One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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How to start a coaching business

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Imagine:

  • Spending your days with inspiring clients, watching them go on to make a massive difference in their communities.
  • Supporting women to step into their power with powerful choices that work for them and their families.
  • Choosing your hours, playing to your strengths and getting paid for what you love to do.

Sounds like a dream come true, doesn’t it – but surely being a coach can’t be all roses?

What do you need to be aware of before taking the leap? If you’ve ever wondered about making the shift to become a coach, but felt like you wouldn’t know where to start, then here are five things to bear in mind.

How to start a coaching business in 5 steps

1. Find your “big why”

Any big transition in life, but especially one like training as a coach, needs purpose. After all, to become a coach you’ll need to invest time, energy and money, and knowing your reason for doing that is what will keep your motivation and momentum going.

In Simon Sinek’s groundbreaking book, Start With Why, he explored how the greatest leaders used their “Big Why” to inspire others. So what’s your “Big Why” for becoming a coach?

For many women in our community, coaching will allow them to make a real difference to causes they’re truly passionate about. Take Anna.

“6 out of every 100 UK people experience domestic abuse. 6.7% of all women. 1 in 4 LGBT women (from their partners). Around 80% of trans people. Half of all gay and bi men (from partners or family members). One of those women is me.

When I imagine the world in 7 generations time, I want to see these figures be drastically different, or even gone.

My next commitment to this future is to complete my One of Many coaching certification to work alongside Newcastle Women’s Aid to offer coaching to the women who access their service, to help them reclaim their soft power and move forward into fruitful, vital, happier lives. To help them lead more change in the world when they can.” – Anna Knight

Playing an active part in building the future we want to create is a huge driver for many coaches. Through supporting and championing their clients, they’re able to create a “ripple effect” that has an impact far beyond their individual contribution.

Your “Big Why” might be about empowering corporate leaders to make courageous decisions, or helping mums reconnect to themselves after having children. It could be something totally different! Get clear on what it is, and you’ll find that every other action you take flows from that well of inspiration.

2. Get qualified

Coaching is much more than a conversation or supportive words. The greatest, and most successful, coaches have a whole wealth of tools at their disposal as well as the confidence to lead their clients through complex and sometimes challenging transformations.

Our One of many women’s coaching certification is a rigorous program designed to give you all the skills you need to become a confident and effective coach. Our graduates are trained in using unique, cutting edge and proven tools to unleash the leadership potential of the women they work with – and through our comprehensive training, have the full support to practice and implement them.

There are lots of coaching certifications out there, and they’re all different – so do your homework before making an investment. Some things to consider might be:

  • What’s the focus of the program, and does it fit with my values?
  • How do the organizers respond to questions? Can I have a conversation with someone to check if this is the right fit for me?
  • What’s the feedback like from previous graduates?

If you could do with a hand comparing the different options, feel free to get in touch and someone in the office will be happy to talk them through.

3. Figure out what you’re selling

So you’ve done your training, got your qualification, and you’re ready to get started. Fab! Now what?

Well, some of our graduates decide they want to use the tools they’ve learned within an organization, to help them manage their teams and lead more effectively. But if you decide to set up your own business, there’s a really key thing to bear in mind. A lot of coaches make the mistake of trying to get clients by selling them “coaching”.

When the truth is, the impact you’ll have on your clients isn’t that you’ll have “coached” them. It’ll be in:

  • The pay rise they’re finally able to ask for (and get!)
  • The connection and trust that’s returned to their relationship
  • The clutch of anxiety they used to feel every day when they wake up has melted away

See the difference? Build a business around the changes you help your clients make, rather than the way you help them get to that change, and you’ll find clients much easier to come by.

4. Make sure you have support

As your work grows and evolves, nothing beats having a group of equally committed and excited peers to keep you on track, help you navigate challenges, and support you as your business expands. (Our coaching grads stay in touch via our private Facebook group – a place to celebrate each other, share challenges and ask questions.)

You might also want to investigate a coaching mentor going forward – someone to help suggest areas of growth and development, and help support you through any tricky times. Ask any training provider how they support their coaches and what network you’ll have access to in future.

5. Plan your transition

You’re inspired – coaching is for you, and you’re ready to sign up and get started. Time to wave goodbye to the day job, set up a website, and watch the clients roll in, right?

Well, we’d certainly love that to be your experience – but the reality is, making any change takes time. All sorts of factors will impact how quickly coaching can become your main focus, including your finances, time, and other commitments.

Take the time to plan the transition, get advice and support when you need it, and reach out to others doing the same thing.

If you’re thinking about coaching and have a question, post it in the comments below! And if you’re already a coach, let us know what lessons you’d share with someone just starting out. Your experience might make all the difference.

Time for a change?

If you’d like to find out more about our coaching training, click here to read the full details. The first step is to book in a no-obligation chat with one of our team so we can find out if this would be a great fit for you. Just click the button at the bottom of the page to schedule a call.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What makes a career meaningful?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

What makes a career meaningful? We all have good days and bad days – times when it feels like your tasks are flying off the to-do list, and others when it’s more like wading through treacle. But apart from the usual ups and downs, do you feel like your days are spent doing work that’s ultimately fulfilling?

It might sound obvious, but it’s worth emphasising: there’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to building a meaningful career.

I started my career training as a doctor – for lots of people, one of the most meaningful careers they can find. After all, it’s helping people at a really fundamental level: with their health. For me, however, it became apparent relatively quickly that while I knew I wanted to help people, it wasn’t as part of the medical profession.

Working in a career that isn’t as meaningful as it could be is often the catalyst for us embarking on a journey to discover what really is our life’s purpose.

You might have had a similar experience of shifting careers or roles. Perhaps you’ve had a break from employment, started your own business, or been a full-time mum for a few years.

Whatever your experience, here are 3 questions to ask yourself when considering whether your career is as meaningful as it could be – and what you might need to change.

1. What are your values?

What makes a career meaningful to you is not the same as it is for me. That’s because each of us has a unique set of values – the things which bring you joy, fulfillment and happiness.

For you to find meaning in your career, it needs to connect to your values in some way. (That’s not to say that you necessarily need to be working in an area that’s directly related to a value.)

For example, creativity might be a really high value for you, but you don’t need to be working in a traditionally “creative” career to express that through your work.

Perhaps you’re an engineer who excels at finding creative solutions to problems, or a teacher who brings creativity to lesson delivery. Maybe your career allows you the time and resources to bring creativity into your life in other ways – art supplies, the band you love to play in, or the garden you’re cultivating.

You might bring your values into the way you manage your team, lead your family, or run your business.

Knowing your values and exploring how they relate to your work can help you see if there are any values that aren’t currently being met at all – and think about how you could pivot to include them.

Prompts for reflection:

Take some time to think about what your top 5 values are. How are they reflected in your life right now? Does your career involve all, some, or none right now? Which ones would you like to have more of? How could you bring them into your career?

2. What’s your life’s purpose?

Granted, this isn’t a simple question, or one you’ll necessarily have an answer to at all right now. Your life’s purpose is a concept that will most likely evolve throughout your life.

