One of Many

Woman looking to create change

post

Can I learn to be a coach if I’ve had a difficult past?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

You know a certain path is calling you. Maybe it’s becoming a coach, or perhaps it’s writing a book, taking a promotion, or starting an initiative. Whatever your big leap is, the doubts often surface when you start to dream big. Will the challenges you’ve faced in the past block you from stepping up to this new challenge? Some of the really common questions we hear from women thinking about becoming a coach start with “Can I learn to be a coach if…”

… I’ve experienced mental health challenges?

… I’ve been through a relationship breakdown – and things are still messy?

… I still don’t feel like I’ve got my sh*t together?

It’s a version of that old familiar phenomenon we know as “imposter syndrome”, and it often boils down to a deep-rooted doubt: “Who am I to think I can do this?”

Here are 4 questions to ask yourself if you’ve found yourself here.

1. Do you need to put your own oxygen mask on first?

First things first, it’s important to make sure you’ve accessed the care and support you need before thinking about being of service to others.

Many of us are well practiced at putting everyone else’s needs before our own. It’s why at One of many, our Soft Power principle number one is “First, replenish your energy”.

That applies to big picture stuff – like seeking help from your GP to manage your depression – as well as the little things (drink that glass of water, lady!).

Just as you wouldn’t show up for a new role if you were so physically unwell you couldn’t function, if you’re currently experiencing mental or emotional challenges that need taking care of, pause.

Get the support you need from an appropriate professional before stepping into a new challenge that will require your energy, creativity and focus.

Stepping back to look after yourself doesn’t mean you can’t go on to become a coach, enjoy a fulfilling new career, or shine as the leader you’re meant to be (any more than taking time off for a broken arm would). But trying to “push through” could do more harm than good, so make sure you listen to your instincts, and ask for help when you need to.

2. Can you reframe your pain?

The archetype of the “wounded healer” refers to someone who takes on the role of healing others by drawing on the pain they have themselves experienced.

When you’ve been through tough times and managed to come out the other side, you’re often able to access a profound empathy and depth of understanding.

We often give ourselves a hard time for times when life hasn’t gone well, or feel shame about things we wish we’d handled differently.

But as our own coaching graduates come to recognise, it can actually be those hardest experiences that enable us to help others through their own pain.

In the words of One of many in-house coach Jane Lewis,

“Most of the greatest coaches I have come across have gone through a journey and done a lot of work on themselves. I have been coaching over 20 years, but going into it I was coming out of clinical depression and burnout.” – Jane Lewis

3. Have you got the training and support you need?

Just having been through a challenging experience doesn’t on its own qualify you to help someone else through it. To know you’re going to do a great job in any new role, you also need to have the right support in place.

For coaches, that means ensuring you’ve undertaken rigorous training that means you’re clear about how you’re able to deal with your own “stuff” and have the tools you need to support clients. Are you clear about the support you need, and how you’re going to manage if a client shares an experience that might be triggering for you?

In a new role, it could be finding a mentor or asking an employer to invest in leadership coaching to support you to meet any challenges and make the most of the development opportunity.

Setting yourself up for success means making sure the support is there before you need it – especially if you’ve found yourself in burnout or overwhelm in the past.

4. Does your experience give you a key to your own specialism?

For many coaches, deeply experiencing a difficulty gives them a clue as to where they are able to best be of service in the world. Thea is a “recovering perfectionist” who now works with other women struggling with self-doubt, negative chatter, or constant striving for perfection. She says:

“The best thing about the ups and downs that I’ve been through is that now I know all the nitty gritty details of the journey from self-doubt to self-confidence, from depression to happiness. Being able to see the same patterns in my clients and help them let them go is incredibly rewarding for me.” – Thea Jolly

With time, your challenges can become your biggest strengths as you begin to understand how they’ve shaped you into the unique, powerful and perfectly imperfect leader you are today.

And in the words of Anna, one of our recent coaching graduates:

“I see the things I have gone through as one of my greatest strengths – they made me into who I am today. It shapes my coaching practice and how I show up in the world” – Anna Louise

How about you?

What experiences have shaped and guided you – and how have you been able to turn your biggest challenges into sources of strength? If you can relate to this, we’d love to know your story – celebrate and share in the comments!

Curious about coaching?

If you’re interested in finding out more about One of many Coaching Certification, take a look at our free online training: The Secret to Coaching Women.

In it I share some really valuable tools you can use straight away if you coach, manage or lead women – and introduce you to someof the key distinctions that make our certification differet from any other.

Click here to register for the free workshop now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

How to get back on track

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Is it time to reconnect with yourself and what motivates you? Maybe you’re returning from a gorgeous unplugged holiday, passing a milestone like a birthday or preparing for a new phase after retirement, redundancy or maternity leave. Or it might be a more subtle nudge – a sense that life’s starting to feel a little stale, or the path you’re on doesn’t feel as exciting as it once did. Today I want to share what I’ve learned about how to get back on track, and share a simple 4-step process you can use whenever you need to plug back into your motivation.

Often, when you feel like you need a “fresh start”, the temptation is to launch into action. You know the drill: You set some outlandish goals (rising at 4am! 1 hour’s meditation every morning!), write yourself an impossible to-do list, and attack your priorities like a woman possessed.

There are two problems with this.

Firstly, driving yourself to do more and more as a way of avoiding the sense that you’re fundamentally dissatisfied is a bit like turning the treadmill up to a faster speed, instead of asking yourself if you want to be on it in the first place.

