Leadership Archives - One of Many

Stress: 6 warning signs that something’s got to change

June 17, 2021 By Joanna Martin

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Stress: 6 warning signs that something’s got to change - June 17, 2021
How to shift your energy - June 9, 2021
A surprising way to boost your leadership - June 3, 2021

I remember getting off the phone from a client. She’d had ME in the past. You know – that thing that most doctors don’t understand. That thing where they tell you “Just slow down”.

But she’s a small business owner. And she wants to be a successful one at that.

She told me “I’m exhausted and I don’t know how long I can keep doing this.”

I thought “You and about 1 billion other women.” (I didn’t say that out loud – I just thought it, truly!)

Seriously though – I look around me and I see many, many headless chickens.

All it would take is one nasty cold, or an unexpected bill, or a nasty fight with a lover and the whole tired house of cards could tumble. We’ve seen it in recent months. Add a global pandemic to an already-burnt out woman, and the impact is amplified.

I see too many women skating on very thin ice where their mental, emotional and physical wellbeing is concerned.

And that is 3 VERY overused metaphors in as many sentences. Which tells me that this is a state that is far too common!

So I decided, being a good doctor, to put together some signs and symptoms to look out for.

Let’s keep that headless chicken out of the house of cards on the thin ice, huh?

1. You find it hard to stop.

You know – you’ve finished your day’s work, and whoops – opened your email for one last look on the phone after dinner. Or you’re out on a date. Your date goes to the toilet, and you pick up the phone to check Facebook. Maybe you’re renewing your car insurance while watching Netflix, or talking on the phone while tidying the kitchen. When was the last time you did just ONE thing at a time. Or even… sat and did some nothing for a few minutes?

2. You’re a grouch more than you’d like.

It might be snarky comments to your spouse or kids. Or bitchy comments about work colleagues. Or perhaps you’ve been saving everyone the trouble and avoiding company because you don’t want to inflict yourself on others. However you slice it, you’re not proud of the way you’ve been lately.

3. You’re harsh on yourself

Have you been down on yourself a bit of late? Maybe it’s saying things like “I’m lazy, I just need a good kick up the bum.” Or telling yourself that it’s your own fault you’re overwhelmed – if you were more confident, you wouldn’t be in this place. Maybe it’s obsessing about your muffin top, greys or stray facial hair. But your self esteem is taking a battering.

4. You find it hard to find time for you

You know that pop culture says you should have more “me time”. But your time ends up binge watching Netflix, scrolling Instagram, or something equally escapist. Any time you do give yourself is numbing you, not replenishing you.

5. Your body hurts

Maybe it’s something specific – a cold you can’t shake. Maybe it’s sore legs, back, headaches. Maybe it’s as simple as when you open your mouth really wide you can tell how tight your jaw muscles are from unconscious tension.

6. Sleep is tougher than it should be.

Maybe its’ difficulty getting off. Maybe you wake up at 2am with your mind racing. Maybe you sleep like a log but can never get enough. High levels of stress hormones impact the body’s sleep in different ways.

Which signs are you showing?

All of us have some level of stress in our lives. That’s not always a bad thing! It keeps us engaged, interested, allows us to solve problems and forces us to prioritise.

But stress can become really detrimental to our health and wellbeing. This is of course not an exhaustive list, but when I’ve seen clients with 3 or more of these signs and symptoms, I know that they are operating at an unsustainable level of stress.

In my experience, it is only a matter of time until something gives. It might be health, it might be work, it might be the relationship. But we’re simply not built to keep going and going and going without reprieve.

Want support to beat stress – sustainably?

At One of many, we’re dedicated to creating safe spaces for women to share what’s really going on for them and find the support of an extraordinary community.

So I want to acknowledge and honor you, right now, because whether you found us 5 years or 5 minutes ago, you’re a part of what makes the fabric of this community.

You are a part of what makes this a safe space for us to admit things aren’t OK – and get the support we need.

Want more support – along with practical ways to create change?

If you need someone in your corner, if you want to lay down the burden, if you want a place where it’s normal to feel things, it’s normal to have challenges, and it doesn’t make you broken or wrong or helpless… I invite you to come and join us in Living the Change.

You’ll get access to all the tools and resources in our membership site, plus The Hearth, our private online coaching space space. Our in-house coaches are there to answer your questions and provide support whenever you need it.

This isn’t about whining or blaming or being victims. It’s a place to find an empowered sharing of what’s truly going on and practical tools and strategies to help you to create the life you want – to get the results you want to get.

Click here to find out more.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

A surprising way to boost your leadership

June 3, 2021 By Joanna Martin

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Stress: 6 warning signs that something’s got to change - June 17, 2021
How to shift your energy - June 9, 2021
A surprising way to boost your leadership - June 3, 2021

Sometimes the things which have the biggest impact on your world are the ones you least expect. That’s certainly what I discovered when I stumbled on a surprising way to boost your leadership. It’s something you might be inclined to dismiss as “frivolous” or “unnecessary” but for me, quite the opposite was true. So read on with an open mind!

A couple of years back, our family needed to move house unexpectedly. With two small kids and a business we run from our home, the upheaval was pretty intense. After the move, I found I really wanted to focus on replenishing my energy, making sure our community and clients weren’t impacted by what was going on, and spending lots of time with my family to make sure we were all settled in.

Decorating, arranging the house, sorting out furniture… all of that went way down on the list. I was happy with that, and if you’d asked me I definitely wouldn’t have said it was a problem.

Choosing dining room furniture, prettifying the bedroom?

I had bigger priorities.

Or so I thought…

Do you prioritise beauty?

Now you might not be starting from scratch with an entire house. But I bet there’s an area of your environment – a corner of your living room, your desk, the kitchen – that’s on that “must get round to it at some point” list.

It might function perfectly well – but it’s not beautiful.

That element of beauty is something we almost never think of as part of being a leader. Let alone think of it as a way you might be able to actively boost your leadership.

