One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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Why the climate crisis needs female leaders

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

Climate change is perhaps the biggest challenge we’re currently facing as a planet. The scientists have spoken; the technology to turn things around is there.

What we need now are leaders who are ready to make the bold, and perhaps unpopular decisions that will create the change we need.

Whether or not you “believe” the evidence, the level of risk alone should be enough to compel us all to take action.

In my latest blog on joannamartin.com I explain why I think it’s now on our shoulders as leaders, big or small, to turn our knowledge into action.

“Nature gives so much to us. Not just beauty – but life.

The science is clear – our current lifestyle and treatment of her is unsustainable.

And it’s up to all of us: politicians, grassroots leaders, people who care of every ilk – to take personal steps to change our own actions and other’s minds.

We will not get there with only those who are already aware making changes. I believe we have a duty to change the hearts and minds of others too.”

Click here to read the full article – and please, share this with as many people as you can.

It’s up to each of us to do our part.

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One of many Voices: Sarah-Jane Volkers

By

Wendy Harrington

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How do the women in our community show up as leaders in their lives, and make bold choices without losing sight of their own needs?

Today we’re settling down for a chat with Sarah-Jane Volkers, who’s opening up about her exciting career transition after 18 years as creative director of the company she co-founded.

She’s sharing the “big why” behind her new business, her non-negotiables when it comes to taking care of herself and the 20-minute activity that always starts her day off right.

What do you do?

I’m currently very happily in career transition! I’m still working a busy full-time creative director role for a company I help set up 18 years ago. We have three catalogue and online brands producing over 40 catalogues a year, which involves a huge amount of product selection, design, photography, production – and an absolute need for good humour and sensitive chivvying.

And the transition? I’m also a trained image consultant and am now combining this with my styling and design experience to help female business owners feel confident in their own style and personal brand, paying particular attention to how that sits alongside and supports their business brand.

So often I see women working hard, building brilliant businesses, confident in their ability to deliver exceptional skills and services yet faltering when they get that hard won opportunity to make that big presentation, or accept that amazing speaking gig – all because they are unsure about what to wear to ‘do the business’.

Developing a signature look can do more than liberate you from wardrobe meltdowns – it can support your business and reinforce your values. You need it to be easy and, most importantly, you want to feel confident that you are still showing up as you. That’s when we can relax, be in flow, do our best work and represent our businesses in the best way possible.

When you head up your own company, it’s important to get the balance right between your business brand and your own unique personal brand. Ideally you want each to reflect and enhance the other, because although you may be your business – your business is not all of you!

Give us the big “why” you do what you do?

I spent quite a bit of my early life feeling awkward and out on the side – with my confidence held back by a slightly eccentric childhood I had a lot of anxiety around fitting in and being seen to be likeable. Through personal and professional experience I understand how successful first impressions can impact confidence, credibility, and sales – both for people and products. Switching the focus of my skills to help others is one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done.

What’s your daily routine?

I’m such an early bird it’s crazy! Mornings are my best time, so I’ve perfected my routine to squeeze as much time out for me before I have to give to the day job.

I’m always up before 5 am and, after rehydration and writing my three “morning pages”, I’m heading out for fresh air. I walk just 20 minutes a day, first thing – before my mind can find an excuse not to! It’s the only way I manage to get out for a walk at least once a day – it’s not perfect, but it’s something. It keeps my mind sharp and my migraines at bay.

Whether in the office, studio or on set I tend to now work standard office hours plus travel either end – a great improvement on my pre-Lead The Change days when life was just work!

I’m truly lucky in that I don’t have to be in the office everyday; I can escape and become completely absorbed in the creative process.

I always take time to prepare good food – I need to eat carefully to manage headaches and hormones – but I make sure I enjoy every morsel.

My major need is a minimum of 7.5 hours sleep – more if I can get it. So with an early start, I’m always in bed by 9pm and if I can sneak away earlier I will!

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

I started my career in print production – hence I’m an organiser and a ferocious scheduler. Juggling is my life-blood, and in a weird way, it gives me energy.

I’ve also spent the majority of my adult life as a single parent of one, or living by myself and therefore my ‘lot’ is MY life – I haven’t had to deal with the detritus of family living for a long time. I do though have to be careful not to become too mechanical about life when things do get busy – my inner scheduler can get a bit carried away sometimes!

How does femininity and Soft Power feature in your life? What does it look like?

Lead The Change completely changed the way I work. I had spent years pushing myself to continually single-handedly achieve the standards I believed were expected of me, even though the business and workload was near doubling year-on-year.

I was acting like a madwoman – think art directing all day in London and then getting the later afternoon flight to Germany to do an overnight press pass, flying back to London in the morning.

Now we have a great creative team, small but perfectly matched skill for skill. Instead of top-down management we very much come from a collaborative stance, and I hope set an example for other teams within the business. Ironically, although the majority of the company is female, we are the only team to now employ two men!

What is the most common emotion you feel on a day-to-day basis?