It exhausts you, setting you on course to end up frazzled and even burnt out. Paying attention to that little “I could do with a boost” niggle now can save you a whole stack of problems in the long run, when your body ends up forcing you to take a break.

Secondly, it’s not actually very effective. There’s a reason why New Year’s Resolutions are so notorious for barely lasting beyond the average New Year’s Day hangover. When we focus on what we’re doing, instead of why we’re doing it, it’s exponentially harder to maintain motivation and keep going.

So although the “superwoman” within might balk at the idea of taking time out to dig into what really matters instead of just blindly getting on with things, this might actually be the most productive thing you can do with your time. It’s the process I use at the start of every year and whenever I need to reconnect to a fresh energy. Quite simply, it’s how to get back on track.

How to get back on track – the 4 step process

#1 Write down your values

If you’ve been in our community a little while, or you’ve been on a One of many retreat, you’ll already be familiar with your values. But it’s still worth checking back in and asking yourself the simple question: “What’s most important to me?”

If you’re not familiar with your values, they’re one word or short phrases which describe the things which matter most to you in life. What’s important to remember is they’re abstract, intangible concepts: things like love, connection, mastery, influence or service. (The shorthand we often use to check whether something’s a value is “you can’t put it in a wheelbarrow!”)

Your values provide your upfront motivation in life – if you do something, it’s because consciously or unconsciously you believe it’s of value.

So take 15 minutes or so to write your list of the things which matter most.

Next, go through your list and do a quick edit. Group together any which feel really similar so that you have a slightly shorter list, of up to 10 key values.

When you have your most important values, it’s time to number them in order of importance.

If you could only express one value in your life, what would that be? That’s your number one. And so on, until you’ve given each value a number.

A note if you’re a perfectionist: It goes without saying that this is an exercise that’s just for you. There’s no magic formula which will give you the “right” answer, so try not to overthink it too much!

#2 Where’d all the time go?

OK, so you’ve spent some time looking at your values and you’ve figured out how you’d like them to look in an ideal world. Hopefully, you’ve created a vision that makes you feel GOOD. If you spent each day with those values guiding you, you’d be fulfilled, happy and feel on track.

So what’s happening right now that means you don’t feel that way?

Time to play detective.

And here’s the thing – we’re actually, most of us, pretty bad at guessing how we spend our time. So I recommend a forensic approach. For as long as you can – a week is ideal – set a timer on your phone for 15 minutes and when it goes off, jot down what you’re doing.

That might sound like a lot, but the insight you’ll gain from tracking a week of how you spend your time is absolute gold when it comes to working out why you’re feeling a little “meh” about life.

Because the second part of this time-tracking phase is to note down the value that’s behind each activity.

The beauty of tracking your time in such detail is that you really get to figure out what drives you for even the smallest detail of your day.

A quick example: when I last did this exercise, I found myself wondering what need my daily showers met. Was it cleanliness? Professionalism? Approval?

No, actually, I realised that the value that lay behind my morning shower was vitality. Those precious minutes wake me up and leave me feeling energised and alert for the day ahead.

So get stuck in, and be honest! Some of your answers might surprise you. 

#3 Journal about what you discover

This step is one which you’ll probably be itching to get to after you’ve completed your values list and your time audit. You can really discover some fascinating insights when you compare and contrast your two lists.

Perhaps – like me and my showers – you’ll be surprised to find the elements of your day which do align with your values, and feel grateful for those pockets of real fulfilment.

This is a great opportunity to practice conscious gratitude, whether it’s the love you’re expressing as you scrape your kid’s porridge off their bib or the service you show to your team when you respond promptly to their questions.

You’ll also find activities where there’s a gap between your values and how you spend your time.

Are you wasting your days at a job you’re really only at for the approval it’s winning you, or showing up for an exercise class you don’t enjoy because you’re “committed”? Then it’s time for step 4…

#4 Work out what needs to change

When you spot a gap between your “ideal world” list of values, and how you’re spending your time, it’s time to start thinking about what changes you need to make.

Sometimes just getting that awareness is enough to make changes.

You can start to make choices about activities you want to let go of, and things you want to get more of – in a far more powerful way than selecting activities on an arbitrary basis.

If you’ve noticed that there seems to be a lot of unconscious patterns at play, or drivers like fear or approval that are pushing you towards activities which don’t feel fulfilling, we’d love to help.

Click here to book in a call with one of the team and we can explore what mightbe going on, and whether one of our retreats or programs could help.

Enjoy the journey

If you’ve heard the old adage “it’s about the journey, not the destination” you might have found yourself wondering how that’s possible, when times are tough. Connecting to your values is the answer. If you understand your life values, you can start to feel more fulfilled in your every day, no matter what’s going on around you.

I’d love to know your values, and how much you feel your daily life is currently aligned with them. Share your top 5 in the comments!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

Why the climate crisis needs female leaders

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Climate change is perhaps the biggest challenge we’re currently facing as a planet. The scientists have spoken; the technology to turn things around is there.

What we need now are leaders who are ready to make the bold, and perhaps unpopular decisions that will create the change we need.

Whether or not you “believe” the evidence, the level of risk alone should be enough to compel us all to take action.

In my latest blog on joannamartin.com I explain why I think it’s now on our shoulders as leaders, big or small, to turn our knowledge into action.

“Nature gives so much to us. Not just beauty – but life.