I’ve heard of some people who discover their life’s purpose as a dream or a vision that descends from on high. Lucky them! For me, the process has been one of a gradual evolution and exploration.

I compare it to peeling back the layers of an onion – around each version of your purpose are ever more fuzzy versions of it, each one needing to be lived through and “burned up” to get to the next level.

So, start thinking about your life’s purpose in broad terms. Looking back at the experiences you’ve lived through and the work you’ve done so far, is there a common thread that connects them? It might be something really subtle – your values can really help here when it comes to seeing what it is.

Perhaps you’ve brought a playful energy to serious tasks – been the person who is able to inject a sense of lightness and fun to important responsibilities. Or maybe you’ve had a knack for bonding teams together, connecting people and allowing them to create fruitful collaborations.

When I first started my personal development journey the purpose I came up with was “To transform”. I’ve honed and refined that over the years, but the essence remains.

Prompts for reflection:

Take 5 minutes and play with a one-word life purpose. If you had to break down what you’re here to do into one word, what would you choose? How does it feel? How might that guide you as you think about where your career is heading?

3. How can you connect to yourself?

Getting closer to your life’s purpose isn’t something that happens overnight. It will change and evolve with time. But if you’re starting to think about what makes your career meaningful, the best place to start is to spend some time cultivating your connection to yourself.

In case you needed the reminder, connecting to yourself isn’t selfish. It allows you to show up more fully in your relationships, at work and as a parent. It also gives you a space to tap into your values, the change you want to be a part of, and the difference only you can make.

Try making space each morning to journal your thoughts and feelings. These “morning pages” are suggested by Julia Cameron in the Artist’s Way as a way to reconnect with your creativity – but you don’t need to be an artist of any kind to benefit from the space to explore what’s coming up in a private, safe space that no one else will see.

Creating a meaningful career isn’t something someone else can give you a blueprint for. It starts with you connecting to yourself and understanding what matters most to you – and taking action from that place.

Prompts for reflection

Using what you’ve discovered about your values and your life’s purpose, use morning pages as a tool to explore the level of meaning in your career. Try exploring the idea of a meaningful career in your morning pages every day for a week, and see what you learn.

Careers with meaning

Coaching is one of the most meaningful careers out there, because it revolves around connecting deeply with others and supporting them to have the impact they’re truly capable of. When you have the tools you need to make a powerful difference, the work you do can have an incredible effect on the world.

If you feel called to find out more about becoming a coach, click here to find out about our one-of-a-kind training.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: Why don’t we (actually) change the world?

By

Sara Price

Sara Price

Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author.
Sara Price

Latest posts by Sara Price (see all)

My vision is a world in which everyone who wants to change the world for the better is inspired and empowered to do so.

It’s a big vision. Making this vision a reality is like eating the proverbial elephant – I’ll be doing it one bite at a time and in collaboration with many others – including the amazing Founder of One of Many, Joanna Martin. The current ‘bite’ is to write a book – catchily entitled ‘How to (Actually) Change the World’. That’s a lot to deliver in 55,000 words but I’m going to give it my best shot!

As part of my research, I’ve spoken to hundreds of people all over the world about the kind of changes they want to create, and what gets in the way of them actually doing it. So if you’re on a mission to change the world right now and you’re feeling blocked; or if you are feeling increasingly called to make a difference, to make an impact on this beautiful planet of ours, but you’re not sure how to go about it – please read on, because you are not alone.

Here’s what I’ve found so far…

So…Who Wants to Change the World?

An awful lot of us want to change the world. . If you’re an active member of the BeOne Global Community on Facebook, you may have seen and perhaps completed my survey for actual and aspiring changemakers. Of the people who have filled in the survey thus far, EVERYONE wants to change the world in some way.

When asked if there was something they would like to change to make the world a better place, 47% said that there were so many things they didn’t know where to start! Another 24% had one big issue that they were truly passionate about. Everyone else felt passionate about 2 or 3 main subjects and couldn’t pick one.

How Do We Want to Change the World?

We want to change the world for other women. My survey may be slightly skewed because of where it was posted and the kinds of women who’ve completed it, but of all the issues that we are passionate about, the top three categories are:

  • Women’s issues
  • Environment
  • Education & training

In other words, the issues which matter most to us are: other women; the planet and the next generation.

Some of us are dedicating our working lives to these issues. About 12% of respondents have already set up / run or work for a social enterprise dealing with the specific issue that they are most passionate about. Another 12% are operating in the charitable sphere on their number one issue.

Many respondents wrote in comments that tackling their number one issue was the mission of their business. That’s a lot of women dedicating their working lives to making the world a better place!

Many of those who work in other fields are taking action in their personal time. Nearly 95% of us are talking to friends and family – trying to persuade them of the importance of our cause. 85% have taken to social media to make our point and demonstrate our passion. Over 80% have signed online petitions.

Are We Making Progress?

Most of us feel that we’re not making enough progress. Amongst the social entrepreneurs, charity leaders and those whose professional mission is to change the world, only 30% were satisfied with the progress they are making.

Most of us want to do more: Of those who are taking action in their personal time, a whopping 97% want to do more but are hampered by a perceived lack of time and a feeling of not knowing where to start. The same feeling that stops about 20% of us from taking any action at all.

And that is where I hope that my book will help.

It’s Not Complicated…

I understand that changing the world can seem overwhelming but here is what I believe: changing the world may be hard work but it is not actually that complicated.

I can already feel the waves of disagreement and disbelief heading my way but, I’m sticking to my guns here because I genuinely believe that in principle changing the world is not complicated. It requires only one thing: you have to make people care.

You have to make companies care enough to change their policies; or make politicians care enough to change legislation; or make individuals care enough to change their behaviour and / or their minds. You have to know who holds the power to make the change, and you have to make them care enough to do it.

In Fact, It’s Really Quite Simple…

To make people care, you need to harness the power of great communications. It’s about communicating your message to the right people at the right time in a way that feels compelling to them. That’s it.

Now, there are a lot of experts out there with a vested interest in making you think that this is difficult. The more jargon they use, the more complex they make it seem – the more valuable their expertise appears and the more you are made to feel disempowered and dependent on their expertise.

This is where I hope my book will help. I plan to show you exactly how simple great communications can be. I will walk you through how to develop a comprehensive campaign plan for your vision that makes people care enough to create change.

So at the end of the process, you’ll be equipped to make a difference. You can make people care.

You can ACTUALLY change the world.

So…How Do You Want to Change the World?

This is a community full of changemakers and women with huge visions for how to change the world for the better.

So tell me, what ONE thing would you change about the world if you could wave a magic wand? What causes are you passionate about, and what change are you already creating through your life and work?

Share in the comments below, and let’s support each other to create the change we want to see.

And, if you have a moment, I’d be grateful if you would take part in my survey. Tell me how you want to change the world and how I can help you.

And as a great big thank you for doing so, I’m offering one participant the chance to win a 2-hour PR and communications brainstorm with a leading London PR agency, Pagefield (the one I co-founded!). Just click the link below to take the survey and be in with a chance of winning:

https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/HowToActuallyChangetheWorld

About Sara Price

The Knitting, Baby-whispering Karaoke queen!

Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author!