Empathy. I see so many people struggling with day-to-day issues and I see where I have been and where I could and can still be. We all need to try and be more understanding.

What do you do for SoftPlay? How do you look after yourself?

Soft Play has always been difficult for me – but I do work at it.

When I first did Lead The Change I was shocked (can you believe this?) at the idea that you might buy yourself a cup of coffee when you were out shopping – you know, just rock up and take 5 minutes to yourself without anyone else to treat or talk to!

One of the first tasks I was set by my coach was to go out and buy myself a lipstick… I found that so tough.

So it’s remarkable to think I took a rare shopping day on my own two weeks ago, buying myself a lovely lunch after spending a happy half hour at the make-up counter. It’s not about spending money – it’s about playing, be that time out or learning or engaging or just being. For me sometimes it’s about being messy – I’ve spent a lifetime being neat, tidy and on time – sometimes you have to cause a ruckus.

And yes sometimes I forget – but I try and notice the signs, be kind to myself and get back on track.

Do you exercise your #righttobesoft in your workplace? If so, how?

I believe I’m now confident enough in myself to know I don’t have to act hard to do my job. If I find myself slipping into old defensive ways I always end up apologising.

I’m still learning to deal with the shame I feel about some of my interactions in the past. Knowledge can bring pain, as well as understanding.

What’s one “breakthrough” you have had in your life, that shifted the way you saw things?

Realising that I was good enough as I am and that I didn’t need to drive myself to prove it to anyone. I truly believe it’s made me whole. I’d like to believe it’s had a positive effect on my daughter.

Who do you look up to as a woman?

There are many women I admire, but the one who had a major impact on my life and influenced the way I understood womanhood is Chrissie Hynde – the musician and songwriter.

I worked for her both on the road and at home for 5 years when I was putting myself through university, and she revolutionised my thinking about how you should be in the world. After a sheltered upbringing in the home counties I learned so much from her about being true to yourself, sticking to your values and trusting your instincts. She was incredibly patient and kind to me, then a very shy teenager, and I’m forever in awe of her strength and courage.

Where do you look for hope?

My daughter, her contemporaries and their deliciously positive outlook on the future.

Thanks so much, Sarah-Jane!

Ready to start your journey?

If you’re curious about Lead the Change and would like to find out more about this life-changing women’s leadership program, book a call with the office by clicking here. We’d love to answer your questions and share more about the program.

About Sarah-Jane

Style coach | Obsessive note-taker | Courage catalyst

After over 25 years as a successful Creative Director designing and styling brands, Sarah-Jane is now sharing her expertise to help busy, independent businesswomen define and develop their own personal style so they can confidently represent their brand, without compromising their individuality. 

You can find Sarah-Jane at the following links:

Instagram: @sarahjanevolkers
Facebook page: Sarah-Jane Volkers
Website: sarahjanevolkers.co.uk

 

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One of many Voices: Felicity Wingrove

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

With three businesses, a busy household and a passion for living life on her own terms, Felicity Wingrove is a force to be reckoned with. In her words “I get shit done better than almost anyone else I know”

A self-confessed linguistics geek, she’s also a One of many Certified Trainer and powerful advocate for women’s empowerment at work and home. We asked Felicity to give us a candid look at what life’s really like behind the scenes, and her secrets to finding balance.

What do you do?

I run my own PR and content creation agency; speak, train and coach C-suite executives to discover their own personal power and to take control of how they’re perceived in all areas of their lives; I’m mum to two delicious little ones (Arabella is 15 months and Alexander is four); and I act as an Associate in my partner’s business, coaching SME business owners and running a Mastermind group.

Give us a daily routine (or a normal day in the life of you)…

I genuinely co-parent with my partner so I’m up by 6am all week (and usually weekends too). Half the week I’m straight off to work and at my desk by 7am, the other half I’m corralling a toddler and a pre-schooler into clothes, feeding brekkie and trying to blank out the strains of Peppa Pig.

Four days a week I work from my agency. A working day usually lasts until 6pm, and I can be anywhere in the country – taking briefings, crafting strategy, or working with my team.

Friday (or ‘mummy day’ as clients, team and everyone else knows it) I’m with my little ones, and usually covered in mud, paint or water. We have a *lot* of fun and I’m careful to be really present with them. And weekends are sacred family time. Walks, adventures, trips out, meals together, snuggles on the sofa, that sort of thing.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

I feel frustrated by this. I ‘get’ that many women have to carry the emotional load of the family. One of my team, for example, has a husband who will do whatever she wants. Need the kids taking to school? He’ll do it with a smile. But she’s the one who has to remember that it’s dress-up day, or that they need £2 for a charity something, or whatever it might be. I’m not doing that down, as I know that lots of women have the same experience, but I chose not to and that required some really honest conversations with my partner before we had kids.

After all, I’m really good at what I do, and I’ve worked really hard to get really good. But I also desperately wanted kids and didn’t want to miss out on that side of life too. To ‘have it all’ I needed someone who would be happy to pick up the other side for me. And my other half did (and does).

