One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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How to Fight Fair

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Some people argue more than others. How about you? I’m not talking about little bickers or nags over whose turn it is to change a dirty nappy but the big fights, the ones that can leave you in tears or in tatters.

The kind of fight that you can’t let go.

Whether it’s with an old friend, your mum, sister or partner, knowing how to embrace conflict as a healthy part of any relationship – rather than something to be feared or avoided at all costs – is a vital part of finding mutual fulfilment. And yet, this is something that’s almost never talked about. Today I want to share what I’ve learned about how to fight fair – and give you the 3 golden rules I use to keep conflict on track.

But first, let’s start with what I mean by “fighting fair”.

It’s probably easiest to start by describing what healthy conflict doesn’t look like.

When we don’t know how to fight fair

I must admit I have been part of some terribly unsatisfactory fights. What do I mean by that? The kind of argument that leaves you completely frazzled but with a feeling that despite the horridness you achieved nothing at all.

A pointless fight, in other words.

Too many of these test even the strongest relationship.

The problem is, if you don’t resolve anything despite an emotional confrontation, you are likely to have the exact same fight again down the road. And again. And again. Until you reach the end.

How about you? Are there certain arguments you find yourself having over and over – almost as though you’re following a script? Whatever the initial trigger, your conflict seems to end up back in the same well-worn groove?

This is a warning sign that your style of conflict isn’t working. Read on to find out how you can switch that up – and I’ll tell you about a free workshop coming up that’ll help give you the tools you need to break the cycle.

So is it better not to argue at all?

At the other end of the spectrum, there are the couples who say they never argue. This seems crazy to me!

I love my husband very much but we are different people and as such sometimes we will disagree. Neither one of us is the backing down type, at least not without good reason, so to get from disagreement to compromise can often involve a few strong words.

Or to put it another way, a fight.

If you never argue with your partner, I’m going to guess one of two things are going on:

1. You’re souls twinned in heaven who genuinely agree on everything – and deserve a relationship medal of the highest order. Leave a comment below to tell the rest of us how you achieve this!

2. There is conflict happening in your relationship, but it’s being expressed in some other way. Perhaps you tend to withdraw when you don’t agree, or you’re squashing down your feelings for fear of what might happen if you let them out. If that’s the case, it might be time to consider how to open up about those areas of disagreement without completely losing control… in other words, learning how to fight fair so that you can bring issues out into the open instead of letting them fester.

So is there such a thing as a healthy row?

I think so.

Here are my suggestions for keeping things clean.

3 ways to fight fair

1. Stay on topic.

If you’re arguing about whose turn it is to put the bins out, stick to that. If you’re really cross because their work’s taking up all of their time and you’re constantly accommodating their priorities at the expense of your own – tell them that, and make that the focus of the discussion.

Either way, now is not the time to bring out a list of past wrongs – and start working your way down a laundry list of all the different ways they’ve let you down over the years. It’s not fair to them, and it makes it harder for you to express yourself clearly. If you need to, agree a time to come back to another conversation. But in the moment of conflict, deal with the issue at hand.

2. Refuse to resort to name calling and insults.

It might sound obvious, but it bears restating: The point of any argument is to solve something, not tear the other person to bits or badger them so they’ll quit and you’ll win.

If you need them to understand that you’re feeling hurt or criticised, tell them that in a way that makes your feelings clear without labelling them.

If you don’t respect your partner, or if they feel attacked, they’ll stop listening.

3. Avoid generalizations – and stick to the facts.

“You always” or ” you never” statements don’t reflect reality and will only put your partner on the defensive.

Stick to what actually happened and how it made you feel.

I call these my three golden rules and you know what? By sticking to them a fight can actually bring us closer together instead of tearing us apart.

How about you?

Do you have any “golden rules” for how to fight fair? Are you one of the couples who never argue? Or are you somewhere at the other end of the scale? We love hearing from you, and especially around a topic as diverse as this one – so let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Does conflict cause chaos in your relationships?

How comfortable are you when it comes to navigating conflict? Are you able to stand your ground and hear the other person’s point of view? Do you find yourself bending over backward to accommodate others in order to avoid arguing – or flaring up defensively at the slightest hint of disagreement?

At Love and Intimacy, our upcoming free workshop happening on 1st November, I’ll be sharing ways you can transform areas of tension into opportunities to deepen your connection in any relationship. I’ll also explain why we can often unconsciously bring out the worst in the people we’re closest to, and what you can do about it.

Registration is FREE and we’ll make a recording available if you can’t make it live. Just click the link below and enter your details, and we’ll send you all the info you need to join:

https://oneofmany.co.uk/love-and-intimacy/

And feel free to forward that on to anyone you know whose relationships could do with a reset!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

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How to deal with negative people

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Who’s that person in your life… The one who makes your heart sink when you see their name pop up on your phone – or whose response to your latest idea or project is bound to deflate you? Negative people can be really challenging to handle – so today I want to share 5 quick ways to reframe a relationship that’s bringing you down.

Let’s start with something that you need to get out of the way first.

Every now and again I hear a different version of the same advice I’ve heard a lot over the years. ‘Cut out negative people!’ ‘Don’t allow negative people to colour your life!’ ‘Surround yourself with positive people only!’.

This is all good advice. If we eliminate negative influences chances are that the life we want will unfold in a more positive direction.

But what if you can’t just ‘cut them out’?

What if you have a negative boss but you like your job? What if it’s your neighbour, but you don’t want to move house? What if it’s your mother, and you’re definitely not at a point where you want to be completely estranged?

Yes, we need to create space for positive change but sometimes we have to do that by shifting our own mindset.

And if our only way to handle challenging people is to avoid them completely, we’re cutting ourselves off from interactions that might really have something to teach us.

This a great chance for us to practice compassion, patience and unconditional love!

Here are five ways to get started.

1. Use the Women’s PowerTypes to connect more effectively

If you haven’t come across the Women’s PowerTypes before, you can read more about them here. Often, a quick check in with how you’re showing up in a relationship can help you see what needs to be shifted.

  • Perhaps you’re taking on a “Mothering” role for a friend, when actually stepping into Queen would help you set boundaries that would empower both of you.
  • Have you been sharing your intuitive “Sorceress” instincts with a partner, who’s more powerfully engaged with through magnetic Lover?
  • Or maybe your direct report at work always clashes with you when you’re in “Queenly” strategy modeWhat would be different if you got into action as Warrioress before asking for their input on your project?

You could also use the PowerTypes to help you release any pent up emotion following difficult interactions.