Sara began her career in Parliament developing an in-depth understanding of the corridors of power. She then moved on to work as a political advisor to UNICEF where she witnessed the power of individuals and organisations to effect change on a global scale. She sat on the UK Board of one of the world’s largest PR agencies, H&K Strategies, and in 2010 she co-founded Pagefield.

Over the course of her career, she has developed communications programmes for some of the biggest brands in the world from Kelloggs to EDF Energy; advised organisations as diverse as Allied Bakeries and Variety, the Children’s Charity; and co-created multi-national campaigns for Global Peace Ambassador Prem Rawat.

Sara’s newest venture – How to Actually Change the World – is in development right now. If you’d like to help to shape the whole programme and be on the list to hear more, please sign up by emailing sara@renaissance-life.co

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How to ask for help without being needy

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Have you ever got to the point of total overwhelm and exhaustion… not because you didn’t have the support around you, but because you just didn’t know how to ask for help?

I had one particularly memorable meltdown after spending the day with a new team member. Ironically, this amazing woman was someone I’d hired to take the pressure off me!

But I’d probably left it a little late to start to delegate… and by the end of a full day of training and induction, I was experiencing that “frog in boiling water” thing. You know – where you don’t realize how much the stress is building up because it increases little by little, incrementally, until you’re at breaking point.

Once I’d calmed down and looked back at all the triggers that had finally got on top of me, I realized that I’d been doing a whole lot of supporting of the others all around me, and not getting the support I needed. And I had only myself to blame.

Sound familiar?

I had a whole crew of super competent people ready to help me. But I’d fallen into the habit of thinking that I didn’t want to bother my incredibly supportive – but also incredibly busy – team with things. So I ended up doing more and more, and eventually something had to give – and that something was me.

Maybe you can relate. You might also be someone who finds it really, really hard to ask for help – even when there are plenty of people who’d be happy to give you a boost when you need it.

Why it’s hard to ask for help

Strong, independent women often share a huge fear – that of being “needy”. After all, we make things happen for ourselves.

Even if you’re not a business owner you probably do have a team, by which I simply mean people who are willing to help you out: it could be an assistant, a childminder, or even just someone who gives you a hand with the ironing once a week. It might be your best friend, your partner or your mum.

But actually asking for that help brings us into conflict with the ‘superwoman’ part of us that sees receiving help as a sign of weakness.

There’s a vulnerability that comes with asking for help that seems deep-wired into our psychology, and that can stop us from reaching out to let other people know what we need.

Perhaps you resist delegating because, deep down, you don’t trust other people to do as good a job as you do.

Or you think it’ll take just as long to teach someone else to do it… so even relatively unimportant jobs linger on your ever-growing list of things to do.

Whatever your reasons for going it alone, the bottom line is all of us have a finite amount of time. Asking for help is essential if you’re going to make the difference you want to – and avoid burnout.

Help is closer than you think

Most successful women know we need to get help. “I know I need a new PA” we tell our partners for the fourteenth time. “I should ask Helen to help me update my resume…” we muse over after work drinks.

And yet, our fear of being seen as needy and our discomfort with receiving help gets in our way. Plus, what if someone says no? In fact, you’re actually much more likely to receive the help you want than you think.

One study by Cornell University found that we underestimate the likelihood of people helping us by a whopping 48% – in other words, people are almost twice as likely to help you than you imagine.

So, deep down you’re pretty sure you need support, and you’re much more likely to get it than you imagine when you do ask. How can you get over the hump and access the help you need?

The PowerTypes answer

Here at One of many we use 5 Womens PowerTypes™ to guide us to our most powerful form of leadership. These powerful models of feminine power each have specific strengths we can draw on when we need to – and it’s the PowerType of Queen we connect to when we want to practice the art of receiving.

Think about Queen Elizabeth, receiving a brave explorer who brought her a treasure from a far off land. Did she tell him “Oh no, you shouldn’t have bothered… I couldn’t possibly accept that?”

No. She receives his gift graciously. Fully in her power, she thanks him for the trouble he has gone to – and he receives that thanks as his reward. A cycle is created, where both parties benefit.

The act of receiving help graciously is, also, a gift.

When we don’t know how to receive help gracefully, our discomfort can sabotage the arrangement we’ve made. We find some way to unravel it: we don’t say thank you to our friend for the favour they’ve done and they get upset… we hire a PA and after 3 months we stop wanting to bother them. The work piles up, and you might even doubt their competence, when in reality what’s happened is your inner superwoman has kicked in.

(Unlike the Queen, Superwoman hates asking for help, which means she’s terrible at receiving.)

If you’ve been wearing your Superwoman cape more than your crown lately, here are 4 steps to asking for help without being needy

1. Start by recognizing that help is fundamental to the success of your business, family and community

There’s a lot at stake here. Consider what you provide for your children, your relationship, your team members, your community.

The work you provide for other subcontractors and service providers.

Given all that, can you see that taking care of your wellbeing is an absolute MUST? If you are not being energetically supported, and opening it up to others, then your wellbeing diminishes, and eventually it stops. So being fully supported wherever you need is a vital part of your work in the world.

2. Be specific about how you ask

What would be most useful to you? Rather than “I need help with this presentation”, think about what would make the most difference.

Do you want someone to read through your slides, to spend an hour as you run through what you want to say, or to give you feedback on the overall message?

Do you need your PA to block out time in your diary for you to get stuck into writing, send a quick “got your message” response to someone who’s waiting for an email, or take ownership of the sales spreadsheet you’re forever behind with updating?

It’s much easier for people to give you a clear answer to a specific offer – or to refer you to someone who they know will be able to help.

And when you do ask, don’t pre-empt a no

The data is clear – we’re much more likely to get a “yes” to a request than we imagine. So don’t fall into the trap of assuming it’ll be a no, or weighing down the request by saying things like “I know this is a total pain” or “You’re probably way too busy for this…”

Try thinking about how you feel when someone asks you for a hand. Most likely, you’re happy to help out – or, if you can’t, to say a polite “no”. The same probably goes for your friends, family and colleagues.

Focus on the difference it would make in a positive way – “This would save me loads of time” or “It would really make me feel less anxious to know you were there” and you’ll help the person you’re asking feel great about saying yes too.

3. Step into your Queen – and receive graciously

When you’re in the mindset of the Queen, the help you receive is a gift. It might be a great piece of advice from your accountant, a loving hug from your partner, or the person delivering your groceries.… whenever anyone is doing something to help you out, don’t push them away. Be gracious, be serene, be open to receiving. The way you graciously receive is, in turn, a gift to the giver.

A door being opened, being helped with your luggage, some hand-me-down toys from the neighbours, a smile from a stranger – every little gift you receive activates the archetype of the queen. And the more you receive, the more you will attract gifts into your life – it’s a deeply powerful practice.

It sounds obvious, but turning around the paradigm of doing everything ourselves takes all of us to play our part. Be open about the help you need, and generous with the ways you can help other people. By modelling what it’s like to give and receive help generously, you’ll help those around you break free from superwoman too.

Want to explore the Queen further?

