One of Many

Woman looking to create change

post

How to stop being everything to everyone

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Anna’s knackered.

It was a friend’s birthday last night, and even though she was exhausted after work she still found herself showing up at the restaurant at the agreed time. After all, it’s special to get together and celebrate and she knows her friend has had an especially tough year.

But half way through the evening she got an email from her boss, asking if she could be on a call early the next day to take on a new project. There’s no one else who’d do as good a job – she knows Anna has a lot on but this is important.

Anna’s lunch break was swallowed up by a colleague who really needed to talk through her relationship issues. And she’d promised her mum she’d do some research into a better rate for her car insurance. So she finished late, again, before remembering she’d agreed to babysit for her sister that evening. No time for the exercise habit she’s been trying to start – it’s a mad rush to her sister’s place, and then home late to collapse into bed.

Where she lies awake for half an hour feeling guilty that she didn’t show up to the community meeting she’d meant to volunteer for. Or do that bloody couch to 5K thing.

Have you been in Anna’s shoes before?

Are you trying to be everything to everyone?

One of the most amazing things about women is our capacity to care so deeply for others.

If it needs to be done, we’ll do it.

If someone’s hurting, we want to fix it.

If there’s a chance to make the world a better place, we’re all over it.

But there can be a downside to this incredible capacity for care: if we’re not very deliberate about who we care for, we end up giving too much to too many for far too long, often only stopping when we’ve completely run ourselves into the ground.

The truth is, when push comes to shove, each of us is a human being, which means we’ve only got a limited amount of energy available to us.

We’ve all only got 24 hours in the day. The life that we’re living is a limited resource, which means that we have to choose where and with whom we want to share our very, very precious energy.

To make that happen, you’ve got to have a really clear sense of who’s in your realm and who’s at your hearth.

Your realm

Your realm is the people that you care for, the people you wish to see safe and prosperous and abundant, and those that you give your time, energy, and other resources to. You’re very much in your Queen archetype in relation to these people — which means that your realm can be quite extensive.

For instance, anyone who’s aligned with the vision of creating a global feminine paradigm is part of my realm. The BeOne global Community of women are – you, reading this – as are my team, the people I work with at the Hunger Project, my associates, my clients, my family … you see how it works.

Your hearth

Then there’s the people who are at your hearth.

These are the ones that you deeply, deeply care about, those people whose wellbeing directly impacts yours.

When you’re with these people, you’re in your mother archetype, and they’re also the people for whom you’ll sacrifice from time to time. For instance, if you and your child are sick at the same time, their sickness wins out, and you’ll sacrifice your energy and desires to make sure they’re OK.

Anyone who doesn’t fall into one of these two categories is simply outside your realm.

Those are the people that you just don’t give any energy or attention to, because they’re not your people.

And that’s OK! You don’t have to be responsible for everyone. In fact, if you try to take care of people outside your realm, you end up spreading yourself so thin that you can’t care for the people inside your realm.

And then there are the crazymakers…

These are the people who are currently inside your realm, and maybe even at your hearth – when they really shouldn’t be.

They’re the ones that make your life crazy, the ones that always seem to call just when you’re about to get to work or finally do something for yourself.

They’re the ones that consistently take more than they give, wrangle themselves into special occasions and celebrations you really wish they weren’t at, and have a brilliant gift for making you feel wrong, inadequate, and guilty.

We’ve all had at least one of these types of people in our lives … and despite what you might expect, I’m not going to tell you that you have to cut them off carte blanche.

These types of relationships are often codependent, which means that you may be getting something out of the relationship, or it may be a situation where you’ve shifted and grown but you’re still keeping some old habits. They might be family members or old friends – and setting boundaries around these kinds of relationships is a delicate process.

Regardless, you should bring some consciousness to the situation and start to look at how those relationships impact your wellbeing and your ability to show up in the world as you’re meant to.

Your turn – are you being everything to everyone?

Now it’s your turn to think about the relationships in your life. Set aside some time to do a little relationship auditing today or tomorrow — having your realm and your hearth defined is hugely important for being able to care for yourself and for others.

Here’s one way to do it:

Take a pen and paper and make two lists.

On the first one, write down everybody who’s in your realm; all those people that you care about, all those people you give to and want to change the world for.

And on the second list, write down all the people who are at your hearth; those people who’s wellbeing directly impacts yours.

Now ask yourself, “Who’s not on my list — and why is that a good thing?”

Who are you setting boundaries with so that you can preserve your energy for the things you consciously choose to give energy to?

Then have a look at the relationships that you need to have conversations about, or maybe even step back from.

Do you have any crazymakers in your realm or at your hearth?

Finally, think of just one way that you’re going to prioritise the people at your hearth this week … and tell me how you’re going to do that below in the comments!

Got a question about boundaries?

Want more support for your leadership? Every Tuesday I host a live “Lunch and Learn” session on the One of many Facebook page. Click here to join me live at 1pm UK time, and bring your questions!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

Leaders: 5 signs it’s time to take stock

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

“I feel like I’m failing on every front.”

Thousands of women had tuned in to find their momentum for change. And maybe they weren’t expecting to hear those words coming from my mouth.

After all – from the outside, it probably looked as though I had it all together. We were hosting a stellar virtual conference; with an attendance list of thousands of women around the world, and extraordinary international speakers.

