One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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How to collaborate to beat burnout

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Today, let’s take a look at how to collaborate – and why this is one of the most critical skills we have as women who want to make a difference in these times.

Why we’re wired for collaboration

All of us have experienced some degree of isolation this year, and that’s had an important effect on us.

After all, as a species, humans are naturally pack animals. We’re social, we exist in groups, and we’re drawn to connect and find power in groups.

Of course, let’s be real. Many of us already felt somewhat isolated or lonely before Covid-19 arrived.

Rushing from work to home to catch ups with family and friends, many of us have felt a sense of juggling many different masks. This is the phenomenon we often refer to as “Superwoman” syndrome – the pressure we have to be the perfect leader, the perfect colleague, the perfect friend, the perfect partner…

But lockdown has added an additional layer on to that.

It’s been a really difficult time.

And I think a lot of us have forgotten just how much we need to be able to rely on others – which is why this feels like such an important conversation to be having right now.

I believe we need to retrain our deep instinctive response to be able to reach out and actually rely on others.

To help us do that, let’s look at the difference collaboration can make.

There are 3 key gifts I believe powerful collaboration can bring us when it comes to making an impact.

I don’t think we always think about these enough – often we focus on the extra knowledge, or emotional support, being in a team can bring. Those are important too!

But these 3 gifts are components we need in order to create real, lasting change.

As I run through them, think about how present they are in your life. If they’re missing, read on for how to add them in…

The unexpected gifts of collaboration

Joy

We have a lot more joy when we do things with others, especially women. Some people absolutely have much more joy if they’re by themselves, but those people are at the extreme ends of the introversion spectrum.

Usually most people will find some joy in shared experiences. And that’s really important – it boosts us, it energises us, and it allows us to create change way beyond what’s possible when we’re just “pushing through”.

If you’re already in collaboration with others, check in – are you experiencing the joy of working together? Or do you tend to focus on problems and challenges? How could you bring more joy into your work together – even in a small way.

(In the One of many team, one of the ways we bring joy to our virtual team meetings is by ending with a dance party!)

Courage

Another gift of collaboration that I don’t always see people talking about is courage.

We see increased individual risk taking when we are working in collaboration with others. I know this from personal experience.

The only reason you see the version of Joanna Martin that you have is because of the people I work with. She’s who they expect to show up to work every day!

A lot of the time, this version of me is frankly FAR better than I actually feel inside! She’s way more awesome. Way more brave, way more articulate, way more together as a leader than I actually exist in my own inner world. And so for that reason, it calls the best of me forth.

I think here about medical teams, too.

If you’re in a critical situation with a patient and you’ve got a sounding board with people that you know, and trust, and you want to try something risky that you’ve never tried before, but it’s life and death – you’ve got a sounding board.

You can say “I’m think I’m going to try this”. And they say “Let’s do it”.

We can be more courageous collectively.

Balance

This final piece of collaboration holds the key, I think, to tackling the epidemic of overwhelm, burnout and stress. Because if we want to find a new way of working, and be more in our “soft power” – we have to be able to balance that with the more driven, action taking, goal-oriented side. This flow needs to happen across our whole lives. In our homes, with our partners, and at work.

And it would be impossible for most of us to achieve that level of balance while, for example, holding down a demanding full time job.

When we collaborate, we can share our vision and honour our individual cycles of rest and energy. We don’t all have to be in fierce action mode, and we don’t all have to retreat into deep, thoughtful creativity.

Together, we can do it all.

That’s why I sometimes worry about women who work by themselves – “solopreneurs” or freelancers, say – because that ability to collaborate is not there. If they’re trying to sweat it all out and do it by themselves.

So if that’s you, get creative about how you can collaborate if you are self-employed and in that kind of freelance environment.

So how can you create powerful spaces for collaboration?

Here are 3 critical components to remember if you want to know how to collaborate effectively.

#1 Set a shared intention

What’s the purpose of your collaboration? Is it a shared project, do you have a clear goal, or are you coming together to explore what’s possible?

There’s no one way to collaborate, but it’s important that everyone participating understands the intention and knows why it’s important.

#2 Know each other’s magic

What can you rely on each other for? What do you trust each other to do?

Some of these answers will come early on in collaborating – you can find out what other women have trained in, or what their skills are. But other aspects of this can only come when you’ve experienced what it’s actually like to collaborate. That’s when you learn the deeper magic you bring. Maybe one of you is fantastic at paying attention to detail, or spotting the potential pitfalls of a plan, or connecting to a big dream for what’s possible.

Make sure to keep reviewing, observing and naming the magic you each bring as you go.

#3 Create clear communication

And then part of magical collaboration is also agreeing on the process for collaboration. Some of that might be logistical – like agreeing when you’ll connect, and where, and how long for. Think also about what you’ll do if conflict arises. And consider the ways in which trust and credibility are built. It’s often in the spaces around the “real work” – the tea breaks, the chat before the call – that you begin to deepen the relationships you have with each other.

