One of Many

Woman looking to create change

post

3 people every leader needs on her team

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

If you want to be the most effective leader you can be, you can’t do it on your own. Sometimes that means making sure you have specialist support on a nitty-gritty level – team members to delegate to, or support around practical things like childcare. But today I want to talk about 3 people every leader needs on her team beyond those specific roles. These are essential levels of support for your growth on a wider level, and if you’re serious about making a difference they’re not to be ignored.

What do we mean by team?

Before we start, a quick note on what I mean by “team”. I’m not talking necessarily about the people you work directly alongside, or manage, as part of your day to day job. They might not be directly connected to your current role at all. Here, I’m using team in a much wider sense – the people you’re connected with who can help you move in the direction of your goals.

A metaphor we often use in our leadership training is that of the “leader as weaver”. In a piece of fabric, every single strand is supported by – and supports in turn – every other strand. We can’t point to a beautiful bolt of silk and say that this strand is more important than that one. Every single one is important.

When you think about your unique and vital role in this world, it’s really helpful in my experience to remember that you’re not doing it on your own. Your role, and your purpose, is unique to you. But in fulfilling your life’s work, you’ll also be supporting a whole network of others – the other “threads” which are touching yours – in big and small ways.

And in turn, everyone you come into contact with has the potential to enable you to shine that little bit brighter. So today I want to walk you through 3 really important people you’ll want to have in your wider network in order to make you the most effective leader you can be.

3 people every leader needs on her team

1. A sponsor or mentor

Let’s start with sponsors and mentors. If you imagine a grid network of threads in a piece of fabric, with you in the middle, we could think of them as being above you. That’s not to say they’re more important, but when it comes to the difference you’re trying to make they might just be a little bit further along the path.

I define mentors very simply as people who have walked the path before you. They care about you and they’re available to answer questions, but they’re not proactively furthering things for you all the time, necessarily.

Sponsors, on the other hand, are a particular subcategory of mentors, which are people who have a very vested interest in your success – people who really want to open doors for you.

  • If you’re in an organization it might be someone in the C Suite that’s taken a particular interest in your journey
  • It might be someone inside your church group who’s really watching out for you and checking in on you every Sunday
  • It might be a teacher or facilitator who you connected with some years ago, and have stayed in touch with

It’s someone who deeply cares about your career path, or deeply cares about the wellbeing of your project. Someone who, for whatever reason, is particularly interested and is actively working for you, almost as much as they work for (and sometimes maybe even more) than they work for themselves.

If you’ve experienced that kind of support, you can probably recall how good it feels. Mentors and sponsors have the wisdom and experience to reassure you when you hit a bump in the road, or to remind you that you’ll make it through the specific challenges you’re facing. They might have specific advice or they may simply be there to say “keep going – you’re doing great” or “this is always how it feels at this stage”.

They may be able to smooth your path and make introductions; warn you of potential pitfalls and difficulties; or put your day-to-day difficulties into perspective.

Sponsors and mentors: a warning

If you’ve only got sponsors and mentors, you can run the risk of feeling “less than”. Which makes sense, doesn’t it? You’re only comparing yourself to those that are further along or more awesome.

In fact, in a worst-case scenario you can sometimes find yourself falling into victim mode, or getting a bit co-dependent and saying things like “This isn’t working because my mentor is not doing what they should be.”

Over the years I’ve mentored a lot of business people, and sometimes people join Business Masterminds thinking that my role as leader is to somehow “fix” whatever’s not working for them. It’s an unhelpful mentality, which rather than helping you grow can ultimately hold you back.

The best way to guard against that is to make sure the other elements of your support network are in place.

2. A charge, or mentee

Now, going back to this idea of a woven “grid” pattern, when a fabric is woven together there are also going to be threads running beneath yours. These are just as important as the ones above you when it comes to supporting you and holding you in place.

These are the people I call your charges, or mentees. People for whom you’re a bit further on the path, and who you’re helping along.

A charge is the flipside of the mentor/sponsor – someone very special, who you care about, and who you’re wanting to get doors open for.

So you might be acting as a sponsor to them and really driving things forward, actively networking on their behalf and helping create opportunities.

Or perhaps you’re in more of a mentor role, there to answer questions or perhaps have informal check-ins on a regular basis, just to share the benefit of your experience.

If you’re being mentored by someone yourself and you’ve found yourself falling into the trap of only comparing yourself to them, then becoming a mentor to someone else can be an incredibly powerful experience. Suddenly, you’ll become aware of how much you do know about your industry or profession. You might find there are aspects of your role you’ve been completely taking for granted – but when you’re asked about them, you realize that you really do have some expertise to share.

One surprising bonus of having a charge is that they can also bring a fresh perspective. The Zen concept of “beginner’s mind” states that someone who’s new to a challenge often has far more ideas for how to solve it, because they’re not constrained by ideas of how things are “always done” or that “could never work”. So being a mentor can help invigorate your own work in surprising ways.

Alyssa Wrapp is the managing partner of AJR venturers, a management lecturer at Stanford University, and a wife and mother. In a piece for Forbes magazine she shared the benefit she’s found of ensuring she has both these kinds of support in her network:

“As a mentee, I have benefitted from the deep experience of people who have made a personal investment in me; as a mentor, I have accelerated other people’s learning and career growth just by investing time and insight, which has been incredibly gratifying. Furthermore, when I take the time to mentor someone, my company or organization often benefits from this relationship.”

Alyssa Wrapp

3. Peers

The third pillar of support that’s essential for you as you contnue your leadership journey is your peers. One way to think about them in this “fabric” metaphor would be as the vertical threads running along either side of you.

Your peers are those people that are at the same level as you on the journey. Not further along the path, not less along the path, but about the same level.

They’re there to champion and cheerlead you, have fun with you, and inspire you when you’re feeling a bit down. They might be a group you’re a part of, like a mastermind, or your cohort in an extended program like our year-long Lead the Change leadership training.

In your workspace, they’re people who are at roughly the same level as you when it comes to experience and responsibilities; they might be your fellow mums, or your business network.

When you get together with people who are on exactly the same part of the journey as you, you get to laugh about stuff together. Often, there’s a real relief that comes with poking fun at the daily frustrations of your role or debriefing about what you’ve recently learned. That kind of cameraderie can really lift you up.

If you don’t have peers, and you’ve only got those that you’re looking up to, and those that you’re helping along, it can feel like a pretty lonely old journey. Because you don’t necessarily feel the fun, and the love, and the inspiration with those relationships. And they’re not as attuned to the details and the challenges that you’re experiencing day in and day out on your path.

Connected, integrated, aligned

Every layer of this support is necessary if you’re going to truly thrive as a leader.

Because without this strong fabric of support, we can end up feeling quite isolated. We can feel alone. We can end up in superwoman. And we can feel either smarter than everyone or dumber than everyone depending on which elements of the fabric are missing.

So, we want to be able to orientate ourselves as close to the truth of how things are and feel as supported as is possible. This is the state in which we’ll experience the most profound, and sustainable, growth. 

