One of Many

Woman looking to create change

post

How delegation can be used to empower others

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Delegation is a vital tool for any leader. After all, there’s simply no way we can do every task that crosses our plate. But delegating well requires more than simply firing off an email or setting a task for a colleague. When you know how delegation can be used to empower others it doesn’t just free up your time – it helps you cultivate stronger, more resilient relationships and experience true support from those around you.

First, know what’s yours to delegate

One of the hallmarks of Superwoman – the disempowering archetype of our time for women – is her belief that “Everything is my responsibility”.

Tiffany Dufu is a writer and leader who’s achieved undoubtable professional success: A launch team member to Lean In, she previously served as President of The White House Project and was named in Fast Company’s League of Extraordinary Women. Her book, Drop the Ball, explores how letting go of our need to achieve perfection in every area of our lives.

In an interview with Marianne Schnall for the Huffington post, Dufu explained how hard we can find that to do – and why it matters so much:

“The biggest ball that I needed to drop was just this huge ball around unrealistic expectations and just doing it all, and ultimately that’s the ball I feel like women should drop. And it’s the most insidious one, and it’s the reason why the book is called Drop the Ball and not How to Get Other People to Pick Up the Ball.

Because in my experience, once I dropped the ball, it really did open up a whole new world of possibilities for what I could attain and what I could achieve, in large part from just engaging the people around me.”

Before you begin to delegate, then, ask yourself: Can I simply let go of this?

Can I let myself off the hook, and allow someone else to step in – perhaps by saying no, not speaking up… or simply doing nothing?

Delegating is an action that requires energy.

And there may be things on your list that, when you get realistic about your expectations, don’t even need to be delegated: they can simply be crossed off.

So, first things first: look at what’s on your list. Is there anything you can formally give your permission to let go of – can you experience what it’s like to consciously “Drop the ball?”

In Tiffany’s experience:

“I got so overwhelmed that I eventually did start dropping balls… not that I was necessarily trying to. And I discovered that the world didn’t fall apart, and I had never had that experience before because I had always been someone who cared deeply about not dropping balls and had been paranoid about not dropping them. And so, it kind of kept them up in the air.

…if there’s one thing I feel like we need more practice in, it’s just failing publicly. To know that life can still go on.”

When you do choose to delegate, do so effectively

So you’ve looked at your list, and perhaps been able to cross off a few things that really don’t need to be done by you, if at all.

Inevitably, there will still be some things to delegate.

(Some of them you might not want to – but they simply aren’t priorities, and they still need to happen. You can’t do them yourself, so it’s time to let them go.)

How can you pass them on in a way that creates the best possible chance of them being completed effectively?

Without dumping them on a hapless colleague, or undermining the person you’re asking?

Well, over time, I’ve identified 6 distinct steps to effective delegation that actually empowers those around you.

1. Get their full attention

It might sound obvious, but this is important.

It’s essential if the conversation is to be an empowering one, because it means that you’re also giving them the gift of your attention, should they have queries or concerns.

A face to face conversation is ideal; a phonecall second best. If you need to delegate in writing, say via email, make sure you’re clear about what you’re asking, and invite them to respond as appropriate.

2. Tell them what you want them to do

Make it clear what the task is.

You’re not telling them how to do it – just what the outcome is that you want.

3. Tell them why

There’s nothing more disempowering than simply being told to do something without knowing why it matters.

Even if it seems obvious, it bears repeating. You’ll never know if you have a bigger picture, or a different angle, on why this is important at this particular time. Make sure you share that, so that you’re on the same page.

This really helps foster a sense of trust and collaboration, rather than hierarchy.

Think “Here’s why we need to do this” rather than “This is why I’m telling you…”

4. Agree a time-frame

Note the word “agree” – you’re not imposing it!

Ask them when they can do it, or let them know what your deadline is. This is an opportunity to model good time management, by acknowledging that they have other priorities, and giving them space to consider where this new task fits in.

If you think the task you’re delegating needs to be higher up their list, try asking “What would you need to move to have it done by Monday?”.

Makign sure you’ve clearly shared the “Why” behind the task is a crucial piece here – as it helps contextualise timescales and make clear what’s at stake if it doesn’t happen by a certain date.

5. Ask for understanding

Especially if you’re in a position of seniority, make sure you open up communication.

Think about how you’d like someone to check in with you – maybe ask “have you got that?” or “do you need anything else?”.

In terms of the Women’s PowerTypes, the most effective energy to delegate from is that of Mother. It allows you to remain sensitive to the wellbeing of your team and support them to work at their optimum level.

(To understand more about the PowerTypes and how you can use them to become a more effective leader, click here).

Iron out any concerns and make sure they know where to get the information they need.

6. Schedule follow up

Remember, you’re delegating – not abdicating. So you need to know when you’re going to check in, and have a method for recording that: perhaps a separate section on your to-do list, or a reminder in your calendar.

How do you delegate?

Got a tip on delegating to share – or an example of when you’ve felt empowered when someone delegated to you? Let us know in the comments.

Great leaders lift others up

The leadership we’re cultivating at One of many doesn’t rely on having power over others. Instead, it allows us to empower those around us while standing in our own Soft Power – and feeling confident that we’re taking the actions we need to to have the impact we want.

If you’d like to find out more about this new leadership paradigm, Be Powerful is our 12 week course. It can help you explore a more powerful way of showing up in every area of your life – including setting boundaries, delegating, and discovering what you really want.

Check out the full details here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

Guest blog: Why are resolutions so hard to keep?

By

Sara Price

Sara Price

Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author.
Sara Price

Latest posts by Sara Price (see all)

As I write this, it’s January. A new year. And a time when many of us are promising ourselves that this year will be different. This year, we will stick to the diet / never smoke again / learn to play the guitar / travel more / be kinder…

Our good intentions are endless and, to paraphrase Mark Twain, the odds are that we will spend the rest of the year paving the road to Hell with them.

A few weeks in, how are you getting on? Is your enthusiasm waning? Are you making little deals with yourself?

I’ll start again on Monday…
I didn’t mean I wouldn’t drink at all, just Monday to Thursday…
One cigarette won’t hurt and then I’m really going to quit…

Let’s be honest, have you ever made a resolution and stuck to it right through to the end of the year?

Why are resolutions so hard to keep?

Maybe the clue is in the word. We define resolute as

“To be admiringly purposeful and determined, unwavering, adamant”

Who can keep that up? It sounds exhausting and just the sort of stage that Superwoman likes to strut about on. Woe betide anyone who can’t keep up… anyone who is less than “admirable”!

