One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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Can I learn to be a coach if I’ve had a difficult past?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

You know a certain path is calling you. Maybe it’s becoming a coach, or perhaps it’s writing a book, taking a promotion, or starting an initiative. Whatever your big leap is, the doubts often surface when you start to dream big. Will the challenges you’ve faced in the past block you from stepping up to this new challenge? Some of the really common questions we hear from women thinking about becoming a coach start with “Can I learn to be a coach if…”

… I’ve experienced mental health challenges?

… I’ve been through a relationship breakdown – and things are still messy?

… I still don’t feel like I’ve got my sh*t together?

It’s a version of that old familiar phenomenon we know as “imposter syndrome”, and it often boils down to a deep-rooted doubt: “Who am I to think I can do this?”

Here are 4 questions to ask yourself if you’ve found yourself here.

1. Do you need to put your own oxygen mask on first?

First things first, it’s important to make sure you’ve accessed the care and support you need before thinking about being of service to others.

Many of us are well practiced at putting everyone else’s needs before our own. It’s why at One of many, our Soft Power principle number one is “First, replenish your energy”.

That applies to big picture stuff – like seeking help from your GP to manage your depression – as well as the little things (drink that glass of water, lady!).

Just as you wouldn’t show up for a new role if you were so physically unwell you couldn’t function, if you’re currently experiencing mental or emotional challenges that need taking care of, pause.

Get the support you need from an appropriate professional before stepping into a new challenge that will require your energy, creativity and focus.

Stepping back to look after yourself doesn’t mean you can’t go on to become a coach, enjoy a fulfilling new career, or shine as the leader you’re meant to be (any more than taking time off for a broken arm would). But trying to “push through” could do more harm than good, so make sure you listen to your instincts, and ask for help when you need to.

2. Can you reframe your pain?

The archetype of the “wounded healer” refers to someone who takes on the role of healing others by drawing on the pain they have themselves experienced.

When you’ve been through tough times and managed to come out the other side, you’re often able to access a profound empathy and depth of understanding.

We often give ourselves a hard time for times when life hasn’t gone well, or feel shame about things we wish we’d handled differently.

But as our own coaching graduates come to recognise, it can actually be those hardest experiences that enable us to help others through their own pain.

In the words of One of many in-house coach Jane Lewis,

“Most of the greatest coaches I have come across have gone through a journey and done a lot of work on themselves. I have been coaching over 20 years, but going into it I was coming out of clinical depression and burnout.” – Jane Lewis

3. Have you got the training and support you need?

Just having been through a challenging experience doesn’t on its own qualify you to help someone else through it. To know you’re going to do a great job in any new role, you also need to have the right support in place.

For coaches, that means ensuring you’ve undertaken rigorous training that means you’re clear about how you’re able to deal with your own “stuff” and have the tools you need to support clients. Are you clear about the support you need, and how you’re going to manage if a client shares an experience that might be triggering for you?

In a new role, it could be finding a mentor or asking an employer to invest in leadership coaching to support you to meet any challenges and make the most of the development opportunity.

Setting yourself up for success means making sure the support is there before you need it – especially if you’ve found yourself in burnout or overwhelm in the past.

4. Does your experience give you a key to your own specialism?

For many coaches, deeply experiencing a difficulty gives them a clue as to where they are able to best be of service in the world. Thea is a “recovering perfectionist” who now works with other women struggling with self-doubt, negative chatter, or constant striving for perfection. She says:

“The best thing about the ups and downs that I’ve been through is that now I know all the nitty gritty details of the journey from self-doubt to self-confidence, from depression to happiness. Being able to see the same patterns in my clients and help them let them go is incredibly rewarding for me.” – Thea Jolly

With time, your challenges can become your biggest strengths as you begin to understand how they’ve shaped you into the unique, powerful and perfectly imperfect leader you are today.

And in the words of Anna, one of our recent coaching graduates:

“I see the things I have gone through as one of my greatest strengths – they made me into who I am today. It shapes my coaching practice and how I show up in the world” – Anna Louise

How about you?

What experiences have shaped and guided you – and how have you been able to turn your biggest challenges into sources of strength? If you can relate to this, we’d love to know your story – celebrate and share in the comments!

Curious about coaching?

If you’re interested in finding out more about One of many Coaching Certification, take a look at our free online training: The Secret to Coaching Women.

In it I share some really valuable tools you can use straight away if you coach, manage or lead women – and introduce you to someof the key distinctions that make our certification differet from any other.

Click here to register for the free workshop now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to change career paths

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Knowing how to change career paths without burning bridges is an art that’s invaluable in today’s world. You might have been through a few iterations of your working life already, or perhaps you’re experiencing for the first time the feeling that what’s next for you might look very different to what came before. Whatever the circumstances, here’s what you need to know about how to change career paths gracefully using the power of gradual transitions.

A process of change

First things first, let me share a little of my background. You might know me as the founder of One of many, or perhaps as a coach or an entrepreneur. But one thing you might not know is that the “Dr” in my title isn’t an academic qualification – I actually trained as a medical doctor, completing medical school in Australia, before quitting medicine to go to drama school.

Wait, what?

Yes, that’s right – I completed my doctor’s training, only to realize once I was working in a hospital that it wasn’t, in fact, the way I wanted to spend my life.

You see, I had a bit of a wake-up moment about 10 weeks into being a doctor where one of my cancer patients passed away, and it caused me to really reevaluate what I was doing.

I could see down the trajectory of my life and I could see a moderately happy doctor, moderately successful with two moderately well-behaved children… and moderately bored to tears. Do you know what I mean?

Whereas there was an area I was completely passionate about, and that was calling me. I’d done drama the whole way through school. I’d always loved it. It really was my passion.

And in that wake-up moment, when I was reassessing everything I was doing, I thought: I want to give this professional acting thing a shot. I don’t want to live with regrets. So I auditioned for drama school.

I got into a really good school, a place called the Actor’s Center in Australia where Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, great actors like that trained. The interesting thing about that school is its entire principles are “Good humans make good actors.” And that was where I first got introduced to a subject called life coaching.

We actually had a subject at acting school called life coaching. And when we started doing that, I realised, “Oh my God, there’s words for all the things I’ve been doing my whole life.”

One thing led to another. As it turned out, being a life coach wasn’t The Thing I wanted to do either. It was a stage on the journey. But through following that thread, and then seeing where it took me, and onwards through many other transitions and experiments and lessons on the way, I’ve ended up where I am now: doing my life’s work as my career, and sharing it with women like you.

