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(Guest Post) Why is sales so difficult when you care?

By

Catherine Watkin
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Catherine Watkin
Mentor, minimalist, lover of life

Catherine Watkin works with heart-centred business owners like you, who want a great business but don’t want to compromise their integrity.
She helps you get more clients saying "Yes Please!" in a way that feels authentic, comfortable and is always in alignment with your values.
Catherine believes in sales and marketing that comes from service not selfishness, from caring not coercion, and from love instead of lack.
Catherine Watkin
Follow me
Latest posts by Catherine Watkin (see all)

Whether you’re in business selling a service or product, are raising money for a cause close to your heart, or just want to “sell” a new idea to your romantic partner or your boss, there are always times when the ability to guide and influence others is an important tool in your toolkit.

But if you are like most of the clients I work with then it may that you struggle with the whole idea of “sales” , maybe feeling uncomfortable about the idea of “influencing” or needing to “manipulate” other people to your way of thinking.

And there’s a good reason for that. You see, if you’re a member of the One of many Community then chances are the reason you are “selling” your product, idea or vision is because you feel called to make a difference to others, or to the wider world, through the work that you do or the impact you want to make.

In other words: You care

Yet the very fact that you care so much can itself be a block to you getting that message out confidently enough to make the difference you know you’re here to make.

For the rest of this article I’m going to refer to small business owners and their clients because this is the group of people I know best, and who I spend my life serving. But what I talk about applies just as well to anything you’re selling – whether that’s a product, a service, a business opportunity, an idea or a vision.

And the question I’m asking today is:

Why IS sales so difficult when you care?

This is a tricky one, because after all, when we really care about our clients and want the best for them then of course we do want them to make that decision to work with us because if they don’t we can’t help them make the change they so badly want – and we don’t get to make our difference in the world

But the very fact that we do care so much makes sales so much more difficult than it could be.

After all, it’s not just about learning a structure is it?

In fact, if it was as easy as teaching the “how to” I wouldn’t even have a business! My clients would have all gone and got themselves some good, old-fashioned traditional sales training a long time ago and be off merrily “closing sales”, “handling objections” and filling up their diaries – long before they ever come across me.

But they don’t. Because really it’s about all the other “stuff”

By stuff I mean:

  • A deep-seated suspicion that sales is inherently manipulative, and that’s the last thing you want to do to people you care about
  • Feeling drawn to want to help people regardless of whether it’s because you’ve just taken their money off them
  • Feeling conflicted about whether it’s even OK to charge money for helping people – doesn’t that make you a “bad” person?
  • Fear of coming across as pushy because you only want what’s best for people and so you’d be mortified if anyone thought you were just out for your own gain.
  • Not valuing your work enough to charge what you are worth or have confident conversations to invite people to work with you. Because if you don’t believe in it yourself it’s hard to sell it with integrity and integrity is important to you.

And I could go on ….

The problem is that allowing all this stuff to get in the way means that you are not making a difference to as many people as you could. This isn’t good for your business, and it’s definitely not good for the people you could be helping and impacting.

So here’s what you can do to make the process of sales feel more authentic and more aligned with your caring intentions.

1. Shift your focus on to the client

To help you come at sales from a place of caring one of the most valuable things you can do it get absolutely crystal clear about your “ideal client”. Understand his or her pain, problems, desires, fears and emotions in as much detail as you can. When you do this you can’t help form an emotional connection to them. This means you to come to your sales conversations with a fierce desire to help the client, and a focus on what’s best for them (rather than what’s in it for you). When this happens something shifts and guiding someone to a decision to make a change becomes part of how you impact them – not the uncomfortable bit you’ve somehow got to get past before the “real” work can begin.

2. Connect with the value

Feeling under pressure to sell is particularly difficult if deep down you are not convinced of the value of the thing you are offering. Your inner voices might whisper “Is it really worth this much?”, “What if I can’t guarantee a result?”, “Am I really good enough to be doing this?” The truth is that if you don’t 100% believe in what you’re offering then you can’t sell it with conviction or integrity.  So it’s important to do the work to connect to your value. This might be keeping a special journal where you record your success stories. Maybe even working for free with a couple of people to prove to yourself that you really are great at this. (There’s nothing wrong with this – it’s how I got started – just don’t do it for too long!).

3. Communicate that value

It’s possible to be absolutely convinced about the amazing transformation you can help your clients to achieve and know that this work is worth every penny of your fees, yet somehow still fail to communicate that to your potential client. When you struggle to articulate this difference then it’s too easy to fall back on trying to cajole, convince and push people to see what you are seeing so clearly. And this feels uncomfortable for everyone. It’s really worth taking some time out to work on communicating the value of what you offer in a way that your client will be able to clearly see for themselves why working with you will be such a good thing to do. When that happens there’s no need to work hard to convince anyone – instead you’ll hear an excited “yes please!”.

4. Follow a structure.

Without a clear structure it’s very hard to take the potential client on a conversational journey that ends with a clear decision to say yes to working with you. Without a structure you can end up in a meandering conversation without a clear focus – this is great for building relationships and hanging out with friends, but not so great when you care about making a difference to others and want them to make a commitment to change.A structure to your sales conversation is what gives you the confidence to be authentic, and to blend in your intuition and compassion. After all it’s not enough that you care about the client – they have to feel that you care too. If you want to get started having authentic sales conversations you can get started with this short video training  “The 7 Steps to Yes!” here.

Get comfortable in sales conversations

Finally, here are some ideas to get you started having sales conversations that feel more authentic and comfortable – especially when you care:

  • Schedule some research calls with people who fit your client profile and interview them to help you better understand the problems and challenges that they are facing and they language they use to talk about them, and to help you feel more emotionally connected to the people you want to help.
  • Buy a beautiful notebook and start using it to capture all the evidence that you really are brilliant at what you do – testimonials, success stories, passing comments from clients etc.
  • Write a list of the 10 ways that someone’s life could change for the better as a result of working with you
  • Reach out to follow up with a potential client to give them a gentle nudge to go ahead and work with you – and do it because you care about them, not because you want the sale
  • Follow a structure so that you can start to feel a greater sense control around your sales conversations.

Learn how to sell with integrity

And if you’d like to take an even deeper dive into how to sell in ways that don’t involve using pushy or manipulative practices then you will love this live session I’ll be doing with Joanna Martin, One of many’s inspiring leader and founder next week:

Harnessing the Women’s PowerTypes to Sell with Integrity
Live Session: Friday 25th September at 12.00pm (UK)

During this live session we’ll be chatting about why traditional sales methods often don’t work for women and how by taking a new softer approach, and harnessing the strengths of the Women’s PowerTypes you can revolutionise both your enjoyment of sales and your results. We’d love you to join us!