And yet, to my surprise, my experience proved different.

You see, after a period of time, it started to dawn on me that I was really finding it hard to continue to replenish my energy in a meaningful way. Knowing the possibility that I saw for the spaces in our home, and seeing them not being done was a constant loop running in my mind.

Every time I would walk from my bedroom down the stairs, through the house, to the kitchen and up to the office each day, I’d be walking past places where I had ideas, or I wondered what we could do to make it more beautiful.

It was just adding up as a stress.

And it turns out – science backs me up.

The science behind beauty

You might have heard that having beautiful things around us is supportive to our wellbeing, but it might interest you to know that there’s quite a bit of research to back this up. An interesting study back in 1984 looked at the medical records of people recovering from gallbladder surgery. They discovered that, all things being equal, patients that had bedside windows looking out onto leafy trees healed on average a day faster, needed significantly less pain medication and had fewer post-surgical complications compared to patients who had a view looking out onto a brick wall.

Since then, further research has shown that just three to five minutes spent looking at views dominated by trees, flowers, or water can begin to reduce anger, anxiety, and pain to induce relaxation in healthy people. And can even cause physiological changes on our blood pressure, muscle tension, heart and brain electricity.

Nature is so powerful that even pictures of landscapes can soothe!

And I think it even can go beyond that. There’s some interesting research done on behalf of the commission for architecture and the built environment here in the UK. The research demonstrates that beauty produces a positive, emotional experience in the observer, which enhances feelings of happiness and wellbeing.

Some of us are more or less sensitive to our environments than others. But for many of us, every time we walk through a space which is chaotic, that doesn’t look the way we’d like it to look, or that’s less than beautiful, it contributes to a sense of stress and lack of wellbeing.

Is it frivolous to focus on beauty?

Despite this evidence of its impact, beauty is one of those things that lots of us secretly judge as being a bit frivolous, perhaps a waste of time, a waste of money.

I know in my own experience it’s something which often falls to the bottom of the list. I’d be far more likely to invest in coaching or training than in the space I live and work in.

And yet I know that lack of beauty does stress and impact me.

So, one of the things I committed to doing,was just picking off a room at a time.

One of the things that I noticed, was that simply by opening up to the idea of making a space beautiful, I started to activate a part of me that I hadn’t paid much attention to: I began to feel into what I liked and what I didn’t like

“Yes, I like that”

“No, I don’t like that.”

Because, having had to ignore mess and having to ignore chaos for a period of time, I’d really had to numb myself out to what I did and didn’t like.

Can you relate? When you “tune out” from your own discomfort, it actually takes a while to get used to making choices again!

For me, that muscle of “Yes this… No that” had got a little bit blunted. So going through this process, just by picking off one room at a time, began to open up my own awareness of what I do and don’t like to be around, visually.

And I think for me, the bottom line of what I’ve loved about the process is that it has invoked and reactivated my Lover PowerType.

The Lover PowerType and how it can boost your leadership

The Lover s one of our 5 Women’s PowerTypes. These archetypes are role models of feminine leadership, that each contain qualities we can bring to different situations.

Lover is the part of us that is connected to bringing ambience and beauty and pleasure into our spaces.

She’s also the part of us that is the source of our own creativity.

She is the center of our own self care. She is the center of our sensuality and our sexuality.

And I’ve got to say spending some time with her has enhanced all of those other areas of my life: my creativity, my own sense of wellbeing and my relationship too!

As a leader, Lover is powerful and magnetic. Others are drawn to her presence; she makes everyone around her feel great.

Far from being selfish, when you can bring more Lover to boost your leadership you’ll find you’re able to create powerful connections and achieve new results.

By taking exquisite care of yourself, you open up the potential to create and connect on new levels with those around you, too.

If you’d like to discover your unique Women’s PowerTypes profile, you can do so for free with a ticket to the One Woman Conference happening 12-13 June 2021. Click here to find out more and book your ticket.

How connected are you to Lover?

Many, many of us women find the Lover challenging to connect to.

Here are two things you can do right away to begin to nurture this connection.

#1 Look at your relationship to beauty.

Is it like mine was for a time – a little bit closed down, or even something you don’t really even notice? And it’s just not important or interesting to you?

Is it something which you’re aware of, but you’re frustrated by because you feel for time or money reasons, you’re not able to do anything about it.

Is it something that’s really important to you?

Reflect on it for yourself. What, how do you relate to beauty? Perhaps you’d like to journal on it over the next couple of days.

#2 Consider the space around you.

It might be your home environment and your office space. It might be even in your car, your garden, anywhere you spend a significant amount of time.

How beautiful does it feel to you?

If like me, you look at it and it’s overwhelmingly not beautiful, then, you might want to consider doing something about it.

I’m not suggesting for a second that this has to be something that takes over your life and your budget!

But what I’ve been very pleasantly surprised by is those hidden places that you may or may not know about to bring beauty into a space. Finding hidden gems in secondhand shops, or passed on by friends or family. Maybe something you already use in one part of your home would work brilliantly in your office. Frame some kids drawings, find some plants to brighten your space, get creative yourself.

Be on the lookout for beauty.

And you might find it makes a surprising difference to your wellbeing and your leadership.

How about you?

Where do you find beauty in your life – and is it something you value? Have you ever looked down on creating beautiful spaces as being “frivolous” or “a waste of money” – or are you already conscious of the impact your external environment has on you?

I’d really love to know your thoughts on this – be sure to leave a comment and let me know!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Dissecting leadership: Jacinda Ardern’s leadership style

April 29, 2021 By Joanna Martin

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Stress: 6 warning signs that something’s got to change - June 17, 2021
How to shift your energy - June 9, 2021
A surprising way to boost your leadership - June 3, 2021

Today I want to share my thoughts on Jacinda Ardern’s leadership style – and why I see her as such a role model for women who want to create change.

