplace, Mother energy supports those around you to feel safe and secure. She’s a wonderful PowerType to help bring out the unique contributions of everyone and to make sure they feel able to express themselves.

But Mother alone, when over-expressed, can sometimes become less than helpful.

At worst she can tip into “Martyr” – sacrificing herself for the needs of others.

So Sara wisely decided to introduce the beautiful balancing energy of The Warrioress.

The Warrioress

“Still in my PJs – Warrioress and I decided that was much more fun than getting dressed. She’s also selected the accompanying music. Everything is easier with the One of many dynamic dance playlist blaring out!”

Warrioress is the perfect PowerType for tackling a big physical job like cleaning. High-energy and focused, she brings enthusiasm, bags of energy and the will to make even the seemingly impossible happen. She also knows how to have a good time while she does it!

If you’ve got kids, Warrioress is often the part of you who thrives on rough and tumble play – getting a bit silly and letting your hair down. (She can be a lot of fun in the bedroom, too… ;-))

Blasting through house cleaning with music sounds like a lot of fun. And it’s pretty much an open secret that getting rid of things you don’t need and creating a bit more space for living can have a pretty great impact on our mental and emotional state too.

(Does you also like to have a really good clear out when you’re stuck on a project or needing to shift some “mental furniture?”)

So I love that Sara also allowed herself to use Sorceress in her day.

The Sorceress

Sorceress is the PowerType we use to connect to our intuition. The Universe, God, Goddess, Allah, Source… whatever your name is for the “bigger picture” beyond our thinking comprehension, she is it.

In leadership terms, cultivating your connection to Sorceress can allow you to access that hard-to-define quality that helps you navigate the toughest challenges. She can fuel your inner calm and certainty when things get rocky or find inexplicable ways to solve what seem like insurmountable challenges.

Even just 5 minutes in a hectic day can help connect you to Sorceress and open up space for some of the unplannable to come in. So Sara decided to consciously make some space later in the day to access that PowerType and see what might come up.

“Sorceress feels more able to manifest and is planning a smudging and blessing ritual for later.”

And as my house is getting tidier and the energy is getting clearer – I am getting muckier so Lover is looking forward to a long soak in the bath when I’m done.”

The Lover

The Lover, it probably goes without saying, is the part of you that enjoys sensual, beautiful experiences. When it comes to making your space great, connecting and delighting in good company, she’s a great one to invite in.

She’s definitely one to access at bathtime – where she’ll encourage you to go all out with candles and the posh bubble bath you’ve been “saving”.

She also plays an important role in preventing you from overwhelm and burnout. Many of us struggle to prioritise self-care and rest, so having access to The Lover ensures you don’t skip the vital work of taking care of yourself. And actually enjoying all of your achievements, along with those you care most about.

The Queen

The last of the 5 PowerTypes is The Queen. For many women, she’s one of the most compelling PowerTypes because of the ability she has to wield power, make decisions and set boundaries – without losing any of her grace or femininity. For Sara, Queen is

“Holding the vision of what my home could and should be. A place of welcome, comfort and sanctuary for me and for those within my realm that I choose to invite into this space.”

The Women’s PowerTypes help you lead powerfully in any situation

Needless to say, the PowerTypes can be used to achieve an awful lot more than cleaning your house. Sara’s a One of many Certified Trainer, a Mastercoach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. She co-founded Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency and is founder of Actually, empowering changemakers to use the power of great communications and campaigns to inspire action.

But having a big impact starts when you get really fluent in making the everyday shifts in your state. To keep you focused, flexible and supremely well resourced when it comes to the task at hand.

Want to get to know the PowerTypes better?

Whether you’re ready to change the world or would just love to be able to sail through day to day tasks without losing your marbles, we’ve got all the tools you need.

BePowerful is our 12 week online training that allows you to get in touch with each of the PowerTypes and apply them in your life. Using a blend of audios and meditations, video lessons and downloadable worksheets – as well as our incredibly supportive private Facebook Group – you’ll discover how the PowerTypes can help you have a bigger impact in your world.