Click here for more details and to register.

About Catherine

Catherine Watkin works with heart-centred business owners like you, who want a great business but don’t want to compromise their integrity. She helps you get more clients saying “Yes Please!” in a way that feels authentic, comfortable and is always in alignment with your values. Catherine believes in sales and marketing that comes from service not selfishness, from caring not coercion, and from love instead of lack.

 

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7 ways to overcome procrastination

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

With the changes and upheaval we’ve all experienced in the last 6 months, many of us are procrastinating like champions. Even if you’re usually someone who’s ruthlessly disciplined, you might find there are some items on your to-do list that are starting to recur. So how can you overcome procrastination – and what if that thing you’re avoiding isn’t actually procrastination at all?

Procrastination is rife right now

Some recent examples from our community of things they’d been putting off include:

  • Writing a business plan
  • Reading a book
  • Completing a tax return
  • Moving house
  • Changing jobs
  • Buying a dining room table (that’s me!)

… and so on.

Some really big, some pretty manageable.

Take a moment to jot down your own version of that list now.

What have you been putting off? From ordering a new lightbulb or sending an email to writing your will, take the time to capture everything that’s in your head.

I’m going to share 7 common reasons we put things off, and give you some tips on how to overcome procrastination so that you can get back into momentum. But first…

Before you overcome procrastination, here’s what it ISN’T

You see, I’ve been a bit sneaky here. At the bottom of that list of things we’d been putting off, I included my dining room table. It’s something that needs doing and I’ve been putting it off for years – classic procrastination, right?

But here’s the thing. Procrastination is defined as:

The act of putting off an IMPORTANT task, set of tasks or decision.

And to be quite honest, in the grand scheme of things, getting a dining table isn’t something that feels important to me. It’d be useful, sure – it would certainly make me feel fancier when guests come round. But when I weigh it up against everything else that matters, I have zero qualms about relegating it to the bottom of the list.

So, here’s your second invitation.

Anything on your list that’s not important to you (or going to become important at some point)? Cross it off.

Congratulate yourself on an excellent piece of PRIORITIZATION.

And move on.

The other thing that commonly gets lumped in with procrastination?

The decision we make to put off a task because we’re tired.

I would call that ENERGY MANAGEMENT.

And let’s take a moment to acknowledge that, at this collective moment a lot of us are more depleted than we have ever been.

We’re exhausted.

When we tell ourselves we’re “procrastinating” we tend to focus on the task. Your business plan, your tax return, that long overdue phonemail to your oldest mate… yes, they need doing. But what’s more important than the task itself, is the person who’s doing the task.

Often, the person who’s doing the task (you) is burnt out or exhausted.

I cannot emphasise enough how important that distinction is. If you’re looking at a big long list of things, and every single on of them is on hold right now, that’s probably because you’re totally burnt out.

Your priority needs to be radical replenishment, which often looks like 3 things: rest, sleep, saying no.

(A quick tip: When your list of things you’re putting off goes from one or two things, to a page full, you probably need to replenish your energy.)

So, with that in mind, go through your list and note anything that you’re not doing because you’re managing your energy. That might knock one thing off your list, or it might knock everything off your list. Trust your instincts, and try not to second guess yourself.

Because what you’re left with will be the things you’re really procrastinating on – and we’re about to dig into 7 reasons why that might be and what you can do about them.

Why do we procrastinate?

Once you’ve taken off the things that really aren’t that important, and made sure you’re managing your energy, what you’re left with will likely fall into one of seven categories. To overcome procrastination effectively, you need to know what the items on your list fall into.

Most of us don’t acknowledge these. We look at things we’re putting off and tell ourselves we’re lazy, incompetent, or just a total failure.

But frankly, that noisy inner critic isn’t very helpful when it comes to shifting your energy and allowing you to get things done. Put her to one side for a few minutes, because we’re going to dig in.

The 7 reasons we procrastinate (and what to do about them)

#1 Lack of planning

WHAT? You know where you need to do, you just haven’t planned to do it. And as the old adage goes, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. One of the fastest ways to overcome procrastination is actually the simplest: Make some time (enough time!) to do the thing you need to do.

WHAT TO DO: I’m a BIG believer in planning – in fact, I’d estimate that in my typical 25-30 hour working week, I spend a good 4 of those hours planning. I’m willing to bet you could probably be more effective if you allocated some serious time to doing the same. Especially when it comes to those tasks you’re putting off. Give yourself an extra half an hour to plan when you’ll do them, and see if that takes care of them.

#2 The task is out of flow

WHAT: Each of us have some things we’re great at. Maybe you love nothing more than having a good chat with a colleague, but when it comes to looking at a spreadsheet you’re suddenly overcome with the urge to check Facebook. Others will avoid a phone call like the plague, but happily tinker with a pivot table until it’s working like clockwork.

WHAT TO DO:

  1. Delegate it to someone else (this works for decisions too!)
  2. Decide when you’ll do it and complete it at a time when you’re in the right frame of mind to do it. Maybe that means playing a particular song, doing it first thing in the morning before you’ve had time to think about it, or having a quick pep talk with your best friend before you do it.

#3 Lack of knowledge

WHAT: If the thing you’re putting off is a little bit vague – ‘write business plan’ or ‘get fit’ – be honest. Do you know exactly what you need to do to achieve that goal? If not, who do you need to ask?

WHAT TO DO: Make the next action something you at least know how to do: Perhaps it’s reading a book, googling a “How to” guide or asking in a friendly Facebook Group. Because what’s crazier than giving yourself a hard time for not doing something you don’t even know how to achieve?

#4 Overwhelm

WHAT: Ahh, overwhelm. It’s the pesky sprite that pops up for all of us from time to time. And with homeschooling, risk management and rescheduling an entire year’s worth of events and appointments on our plates, LOTS of us are getting reacquainted with what it feels like to be utterly overwhelmed right now.

WHAT TO DO: If you want to overcome procrastination, you’ve got to get out of overwhelm first. Luckily there’s a nifty tool to help you get past it. Click here to download the Overwhelm First Aid Kit so you can regain your focus.

# 5 Analysis paralysis

WHAT: You don’t know exactly what to do about this issue… so you do nothing. And the problem gets worse. Maybe sprouts some other problems of its own. The options you’re thinking of multiply in response. And still you do nothing. Argh!

WHAT TO DO: You know when you’re driving with Sat Nav, and you get stuck on a roundabout? The computer can’t quite catch up, and so you go round and round, never locking onto the correct route? This is like that. Pick a decision, any decision, and go with it. You’ll soon get feedback on whether it was the right one – but until you take an action, you can’t get into action.

