One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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How to talk about money

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Are you comfortable talking about finances with the people in your life? Or would you rather share sex tips in a team meeting than another blow-up with your partner about long term savings plans? If you’re not sure how to talk about money in a way that feels constructive, empowering and productive, read on. I’m really passionate about this topic, and I want to share my best tips on how to talk about money without it feeling weird.

(Got your own suggestions? Make sure to leave a comment at the end – let’s open this up and share what we’ve learned!)

Before we dive in, let’s take a minute to think about why money conversations can feel so awkward. The short answer is – we often have very little experience of money being talked about in a healthy, matter of fact way.

Why you need to know how to talk about money

Many of us don’t learn about money until we start earning our own. And more often than not, that “education” comes in the form of an invitation from a “friendly” bank to sign up for a credit card. Before we know it, we’re stuck in debt or feel like we’re too old to go back to the basics.

(You’d be surprised how many “super successful” women come along to our events and confess they’ve not got the first clue when it comes to managing their money!)

Here at One of many, we have two motives for wanting to empower women when it comes to money. Firstly, we want you to feel in control of what’s happening in your life. If finances are something you feel confused, frightened or overwhelmed about, you’re never going to have the impact you’re here to.

Secondly, our mission is to change the world. We know that when women are confident to make decisions about budgets, they make excellent decisions. Global research from the World Economic Forum shows women tend to spend more on education, health and nutrition among other positive impacts.  So helping you get your confidence won’t just turn things around for you and your family. It will ultimately help us change the world.

An even bigger motivation to move past the awkwardness and start talking about money, right?

So, here are 4 ways to start embracing money conversations and taking back control of your finances:

#1 Take the emotion out of money

When you’re feeling riled up or triggered, it’s really hard to have a straightforward conversation about any topic. When we run our trainings and retreats around finances, most of the women in the room aren’t there because of how much (or how little) money they have in their bank accounts.

They’re there because of how those numbers make them feel.

If your finances are connected to your self worth or your sense of fulfilment, it’s only natural that having a discussion about joint bank accounts can quickly feel like criticism.

And if you feel secretly ashamed of your financial situation, of course you’ll struggle to talk openly about making responsible choices with your kids.

Take some time to reflect on your own relationship with money.

And if you feel like you could do with some extra help, book a call with the office to find out more about our trainings and retreats by clicking here.

Our programmes are designed with women like you in mind. From online training you can work through in your own time to weekend retreats with our extraordinary coaching team, we might well have just the expert support you need to let go of your baggage.

#2 Get clear about your values

Everyone’s finances look different. We all have slightly different priorities, and there’s no right or wrong way to decide what they are.

Some people really value being able to enjoy small daily pleasures… others delight in giving up their latte habit and seeing the savings add up to a big-ticket spend.

You might be someone who really values careful investing for the long term… or be proud of the percentage of your income you donate to the causes that matter to you.

One of the biggest challenges we can face in money conversations is “justifying” our decisions. That’s because a lot of the time we’re making choices that aren’t really related to our values in a clear way; they’re just what we vaguely feel we “should” do, or are habits we’ve picked up unconsciously.

Getting clear on your values might change the decisions you make about your finances, or you might discover that your current set up aligns perfectly with what matters. Either way, you’ll feel a whole lot more confident when your priorities are top of mind, and you know your finances reflect that.

Money conversations are easier when you know what’s most important to you, and you’re clear on how your saving, spending and investing supports those values.

#3 Be careful of your language

Personally, I’ve become really conscious of the language I use about money since becoming a parent. It started when James was just a tiny toddler, starting to get interested in shiny coins. “Ooooh!” I’d say, looking at his little handful of clutched change. “Look at all those coins! Clever you, you’re so rich!”.

Unthinking comments like that started me thinking about what messages I was conveying when I modelled finances for my child. Did I really want him to associate wealth with praise and approval?

But the same applies if you’re talking to your friend, boss or partner.

Do you describe yourself as “lucky” to have a salary – even though it’s way lower than your male colleagues?

Do you tell your friends “I’m just hopeless with numbers”, instead of sharing how frustrated you feel that your partner makes the long-term financial decisions?

And how often do the words “I can’t afford it” come out of your mouth, when the truth is “It’s not a priority for me right now” would be more accurate?

Language matters. Pay attention to the stories you’re telling yourself, and see what might shift in your conversations if you changed the words you use.

#4 Talk about it

The best way to talk about money is to… well… talk about it!

Honestly, I think this is the trick so many of us are missing. We find it hard to talk about money, and so we don’t – but that only makes the next conversation more difficult.

Like any taboo subject, it takes a while to feel comfortable talking about something that’s not part of your usual repertoire.

Maybe you feel a bit awkward.

Maybe you don’t know the answers to the questions your kids have.

Maybe your friend’s offended at a question about her pension arrangements, or a well-meaning “check in” with your partner blows up into a row.

It happens. None of us are perfect, and none of us have all the answers.

But the best thing to do in situations where money talk feels hard, is take a deep breath. Acknowledge that this is new ground and that you’re trying out a new approach of being more open – laugh about it, if you can!

But keep talking.

Talk to your kids, talk to your friends’ kids, talk to your colleagues.

Let’s create a world where talking about our finances, including our mistakes and our questions and our desires, is as routine as talking about anything else.

It’s time to take the weirdness out of money! Because I think we might actually change the world if we did.

How about you

How do you feel when it comes to talking about money? Are there particular people you struggle to stay objective around, or ways you’ve found to make the conversation easier? Share your tips in the comments!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to achieve financial stability

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Financial stability is the foundation for so much of life. When your income and outgoings are roughly equal, and you know exactly what your money situation is, you have choices: where to focus your energy; what your next career move is; what your priorities are based on your values. And yet most of us aren’t ever taught how to achieve financial stability.

So let’s go back to basics, and explore exactly what it looks like – and how you can get there.

How to achieve financial stability

If you’re feeling unstable financially it can be tempting to throw all sorts of tactics at the problem. We rush to trim our budgets, fret about how to earn “more” with only the vaguest idea of what our goals need to be, or find ourselves overwhelmed with complicated investment and asset management plans – when in reality, we’d find ourselves derailed by an unexpected gas bill.

Distracting yourself with that stuff keeps you from the real challenge: getting a clear, unbiased picture of where you are right now, and taking responsibility for changing it.

So if the mere thought of looking at your bank statement sends you into a cold sweat, or you’ve ever found yourself saying “I’m just hopeless with money”, I invite you to stop, and take a deep breath.

Getting to grips with this doesn’t have to be a struggle. It can actually be an easy, gentle process and today I’m going to walk you through exactly what it looks like.

The first thing you need to know is this simple principle:

The key to financial stability is ACCOUNTABILITY

That’s it. That’s what you need to embrace. And if that seems too simple, or too easy (Where’s the 25-step plan? The percentages and spreadsheets?), then let’s walk through exactly what’s involved.