On every possible measure, it was a runaway success.

And yet, there had been moments in the weeks where I’d truly felt as though I was failing on every front.

Failing at doing a great job with the business. Failing in my mothering. Failing as a wife. Failing in my ability to look after me.

Now, objectively, I’m usually able to step back from that feeling pretty quickly and know that actually, I’m doing great.

But those moments, especially seven days before my period arrives (and the whole world is ending!) I really have felt that I’m not able to manage. And I know that, if certain signs stick around, I need more than a rest – it’s time for something far more radical.

Today I’m going to share those 5 signs it’s time to take stock, and the question leaders need to ask ourselves.

But first –

How about you?

How about you, my love?

From the outside, do your friends think your career is great, your colleagues assume your relationship’s fine, and your kids never question that there’s cash in the bank… when on the inside, you feel like that’s far from the truth?

As leaders, many of us are familiar with that gap between the way others see us, and how we feel on the inside. And yet, there are times when we really do need to take some time out, and stop “pushing through” our feelings of overwhelm.

Let’s start with those 5 signs that it’s time to pause and take stock.

5 signs it’s time to take stock

Imagine your leadership as a platform.

Up on the top is you as a leader – your vision for what’s possible, the collaboration and support you have with those around you, your decisions and your ideas.

Underneath, you’re held up by the various core areas of your life: Relationships, finances, career, health and community.

When all is going well in most of those areas, you’re supported and able to shine.

When a few of your pillars are wobbly at once – that’s when you feel yourself in a stage of deep transformation. It’s often a sign that you’re going through a deep personal shift.

Our Head Coach, Annie, calls it the “phoenix” phase.

Which might sound very beautiful – transformation! Awakening! Discovering a new level of purpose!

In reality, it often shows up in signs like this:

  • Finding that we don’t have anything in the tank. That one more thing will tip us over the edge.
  • Beating ourselves up for procrastination, or feeling like we’re failing.
  • Feeling a sense of inertia – like you’re wading through treacle and can’t seem to find your flow.
  • Experiencing heightened emotions…
  • Or the flip side – feeling quite numb and tuned out.

If these 5 signs it’s time to take stock sound familiar, you’re not alone.

This “phoenix” phase feels like really widespread among women right now. I’ve been hearing from lots of the women on our Lead the Change leadership program that this is happening for them.

And of course, when we zoom out and look at what’s going on in the world, it’s easy to see why.

Those “pillars” that support you have almost certainly taken a knock in recent months.

  • Perhaps your career’s feeling challenging. If you’re a business owner you might be seeing your staff experience some ups and downs, your industry might be changing, there might be other things going on. Within organisations there’s a lot of change happening at the moment.
  • After the past two years of going in and out of lockdown, many of our relationships are struggling. Our kids are struggling; our parents are isolated; our friendships have been whittled down.
  • And it’s all taken its toll on our health, too. I was fascinated to read a recent article written by a doctor in the United States about the impact she’s seeing on her patients’ health – not from any one factor, but from the accumulated stress of the past 18 months.

Writing in the Atlantic, Lucy McBride states that burnout has, in her view, gone beyond a phenomenon attached to work and become a defining feature of almost all of our lives. The title of her article says it all, I think: By Now, Burnout Is A Given.

“Now is the time to redefine burnout as the mental and physical fallout from accumulated stress in any sphere of life, whether that’s work, parenting, caregiving, or managing chronic illness. To muster the energy for reentry into non-pandemic life, people need more than a vaccine and a vacation; they need validation of their experience, a broader reckoning with how they lived before March 2020, and tools to dig out from more than a year of trauma.”

Facing our collective burnout

So how can we begin to “dig ourselves out” – when we don’t have the luxury of heading off on retreat, taking a sabbatical from work, or stepping back from the support we offer to those around us?

There is no single answer that will work for all of us.

But I believe that if we learn to use our discernment, we can begin to tune in to the needs we each have at this time.

Specifically, I invite you to consider whether this is a time for you to be digging in, and actively increasing your capacity – for example through training, coaching, or new skills – or whether it’s time to surrender to deep replenishment.

What we at One of many call radical compassion for oneself.

Each of us will have a different choice to make.

For some of us, it might just be that surrender to “there’s nothing I can do”. As Susie Heath shared so beautifully back in 2020,

“There have been days when I’ve just had to go to bed and just surrender, you know, surrender to what is rather than, than pushing and fighting all the time and being OK about that. And I think that’s been the thing for me, is being okay to surrender to the challenge and go: ‘Right now I actually need to rest. I need to stop. I need to eat digestive biscuits,  and be okay about that without beating myself up.’”

On the other hand, you might be feeling as though you’re ready to uplevel – to increase the impact you’re making, and use this time as a springboard to define the life you want. It could be a change of careers, or a new depth to your relationship with your partner.

And for all of us, we’ll find there’s a natural flow between those two states.

That can happen at the micro level – each day, you’ll have times when you’re more active and times when you need to rest.

And it can also happen at the macro level, as when you consciously decide to prioritise your replenishment first and foremost and decide you’ll come back in a week or a month or a season, and re-evaluate with fresh eyes.

How do you discern what we need?

So, if you’ve identified that you could do with a pause, and a rethink about where you’re headed – what can you do?

There are a few tools I’ve found really powerful when it comes to shifting where we’re at.