If you’d like to learn more about the Women’s PowerTypes™, including a full description and a playlist of music that can help you tap into the energy of the Queen, download the “Life’s Little Toolkit”. As well as our favourite resources to stop worrying and beat overwhelm, it contains a guide to the Womens PowerTypes™ and suggestions for music to help you embody each one. Click here to access your FREE Toolkit now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: Mindfulness for women

By

Annie Stoker

Annie Stoker

Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of many
Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK's most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Annie Stoker

Latest posts by Annie Stoker (see all)

Mindfulness is everywhere. You can buy books on Mindful Cooking, Mindful gardening, Mindful walking. There are mindfulness diaries and even Mindfulness colouring books! So what does mindfulness for women look like?

Mindfulness has become a buzz word and is being rolled out through corporate, health sectors, schools and even in Government. It is an attention training technique known for reducing stress and increasing relaxation.

Mindfulness for women

Mindfulness isn’t just about calming down and observing your thoughts. Mindfulness is actually about waking up! It’s a tool to become totally aware in the present moment, feel radically alive and completely open to your own experience. Not only can life become more vivid, enjoyable and interesting, but mindfulness also brings the opportunity for profound healing of unhelpful mental and emotional patterns.

How? You might well ask.

Well here at One of many we use the Cycle of Creation as a way of describing how we create our reality. Simply put in any moment, we create meaning about that moment based on our beliefs, values, history, health and ideas about Source. This meaning then creates our mood and that feeling then impacts what we move towards.

This all generally happens unconsciously, which means we often get results in life that we don’t really want. However, mindfulness allows us to bring awareness to this process and to interrupt the habitual patterns of reaction that we have.

Mindfulness in practice

For example imagine walking into a restaurant to meet some friends, but as soon as they see you they all stop laughing. What do you make this situation mean? Do you think they were laughing about you, feel really uncomfortable and walk out? Or do you decide that they were planning a fun party for your birthday, feel really excited and try to tickle them into telling you? Either way the rest of your day will be impacted.

With mindfulness you can become aware of the thoughts you are having about your friends laughter and let them pass by. This can allow you to calmly ask them what was really going on without jumping to conclusions.

Bringing non-judgmental awareness to your thoughts can also set you free from habitual patterns such as self-criticism, negativity, discouragement and wallowing.

Emotions and mindfulness

It’s very powerful to bring acceptance to your emotions too. We tend to have a few emotions we like and lots that we don’t. However, if we take the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ labels off what we are feeling, we can bring compassionate acceptance to whatever emotions have turned up.

Judging and therefore avoiding emotions is at the core of most people’s challenges. If you are worried about your performance at work, you’re probably trying to avoid the feelings of failure. If you’re feeling jealous and trying to control who your partner is seeing, you are probably trying to avoid rejection. If you don’t want to ask questions at a seminar, you may be trying to avoid the feelings of humiliation you’d have if you get it wrong.

By bringing heartful awareness to your feelings you can learn to tolerate all of them. Emotions aren’t actually good or bad. They are just sensations. Some are pleasant and some are uncomfortable. With emotional equity you can welcome all of them, even the painful ones. This allows you to have an empowering conversation with your boss, shine the light of honest exploration with your partner or get a helpful answer to a burning question at a seminar.

This gives you the freedom to act from your heart, rather than from the old fears and patterns in your mind. I actually think heartfulness is a much better term than mindfulness! Bringing full hearted acceptance to your feelings is at the core of self love. And self love, as I’m sure you know, is the key for connecting with your yummy Lover powertype!

How to bring more mindfulness into your life

Here are some tips for cultivating Mindfulness:

  • Mindful Moments
    Set an hourly alarm on your phone and for one minute each hour close your eyes, feel your feet on the floor, notice your breathing and bring all of your attention inside your body to what you are experiencing
  • Practicing Pauses
    Instead of arriving somewhere and jumping straight out of the car onto the next appointment, turn off the engine, pause and fully arrive. Give yourself a minute to breathe, feel this moment before shifting to the next scene change in the movie of life.
  • Body Awareness
    Bring your focus to your right big toe. Take your awareness right inside your big toe and notice the sensations of your sock, shoe or the other toes against your big toe. Next move to your left thigh and feel the clothes on your leg or any pressure or tightness. Pick random parts of your body to pay attention to during your day.
  • Mindful Movement
    Instead of planning tomorrow’s supper when you are brushing your teeth, bring your full awareness to the feelings of the brush against your teeth, the toothpaste tingling on your tongue, the muscles in your arm holding your toothbush. Try paying full attention to every footfall while you are walking, feeling the wind flow past your face and the swing of your arms. Bring fresh awareness to drinking water so that you can feel the weight of the glass, the coolness of the water in your mouth and follow it all the way down your throat as you swallow.
  • Cultivating Compassion
    Send a warm smile of acceptance to all your emotions. Welcome them as a valid part of your experience. Without judgment or labels, gently investigate the sensations of each emotion. Where are they in your body, what shape, what colour, how do they move? Notice what actually happens when you let yourself feel even a bit of them. Does the world really end?!

Mindfulness isn’t just a practice, it’s a way of life. Practice regularly and it becomes a new way of finding peace with what happens in life, joy in the simplest things and a freedom to bring all your gifts to the world. Enjoy!

About Annie Stoker

Psychotherapist. Author. Property Investor. Dog-Lover. Chilled-Out Friend.

Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK’s most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.

Annie is our Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of Many.

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What burnout feels like

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

The statistics about burnout are pretty sobering – here in the UK, women are 60% more likely to suffer from it than men. If we’re going to change those stats, the first stage is knowing exactly what we’re talking about: what does burnout feel like, and what can we do about it before, or if, it sets in?

We had an amazing discussion over in the Facebook group recently all about what burnout feels like. I’m talking the specifics: physically, mentally and emotionally. It sparked some incredible shares from so many courageous and capable women, all of whom knew straight away what burnout out felt like. (If you’ve been there, take a second to think – how would you put it into words?)

What blows me away is how many common threads there are in our experience. If you’ve felt like this before (heck, maybe you’re feeling like this right now) the most important thing to take away from this is: you’re not alone.

Here’s what you need to watch out for:

What burnout feels like: 6 signs it’s time to press pause

1. Burnout is exhausting

“Burnout is waking up in the morning feeling pinned to the bed wondering how you will possibly move your limbs to get out”

Yes, we’re all tired from time to time. But when you’re struggling to get up in the morning, every morning, don’t give yourself a hard time.

It may well be a sign that it’s time to ask for some extra support. If exhaustion’s a recurring issue, ask yourself if you might be heading towards burnout.

2. Burnout is confusing

When capable, intelligent women find their brains just aren’t working, burnout’s likely to be the cause.

“A grey cloud fogging my brain”
“It stops me from making clear decisions and fuels self-doubt and inertia”

When we can’t think straight, more often than not, burnout’s the culprit.

3. Burnout is lonely

Burnout sneaks in to make us feel as though we’re all on our own. Words like “isolated”, “alone” and “cut off” came up again and again when women reflected on their experiences.

The truth is, you’re not alone – this is a really common experience, and one that there are so many people willing to help you through. It’s with the support of those around you, and communities like ours at One of many that you’ll find your way back out again.