Communicating clearly, and regularly reviewing what is and isn’t working, will help you keep collaboration fresh.

Want more collaboration?

If you know you could do with more collaboration in your life, but aren’t sure who to connect with – we’ve got you. The One Woman Conference 2021 is happening 12-13 June and doors are now open for registration! This is an interactive, live, online event where you’ll have the opportunity to meet and connect with women from all around the world.

You’ll also discover how you can consciously create a network of support and learn practical ways to avoid burnout, handle stress, and boost your resilience as a leader.

To read all about the conference and book your ticket, click here: https://onewomanconference.co.uk/

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Dissecting Leadership: Jacinda Ardern’s Leadership Style

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Today I want to share my thoughts on Jacinda Ardern’s leadership style – and why I see her as such a role model for women who want to create change.

First, let’s think about why there are so few women who display Ardern’s leadership style. When you look at the timeline of human history you observe that it’s only relatively recently that women were allowed access to the spheres of education, commerce and politics. It’s no surprise therefore that our role models for leadership were moulded to distinctly ‘masculine’ characteristics – competition, assertiveness, achievement.

In order to succeed as leaders women have tended to adopt these masculine traits. The successful female leaders we recall – the ones who ‘get stuff done’ – are often the ones with a singular focus, a desire to win, the ones who want to be seen as high achievers. The Superwomen.

Comic female superheroes exude the same masculine energy as their male counterparts. They fight, they are physically strong, they succeed by dominating. They are also drawn with the physical traits of the other female stereotype we associate with power and influence, the woman who uses sex as power.

However, more recently we have seen the emergence of a third example of female power. One that draws on more feminine characteristics – modesty, compassion, empathy – what I call Soft Power and exemplified by the New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern.

Finding the right energy

Before we look at the characteristics of Soft Power, I want to be clear that this is not an argument about what type of energy – masculine or feminine – is best for leadership. That is a question for the individual, only you can decide what energy you need to power your leadership, and when. There will be times when you need masculine energy to power through a particular challenge, and there will be times when Soft Power is more appropriate.

I founded One of many® to empower, support and encourage women to step into leadership. And to advocate for a greater understanding and appreciation of Soft Power, because I believe – and the evidence on burnout and stress bear this out – that we are currently missing out on a rich talent pool because the masculine role model of leadership burns a lot of people – particularly women – out.

The 5 C’s of Soft Power

The hallmarks of Soft Power are collaboration and collectivism. Facilitating collaboration requires a leader to be courageous, connected, compassionate, clear and creative.

● A courageous leader leads by example. Dedicated, involved, quick to act, they lead through championing their cause & participation.

● A connected leader looks after their own wellbeing and that of others, they lead through invitation & appreciation.

● A compassionate leader is patient and kind, always looking to bring out the best in others, they lead through love & encouragement.

● A clear leader is comfortable and certain of themselves. With a clear vision of what they want for their colleagues and customers, for their family and friends, they lead through vision & inspiration.

● A creative leader is innovative, curious, able to facilitate transformation, they lead through faith & wisdom.

The 5 C’s of Jacinda Ardern’s Leadership

Courage

It takes a certain degree of courage to lock down your country and close its borders. But it is a different type of courage to announce a national lockdown and then go on Facebook Live – fresh from (and still dressed for) bathing your toddler and putting them to bed – to answer questions about the new restrictions.

In that one Facebook Live from her home Ardern did two things. She showed that she was as involved and as affected as everyone else, explaining that she wanted to “check in with everyone as we prepare to hunker down for a few weeks”. Secondly she showed that she was as dedicated to the New Zealand people as she was to her young daughter.

Connected

There’s no surprise that Ardern is as loved as she is by so many. She brings her whole life force energy to everything she does. Fully embodied and fully present, she is connected to herself. Ardern’s leadership feels personal – as though we’re really getting to know her. But more than that, she is interconnected.

I have noted how she uses language to connect others. Approaching the end of lockdown in May 2020, she thanked her “team of five million” for the sacrifices they had made to protect the most vulnerable.

In her election acceptance speech last October, she used ‘We’ 30 times and ‘I’ only six times. Three times to thank people and the other three times to say ‘hope, believe and promise’. There’s no ‘I’ in Ardern’s team, she is a leader that leads from collaboration and connection, not individualism.

Compassion

I remember that feeling of revulsion, grief and huge sympathy when news of the New Zealand mosque shootings first broke. But showing that sympathy, wearing a hijab, and then addressing your Parliament with an Arabic greeting, all while under the lens of a western media arguably tinged with Islamaphobic sentiment, was an incredible demonstration of compassion. Ardern’s leadership exemplifies this compassion-led approach.

‘Be Strong, Be Kind’ is more than an election slogan for Ardern, it’s a way of being. When she hugged first responders after the volcano eruption on White Island killed 21 people, no one suggested it was just for the cameras. Similarly when she announced she would take a 20 per cent pay cut to her salary in recognition of the financial impact the pandemic was having on people’s incomes, no one said it was a publicity stunt. Her concern for the wellbeing of others is obvious and it is earning her widespread appreciation at home and abroad.