For example, if conversations with your sister often leave you tense, you might want to consciously spend some time in Lover to fill your energy back up afterwards. If you’re stuck, ask for help in the BeOne community. We love to help each other connect to these leadership archetypes more powerfully.

2. Don’t go there.

Some people have a hard time recognising which comments are supportive and which are critical. If there’s a particular area of my life I don’t like discussing with someone I will request that we don’t discuss it at all.

Maybe you could make a mental note that you won’t bring up your career with your hyper-critical Dad, or that work conversations should steer clear of relationships.

It’s OK to have boundaries around topics, and to actively choose not to engage in conversation around subjects that always lead to hurt.

3. Be understanding and compassionate.

Especially in today’s fast-paced, unpredictable world, many of us are carrying a heavy emotional burden that can lead unthinking responses. Everybody has their own struggles. We’re all just one of many humans trying to do the best that we can. The chances are that the people we feel are hurting us have been badly hurt themselves.

This is particularly important to remember on social media, when conversations can flare up and misunderstandings are rife. Often an offline conversation is a kinder way to check in with them and resolve any lingering upset.

4. Accept them.

Sometimes we’re challenged by a desire to “fix” those we care about. When someone you love is in a repeated pattern, and you feel as though the change they need to make is clear, it can be tough to bite your tongue.

In these situations, I tell myself it’s not my job to heal them. I do not have the power to change them. If they are ever going to change they will have to do so of their own accord. The only person I am able to change is me.

Which leads me to point 5…

5. If all else fails… gather the data!

If you really can’t shift the relationship, you can at least change your experience of it. An empowering way to do that is to treat the interactions as data. So get curious. What is is specifically that “triggers” you when it comes to this person? Does that remind you of an experience in childhood, a particularly tender area of your life, or a need that’s not currently being met?

Whenever you feel emotions rising, make a mental note to log away what you’re learning.

Journal on it, use it as the basis for a coaching conversation, or if you’re part of Living the Change bring it to a group call.

Sometimes, it’s the most frustrating people in our lives who are our greatest teachers.

Loving the negative people… it’s possible!

So if you can’t cut negative people out of your life you can approach them from a place of love. It sounds impossible but try it. The toxic relationship will become charged with positive energy.

And along the way you might learn things about yourself you might never have known.

Life is too short to give critical and negative people the power to influence our direction. Cherish your dreams, learn from your relationships, and don’t let anyone stop you or slow you down.

How about you?

How do you deal with negative people? Are there some people in your life you feel you ought to cut out but can’t? Could you try changing your reaction? Let us know in the comments…

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How your vulnerability is your strength

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Let’s talk about vulnerability today – and specifically, the shame that seems to be pervading the world at the moment, especially amongst the capable, committed women in this community.

If you’ve recently found yourself secretly thinking “everybody seems to be doing better than me!”, then read on.

I’m going to explain why that’s not true, what stops us from admitting it, and how sharing what’s really going on for you can be a source of radical power and support. Strange as it might seem, your vulnerability is your strength when you find the right space to share it.

But first, let’s start with why this particular moment is wobbly for so many of us. That’s to do with the unique lens through which we’re viewing the rest of the world.

Take a moment to think about how you’re getting your impression of how others are doing.

With the restrictions currently in place, many of us are filtering our interactions through the lens of social media or zoom meetings.

We’re not having as many of those glancing interactions with people at family events. The casual connection at the playground or the pub.

Those times you see each other around the water cooler at work, and just feel that someone’s energy is off.

So we don’t recognize the fact that a lot of us are suffering.

Something which revealed itself from our Momentum for Change weekend this past weekend is the epidemic of mask wearing.

(I’m not talking about the Coronavirus, surgical mask you pop on to go to the shops.)

I’m talking about the “everything’s okay” mask.

You know the difference, right?

That, “everything’s fine!” or “I’ve got this handled!” mask.

That particular kind of mask wearing seems to have gone up a lot in recent times.

This past weekend was the first time in some cases, for weeks, months, or even years where many of us felt safe to go:

“You know what? Maybe I can rest my load down a little bit here and actually say how I really am.”

Early on, I noticed lots of people starting to share words to the effect of… “I’m actually really not managing very well.”

I’m not doing okay.

I’m struggling in my relationship.

I’m feeling like I’m failing as a parent.

We had shares from people who were struggling to stop weeping. Dealing with real big emotions. Or experiencing that sense of  sleepwalking numbness.

So many very deep and powerful shares.

What was revealed was just how much we are collectively challenged and hurting at this time.

Even those of us who are very well resourced. I’m thinking of our Lead the change graduates and participants in our Mastery program who are really deeply embedded in the tools. Even us as trainers! We’ve been working with these tools for years and years and years, decades in some cases.

And even the most resourced of us are feeling the strain of this time.

We are feeling the pressure, but…

We’re not talking about it in any other spaces. Which is why I think it freaked a few people out! A few people felt alarmed by hearing all this big emotion come up – and maybe even wondered if the event itself was causing an outburst of emotion.

But the truth is, those feelings and all of the hurt and challenge were already there.

This year many of us have experienced stress, difficult decisions and emotional strain unlike anything else we’ve gone through.

All that changed was the environment we created where it was safe to say that out loud.

And I’ve been reflecting on just how rare and precious that is ever since.

How vulnerable so many of us are feeling at the moment and just how few safe places we have to say that out loud.

Your vulnerability is your strength – because hiding it saps your energy.

… We’re lacking spaces where we can offload

This is a community of change making women who care. Which means if you’re reading this, you’re very likely to be the person in your space who listens, who’s the “go to” person.

The pillar of strength in the community.

We’re under huge pressure in our home environments, and on top of that we’re often being the strong ones for our family members, our wider family, and in our work spaces for our teams and colleagues.

And we are often the last ones to reach out and say, “I’m not doing okay”.

Because we feel like if we say that out loud, the whole world will fall apart.

But today I want to challenge that assumption. And here’s why.

Our feelings are collective

Part of the power of being open with our vulnerability is the recognition that it is a universal experience. Grief is universal. Fear is universal.

Sometimes we can feel like there’s something wrong with us as individuals – that we are somehow broken or particularly challenged. That our neighbor isn’t feeling this. The other school mums next to us are coping fine. The other women who are out dating or leading teams are not experiencing fear or sadness – that everybody else seems to have it together.

That is absolutely not the case.

Your vulnerability is not a fault or a problem. It’s a normal, healthy, compassionate human response.

In this community, your vulnerability is your strength

When we come together in community and we start talking about our experiences, one of the first and most healing pieces is this realisation that emotions are universal experiences.

“I’m not the only one!”