4. Burnout is constricting.

“It feels like being behind bars”
“Like being stuck in the middle of a whirlwind of panic and impossibility”

We can be so quick to blame ourselves when we’re stuck, but the truth is real possibilities open up once we’re back on track and feeling taken care of.
Are you really out of options, or is overwhelm to blame?

5. Burnout is physical

It might not have a medical diagnosis, but our bodies are often the first to give us powerful indications that something’s up.

“It feels like a metallic ‘taste’ in my whole body”
“Thinking causes physical pain in my head and I can’t get my face to smile”

For you it might be a sensation in your throat, tummy or shoulders. Learn to spot it early, and you’ll be able to get the support you need before it gets too much.

6. Burnout isn’t you

“It feels like I am not me”
“Like being an imposter in your own life”
“As though I have lost the essence of me”

When things get too much, it can feel as though we’ve failed somehow. When the truth is, these are all signs that it’s time for a break. You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and it’s time to stop and replenish yourself to get back to who you really are.

Getting out of overwhelm

If you’re starting to notice some of the signs of burnout right now, there are some simple things you can do straight away to start to turn things around.

From frantic to fruitful is a free online training I run to help get you off the treadmill and back to a space where you feel calm and in control of everything that’s on your plate. Click here to book your spot on this powerful webinar and discover a simple but counter-intuitive step-by-step approach to overwhelm.

Another exercise I’ve found really helpful to get you out of that emotional fear-based “I’ve fallen short” feeling is to consciously tap into a “celebrating and acknowledgement” phase. Start to get present to what you have achieved, instead of focusing on everything you haven’t done.

Grab a pen and paper and reflect on what you have achieved over the past six months or year. Take some time to look back and recognize what outcomes and intentions you did bring to fruition.

Even if they are smaller in number or magnitude to what you had hoped, look at the less-obvious intentions you’ve achieved

Having done that, you’ll see that, you know what? Often what’s wearing you out, more than the actual pace, more than what’s on your plate is a conflict between perhaps what you intend for yourself – your big goals and high expectations – and where you are on your journey.

Recognizing that, you may find that you can discover a new perspective that takes the pressure off and gives you space to be able take better care of yourself and be grateful for how far you’ve come.

For me, going through this process gives me access to an energy which is forgiving, nurturing and nourishing. And I hope that you’ll be able to do the same, if you recognise some of the signs of burnout starting to creep up. Challenge yourself to be gentler. Challenge yourself to pull your goals back.

If you’re nice to yourself, you might just discover that you can be more, do more, and give more than you ever thought possible.

Feeling particularly stuck?

Sometimes we are so burned out that no amount of positive reflection on our own is going to help. You may well need professional support- medical or otherwise.

Don’t be embarrassed. This is all too common in women, and very frequent symptom of what we affectionately call “Superwoman Syndrome”.

If this feels like the situation for you and you’re not sure which way to head, please reach out to one of our team by booking a call here. We are more than happy to help you determine whether this is something that can be handled with some gentle slowing down and coaching, or whether you need to seek other professional help.

Burnout is a biggie. Let’s help each other recognise it, heal it, and shift the culture to prevent it.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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I love my kids, so why do I shout at them?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

It’s something every parent has surely found themselves wondering from time to time: I love my kids, so why do I shout at them?

If you don’t have children, there’s probably another example you can think of.

You adore your partner – so what was with those sarcastic words that came out of your mouth when they asked an innocent question about your plans a few weeks ago?

Or maybe you find yourself responding with surly monosyllables in conversation with your Dad one Sunday afternoon. Are you forty, or fourteen right now?

I’m sure you can think of an example from your own life where you found yourself lashing out at someone you know you care very deeply about. It can be so frustrating. You know you’re a capable, confident woman deep down. So where on earth does she disappear to at these times, and what can you do to get her to return?

You’re not alone

First things first, you are most definitely not alone. Sit down for a glass of wine with any mother and she’ll probably confess to moments when she really wasn’t proud of the example she was setting to her kids.

Sit down with a glass of wine with me, and I’ll confess to moments of the same.

We all have times when we slip into a mode that’s not really who we are, or who we want to be…

One client I talked to at one of our retreats told me abut a recent time when she’d totally lost it with her husband. “I was cruel and mean,” she told me, thinking back to the way she’d lashed out at him. “And it wasn’t even over anything big.”

At One of manywe refer to these unhelpful responses as coming from disempowering archetypes, and there’s three that most of us identify with at one time or another.

3 ways we lose it with our loved ones

1. There’s the Bitch – cutting, maybe even sarcastic, and always unkind, she’s the sharp tongue that snaps at your kids when they’re taking far too long to get ready; the tone that has your partner running for cover, or the look that makes your colleagues wish the floor would swallow them up.

2. The Victim is that stroppy teenager part of you – the girl who just thinks life is so unfair, but that there’s absolutely nothing she can do about it. In victim mode, we throw up our hands and declare that everything’s out of our control. It’s all other people’s fault, and you might as well just curl up in a ball and give up. Nothing you can do could possibly make a difference anyway, right?

3. The final sister in our trio of despondency is the Martyr. Her signature is to pile up her plate with task after task, responsibility after responsibility, sacrificing her own wellbeing for everyone else – and simmering with resentment about it. She’s the last one to leave the office and the first to volunteer for an extra duty, with a big sigh to make sure everyone knows how hard she’s working.

Breaking free of the disempowering archetypes

Crowning all 3 of these is the archetype we call Superwoman. She’s the woman trying to juggle everything: her home, her relationship, her work, her self-expression… doing it all, by herself, with no one else’s help. She simply doesn’t have a stop button.

Superwoman runs on pure adrenaline, most of the time, and it’s no surprise that when we push ourselves to be in superwoman mode for most (or all!) of the time, we can find ourselves heading for exhaustion, sickness or burnout.

What’s going on?

Knowing these archetypes is a really great way of starting to be able to get to a more resourceful place – one where you can actually begin to anticipate times when things are going to get tough, and maybe even change your behavior ahead of time.

In our BePowerful program we use an exercise called “trigger tracking” to begin to notice exactly when we tend to move into the archetypes that least serve us.

For my client who’d shouted at her husband, she identified quickly that she was moving into”bitch” mode. And the trigger was nothing to do with her husband – it was a looming work deadline that sent her into a tailspin of stress that was directed at her nearest and dearest.

What you can do

So if you find yourself yelling at your kids, it’s likely that you’re moving into one of these disempowering archetypes – and that might well be because Superwoman is showing up in your life.

Here’s how to gently retire these ladies from your day-to-day life.

1. Forgive yourself

When you’ve shouted at your children or said something unkind, it’s easy to let that drag you into self-recrimination: “I shouldn’t have said that”… “I’m a horrible person”.

Start by forgiving yourself. We all have off days; we’ve all said things we wished we could take back from time to time. Apologise to the person you snapped at, if that’s appropriate, and then move on. This is a prompt for you to take a closer look at yourself and see if you can change the pattern.

2. Notice what happened

Get curious about what it is that flared up, and what happened just before it to prompt it. Was it, like my client, a reminder of a pressing work deadline that had you worrying you might fail – a touch of “imposter syndrome”? Or did your partner inadvertently remind you of an insecurity about feeling accepted?