The science is clear – our current lifestyle and treatment of her is unsustainable.

And it’s up to all of us: politicians, grassroots leaders, people who care of every ilk – to take personal steps to change our own actions and other’s minds.

We will not get there with only those who are already aware making changes. I believe we have a duty to change the hearts and minds of others too.”

Click here to read the full article – and please, share this with as many people as you can.

It’s up to each of us to do our part.

post

Selfish or selfless? How personal development helps you contribute

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

For some of us, embarking on a path of personal development feels oddly, well, selfish. Whether it’s starting an online program, undertaking a full certification training or just setting aside a few hours each week to listen to a 20 minute podcast, taking time out for ourselves can feel as though it’s detracting from our ability to contribute to our work, families or communities. But is it selfish or selfless to take that time for ourselves?

From a young age, we’re taught that it’s important not to be selfish. Learning to share and get along with others is a key factor in most schooling systems, for example. As we get older, we learn to sacrifice what we want to do – our selfish impulses – for self-discipline, contribution, and doing the right thing. 

As students we’re rewarded for those choices with external markers of success. Getting a good job; earning lots of money; having an impressive title.

Michelle Obama has spoken about her early career, which was characterised by such markers of success.

“When I was in my 20s, I thought I had it all. I had degrees from two prestigious universities. I had an office on the 47th floor of a skyscraper in downtown Chicago. I wore nice clothes to work and I was the proud owner of a Saab, which was pretty cool back then.”

What prompts us to turn inwards?

And yet life events can trigger moments where we begin to question our achievements, and perhaps to wonder whether they’re really as fulfilling as we imagined they would be.

For Michelle, it was a moment of bereavement that sparked a process of turning inwards – getting to know herself.

“…after I lost two of the people I loved the most – my incredible father and my free-spirited best friend from college – I started to question it all. I embarked on a journey of self-examination that ultimately led me into a lifetime of public service.”

Is self-examination the same thing as being selfish?

When Michelle talks about a “journey of self-examination” she’s referring to a concept that many of us can relate to.

Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar – a point in your life when you started to read books on topics you’d never previously been interested in.

Or find teachers who were asking bigger questions, about the purpose of life, and the meaning of our actions.

It’s at times like these that we begin to wonder “what makes me tick?” or “why has life led me to where I am now?”

Being selfish is defined as “lacking consideration for other people; being concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure”. But starting to look more closely at your own motivations and desires is rarely something you undertake with a motive of your own profit.

In fact, it can be driven by a deep desire to take better care of those around you

Why do you find yourself yelling at your kids, when you know that’s not the kind of parent you want to be?

What’s driving you to take on so many work projects that you’re drowing in deadlines, and ultimately performing at a level far lower than you could be with more time to think?

Personality tools – like the Women’s PowerTypes Profile – can be invaluable here. They can give you an external perspective on your motivations, patterns and responses that are hard to see by yourself.

When self-examination leads to a bigger contribution

What’s interesting about Michelle’s path is that the “self-examination” she embarked on led her to, in her words, “a lifetime of public service”.

I find it interesting – but not surprising.

It’s something we see time and again in graduates of our programs. It seems that paradoxically, the better we know and understand ourselves, the more motivation we find to begin to direct our energy in service of others. That might mean changing your industry; leading an initiative to support your community; or just being a more loving and engaged partner.

When we begin to tune in to ourselves, we start to access a way of being that’s sustainable.

We take care of ourselves. And it means that we can begin to hear our deepest values.

Your values are the core principles that matter most to you. Some of them might be things you were brought up with; others will be deeply personal to you.

No one else can tell you what your values are; they emerge when you’re able to quieten down the noisy demands around you, and really pay attention to yourself.

For Michelle, that sense of an “inner voice” has pulled her forward.

“In the years since, the issues I’ve been working on have often changed – from working in city government, to leadership development, to community engagement, to the issues of health, education and supporting military families that I focused on in the White House. But what hasn’t changed is the way my work makes me feel.

I believe in the goals I’m pursuing and they resonate with my values and my vision for the kind of communities – and the kind of world – I want to live in.

I feel like I’m connected to something larger than myself.”

For so many women, the process of getting to know ourselves is one which ultimately connects us to a far bigger impact on the world.

Want to understand yourself better?

The Women’s PowerTypes Profile is a quick questionnaire, which asks you to respond spontaneously to detailed questions. It’s been designed to give you deep insight into who you are – so you can tap into the natural way of leading that’s best for you.

Click here to discover your profile today

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

<a href=”https://oneofmany.co.uk/beone/” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”>Become One of many™ women</a> creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

Self-esteem versus self worth – what you need to know

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Defining your life’s work starts with defining your value. But what does “value” actually mean? Your own sense of how important you are, or something else? Today I want to share my personal distinction between self-esteem versus self worth, and explain why getting the difference clear can be a source of immense freedom (it has been for me).

But first, let’s dig into some definitions.

What do we mean by value?

You probably know by now that I’m a bit of an etymology geek. Looking at the way language has evolved often helps us to better understand the concepts they represent.

When we look at value from this perspective, we see that value generally means the regard that something is held to deserve: the “importance, worth or usefulness of something”.

It comes from the Latin meaning “Be strong, be well, be of value, be worth”.

Now I find it really fascinating that value’s original meaning wasn’t just about worth, but also about strength and wellness.