Step one: Take responsibility

Becoming fully responsible in this context means acknowledging that you are the one who’s responsible for your thoughts, actions, and behaviours.

If your outgoings are more than you have coming in, it’s your responsibility to make the shifts you need to.

If you don’t know your financial situation, or it fluctuates so wildly you can’t keep track of it, you’re the one who needs to take action to address that.

It’s a principle that the richest women I know follow. But it’s also a mindset you can adopt today – no matter what your circumstances.

Taking responsibility means being fully committed to “owning” what’s happening in your life, instead of placing the cause outside of your control.

A simple way to track this is to begin to notice any time you find yourself doing any of the following:

  • Placing blame on others (If my boss wasn’t so stingy about pay rises… if my partner didn’t have such expensive hobbies…)
  • Justifying your circumstances (It’s the economy… it’s my lack of qualifications… it’s the competition)
  • Shaming yourself (I’m just no good with figures… As soon as I get money I spend it… I’m never going to be rich)

This week, become aware of any time you find yourself blaming, shaming or justifying your current financial situation. That might be in conversation with others, or just as part of your internal dialogue.

How can you reframe those thoughts, so that you can begin to be someone who takes responsibility for how things are?

2. Be accountable to others

When we look at financially successful women, we generally find they’re not only committed to taking personal responsibility. They have someone in their life who they report to when it comes to their finances. It might be a coach, business partner or accountant.

For you, it might be a close friend, your partner, sister or perhaps another woman in our community.

When we lead women through the 10 Week Wealth Turnaround, our comprehensive financial training for busy women, we invite them to be accountable within our online forum and to “buddy up” with someone else on the program. We know that this makes a huge difference in how effective the techniques and tools we teach are.

Showing up and being answerable for the promises you’re making can make the difference between setting good intentions (that quickly fall by the wayside) and starting to truly get honest about what’s going on.

Who could you be accountable to? Your partner, or someone else?

Reach out to them and ask them if they’d be willing to check in with you once a week on how things are going.

3. Get clear on your numbers

The final step when it comes to reaching financial stability is being accountable in the more familiar way we think of when it comes to money.

For most successful, capable women, the biggest challenge isn’t actually earning or budgeting. Those are important pieces, but they’ll come later.

First you need to know where you are: what’s coming in, what’s going out, and what needs to change in order for things to be different.

You’ll need to know:

  1. Your expenses – How much is going out each month. This will include your obvious monthly expenditure like housing, bills and groceries as well as less frequent expenses, from annual holidays to sporadic plumbing bills or house maintenance.
  2. Your income – Not just your salary, but other income like benefits, dividends, interest payments and income from things like rental properties.
  3. Your liabilities – A fancy word for any debts you have. This might be so called “good” debt, like your mortgage, or that high interest credit card you’re trying to forget. Having it all in one place means you can begin to get to grips with what’s going on.

This is an absolutely vital step, so don’t rush or skip it. I know it might sound counter-intuitive. When you’re slowly turning crimson as your card’s declined by the supermarket cashier, or guiltily trying to hide the evidence of that late-night online shopping spree when the credit card statement arrives, it can certainly feel like getting to financial stability just means finding more money – fast.

But without a clear picture of exactly where your money’s going, you won’t be able to make the empowered, intelligent decisions you need to.

A note on fear

For many of us, this third step is the hardest.

Why?

Often, especially if we’re capable and successful in other areas of our lives, we find ourselves paralysed by fear when it comes to looking at data which relates to our personal finances. This can be true even if handling budgets is something you breeze through as part of your business or job.  

If you’re feeling uncomfortable at the thought of gathering your financials in one place, take a moment now and gently ask yourself why.

You might be afraid of what you’re going to find, when it’s all laid out in black and white. You might be worried that you can’t work out a spreadsheet, or that the maths is too complicated, or even that you’re going to be far more successful than you think. (Remember, our fears aren’t always rational!)

If that fear is enough to stop you moving forward, here’s my simple suggestion: Find someone who can do this with you. There will be someone out there who can help you. A friend, neighbour, brother, mum, or your partner. If your fear is going to cloud your ability to do this, reach out and ask someone else to help you through it.

And keep it simple! You don’t have to use a spreadsheet or fancy app. A simple sheet of paper and a pen is all the technology you need to get the clarity that will make the difference. 

From awareness to action

When you’ve got clarity on where you are, you’re able to take action based on reality.

You might be pleasantly surprised, and find that you’re actually far more flush than you think. Your income is greater than your outgoings, and you’re ready to look at the next stage of wealth.

You might realize that things need to change if you’re going to “break-even” at the end of the month. Now you know by how much, and you can probably see whether your expenses have room to be trimmed or it’s time to think about raising your earnings.

Perhaps you’re almost there. Your incomings and outgoings are roughly the same. Getting this powerful habit of accountability in place will be the final piece when it comes to reaching stability. After a few tweaks, you’ll be ready to think about your next area of focus.

Need a helping hand with your money?

At One of many, we use a model called the 4 Stages of Wealth to map financial priorities. Financial stability is just the first stage – and we help busy, capable women navigate every step of the journey.

Whether you’re wondering how to set up a budget that works to starting to think bigger about your legacy once you’ve reached financial freedom, we’d love to have a chat about supporting you to take action.

Click here to book a call with the office and find out more.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest Post: The Inner Game of Money

By

Rebecca Robertson

Rebecca Robertson

Rebecca Robertson is the author of Evolve Financial Planning – financial planning education for women; a TedX speaker; and the seven times award-winning Founder and Director of Evolution Financial Planning.

Rebecca is known as the financial planner who is passionate about putting women firmly in control of their finances. She has helped thousands of individuals and families to achieve financial freedom and given them peace of mind that their finances are properly protected in case the worst should happen. With 19 years’ experience, she’s proud to have a 100% satisfaction rating from her happy clients.

As well as providing holistic and independent advice to clients, Rebecca’s also been featured in the Independent’s ‘Women in Finance’ and is a regular media commentator in FT Advisor and New Model Adviser, discussing financial issues particularly in relation to women.
Rebecca Robertson

Latest posts by Rebecca Robertson (see all)

When it comes to your finances, it’s the inner game of money that makes all the difference. Today I’m going to share 4 profiles that can help you figure out what your “inner game” is, but first, let’s think about the context we’re in.

How many women do you know who are super confident about money?

You know…

  • The kind who ask (or even demand!) a pay rise at work – as they know their worth
  • Who won’t accept buying a house for a penny more than the asking price
  • Or who spend money on developing their knowledge to learn more about certain subjects specifically so they can invest more or charge more in their business?

Half your friends? Less than half? Maybe only a few of them?

There aren’t many of them out there!

We all deal with money differently

Money is a far-reaching subject, so just to be clear, I’m talking here about personal finances which affect us day to day. Those areas which mean you hide that bill in the drawer, don’t return a bank phone call, or do an online shop every day.