Why does this surprise us? Well, I’ll tell you why it surprises us… because we don’t bloody well talk about it!

We don’t talk about our innermost feelings. We don’t talk about the fact that we sent an email out to a potential client and they didn’t write back and we feel rejected and alone.

We don’t talk about the fact that we went out on three dates with a girl or a guy, and then we didn’t hear from them afterwards. They disappeared and we feel rejected and alone.

We might talk about what happened, but how often do we actually talk about how we are feeling at a deeper level?

And if I could take that one step forward further, I would say, how many of us actually even take the time to notice how we’re feeling at a deeper level?

What’s missing in our culture and in our society, are safe spaces to be heard, to be the full entirety of who we are.

All of our huge, awesome and rocking magnificence and all of our vulnerable, weepy, uncertain, insecure selves.

We just don’t have those spaces.

At One of many, we’re dedicated to creating safe spaces for women to share

And that for me is one of the things that I’m intensely grateful for.

To see how all of us feel able to come to show up, to share so deeply here, is incredibly moving and empowering for me.

If you’re someone who doesn’t even look at your own emotions, you start hearing from women who are more open.

And you might just start to look for the very first time and start to notice how you feeling.

Or, if you’re very present to how you’re feeling, but not actually telling anybody about it, you might show up on a Living the Change coaching call or in the Be One Global Community on Facebook. And say “this is what’s going on for me right now”.

When it’s said out loud, it becomes a shared experience.

And then what usually happens in this community is hundreds or dozens at least of other women go, “Oh, me too. You know, that’s something similar happened to me. Yeah. Something similar happened to my sister.”

It’s such a powerful thing. And that relief that can follow sharing openly, and not being judged, is so powerful.

Sometimes it’s just the ability to lay down the burden in a safe space, which is a critical piece.

This extraordinary community

So I want to acknowledge and honor you, right now, because whether you found us 5 years or 5 minutes ago, you’re a part of what makes the fabric of this community. You are a part of what makes this a safe space. And I thank you for how you are with each other.

Want more support – along with practical ways to create change?

If you need someone in your corner, if you want to lay down the burden, if you want a place where it’s normal to feel things, it’s normal to have challenges, and it doesn’t make you broken or wrong or helpless… I invite you to come and join us in Living the Change.

You’ll get access to all the tools and resources in our membership site, plus The Hearth, our private online coaching space space. Our in-house coaches are there to answer your questions and provide support whenever you need it.

This isn’t about whining or blaming or being victims. It’s a place to find an empowered sharing of what’s truly going on and practical tools and strategies to help you to create the life you want – to get the results you want to get.

Click here to find out more.

Enrollments close on Monday night UK time, and this is your last chance to register for the program in 2020.

Where’s your safe space to share?

What are you going to do next? How are you going to reach out and to whom?

  • If you’re already in Living the Change and it’s been a while since you came on a coaching call, maybe it’s to join one of the calls, and prioritize getting your hand up and getting coached?
  • Maybe it’s coming into the BeOne community and sharing how you’re doing. You could say “I’m not looking for advice” or “I just want to know if anyone feels like this” – or maybe you’d like some tips from someone else who’s been in your situation. It’s up to you. Tell us what you need.
  • Maybe it’s calling up a friend and saying “I haven’t spoken to you for a long time cause I’ve been having a tough time. Can we have a real conversation about the tough times we’re having, and maybe be there for each other?”

There’s many, many ways to create your safe space, but you need one. All of us need one right now. It’s a really tough time. What are you going to do to support you to handle it with even more support? Let me know in the comments.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to handle your inner critic

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Want to know how to handle your inner critic?

Right now, many of us are hearing that nit-picking little voice more than ever. And the things she comes out with can be spiteful.

On a recent Lunch and Learn session over on the One of many Facebook page, we shared some of her best lines with each other.

“You’re a terrible mother. How could you have scheduled yourself to lead a training on the day of your daughter’s nursery visit? ”
“You’re so lazy – you never finish things.”
“Who do you think you are, trying to change?”

If any of these sound familiar, or you’ve got your own unique flavour of self criticism, read on. Today I’m going to explain 3 reasons why many of our inner critics are having a field day right now – and 5 techniques you can use to chill out your inner critic once and for all.

But before we learn how to handle her, let’s dig into to who she is, and why we can actually be grateful for her input.

So who is your inner critic?

Your inner critic is one of the “voices in your head” that we sometimes term ‘sub-personalities’. Their presence isn’t anything to be alarmed about – they’re simply different aspects of your personality.

Often these sub-personalities have both a positive and negative impact on our lives. They can help us respond powerfully to situations in certain circumstances, and yet if they begin to take over, we might find them less than helpful.

The job of the inner critic is a simple one: to keep you safe. She’s protecting you from shame, criticism, failure, and feelings you want to avoid. By getting in there with her criticism before others do, she gives you a chance to adjust your behaviour and learn from mistakes. In this sense, she’s really valuable.

The problem is if the inner critic is the only voice we listen to. The trick is to know how to listen to her and turn those barbs of criticism into helpful strategies for growth.

Why our inner critics are loud right now

If you’ve found yourself feeling more self-critical than ever, you’re not alone.

There are 3 things that tend to exacerbate our inner critics. Have you experienced any – or all – of these lately?

1. You’re carrying around lots of emotion

If we’re sad, or grieving, or angry, or afraid, our inner critic often starts to take charge. She’s responding to the volatility and uncertainty that comes at times of heightened emotion – and her desire to keep us safe from intense feelings can send her into overdrive.

2. You’ve got limiting beliefs

If you hold an unconscious belief like “nothing I do is ever good enough” or “I can’t trust anyone else to do it right”(like many of us did before the pandemic) your inner critic will often be particularly vocal. Whenever she feels you’re at risk of crossing one of these boundaries, she’ll be extra busy wanting to protect you from the perceived risk. This can make things like accepting mistakes, asking for help, or handling criticism from others especially challenging.

3. You’re exhausted

When we’re tired, we’ve been juggling more than usual, or our executive functioning is depleted, our inner critic often takes over. As a coach, a warning sign that extra replenishment is needed often comes when my client starts speaking in the voice of her inner critic, saying things like: “I’m just terrible at this… I’m hopeless… there’s no point.” If you’ve been stressed for a long period of time or having to operate at a high level, resting and filling your energy back up has to be the number one priority.

Then you can move on to handling your inner critic during the moment in a more proactive way. Here’s how.

