One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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When there’s too much to do, dance!

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

It’s the end of a tough day. Things are always busy – but right now, it feels as though I’m in the centre of a tornado. The team’s almost doubled in size over the past months; we’re launching new events, fine-tuning (OK, creating…) systems and building projects. And the rest of life doesn’t stop, right? Friends need support, kids need time with mum, partners have their own challenges to work through. My go-to remedy is a simple one. When there’s too much to do, dance.

When there’s too much to do, dance

If you’ve ever been to one of our live events, you know we like to start (and end… and break up the day…) with dance parties. It’s one of our secret weapons when it comes to creating the warm, relaxed, focused atmosphere we’re renowned for. But dancing isn’t something we only do when we’re together.

At the end of that tough day, I love to close the door of the office, turn the music up loud, and let loose. Often with the kids involved as well – they instinctively understand the freedom and joy that comes with letting go to music. And they’re the masters of unselfconsciousness!

If you find it hard to imagine letting go and shaking your thing – or if you’re like me, a devotee of the one-woman dance party – read on. I want to share 5 serious benefits to shaking it out when things get tough.

5 reasons dancing is your secret leadership weapon

1. Dance gets you moving.

Moving your body, even slowly, is good for you. It:

  • Raises your cardiovascular activity
  • Stretches your muscles
  • Gets your blood pumping
  • Makes your parasympathetic system work to balance you

… and generally gets your energy flowing again.

On days you “don’t have time for” exercise, if it involved travelling to a class or getting changed to go for a run, dancing can give you the boost of a mini-workout in just a few minutes. And it makes a difference! Moving your body gets oxygen flowing to your brain and has a powerful impact on your performance, even if your job’s a sedentary one.

In a 2018 study, researchers found that dancing is a way to promote the connectivity between the brain’s two hemispheres. They concluded that long-term dance practice positively affects brain activity, and is linked to our “neuroplasticity” – our capacity to adapt and change by forming new neural connections. Pretty useful if your role’s a demanding one, no?

2. Dance shifts your emotional state.

At One of many we work with the Women’s PowerTypes; 5 distinct archetypes that help us access different kinds of female power. When it feels as though there’s too much to do, these become even more important.

At busy times it’s essential to be able to change the way you’re leading, to allow yourself to be most effective in the new context.

So if you need to shift out of decision-making “work mode” to connect with your partner; or you’ve been flat out getting things done and now need to show up for a really sensitive meeting with a staff member; or you’ve come out of a fast-paced creative brainstorm and need to look in close detail at a budget spreadsheet… how do you change your state?

There are lots of ways to tap into the different PowerTypes, but the fastest and most effective one I know is to have a quick dance.

Even in the office, it’s possible if you get creative. Plug in your headphones, find an empty meeting room, and dance it out. This really works at the end of the day, if you’ve been handling a lot. Give it a try next time you’ve not stopped since breakfast. 

And if you need some inspiration about working this practice into your day, come into the BeOne group where you’ll find a friendly community with great suggestions on integrating this tool into your life.

3. Dancing isn’t an achievement

OK, sometimes stepping away from the screen for 5 minutes feels like an achievement. (While you’re at it, Superwoman, have a glass of water and pop to the loo. Your body will thank you…)

But “dance really badly to an embarrassingly bad pop tune” probably isn’t on your list of quarterly priorities, your daily to-do list, or your life goals. It’s play, pure and simple — something you’re doing just for the joy of it. Because it feels good.

Sticking on a song and throwing some shapes isn’t something that will result in any income, kudos or approval from others. It’s not productive, there’s no value tied to it. And that’s why it’s important. It reminds us of our gift to the world simply by being – of the value of experiencing our lives.

The same goes for any creative activity. We can use it as a way to practice letting go of our competent, high achieving, successful selves and unlock that creative side. In the words of Glennon Doyle,

“If you feel something calling you to dance or write or paint or sing, please refuse to worry about whether you’re good enough. Just do it. Be generous. Offer a gift to the world that no one else can offer: yourself.”

4. Dance gets you out of your head

When we put on music and move our bodies at the same time, we gain distinct benefits that add up to more than the sum of both activities. John Krakauer, a neuroscientist at Columbia University, suggested why that might be:

“Maybe synchronizing music, which many studies have shown is pleasing to both the ear and brain, and movement—in essence, dance—may constitute a pleasure double play.

Music is known to stimulate pleasure and reward areas like the orbitofrontal cortex, located directly behind one’s eyes, as well as a midbrain region called the ventral striatum. In particular, the amount of activation in these areas matches up with how much we enjoy the tunes. In addition, music activates the cerebellum, at the base of the brain, which is involved in the coordination and timing of movement.”

In other words, when we “lose ourselves” in music we’re allowing different areas of our brain to take over, giving our thinking, strategizing, and let’s face it worrying brain a break. It’s one reason I think just a few minutes of dancing can feel like such a powerful break from routine – and really “reset” you for the next mountain you’ve got to tackle. If you have too much to do, giving your brain a chance to rest is a powerful way to find the extra energy you need.

5. It sets a powerful example.

As leaders, we don’t just need to be driving forward, creating results. If you’ve ever faced burnout personally, or led a team who were at the point of exhaustion, you’ll know how unsustainable the “keep going at all costs” philosophy is.

When things get busy, I’ve been known to start a virtual team meeting with some desk dancing. It lightens the mood, gets us connected and replaces those purposeful frowns with bright smiles. It keeps my mood up and replenishes my energy, ready to handle whatever throws at me. And it reminds us all that we exist beyond our targets and priorities, and can support and connect with each other beyond our usual communication.

How about you?

Do you love to dance, or does the thought make you squirm a little? Do you have any other practices that have similar effects, or ways to quickly shift your mood? I’d love to know – share your experience with others in the comments.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to get back on track

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Is it time to reconnect with yourself and what motivates you? Maybe you’re returning from a gorgeous unplugged holiday, passing a milestone like a birthday or preparing for a new phase after retirement, redundancy or maternity leave. Or it might be a more subtle nudge – a sense that life’s starting to feel a little stale, or the path you’re on doesn’t feel as exciting as it once did. Today I want to share what I’ve learned about how to get back on track, and share a simple 4-step process you can use whenever you need to plug back into your motivation.

Often, when you feel like you need a “fresh start”, the temptation is to launch into action. You know the drill: You set some outlandish goals (rising at 4am! 1 hour’s meditation every morning!), write yourself an impossible to-do list, and attack your priorities like a woman possessed.

There are two problems with this.