#6 Perfectionism.

WHAT: Whatever you’re going to do, has to be perfect. This is how you put off making your kid’s birthday cake so long you end up with a midnight baking session on your hands. If you’ve found yourself swearing into a packet of icing at 2 in the morning, you can probably relate.

WHAT TO DO: Just start. Think of it as a practice attempt, a “Shitty First Draft” as writer Anne Lamott calls it, or just your route off the roundabout. Done is better than perfect – it’s a wise saying for a reason.

#7 Present self / future self dissonance

WHAT: This one is a recent addition for me, and it’s shed a whole lot of light on things like financial planning or exercise that we often find ourselves putting off. Essentially, we avoid doing something that will benefit our future selves (like going for a run) because our present self is motivated by instant gratification (like eating that cookie).

WHAT TO DO: Find your motivation! Two great ways to do that are by getting an accountability partner, or batching the task you’re putting off with something you really enjoy. Habit expert James Clear calls this “temptation bundling”. So, you go for a run while listening to your favourite podcast. Or complete your tax return whilst enjoying the ambience of your favourite café. That way, you get to experience the present gratification of the temptation with the future satisfaction of having completed the task.

Go through your list again – and next to each item, jot down which of the 7 forms of procrastination it is. Does that help you get clear on your next actions? Are you finding yourself with a bit more energy to face the tasks that are on your plate? If you’re feeling better equipped to overcome procrastination, share in the comments – and if this article helps you, pass it on to a friend!

Finding momentum can be tough

At this moment in history, moving into action can feel harder than ever. But you don’t have to do it alone. Momentum for change is a 2-day live virtual experienced, designed to help you rediscover your momentum and reignite your sense of connection. Registration is now open and I’d love to welcome you to join me and our global community of women. Click here to find out more and register for your free place.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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7 tiny ways to stop feeling tired all the time

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

As an in-house coach one of the most common challenges I see in my clients is a lack of energy. Most are combining multiple priorities: building a business whilst still in corporate life, raising a family, taking care of elderly parents, and doing their best to try and outrun that pesky inner critic. Is it any wonder so many of us feel as though we’re tired all the time?

I frequently ask, “When did you last stop or do something just for yourself? When did you last do anything to replenish?”

And the answer is always met with silence and then an embarrassed whisper of, “I can’t remember…”

Tired all the time… Does this sound familiar?

I’m just as guilty.

It seems our number one soft power principle of replenish, replenish, replenish is one of the hardest to allow.

What the bloody hell is that all about?

Well, I suppose I could write about all the challenges and excuses we make that stop us from being kind to ourselves, but quite frankly I’m too tired!

So instead I thought I’d share with you the fundamental principle to follow when you’re tired all the time.

“Just stop it!”

I’m kidding of course – kind of. Have you ever seen the comedy sketch with Bob Newhart – he plays a therapist imparting words of wisdom. It’s hilarious – and there’s more than a grain of truth in it.

Of course, yelling “stop it!” at ourselves when we know we’re already on the edge of burnout isn’t actually a very helpful approach. The thought of taking a whole day off, a week’s holiday, or even an entire lunch break can be enough to send us into a spiral of panic.

The secret to getting your energy back

So instead of exhausting yourself further, with radical lifestyle changes that will take even more energy to organise and implement, why not try a different approach?

When we’re running on empty and everything seems like a mountain to climb, sometimes the only way forward is with small acts of kindness everyday that will take you from overwhelmed and burning out to energised and vital.

Don’t know where to start? Try one of these tiny micro-acts of kindness.

7 tiny ways to stop feeling tired all the time

  1. Drink enough water. Fill up a glass and keep it on your desk – don’t forget to sip it throughout the day.
  2. Morning pages – the daily journaling practice that helps you offload, reflect and connect to yourself.
  3. Good quality sleep. If your worries are keeping you up at night, research some ways to help yourself get fully rested.
  4. Walking in nature, even if it’s just a brisk 20 minutes through the park on your way to work.
  5. Mindful breathing. There are lots of videos and apps that can help you find a 5 minute way to connect to your breath.
  6. Learning who and what you need to say no to. Setting boundaries is a powerful act of kindness to yourself.
  7. A good film or drama where you can just switch off. I’m very late to the party as I’ve only just discovered Call The Midwife – 50 minutes of loveliness and feel-good stories and I’m restored!

Where to begin

You might be thinking that one of those tiny actions would be the perfect place to start – but you might also have some better ideas of your own.

Give yourself permission to take a moment for yourself and your first act of kindness – go watch Bob Newhart, have a good giggle and then get a pen and paper.

Draw a line down the centre and in the left hand column brainstorm all the small acts you can do for yourself that will leave you feeling replenished.

Then, in the right hand column write down the boundaries you need to put in place so you’re able to take those baby steps back to life.

As you start to take care of yourself in tiny ways every day, you’ll find the balance gradually shifts. With more energy you’re better able to set boundaries, and so the cycle continues.

Share the kindness

If you know you could be a bit kinder to yourself, let’s help spread that commitment. Share ONE tiny act of kindness in the comments below, and let’s inspire each other to take that first baby step.

About Kat

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How to actually make a difference

By

Sara Price
Sara Price
Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author.
Sara Price
Latest posts by Sara Price (see all)

I don’t know about you, but I’m not a big fan of feeling cynical and helpless. I am by nature an optimist, and I want to know how to actually make a difference. I believe in the possibility of change, so I focus on the ways in which I can have an impact. It’s empowering to figure out what I can do, even if it is only a little, to affect the issues that are important to me.

You can probably relate. The issues we’re facing in our communities, our societies and as a planet are impossible to ignore. What might surprise you is something else I care about, and which I believe is key to the impact all of us can have on the change we want to see in the world:

Politics.

Now before you click to another page, here’s another thing you might find surprising – so do you.

‘Oh no I don’t…’

‘Oh yes you do…’

‘Oh no I don’t…’

‘Oh yes….’

Sorry, wrong blog, we’re past the Christmas Panto season right? Although given the way that much of our politics is conducted, sometimes pantomime seems apt…

Why you care about politics (even if you think you don’t)

Anyway, back to the point: why do I insist that you care about politics?