It seems to me that we are setting ourselves up to fail. We’ve adopted an approach that may fit with our cultural paradigm of drive, competition and dogged determination but is at odds with how we feel when we’re anticipating change.

Change can be decidedly anxiety-inducing. We often feel uncertain, nervous or ill at ease when we’re planning changes to our habits and our lives because it doesn’t matter whether the change is for the better, we’re used to what we know.

Taking a step into a new way of being can feel like a leap into the unknown and it’s unlikely we will be ‘unwavering and adamant’.

So, if resolutions are so hard to keep, is there a better way?

A more effective way to make resolutions

Our resolutions are often defined by society’s or our family’s expectations and determined by what others want or have suggested. There is no surer way to set yourself up to fail than to make a commitment that fits with someone else’s vision of your life.

Step one: get in touch with your own vision.

Stand in your power and dream the next 12 months into being.

Close your eyes and imagine that you are on your way to a party on 31 December 2019. You’re excited to see friends and family and share with them all the joy of the twelve months that have just passed. And as you get ready to leave and look back over the year, what are the highlights? What are the key moments that you want to share?

Now come back to the present.

What do you need to do to bring those moments to life this year?

Step two: Choose joy

Our resolutions are often focussed on things that we ‘should or shouldn’t’ do. These are words I have banned from my vocabulary. You won’t find joy in going through the motions out of a sense of obligation or duty – there is enough of that in life already.

Instead, I suggest you make resolutions that will ‘spark joy’ and act as a wonderful counter-balance to some of life’s inevitable drudgery.

It might be something you’ve always wanted to do but never tried; a place you’ve always wanted to visit; a new skill you’ve always wanted to master.

Here are some of the joy-filled resolutions that I, and my clients, have made over the years to inspire you.

Feel free to borrow any that spark joy in you:

  • To visit Las Vegas
  • To swim in the ocean every month
  • To learn archery
  • To visit a castle every other month
  • To start a book club with my closest friends
  • To learn Italian
  • To drive along the North Coast 500 in Scotland
  • To finally say ‘yes’ and marry my true love
  • To quit my job and retrain as a coach
  • To take a sabbatical of at least three months and rest until I’m well again
  • To have a party every season
  • To make 6 new friends
  • To stop keeping clothes for ‘best’ and wear something sparkly every day

Step three: Ask if now is the right time to make resolutions

And, of course, you could decide not to make any resolutions at all in January. Winter is a time for bedding down and returning to the earth.

Enjoy the feeling of being rooted and settled, take the time to think and to replenish yourself before Spring when the sap is rising and it may feel more natural to make changes.

When you’re ready to start thinking about change, it’s worth considering getting away from your usual haunts and habitat. Despite its modern meaning, the word resolution actually comes from a late Middle English word meaning to loosen or release.

So, release yourself from everyday triggers and learned habits. Loosen your mind to wonder and dream.

In your dreams, you already know what you want.

In your dreams, you already know what intentions to set.

In your dreams, you already know how to get to that wonderful place that you’re going to.

Perhaps it’s time to resolve less and dream more.

About Sara Price

The Knitting, Baby-whispering Karaoke queen!

Sara is a One of Many coach, a mentor and one of the first cohort of certified One of Many trainers. In addition, Sara is Founding Partner of one of London’s leading communications agencies (Pagefield) and is authoring a book entitled ‘How to Actually Change the World’.

Sara has teamed up with physiotherapist/Pilates instructor Jo Turner and nutritionist/hormone specialist Nicki Williams to create a unique women’s retreat experience in Umbria, Italy.

The ‘What’s Next’ retreat will take place from 23–29th June 2019.

For more information and for an exclusive One of Many 10% discount on this retreat, please see our webpage https://www.real-retreats.com/what-s-next-itinerary or email realretreats@gmail.com

post

When you just don’t get along

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Now and again, all of us find ourselves in a situation where we have no choice but to spend time with someone we just don’t get along with. It might be – as I experienced a while back – the stranger you’re stuck next to for a 14 hour flight. Perhaps you’re wedged in next to your never-satisfied sister for a long family dinner, or landed the task of managing a really difficult colleague for a high-stakes project at work.

These people might be perfectly fine in their own circles – but you can’t stand them. And yet you have no choice but to share space with them, for a day, a week, or even longer. How can you handle the time you spend with them with aplomb?

When you don’t get along with someone in your team

As a student, I loved theatre, and when I was in my sixth year of med school I directed a play for our University theatre group. There was one actor – my leading lady, no less – who I just didn’t click with. And as time passed, the gulf between us worsened. She repeatedly showed up late for rehearsals and I found her attitude totally unprofessional. Finally, just two weeks before the performance, things came to a head.

“I quit,” she told me, when we finally sat down for a 1:1 chat. “This just isn’t fun. Your expectations are too high; it’s an awful environment to be in. I can’t do this any more.”

I was furious, but I couldn’t avoid it: I had a big problem on my hands.

And this is exactly the kind of outcome we don’t want from our interactions with people we find challenging. By the time you get to the point of your team member resigning or your Christmas dinner thrown into disarray by a big blow up, it’s often much harder to come back to a place of peace.

Even if you’re not at the point of outright conflict, as a leader it’s important to be able to manage the energetic flow in a way that doesn’t affect your goals just because you don’t “click” with someone.

In our Lead the Change program, women with diverse backgrounds and aims come together to explore the foundations of their leadership. Inevitably, not all of them will instinctively find rapport with each other straight away. So one of the important skills we cultivate as leaders is how to maintain communication and compassion, even with people you don’t gel with. Here’s how.

Using Mother to foster compassion

The PowertType I turn to when I want to respond with what I call “energetic appropriateness” in situations like this is “The Mother”.

Watch a wise mother interact with her children and you’ll see her moderate her voice, words, and body language instinctively in reponse to the needs of her children. This is the skill set we want to tap into when it comes to managing difficult people in our lives.

The Mother has access to amazing compassion. She wants things to be OK – but, crucially, the wise mother knows she has to let her children learn their own lessons. She doesn’t have the urge to fix everything, or to prove herself “right” when she sees that they’re making mistakes.

This makes Mother a profound choice when it comes to staying in relationship with people who are having upset or who are triggering us.

How to tap into Mother

1. Shift into a place of compassion.

Connect to compassion, love and understanding. Beyond your surface differences, think about how you can care for this person. Sometimes it helps to literally imagine them as a child – innocent and wanting to be loved.

