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Woman looking to create change

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How to make peace with anything

November 25, 2020 By Annie Stoker

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Annie Stoker
Annie Stoker
Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of many
Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK's most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Annie Stoker
Latest posts by Annie Stoker (see all)
  • How to make peace with anything - November 25, 2020
  • How to deal with your emotions - August 13, 2020
  • How to stop worrying what people think - March 26, 2020

When it comes to coaching or being coached, it’s easy to focus on the extraordinary impact it can have on the things you CAN change in your life. Coaching can help you find a new career. Discover relationships that fulfil you in ways you could never have imagined; set powerful boundaries around what’s acceptable; learn to bring joy and delight into your daily life.

But what about the things you can’t change? What if coaching could teach you how to make peace with anything?

After all, some of the biggest challenges we face in our lives are often things that are totally out of our power to change in any way.

Maybe you’re coming to terms with the fact that you’re not going to have children in this lifetime.

Perhaps someone close to you has died, and the grief feels overwhelming.

You might have lost a business, or your home, or life has gone wrong in some other horrible way.

Or you’ve made a mistake, or done something so harmful, you can’t ever imagine moving on.

Can coaching help you then?

Coaching and the things we can’t change

A while back, while having a BIG clear out of a whole heap of old things, I came across a memory from decades ago.

A set of beautiful, colourful baby clothes I’d bought while travelling in Peru. At the time, I was desperate to have children. I imagined the kind of mother I’d be, the lives they’d have, the adventures we’d go on together.

But it wasn’t meant to be.

For a while, coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to do this thing I wanted more than anything was incredibly painful.

But this time, when I came across those tiny outfits, I felt nothing but peace with the way things have unfolded. In fact, they now bring a smile to my face. The pangs of longing are gone. The heartache is over. I’m even happy that I don’t have kids now! I have enough on my plate just looking after me so that I can look after everyone else.

I’m loving the stability, serenity and settledness of post menopause life. And that I get to support many people, not just a couple of small ones! I get to do what I love most… like supporting women to becoming incredible coaches for the women around them. Sharing these tools that have made such a difference in my life.

And helping others find peace with the life experiences they once thought they would never overcome.

What if you can’t “get over it”?

If you’re reading this and thinking that this all sounds well and good, but there’s no way YOU could get over the particular heartbreak you’re facing, then let me give you the brutal truth.

Whatever happens in life, you have two options:

Accept it… or change it.

If you can’t accept what’s happened, you have to change it.

And if you can’t change it?

You have no choice but to accept it, one way or the other.

When we can’t accept the things we can’t change, that’s when all kinds of problems show up. We can turn to crutches like drink, drugs, work, codependent relationships… anything to avoid coming to terms with what’s happened. This is nothing to be ashamed of – it’s far more common than you might think.

Many of us have been squashing down this realization for years. Decades. Maybe even most of our lives.

To understand how you can finally move forward, you need to look at why that is.

What stops us from accepting things?

At the root of the things we can’t accept tend to be feelings we haven’t allowed ourself to fully express. Many of us are terrified of the emotions we’re avoiding.

So if you want to know how to make peace with anything, that’s often a good place to start.

Think about something you find it hard to let go of.

On a scale of one to ten, how strongly do you feel emotionally about it?

If there’s ANY emotion there, it’s a sign there is some work to do.

What kind of work?

Well, all kinds of things. As Women’s Coaches we have a whole range of tools to help women move through emotions they’re feeling. Some things to try might be:

  • Journalling, so you can really be honest about your thoughts and feelings
  • Meditations to help you release unhelpful limitations or emotions
  • Dynamic meditations, which allow you to move feelings through your body
  • Embodiment work, such as dance, movement or massage
  • Getting clear on your needs
  • Learning how to ask for things
  • Setting boundaries with those around you
  • Understanding the role of the different Women’s PowerTypes in your life

… and many, many more.

There are so many tools that help us move through things.

A good coach can help you identify the ones which are right for you. And the impact can transform your life.

When you find peace, the future opens up

The only reason we find ourselves unable to make peace with things is because of the stories we’re holding on to. That keep us stuck to our past experiences, and attached to the meanings we decide they have.

When we’re able to unravel those stories and release them of their power, we find ourselves in a place of new potential. It’s as though, instead of looking at everything through the murky filter of our unexpressed emotions, we’re finally able to look through clear lenses at what’s right in front of us.

Clients I’ve coached in the past have experienced the pain of divorce, of losing their homes, bankruptcy, bereavement, and unimaginable trauma and loss.

With the right support, I don’t think there’s anything we can’t make peace with (with the exception of clinical diagnoses which need support beyond a coach’s expertise).

Start by reminding yourself of that simple fact: You can accept what’s happened, or you can change it.

What are you going to accept, starting today?

Do you want to know how to make peace with anything?

If you’re curious about these simple, powerful ways to move through emotion and find freedom from what’s past, there’s a free workshop coming up which you might be interested in.

It’s called Essential Skills for Coaching Women, and in it Jo Martin will be introducing One of many’s unique coaching toolkit – designed by women, for women. You’ll discover some practical tools you can use straight away to support the women in your life to move past even the toughest challenges.

If you’d love to know how to share this work with others, and allow them to move forward with their lives, you’d be so welcome. Just click the link below to register for your place:

https://oneofmany.co.uk/essential-skills-for-coaching/

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: Energy, happiness, mindset Tagged With: coaching, coaching cert, coaching skills, emotions, freedom

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Guest post: The truth about being a coach in 2020

November 19, 2020 By Thea Jolly

being a coach in 2020
  • About
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Thea Jolly
Thea Jolly
In-house Coach at One of many
Thea is one of our Certified Coaches and part of the coaching team on our the Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.