Clarity

Prime Minister Ardern has been clear and consistent in her COVID-19 strategy, “go hard and go early”. Border closures and a system of alert levels and associated restrictions were introduced within three weeks of New Zealand’s first COVID case being identified. Just over two months after the Country entered full lockdown, all restrictions were eased and by June 2020 sports fans were back in stadiums.

Throughout, Ardern has not tried to sugar-coat how challenging and difficult the response would be, but when asked early on in the pandemic if she was scared, she replied “No, because we have a plan”. Her resolute clarity was one reason why voters re-elected her by a landslide in last year’s General Election, and gave New Zealand it’s first majority Government in over 25 years.

Creative

Creativity in leaders can be misunderstood. People can think it means endless new ideas and initiatives, when really it’s the ability to facilitate change by questioning, listening and responding. Ardern wasn’t the only international leader who didn’t know how to handle a global pandemic. But unlike some of her peers she didn’t attempt to play down the threat, instead she quickly sought the advice of epidemiologists and then acted on it decisively.
Where other leaders might have focused on the specifics of the attack, Ardern’s response to the mosque shootings was to frame the attack not as an attack on muslims, but as an attack on everyone in New Zealand – (the victims) “are us” and the “perpetrator is not” she said; vowed never to say his name and then legislated to ban assault and military-style weapons.

A powerful example of the strength of Soft Power

As well as admiring her as a role model for Soft Power, I also connect with Ardern’s purpose. I founded One of many® because I want my children to grow up into a better world, and I believe greater diversity in leadership will help unlock that. Ardern says she got into politics because of children and wants to transform her country for the wellbeing of children and young people.

In her first term as Prime Minister she committed to halving child poverty in New Zealand by 2028. Conscious that our degrading environment will have huge consequences for future generations she announced a ban on single-use plastic bags throughout the country. During the early days of the pandemic she held a press conference just for children, saying they needed extra help understanding the pandemic, and followed it up days later announcing that Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy were essential workers and were exempt from lockdown.

Jacinda Ardern’s leadership style is a powerful example of the strength of Soft Power.

As she told The New York Times in 2018: “One of the criticisms I’ve faced over the years is that I’m not aggressive enough or assertive enough or maybe somehow, because I’m empathetic, it means I’m weak. I totally rebel against that. I refuse to believe that you cannot be both compassionate and strong”.

I agree.

Here’s to fierce compassion.

Who’s your leadership role model?

Let us know in the comments!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Breathing Underwater: stress about stress!

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Ever had one of those days when you feel like you’re drowning? When stress about stress seems to pile on, and you’re not sure how to find your way out?

Everything we need to do in our busy lives gets overwhelming from time to time. All of a sudden we are sinking and we can’t breathe.

On one memorable Sunday I had a deadline, a houseguest, a broken washing machine, a sick child and a birthday party all at the same time. I flailed around, uselessly grasping at straws and eventually gave up and let myself sink.

Naturally, the self-criticism was loud. Why is it that despite being bombarded with messages about me-time and meditation we still don’t seem to listen?

When I read about the dangers of stress, instead of doing something about it I stress about it…stress about stress! I don’t know about you but when I’m in a frantic state the last thing I think of doing is getting to a yoga class.

My mantra becomes ‘I don’t have time’ and the very choices that could help me most are the last ones on my mind.

(It’s the same way we find ourselves staying up late watching Netflix when we know we’ve got an early start. Or leaving a big work project until you can almost smell the deadline.)

If you’re feeling stress about stress, it’s a sign it’s time for change

Whilst it’s easy to joke about our lapses in self care – if we’re not careful, the idea that we’re “too busy to stop” can become something of a badge of honour.

We start to feel a little burst of pride or importance when we boast that we “don’t have time” to take care of ourselves. But running on cortisol takes a huge toll on our physical and mental health.

If you’re finding yourself swamped by responsibilities, and noticing stress getting out of hand, it’s a sign it’s time to take action. Listen to it.

The good news is, that action can be small to start off with!

Just enough to break the ‘Superwoman’ cycle, and get your head above water.

So if you keep forgetting to find twenty minutes twice a day for meditation, or if getting to the gym seems like an impossible dream this week, here are three quick fixes to start to create some space.

1 – Talk to Someone

The quickest and easiest way to get perspective on your stresses is to the share them with someone else. Often just the act of putting our worries into words makes them seem smaller. The thing is, we don’t talk like we used to and that’s okay. Text a pal, stick it on Twitter, post on Facebook. It’s all good venting. Chances are that if you write a ranty email to a friend you’ll feel better without even sending it.

2 – Look Up

One consistent message is that being in nature helps us to relax. Except it’s not easy to go for a country walk when you’re being pulled in ten different directions. We dismiss the advice because it is impractical. But there is one soothing natural beauty that is never far away. Are you by a window? Look up from the sink full of dirty dishes or the screen with ten different projects open and find the sky. Remind yourself that you are One of many. Feel the light on your face. Breathe.