#1 Morning pages

One of my best loved tools comes from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, and it’s called Morning Pages. The idea is that every morning, you take some time to write completely freely and uncensored about whatever’s on your mind. Could be the shopping list, your gripes at your partner, to the really deep stuff – why am I here, who am I. A practice of morning pages is one of the most effective ways I know to really tune into yourself and start to discern what you need.

If you don’t already have a practice, try bringing it into your routine and see what comes up.

#2 Emotional hygiene

Emotions are running high at the moment. From worry about what’s coming next, to anger at the decisions being made by politicians and frustration with the ongoing uncertainty. A practice of regular emotional hygiene can allow us to release those intense feelings safely. There are many different ways to release your emotions. Morning pages might help; for some of us, listening to music or dancing allows us to really feel what’s coming up and release it.

How do you release emotion – and can you make it a regular practice for you?

#3 Reach out

For women leaders especially, connecting and collaborating is an incredible antidote through times of stress. Find someone you can be vulnerable with, and really explore what’s going on for you. Working with a coach can be really helpful – so long as it’s one who is able to help you decide whether you need to take on more, or surrender to doing radically less. The One of many coach directory is a guide to our Certified Women’s Coaches who each have their own unique experience, combined with our specific methodology designed to support women leaders.

Use it to find a coach to help you discover what’s next in your leadership.

What do you need right now?

Have you noticed any of these signs you could do with a break – and do you know whether it’s time to rest, or time to build up your capacity? Let us know how you’re feeling in the comments – we’re a diverse community of leaders from all walks of life, and I’m really curious to know how you’re doing right now.

Got a question about coaching?

Want more support for your leadership? Every Tuesday I host a live “Lunch and Learn” session on the One of many Facebook page. Click here to join me live at 1pm UK time, and bring your questions!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

Stress: 6 warning signs that something’s got to change

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

I remember getting off the phone from a client. She’d had ME in the past. You know – that thing that most doctors don’t understand. That thing where they tell you “Just slow down”.

But she’s a small business owner. And she wants to be a successful one at that.

She told me “I’m exhausted and I don’t know how long I can keep doing this.”

I thought “You and about 1 billion other women.” (I didn’t say that out loud – I just thought it, truly!)

Seriously though – I look around me and I see many, many headless chickens.

All it would take is one nasty cold, or an unexpected bill, or a nasty fight with a lover and the whole tired house of cards could tumble. We’ve seen it in recent months. Add a global pandemic to an already-burnt out woman, and the impact is amplified.

I see too many women skating on very thin ice where their mental, emotional and physical wellbeing is concerned.

And that is 3 VERY overused metaphors in as many sentences. Which tells me that this is a state that is far too common!

So I decided, being a good doctor, to put together some signs and symptoms to look out for.

Let’s keep that headless chicken out of the house of cards on the thin ice, huh?

1. You find it hard to stop.

You know – you’ve finished your day’s work, and whoops – opened your email for one last look on the phone after dinner. Or you’re out on a date. Your date goes to the toilet, and you pick up the phone to check Facebook. Maybe you’re renewing your car insurance while watching Netflix, or talking on the phone while tidying the kitchen. When was the last time you did just ONE thing at a time. Or even… sat and did some nothing for a few minutes?

 2. You’re a grouch more than you’d like.

It might be snarky comments to your spouse or kids. Or bitchy comments about work colleagues. Or perhaps you’ve been saving everyone the trouble and avoiding company because you don’t want to inflict yourself on others. However you slice it, you’re not proud of the way you’ve been lately.

 3. You’re harsh on yourself

Have you been down on yourself a bit of late? Maybe it’s saying things like “I’m lazy, I just need a good kick up the bum.” Or telling yourself that it’s your own fault you’re overwhelmed – if you were more confident, you wouldn’t be in this place. Maybe it’s obsessing about your muffin top, greys or stray facial hair. But your self esteem is taking a battering.

4. You find it hard to find time for you

You know that pop culture says you should have more “me time”. But your time ends up binge watching Netflix, scrolling Instagram, or something equally escapist. Any time you do give yourself is numbing you, not replenishing you.

5. Your body hurts

Maybe it’s something specific – a cold you can’t shake. Maybe it’s sore legs, back, headaches. Maybe it’s as simple as when you open your mouth really wide you can tell how tight your jaw muscles are from unconscious tension.

 6. Sleep is tougher than it should be.

Maybe its’ difficulty getting off. Maybe you wake up at 2am with your mind racing. Maybe you sleep like a log but can never get enough. High levels of stress hormones impact the body’s sleep in different ways.

Which signs are you showing?

All of us have some level of stress in our lives. That’s not always a bad thing! It keeps us engaged, interested, allows us to solve problems and forces us to prioritise.

But stress can become really detrimental to our health and wellbeing. This is of course not an exhaustive list, but when I’ve seen clients with 3 or more of these signs and symptoms, I know that they are operating at an unsustainable level of stress.

In my experience, it is only a matter of time until something gives. It might be health, it might be work, it might be the relationship. But we’re simply not built to keep going and going and going without reprieve.

Want support to beat stress – sustainably?

At One of many, we’re dedicated to creating safe spaces for women to share what’s really going on for them and find the support of an extraordinary community.