Thea's mission is to help women feel at peace with themselves - because only then can they make their biggest and boldest contributions to their families, communities and the world.
Thea Jolly
Latest posts by Thea Jolly (see all)
  • Guest post: The truth about being a coach in 2020 - November 19, 2020
  • Guest blog: Perfectionist or bitch? - October 15, 2020
  • Guest post: 7 daily strategies to reduce overwhelm - August 13, 2019

Want to know what it’s like being a coach in 2020?

There’s that word again.

“It just feels so overwhelming.”

My client is struggling with the emotion bubbling up within her, the tears so long held back, now snaking down her cheeks. Part of her is relieved to be in such a safe space and finally be able to express her worries, her sadness, her fears…and yet also…other parts of her are ashamed she can’t cope with this and hasn’t been able to ‘push on through’.

There are many people in worse situations than her, she says.

I listen deeply to her, validating her words and emotions. There’s nothing wrong. No panic. Nothing to see here. Just a human being having emotions and expressing them in a compassionately held space.

We start with the feelings

In a coaching session emotions are often the place to start from. A nugget of truth to dissect and from which to build back up and plan a way forward.

2020 has been quite a year. The extra responsibilities on our shoulders as women, mothers, daughters, sisters, carers, managers and leaders have been heavy. Sometimes we take it in our stride, our energy, hope and faith in ourselves and the future pulling us forward. Other times we buckle under the stress and demands from around us – and from within – and wonder how we are going to get through.

Life really does feel overwhelming at times, knocking the energy, confidence and determination out of us.

And that’s OK.

Resilience isn’t about never ‘failing’ or never losing hope, or never falling down. It’s about navigating those normal human experiences with curiosity and compassion and rising stronger and wiser.

This is my job. To hold a space for women to be open and honest with themselves – to bring their biggest challenges to me and help work through them. I’m a mirror reflecting back their individual beauty and strengths as well as our common humanity and struggle.

My coaching journey

Having qualified as a life coach in 2006 I chose to become a One of many Certified Coach in 2017 for the simple reason that their philosophy, tools and concepts resonated so deeply with me and had made a big difference in my own life. I wanted to share these tools with my own clients, because I knew just how powerfully they would help them.

As an Certified Women’s Coach I have access to a massive collection of tools and practices that I can use with my clients. These provide a clear way out of the physical and emotional overwhelm that many of us find ourselves in these days. They are simple and practical – empowering us to take the next step forward again and again.

What I love about the tools and concepts is that they provide us with a common language around the complex and important concepts that enable us to grow – topics like inner wisdom, managing our energy, the mind-body connection, beliefs and spirituality. When most of our friends and family don’t follow the self-development path, it’s so powerful to feel part of a community that understands us and can talk about the things that we believe in, struggle with, and aspire to, in a way others cannot.

As an One of many in-house coach I talk a lot about energy. Yes, managing time is important – and there are many tools that help me and my clients to be organised, structured and efficient. But managing our energy is where so much of the transformations and progress is made, and this is where One of many is streets ahead of other coaching and personal development organisations.

The tools and concepts work because they are based on how women work – they just get to the essence of what makes us tick – our emotions, hormones, cultural conditioning, values, dreams – and that means they support us so much better than more generic coaching tools.

Learning as I teach

As the Roman philosopher Seneca said: ‘While we teach, we learn.’ Using and teaching the tools and concepts of One of many has – I’m certain of it – kept me learning and growing myself.

Each time I teach a tool, discuss a concept with a client or weave another client experience into the body of knowledge and experience within me, I gain deeper insight, seeing more distinctions that in turn I bring back to my clients. It’s a wonderful circular learning process.

My clients teach and support me and my wellbeing just as much as I help them.

It’s a privilege to work with such amazing women every day and I am constantly being reminded and prompted to raise my game personally and professionally. One of the great side effects of being a coach is that it keeps you accountable to your growth and wellbeing.

I know that every single one of my clients has helped me in their own unique way to navigate the craziness and overwhelm of this unusual year. It’s been an honour. Thank you.

Curious about coaching?

If you’d like to find out more about the One of many coaching tools, join Dr Jo Martin and the team for Essential Skills for Coaching Women. We’re hosting a free online workshop on 3rd December (with a replay available for those who can’t join us live). To register for your place, click here to book now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: career, fulfilment, Voices from Our Community Tagged With: being a coach, coaching, women's coaching

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Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care

November 12, 2020 By Joanna Martin

Coaching and burnout
  • About
  • Latest Posts
Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • 6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
  • The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
  • Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

When it comes to coaching and burnout, there’s a really important distinction many women aren’t aware of when they seek support.

If we’re not mindful of this potential trap, we can find that the coach we’ve hired to try and prevent us from burning out completely, can actually make things worse.

Why?

One word: Superwoman.

How Superwoman can sabotage your support

Many of us habitually find ourselves in “Superwoman” mode when things get tough.

She’s the part of us who needs to be achieving 100% in every area of her life, all the time. She HATES asking for help and sees any kind of vulnerability as weakness.

We call Superwoman the archetype of our time for good reason. She’s ubiquitous among high-achieving women who care.

And in this short video, I explain how coaching can go wrong when we’re still wearing our Superwoman cape – and how you can do things differently.

What women need to know about coaching and burnout

Coaching and burnout – what’s your experience?

If you can relate to this, I’d love to know your experience. Have you found yourself turning professional support into a reason to raise the bar still higher? Do you tend to approach personal development as a way to push yourself further, and do you have any tips to share when it comes to stepping off the treadmill?

I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments below.

And if you’d like to know more about One of many‘s approach to coaching, make sure you’re part of the BeOne community. We’re going to be sharing details of an upcoming workshop very soon, to give you the chance to experience it firsthand.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Filed Under: fulfilment, happiness, Leadership Tagged With: burnout, coaching, something bigger, women in business

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How to live life on your own terms

February 20, 2020 By Joanna Martin

Woman holding arms out: How to live life on your own terms
  • About
  • Latest Posts
Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • 6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
  • The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
  • Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

One of the greatest privileges we have is to make choices. When it comes to knowing how to live life on your own terms, it’s so important that we take stock of the many freedoms we now have, compared to generations of women before us. That’s not to say it’s always easy. Today I want to share some practical insights into why that is, and how to live life on your own terms.