Firstly, driving yourself to do more and more as a way of avoiding the sense that you’re fundamentally dissatisfied is a bit like turning the treadmill up to a faster speed, instead of asking yourself if you want to be on it in the first place.

It exhausts you, setting you on course to end up frazzled and even burnt out. Paying attention to that little “I could do with a boost” niggle now can save you a whole stack of problems in the long run, when your body ends up forcing you to take a break.

Secondly, it’s not actually very effective. There’s a reason why New Year’s Resolutions are so notorious for barely lasting beyond the average New Year’s Day hangover. When we focus on what we’re doing, instead of why we’re doing it, it’s exponentially harder to maintain motivation and keep going.

So although the “superwoman” within might balk at the idea of taking time out to dig into what really matters instead of just blindly getting on with things, this might actually be the most productive thing you can do with your time. It’s the process I use at the start of every year and whenever I need to reconnect to a fresh energy. Quite simply, it’s how to get back on track.

How to get back on track – the 4 step process

#1 Write down your values

If you’ve been in our community a little while, or you’ve been on a One of many retreat, you’ll already be familiar with your values. But it’s still worth checking back in and asking yourself the simple question: “What’s most important to me?”

If you’re not familiar with your values, they’re one word or short phrases which describe the things which matter most to you in life. What’s important to remember is they’re abstract, intangible concepts: things like love, connection, mastery, influence or service. (The shorthand we often use to check whether something’s a value is “you can’t put it in a wheelbarrow!”)

Your values provide your upfront motivation in life – if you do something, it’s because consciously or unconsciously you believe it’s of value.

So take 15 minutes or so to write your list of the things which matter most.

Next, go through your list and do a quick edit. Group together any which feel really similar so that you have a slightly shorter list, of up to 10 key values.

When you have your most important values, it’s time to number them in order of importance.

If you could only express one value in your life, what would that be? That’s your number one. And so on, until you’ve given each value a number.

A note if you’re a perfectionist: It goes without saying that this is an exercise that’s just for you. There’s no magic formula which will give you the “right” answer, so try not to overthink it too much!

#2 Where’d all the time go?

OK, so you’ve spent some time looking at your values and you’ve figured out how you’d like them to look in an ideal world. Hopefully, you’ve created a vision that makes you feel GOOD. If you spent each day with those values guiding you, you’d be fulfilled, happy and feel on track.

So what’s happening right now that means you don’t feel that way?

Time to play detective.

And here’s the thing – we’re actually, most of us, pretty bad at guessing how we spend our time. So I recommend a forensic approach. For as long as you can – a week is ideal – set a timer on your phone for 15 minutes and when it goes off, jot down what you’re doing.

That might sound like a lot, but the insight you’ll gain from tracking a week of how you spend your time is absolute gold when it comes to working out why you’re feeling a little “meh” about life.

Because the second part of this time-tracking phase is to note down the value that’s behind each activity.

The beauty of tracking your time in such detail is that you really get to figure out what drives you for even the smallest detail of your day.

A quick example: when I last did this exercise, I found myself wondering what need my daily showers met. Was it cleanliness? Professionalism? Approval?

No, actually, I realised that the value that lay behind my morning shower was vitality. Those precious minutes wake me up and leave me feeling energised and alert for the day ahead.

So get stuck in, and be honest! Some of your answers might surprise you. 

#3 Journal about what you discover

This step is one which you’ll probably be itching to get to after you’ve completed your values list and your time audit. You can really discover some fascinating insights when you compare and contrast your two lists.

Perhaps – like me and my showers – you’ll be surprised to find the elements of your day which do align with your values, and feel grateful for those pockets of real fulfilment.

This is a great opportunity to practice conscious gratitude, whether it’s the love you’re expressing as you scrape your kid’s porridge off their bib or the service you show to your team when you respond promptly to their questions.

You’ll also find activities where there’s a gap between your values and how you spend your time.

Are you wasting your days at a job you’re really only at for the approval it’s winning you, or showing up for an exercise class you don’t enjoy because you’re “committed”? Then it’s time for step 4…

#4 Work out what needs to change

When you spot a gap between your “ideal world” list of values, and how you’re spending your time, it’s time to start thinking about what changes you need to make.

Sometimes just getting that awareness is enough to make changes.

You can start to make choices about activities you want to let go of, and things you want to get more of – in a far more powerful way than selecting activities on an arbitrary basis.

If you’ve noticed that there seems to be a lot of unconscious patterns at play, or drivers like fear or approval that are pushing you towards activities which don’t feel fulfilling, we’d love to help.

Click here to book in a call with one of the team and we can explore what mightbe going on, and whether one of our retreats or programs could help.

Enjoy the journey

If you’ve heard the old adage “it’s about the journey, not the destination” you might have found yourself wondering how that’s possible, when times are tough. Connecting to your values is the answer. If you understand your life values, you can start to feel more fulfilled in your every day, no matter what’s going on around you.

I’d love to know your values, and how much you feel your daily life is currently aligned with them. Share your top 5 in the comments!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to find more energy

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Ask me how to find more energy so you can focus on the things that really matter to you, and the answer I give might surprise you.

At One of many our Soft Power principle number one is “First, replenish your energy” – and as a doctor, you might expect me to advocate eight hours sleep a night, regular exercise, or an energy-boosting diet.

Those things are all great. But most of us are already doing our best with them. There’s a more powerful question to dig into if you really want to shift the way we’re able to show up for the causes we love.

Where are you losing your energy?

For most of us, there are two big areas where we find ourselves “leaking” energy:

Saying “yes”, and saying “no”.

Let me explain.

Energy leak #1: Saying NO

For some of us, saying NO is costing us a huge amount of energy.

I remember this most vividly from drama school. The school I attended had this amazing motto: “Good humans make good actors”. So as you might expect, as well as the skills training to learn to act there was a lot of personal development type stuff going on.

Initially, I found myself resisting it. Even though I’d made the bold choice to quit my medical career and attend, there was still a part of me that felt really out of my comfort zone. Eventually, I realized that it was actually taking me more energy to say no, explain why I wasn’t going to do something or why I didn’t do it, and to try and hold myself back from the experience than it would to actually just say yes and have a go.

Can you relate?

There’s often a part of us that works really, really hard to protect us from making a mistake, or failing, or looking stupid, or whatever our biggest fear is.

So you might say no to new experiences because you’re worried about failure.

Or about what other people might think – your colleagues, or your partner, or your parents, or your kids. Maybe you’re even worried about what you might think about yourself.