First, let’s think about why there are so few women who display Ardern’s leadership style. When you look at the timeline of human history you observe that it’s only relatively recently that women were allowed access to the spheres of education, commerce and politics. It’s no surprise therefore that our role models for leadership were moulded to distinctly ‘masculine’ characteristics – competition, assertiveness, achievement.

In order to succeed as leaders women have tended to adopt these masculine traits. The successful female leaders we recall – the ones who ‘get stuff done’ – are often the ones with a singular focus, a desire to win, the ones who want to be seen as high achievers. The Superwomen.

Comic female superheroes exude the same masculine energy as their male counterparts. They fight, they are physically strong, they succeed by dominating. They are also drawn with the physical traits of the other female stereotype we associate with power and influence, the woman who uses sex as power.

However, more recently we have seen the emergence of a third example of female power. One that draws on more feminine characteristics – modesty, compassion, empathy – what I call Soft Power and exemplified by the New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern.

Finding the right energy

Before we look at the characteristics of Soft Power, I want to be clear that this is not an argument about what type of energy – masculine or feminine – is best for leadership. That is a question for the individual, only you can decide what energy you need to power your leadership, and when. There will be times when you need masculine energy to power through a particular challenge, and there will be times when Soft Power is more appropriate.

I founded One of many® to empower, support and encourage women to step into leadership. And to advocate for a greater understanding and appreciation of Soft Power, because I believe – and the evidence on burnout and stress bear this out – that we are currently missing out on a rich talent pool because the masculine role model of leadership burns a lot of people – particularly women – out.

The 5 C’s of Soft Power

The hallmarks of Soft Power are collaboration and collectivism. Facilitating collaboration requires a leader to be courageous, connected, compassionate, clear and creative.

● A courageous leader leads by example. Dedicated, involved, quick to act, they lead through championing their cause & participation.

● A connected leader looks after their own wellbeing and that of others, they lead through invitation & appreciation.

● A compassionate leader is patient and kind, always looking to bring out the best in others, they lead through love & encouragement.

● A clear leader is comfortable and certain of themselves. With a clear vision of what they want for their colleagues and customers, for their family and friends, they lead through vision & inspiration.

● A creative leader is innovative, curious, able to facilitate transformation, they lead through faith & wisdom.

The 5 C’s of Jacinda Ardern’s Leadership

Courage

It takes a certain degree of courage to lock down your country and close its borders. But it is a different type of courage to announce a national lockdown and then go on Facebook Live – fresh from (and still dressed for) bathing your toddler and putting them to bed – to answer questions about the new restrictions.

In that one Facebook Live from her home Ardern did two things. She showed that she was as involved and as affected as everyone else, explaining that she wanted to “check in with everyone as we prepare to hunker down for a few weeks”. Secondly she showed that she was as dedicated to the New Zealand people as she was to her young daughter.

Connected

There’s no surprise that Ardern is as loved as she is by so many. She brings her whole life force energy to everything she does. Fully embodied and fully present, she is connected to herself. Ardern’s leadership feels personal – as though we’re really getting to know her. But more than that, she is interconnected.

I have noted how she uses language to connect others. Approaching the end of lockdown in May 2020, she thanked her “team of five million” for the sacrifices they had made to protect the most vulnerable.

In her election acceptance speech last October, she used ‘We’ 30 times and ‘I’ only six times. Three times to thank people and the other three times to say ‘hope, believe and promise’. There’s no ‘I’ in Ardern’s team, she is a leader that leads from collaboration and connection, not individualism.

Compassion

I remember that feeling of revulsion, grief and huge sympathy when news of the New Zealand mosque shootings first broke. But showing that sympathy, wearing a hijab, and then addressing your Parliament with an Arabic greeting, all while under the lens of a western media arguably tinged with Islamaphobic sentiment, was an incredible demonstration of compassion. Ardern’s leadership exemplifies this compassion-led approach.

‘Be Strong, Be Kind’ is more than an election slogan for Ardern, it’s a way of being. When she hugged first responders after the volcano eruption on White Island killed 21 people, no one suggested it was just for the cameras. Similarly when she announced she would take a 20 per cent pay cut to her salary in recognition of the financial impact the pandemic was having on people’s incomes, no one said it was a publicity stunt. Her concern for the wellbeing of others is obvious and it is earning her widespread appreciation at home and abroad.

Clarity

Prime Minister Ardern has been clear and consistent in her COVID-19 strategy, “go hard and go early”. Border closures and a system of alert levels and associated restrictions were introduced within three weeks of New Zealand’s first COVID case being identified. Just over two months after the Country entered full lockdown, all restrictions were eased and by June 2020 sports fans were back in stadiums.

Throughout, Ardern has not tried to sugar-coat how challenging and difficult the response would be, but when asked early on in the pandemic if she was scared, she replied “No, because we have a plan”. Her resolute clarity was one reason why voters re-elected her by a landslide in last year’s General Election, and gave New Zealand it’s first majority Government in over 25 years.

Creative

Creativity in leaders can be misunderstood. People can think it means endless new ideas and initiatives, when really it’s the ability to facilitate change by questioning, listening and responding. Ardern wasn’t the only international leader who didn’t know how to handle a global pandemic. But unlike some of her peers she didn’t attempt to play down the threat, instead she quickly sought the advice of epidemiologists and then acted on it decisively.
Where other leaders might have focused on the specifics of the attack, Ardern’s response to the mosque shootings was to frame the attack not as an attack on muslims, but as an attack on everyone in New Zealand – (the victims) “are us” and the “perpetrator is not” she said; vowed never to say his name and then legislated to ban assault and military-style weapons.

A powerful example of the strength of Soft Power

As well as admiring her as a role model for Soft Power, I also connect with Ardern’s purpose. I founded One of many® because I want my children to grow up into a better world, and I believe greater diversity in leadership will help unlock that. Ardern says she got into politics because of children and wants to transform her country for the wellbeing of children and young people.