Recognising how lucky we are

Discrimination, inequality and massive imabalances in power are very real, even in today’s world. And yet, there are many choices we’re able to make as women that would have been unthinkable for our mothers, grandmothers, and generations before them.

I loved hearing Michelle Williams acknowledge this at the Golden Globes 2020. She said:

"I’m grateful for the acknowledgment of the choices I’ve made, and I’m also grateful to have lived at a moment in our society where choice exists...

I’ve tried my very best to live a life of my own making and not just a series of events that happened to me, but one that I can stand back and look at and recognize my handwriting all over, sometimes messy and scrawling, sometimes careful and precise, but one that I carved with my own hand."

Now, if you’re rolling your eyes a little, I get it. A Hollywood actress, receiving a glittering award at a fancy event… it’s easy to feel like she’s got it all sorted.

As though it’s easy to talk about “choice” when you’re wealthy and privileged.

And yet most of us are extremely fortunate to also have choices. If you’ve received an education, have access to clean water and healthcare, and are able to make fundamental decisions about contraception, finances and marriage, you’re better off than millions of women around the world.

So why do we end up feeling like we’re stuck?

Gratitude for your good fortune is one thing. And then there's the daily reality – bills to pay, kids to wrangle, relationships to navigate, jobs to do.

Sure, we might have more freedom than many, many other women throughout history. But it's also very normal to feel as though right now, today, you don't have an awful lot of say in the demands being made of you. 

At One of many we use “archetypes” to explore common patterns of being that show up in the lives of many women.

As well as the 5 Women’s PowerTypes, our models of powerful feminine leadership, we also see 3 “disempowering archetypes” show up.

These can help you understand what’s happening at those times when it doesn’t feel as though you’re living life on your own terms.

We often feel powerless when...

We’re in “victim” mode: We feel helpless, and as though we can’t do anything to change the situation we’re in.

We’re in “martyr” mode. This is the archetype of the woman who sacrifices everything for others, and never has the space to give to her own needs or desires.

We’re in “bitch” mode. This is where our pent up anger and resentment comes out, and we lash out at those around us (yes, often with the people we love most).

How do you find your way back to the life you want?

If these disempowering archetypes help us understand why we’re feeling boxed in or lacking in power, the Women’s PowerTypes are a framework that allow us to connect to the choices we do have in ay given moment.

These might be as simple as the choices you have about how to respond to a situation. The details you notice, the lessons you take, or the aspects you choose to let go of.

We become conscious of our choices when…

We get to know ourselves. We start to explore what we want, what makes us feel good, what our fears and patterns are. This might be through journaling, talking to a trusted friend or coach, or taking time out regularly without an agenda to enjoy some space that’s just for us.

We give ourselves permission. We allow ourselves to (shock, horror!) do things that are only for us, not for anyone else. If you’re someone who spends their time making other people’s lives easier, this can be a truly radical step.

We get support. At One of many we believe that collaboration is key to changing the kind of world we live in. When we support each other and share our journeys, we’re all able to thrive and grow further than we ever could by ourselves.

Do you want to live life on your terms?

At One of many we’ve developed a specific set of tools to help women find their power and take control of their lives. And our mission is to get those tools into the hands of as many women as possible.

Would you like to be part of this turning tide?

Take a look at Living the Change – our groundbreaking community providing the support, community and tools you need to create the life you want.

Click here to find out more.

You’ll find out what makes our approach so different, and how it’s helping women around the world live life on their own terms.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: career, Energy, fulfilment Tagged With: coach cert, coaching, energy, freedom, fulfilment, gratitude, power, soft power

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Are you already coaching?

January 9, 2020 By Joanna Martin

How to know if you're already coaching
  • About
  • Latest Posts
Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • 6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
  • The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
  • Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

A surprising number of women, whether or not they’re interested in pursuing coaching as a career, already use some fundamental coaching skills in their day to day lives – often without realising they’re doing it. Are you one of them? Today I’m going to share 3 ways to find out if you’re already coaching people around you, and why this could be an important signal for you about where to focus your energy.

Why coaching skills are so valuable

In the coming decade, coaching skills are emerging as an increasingly valuable attribute across industries, as well as outside of the workplace in areas like family, relationships and wellbeing. Why? At the start of the decade, a shift is beginning to emerge in the traditional priorities of business.

In 2019, Deloitte asked nearly 10,000 CEOS to state what they considered to be the most important measure of success. The top answer might surprise you: Ahead of profit or customer satisfaction, top CEOs rate their ‘impact on society’ as the most important achievement.

That’s not the easiest thing to achieve in today’s fast moving, ever connected world. A business’s impact on society needs to be led by people with a clear vision, the ability to hold steady and inspire others through turbulence and uncertainty, and a real sense of integrity aligned with their deepest values. If success is measured by wider impact, leaders need the kind of deep support that coaching brings. Their legacy will be defined not only by their financial acumen or management ability, but by their clarity of purpose and vision. Their ability to respond to global events and social shifts, with discernment and integrity. And that’s the kind of support trained coaches have the skills to provide.

A second key trend comes as ‘Generation Z’ — our current 16-25 year olds — enter the worksplace. By 2030, they’re estimated to make up almost 33% of the global workforce. And their priorities, as Dan Schawbel, research director at Future Workplace writes, are not what we might assume

“This digital generation, primarily relying on technology to communicate, suffers from anxiety. Thus, Gen Zers are looking for leaders who are trusting, support their needs, and express care for them as humans – not just employees. Focusing on Gen Zers human needs will be the best way to address their workplace needs.”

The ability to set a clear vision and purpose, and to support the human needs of employees, ask for a new kind of leadership to emerge. One that will be fostered by the kind of coaching skills many of us take for granted. In this short video, I share 3 signs that you might already be coaching — and what you should be aware of if you are.