If you’ve experienced burnout (or are in it right now), you’ve probably already begun to see how much value there is in your ability to stay well and take good care of yourself. It doesn’t matter how “productive” you are in the traditional sense, if you’re falling apart at the seams, right?

So valuing ourselves has to begin with making sure we’ve got the resources we need to be strong and allow ourselves to thrive.

And your value – your importance, worth, or usefulness – builds on that in many other ways, some of which you might not have thought of in this way before.

4 factors to consider when thinking about your unique value

1. Your talents

This is the place where most of us start when we think about our value. We ask ourselves a version of a question like “What’s my boss really paying me for?” Or “what do my clients really want of me?”

Usually, the answer to those questions comes out as a version of talents.

Well, I’m really good at writing. 

I’m a really good facilitator.

I’m a genius with an Excel spreadsheet.

But that’s only one piece of your value. There are others – and they’re the ones we’re going to really dig into right now.

2. Your purpose

Your purpose can be summed up as “why you do what you do”. Given two people with the same skill sets, an employer is always going to take the person whose “why” is driving them.

The reason is simple: if you’ve got internal motivation to do something, you’re more likely to do it, and to do it well. It adds more value to have a clear purpose.

If someone has a vision for their life that they’re moving towards – a clear vision for their own life or the legacy they want to leave – that provides internal motivation. It adds to the value of that individual, when they have that clarity that’s pulling them forward.

So perhaps your talents include being a great teacher – you’re organised, engaging, and good at conveying information. But your purpose is to equip the next generation withthe skills they need to respond to the global challenges they’ll face.

Can you see how that adds to the value of your talents?

What would your version of those statements look like?

3. Your mission

A mission is what an individual wants to achieve with their work.

Again, being clear on that adds to your value. Start speaking about that mission in your job interviews, or to your clients when you’re talking to them, and you’ll find that if they are aligned with the mission, they will be aligned with you.

4. Your values

Slightly different to the value we’re talking about here, are those things that you value.

Perhaps as a teacher you value creativity, excellence and teamwork. If those values are shared by a prospective school, they’ll add to the value you can bring as a member of the Senior Management team.

They are also the filters through which you make decisions about how you want to do your work. So you might choose to evaluate a new opportunity in terms of your values.

At our BeFulfilled retreat, we explore each of these aspects in more depth. It can be hard to get clarity on them by yourself, after all – often we’re so immersed in our worlds that we’re not really able to pull back and see the threads that join it all together. If you’d like to find out more, book a call with the team here to get the full details.

Self-esteem versus value

So where does self-esteem come into it? Well, what I want to share next is my own personal definition. Thinking about value and esteem in this way really set me free when I understood it, and I’d love to know if it does the same for you.

Self-esteem and self-value are different. A lot of us believe we’ve got low self-esteem for one reason or another. I believe, whether or not that’s true, it doesn’t mean you can’t value yourself.

Value is something that you can find immediately. It’s already there, within you, waiting to be discovered.

And the fastest way of all to connect to your value is simply to become present to the value that you bring to others.

It might be a tiny bit of value to start with, just that you give really great hugs. You make a great cup of tea.

Self-value therefore comes oftentimes not even from within, but from without. By having it reflected back to us how other people see us.

Self-esteem, on the other hand, is not something you can necessarily experience immediately. Self-esteem, for me, is that cumulative confidence that builds each time you contribute value. It comes from positive feedback, when you’re in an environment that values your particular unique contribution.

You set yourself a goal to lead a project inside your organization and you lead that as well as you can and it’s successfully delivered.

That is going to add to your self-esteem. But sitting there trying to psych yourself up to have the self-esteem to be able to do it first is having the cart before the horse.

The way I look at it, self-esteem is about setting achievable goals and achieving them. It’s a reward.

But even if just for a moment, you can see yourself the way others who appreciate you see you, you can feel value.

How about you?

I’d love to know how that distinction lands for you. Can you relate? Does it help you to see that your value is made up of so many things, and that you can experience it even if you know your self-esteem is low?

Leave a comment and let us know. Our aim is to encourage and inspire you, so I’d love to know if this is a distinction that helps.

post

Feeling cynical about politics? How Michelle Obama and an ex-president changed my mind

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Have you been feeling cynical about politics? Lately, it’s been hard not to feel sceptical about the quality of leadership we’re seeing in those at the helm of our nations.

Today, I shared some of my recent personal journey around feeling cynical about politics on joannamartin.com – here’s a taste of some of what I’ve been feeling.

“However much you’re personally involved in politics, it’s hard to avoid the sense that there’s been a shift in recent years. I’m sensing a very different kind of conversation amongst our leaders and it’s not a development that feels good.

To me, it’s starting to seem as though we’ve moved out of an era when our political leaders were motivated by a desire to be a good steward for the country they had the responsibility of leading. Where there was a sense of duty, and of responsibility for leaders to make wise decisions; show respect for their opponents; andact in ways they truly believed to be in the best interests of the people.

Today’s politics feels rather to be characterised by very different motivations.

A hunger for power at any cost.

Sensationalism.

And the use of fear, especially when trying to convince citizens of the need for a certain course of action.”

Click here to read the full article, and discover what I learned from recent opportunities to hear Michelle Obama and ex-president of Colombia Juan Manuel Santos share their views. I came away with a new perspective. How does it land with you?

post

How to change career paths

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Knowing how to change career paths without burning bridges is an art that’s invaluable in today’s world. You might have been through a few iterations of your working life already, or perhaps you’re experiencing for the first time the feeling that what’s next for you might look very different to what came before. Whatever the circumstances, here’s what you need to know about how to change career paths gracefully using the power of gradual transitions.