How strong is your fabric?

  • Take a moment to reflect for yourself on these 3 people – sponsors or mentors, charges, and peers. Can you identify one person fulfilling each of those roles in your life right now? Can you identify more than one?
  • If there were a few actions that needed to be put in place to strengthen out that fabric, what might they need to be?

Take a couple of minutes to give some thought to that, and jot down some ideas. And if you’d like some specific support around a particular area of your life and are interested in joining one of our retreats or leadership trainings, click here to find out more about our programs.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

How to change career paths

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Knowing how to change career paths without burning bridges is an art that’s invaluable in today’s world. You might have been through a few iterations of your working life already, or perhaps you’re experiencing for the first time the feeling that what’s next for you might look very different to what came before. Whatever the circumstances, here’s what you need to know about how to change career paths gracefully using the power of gradual transitions.

A process of change

First things first, let me share a little of my background. You might know me as the founder of One of many, or perhaps as a coach or an entrepreneur. But one thing you might not know is that the “Dr” in my title isn’t an academic qualification – I actually trained as a medical doctor, completing medical school in Australia, before quitting medicine to go to drama school.

Wait, what?

Yes, that’s right – I completed my doctor’s training, only to realize once I was working in a hospital that it wasn’t, in fact, the way I wanted to spend my life.

You see, I had a bit of a wake-up moment about 10 weeks into being a doctor where one of my cancer patients passed away, and it caused me to really reevaluate what I was doing.

I could see down the trajectory of my life and I could see a moderately happy doctor, moderately successful with two moderately well-behaved children… and moderately bored to tears. Do you know what I mean?

Whereas there was an area I was completely passionate about, and that was calling me. I’d done drama the whole way through school. I’d always loved it. It really was my passion.

And in that wake-up moment, when I was reassessing everything I was doing, I thought: I want to give this professional acting thing a shot. I don’t want to live with regrets. So I auditioned for drama school.

I got into a really good school, a place called the Actor’s Center in Australia where Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, great actors like that trained. The interesting thing about that school is its entire principles are “Good humans make good actors.” And that was where I first got introduced to a subject called life coaching.

We actually had a subject at acting school called life coaching. And when we started doing that, I realised, “Oh my God, there’s words for all the things I’ve been doing my whole life.”

One thing led to another. As it turned out, being a life coach wasn’t The Thing I wanted to do either. It was a stage on the journey. But through following that thread, and then seeing where it took me, and onwards through many other transitions and experiments and lessons on the way, I’ve ended up where I am now: doing my life’s work as my career, and sharing it with women like you.

Finding your life’s work is a journey

At BeFulfilled, our retreat all about finding fulfillment, we talk about your life’s work. The work that you’re here to do in the world, which is something I believe exists for every one of us.

And then, as a separate thing, there’s how you currently make money. Now, for some people, your life’s work is what makes you money. I am in the blissful state where my life’s work right now currently also feeds my family. It’s a really lovely place to be – and there are many phases that have got me to there.

What I want you to recognize is that finding fulfilment, and choosing a career path, is a process. You can feel as though you know exactly what your life’s work is, but it’s potentially a two or three-year journey, or six to eight month journey, or decade-long journey even, to get the two lining up.

You might have a few “transition” steps where it moves a little bit closer, and then maybe just a little bit closer. And then finally you get to full alignment, where your life’s work is what makes you money, and even then that can change and flow and shift. It’s a process – and enjoying and embracing that process is part of our growth. 

Creating a map that works for you

I want to give you an example of what this “transition” process looks like in practice. Because if you’re changing career paths it can be really easy to point at where you want to go and say “I can’t do that. I dont have the first clue about it”.

When I was at medical school if you’d have asked me if I could lead a team or run a business or be an entreprener I’d have been pretty floored. Back then, I really didn’t have any of the skills I needed. But that didn’t matter, because when I trusted my intuition and took each step as it came, I was able to gradually transition to a point where I did know what to do – or at least enough to take the leap and do it.

Transition steps in action

Just as an example, let’s say you’ve got this great idea for a software business, that’s going to transform the lives of mothers all around the world.

But you’ve never run a business before.

You’ve never built software before, you’ve never done any of that sort of stuff.

So what it might look like is a journey where the first step is for you to start perhaps working as a PA, because at the moment you’ve got great skill sets in organization.

The next stages can flow from there:

1. Working as a PA for an inspiring digital company CEO, you get into the industry, bring all of the skills that you have, create trust with someone in the industry, and learn the ropes inside the industry.

2. Then the next step might be to build your network and trust by contributing freely to other people in that industry, as they’re doing stuff while you’re still in that role where you’re learning.

3. The next phase might be to educate yourself in marketing because you know, you need to start a business and we know we need to understand marketing.

4. If your goal is to start a business, then the final step might be starting the software business.

Now that might be a six-month journey, it might be a six-year journey. The key is, you’re:

  • Taking it slowly – but not waiting to be “ready” before you move into action
  • Building connections, and cultivating them into a support network as you change
  • Using your existing skills and strengths to cultivate the new path as you go.

Transitions are good

Napoleon Hill, in his great book Think and Grow Rich, says “burn your bridges”.

I say: don’t.

For women especially, we often find that our masculine energy and the “superwoman” mode many of us operate in will respond positively to that attitude. Burn the bridge, and masculine energy goes, “Okay! There’s no going back. We must go forward. Let’s hunker down and push through and harness up that amazing masculine energy and get stuff done”.

It can often be a driver forward, so if you want to operate like that, then yes – burn your bridges, take giant leaps, and leave your previous “self” behind.

Personally, and for many of the women I know, operating like that is too stressful.

I like to have a back-up plan. Women often have a nest we need to look after. Our babies, our friends, our home, our fur babies… Whatever it looks like, we’ve got a home that we need to look after, and we want to know that that’s safe before we start leaving what’s familiar behind.

That’s why I like gradual transitions. They make it possible for you to set a course and move there gracefully and gradually, and in a way that feels good.

What transition are you making?

If you’re planning a career change, whether you have an end goal or are just hearing a “call” to do something different, your next action might not be giving it all up to go all-in on your new passion. Perhaps it’s getting some education about what interests you, or making a “sideways” career move to a similar role to your current one in an organization in the industry you want to move to.

If you’ve made a move like that or are planning one I’d love to know your experience. Leave a comment below and share what small steps you’re taking towards a big dream.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

Why is women’s leadership important in our world?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Female leadership matters. All other considerations aside, it results in better performance. Studies have shown that companies with greater gender diversity, not just among the workforce as a whole but specifically among senior leaders, are more profitable. So, the answer to the question “why is women’s leadership important in our world?”, the answer is simple: it gives us better results.

But when it comes to stepping into our power as leaders, it’s clear that we face some pretty big challenges.

Today I want to share some current research into women’s leadership, as well as an angle on it that I think you’ll find incredibly motivating – whether or not you think of yourself as a leader in the traditional sense.