Are you already coaching without knowing it?

If you’re already coaching…

If you’re currently coaching without realising it, or are practicing as a coach and want to develop your skills further to reflect these emerging trends in business, it’s clear that the world needs your talent. And when it comes to equipping yourself with the most up to date tools to enhance your impact, I share what you need to know in a free online workshop on Thursday 3rd December 2020: Essential Skills for Coaching Women.

.Click here to register and find out more.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: Leadership, relationships, work Tagged With: change the world, coaching, Leadership, women in business

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Guest post: 5 reasons women are still taking a back seat in their own careers

November 28, 2019 By Erica Sosna

Professional women talking: Career advice for women
  • About
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Erica Sosna
Erica Sosna
Founder | Creator | Storyteller

Erica Sosna is the creator of The Career Equation® and CEO of Career Matters. She has 20 years of expertise in leadership, employee engagement and career management and is author of Your Life Plan (Wiley) and the forthcoming Career Equation (2021). Her clients include: Capital One, Mastercard, Savills and Dassault Systemes .
Erica Sosna
Latest posts by Erica Sosna (see all)
  • Guest post: 5 reasons women are still taking a back seat in their own careers - November 28, 2019

Women in the workplace. We’re fierce. We’re doing great things. Our mothers and several generations of ancestors fought hard for us to have a seat at the table.

I’m 41. I’m of the generation that was told we could do anything we set our minds to. That the glass ceiling was no longer relevant for us. Yet, as a careers coach for professional women, I experience that we have yet to overcome the challenges that face us.

I’d like to share a bit with you about my experience of the challenges we face in defining, driving and owning our careers and a simple model I think can really help define our career paths and establish a solid starting point for effective career conversations.

If you want to know more about career conversations, then you can find out more by downloading our free guide at the bottom of this article.

But first, let’s agree on the obstacles.

A lack of generational opportunity

We were told anything is possible. Yet the gender pay gap, numbers of senior women in major organisations and the discrimination cases of #MeToo tell us that this not the whole story. Many workplaces were designed by men, for men, so the way that opportunities arise and are allocated doesn’t always give women a dignified and level playing field. We end up trying to be Superwoman and it’s not sustainable; our health and relationships suffer.

Poor career advice

Poor careers advice early on in life meant many of us didn’t get to align a deep level of self-knowledge with the opportunities in the world of work. Thus, most of us fell into our careers rather than chose them. Imagine how different your career path might have been if you’d known about the Women’s Powertypes™, for example, when you were deciding which path to take.

This lack of support leaves us as women potentially confused and doubtful about whether we made the right choices.

Lisa Harris from the Open University expressed what so many women experience;

“I was inhibiting myself with my own preconceived ideas about what my career should/could look like in the future.”

Traditional views on careers

Until the last decade a career was defined by long-term period of stability spent in one or two organisations, following an established track into becoming an expert at senior level in your chosen profession. You didn’t have to think too much about it because your company decided on your future for you.

In the new world, the job for life is err… dead.

New roles are cropping up all the time. Job titles are becoming more and more abstract. The work we most need to do may not have existed a decade ago. We’ve got flexible working, remote working, fixed term contracts and we need to be a whole lot more adaptable so we can redefine and reposition ourselves as the world of work changes.

What is success?

In this new world, the question of how you even define success becomes more and more important. We have been traditionally taught that success is about more money, seniority or status. It’s about ambition and climbing the greasy pole. But what if success is unique for each of us? And defined more by the experiences we want to have and the kind of life we want to lead?

Gilly Orr, now working as a Fund Development Director for Social and Sustainable Capital told us;

“I didn’t realise it was possible to find a job I was both good at and that would make me happy.”

How can we hear ourselves think about what truly matters to us and connect to it in a world that has got increasingly ‘loud’, bombarding us with media and messaging about how our work and lives are ‘supposed’ to be?

Changing aspirations over time

The fact is, that this definition also changes over time. Maybe a role with lots of travel was fantastic when you were twenty but is exhausting as you approach mid-life. What we find fulfilling evolves as we do and as life circumstances and priorities shift, we need a way to re-evaluate where work sits within our wider life context.

Additional to these obstacles is the way we as women hold ourselves back.

Stephanie Aitken, an In-House Trainer with One of many who also runs her own successful corporate coaching and training business told us:

“In my experience there are 3 key things that hold women back from wanting to step up in their career, I call them the “3Cs”.

They are:

  • Capability – I doubt I have enough skills or expertise to do the role
  • Congruence – I fear I’ll burnout and/or lose precious time with my family
  • Confidence – I struggle to share my ideas with conviction and claim my place at the table.”

With all this stacked against us, it’s clear we need tools to help us define and own our careers.

What is a career anyway?

At Career Matters, we define a career as a series of choices that explore how you align your gifts with how you spend your time and earn your money.

To navigate these choices effectively and thus feel empowered and in charge of your own career path, you need 3 things:

  • To be able to define what success means to you
  • Selection criteria for roles and opportunities based on that definition
  • To know what value you add and where you do your best work.

The Career Equation®

The Career Equation® is a simple word equation which helps define the four components of a fulfilling career. I am sharing the model with you so you can build your own equation and use it to define the work that best suits you.

Here’s how it works:

Skills

We say people are happiest when they work in an area of skill or strength.

When you do something you are good at and aim to become exceptional at it, you will experience a good deal of satisfaction.

Passions

We want to apply these key skills to an area of interest or ‘passion’.

Passion relates to subjects that arouse your curiosity or enjoyment. It also applies to behaviours or activities that cause you to feel so absorbed you lose track of time – for instance solving problems or making art.

Lizzie Clark is a print fashion designer and hit upon the value of recognising her passions;

“I found the knowledge of myself so powerful. It really is as simple as selecting the aspects I love and thrive with to create something I can refer to for focus and direction.”