Finding your life’s work is a journey

At BeFulfilled, our retreat all about finding fulfillment, we talk about your life’s work. The work that you’re here to do in the world, which is something I believe exists for every one of us.

And then, as a separate thing, there’s how you currently make money. Now, for some people, your life’s work is what makes you money. I am in the blissful state where my life’s work right now currently also feeds my family. It’s a really lovely place to be – and there are many phases that have got me to there.

What I want you to recognize is that finding fulfilment, and choosing a career path, is a process. You can feel as though you know exactly what your life’s work is, but it’s potentially a two or three-year journey, or six to eight month journey, or decade-long journey even, to get the two lining up.

You might have a few “transition” steps where it moves a little bit closer, and then maybe just a little bit closer. And then finally you get to full alignment, where your life’s work is what makes you money, and even then that can change and flow and shift. It’s a process – and enjoying and embracing that process is part of our growth. 

Creating a map that works for you

I want to give you an example of what this “transition” process looks like in practice. Because if you’re changing career paths it can be really easy to point at where you want to go and say “I can’t do that. I dont have the first clue about it”.

When I was at medical school if you’d have asked me if I could lead a team or run a business or be an entreprener I’d have been pretty floored. Back then, I really didn’t have any of the skills I needed. But that didn’t matter, because when I trusted my intuition and took each step as it came, I was able to gradually transition to a point where I did know what to do – or at least enough to take the leap and do it.

Transition steps in action

Just as an example, let’s say you’ve got this great idea for a software business, that’s going to transform the lives of mothers all around the world.

But you’ve never run a business before.

You’ve never built software before, you’ve never done any of that sort of stuff.

So what it might look like is a journey where the first step is for you to start perhaps working as a PA, because at the moment you’ve got great skill sets in organization.

The next stages can flow from there:

1. Working as a PA for an inspiring digital company CEO, you get into the industry, bring all of the skills that you have, create trust with someone in the industry, and learn the ropes inside the industry.

2. Then the next step might be to build your network and trust by contributing freely to other people in that industry, as they’re doing stuff while you’re still in that role where you’re learning.

3. The next phase might be to educate yourself in marketing because you know, you need to start a business and we know we need to understand marketing.

4. If your goal is to start a business, then the final step might be starting the software business.

Now that might be a six-month journey, it might be a six-year journey. The key is, you’re:

  • Taking it slowly – but not waiting to be “ready” before you move into action
  • Building connections, and cultivating them into a support network as you change
  • Using your existing skills and strengths to cultivate the new path as you go.

Transitions are good

Napoleon Hill, in his great book Think and Grow Rich, says “burn your bridges”.

I say: don’t.

For women especially, we often find that our masculine energy and the “superwoman” mode many of us operate in will respond positively to that attitude. Burn the bridge, and masculine energy goes, “Okay! There’s no going back. We must go forward. Let’s hunker down and push through and harness up that amazing masculine energy and get stuff done”.

It can often be a driver forward, so if you want to operate like that, then yes – burn your bridges, take giant leaps, and leave your previous “self” behind.

Personally, and for many of the women I know, operating like that is too stressful.

I like to have a back-up plan. Women often have a nest we need to look after. Our babies, our friends, our home, our fur babies… Whatever it looks like, we’ve got a home that we need to look after, and we want to know that that’s safe before we start leaving what’s familiar behind.

That’s why I like gradual transitions. They make it possible for you to set a course and move there gracefully and gradually, and in a way that feels good.

What transition are you making?

If you’re planning a career change, whether you have an end goal or are just hearing a “call” to do something different, your next action might not be giving it all up to go all-in on your new passion. Perhaps it’s getting some education about what interests you, or making a “sideways” career move to a similar role to your current one in an organization in the industry you want to move to.

If you’ve made a move like that or are planning one I’d love to know your experience. Leave a comment below and share what small steps you’re taking towards a big dream.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Why is women’s leadership important in our world?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Female leadership matters. All other considerations aside, it results in better performance. Studies have shown that companies with greater gender diversity, not just among the workforce as a whole but specifically among senior leaders, are more profitable. So, the answer to the question “why is women’s leadership important in our world?”, the answer is simple: it gives us better results.

But when it comes to stepping into our power as leaders, it’s clear that we face some pretty big challenges.

Today I want to share some current research into women’s leadership, as well as an angle on it that I think you’ll find incredibly motivating – whether or not you think of yourself as a leader in the traditional sense.

If you’re a woman keen to have your biggest impact, and to discover a take you might not have considered when it comes to changing things, read on.

Why is women’s leadership important in our world?

Let’s start with the basics: women leaders have a measurable impact on the bottom line.

In a 2015 report, McKinsey and co found that “In the UK, greater gender diversity on the senior executive team corresponded to the highest performance uplift in our data set: for every 10% increase in gender diversity, earnings before interest and taxes rose by 3.5%”

And yet, when it comes to representation of women in senior positions, the stats show we still have a long way to go. In 2018, Goldman Sachs undertook a report into gender diversity and – whilst noting the limitations on available data – reported that “Women make up about 40% of all employees – but just 6% of CEOs.”

So why is this – and what can we do about it?

Why do we see fewer women in leadership positions?

Well, it won’t surprise you to know that the answer to this is complicated. As we all know, women are a diverse bunch and the individual decisions and choices we make – or have made for us – about stepping up to more senior roles are as unique as we are.

Still, there are some threads that emerge. One of them is the cultural paradigm – the social context most of us have been raised in, which continues to promote certain gender stereotypes.

At the start of BePowerful, our 12 week online coaching program that connects women to their power, we invite the women taking part to spend some time thinking about what traits they associate with being “female”. It’s always so fascinating to see what gets shared in our virtual forum in response to this question.

If you haven’t done this exercise before, have a quick think now about what you’d list out as “feminine” attributes.

Often, women share that they’ve been surprised to uncover some very negative entrenched views of being called “girly” or “like a woman”. Being told you “throw like a girl” or comments like “typical woman driver” spring to mind.

We’re rightly outraged when we hear these comments being made, and yet however hard we try to resist them, they have an impact.

We internalize a certain set of associations with being a woman compared to being a man, and that has a real impact on our confidence when it comes to stepping into leadership roles.

This phenomenon is something the Goldman Sachs report picked up on.

“Women may be uncomfortable exhibiting more stereotypically “masculine” traits such as ambition and self-promotion in the workplace. They may fear a backlash if their behavior is at odds with prevailing gender stereotypes.