Find out all the details here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What your underwear drawer reveals about your time management skills

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

Marie Kondo, the bestselling clutter-clearer famous for suggesting we rid our homes of any item that doesn’t “spark joy”, has a lot to answer for. It seems that everywhere I look these days someone else is proudly displaying a snap of their clutter-free office, or marvelling at the feel-good factor that comes from folding your knickers.

And I get it. There’s something irresistible about the concept of an environment filled with only the things that bring you joy. In fact, the same principle could well be applied to almost any area of our lives.

(OK, taxes still need to be paid, the laundry still needs to be done and car insurance doesn’t sort itself out… but you get the picture.)

But there’s something else at play when we feel that sense of unstoppable energy, having finally tackled the Kitchen Drawer of Doom.

When I see the difference having a really good tidy up makes – whether of overflowing kitchen surfaces or underwear drawers – it reminds me of an incredibly powerful exercise we share in the BeFruitful course.

It’s a way to revitalise your motivation and kickstart all sorts of projects. It can make you feel more creative, calmer, less overwhelmed and more energised to tackle the things you really want to.

And it all starts with a ten-minute exercise you can do at any time.

Finishing things

Here’s how it works: You set a timer for ten minutes, and in those ten minutes you have one mission: Finish something.

Finish what, Jo?

Anything!

  • Send the email that’s been sitting in Drafts for a week
  • Post the thank you note you haven’t got round to sending
  • Sew the missing button back on the favourite shirt that’s been gathering dust
  • Tell your assistant to cancel the meeting you know you’re not going to make
  • Pair some socks
  • Water your houseplants
  • Fix a date for your next catch up with your bestie

…yes, you guessed it, even fold your knickers.

Whatever floats your boat, my darling!

Because here’s the thing. In my experience – and that of many, many women who’ve used this technique to great effect, finishing things, however small, creates MOMENTUM.

And the energy it creates – the satisfaction, the sense of achievement, the relief of actually crossing something off your list – can propel you forward with the tasks that really DO matter.

So whilst for lots of us an ordered environment can help us feel clearer and more positive, I wonder if part of the magic of tidying up is really about the simple act of completing a task.

What your underwear drawer tells me about your time management skills

Whether you’re more of a “stuff it all in and forget about it” or “meticulously iron and fold every item” woman doesn’t matter. Is your underwear drawer – or your desk, or your kitchen table – in a state of “completion”, or something you’re going to get round to at some point?

What’s important when it comes to effectively managing your time is how much momentum you have when it comes to completing tasks.

Because the more things you have unfinished, the more energy you expend mentally “holding” all of those to-do’s, deciding whether or not to do them, feeling guilty over not doing them, feeling guilty for feeling guilty over such a mundane task… you get the picture.

Productivity guru David Allen refers to these unfinished jobs as “open loops” and they can really sap your executive function over time.

So have a quick think now. Are there a bunch of tasks in your world that could probably be finished off in ten minutes – and that might free up some energy to get you moving on the really big stuff in your life?

I’d love to know. And if you’ve got your own ten-minute procrastination buster to share, let us know in the comments!

From your smalls to the bigger picture

One thing is certain. You’re here to have a bigger impact on the world than crossing things off the endless list, clearing up crap and keeping chaos at bay.

But you’ll never make the difference you’re capable of if you’re flat out and overwhelmed – whether it’s emails, clutter, or family drama that’s draining your time.

Getting into momentum is one piece of the puzzle. The real key to managing your time is changing the way you look at productivity.

If you’d like to find out more about our unique approach, check out our free training. It’s called From Frantic to Fruitful: Time and Energy Secrets of Really Effective Women.

You can register for this free online workshop by clicking here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How journalling can help you survive the holidays

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

Journalling is one of the most powerful and underrated tools there is when it comes to creating the life you want. And at times of year when there’s lots going on, family stresses, or emotions coming up, it can help us in powerful ways. So today I want to outline how journalling can help you survive the holidays – and support you into the New Year too.

If you’re not in the habit of writing in a journal, I get that there can be a bit of mystique around the process. Perhaps you’ve heard other people talk about the power of journalling, but not quite managed to get the habit set up yourself. Even if you’re a regular journaller, the 3 things I’m sharing today will help you deepen your understanding of how journalling can help you navigate busy times, and hopefully give you some tips to develop your habit further.