When you apply your skills to an area of interest or to a passion, your satisfaction and your results grow. This is amplified even further when the goal or objective of our work lines up with our values. This is what we call impact.

Impact

We all define and measure our success in different ways. So it makes sense for you to understand how you define success and get clear on how you will track it. Understanding your Women’s Powertype Profile™ can be invaluable here. Do you want flexibility to work on your own terms? Being a leader in your field? Or the chance to deliver real results to customers?

These top three elements of The Career Equation® help you identify who you are and what matters to you. This clarity can be enhanced or compromised by the fourth element – the ground beneath your feet – we call this your level of ‘environmental fit. ‘

Environmental Fit

When a working style, culture, office environment or pace of work suits your personality, you thrive. When the two are not in alignment, you can struggle. It is important that you have the self-knowledge to know in what context you do your best work. Some elements of the environment can be open to change. Others are pretty fixed across the entire business. For example, you might be able to gain more autonomy by asking for it or moving to a different area but you may not be able to change the IT infrastructure!

The Career Equation® can help you identify what’s working and what needs adjustment. It can also help you articulate the kinds of work you are looking for. And best of all, it will give you clarity about what you really want out of work, so you can go and get it!

How to Use the Career Equation® to Manage and Review Your Career Path

The Career Equation® works because it separates the four elements that shape your ideal career path.

  1. Begin by making four lists under the four elements of Skills, Passion, Impact and Environment. Notice where there is common ground. What do you currently use or under-use?
  2. Next consider your current work. If you were going to change anything in your work to better fit with your list of requirements, what would you change and why?
  3. Last, think about your top 3 criteria in each category. If you were to brainstorm new roles or new work that suited these criteria, what would your career path and life design look like?

And if you know your Women’s Powertype Profile™, you can incorporate the self-knowledge that gives you into The Career Equation®. It’s a powerful way of identifying your gifts; helping you achieve more whilst staying true to yourself.

Stephanie reinforces this by saying

“I’ve seen time and again how the PowerTypes™ give women access to resources they didn’t realise they had, helping them overcome obstacles and powerfully drive their career forward. Such as the Queen’s ability to communicate clearly and decisively, the Warrioress’ self-belief and determination to take action and the Lover’s commitment to self-care so that she remains healthy and resilient.”

About the Career Equation®

The Career Equation® is one year old! In 2019 alone it helped 1,200 people understand their personal definition of success, helping them find a fulfilling career path.

Kirsty Riglar from Dorset Council worked through The Career Equation® and told us she loved the way “it provided me with a variety of tools that let me focus on what I can do and what I want to do in terms of my own career development.”

Learn how to use The Career Equation® for more engaging and usable career conversations in your company with our FREE guide.

It’s full of new ideas, interesting facts and guidance. It also has a template email to help you get started with your career conversations and an editable planner so you can plan and implement your own career conversations in 2020.

Use this information as a signpost or map, coming back to it periodically to check your career is moving in the direction you want it to move in. Your career is a series of choices; you alone have the power to change it for the better.

Download it here.

About Erica

Founder | Creator | Storyteller

Erica Sosna is the creator of The Career Equation® and CEO of Career Matters. She has 20 years of expertise in leadership, employee engagement and career management and is author of Your Life Plan (Wiley) and the forthcoming Career Equation (2021). Her clients include: Capital One, Mastercard, Savills and Dassault Systemes .

Filed Under: fulfilment, Leadership, Uncategorized, work Tagged With: coaching, confidence, fulfillment, Leadership, women in business, work

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5 ways you’re sabotaging women (and how to stop)

November 14, 2019 By Joanna Martin

Two women at work: How to support women better
  • About
  • Latest Posts
Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • 6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
  • The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
  • Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

The burnout epidemic. A chronic lack of diversity in senior roles. The rise in stress, anxiety and depression. Together, they paint a clear picture. Our current ways of working are failing women. But if we want to be part of turning things around, it’s not enough to point fingers at "The System". Creating meaningful change requires us to look honestly at the part we play – and when we recognise that, we've taken the first step towards changing it. If you want to support women to create results without falling into burnout, read on.

Before we dig into the ways we can unconsciously block women from reaching their full potential, I want to make one thing clear: It’s important that you don’t slip into blame when you consider the ways these patterns might show up.

After all, it’s only in relatively recent history that women were even allowed access to the spheres of education, commerce and politics. So it’s no surprise that much of our culture is built on distinctly "masculine" foundations – assumptions and habits that aren't always a great fit for our strengths. These hidden structures can lead to our biggest challenges – but because we don't tend to see them, we're blind to the way they can show up.

So the way we sabotage other women is the very same way we often sabotage ourselves – without even realising we're doing it. It’s not your fault. Most of us are only applying the things we’ve been taught will lead to “success”.

But it is time we changed that – and today I want to explore 5 ways you might inadvertently be sabotaging the women around you – and how to stop.

#1 Focusing on the outcome, above all else

Goals are important. In life and work, it can often seem that results are what matter – and it’s easy to make them the focus of our energy, whether we're supporting a client or prioritising our own day.

The trouble with taking those outcomes as our only focus is that it tends to lead to a very linear way of thinking. We’re here at point A, and we want to get to our goal in point B.

Best rush as fast and as hard as we can to the finish line... right?

Trouble is, whether or not we reach a specific goal, there will always be more to do. The next target to hit, a new priority, a fresh challenge.

Rather than focusing entirely on the outcome, what might happen if we paid greater attention to to the process? Our day to day habits and activities – how we maintain our energy, build sustainable systems, embed and integrate our learning along the way?

If you lead a team, you might think about the rhythms and structure you have for communicating and supporting one another, or the environment in which your work is taking place. If you work with clients, try asking them to reflect not only on what they’re doing but how they’re doing it.

Reaching our goals at the expense of our health and sanity is a trap many, many of us fall into. What else might be possible if we tried doing things a different way?