2. Deeply listen.

Make eye contact with them, and focus on what they’re actually saying – not whatever judgments are running through your head. See if you can “read” their energy too. The actress in my play had been “showing” me with her energy for some time that she wasn’t having a good time. There may be clues here as to what they need to feel supported and safe.

3. Repeat back to them what you’re hearing.

Use the same words they’ve been using with phrases like “it sounds like that was really frustrating”. This is what we call “active listening”, and it means taking the time to reflect back the person’s words so they really feel heard and understood, before trying to respond or help.

4. Ask: “What do you need” or “How can I support you?”

The practice of connecting to Mother is not about solving the problem. So it’s important not to assume you know what’s best, but rather to allow them to stay empowered. You’ll find this especially important as a leader when you’re managing a team.

What we’re looking for here is a way for you to be authentic and stay true to yourself around someone you don’t find it easy to get along with.

There might not obviously be something the person needs your help with, in which case you might use a phrase like “That sounds like it’s been really hard” or “I’m sorry to hear things have been tough lately.”

Give the gift of presence

The most important thing to remember is this: BE PRESENT WITH THEM.

Come from a place of compassion and presence. You’re not trying to fix or change anything – that will only lead to more frustration. How can you accept them as they are?

The most powerful gift you can give is the gift of your compassion. Bring your presence and your compassion, and just be with them.

If you find yourself in judgment

If you find yourself rolling your eyes or internally ranting at their shortcomings, remember this: The judgements in your mind probably say more about you than they do about them.

When I think back to the clash I had with my leading lady back in student theatre, I can see that my immature response was to blame the entire situation on her. With hindsight, I can see that an awful lot of what triggered me was my gradual awareness of how much of a perfectionist I was, and the impact that had on my effectiveness as a leader. (I didn’t know how to have fun in those days, and I’ve since learned how important it is to temper high expectations with warmth and appreciation.)

We often draw into our lives people who trigger things on an unconscious level. So if a particular quality drives you crazy, think about what lesson there might be in there for you. That’s not to say you won’t come across people whose views are unethical, behaviour untrustworthy, or political opinions anathema to your own. But when you can’t escape them, falling into conflict likely won’t help the situation either.

Use the Mother PowerType to access compassion, and stay in your power when it comes to your interactions.

And if you could do with some support, click here to join our lively community and ask for the help you need to stay strong, even when you’re dealing with challenging people.

How about you?

Have you found yourself stuck in a situation with someone you didn’t get along with? Do you have any tips for someone else in a similar situation? Share your story in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

How coaching is different from mentoring

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

The question came up just a couple of weeks ago in our One of many coaches group. One of our certified coaches had been approached by a colleague to provide some support – only, was it coaching they wanted, or mentoring? It got me reflecting on just how coaching is different from mentoring and why it’s so important that we get that distinction right.

Why we need to know how coaching is different from mentoring

At first glance, it might not seem like a massively important distinction. After all, if you’re looking to make progress in your career and need some wise counsel from someone else to do that, does it really matter what label you stick on it?

But there are lots of reasons why it’s really crucial that the distinction is clear from the outset of any relationship like this. Here are just 3:

  • Trust: Coaching and mentoring have different expectations around things like confidentiality and the scope of each session. It’s vital that both parties understand what’s being asked for – and offered – before they take part.
  • Payment: Coaching is a professional undertaking which usually requires payment. In many, though not all, professions mentoring is something offered for free by more senior individuals. For obvious reasons this is an area that it’s very important to have clarity around from the start!
  • Training: If you’re working with a coach, it’s reasonable to expect a certain level of professional training or significant experience; a mentor might not have formal training, but there will likely be certain pre-requisites of taking on this role.

Without clarity in these areas, any relationship can quickly become strained.

So how is coaching different from mentoring – and what should you be clear about from the start?

Here are 5 key areas the two can differ in – and some questions to ask before you start.

1. Coaching and mentoring have different goals

Typically, a coach will work with you towards an agreed goal. For example, you might want to focus on a particular ambition, like reaching a new level of financial growth in your business; getting clarity on your purpose; or improving a specific relationship, with your partner or your children for example. Within an organization, a coach might support you to reach a specific sales target or quarterly goal.

The purpose of mentoring is likely to be slightly different. Mentors tend to be more focused around career growth, often looking at a result that which the person mentoring has already achieved. They might support you with developing your leadership, managing a team, or writing a book. Often (though not always) the goal will be less specific, and the relationship more open-ended, than a coaching one.

Questions to ask: What’s the purpose of this relationship? How will we know when we get there? At what points will we review that goal?

2. Coaching and mentoring require different training

One of many coach Jane Lewis noted this important distinction:

“Generally a mentor is an expert in your mutual field; usually more expert and often better connected than you. A coach may know much or nothing about your field. Typically a mentor may be more directive BUT both – if they are any good- will demonstrate devoted listening skills, and great questioning ability.”

Jane’s touched on an important point here, which is that good mentors and coaches often have overlapping skills and even experience – both may be successful, good listeners, and have an aptitude for helping others to grow.

However, coaching is a distinct skillset in itself, and one which can be trained in specifically. Coaches use specific tools to help activate growth and empower you to take control of a particular area of growth.

A mentor, on the other hand, may simply be able to provide advice through virtue of their experience so far. That can be just as valuable, so long as you’re clear about what they can and can’t offer.

Questions to ask: What training have you completed? What kinds of strategies have you used to help other people? Will you be using these tools to help me reach my goal?

3. Coaching and mentoring cost different amounts

This is one of the most important differences to be clear on from the start, whether you are the person being coached or the one giving the support!

The expectations of mentorship vary greatly in different professions and organizations. In some, senior roles come with the expectation that mentoring less experienced colleagues is part of the equation. In others, mentorship is considered something to be paid for.

Coaching, by contrast, is more often expected to be paid for – if not by the person receiving it, then by the organization who have arranged the coaching. If you’re at all unsure then make sure you ask this question clearly.

And if you’re the person charging for the sessions, then needless to say you must make certain you have the clear understanding and agreement of the person you’re coaching before you begin.

Questions to ask: What is the expectation around payment? If I’m paying, what is included in the cost?

4. Coaching and mentoring take place over different timescales

There are no hard and fast rules here. But mentoring is more likely to be an open-ended or fluctuating arrangement, whereas coaching packages often last for a set length of time, and have sessions of a fixed length – typically one hour.