Well, here’s a list of issues which almost certainly affect your life in one way or another. I am prepared to bet rather a lot of money you care about at least one of them:

  1. How much tax you pay
  2. How much money you are paid
  3. How much you receive in benefits
  4. What your children learn at school
  5. How qualified the teachers are that teach them
  6. How long the school holidays are
  7. What access you have to childcare, and who pays for it
  8. How many hours you work
  9. How much holiday you can take from work
  10. Your access to healthcare if you’re too sick to work
  11. Your access to sexual health services
  12. What age you can get married
  13. Whether you can get married or not
  14. Whether or not we, as a country, go to war
  15. When your rubbish is collected
  16. Whether that new development near your house gets planning permission
  17. The amount of renewable energy we produce as a nation
  18. Climate change
  19. Plastics in the ocean
  20. GMO food
  21. Nuclear weapons…

Is there something on this list that you care about?

Yes?

Then you care about politics.

Because every single item on that list is determined — or at least heavily influenced — by politicians at a local, national or international level.

Elections, referendums, protests – these are all huge political moments in our lifetimes. But the opportunities for usto have an impact on these big, important decisions aren’t limited to these snapshots in time.

Whether you agree with the outcomes or not, if you want to actually make a difference, you have a choice. You can wait for the next moment to come along – another election, another referendum, another protest…

OR you can get informed, get engaged, get empowered and actually make a difference more regularly than once every few years.

An optimist’s take on creating change

I may have mentioned that I am an optimist?

Here’s what I imagine…

…a world in which we do more than turn up once every few years, mark a cross on a piece of paper, and then moan to our friends about how our politicians don’t represent us.

…a world in which the electorate (which means YOU) feels informed, engaged and empowered to have an impact on the issues they care about.

…a world in which we hold our representatives accountable for the actions they take and the decisions they make.

That’s the world I want to live in and the one I want to do something to contribute to.

Why?

Because of that list of issues that you care about.

Because politics is important beyond the moments.

Because I don’t want to feel helpless and hopeless.

Because I want to feel informed, empowered and engaged.

And I suspect maybe you do too.

How to actually make a difference: 3 myths about getting involved

Lots of the myths you might have unconsciously absorbed about becoming ‘politically involved’ simply aren’t true. Here are 3 that commonly stop us from taking action, and the truth behind them.

Myth #1 Getting involved in politics will take up all my time

Something as simple as getting informed about an issue you care about; finding out what organisations are working to improve it or signing a petition might only take a few minutes. Do that every day or week, and you’ll soon be more engaged with what’s going on.

Myth #2 If I want to make a difference, I’ll have to join a party or start a campaign

There are lots of groups, individuals and organizations already doing amazing work on all kinds of issues. So you don’t need to start from scratch. Whether it’s making a donation, sharing their work with your network, or contributing your time and skills, there are ways to get involved at every level.

Myth #3: I need to spend years studying politics before I get started

Politics isn’t for the elite, the wealthy or the educated. It’s for all of us. And starting with grassroots issues that matter to you — a local footpath, a library you love, a policy at work you don’t agree with — is the best way to learn more.

We deserve more

The philosopher and diplomat Joseph de Maistre once said that “In a democracy people get the leaders they deserve.”

Isn’t it time for us to deserve better leaders?

Isn’t it time we stepped up? Spoke out? Held our leaders to account?

Isn’t it time we got involved? Made a difference? Had a say?

Then perhaps when the next political moment rolls around, we will have gone some way to creating that world I imagine.

I’ll be sharing more ways you can get involved and have an impact on future blogs.

For now, I’m curious: What’s your relationship with politics like? Do you feel as though you’re engaged with the issues that matter; does it all feel like a distant circus of posturing egos; do you feel empowered, helpless, or somewhere in between?

I’d really love to know — share your take in the comments below.

About Sara

The Knitting, Baby-whispering Karaoke queen!

Sara is the Founder of Actually which she set up to empower those who want to make a difference in the world to grow their businesses and their impact by developing great communication skills; overcoming mindset blocks and getting the right support. Sara’s specialises in communications, campaigning and PR – and her flagship training programme, How to Actually Spread the Word, helps purpose-led entrepreneurs, coaches and consultants to step up, speak up and make a difference. She is also a One of many coach and trainer; a mentor with the social enterprise support group Unltd and the co-Founder of one of London’s leading independent communications agencies.

Please visit www.actually.world or email sara@actually.world for more information.

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How to take control of your day

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Picture this: You’ve got a big deadline to meet. You wake up feeling sluggish but still manage to scarf a coffee and get to your desk early. Time to get going. But from then on, things start to rapidly unravel. Emails need tactful – and immediate – responses. A colleague comes to you with a crisis you feel duty bound to help with, even though your own time is slipping away. By the time 6 o clock rolls round you’re no closer to getting the work you needed to done. Today’s been a write off, but could you have done anything differently? Here's how to take control of your day.

The power of finding your rhythm

One of the biggest shifts for women who take our BeFruitful program is shifting from a focus on best utilising their time, to focusing on their energy.

What does this look like in practice? Well, it starts by taking a step back and observing the way your energy flows over the course of a day, a week or a month.

Most of us know whether we tend to be ‘larks’ who hit the ground running at the start of the day, or owls who find our flow later in the evening. (These days there’s a lot of focus on optimizing your ‘morning routine’, but if you’re someone who doesn’t get going until the afternoon that’s probably not going to be helpful. Don’t feel bad – just pay attention to what works for you.)

Then there’s the pattern of your week, some of which will depend on your schedule. Maybe you have a meeting on a Monday that tends to leave you fired up and motivated, or a day when you work from home and know you’ll have more space to concentrate.

Finally, it’s important to look at how things change for you over the course of a month. If you’re menstruating, hormonal shifts are likely to have an impact on what you’re able to get done. But many women who don’t have periods also notice an ebb and flow in their energy, sometimes connected to the moon cycle.

Focus on observing what’s true for you and ignore what anyone else might share. We’re all unique when it comes to this stuff.

What to do when you know your energy flow

So, you’ve established more or less what your energy flow looks like. This is the most important step when it comes to discovering how to take control of your day without burning out. You don’t have to go crazy over the exact detail (although when you see how effective this approach is, I have no doubt you’ll add to this data!).

But hopefully you'll be able to identify a pattern that makes sense. Let’s say…

  • The week before your period you tend to feel short tempered, decisive and very clear about what’s not working in your life.
  • You’re usually sluggish before 12 but tend to get a big burst of energy at 9pm, and can happily work until midnight if you don’t have an early start ahead of you.
  • Monday has you feeling a bit scattered as you respond to colleagues at the start of the week, but by Tuesday the priorities are clear and you’re able to tackle big tasks with a bit more headspace.

Can you see how developing this kind of picture suddenly opens up a whole lot of options?

How to take control of your day

When you start to look at each day not as a linear progression of hours within which to cram your tasks, but as a fluctuating model of energy which you can choose how you focus, things get a whole lot easier.