Perhaps you feel unable to make any decisions, so procrastinate about things or guiltily leave it to your partner to do the financial planning for your family.

It’s so very natural to do these things. Often we aren’t aware we are doing it, and more often than not people don’t challenge you on it as they have their own issues they feel they should be dealing with first…

The fact is, we all tend to doubt ourselves or feel unsure of things we don’t understand. When we understand our own behaviour, we’re able to see where we can make change most effectively, and begin to introduce new habits that will actually stick.

This is why, when I talk to my clients about where they should put their attention first, I always start with this: Money is all about the inner work.

So how can you understand what “inner game” you’re currently playing? The following 4 profiles describe different ways we can approach money.

4 Money Profiles

We all have a little part of these profiles within us, often changing due to personal circumstances and at different times of our lives. These profiles are to give you a general view on your stronger profile at this time.

They’re based on general attributes which we would ‘tend’ to find with individuals but of course, they can be different for some people. Read through and see if any of them resonate more strongly with you – or if you might be able to choose one which best describes your most usual way of handling your finances.

Prominence

  • Tend to like status objects, gadgets, clothes, shoes, cars…
  • Will buy everyone a drink because they care what people think of them.
  • Can be wishful thinkers, hoping for the best.
  • Can get into debt more easily due to these traits.

If this describes you, try to be mindful that:

No matter how many objects or objects you own it cannot bring you deep happiness. Often the joy from buying is short lived. I am not suggesting you stop spending, but try to keep a check on it and consider how else your money could be spent or invested to great a deeper level of happiness or wealth.

Big-Heart

  • Generous at heart – but sometimes that generosity could replace genuine affection.
  • As any children you may have grow older, they will begin to expect more and more, and maybe not understand many money lessons themselves.
  • You tend to put other’s needs first over yours, wanting the best for them.

If this describes you, try to be mindful that: 

Financial indulgence cannot replace love and affection. Your financial needs are equally important. Buying things for others is a lovely thing to do, but is it to make yourself feel better? Get to the root of your need and you may find your finances are a little more comfortable.

Collector

  • Would tend to hoard money, prefer low risk and will want to take the safest option.
  • Tend to save in normal bank accounts and do very well at this but won’t take the next step to invest money, for example in the stock market.
  • Won’t over commit themselves and want to create security around them.

If this describes you, try to be mindful that: 

By creating financial security, you could in fact allow yourself to discover new areas of life you’ve not yet had the chance to discover. Always being in the place of “save save save”, creates other problems – like tax – and then keeping that money secure. Saving is a great thing to do – but have a plan for it.

Bohemian

  • A free-spirited individual who will use money to break free from life and day to day strains.
  • Doesn’t really have a plan or feel worried about how they spend their money as long as it gives them a feeling of joy and independence.

If this describes you, try to be mindful that: 

Life is for living and enjoying as much as you can, but there is a pinch of reality in there which needs to be considered, like your old age. What does the future look like and how can you have the best of both worlds?

What kind of money profile are you?

You may well have a blend of some of these different profiles at play – perhaps different role models around you growing up gave sou slightly different examples. Try not to go into judgement, but simply think about which are the most dominant.

What are your money habits?

When you’ve identified your money profile, you can start thinking about your money habits. How do you save, spend, invest, or give? Are any of these areas ones which you find challanging, or which are a source of tension in your life?

Congratulations: if you know your Money Profile, you’re one step closer to handling the Inner Game of Money.

Join us for the Wealth Summit

If you’re curious about wealth and want to create a life with more choice when it comes to your finances, why not join me for the Wealth Summit? For four weeks, every Friday from 3rd May I will be interviewing 4 amazing women talking all things wealth. On 10th May I’ll be speaking to Joanna Martin, founder of One of many, to talk about The Inner Game of Money. Click here to sign up!

About Rebecca

Cat and dog owner  | Loves the great outdoors | Tea drinker

Rebecca Robertson is the author of Evolve Financial Planning – financial planning education for women; a TedX speaker; and the seven times award-winning Founder and Director of Evolution Financial Planning.

Rebecca is known as the financial planner who is passionate about putting women firmly in control of their finances. She has helped thousands of individuals and families to achieve financial freedom and given them peace of mind that their finances are properly protected in case the worst should happen. With 19 years’ experience, she’s proud to have a 100% satisfaction rating from her happy clients.

As well as providing holistic and independent advice to clients, Rebecca’s also been featured in the Independent’s ‘Women in Finance’ and is a regular media commentator in FT Advisor and New Model Adviser, discussing financial issues particularly in relation to women.

 

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How one hidden number shapes your life

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When it comes to talking about money, lots of us find ourselves switching off – and I’m really curious about why that is. A common excuse is that finances are kind of a “dry” topic. Income, expenditure, numbers… if you’re more of a people-loving, connecting, creative person it can be easy to dismiss money as something that’s quite frankly a bit dull. Well, today I want to share an idea that might just turn that on its head, and it’s how one hidden number shapes your life.

So if you tend to switch off or scroll past when people start talking about money, I’d love to challenge you to take a deep breath, and read on. It might just be the food for thought you need when it comes to changing your relationship with money.

Your financial set point

The idea I want to open up for you today is that each of us has a “financial set point”.

To explain what I mean, here’s how to figure out yours:

  1. Write down a rough guess at how much money you earned in the last twelve months. 
  2. And then, think about how much money you have left.
  3. If you can, repeat this process for the past 5 years – or as far back as you’re able to with ease. How much did you earn, and how much did you have left, roughly, at the end of each year?

Whether you know your exact numbers or not, this is going to give you some clues as to what’s going on.

Because what you’ll often find is that, however much your income has varied, your set point – the amount of money you typically have left – is very likely to be the same.

Your financial set point, although it’s an unconscious thing, reflects itself in your financial results.

When your financial set point is… zero

Before I began to explore this, I had no idea that my financial set point was zero. It wasn’t instantly obvious, because at that time my income was fluctuating quite radically.

I was a student, and then I was a medical intern, and then I set out on my own in business… but whether I earned a lot or a little, what was left at the end of the year was always zero.

What I began to understand was that in my world, there was always “just enough” – and I would get rid of anything that was more than enough.

Another friend of mine had a financial set point of negative ten percent. So when he earned ten thousand dollars in a year, by the end of the year, he was a thousand dollars in debt. When he started to make serious money, as you can imagine, that debt increased proportionally – and became a serious issue.

So your set point might be an amount – like negative two thousand. Perhaps, no matter how much you earn, you’ve ended up with negative two thousand pounds in the bank for the last five years of your life.

Each of us has a financial set point, and it’ll either be slightly positive, zero, or slightly negative. So take a moment, to think about that for yourself, and then spend some time writing down what you think it might be for you.