#2 Only celebrating "wins"

A side effect of focusing entirely on goals is that we have a tendency to celebrate our achievements, and try to forget the failures.

Of course, it feels good to reach an income target or nail a deadline. But that’s often not where our biggest growth lies. It can be in the mistakes we make or the lessons we learn that the real gold is to be found.

And if we’re only celebrating when we achieve things, it’s a small step from feeling a sense of blame, shame or failure when we miss the mark. Those emotions are understandable. It’s important to make space for your feelings.

More interesting to explore might be: What have I learned from this? What would I do differently next time? What new possibilities have opened up?

How might you support others to embrace the opportunities for learning that “failure” brings?

#3 Demanding more… and more.. and more...

Superwoman is the archetype of our times – she never stops, she achieves everything she sets out to (and more), and she holds herself to the highest standards in everything she does.

When you’re in “Superwomen” mode, it’s astonishing what you can achieve.

Maybe you’ve witnessed a client or colleague dealing with a devastating personal situation, and yet simultaneously pulling off a intensely challenging professional coup. (Maybe you’ve done it yourself).

But when we run on the adrenaline Superwoman requires for long periods, the effect on our physical and mental wellbeing is unavoidable.

Once we’ve put on that cape we tend to get locked into achieving mode: setting the bar ever higher, rising earlier and finishing later, constantly adding things to our plate. If you're a leader or manager, that "push" energy quickly filters down to your team.

But that level of busyness can become an addiction, and a destructive one at that.

If you notice a client or colleague “burning the candle at both ends”, it can be easy to praise all she’s doing. If she’s talented, competent and prolific, it’s tough to suggest she slow down. And if you're working in that mode yourself, you might be modelling the behaviour your team are adopting.

But at some point, that energy needs to be replenished.

How can you help create space for the women who are doing the most? Encourage them to take something off their plate, instead of adding to it? Model a different way of doing things?

#4 Fixing problems

Mate needs a new job? You agree to review her CV, give feedback and make a few introductions. (While you're at it, you may as well create a LinkedIn profile and draft a cover letter).

Issue with a spreadsheet at work? Hell, you’ll stay late and get it sorted. It’s not technically part of your role but you’ve always had a knack for numbers, and it bugs you that it’s taking so long.

By nature, women are often problem solvers. We hate leaving people in the lurch and we thrive on the buzz that comes from swooping to the rescue.

Trouble is, when we’re perpetually fixing problems for everyone from our team to our friends, we can inadvertently find ourselves doing more harm than good. After all, taking a challenge off someone’s plate deprives them of the learning they might have gone through to arrive at a solution themselves.

And when you’re constantly “coming to the rescue”, you’re ensuring that the decisions made around those problems are handled the way you want them to be. It might be one way to do it, but there are probably also other ways to approach them.

A more effective approach might be supporting others to solve problems. You could offer advice, support, or practical action – but let them continue to stay in the driver's seat.

How can you help the women in your world to create their own solutions – even if that means making mistakes or learning lessons along the way?

#5 Taking sole responsibility

Being responsible is a high value for many of us. We take our roles seriously and we value integrity and performance.

But when we insist on taking sole responsibility for the impact we want to have in the world, we’re blocking ourselves from accessing the holistic support our communities can offer.

If things don’t go to plan, it might be tempting to shoulder the accountability. “I messed up. I failed.” might seem as though you’re saving those around you from challenging feelings.

But it also cuts them off from being part of the solution.

How could you shift that story to “What can we do differently?” or “How could we turn this around?”

Creating that sense of shared ownership, and of trusting and valuing the input of those around you, is a very different way of working than we often see modelled.

What new results could you create if you were able to foster a spirit of true collaboration?

Would you like more tools to support women better?

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: career, Leadership, Power Tagged With: awareness, burnout, change the world, coaching

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How to help someone who can’t make a decision

November 7, 2019 By Joanna Martin

Woman coaching another women: how to help someone who can't make a decision
  • About
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Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • 6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
  • The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
  • Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

We’re all facing information overload these days. Trouble is, that information – whether it comes as emails, texts, tasks or questions – all to often demands action. Is it any wonder so many of us feel like we can't make a decision?

Big or small, profound or banal, our days are a series of choices. All of them take energy and time, and the longer they sit on your list the more they can start to feel that they’re sapping valuable brainpower. Yet sometimes the more pressure there is to take action, the more trapped you feel: as though you just can’t make a decision.

So knowing how to move forward when you can’t make a decision is a godsend. And this simple 4 step process is one you can share with every woman you know.

When it comes to supporting your clients, team or friends, sharing a step-by-step flow to make decisions with ease can be one of the most effective ways to make a difference.

You don’t need any expertise on what it is they’re choosing when you can help them access their inner ability to move forward. And it can make a serious difference to their effectivness.

So, without further ado, here are 4 steps to take for anyone who can’t make a decision:

4 steps to follow if you can’t make a decision

#1 Identify what’s happening

This sounds obvious, but it’s crucial. And surprisingly common to miss.

So many of us don’t recognise we’re lost in “analysis paralysis” until we’re way down the rabbithole of different options – the consequences of choosing X; the possible repercussions of Y; the strategic implications of Z.

If someone else comes to you they’ll often start by presenting you with a whole list of possibilities, or a simple cry for help: I have no idea what to do next!

Taking a moment to frame what’s happening – what decision needs to be made – is really important.

Listen to what’s being said, and clearly reflect back the decision that’s being asked.

Right. I need to decide how to respond to that client’s complaint.

So you have to choose what you’re going to be doing for Christmas, and let your family know.

Sounds to me as though it’s time to make a decision about what you want from the future of your relationship.

#2 Step back – and become the Queen

Just getting that clarity is often enough to get rid of some of the panic, and move towards taking action.

The next step is to put yourself firmly in the best possible mindset to make your choice.