A process of change

First things first, let me share a little of my background. You might know me as the founder of One of many, or perhaps as a coach or an entrepreneur. But one thing you might not know is that the “Dr” in my title isn’t an academic qualification – I actually trained as a medical doctor, completing medical school in Australia, before quitting medicine to go to drama school.

Wait, what?

Yes, that’s right – I completed my doctor’s training, only to realize once I was working in a hospital that it wasn’t, in fact, the way I wanted to spend my life.

You see, I had a bit of a wake-up moment about 10 weeks into being a doctor where one of my cancer patients passed away, and it caused me to really reevaluate what I was doing.

I could see down the trajectory of my life and I could see a moderately happy doctor, moderately successful with two moderately well-behaved children… and moderately bored to tears. Do you know what I mean?

Whereas there was an area I was completely passionate about, and that was calling me. I’d done drama the whole way through school. I’d always loved it. It really was my passion.

And in that wake-up moment, when I was reassessing everything I was doing, I thought: I want to give this professional acting thing a shot. I don’t want to live with regrets. So I auditioned for drama school.

I got into a really good school, a place called the Actor’s Center in Australia where Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, great actors like that trained. The interesting thing about that school is its entire principles are “Good humans make good actors.” And that was where I first got introduced to a subject called life coaching.

We actually had a subject at acting school called life coaching. And when we started doing that, I realised, “Oh my God, there’s words for all the things I’ve been doing my whole life.”

One thing led to another. As it turned out, being a life coach wasn’t The Thing I wanted to do either. It was a stage on the journey. But through following that thread, and then seeing where it took me, and onwards through many other transitions and experiments and lessons on the way, I’ve ended up where I am now: doing my life’s work as my career, and sharing it with women like you.

Finding your life’s work is a journey

At BeFulfilled, our retreat all about finding fulfillment, we talk about your life’s work. The work that you’re here to do in the world, which is something I believe exists for every one of us.

And then, as a separate thing, there’s how you currently make money. Now, for some people, your life’s work is what makes you money. I am in the blissful state where my life’s work right now currently also feeds my family. It’s a really lovely place to be – and there are many phases that have got me to there.

What I want you to recognize is that finding fulfilment, and choosing a career path, is a process. You can feel as though you know exactly what your life’s work is, but it’s potentially a two or three-year journey, or six to eight month journey, or decade-long journey even, to get the two lining up.

You might have a few “transition” steps where it moves a little bit closer, and then maybe just a little bit closer. And then finally you get to full alignment, where your life’s work is what makes you money, and even then that can change and flow and shift. It’s a process – and enjoying and embracing that process is part of our growth. 

Creating a map that works for you

I want to give you an example of what this “transition” process looks like in practice. Because if you’re changing career paths it can be really easy to point at where you want to go and say “I can’t do that. I dont have the first clue about it”.

When I was at medical school if you’d have asked me if I could lead a team or run a business or be an entreprener I’d have been pretty floored. Back then, I really didn’t have any of the skills I needed. But that didn’t matter, because when I trusted my intuition and took each step as it came, I was able to gradually transition to a point where I did know what to do – or at least enough to take the leap and do it.

Transition steps in action

Just as an example, let’s say you’ve got this great idea for a software business, that’s going to transform the lives of mothers all around the world.

But you’ve never run a business before.

You’ve never built software before, you’ve never done any of that sort of stuff.

So what it might look like is a journey where the first step is for you to start perhaps working as a PA, because at the moment you’ve got great skill sets in organization.

The next stages can flow from there:

1. Working as a PA for an inspiring digital company CEO, you get into the industry, bring all of the skills that you have, create trust with someone in the industry, and learn the ropes inside the industry.

2. Then the next step might be to build your network and trust by contributing freely to other people in that industry, as they’re doing stuff while you’re still in that role where you’re learning.

3. The next phase might be to educate yourself in marketing because you know, you need to start a business and we know we need to understand marketing.

4. If your goal is to start a business, then the final step might be starting the software business.

Now that might be a six-month journey, it might be a six-year journey. The key is, you’re:

  • Taking it slowly – but not waiting to be “ready” before you move into action
  • Building connections, and cultivating them into a support network as you change
  • Using your existing skills and strengths to cultivate the new path as you go.

Transitions are good

Napoleon Hill, in his great book Think and Grow Rich, says “burn your bridges”.

I say: don’t.

For women especially, we often find that our masculine energy and the “superwoman” mode many of us operate in will respond positively to that attitude. Burn the bridge, and masculine energy goes, “Okay! There’s no going back. We must go forward. Let’s hunker down and push through and harness up that amazing masculine energy and get stuff done”.

It can often be a driver forward, so if you want to operate like that, then yes – burn your bridges, take giant leaps, and leave your previous “self” behind.

Personally, and for many of the women I know, operating like that is too stressful.

I like to have a back-up plan. Women often have a nest we need to look after. Our babies, our friends, our home, our fur babies… Whatever it looks like, we’ve got a home that we need to look after, and we want to know that that’s safe before we start leaving what’s familiar behind.

That’s why I like gradual transitions. They make it possible for you to set a course and move there gracefully and gradually, and in a way that feels good.

What transition are you making?