Rather than feeling frustrated with things not going to plan, you can prepare yourself to optimise your energy on any given day. We use a tool called "Batching for Energy Matching" to assign tasks to the times when you're going to be most effective at doing them.

So in the example we started off with, it might not have been that the world was against you.

Perhaps you weren’t in the right time in your cycle to be looking at a deep-dive piece of work. Certainly, with hindsight, the pull you felt to support your distressed colleague and respond to those emails indicated that you might have been better off prioritising supporting the team rather than working on a solo project. And getting to your desk early doesn't really have helped if your best thinking time isn’t until later in the day.

This approach to planning can transform how you're able to juggle the competing tasks on your list.

Elizabeth, a BeFrutiful participant, found that focusing on her own energy made a real shift in the way she approached each day. In fact, she started implementing the technique as she worked through BeFruitful, to help her get the most out of the training. She wrote to tell us:

“I am so enjoying the modules, and in the spirit of finding and embracing my own rhythms have begun to 'identify' the most fruitful ways for me to watch, listen, reflect and implement the elements of each lesson.

I have found this week's rhythm and cycles work in lesson 2 fascinating and am now beginning to look differently at the emotions I have so far attributed to hormones, life's knocks, the attitudes and behaviours of others or external factors that come from nowhere.

I'm stopping and taking a different look at each situation as it arises and even though I know I can't stop all the external stuff coming at me, I'm aligning my own responses to a soft power or archetype response which in itself is bringing a very interesting perspective and a deep sense of calm.”

– Elizabeth Jane Kent, Director, Learning Teaching Leading

What about the things you really can’t control?

OK, you might be thinking, that’s all well and good. I’ll take a week off a month for PMT, never have a meeting before 11am and just tell that client that my “energy’s not right” for their pressing deadline. Is that a pig flying past the window I just saw?

Of course, in the real world we can’t shape every event to fit with our understanding of our energies. We’ve all had to call on “Superwoman” to get us through from time to time. The presentation that falls on a day when you really want to be in bed weeping over a soppy movie. Or the gently meandering “visioning session” that frustrates the hell out of you -- you’re ready to roll up your sleeves and take action!

What matters is that you're not in that misaligned place for the parts you can control.

Learning to work to your rhythms won’t stop the rest of the world from working to theirs. But when you understand what works best for you, you can do your utmost to make sure you’re working as effectively as possible – and forgive yourself faster when life throws you a curveball.

Want to learn how to take control of your days?

If you’re curious about learning to apply these tools to your own busy schedule, BeFruitful could transform the way you approach life. In fact, it’s guaranteed to free up at least 4 hours a week, minimum, for you to spend doing what you love.

This 6 week online program allows you to learn at your own pace from anywhere in the world, and is packed with helpful tools, practical exercises and new ways of approaching the daily juggle.

Click here to find out more.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Are you already coaching?

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

A surprising number of women, whether or not they’re interested in pursuing coaching as a career, already use some fundamental coaching skills in their day to day lives – often without realising they’re doing it. Are you one of them? Today I’m going to share 3 ways to find out if you’re already coaching people around you, and why this could be an important signal for you about where to focus your energy.

Why coaching skills are so valuable

In the coming decade, coaching skills are emerging as an increasingly valuable attribute across industries, as well as outside of the workplace in areas like family, relationships and wellbeing. Why? At the start of the decade, a shift is beginning to emerge in the traditional priorities of business.

In 2019, Deloitte asked nearly 10,000 CEOS to state what they considered to be the most important measure of success. The top answer might surprise you: Ahead of profit or customer satisfaction, top CEOs rate their ‘impact on society’ as the most important achievement.

That’s not the easiest thing to achieve in today’s fast moving, ever connected world. A business’s impact on society needs to be led by people with a clear vision, the ability to hold steady and inspire others through turbulence and uncertainty, and a real sense of integrity aligned with their deepest values. If success is measured by wider impact, leaders need the kind of deep support that coaching brings. Their legacy will be defined not only by their financial acumen or management ability, but by their clarity of purpose and vision. Their ability to respond to global events and social shifts, with discernment and integrity. And that’s the kind of support trained coaches have the skills to provide.

A second key trend comes as ‘Generation Z’ — our current 16-25 year olds — enter the worksplace. By 2030, they’re estimated to make up almost 33% of the global workforce. And their priorities, as Dan Schawbel, research director at Future Workplace writes, are not what we might assume

“This digital generation, primarily relying on technology to communicate, suffers from anxiety. Thus, Gen Zers are looking for leaders who are trusting, support their needs, and express care for them as humans – not just employees. Focusing on Gen Zers human needs will be the best way to address their workplace needs.”

The ability to set a clear vision and purpose, and to support the human needs of employees, ask for a new kind of leadership to emerge. One that will be fostered by the kind of coaching skills many of us take for granted. In this short video, I share 3 signs that you might already be coaching — and what you should be aware of if you are.

Are you already coaching without knowing it?

If you’re already coaching…

If you’re currently coaching without realising it, or are practicing as a coach and want to develop your skills further to reflect these emerging trends in business, it’s clear that the world needs your talent. And when it comes to equipping yourself with the most up to date tools to enhance your impact, I share what you need to know in a free online workshop on Thursday 3rd December 2020: Essential Skills for Coaching Women.

.Click here to register and find out more.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest post: 5 reasons women are still taking a back seat in their own careers

By

Erica Sosna
Erica Sosna
Founder | Creator | Storyteller

Erica Sosna is the creator of The Career Equation® and CEO of Career Matters. She has 20 years of expertise in leadership, employee engagement and career management and is author of Your Life Plan (Wiley) and the forthcoming Career Equation (2021). Her clients include: Capital One, Mastercard, Savills and Dassault Systemes .
Erica Sosna
Latest posts by Erica Sosna (see all)

Women in the workplace. We’re fierce. We’re doing great things. Our mothers and several generations of ancestors fought hard for us to have a seat at the table.

I’m 41. I’m of the generation that was told we could do anything we set our minds to. That the glass ceiling was no longer relevant for us. Yet, as a careers coach for professional women, I experience that we have yet to overcome the challenges that face us.

I’d like to share a bit with you about my experience of the challenges we face in defining, driving and owning our careers and a simple model I think can really help define our career paths and establish a solid starting point for effective career conversations.

If you want to know more about career conversations, then you can find out more by downloading our free guide at the bottom of this article.

But first, let’s agree on the obstacles.

A lack of generational opportunity

We were told anything is possible. Yet the gender pay gap, numbers of senior women in major organisations and the discrimination cases of #MeToo tell us that this not the whole story. Many workplaces were designed by men, for men, so the way that opportunities arise and are allocated doesn’t always give women a dignified and level playing field. We end up trying to be Superwoman and it’s not sustainable; our health and relationships suffer.