If you’re a woman keen to have your biggest impact, and to discover a take you might not have considered when it comes to changing things, read on.

Why is women’s leadership important in our world?

Let’s start with the basics: women leaders have a measurable impact on the bottom line.

In a 2015 report, McKinsey and co found that “In the UK, greater gender diversity on the senior executive team corresponded to the highest performance uplift in our data set: for every 10% increase in gender diversity, earnings before interest and taxes rose by 3.5%”

And yet, when it comes to representation of women in senior positions, the stats show we still have a long way to go. In 2018, Goldman Sachs undertook a report into gender diversity and – whilst noting the limitations on available data – reported that “Women make up about 40% of all employees – but just 6% of CEOs.”

So why is this – and what can we do about it?

Why do we see fewer women in leadership positions?

Well, it won’t surprise you to know that the answer to this is complicated. As we all know, women are a diverse bunch and the individual decisions and choices we make – or have made for us – about stepping up to more senior roles are as unique as we are.

Still, there are some threads that emerge. One of them is the cultural paradigm – the social context most of us have been raised in, which continues to promote certain gender stereotypes.

At the start of BePowerful, our 12 week online coaching program that connects women to their power, we invite the women taking part to spend some time thinking about what traits they associate with being “female”. It’s always so fascinating to see what gets shared in our virtual forum in response to this question.

If you haven’t done this exercise before, have a quick think now about what you’d list out as “feminine” attributes.

Often, women share that they’ve been surprised to uncover some very negative entrenched views of being called “girly” or “like a woman”. Being told you “throw like a girl” or comments like “typical woman driver” spring to mind.

We’re rightly outraged when we hear these comments being made, and yet however hard we try to resist them, they have an impact.

We internalize a certain set of associations with being a woman compared to being a man, and that has a real impact on our confidence when it comes to stepping into leadership roles.

This phenomenon is something the Goldman Sachs report picked up on.

“Women may be uncomfortable exhibiting more stereotypically “masculine” traits such as ambition and self-promotion in the workplace. They may fear a backlash if their behavior is at odds with prevailing gender stereotypes.

In fact, traits and behavior that are often rewarded in men may be seen as inappropriate, discomforting and perhaps ultimately counter-productive when demonstrated by women.

In colloquial terms, aggressive men may be perceived as being “go-getters,” while similarly aggressive women may be perceived as having “sharp elbows.” Closing the Gender Gap: Advancing Women in Corporate America, Goldman Sachs

The playing field when it comes to male and female leadership then, is clearly not a level one. And the very leadership characteristics that accelerate the advancement of our male colleagues can actually be seen as negative when applied to women.

So what’s the solution?

What can we do about it?

Changing our culture when it comes to the stereotypes we have of each gender would be a great place to start. As a parent, I’m passionate about ensuring the next generation isn’t raised with these outdated ideas of women and men’s roles and characteristics.

But I think this also offers us a real opportunity to change things right now when it comes to modelling what effective leadership looks like. With courage and confidence, it’s time to change not only the diversity among our leadership teams but to create a new form of leadership.

Instead of trying to squeeze ourselves into old-fashioned ways of working, here is an opportunity to radically shift our organizations, and evolve a more balanced, diverse, and ultimately resilient way of leading.

Stephanie S Mead, author of The Art of Strategic Leadership: How Leaders at All Levels Prepare Themselves, Their Teams, and Organizations for the Future, sees this ability to change as being fundamental to successful business.

“If you want to be relevant in the future, you have no choice but to change and evolve…

Leaders have a responsibility to build and support a culture where breaking down ingrained habits and old standards is recognized as an important part of rebuilding and creating a stronger, more successful organization.

They not only see the need for change, they work hard to identify and manage resistance in order to push the needed change forward.” – Stephanie S Mead

When we are given the support we need to become unique leaders, rather than doing things “the way they’ve always been”, we actually strengthen our organizations.

Change starts with you

You might not be in a corporate setting right now – but I believe you are absolutely a leader, whether for your family, your community, in the public or not-for-profit sectors. All of us are role models for the upcoming generations; as citizens each of us has responsibility for changing our corner of the world.

So, I invite you to connect to this inspiration in whatever form your leadership takes. To recognise that while the world we are living in is often unfair, if we connect and support each other we have the power to create an entirely different system.

And if you’re wondering where to start, the seeds of that change can be planted in the simplest possible way: starting with you.

“Whether you are a leader or not, I think you have to pay attention to thought patterns and processes so you start to recognize when resistance is emerging, either in yourself or in others…. You can also coach yourself and others to get out of the routine and try new things that will encourage you and them to work outside your comfort zones and look at the change as an opportunity to grow.” Stephanie Mead

Getting more comfortable with change is something that can start in the smallest possible way.

  • Take a different route on a well-worn commute
  • Speak up when you might stay silent
  • Reach out to someone you don’t know that well, and invite them for a virtual coffee
  • Apply for a role that’s slightly outside your comfort zone
  • Show up in a way that’s more authentically you instead of “fitting in” to the expectations of others

I’m sure you can think of more ideas when it comes to beginning to get more comfortable with the idea of change. Whatever it looks like for you, I would love you to share somewhere you’re overcoming resistance or trying something new in the comments. Together, we can create a ripple of change that goes far beyond our individual impact – and adds up to a wave that could change the world.

Ready to overcome resistance?

If you’re feeling the pull to change and would like to be supported and guided into allowing your authentic self to come through, take a look at our BePowerful program. Click here for the full details and scroll down to book in a no-pressure application call.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

One of Many Voices: Veronica Roberts

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

As an Educational Psychologist, Veronica has spent her career working with children and parents. But it wasn’t until she became a mum herself that a moment of total vulnerability and overwhelm sparked an idea for a new movement to help women find connection and support. We asked her to share more of her story…

What do you do?

I am an Educational Psychologist – which includes a wide variety of roles (one of the things I love about it!) A lot of my time is spent working with parents and teachers to explore the needs of a child/young person and consider ways of supporting them so that they can thrive, rather than just survive, their school years. I also deliver training and research with the University of Bath.

I went self-employed after having our son and realizing that working for a local authority was just not going to be flexible enough for our family. Now I work 3 days a week.

More recently, for my Lead The Change project, I have founded the i know… parent collective.

Tell us more about that project.

i know… is about building upon the collective support between parents. It’s about those ‘moments’ we all experience as parents; where we can feel overwhelmed, lost, unsure what to do, and alone. In those moments it can feel like the world is watching, and potentially judging us.

The idea behind i know… is that in those moments, we might look around and see other parents wearing a badge that says ‘i know…’ – a visual symbol that they know what it’s like, they get it, they’re not judging us and they’re willing to help if they can.

The aim is that those moments of vulnerability, instead of becoming feelings of fear and shame, might become moments of connection, empathy and compassion.

Give us the big “why” you do what you do?

Part of my motivation for starting ‘i know…’ stems from my personal experience of becoming a mother and the struggles I experienced.