In fact, traits and behavior that are often rewarded in men may be seen as inappropriate, discomforting and perhaps ultimately counter-productive when demonstrated by women.

In colloquial terms, aggressive men may be perceived as being “go-getters,” while similarly aggressive women may be perceived as having “sharp elbows.” Closing the Gender Gap: Advancing Women in Corporate America, Goldman Sachs

The playing field when it comes to male and female leadership then, is clearly not a level one. And the very leadership characteristics that accelerate the advancement of our male colleagues can actually be seen as negative when applied to women.

So what’s the solution?

What can we do about it?

Changing our culture when it comes to the stereotypes we have of each gender would be a great place to start. As a parent, I’m passionate about ensuring the next generation isn’t raised with these outdated ideas of women and men’s roles and characteristics.

But I think this also offers us a real opportunity to change things right now when it comes to modelling what effective leadership looks like. With courage and confidence, it’s time to change not only the diversity among our leadership teams but to create a new form of leadership.

Instead of trying to squeeze ourselves into old-fashioned ways of working, here is an opportunity to radically shift our organizations, and evolve a more balanced, diverse, and ultimately resilient way of leading.

Stephanie S Mead, author of The Art of Strategic Leadership: How Leaders at All Levels Prepare Themselves, Their Teams, and Organizations for the Future, sees this ability to change as being fundamental to successful business.

“If you want to be relevant in the future, you have no choice but to change and evolve…

Leaders have a responsibility to build and support a culture where breaking down ingrained habits and old standards is recognized as an important part of rebuilding and creating a stronger, more successful organization.

They not only see the need for change, they work hard to identify and manage resistance in order to push the needed change forward.” – Stephanie S Mead

When we are given the support we need to become unique leaders, rather than doing things “the way they’ve always been”, we actually strengthen our organizations.

Change starts with you

You might not be in a corporate setting right now – but I believe you are absolutely a leader, whether for your family, your community, in the public or not-for-profit sectors. All of us are role models for the upcoming generations; as citizens each of us has responsibility for changing our corner of the world.

So, I invite you to connect to this inspiration in whatever form your leadership takes. To recognise that while the world we are living in is often unfair, if we connect and support each other we have the power to create an entirely different system.

And if you’re wondering where to start, the seeds of that change can be planted in the simplest possible way: starting with you.

“Whether you are a leader or not, I think you have to pay attention to thought patterns and processes so you start to recognize when resistance is emerging, either in yourself or in others…. You can also coach yourself and others to get out of the routine and try new things that will encourage you and them to work outside your comfort zones and look at the change as an opportunity to grow.” Stephanie Mead

Getting more comfortable with change is something that can start in the smallest possible way.

  • Take a different route on a well-worn commute
  • Speak up when you might stay silent
  • Reach out to someone you don’t know that well, and invite them for a virtual coffee
  • Apply for a role that’s slightly outside your comfort zone
  • Show up in a way that’s more authentically you instead of “fitting in” to the expectations of others

I’m sure you can think of more ideas when it comes to beginning to get more comfortable with the idea of change. Whatever it looks like for you, I would love you to share somewhere you’re overcoming resistance or trying something new in the comments. Together, we can create a ripple of change that goes far beyond our individual impact – and adds up to a wave that could change the world.

Ready to overcome resistance?

If you’re feeling the pull to change and would like to be supported and guided into allowing your authentic self to come through, take a look at our BePowerful program. Click here for the full details and scroll down to book in a no-pressure application call.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest post: 6 lessons from taking the leap to do coaching certification

By

Jen Le Marinel

As a One of many Certified Women's Coach and founder of WildFire Walks, Jen combines the transformational power of the incredible One of many tools with the healing power of nature to help her clients feel more empowered to live a life they truly want to live. A life on their terms.

Patient and compassionate with a dash of playful rebel, she gently pushes back against the "should-dos" and "should-bes" so often imposed by our culture, our upbringing, our workplaces. Jen knows what it means to succeed in the corporate world...and what it's like to not want that, actually. She believes, and champions, that there is a different way. Her purpose; to playfully push the boundaries of what's possible in life, and to encourage and inspire other women to do the same.

Latest posts by Jen Le Marinel (see all)

Hi, I’m Jen, an ex-corporate wild soul and One of many Certified Women’s Coach.

If you’d told me three years ago that I’d be living the life I’m living now, I’d have laughed in disbelief. It was the stuff of dreams, the sort of thing that Other People did – people that were far braver, far more daring, far more exciting than me.

My life was mapped out and, on the face of it, idyllic. I was successful, respected and had an extremely promising career ahead of me as an actuary in a prestigious FTSE 100 financial services company. I had a perfect relationship, a beautiful house, went on exotic holidays. I had every reason to be happy.

And yet…I wasn’t.

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment it happened, but around three years ago my life suddenly started to crumble around me. Or, perhaps I should say, inside of me.

I did Superwoman well – nobody knew anything was wrong until, suddenly, I couldn’t keep up the pretence any more and I tumbled into burnout, depression and despair.

I went from feeling like I had everything, to feeling utterly stuck, trapped and hopeless.

Lesson one: Rock bottom can be just the beginning

I was signed off work and went through the lowest months of my life. But working with a counsellor and coach helped me to start rebuilding my mental, emotional and physical health while I gradually rediscovered my sense of self.

I hadn’t realised how much I’d lost who I was! I was my job, my relationship, I was a people pleaser… but I wasn’t me.

I felt like such a failure at first.

I had always been a fiercely independent overachiever, and I felt so ashamed, guilty even, about how I was feeling! But admitting how unhappy and unwell I was proved to be the first, brave step towards living the life I actually wanted to live.

Lesson two: Your dreams are waiting for you to pay attention

My coach helped me reawaken a dream I had forgotten I’d ever had – squashed out of me by the “shoulds” and “musts” and “be happy with what you’ve gots” of a corporate career, a long-term relationship and a desire to fit in with those around me.

She reawakened the spark of my dream, and that spark set me free.

I found the courage to leave my relationship, which was life-saving but heartbreaking, and shocking for everyone around me. I’d hidden the problems so well, even from myself!

But when I left I felt the proverbial weight lift from my shoulders, felt the fog clear from my eyes, and I breathed a deep breath of fresh air that gave me strength.

And I looked forward, with a sense of possibility and excitement, for the first time in months.

But it wasn’t all plain sailing. My job was not fulfilling and the long, desk-based days in the office were beginning to feel soul-destroying. Something else had to change.