Who's in charge right now? We all have many different sides to us, not all of which are helpful. See if any of these sound familiar:

  • The good girl
  • The people-pleaser
  • The high-achiever
  • The perfectionist

One of the hallmarks of “analysis paralysis” is the sensation of going round in circles, listening to the “chorus” of roles in our minds and trying desperately to make a decision by committee.

But you only need ONE wise, trusted inner voice to make a decision.

How can you connect to that voice?

At One of many we use 5 Women’s PowerTypes when it comes to resourcing our leadership from within. And top of the decision-making tree is the Queen.

Queens by their nature are responsible for making lots of decisions. But they’re also uniquely able to make those choices confidently. They’re infallible, after all – divinely appointed, unquestioned, and respected.

So, when you’re finding it challenging to move forward, take a deep breath and play with the idea of being the “Queen”. Maybe even mime donning your crown or fastening your robe – by all means, have some fun with this!

What if ANY choice you made was guaranteed to be right?

As the Queen, you can’t make a wrong decision when you act wisely and calmly. Take a moment to imagine how things would feel if you believed that to be true.

#3 What do you know in your heart?

This powerful question is the next vital step towards taking action. It might sound fluffy – especially if you’re not used to consulting your “heart” when it comes to big choices – but it’s actually the opposite.

When we try to predict the future, we get tangled up in knots. We think we’re being logical, rational and measured. But the truth is, none of us know exactly what’s going to happen. What we do is tell ourselves stories; and those stories can be incredibly persuasive.

By framing the question in this way, you allow yourself to let go of that “overthinking” brain and tap into a part of yourself that’s centred.

When you ask “what do I know in my heart” you move the focus from outcomes you can’t possible predict, to wisdom you can be sure of having.

Put it on paper, and you’re ready for step 4.

#4 Ask yourself, do I have enough information to make this decision?

The beauty of this process is that, by the time you get to this step, you’re in calm mode.

You’re trusting yourself; you’ve connected to your wise, infallible self, and you’ve noted down all that you know to be true.

The next question is a yes/no one. Do I have enough information to make this decision?

The answer might be yes. When you’ve looked at the situation through fresh eyes, you can see what needs to be done, even if it’s an action you’ve been avoiding. Note down what that action is – and do it

If no, then it’s clear why you haven’t been able to make the decision. But again, the key is to take action. Identify exactly what information you need – could be another person’s opinion, some facts or figures, or more data on the implications of a certain course – and take action straight away to get the information you need.

When you’ve made the decision

Celebrate! The relief of moving into action and no longer feeling the weight of a choice “hanging over you” cannot be underestimated.

Side effects include powering through the rest of your list, suddenly breathing more deeply than you have in weeks, and feeling able to make a whole bunch of other choices with ease. That’s the power of getting your Queen on, baby!

You’ll never know what might have happened if you’ve chosen differently. So don’t waste any time second guessing yourself. A Queen would never doubt the wisdom of her decision in the moment.

But it’s important to remember that any decision will have consequences. So you do need to pay attention to the feedback you get from your decision. If you’re walking someone else through this process, it might be helpful to prepare them for this:

"So you’ve decided what you’re going to do. Now you’ll get to see how they respond/ what happens next / how you feel about this."

And when you have that information, you can take the next appropriate action, knowing you can trust that you made the best possible decision you could to get to this place.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: Energy, Leadership, Power, Uncategorized Tagged With: change the world, coaching, confidence, Leadership, soft power

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How to turn criticism into confidence

October 31, 2019 By Joanna Martin

  • About
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Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • 6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
  • The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
  • Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

When you’re on the receiving end of criticism, it’s easy to slip into reactive mode. Often, the words which hurt most have deep roots. Perhaps when you were growing up being “selfish” was the worst possible insult in your family. Or a teacher describing your work as “sloppy” has left you with a tendency to bristle at anyone who questions your attention to detail. But when you know how to turn criticism into confidence, they don’t just lose their power – they can become tools to help you empower other women too.

Today’s article is inspired by a recent conversation in our coaches forum. One of our Certified Coaches shared a recent experience she’d had of being described as a “strong character” by an acquaintance, and feeling hurt by what felt like an implied criticism.

It got her reflecting on the way this often showed up in her work with clients – and how navigating the tension between being perceived as “strong” with all its positive connotations, and “domineering” with perhaps some negative ones, was something many women face.

It prompted me to think about the process our coaches have for responding to criticism, and how you could use it too.

There are 3 distinct steps we can see happening here.

And I’d invite you to reflect on them next time you receive some criticism that really lands. It might just transform the way you feel about a wounding comment – and turn it into an unexpected source of confidence, and even inspiration, to support others in turn.

How to turn criticism into confidence

Step #1 Observe your reaction

As our coach demonstrated so beautifully in this example, the first step in transforming criticism is to start to become conscious of your emotional responses.

Simply labelling how you’re feeling is a great place to begin. Perhaps you find yourself bubbling up with anger or frustration, or feeling the urge to cry or walk away from a conversation.

Those emotions don’t come out of nowhere. And they often follow distinct patterns. At One of many we refer to the 3 “disempowering archetypes” which often form the basis of our response to triggers.

Bitch, victim or martyr – which do you tend to slip into? 

Or is your reaction something else entirely? Make a note of it next time you’re riled by a piece of criticism.

Step #2 Identify the trigger

Once you’ve started to become conscious of your emotional responses, you can dig a little deeper.

What’s the “trigger” for that reaction? Was it a particular word – in this case, “strong” – or was it more about how it was delivered?

Did you feel scolded, undermined, belittled or abandoned?

You might find, with some journaling perhaps, that the underlying emotion is one you recognise. If you can recall the first time you felt this way, you might be able to draw a connection between that early experience and the emotions that arise for you now.

How can you release those feelings and break that cycle?

Our coaches use the “PowerType Release” process which you might have encountered if you’ve ever been to a One Woman Conference. But journalling, sharing with a trusted partner or consciously telling yourself “it’s safe for me to let this go” can also be effective ways to move on.