On a Friday when I’m mummy, he’s running his business and doing what he needs to do, but mid-week mornings when I need to be suited and booted and off kicking arse somewhere, he’s on the nursery run. And I don’t pack the kids’ bags for him – he’s an intelligent guy and perfectly capable of working out that it’s sunny so they may need sunglasses…

My – controversial I know – opinion, is that we as women have created our own significance from being so essential to the running of our homes and families. ‘I go away for a day and the whole thing falls apart’ is a martyr-esque cry in my mind, and a badge of honour.

Maybe it’s because I’m from a business background (I’m ex-corporate) but a business that can’t run without me is a sign of abject failure on my part. Hell, my entire goal with my own business is to make myself completely dispensable and for my team to be empowered to thrive without me. And while I’m not advocating that for women at home, I love the fact that my home works without me, albeit that it can still bring out vulnerability sometimes.

Let’s face it, it’s tough to be ‘managed without’ but I look to the example that I’m setting my son and my daughter and it’s worth the odd wobble, the odd tears en route to a meeting, or the odd tummy lurch when my daughter reaches for Daddy first. Tomorrow it’s just as likely to be me first and isn’t it great that he’s so important in her life too. And when it all gets a bit much, well then we have the PowerType Release Process 😉

How does femininity and Soft Power feature in your business/ career? What does it look like?

I used to be tough, and hard and even a bit brittle. I was the ex cage fighter that Jo talks about at conference… Soft was weak, and yielding made me feel a bit sick. Discovering One of many changed all that. I stopped pushing so hard at everything and chilled the **** out!

Soft power has allowed me to be softer but still unapologetic. Not aggressive by any stretch but I know my worth, my value and also my boundaries, and they’re non-negotiable. I lead from soft power and while I’ll always enjoy my Warrioress yang energy, I also see the real benefit of bringing yin to the boardroom. I work almost exclusively with men, and in masculine sectors such as manufacturing, engineering and tech. Tapping into my genuine femininity allows me to communicate authentically with them. I’m more compelling and inspiring as a result.

What is the most common emotion you feel as a woman on a day-to day basis?

Excitement. We have never had so much opportunity – to see, feel, hear, taste, touch and experience. To lead and to be led into new adventures. To inspire. To shape the world exactly as we wish and need. To bring up the next generation and to learn from those before us. We’re connected like never before.

What’s the soundtrack of inspiration for you?

Oh my gosh, I *love* music. This Is Me reminds me of the Trainers’ Certification and the gorgeous ladies I shared that journey with. Thunder by Imagine Dragons makes me want to conquer the world. Havana by Camila Cabello makes me want to get up and dance. My theme tune though would probably be something like Best Day of My Life, or Reach by S Club 7!

Thanks, Felicity!

Ready to start your journey?

If you’re curious about Lead the Change and would like to find out more about this life-changing women’s leadership program, book a call with the office by clicking here. We’d love to answer your questions and share more about the program.

About Felicity

Psycholinguist | Corporate survivor | Ex-cage fighter

Felicity Wingrove is a coach, speaker and trainer as well as the founder of Zen Communications. Her work centers around giving others a voice, whether that’s helping professionals who are struggling to find theirs; working with awesome businesses who need to authentically position and market themselves; or supporting business owners who have a dream and just need the marketing (and sales) know-how to deliver it to those that matter.

She previously worked in a variety of senior communications positions, applying her language skills on behalf of some of the nation’s leading brands, organisations and associations. After time as Senior Communications Adviser for FTSE100 BAE Systems’ Air Systems, and Account Director at national PR agency Golley Slater, she launched her own consultancy in 2007. Now, she helps clients take positive control of how they’re perceived, truly own their space, and powerfully and ethically influence the people who matter the most to them.

Connect with her at the following links:

Twitter: @Felicity_ZenPR
Facebook page: Zen PR
Website: www.zen-communications.co.uk
Linked In: Felicity Wingrove

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If you feel disconnected…

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

One thing which makes the new paradigm of leadership distinct is the fact that it thrives not on competition – success despite others – but in collaboration and connection.

Success with and through others.

I was vividly awakened to the importance of this level of connection when I realised it was missing from my own life.

In my latest blog on joannamartin.com I’m sharing what I learned, and the steps I took to rectify the problem.

“I have a natural tendency to play solo. In the past, I’ve relied on my profound connection to Source – the universe, nature, the vision that pulls me forwards – for my connection needs, rather than other people.

I’d never seen that as a problem until I experienced really great connections in a new environment. But in that extraordinary setting, I experienced a depth of connection, and a feeling of such motivation to deepen and grow my work, that I became vividly aware of what I was missing.”

Click here to read the full article – and do share, if you’ve experienced something similar.

Leave a comment and let’s connect.

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Can women leaders be true to themselves?