If that’s the case for you, I invite you to ponder this:

How much energy is it taking you to say “no” to opportunities that involve some perceived risk, as opposed to just letting rip and getting it “wrong”?

(The wonderful thing is – you can get it wrong. You’ll learn, and grow, and try again.)

You might be bringing so much energy to saying “no” to things, you’ve lost sight of the fact that it’s actually easier to be a yes. Especially at the beginning of something, when you’re not yet in momentum, yes can be everything.

So if you’ve been saying that you want to start writing your novel, or learn a new skill, or get back into yoga, it might be that one tiny yes is all it needs.

Don’t wait for things to be perfect.

Write for half an hour after the kids are in bed, or stretch for 10 minutes before your morning coffee. Just do what it takes to bring that “yes” energy in and see what gets freed up when you’re no longer resisting.

Energy leak #2: Saying YES

Now, once we start saying yes, then comes the next problem. Because for many of us, when we start saying yes to things we find ourselves expending way too much energy on all the things we’re agreeing to.

Someone says, “Can we have coffee?” You say yes before you even thought about it.

Can you handle this extra project?

Can you take the minutes at this meeting… can you drop everything and pick up the kids from school… can you sort out the car’s MOT

… it never ends, right?

If you find yourself saying yes to everything and ending up completely overwhelmed, it’s time to bring some no in.

You’re showering energy everywhere rather than your vision – no wonder you’re struggling to find the mojo you need to make a difference. 

The simplest question in the world

So here’s what we’ve discovered.

Some of us, in some contexts, need to bring more “yes” into our lives.

Some of us, in some contexts, need to bring a lot more no.

Knowing which is where your discernment comes in.

So here’s a super simple exercise to start off with – this only needs to take 5 minutes, but it can bring you a huge level of insight into where you can tweak things to free up your energy.

Grab a paper and a pen, and think about the different areas of your life which are not currently satisfying you.

You can have a look across a few different areas, but start off with one.

The question to ask is this: Do you need more yes energy or more no energy?

Write for 5 minutes, just freeflow without censoring, and see what comes up.

What would the Queen do?

The Queen is the Women’s PowerType we use to delve into questions like this. The Queen’s always mindful of how she spends her energy, and since she trusts herself implicitly, and knows in her bones how irreplaceably valuable her time and energy are, she doesn’t second guess decisions.

So if you’re finding answering the question challenging, you might want to try stepping into your “Queen” energy.

You could literally imagine placing a crown on your head, try walking a little taller or listen to a piece of music that helps you feel confident and in charge.

Turning insight into action

Once you’ve established the direction your pendulum needs to swing in, it’s time to take action.

If you could do with an extra hand, we have a free guide to making powerful decisions around boundaries that are depleting your energy.

Click here to download your free Enough is Enough PDF guide to creating unshakeable boundaries.

How about you?

Are you the Queen of powerful boundaries, or more of a “say yes first, ask questions later” kind of gal? Share in the comments below – between us all, we’ve got all the bases covered!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest post: 7 daily strategies to reduce overwhelm

By

Thea Jolly

Thea Jolly

In-house Coach at One of many
Thea is one of our Certified Coaches and part of the coaching team on our the Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.

Thea's mission is to help women feel at peace with themselves - because only then can they make their biggest and boldest contributions to their families, communities and the world.
Thea Jolly

Latest posts by Thea Jolly (see all)

This article is by Thea Jolly, one of our Certified Coaches and part of the coaching team on our Lead the Change and BePowerful Programmes.

Modern life is often busy, chaotic and overwhelming. If you struggle with a tendency to take on too much or hold yourself to impossibly high standards, you might well feel overwhelmed from time to time. Many of us live in our heads too much, doubting ourselves and ruminating on the bad stuff – what we’ve got to do, what we should have done, and how we wish things were different.

How to reduce overwhelm – day by day

In my Daily Drops of Calm video series I offer simple techniques that can bring some peace, calm and perspective to our daily lives at work and at home.

Here are seven simple practices that can quickly take you from frantic and frazzled to calm and centred.

1. Start your day in Peace

When my kids were very young, mornings could be difficult. It got to the point where I’d had enough of being woken up by a loud ‘Mum!’ in my ear, or worse, being hit on the head, and starting the day off in pain, engulfed by the fear reflex or just plain grouchy.

Toddlers get up very early – but I had to come up with a better way to start my day. I made a conscious choice to change my daily routine so that I could start my day in peace.

Sometimes, I’d set the alarm for 5.30 but mostly I was able to wake at 6 and have at least a few minutes to myself before one of them came padding in. And as my husband was commuting into London everyday he made me a cup of tea before he left at 6am. I could sit in bed, sip my tea and wake up in peace.

Some days I would only have a couple of minutes, but on other blissful mornings I would get to enjoy a whole hour to myself before I had to get up. It made a massive difference to how calm and in control I felt throughout the rest of the day.

Even now, when my kids are teenagers who sleep in for hours, I love that feeling of waking early and reading, meditating or journaling, and it seems to set the tone for the coming day.

Is there room in your schedule to allow yourself to wake up more gently, and do something just for you before the rest of the day’s activities begin?

2. Press the Pause Button

Do you have days when from the moment you get up to the moment you go to bed you feel busy, busy, busy and you don’t have a moment to yourself? What often happens is you go through the day on automatic pilot, responding and reacting to what’s happening to you in unconscious, and often reactive and unhelpful ways.

It doesn’t feel good does it?

I’ve found that getting into the habit of taking just five minutes from a busy day to stop and pause really helps me.

Try this by giving yourself a few minutes with a cup of tea – preferably outside, or by a window – to press the pause button and be still.

Let your thoughts wonder lightly without getting caught up in any particular train of thought.

Let the worries go and be still in that moment.

Notice what you see and what you hear and allow yourself to step back into the present, in your senses, into yourself.

It’s like a drop of calm in a busy day and instead of taking a precious five minutes away from you, it gives you the sense of having more time, energy and control than beforehand.

3. Your thoughts are not true!

Do you go about your day believing everything you think? Do you take everything you say as the gospel truth? I used to – before I realised that thoughts are often automatic and just because they are in my head doesn’t mean they are true.

Learning to notice and label your thoughts is extremely powerful. For example, when you next notice that you are feeling stressed or upset, stop and pause. Tell yourself that what you are thinking is just a thought and it’s not true. Start questioning and standing back from your thoughts instead of taking them to be the gilt-edged truth.