You might meet every quarter with a mentor to receive “big picture” advice on your career, and fortnightly with your coach for specific support around a goal.

Or a mentor might invite you to stop in for a quick chat whenever you have a query, or want to get their thoughts on a project, whereas your coach might set you tasks to complete in between fixed sessions.

Whichever is true for you, be sure to ensure that you leave space to review the arrangement, so that everyone’s clear about what will happen if things change, and when you’re finished working together.

Questions to ask: How many sessions will we have? How long will they last for? How will we know when it’s time to finish working together?

5. Coaching and mentoring ask different things of you

Coaching often involves significant transformation. It requires a level of trust on the part of both parties and a real commitment to growth on the part of the person being coached.

Mentoring, on the other hand, can be more about developing your skills within a specific profession. While calling on you to grow, there may be less of a personal growth focus and more attention paid to your abilities in practice.

Questions to ask: What’s expected of me in this relationship? What can I expect of you? What do we think will be the outcome of our work together?

Every relationship is unique

Mentoring and coaching are both hugely valuable processes – and both are relationships based on trust. As you can tell, although there are “rules of thumb” when it comes to expectations there are key areas where they can overlap, and so it’s really important to make sure expectations on both sides are clear before you start.

If you find yourself providing advice or guidance to other women, and are keen to develop your skills and gain clarity around how you can best support them, then take a look at the free online training:

“The Secret to Coaching Women: This Controversial Approach Will Transform the Results You Get With Your Team, Your Clients and Yourself.”

Click here to register and we’ll email you full details to access it.

It contains what I’ve found to be the “missing piece” of most coaching methodologies – and whether you’re a coach, manager or leader I think you’ll find the tools I share really helpful.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

What does professional coaching certification actually do?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

There are some industries where qualifications really matter. As a med school graduate, I’m definitely happy knowing that doctors have been through the rigours of that particular training before they’re let loose on patients. And yet whatever industry you’re in, there’s almost certainly some training that’s not compulsory, but looks tempting. In the coaching world, there’s no requirement for any training before setting up a practice. So what does professional coaching certification actually do? 

And how can it make a difference to your career?

The points I’m about to list take professional coaching certification as an example, but the truth is they apply to you whatever area you’re thinking of getting more qualified in.

Lots of us find ourselves wishing we felt more confident in our abilities, and extra training can seem like a tempting way to get that approval. But if it doesn’t make a real difference, it can be an expensive and time-consuming way to find yourself back where you started. So, before you invest, weigh up the pros and cons:

What professional coaching certification does

Professional coaching certification can give you confidence

“Imposter syndrome” is the name for feelings of shame or inadequacy when you don’t feel good enough, despite evidence to the contrary.

It’s not to be confused with those very valid feelings of uncertainty when you’re starting something new – after all, beginners in any area have a lot to learn, and it’s natural not to feel like an expert straight away.

When it includes feedback from experienced practitioners, certification allows you to understand where your ability falls.

When you’ve been assessed by a trainer, you’ll know whether your core competence is up to scratch and which areas you need to work on, so you can focus your energy accordingly. Instead of going round in circles worrying you might be less competent than you feel, you’ll be confident in what you can do and what you need to learn – so you can concentrate on building your experience.

Professional coaching certification can give you peers

We all love to “talk shop”. Whether it’s mums in the school playground or lawyers after a big case, letting off steam and comparing experiences with others helps enrich our practice and reassure us that we’re not alone.

You can always reach out to others in a similar industry. But completing training with a cohort of peers is unique, because of the connection it brings to others who have experienced what you have.

Think about how many women stay in touch with their peers from pre-natal classes, or the friendships we make at school or university.

Learning together is a bonding experience, and one which can be a powerful support to you as your career grows.

Professional coaching certification can give you tools

When it comes to coaching, or any other industry where you’re legally able to practice without any mandatory qualification, such as yoga, certification has a specific role.

It gives you a framework of tools to draw on with clients, and to guide them to achieve specific outcomes. It also allows you to know who you can work with most effectively, and what kinds of results they can expect, because you’re using techniques that have been tried and tested by thousands of other people.

Without it, however naturally gifted you are you’re more likely to find yourself in a situation where you’re not sure what best practice is. And that can be especially tricky if you don’t have a support network or mentor to lean on for advice.

…. And what it doesn’t

Professional coaching certification can’t give you clients

People want to know what outcomes they’ll achieve from working with you. So it’s true that being able to walk prospective clients through a structured program, or talk about the tools you’ll use is definitely an advantage.

And there’s no doubt that if your business takes off, coaching can be a lucrative and fulfilling career, as well as one with exceptional potential for choosing your own style of work.

But when it comes to setting prices, building a referral network and growing a business, coaching certification is no magic bullet. The same goes for getting qualified as a yoga teacher or desginer. If you’re investing in training because you think that having your own business is a ticket to limitless wealth, it’s time to have an honest chat with your training provider about how realistic your expectations are.

Professional coaching certification can’t give you a guarantee

Just as your paycheck isn’t guaranteed by your coaching certification, the kind of experience you’ll have after getting certified as a coach is never set in stone.

If you’re someone who’s motivated by getting approval from others, you probably thrive in a learning environment, but may find yourself becoming anxious about the uncertainty of the future when you finish. Just having a certificate is certainly not a guarantee of what the future will hold for you (hint: there’s no such thing!)

The good news is, if coaching is your thing then many professional coaching certification programs offer you the chance to be coached as part of your learning. It’s one reason why our graduates rave about the residential intensive they complete.

So while courage isn’t guaranteed, and there’s no fail-safe way to know that coaching will deliver everything you want it to, you may find a sense of renewed trust in yourself and your ability to navigate the future is a happy side-effect of your training.

Professional coaching certification can’t give you permission

This is a big one for lots of us. Many women are raised to feel that we need to have “permission” to be seen, to speak up, and to make a differencein the world.

If you find you’re constantly in a cycle of finding your new passion, completing training, and then not quite turning it into action, it may well be that certification or an extra qualification isn’t your next step.

Instead, it might be time to do some 1:1 work with a coach so that you can find out what you’re really seeking, before you make a big decision to invest.

You can find a One of many certified coach near you by looking at our coaching directory.

The most important question:

What are you really looking for?

So before you make an investment in training of any kind, think about what you’re really looking for. Are you looking to gain skills, network with your peers, boost your business, or find a mentor?

