One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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What self love is not

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

The concepts of “self love” and “self care” get talked about a lot in personal development circles. You might catch yourself thinking that you really should be doing more to take care of yourself, or show yourself love. (Feeling like a failure about your lack of kindness to yourself kind of defeats the point, don’t you think?). At One of many we have a very clear take on self love, and how it fits into our lives, so today I thought I’d break down 3 important distinctions to make when we talk about self love – and what self love is not.

Self love is not selfish

It’s a common assumption that loving yourself is a selfish or narcissistic tendency, when the opposite is true. Being able to accept yourself for who you are – imperfections included – is a really important step in becoming someone who’s able to be generous and forgiving of others.

The fact is, constantly feeling inadequate, or experiencing feelings of shame, doesn’t just affect you. Getting caught up in insecurity takes your energy and focus away from the things you’re here to do – whether it’s making a difference with your career, your family or your community.

Learning how to love yourself might in fact be one of the most generous things you can do.

Self love is not something you have to do alone

A bubble bath, a good book… our stereotypical images of self love often involve us being alone, and for good reason. Time to ourselves is a precious commodity in this hyper-connected world.

But learning to love yourself can be something that’s far easier to do in a group of likeminded others – people who can really appreciate your special qualities, and reflect them back to you.

On our retreats, and in the training we lead for coaches, many women experience for the first time what it’s like to be seen and truly appreciated. Even within the lively community of our Facebook Group it’s remarkable how much lifting up there is of one another; how much appreciation for all the hundreds of tiny unseen acts of courage we show in our daily lives.

If you’ve been trying to find a way to love yourself in isolation, maybe it’s time to connect with a safe community of women who can help show you what you’re missing – the things others notice that you might never have stopped to appreciate.

Self love is not a luxury

When you need comfort, reassurance, or just some time to rest up after a setback or a blow to your confidence, it’s really important to be aware of how you can best take care of yourself. That doesn’t have to mean having a full-on spa experience when things are going well and you’re feeling sky high. (Though that sounds lovely – sign me up!)

It’s also about noticing when you could do with a bit more rest, and choosing to have an early night. It might mean standing up for yourself when it comes to your demanding boss or needy friend, setting clear boundaries, and claiming some space for yourself.

Self love can be choosing to get up and have a glass of water when you need a break; making sure your kitchen’s stocked with nourishing food when you know you’ve got a busy few weeks coming up, or spending time with a friend who lights you up.

The Women’s PowerTypes™ perspective

At One of many, we use the Women’s PowerTypes™ as a tool to help us understand where we need to grow, and as tools to help guide our expansion. We each have a unique “profile” reflecting the PowerTypes we most easily embody, as well as those we find more challenging to step into.

These 5 powerful PowerTypes help us to show up fully as ourselves, whatever the situation, as well as showing us where we might want to focus our attention to see the biggest results when it comes to making change.

Each of the PowerTypes™: Warrioress, Sorceress, Mother, Lover and Queen – contains aspects of self love. Whether it’s honouring our playful nature, trusting in the mystery of the universe, or knowing we have the capacity to make great decisions, loving yourself starts by knowing that you are able to step into your power whatever the circumstances.

The two PowerTypes™ most relevant to self love are Lover and Mother.

When we’re in Mother, we are infinitely empathetic and compassionate. At our best, these qualities allow us to nurture ourselves as we do everyone else in our orbit. But when this aspect of our personalities is over-expressed, we can tip into the martyr, neglecting our own wellbeing to support others.

This is where the PowerTypes of the Lover comes in. Sensual and pleasure-seeking, she reminds us to honour our physical needs and delight in the world of the senses.

To find out more about the PowerTypes™, download our free guide to the Women’s PowerTypes™ – it’s part of Life’s Little Toolkit, our secret weapon of 5 free resources to help you through whatever life throws at you.

Click here to download it now.

And share your take on self love in the comments – how do you take good care of yourself in your day to day, and what tips would you give any woman who’s finding it a challenge?

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to say no politely

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

If you wear lots of different hats in the course of your life, you know how valuable it is to know how to say no politely.

It’s one thing to say no to things you don’t want to do. But finite time and energy also means turning down requests for things we’d love to do from people we’d love to help.

So, how to say no politely without sacrificing our relationships or letting people down?

In this episode of Jo & Co, I’m breaking down the really simple template I use when I need to turn down an opportunity that doesn’t fit in with my priorities.