Step #3 See the wider pattern

When we’ve noticed the root of the criticism in our own lives, we can start to see a wider pattern at work. Often, we begin to notice this theme in the experiences of people around us.

If you’ve ever confessed a vulnerability to a girlfriend and had her respond “Oh my god! That’s exactly how I feel!” you’ll know what I mean.

When you listen carefully to the conversations you hear around you, or to the challenges other women in your life face, you might start to see the criticism that felt so personal to you occurring in its wider context.

And that can be a powerful clue for a way to shift those patterns to ones that are healthier and more supportive.

Let’s look at an example of this in action

Perhaps you notice yourself slipping into “bitch” mode when someone implies you’re behaving selfishly for leaving work early on a day when there’s lots going on.

“Sod you!” your inner voice sulks, “at least I’m organised enough not to be doing all my tasks at the very last minute, unlike you”. 

Wow. Where did that come from? Your colleague didn’t deserve that scorn.

So you dig in. Your reaction was definitely triggered by the implication that you were putting yourself before others. Maybe that feeling that you should always be giving, not taking, is a pattern you inherited as a child, when your mum was vocally critical of the “selfish” choices of a family member she disapproved of.

But rationally, you know there was nothing wrong with your decision. And when you take a step back, you start to notice how many women struggle with putting themselves first. 

Is taking time to look after your own needs something that you see your peers and colleagues struggle with? How can you begin to discuss that more openly, and help each other model a different way of being?

When you’re able to consider why criticism stings, and find ways to release what’s at the bottom of it, you begin to tap into an extraordinary confidence. You start to become curious about your responses, rather than squashing them down or ignoring them.

And when you know how to transform criticism into confidence, it can be a vital clue to the impact that’s uniquely yours to have on the women around you. 

Want to help create more confident women?

Our coaching methodology at One of many contains a wealth of tools to help you, and the women you work with, identify challenges and move past them – from learning how to listen effectively, to identifying your biggest personal and professional challenges, and releasing emotions with ease.

If you’re curious about how they work in practice, and would like the chance to experience them for yourself so that you can apply them in your own world, join us for Essential Skills for Coaching Women.

We’re hosting a free online workshop on 3rd December (with a replay available for those who can’t join us live). To register for your free place, click here to book now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: happiness, mindset, Power Tagged With: coaching, confidence, women leaders

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Can I coach others if I’ve had a difficult past?

September 5, 2019 By Joanna Martin

  • About
  • Latest Posts
Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • 6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
  • The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
  • Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

Some of the really common questions I hear from women thinking about becoming a coach start with “Can I really coach others if…”

… I’ve experienced mental health challenges?

… I’ve been through a relationship breakdown – and things are still messy?

… I still don’t feel like I’ve got my sh*t together?

It’s a version of that old familiar phenomenon we know as “imposter syndrome”, and it often boils down to a deep-rooted doubt:

“Who am I to think I can do this?”

Here are 3 questions to ask yourself if you’ve found yourself here.

1. Can you reframe your pain?

The archetype of the “wounded healer” refers to someone who takes on the role of healing others by drawing on the pain they have themselves experienced.

When you’ve been through tough times and managed to come out the other side, you’re often able to access profound empathy and depth of understanding.

We often give ourselves a hard time for times when life hasn’t gone well, or feel shame about things we wish we’d handled differently.

But as our own coaching graduates come to recognise, it can actually be those hardest experiences that enable us to help others through their own pain.

In the words of One of many in-house coach Jane Lewis,

“Most of the greatest coaches I have come across have gone through a journey and done a lot of work on themselves. I have been coaching over 20 years, but going into it I was coming out of clinical depression and burnout.” – Jane Lewis

2. Have you got the training and support you need to coach others?

Just having been through a challenging experience doesn’t on its own qualify you to help someone else through it. To know you’re going to do a great job in any new role, you also need to have the right support in place.

If you want to coach others, that means ensuring you’ve undertaken rigorous training that means you’re clear about how you’re able to deal with your own “stuff” and have the tools you need to support clients. 

Are you clear about the support you need, and how you’re going to manage if a client shares an experience that might be triggering for you?

In a new role, it could be finding a mentor or asking an employer to invest in leadership coaching to support you to meet any challenges and make the most of the development opportunity.

Setting yourself up for success means making sure the support is there before you need it – especially if you’ve found yourself in burnout or overwhelm in the past.

3. Does your past hold the key to your calling?

For many coaches, deeply experiencing a difficulty gives them a clue as to where they are able to best be of service in the world. Thea is a “recovering perfectionist” who now works with other women struggling with self-doubt, negative chatter, or constant striving for perfection. She says:

“The best thing about the ups and downs that I’ve been through is that now I know all the nitty gritty details of the journey from self-doubt to self-confidence, from depression to happiness. Being able to see the same patterns in my clients and help them let them go is incredibly rewarding for me.” – Thea Jolly

With time, your challenges can become your biggest strengths as you begin to understand how they’ve shaped you into the unique, powerful and perfectly imperfect leader you are today.

And in the words of Anna, one of our recent coaching graduates:

“I see the things I have gone through as one of my greatest strengths – they made me into who I am today. It shapes my coaching practice and how I show up in the world” – Anna Louise

How about you?

What experiences have shaped and guided you – and how have you been able to turn your biggest challenges into sources of strength? If you can relate to this, we’d love to know your story – celebrate and share in the comments!

Curious about coaching?

If you’re interested in finding out more about One of many Coaching Certification, take a look at our free online training: Essential Skills for Coaching Women. It’s happening on Thursday 3rd december, and a replay will be available for those registered if you can’t join live.

In it I’ll be sharing some really valuable tools you can use straight away if you coach, manage or lead women – and introduce you to some of the key distinctions that make our certification different from any other.

Click here to register for the free workshop now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: career, fulfilment, mindset Tagged With: change the world, coaching, confidence, imposter syndrome

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