Poor career advice

Poor careers advice early on in life meant many of us didn’t get to align a deep level of self-knowledge with the opportunities in the world of work. Thus, most of us fell into our careers rather than chose them. Imagine how different your career path might have been if you’d known about the Women’s Powertypes™, for example, when you were deciding which path to take.

This lack of support leaves us as women potentially confused and doubtful about whether we made the right choices.

Lisa Harris from the Open University expressed what so many women experience;

“I was inhibiting myself with my own preconceived ideas about what my career should/could look like in the future.”

Traditional views on careers

Until the last decade a career was defined by long-term period of stability spent in one or two organisations, following an established track into becoming an expert at senior level in your chosen profession. You didn’t have to think too much about it because your company decided on your future for you.

In the new world, the job for life is err… dead.

New roles are cropping up all the time. Job titles are becoming more and more abstract. The work we most need to do may not have existed a decade ago. We’ve got flexible working, remote working, fixed term contracts and we need to be a whole lot more adaptable so we can redefine and reposition ourselves as the world of work changes.

What is success?

In this new world, the question of how you even define success becomes more and more important. We have been traditionally taught that success is about more money, seniority or status. It’s about ambition and climbing the greasy pole. But what if success is unique for each of us? And defined more by the experiences we want to have and the kind of life we want to lead?

Gilly Orr, now working as a Fund Development Director for Social and Sustainable Capital told us;

“I didn’t realise it was possible to find a job I was both good at and that would make me happy.”

How can we hear ourselves think about what truly matters to us and connect to it in a world that has got increasingly ‘loud’, bombarding us with media and messaging about how our work and lives are ‘supposed’ to be?

Changing aspirations over time

The fact is, that this definition also changes over time. Maybe a role with lots of travel was fantastic when you were twenty but is exhausting as you approach mid-life. What we find fulfilling evolves as we do and as life circumstances and priorities shift, we need a way to re-evaluate where work sits within our wider life context.

Additional to these obstacles is the way we as women hold ourselves back.

Stephanie Aitken, an In-House Trainer with One of many who also runs her own successful corporate coaching and training business told us:

“In my experience there are 3 key things that hold women back from wanting to step up in their career, I call them the “3Cs”.

They are:

  • Capability – I doubt I have enough skills or expertise to do the role
  • Congruence – I fear I’ll burnout and/or lose precious time with my family
  • Confidence – I struggle to share my ideas with conviction and claim my place at the table.”

With all this stacked against us, it’s clear we need tools to help us define and own our careers.

What is a career anyway?

At Career Matters, we define a career as a series of choices that explore how you align your gifts with how you spend your time and earn your money.

To navigate these choices effectively and thus feel empowered and in charge of your own career path, you need 3 things:

  • To be able to define what success means to you
  • Selection criteria for roles and opportunities based on that definition
  • To know what value you add and where you do your best work.

The Career Equation®

The Career Equation® is a simple word equation which helps define the four components of a fulfilling career. I am sharing the model with you so you can build your own equation and use it to define the work that best suits you.

Here’s how it works:

Skills

We say people are happiest when they work in an area of skill or strength.

When you do something you are good at and aim to become exceptional at it, you will experience a good deal of satisfaction.

Passions

We want to apply these key skills to an area of interest or ‘passion’.

Passion relates to subjects that arouse your curiosity or enjoyment. It also applies to behaviours or activities that cause you to feel so absorbed you lose track of time – for instance solving problems or making art.

Lizzie Clark is a print fashion designer and hit upon the value of recognising her passions;

“I found the knowledge of myself so powerful. It really is as simple as selecting the aspects I love and thrive with to create something I can refer to for focus and direction.”

When you apply your skills to an area of interest or to a passion, your satisfaction and your results grow. This is amplified even further when the goal or objective of our work lines up with our values. This is what we call impact.

Impact

We all define and measure our success in different ways. So it makes sense for you to understand how you define success and get clear on how you will track it. Understanding your Women’s Powertype Profile™ can be invaluable here. Do you want flexibility to work on your own terms? Being a leader in your field? Or the chance to deliver real results to customers?

These top three elements of The Career Equation® help you identify who you are and what matters to you. This clarity can be enhanced or compromised by the fourth element – the ground beneath your feet – we call this your level of ‘environmental fit. ‘

Environmental Fit

When a working style, culture, office environment or pace of work suits your personality, you thrive. When the two are not in alignment, you can struggle. It is important that you have the self-knowledge to know in what context you do your best work. Some elements of the environment can be open to change. Others are pretty fixed across the entire business. For example, you might be able to gain more autonomy by asking for it or moving to a different area but you may not be able to change the IT infrastructure!

The Career Equation® can help you identify what’s working and what needs adjustment. It can also help you articulate the kinds of work you are looking for. And best of all, it will give you clarity about what you really want out of work, so you can go and get it!

How to Use the Career Equation® to Manage and Review Your Career Path

The Career Equation® works because it separates the four elements that shape your ideal career path.

  1. Begin by making four lists under the four elements of Skills, Passion, Impact and Environment. Notice where there is common ground. What do you currently use or under-use?
  2. Next consider your current work. If you were going to change anything in your work to better fit with your list of requirements, what would you change and why?
  3. Last, think about your top 3 criteria in each category. If you were to brainstorm new roles or new work that suited these criteria, what would your career path and life design look like?

And if you know your Women’s Powertype Profile™, you can incorporate the self-knowledge that gives you into The Career Equation®. It’s a powerful way of identifying your gifts; helping you achieve more whilst staying true to yourself.

Stephanie reinforces this by saying

“I’ve seen time and again how the PowerTypes™ give women access to resources they didn’t realise they had, helping them overcome obstacles and powerfully drive their career forward. Such as the Queen’s ability to communicate clearly and decisively, the Warrioress’ self-belief and determination to take action and the Lover’s commitment to self-care so that she remains healthy and resilient.”

About the Career Equation®

The Career Equation® is one year old! In 2019 alone it helped 1,200 people understand their personal definition of success, helping them find a fulfilling career path.

Kirsty Riglar from Dorset Council worked through The Career Equation® and told us she loved the way “it provided me with a variety of tools that let me focus on what I can do and what I want to do in terms of my own career development.”

Learn how to use The Career Equation® for more engaging and usable career conversations in your company with our FREE guide.

It’s full of new ideas, interesting facts and guidance. It also has a template email to help you get started with your career conversations and an editable planner so you can plan and implement your own career conversations in 2020.