If you have questions, or if you use your journal in other ways than the ones I’m listing here, do scroll down and leave us a comment. I’d love to know how you use this practice – or what challenges you face when trying to get started – so that we can help each other.

1. Start each day with Morning Pages

This idea is the foundation of my journalling practice, and it comes from the excellent book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (highly recommended if you’re looking for a book to gift yourself!)

In the Artist’s Way, Julia suggests clear guidelines for morning pages:

  • Write first thing in the morning, as close to waking as possible
  • Write as fast as you can, for 3 A4 pages – no more, no less
  • Don’t show your pages to anyone else
  • Don’t re-read your pages for at least 8 weeks

Now, the realities of life might mean you don’t always manage to get your 3 pages written before doing anything else. If you’re a parent, your mornings are already packed, or just can’t see how you could squeeze and extra half hour in before work, it might even sound impossible.

These days, with two children and a business, I consider these guidelines the “gold standard”. There is something really powerful about tapping into your unconscious before any other activities have happened, or you’ve even spoken to another person. But free-writing  at any time of day will still make a huge difference.

So you’re ready with your notebook and pen… where do you start? Julia says, essentially, “just write, and write fast”. For me, that pace is really key. Don’t worry about your handwriting or whether what you’re writing is “good” or “makes sense” – remember, no-one else is ever going to read this.

If your mind goes blank, or you find yourself getting stuck trying to “figure something out”, just keep writing (even if you’re literally writing “I don’t know what to write… I don’t know what to write”, over and over again).

I’ve found there’s often a really juicy idea or unexpected insight right on the other side of that “stuck” place.

The power of starting your days with writing, especially during a busy time like Christmas when you’re likely to have lots of things going on, is that you start the day by connecting to yourself – your own intuition and inner wisdom.

If you’ve got lots of people around you, it can be an incredible relief to allow yourself space to tune into “radio you” and listen to what’s bubbling up.

In Julia’s words,

“The voice of our original self is often muffled, overwhelmed, even strangled, by the voices of other people’s expectations.”
― Julia Cameron

See if you can give yourself just half an hour each morning to pour out whatever comes up onto a page – and notice the difference it makes to your day.

2. Process the emotions that come up

The festive season might be a time of goodwill and celebration – but it can also feel like bloody hard work.

  • Maybe you’re staying with your parents as an adult, and reliving your teenage resentment and anger with every “house rule” you find yourself trapped by.
  • Perhaps you’re being shunted from pillar to post like the gift no-one wants.
  • Or maybe your entire office has swanned off for the holidays, and you’re the one holding the fort.

Whatever your flavour of festive challenge, using your journal to process how you’re feeling can be an incredibly effective way to shift those emotions and keep your energy flowing rather than stagnating.

If something comes up, you find yourself triggered, or you get overwhelmed with emotion, grab your journal and pour out how you’re feeling. You could write it as a never-to-be-sent letter, or just a stream-of-consciousness rant to let off steam.

Needless to say, Julia’s recommendation to keep your writing secret applies doubly here! Don’t let your uncensored thoughts fall into the wrong hands – or you might have a drama worthy of a soap opera Christmas special on your hands.

3. Use your journal to create your year ahead

Especially if you’re not where you want to be this Christmas, physically or emotionally, one of the most powerful ways to use your journal is to create. Think about what you’d love to bring into your life, or how you would like things to be different for you next year.

Rather than scrolling through fitness equipment online or googling “how to change your entire life in 6 weeks”, spend some time connecting to your intuition.

  • What would your body love to do?
  • Where do you wish you were right now? How would you like to feel?
  • What would be an amazing thing to experience in the next twelve months?

Journalling is where I get some of my best ideas, and when combined with the practice of morning pages some inspiring dreams and incredible ideas can open up.

Should you read your journal back?

Deciding whether or not to re-read your journal is a personal thing. Some people prefer to burn or throw away their journals, and trust that what’s important will come back to them.