Lesson three: Change can feel scary (but it’s worth it)

My first move was to reduce to four days a week – at severe risk of career suicide!

Where other up-and-coming young professionals were working extra hours to prove themselves in the office, I used my day off alternately to rest and to volunteer at a local care farm I had been involved with for several years. I absolutely loved it, working outdoors with the students at the farm. But it still wasn’t enough.

My dream – to help others through coaching, therapy and nature – burned ever stronger and I knew I was never going to be fully satisfied spending the vast majority of my life in an office, as respectable, secure and well-paid as it was.

I still didn’t know when or how I’d make the leap though. Whilst I didn’t feel I really fitted into corporate, what else did I know, other than spreadsheets and office politics?

I was very much living the “one-day” dream, until, one morning, something finally snapped. I had found myself literally bored to tears in my windowless cubicle, and I made the decision to either find a new role in the company, or leave. Gratifyingly, I was offered a number of different opportunities in the company, all of which would have appealed at one time. But I just couldn’t get excited about the opportunity to climb further up the career ladder.

Something else called. Something stronger than the draw of approval and recognition. It was time. I was young, free, single, with a house about to be sold. What did I have to lose? So I left. It was time to give myself, and my dream business, a chance.

Lesson four: First, replenish yourself

First, I gifted myself some time out. I took a break and embarked on an adventure of a lifetime, walking solo from Land’s End to John O’Groats for charity. An incredible, life-changing, life-affirming 1400 mile journey taking three and a half months to complete. A journey that was every bit as amazing, challenging and rewarding as you could imagine!

When I returned, I set up my business, WildFire Walks, getting tired, stressed out professionals into nature to rest, reconnect and re-energise. I started planning events, yet I knew I needed something more if I was to help my clients in the way I really wanted.

Lesson five: The right support changes everything

Enter One of many! I had first come across Jo Martin the previous year, at her speaker training event, and had been inspired by her approach. I joined the Be One community and I loved the vision of the organisation. I knew it had some part to play in my life, so when the opportunity to train as a One of many Certified Women’s Coach crossed my path, I jumped at it.

Actually, that’s not quite the whole truth…I jumped at first, excitedly, then I froze, and ran in the opposite direction!

My Inner Critic jumped in the driver’s seat and I very nearly threw away the chance.

Who was I, to think I could do this?

How on earth could I afford to invest so much in myself, when I was out of work, had been ‘galavanting’ across the country, had no ‘real’ coaching experience (needless to say I completely ignored the experience of managing and coaching a team in my corporate world!), and STILL had a mortgage to pay?

But something in me nudged, kept nudging, nudged louder, until I couldn’t ignore it. This was too good to miss. I had to do this. So I jumped in with both feet.

Best. Decision. Ever!

Cue the most unbelievable and profound 18 months of my life. Aside from the obvious – coming out with a certification, new skills and a licence to share the incredible One of many tools with my clients – I’ve made lifelong friends, learned to step into and trust my own power, and rediscovered myself in the process.

The entire journey was transformational, from the foundation training through to the 5-day intensive through to the three month practical.

I discovered a support network like no other, and I’ve remembered how it feels to shine, to dream and to thrive. I’ve learned to celebrate myself and my story.

I learned to embrace my emotions, believe in myself and to help others do the same. I learned to trust my intuition and trust life. I’ve learned to ask for, and accept, help.

Most importantly, I’ve dared to dream, and to actually live those dreams.

Lesson six: Dreams do come true

Last summer, a lifelong dream came true for me. I followed my desire to live more closely with nature and spent four months living off-grid in a yurt in the woods.

It was a deliciously happy experiment into embracing simplicity, nature and back-to-basics whilst still participating in the modern world. I managed to combine my growing coaching business with some consultancy work for my old company – on my terms – and some part time work in an organic farm shop and cafe, whilst living in this gorgeous slice of heaven.

I would wake up to birdsong and the sound of the wind in the trees, watch the sun rise across the field with a steaming mug of tea, curl up in front of my log burner at night and listen to the owls calling. It was magical. I’d seen yurts in my future in my Soft Power Planning, and here I was, just a few months later, actually living that dream.

Through the One of many experience, which I’ve continued by stepping up to Lead the Change, I’ve realised it’s about continually taking steps, however small, in the direction of my ultimate vision – a nature-based retreat centre with yurts, campfires and coaching.

I’m now regularly tuning into my vision, checking in with my intuition, and watching out for and trusting in the opportunities that present themselves. The ability to coach virtually makes me location-independent, meaning I can make the most of these opportunities.

So I live in interesting times. My immediate path has never been less mapped out in my life, and yet I feel more free, more fulfilled, more self-expressed and more aligned with my ultimate vision than ever before. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t scary sometimes though! Leaving the security of a job and starting your own business certainly isn’t a decision to be taken lightly.

But… I’m getting to do what I really want to do whilst continuing my own inner journey exploring truth, freedom and possibility. I’m always learning, always growing, and I’m finding that my own experiences are helping me be a better coach for my clients. I love watching them blossom as they explore what really matters to them, rediscover their own dreams and reconnect with their own vitality. I wouldn’t change any of it for the world!

Curious about sparking your own dream?

If Jen’s story inspires you and you’d like to find out more about becoming a One of many Certified coach, click here to get in touch. We’ll find a time that suits you to have a chat with one of our friendly team, and see if our training’s right for you.

About Jen Le Marinel

The outdoors-loving, dream-whispering coach.

As a One of many Certified Women’s Coach and founder of WildFire Walks, Jen combines the transformational power of the incredible One of many tools with the healing power of nature to help her clients feel more empowered to live a life they truly want to live. A life on their terms.

Patient and compassionate with a dash of playful rebel, she gently pushes back against the “should-dos” and “should-bes” so often imposed by our culture, our upbringing, our workplaces.

Jen knows what it means to succeed in the corporate world…and what it’s like to not want that, actually. She believes, and champions, that there is a different way. Her purpose; to playfully push the boundaries of what’s possible in life, and to encourage and inspire other women to do the same.

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How to make a difference in the world

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

It can feel hard to know how to make a difference in the world – and frankly, most of the women I know don’t have a whole lot of spare time to think about it. Sure, we’ve got our ideals. We see the complex, vast and very real challenges our planet is facing right now. But there’s also the email inbox, the kids, the deadlines, and the occasional precious hour of self-care…

Changing the world can feel like one of many responsibilities we’re juggling.

And if it feels like it’s going to be an uphill struggle to get others to care about an issue, it’s even harder to feel motivated about taking action.