I very much felt that as a trained child psychologist I should know what I was doing all the time (!) and the perfectionist in me also screamed that I should be doing it perfectly all the time.

I judged myself so harshly for every perceived misstep of motherhood that I made and felt so incredibly vulnerable when I struggled in public. I felt like everyone would not only think I was a terrible mother, but also rubbish at my job as well.

When I returned to work I started really hearing what parents were saying, in a way I never had before and I suddenly realized – I’m not alone in this experience, and actually if we share that vulnerability, then ironically, the vulnerability reduces and a collective strength can take its place.

By reducing parent stress levels in those ‘moments’, parents become more able to support their child and themselves through the stress and distress and/or ask for the help they need.

What’s your daily routine?

Part of our family life is that no two days are the same! Both my work and my husband’s are so variable that what I’ve ended up doing is having different routine ‘templates’ for the top and tails of different types of day: When my husband is at home, when he’s not, when I’m working from home, and when I’m not.

Things I try to build into every morning are:

  • A bowl of porridge (only way I survive until lunch!)
  • Physio and Mutu exercises (whilst my son is having breakfast)
  • Inspiring piece of music either in the shower or in the car
  • I also try to finish work half an hour before I pick up our son from nursery and have 2 songs that I dance to which I call my ‘End of Day Debrief’ – one track to release emotion and one to recap the things I have enjoyed or feel went well. This was an exercise I designed with my LTC coach as I realized I was really good at shelving difficult feelings and never coming back to them (so they just grew). And I was hardly ever able to take real joy in my accomplishments, so having a few minutes just to recap the positives of a day and dance them into my body has really helped.

Things I try to put in at the end of each day:

  • Playing my Tibetan singing bowl
  • recapping the day with gratitude
  • reading a good book for a few minutes before sleep

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

I’m mother to a very lively and curious 4-year old and wife to a very lively, vibrant and driven man. My husband also runs his own business consultancy firm. A lot of his work is in London or abroad and he can be away for up to 3 weeks at a time. The need for this can arise with a day or week’s notice. This can make it tricky to plan in advance!

To balance the demands that this can place on me I’ve opted to have more childcare than I actually need for work alone and I schedule my self-care, ‘lifemin’, I know… work, exercise etc all within childcare hours so that even when my husband is away, it is still possible for me to meet my needs and therefore manage whilst he is away.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

When I became a mother, I’d never felt love quite like it, I remember thinking that if we could bottle that feeling and drip feed it to dictators we would have the answer to world peace! I felt privileged to be a woman and able to experience it.

But one of the other main emotions I experienced as a new mother was frankly, rage. Because all my life I had been told by society that as a woman I was equal…and I felt like I’d been completely duped!

As I sat there breastfeeding our little boy on the sofa I felt anything but equal.

It felt like my freedom had been stripped away, whilst my husband’s remained intact and untouched by the experience of becoming a father (probably a bit of an overstatement in hindsight, but I was hormonal at the time!).

The dwindling of my maternity pay and then its complete disappearance left me financially dependent on a man for the first time in my life and it made me hugely resentful that because we had chosen to have a child, I was suddenly financially penalized. I still believe this sends a really strong message of just how much society devalues the role of caregivers, mainly performed by women. Becoming a mother was the first time in my life that I had so explicitly felt discriminated against as a woman and I hate that that feeling is tied to one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

However, one of my most profound shifts through my Lead The Change journey followed on from the BeLove retreat. I sat down with my husband and shared how uncomfortable, guilty and at times, resentful I felt that I worked and earned less than he did as a man.

The conversation that followed transformed our relationship. He had tears in his eyes as he said to me, “But you get to make a difference to people’s lives! I don’t get to do that! So let me do what I do, so that you can do what you do, because that means I’m making a difference too.”

And I suddenly realized, in my feminist stance I’d created a financial competition between us that was tearing us apart. But if we both did what we were good at then there was a beauty in the contribution we could make together and the life that we could lead.

I still feel that women are financially discriminated against for being biologically designed to have children…which seems a bit crazy when you step back from it, as the survival of the human species kind of depends on that function! But, I’ve realized there are other alternatives to men and women competing to do the same as one another. So, in a nutshell, I think things have improved, but we still have so much further to go!

How do you juggle your relationship and business now?

At my first One Woman Conference in 2017 my husband and I were going through an incredibly difficult time – it felt like we were leading separate lives and were no longer really connected or hearing one another.

After the OWC I came back and told him (using my Queen PowerType!) that I wasn’t happy and couldn’t see how we were going to survive as a couple without both making some significant changes. Lead The Change was one of those things, my husband receiving some coaching was another, but also, we agreed to make time for each other.

As my husband had just entered self-employment too we had the luxury of flexibility, and so we set aside one morning a week whilst our son was at nursery to do things together as a couple.

There are some weeks where this just isn’t possible, but we have it as a general rule and it has made such a difference to our relationship. Prioritising our relationship like this has helped us rekindle our connection and helps keep things in perspective, because if we’re not ‘right’ as a couple, then it has an impact on everything else, and work isn’t worth that.

Do you think you people around you (on social media, and face to face) understand who you authentically are?

The i know… project has totally pushed me out of my comfort zone in terms of displaying my vulnerabilities ‘out loud’ via social media.

It is only because of the i know… vision and this sharing being an attempt to support other parents with their journey and challenges that I have been able to develop the courage to do that and at times it has felt excruciating. The most amazing thing is, the posts where I have felt most vulnerable have had the most positive responses and that has been such an amazing gift of a lesson!

The Lead The Change community has also helped me really understand I can be who I am and still be appreciated, warts and all. So yes, I think people are beginning to see the authentic me.

But more importantly from my perspective, I am becoming comfortable with the idea that when people see me, they may or may not like me, but that doesn’t mean I need to change who I am to ‘fit’.

Who do you look up to as a woman?

Brené Brown – she is just so fricking awesome!!

What are you doing to help elevate the women of developing nations?

For every i know… badge sold, 20p is being collected for Deki – a charity set up by Vashti Seth, another Lead The Change participant, to support entrepreneurs in Africa grow their businesses.

I had always felt so helpless about the situation in developing countries and unable to support in a meaningful way. Then one fateful retreat I ended up giving Vashti a lift home and she totally changed my perspective – and gave me hope that I could make a difference further afield too.

Ready to lead your change?

If you’re inspired by Veronica’s story and would like to find out more about our Lead The Change program, click here to leave your name and details. One of our friendly team will be in touch to arrange a time to chat.

Veronica Roberts

Parapet head popper | Catalyst for compassion | Coffee addict

To find out more about Veronica and her work, reach her online here:

Facebook page: www.facebook.com/iknowcollective
Website: www.drvroberts.co.uk

post

What your underwear drawer reveals about your time management skills

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Marie Kondo, the bestselling clutter-clearer famous for suggesting we rid our homes of any item that doesn’t “spark joy”, has a lot to answer for. It seems that everywhere I look these days someone else is proudly displaying a snap of their clutter-free office, or marvelling at the feel-good factor that comes from folding your knickers.