Personally, I’ve found Julia’s “8-week” guideline feels like about the right amount of time for me to wait before returning to what I’ve written. If you choose to revisit your journals, you might want to look out for:

  • Challenges that have stuck around, and it might be time for you to deal with: “I’m still totally stressed out at work. What help can I access around that?”
  • Great ideas you might not have remembered, and want to take action on
  • Inspiration at how far you’ve come: “I can’t believe how hopeless I was feeling about my marriage – things have come a long way!”

Journalling is one of our foundational tools at One of many, and one of its greatest roles is in helping you find greater peace and connect to yourself.

Over to you

How about you – are you an avid journaller? Or is it a tool you’ve never quite got the hang of? Share your experience below – and let us know if it helps you get through the festive season with your sanity intact!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Banish busy: How to manage time and stress less

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

The number one mistake that most women make in the interest of time management is aiming to be able to do more in the hours they have. It’s this idea of being more “productive” that’s started to seem like the most important goal of time management. When what we really need to learn is how to manage time and stress less – so that, instead of making the treadmill run faster we’re actually stepping off it all together.

You see, productivity starts with this assumption that we’re almost like machines – we can be relied upon to produce a certain amount of “output” each day. It’s looking at what we produce as though it can be controlled in a linear fashion. No surprise that it’s a concept that first gained traction during the industrial revolution, when machines began to be brought in to complete work.

But we’re not machines, and that’s why I avoid thinking about productivity altogether.

Which sounds wonderful, doesn’t it, only – you still need to be able to get things done, right? You have targets to hit, revenue to generate if you’re in business, people to manage. Maybe a family to get to places on time.

And though it might be lovely to say to your boss “Sorry, I’m letting go of the concept of productivity”, the reality is it won’t quite wash when it comes to having the impact you want.

So what I want to share today is a different way to look at this which means that you’re not blocking your own effectiveness, you’re simply changing the lens through which you look at it.

Time management – the old way

So let’s start with the way most of us have been taught to think about managing our time. It’s kind of like a jigsaw puzzle. You might look at your week and figure out you have 8 hours a day to complete a set of tasks. And when you try to be more productive, you’re seeing how many tasks you can slot into those 8 hours.

Secondary to that, is your own energy and wellbeing. How stressed you are, that kind of thing.

Once you’ve plugged in all the things you want to get done (there’s usually a lot more of them than would realistically fit into that time, but most of us kind of pretend that’s not true) then you think about your energy.

At a push, you might schedule in things like gym sessions or doctor’s appointments. But fundamentally, your rest and replenishment gets fitted in around the “Important Stuff”.

And so, the inevitable happens. Things take longer than planned. Meetings get moved; projects get delayed; computers crash and mistakes happen.

(Life, in other words).

But because the focus is on managing time, it’s the rest and replenishment that gets shunted over to make way for all that “Productive” work.

The result? Well, the statistics speak for themselves. We’re 60% more likely to suffer from job-related stress than men; our happiness is declining and our rate of burnout is far too high.

A different way to frame your time

I prefer for us, especially as women, to focus not on productivity, but on becoming more fruitful. “Producing an abundant growth, as of fruit”, that’s the definition.

We need to develop a relationship with ourselves, our bodies and our energy levels that we can know when to expect fruit from ourselves and when we need to regenerate, replenish.

We need to shift from productive to fruitful – and there’s several different things that I want you to think about as we do this.

Productivity was about work. Fruitfulness is about tapping into magic. That’s how I want you to start thinking about creating results, shifting out of hard work and looking for opportunities to move into magic, finding the easy way through .

Now if you’re thinking “magic’s all well and good, Jo, but how does that help me meet the deadline that’s just landed in my lap?”, here’s the key:

I want you to shift out of focusing on time and instead focus on energy.

Imagine if, when you planned your time, you focused not on how much you could get done but on how you could give yourself optimum energy on any given day. Building in the walks, the movement, the time to restore yourself.

Think about how much more effective – not productive, but truly effective – you would be if every moment you spent you were working at your optimum energy.

  • If when you had time with the family you were 100% switched off and connected.
  • Or when you came to go to an important meeting, you felt rested, energised and full of ideas.
  • Or when you needed to blast through a bunch of admin you could be laser-focused and decisive

Finding a new way of doing things

It’s not about time management, it’s about energy management.