When my children were younger I used to get irritated when they messed around at the table because I thought that it would inevitably lead to an argument or get out of control. When I realised that this thought was not true, it was just one of many possible interpretations, I could choose whether to listen to it or not. OK, I’m not saying it’s always easy, and it’s a practice that builds into a habit over time.

In this case, I decided to label it as my ‘messing-around-always-leads-to-arguments’ story and when it triggered me I took responsibility for that triggering.

I could choose to walk away, soothe myself with deep breathing, and sometimes even join in the silliness!

I know that when these thoughts are attached to strong emotions, they feel completely true and it’s hard to disbelieve them, but they are only one interpretation of what’s going on.

You can decide whether they are helpful or not and whether you are going to heed them.

4. Stop “Shoulding” yourself.

It’s time to eliminate the word should from your vocabulary. Many of us use it all the time, piling unhelpful pressure and guilt upon our shoulders. How often do you say: I should, I must, I have to, I need to as you go about your day?

And how does that make you feel? Do you spring into action joyfully? Probably not.

What if you used the word ‘could’ instead?

I could make those phone calls now. I could visit my mother. I could finish this document today.

Notice how much lighter this feels, and how much more likely you are to do The Thing when you are using could instead of should.

So, next time you are feeling stressed or fearful notice the words you are using. Stop shoulding yourself and start coulding yourself instead.

5. What do you need right now?

When you are rushing around, dealing with the demands of life, do you put other people’s needs before your own? At work, at home, or with your family and friends?

This drop of calm is to stop and ask the question, what does my body need right now?

Do you need more sleep, a glass of water, do you need to get outside in the fresh air?

Do you need to stand up and move away from your desk for a few minutes before getting back to work? Do you need to get an eye test? Do you need an evening on the sofa with your partner or kids to watch your favourite box set? Or do you need some alone time?

Get into the habit of asking yourself: What do I need right now? What does my body, my soul, my mind need right now? And if you listen carefully, you might be surprised by the answer.

Learning to tune into yourself and your body like this means you are able to manage your energy far more effectively. Managing our energy helps us deal with all the day to day activities and demands with more patience, resilience and balance. What’s not to like about that?

6. Experiment with Trust

Many women grow up deciding that to be safe, get stuff done and be approved of, they need to be in control of themselves, the world around them, and even other people. We become control freaks, needing to micro-manage everything to make sure that things run smoothly. This awareness of what’s going on around us, this hypervigilance to what needs doing, what we need to control is a big drain on our energy. Can you relate to this?

Furthermore, when things don’t go the way we wanted or planned, we get anxious, stressed and sometimes downright stroppy. We end up acting in reactive ways that we later regret.

Instead we could start believing that everything is going to be OK. I know this is a massive change for many of us, because our whole belief system that needs to shift. But we can start with five minutes at a time and slowly bring back a sense of trust and faith in ourselves. And ironically, this very letting go of control, gives us a different, but I would argue, more powerful sense of being in control. (You’ll have to believe me until you’ve tried it a few times!)

To experiment with trust, take a deep breath and let go of your need to be in control. Ask yourself: “What if, in the next five minutes I could trust that everything is going to be OK?”

Breathe and trust that you have the competencies, skills, courage and resources to deal with whatever comes up.

You are just one person with one of many interpretations of the best way to do something, and in reality you don’t always know best.

  • Sometimes the chaotic way children do things, brings about a more positive result (if we let them).
  • Sometimes trusting that a lastminute.com colleague really can get that task done on time without your direction will bring positive results that you hadn’t even considered.
  • Sometimes, letting go of the responsibility for everything means you can focus on what’s most important. It could be life-changing.

Go on, give it a try, and start with just five minutes a day.

7. What did you do well today?

As humans we tend to focus on the negative. It’s what has kept us safe for so long; scientists call it the negativity bias. To counter this, a good habit to get into is to take a couple of moments to really appreciate what you did well today.

Alongside all the ‘shitty stuff’ that you want to change, there are many little things, and a few very big things that you’ve done well today.

  • Have you kept your children alive?
  • Did you take time to speak to a colleague when he was upset?
  • Did you pay that bill on time?
  • Did you smile at a stranger?
  • Did you drive your children to school, or ask about their day?
  • Did you move over when you heard the police car siren?

I know life is not all gold stars and awards, but we have stopped noticing all the important daily things that we do well.

Next time you tie your shoelaces notice how fast, nimble and amazing your fingers are.

Next time you go to bed feeling like you’ve failed your children go through the day and count all the ways you’ve loved and supported them. Yes, you may have done some things or not done some things which make you feel bad, but that number will be far less than all the good stuff.

Trust me on this.

If I could visit you in your head I would be able list over 100 things you’ve done well today and there will only be about five that we could call ‘negative’. Stop focusing on the five negative ones and savour all the other things you are doing.

All these ideas take less than five minutes a day, and by experimenting with them you can find out which work best for you. With practice they could become powerful tools for a calmer, happier and more fruitful life.

Want more daily drops of calm?

Thea Jolly is one of our Certified Women’s Coaches, and is an in-house coach on our Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.

For more daily drops of calm, and to find out when Thea releases her weekly video, click here to visit and like her Perfectionism Coach page on Facebook.

Subscribe directly to her You Tube channel by clicking here.

Or to find out more about Thea, click here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Why failure matters

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

I don’t think many of us start the day wondering what we’re going to fail at, or getting excited to discover which of our brilliant ideas will end up falling flat. And yet, failure is also inevitable – if we’re to do anything that’s outside of our comfort zones. Here’s why failure matters – and how you can think differently about it.

What is failure?

In some situations, failure’s a clear cut fact. Driving tests, school exams, tenders – there are cases when the situation’s black or white. Yes or no. Pass or fail.

Funnily enough, these situations can sometimes be easier to handle than their greyer sisters. If you know you’ve failed, you have two options: Try again, or find a new strategy.

Sometimes retaking’s an option, and your setback can be a catalyst to redouble your efforts – or bring clarity to where you need to focus.

When failure’s a matter of perception

But sometimes, failure’s less objective.

Nobody gives us a wooden spoon to take home from work that announces “I’m a massive failure”.

It just feels like they might as well have done when the meeting that was meant to rally team spirit ends in frosty silence… or outright revolt.

And when it comes to failings in other areas of your life – your marriage, your motherhood, your friendships – the experience is all the more vivid for the fact that you’re the one defining it.

How do you know you’re a failure as a parent? You just DO. And there’s no evidence anyone else could produce to counter that – you simply feel it in your bones, right?

Failure’s favourite friend

When it comes to failure, there’s a particular archetype that loves to get stuck into those feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. We know her as Victim – and she’s a familiar one to many of us.