And I get it. There’s something irresistible about the concept of an environment filled with only the things that bring you joy. In fact, the same principle could well be applied to almost any area of our lives.

(OK, taxes still need to be paid, the laundry still needs to be done and car insurance doesn’t sort itself out… but you get the picture.)

But there’s something else at play when we feel that sense of unstoppable energy, having finally tackled the Kitchen Drawer of Doom.

When I see the difference having a really good tidy up makes – whether of overflowing kitchen surfaces or underwear drawers – it reminds me of an incredibly powerful exercise we share in the BeFruitful course.

It’s a way to revitalise your motivation and kickstart all sorts of projects. It can make you feel more creative, calmer, less overwhelmed and more energised to tackle the things you really want to.

And it all starts with a ten-minute exercise you can do at any time.

Finishing things

Here’s how it works: You set a timer for ten minutes, and in those ten minutes you have one mission: Finish something.

Finish what, Jo?

Anything!

  • Send the email that’s been sitting in Drafts for a week
  • Post the thank you note you haven’t got round to sending
  • Sew the missing button back on the favourite shirt that’s been gathering dust
  • Tell your assistant to cancel the meeting you know you’re not going to make
  • Pair some socks
  • Water your houseplants
  • Fix a date for your next catch up with your bestie

…yes, you guessed it, even fold your knickers.

Whatever floats your boat, my darling!

Because here’s the thing. In my experience – and that of many, many women who’ve used this technique to great effect, finishing things, however small, creates MOMENTUM.

And the energy it creates – the satisfaction, the sense of achievement, the relief of actually crossing something off your list – can propel you forward with the tasks that really DO matter.

So whilst for lots of us an ordered environment can help us feel clearer and more positive, I wonder if part of the magic of tidying up is really about the simple act of completing a task.

What your underwear drawer tells me about your time management skills

Whether you’re more of a “stuff it all in and forget about it” or “meticulously iron and fold every item” woman doesn’t matter. Is your underwear drawer – or your desk, or your kitchen table – in a state of “completion”, or something you’re going to get round to at some point?

What’s important when it comes to effectively managing your time is how much momentum you have when it comes to completing tasks.

Because the more things you have unfinished, the more energy you expend mentally “holding” all of those to-do’s, deciding whether or not to do them, feeling guilty over not doing them, feeling guilty for feeling guilty over such a mundane task… you get the picture.

Productivity guru David Allen refers to these unfinished jobs as “open loops” and they can really sap your executive function over time.

So have a quick think now. Are there a bunch of tasks in your world that could probably be finished off in ten minutes – and that might free up some energy to get you moving on the really big stuff in your life?

I’d love to know. And if you’ve got your own ten-minute procrastination buster to share, let us know in the comments!

From your smalls to the bigger picture

One thing is certain. You’re here to have a bigger impact on the world than crossing things off the endless list, clearing up crap and keeping chaos at bay.

But you’ll never make the difference you’re capable of if you’re flat out and overwhelmed – whether it’s emails, clutter, or family drama that’s draining your time.

Getting into momentum is one piece of the puzzle. The real key to managing your time is changing the way you look at productivity.

If you’d like to find out more about our unique approach, check out our free training. It’s called From Frantic to Fruitful: Time and Energy Secrets of Really Effective Women.

You can register for this free online workshop by clicking here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

Guest blog: Should I leave my job?

By

Jane Lewis

Dr Jane Lewis has over 20 years’ experience as a coach, including working as a career coach. She’s an ordained Interfaiths Minister and her passion is helping women find their purpose and direction, and then release the mental baggage that stops them achieving it. Twice a year she goes to Hawai’i to teach and study Huna – the spiritual, energetic and shamanistic practices of the ancient Hawai’ians. Find out more at https://secretartofhuna.com.

Latest posts by Jane Lewis (see all)

This is a guest blog by Dr Jane Lewis.

In my role as a Career Coach, I am often asked by clients, ‘Should I Leave My Job?’ It’s one of those questions to which the answer can often feel like ‘How Long Is A Piece Of String’, but in this blog, I’ll be sharing a few pointers to help you consider the question, should it be burning a hole in your brain just now.

Why you might want to leave your job

The first question I always ask clients is: why do you want to leave your job?

  • Because you’re unhappy?
  • You want to start your own business?
  • You aren’t paid enough?
  • The people are OK, and they don’t treat you badly, but it doesn’t really fire you up?
  • You’re not being given the opportunities you want?

Depending on the answer, my advice will change.

However, there are a few cases where the answer is fairly clear.

If you are thinking of leaving your job because you’re planning to set up your own business, my advice generally is to stay in your job until you’ve got your new business running and starting to pay you an income. Of course, that isn’t always possible, but financially it can make the transition so much easier.

If you feel you’re underpaid, or not being given the promotions and opportunities you deserve, then, assuming you are otherwise happy, the first step is to have a conversation with your boss.

At One of many we talk about ‘having a conversation from your Queen’: stepping in to your Queen powertype, and making your point in a drama-free, powerful fashion.

But what if you’re unhappy, or over-stressed or feeling demotivated?

One of the techniques I invite my clients to use is to identify their career values to see how far the job is satisfying those values.

Our values provide motivation at a very deep, unconscious level. If your career values aren’t being satisfied in your current job, then it is highly likely that you will struggle with motivation and with performing at your best.

Values are abstract, and they are the product of our life experience together with our early conditioning. So if your family put a high value on professionalism, you might well find you do the same.

Your values are key to making any big decision

One client of mine worked in an engineering environment where the money and benefits were OK, and the people were pleasant. The work was challenging, although it wasn’t exactly the area that my client enjoyed the most. It was all OK, but something was not quite right and my client couldn’t pin down what that was.

We did a value exercise and time with family came out in the top 5. The job involved a relatively long commute, and as a result of doing the exercise my client realised that this value was not being met, and this was the reason they were not content.

The client used their list of values as criteria for evaluating job adverts, and soon found a job nearer home, with less travel and more money. Within a year they had been promoted to Director, which was an unexpected bonus!

How to find your values

The process is as follows: ask yourself ‘what’s important to me about my career (or job)?’ You are looking for single words or very short phrases that you can’t put in a wheelbarrow. Abstract nouns; words like:

  • job-satisfaction
  • professionalism
  • growth
  • challenge
  • fun

Keep going until you have at least 8, but don’t worry if you end up with 15 or 16.

Once you have your list, put them in order of importance, based on the way things are right now. The most important values will be those on which you spend the most time and energy.

Then, looking at the top 5-8, for each value, ask yourself: ‘how far does my current job satisfy this value?’ You can use a scale of 1-10 or a percentage scale.

If your job doesn’t satisfy any of your values, or only satisfies a few values more or less, it may well be time to move, or at least have a serious conversation with your employers about how things need to change.

That’s the exact process I used with my client. It’s such a great tool for clarifying your thinking around your job options.

Need help making a big decision?