By

Wendy Harrington

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The trouble with deciding to be “true to yourself” as a leader, is that first you have to know which self to choose. You in the car doing a one-woman karaoke version of a song you don’t actually know all the words to? Might not wash with the senior leaders who need to really respect your authority. You having a meltdown as you wrangle your kid back to bed fourteen hundredth time? Probably not the most diplomatic persona to bring to a tense meeting with a team member. And yet the version of ourselves we do often choose to show up as can feel just as narrow a way to contain all of who you are. So how can women leaders be true to themselves?

You contain many selves

We all contain a blend of personalities, whether or not we’re conscious of them. Some of them might be “inherited” from people in your life, maybe from when you were growing up. A strict teacher’s phrases might ring in your ears when you write important documents. Or your granny’s no-nonsense words might fortify you when you’re overthinking a decision.

Some of them have arisen from your own experiences, or just evolved with you over time. And they’re not always incredibly helpful.

For example, you might recognise some of these common personalities:

  • The people pleaser, who’s always trying to keep everyone happy
  • The worrier, expert in foreseeing the absolute worst-case scenario
  • The inner critic, never happy with the standard round here
  • The rebel, who thinks you can stick your spreadsheets where the sun doesn’t shine
  • The dreamer, who…. sorry, what were you saying? I’d drifted off

From a psychological perspective, then, deciding to simply be “true to yourself” doesn’t quite wash. And there’s something else to bear in mind.

Society shapes (some of) who you are

The second thing to think about when it comes to being “true to yourself” is the impact society has on our actions and identities.

For example, research shows that, in the workplace, women are far more likely to offer to do non-promotable tasks. These are defined as tasks which “benefit the organization but likely don’t contribute to someone’s performance evaluation and career advancement.” (Think: organizing the office party, or taking minutes at a meeting).

In a Harvard Business Review study, researchers found that

“Although neither men nor women really want to volunteer for thankless tasks, women volunteer more, are asked to volunteer more, and accept requests to volunteer more than men. These differences do not appear to result from gender differences in preferences, but rather from a shared understanding that women will volunteer more than men.”

When a job’s identified, the group are asked to volunteer to do it, and that slightly awkward silence descends on the meeting? Women are far more likely to be the ones to sigh and raise our hands.

This kind of cultural conditioning is a tricky thing to navigate. After all, if we’ve been raised to be helpful, and the expectation is that we’re going to offer a hand if one’s needed, you could say it’s being “true to yourself” to volunteer.

But unconscious gender stereotyping like this is harmful. It plays a big part in the gender pay gap and the lack of women in senior leadership positions. And it relies on our tendency to have absorbed stereotypes like being helpful, pleasing people, and being “good” – which can be to our detriment.

Superwoman to the rescue!

So we’re more likely to volunteer to help out with “thankless” tasks at work. And we’re also more likely to be doing more of the day to day household tasks at home.

A Goldman Sachs report reported statistics from the US Bureau of Labor Statistics showing that

“over the past 15 years, significantly more women than men have spent time on household activities on a daily basis (84% of women vs 65% of men). And the women who engaged in these activities each day spent about 25% more time doing so than the men who engaged in them.”

The solution? Enter, Superwoman.

Superwoman is the archetype of our times. She doesn’t bat an eyelid at all these extra responsibilities. In fact, she also has several productive hobbies, eight children, a regular Pilates practice, a sex life that would make you blush and still finds time to let her hair down with the girls at the weekend.

Sleep? Who needs it!

It’s easy to laugh but when it comes to piling on the commitments, you’ve probably been guilty of going a bit too heavy on the multitasking yourself from time to time.

Conference calls while cooking dinner… business books on holiday… emails on the phone while you’re at the playground.

Ring any bells?

When we’re in Superwoman mode we can often feel like we’re being “true to ourselves”, or at least trying to be.

We’re endeavouring to live up to the idea we have of the perfect wife… mother… manager… friend.

But Superwoman only lasts for so long, before the cracks begin to show.

Burnout is the price we pay for ignoring the need to bring more of ourselves to the table. And when we burn out, we really do get to be ourselves. Just not as the leaders we’d imagined we’d be.

It’s tough. It’s avoidable. And for many of us it’s the wake up call we need to do things differently.

Is there another way?

Being true to yourself requires honesty.

So showing up as yourself isn’t as simple as just letting it all hang out, uncensored. There’s a bit more work involved.

Find out who you are

Beneath all the different roles you play in your life, what makes you tick? What gets you excited? What do you love to do, and what would you like to never do again?

A daily journaling practice is a great way to start when it comes to discovering who you are.

It might feel a little awkward at first – like hanging out with an acquaintance you’ve only just met. Keep going. Even if at first, you’re just writing “I don’t know what to write” or “I don’t know who I am” over and over again.

At some point, you’ll find your voice and the words will begin to flow.

Work through what’s holding you back

When you’re starting to show up as a leader without putting on a “mask”, it also requires that you deal, at least to some extent, with what’s going on in the rest of your life.

If you’re a raging ball of fury at home, snapping at your partner and roaring at your kids, it’s probably safe to say your team might not want to see you let your guard down.