Which means it’s time for us to stop pushing through. Pushing through doesn’t serve anyone, it just gets you to breakdown faster and more efficiently. And that’s not what we want!

Instead we want to focus on replenishing, understanding our cycles, and knowing when it’s time to replenish.

Rather than assuming we can say yes to life and everyone and everything, we need to learn how to say no effectively, gracefully and with ease.

Rather than focusing on achievement all the time I’m going to invite you to start to focus on the journey.

Rather than having a linear perspective on your energy which is a very masculine paradigm or even mechanistic paradigm, it’s time we discovered the true power of our cyclical nature.

Doesn’t that feel different?

How to start when you’ve got no time

When you’re totally busy and swamped with tasks, getting the breathing space to rethink your approach is your number one priority.

If you’re feeling frazzled and run down, then the best place to start is by taking a look at the Overwhelm First Aid kit.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to deal with emotions at work (or anywhere else)

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

Have you ever noticed that it’s at the times when it’s most critical for things to flow smoothly that emotional challenges often come up? The massive row with your partner as you’re gearing up for a really important presentation. The blistering feedback from your boss, minutes before the crucial sales call with a prospective client. Today I want to share a process you can use to deal with emotions at work, or any time when something deeply challenging flares up at a really inconvenient time.

This isn’t about ignoring your emotions, or suppressing them in an unhealthy way. One of the characteristics of Superwoman – the archetype of our time, who achieves everything in her life at 100% no matter what – is her refusal to let an ounce of emotion detract her from her goals. If you know you have a tendency to “push through” no matter what, remember: ignoring your emotions completely doesn’t tend to pay off in the long term.

This is about making the powerful decision to put what you’re feeling right now in a metaphorical “box”. That allows you to wait until a more appropriate time to work through what’s happened and do what needs to be done to resolve it. So that in the meantime, you can be your most powerful and effective self once more.

When should you use this process?

The process I’m about to share is one that I use when I know I don’t have the capacity to deal with an emotional or challenging situation there and then.

There are some things in life we’re never “ready” to deal with – news of a terrible diagnosis, or a relationship breakdown, or an accident. It doesn’t make you cold hearted or uncompassionate to choose to process those feelings when you’re able to truly give them the space you need.

Most of us have many competing priorities. It’s important that you and your partner work through your difficulties; it’s equally important that you’re effective and perform to the best of your capability for the team relying on you to move the business forward.

This process is a way of acknowledging that multitude of roles, and honouring your varying responsibilities fully.

  1. Acknowledge what’s happened

Denial happens when we pretend the situation isn’t occurring, simply because we can’t deal with it. Ultimately that’s not helpful – in fact it only makes it more likely that we’ll suppress what we’re feeling, only for it to flare up unexpectedly.

Take a moment to acknowledge the bare facts of what’s happened.

My partner just told me I’m selfish.

My assistant has just resigned.

A client has asked for a refund.

2. Acknowledge your feelings.

This isn’t the same as what’s just happened! Your feelings are equally as valid, and very often they’re what are most uncomfortable and overwhelming.

This is the time to step into the Mother PowerType and “parent” yourself the way you would a small child. Tell yourself it’s OK to feel how you’re feeling.

You might want to journal it out, record a voice message to yourself on your phone, or just take a few minutes to breathe and name what your emotions are.

I’m really angry.
I’m so upset right now.
I’m in panic mode, I feel helpless.
I feel like a terrible person, I’m doubting my competence.

3. Decide when you’re going to deal with it

If you’re been blindsided by an emotional shock, you will need to make time to deal with it.

Superwoman will probably say you can handle whatever horrible news has come your way in 5 minutes, preferably while doing something else “useful” like cooking the dinner, driving home, or dealing with your accounts. Not true.

Depending on the magnitude of what’s just happened, you will need to make some time to really allow yourself the time you need to process it. You may need to cancel something less important than your emotional wellbeing. However much time you need, grab your diary now and decide when that will be.

When you’ve done the presentation.

When you get home and can have a face-to-face chat with your partner.

When you can go for a long walk in the woods at the weekend.