When you’re at your lowest, convinced no one else is as incompetent or selfish as you, and the only action you’re ready to take is to wallow a bit more in your own self-loathing?

It’s likely Victim is at play.

First and foremost, be kind to yourself. If you find yourself stuck in a dark mood, or genuinely can’t see a way out of feelings of hopelessness, it might be time to seek help from a doctor or therapist. Have a chat to a professional about what’s going on and see if they have some suggestions that could help.

But if you’re just getting stuck in the mud of failure, it might be helpful to start thinking about it a little differently.

The unexpected advice

Here’s something you might not expect to hear from someone whose mission in life is to equip and empower you to lead:

Expect failure.

Whether you’re launching a new business venture, diving into motherhood, or resolving to drink that extra glass of water every day if it bloody kills you… it’s something I share with the greatest sincerity and love.

Celebrate change, but expect failure.

Expect that you will slip up, that you will have a week where things will go wrong, or take longer than you thought, or you just won’t feel like it.

Expect that, because that’s going to happen, but let that be a reminder to recommit.

Let it be proof that you’re human, and because you’re human, you can change, because that’s what we do.

You are imperfect, therefore you will fail, and that’s okay. Let the little failures stand as a pathway to the whole beautiful tapestry that you’re creating.

Failure is inevitable

As humans, we’re naturally gifted at all sorts of things: great creativity, vast capacity for love, brilliantly innovative ideas… and failure. Because we’re not robots. We’re complex, living, breathing beings, and we’re living in a vast and complex world.

So even the most brilliant among us can never predict how things will turn out.

Oprah Winfrey was already hugely successful when she launched her own network, but she’s opened up about the challenge it brought her when it failed to perform.

When asked how she dealt with failures in life, she told an interviewer that her approach was to “think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to success.”

And in a commencement address at Harvard University, she emphasised the point again to the graduating students.

“It doesn’t matter how far you might rise,” Oprah said. “At some point, you are bound to stumble. If you’re constantly pushing yourself higher and higher, the law of averages predicts that you will at some point fall. And when you do, I want you to remember this: There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction.”

“There is no such thing as failure”

Well, sometimes there’s a temporary challenge. A project that doesn’t have the outcome you want; a gym membership that expires without you having made it to a single class. A week where you end up further behind than you started.

But when we label these human experiences as failures and judge them against an imaginary bar of perfection, we set ourselves up to slip back into that Victim mode – when we could be reaching for our crowns.

A Queen might discover that a military campaign hasn’t gone to plan, or that a harvest has been devastated by bad weather. But she’d never think of that as being a personal failing of some kind. Rather, they offer new challenges for her to seek advice on. She might reconsider her approach, suggest a new direction, or reassure her people that she’s supporting them whatever the outcome.

So next time you find yourself feeling like you’ve failed, take a deep breath and channel your inner Oprah. What new direction is presenting itself? What might this be a stepping stone to? Lift your head, and sit a little taller on your throne, my darling.

You’ve got this.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How the Women’s PowerTypes can be useful in daily life

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

The Women’s PowerTypes™ are 5 archetypes that guide us to access our power as female leaders. You might have read inspiring stories of women like Carol, who used them to manage an international NATO workshop. Or seen other women in our community sharing big projects and impressive wins. But what about the day to day stresses and struggles? Today we’re celebrating how the Women’s PowerTypes can be useful in daily life. Because sometimes, it’s handling the smallest tasks that can allow you to shine when it comes to the big stuff.

Leadership comes in all forms. At One of many our mission is to empower one million grassroots women leaders. In other words, you don’t have to be a corporate executive, a politician, or a business owner to be able to step up and have an impact, without burning out.

Perhaps you’re a leader in your family, community, or within a team of equally dedicated, sometimes-a-bit-frazzled women.

Grassroots leaders are powerful change agents

That kind of leadership still means you can make a difference.

It still means having great leadership skills up your sleeve can have an impact on what you’re able to achieve.

And sometimes, quite frankly, the biggest leadership battle we all face is with ourselves. Staying motivated; adapting and going with the flow whatever it is we’re doing; and allowing ourselves to have a bit of fun while we do it. 

So today I want to share a fun example of how the Women’s PowerTypes can help you be happier, more effective and more fulfilled at every end of the spectrum.

From world changing events to the most mundane of tasks – knowing that you have these different ways of being at your fingertips can transform every day of your life.

How the Women’s PowerTypes can be useful in daily life

A while back Sara popped into the Facebook group to celebrate the way the PowerTypes supported her during a mammoth day of cleaning and decluttering at home.

Sounds like it could be a recipe for boredom and exhaustion, right?

Well, here’s how the PowerTypes helped her out:

Sara wrote:

“Changing seasons always gives me a spurt of ‘tidying’ energy. So as we head into autumn, I’m having a cleaning and clearing kind of day in full blown Mother PowerType.

Clearing out handbags of all the ticket stubs, old pens and half empty packets of painkillers that collect in the bottoms. Clearing kitchen cupboards of food past its use by date and emptying my wardrobe of clothes and shoes that I’ll never wear again. Emptying the last of the boxes from my storage unit. Tidying and sorting the ‘odds and sods’ drawers.

Marigolds and bin bags and polish. Oh my!”

The Mother

The Mother, as you might imagine, has a powerful nurturing quality. When we connect to our Mother PowerType we’re not thinking of our own children (you might not have them – you can still access Mother).

What we’re connecting to are those wonderfully accepting, nurturing qualities that typify a truly caring, warm and devoted Mother.

And Mother cares deeply about the wellbeing of those in her care. So it’s natural that Sara’s urge to clear and sort might come from that place of deep nurture – for herself, for her home, and for the possessions and objects that fill it.

In the workplace, Mother energy supports those around you to feel safe and secure. She’s a wonderful PowerType to help bring out the unique contributions of everyone and to make sure they feel able to express themselves.

But Mother alone, when over-expressed, can sometimes become less than helpful.

At worst she can tip into “Martyr” – sacrificing herself for the needs of others.

So Sara wisely decided to introduce the beautiful balancing energy of The Warrioress.

The Warrioress

“Still in my PJs – Warrioress and I decided that was much more fun than getting dressed. She’s also selected the accompanying music. Everything is easier with the One of many dynamic dance playlist blaring out!”

Warrioress is the perfect PowerType for tackling a big physical job like cleaning. High-energy and focused, she brings enthusiasm, bags of energy and the will to make even the seemingly impossible happen. She also knows how to have a good time while she does it!