Finding a coach to work with, or exploring a program like BePowerful, can help you safely explore the different aspects of yourself. When you’ve got a handle on any issues that are keeping you from relaxing into your unique self, you’ll find shining as yourself comes far more easily.

Allow yourself to change

Women are, by our natures, cyclical beings. We’re not the same, monotonous robots day in and day out (OK, I know men aren’t either – but you get my drift).

The Women’s PowerTypes™ are the 5 leadership archetypes we use to harness the very different energies we all contain – from cool, decisive Queen to fiery Warrioress.

The PowerTypes are the key to allowing yourself to embrace very different aspects of yourself without sacrificing your effectiveness as a leader. In fact, when you’re able to track your natural flow of energy you can consciously step into the right PowerType at any time – giving you access to a well of energy and leadership power that’s unstoppable.

If you’re committed to being true to yourself as a leader, that also means being aware that you’re going to change. You’re going to make mistakes. But you’ll also have more of an impact than you ever could staying stuck in one, narrow version of your glorious self.

In the words of Brené Brown,

“Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be; embrace who you are.”

More than just a snappy quote, becoming yourself as a leader is a process. But if we’re going to build a different world, it’s a challenge I think it’s high time we rose to.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Society 5.0 – Our final exam as leaders

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

At a recent event I learned about Society 5.0 – Japan’s new vision for the future of society. It’s a world where a digital layer is embedded in everything we do, from drones delivering parcels to robots assisting in manual work.

It’s exciting, sure, to think about the potential of such technology to rapidly transform society. But it also brings new and significant risks. In fact, I think this might just represent our “final exam” as leaders.

Are we really ready to step up?

The more I think about the huge potential – and risk – that goes with these developments, the more I feel that we really are being called to more. Much, much more perhaps than we’ve shown ourselves capable of so far.

In my latest blog on joannamartin.com I’m sharing my personal take on the issue.

“I came away from the event feeling inspired, excited… but also, pensive.

Are we qualified to take on this responsibility? Individually, collectively… globally?

Never in my life – not even as a student – have I been so present to the “this is it – this is the final exam” feeling that I feel now.

(And frankly, if I’d failed my med school finals, one person’s career direction hung in the mix. Mine. If we screw THIS exam up – well, we’re all screwed. Properly.)”

Click here to read the full article – and I’d love to know your thoughts on this new challenge.

Leave a comment and let me know.

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Feeling cynical about politics? How Michelle Obama and an ex-president changed my mind

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

Have you been feeling cynical about politics? Lately, it’s been hard not to feel sceptical about the quality of leadership we’re seeing in those at the helm of our nations.

Today, I shared some of my recent personal journey around feeling cynical about politics on joannamartin.com – here’s a taste of some of what I’ve been feeling.

“However much you’re personally involved in politics, it’s hard to avoid the sense that there’s been a shift in recent years. I’m sensing a very different kind of conversation amongst our leaders and it’s not a development that feels good.

To me, it’s starting to seem as though we’ve moved out of an era when our political leaders were motivated by a desire to be a good steward for the country they had the responsibility of leading. Where there was a sense of duty, and of responsibility for leaders to make wise decisions; show respect for their opponents; andact in ways they truly believed to be in the best interests of the people.

Today’s politics feels rather to be characterised by very different motivations.

A hunger for power at any cost.

Sensationalism.

And the use of fear, especially when trying to convince citizens of the need for a certain course of action.”

Click here to read the full article, and discover what I learned from recent opportunities to hear Michelle Obama and ex-president of Colombia Juan Manuel Santos share their views. I came away with a new perspective. How does it land with you?

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3 people every leader needs on her team

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

If you want to be the most effective leader you can be, you can’t do it on your own. Sometimes that means making sure you have specialist support on a nitty-gritty level – team members to delegate to, or support around practical things like childcare. But today I want to talk about 3 people every leader needs on her team beyond those specific roles. These are essential levels of support for your growth on a wider level, and if you’re serious about making a difference they’re not to be ignored.

What do we mean by team?

Before we start, a quick note on what I mean by “team”. I’m not talking necessarily about the people you work directly alongside, or manage, as part of your day to day job. They might not be directly connected to your current role at all. Here, I’m using team in a much wider sense – the people you’re connected with who can help you move in the direction of your goals.

A metaphor we often use in our leadership training is that of the “leader as weaver”. In a piece of fabric, every single strand is supported by – and supports in turn – every other strand. We can’t point to a beautiful bolt of silk and say that this strand is more important than that one. Every single one is important.

When you think about your unique and vital role in this world, it’s really helpful in my experience to remember that you’re not doing it on your own. Your role, and your purpose, is unique to you. But in fulfilling your life’s work, you’ll also be supporting a whole network of others – the other “threads” which are touching yours – in big and small ways.

And in turn, everyone you come into contact with has the potential to enable you to shine that little bit brighter. So today I want to walk you through 3 really important people you’ll want to have in your wider network in order to make you the most effective leader you can be.