3 – The Sixty-Second Massage

There’s a reflexology point about two finger widths above the armpit where the arm meets the chest. It’s called the Central Treasury. Stimulate this point by massaging here quite firmly with your opposite fingertips. Do this for thirty seconds then switch sides. You’ll find yourself instinctively breathing more deeply. The Central Treasury helps to increase blood flow and balance your emotions. It also feels fantastic!

Get out of overwhelm for good

If feeling like there’s too much on your plate is starting to be he background to your days, it’s time to make a change. We can only run on fumes for so long — and being constantly busy is getting in the way of the impact you’re really here to make on the world.

(Be honest. How much on your to do list would fall under the category of ‘things I’d like to be remembered for’?)

The Overwhelm First Aid Kit is our tried and tested method to calm the chaos and get yourself back to calm (with tea!).

Click here to download your free copy.

What are your favourite stress busters?

Let us know in the comments!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman

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With a big mission to transform the lives of one million women leaders, International Women’s Day is an annual celebration for us. And in 2021, our campaign focuses on WHY we’re doing what we’re doing. #ForTheNextWoman

Why #ForTheNextWoman?

In these volatile times it’s become more and more clear how much inequality and injustice there is in the world. The UN theme for #IWD21 is ‘Women in leadership: Achieving an equal future in a COVID-19 world’.

Which has led to many of us asking ourselves the question — is changing my own life really enough?

In the face of all the GIANT things that need to change in the world, is focusing on your own needs selfish?

Here’s my take on this.

I believe that one of the ingredients we need in order to create a thriving, just and equal world is capable, empowered women.

Women who are not afraid to say ‘I matter’ and ‘what I want counts’ and to bring pleasure and joy and excitement into their own lives.

It’s really important, of course, that we also change the systems. The exploitative, extractive cultures and our unconscious biases that cause harm without us realizing it.

But I don’t think we can wait until the systems themselves are fair to take action. If we can equip and empower women by showing up in SPITE of the current systems, we can become one of many women moving the dial for the ones who come next.

If, right now, your focus is on sorting out your finances, or being there for your kids, or supporting your team — never think what you’re doing isn’t enough.

You’re modelling a new way of being in the world. And it’s one that will, I hope, have repercussions for generations to come. #ForTheNextWoman in fact.

And when you’re fully resourced, capable, energised and ready to make a difference your impact will be far greater. When you’re standing in your power – nothing is impossible.

How are you making a difference?

Someone shared a gorgeous quote into the BeOne community this week. It’s a Chinese proverb:

When sleeping women wake, mountains move.

And women in our community are part of that process of waking up. When we know how to fill up our energy, set clear boundaries, make powerful decisions and collaborate effectively, it’s time to turn that power back out into the world.

To create a better future #ForTheNextWoman

The tools we share at One of many are designed by women, for women, and they help women around the world create extraordinary results.

For our coaches, they’ve allowed them to make an extraordinary impact this year.

Take Caroline Doran. We spoke to her at the end of last year, when she shared how profound an impact she’d had with her clients in 2020.

“My clients are in the charity sector. There’s a lot going on and it’s very difficult. I started quite a big coaching contract just as lockdown started, which was just amazing timing. And I got so much from helping people through this huge kind of ‘what the hell is happening?!’.

Being able to support people through that space of coaching, it gave me such a great sense of purpose and focus”.

Or Jen Goddard, an actuary. She told us

“I’m involved now in our gender diversity network in the office, trying to bring more of the coaching skills across the board and trying to get people to recognize how that can work.

Because what you so often see in talent programs is that people who are doing well get better. And the ones getting left behind are still left behind.

So I wanted to find the people who aren’t thriving, but would be talents if we could just get them to look after themselves. You know what I mean? It’s going from “let’s find some female talents and promote them” to “actually, let’s make everybody better”. And even the playing field in that way.”

I love seeing our coaches doing the work they do #ForTheNextWoman.

How about you?

And so, this International Women’s Day, we’re inviting you to join us in this celebration of women and the difference it makes to the world when we’re empowered. Here’s what to do.

#1 Spend some time thinking about who you’re making changes for.

Are you standing up to your boss so that the next woman in your role won’t have unreasonable demands on her? Are you sharing the honest version of your life on social media, so that the next women feeling like a failure will laugh and know she’s not alone? Are you showing your kids, your niece or nephew that you’re stepping up and making the world a better place?

Take a moment to acknowledge what you’re doing. It might seem small, but you’re part of a far bigger movement. Celebrate the impact you’re having on your own corner of the world — together, we are having a mighty impact.

#2 Shout your message from the rooftops!