If you’d like some support to work through the system yourself, you can find a One of many certified coach trained in helping women explore their values using the online coach directory. Click here to find the right coach for you.

About Jane Lewis

Coach, Minister, Huna practitioner

Dr Jane Lewis has over 20 years’ experience as a coach, including working as a career coach. She’s an ordained Interfaiths Minister and her passion is helping women find their purpose and direction, and then release the mental baggage that stops them achieving it. Twice a year she goes to Hawai’i to teach and study Huna – the spiritual, energetic and shamanistic practices of the ancient Hawai’ians. Find out more at https://secretartofhuna.com.

post

How coaching is different from mentoring

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

The question came up just a couple of weeks ago in our One of many coaches group. One of our certified coaches had been approached by a colleague to provide some support – only, was it coaching they wanted, or mentoring? It got me reflecting on just how coaching is different from mentoring and why it’s so important that we get that distinction right.

Why we need to know how coaching is different from mentoring

At first glance, it might not seem like a massively important distinction. After all, if you’re looking to make progress in your career and need some wise counsel from someone else to do that, does it really matter what label you stick on it?

But there are lots of reasons why it’s really crucial that the distinction is clear from the outset of any relationship like this. Here are just 3:

  • Trust: Coaching and mentoring have different expectations around things like confidentiality and the scope of each session. It’s vital that both parties understand what’s being asked for – and offered – before they take part.
  • Payment: Coaching is a professional undertaking which usually requires payment. In many, though not all, professions mentoring is something offered for free by more senior individuals. For obvious reasons this is an area that it’s very important to have clarity around from the start!
  • Training: If you’re working with a coach, it’s reasonable to expect a certain level of professional training or significant experience; a mentor might not have formal training, but there will likely be certain pre-requisites of taking on this role.

Without clarity in these areas, any relationship can quickly become strained.

So how is coaching different from mentoring – and what should you be clear about from the start?

Here are 5 key areas the two can differ in – and some questions to ask before you start.

1. Coaching and mentoring have different goals

Typically, a coach will work with you towards an agreed goal. For example, you might want to focus on a particular ambition, like reaching a new level of financial growth in your business; getting clarity on your purpose; or improving a specific relationship, with your partner or your children for example. Within an organization, a coach might support you to reach a specific sales target or quarterly goal.

The purpose of mentoring is likely to be slightly different. Mentors tend to be more focused around career growth, often looking at a result that which the person mentoring has already achieved. They might support you with developing your leadership, managing a team, or writing a book. Often (though not always) the goal will be less specific, and the relationship more open-ended, than a coaching one.

Questions to ask: What’s the purpose of this relationship? How will we know when we get there? At what points will we review that goal?

2. Coaching and mentoring require different training

One of many coach Jane Lewis noted this important distinction:

“Generally a mentor is an expert in your mutual field; usually more expert and often better connected than you. A coach may know much or nothing about your field. Typically a mentor may be more directive BUT both – if they are any good- will demonstrate devoted listening skills, and great questioning ability.”

Jane’s touched on an important point here, which is that good mentors and coaches often have overlapping skills and even experience – both may be successful, good listeners, and have an aptitude for helping others to grow.

However, coaching is a distinct skillset in itself, and one which can be trained in specifically. Coaches use specific tools to help activate growth and empower you to take control of a particular area of growth.

A mentor, on the other hand, may simply be able to provide advice through virtue of their experience so far. That can be just as valuable, so long as you’re clear about what they can and can’t offer.

Questions to ask: What training have you completed? What kinds of strategies have you used to help other people? Will you be using these tools to help me reach my goal?

3. Coaching and mentoring cost different amounts

This is one of the most important differences to be clear on from the start, whether you are the person being coached or the one giving the support!

The expectations of mentorship vary greatly in different professions and organizations. In some, senior roles come with the expectation that mentoring less experienced colleagues is part of the equation. In others, mentorship is considered something to be paid for.

Coaching, by contrast, is more often expected to be paid for – if not by the person receiving it, then by the organization who have arranged the coaching. If you’re at all unsure then make sure you ask this question clearly.

And if you’re the person charging for the sessions, then needless to say you must make certain you have the clear understanding and agreement of the person you’re coaching before you begin.

Questions to ask: What is the expectation around payment? If I’m paying, what is included in the cost?

4. Coaching and mentoring take place over different timescales

There are no hard and fast rules here. But mentoring is more likely to be an open-ended or fluctuating arrangement, whereas coaching packages often last for a set length of time, and have sessions of a fixed length – typically one hour.

You might meet every quarter with a mentor to receive “big picture” advice on your career, and fortnightly with your coach for specific support around a goal.

Or a mentor might invite you to stop in for a quick chat whenever you have a query, or want to get their thoughts on a project, whereas your coach might set you tasks to complete in between fixed sessions.

Whichever is true for you, be sure to ensure that you leave space to review the arrangement, so that everyone’s clear about what will happen if things change, and when you’re finished working together.

Questions to ask: How many sessions will we have? How long will they last for? How will we know when it’s time to finish working together?

5. Coaching and mentoring ask different things of you

Coaching often involves significant transformation. It requires a level of trust on the part of both parties and a real commitment to growth on the part of the person being coached.

Mentoring, on the other hand, can be more about developing your skills within a specific profession. While calling on you to grow, there may be less of a personal growth focus and more attention paid to your abilities in practice.

Questions to ask: What’s expected of me in this relationship? What can I expect of you? What do we think will be the outcome of our work together?

Every relationship is unique

Mentoring and coaching are both hugely valuable processes – and both are relationships based on trust. As you can tell, although there are “rules of thumb” when it comes to expectations there are key areas where they can overlap, and so it’s really important to make sure expectations on both sides are clear before you start.

If you find yourself providing advice or guidance to other women, and are keen to develop your skills and gain clarity around how you can best support them, then take a look at the free online training:

“The Secret to Coaching Women: This Controversial Approach Will Transform the Results You Get With Your Team, Your Clients and Yourself.”

Click here to register and we’ll email you full details to access it.

It contains what I’ve found to be the “missing piece” of most coaching methodologies – and whether you’re a coach, manager or leader I think you’ll find the tools I share really helpful.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

What brings fulfilment in life?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

If I asked you whether you wanted to feel fulfilled in your life – your work, your relationships, your contribution – you’d probably give a wholehearted YES, right? But if I asked how you could actually create that feeling: what brings fulfilment in life, or how we can know when we’re fully experiencing it, you wouldn’t be alone if you found it a bit harder to articulate.

Fulfilment is the answer to making a positive difference in the world without burning ourselves out. And yet many of us aren’t really clear on exactly what we mean by it, or how we can take practical steps to find fulfilment if it’s missing. Today I’m going to share 4 powerful questions you can ask yourself to discover how much fulfilment you’re currently experiencing in your life – and what you could do to increase it.