What your financial set point means

What’s fascinating to me is how your set point can offer you a really clear insight into some of the unconscious principles that can guide our financial behaviour.

After all, many of us are strongly motivated, year on year, to increase our financial pot – perhaps to get a payrise or a promotion, or to change our business practice so that we can increase our profits.

And yet if the net outcome of that is that you’re in exactly the same place financially, you might get a glimpse of a deeper issue that might need some attention.

Perhaps you’re so wedded to saving a certain percentage of your income that you’re not actually enjoying the fruits of it – instead, you’re squirrelling away funds for a “rainy day” and exasperating your family with the grip you keep on the purse strings.

Or maybe for you it’s the other way around. Get a windfall or a payrise and you’re spending the money as fast as it comes in – and then wondering why you’re still feeling insecure when it comes to your nest egg.

An interesting effect of a positive set point can be that you’ve outgrown your financial education. If you’ve been diligently accumulating wealth, but still storing it in the way you used to when you started out in your twenties, it might not be working for you as hard as it could do. Might be a good time to seek out a financial advisor for a look at the best way to help your money multiply.

Was this helpful?

If you’ve not come across this concept before, I’m really interested to hear what you found out. Did you get a feeling of at least a general direction? Did you not? Share what you find out in the comments.

Ready to explore more?

If you’re curious about what unconscious assumptions you might be making around money, and ready to look at how you could change them to create a very different experience, Wealth Insights is the place to find out more.

This half-day in-person training is your chance to get to grips with your unique situation when it comes to money, and discover the next steps you need to take towards financial freedom.

Registration opens soon and you can click here to join the priority notification list, and be first to hear when tickets are available. We’d love to see you in London in June!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Are you a Jekyll and Hyde when it comes to managing money?

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

It’s a surprisingly common challenge among our community of smart, capable women: Managing budgets is part of your role at work and you’re competent – even talented – at doing it. But when it comes to your own finances, it’s a different story.

Why is it that we can be firing on all cylinders when it comes to our business finances, and yet stuck in a rut when the money’s our own? After all, it’s not as though your own cash is less important. Well, I have a theory – and I’d love to know if this resonates.

The power of boundaries

One of the reasons why we can be so successful in one realm, and yet feel like we’re floundering in another, is this: in our work, we tend to be constrained by clearly defined parameters within which we have to make our decisions.

You’re operating within a framework that leaves you in no doubt what you’re aiming to achieve, how you’ll monitor it happening, and when you’ll know if you’ve hit the mark or not.

At home, it’s a different story. Often we lack a basic structure to allow us to make informed decisions about what our goal should be.

  • Spend less?
  • Earn more?
  • Figure out investing?

And often we focus on the wrong thing. (That’s if you’re making the time to choose on a clear focus at all – when you don’t feel confident about your finances, it’s really easy to keep putting off the day when you’ll “have a proper look” at what’s going on.)

So let’s break down the 4 key areas that we can often find ourselves struggling with when it comes to personal wealth.

1. Data

Any business needs to have a grasp of the basic numbers: how much you’re spending versus how much cash your business is earning.

At work you likely have data on hand to explain why those numbers are what they are, and depending on the industry there will be varying levels of detail available to back up those numbers and give you further information.

But many of us have a very different story at home.

You might have an idea of what comes in, and perhaps certain fixed expenses, but what if things go up or down unexpectedly? What happens to spontaneous purchases or surprise expenses? And what’s the money you’re not earning or spending doing?

Cat Townsend is a graphic designer who started her journey towards financial freedom when she took a closer look at her own financial history… and was surprised, to say the least, to find her assumptions about her freelancer earnings proved wrong.

“I was amazed to discover that despite feeling like a financial failure, and not always having dependable income, that I had actually earned as much over the last decade as my partner had in his stable and steady job.

It turns out I was doing pretty well with the ‘making’ money, I was just lacking in follow through with the ‘manage’ and ‘multiply’ parts of wealth creation.”

When you have the data you need, you can make a better decision about what your focus is going to be – do you really need to be making more money, or is it more sensible to begin to look at what happens to that money when it comes in?

Getting a handle on where you currently are is an essential first step when it comes to taking back control.

2. Goals

In a business, you likely have a clear goal – a SMART one, hopefully, that guides your strategy when it comes to generating income.

Conversely, many of us haven’t been taught how to set our own financial goals. At One of many we use a simple structure called The 4 Stages of Wealth. These describe where you’re at and then use that to reveal what your current priority should be.

When Cat realised the stage she was at, it gave her another “aha!” moment.

“Jo also taught us about the four stages of wealth – Stability, Security, Independence and Affluence – and I realised another reason why previous financial education hadn’t worked for me. I was so far in the realm of instability that I hadn’t even reached the first stage of wealth yet! You can’t just jump straight to financial independence or affluence.

Each stage of wealth builds upon the next, so if I wanted to improve my wealth situation I needed to do the work to progress through each stage. Because as Jo explained, the strategy that gets you to one level is NOT the strategy that will get you to the next level.”

3. Accountability.

If you look after numbers in a business context, you might be called upon to report them at a team meeting, via email, or in a meeting with your accountant. What’s important is that there’s an element of accountability there.

At home, the opposite can be true. There might be no one who has a clear picture of what your money situation is. Meaning pushing financial stuff to the bottom of the to-do list is fatally easy to get away with – after all, no-one except you will know…“It fascinated me that stability is also about accountability” says Cat. “Scott and I never even spoke about our finances. I immediately knew this had to change.”

4. Emotion

One of the biggest differences when it comes to handling budgets at work compared to tackling your own financial situation is emotion.

Of course, as a responsible team member it’s going to be important to you that the business you’re in performs and gets results. But the level of personal attachment to those numbers is likely to be significantly less than the emotions you feel when you look at your own figures. You might feel worried, guilty or angry if the business isn’t doing well, but you’re less likely to feel personal shame.

This is a clue to one of the most commonly overlooked aspects of financial confidence: dealing with and recognising our own emotional “baggage” when it comes to money.

The good news

The great news is, if you’re on top of things at work the evidence is clear: you’re absolutely capable of nailing your personal finances too.

When you have the right framework in place you’ll discover the joy of making financial decisions from a place of empowerment – so that tending to your finances can feel fulfilling, exciting, and even joyful.

And even if you don’t handle budgets at work, you might be more talented with figures than you think. A 2017 survey by Fidelity insurance in the US found that in an analysis of more than eight million clients, women actually tended to save more and outperform men when it came to generating a return on their investments.

“The results of Fidelity’s latest analysis reinforces that women too often underestimate their strengths as savers and investors,” – Alexandra Taussig, senior vice president of women investors at Fidelity

Which is great news, right? When we have the right tools, women on average make sound decisions. So if you’re wondering why you can’t seem to manage your own finances like you do your business’s, it might simply be a case of creating the structure that will allow you to shine.