We’re giving away a scholarship to our Coaching Certification for one of the women sharing the changes she’s making #ForTheNextWoman. So if you’ve been inspired by the difference our coaches are making in the world, make sure you take part to be in with a chance of getting your training costs covered by us! To take part, simply:

  1. Post a message/photo/video on your personal page or profile on social media AND in the BeOne group, explaining who you are stepping up for
  2. Tag @oneofmanywomen and, if they’re on Facebook, a friend/relative/client you’re stepping up for this International Women’s Day.
  3. Make sure to use the hashtags #FortheNextWoman and #IWD2021 and tag @oneofmanywomen

    4. We’ll select a winner from the posts shared and Jo will officially announce the winner on her Lunch and Learn live on Tuesday 9th March.

Have fun!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to develop your intuition

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How much do you trust yourself? Everyone has intuitive potential – but for some of us, it can feel as though our intuition is frustratingly out of reach. Don’t worry. There are some simple tools that have helped women in our community learn how to develop their intuition, and with regular practice I think you’ll find them really helpful too. So if you’re curious about how to develop your intuition, read on.

What do we mean by intuition?

Before we consider how to develop your intuition, it’s helpful to get clear on what we actually mean by the term. You may know that I’m a bit of an etymology geek — and I think the history of this word is especially useful.

You see, many of us assume intuition is something a little bit esoteric, or somehow spiritual. There’s a ‘mystic’ sense to the world that can be a turn-off if you’re more of a science-minded woman. And indeed, part of the word’s history is the Late Middle English, ‘denoting spiritual insight or immediate spiritual communication’.

But the other root of this word is the Latin ‘intueri’ — to consider, or look into.

So another way to think about your intuition is simply the insight or consideration you can bring to a challenge or problem.

Something that might help you begin to embrace it as a tool you can use in your day to day life — whatever your beliefs.

Knowing beyond logic

In Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking Malcolm Gladwell examines research around decision-making. He looks at fascinating cases where split-second judgments: from firemen dealing with a chaotic and dangerous situation, to art dealers ‘sensing’ a flawlessly executed fake, turned out to be as accurate as carefully pondered judgments.

He concludes that those experts who have truly mastered their subject are able to make incredibly accurate decisions at lightning speed. But it’s not magic. They absorb the different facets of a situation so quickly, that they can ‘feel’ what needs to happen before their rational brain has time to assimilate the evidence.

What we might, in fact, call intuition.

“…If we are to learn to improve the quality of the decisions we make, we need to accept the mysterious nature of our snap judgements. We need to respect the fact that it is possible to know without knowing why we know and accept that — sometimes — we’re better off that way.” — Malcolm Gladwell

Intuition and the Sorceress

At One of many we use the 5 Women’s PowerTypes as models of leadership that can help us resource ourselves in any situation. The PowerType who leads us in this realm of instinct beyond logic is The Sorceress. She’s the part of you that instinctively understands what needs to be done, even if you can’t quite explain how. Her instincts guide her when it comes to decision making. And she has complete faith in her ability to ‘sense’ a situation or relationship, and know the truth that lies beneath it.

This is one of the most powerful aspects of leadership you can cultivate.

So how can you turn this to your advantage? How can you develop your intuition into a powerful tool for life?

Here’s how to develop your intuition

1. Clear your mind

If you’re anything like me you probably have lots of thoughts running through your mind at any given moment. All of this “noise” makes it difficult to hear your intuitive voice. Let them go. Picture your thoughts floating away on a cloud. Try meditation, or a practice like yoga or mindfulness which allows you to focus your mind on one activity, and let the other distractions float away.

2. Imagery

Here’s an exercise that can help you if you’re pondering a specific challenge:

Imagine yourself in a quiet place in nature, surrounded by beauty and wonder. Make this image as vivid as possible by using all of your senses. Then, imagine a treasure chest nearby. You feel excited as you approach the chest because you know that the answer to your question is inside. Take a deep breath and imagine yourself opening the treasure chest.

Now, if you struggle with this whole ‘imagine’ thing, know this. When I close my eyes and visualize, it’s black. I don’t see anything. But I pretend I can. And it still works!

I’ve changed my entire life by pretending I can visualize.

(Not to mention pretending I don’t feel dumb when I move my body… When actually it’s quite ridiculous on some level! And pretending it’s OK for me to smother a pillow in snot from crying… When really I’m a grown woman, come on!!)

Turns out pretending can be life changing if you give it a chance…

3. Dream

Take some time before you fall asleep to ask for an answer to come to you through your dreams. Your answers may come symbolically and may need some interpretation.
Look for the emotions and themes of your dreams, and see if this sheds light on your problem.

4. Affirmations

Here are just a few examples of affirmations to increase your intuitive abilities:

  • I trust my intuition.
  • My intuitive voice is consistently accurate.
  • I access my intuition easily.

Can you think of others? Find one that works for you, and try popping it on a post-it somewhere you can see it, or repeating it to yourself while you’re brushing your teeth.

5. Practice

The more you use and trust your intuition, the stronger it will get and the more confident you will feel about it. The whispers from your soul will always guide you to the path that is for your highest good.
Enjoy developing this incredible gift you have. And don’t forget to let us know how you get on!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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5 easy habits to create positive change

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A while I was speaking to a friend who was feeling a little bit blue. She’d spent the previous weekend at a personal development seminar, and left feeling upbeat about how to create positive change and the road ahead for her business.