4. Put it to one side – and clear the energy

There are different ways you can do this. You might want to physically mime “putting the situation in a box” , or visualize a specific room or shelf where you’ll leave it.

If you find it challenging to put things aside then there’s an audio in the BeOne member’s resources I think you’ll find helpful. In it I go through this process in much more detail, including a specific practice that really helps me make sure my energy’s totally free of whatever emotions have come up. If you’re not already a member, you can click here to join the community and get access to this and lots of other helful resources.

Essentially, you need to feel that you’ve acknowledged and metaphorically “shelved” what you’re feeling, and then taken some steps to get yourself back to a place of balance.

That might be as simple as making yourself a cup of tea, having a quick stretch or a 5 minute walk, or even just taking ten deep, long breaths to connect you back to yourself.

The bigger the energetic shift you can make, the more effectively you’ll be able to transition back into that powerful state you were in before you were derailed. Is there a song that inspires you which you could listen to on headphones? Can you shake off the emotion, or find somewhere with an expansive view that will lift your spirits?

Replenish yourself in the way that feels good to you, knowing you can return to process these feelings at time when you’re more equipped to deal with them.

Building resilience

Most of the time, when an emotional curveball comes your way there’s very little you or anyone else can do about it. There’s no point getting into the “blame game” – reality is what it is – and the only thing you have control over is how you choose to handle it.

So it’s really important that we develop the skills of articulating when our emotions are at a peak, and recognize that it’s not always appropriate or possible to deal with energy upsets. Wasting your time worrying about how you’ll handle an unexpected crisis doesn’t help anyone, least of all you. But if you know you have a process you can use whenever you need to, you can feel confident that you’re able to honour all your responsibilities in the fairest and most effective way.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: Behind the mask of perfect motherhood

By

Danusia Malina-Derben

Danusia Malina-Derben is a serial entrepreneur and straight-talking consultant advising Boards and C suite clients on their Strategic leadership.

She is also founder of School For Mothers – an inspirational movement modernising motherhood one ambitious mother at a time.

She is mother of ten children including ‘her last baby’, triplets of five years old. Find out more at www.schoolformothers.com.

Latest posts by Danusia Malina-Derben (see all)

This is a guest blog by Danusia Malina-Derben.

“How DO you do it?”

This question requires an answer. It’s the missing piece of a puzzle that strikes the mind of many women I meet, especially when they learn I’m a mother of ten as well as an entrepreneur. I meet hundreds, possibly thousands as I speak all over.

The answers I could give identify my choices, how I see myself and therefore how the world might see me. And I don’t know how often I am asked this question, but I do know if I had a £1 for every time I’d be a wealthy woman, for sure.

The One Woman Conference: Taking off the mask

At the One of many One Woman Conference I was asked that question maybe 30 times in one music pumping, celebratory wisdom-fuelled, central London half-day. I didn’t attend the whole two day affair but I suspect those who did walked on air because of the high octane input.

The One of many panel discussion I took part in moved all of us in the room that day. Tears were shed as Meenal Sachdev shared about sickening child trafficking and slavery.

We were stirred by Dr Eve Hepburn and Elaine Wilkin’s mental health struggles that birthed incredible projects to support young women and those suffering with ME and Fibromyalgia. So when it came to me, in a way, all I felt I could offer was myself.

My voice, fully human, with frailties, brimming with belief for us all as we forge forward.

That’s not to suggest I don’t acknowledge the impact of my consulting work at C-suite level. It also doesn’t mean that I’m somehow shying from visibility or self-appreciation. It’s the very opposite.

It’s because I know my worth that I’m willing to be myself and show up as a remarkable-ordinary-accomplished-messy woman. It’s crucial for those of us invited onto panels and keynote giving sessions, to crack the myth of seamless life: That we wake up glossed and groomed, embodying serenity.

Breaking the myth of perfection

Let me give you a live example of my route to the conference to demonstrate this.

Having driven from the Brighton coast more than half an hour away to avoid the weekend replacement bus system I discovered the train station car park was closed. The guy at the car park was disinterested in sharing where cars could park. I mentioned I hadn’t a clue about the area and couldn’t miss my train. Gesticulating across a maddeningly complex road system he smiled and said, “Good luck, love”.