So I want to acknowledge and honor you, right now, because whether you found us 5 years or 5 minutes ago, you’re a part of what makes the fabric of this community.

You are a part of what makes this a safe space for us to admit things aren’t OK – and get the support we need.

Want more support – along with practical ways to create change?

If you need someone in your corner, if you want to lay down the burden, if you want a place where it’s normal to feel things, it’s normal to have challenges, and it doesn’t make you broken or wrong or helpless… I invite you to come and join us in Living the Change.

You’ll get access to all the tools and resources in our membership site, plus The Hearth, our private online coaching space space. Our in-house coaches are there to answer your questions and provide support whenever you need it.

This isn’t about whining or blaming or being victims. It’s a place to find an empowered sharing of what’s truly going on and practical tools and strategies to help you to create the life you want – to get the results you want to get.

Click here to find out more.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover”

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When you’ve been drawing deeply on your energy reserves, and perhaps even slipped into Superwoman to achieve everything you need to, there comes a point when just “stopping” doesn’t really cut it. At times like these, knowing the secret to rest becomes an art in itself. And it’s one I want to share with you today.

Maybe your “holiday” looked more like taking care of everyone in your household.

Perhaps you’ve been caring mode for a loved one, and you can’t switch off that sense of alertness just in case the phone rings.

Or you’ve been pushing through a big project – managing deadlines, soothing wobbles from the team, doing what it takes. The finish line’s there – but somehow, you can’t seem to switch off.

You tell yourself it’s finally time to relax and yet… wine and Netflix doesn’t seem to have the numbing effect you crave. You’re checking your email “one last time” before bed. Stress dreaming about the project you can’t let go of.

Screens, deadlines, worries and responsibility just won’t stop.

So what’s the answer? How do you deal with what I’ve started to lovingly refer to as the “Superwoman hangover” and get yourself back on track?

The secret to rest: 3 steps to handle a “Superwoman hangover”

#1 Call it what it is

The first step (isn’t it always the first step?) is awareness. Superwoman can be a sneaky visitor. She can often come disguised as just being super caring, or as taking responsibility, or as “going the extra mile”. 

But when her tendrils creep in, she begins to show up in every area of your life. Suddenly, it’s not just everything at your work you’re trying to juggle – you’re beating yourself up for not responding to that Whatsapp message from your neighbour two weeks ago.

Time off to recharge starts to look like impossible goals to run 10km, quit carbs and complete 8 hours unpaid work for the voluntary work you’ve (guiltily) neglected).

Before you know it, you’re holding yourself accountable for everything that’s happening, and telling yourself “there’s no other way”.

Don’t get me wrong. The ability to perform to an exceptionally high standard, in multiple domains, all at once? It’s a talent that comes in extremely handy from time to time. 

But learn to recognise when you’re in Superwoman mode. And know that, like any substance, when it’s time to return to reality, you’re going to have a hangover to deal with.

#2 Switch off – properly – for as long as you can

There are no half measures with Superwoman – which means it’s nigh-on impossible to switch her off gradually. When you’ve been keeping an eye on a global team across timezones, have been doing 24hour shifts with the kids or whatever your flavour of Superwoman looks like, the only way to truly rest is to really, truly switch off.

Like, not even “a quick check in”. Putting your phone in another room (or switching it off all together).

When I’ve been going at one hundred miles an hour, ONLY fully stepping back – going to bed for a day if I can – is enough to really rest my brain.

#3 Reconnect to pleasure

The real secret to rest is this one. Let me explain.

So often, when it comes to replenishing ourselves, we think the secret to rest is in getting back to “OK” again. Drink enough water, get a good night’s sleep, meet our own needs, that kind of thing.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past 12 months, it’s that when we go beyond our usual levels of depletion – when we’ve been pushing, and pushing, and keeping going, and holding it all together…

We need to practice RADICAL levels of rest and self care.

And the fastest way to really reconnect to your creative, energised, motivated self isn’t to focus on “getting back to OK”. It’s to prioritise pleasure.

What do I mean by pleasure?

When I shared this lesson on a lunch and learn live a few months ago, it was fascinating to hear some of the responses.

Some of us have been in “get sh*t done” mode for so long we’ve almost forgotten what pleasure is.

If that’s the case for you, I suggest you start by trying something other people find pleasurable. For example, these were some the ideas that came up on the call. Have you ever…

  • Ridden a bike?
  • Watched a musical?
  • Bought a vibrator?
  • Sung at the top of your lungs?
  • Flown a kite?
  • Blown bubbles?
  • Got a message whilst lying in the garden?

The other thing that struck me was how utterly reasonable – modest, even – our pleasures are. Think reading a book by the river. Getting dressed up to have an exquisite afternoon tea. Using the fancy bubble bath.

One of my benchmarks for pleasure is when you start to feel slightly guilty.

Here’s my secret: sometimes, when I’m supposed to be “working”, I snuggle onto the sofa in my office and watch a TV show on the iPad.

And another: last summer, the kids were in bed one evening when I realised we’d forgotten to pick the raspberries in the garden.

Do you know what I did?

I stood by myself in the dusk, and I picked every single ripe berry off  that bush and ate them. I savoured them, and felt deliciously selfish and subversive. And it didn’t hurt anyone, or cost anything. It was a powerful signal to my brain of how much I value and care for myself, and I have zero regrets!