But over the next few days she had felt that positivity drain out of her, one good intention at a time.

Can you relate? Have you ever found yourself momentarily boosted – by an inspiring quote on social media, an uplifting encounter with a friend, or a training that brought huge realisations. And then felt that hope gradually drain away, as the reality of the to-do list and the demands of everyone else around you seeped back in?

How can we create positive change in the face of all our challenges?

It got me thinking about positivity, and how important it is to maintain a positive attitude, especially at the beginning of a new journey. Whenever I welcome a new member to one of our trainings or programs, I know she’s probably feeling a mixture of excitement, and also nervousness. That “What have I let myself in for?!” feeling. I’m sure you know it well!

It’s only natural that learning how to create positive change can feel tough at first. Let’s face it, it’s often discomfort with where we are that inspires us to do things differently. If everything was rosy… you probably wouldn’t be starting out on that journey of change in the first place.

As things progress you will start to see evidence of positive progress. But at the beginning, all you have is hope.

For those very first steps, you have nothing but faith in yourself and your ideas. And those around you can be understandably wary of change. They won’t mean to undermine you, but they may well feel nervous about you choosing to do things differently.

So how do you keep positive? How do you create positive conditions so that positive change can flow?

According to psychologist Shawn Achor, when your brain is happy, it “performs significantly better than it does at negative, neutral, or stressed. Your intelligence rises, your creativity rises, [and] your energy levels rise”.

In other words, learning how to cultivate a positive mindset doesn’t only make your day to day experience of life more pleasant. It can have an impact that allows even more positive experiences to flow your way – a “virtuous circle” if you like.

So here are some simple ideas to help you create positive change:

#1 Get grateful

At One of many we’re big fans of a simple practice called “thinking and thanking”. In a nutshell, at the end of each day, you scan back over the events of the past 24 hours and notice all the positive things that have happened. The synchronicities, moments of happiness, good fortune. It could be something huge, or it could be really small.

The sun came out while I was drinking my tea. The car passed its MOT. I didn’t blow my top when my kid pushed all my buttons.

Say thank you, and ask for more. Pretty soon your brain will start scanning for the positive in your life rather than the negative.

#2 Tell your story

This is a really powerful practice when you’re feeling low, and aren’t sure how you’re going to overcome the challenges you’re facing. Write down a positive experience from the past. Describe what happened and how it made you feel. Try to be as detailed as possible.

Reliving a time when you experienced how to create positive change will allow your brain to experience it twice, and remind you of what it feels like to achieve something wonderful.

#3 Meditate

Many of us are so busy spinning on the roundabout of our daily lives that the chance to step off is invaluable. As women we pride ourselves on our ability to multi-task. And when you’re on the path to create positive change, it can be tempting to push yourself even harder. But a few minutes of meditation every day will give you the chance to pause, reflect and focus on the task at hand.

Maybe, like me, you find the “sitting still and focusing on your thoughts” kind of meditating challenging. If that’s the case, try and find a way to connect to the present that works for you. Maybe it’s dancing to a playlist of your favourite songs. Taking 10 minutes to drink a cuppa in the garden and listen to the birdsong. In Living the Change, Annie Stoker leads a “Dynamic Meditation” sessions which are incredibly popular. Find something that works for you, and make it a habit.

#4 The Sunshine mail

Each day when you open your inbox, send a positive message to someone. You could be thanking them for something they did, or showing your support for their journey, or congratulating them for something they achieved. It could be a quick text, an email or a supportive comment on social media. What a beautiful way to feel part of a collective journey, and to make others’ lives that bit brighter.

#5 Emotional hygiene

This might be an unexpected addition to a “positive thinking” list. But if you’re serious about change, it’s important to remember that you’ll experience ups and downs along the way. That means finding out how to handle your “negative” emotions too – the rage, grief, sadness, and anything else you might encounter.

How can you safely acknowledge and express your emotions, without allowing them to take over? There are plenty of resources to help you in the Living the Change program. Or try talking to a coach, or using simple journalling exercise like this one.

Hope thrives with simple habits

Positive change cannot come from outside. But it can come from short, simple exercises that, done regularly, will rewire your brain to work more optimistically and more successfully.

How do you stay positive? Have you tried any of these? Let us know how they work for you. And if you’d like to discover more tools and resources to help you navigate life’s challenges and have the impact you’re truly capable of, check out Living the Change: our online coaching program to help you create the life you want.

Click here for full details and to join our community.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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6 reasons we need community (and how to find it)

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Right now many of us are isolating ourselves from connection with others more than we ever have before. And I am more present than ever to the effect that’s having on all of us. Because the fact is, we need community.

We overlook the importance of connection at our peril – as I’m going to share with you today.

I know I’m not alone in really, really missing my nearest and dearest. Lately, I’ve found myself looking back over photos of retreats and events. Where we used to come together in a room and dance together and hug each other without even thinking about it twice. We would go to concerts. We would go to bars. We didn’t care how many other people were in a small enclosed space with us.