5 ways to handle your inner critic

1. First things first, rest.

Get your energy back up, nourish yourself, give yourself the love and care you need to feel at your best. The PowerType which helps with this is the Lover – and she delights in beauty and her senses. Walking in nature, treating yourself to a beautiful hand cream, or cooking a special meal are all simple ways to boost your Lover and restore your vitality.

2. Deal with the information your inner critic brings.

The inner critic often has important data to share. What makes all the difference is how you handle that information. Queen is a fantastic PowerType to use here – she’s the part of you that handles the “big picture” vision, and the strategies that will get you there. So, if your inner critic tells you “You really messed up that presentation”, Queen can step in to say “Was that true? If so, what’s the impact? And what steps can I take to mitigate that, so that I can still get the results I want?”

The other PowerType to draw on is Mother. The energy of soothing, unconditional love helps soothe some of the sting of the critic’s words. Perhaps you can remind yourself of times when you’ve done a great job, or acknowledge the other circumstances that meant you didn’t have time to fully prepare as you’d wanted to.

3. Give your inner critic a name.

This sounds silly, but it makes a huge difference in allowing you to separate your inner critic from who you are. Like a grumpy schoolteacher, she becomes someone you can engage with in a playful way without handing over your power. Mine’s called the pixie; other names I’ve heard include PC Pernickety, Rumpelstilsktin, Windbag… have fun!

4. If you’re carrying round a limiting belief, release it.

If you’re on our Living the Change program you can use the PowerType Release Process in your member’s area. And I’ll be sharing that process in a few week’s time at our free online experience, Momentum for Change. You can register for free by clicking here.

5. Deal with your emotions.

Music is a great place to start when it comes to allowing yourself to fully experience emotions, and let them move through you. A coach or therapist can also help you process what you’re feeling, and release it in a safe way. Again, we’ll explore what I think of as “emotional hygiene techniques” in more detail at our upcoming event.

So where do you need to look first?

Is dealing with tiredness your number one priority? Do you have a feeling that you’re full up of emotions, or that a limiting belief keeps popping up? Or perhaps you’re read to start drawing on the PowerTypes to help you handle your inner critic in the moment.

Wherever you’re at, I hope you’re able to join me from the comfort of your sofa on 19–20 September when we’ll be exploring how to handle your inner critic in more detail – along with other tools, resources and techniques to help you handle the particular challenges of the moment.

Register for your free place here: https://oneofmany.co.uk/momentum/

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Why we’re so emotional right now

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“I can’t feel my legs at all now!” I yelled to James as he shivered on the beach. “Come on in, it’s fabulous!”

August in North Wales and I was channelling my inner Brit, stoically frolicking in the freezing surf despite the overcast clouds and drizzle. The sea really was glorious, even if it was undoubtedly very, very cold. And after the initial shock had worn off I really did stop noticing the cold in my fingers and toes. (For the record, that was not enough to get James into the water!)

And thanks to my medical training, I knew why. My body was responding in the appropriate way to the shock of the cold environment – diverting blood flow from my extremities to preserve my core functioning.

So what does this have to do with the fact that you’re feeling so emotional right now?

Well, as I returned this week, I found myself reflecting on that physiological stress response, and how it relates to what we’ve been experiencing on a psychological level.

Many of us are noticing ourselves responding in unusual ways emotionally, having been plunged into the shock of the global pandemic.

Our responses are normal, but they’re also important to pay attention to. Because, if we don’t take notice of our own needs when it comes to processing our emotions, we can store up even greater problems in the future.

Why we’re so emotional right now: the impact of stress

Every single one of us has come under stress in recent months – on top of the existing strains of our usual day to day juggle. Many of us were already in “Superwoman” mode when the pandemic began.

Somehow, we found reserves in the tank to power through that initial shock. And for each of us the impact has been vastly different. Some of us have lost loved ones, have been in frontline jobs, have seen businesses evaporate overnight. We’ve all been through our own challenges, big and small.

Not sure if you’ve been impacted? Think back. Have you experienced:

  • Crazy dreams
  • Flashbacks to particularly stressful moments
  • Crying inappropriately
  • Losing your temper with someone you wouldn’t usually
  • A feeling of numbness or dissociation

These are all symptoms of the stress you’ve been under.

And we’ve adapted. We learned new habits. We learned how to interpret statistics and analyse exponential curves; to carry a mask and wash our hands. We’ve gradually learned to adopt a 17 step process for grocery shopping, and navigate an advanced series of risk management protocols before considering something as previously simple as “visiting grandma”.

Every single one of these adaptations has drawn more on our executive function – requiring energy to make decisions and adjust to change.

And of course, that’s only looking at the Covid pandemic. Everything else in life didn’t stop. If your parent has dementia, your relationship’s breaking up, or your child has additional needs, you’ll have been navigating those things as well. You might have been deeply involved by the Black Lives Matter movement, had your financial foundations rocked, or had another health issue crop up.

Just because many of us have now got through the hard part of full lockdown, doesn’t mean things have got easier.

No wonder we’re feeling so emotional right now!

Now, we’re facing a new and different challenge.

For many of us our energy for change, our drive for stepping up and being creative again, for making change in the world, having an impact through business or leading our family into new ventures – is hugely depleted right now.

We’re frustrated, sad, grieving, procrastinating and confused.

So how does this relate to my tentative steps into those bracing Welsh waves last week?

When we’re faced with extreme stress, just like my shivering limbs in the North sea responded to the physical cold, our psyches react. We tend to shut down our emotional response in order to get through. We go into “functioning” mode, doing what needs to be done – furloughing staff, comforting kids, reassuring partners.

And it’s important to understand that this is a completely normal thing to do.

When we’re facing trauma or stress, we often suppress the emotions that accompany it. It enables us to keep going and preserve ourselves and our loved ones.

But those emotions don’t go away. As time goes on, many of us are starting to feel “full up” with emotion. This is where that “I’m just so emotional right now!” feeling starts to crop up. We’ve experienced fear, panic, anger, rage, division, isolation.

And most of us don’t have an “emotional hygiene” practice for safely letting go of those pent-up feelings.

It’s been a highly emotional time across the planet

Normally when you have a tough time, you can turn to someone who’s not having a tough time. But when everyone’s in the midst of turbulence, we’ve got no one to turn to. We become isolated – and that exacerbates our stress.

You might have gone through periods of numbness, and now find that your emotions are starting to spill over in inappropriate ways.

Or perhaps you experienced a snappy stage a while back, but now you’re starting to feel increasingly withdrawn – and you know you’re comfort eating at night in an attempt to keep those uncomfortable feelings at bay.

There’s no rule book for this stuff, and the science surrounding stress and trauma is still evolving. If you’re feeling so emotional right now, that’s OK.