If you’re planning a career change, whether you have an end goal or are just hearing a “call” to do something different, your next action might not be giving it all up to go all-in on your new passion. Perhaps it’s getting some education about what interests you, or making a “sideways” career move to a similar role to your current one in an organization in the industry you want to move to.

If you’ve made a move like that or are planning one I’d love to know your experience. Leave a comment below and share what small steps you’re taking towards a big dream.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

One of Many Voices: Veronica Roberts

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

As an Educational Psychologist, Veronica has spent her career working with children and parents. But it wasn’t until she became a mum herself that a moment of total vulnerability and overwhelm sparked an idea for a new movement to help women find connection and support. We asked her to share more of her story…

What do you do?

I am an Educational Psychologist – which includes a wide variety of roles (one of the things I love about it!) A lot of my time is spent working with parents and teachers to explore the needs of a child/young person and consider ways of supporting them so that they can thrive, rather than just survive, their school years. I also deliver training and research with the University of Bath.

I went self-employed after having our son and realizing that working for a local authority was just not going to be flexible enough for our family. Now I work 3 days a week.

More recently, for my Lead The Change project, I have founded the i know… parent collective.

Tell us more about that project.

i know… is about building upon the collective support between parents. It’s about those ‘moments’ we all experience as parents; where we can feel overwhelmed, lost, unsure what to do, and alone. In those moments it can feel like the world is watching, and potentially judging us.

The idea behind i know… is that in those moments, we might look around and see other parents wearing a badge that says ‘i know…’ – a visual symbol that they know what it’s like, they get it, they’re not judging us and they’re willing to help if they can.

The aim is that those moments of vulnerability, instead of becoming feelings of fear and shame, might become moments of connection, empathy and compassion.

Give us the big “why” you do what you do?

Part of my motivation for starting ‘i know…’ stems from my personal experience of becoming a mother and the struggles I experienced.

I very much felt that as a trained child psychologist I should know what I was doing all the time (!) and the perfectionist in me also screamed that I should be doing it perfectly all the time.

I judged myself so harshly for every perceived misstep of motherhood that I made and felt so incredibly vulnerable when I struggled in public. I felt like everyone would not only think I was a terrible mother, but also rubbish at my job as well.

When I returned to work I started really hearing what parents were saying, in a way I never had before and I suddenly realized – I’m not alone in this experience, and actually if we share that vulnerability, then ironically, the vulnerability reduces and a collective strength can take its place.

By reducing parent stress levels in those ‘moments’, parents become more able to support their child and themselves through the stress and distress and/or ask for the help they need.

What’s your daily routine?

Part of our family life is that no two days are the same! Both my work and my husband’s are so variable that what I’ve ended up doing is having different routine ‘templates’ for the top and tails of different types of day: When my husband is at home, when he’s not, when I’m working from home, and when I’m not.

Things I try to build into every morning are:

  • A bowl of porridge (only way I survive until lunch!)
  • Physio and Mutu exercises (whilst my son is having breakfast)
  • Inspiring piece of music either in the shower or in the car
  • I also try to finish work half an hour before I pick up our son from nursery and have 2 songs that I dance to which I call my ‘End of Day Debrief’ – one track to release emotion and one to recap the things I have enjoyed or feel went well. This was an exercise I designed with my LTC coach as I realized I was really good at shelving difficult feelings and never coming back to them (so they just grew). And I was hardly ever able to take real joy in my accomplishments, so having a few minutes just to recap the positives of a day and dance them into my body has really helped.

Things I try to put in at the end of each day:

  • Playing my Tibetan singing bowl
  • recapping the day with gratitude
  • reading a good book for a few minutes before sleep

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

I’m mother to a very lively and curious 4-year old and wife to a very lively, vibrant and driven man. My husband also runs his own business consultancy firm. A lot of his work is in London or abroad and he can be away for up to 3 weeks at a time. The need for this can arise with a day or week’s notice. This can make it tricky to plan in advance!

To balance the demands that this can place on me I’ve opted to have more childcare than I actually need for work alone and I schedule my self-care, ‘lifemin’, I know… work, exercise etc all within childcare hours so that even when my husband is away, it is still possible for me to meet my needs and therefore manage whilst he is away.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

When I became a mother, I’d never felt love quite like it, I remember thinking that if we could bottle that feeling and drip feed it to dictators we would have the answer to world peace! I felt privileged to be a woman and able to experience it.

But one of the other main emotions I experienced as a new mother was frankly, rage. Because all my life I had been told by society that as a woman I was equal…and I felt like I’d been completely duped!

As I sat there breastfeeding our little boy on the sofa I felt anything but equal.

It felt like my freedom had been stripped away, whilst my husband’s remained intact and untouched by the experience of becoming a father (probably a bit of an overstatement in hindsight, but I was hormonal at the time!).

The dwindling of my maternity pay and then its complete disappearance left me financially dependent on a man for the first time in my life and it made me hugely resentful that because we had chosen to have a child, I was suddenly financially penalized. I still believe this sends a really strong message of just how much society devalues the role of caregivers, mainly performed by women. Becoming a mother was the first time in my life that I had so explicitly felt discriminated against as a woman and I hate that that feeling is tied to one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

However, one of my most profound shifts through my Lead The Change journey followed on from the BeLove retreat. I sat down with my husband and shared how uncomfortable, guilty and at times, resentful I felt that I worked and earned less than he did as a man.