In her first term as Prime Minister she committed to halving child poverty in New Zealand by 2028. Conscious that our degrading environment will have huge consequences for future generations she announced a ban on single-use plastic bags throughout the country. During the early days of the pandemic she held a press conference just for children, saying they needed extra help understanding the pandemic, and followed it up days later announcing that Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy were essential workers and were exempt from lockdown.

Jacinda Ardern’s leadership style is a powerful example of the strength of Soft Power.

As she told The New York Times in 2018: “One of the criticisms I’ve faced over the years is that I’m not aggressive enough or assertive enough or maybe somehow, because I’m empathetic, it means I’m weak. I totally rebel against that. I refuse to believe that you cannot be both compassionate and strong”.

I agree.

Here’s to fierce compassion.

Who’s your leadership role model?

Let us know in the comments!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Guest post: Is ignorance bliss? How to stop avoiding your finances

April 22, 2021 By Mary Waring

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Mary Waring

Recovering superwoman | Dog obsessed | Never too old to change

Mary is a chartered accountant and chartered financial planner – one of only a handful of advisers in the whole of the UK with these qualifications. She’s passionate about changing the way women think about finance, so that they are better equipped to make informed decisions about their future.

Avoiding your finances? I definitely do not hold the belief “ignorance is bliss”!

Ignorance is a head in the sand approach to not dealing with those issues that cause any form of upset.

But, just like the constant, niggling pain you have which you can ignore for only so long before seeking medical advice, ignorance about your finances cannot continue indefinitely. At some point real life will come and bite you on the bum!

You either find out now, which hopefully gives you time to do something about it if needed.

Or you find out when it’s too late. And then you probably regret not doing something earlier and you kick yourself for ignoring it.

“Hindsight is a wonderful thing! But it’s called hindsight because we have it after the event rather than before.”

I’ve been lucky that since that situation I have rarely had to give such bad news. But I was reminded of that first instance yesterday when I had a meeting with a new client. Let’s call her Jane.

When reality hurts

Jane had recently divorced, had received a financial settlement and was planning her future, and feeling very positive about what was ahead of her. She had moved out of the family home some time earlier and was living in rented property. Following her settlement, she felt now might be the right time to buy a property.

However, she was unsure about where she wanted to be based, and was looking at the options of Scotland, Cornwall or London. And obviously the choice of location would involve a significantly different house purchase value.

We discussed in advance what she wanted her financial plan to look like, and decided on three different property purchase prices and a rental option.

The outcome for Jane: only the rental and lower purchase price allowed her to have the ongoing spending she wanted. For the other 2 options she would have to reduce her ongoing spending so much it wasn’t practical.

Was my client disappointed? Yes, of course she was, since she realised various options she had considered (including buying a property in London) was no longer viable. This was a bitter blow to her.

But as we looked at it further, she realised she still had many options. She could still buy a beautiful house and make it a loving and welcoming home for herself and for her children when they visited. She could still have a wonderful lifestyle enjoying holidays and many luxuries. We concentrated on the options that were available to her, rather than the options that weren’t.

As the meeting progressed, Jane started to see how she could use this knowledge to her advantage rather than dwell on the options which were no longer feasible. In many ways it made her choices easier because the London location was no longer an option to consider.

Avoiding your finances? Consider this

I firmly believe ignorance is not bliss. It’s a means of putting off the inevitable until it’s too late to ignore it anymore.

I believe knowledge is key. It allows you to make plans knowing you have the financial means to support your plan. After all, a plan which you can’t afford is simply a wish.

So, how about you? Have you been avoiding your finances?

Here’s a quick exercise to help you turn things around.

Think about all the areas of your money – your current spending/daily budget, investments, pensions, savings. How clear are you on your current situation and how clear on where you’re heading?
Is there an area you’re completely in the dark about?
How can you get the information you need to check you’re on track – print off statements, request an update, make an appointment with a financial adviser like Mary?

Do it today and get one step closer to taking back control.

Let us know your thoughts!

Do you think ignorance is bliss or do you prefer a plan?

If you want to have a confidential no obligation discussion, please contact me on mary@wealthforwomen.biz.

About Mary

Recovering superwoman | Dog obsessed | Never too old to change

Mary is a chartered accountant and chartered financial planner – one of only a handful of advisers in the whole of the UK with these qualifications. She’s passionate about changing the way women think about finance, so that they are better equipped to make informed decisions about their future.

You can find Mary online at the following links:

Twitter: @marywaring

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/marywaring

Website: www.wealthforwomen.biz

Breathing Underwater: stress about stress!

April 8, 2021 By Joanna Martin Leave a Comment

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Stress: 6 warning signs that something’s got to change - June 17, 2021
How to shift your energy - June 9, 2021
A surprising way to boost your leadership - June 3, 2021

Ever had one of those days when you feel like you’re drowning? When stress about stress seems to pile on, and you’re not sure how to find your way out?

Everything we need to do in our busy lives gets overwhelming from time to time. All of a sudden we are sinking and we can’t breathe.

On one memorable Sunday I had a deadline, a houseguest, a broken washing machine, a sick child and a birthday party all at the same time. I flailed around, uselessly grasping at straws and eventually gave up and let myself sink.

Naturally, the self-criticism was loud. Why is it that despite being bombarded with messages about me-time and meditation we still don’t seem to listen?

When I read about the dangers of stress, instead of doing something about it I stress about it…stress about stress! I don’t know about you but when I’m in a frantic state the last thing I think of doing is getting to a yoga class.

My mantra becomes ‘I don’t have time’ and the very choices that could help me most are the last ones on my mind.

(It’s the same way we find ourselves staying up late watching Netflix when we know we’ve got an early start. Or leaving a big work project until you can almost smell the deadline.)

If you’re feeling stress about stress, it’s a sign it’s time for change

Whilst it’s easy to joke about our lapses in self care – if we’re not careful, the idea that we’re “too busy to stop” can become something of a badge of honour.