Kids can be great at pushing our buttons, completely without meaning to – and with no idea of the reaction they’re going to get.

Identifying your “triggers” isn’t about going into victim mode or blaming others for setting us off. But it can help you give those closest to you clues about times you’re likely to feel tense, and give you a heads up that it might be time to prepare for stress to come up.

3. Take care of yourself first

The bottom line when temper flares is that your needs aren’t being met in some way. Perhaps you’re run down and exhausted, and you just need a rest. (If you’re completely overwhelmed, our overwhelm first aid kit might be just the thing).

Or there might be some historical emotional patterns that are asking for your attention. Working with a coach or through a program like BePowerful is a really gentle, supportive way to take a look at any area where you know you’re not feeling at your best, and learn new strategies to make changes.

How about you?

Do you know you have a tendency to flare up at certain points? What are the triggers for you, and how do you work through them – letting the people in your life know when you have a pressing deadline, perhaps, or giving yourself an extra time buffer in between appointments so you (and the kids) can decompress? Share what works for you in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

 

 

 

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How to avoid money arguments

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

“I just can’t talk to you about this any more!” Never mind going into another room. I was on the other side of the suburb before I’d calmed down, after yet another blow up with my husband about our finances. If you’re wondering how to avoid money arguments, here’s how we learned to get past the conflict and into alignment when it comes to the money stuff.

I can still remember so vividly how it felt, that particular day. I was hurt, frustrated, and confused. I even wondered if this meant the end of our relationship.

What was most maddening was that for the most part we agreed about money. We knew we had aligned long-term goals and our thoughts about money in general were pretty similar. I knew that something had to change.

Finding a way through the financial storms

Years later, my husband and I are working in our third business together, having navigated big financial hurdles like becoming parents, moving countries, and buying property.

These days, I’m pleased to report that our money conversations always end with us both in the same room – even if we’re not always on the same page. So I wanted to share the things I’ve learned that have made all the difference in our interactions on the topic.

Whether it’s your boss, mum, best friend or partner, here’s how to have productive, effective conversations about money.

5 keys to helping you avoid money arguments

1. Be aware and gentle

For many of us, money is an area of emotional or psychological wounding. Questions of how much we earn or what’s left over at the end of the month recall unconscious judgments in our minds about all kinds of things. This is really normal – almost all of us get tripped up by this from time to time.

What that means is that money conversations start to feel really personal. Statements the other person makes can easily feel like criticism, for example, even if they weren’t intended that way.

The first step then, is to be aware that this is likely to be true. If money comes up, know that this might become a tricky conversation and check in with yourself – is now the time to talk about this? Are you already feeling tender or tense?

Put it into action:
  • Understand that money can be a source of tension
  • Prepare for conversations about money ahead of time
  • Recognise that money talk can feel like it’s personal, even when it’s not intended that way

2. Know what’s yours

Aside from the numbers, it’s vital to know what’s yours on an emotional level. What do I mean by that? Well, a lot of the conflict that arises about money can actually come from within us. For example…

They say: “I think we should have a chat about setting up a joint account for shared bills”

You hear: “You’re terrible with money – I can’t trust you to handle your finances on your own”

You say: “Stop trying to control everything!”

Or…

They say: “How much did you say that retreat was going to cost?”

You hear: “You’re spending too much on extravagant things that don’t matter”

You say: “It’s up to me what I spend my money on – I don’t criticise you for the crap you waste your pay on!”

Hmm… it’s not hard to see how arguments flare up, right?

Becoming aware of the stuff money conversations bring up for us can open up awareness of deeper things that need healing, for example an area you feel especially defensive about, or a particular person whose criticism had a big effect on you in the past.

What’s important is that, when you are aware of these issues, you take responsibility for changing them. What’s yours to deal with? What do you need support from a coach or mentor around?

And remember, the other person might not be on this journey with you. It’s not your job to point out their limiting beliefs or identify what they need to work on. Approach the conversation with compassion, and deal with what’s yours – no more.

Put it into action:
  • Discern what issues you need to deal with when it comes to money
  • Seek external support where you need to – from a coach, financial expert, or trusted friend
  • Recognise what’s not your responsibility, and let it go

3. Choose your timing

Remember, our first step was being aware that conversations about money can be tender. Knowing that, it’s smart to have them at the right time.

That could include being aware of your cycle, for example. Now, before you think I’m some monster who thinks women are incapable of rational thought, hear me out.

In my own life I know that 7 days before my period comes, I could swear that the world is ending and there’s nothing you, I, or anyone else can do about it. That can actually be an incredibly powerful day for me – I sure as hell get clear on the change I want to make in the world – but it’s also a terrible day for me to have a conversation with anyone.

Knowing that, if I’m aware I need to have an important conversation about something like money I’ll do my best to shift it to a day when I’m likely to be feeling much clearer.

That won’t be the same for everyone, of course, but I wonder if any of that applies to you? Do you know you’re better able to be open, compassionate or empathetic at certain times of the month? Bear that in mind when you make an appointment to discuss your finances.

And make sure you take the other person’s needs into account too – allow them to tell you when would suit them, instead of springing it on them at a time when they’re not really ready.

Put it into action:
  • Choose a time when you’re both fed, rested and hydrated
  • Find a space where you won’t be disturbed or interrupted
  • Take into account your own rhythm and emotional needs

4. Be respectful in your communication

Sticking to some basic principles of clear and respectful communication is so important when the topic is an emotional one. Always seek to hear the other person out without interruption. You don’t want to be nagged, so don’t nag either.

And make an effort to find things to celebrate together – focus on what’s working, as well as what you want to change.

Put it into action:
  • Be respectful – don’t interrupt or nag
  • Notice when it’s time to take a break
  • Listen curiously and give space for the other person to say what they need to

5. Be clear about what you’re looking for

Now that you’ve chosen the best possible time and place, and you’re aware of what’s your responsibility, it’s time to communicate as clearly as possible what you want to share.

For the best possible outcome, try and recognise what’s driving both of you in the conversation. One of you might be more interested in feeling connected and loved, or seeking reassurance, and one of you might be looking for problems and tasks to solve.

What’s vital is that you’re clear about what it is you’re both looking for.

Put it into action:
  • Start by giving the point of the conversation for you – not the big long story that precedes it
  • Ask for what you need; leave them to decide the “how” of solving it, if that’s something they’re keen to do
  • Allow yourself to be receptive – if they agree with what you’re saying, there’s no need to keep on convincing them

Not being able to talk about money holds us back

It’s really important that we are able to move into more powerful conversations. In all the women I’ve coached and connected with over the years, I’ve noticed that the people who are most comfortable talking about finances tend to be the ones with the highest level of wealth.

In fact, I’d go as far as to say that your net worth increases in direct relation to your ability to talk to key people in your life about money.

How about you?

These steps have played a huge part in Greg and I sorting out our differences and getting to a stage where we can actually enjoy money conversations. Has money been a source of tension for you, and do you have an experience to share? Let us know in the comments.