Fulfilment isn’t static

Before we start, a quick note on one thing I know to be true: Change is inevitable. As time goes by, what brings you fulfillment will also change. So if you find yourself wondering why something you once found fulfilling seems to have lost its sheen, don’t worry: There’s nothing wrong, and you haven’t made a “mistake”.

The trick to finding fulfillment throughout your life is to choose your activities wholeheartedly accordingly to what brings you fulfilment at each stage of your life… and then when that particular season of your life comes to an end, know that you can transition, and pivot into something new. You don’t have to burn bridges or forgo commitments.

What’s your life’s work right now?

In the following questions, I use the word “work” to describe your day to day activities. At BeFulfilled, the two-day retreat where we explore these themes in more detail, we use the phrase “life’s work” as a nod to the fact that this doesn’t have to refer to paid work or a career. Your life’s work might be:

  • Raising children
  • Making art
  • Being a carer for someone you love
  • Giving back to your community in some way.

How to use these questions

You might want to grab your journal and jot down your thoughts on these 4 points, or simply sit and think about how you’d answer them. Or why not forward this article to a friend and take it in turns to ask each other these questions?

However you choose to explore, it’s worth taking the time to consider which of these ingredients might need a little more attention in your life right now. 

4 ingredients of a fulfilled life

1. Do you find MEANING in your current work?

The first ingredient to fulfilment is meaning.

Finding meaning in what you’re doing doesn’t have to mean you’re engaged in profound or even stimulating activities every moment of every day. Raising children is certainly a meaningful job, but it sure as hell involves plenty of less-than-meaningful activities – most of them involving bodily fluids.

Perhaps your work has you mired in spreadsheets or grappling with awkward clients more often than you’d like, but overall do you feel a sense of meaning behind what you do? Does it fit into a bigger picture you’re invested in – whether for you personally, for your family, or for the planet?

Which leads me to the second ingredient when it comes to feeling fulfilled:

Contribution.

2. Does your work allow you to make a CONTRIBUTION in some way?

Contribution is the feeling that you’re giving something through the work you do. That you’re making a difference to the planet, or your community, or to other people. It will look very different for everyone.

It might be voluntary work that makes a difference to your local community. A position in academia that helps move research forward. Feeling that you’re developing and growing your team into truly outstanding individuals.

To what extent do you feel that your current work allows you to give something back to the world?

3. Does your work bring you JOY?

I’m not suggesting that fulfillment can only arrive when you’re in a state of constant happiness. (For starters, I’m not actually sure that exists). But if we don’t have an enthusiasm for what we’re doing each day, it’s hard to have a sense that we’re really as fulfilled as we could be.

Joy is a feeling that many of us weren’t taught to look for in our work, and yet when we experience it, it can be a catalyst for profound change and impact that’s far easier than if you’re gritting your teeth and “pushing through” each day.

How much joy do you currently experience? How could you find more?

The final ingredient is one that feels great when we get to really experience it:

4. Does your work give you opportunities for EXCELLENCE?

Whether it’s cleaning, coaching or managing million-dollar budgets, when you’re truly excellent at whatever it is you’re doing there’s an unparalleled feeling of satisfaction that arises. Excellence occurs when your gifts, talents and abilities are utilized to the full, so that you’re really aware that you’re doing your very best work.

Excellence is something we often value greatly in others but can sometimes find it hard to acknowledge in ourselves. Try thinking about the moments when you are most “in your flow” – when time seems to pass without you noticing, and you’re fully absorbed in whatever it is you’re doing. Often, they’re the times when you’re working in your most excellent way – and can lead to a sense of intense fulfillment when you look back at what you’ve achieved.

The fulfilment paradox

Of course, while we can identify certain ingredients that can lead to feeling fulfilled, it’s also true that fulfillment is just a feeling. An emotional state. There’s no litmus test anyone can perform to decide whether or not you “should” be feeling fulfilled right now.

If you’d like to explore the idea of fulfillment more deeply, or if you’re at a point where things are shifting and you know you’re being called to adapt what once worked for you, get in touch with our team to find out what tools and programs might make all the difference.

I’d love to know what you found came up for you as you read these questions. Are there any others you’d add? Share in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

How to deal with emotions at work (or anywhere else)

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Have you ever noticed that it’s at the times when it’s most critical for things to flow smoothly that emotional challenges often come up? The massive row with your partner as you’re gearing up for a really important presentation. The blistering feedback from your boss, minutes before the crucial sales call with a prospective client. Today I want to share a process you can use to deal with emotions at work, or any time when something deeply challenging flares up at a really inconvenient time.

This isn’t about ignoring your emotions, or suppressing them in an unhealthy way. One of the characteristics of Superwoman – the archetype of our time, who achieves everything in her life at 100% no matter what – is her refusal to let an ounce of emotion detract her from her goals. If you know you have a tendency to “push through” no matter what, remember: ignoring your emotions completely doesn’t tend to pay off in the long term.

This is about making the powerful decision to put what you’re feeling right now in a metaphorical “box”. That allows you to wait until a more appropriate time to work through what’s happened and do what needs to be done to resolve it. So that in the meantime, you can be your most powerful and effective self once more.

When should you use this process?

The process I’m about to share is one that I use when I know I don’t have the capacity to deal with an emotional or challenging situation there and then.

There are some things in life we’re never “ready” to deal with – news of a terrible diagnosis, or a relationship breakdown, or an accident. It doesn’t make you cold hearted or uncompassionate to choose to process those feelings when you’re able to truly give them the space you need.

Most of us have many competing priorities. It’s important that you and your partner work through your difficulties; it’s equally important that you’re effective and perform to the best of your capability for the team relying on you to move the business forward.

This process is a way of acknowledging that multitude of roles, and honouring your varying responsibilities fully.

  1. Acknowledge what’s happened

Denial happens when we pretend the situation isn’t occurring, simply because we can’t deal with it. Ultimately that’s not helpful – in fact it only makes it more likely that we’ll suppress what we’re feeling, only for it to flare up unexpectedly.

Take a moment to acknowledge the bare facts of what’s happened.

My partner just told me I’m selfish.

My assistant has just resigned.

A client has asked for a refund.

2. Acknowledge your feelings.

This isn’t the same as what’s just happened! Your feelings are equally as valid, and very often they’re what are most uncomfortable and overwhelming.

This is the time to step into the Mother PowerType and “parent” yourself the way you would a small child. Tell yourself it’s OK to feel how you’re feeling.

You might want to journal it out, record a voice message to yourself on your phone, or just take a few minutes to breathe and name what your emotions are.

I’m really angry.
I’m so upset right now.
I’m in panic mode, I feel helpless.
I feel like a terrible person, I’m doubting my competence.

3. Decide when you’re going to deal with it

If you’re been blindsided by an emotional shock, you will need to make time to deal with it.

Superwoman will probably say you can handle whatever horrible news has come your way in 5 minutes, preferably while doing something else “useful” like cooking the dinner, driving home, or dealing with your accounts. Not true.

Depending on the magnitude of what’s just happened, you will need to make some time to really allow yourself the time you need to process it. You may need to cancel something less important than your emotional wellbeing. However much time you need, grab your diary now and decide when that will be.