3 people every leader needs on her team

1. A sponsor or mentor

Let’s start with sponsors and mentors. If you imagine a grid network of threads in a piece of fabric, with you in the middle, we could think of them as being above you. That’s not to say they’re more important, but when it comes to the difference you’re trying to make they might just be a little bit further along the path.

I define mentors very simply as people who have walked the path before you. They care about you and they’re available to answer questions, but they’re not proactively furthering things for you all the time, necessarily.

Sponsors, on the other hand, are a particular subcategory of mentors, which are people who have a very vested interest in your success – people who really want to open doors for you.

  • If you’re in an organization it might be someone in the C Suite that’s taken a particular interest in your journey
  • It might be someone inside your church group who’s really watching out for you and checking in on you every Sunday
  • It might be a teacher or facilitator who you connected with some years ago, and have stayed in touch with

It’s someone who deeply cares about your career path, or deeply cares about the wellbeing of your project. Someone who, for whatever reason, is particularly interested and is actively working for you, almost as much as they work for (and sometimes maybe even more) than they work for themselves.

If you’ve experienced that kind of support, you can probably recall how good it feels. Mentors and sponsors have the wisdom and experience to reassure you when you hit a bump in the road, or to remind you that you’ll make it through the specific challenges you’re facing. They might have specific advice or they may simply be there to say “keep going – you’re doing great” or “this is always how it feels at this stage”.

They may be able to smooth your path and make introductions; warn you of potential pitfalls and difficulties; or put your day-to-day difficulties into perspective.

Sponsors and mentors: a warning

If you’ve only got sponsors and mentors, you can run the risk of feeling “less than”. Which makes sense, doesn’t it? You’re only comparing yourself to those that are further along or more awesome.

In fact, in a worst-case scenario you can sometimes find yourself falling into victim mode, or getting a bit co-dependent and saying things like “This isn’t working because my mentor is not doing what they should be.”

Over the years I’ve mentored a lot of business people, and sometimes people join Business Masterminds thinking that my role as leader is to somehow “fix” whatever’s not working for them. It’s an unhelpful mentality, which rather than helping you grow can ultimately hold you back.

The best way to guard against that is to make sure the other elements of your support network are in place.

2. A charge, or mentee

Now, going back to this idea of a woven “grid” pattern, when a fabric is woven together there are also going to be threads running beneath yours. These are just as important as the ones above you when it comes to supporting you and holding you in place.

These are the people I call your charges, or mentees. People for whom you’re a bit further on the path, and who you’re helping along.

A charge is the flipside of the mentor/sponsor – someone very special, who you care about, and who you’re wanting to get doors open for.

So you might be acting as a sponsor to them and really driving things forward, actively networking on their behalf and helping create opportunities.

Or perhaps you’re in more of a mentor role, there to answer questions or perhaps have informal check-ins on a regular basis, just to share the benefit of your experience.

If you’re being mentored by someone yourself and you’ve found yourself falling into the trap of only comparing yourself to them, then becoming a mentor to someone else can be an incredibly powerful experience. Suddenly, you’ll become aware of how much you do know about your industry or profession. You might find there are aspects of your role you’ve been completely taking for granted – but when you’re asked about them, you realize that you really do have some expertise to share.

One surprising bonus of having a charge is that they can also bring a fresh perspective. The Zen concept of “beginner’s mind” states that someone who’s new to a challenge often has far more ideas for how to solve it, because they’re not constrained by ideas of how things are “always done” or that “could never work”. So being a mentor can help invigorate your own work in surprising ways.

Alyssa Wrapp is the managing partner of AJR venturers, a management lecturer at Stanford University, and a wife and mother. In a piece for Forbes magazine she shared the benefit she’s found of ensuring she has both these kinds of support in her network:

“As a mentee, I have benefitted from the deep experience of people who have made a personal investment in me; as a mentor, I have accelerated other people’s learning and career growth just by investing time and insight, which has been incredibly gratifying. Furthermore, when I take the time to mentor someone, my company or organization often benefits from this relationship.”

Alyssa Wrapp

3. Peers

The third pillar of support that’s essential for you as you contnue your leadership journey is your peers. One way to think about them in this “fabric” metaphor would be as the vertical threads running along either side of you.

Your peers are those people that are at the same level as you on the journey. Not further along the path, not less along the path, but about the same level.

They’re there to champion and cheerlead you, have fun with you, and inspire you when you’re feeling a bit down. They might be a group you’re a part of, like a mastermind, or your cohort in an extended program like our year-long Lead the Change leadership training.

In your workspace, they’re people who are at roughly the same level as you when it comes to experience and responsibilities; they might be your fellow mums, or your business network.

When you get together with people who are on exactly the same part of the journey as you, you get to laugh about stuff together. Often, there’s a real relief that comes with poking fun at the daily frustrations of your role or debriefing about what you’ve recently learned. That kind of cameraderie can really lift you up.

If you don’t have peers, and you’ve only got those that you’re looking up to, and those that you’re helping along, it can feel like a pretty lonely old journey. Because you don’t necessarily feel the fun, and the love, and the inspiration with those relationships. And they’re not as attuned to the details and the challenges that you’re experiencing day in and day out on your path.