I deliberately designed this to be really simple because these kinds of challenges come around so often, and when you want to be helpful it’s incredibly tempting to say yes. I wanted a quick little framework I could whip out every time, and I hope you find it helpful when it comes to honouring your time without letting other people down.

3 steps to a healthy “no”

In the video I share:

  • What you need to be clear about BEFORE you get the ask
  • The crucial distinction that allows you to say no without offending, letting people down, or hurting their feelings
  • My 3-step process that leaves the other person feeling you’ve helped them without compromising your priorities

The most effective people in life are the ones who are able to gracefully say no to everything that takes them away from their values.

Saying “I’m just too busy” won’t cut it – it implies that we’re frantic, stressed and short on time. It also suggests we’re so bad at prioritising we can’t actually make space for something we’d be interested in – what a mixed message! It can really leave the other person confused about where they stand.

Using this framework allows us to say no at the same time as building relationships and supporting those around us. That’s crucial if we’re to have our biggest impact, and it’s something we can absolutely help each other learn and practice. So, when you’ve watched the video, I’d love to know what you’re going to say no to! Let’s encourage and support each other in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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The Soft Power Revolution

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Last week saw us hosting our inaugural One of many™ Women’s Coach Training. It was truly a phenomenal week of transformation.

I have to say I am both thrilled and relieved to have accomplished this training at 37 weeks pregnant! And it struck me as a time of giving birth to two babies at the moment. Our own little Pumpkin, who has been upgraded from Peanut in the last month (can you see why from the picture?) and our One of many baby is also ready to be taken out further into the world.

This first coaching cohort are really fired up to share what they’ve been learning about Soft Power with other women and the world. But what is this thing called Soft Power? Where does it come from? Why do we use the term and what does it mean?

The state of women: bad news

According to UK statistics:

  • 29% of us are going to be treated for a mental health condition in our life compared to 17% of men
  • One in four of us are going to be diagnosed with depression compared with one in ten men1
  • We’re twice as likely to suffer with anxiety2
  • We’re 60% more likely to suffer job stress and burnout than men
  • 42% of our marriages are ending in divorce3
  • 40% of us are going to have cancer at some time in our life4
  • A sixth of couples have difficulty conceiving
  • The gender pay gap, at time of writing, is the highest that it’s been in 20 years5
  • We are less happy as a gender than we were 40 years ago6

Indeed, since 1972 more than 6 different studies of millions of people around the world have shown that women’s overall level of happiness has dropped both relative to where they were 40 years ago, and relative to men. Now, this is regardless of whether they have kids, how many kids they have, how much money they make, how healthy they are, what job they hold, whether they’re married, single, divorced, how old they are or what race they are. With the slight exception of African-American women who are slightly happier than they were 40 years ago, but still less happy than their men.

So, we’re getting less happy, even though we find ourselves at a time when we have more access to opportunity and more access to power than we’ve ever had.

So, how does a woman who wants to step up and make her highest contribution in the world and step up to leadership do that in a way which still allows her to be happy and healthy?

The state of women: good news

The good news for we women is that we’ve got amazing opportunities right now.

  • 80% of the newly self-employed since 2008 are women7
  • According to CNN women are the largest economic force in the world – not China or India
  • There’s a huge calling for more women on boards, in parliament, in leadership8
  • The Dalai Lama even said “the world will be saved by the Western woman”9

So, on one hand there’s a calling for us to step up and lead.  Many of us feel in our hearts that that’s the path and our contribution that we need to make. But on the other hand, we’re burning out, we’re sick, we’re infertile and we’re unhappy. What’s the problem here?

The One of many™ hypothesis

We propose that the power that it took to get us where we are, to create amazing opportunities, to compete and be taken seriously as a force in the world; is not the kind of power that is going to be able to sustain us here.

We need a new kind of power to be the woman that the world needs us to be.

Understanding Women’s Power

Stereotypically, there’s two kind of types of power that we’re most aware of right now.

One is, the bossy woman; she wears the trousers, the dominating, effectively very masculine Superwoman. But, she gets some stuff done.

The other powerful kind of woman that we recognise with is the woman who use sex as power. Think of our pop stars and our movie stars using that kind of sexy power.

They’re the two types of power that we tend to see most commonly in women trying to be “powerful”. And that’s because of the cultural paradigm that we live in. They’re the only two types of power that we’ve really given any credit to and, unfortunately, we’re playing with two keys on the piano, neither of which are particularly useful. But we’re in a masculine paradigm.