Yet apathy’s not an option. The world’s in desperate need of change, and for those of us in the privileged position to do something about it, our time is now.

In this episode of Jo & Co, I’m sharing a simple mindset shift that can help you begin to have a serious impact on the issues you’re passionate about.

The mindset shift that empowers change

In the video I share:

  • What you need to be comfortable with if you want to make a difference
  • How my leadership journey started – and how you can avoid the mistake I made
  • A fresh way of thinking about influence that leads to a truly powerful leadership stance

Take 5 minutes and watch the video now:

Whether you’re an established or emerging leader; whether you want to make a difference in your business, community, or family, this will help you do it with ease and grace.

I’d love to know if this helps reframe the difference you want to make in the world, and what cause you’re going to use this approach to change.

Want a helping hand?

If you’re ready to step into action when it comes to your purpose in life, working with a coach can be one of the most powerful choices you will ever make. Our Certified Coaches are trained and experienced in working with women who are passionate about creating change. Click here to look through the directory and find the right catalyst for your calling.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Before you change your life, do this

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

There’s something so tempting about a fresh start, don’t you think? For lots of us that “blank page” feeling is strongest at the start of a new year – it’s January, you’ve got a crisp new planner, and you’re ready to fill it with juicy actions that will take you to the place you want to be in twelve month’s time. Or perhaps you feel it most on your birthday, at the start of Spring, or some other time when you suddenly feel the urge to commit to real change in your life. But before you do, may I make a suggestion?

If you’re feeling like you want to change your life, read on to find out what to do first.

The allure of the new

What’s really tempting when we feel motivated to create something new is to dive in and focus our energy on what it is we want to create. It’s understandable! What you’re imagining probably sounds delicious.

That vision of the fit and healthy you who wakes up well-rested and feeling energised to get out and get moving…

Feeling a thrill of gratitude when you look at your bank balance and realize you’ve got more than enough at the end of the month…

Laughing with your kids on an unplugged family holiday that’s filled with love…

Those are beautiful dreams. And whatever it is you’re wanting to create, it’s definitely important to have a clear vision in your mind of what it is that’s coming to you. In fact, it’s a vital part of the process when it comes to creating the world we want to live in.

But before you swing into “making it happen”, pause for a second. There’s something important it’s important to ask yourself before you dive into making change.

What’s your motivation?

You might have come across the concept of “towards” or “away from” motivation before, but in case you haven’t, here’s a quick rundown.

Motivation to do anything in your life, whether it’s finally quitting that occasional cigarette habit or moving to a new town for the scary-but-awesome job you’ve landed at your dream company, can be split into two camps.

Towards motivation is whatever’s pulling you in the direction of what it is you want.

It might be “feeling free and energised in my body”, or “being able to buy organic veg for my family, all the time”.

Both of those describe a place that you’d like to get to, and that’s what might motivate you to ask for a pay rise or get up and go for a run, even when it’s dark outside.

Away from motivation is the impulse to leave behind the state you don’t want to be in.

So to use the same examples, away from motivation might be “stop feeling so heavy and lethargic” or “not feel anxious about the budget when I do the weekly shop”.

The action you want yourself to take is the same in each of those examples, but the motivation is very different. And it matters.

“Away from” motivation tends to work well at first, but fizzle out as you get further from where you’ve started. Once you’ve got away from where you started, there’s less and less impetus to keep going.

“Towards” motivation, on the other hand, tends to keep you in action. As you get closer to where you want to be, you feel excited – as your goal approaches,it can even feel like you have more energy for what you want to do.

You often appreciate your progress much more because you’re focused on what it is you desire.

You’re more likely to notice each incremental step towards your goal, and celebrate it.

So when you think about creating change, ask yourself what you’d like to move towards before you start implementing any big shifts.

You may find that the action steps you do take are a whole lot easier to sustain. And if you’re serious about making change, there’s one other question to ask yourself that will make creating a sustainable shift a whole lot easier – and more likely to last.

Who will help you?

Trying to create big shifts in your life by yourself can be tough.

Maybe your family are still expecting you to serve up winter stodge, when you’re ready to eat some green things with a bit more crunch to them. Or your colleagues are wedded to the “who can leave latest?” competition, when you’ve resolved to make sure you finish at a sane time and actually get to hang out with your partner for a change.

Having some support and understanding from someone else can make a serious difference to how effective change is.

And it makes it more enjoyable, too.

So think about it – how can you get the support you need?

If you want to start reading more, why not take it a step further and join a book group?

If you’re committed to spending more time away from the screen, why not ask a friend to come for a weekly stomp in the woods?

It might be that the change you want to make is a profound one, that’s going to take a bit more than just a mate to text when you’re finishing work for the day. Professional support, whether counselling or coaching, is a smart investment when it’s time to create real change. (If you’d like a helping hand, feel free to drop us a line so we can chat about what might be a good fit for you).

A retreat, a course, some financial education… whatever it is, find your comrades in the change you’re making and lean on them when you need to.

What would you like to change?

I’d love to know how you’re growing and challenging yourself – and what you’re doing to give yourself the best chance possible of success. Leave a comment below and let’s cheer each other on to make sustainable changes that feel really good.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How coaching is different from mentoring

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

The question came up just a couple of weeks ago in our One of many coaches group. One of our certified coaches had been approached by a colleague to provide some support – only, was it coaching they wanted, or mentoring? It got me reflecting on just how coaching is different from mentoring and why it’s so important that we get that distinction right.

Why we need to know how coaching is different from mentoring

At first glance, it might not seem like a massively important distinction. After all, if you’re looking to make progress in your career and need some wise counsel from someone else to do that, does it really matter what label you stick on it?

But there are lots of reasons why it’s really crucial that the distinction is clear from the outset of any relationship like this. Here are just 3:

  • Trust: Coaching and mentoring have different expectations around things like confidentiality and the scope of each session. It’s vital that both parties understand what’s being asked for – and offered – before they take part.
  • Payment: Coaching is a professional undertaking which usually requires payment. In many, though not all, professions mentoring is something offered for free by more senior individuals. For obvious reasons this is an area that it’s very important to have clarity around from the start!
  • Training: If you’re working with a coach, it’s reasonable to expect a certain level of professional training or significant experience; a mentor might not have formal training, but there will likely be certain pre-requisites of taking on this role.

Without clarity in these areas, any relationship can quickly become strained.

So how is coaching different from mentoring – and what should you be clear about from the start?

Here are 5 key areas the two can differ in – and some questions to ask before you start.