Connected, integrated, aligned

Every layer of this support is necessary if you’re going to truly thrive as a leader.

Because without this strong fabric of support, we can end up feeling quite isolated. We can feel alone. We can end up in superwoman. And we can feel either smarter than everyone or dumber than everyone depending on which elements of the fabric are missing.

So, we want to be able to orientate ourselves as close to the truth of how things are and feel as supported as is possible. This is the state in which we’ll experience the most profound, and sustainable, growth. 

How strong is your fabric?

  • Take a moment to reflect for yourself on these 3 people – sponsors or mentors, charges, and peers. Can you identify one person fulfilling each of those roles in your life right now? Can you identify more than one?
  • If there were a few actions that needed to be put in place to strengthen out that fabric, what might they need to be?

Take a couple of minutes to give some thought to that, and jot down some ideas. And if you’d like some specific support around a particular area of your life and are interested in joining one of our retreats or leadership trainings, click here to find out more about our programs.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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4 centuries of anger – time for a change?

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

Women have been maligned, undermined and overlooked for hundreds of years. In a recent article on joannamartin.com I explored some of the implications for us as leaders… as well as opening up about my personal response to recent events.

Today I am angry.

Angry at being overlooked.

Angry at feeling unsafe my whole life.

Angry. Angry. Angry.

We deserve much better.

We sometimes assume that emotions like anger or sadness aren’t constructive. They certainly go against the grain of the “nice girl” or “people pleasing” roles that many women are raised to occupy.

But feeling a connection to the pain and unjustice of the world can be a powerful catalyst for leaders to take action. Click here to read the full article – I’d love to know if you relate!

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One of Many Voices: Veronica Roberts

By

Wendy Harrington

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

As an Educational Psychologist, Veronica has spent her career working with children and parents. But it wasn’t until she became a mum herself that a moment of total vulnerability and overwhelm sparked an idea for a new movement to help women find connection and support. We asked her to share more of her story…

What do you do?

I am an Educational Psychologist – which includes a wide variety of roles (one of the things I love about it!) A lot of my time is spent working with parents and teachers to explore the needs of a child/young person and consider ways of supporting them so that they can thrive, rather than just survive, their school years. I also deliver training and research with the University of Bath.

I went self-employed after having our son and realizing that working for a local authority was just not going to be flexible enough for our family. Now I work 3 days a week.

More recently, for my Lead The Change project, I have founded the i know… parent collective.

Tell us more about that project.

i know… is about building upon the collective support between parents. It’s about those ‘moments’ we all experience as parents; where we can feel overwhelmed, lost, unsure what to do, and alone. In those moments it can feel like the world is watching, and potentially judging us.

The idea behind i know… is that in those moments, we might look around and see other parents wearing a badge that says ‘i know…’ – a visual symbol that they know what it’s like, they get it, they’re not judging us and they’re willing to help if they can.

The aim is that those moments of vulnerability, instead of becoming feelings of fear and shame, might become moments of connection, empathy and compassion.

Give us the big “why” you do what you do?

Part of my motivation for starting ‘i know…’ stems from my personal experience of becoming a mother and the struggles I experienced.

I very much felt that as a trained child psychologist I should know what I was doing all the time (!) and the perfectionist in me also screamed that I should be doing it perfectly all the time.

I judged myself so harshly for every perceived misstep of motherhood that I made and felt so incredibly vulnerable when I struggled in public. I felt like everyone would not only think I was a terrible mother, but also rubbish at my job as well.

When I returned to work I started really hearing what parents were saying, in a way I never had before and I suddenly realized – I’m not alone in this experience, and actually if we share that vulnerability, then ironically, the vulnerability reduces and a collective strength can take its place.

By reducing parent stress levels in those ‘moments’, parents become more able to support their child and themselves through the stress and distress and/or ask for the help they need.

What’s your daily routine?

Part of our family life is that no two days are the same! Both my work and my husband’s are so variable that what I’ve ended up doing is having different routine ‘templates’ for the top and tails of different types of day: When my husband is at home, when he’s not, when I’m working from home, and when I’m not.

Things I try to build into every morning are:

  • A bowl of porridge (only way I survive until lunch!)
  • Physio and Mutu exercises (whilst my son is having breakfast)
  • Inspiring piece of music either in the shower or in the car
  • I also try to finish work half an hour before I pick up our son from nursery and have 2 songs that I dance to which I call my ‘End of Day Debrief’ – one track to release emotion and one to recap the things I have enjoyed or feel went well. This was an exercise I designed with my LTC coach as I realized I was really good at shelving difficult feelings and never coming back to them (so they just grew). And I was hardly ever able to take real joy in my accomplishments, so having a few minutes just to recap the positives of a day and dance them into my body has really helped.