Want more?

If you’d like to find out about the training we offer to women around financial empowerment – both in-person and online – click here to get in touch. We’d love to find out what support you need to feel fully confident when it comes to your money.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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One of many Voices: Mary Waring

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

Mary Waring is an independent financial advisor for women and author of A Man is Not A Financial Plan, whose mission is to empower women and help them make informed decision about their finances. Today she’s giving us a peek into her day-to-day life, and how she manages her energy to allow her to continue her much-needed work.

Hi Mary! Tell us what you do, in a nutshell

I work with women going through divorce to help them feel confident about their finances, giving them clarity and peace of mind.

Give us the “big why” you feel called to do this work:

My mother was in a very unhappy marriage and couldn’t leave because she had no money in her own right. I saw the power that money, and knowledge about your money, gives you. It doesn’t necessarily make you happy. But it gives you options that may not be available to you otherwise.

What does your daily routine look like?

I love a nice lazy start to the morning with tea in bed, and my 2 spoilt springer spaniels allowed up on the bed. It gives me a good start to the day without frantically rushing around from the start. I have breakfast (always) & then start work around 8 am.

I take time off during the day to take a dog walk by the river/ go to the gym, and usually work till about 6 pm. Then it’s some form of relaxation: bath/gym/ dinner with friends

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

I balance running a  demanding, successful business versus taking some downtime for myself.

I find it too easy to pour all my energy into work and then realise I haven’t looked after myself enough.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

It’s important to get as much help as you can. I delegate or outsource as much as possible so I can then have free time to actually do the things I want to. It makes such a difference to my enjoyment that I am not doing things I don’t enjoy. It also means I’m not doing things that drain my energy, and I don’t end up feeling resentful about the things I’m doing.

How do femininity and Soft Power feature in your business/ career?

When I first did my Women’s PowerTypes Profile, I discovered that my scores on the Queen and Lover PowerTypes were very low for me.

Because I found it challenging to access my “Queen” PowerType, I didn’t set good boundaries with the people around me. I was very much set on being a people pleaser, and keeping everyone else happy – sometimes at my own expense.

My Lover score was low for a similar reason. I was too busy spending my time and energy on others, rather than on taking good care of myself.

Since completing the 12-month Lead the Change program with One of many I’ve been able to not only understand why I had experienced the challenges I did, but take steps to find more balance, and address these issues in a sustainable way.

What is the most common emotion you feel on a day-to-day basis?

On the good days, sheer joy, delight and gratitude that I have the life I have, and that I can experience the growth I can through personal development.

Do you think you people around you (on social media, and face to face) understand who you authentically are?

On social media, probably not. I read posts but don’t often contribute, since I find social media can be too big a time stealer!

But face to face, yes, absolutely. You get what you see.

How important do you think vulnerability is in life and career?

I think it’s really important to be open and honest – to ask for help when you need it, and open up if you have queries or issues. I’ve been vulnerable in meetings when I haven’t known the answer to a question that a client has asked me. I just admitted it and said I’d find out and get back to them. To me, being honest and vulnerable instead of pretending to have all the answers is much more important than just bluffing. Apart from anything, you will often get caught out!

What do you do for SoftPlay? How do you look after yourself?

To be honest, I haven’t done anywhere near as much Soft Play as I would like. Last year I did some things to get me outside my comfort zone – like having dinner on my own, and going to the theatre on my own. I also took singing lessons, which was a big deal – highly uncomfortable for someone who believed they couldn’t sing!

This year I’m concentrating on doing things to have fun. I’m going to do  classes in aerial hoop, aerial Pilates, and try pottery.

How do you juggle your relationship and business?

My husband and I both work from home. So, on good days we can go out for dog walk together, or have lunch.

If not, we will at least generally have some form of communication during the day. I’m also planning to set aside a minimum of one working day each month that we both take off so that we can go out and have some fun.

How do you think tapping into your femininity (playing to your strengths as a woman), has impacted your relationships?

Prior to Lead The Change, my only PowerType was Superwoman! I see now how totally off-putting that can be in many situations. It’s great to be able to use the different PowerTypes as and when required.

My clients are almost exclusively women in difficult emotional situations.  So all of the different Women’s PowerTypes come into play at various stages of our working relationship, and help us to achieve the results my clients want with much more ease.

What’s one “breakthrough” you have had in your life, that shifted the way you saw things – how did it impact those around you?

I’ve gone from being Superwoman, having to win and achieve at all costs, to now concentrating on enjoying my experiences and having fun. I expect I’m much easier to live with! Since Superwoman also tended to want everyone else around her to have superpowers, too…

Who do you look up to as a woman?

So many of the beautiful women I’ve met on Lead The Change who’ve faced their issues, and come out the other side shining.

What are your sources of inspiration?

Same as above! I look at these women, and think “if they can do it, so can I”

What do you tell yourself when times are tough?

Although it can be very hard sometimes, I concentrate on the fact the Universe/God knows what’s best for you. You might not think it at the time, but it is all part of a divine plan.

What’s the soundtrack of inspiration for you?

“This is me” from Greatest Showman

Who have you listened to lately that motivated you to take action on something, anything? And why?

I love Jo’s Soft PowerCast on “your body is your compass”. It reminds me I have all the answers inside myself as to what’s right for me.

(If you’d like to listen to this and the other Soft Powercasts, you can access them at no cost when you join the BeOne community. Click here to enter your details and access this and a ton of other resources, absolutely free.)

What are you doing to help elevate the women of developing nations?

I’m a patron for The Hunger Project, who help to end poverty and hunger in developing nations by empowering women to change their communities.

About Mary

Recovering superwoman | Dog obsessed | Never too old to change

Mary is a chartered accountant and chartered financial planner – one of only a handful of advisers in the whole of the UK with these qualifications.  She’s passionate about changing the way women think about finance, so that they are better equipped to make informed decisions about their future.

You can find Mary online at the following links:

Twitter: @marywaring

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/marywaring

Website:  www.wealthforwomen.biz

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Why money is power – and how you can get more of it

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

Today I want to talk about money – because our economic power as women is something which I believe we absolutely have to turn around if we are serious about shifting the way the world works. Not just for ourselves but for our kids, for our families, and for the world at large. And there’s a really important aspect to how we manage our finances that is often missing from advice about managing your money, and it starts by understanding why money is power – and how that impacts us.

Money is power

Here’s the interesting thing – as women, it’s been reported that we make 80% of the buying decisions on this planet.

Women are an army of change waiting to be tapped into.

It’s not a nation or an industry or some small group of power brokers that can actually change the world. It’s us.

The quote below comes from an article that’s almost a decade old now, and it reflects the excitement people began to feel around the world when we realized the implications of these statistics.

“Women have become the major drivers of the consumption economy in the United States, says Maddy Dychtwald, author of “Influence: How Women’s Soaring Economic Power Will Transform Our World for the Better.”