If you’ve got kids, Warrioress is often the part of you who thrives on rough and tumble play – getting a bit silly and letting your hair down. (She can be a lot of fun in the bedroom, too… ;-))

Blasting through house cleaning with music sounds like a lot of fun. And it’s pretty much an open secret that getting rid of things you don’t need and creating a bit more space for living can have a pretty great impact on our mental and emotional state too.

(Does you also like to have a really good clear out when you’re stuck on a project or needing to shift some “mental furniture?”)

So I love that Sara also allowed herself to use Sorceress in her day.

The Sorceress

Sorceress is the PowerType we use to connect to our intuition. The Universe, God, Goddess, Allah, Source… whatever your name is for the “bigger picture” beyond our thinking comprehension, she is it.

In leadership terms, cultivating your connection to Sorceress can allow you to access that hard-to-define quality that helps you navigate the toughest challenges. She can fuel your inner calm and certainty when things get rocky or find inexplicable ways to solve what seem like insurmountable challenges.

Even just 5 minutes in a hectic day can help connect you to Sorceress and open up space for some of the unplannable to come in. So Sara decided to consciously make some space later in the day to access that PowerType and see what might come up.

“Sorceress feels more able to manifest and is planning a smudging and blessing ritual for later.”

And as my house is getting tidier and the energy is getting clearer – I am getting muckier so Lover is looking forward to a long soak in the bath when I’m done.”

The Lover

The Lover, it probably goes without saying, is the part of you that enjoys sensual, beautiful experiences. When it comes to making your space great, connecting and delighting in good company, she’s a great one to invite in.

She’s definitely one to access at bathtime – where she’ll encourage you to go all out with candles and the posh bubble bath you’ve been “saving”.

She also plays an important role in preventing you from overwhelm and burnout. Many of us struggle to prioritise self-care and rest, so having access to The Lover ensures you don’t skip the vital work of taking care of yourself. And actually enjoying all of your achievements, along with those you care most about.

The Queen

The last of the 5 PowerTypes is The Queen. For many women, she’s one of the most compelling PowerTypes because of the ability she has to wield power, make decisions and set boundaries – without losing any of her grace or femininity. For Sara, Queen is

“Holding the vision of what my home could and should be. A place of welcome, comfort and sanctuary for me and for those within my realm that I choose to invite into this space.”

The Women’s PowerTypes help you lead powerfully in any situation

Needless to say, the PowerTypes can be used to achieve an awful lot more than cleaning your house. Sara’s a One of many Certified Trainer, a Mastercoach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. She co-founded Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency and is founder of Actually, empowering changemakers to use the power of great communications and campaigns to inspire action.

But having a big impact starts when you get really fluent in making the everyday shifts in your state. To keep you focused, flexible and supremely well resourced when it comes to the task at hand.

Want to get to know the PowerTypes better?

Whether you’re ready to change the world or would just love to be able to sail through day to day tasks without losing your marbles, we’ve got all the tools you need.

BePowerful is our 12 week online training that allows you to get in touch with each of the PowerTypes and apply them in your life. Using a blend of audios and meditations, video lessons and downloadable worksheets – as well as our incredibly supportive private Facebook Group – you’ll discover how the PowerTypes can help you have a bigger impact in your world.

Find out all the details here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to turn a bad mood around in 4 steps

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Have you ever had one of those days where everything’s going great – you’re rocking and rolling through your to-do list, staying on top of things, looking forward to your plans for the evening and then – BAM – out of the blue something happens that makes it all fall apart? It’s moments like that you need to know how to turn a bad mood around, fast, and today I’m sharing 4 powerful ways to do just that.

It can be all kinds of things that can derail us, right? Maybe it’s a stinking email from a client with all kinds of complaints and niggles. You know that they’ve got their own stuff going on and you shouldn’t take it personally; you tell yourself that you’re a good person and you’re only trying your best… but you still want to curl up in a ball and cry.

It could be a bit of well-meaning feedback from your boss. You were expecting a quick once-over on the presentation; she’s given you chapter and verse on your shortcomings as a writer and you’re back in Year 9 English class, squirming with shame.

Or, if you’re a mum, it might be that your carefully prepared morning has gone out the window. There’s an unmentionable mess on the carpet, your toddler’s coated in cereal and climbing the walls, and you’re wondering when it’s your turn to go for a nap.

Sister, I’ve got you. Here’s how to banish the grumps and get yourself back on track.

How to get out of a bad mood: 4 ideas

In BePowerful, our 12-week coaching program that helps you get into a more empowered version of you, we call this “first aid”.

It’s the do-it-fast, catch it while it’s hot techniques you want to have up your sleeve to use right away, as soon as you start feeling that negative energy creeping in. 

A quick note here that a “bad mood”really can look different for everyone. We talk about 3 disempowering archetypes – Bitch, Martyr and Victim – and very often, when you start to feel yourself “sink” it’s into one of those.

So you might not be a screaming and shouting bitch. Perhaps you tend to slide into that victim mode where nothing you do is right and everyone’s always having a go at you… or you slap on a big fake smile and start going over and above what people ask you, proving to them what an incredible martyr you are…

Whatever your bad mood is like, these are the steps to take in the moment, right then and there.

1. Move your body

Changing your physical state might sound odd, but it really, really works. If you can get up and stretch at your desk, that will help – even better if you can jog briskly down the stairs and head out into the fresh air for 5 minutes.

Get your blood pumping, get some air into your lungs, and really try to move as much of your body as you can. Shaking is a brilliant way to release pent-up emotion, especially if something’s landed emotionally.

Get moving and move for as long as you can. Your mental state will respond.

2. Use the power of music

The second mood-lifter we swear by here at One of many is music. In fact, when we’re learning to integrate the 5 Women’s PowerTypes™ into our lives, we associate certain tracks with each one to allow us to really recall what that feels like in our bodies.

If you know your PowerTypes and have access to the music that connects you to them, now’s the time to use it! If not, think about the songs that best lift your state.

You might have a favourite track that gets you feeling energised and inspired; one which you associate with feeling safe and loved; or one that just puts a smile on your face.

It’s a great idea to have a mood-lifting playlist saved on your phone or computer, so that when you need to you can plug in your headphones and connect. (Unless you happen to work alone – or have some extremely understanding office mates!)

3. Question yourself

The Women’s PowerTypes are a quick way to tap into really powerful leadership archetypes, that all of us have access to. If you know your strongest PowerType, as well as the ones you tend to use least often, you have a really useful lens through which to view your situation.