Your turn

So today, if you’re someone who cares deeply about the world, who feels the heartache of everything that needs to change, I invite you to stir things up. 

Start this year by prioritising YOU. Because when YOU are firing on all cylinders, you will be able to have an impact that’s bigger than you ever thought possible on the causes you care about.

Don’t focus on what’s sensible. On what will get you back to “OK”.

Focus on what gives you PLEASURE. That’s the secret to rest that leads to real results.

And let me know how you do so in the comments…

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

And next week, we’re launching a brand new 5 day challenge to show you a new way to live and lead. It’s called Activate, and if you’re part of the community you’ll be first to hear when we open registrations.

Click here to become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When it comes to coaching and burnout, there’s a really important distinction many women aren’t aware of when they seek support.

If we’re not mindful of this potential trap, we can find that the coach we’ve hired to try and prevent us from burning out completely, can actually make things worse.

Why?

One word: Superwoman.

How Superwoman can sabotage your support

Many of us habitually find ourselves in “Superwoman” mode when things get tough.

She’s the part of us who needs to be achieving 100% in every area of her life, all the time. She HATES asking for help and sees any kind of vulnerability as weakness.

We call Superwoman the archetype of our time for good reason. She’s ubiquitous among high-achieving women who care.

And in this short video, I explain how coaching can go wrong when we’re still wearing our Superwoman cape – and how you can do things differently.

What women need to know about coaching and burnout

Coaching and burnout – what’s your experience?

If you can relate to this, I’d love to know your experience. Have you found yourself turning professional support into a reason to raise the bar still higher? Do you tend to approach personal development as a way to push yourself further, and do you have any tips to share when it comes to stepping off the treadmill?

I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments below.

And if you’d like to know more about One of many‘s approach to coaching, make sure you’re part of the BeOne community. We’re going to be sharing details of an upcoming workshop very soon, to give you the chance to experience it firsthand.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

post

7 ways to overcome procrastination

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

With the changes and upheaval we’ve all experienced in the last 6 months, many of us are procrastinating like champions. Even if you’re usually someone who’s ruthlessly disciplined, you might find there are some items on your to-do list that are starting to recur. So how can you overcome procrastination – and what if that thing you’re avoiding isn’t actually procrastination at all?

Procrastination is rife right now

Some recent examples from our community of things they’d been putting off include:

  • Writing a business plan
  • Reading a book
  • Completing a tax return
  • Moving house
  • Changing jobs
  • Buying a dining room table (that’s me!)

… and so on.

Some really big, some pretty manageable.

Take a moment to jot down your own version of that list now.

What have you been putting off? From ordering a new lightbulb or sending an email to writing your will, take the time to capture everything that’s in your head.

I’m going to share 7 common reasons we put things off, and give you some tips on how to overcome procrastination so that you can get back into momentum. But first…

Before you overcome procrastination, here’s what it ISN’T

You see, I’ve been a bit sneaky here. At the bottom of that list of things we’d been putting off, I included my dining room table. It’s something that needs doing and I’ve been putting it off for years – classic procrastination, right?

But here’s the thing. Procrastination is defined as:

The act of putting off an IMPORTANT task, set of tasks or decision.

And to be quite honest, in the grand scheme of things, getting a dining table isn’t something that feels important to me. It’d be useful, sure – it would certainly make me feel fancier when guests come round. But when I weigh it up against everything else that matters, I have zero qualms about relegating it to the bottom of the list.

So, here’s your second invitation.

Anything on your list that’s not important to you (or going to become important at some point)? Cross it off.

Congratulate yourself on an excellent piece of PRIORITIZATION.

And move on.

The other thing that commonly gets lumped in with procrastination?

The decision we make to put off a task because we’re tired.

I would call that ENERGY MANAGEMENT.

And let’s take a moment to acknowledge that, at this collective moment a lot of us are more depleted than we have ever been.

We’re exhausted.

When we tell ourselves we’re “procrastinating” we tend to focus on the task. Your business plan, your tax return, that long overdue phonemail to your oldest mate… yes, they need doing. But what’s more important than the task itself, is the person who’s doing the task.

Often, the person who’s doing the task (you) is burnt out or exhausted.

I cannot emphasise enough how important that distinction is. If you’re looking at a big long list of things, and every single on of them is on hold right now, that’s probably because you’re totally burnt out.

Your priority needs to be radical replenishment, which often looks like 3 things: rest, sleep, saying no.

(A quick tip: When your list of things you’re putting off goes from one or two things, to a page full, you probably need to replenish your energy.)

So, with that in mind, go through your list and note anything that you’re not doing because you’re managing your energy. That might knock one thing off your list, or it might knock everything off your list. Trust your instincts, and try not to second guess yourself.

Because what you’re left with will be the things you’re really procrastinating on – and we’re about to dig into 7 reasons why that might be and what you can do about them.

Why do we procrastinate?

Once you’ve taken off the things that really aren’t that important, and made sure you’re managing your energy, what you’re left with will likely fall into one of seven categories. To overcome procrastination effectively, you need to know what the items on your list fall into.

Most of us don’t acknowledge these. We look at things we’re putting off and tell ourselves we’re lazy, incompetent, or just a total failure.

But frankly, that noisy inner critic isn’t very helpful when it comes to shifting your energy and allowing you to get things done. Put her to one side for a few minutes, because we’re going to dig in.