She says that women today influence 83% of all dollars spent on consumer purchases, including:
62% of all new cars
92% of vacations
90% of food
55% of consumer electronics
93% of health-care spending
94% of home furnishings

And as women have gained more economic might, they have also wielded this power differently than men, says Dychtwald. In developing countries, it has been documented that women reinvest 90% of their income in their families and communities, compared to men who reinvest only 30% to 40% of their income.”

John Cookson, How Female Economic Power Improves Society, 2010

If we get empowered around money, if we equip and empower ourselves around money and start making decisions which are in line with our values, then we could absolutely transform what the world looks like.

We don’t always realize the power we have

And yet, five years on, a US study by Fidelity Investments revealed that “eight in 10 women have refrained from discussing their finances with those they are close to”. And
just 47% of women said they would be confident discussing money and investing with a financial professional on their own.

There’s a gap, in other words, between our power to create change using our finances and our confidence in our ability to do that.

A second study by Fidelity, in 2016, analysed over 8 million investment clients and revealed that “women actually tend to outperform men when it comes to generating a return on their investments.” And yet the same report found that “when asked who they believed made the better investor this past year, a mere nine percent of women thought they would outperform men.”

The missing piece

This data is fascinating to me, because it points to something that’s long been a cornerstone of our financial training at One of many – and that’s the awareness we bring to our relationship with money.

Not how much we have, or what we plan to do with it, but the relationship itself.

Whether you feel fearful, or embarrassed, or confident, or in control…

You see, if we control the majority of the spending power, and tend to make better long-term investment decisions than men, the biggest problem we’re facing isn’t our ability to use our money. It’s having the confidence to take the reins and make those decisions in the first place.

Why we lack confidence around money

What I think we’re seeing at the moment is that over the last 100 years or so, where women have started to become empowered in the public sphere, we’re starting to see women who are showing a way of getting confidence in work.

We’ve fought our way through that glass ceiling and showed up, and we’re starting to be more confident there, we’re performing. Yes, there’s still a long way to go, but we’re doing great.

However, our money confidence is lagging behind our progress in other areas – like education, and careers. And this is a problem because if we look at the culture we live in, money is given a unique role.

All of us live in cultures where we are getting messages every day about what’s right, real, true, correct about ourselves, whether we fit in or we don’t fit in.

And for most of us, the cultural message around money – you only have to open a magazine, watch the news, or catch a movie to see this – is that money is the ultimate measure of value in our society.

If someone has more money or makes more money, the underlying assumption that the overwhelming majority of individuals will have about that person is that they are of more value than someone who makes or has less money.

Can you see how that kind of messaging can really dent our ability to feel strong and empowered financially?

How does your money confidence impact you?

Here are some questions to help you begin to explore how this messaging might be impacting you and your relationship to your finances.

Take a quiet twenty minutes to yourself, and do some journaling – write a few sentences for each question.

If you haven’t been in these situations, try closing your eyes and imagining seeing that number on your bank statement. Then connect to how that might make you feel, and write from there.

Do you find yourself equating your self-worth with how much money you’re making?

What happens to your self-confidence when your income goes down?

What happens to your self-confidence when there’s no money in the bank?

What happens to your self-confidence when you get a lot of money in the bank?

One of my clients experienced this last point vividly. Her mother died and left her an overwhelming amount of money. Now she was a great entrepreneur, who had started, run, and sold many great businesses, but she had never actually educated herself around managing her wealth.

And so when her mum died, she suddenly had a big pot of money – but no confidence to deal with it.

She found herself in a tailspin of anxiety. And that’s so normal because if we’re in a culture which rates our self-worth around money, then suddenly having a lot of it that you didn’t earn is a really fast way to dig up all kinds of psychological turmoil.

Equating money with self-worth keeps us from our power

And that’s where I think we are. As women, our money confidence is still being informed by the last few millennia where we have not been involved in commerce at all. That’s a situation which has only very recently changed so it totally makes sense that we don’t have a lot of confidence around our money.

The flip side of this cultural stuff that we’re swimming in, where women have not had opportunity to be involved with money for millennia, is all of the other messaging we get that tells us “women are crap with money”. Think about sitcoms or movies – it’s rare to see a female character who makes truly empowered financial decisions. Far more often, it’s the “ditsy blonde” piled high with shopping bags, right?

What does that do to our self-confidence?

It’s time we took back our power when it comes to money.

And the first step is to become aware of what level your confidence is at around your finances, and how that’s getting in the way of you feeling in control.

The world needs changing. We can change it with our economic power – and where we are giving our power away, then we are not fully stepping up to the calling that’s there for us.

Want more help?

If you’ve got everything else sorted in your life but you’re not looking at money, it’s your blind spot. The leak in the bucket that is your power, and it’s important to take action on this.

If that rings a bell for you right now, click here to drop us a quick line at the office so we can set up a time to chat. The kind of support you’ll need is absolutely personal to you, and our team here are fantastic at helping you work out what that is and signposting you in the right direction.

This is the first step to understanding how money really works, how it interplays with our mind – because unless we can get our mind on board, then we’re stuck.

Grab your power back, not just for you but for the impact you’ll have in the world.

Share your money story

Where are you at in your relationship with money? How is your mindset supporting you, or holding you back? Share your money journey in the comments.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Personal finances – where to start

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

Did you know that in the UK, where I live currently, it’s estimated women are going to hold more than 60% of the country’s wealth by 2025 ?

We are a veritable army of change waiting to be tapped into. If we equip and empower ourselves around money and start making decisions which are in line with our values, then we could transform what the world looks like.

So it’s exciting times with regards women and wealth.

But these are also hugely stressful times for a lot of us, right?

Money can be stressful

To take the UK again, only 7% of the population in this country are on track for the retirement that we want. I’m a little bit concerned about our pensions, if I’m honest. And I’m not alone.

Research tells us that 4.5 million women in the UK are losing sleep over their money situation, and it’s not just that they don’t have enough in the bank right now.

57% are losing sleep because they don’t have enough savings – they’re worried about their future. And 28% are doing okay month by month but they’ve got a huge debt that they don’t know how to manage.

All together, that’s a hell of a lot of sleep we’re losing.

It’s impacting our quality of life. It’s impacting our well-being. And arguments about money are the number one top predictor of divorce.

So unless we do something about this money stuff, our very vitality, our health, our happiness and our relationships, will continue to suffer.

Our money confidence is often our lowest area of power

Here’s a quick challenge: think about your work confidence. Whatever you do, how confident do you feel that you’re the master of your own destiny there? That you can show up, that you can do something to make a difference?

Maybe it’s 100%, it might be 50%, or it might be 10%. Go with the first number that comes to mind.

Now, compare it to how confident you feel about your ability to manage and grow your money: your money confidence.

Interesting, right?