There is enlightening research by Hofstede’s into the relative masculinity of different cultures.  Highly masculine cultures display a preference in society for achievement, heroism, assertiveness and material rewards for success. Society at large is more competitive. Its opposite, femininity, stands for a preference for cooperation, modesty, caring for the weak and quality of life. Society at large is more consensus-oriented. In the business context Masculinity versus Femininity is sometimes also related to as “tough versus tender” cultures.10 This can lead to women acting like Superwomen to juggle all they have to do. Sound familiar?

What paradigm did you grow up in? Has it been more masculine or has it been more feminine?

Note also that the workplace itself though, is also another masculine paradigm. The domain of commerce and economics, since its inception many thousands of years ago, has been predominately dominated by men. It’s only really been very recently that we’ve seen anywhere near equality in representation inside of commerce. And there are some industries where it is still nowhere near equal. Especially in upper level management and board level, where we’re seeing still nowhere near equality of representation.

So, many of us live in countries that are embedded in a masculine paradigm. Then, we’re operating, as professional women in workplaces with unconscious bias towards the masculine. And then, many of us have individual experiences growing up that program us even further, to take on the masculine Superwoman archetype.

What’s the solution?

Our suggestion here at One of many™ is that instead of operating, always, in this masculine way we need to step into a different kind of power.

And we call that Soft Power. It’s no less powerful than masculine power. It’s just different.

Let’s define soft: “agreeable, calm, gentle, yielding”.

Now watch your response to this.  Note that any master of martial arts, will know that the greatest way to get power from your opponent is to absorb the impact of their attack and turn that energy back against them. So, being yielding is sometimes a really powerful thing to do; not always fight, fight, fight.

Power: etymology: the middle English, which is “to be able.”

It’s not about dominion over, it’s just about an ability to do anything.

How do we, as women, start to be more able using a different kind of power?

We find central to it is the collaboration of many and not just the pursuit of one.

Let’s look at another example so that you understand this.  If you were to buy a hairdryer in the USA, it is designed to use the voltage 110 volts. Your US hairdryer works perfectly efficiently on 110V.

If you were to take that hair dryer to the UK where the voltage coming out of the wall is 230 volts and plug it in you would short it out. However, if you were to plug in a British hair dryer into the sockets in the UK, it works with perfect efficiency.

What’s the difference? Is 230 V better than 110 V?

Is 110 V better than 230 V?

I don’t know and frankly it doesn’t really matter.

In just the same way, masculine energy isn’t better than feminine energy, what we would call Soft Power. And feminine is not better than masculine. It’s simply a question of what’s the right energy, the right voltage for your machinery.

Our bodies are designed to utilise more feminine energy than the average Western woman runs through her. We have breasts, a uterus, a different hormonal make up.  Our biology is different to men. Men look different to women, they have a different biological make up.

Does biology impact psychology?  Probably, but that’s not the point. What is relevant is that there are very many women burning out because we’re plugged into the wrong voltage.

If you’re living in masculine energy, with aggression, drive, that adrenaline fueled way of being will soon burn you out. Your marriage isn’t going to last long, your relationships are not going to last long and your health is not going to last long because your machinery is not designed to operate on that voltage.

So, what we invite you to explore- and that’s all we ask- is the possibility that there is a power that is more suited for you.

And it’s not about one or the other. Masculine or feminine all the time.

It’s about harmony.

Most of us ignore the feminine though because we think it is weak.

What are your thoughts when I use the word “feminine”? Let me know in the comments below.

At One of many™ we work with 5 Women’s PowerTypes™, all feminine, all strong:

  • Warrioress
  • Lover
  • Mother
  • Queen
  • Sorceress

What if we were to come from this place of Soft Power? What if we were able flow between masculine and feminine energy as required?

Sometimes you need nothing but a good bit of masculine energy to push through and churn out that project that needs completing by Friday afternoon. But, then you want to be able to go into your Soft Power when you get home to be with your family and your spouse because they’re not going to want to hang out with somebody who’s still pushing through and in overdrive.

It’s about harmony.

So, for many of us, we need to swing the pendulum back the other way. We need to learn to trust what we call our Soft Power. We need to re-discover the power in our softness and that is the journey that we’re all on here together.