What’s clear is that almost all of us are experiencing some kind of emotional reaction to stress – and we need to make sure we prioritise addressing that as soon as we can.

What can you do if you’re feeling extra emotional right now?

Dealing with our emotions depends to some extent on the scope of the trauma. If you’ve experienced massive trauma and it’s seriously impacting your life, I suggest you find a professional counsellor or therapist to help guide you through your experience.

Otherwise, there are 4 things you need to allow yourself to safely and powerfully process your emotions. And one simple way you can access them, absolutely free.

1. Safe space

To really allow yourself to process emotions, you need to be in a “safe space”. Physically, you need to be able to relax and know that you’re not under threat, and won’t be disturbed, so that your body can fully relax. And it’s also important to have enough time to get into the process, without being called away to work, parent, or otherwise be a “grown up”. Switch off notifications, close the door, and let others know not to disturb you.

2. Time away from the everyday

Time to delve into your emotions needs a distinct space from all the other demands of your life. Giving yourself the space to hold your feelings acknowledges how important this is. Just as a massage or exercise class might tend to your body, this is an important aspect of supporting your emotional health. Prioritise it, make space for it, and allow yourself to acknowledge everything you’ve been through.

3. Tools to help you work through emotions

There are many different tools you can use for feeling and processing emotion – and a skilled professional will be able to share the ones which will be most effective for you. At One of many we have a host of resources to help women process their emotions healthily – and I’ll share more about our upcoming workshop, which is free to join, in a moment.

4. Support from a competent guide

This might be a coach, counsellor, healer or trainer – you might do this as part of a group or 1:1. Emotional work can be really challenging to do by yourself, and if you have an experienced guide to lead you through the process you’ll be able to more fully release the stress you’ve experienced and trust that you’ll feel freer at the end.

You’re invited to start the healing process together

We’re acutely aware that thousands of women in our community and beyond have been shouldering a huge amount during this extraordinary year. Our submission to the Parliamentary Women and Equalities Committee here in the UK revealed how disproportionately women had been impacted by Covid-19.

And now, as time passes and our challenges and experiences morph and change, we’re hearing the need for support to heal, grow, and reconnect to our energy to be a force for change in the world.

Momentum for Change is a 2-day interactive virtual experience happening on 19–20 September.

We’ll be gathering as a global community of women to create a safe space where we can start this healing work together.

It’s going to be an incredible space for transformation, with amazing guest speakers, interactive workshops, and sessions to address the many and varied challenges we’re facing – from our careers to our wellbeing.

Registration is FREE and we’re committed to inviting as many women as we can to this very special gathering. Please forward this article to anyone you know who’s been experiencing the stresses of the past year, and would love to join us.

Click here to book your place now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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7 ways to overcome procrastination

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With the changes and upheaval we’ve all experienced in the last 6 months, many of us are procrastinating like champions. Even if you’re usually someone who’s ruthlessly disciplined, you might find there are some items on your to-do list that are starting to recur. So how can you overcome procrastination – and what if that thing you’re avoiding isn’t actually procrastination at all?

Procrastination is rife right now

Some recent examples from our community of things they’d been putting off include:

  • Writing a business plan
  • Reading a book
  • Completing a tax return
  • Moving house
  • Changing jobs
  • Buying a dining room table (that’s me!)

… and so on.

Some really big, some pretty manageable.

Take a moment to jot down your own version of that list now.

What have you been putting off? From ordering a new lightbulb or sending an email to writing your will, take the time to capture everything that’s in your head.

I’m going to share 7 common reasons we put things off, and give you some tips on how to overcome procrastination so that you can get back into momentum. But first…

Before you overcome procrastination, here’s what it ISN’T

You see, I’ve been a bit sneaky here. At the bottom of that list of things we’d been putting off, I included my dining room table. It’s something that needs doing and I’ve been putting it off for years – classic procrastination, right?

But here’s the thing. Procrastination is defined as:

The act of putting off an IMPORTANT task, set of tasks or decision.

And to be quite honest, in the grand scheme of things, getting a dining table isn’t something that feels important to me. It’d be useful, sure – it would certainly make me feel fancier when guests come round. But when I weigh it up against everything else that matters, I have zero qualms about relegating it to the bottom of the list.

So, here’s your second invitation.

Anything on your list that’s not important to you (or going to become important at some point)? Cross it off.

Congratulate yourself on an excellent piece of PRIORITIZATION.

And move on.

The other thing that commonly gets lumped in with procrastination?

The decision we make to put off a task because we’re tired.

I would call that ENERGY MANAGEMENT.

And let’s take a moment to acknowledge that, at this collective moment a lot of us are more depleted than we have ever been.

We’re exhausted.

When we tell ourselves we’re “procrastinating” we tend to focus on the task. Your business plan, your tax return, that long overdue phonemail to your oldest mate… yes, they need doing. But what’s more important than the task itself, is the person who’s doing the task.

Often, the person who’s doing the task (you) is burnt out or exhausted.

I cannot emphasise enough how important that distinction is. If you’re looking at a big long list of things, and every single on of them is on hold right now, that’s probably because you’re totally burnt out.

Your priority needs to be radical replenishment, which often looks like 3 things: rest, sleep, saying no.

(A quick tip: When your list of things you’re putting off goes from one or two things, to a page full, you probably need to replenish your energy.)

So, with that in mind, go through your list and note anything that you’re not doing because you’re managing your energy. That might knock one thing off your list, or it might knock everything off your list. Trust your instincts, and try not to second guess yourself.

Because what you’re left with will be the things you’re really procrastinating on – and we’re about to dig into 7 reasons why that might be and what you can do about them.

Why do we procrastinate?

Once you’ve taken off the things that really aren’t that important, and made sure you’re managing your energy, what you’re left with will likely fall into one of seven categories. To overcome procrastination effectively, you need to know what the items on your list fall into.

Most of us don’t acknowledge these. We look at things we’re putting off and tell ourselves we’re lazy, incompetent, or just a total failure.

But frankly, that noisy inner critic isn’t very helpful when it comes to shifting your energy and allowing you to get things done. Put her to one side for a few minutes, because we’re going to dig in.

The 7 reasons we procrastinate (and what to do about them)

#1 Lack of planning

WHAT? You know where you need to do, you just haven’t planned to do it. And as the old adage goes, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. One of the fastest ways to overcome procrastination is actually the simplest: Make some time (enough time!) to do the thing you need to do.