We start to feel a little burst of pride or importance when we boast that we “don’t have time” to take care of ourselves. But running on cortisol takes a huge toll on our physical and mental health.

If you’re finding yourself swamped by responsibilities, and noticing stress getting out of hand, it’s a sign it’s time to take action. Listen to it.

The good news is, that action can be small to start off with!

Just enough to break the ‘Superwoman’ cycle, and get your head above water.

So if you keep forgetting to find twenty minutes twice a day for meditation, or if getting to the gym seems like an impossible dream this week, here are three quick fixes to start to create some space.

1 – Talk to Someone

The quickest and easiest way to get perspective on your stresses is to the share them with someone else. Often just the act of putting our worries into words makes them seem smaller. The thing is, we don’t talk like we used to and that’s okay. Text a pal, stick it on Twitter, post on Facebook. It’s all good venting. Chances are that if you write a ranty email to a friend you’ll feel better without even sending it.

2 – Look Up

One consistent message is that being in nature helps us to relax. Except it’s not easy to go for a country walk when you’re being pulled in ten different directions. We dismiss the advice because it is impractical. But there is one soothing natural beauty that is never far away. Are you by a window? Look up from the sink full of dirty dishes or the screen with ten different projects open and find the sky. Remind yourself that you are One of many. Feel the light on your face. Breathe.

3 – The Sixty-Second Massage

There’s a reflexology point about two finger widths above the armpit where the arm meets the chest. It’s called the Central Treasury. Stimulate this point by massaging here quite firmly with your opposite fingertips. Do this for thirty seconds then switch sides. You’ll find yourself instinctively breathing more deeply. The Central Treasury helps to increase blood flow and balance your emotions. It also feels fantastic!

Get out of overwhelm for good

If feeling like there’s too much on your plate is starting to be he background to your days, it’s time to make a change. We can only run on fumes for so long — and being constantly busy is getting in the way of the impact you’re really here to make on the world.

(Be honest. How much on your to do list would fall under the category of ‘things I’d like to be remembered for’?)

The Overwhelm First Aid Kit is our tried and tested method to calm the chaos and get yourself back to calm (with tea!).

Click here to download your free copy.

What are your favourite stress busters?

Let us know in the comments!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Guest blog: Just use the lotion! (How to put yourself first)

April 1, 2021 By Helen Reynolds

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Guest blog: Just use the lotion! (How to put yourself first) - April 1, 2021
Guest Post: What to wear to a 2-day event - February 27, 2019
Guest blog: How to build inner confidence - April 25, 2018

If you’re familiar with the 5 Women’s PowerTypes, the 5 archetypes of powerful feminine leadership, you might be one of many women who could do with boosting her Lover PowerType. Lover is the leadership archetype who delights in beauty and pleasure, and knows putting herself first is one of the most important ways she can grow her impact.

The biggest excuse I hear from women who want to increase their access to their Lover PowerType is this…

“I don’t have time to think about myself.”

Are you spending every waking hour making sure everyone else is OK to the detriment of yourself?

How long does it really take to smother your gorgeous body with that delicious body cream you got for Christmas? You know, the one you’ve been saving for a special occasion (when in reality it’ll remain on the bathroom shelf, gathering dust for years and then when you finally open it, it’ll smell a bit fusty..).

I timed myself this morning. It took me less than 20 seconds. I even found time to massage the cream into the soles of my feet.

Message: Use the lotion!

I want you to know that looking after your appearance isn’t frivolous or selfish or a waste of time.

It’s a way to respect yourself and your beautiful body. Remember that when you feel good, you have more to give. So today, let’s talk about how to put yourself first.

What makes you feel good?

Maybe using the lotion doesn’t feel like your way of feeling good, but I wonder what is?

Here are some alternative ideas for you to pick from (but please don’t pick one, pick as many as you can. I dare you!).

1. Choose your underwear deliberately.

Wear your nice knickers (even if nobody else will ever know).

2. Mix it up!

When you pick out your clothes for the day, make yourself choose something you haven’t worn for a while. Something else that you save for best perhaps.

3. Adorn yourself

Choose a piece of jewellery or a scarf from your extensive but neglected collection. Even wearing a ring that catches your eye throughout the day can feel good.

4. Use your lipstick

If a thick layer of bold lipstick feels too conspicuous for you, pop it on then blot it off to almost nothing. This creates a lip stain that can stay around for a surprisingly long time. Some women find a bit of colour on their lips works wonders (I have proof, I’m one of them). Give it a go and notice what a difference it makes to you. Does it make your eyes shine more brightly?

5. Wear your perfume

If you have a few bottles lurking around, decide how you’d like to feel today and choose the one that most reflects that.

6. Get painting

Find 20 minutes today or this week to do a mini-mani, heck do a pedi too whilst you are at it. Whether you’re a clear varnish person or a glorious, sexy red, you’ll notice your nails throughout the day, giving you a constant reminder that you looked after yourself – just for a minute.

7. Add an afternoon boost

Some women can get ready in the morning and still look pretty presentable by dinner. Most of us can’t! After your lunch, spend 5 minutes refreshing yourself. Brush your hair, wipe the smudged eye make-up away. Top up the lippy and spritz yourself with your perfume.

Why does this matter?

I’ve long been fascinated with the connection between how we feel and how we behave – which also has an impact on how we are seen but that’s another story…

This past 12 months, many of us have ditched taking care of ourselves as ‘unnecessary’. If no one else is going to see us, why bother?

But think about this. When you’ve had your hair done and your hairdresser has done a particularly good job, how do you feel? When you step outside the salon, how do you walk down the street?

Quietly and slowly with your head down?

Or head held high, longer strides and ready to break into a smile at the first cheery face your eyes meet?