The conversation that followed transformed our relationship. He had tears in his eyes as he said to me, “But you get to make a difference to people’s lives! I don’t get to do that! So let me do what I do, so that you can do what you do, because that means I’m making a difference too.”

And I suddenly realized, in my feminist stance I’d created a financial competition between us that was tearing us apart. But if we both did what we were good at then there was a beauty in the contribution we could make together and the life that we could lead.

I still feel that women are financially discriminated against for being biologically designed to have children…which seems a bit crazy when you step back from it, as the survival of the human species kind of depends on that function! But, I’ve realized there are other alternatives to men and women competing to do the same as one another. So, in a nutshell, I think things have improved, but we still have so much further to go!

How do you juggle your relationship and business now?

At my first One Woman Conference in 2017 my husband and I were going through an incredibly difficult time – it felt like we were leading separate lives and were no longer really connected or hearing one another.

After the OWC I came back and told him (using my Queen PowerType!) that I wasn’t happy and couldn’t see how we were going to survive as a couple without both making some significant changes. Lead The Change was one of those things, my husband receiving some coaching was another, but also, we agreed to make time for each other.

As my husband had just entered self-employment too we had the luxury of flexibility, and so we set aside one morning a week whilst our son was at nursery to do things together as a couple.

There are some weeks where this just isn’t possible, but we have it as a general rule and it has made such a difference to our relationship. Prioritising our relationship like this has helped us rekindle our connection and helps keep things in perspective, because if we’re not ‘right’ as a couple, then it has an impact on everything else, and work isn’t worth that.

Do you think you people around you (on social media, and face to face) understand who you authentically are?

The i know… project has totally pushed me out of my comfort zone in terms of displaying my vulnerabilities ‘out loud’ via social media.

It is only because of the i know… vision and this sharing being an attempt to support other parents with their journey and challenges that I have been able to develop the courage to do that and at times it has felt excruciating. The most amazing thing is, the posts where I have felt most vulnerable have had the most positive responses and that has been such an amazing gift of a lesson!

The Lead The Change community has also helped me really understand I can be who I am and still be appreciated, warts and all. So yes, I think people are beginning to see the authentic me.

But more importantly from my perspective, I am becoming comfortable with the idea that when people see me, they may or may not like me, but that doesn’t mean I need to change who I am to ‘fit’.

Who do you look up to as a woman?

Brené Brown – she is just so fricking awesome!!

What are you doing to help elevate the women of developing nations?

For every i know… badge sold, 20p is being collected for Deki – a charity set up by Vashti Seth, another Lead The Change participant, to support entrepreneurs in Africa grow their businesses.

I had always felt so helpless about the situation in developing countries and unable to support in a meaningful way. Then one fateful retreat I ended up giving Vashti a lift home and she totally changed my perspective – and gave me hope that I could make a difference further afield too.

Ready to lead your change?

If you’re inspired by Veronica’s story and would like to find out more about our Lead The Change program, click here to leave your name and details. One of our friendly team will be in touch to arrange a time to chat.

Veronica Roberts

Parapet head popper | Catalyst for compassion | Coffee addict

To find out more about Veronica and her work, reach her online here:

Facebook page: www.facebook.com/iknowcollective
Website: www.drvroberts.co.uk

post

How to make a difference in the world

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

It can feel hard to know how to make a difference in the world – and frankly, most of the women I know don’t have a whole lot of spare time to think about it. Sure, we’ve got our ideals. We see the complex, vast and very real challenges our planet is facing right now. But there’s also the email inbox, the kids, the deadlines, and the occasional precious hour of self-care…

Changing the world can feel like one of many responsibilities we’re juggling.

And if it feels like it’s going to be an uphill struggle to get others to care about an issue, it’s even harder to feel motivated about taking action.

Yet apathy’s not an option. The world’s in desperate need of change, and for those of us in the privileged position to do something about it, our time is now.

In this episode of Jo & Co, I’m sharing a simple mindset shift that can help you begin to have a serious impact on the issues you’re passionate about.

The mindset shift that empowers change

In the video I share:

  • What you need to be comfortable with if you want to make a difference
  • How my leadership journey started – and how you can avoid the mistake I made
  • A fresh way of thinking about influence that leads to a truly powerful leadership stance

Take 5 minutes and watch the video now:

Whether you’re an established or emerging leader; whether you want to make a difference in your business, community, or family, this will help you do it with ease and grace.

I’d love to know if this helps reframe the difference you want to make in the world, and what cause you’re going to use this approach to change.

Want a helping hand?

If you’re ready to step into action when it comes to your purpose in life, working with a coach can be one of the most powerful choices you will ever make. Our Certified Coaches are trained and experienced in working with women who are passionate about creating change. Click here to look through the directory and find the right catalyst for your calling.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

How to know what you want

By

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When it comes to setting goals – whether quarterly aims for your business, New Year’s resolutions, or any change you want to create in your life – it’s important to know what you want before moving into action. To do that, there’s a process I use that’s radically different to other goal-setting techniques out there. It’s helped me to achieve some extraordinary things, and I want to share it with you today so you can see if it has the same effect in your life if you’ve found yourself wondering how to know what you want.

This approach is probably very different to others you might have tried when it comes to creating change. But when it comes to figuring out how to know what you want, I believe it’s important to be open to trying new ways of doing things.

After all, many of us find traditional goal-setting, even when we start with the best intentions, leads to stress and exhaustion. The tendency is often to push and strive our way towards the thing we’ve decided we want.