1. Coaching and mentoring have different goals

Typically, a coach will work with you towards an agreed goal. For example, you might want to focus on a particular ambition, like reaching a new level of financial growth in your business; getting clarity on your purpose; or improving a specific relationship, with your partner or your children for example. Within an organization, a coach might support you to reach a specific sales target or quarterly goal.

The purpose of mentoring is likely to be slightly different. Mentors tend to be more focused around career growth, often looking at a result that which the person mentoring has already achieved. They might support you with developing your leadership, managing a team, or writing a book. Often (though not always) the goal will be less specific, and the relationship more open-ended, than a coaching one.

Questions to ask: What’s the purpose of this relationship? How will we know when we get there? At what points will we review that goal?

2. Coaching and mentoring require different training

One of many coach Jane Lewis noted this important distinction:

“Generally a mentor is an expert in your mutual field; usually more expert and often better connected than you. A coach may know much or nothing about your field. Typically a mentor may be more directive BUT both – if they are any good- will demonstrate devoted listening skills, and great questioning ability.”

Jane’s touched on an important point here, which is that good mentors and coaches often have overlapping skills and even experience – both may be successful, good listeners, and have an aptitude for helping others to grow.

However, coaching is a distinct skillset in itself, and one which can be trained in specifically. Coaches use specific tools to help activate growth and empower you to take control of a particular area of growth.

A mentor, on the other hand, may simply be able to provide advice through virtue of their experience so far. That can be just as valuable, so long as you’re clear about what they can and can’t offer.

Questions to ask: What training have you completed? What kinds of strategies have you used to help other people? Will you be using these tools to help me reach my goal?

3. Coaching and mentoring cost different amounts

This is one of the most important differences to be clear on from the start, whether you are the person being coached or the one giving the support!

The expectations of mentorship vary greatly in different professions and organizations. In some, senior roles come with the expectation that mentoring less experienced colleagues is part of the equation. In others, mentorship is considered something to be paid for.

Coaching, by contrast, is more often expected to be paid for – if not by the person receiving it, then by the organization who have arranged the coaching. If you’re at all unsure then make sure you ask this question clearly.

And if you’re the person charging for the sessions, then needless to say you must make certain you have the clear understanding and agreement of the person you’re coaching before you begin.

Questions to ask: What is the expectation around payment? If I’m paying, what is included in the cost?

4. Coaching and mentoring take place over different timescales

There are no hard and fast rules here. But mentoring is more likely to be an open-ended or fluctuating arrangement, whereas coaching packages often last for a set length of time, and have sessions of a fixed length – typically one hour.

You might meet every quarter with a mentor to receive “big picture” advice on your career, and fortnightly with your coach for specific support around a goal.

Or a mentor might invite you to stop in for a quick chat whenever you have a query, or want to get their thoughts on a project, whereas your coach might set you tasks to complete in between fixed sessions.

Whichever is true for you, be sure to ensure that you leave space to review the arrangement, so that everyone’s clear about what will happen if things change, and when you’re finished working together.

Questions to ask: How many sessions will we have? How long will they last for? How will we know when it’s time to finish working together?

5. Coaching and mentoring ask different things of you

Coaching often involves significant transformation. It requires a level of trust on the part of both parties and a real commitment to growth on the part of the person being coached.

Mentoring, on the other hand, can be more about developing your skills within a specific profession. While calling on you to grow, there may be less of a personal growth focus and more attention paid to your abilities in practice.

Questions to ask: What’s expected of me in this relationship? What can I expect of you? What do we think will be the outcome of our work together?

Every relationship is unique

Mentoring and coaching are both hugely valuable processes – and both are relationships based on trust. As you can tell, although there are “rules of thumb” when it comes to expectations there are key areas where they can overlap, and so it’s really important to make sure expectations on both sides are clear before you start.

If you find yourself providing advice or guidance to other women, and are keen to develop your skills and gain clarity around how you can best support them, then take a look at the free online training:

“The Secret to Coaching Women: This Controversial Approach Will Transform the Results You Get With Your Team, Your Clients and Yourself.”

Click here to register and we’ll email you full details to access it.

It contains what I’ve found to be the “missing piece” of most coaching methodologies – and whether you’re a coach, manager or leader I think you’ll find the tools I share really helpful.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What does professional coaching certification actually do?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

There are some industries where qualifications really matter. As a med school graduate, I’m definitely happy knowing that doctors have been through the rigours of that particular training before they’re let loose on patients. And yet whatever industry you’re in, there’s almost certainly some training that’s not compulsory, but looks tempting. In the coaching world, there’s no requirement for any training before setting up a practice. So what does professional coaching certification actually do? 

And how can it make a difference to your career?

The points I’m about to list take professional coaching certification as an example, but the truth is they apply to you whatever area you’re thinking of getting more qualified in.

Lots of us find ourselves wishing we felt more confident in our abilities, and extra training can seem like a tempting way to get that approval. But if it doesn’t make a real difference, it can be an expensive and time-consuming way to find yourself back where you started. So, before you invest, weigh up the pros and cons:

What professional coaching certification does

Professional coaching certification can give you confidence

“Imposter syndrome” is the name for feelings of shame or inadequacy when you don’t feel good enough, despite evidence to the contrary.

It’s not to be confused with those very valid feelings of uncertainty when you’re starting something new – after all, beginners in any area have a lot to learn, and it’s natural not to feel like an expert straight away.

When it includes feedback from experienced practitioners, certification allows you to understand where your ability falls.

When you’ve been assessed by a trainer, you’ll know whether your core competence is up to scratch and which areas you need to work on, so you can focus your energy accordingly. Instead of going round in circles worrying you might be less competent than you feel, you’ll be confident in what you can do and what you need to learn – so you can concentrate on building your experience.

Professional coaching certification can give you peers

We all love to “talk shop”. Whether it’s mums in the school playground or lawyers after a big case, letting off steam and comparing experiences with others helps enrich our practice and reassure us that we’re not alone.

You can always reach out to others in a similar industry. But completing training with a cohort of peers is unique, because of the connection it brings to others who have experienced what you have.

Think about how many women stay in touch with their peers from pre-natal classes, or the friendships we make at school or university.

Learning together is a bonding experience, and one which can be a powerful support to you as your career grows.

Professional coaching certification can give you tools

When it comes to coaching, or any other industry where you’re legally able to practice without any mandatory qualification, such as yoga, certification has a specific role.

It gives you a framework of tools to draw on with clients, and to guide them to achieve specific outcomes. It also allows you to know who you can work with most effectively, and what kinds of results they can expect, because you’re using techniques that have been tried and tested by thousands of other people.