If this blog resonates with you and you’d like to discover how you can use cutting edge, proven tools and techniques designed for the unique personal and professional growth of women then click here to find out more about our Coaching Certification.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

References:

  1. National Institute For Clinical Excellence, 2003
  2. The Office for National Statistics Psychiatric Morbidity report, 2001
  3. http://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20160105160709/http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/vsob1/divorces-in-england-and-wales/2011/sty-what-percentage-of-marriages-end-in-divorce.html
  4. http://www.cancerresearchuk.org
  5. Research by the Institute for Fiscal Studies. https://www.ft.com/content/94e2e7b8-6874-11e6-ae5b-a7cc5dd5a28c
  6. The Paradox of declining female happiness by Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers 2009 http://www.nber.org/papers/w14969.pdf
  7. http://www.prowess.org.uk/facts
  8. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/mar/05/not-enough-women-highest-levels-leadership
  9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suojNzKZ8ew
  10. https://geert-hofstede.com/national-culture.html
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How to change the world without sacrificing your happiness

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

I’m sure you’ve come across or known at least one person who had great intentions to change the world for the better … but they were so caught up in their principles that they came across as off-putting.

And as someone who also wants to change the world, even if you’d never admit it, it kind of makes you think,

“I want to change the world … but I don’t want to become someone like that!”

Let’s get this clear right from the start: you do not have to become a raging fanatic to change the world. (In fact, you probably won’t get very far if you do).

But you won’t be “normal”.

What’s normal anyway?

Larry Smith, an economist, has a fantastic TED talk in which he tells an auditorium of students why they will fail to have a great career. There are lots of reasons, but a large part of it comes down to choosing to be “normal”.

“Normal” is to work your job, take your wage, love your family, enjoying a hobby or two, and do pretty much nothing else. And if you’re reading this blog and thinking about changing the world, I can guess that “normal” isn’t enough for you.

But equally, you don’t have to take a vow of poverty, become obsessive, or go around badgering everyone who isn’t working as hard as you to change the world.

It is completely possible to change the world and live a good, happy life yourself.

I think a lot of us have been taught this idea that if we really want to change the world, we need to make a huge sacrifice, do something we “should” do but actually really hate, or that we have to become consumed by it, to the exclusion of living the rest of our lives.

Don’t get me wrong — if you want to pack up, move across the world, and work for a charity then by all means do it! That’s fantastic if that’s what your calling is. But don’t feel like you can’t make an impact on the world if you don’t do that.

My two biggest pieces of advice for doing this:

1. Define your realm

OK, so what do I mean by this? By defining your realm, I mean choosing the areas that you want to make a difference in. This is key, because if you try to make an impact on everything, you’re not going to make much of an impact on anything.

Deliberately limiting your realm also keeps you from becoming burned out. I know this can be hard for a lot of people (especially women, who tend to feel like we want to take care of everything), but you’ve got to preserve your energy so that you can make the most impact on those areas you do choose to work in.

2. Focus your energy on your actions, not others.

It’s also critical that you focus your energy on yourself first! By this, I mean that you’ve got to take care of yourself (because after all, you can’t help anyone if you don’t have the energy, money, or time to live). Ultimately, the only person’s actions that you can change are your own.

So start by getting your little energy ecosystem sustainable.  Are you nurturing and nourishing yourself, as you pour your energy into your businesses or causes?

If you are super passionate but find yourself struggling with your energy levels and feeling over stretched then join me for this webinar which will show you how to find an additional 5 hours a week (minimum!) so you can do what you feel called to do.

The second element of this piece is how you go about your “world-changing”.

A lot of people tend to focus on getting other people to change, and when that doesn’t happen the way they hope it would, they either get resentful, or they get aggressive.  That’s where you get the people who go around making other people feel guilty or badgering them about their beliefs — which often leads to the exact opposite result they were hoping for!

It’s about living knowing that every tiny action you take, or inspire, could be the one that makes THE difference… and simultaneously laughing at yourself for thinking anything tiny little you could do could make ANY difference.  It’s about big ambitions, and taking yourself and others lightly.

So focus on yourself and your actions first, and set an example that’s so attractive that people want to step up.

And now for the fun bit: since you’re reading this post, it’s a good bet that you actually do want to change the world. So tell me, what are you going to do? Let’s share and support each other in the comments below!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Jo&Co Episode #10 – 3 Simple Steps to Saying “No” Gracefully

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

One of the most common problems I see with my clients is overwhelm. Often they are trying to do too much and juggling a million and one things.

I work with amazing women, who are definitely here to make a big difference but paradoxically sometimes you need to do less in order to achieve more. And there is one tiny little word that will make all the difference in the world to you. You just need to get comfortable saying it and a great number of people aren’t.

That tiny little two letter word is … no.

Are you good at saying no?