Often, it’s because we go into “Superwoman” mode once we’ve set our goals – and achieve them at the expense of our own wellbeing.

Starting with a different energy from the outset is crucial if we’re going to avoid that old-fashioned way of being and find a new way to create. If there’s anything we’re a stand for here at One of many, it’s creating with less force, push and grit.

So let’s get started.

Cynic or intuitive, this process is for you

You might be someone who’s really happy when you’re using your intuition or connecting to something outside of you – whether it’s a religion, a spiritual practice, or a connection to “Source” or the universe.

But for this process to work, you don’t need to believe in any of those things.

The trick to making this work is simply to work through the steps – even if you’re a cynic or a natural sceptic. With a science background, I certainly approach the idea of “manifesting” with a healthy dose of scepticism, and it’s not the word I use to describe this process. Rather, I think of it as “Forming dreams”.

In my experience, when you allow yourself the space to dream and imagine accurately and using your unconscious rather than your conscious or “ego” mind, you can start to create things beyond your expectations, and with far more ease.

2 key principles

Before we get started, there are two important things to remember.

Firstly, don’t start this process by thinking of what you want. Rather, think of this as a process to help you get clear on what that might be. You might be surprised by what emerges!

And when it comes to you, there are four words to keep in mind: “This… or something better”. Be open to receiving what it is that emerges from this process – or something even better.

Can you see how that already activates an exciting, open energy?

The second thing to bear in mind is this: Make sure your intention is to receive what you want in divine timing.

After all, we have no idea what’s around the corner. Sometimes what we think we want simply isn’t right for us at a given time. And getting into Superwoman mode to “make it happen” isn’t the most effective way to approach things.

Accept that what’s right for you will come when it’s the right time, and you instantly remove a whole lot of pressure.

Using the Sorceress PowerType

We use 5 powerful female archetypes – called PowerTypes – to step into a new kind of leadership that creates truly empowered results. The PowerType to connect to for this process is the Sorceress. She has absolute faith in being able to achieve things that might seem unlikely or even impossible, and knows that unseen forces support and inspire her.

Start by getting yourself into Sorceress energy, and allow your actions to flow from that.

Step One: Set the scene.

At the very least, you want to be somewhere quiet and distraction free. When I’m using this process I often choose to create a really beautiful space – lower the lights, light a candle, and make sure I’m in an undisturbed place.

Choose to honour this process and give yourself the space and time to really embrace it.

Step Two: Enter a relaxed state.

This kind of state has been described in many different ways – as an “alpha brainwave”, or “wordless”, or “meditative” state. It really doesn’t matter what you call it. But you want to try to get to a point where your internal chatter has gone, and you’re thinking more in pictures than words.

Here are some ways you might be able to access that:

  • Lie on the floor and relax all the muscles in your body
  • Listen to your heartbeat
  • Focus on your breath
  • Listen to soothing, wordless music
  • Stare at a candle or peaceful image, like a mandala
  • If you find it really hard to quieten your brain, you might want to “dump” your thoughts into a notebook and consciously choose to return to them later

The goal is to get to a place where you’re no longer hearing the “chatter” of your mind, and are connected instead to a deeper, more peaceful state of mind.

Step Three: Feel connection

Tune into your feeling of connection with everything in the universe.

If you’re religious, that might be accessing your connection to God or Creation. My trick is to think about things on a scientific level. Under an electron microscope, I know that my body is largely made up of space. We are literally interconnected, at an atomic level, to the air around us, and everything in the universe.

Really feel your connection to all that is, and open up to the sense of energy flowing through and all around you.

Step Four: Open your imagination

Now, open your imagination to receive the images of what is going to come into your life.

I use the word “receive” mindfully here – because this is very much a sensation of feeling images or visions come to you, rather than trying to create them.

Some of the biggest things I’ve achieved in my life – massive financial goals, professional achievements – have been things that have come to me as visions like this without me understanding necessarily exactly how they were going to pan out.

Focus on receiving what’s there for you in the context you’re dreaming about. See the images, hear the sounds, feel the feelings. Really experience the image fully.

Step Five: Let it go

Once you’ve really absorbed the image, sounds, and feelings of the vision or dream you’ve had, it’s time to release your attachment to it. The easiest way to do that is to literally imagine cutting a cord, or letting go of a balloon – watching the vision float away.

This isn’t a goal you need to guard or hang on to. I know – if you’ve seen a really juicy dream in your mind’s eye, that might feel hard to do!

Trust in the process.

An important part of it is the concept of surrender. Allow change to happen without feeling you need to push or rush it.

Step Six: Write it down

Remaining unattached, grab your journal and write down as many details as you can of what you’ve experienced. This step is a fun one – it means you can return to your dream when it’s come into your life, and see how the details match up!

Step Seven: Move into inspired action

You don’t need to be attached, and you don’t need to grit your teeth and grind this vision into action – but you do need to be willing to take a step towards making your dream happen.

I used this process before I met my husband, when I wanted to find the relationship I was ready for. And my first step after completing the process was to join an online dating site. As it happened, that wasn’t where I met Greg. But I believe it was a vital signal that I was ready for the dream I’d had, and willing to take action to bring it to life.

What’s your dream?

This might seem like an unconventional way to figure out what you want, but it’s one that has given me some truly incredible results. So I’d love to know how it works for you – when you’ve tried it, share your vision in the comments.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.