If money is a problem for you – not just in conversations but also in terms of what you have or haven’t got – and you’re ready to get sorted so you can talk about it confidently, get in touch to find out about our financial training. If money feels like a challenge,we’ll help you turn it into an ally – so that you can feel truly powerful about where you are and what your next steps are.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to live generously

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Generosity feels good, and it can have a measurable impact on our health, happiness and overall wellbeing. But it can be challenging to know how to be generous, especially if right now there are certain things you don’t feel you have enough of: like time, energy or money.

In The Paradox of Generosity, American researchers found that those who were generous with their resources tended to be healthier and happier than those who didn’t. For example, there were significantly lower depression rates in those who donated a chunk of their income to causes they supported.

When we’re generous in our lives, we can become conduits for the things we’re sharing. And as they flow through us, they tend to increase.

Here are five ways to bring generosity into your life, without a magic wand.

1. Be generous with yourself

Living generously doesn’t mean sacrificing your own wellbeing. In fact, true generosity starts with how you treat yourself.

When we’re feeling frazzled, it can be surprising how stingy we can be about the little things.

Staying at our desks instead of getting up and going to the loo when we need to. Racing between appointments without five minutes to catch our breath. Berating ourselves for the things we haven’t done, rather than celebrating the things we have.

Can you relate?

What if you were truly generous to yourself in every moment of your day?

• Recognise that you’re doing your best in every moment instead of focusing on what you don’t have
• Take care of your needs as exquisitely as possible: For instance, when you’re thirsty, prepare a delicious drink, slowly, and choosing a truly beautiful glass or mug to drink from
• Give yourself tiny treats – a new flavour of tea, a bath instead of a shower, your favourite food or a break to listen to your favourite piece of music

This is the starting point of so much of our work here at One of many, because if you’re working from a depleted state it’s impossible to be able to give freely to others.

As the Zen saying goes, we must “give from a full cup”. Because trying to be generous when our own needs aren’t met is a recipe for resentment, anger and even martyrdom.

How can you be generous to yourself today?

2. Be generous with your time

Time is something a lot of us feel we never have enough of. We can become time hoarders, siphoning off a few minutes here and there for ourselves in days packed with appointments and activities.

But the cumulative effect of that feeling that there’s “never enough time” can be that we end up feeling restricted and hemmed in, in every minute of our days.

What if you approached time with a sense of generosity? Of having more than enough to share?

• Build in an extra ten minutes between appointments, for you to use as you choose

• If you tend to run late, allow more time for travelling, so you can stroll rather than run, or take the scenic route

• Give yourself more time than you think you’ll need to complete a task. Notice how that impacts you – sometimes, we’re more efficient when we feel less rushed

Time can be a fluid experience – it flies when we’re having fun, drags when we’re doing something we don’t want to, and is often a lot more accommodating than we imagine.

Look at your schedule in the coming week with a generous spirit.

3. Be generous with your words

Our words hold the power to move, inspire, encourage or deflate people. Choosing them wisely is one of the easiest and fastest ways we can be generous, and the rewards are inspiring.

How can you use your words generously today?

• Tell someone who really matters to you what they mean – how they help you, what they bring to your life, the impact that they have on your day-to-day. Be specific.

• Next time you say thank you to someone during the course of your day – could be a checkout assistant, delivery person, your coach or your partner – take the time to be really generous. Make eye contact, feel the power of your gratitude, let them know how much you appreciate them.

• Telling the truth can be the most generous thing we can do. If you have an insight to share with someone that you’ve been holding back on for any reason, make a note of it. Perhaps you’re worried about hurting their feelings or there never seems to be the right time? Take a few minutes to think about how you can gracefully share what you need to, and give them the gift of your honesty.

4. Be generous with your network

We’re more connected than ever, and yet loneliness is becoming a problem we’re increasingly aware of. In fact, in January 2018 Britain appointed its first “Minister for Loneliness” following a report which showed that more than 9 million people in the country often or always feel lonely.

Connecting people and nurturing your own support network is a generous thing to do. The connection someone else is looking for, whether in friendship, business or any other area of their life, could be one that would be easy for you to make.

And if you become someone who connects others, they’re much more likely to connect people to you.

Create a community of giving in your own life. Here are some ideas:

• Is there someone you keep meaning to “grab a coffee” with but never quite get round to doing it? Next time you see them, pick a date and stick to it. You never know how you might be able to help each other.

• Can you think of two people who work in related areas but don’t know each other? Why not send a quick email connecting them, to see what ideas might be sparked.

• Do you ever see posts on social media asking for help with something you know nothing about? Be generous – make a point of thinking of someone you know who might be able to help. Signpost them to the person making the request, and see if they make all the difference.

5. Be generous with your wealth

If we’re feeling stretched financially, giving can feel tough, but in today’s world even a relatively small amount can make a huge difference to the lives of those in need. Setting up a regular commitment to a cause you love is a fantastic way to get involved and stay up to date with the incredible work they’re doing in the world.

And using your finances generously doesn’t have to mean charitable giving. It might mean getting really conscious of how you spend your money – choosing to buy ethically, whether through clothing or food, is one way of behaving generously towards others in the world.

At One of many we believe you shouldn’t have to choose between investing in yourself, and making a difference. We support The Hunger Project through donations and training to continue their incredible work in the world, and plenty of other businesses now have similar schemes in place.

How can you get creative to be more generous financially in the world?

• What charities are you currently giving to? Check in with your current causes and see if they still feel like a fit for your values. Would you like to add something new?

• How does your spending reflect your values? Can you be more generous in the choices you make?

• Can you be generous to yourself? Maybe you could do with some financial education to help you sort things out.

The practice of generosity

Living generously feels good. It reminds us that there is an abundance of good things in the world, and that by sharing those things freely we welcome more of them into our lives.

I’m curious: is generosity something you’re aware of? Do you practice it, aspire to it, or notice when you’re living it? Share your experience in the comments.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Grass-roots women who inspire – Karen’s Story

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Karen’s Story – Finding Purpose and Fulfillment

‘You have so much potential, follow your dreams and create the life you want!’

This had been said to me many times but for some reason it never meant anything. Probably because I never felt I had any clarity and certainly no direction or focus for my life. Depression had taken residence and my life had come to a grinding halt.

This was how I was feeling. I was unemployed and lacking any clarity, direction or focus. I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted to do or what I stood for. I wasn’t despondent but I certainly wasn’t moving and I felt like an octopus with tentacles out feeling for opportunities but grappling around in the dark to no avail.

I had read a lot about ‘creating your lifestyle’ but for me my need was more fundamental than that, more basic. I simply wanted to find a life. I wanted to experience more meaning in my life and a deeper sense of fulfilment.

I’d been studying women’s issues for a few years and I had a really strong sense that international women’s day was important and should be honoured. If you don’t know, International Women’s Day (IWD) is celebrated on March 8th and dates back over 100 years, since the time of the Suffragette’s. It’s a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women and also marks a call to action for accelerating gender parity (the measurement of gender equality).

The global movement encourages women to celebrate the day locally. After attending my second International Women’s Day event in Swindon I couldn’t help but feel a little bit disappointed. It just didn’t have the energy that I thought it could have.