Things I try to put in at the end of each day:

  • Playing my Tibetan singing bowl
  • recapping the day with gratitude
  • reading a good book for a few minutes before sleep

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

I’m mother to a very lively and curious 4-year old and wife to a very lively, vibrant and driven man. My husband also runs his own business consultancy firm. A lot of his work is in London or abroad and he can be away for up to 3 weeks at a time. The need for this can arise with a day or week’s notice. This can make it tricky to plan in advance!

To balance the demands that this can place on me I’ve opted to have more childcare than I actually need for work alone and I schedule my self-care, ‘lifemin’, I know… work, exercise etc all within childcare hours so that even when my husband is away, it is still possible for me to meet my needs and therefore manage whilst he is away.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

When I became a mother, I’d never felt love quite like it, I remember thinking that if we could bottle that feeling and drip feed it to dictators we would have the answer to world peace! I felt privileged to be a woman and able to experience it.

But one of the other main emotions I experienced as a new mother was frankly, rage. Because all my life I had been told by society that as a woman I was equal…and I felt like I’d been completely duped!

As I sat there breastfeeding our little boy on the sofa I felt anything but equal.

It felt like my freedom had been stripped away, whilst my husband’s remained intact and untouched by the experience of becoming a father (probably a bit of an overstatement in hindsight, but I was hormonal at the time!).

The dwindling of my maternity pay and then its complete disappearance left me financially dependent on a man for the first time in my life and it made me hugely resentful that because we had chosen to have a child, I was suddenly financially penalized. I still believe this sends a really strong message of just how much society devalues the role of caregivers, mainly performed by women. Becoming a mother was the first time in my life that I had so explicitly felt discriminated against as a woman and I hate that that feeling is tied to one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

However, one of my most profound shifts through my Lead The Change journey followed on from the BeLove retreat. I sat down with my husband and shared how uncomfortable, guilty and at times, resentful I felt that I worked and earned less than he did as a man.

The conversation that followed transformed our relationship. He had tears in his eyes as he said to me, “But you get to make a difference to people’s lives! I don’t get to do that! So let me do what I do, so that you can do what you do, because that means I’m making a difference too.”

And I suddenly realized, in my feminist stance I’d created a financial competition between us that was tearing us apart. But if we both did what we were good at then there was a beauty in the contribution we could make together and the life that we could lead.

I still feel that women are financially discriminated against for being biologically designed to have children…which seems a bit crazy when you step back from it, as the survival of the human species kind of depends on that function! But, I’ve realized there are other alternatives to men and women competing to do the same as one another. So, in a nutshell, I think things have improved, but we still have so much further to go!

How do you juggle your relationship and business now?

At my first One Woman Conference in 2017 my husband and I were going through an incredibly difficult time – it felt like we were leading separate lives and were no longer really connected or hearing one another.

After the OWC I came back and told him (using my Queen PowerType!) that I wasn’t happy and couldn’t see how we were going to survive as a couple without both making some significant changes. Lead The Change was one of those things, my husband receiving some coaching was another, but also, we agreed to make time for each other.

As my husband had just entered self-employment too we had the luxury of flexibility, and so we set aside one morning a week whilst our son was at nursery to do things together as a couple.

There are some weeks where this just isn’t possible, but we have it as a general rule and it has made such a difference to our relationship. Prioritising our relationship like this has helped us rekindle our connection and helps keep things in perspective, because if we’re not ‘right’ as a couple, then it has an impact on everything else, and work isn’t worth that.

Do you think you people around you (on social media, and face to face) understand who you authentically are?

The i know… project has totally pushed me out of my comfort zone in terms of displaying my vulnerabilities ‘out loud’ via social media.

It is only because of the i know… vision and this sharing being an attempt to support other parents with their journey and challenges that I have been able to develop the courage to do that and at times it has felt excruciating. The most amazing thing is, the posts where I have felt most vulnerable have had the most positive responses and that has been such an amazing gift of a lesson!

The Lead The Change community has also helped me really understand I can be who I am and still be appreciated, warts and all. So yes, I think people are beginning to see the authentic me.

But more importantly from my perspective, I am becoming comfortable with the idea that when people see me, they may or may not like me, but that doesn’t mean I need to change who I am to ‘fit’.

Who do you look up to as a woman?

Brené Brown – she is just so fricking awesome!!

What are you doing to help elevate the women of developing nations?

For every i know… badge sold, 20p is being collected for Deki – a charity set up by Vashti Seth, another Lead The Change participant, to support entrepreneurs in Africa grow their businesses.

I had always felt so helpless about the situation in developing countries and unable to support in a meaningful way. Then one fateful retreat I ended up giving Vashti a lift home and she totally changed my perspective – and gave me hope that I could make a difference further afield too.

Ready to lead your change?

If you’re inspired by Veronica’s story and would like to find out more about our Lead The Change program, click here to leave your name and details. One of our friendly team will be in touch to arrange a time to chat.

Veronica Roberts

Parapet head popper | Catalyst for compassion | Coffee addict

To find out more about Veronica and her work, reach her online here:

Facebook page: www.facebook.com/iknowcollective
Website: www.drvroberts.co.uk