I don’t just mean saying no to things you don’t want to do, that’s one side of the coin, but the flip side is sometimes you need to say no to opportunities that you may want to do. In fact, if you want to make your greatest difference in the world you’re going to need to learn to say no more.

Many of the women I work with find it hard to say no because they don’t want to let people down or offend them. Does this sound familiar?

The good news is you can do it gracefully and in today’s Jo & Co episode I’m sharing a simple 3 step strategy that will show you how to say no to the opportunity or invitation rather than saying no to the person. It makes a big difference.

Check it out and start practicing today. Let me know how you get on and please share this simple strategy with your friends.

For more on saying no and enforcing your boundaries, Grab your free Enough is Enough report now. In it you’ll learn how to gracefully set unbreakable boundaries and how to say no with ease, in a way that works for everyone. There are specific action steps for you to take to guide you on a gentle journey of reclaiming your space.

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Jo&Co Episode #9 – Needs

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

As women we have a tendency to put ourselves last and therefore deplete our reserves. Over the years I’ve noticed that men are much better at taking care of their basic needs.

We’re not talking about feeling fabulous here, instead just the simple things you require to be okay, to survive or be at neutral.

Things like…

• Enough sleep
• Being hydrated with enough water
• Being fed with a nutritious meal.
• Affection – Did you know that human beings need to be touched 8 times a day to feel connected and part of the world?

Like many women you may well be the lynch pin of your family, or even your wider community. You get to bring so much joy to the people around you when you’re fine.

Check out today’s Jo & Co episode for tips to help you take care of the basics, so you can bring your best self and make your biggest contribution.

 

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Why I don’t believe in Procrastination

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

If you’ve ever found yourself putting off an important task then this blog is going to be useful for you. We’ll be exploring what causes us to procrastinate and what to do about it.

In my experience of coaching highly successful women I’ve discovered that a lot of women tell themselves they’re procrastinating when actually it’s something else. So let’s start with a definition.

My definition of procrastination is putting off an important task.

It’s not putting off an unimportant task, that’s prioritisation.

It’s also not putting off an important task when you’re tired. By my definition that’s energy management.

For example, recently I needed to film 3 new episodes of Jo & Co (my online TV show), I’d been to the hairdresser, I was all ready to go back to the studio but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It would have been easy to think ‘I’m procrastinating,’ but when I took stock of all I’d been doing I just knew I wasn’t in the right energetic state to make great TV episodes. So I rescheduled, took a walk in the woods instead and replenished myself with some nourishing food, relaxing videos and an early night.

This brings me to a reminder of our One of many™ #1 Soft Power Principle which is first replenish your energy. I really can’t say this enough, your energy is the most important thing. So instead of engaging super woman to push through your to-do list when you need some time out, take it, you’ll be so much more effective and happier because of it.

From its Latin roots, procrastination literally means putting off until tomorrow.

But I don’t think procrastination serves us at all. So often the inner critic is having a field day, and to tell yourself you are procrastinating makes you feel bad about yourself.

Let’s face it, sometimes we need to defer important tasks. So instead of giving yourself a hard time I invite you to look at why you’re doing it because this always opens up a solution. Ask yourself ‘why am I deferring this important task?’

If it’s not that you need to replenish your energy (always start there) perhaps it’s one of these other 6 reasons…

  1. Lack of momentum.

One of the common reasons people don’t get things done is simply a lack of momentum. I’ve noticed this with a lot of my clients. If you’re starting a new business or are taking a shift in your business, the first thing you need to do is to get into momentum.

Start by prioritising what’s important and break it into smaller chunks so you can make a start. This begins to create momentum.

We teach this energy allocation process in our programs (especially BeFruitful) and at our retreats. It’s so powerful and exciting to witness the momentum build and burst forth into fruitful action.

  1. Out of Flow.

Perhaps it’s an out of flow activity for you. By this I mean it’s not aligned with your natural strengths and talents.

The simplest solution is to give it to someone else who can help you with the task. But that’s not always possible is it. When I was a solopreneur I needed to do a lot of out of flow tasks. For me, it’s the detailed tasks like the figures that I find most challenging.

The way I found to do it was the batching for energy matching process. Quite simply this means tasks of similar energy should be batched together. Then you reward yourself at the end.

I used to do my figures every Friday afternoon and then reward myself by having drinks with my friends.

As a business owner it’s important to know your figures, so I still have to do this task. What I do now is use the Women’s Archetypes to embody the most efficient and effective energy for the task at hand.