‘What was it really about? What was the point of us all coming together?’ I asked myself.

There was a deep sense within me that this was a truly important day and that women’s progression over the years should be celebrated and honoured but the gathering just felt a bit off.

I happened to find myself in conversation with a group of women, one of whom was the main organiser. Me and my big mouth, I couldn’t help but ask

“What do you want to do this for?”

My question was met with stunned silence and it gradually became obvious that the organisers had other motives in mind. I left the gathering without giving it a second thought but the next year I got approached to organise it. I said no because I didn’t feel equipped to do it.

Shortly afterwards I was at a One of many event talking with Jo Martin (the founder) about what I might do for my project. This was part of the Lead the Change Program I was doing with her.

I had the awareness that I wasn’t in tune with what I wanted to do but I was terrified of letting myself go.

“What would you like to do?” She asked me.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, “I think I’d quite like to run a not for profit that transformed the lives of women and girls. Something that created more equality.”

“Actually,” I continued, “I’ve been asked to organise the next International Women’s Day in Swindon but I said no.”

Jo gave me a quizzical look, smiled and said “Why don’t you do it. Do it for fun.”

Do it for fun!

On returning to Swindon I set about organising the event. With only 6 weeks until the day we were on a super tight timescale. I had been learning about the natural gifts and power of women with Jo and I wanted to use my feminine energy to create this event. I have to confess though, I didn’t do very well with that. Instead I used every ounce of Superwoman to meet the deadlines and make the day a success. I kept reminding myself that this was fun but to be honest sometimes I was telling myself this through gritted teeth.

The trouble is Superwoman, the one who is spinning all plates, taking responsibility for everything, doing the doing and all the organising, driving and pushing to make things happen was not me in my feminine. Instead it was me drawing on my masculine energy and true to pattern I ended up burned out.

The event was a great success, however, with over 600 women joining us but I was left exhausted. I had wanted to learn about feminine energy and my natural gifts as a woman. But I had done it all with masculine energy. I was trying to put what I was learning into practice but I was instead living out old habits.

In 2016 I decided to do it differently. I’d been on a wonderful year of personal growth and decided I would bring everything I’d learned, all my One of many language, tools and techniques.

A lightbulb moment

In the past I have always been very literal, with a mind-set of ‘Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.’ But thanks to being part of the One of many community I had a huge light bulb moment that completely changed the way I approached life.

I love photography and what makes me most passionate about it is I just want people to feel really good about themselves. I felt honoured to be invited to photograph our Lead the Change group and through them all simply allowing me to be myself, it suddenly dawned on me that I could shape the way my world looked. Or more specifically I could shape IWD Swindon into what I saw it could be.

I feel truly blessed to be part of an incredible support network like this. I couldn’t have done what I’ve done without these amazing women. They were there for every wobble that I had and kept me buoyant.

We doubled our numbers in 2016

I decided that in 2016 I was going to learn to collaborate. I created a community group to run the event which consisted of 3 of us and a brand for us to become known for.

The 2016 gathering was a huge success with over 1200 women joining with us on that day. Our brand values of Inspire, Educate and Elevate really seemed to capture women’s hearts and speak to them. Personally, I focused on learning to communicate well. I set about learning about different personality types and the sort of language they used so that I could understand and communicate more clearly with my team and our supporters.

Our 2017 event was also a great success and IWD Swindon continues to go from strength to strength. I’ve learned about managing projects as we expand and how to truly empower others to be in their flow.

I’ve had to dig deep but I can honestly say I wouldn’t change a thing. Each year brings new learnings and new growth. This year I’ve stepped into Leadership. Previously I’d been denying my own leadership skills. The One of Many mission is to inspire 1 million grass roots women leaders, women who are making a difference in their locality. I feel proud and privileged to be one of those women.

I would have shied away from calling myself a leader in the past but it was somewhere inside me, lurking away just waiting to be invited out to play. This year I asked myself…

What sort of leader am I? And who am I leading?

This was another lightbulb moment for me as I realised that I hold a strong vision for IWD Swindon and holding that vision takes a lot. Holding the vision also means knowing where everyone else is at. Are we all moving in the same direction?

The One of many Women’s PowerTypes have helped me grow enormously. Learning to embody the power of The Queen has made a huge difference for me. I recall a group exercise back in 2015 practicing harnessing the energy of The Queen, I felt so uncomfortable and I couldn’t even lift my head to look up. This was a powerless place to be and I certainly could not do what I’m doing today without being able to access this part of myself.

As the one with the vision I have to keep an eye on the goal and deal with any problems that arise such as partners pulling out. It is truly wonderful to deal with these things with dignity and grace, instead of freaking out (which may have happened in the past). Now I simply see the vision then reassess and realign.

True leadership comes from being. As I am being more of the grass roots leader that I am, I witness the wonderful positive effect it has as it ripples out to others and they become empowered into their natural leadership. I love watching Helen (one of our team) blossom into her grass roots leadership. She is married to a Japanese man and is going to a global women’s summit in Japan soon.

This year I built a team of 8 people and they are all leaders in their own right. I also challenged myself to put in a grant application with the Arts Council and it was successful. We received £14.5K as well as funding from some local businesses.

It’s not in isolation that we will change the world. It’s through collaboration, community and a greater mission.

This year a film maker made a film of our 2017 event. I welled up when I saw the footage. It enabled me to actually see what it was I was trying to achieve. And it’s allowed me to really understand myself.

I’ve been battling between what’s my identity. Am I a photographer, a curator, a community activist, an organiser of events.

I realised that for now I am the face of IWD Swindon and the work we do with that is part of my purpose.

I want for all women to participate in this event in their locality. When I say all women I don’t mean every person in every house. What I mean is all backgrounds, all classes, all ethnicities. So that there is representation from all women on the day. I also want us to be thinking about girls and what they need to flourish, as well as the parents of girls. This is important so that we can break these cycles of inequality that otherwise just keep on going.

Amazing people show up all the time to help with our mission. They are all experts in what they do but feel that they want to be more on purpose than on profit.

One highly talented lady approached me recently and said she really wanted to help community groups do their thing. I said to her that there were many community groups at IWD Swindon and she should reach out to them and get involved.

Yes she replied… I am. I’m choosing IWD Swindon. You’re the group I’d love to work with. Sometimes I feel like I’m a little bit slow to catch up with how miraculous this is.

This journey has been an amazing ride, it’s bought me things that I didn’t even know I was missing.

I’m so grateful to have a better sense of myself, my purpose and the type of life I want to lead. I wish you fun on your journey!

While developing her leadership skills on her Project, Karen used her new-found confidence and direction to simultaneously launch her own business as a photographer. She is now regularly booked and doing what she loves for work, as well as making a huge community impact for International Women’s Day. Well done Karen!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

In my 14 years of mentoring and coaching business owners, executives and entrepreneurs there is one question that comes up time and again.

From start up to multi-million dollar business, in times of transition the most common questions is …

Should I start my own business or get a job?

I’ve created a free report to help you answer this question. So if you feel a greater purpose calling you but don’t know where to start this free report can help you gain clarity on the right business vehicle for you.

Download your report here