The 7 reasons we procrastinate (and what to do about them)

#1 Lack of planning

WHAT? You know where you need to do, you just haven’t planned to do it. And as the old adage goes, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. One of the fastest ways to overcome procrastination is actually the simplest: Make some time (enough time!) to do the thing you need to do.

WHAT TO DO: I’m a BIG believer in planning – in fact, I’d estimate that in my typical 25-30 hour working week, I spend a good 4 of those hours planning. I’m willing to bet you could probably be more effective if you allocated some serious time to doing the same. Especially when it comes to those tasks you’re putting off. Give yourself an extra half an hour to plan when you’ll do them, and see if that takes care of them.

#2 The task is out of flow

WHAT: Each of us have some things we’re great at. Maybe you love nothing more than having a good chat with a colleague, but when it comes to looking at a spreadsheet you’re suddenly overcome with the urge to check Facebook. Others will avoid a phone call like the plague, but happily tinker with a pivot table until it’s working like clockwork.

WHAT TO DO:

  1. Delegate it to someone else (this works for decisions too!)
  2. Decide when you’ll do it and complete it at a time when you’re in the right frame of mind to do it. Maybe that means playing a particular song, doing it first thing in the morning before you’ve had time to think about it, or having a quick pep talk with your best friend before you do it.

#3 Lack of knowledge

WHAT: If the thing you’re putting off is a little bit vague – ‘write business plan’ or ‘get fit’ – be honest. Do you know exactly what you need to do to achieve that goal? If not, who do you need to ask?

WHAT TO DO: Make the next action something you at least know how to do: Perhaps it’s reading a book, googling a “How to” guide or asking in a friendly Facebook Group. Because what’s crazier than giving yourself a hard time for not doing something you don’t even know how to achieve?

#4 Overwhelm

WHAT: Ahh, overwhelm. It’s the pesky sprite that pops up for all of us from time to time. And with homeschooling, risk management and rescheduling an entire year’s worth of events and appointments on our plates, LOTS of us are getting reacquainted with what it feels like to be utterly overwhelmed right now.

WHAT TO DO: If you want to overcome procrastination, you’ve got to get out of overwhelm first. Luckily there’s a nifty tool to help you get past it. Click here to download the Overwhelm First Aid Kit so you can regain your focus.

# 5 Analysis paralysis

WHAT: You don’t know exactly what to do about this issue… so you do nothing. And the problem gets worse. Maybe sprouts some other problems of its own. The options you’re thinking of multiply in response. And still you do nothing. Argh!

WHAT TO DO: You know when you’re driving with Sat Nav, and you get stuck on a roundabout? The computer can’t quite catch up, and so you go round and round, never locking onto the correct route? This is like that. Pick a decision, any decision, and go with it. You’ll soon get feedback on whether it was the right one – but until you take an action, you can’t get into action.

#6 Perfectionism.

WHAT: Whatever you’re going to do, has to be perfect. This is how you put off making your kid’s birthday cake so long you end up with a midnight baking session on your hands. If you’ve found yourself swearing into a packet of icing at 2 in the morning, you can probably relate.

WHAT TO DO: Just start. Think of it as a practice attempt, a “Shitty First Draft” as writer Anne Lamott calls it, or just your route off the roundabout. Done is better than perfect – it’s a wise saying for a reason.

#7 Present self / future self dissonance

WHAT: This one is a recent addition for me, and it’s shed a whole lot of light on things like financial planning or exercise that we often find ourselves putting off. Essentially, we avoid doing something that will benefit our future selves (like going for a run) because our present self is motivated by instant gratification (like eating that cookie).

WHAT TO DO: Find your motivation! Two great ways to do that are by getting an accountability partner, or batching the task you’re putting off with something you really enjoy. Habit expert James Clear calls this “temptation bundling”. So, you go for a run while listening to your favourite podcast. Or complete your tax return whilst enjoying the ambience of your favourite café. That way, you get to experience the present gratification of the temptation with the future satisfaction of having completed the task.

Go through your list again – and next to each item, jot down which of the 7 forms of procrastination it is. Does that help you get clear on your next actions? Are you finding yourself with a bit more energy to face the tasks that are on your plate? If you’re feeling better equipped to overcome procrastination, share in the comments – and if this article helps you, pass it on to a friend!

Finding momentum can be tough

At this moment in history, moving into action can feel harder than ever. But you don’t have to do it alone. Living the change is an online transformational coaching programme designed to help you rediscover your momentum and reignite your sense of connection. Registration is now open and I’d love to welcome you to join me and our global community of women. Click here to find out more and join the community.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

post

Emerging Leadership: How to support the NHS without burning out

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Burnout effects those in the caring professions more than any other. Is it possible for doctors, nurses and healthcare workers to support the NHS without burning out? And what lessons might they have for all of us juggling the competing demands of roles we’re passionate about, in high-pressured environments?

During this time of unprecedented change, we’ve been humbled and inspired to see how graduates of the One of many programs are applying the tools they’ve gained. That’s why we’re sharing some truly inspiring interviews with women leaders. Their leadership is helping steer their families, teams and communities towards an emerging future that brings us great hope.

These empowered women are living demonstrations of the opportunity we have to step up and define what comes next. We may be living through lockdown. But though the current crisis brings great challenges, it is also a time ripe with opportunity. In other words, it offers us a choice: To let go of what no longer serves us. To embrace new ways of looking at the world. And to fight for what really matters.