What I think we’re seeing at the moment is that over the last 100 years or so, as women have started to become empowered in the public sphere, we’re finally feeling confident in work.

We’ve fought our way through that glass ceiling and showed up, and we’re performing. Yes, there’s still a long way to go, but we’re doing great.

However, our money confidence is often lagging behind.

(Perhaps it’s still being informed by the last few millennia where we have not been involved in commerce at all.)

We still have a tendency to give our power away – to our partners, financial advisers, or even our parents. And where we are giving our power away, then we are not fully stepping up to the responsibility, or the opportunity that’s there for us.

Because let’s face it – the world needs changing.

And we can change it with our economic power. We can change it with our empowerment. But if you’re giving your power away around money, then you’re giving your power away full stop.

Personal finances: where to start

At Be Wealth, our brilliant retreat all about women and their relationship to money, we use a simple model called the 4 Stages of Wealth to identify our financial priorities and challenges, regardless of how much money we do or don’t have. At the retreat I take a spot survey in the room, asking the women there to put up their hands to say which stage of wealth they’re at.

It’s always a fascinating exercise to me, and not for the reason you might think.

What I see first of all is that an overwhelming majority of women in the room who are at the first stage of wealth – stability, where whatever they have coming in the amount they have left over at the end of each month is zero – feel shame.

They’re like, “Oh, god, I don’t want to admit to this! I’m so embarrassed”

And then, those who are at the next stage: security – where their expenses are a little less than their income, so their savings are increasing gradually to make a rainy day fund – are also thinking ”Oh my god, I don’t want to admit to this. I’m so embarrassed…”

But then those at the next stage, who you might think have got it sorted – because their passive income is making them more than their expenses – also say “Oh, I don’t want to admit to this in public! I’m so embarrassed”.

It doesn’t matter how much money we make, we have money shame

And I believe this is the root of so much of the problem.

We’re embarrassed.

We’re embarrassed because we’re making more than the person we’re sitting next to.

We’re embarrassed because we’re making less than the person we’re sitting next to.

We’re embarrassed because we’re not further along than we “should” be based on what our parents, or our society, tells us.

I would go so far as to say 99% of the women I have spoken to around money have some kind of money shame.

And when you have embarrassment around talking about money, you cannot transform it. Because if you can’t talk about it, you can’t learn about it, and education is the thing that can turn a situation around.

If your financial situation at the moment is not what you want it to be, it’s probably because at some level, you’re embarrassed to have conversations around money.

But if you were never taught how to manage money, if you were never taught to understand how it accumulates and how it grows and how it works, how could you possibly ever do anything about that?

We need to talk about money

I believe if we really wanted to change the way that power is arranged around the world we could do so, purely by changing whether or not money is talked about.

If everybody started talking about money: how much we have, how much we don’t have, what we know about it, what we don’t know about it – if we took it out of the closet, so to speak, I think things would shake up hugely.

But we will not be able educate ourselves until we overcome this first step of speaking about it.

And it’s absolutely time to do something about this, because we have an opportunity right now to transform the world. Not just our own personal financial world, so we can have the retirement that we want, and make the kind of impact for our kids that we want, or have the lifestyle that we want. Of course we know we can change that world if we sort our money stuff out.

But I believe we can change the world for even more people if we actually transform our relationship to money. If we let go of our money shame, and actually get educated on how the damn thing works.

What do you think? Can you relate to a feeling of embarrassment or even shame when it comes to talking about your finances? Let me know what your relationship to money is in the comments.

If you’d like to explore a new way of thinking about money that takes away the shame and gives you practical, powerful actions to take at whatever stage you’re at, come along to Wealth Insights. It’s our focused money workshop that gives you the chance to talk about your finances in a safe and friendly environment – and leave with a map of how to change your financial situation for good.  Read the full details and book your place here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Can wealth make you happy?

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

Can wealth make you happy? If you don’t have much money it’s tempting to think that it can; if you know you have plenty, you’re probably wondering why it doesn’t.

The fact is, wealth alone is the wrong measure to be looking at when it comes to our happiness, and here’s why: In every area of our lives, our ultimate fulfillment comes down to one thing.

Our values.

The real question we need to be asking

Before you know whether money will make you happy, you first need to be clear on your values.

Your values in relation to your wealth is something we look at in depth at our BeWealth retreat, but in a nutshell, values are those things which are most important to us. They provide all of our upfront motivation in life – you can pretty much guarantee you won’t spend time or money on something if it’s not of value to you.

Values are usually single words or short word phrases like love, achievement, pleasure, joy or freedom, and while they’re nouns, they’re usually things that you can’t put in a wheelbarrow. It’s not books that you value, for example, it’s education.

Using the wheelbarrow test, is money a value? Probably not, because money you could put in a wheelbarrow. It’s what money provides you that’s actually important to you.

That tells us that money in itself can’t be one of our values.

How can you know what is? Take a look at what you choose to spend your time, energy and money on.

If you’re always squirrelling funds towards your next holiday, it might be that you value travel, or adventure, or sunshine. If your amazon wishlist is longer than your arm, it’s a fair bet that reading, learning, or escape is one of your values.

And the books on your shelf are another great clue. Maybe you’re obsessed with spirituality, interiors, or rich imaginative worlds.

Your values are what bring you joy, fulfillment, and happiness.

When you know your values, your relationship to money changes

If money is an area of your life that’s currently causing you stress, looking at it through the lens of your values can give you fresh clarity into what action you need to take.

Say you’re fretting about money because there just never seems to be enough left over at the end of the month. When you think about your values, perhaps you find that security is something that’s really important to you. You want to know that if something unexpected happened, you’d have the funds you needed to fall back on.

If security’s important to you, you probably want to spend some time and energy learning about budgeting, money management and insurances. Perhaps you want to have a chunk of cash earmarked as a “rainy day” fund – like 6 month’s worth of living expenses – so you know the mortgage will be paid no matter what.

Or perhaps helping the environment is a really strong value of yours. Setting up a regular donation to an amazing organization helping preserve ecosystems, plant trees, or support indigenous communities might be a way to feel incredibly fulfilled about where your money is going. Volunteering a few hours a week to clear up a local beauty spot would cost nothing, and yet be a big investment in your happiness.

Whether you’re donating five dollars a month or investing tens of thousands, the fact that your money is aligning with what matters to you is what will ultimately lead you to happiness.

Can wealth make you happy? It’s what you do with it that counts

When we feel stuck, small or uncomfortable around money it’s often because we’ve been taught to use it in a paradigm that doesn’t line up with what really matters to us.

What we’ve learned about money is often outdated, and not particularly useful for us. That is, if we were taught anything about money at all! It’s not uncommon for women to be very successful at work but not understand anything about how money actually works.

After all, it’s only relatively recently that women have actually been allowed, from a societal perspective, to be involved with money. In the UK, it wasn’t until 1975 that a woman was allowed to open a bank account without her husband’s permission. To say nothing of the fact that for millennia, commerce was a strictly masculine domain – one in which we simply didn’t have a say.