I call this feeling ‘bouncy’. If you haven’t felt bouncy for a while, you really need to start giving your appearance some TLC. Not because you HAVE to look a certain way, but because when you feel good, you bounce. And when you feel bouncy, you are more likely to find the joy in life.

Dress for you and everyone else benefits too

My passion is supporting women to dress in a way that makes them look and feel like the very best version of themselves. This doesn’t mean always being dolled up to the nines, being suited and booted or wearing spanx every day.

I dress a woman for who she is inside and how she wants to be seen. I’ve been through this transformation myself and know that feeling good in your clothes isn’t actually about the clothes.

Of course, I know how to dress a woman in outfits that fit and flatter and are true to their style, but the reason I love this work SO much is because of the unexpected outcome of great style. When my clients undergo their personal style transformation, they feel more confident, they make better and closer connections with their friends, family and colleagues or clients and they want to be more visible. Whether in life or business, they seize opportunities, get out there and lead a bigger more fulfilling life.

How will you put yourself first?

So please use the lotion – or some of my other tips, and notice how it makes you feel. Leave a comment here on the blog and let’s share the joy of helping yourself to feel good (and bouncy!).

About Helen

Helen is a stand for feeling fabulous instead of looking fashionable – because when you feel good, you look good. For female business leaders who dare to express who they really are – and need their wardrobes to catch up and support them in shining bright.

Find out how to up-level your personal style with Helen’s free video series ‘5 style tips to look your most fabulous self.’

www.helenreynoldsstyle.com/tips

Guest blog: How to stop standing on the sidelines

March 25, 2021 By Nadia Finer

About
Latest Posts

Nadia Finer

Boxer with a legendary left hook | Daughter of an inventor | Shycologist at Shy and Mighty

I’m Nadia Finer, and I’m on a softly-spoken mission to help shy people be more mighty. I know what it’s like to struggle with shyness. You see, all my life I’ve had a little voice. Really little. The kind of voice that makes random people tell me that I should be a cartoon voice-over actress. A voice so little that when strangers ring my house phone, they ask me to put my mum on the phone. It’s no wonder I’m often shy and self-conscious!

I have spent the last 13 years helping people of all ages overcome their fears and insecurities so that they can step out of the shadows and achieve big things, without changing who they really are. I'm writing a new book called Shy and Mighty, (published by Quercus) as well as a book about shyness for kids.

I’ve travelled the world, speaking at international conferences, and have appeared in the Guardian, Radio 4, Entrepreneur.com, The Telegraph, The Independent, HR Magazine and on BBC Radio London.

To find out more about Nadia's work, check out her website and join the shy revolution at www.shyandmighty.com

Do you know what it’s like to be standing on the sidelines?

I do.

As a quiet student in a noisy class of super brains; as the girlfriend of a cute boy in a band; then a football widow, a soccer mum, and most recently, a business owner afraid of putting herself out there… standing on the sidelines is the story of my life!

I’m expert at standing back and watching other people shine.

And it turns out I’m not alone. 57% of us are shy. Half of the population are standing awkwardly on the edge of life, watching the other half get stuck in.

We are capable, smart and intelligent. We have knowledge and skills and experience. We have ideas, hopes, dreams and vision. We’ve got it going on. And yet, we hold ourselves back. We hide.

It’s happening in school, in relationships, in the home, in meetings, in organisations and in society as a whole.

Why shy people don’t get heard

Faced with the powerful force of loud, self-assured voices, we shy people can’t seem to find ours.

We stand back. We put our own opinions and wants and needs to one side. We let other people speak for us. We let other people shine.

We worry about being judged. We shrink away from competition and self-promotion.

We work and work and create and make. We worry about messing up, saying the wrong thing, or being criticised.

We feel like we’re not good enough, like our ideas are not valid and our voice doesn’t matter.

So, we keep our gifts locked away inside us. We don’t put up our hand. We don’t hit publish. Or send. Or unmute. We stand back and watch as other people get the recognition we deserve.

We stay standing on the sidelines — when we could be playing full out.

What happens when we’re shy?

When we stand on the sidelines, we miss out on experiences and fun and success and fulfillment and opportunities and happiness. When we allow our self-consciousness and insecurities to control us, we end up feeling stuck, frustrated and alone.

According to my research, shy people are less likely than outgoing people to get good jobs and earn lots of money. Shy people are half as likely to be happy than outgoing people.

Shy people are not broken. You don’t need to change who you are.

But, if your shyness is causing you to miss out, that is an issue.

And we are not the only ones missing out.

When we are silent, society as a whole misses out too. You have so much to offer.

The world needs your quiet, carefully considered perspectives, your innovative ideas, your intelligent solutions to complex problems, your authentic voice, your empathy, and your kindness.

If everyone was loud and shouty, nobody would be heard and nothing would get done! We’ve seen what happens when the world is dominated by loud people.

And that’s why we shy people need to embrace our shyness, to work with it, and find our voice. Because, we are the shy potential.

4 ways to find your voice and stop standing on the sidelines

#1 Talk about shyness

Shyness is not a shameful secret for people to mask and hide. Let’s start a conversation and make it easier for shy people to express how they’re feeling. If you get a sense that someone you’re close to is shy, start a conversation and invite them to share their experience and fears, so that you can better understand and support them.

#2 Create the conditions

Instead of feeling like a victim of shyness, let’s take control of our lives and create conditions that work for us. For example, if you find it hard to get a word in during remote meetings, suggest to your manager that you submit your ideas after each meeting. It feels good to be in control!

#3 Remember your purpose

Focus on the reason why you’re doing what you do. Your people need you. They need you to speak up and share what’s on your mind. Your purpose is more powerful than the fears holding you back.

#4 Find your voice

Shyness makes us want to hide away. It can make it hard to speak up. So much goes unspoken. Look for different ways to express yourself, privately, without worrying about judgement or perfection. Write a journal, start a book of doodles, learn to crochet, sing in the shower – choose something that feels easy and fun for you.

Are you standing on the sidelines?