And we hope they inspire you too…

How a nurse has been able to support the NHS during the COVID-19 crisis without burning out

Today, we’re delighted to introduce Anne Jeffrey, a nurse and coach. Since discovering One of many and qualifying as a coach, Anne has finally been able to have the powerful impact on the world she’d been craving throughout her career.

In this conversation, Anne’s shares her journey to the empowered leadership that’s allowed her to respond to the current crisis in a way that not only supports her, but allows her colleagues and the patients they care for to thrive.

Click the image below to watch.

How a nurse was able to support the NHS without burning out

Sharing our stories as women leaders is a powerful way to inspire, connect and motivate each other.

Let us know if Anne’s story resonates with you in the comments…

post

Emerging Leadership: Starting a business during quarantine

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

During this time of unprecedented change, we’ve been humbled and inspired to see how graduates of the One of Many programs are applying their tools to navigate the difficulties we’re all facing.  So, over the next week or so, we’ll be sharing some truly inspiring interviews with women whose leadership is helping steer their families, teams and communities towards an emerging future that brings us great hope. 

These empowered women are living demonstrations of the opportunity we have to step up and define what comes next. We may be living through lockdown, but even as the current crisis brings great challenges it is also a time ripe with opportunity. To let go of what no longer serves us, to embrace new ways of looking at the world, and to fight for what really matters.

And we hope they inspire you too…

Today, we’d like to introduce you to Wendy McCristal, Founder of The Mental Wealth Company. A graduate of Lead the Change, Wendy has transitioned from working in the rail industry, burning out, and crafting a career that works for her and her clients powerfully.   She’s a great role model of compassion and prioritisation.

Please let us know in the comments what lessons you hear in Wendy’s story…

post

7 tiny ways to stop feeling tired all the time

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

As an in-house coach one of the most common challenges I see in my clients is a lack of energy. Most are combining multiple priorities: building a business whilst still in corporate life, raising a family, taking care of elderly parents, and doing their best to try and outrun that pesky inner critic. Is it any wonder so many of us feel as though we’re tired all the time?

I frequently ask, “When did you last stop or do something just for yourself? When did you last do anything to replenish?”

And the answer is always met with silence and then an embarrassed whisper of, “I can’t remember…”

Tired all the time… Does this sound familiar?

I’m just as guilty.

It seems our number one soft power principle of replenish, replenish, replenish is one of the hardest to allow.

What the bloody hell is that all about?

Well, I suppose I could write about all the challenges and excuses we make that stop us from being kind to ourselves, but quite frankly I’m too tired!

So instead I thought I’d share with you the fundamental principle to follow when you’re tired all the time.

“Just stop it!”

I’m kidding of course – kind of. Have you ever seen the comedy sketch with Bob Newhart – he plays a therapist imparting words of wisdom. It’s hilarious – and there’s more than a grain of truth in it.

Of course, yelling “stop it!” at ourselves when we know we’re already on the edge of burnout isn’t actually a very helpful approach. The thought of taking a whole day off, a week’s holiday, or even an entire lunch break can be enough to send us into a spiral of panic.

The secret to getting your energy back

So instead of exhausting yourself further, with radical lifestyle changes that will take even more energy to organise and implement, why not try a different approach?

When we’re running on empty and everything seems like a mountain to climb, sometimes the only way forward is with small acts of kindness everyday that will take you from overwhelmed and burning out to energised and vital.

Don’t know where to start? Try one of these tiny micro-acts of kindness.

7 tiny ways to stop feeling tired all the time

  1. Drink enough water. Fill up a glass and keep it on your desk – don’t forget to sip it throughout the day.
  2. Morning pages – the daily journaling practice that helps you offload, reflect and connect to yourself.
  3. Good quality sleep. If your worries are keeping you up at night, research some ways to help yourself get fully rested.
  4. Walking in nature, even if it’s just a brisk 20 minutes through the park on your way to work.
  5. Mindful breathing. There are lots of videos and apps that can help you find a 5 minute way to connect to your breath.
  6. Learning who and what you need to say no to. Setting boundaries is a powerful act of kindness to yourself.
  7. A good film or drama where you can just switch off. I’m very late to the party as I’ve only just discovered Call The Midwife – 50 minutes of loveliness and feel-good stories and I’m restored!

Where to begin

You might be thinking that one of those tiny actions would be the perfect place to start – but you might also have some better ideas of your own.

Give yourself permission to take a moment for yourself and your first act of kindness – go watch Bob Newhart, have a good giggle and then get a pen and paper.

Draw a line down the centre and in the left hand column brainstorm all the small acts you can do for yourself that will leave you feeling replenished.

Then, in the right hand column write down the boundaries you need to put in place so you’re able to take those baby steps back to life.

As you start to take care of yourself in tiny ways every day, you’ll find the balance gradually shifts. With more energy you’re better able to set boundaries, and so the cycle continues.

Share the kindness

If you know you could be a bit kinder to yourself, let’s help spread that commitment. Share ONE tiny act of kindness in the comments below, and let’s inspire each other to take that first baby step.