For many of us, those times feel very, very far away.

The problem with isolation

The isolation and loneliness we’re facing are compounded by the additional stress we’re all under.

Maybe you’ve had a bad night’s sleep, got a looming work deadline, or your kids are being particularly challenging.

Maybe you’re grieving. Or sick.

Many of us are having to navigate redundancies or put people on furlough, or work out whether we should or shouldn’t open for business. All the sorts of things we’re facing at the moment are causing us to be way more stressed than usual.

And yet, for some reason, the more stressed we get, the more we isolate.

I have seen it again and again in our community.

Could our “Superwoman” streak be stopping us from connecting?

Many of us have an unconscious belief that if things get stressful, we have to draw away. We think we can only be in the world when we are positive, or when we’ve all got it all figured out.

Many of us grew up being taught to share happy things and hide sad things. And if that’s what you grew up with, then at a time when stress is magnified, we are tending to isolate even more.

So let’s talk about why we need community and why connection is so critically important.

Here are 6 reasons why connection is critical to all of us.

#1 We need to belong

As the wonderful Brené Brown puts it, we are “hardwired for love and belonging”. It’s in our very DNA, the fabric of our being to love, to be loved and to feel like we belong somewhere.

#2 We need support and belief

I often work with women entrepreneurs, in my one-on-one consultancy. And there’s often this sense of imposter syndrome. We think “I really should believe in myself more”. To a certain extent that’s true, but there is a big part of self-belief that actually comes from others.

I tend to surround myself with people who believe in me more than I believe in myself. And that works beautifully for me. I am surrounded by a team of incredible men and women who believe in me more than I believe in me. They create a leadership space for me to lead them in. And I keep stepping into that.

Having people around us who believe in us is so important, so that when we hit something that’s hard to navigate, whether it be a work thing, a family thing, a relationship thing, we’ve got someone to tell us “I know you’re having a tough time, but I believe in you. I really believe in you. I know you can do this. Let’s see if we can come up with some ideas together.” Sometimes that support looks like troubleshooting and problem solving together. And sometimes that support looks like just being there.

#3 We need collective wisdom

When it comes to solving a problem, a group does better than any individual out there. We can get to a point beyond where any one person could go on their own. And that’s connected to the fourth reason, which is:

#4 We need to push our own limits

We will all stop ourselves at some point. Oftentimes others give us that gentle push that has us grow and expand into an area that we might not have otherwise gone into. We need community for that. It’s something we can’t do for ourselves.

#5 We need accountability

We need other people to declare our intentions to. They can remind us of what we’ve decided and help us stick to our plans, whatever plans they may be.

#6 We need others’ energy

I confess: This is something I don’t quite know how to describe. I know that for myself, some of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve had happen, not in one-on-one coaching sessions, but where I’m part of a collective coming together as a group. It can happen virtually. I’ve seen it in the group who have gathered for the Activate Challenge this week. There’s a motivation in there. We can share energy when we come together in community, and it’s powerful stuff.

Is it time you got connected?

My challenge for you today is to reach out and get connected to somebody.

  • If you have a good friend you’ve not connected with for a while, reach out, have an evening with them on zoom and talk it through. Send a care package. Send a postcard. Connect!
  • If you’re friends with someone on social media, why not ask them if they’d like to have a virtual coffee together?
  • And if you don’t even know where to start with community, please start by joining one of our online groups because they are full of exquisite and extraordinary women who know how to be a fierce, committed stand. They know how to be supportive and gentle and nourishing when they need to, they know how to love and they know how to accept love. That is one of the things that makes our community so deeply rich and profound.

And if you’d like to experience what it’s like to gather virtually with hundreds of women – and discover how to reconnect to your joy and optimism for the future – join us for the Activate Your Vision workshop, happening tomorrow. It would be an absolute pleasure to have you there, as part of our global community of women.

Click here to register for your free place at the training.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover”

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When you’ve been drawing deeply on your energy reserves, and perhaps even slipped into Superwoman to achieve everything you need to, there comes a point when just “stopping” doesn’t really cut it. At times like these, knowing the secret to rest becomes an art in itself. And it’s one I want to share with you today.

Maybe your “holiday” looked more like taking care of everyone in your household.

Perhaps you’ve been caring mode for a loved one, and you can’t switch off that sense of alertness just in case the phone rings.

Or you’ve been pushing through a big project – managing deadlines, soothing wobbles from the team, doing what it takes. The finish line’s there – but somehow, you can’t seem to switch off.

You tell yourself it’s finally time to relax and yet… wine and Netflix doesn’t seem to have the numbing effect you crave. You’re checking your email “one last time” before bed. Stress dreaming about the project you can’t let go of.

Screens, deadlines, worries and responsibility just won’t stop.

So what’s the answer? How do you deal with what I’ve started to lovingly refer to as the “Superwoman hangover” and get yourself back on track?