Use that as the starting point for your conversations with your training provider.

Whether you’ve trained as a coach, set up a practice without qualifying, or completed advanced training in a different field of work, we’d love to know your experience. Has it made a difference and was it the one you expected? Let us know in the comments below.

And if you’re curious about what makes the One of many approach different, you might want to watch a free online training I’ve recorded: The secret to coaching women. Just click here to register. 

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

How to get over mother guilt

By

Thea Jolly

Thea Jolly

In-house Coach at One of many
Thea is one of our Certified Coaches and part of the coaching team on our the Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.

Thea's mission is to help women feel at peace with themselves - because only then can they make their biggest and boldest contributions to their families, communities and the world.
Thea Jolly

Latest posts by Thea Jolly (see all)

This article is by Thea Jolly, one of our Certified Coaches and part of the coaching team on our the Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.

Thea’s mission is to help women feel at peace with themselves – because only then can they make their biggest and boldest contributions to their families, communities and the world. And today she’s sharing 5 simple ways to get over our guilt.

How much time and energy do you waste feeling bad about your parenting? Do you second guess your decisions, worrying about saying no and upsetting your children, or do you try to please everyone, despite it compromising what you believe in? Or perhaps you experience a constant low-level guilt about not being the ‘Perfect Mother’ and being able to Do-It-All.

Welcome to modern motherhood – and indeed, modern womanhood. Even if you’re not a mum, the steps I’m sharing with you today are incredibly powerful when you apply them to any situation you find yourself feeling guilty about.

Often our guilt is in direct proportion to the expectations we have of ourselves, of the bar that we set ourselves. And in some areas it’s just too high.

When we are at our best we are light-hearted and happy, following our intuition, allowing life to flow and opportunities for growth and nurture to unfold. Guilt gets in the way of that.

So how do we stop? And how do we let our softer, natural, more effective Mother out to play?

5 ways to deal with mother guilt

1. Call it out.

The first step towards change is to notice what is going on. As the saying goes, knowledge is power, and self-knowledge is the ultimate power.

Start noticing whenever you feel guilty about something and instead of ruminating, say to yourself:

‘I’m noticing I’m feeling guilty about x, and that’s OK. I’m a human being feeling a human emotion.’

This labelling helps you to distance yourself from the guilty thoughts and emotions – like an observer who’s not so personally involved – which reduces their power over you.

2. Notice your stories.

Every second of the day we are interpreting the world around us, through our bodies and minds. None of those interpretations are true – they are just one of many realities that we create depending on our mood, our beliefs and a million other filters and factors that affect our neural connections.

When guilt strikes, ask yourself what story you are telling yourself.

For example, I’ve noticed that I often feel guilty about feeding my children processed pizzas. If I stop and ask myself what story I’m really telling myself the answer might be:

I’m telling myself that good mums never feed their children pizza, and that because I’m not making time to cook meals from scratch, I’m a bad mum. I’m telling myself the story that all other mums cook healthier meals than I do.

I’m painting a black and white picture where pizza is bad and no-pizza is good. I’m telling myself that my children will get obese, and develop diabetes and die early from cancer because I’m not a good enough mother and it’s all my fault.

I’m also telling myself the story that it’s too hard to do anything else and that I’m stuck here feeling bad about feeding my kids pizza every Friday.

Written down, I’m sure you can see how untrue this story is. There are elements of truth – processed pizza isn’t the healthiest of meals – but the extrapolations and meanings I’ve taken from it are not true.

I won’t kill my children with pizza. There are hundreds of habits and factors that will affect my children’s health. There are thousands of moments that will contribute to my parenting, and most of them will be nurturing and positive.

Start questioning the stories you are telling yourself and make a conscious choice about whether to believe them or not.

After a while you will notice your favourite stories, and will be able to say to yourself: Ah, that’s my ‘I’m a bad mother story’, ‘I can’t cope story’, or ‘pizzas are evil story’ and let it go.

3. Know your values and boundaries

Sometimes guilt is a response to actions that occur because your boundaries are being crossed or your values are being compromised.

For example, I’ve realised that for me personally my pizza story was a sign that I wasn’t living in line with my values. I believe in fresh, wholesome food and while my family generally eats this way, I know in my heart that the balance has slipped more towards convenience and extra treats than I’d like.

And so I have to ask myself: what could I do that will make me feel more in integrity with my values around feeding my family, while also acknowledging that I’m busy and don’t always have the time or inclination to cook?

Then, because I know that I’m working towards a better balance I can reassure myself when the tabloid ‘Bad Pizza Mum’ guilt rears its ugly head.

4. Get into your Queen PowerType.

One of the biggest surprises for me when I started working with the 5 Women’s PowerTypes™ was how effective being in the Queen PowerType is for the difficult moments of parenting.

The 5 Women’s PowerTypes™ are the powerful role models we use at One of many to tap into our strongest feminine leadership, and the Queen is just one of them (the others are Warriroress, Sorceress, Lover and Mother).

A Queen just knows what to do. She leaves all the self-doubt and second guessing to others and calmly and confidently states what is needed in any particular situation.

And she doesn’t do guilt. She looks after her needs, is aligned to what she wants for herself and her family and knows what the right action is.

So when guilt strikes, stepping back and asking ‘What would a Queen do/say?’ is often enough to reassure yourself that what you are doing is the right thing.

When my children complain about not liking certain meals I cook, I can go into Queen, align myself with my values of health and vitality and calmly say ‘This is what is for dinner today.’ No drama. No guilt.

5. Let go of responsibility

This might sound weird for a mum, but honestly, if there is one thing I’ve learnt during my parenting journey it’s that we are not responsible for our children’s happiness.

As harsh as that sounds, it is not our job to manage their emotional well-being.

Obviously we do our best to be compassionate, caring, inclusive, loving, nurturing and all those wonderful qualities of Mother, especially when they are young.

We can encourage them along the way to managing their own emotions – but we only hold the space for their journey, and cannot force it to play out a certain way.

When we try to cajole, influence or control the well-being of others so that we can feel better it can be counter-productive. You can only lead with integrity, not force your family to follow you.

Next time you are feeling guilty ask yourself: ‘Is this my responsibility?’ Quite often the answer is no.

Are you simply feeling bad because, naturally, you don’t want your child to feel bad?

You are responsible to act in accordance to your highest values of behaviour (i.e. respect, love, enthusiasm, integrity etc.) and to the vision you have for your family.