WHAT TO DO: I’m a BIG believer in planning – in fact, I’d estimate that in my typical 25-30 hour working week, I spend a good 4 of those hours planning. I’m willing to bet you could probably be more effective if you allocated some serious time to doing the same. Especially when it comes to those tasks you’re putting off. Give yourself an extra half an hour to plan when you’ll do them, and see if that takes care of them.

#2 The task is out of flow

WHAT: Each of us have some things we’re great at. Maybe you love nothing more than having a good chat with a colleague, but when it comes to looking at a spreadsheet you’re suddenly overcome with the urge to check Facebook. Others will avoid a phone call like the plague, but happily tinker with a pivot table until it’s working like clockwork.

WHAT TO DO:

  1. Delegate it to someone else (this works for decisions too!)
  2. Decide when you’ll do it and complete it at a time when you’re in the right frame of mind to do it. Maybe that means playing a particular song, doing it first thing in the morning before you’ve had time to think about it, or having a quick pep talk with your best friend before you do it.

#3 Lack of knowledge

WHAT: If the thing you’re putting off is a little bit vague – ‘write business plan’ or ‘get fit’ – be honest. Do you know exactly what you need to do to achieve that goal? If not, who do you need to ask?

WHAT TO DO: Make the next action something you at least know how to do: Perhaps it’s reading a book, googling a “How to” guide or asking in a friendly Facebook Group. Because what’s crazier than giving yourself a hard time for not doing something you don’t even know how to achieve?

#4 Overwhelm

WHAT: Ahh, overwhelm. It’s the pesky sprite that pops up for all of us from time to time. And with homeschooling, risk management and rescheduling an entire year’s worth of events and appointments on our plates, LOTS of us are getting reacquainted with what it feels like to be utterly overwhelmed right now.

WHAT TO DO: If you want to overcome procrastination, you’ve got to get out of overwhelm first. Luckily there’s a nifty tool to help you get past it. Click here to download the Overwhelm First Aid Kit so you can regain your focus.

# 5 Analysis paralysis

WHAT: You don’t know exactly what to do about this issue… so you do nothing. And the problem gets worse. Maybe sprouts some other problems of its own. The options you’re thinking of multiply in response. And still you do nothing. Argh!

WHAT TO DO: You know when you’re driving with Sat Nav, and you get stuck on a roundabout? The computer can’t quite catch up, and so you go round and round, never locking onto the correct route? This is like that. Pick a decision, any decision, and go with it. You’ll soon get feedback on whether it was the right one – but until you take an action, you can’t get into action.

#6 Perfectionism.

WHAT: Whatever you’re going to do, has to be perfect. This is how you put off making your kid’s birthday cake so long you end up with a midnight baking session on your hands. If you’ve found yourself swearing into a packet of icing at 2 in the morning, you can probably relate.

WHAT TO DO: Just start. Think of it as a practice attempt, a “Shitty First Draft” as writer Anne Lamott calls it, or just your route off the roundabout. Done is better than perfect – it’s a wise saying for a reason.

#7 Present self / future self dissonance

WHAT: This one is a recent addition for me, and it’s shed a whole lot of light on things like financial planning or exercise that we often find ourselves putting off. Essentially, we avoid doing something that will benefit our future selves (like going for a run) because our present self is motivated by instant gratification (like eating that cookie).

WHAT TO DO: Find your motivation! Two great ways to do that are by getting an accountability partner, or batching the task you’re putting off with something you really enjoy. Habit expert James Clear calls this “temptation bundling”. So, you go for a run while listening to your favourite podcast. Or complete your tax return whilst enjoying the ambience of your favourite café. That way, you get to experience the present gratification of the temptation with the future satisfaction of having completed the task.

Go through your list again – and next to each item, jot down which of the 7 forms of procrastination it is. Does that help you get clear on your next actions? Are you finding yourself with a bit more energy to face the tasks that are on your plate? If you’re feeling better equipped to overcome procrastination, share in the comments – and if this article helps you, pass it on to a friend!

Finding momentum can be tough

At this moment in history, moving into action can feel harder than ever. But you don’t have to do it alone. Momentum for change is a 2-day live virtual experienced, designed to help you rediscover your momentum and reignite your sense of connection. Registration is now open and I’d love to welcome you to join me and our global community of women. Click here to find out more and register for your free place.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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5 Easy Ways to Calm Your Money Chaos

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Money chaos is the disorganised way we all sometimes feel about money from time to time. But finding your way back to clarity doesn’t need to take years, or hours of learning from financial experts. It can start with a simple re-framing of your mindset. So today, let’s start really simple, with these 5 straightforward ways to take charge of your financial life.

Ready to calm your money chaos?

Maybe these are good habits you already practice – but events have thrown your usual good intentions out of whack, and you need a little reset to get you back on track. Or perhaps getting on top of your finances is something that keeps slipping off the to-do list, because frankly you don’t know where to start.

Whatever your situation right now, you could find one of many simple things you could do to step into the wealth that is waiting for you.

1. Check your balance.

Are you one of those people who feels anxious about checking the bank balance on your current account? Maybe you’re overdrawn, or maybe you know the figure in your head is most probably wrong. As we move around our busy lives with direct debits and debit cards and one-click purchasing it’s easy to lose track. Get into the habit of checking your balance every day and you will never get a nasty surprise again. The major banks all have easy to use apps to make checking your balance as simple as checking your email. This daily habit is the easy way to stay in control.

2. Find your money place.

Get it all together. Every bank account you ever opened. Check every purse or wallet for forgotten funds. Gather up all your loose change and your foreign cash. If you ever keep bank notes in a milk jug on a mantlepiece or in an envelope at the back of your bedside drawer get those too. Now take the loose change to the machine at your local supermarket, close old bank accounts one at a time, count up the screwed up fiver from your old jeans pocket and the pound coins from the bowl by the door. Do you feel rich yet? Stop throwing your money around.

3. Be thankful.

It’s easy to forget to be thankful for the roof over your head when you pay the rent. It’s easy to forget to be grateful for good food when the grocery bill is higher than you expected. When money leaves us we can sometimes feel resentful. The truth is that most of us can all afford basics and opportunities that people a lot less fortunate cannot take for granted. If you sometimes feel anxious about money this can be a powerful way of changing the energy around your finances.

4. Cash is Queen.

Try living without your debit card for a week, or even a month if you feel tough enough. Give yourself a cash budget and see how you get on. Considering this is how society operated until quite recently you might be surprised at how strange it feels. You can’t swipe for your petrol, you can’t shop online. Is the amount you gave yourself a true reflection of how much you really spend?