Use this information as a signpost or map, coming back to it periodically to check your career is moving in the direction you want it to move in. Your career is a series of choices; you alone have the power to change it for the better.

Download it here.

About Erica

Founder | Creator | Storyteller

Erica Sosna is the creator of The Career Equation® and CEO of Career Matters. She has 20 years of expertise in leadership, employee engagement and career management and is author of Your Life Plan (Wiley) and the forthcoming Career Equation (2021). Her clients include: Capital One, Mastercard, Savills and Dassault Systemes .

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How to create change without burning out

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When it comes to creating change, collaboration is Queen. Try to do everything yourself and you’ll burnout faster than you can say “who needs weekends off anyway?” And yet, when working with others has been a painful experience in the past, it’s understandable that it can be tempting to avoid conflict and shoulder the load yourself. Today I want to share how to create change using the power of effective collaboration.

Use these 5 key points, and working together will create change far beyond anything you could achieve with that Superwoman cape on. Guaranteed.

5 Steps to effective collaboration

1. Establish trust

There are two aspects of trust to consider when working with others.

Firstly, what we call the “energetic” aspect of trust. If you're considering whether or not to collaborate with someone, try checking in with yourself about whether you feel instinctively you can trust them. For example, you might ask:

  • Do they feel like someone you’re able to open up with and share your vision with?
  • Does this feel like the right connection?
  • Do they really care about what you're doing?

In a situation where you don’t have a choice about who’s in the group, such as in your team at work, this aspect is worth taking time to cultivate.

As a leader, how can you encourage an environment of healthy communication, and make sure everyone is able to trust each other?

The most effective results will always come from collaboration that's built on genuine trust.

Secondly, there’s the trust that comes from knowing someone’s able to deliver – their competence or skill set. Without this, no matter how much you feel a sense of trust, collaboration can't be effective.

When you're looking to build a team, whether it be for a project, in your business or elsewhere, the energetic piece matters. But it's also important to ask, can this person do what they say they can do?

How we establish that can be by reputation. If you want to make a real difference, gathering and presenting the evidence that allows others to trust you is a really important skill to have. (It’s something we cover in a lot more detail on our BeFulfilled retreat – working out what your skills are, and how you can present them in a way that really builds trust with employers, clients and colleagues.)

Another great way to establish trust is by making a series of small agreements.

Let me give you an example: I've got an awesome nanny, who’s absolutely brilliant. But the first time I met her, was I going to leave my children with her overnight for a weekend? No way. Absolutely no way. Was I going to just watch her play with my children? Yes. Let me see that you can play with my children, and gradually I'll leave them with you for a day.

The same goes for any kind of collaboration. Some of the problems we face as open-hearted woman, is we tend to go straight for a huge agreement – and then someone lets us down. And we think they're untrustworthy. We can avoid that pitfall by trusting them to make small agreements first, so that we can gradually ease into a bigger relationship.

2. Ensure contribution

Once you have a basic level of trust, in both the energy each person’s bringing and their competency in what they’re doing, it’s time to make sure everyone’s able to contribute. Allowing each person to have their say, and actually listening to what they have to contribute.

An important part of this is recognizing that some people are more extroverted, and some people are more introverted. So it's not just listening when someone does speak up, it's noticing when someone isn't speaking up.

“There's gold in the quiet ones” is something I’ve heard said, and it’s true!

So if someone doesn’t seem to be offering much, take a second to check in with them and make sure you don’t miss out on an important contribution.

3. Track progress, and agree on process

Needless to say, creating change requires action. Some kind of momentum. Having an agreed focus or intention is really important, as is introducing accountability.

As a group, think about what tools you can use to keep track of your progress and adjust your course when you need to. Talk about what you'll do if there's a disagreement, or if someone makes a mistake, before that situation arises.

It’s really important to agree on your process right from the start.

That includes how you’re going to remain flexible for the realities that tend to pop up when bringing a vision to life. Not just pushing blindly on to meet a goal, but also taking shared responsibility for how you’re getting there.

  • Do you have regular times to check in with each other, and a structure for how that will work?
  • Do you have a system for recording what’s being done, and changing your focus if you need to?
  • Are different people responsible for different aspects, and do they have the capacity to manage them?

Keeping focus is vital, but it's not the only thing to bear in mind. Which leads me onto my next point...

4. Allow space

So much of collaboration, as you’ve probably already gathered, comes down to balance. And one of the most important aspects to balance is maintaining your focus on progress, whilst making the space to allow whatever else needs to arise.

If you’ve ever been involved with a team on a high pressure project, you’ll probably remember times when something that seemed way off-topic has sparked a huge insight into where you’re at, or where you’re heading.

Sometimes it's in moments of someone cracking a joke, that you discover this person’s really afraid right now – and it turns out, they're not the only one having a crisis of confidence.

Or it's when someone feels like they are allowed to speak up and get it wrong, that an offhand comment triggers something else that gets you where you need to go.

Of course there are time perspectives. There's focus and intention. But if we plow through without the ability to let the human be there in our collaborating, we can miss so much. We don't get to read those really important signals – how is the team coping with this situation? What are we missing? What did we not take into account at the planning stage that is asking us to take a look at now?

5. Create consensus

If you’ve ever worked in a committee-heavy environment you might be groaning when you see that word. But bear with me. When it’s approached thoughtfully, consensus can be a truly beautiful process.

Consensus isn’t the same as just going with the majority vote. If someone just gets outvoted and they're seething about it, and they think that they're actually really right about something– if there's dissension – we can't achieve true collaboration.

But, where we can get to, perhaps, is that most people think this is right... and one person's not sure, or thinks no, but they're okay to go with it.

In this model, where we’re coming from a place of deep trust and respect, we don't have enemies but we have adversaries. We can still disagree, but we can be allowed.

This is important. Because otherwise it doesn't feel good, and a hallmark of true collaboration is that it usually feels great – even when it leads you down a different path to the one you would have taken on your own.

Want to learn to lead effectively?

Our leadership programs and retreats are designed to help you ditch the "go it alone" mentality and balance powerful connection with rock solid boundaries, so you can make a real impact.

To find out more about BeFulfilled, Lead the Change or any of our other trainings or events, click here to book a call with the team.

How about you?

What's your experience of collaborating? Have you been blown away by the power of a dream team, or hit hurdles that still make you shudder? Share your experiences, good and bad – and any tips you've picked up along the way – below!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to find more energy

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Ask me how to find more energy so you can focus on the things that really matter to you, and the answer I give might surprise you.

At One of many our Soft Power principle number one is “First, replenish your energy” – and as a doctor, you might expect me to advocate eight hours sleep a night, regular exercise, or an energy-boosting diet.