When you consider that our grandmothers and great-grandmothers, going back for hundreds of generations, were not allowed to learn about or handle money, it makes sense that historically we don’t have power around it.

But things have changed dramatically for women in the last hundred years. It’s time for that shift to start to take root in the realm of our finances.

Build the future you want to see

If you’d like to explore a new way of thinking about money that empowers you to have the impact you’d like in the world, click here to request a brochure on our money training. We’ve helped hundreds of women around the world get their money stuff sorted so they can focus on the difference they want to make.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

 

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How to avoid money arguments

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

“I just can’t talk to you about this any more!” Never mind going into another room. I was on the other side of the suburb before I’d calmed down, after yet another blow up with my husband about our finances. If you’re wondering how to avoid money arguments, here’s how we learned to get past the conflict and into alignment when it comes to the money stuff.

I can still remember so vividly how it felt, that particular day. I was hurt, frustrated, and confused. I even wondered if this meant the end of our relationship.

What was most maddening was that for the most part we agreed about money. We knew we had aligned long-term goals and our thoughts about money in general were pretty similar. I knew that something had to change.

Finding a way through the financial storms

Years later, my husband and I are working in our third business together, having navigated big financial hurdles like becoming parents, moving countries, and buying property.

These days, I’m pleased to report that our money conversations always end with us both in the same room – even if we’re not always on the same page. So I wanted to share the things I’ve learned that have made all the difference in our interactions on the topic.

Whether it’s your boss, mum, best friend or partner, here’s how to have productive, effective conversations about money.

5 keys to helping you avoid money arguments

1. Be aware and gentle

For many of us, money is an area of emotional or psychological wounding. Questions of how much we earn or what’s left over at the end of the month recall unconscious judgments in our minds about all kinds of things. This is really normal – almost all of us get tripped up by this from time to time.

What that means is that money conversations start to feel really personal. Statements the other person makes can easily feel like criticism, for example, even if they weren’t intended that way.

The first step then, is to be aware that this is likely to be true. If money comes up, know that this might become a tricky conversation and check in with yourself – is now the time to talk about this? Are you already feeling tender or tense?

Put it into action:
  • Understand that money can be a source of tension
  • Prepare for conversations about money ahead of time
  • Recognise that money talk can feel like it’s personal, even when it’s not intended that way

2. Know what’s yours

Aside from the numbers, it’s vital to know what’s yours on an emotional level. What do I mean by that? Well, a lot of the conflict that arises about money can actually come from within us. For example…

They say: “I think we should have a chat about setting up a joint account for shared bills”

You hear: “You’re terrible with money – I can’t trust you to handle your finances on your own”

You say: “Stop trying to control everything!”

Or…

They say: “How much did you say that retreat was going to cost?”

You hear: “You’re spending too much on extravagant things that don’t matter”

You say: “It’s up to me what I spend my money on – I don’t criticise you for the crap you waste your pay on!”

Hmm… it’s not hard to see how arguments flare up, right?

Becoming aware of the stuff money conversations bring up for us can open up awareness of deeper things that need healing, for example an area you feel especially defensive about, or a particular person whose criticism had a big effect on you in the past.

What’s important is that, when you are aware of these issues, you take responsibility for changing them. What’s yours to deal with? What do you need support from a coach or mentor around?

And remember, the other person might not be on this journey with you. It’s not your job to point out their limiting beliefs or identify what they need to work on. Approach the conversation with compassion, and deal with what’s yours – no more.

Put it into action:
  • Discern what issues you need to deal with when it comes to money
  • Seek external support where you need to – from a coach, financial expert, or trusted friend
  • Recognise what’s not your responsibility, and let it go

3. Choose your timing

Remember, our first step was being aware that conversations about money can be tender. Knowing that, it’s smart to have them at the right time.

That could include being aware of your cycle, for example. Now, before you think I’m some monster who thinks women are incapable of rational thought, hear me out.

In my own life I know that 7 days before my period comes, I could swear that the world is ending and there’s nothing you, I, or anyone else can do about it. That can actually be an incredibly powerful day for me – I sure as hell get clear on the change I want to make in the world – but it’s also a terrible day for me to have a conversation with anyone.

Knowing that, if I’m aware I need to have an important conversation about something like money I’ll do my best to shift it to a day when I’m likely to be feeling much clearer.

That won’t be the same for everyone, of course, but I wonder if any of that applies to you? Do you know you’re better able to be open, compassionate or empathetic at certain times of the month? Bear that in mind when you make an appointment to discuss your finances.

And make sure you take the other person’s needs into account too – allow them to tell you when would suit them, instead of springing it on them at a time when they’re not really ready.

Put it into action:
  • Choose a time when you’re both fed, rested and hydrated
  • Find a space where you won’t be disturbed or interrupted
  • Take into account your own rhythm and emotional needs

4. Be respectful in your communication

Sticking to some basic principles of clear and respectful communication is so important when the topic is an emotional one. Always seek to hear the other person out without interruption. You don’t want to be nagged, so don’t nag either.

And make an effort to find things to celebrate together – focus on what’s working, as well as what you want to change.

Put it into action:
  • Be respectful – don’t interrupt or nag
  • Notice when it’s time to take a break
  • Listen curiously and give space for the other person to say what they need to

5. Be clear about what you’re looking for

Now that you’ve chosen the best possible time and place, and you’re aware of what’s your responsibility, it’s time to communicate as clearly as possible what you want to share.

For the best possible outcome, try and recognise what’s driving both of you in the conversation. One of you might be more interested in feeling connected and loved, or seeking reassurance, and one of you might be looking for problems and tasks to solve.

What’s vital is that you’re clear about what it is you’re both looking for.

Put it into action:
  • Start by giving the point of the conversation for you – not the big long story that precedes it
  • Ask for what you need; leave them to decide the “how” of solving it, if that’s something they’re keen to do
  • Allow yourself to be receptive – if they agree with what you’re saying, there’s no need to keep on convincing them

Not being able to talk about money holds us back

It’s really important that we are able to move into more powerful conversations. In all the women I’ve coached and connected with over the years, I’ve noticed that the people who are most comfortable talking about finances tend to be the ones with the highest level of wealth.

In fact, I’d go as far as to say that your net worth increases in direct relation to your ability to talk to key people in your life about money.

How about you?

These steps have played a huge part in Greg and I sorting out our differences and getting to a stage where we can actually enjoy money conversations. Has money been a source of tension for you, and do you have an experience to share? Let us know in the comments.

If money is a problem for you – not just in conversations but also in terms of what you have or haven’t got – and you’re ready to get sorted so you can talk about it confidently, get in touch to find out about our financial training. If money feels like a challenge,we’ll help you turn it into an ally – so that you can feel truly powerful about where you are and what your next steps are.

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