About Kat

post

How to take control of your day

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Picture this: You’ve got a big deadline to meet. You wake up feeling sluggish but still manage to scarf a coffee and get to your desk early. Time to get going. But from then on, things start to rapidly unravel. Emails need tactful – and immediate – responses. A colleague comes to you with a crisis you feel duty bound to help with, even though your own time is slipping away. By the time 6 o clock rolls round you’re no closer to getting the work you needed to done. Today’s been a write off, but could you have done anything differently? Here's how to take control of your day.

The power of finding your rhythm

One of the biggest shifts for women who take our BeFruitful program is shifting from a focus on best utilising their time, to focusing on their energy.

What does this look like in practice? Well, it starts by taking a step back and observing the way your energy flows over the course of a day, a week or a month.

Most of us know whether we tend to be ‘larks’ who hit the ground running at the start of the day, or owls who find our flow later in the evening. (These days there’s a lot of focus on optimizing your ‘morning routine’, but if you’re someone who doesn’t get going until the afternoon that’s probably not going to be helpful. Don’t feel bad – just pay attention to what works for you.)

Then there’s the pattern of your week, some of which will depend on your schedule. Maybe you have a meeting on a Monday that tends to leave you fired up and motivated, or a day when you work from home and know you’ll have more space to concentrate.

Finally, it’s important to look at how things change for you over the course of a month. If you’re menstruating, hormonal shifts are likely to have an impact on what you’re able to get done. But many women who don’t have periods also notice an ebb and flow in their energy, sometimes connected to the moon cycle.

Focus on observing what’s true for you and ignore what anyone else might share. We’re all unique when it comes to this stuff.

What to do when you know your energy flow

So, you’ve established more or less what your energy flow looks like. This is the most important step when it comes to discovering how to take control of your day without burning out. You don’t have to go crazy over the exact detail (although when you see how effective this approach is, I have no doubt you’ll add to this data!).

But hopefully you'll be able to identify a pattern that makes sense. Let’s say…

  • The week before your period you tend to feel short tempered, decisive and very clear about what’s not working in your life.
  • You’re usually sluggish before 12 but tend to get a big burst of energy at 9pm, and can happily work until midnight if you don’t have an early start ahead of you.
  • Monday has you feeling a bit scattered as you respond to colleagues at the start of the week, but by Tuesday the priorities are clear and you’re able to tackle big tasks with a bit more headspace.

Can you see how developing this kind of picture suddenly opens up a whole lot of options?

How to take control of your day

When you start to look at each day not as a linear progression of hours within which to cram your tasks, but as a fluctuating model of energy which you can choose how you focus, things get a whole lot easier.

Rather than feeling frustrated with things not going to plan, you can prepare yourself to optimise your energy on any given day. We use a tool called "Batching for Energy Matching" to assign tasks to the times when you're going to be most effective at doing them.

So in the example we started off with, it might not have been that the world was against you.

Perhaps you weren’t in the right time in your cycle to be looking at a deep-dive piece of work. Certainly, with hindsight, the pull you felt to support your distressed colleague and respond to those emails indicated that you might have been better off prioritising supporting the team rather than working on a solo project. And getting to your desk early doesn't really have helped if your best thinking time isn’t until later in the day.

This approach to planning can transform how you're able to juggle the competing tasks on your list.

Elizabeth, a BeFrutiful participant, found that focusing on her own energy made a real shift in the way she approached each day. In fact, she started implementing the technique as she worked through BeFruitful, to help her get the most out of the training. She wrote to tell us:

“I am so enjoying the modules, and in the spirit of finding and embracing my own rhythms have begun to 'identify' the most fruitful ways for me to watch, listen, reflect and implement the elements of each lesson.

I have found this week's rhythm and cycles work in lesson 2 fascinating and am now beginning to look differently at the emotions I have so far attributed to hormones, life's knocks, the attitudes and behaviours of others or external factors that come from nowhere.

I'm stopping and taking a different look at each situation as it arises and even though I know I can't stop all the external stuff coming at me, I'm aligning my own responses to a soft power or archetype response which in itself is bringing a very interesting perspective and a deep sense of calm.”

– Elizabeth Jane Kent, Director, Learning Teaching Leading

What about the things you really can’t control?

OK, you might be thinking, that’s all well and good. I’ll take a week off a month for PMT, never have a meeting before 11am and just tell that client that my “energy’s not right” for their pressing deadline. Is that a pig flying past the window I just saw?

Of course, in the real world we can’t shape every event to fit with our understanding of our energies. We’ve all had to call on “Superwoman” to get us through from time to time. The presentation that falls on a day when you really want to be in bed weeping over a soppy movie. Or the gently meandering “visioning session” that frustrates the hell out of you -- you’re ready to roll up your sleeves and take action!

What matters is that you're not in that misaligned place for the parts you can control.

Learning to work to your rhythms won’t stop the rest of the world from working to theirs. But when you understand what works best for you, you can do your utmost to make sure you’re working as effectively as possible – and forgive yourself faster when life throws you a curveball.

Want to learn how to take control of your days?

If you’re curious about learning to apply these tools to your own busy schedule, BeFruitful could transform the way you approach life. In fact, it’s guaranteed to free up at least 4 hours a week, minimum, for you to spend doing what you love.

This 6 week online program allows you to learn at your own pace from anywhere in the world, and is packed with helpful tools, practical exercises and new ways of approaching the daily juggle.

Click here to find out more.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.