I called my eldest daughter and had what can only be described as a mini meltdown. Drama isn’t one of my life’s side dishes, yet somehow I leant full into histrionics. Did I mention the torrential rain?

As I made my way back to the station, my carefully chosen conference outfit – ankle boots, bare legs, backpack and flashy dress – proved quite the combo, as it garnered white van driver beeps. I was not amused. The trek to the train left my dress sodden, and composure deserted me.

From Victoria I had one last mission to accomplish before taking my place on the One of many stage. It was allegedly an easy task but one I managed to make an almighty ‘cock-up’ of. My assignment was to locate House of Fraser and present myself to a make-up whizz at the Mac counter. I’ve forgotten to mention my face was cleansed bare.

Being a navi-guesser rather than a navigator (despite using my iPhone with map) I circled around the station in several directions. Cue another meltdown and accompanying wobbly lower lip.

The superb assistant at Mac declared me a woman of great joie-de-vivre energetically, while slapping on far more product than I ever would have chosen. Internally I was almost beside myself as she slowly tried out strobe creams, blushers and the like. I all but ran from the shop, accosted a postman for directions and made the hotel with about 3 minutes to spare. A swift throw on of tights in a cramped loo by reception left me stage ready. Just.

The minor tribulations of my morning served to test me. They also allowed me to sit before an audience of 500 amazing women with humility uppermost in my soul. I can take my mission and purpose in life seriously, but certainly not myself.

How do I do it? 3 tips

When women ask me how I do it, truthfully I can tell them. Along the way, I’ve learned a thing or two about how I can make the difference I am here to make without finding myself swallowed up in logistics, doubts or trying to do it all.

Three of my most treasured tried-and-tested tactics are:

1. Ask for help.

I’m never too proud to admit when I need extra support so I can direct my energy where it’s most needed. From childcare to helpful postmen, I wouldn’t have been made it to the One of many stage were it not for the people I asked to support me along the way. We can do anything we want to – but we can’t do it all ourselves.

2. Let go of perfection

My face might not have been how I wanted it. I could have done with catching an earlier train. There are countless things, every day, I could do differently. But none of the women in the audience were there to judge my makeup skills, and showing up matters more to me than conforming to a timetable. I choose to focus on what matters, forgive myself for the mistakes I make along the way, and let go of the rest.

3. Go with the flow

Life’s too short to spend time wishing reality was different. “If only…” is a dangerous phrase – and it can stop women in their tracks, who tell themselves they’d love to make a real impact… but they have kids, or they’ve been out of the workplace too long, or a myriad of other reasons. I’ve longed for a simple life as much as the next woman, but the truth is I wouldn’t really exchange the glorious complexity of balancing family life – while trusting I can still have an impact – for the world.

In part that’s why I’ve founded School for Mothers (SFM). Because I DO know how mothers can retain and grow themselves as women of great talent and impact, while at the same time raising happy families.

Sadly though we’ve a global epidemic of exhausted overwhelmed mothers with many (often secret) wishes and ambitions for themselves. These same women are struggling to navigate selfhood and motherhood without monumental tension. We’ve all been fed lies that it’s either our children, or ourselves that can flourish.

So I’m calling time on archaic outgrown models of motherhood and instead heading a movement to modernise this. It’s exciting, it’s needed, and mothers are joining together for ourselves, and future generations.

Go ahead, ask me again how I do it because I’ll tell you it’s messy. I’ll tell you it’s only make-up deep and always about a daily emotional surf ride. And I’ll also tell you things are on the change for Mothers.

If you’d like to hear more about this, our first one-day event, SFM Live, lands in London on 17th November. Click here to find out more. Because one thing’s for sure, we’re in this together. It would be so good to share this day with you.

About Danusia Malina-Derben

The Straight-talking Consultant and Mother Of Ten!

Danusia Malina-Derben is a serial entrepreneur and straight-talking consultant advising Boards and C suite clients on their Strategic leadership.

She is also founder of School For Mothers – an inspirational movement modernising motherhood one ambitious mother at a time.

She is mother of ten children including ‘her last baby’, triplets of five years old. Find out more at www.schoolformothers.com.