How your children respond is not your responsibility, it’s their opportunity to learn and discover themselves.

My children are now 16, 14 and 11. They are old enough to know what foods are good for them and make their own decisions. I can teach, model and provide a balanced healthy diet but ultimately I have to gift them the responsibility to look after their own bodies and health.

I can also choose to acknowledge with compassion, that this letting go is sometimes scary, extremely annoying, fraught with arguments and mistakes on both sides, but that ultimately it’s what being a mother is all about.

Finally, it’s important to note that sometimes guilt is appropriate.

Maybe you’ve behaved in a way that wasn’t your best self. That’s OK. Guilt is there to prompt a response: to make amends, apologise or change a habit. But when guilt itself is a habit, linked to who you are, not to how you are behaving, it might be slipping into the arena of shame – which is not useful for parenting in any way (but that’s a whole other blog post..).

How about you?

Thea Jolly: How to get over mother guiltDo you experience “mother guilt”, or do you recognise some of what I’ve described here in your life outside of motherhood? We’d love to know your experience of guilt and whether you find these strategies effective when it comes to coming past it – leave a comment and let us know.

Thea is one of our Certified Women’s Coaches, and is an in-house coach on our Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.

To find out more about Thea, and how you can work with her, click here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

5 ways to give effective presentations

By

Cath Daley

Cath Daley

In-house Coach at One of many
Cath is one of our Certified Coaches on our the Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes. Cath’s passion is helping women to tap into their natural feminine talents to be extraordinary leaders and compelling speakers.
Cath Daley

Latest posts by Cath Daley (see all)

This blog is by Cath Daley, one of our Certified Coaches on our the Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes. Cath’s passion is helping women to tap into their natural feminine talents to be extraordinary leaders and compelling speakers. And today, she’s addressing a thorny issue for any of us called to stand in front of a crowd.

Are women worse at presenting than men?

The answer is yes.

Why?….. because we think we are.

And it happens at all levels.

Several years ago I was at a business conference and went to hear the female CEO of a global private bank speak because it was so unusual (and still is!) to see a woman in that role and wanted to hear what she had to say.

She was introduced by a man called John and the first thing she said was “I’m sorry, I’m not as good a speaker as John so you’ll have to bear with me”. This set the bar really low because John wasn’t actually very good.

I have never yet heard a man begin his speaking slot with that sort of apology but over the years have heard many versions of that from women.

From my experience men are more likely to assess they are better than they are and tend to blag it whereas most women are likely to assess they are worse than they are and avoid it.

And it can have a knock-on effect on your leadership. Many women leaders are brilliant at what they do but miss opportunities to be more visible and gain more professional credibility as leaders because they don’t volunteer to present or avoid speaking to groups or get others to do it for them. Men get nervous too but they don’t self- sabotage in the same way women do.

So how do women self-sabotage?

1. Through Self- talk

Presenting is one of those areas where Impostor Syndrome and the Inner Critic kick in big time.

When you are put in the spotlight it can be scary – even the thought of it can trigger those negative emotions and patterns of behaviour and that’s when the self- talk starts…..

“The part of me that’s hidden away may be on display…. and I’m not good enough!”

“I know I’ll forget what I’m talking about and then I’ll look stupid”

“What if I go red? That will be so embarrassing”

“Everyone will be looking at me and I don’t look good/am too fat/ have got wrinkles etc”

“Why would anyone want to listen to me or what I have to say?”……

And although men occasionally suffer from this, as women we let it gnaw away at our self- esteem and self-confidence to a much greater extent.

2. By our body language

When you lack confidence internally it will be reflected in the way you stand and although you want to appear confident you will give yourself away.

Many women stand with their arms crossed over the body and one foot crossed over the other. We often tilt the head or touch our hair and these unconscious gestures and this body language communicate “little girl” which makes you look small and unimposing.

And this has a knock-on effect on your state as well. Research by Amy Cuddy, of the Harvard Business School, has found that a woman’s body language has a profound impact on her body chemistry. And it becomes a vicious circle because the “little-girl” stance elevates the stress hormone, cortisol, making you feel even less confident.

And one of the biggest causes of the “little girl” stance is wearing very high heels!

They may be fashionable but they add to the self-sabotage.

If you stand for any length of time when wearing very high heels you probably end up crossing one foot over the other because it’s more stable and comfortable that way and it stops you wobbling. But the consequence is that this undermines your authority because the “little girl” stance can be perceived as very defensive and it indicates a lack of confidence and you come across as shy and insignificant.

So when wearing very high heels the choice is between wobbling and looking defensive neither of which enhances your presence as a speaker.

3. Through the language we use

In her book “The Language of Female Leadership” Dr. Judith Baxter, a linguistics expert from Aston University in the UK, asks whether language is a reason why women in business are under-represented at senior levels of leadership.

She found that women are more self-deprecating and try to avoid conflict. She goes on to say that “It may be seen as a bit of weakness on the part of women, because you are not playing the game in the same way” and this can have a detrimental effect on how women are perceived as successful leaders.

Women often tend to soften their statements by using qualifiers which limit a word or phrase e.g. “I just thought,” “ I’ll try to get it done by Tuesday” or “this might be a better way” and this undermines your authority.

Qualifiers dilute your message and reduce your impact.

So what can women do instead?

Tip 1

Make friends with your Inner Critic and dispel Impostor Syndrome. If you’re part of the BeOne community, you can listen to the Softpower casts on Impostor Syndrome and Inner Critic to help you do this. (Not a member yet? It’s free to join, and you get access to lots of free resources: click here for access).

Tip 2

Leave the very high heels at home! Instead wear the size of heel that you can comfortably stand in for hours.

Tip 3

Instead of adopting the ”little girl” stance practise standing like a Queen for presenting. That calm and grace convey a sense of authority, and a Queen always has great inner confidence.

Tip 4

Avoid using quantifiers like these……

Try
Maybe
Possibly
Perhaps…
With luck…
Might
Hope to …
Would like to…?
I suppose …

Tip 5

Being able to present well is a skill like any other. If you feel that you need to develop your skills then make sure you get some great presentation skills training.

Many presentations skills training courses are based around acting skills and will teach you how to “perform”. In my experience they don’t work well from a leadership or a business perspective because you can come across as inauthentic so make sure that the course teaches you how to be confident being yourself when presenting.

Women are fantastic at presenting when we learn to stop the self-sabotage – and that’s easy when you know how!

Cath Daley: How to make effective presentationsCath is one of our Certified Women’s Coaches, and is an in-house coach on our Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.