Without it, however naturally gifted you are you’re more likely to find yourself in a situation where you’re not sure what best practice is. And that can be especially tricky if you don’t have a support network or mentor to lean on for advice.

…. And what it doesn’t

Professional coaching certification can’t give you clients

People want to know what outcomes they’ll achieve from working with you. So it’s true that being able to walk prospective clients through a structured program, or talk about the tools you’ll use is definitely an advantage.

And there’s no doubt that if your business takes off, coaching can be a lucrative and fulfilling career, as well as one with exceptional potential for choosing your own style of work.

But when it comes to setting prices, building a referral network and growing a business, coaching certification is no magic bullet. The same goes for getting qualified as a yoga teacher or desginer. If you’re investing in training because you think that having your own business is a ticket to limitless wealth, it’s time to have an honest chat with your training provider about how realistic your expectations are.

Professional coaching certification can’t give you a guarantee

Just as your paycheck isn’t guaranteed by your coaching certification, the kind of experience you’ll have after getting certified as a coach is never set in stone.

If you’re someone who’s motivated by getting approval from others, you probably thrive in a learning environment, but may find yourself becoming anxious about the uncertainty of the future when you finish. Just having a certificate is certainly not a guarantee of what the future will hold for you (hint: there’s no such thing!)

The good news is, if coaching is your thing then many professional coaching certification programs offer you the chance to be coached as part of your learning. It’s one reason why our graduates rave about the residential intensive they complete.

So while courage isn’t guaranteed, and there’s no fail-safe way to know that coaching will deliver everything you want it to, you may find a sense of renewed trust in yourself and your ability to navigate the future is a happy side-effect of your training.

Professional coaching certification can’t give you permission

This is a big one for lots of us. Many women are raised to feel that we need to have “permission” to be seen, to speak up, and to make a differencein the world.

If you find you’re constantly in a cycle of finding your new passion, completing training, and then not quite turning it into action, it may well be that certification or an extra qualification isn’t your next step.

Instead, it might be time to do some 1:1 work with a coach so that you can find out what you’re really seeking, before you make a big decision to invest.

You can find a One of many certified coach near you by looking at our coaching directory.

The most important question:

What are you really looking for?

So before you make an investment in training of any kind, think about what you’re really looking for. Are you looking to gain skills, network with your peers, boost your business, or find a mentor?

Use that as the starting point for your conversations with your training provider.

Whether you’ve trained as a coach, set up a practice without qualifying, or completed advanced training in a different field of work, we’d love to know your experience. Has it made a difference and was it the one you expected? Let us know in the comments below.

And if you’re curious about what makes the One of many approach different, you might want to watch a free online training I’ve recorded: The secret to coaching women. Just click here to register. 

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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“I feel stuck” – 3 things to try

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

If you’ve found yourself saying “I feel stuck” when it comes to a particular area of your life, it’s usually a sign that it’s time to take a closer look at what’s going on.

Yes, there are times when we can feel as though we’re going round in circles – I’ll always be single, I’ll never get a break – and then BAM! You bump into the man (or woman) of your dreams on a crowded train. Or you get headhunted by your dream firm for the role that feels like it was made for you.

But more often than not, if you find yourself at a place where you feel as though you’re stuck, the route out of it involves a little more conscious effort on your part. It’s often a sign that you’ve come up against a recurring block or pattern that it’s time you figured out once and for all.

If you feel stuck, here’s where to start

Bring to mind an area of your life where you’re feeling blocked or challenged right now. It might not be at crisis point, but it’s not thriving or growing either. You’re treading water or going in circles – it feels like you’re stuck.

For Amanda, owner of an editing business, it was her work where she was really starting to feel that things weren’t working.

“I wanted to have more of an impact, and to feel like I knew where I was going. I felt like if I slowed down, everything would fall apart – but I wasn’t going anywhere.”

Can you relate? I know I’ve had times where I’ve really felt like a bit of a “husk”– as though I’d somehow lost the juicy, energised feeling that comes when you’re connected to your calling. For entrepreneurs, that can be deadly. We need to be able to connect to a vision that enables us to get energised and creative; that will allow us to innovate and flex our businesses to meet the demands of the marketplace.

And it can happen in other areas of your life, too. Maybe your relationship’s starting to feel really stale. You’re not fighting but you’re not exactly tearing each other’s clothes off, either.

Or you’re managing your kids, but not having the kind of fun you’d like to. Coursework and teenage arguments have taken over family play times.

Whatever it is you’re stuck with, here are 3 powerful questions to ask if you find yourself feeling stuck.

Saying “I feel stuck”? Try these 3 things

  1. Ask yourself if you’re living in line with your values

One of the foundational elements of our BePowerful course is an exercise where we discover our values. It’s such an important thing to do, identifying what really matters most to you.

If you haven’t done it before, try scanning the books on your shelf – they’ll often reveal what you’re willing to spend time and energy on.

Getting clear on your values can reveal some surprising things. For example, in Amanda’s case she found that a couple of her values were in conflict. This is something a lot of us find, and it can lead to a “stuck” feeling when we find ourselves “pulled” in opposite directions.

“On my coaching call, we talked about one of the conflicts that had come up. I really wanted stability for my family, but I also wanted to be able to take risks and do things differently. So I started this little online makeup business. It’s just fun. And I’d never have done this before. It’s made me connect with so many people and have fun with it, and explore my creativity – I would never have done any of that.”

Figure out what your values are, and ask yourself if there are any that are moving in opposite directions. Maybe you’re craving adventure, but you also really value security, and you’ve ended up turning into a homebody.

How can you incorporate more of your values into your life? Can you find an outlet for any values that aren’t currently being met?

2. Do you need to do some inner work?

Amanda traced her stuckness back to a far more serious challenge she’d faced a few years previously.

“I’d got burned out a couple of years ago, and ended up with depression and anxiety. When I started BePowerful I’d recovered enough to start thinking about the future.

I’m the kind of person who reads everything. I’m always trying to learn and know more. And after being depressed, I just knew I had to start taking care of myself – especially because everyone was dependent on me.

The course really opened my eyes to the fact that, while I love the business – as editors for educational publishers we do a good job, we’re helping the next generation to learn – I’ve been doing it for a long time. And I’d lost some of my enthusiasm.

I knew what I needed to do, but I never really had the tools to do it. I’ve never been one for meditation and that kind of thing, but it’s so useful. Just listening to the meditations, some really surprising things came up. It’s been amazing. My mindset now is completely different.”