Those things are all great. But most of us are already doing our best with them. There’s a more powerful question to dig into if you really want to shift the way we’re able to show up for the causes we love.

Where are you losing your energy?

For most of us, there are two big areas where we find ourselves “leaking” energy:

Saying “yes”, and saying “no”.

Let me explain.

Energy leak #1: Saying NO

For some of us, saying NO is costing us a huge amount of energy.

I remember this most vividly from drama school. The school I attended had this amazing motto: “Good humans make good actors”. So as you might expect, as well as the skills training to learn to act there was a lot of personal development type stuff going on.

Initially, I found myself resisting it. Even though I’d made the bold choice to quit my medical career and attend, there was still a part of me that felt really out of my comfort zone. Eventually, I realized that it was actually taking me more energy to say no, explain why I wasn’t going to do something or why I didn’t do it, and to try and hold myself back from the experience than it would to actually just say yes and have a go.

Can you relate?

There’s often a part of us that works really, really hard to protect us from making a mistake, or failing, or looking stupid, or whatever our biggest fear is.

So you might say no to new experiences because you’re worried about failure.

Or about what other people might think – your colleagues, or your partner, or your parents, or your kids. Maybe you’re even worried about what you might think about yourself.

If that’s the case for you, I invite you to ponder this:

How much energy is it taking you to say “no” to opportunities that involve some perceived risk, as opposed to just letting rip and getting it “wrong”?

(The wonderful thing is – you can get it wrong. You’ll learn, and grow, and try again.)

You might be bringing so much energy to saying “no” to things, you’ve lost sight of the fact that it’s actually easier to be a yes. Especially at the beginning of something, when you’re not yet in momentum, yes can be everything.

So if you’ve been saying that you want to start writing your novel, or learn a new skill, or get back into yoga, it might be that one tiny yes is all it needs.

Don’t wait for things to be perfect.

Write for half an hour after the kids are in bed, or stretch for 10 minutes before your morning coffee. Just do what it takes to bring that “yes” energy in and see what gets freed up when you’re no longer resisting.

Energy leak #2: Saying YES

Now, once we start saying yes, then comes the next problem. Because for many of us, when we start saying yes to things we find ourselves expending way too much energy on all the things we’re agreeing to.

Someone says, “Can we have coffee?” You say yes before you even thought about it.

Can you handle this extra project?

Can you take the minutes at this meeting… can you drop everything and pick up the kids from school… can you sort out the car’s MOT

… it never ends, right?

If you find yourself saying yes to everything and ending up completely overwhelmed, it’s time to bring some no in.

You’re showering energy everywhere rather than your vision – no wonder you’re struggling to find the mojo you need to make a difference. 

The simplest question in the world

So here’s what we’ve discovered.

Some of us, in some contexts, need to bring more “yes” into our lives.

Some of us, in some contexts, need to bring a lot more no.

Knowing which is where your discernment comes in.

So here’s a super simple exercise to start off with – this only needs to take 5 minutes, but it can bring you a huge level of insight into where you can tweak things to free up your energy.

Grab a paper and a pen, and think about the different areas of your life which are not currently satisfying you.

You can have a look across a few different areas, but start off with one.

The question to ask is this: Do you need more yes energy or more no energy?

Write for 5 minutes, just freeflow without censoring, and see what comes up.

What would the Queen do?

The Queen is the Women’s PowerType we use to delve into questions like this. The Queen’s always mindful of how she spends her energy, and since she trusts herself implicitly, and knows in her bones how irreplaceably valuable her time and energy are, she doesn’t second guess decisions.

So if you’re finding answering the question challenging, you might want to try stepping into your “Queen” energy.

You could literally imagine placing a crown on your head, try walking a little taller or listen to a piece of music that helps you feel confident and in charge.

Turning insight into action

Once you’ve established the direction your pendulum needs to swing in, it’s time to take action.

If you could do with an extra hand, we have a free guide to making powerful decisions around boundaries that are depleting your energy.

Click here to download your free Enough is Enough PDF guide to creating unshakeable boundaries.

How about you?

Are you the Queen of powerful boundaries, or more of a “say yes first, ask questions later” kind of gal? Share in the comments below – between us all, we’ve got all the bases covered!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to avoid spreading yourself too thin

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

You know when, mid-shower, you realize you left shampoo off the shopping list again – so you try to convince yourself a mouse-sized amount of over-diluted product is going to get you through another wash? So many women find ourselves doing exactly that with our time and energy. We water ourselves down until there’s barely anything left to go around, whilst pretending we’re totally on top of it all. It’s exhausting. So today I want to invite you to join me at my kitchen table, so I can share a nifty distinction I’ve found when it comes to knowing how to avoid spreading yourself too thin.

Why knowing how to avoid spreading yourself too thin matters

The shampoo thing is actually a pretty apt example here. Because when you’re trying to take care of everyone else’s needs – your boss, your neighbour, your mum, your best friend, the friend you’re not actually that close to but who always seems to be popping up on messenger with an urgent request for your take on her latest drama… it’s often your own that suffer most.

It might be that you just don’t have a spare minute to sort out your basic needs: making sure your groceries are stocked up, and your space is organised, rather than being a dumping ground for tasks you haven’t got around to.

Maybe you find yourself skipping your lunch break to help a colleague with the deadline they’re about to miss. Sacrificing a gym session because you’re being “mum taxi” at the last minute. Or staying up past midnight organizing finances for the community association, because they just “don’t know what they’d do without you”.

The cost of “I’m too busy”

When you’re spread too thin, lots of little sacrifices made over time can gradually end up. You might find yourself feeling frazzled, forgetful and exhausted. Your executive function starts to suffer, as you juggle multiple deadlines and demands. And eventually, that stress can take a more serious toll – burnout, exhaustion, and a feeling of chronic overwhelm.

So whether you can’t remember what life was like when you weren’t overcommitted, or could just do with a refresher on how to set clear boundaries, take 5 minutes now to watch this:

Need a little more support?

If you know that taking on too much is a real challenge right now, you might want to take a look at BeFruitful. It’s our much-loved online time and energy management program designed specifically for busy women. It’ll show you how to free up 5 hours a week, minimum, whilst actually making you more effective. And setting clear boundaries is just one of the topics we cover in the easy bite-sized modules, to help you get to the root of your busy-ness as well as learning the practical tools to handle it.

Click here to find out more about the course, and enrol.

Who’s at your table?

If today’s video was helpful, I’d love to know how you’ve created better boundaries in your life. Share your tips below so we can help each other take care of our needs as well as those of everyone else.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.