Are you a shy person… or perhaps you feel confident in some contexts, and not in others? Do you feel like you’re standing on the sidelines of your life, wishing you could take part? I’d love to invite you to find your voice and say hi in the comments below. Let me know if this article resonates with you, and if you’ve any other helpful tips to share!

Meet Nadia

Boxer with a legendary left hook | Daughter of an inventor | Shycologist

I have spent the last 13 years helping people of all ages overcome their fears and insecurities so that they can step out of the shadows and achieve big things, without changing who they really are. I’m writing a new book called Shy and Mighty, (published by Quercus) as well as a book about shyness for kids.

I’ve travelled the world, speaking at international conferences, and have appeared in the Guardian, Radio 4, Entrepreneur.com, The Telegraph, The Independent, HR Magazine and on BBC Radio London.

To find out more about Nadia’s work, check out her website and join the shy revolution at www.shyandmighty.com

Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman

March 4, 2021 By Joanna Martin

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Stress: 6 warning signs that something’s got to change - June 17, 2021
How to shift your energy - June 9, 2021
A surprising way to boost your leadership - June 3, 2021

With a big mission to transform the lives of one million women leaders, International Women’s Day is an annual celebration for us. And in 2021, our campaign focuses on WHY we’re doing what we’re doing. #ForTheNextWoman

Why #ForTheNextWoman?

In these volatile times it’s become more and more clear how much inequality and injustice there is in the world. The UN theme for #IWD21 is ‘Women in leadership: Achieving an equal future in a COVID-19 world’.

Which has led to many of us asking ourselves the question — is changing my own life really enough?

In the face of all the GIANT things that need to change in the world, is focusing on your own needs selfish?

Here’s my take on this.

I believe that one of the ingredients we need in order to create a thriving, just and equal world is capable, empowered women.

Women who are not afraid to say ‘I matter’ and ‘what I want counts’ and to bring pleasure and joy and excitement into their own lives.

It’s really important, of course, that we also change the systems. The exploitative, extractive cultures and our unconscious biases that cause harm without us realizing it.

But I don’t think we can wait until the systems themselves are fair to take action. If we can equip and empower women by showing up in SPITE of the current systems, we can become one of many women moving the dial for the ones who come next.

If, right now, your focus is on sorting out your finances, or being there for your kids, or supporting your team — never think what you’re doing isn’t enough.

You’re modelling a new way of being in the world. And it’s one that will, I hope, have repercussions for generations to come. #ForTheNextWoman in fact.

And when you’re fully resourced, capable, energised and ready to make a difference your impact will be far greater. When you’re standing in your power – nothing is impossible.

How are you making a difference?

Someone shared a gorgeous quote into the BeOne community this week. It’s a Chinese proverb:

When sleeping women wake, mountains move.

And women in our community are part of that process of waking up. When we know how to fill up our energy, set clear boundaries, make powerful decisions and collaborate effectively, it’s time to turn that power back out into the world.

To create a better future #ForTheNextWoman

The tools we share at One of many are designed by women, for women, and they help women around the world create extraordinary results.

For our coaches, they’ve allowed them to make an extraordinary impact this year.

Take Caroline Doran. We spoke to her at the end of last year, when she shared how profound an impact she’d had with her clients in 2020.

“My clients are in the charity sector. There’s a lot going on and it’s very difficult. I started quite a big coaching contract just as lockdown started, which was just amazing timing. And I got so much from helping people through this huge kind of ‘what the hell is happening?!’.

Being able to support people through that space of coaching, it gave me such a great sense of purpose and focus”.

Or Jen Goddard, an actuary. She told us

“I’m involved now in our gender diversity network in the office, trying to bring more of the coaching skills across the board and trying to get people to recognize how that can work.

Because what you so often see in talent programs is that people who are doing well get better. And the ones getting left behind are still left behind.

So I wanted to find the people who aren’t thriving, but would be talents if we could just get them to look after themselves. You know what I mean? It’s going from “let’s find some female talents and promote them” to “actually, let’s make everybody better”. And even the playing field in that way.”

I love seeing our coaches doing the work they do #ForTheNextWoman.

How about you?

And so, this International Women’s Day, we’re inviting you to join us in this celebration of women and the difference it makes to the world when we’re empowered. Here’s what to do.

#1 Spend some time thinking about who you’re making changes for.

Are you standing up to your boss so that the next woman in your role won’t have unreasonable demands on her? Are you sharing the honest version of your life on social media, so that the next women feeling like a failure will laugh and know she’s not alone? Are you showing your kids, your niece or nephew that you’re stepping up and making the world a better place?

Take a moment to acknowledge what you’re doing. It might seem small, but you’re part of a far bigger movement. Celebrate the impact you’re having on your own corner of the world — together, we are having a mighty impact.

#2 Shout your message from the rooftops!

We’re giving away a scholarship to our Coaching Certification for one of the women sharing the changes she’s making #ForTheNextWoman. So if you’ve been inspired by the difference our coaches are making in the world, make sure you take part to be in with a chance of getting your training costs covered by us! To take part, simply:

Post a message/photo/video on your personal page or profile on social media AND in the BeOne group, explaining who you are stepping up for
Tag @oneofmanywomen and, if they’re on Facebook, a friend/relative/client you’re stepping up for this International Women’s Day.
Make sure to use the hashtags #FortheNextWoman and #IWD2021 and tag @oneofmanywomen

We’ll select a winner from the posts shared and Jo will officially announce the winner on her Lunch and Learn live on Tuesday 9th March.

Have fun!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

5 easy habits to create positive change

January 21, 2021 By Joanna Martin

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Stress: 6 warning signs that something’s got to change - June 17, 2021
How to shift your energy - June 9, 2021
A surprising way to boost your leadership - June 3, 2021

A while I was speaking to a friend who was feeling a little bit blue. She’d spent the previous weekend at a personal development seminar, and left feeling upbeat about how to create positive change and the road ahead for her business.