To find out more about Cath, and how you can work with her, click here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

How to manage women

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Irene Rosenfeld is the CEO of Mondelez International, one of the largest snack companies in the world. With $26 billion in annual sales, they count Oreos and Ritz crackers among their products, so it’s probably safe to say she knows a thing or two about managing people to have an incredible impact.

When asked for her best piece of advice, she shared this:

“I think my very best piece of advice is be yourself.

You know, I grew up in business at a time where there weren’t very many female role models, and so in the early days we wore little bow ties like the guys, and we talked about the Army even though we weren’t in the Army. And the reality was that wasn’t the right way to approach the business world.

Over time, there is more understanding of the value of diversity… [more opportunities] to be able to express ourselves and approach business in a way that makes the most sense for us.”

Interview with Sara Silverstein for Business Insider, 2017

A different style of leadership?

As Irene points out, it’s only relatively recently that women have played an active role in the workforce and been able to show up as ourselves in business.

As more and more of us begin to take leadership roles, and to nurture and support those rising up beneath us, the question of how to manage women is vital for us to consider.

Of course, Not all women are the same. There’s no “one way” to manage women any more than there’s “one way” to manage men.

But the growth of a more diverse and balanced workforce has triggered a healthy evolution of what was once a very uniformly patriarchal, masculine model of doing business.

As more and more women have risen to positions of leadership, we’ve all gained a greater understanding of the unique role women can play in helping businesses reach their goals.

This can help all of us, both women and men, approach business in a more nuanced way than before.

As Irene reflects,

“Our emerging workforce is not interested in command-and-control leadership. They don’t want to do things because I said so; they want to do things because they want to do them.”

Being a manager requires flexibility

Managing people works best when we understand that flexibility and openness to different ideas allows us to tap into the techniques which are most effective at any given time.

After all, all sorts of factors influence the best choices to make when it comes to managing our teams.

  • The current business environment
  • The length of time the individuals have been in post
  • Previous management styles
  • Company culture
  • Current priorities and goals for the business

And if you’re not in the corporate world, you can probably apply these to your own situation, or even your family (Teething toddler + family goal to get a solid night’s sleep? That’s a leadership challenge if ever I heard one!)

Managing women tends to flow best when we add into that context an awareness that most women experience regular cycles (whether or not they’re menstruating). Our mood, motivation and talents fluctuate, and will respond best to leadership that’s able to flex and adapt to that.

I’m not suggesting for one minute that you ask your team personal questions about their cycles, or ascribe poor performance to “hormones” or “women’s troubles.” After all, that would simply be perpetuating the idea that there’s one linear “norm” that anything else diverts from.

But try noticing how your team, whether they be men or women, are feeling at any given time.

Do they feel fired up, energetic, bursting with ideas? It could be a great time to harness that exciting energy to come up with new strategies…

Are they fed up and complaining? Maybe that decisiveness and awareness of what’s not working could allow you to trim unnecessary processes and get clarity on any areas that have felt fuzzy.

Women managing women

As women managing women, we also have our own cycles and flows to pay attention to. We have access to powerful styles of leadership that allow us to draw on our natural strengths and embrace the flow of our energy to maximise how effective and fruitful we can be.

When it comes to enhancing your strength as a leader and giving your team the best chance of getting on board with your plans, knowing your strengths and weaknesses is invaluable. It’s also helpful to know how your energy flows throughout the day, week or month, and which tasks and activities are optimum for you to undertake at each time.

Bringing this level of nuance to your own workflow will bring a fresh momentum that can completely revitalise your ability to reach and surpass your goals.

There’s no one size fits all

So, how to manage women? There’s no simple answer to that question. We’re creating a new paradigm of leadership, that involves paying attention to the people we work with and ourselves, and using that connection to find what works for us.

There’s no need to follow tired ways of doing things, just as there’s no need to reinvent the wheel without good reason. Staying open, following your instincts and never being afraid to shift things up or experiment is what will create the future we all want to see.

Do you want to transform the results you get with your team, your clients or yourself? Register for our complimentary training to explore this topic further and discover how the 5 Women’s PowerTypes ™ can be used in your coaching, consulting and management to bring the best out in the women you work with (and yourself). Click here to access The Secret To Coaching Women.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

How to start a coaching business

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Imagine:

  • Spending your days with inspiring clients, watching them go on to make a massive difference in their communities.
  • Supporting women to step into their power with powerful choices that work for them and their families.
  • Choosing your hours, playing to your strengths and getting paid for what you love to do.

Sounds like a dream come true, doesn’t it – but surely being a coach can’t be all roses?

What do you need to be aware of before taking the leap? If you’ve ever wondered about making the shift to become a coach, but felt like you wouldn’t know where to start, then here are five things to bear in mind.

How to start a coaching business in 5 steps

1. Find your “big why”

Any big transition in life, but especially one like training as a coach, needs purpose. After all, to become a coach you’ll need to invest time, energy and money, and knowing your reason for doing that is what will keep your motivation and momentum going.

In Simon Sinek’s groundbreaking book, Start With Why, he explored how the greatest leaders used their “Big Why” to inspire others. So what’s your “Big Why” for becoming a coach?

For many women in our community, coaching will allow them to make a real difference to causes they’re truly passionate about. Take Anna.

“6 out of every 100 UK people experience domestic abuse. 6.7% of all women. 1 in 4 LGBT women (from their partners). Around 80% of trans people. Half of all gay and bi men (from partners or family members). One of those women is me.

When I imagine the world in 7 generations time, I want to see these figures be drastically different, or even gone.

My next commitment to this future is to complete my One of Many coaching certification to work alongside Newcastle Women’s Aid to offer coaching to the women who access their service, to help them reclaim their soft power and move forward into fruitful, vital, happier lives. To help them lead more change in the world when they can.” – Anna Knight

Playing an active part in building the future we want to create is a huge driver for many coaches. Through supporting and championing their clients, they’re able to create a “ripple effect” that has an impact far beyond their individual contribution.

Your “Big Why” might be about empowering corporate leaders to make courageous decisions, or helping mums reconnect to themselves after having children. It could be something totally different! Get clear on what it is, and you’ll find that every other action you take flows from that well of inspiration.

2. Get qualified

Coaching is much more than a conversation or supportive words. The greatest, and most successful, coaches have a whole wealth of tools at their disposal as well as the confidence to lead their clients through complex and sometimes challenging transformations.