5. Work out what you want

When you’re in place of chaos, it can be easy to feel helpless. “I just want to have enough” we tell ourselves… but what does enough mean? Do you need to spend less, earn more, or have money flow into your life in a different way? Sometimes, getting clarity about what you have and recognising the control you have is enough to bring you back in control. In the words of Susie Heath, we’re moving “…away from the old traditional masculine paradigm of ‘more, more, more’ to “sufficiency and in harmony with the planet.”

How about you?

Do you have any other simple ideas of where to start when the money chaos gets too much? How is your relationship with money today? How can we help each other? We love to hear from you in the comments.

It’s the final call!

Wealth Insights is our 3.5 hour tour de force training on all things women and wealth. You’ll find out what can hold you back from the wealth you’re capable of enjoying; learn simple practical steps to make managing your money a breeze; and discover what you need to focus on right now to make a difference to your bank balance.

This year, registration is free and the event is taking place LIVE online on Saturday 1st August. Click here to book your place now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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4 Ways to Treat Your Money Like a Lover

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Money is a force. It is a concentrated symbol of energy and power in life. And you have a unique relationship to your finances. That relationship is made up of things like how often you think about money, how you feel when you do, what matters to you when it comes to finances, and how you interact with your money. Like any other relationship, our connection with money can very wildly from day to day and year to year. And today I want to explore a way of thinking about your finances you might not have come across. What would happen if you started to treat your money like a lover?

Why it can be hard to treat money like a lover

Most of us are aware of the importance of hard work, determination, and drive to attract money. Love, on the other hand, isn’t a characteristic that’s often connected with finance.

In popular culture, financial competence tends to be associated either with a lack of feeling – think the dry and dusty desk clerk, staring at figures all day – or the opposite end of the scale, where avarice and greed take the place of deep and trusting love.

However, there are also other, more hidden and subtle ways to attract money, wealth, and prosperity.

When you think about it, the reason most of us want money comes from a place of love.

  • We want to be able to take care of the people we love – to give our families incredible experiences, be there for our friends when they need us, show our appreciation for people we care about.
  • We want to be able to have a meaningful impact on the world when we make choices about spending. Support local farmers, ethical businesses, companies with a sense of social justice.
  • We want to support and sustain ourselves – to show ourselves and our teams love by working less, taking better care of ourselves, reducing our stress and worry – so that we can be brighter, stronger builders of the future we want to see.

If our desire for money comes from love, why not show our money love?

Start taking real care of your money the way you would a treasured relationship and you might find you get the kind of rewards you dream of. Here are 4 ways to get started.

1. Give your money attention

It is a basic law of life that everything –- whether it is a physical object or a human being — responds to greater attention. Money is no exception. The best way to give attention to money is to account for it accurately and in a timely manner. Keeping precise and up-to-date accounts of money is a powerful mechanism for suddenly attracting more of it.

2. Honour your money’s freedom

Like any force, money needs to move freely in order to sustain itself. Holding back on paying, or otherwise hoarding money, prevents the free flow of energy, and thus the free flow of money. Do you insist on getting money in advance before you pay money out on a job? Reversing such an attitude will let money circulate, energy will flow, and life will reward you with good fortune.

3. Respect your money

If you don’t treat your money with the respect it deserves, don’t be surprised if it walks out on you. If you squander away funds or pay exorbitant amounts for things that can be purchased more cheaply you will repel the arrival of more funds. However, if you discover what it is that you waste your money on, and overcome that habit, your bank balance is likely to quickly respond.

4. Cultivate affection for your money

We all love money on one level, right? But what do you feel when you think about money? Do you really feel love? Or do you feel stress, pressure, panic and ultimately lack? Replacing these negative emotions with positive ones, so that in time you feel happy and uplifted when you think about money will help money to flow in the right direction.

How about you?

Do you treat your money like a lover, or does it feel strange or even “wrong” to consider money in those terms? What comes up for you when you consider treating money like a lover?

We’d love to know, let us know in the comments.

If you’d like to explore a new way of thinking about money that takes away the shame, brings in a whole lotta love and gives you practical, powerful actions to take, come along to Wealth Insights. It’s our focused money workshop that gives you the chance to talk about your finances in a safe and friendly environment – and leave with a map of how to change your financial situation for good. This year it’s taking place online on August 1st – and it’s absolutely free to join. Read the full details and book your place here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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One of many voices: Carib Eats Founder Ali Kakande

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Ali Kakande is one of many women in our community making a big difference in her corner of the world. So when she reached out recently to share her Carib Eats project, we were intrigued to find out more.

Her story of grassroots leadership exemplifies so much of what we’re all about here at One of many.

Women collaborating and supporting each other. Women creating the change that is theirs to make. Women learning, growing and developing their leadership skills as they do it. I think you’re going to love this project as much as we do.

So here’s Ali, in her own words:

Tell us a bit about Carib Eats

Carib Eats started as one response to one request for help. I’m in a few local mutual aid groups on Whatsapp – voluntary groups helping distribute help and resources to people who need them most.

One Sunday back in March – just at the start of the Covid crisis – I saw a message from a resident who was worried her brother didn’t have a meal that night. It was a worry echoed up and down Hackney, as food insecurity quickly became an issue. Well, I was cooking at the time and the solution was obvious: I’d make an extra portion, and bring it over.

I spoke to my best mate, and she was in her kitchen too. “I’ll make some extra to share” she told me, when she found out what I was doing. Within the hour a meal was delivered, and that’s how Carib Eats was born.

Now, Carib Eats delivers food once a week across Hackney to those who would benefit from a meal and a chat.

What makes this project so important?

Carib Eats is more than a meal. It’s a chance for people to connect and feel they are truly part of the wider community and not defined by their needs.

It’s important that people can request home-cooked meals that they are used to eating, and to let the people we serve know they haven’t been forgotten. As the weeks go by we‘ve got to know people a little more, and during lockdown those isolating alone have especially looked forward to seeing us.

One of the residents we support was involved in London’s iconic Notting Hill Carnival for over 30 years. Unfortunately, due to ill health, he is no longer involved, but the volunteers have felt really privileged to listen to his experiences.

We want to use this opportunity to capture the rich stories of Hackney residents that we may not always hear.

Had you done anything like this before?

No! The funny thing is, I don’t even really like cooking! And I honestly had no idea that the project would grow the way it has. But I’ve been so humbled by the response. There’s something about home-cooked food, that people actually want to eat, that’s really needed here.

We’re connecting people, checking in on them, sometimes on people who are vulnerable.

Although we started during lockdown, I don’t see the need for our support going away any time soon. Covid has simply highlighted the issues that were there already.