Like Amanda, a lot of us have an inkling that it’s time to explore some of what’s going on beneath the surface – and yet it can be hard to know exactly how to do that in a way that’s structured and sustainable.

Perhaps you’d like to explore 1:1 coaching so that you can work through what comes up with a trained professional.

When you’re feeling “stuck” it’s an ideal opportunity to investigate some of your subconscious blocks or inherited patterns. As Amanda realized, times of extreme burnout or depression aren’t the best time to begin doing the work of changing your mindset. But if you’ve come out of a challenging time and can’t seem to get your mojo back, getting some outside support could be the answer.

3. Are you in victim mode?

Amanda was really motivated to find some way to tap back into her proactivity. As the main breadwinner in her family, she had a powerful incentive to turn things around.

But for some of us, that path isn’t quite as clear. Instead of looking for extra support or seeking to educate ourselves about how we can change our behaviours, we can find ourselves sinking into “victim” mode. Signs you’re adopting a victim mindset include:

  • Feeling that you’re not ‘good’ enough or ‘intelligent’ (or smart, or thin, or, or…) to change your situation – everyone else can do it, just not you.
  • Blaming everyone around you for the things you want to change
  • Telling yourself that you’re being silly for wanting more, and you should just be happy that you have the things you do

Victim is one of the disempowering archetypes that many women find themselves in. It can be exceptionally hard to find your way out of it by yourself, so if you feel as though “victim” is sapping your strength do reach out to a coach to see if she can provide you with some support – or connect with our Facebook group to find free support from our community.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to support a friend with burnout

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Research from Montreal University earlier this year revealed once more something most of us are anecdotally aware of: women are far more likely to suffer from work-related burnout than men. Even if burnout hasn’t affected you directly, you’re almost certain to come across a woman experiencing it at some point: whether it’s your sister, your cousin, your old school friend or that colleague who never stopped working (until she had to).

So when it strikes, how can we make a difference to the amazing women around us who find themselves at the point of burnout? Are there things we can say or do to help support each other and avoid getting to it in the first place?

It’s worth noting that if someone you know is having more serious challenges, or isn’t being supported in any other way, it’s important for them to receive appropriate help. That might mean talking to their GP, accessing Occupational Health support via work, or contacting a professional who’s equipped to give them the support they need.

But outside of that, woman to woman, there’s an awful lot you can do to make a real difference to someone who’s struggling. Here are 5 places to start:

  1. Listen

I mean, really listen. Not while you’re scrolling through Facebook; not while you’re ‘just finishing this one email’. Turn off your devices, go somewhere quiet if you can (or use headphones if you’re on your mobile!) and give your friend the space to talk about what’s going on. In our Women’s coach training, we call this “devoted listening” – and it’s such a powerful thing to do.

For lots of us, resisting the urge to dive in with suggestions can be challenging. When we’re used to solving problems, from sales strategy to screaming toddlers, we can find ourselves locked in “solution” mode.

But feeling heard and acknowledged is a really important part of fostering true relationship, and in allowing each other to connect to our own wisdom.

So make some time to listen, and allow your friend to share exactly what’s happening for them, without interruptions.

2. Practice observation

When you’re talking to someone who’s going through burnout, it’s really important to give them space to talk. What can also be helpful is to get curious – put yourself in “observer” mode. Your aim isn’t to interrogate or criticise them, but you can gently reflect back what you’re noticing or hearing.

For example, you might notice that as they talk they’re repeatedly referring to times when they dropped everything to deal with someone else’s emergency.

Lovingly pointing that out, without emotion or judgment – “It sounds as though you’re often having to chair the team meeting at the last minute when Fred can’t make it” rather than “God, Fred’s always letting you down isn’t he?” – can be a really respectful way to help them connect to their own guidance.

The other important thing to bear in mind is our tendency to want to help others, which can often come in the form of “rescuing” them from a situation by taking it on ourselves.

Needless to say, adopting their stress as your own won’t help either of you. Powerful listening and gentle reflection of what’s happening is the most compassionate way to get truly present to what’s happening, without disempowering or patronising.

3. Signpost where you can

As your friend talks, it may become clear that there’s somewhere they could access more help from.

Maybe they’re finding it hard to stand up for themselves and set boundaries; they could really do with someone to delegate household chores to, or they’re in need of an amazing PA to share some of the business load with them.

When you’re in the thick of things, just looking for a solution can feel like a mountain to climb. With their permission, ask if there’s anything you can do to help them find the support they need.

Be specific – “Would you like me to find the phone number of a local cleaner who could pop in for an hour a week?”, for example, or “Shall I ask my amazing accountant to email you about setting up a meeting?”

Your aim isn’t to add more things to your friend’s to-do list – and if what she needs is time to rest and do nothing, it’s really important to respect that. But if you can help her connect to the support that could really make a difference, you might find that’s the greatest gift you can give.

4. Come back to Love

The 5 Women’s PowerTypes™ are our guides to stepping into our uniquely female leadership – and Mother is the PowerType that’s most compassionate and caring when it comes to the people in our lives.

Healthy Mother energy is able to hold unconditional love for those close to us (without depleting herself or moving into self-sacrifice.)

That means letting your friend know you’re there for her, you value her, and you love her just as she is – no matter how she’s feeling, or what she thinks she’s failed at.

It’s also important to remember to take time to replenish yourself. If you’re taking care of someone in your life, it can be emotionally exhausting, so make sure you give yourself space to fill up and restore your energy.

It will enable you to be the best support possible for them as they move out of burnout and back to healing.

5. Help them stop it happening again

Many women in our community describe burnout as a wake up call – and a catalyst for them to make changes in their life to stop it happening again.

When the time is right, helping your friend to explore the lessons a challenging experience has brought them, and reassuring them that they’re not alone in having gone through it, can be a really kind thing to do.

Whether it’s shifting careers, balancing responsibilities or restoring healthier boundaries, knowing we’re supported by others has a huge impact on our recovery, resilience and ability to thrive after a setback like burnout.

Are you a natural helper?

If you’re a born supporter who loves helping women get their mojo back after a challenge, or be kind to themselves during times of stress or burnout, have you ever considered becoming a coach?

Coaches help women with all kinds of challenges – overwhelm and burnout are just one of them – and training to provide this kind of support can lead to an incredibly rewarding career if you enjoy interacting with and empowering other women.

You can find out more about our Coaching Certification program by watching our free online training, The Secret To Coaching Women – click here to book your spot.

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