For example, you might be aware that your Queen is your lowest PowerType. Perhaps that’s one reason why you often find yourself frustrated when people dont respect your boundaries.

Asking yourself the simple question “What would my Queen do in this situation?” can suddenly open up new possibilities.

4. Replenish your energy

This is point number 4 today, but if you’ve followed step one and moved your body you might well already have connected to some of your basic needs.

Did you stand up and realise with a shock that you’d been busting for the toilet for the past half hour? Or suddenly feel a wave of hunger crash over you and realise you hadn’t eaten a thing since breakfast?

It’s so common to find that you’re in need of some kind of replenishment when a bad mood strikes.

You might not be able to address it straight away (by heading back to bed, for example) but can you offer yourself a bit of love and recognition of what’s going on?

Is there some small action you can take to give yourself a boost right now?

Prevention is better than cure

These 4 steps are the tried and tested ones I use when I feel myself spiralling into rage or despair. But I trained as a doctor, and so if there’s one thing I believe in firmly it’s that taking steps to prevent emergencies are far more effective than any strategies we can use to stabilize things when they’ve already turned pear-shaped.

If you find yourself often slipping into a disempowered or difficult frame of mind, it may be that you’ve got bigger issues to address than a momentary bad mood.

BePowerful is a 12-week online coaching problem that supports you to step into your true power – and ditch those disempowering archetypes for good.

If you’re curious, you can read all about it and book in a call to find out more by clicking here. 

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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4 centuries of anger – time for a change?

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Women have been maligned, undermined and overlooked for hundreds of years. In a recent article on joannamartin.com I explored some of the implications for us as leaders… as well as opening up about my personal response to recent events.

Today I am angry.

Angry at being overlooked.

Angry at feeling unsafe my whole life.

Angry. Angry. Angry.

We deserve much better.

We sometimes assume that emotions like anger or sadness aren’t constructive. They certainly go against the grain of the “nice girl” or “people pleasing” roles that many women are raised to occupy.

But feeling a connection to the pain and unjustice of the world can be a powerful catalyst for leaders to take action. Click here to read the full article – I’d love to know if you relate!

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How to create a sacred space at home

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

Whether you’re a proud, science-loving sceptic or a fully paid up embracer of all things esoteric in life, knowing how to create a sacred space at home is one of the most important steps you can take towards success.

It’s easy to get caught up in the multiple roles you play in the world: Parent, partner, independent woman, sister, leader, and so on.

A sacred space is one where you leave those roles behind and really connect to who you are at a deep level, beneath the various responsibilities to others.

Taking the time and putting in the effort to make a special area of your home that’s just for you can, in my experience:

  • Help you connect to yourself and hear your “inner wisdom” guiding you
  • Give you a reminder to focus on what really matters in life, and allow you to create success with more ease
  • Allow you to notice and be receptive to unexpected opportunities – hidden miracles you might not otherwise have seen

What exactly is a sacred space?

When I talk about a “sacred space” what I mean is a space that’s just for you. Its purpose is to be a place where you can pause, and reconnect to the bigger picture.

Now, this doesn’t have to be a religious space – you may already have a place in your house that’s designated for religious purposes.

But it should be somewhere you can feel a connection to something much bigger than you, whatever your name for that is: God, goddess, the universe, nature, creativity, or your own highest self.

You could call it an altar, a meditation spot, or a writing chair. I like to think of it as a little corner of your world that when you see it, walk past it, or spend time in it, your soul says “yes”.

What does a sacred space look like?

Everyone’s sacred space will be different. Just how yours looks will be partly shaped by how much physical space you’re able to set aside.

You might be lucky enough to be able to designate a whole room, or perhaps the very best you can do is to clear a few inches on a bookshelf or windowsill.

Personally, I always aim to set aside at least a desk and chair to use as my sacred space. To have somewhere I can sit and write my morning pages every day.

(If I’m travelling, I’ll find a corner of the hotel room – a bedside table even – where I can place some objects and continue my practice.)

Find something that works for you, and don’t get caught up on trying to create the “perfect” setting. What matters is that you use this place as a way to set your intention, and connect more deeply to who you are.

What should I put in my sacred space?

The short answer is, whatever you like!

Choose objects which are meaningful to you and which have a resonance or an inspiring quality to them.

My own sacred space includes some beautiful crystals I’ve been given; candles; the goddess cards I use to draw inspiration each morning, and a salt lamp.

You could think about including:

  • Plants or natural objects – found leaves, shells, or twigs
  • Photographs of loved ones or ancestors
  • Cards with images that speak to you
  • Souvenirs from meaningful trips, or found items from your travels
  • Quotes or poetry
  • Favourite jewellery
  • Fabric with beautiful texture or patterns

What matters is that every object in your space is one that has meaning for you. That doesn’t mean it needs to be valuable – a hand-scribbled scrap of paper can be worth more than an expensive antique.

If you’re creating a space for the first time, you might want to leave space for objects to gradually be added, rather than trying to “fill” it.

Or why not take yourself on an adventure to find those special things – a nature walk, a trip to an art shop, a visit to a church… the possibilities are endless.

What to do in your sacred space

This space is yours – it’s a physical reminder of your connection to the bigger picture; to Source, or the divine. 

So, the activities you do there will naturally be ones which foster that connection.

You may wish, like I do, to sit and write your morning pages there.

Or perhaps you choose to pause, and take a few deep breaths when you walk past it.

It might be a place for prayer or meditation, or perhaps your space is one where you dance with joy, shaking off the weight of the world and remembering how glorious it is to be alive.

Maintaining your space

Keeping your space clean and clear is an ongoing practice. Cultivating a greater connection to your intuition means taking the care of your sacred space seriously, and honouring the intention with which you created it.

If you have an existing space, take a few minutes to think about what objects are in it. Do they still speak to you? Or are you ready to let go of them and move on?

Do you need to dust, clean, or refresh the objects on it for a new season?

A final note

My final tip for you is to make the space easy.

Let me explain: a while back, I used a corner of our attic guest room as my sacred space. It housed my desk, where I thought I’d sit to write my morning pages, and the meaningful objects I’ve gathered over the years.

Only somehow, resistance crept in. I found myself finding excuses not to go up there in the mornings as I’d intended – I was too tired, too busy, it was too cold…

Aha! Finally, I realised the problem. The attic room was chilly in the mornings. And making my usual morning tea before I began writing meant padding down to the kitchen, from which I had to climb two flights of stairs to get up to the cold room. No wonder my sleepy morning mind was coming up with excuses not to go!