Our One of many women’s coaching certification is a rigorous program designed to give you all the skills you need to become a confident and effective coach. Our graduates are trained in using unique, cutting edge and proven tools to unleash the leadership potential of the women they work with – and through our comprehensive training, have the full support to practice and implement them.

There are lots of coaching certifications out there, and they’re all different – so do your homework before making an investment. Some things to consider might be:

  • What’s the focus of the program, and does it fit with my values?
  • How do the organizers respond to questions? Can I have a conversation with someone to check if this is the right fit for me?
  • What’s the feedback like from previous graduates?

If you could do with a hand comparing the different options, feel free to get in touch and someone in the office will be happy to talk them through.

3. Figure out what you’re selling

So you’ve done your training, got your qualification, and you’re ready to get started. Fab! Now what?

Well, some of our graduates decide they want to use the tools they’ve learned within an organization, to help them manage their teams and lead more effectively. But if you decide to set up your own business, there’s a really key thing to bear in mind. A lot of coaches make the mistake of trying to get clients by selling them “coaching”.

When the truth is, the impact you’ll have on your clients isn’t that you’ll have “coached” them. It’ll be in:

  • The pay rise they’re finally able to ask for (and get!)
  • The connection and trust that’s returned to their relationship
  • The clutch of anxiety they used to feel every day when they wake up has melted away

See the difference? Build a business around the changes you help your clients make, rather than the way you help them get to that change, and you’ll find clients much easier to come by.

4. Make sure you have support

As your work grows and evolves, nothing beats having a group of equally committed and excited peers to keep you on track, help you navigate challenges, and support you as your business expands. (Our coaching grads stay in touch via our private Facebook group – a place to celebrate each other, share challenges and ask questions.)

You might also want to investigate a coaching mentor going forward – someone to help suggest areas of growth and development, and help support you through any tricky times. Ask any training provider how they support their coaches and what network you’ll have access to in future.

5. Plan your transition

You’re inspired – coaching is for you, and you’re ready to sign up and get started. Time to wave goodbye to the day job, set up a website, and watch the clients roll in, right?

Well, we’d certainly love that to be your experience – but the reality is, making any change takes time. All sorts of factors will impact how quickly coaching can become your main focus, including your finances, time, and other commitments.

Take the time to plan the transition, get advice and support when you need it, and reach out to others doing the same thing.

If you’re thinking about coaching and have a question, post it in the comments below! And if you’re already a coach, let us know what lessons you’d share with someone just starting out. Your experience might make all the difference.

Time for a change?

If you’d like to find out more about our coaching training, click here to read the full details. The first step is to book in a no-obligation chat with one of our team so we can find out if this would be a great fit for you. Just click the button at the bottom of the page to schedule a call.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

When to say no to your boss

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

You know you have to say no if you’re going to make progress on what you’re actually trying to achieve at work. But one of the most challenging times to uphold your boundaries can be when the request you’re declining comes from your boss, a client, or someone else in a position of authority. You respect them, you have a role to respond to the tasks they ask of you, and you probably work with them pretty closely. So when is it appropriate to turn down what’s being asked of you? How do you know when to say no to your boss?

When to say no to your boss

Of course, there are some clear situations when it’s definitely necessary to say no. If you’re being asked to do something illegal, unethical or immoral, for example, most of us would feel pretty confident in taking the right course of action and letting them know that’s not okay.

But what if your “no” is more of a grey area? If you’re saying no to something because you have too many other things on your plate, for example, or because there’s something happening at home that’s impacting your capacity to absorb extra tasks?

Here are 3 times when it’s good to say no

Say no before you’re overwhelmed

If you’re someone who’s motivated by feeling helpful and getting approval from those in senior positions, it can be easy to find yourself saying “yes” to every request that comes your way.

The trouble with that approach is that eventually, it all tends to mount up on top of you. 

The pressure builds until, whether through sickness, burnout or overwhelm, you can find yourself at breaking point. That’s when you have no choice but to say “no” because you’re simply not able to function any more.

If you notice the signs of burnout appearing, or you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, anxious or unwell, it’s time to say no to some of the things on your plate.

“It’s fine for you to ask me to do extra things but I’m going to have to say no to some of them. I’ve been doing a lot lately, and I need some time to recharge right now.”

Say no when you’re replenished

If you’re asked to do something that feels as though it might not be possible, it’s OK not to respond straight away. It sounds obvious but it can make a huge difference to your judgment, and the way you convey your response. Let the person know that you need some time to see if you can accommodate them, and that you’ll get back to them.

“I have a lot on right now – I’ll see if I can fit this in and get back to you.”

Seeing that you’re taking the time to consider a request is reassuring to the person asking. It shows you take your commitments seriously, and that you value completing the tasks you do competently.

Take some time to have a drink, eat if you’re hungry, go to the loo or take a few deep breaths. You’ll find it easier to convey the reasons for your “no” more clearly when you’re filled up rather than running on empty.

Say no when you’re clear on your priorities

When you’re someone who’s competent and capable it’s easy to become the office “go-to” for all kinds of requests. After all, you:

handled that challenging client…

unblocked the photocopier…

formulated the perfect wording… so beautifully before, right?

If it’s a task you love, you might be happy to say yes. (If you’re thinking of shifting your career, for example, it can be great development to have the opportunity to experiment with tasks outside your normal role).

But if it’s something that’s way outside your remit, and you know the person is asking because they think you’ll say yes rather than because it’s your job, then ask yourself if what they’re asking really fits with your priorities. Is this part of the difference you’re here to make to the team or the business?

“I’m focusing on [Big Goal] right now, and that’s my main priority. So I can’t help with  [request] today.”

Framing your no with reference to your shared goals is a powerful way to remind others that your time is just as important as theirs. If they’re persistent, let them know what you’ll need to re-prioritise in order to help them out: so they’re absolutely clear on the impact their request will have.

Say no whenever you want

You’re a grown woman, and it goes without saying that you can absolutely say no to whoever you want, whenever you want. You don’t need my, or anyone else’s permission for that.

But if you want your “no” to be powerful, effective and impactful – and not to burn bridges or hurt feelings – then it’s worth thinking about how you express it.

When did you last say “no”, and how was it received? Did you learn anything from the experience: either strategies you’d use in future, or something you’d definitely avoid? Share your experience in the comments.

Want to say no with confidence and be respected every time?

Enough is Enough is our free guide to creating unshakeable boundaries and reclaiming your space. Click here to download your free copy.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.