You can find out more about the Archetypes in our program Embrace: Your Soft Power (email talk@oneofmany.co.uk if you want more info).

  1. It’s Unpleasant.

Maybe you need to let go of a staff member, have a strong conversation with a client, or a difficult conversation with your spouse or teenage daughter. None of us can completely avoid the fact that on occasion these challenging and uncomfortable tasks arise.

The best way to deal with this is to do it first thing the very next day. Or in other words ‘Eat that Frog’, the well-known phrase from Brian Tracy’s best-selling book.

Don’t forget to reward yourself when you’ve done it.

In our BeOne community we have a buddy system, so women can create accountability partners for such life challenges.

  1. Overwhelm

Another commonality I see in high performing women is putting off things that take longer to do. Those tasks that require consistent effort get delayed.

Remember Soft Power Principle #1? Check your energy levels first. If you are low on energy then click this link to discover the overwhelm first aid approach with 10 simple steps to calm.

If your energy is ok, then take some time to break the task down into chunks to get that momentum going and schedule some time in your diary.

  1. Perfectionism

Sometimes you might put off completing or starting something because you fear it won’t be good enough. This is procrastination with an emotional reason.

First recognise that’s what you are doing. One technique we use is to future pace the imperfection. Annie Stoker, our head coach, is brilliant at this. Basically you think of the worst case scenario of the completion of the task and then keep thinking it through to fruition. Just what is it that you are really afraid of? It’s really important to bring some humour and give it some detailed thought. Remember, nothing is ever really the end of the world!

  1. Decision Phobia.

Are you in analysis paralysis? Wrestling around in the mental inability to make a choice, stuck on the indecision roundabout.

To overcome this try harnessing your Queen energy and just make a decision…any decision! There is no such thing as right or wrong. Just make a decision and begin moving, get the feedback, make another decision, get the feedback and so on.

In conclusion

To sum up when you feel a bit stuck ask yourself…

  1. Is this task important or unimportant?
  2. Do I have the energy to do it right now?
  3. If yes, why am I putting this off? Check through the 6 reasons above.

Very occasionally there is another factor at play. What you thought was important isn’t important to you!

In my experience of life (except when I need to replenish my energy), if I have energy for some tasks, the only time I don’t have energy for important tasks is because they’re not really important. I find the more I live on purpose and the clearer I am about my purpose, I always have energy to do tasks that need doing.

It’s hard to procrastinate when you’re really clear on your big why.

My takeaway message is be kind to yourself.

Can you see that it’s rare you’ll be putting something off just because you don’t want to do it? It’s more often than not one of the other 6 reasons and you now know how to overcome them.

You can explore all of these solutions in more depth in our powerful online program BeFruitful.

Let me know how you’re getting on by leaving a comment below.

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(Video) Dalai Lama on CNBC

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

In this 1min 5sec dose of common sense,  his Holiness says:

“Sometimes I feel that if the leadership of over 200 nations was with women, the world would be a little bit safer!  I really feel that!”

You know- I feel that too. You?

What’s more I was watching Michael Moore’s recent movie “Where to Invade Next” on the plane back home last fortnight. Now he and the Dalai Lama are polar opposites! But… he did a case study on the Icelandic banking collapse, and bankruptcy.  Did you know, every bank went under except one.  One run by women.  And their investment philosophy “we don’t invest in anything we don’t understand.”

Seriously- I think the world will be safer, and more secure financially too.

So ITS UP TO US to pave the way, to coach, to encourage to support the women who are going to make this difference.

This is a time of huge instability.

I deeply believe we women are core to the solution.

This is our time.

The world needs more women leaders.

Leaders need support.

Leaders need coaches.

If any part of your being is aching to support women to flourish and make their difference in the world, in a small or big way I invite you to explore joining us in becoming a Certified Women’s Coach. I’m running this free webinar on Thursday with all the details…

“The Secret to Coaching Women:
This Controversial Approach Will Transform the Results
You Get With Your Team, Your Clients and Yourself.”

on Thursday 17th May at 9am London time
(6pm Sydney time)

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I’ll be sharing our whole philosophy, and how you can take the tools and use them with the women you work with: your team your clients, your daughters.

It’s our time.

Join me.

Love Jo

One of many women feeling the momentum growing.

P.S. The response to this webinar has been amazing! We already have over 400 registered just from within our community.  If you know someone who works with women as a coach, therapist, trainer, consultant… or is considering a career change to work with women… please share this page with them.  We’d love to have them join us too!

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