The solution was simple. I popped an electric kettle, a stash of tea, and a heater set on a timer to start just before my alarm went off. Now, I could leave the bedroom, tiptoe upstairs to a welcoming, warm room with the refreshment I needed to start the day.

So if you can make your space even more easy to use, do it.

That might mean rearranging things so you have a comfy chair, better lighting, or a cosy blanket.

Perhaps you need to be stricter about not dumping laundry to fold on the chair you’d like to sit on, or just give everything a freshen up with some essential oils.

Make your sacred space a place that feels joyful to be in, and you might be surprised at the gifts it can bring you.

What’s in your space?

Share your tips and tricks for connecting to yourself in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: Your most intimate relationship (it’s not what you think)

By

Almira Ross

Almira Ross

Dr Almira Ross is one of our Certified Women’s Coaches, and is an in-house coach on our Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.
Almira Ross

Latest posts by Almira Ross (see all)

This article is by Almira Ross, one of our Certified Coaches and part of the coaching team on our the Lead the Change and BePowerful Programmes.

Your most intimate relationship probably isn’t with your partner, your kids or your family. These days, they often take distant second place to a much more intriguing, exciting and stimulating relationship. One we can enjoy any time of day, anywhere we happen to be, whatever we happen to be doing, no matter who we may be with. It’s all so easy, so comfortable, so inviting, so safe. Or so we think.

Your smartphone is your new BFF – Best Friend Forever

It might sound like a shocking statement, but take a minute to think about it. Your phone is your constant companion, with you pretty much 24/7: always on, always engaging, always demanding your attention. The smartphone has opened up a world that is irresistible. Where else can you

• Run your business,
• Work wherever you happen to be,
• Explore your neighbourhood,
• Shop to your heart’s content,
• Answer emails,
• Check the weather,
• Have a video chat with friends and family halfway around the world,
• Watch a cute video, or
• Take a photo of your meal and share it with everyone you know?

All at the swipe of a finger. Without having to leave the sofa. Or your desk. Or your seat at the restaurant.

You wake with it; quick to check your messages and email; carry it with you everywhere you go.

Maybe you even take it to bed with you to monitor the quality of your sleep.

Technology has advanced dramatically in the past 10 years. It’s only 12 years since Steve Jobs announced the first iPhone, yet this technology has rapidly become so much a part of our daily lives, we simply can’t live without it. For many, that dependency is now bordering on addiction, a worrying trend.

You don’t need to look far to see signs of it

I’m sitting at a posh restaurant in London. Fresh linen table cloth, silver service, a beautiful single yellow rose on the table, soothing atmosphere.

My husband, Michael, and I were having a deliciously romantic evening. As we sat sipping our before dinner drinks and sharing our lives from the day, I looked over at a younger couple at a table opposite us.

Like us, they had been seated opposite one another at their table. Their meal had already been served. Instead of enjoying it, each of them had their noses in their smartphones, thumbs flashing rapidly as they busily texted or posted on social media. Oblivious to one another and to everything around them.

Travelling into central London on the tube yesterday, I noticed that easily 9 out of every 10 passengers in my crowded carriage were having a love affair with their mobiles. It’s so easy, so convenient, so natural. And so addictive.

Your phone does make your life better and easier in so many ways. But at what cost to you and your loved ones? And what can you do about your own phone usage and that of your family, if technology has taken over your lives?

What does your screen time cost you?

When you spend so much time on your phone, connected to your online world, you can easily disconnect from those people who are nearest and dearest to you, and they from you.

You’re physically together, yet miles apart in your own separate worlds. Even if you are aware of this distance, it can be really hard to wean yourself and your family off their devices. Your technology and the world this opens up to you is sooooo irresistible.

When we step into the online world of cyberspace from our living room, our office or on the daily commute, we think this world is the same as the real world we’re sitting in. It isn’t.

It’s much more interactive and stimulating. We can go anywhere, explore whatever takes our fancy, and lose track of time (time we often class as wasted…)

Online, we can be different people

Research has revealed some fascinating (and scary!) trends in our behaviour online. We think we behave there as we do in the real world, but often we don’t.

We act ‘drunk’ – becoming less inhibited, more adventurous and willing to take risks.

In cyberspace, no one’s in charge; we can be anonymous or take on whatever persona we fancy; there’s a distance, a separation, between us and those we connect with.

With that distance and anonymity and without any perceived authority, we let go of inhibitions — a condition psychologists refer to as disinhibition.

We feel it’s safer than the real world and that connecting with people here somehow carries fewer risks. It isn’t and it doesn’t. If anything, it’s a far riskier place.

Problem behaviours can become bigger online. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a flaming email, aggressive texts or offensive posts, you’ll know how distressing this can be. And how quickly that behaviour can escalate. Behaviours that are socially unacceptable in our ‘real world’ can find a home and become normal in cyberspace. Porn, right and left wing extremists, self-harm, and unusual fetishes all have a home online. You find your tribe, and the behaviour is no longer ostracised; it’s celebrated.

This is especially worrying for children and teens, who often access adult material without either the emotional or mental maturity to handle it.

It’s so enticing, it’s addictive. In fact, this is a growing problem for adults, too.

So what can we do?

Technology per se is neither good nor bad. It’s a tool, one I’m passionate we women master so that we can lead the change we want to see in this world. Master that technology; not be its servant.

1. Mastery begins with awareness

Just how much time do you spend on your phone? The answer might surprise you. It certainly did me, when I set up the Moments app on my phone (iOS and Android) to check my own phone usage. I was shocked to discover I was spending over twice as much time as I thought.

Moments keeps track of the number of times and the length of time you spend on your phone. The beauty of this app is that you can set limits for yourself, and your family. It’s the first step towards understanding your phone use. And then making changes.

2. Get unplugged.

Agree boundaries around screen time for yourself and your family. Tech leaders like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates really restricted their children’s use of technology. The same is true for many other parents whose primary role is technology based. We understand the dangers.

Even a rule like no devices at the dinner table, or in the last 2 hours before bed can make a huge difference to your relationships — and your health. Reducing screen time limits the impact of electromagnetic radiation (EMR) on your body.

3. Enjoy your phone – consciously

And indeed all the powerful digital technology that’s available to us today. Explore the wonderful world it opens up for you, to learn and grow, to reach thousands of people around the world with your message and make your difference in this world.

Just treat it like the useful tool it is. Master it with discernment and it will serve you well.

Dr Almira Ross is one of our Certified Women’s Coaches, and is an in-house coach on our Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.

To find out more about  Almira, click here. Or for a taste of her work, click here to visit her website.

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