But over the next few days she had felt that positivity drain out of her, one good intention at a time.

Can you relate? Have you ever found yourself momentarily boosted – by an inspiring quote on social media, an uplifting encounter with a friend, or a training that brought huge realisations. And then felt that hope gradually drain away, as the reality of the to-do list and the demands of everyone else around you seeped back in?

How can we create positive change in the face of all our challenges?

It got me thinking about positivity, and how important it is to maintain a positive attitude, especially at the beginning of a new journey. Whenever I welcome a new member to one of our trainings or programs, I know she’s probably feeling a mixture of excitement, and also nervousness. That “What have I let myself in for?!” feeling. I’m sure you know it well!

It’s only natural that learning how to create positive change can feel tough at first. Let’s face it, it’s often discomfort with where we are that inspires us to do things differently. If everything was rosy… you probably wouldn’t be starting out on that journey of change in the first place.

As things progress you will start to see evidence of positive progress. But at the beginning, all you have is hope.

For those very first steps, you have nothing but faith in yourself and your ideas. And those around you can be understandably wary of change. They won’t mean to undermine you, but they may well feel nervous about you choosing to do things differently.

So how do you keep positive? How do you create positive conditions so that positive change can flow?

According to psychologist Shawn Achor, when your brain is happy, it “performs significantly better than it does at negative, neutral, or stressed. Your intelligence rises, your creativity rises, [and] your energy levels rise”.

In other words, learning how to cultivate a positive mindset doesn’t only make your day to day experience of life more pleasant. It can have an impact that allows even more positive experiences to flow your way – a “virtuous circle” if you like.

So here are some simple ideas to help you create positive change:

#1 Get grateful

At One of many we’re big fans of a simple practice called “thinking and thanking”. In a nutshell, at the end of each day, you scan back over the events of the past 24 hours and notice all the positive things that have happened. The synchronicities, moments of happiness, good fortune. It could be something huge, or it could be really small.

The sun came out while I was drinking my tea. The car passed its MOT. I didn’t blow my top when my kid pushed all my buttons.

Say thank you, and ask for more. Pretty soon your brain will start scanning for the positive in your life rather than the negative.

#2 Tell your story

This is a really powerful practice when you’re feeling low, and aren’t sure how you’re going to overcome the challenges you’re facing. Write down a positive experience from the past. Describe what happened and how it made you feel. Try to be as detailed as possible.

Reliving a time when you experienced how to create positive change will allow your brain to experience it twice, and remind you of what it feels like to achieve something wonderful.

#3 Meditate

Many of us are so busy spinning on the roundabout of our daily lives that the chance to step off is invaluable. As women we pride ourselves on our ability to multi-task. And when you’re on the path to create positive change, it can be tempting to push yourself even harder. But a few minutes of meditation every day will give you the chance to pause, reflect and focus on the task at hand.

Maybe, like me, you find the “sitting still and focusing on your thoughts” kind of meditating challenging. If that’s the case, try and find a way to connect to the present that works for you. Maybe it’s dancing to a playlist of your favourite songs. Taking 10 minutes to drink a cuppa in the garden and listen to the birdsong. In Living the Change, Annie Stoker leads a “Dynamic Meditation” sessions which are incredibly popular. Find something that works for you, and make it a habit.

#4 The Sunshine mail

Each day when you open your inbox, send a positive message to someone. You could be thanking them for something they did, or showing your support for their journey, or congratulating them for something they achieved. It could be a quick text, an email or a supportive comment on social media. What a beautiful way to feel part of a collective journey, and to make others’ lives that bit brighter.

#5 Emotional hygiene

This might be an unexpected addition to a “positive thinking” list. But if you’re serious about change, it’s important to remember that you’ll experience ups and downs along the way. That means finding out how to handle your “negative” emotions too – the rage, grief, sadness, and anything else you might encounter.

How can you safely acknowledge and express your emotions, without allowing them to take over? There are plenty of resources to help you in the Living the Change program. Or try talking to a coach, or using simple journalling exercise like this one.

Hope thrives with simple habits

Positive change cannot come from outside. But it can come from short, simple exercises that, done regularly, will rewire your brain to work more optimistically and more successfully.

How do you stay positive? Have you tried any of these? Let us know how they work for you. And if you’d like to discover more tools and resources to help you navigate life’s challenges and have the impact you’re truly capable of, check out Living the Change: our online coaching program to help you create the life you want.

Click here for full details and to join our community.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care

November 12, 2020 By Joanna Martin

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Stress: 6 warning signs that something’s got to change - June 17, 2021
How to shift your energy - June 9, 2021
A surprising way to boost your leadership - June 3, 2021

When it comes to coaching and burnout, there’s a really important distinction many women aren’t aware of when they seek support.

If we’re not mindful of this potential trap, we can find that the coach we’ve hired to try and prevent us from burning out completely, can actually make things worse.

Why?

One word: Superwoman.

How Superwoman can sabotage your support

Many of us habitually find ourselves in “Superwoman” mode when things get tough.

She’s the part of us who needs to be achieving 100% in every area of her life, all the time. She HATES asking for help and sees any kind of vulnerability as weakness.

We call Superwoman the archetype of our time for good reason. She’s ubiquitous among high-achieving women who care.

And in this short video, I explain how coaching can go wrong when we’re still wearing our Superwoman cape – and how you can do things differently.

What women need to know about coaching and burnout

Coaching and burnout – what’s your experience?

If you can relate to this, I’d love to know your experience. Have you found yourself turning professional support into a reason to raise the bar still higher? Do you tend to approach personal development as a way to push yourself further, and do you have any tips to share when it comes to stepping off the treadmill?

I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments below.

And if you’d like to know more about One of many‘s approach to coaching, make sure you’re part of the BeOne community. We’re going to be sharing details of an upcoming workshop very soon, to give you the chance to experience it firsthand.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.