When you’ve done the presentation.

When you get home and can have a face-to-face chat with your partner.

When you can go for a long walk in the woods at the weekend.

4. Put it to one side – and clear the energy

There are different ways you can do this. You might want to physically mime “putting the situation in a box” , or visualize a specific room or shelf where you’ll leave it.

If you find it challenging to put things aside then there’s an audio in the BeOne member’s resources I think you’ll find helpful. In it I go through this process in much more detail, including a specific practice that really helps me make sure my energy’s totally free of whatever emotions have come up. If you’re not already a member, you can click here to join the community and get access to this and lots of other helful resources.

Essentially, you need to feel that you’ve acknowledged and metaphorically “shelved” what you’re feeling, and then taken some steps to get yourself back to a place of balance.

That might be as simple as making yourself a cup of tea, having a quick stretch or a 5 minute walk, or even just taking ten deep, long breaths to connect you back to yourself.

The bigger the energetic shift you can make, the more effectively you’ll be able to transition back into that powerful state you were in before you were derailed. Is there a song that inspires you which you could listen to on headphones? Can you shake off the emotion, or find somewhere with an expansive view that will lift your spirits?

Replenish yourself in the way that feels good to you, knowing you can return to process these feelings at time when you’re more equipped to deal with them.

Building resilience

Most of the time, when an emotional curveball comes your way there’s very little you or anyone else can do about it. There’s no point getting into the “blame game” – reality is what it is – and the only thing you have control over is how you choose to handle it.

So it’s really important that we develop the skills of articulating when our emotions are at a peak, and recognize that it’s not always appropriate or possible to deal with energy upsets. Wasting your time worrying about how you’ll handle an unexpected crisis doesn’t help anyone, least of all you. But if you know you have a process you can use whenever you need to, you can feel confident that you’re able to honour all your responsibilities in the fairest and most effective way.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

What does professional coaching certification actually do?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

There are some industries where qualifications really matter. As a med school graduate, I’m definitely happy knowing that doctors have been through the rigours of that particular training before they’re let loose on patients. And yet whatever industry you’re in, there’s almost certainly some training that’s not compulsory, but looks tempting. In the coaching world, there’s no requirement for any training before setting up a practice. So what does professional coaching certification actually do? 

And how can it make a difference to your career?

The points I’m about to list take professional coaching certification as an example, but the truth is they apply to you whatever area you’re thinking of getting more qualified in.

Lots of us find ourselves wishing we felt more confident in our abilities, and extra training can seem like a tempting way to get that approval. But if it doesn’t make a real difference, it can be an expensive and time-consuming way to find yourself back where you started. So, before you invest, weigh up the pros and cons:

What professional coaching certification does

Professional coaching certification can give you confidence

“Imposter syndrome” is the name for feelings of shame or inadequacy when you don’t feel good enough, despite evidence to the contrary.

It’s not to be confused with those very valid feelings of uncertainty when you’re starting something new – after all, beginners in any area have a lot to learn, and it’s natural not to feel like an expert straight away.

When it includes feedback from experienced practitioners, certification allows you to understand where your ability falls.

When you’ve been assessed by a trainer, you’ll know whether your core competence is up to scratch and which areas you need to work on, so you can focus your energy accordingly. Instead of going round in circles worrying you might be less competent than you feel, you’ll be confident in what you can do and what you need to learn – so you can concentrate on building your experience.

Professional coaching certification can give you peers

We all love to “talk shop”. Whether it’s mums in the school playground or lawyers after a big case, letting off steam and comparing experiences with others helps enrich our practice and reassure us that we’re not alone.

You can always reach out to others in a similar industry. But completing training with a cohort of peers is unique, because of the connection it brings to others who have experienced what you have.

Think about how many women stay in touch with their peers from pre-natal classes, or the friendships we make at school or university.

Learning together is a bonding experience, and one which can be a powerful support to you as your career grows.

Professional coaching certification can give you tools

When it comes to coaching, or any other industry where you’re legally able to practice without any mandatory qualification, such as yoga, certification has a specific role.

It gives you a framework of tools to draw on with clients, and to guide them to achieve specific outcomes. It also allows you to know who you can work with most effectively, and what kinds of results they can expect, because you’re using techniques that have been tried and tested by thousands of other people.

Without it, however naturally gifted you are you’re more likely to find yourself in a situation where you’re not sure what best practice is. And that can be especially tricky if you don’t have a support network or mentor to lean on for advice.

…. And what it doesn’t

Professional coaching certification can’t give you clients

People want to know what outcomes they’ll achieve from working with you. So it’s true that being able to walk prospective clients through a structured program, or talk about the tools you’ll use is definitely an advantage.

And there’s no doubt that if your business takes off, coaching can be a lucrative and fulfilling career, as well as one with exceptional potential for choosing your own style of work.

But when it comes to setting prices, building a referral network and growing a business, coaching certification is no magic bullet. The same goes for getting qualified as a yoga teacher or desginer. If you’re investing in training because you think that having your own business is a ticket to limitless wealth, it’s time to have an honest chat with your training provider about how realistic your expectations are.

Professional coaching certification can’t give you a guarantee

Just as your paycheck isn’t guaranteed by your coaching certification, the kind of experience you’ll have after getting certified as a coach is never set in stone.

If you’re someone who’s motivated by getting approval from others, you probably thrive in a learning environment, but may find yourself becoming anxious about the uncertainty of the future when you finish. Just having a certificate is certainly not a guarantee of what the future will hold for you (hint: there’s no such thing!)

The good news is, if coaching is your thing then many professional coaching certification programs offer you the chance to be coached as part of your learning. It’s one reason why our graduates rave about the residential intensive they complete.

So while courage isn’t guaranteed, and there’s no fail-safe way to know that coaching will deliver everything you want it to, you may find a sense of renewed trust in yourself and your ability to navigate the future is a happy side-effect of your training.

Professional coaching certification can’t give you permission

This is a big one for lots of us. Many women are raised to feel that we need to have “permission” to be seen, to speak up, and to make a differencein the world.

If you find you’re constantly in a cycle of finding your new passion, completing training, and then not quite turning it into action, it may well be that certification or an extra qualification isn’t your next step.

Instead, it might be time to do some 1:1 work with a coach so that you can find out what you’re really seeking, before you make a big decision to invest.

You can find a One of many certified coach near you by looking at our coaching directory.

The most important question:

What are you really looking for?

So before you make an investment in training of any kind, think about what you’re really looking for. Are you looking to gain skills, network with your peers, boost your business, or find a mentor?

Use that as the starting point for your conversations with your training provider.

Whether you’ve trained as a coach, set up a practice without qualifying, or completed advanced training in a different field of work, we’d love to know your experience. Has it made a difference and was it the one you expected? Let us know in the comments below.

And if you’re curious about what makes the One of many approach different, you might want to watch a free online training I’ve recorded: The secret to coaching women. Just click here to register. 

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.