A recently published report by the independent Social Metrics Commission found that “Some 4.5 million people, or 7% of all people in the UK, live in families that are more than 50% below the poverty line. This compares to 2.8 million people (5%) in 2000/01, meaning that deep poverty is an issue that has worsened over the last two decades… Adding to these concerning figures is the fact that, of those currently in deep poverty, 2.4 million are also in persistent poverty; meaning that they have also been in poverty for at least two of the last three years.”

What have been the challenges?

We’re currently self-funded, and that isn’t sustainable, so we’re planning to keep going on a month-by-month basis depending on the support we have.

We put up a Just Giving page really quickly, just to see if we could keep going. That was when we came up with a name for the project, and a description:

“Four friends (& a Hackney resident on a bike) all connected through Hackney come together every Thursday. The meals have a Caribbean twist with a nod to Jamaican cuisine. We cook, deliver & chat. We would like to continue to do so and in order to do this we need help.”

Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect. But the idea caught on. I think people were drawn to the simplicity and honesty of our set up – there’s no big organisation, no complicated structure.

I was busy with my phone switched off the day after the campaign went up, so it was my kids who messaged me to say “Have you seen what’s going on?”.

Within an hour, the donations were flooding in. That’s when I realised that this was a project that had a life of its own.

How has the team organised?

At first, I kept saying “I’m not the boss!”. But I’ve naturally found myself stepping into a leadership role – and I’ve started to acknowledge the skills I have around connecting and organising people. Somehow the fact that I’m doing it for the project, and not for myself, has enabled me to be bolder than maybe I would be otherwise.

As we begin to apply for funding, or I talk to people about helping us spread the word, I’m able to be more assertive because I’m doing it for Carib Eats. I believe in our mission and our team, and that’s pushing me forward. I don’t feel apologetic about asking for help.

Right from the start, we’ve all had some really frank conversations about what we’re good at. Everyone involved has had to be really honest about what we’re able and willing to do. Some of the earliest volunteers needed to pull back from the food side, which I completely understood. But they’re still involved – cheering me on and helping me stay motivated; making connections and sharing what we’re doing; or thinking up ideas for how it could evolve.

We’ve had interest from the Museum of London in documenting the project, thanks to a local contact – and I’m hoping to build the team more.

What’s next?

As the lockdown eases, we’re taking stock and looking to the future. The goal of Carib Eats is to continue to provide meals & connect people on a weekly basis. The challenges for many will not go away and we remain committed to supporting our community.

I’m fortunate. I have a job and a supportive network, so lockdown was easier for me than some. My own personal experience tells me that it is important to help where you can and to pass on kindness and support. We all need each other, especially when times are tough.

Want to help? Here’s how you can help support Ali and the team at Carib Eats

1. Give

You can donate to Carib Eats’ Just Giving page by clicking here.

2. Share

No worries if you can’t donate! You can also help by sharing and spreading the word. Find the team on Instagram and Facebook and give them a like, follow or share.

3. Step up

Carib Eats are currently looking for someone to help with building their website and managing social media. So if you, or someone you know, would be interested in joining the volunteer team, please get in touch at caribeatslondon@gmail.com.

Are you changing your corner of the world?

Ali’s one of many women making a difference in her corner of the world. A grassroots leader learning, growing, and connecting as she goes. We love to share stories from within our community to help spread the word about projects. Come over to our Facebook group and let us know if you’ve got a story to share!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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YOUR voices have been heard

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When I first discovered that the Parliamentary Women and Equalities Committee here in the UK was calling for evidence about the unequal impact of Covid19 on different groups of people (eg: women; Black and Minority Ethnic groups; people living with disabilities or long term illnesses; people undergoing gender reassignment; members of the LGBTQ community) I knew our community would have a lot to say.

And you did.

We heard from women from all walks of life, across the UK – and beyond.

Telling our shared story: One of many ways we give back

In just six short days, with characteristic generosity, you shared your experiences of the pandemic; your observations on the Government’s response and your recommendations for future action.

You shared your fears, your anger, your frustrations, your hopes and your dreams.

We read and listened to every word of every submission we received.

Your words and your experiences, combined with our own research into the unique position of women in the midst of this crisis, formed One of many’s first ever submission to a Parliamentary inquiry.

This marks a milestone for us as a community. Not only are we supporting each other to learn, grow, and make a difference in the world. We’re using our collective voices to guide our political leaders to the change we want to see – and I am so grateful to everyone who contributed.

The final 33 page submission, including all of our recommendations can be read by clicking here.

I warn you now you may need a tissue. I cried when I first read it. I still do.

The power of our collective voice

Our submission doesn’t just represent the voices of the women who responded with their experiences and their recommendations. It is a vivid portrayal of the lived experiences of thousands of women across the UK.

And your voices have been heard.

Last week the chair of the Committee Caroline Nokes MP announced that they had been overwhelmed with responses to their inquiry. She spoke in particular about the impact on women:

“Evidence shows that the economic impact has been experienced differentially by women – and in many respects, more severely”.

Caroline Nokes, Chair, Women and Equalities Committee

As a result of the evidence they received, Caroline Nokes announced that the Committee would be conducting three additional “sub inquiries” looking at:

– Coronavirus and BAME (Black And Minority Ethnic groups) people
– Coronavirus, disability and access to services; and
– Coronavirus and the economic impact on women.

You can find out more about these inquiries here.

Raising each other up

At the end of April, at the peak of the Covid-19 pandemic in the UK, I asked each of you to imagine the voices of thousands of women speaking up and making a difference, and to join me in making that dream a reality.

I know that the past few months have been incredibly challenging for every one of us. We’ve all had to face unprecedented uncertainty in every area of our lives. Even before this global pandemic, time was our most precious resource.

So I am so moved, and so grateful, to each and every one of you who heeded that call.

And of course, the Covid-19 situation continues to evolve. It’s not the only shift the world is undergoing. New movements for change are springing up, some of them led by women in our community. Maybe led by you. The global uprisings for social justice are making their voices heard.

We’re all making daily decisions, small and big, about how each of us can look after our needs, be a stand for our values, and continue to support those around us. And I know we can continue to support each other through the BeOne community. Because we’re stronger together.

What’s next, now your voices have been heard?

No-one knows what’s coming, of course. If recent weeks have taught us anything, it’s that change is the only constant.

But I can tell you this.

We will continue to raise up your voices. Here in the UK, we will continue to call for a response from Government that reflects your experience during this pandemic. And we will continue to do whatever we can to lead the change.

If you want to join us in informing this important inquiry, you can still make your voice heard by making an individual submission to one or all of the sub inquiries.

You can be the change you want to see.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.