The secret to rest: 3 steps to handle a “Superwoman hangover”

#1 Call it what it is

The first step (isn’t it always the first step?) is awareness. Superwoman can be a sneaky visitor. She can often come disguised as just being super caring, or as taking responsibility, or as “going the extra mile”. 

But when her tendrils creep in, she begins to show up in every area of your life. Suddenly, it’s not just everything at your work you’re trying to juggle – you’re beating yourself up for not responding to that Whatsapp message from your neighbour two weeks ago.

Time off to recharge starts to look like impossible goals to run 10km, quit carbs and complete 8 hours unpaid work for the voluntary work you’ve (guiltily) neglected).

Before you know it, you’re holding yourself accountable for everything that’s happening, and telling yourself “there’s no other way”.

Don’t get me wrong. The ability to perform to an exceptionally high standard, in multiple domains, all at once? It’s a talent that comes in extremely handy from time to time. 

But learn to recognise when you’re in Superwoman mode. And know that, like any substance, when it’s time to return to reality, you’re going to have a hangover to deal with.

#2 Switch off – properly – for as long as you can

There are no half measures with Superwoman – which means it’s nigh-on impossible to switch her off gradually. When you’ve been keeping an eye on a global team across timezones, have been doing 24hour shifts with the kids or whatever your flavour of Superwoman looks like, the only way to truly rest is to really, truly switch off.

Like, not even “a quick check in”. Putting your phone in another room (or switching it off all together).

When I’ve been going at one hundred miles an hour, ONLY fully stepping back – going to bed for a day if I can – is enough to really rest my brain.

#3 Reconnect to pleasure

The real secret to rest is this one. Let me explain.

So often, when it comes to replenishing ourselves, we think the secret to rest is in getting back to “OK” again. Drink enough water, get a good night’s sleep, meet our own needs, that kind of thing.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past 12 months, it’s that when we go beyond our usual levels of depletion – when we’ve been pushing, and pushing, and keeping going, and holding it all together…

We need to practice RADICAL levels of rest and self care.

And the fastest way to really reconnect to your creative, energised, motivated self isn’t to focus on “getting back to OK”. It’s to prioritise pleasure.

What do I mean by pleasure?

When I shared this lesson on a lunch and learn live a few months ago, it was fascinating to hear some of the responses.

Some of us have been in “get sh*t done” mode for so long we’ve almost forgotten what pleasure is.

If that’s the case for you, I suggest you start by trying something other people find pleasurable. For example, these were some the ideas that came up on the call. Have you ever…

  • Ridden a bike?
  • Watched a musical?
  • Bought a vibrator?
  • Sung at the top of your lungs?
  • Flown a kite?
  • Blown bubbles?
  • Got a message whilst lying in the garden?

The other thing that struck me was how utterly reasonable – modest, even – our pleasures are. Think reading a book by the river. Getting dressed up to have an exquisite afternoon tea. Using the fancy bubble bath.

One of my benchmarks for pleasure is when you start to feel slightly guilty.

Here’s my secret: sometimes, when I’m supposed to be “working”, I snuggle onto the sofa in my office and watch a TV show on the iPad.

And another: last summer, the kids were in bed one evening when I realised we’d forgotten to pick the raspberries in the garden.

Do you know what I did?

I stood by myself in the dusk, and I picked every single ripe berry off  that bush and ate them. I savoured them, and felt deliciously selfish and subversive. And it didn’t hurt anyone, or cost anything. It was a powerful signal to my brain of how much I value and care for myself, and I have zero regrets!

Your turn

So today, if you’re someone who cares deeply about the world, who feels the heartache of everything that needs to change, I invite you to stir things up. 

Start this year by prioritising YOU. Because when YOU are firing on all cylinders, you will be able to have an impact that’s bigger than you ever thought possible on the causes you care about.

Don’t focus on what’s sensible. On what will get you back to “OK”.

Focus on what gives you PLEASURE. That’s the secret to rest that leads to real results.

And let me know how you do so in the comments…

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

And next week, we’re launching a brand new 5 day challenge to show you a new way to live and lead. It’s called Activate, and if you’re part of the community you’ll be first to hear when we open registrations.

Click here to become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care

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When it comes to coaching and burnout, there’s a really important distinction many women aren’t aware of when they seek support.

If we’re not mindful of this potential trap, we can find that the coach we’ve hired to try and prevent us from burning out completely, can actually make things worse.

Why?

One word: Superwoman.

How Superwoman can sabotage your support

Many of us habitually find ourselves in “Superwoman” mode when things get tough.

She’s the part of us who needs to be achieving 100% in every area of her life, all the time. She HATES asking for help and sees any kind of vulnerability as weakness.

We call Superwoman the archetype of our time for good reason. She’s ubiquitous among high-achieving women who care.

And in this short video, I explain how coaching can go wrong when we’re still wearing our Superwoman cape – and how you can do things differently.

What women need to know about coaching and burnout

Coaching and burnout – what’s your experience?

If you can relate to this, I’d love to know your experience. Have you found yourself turning professional support into a reason to raise the bar still higher? Do you tend to approach personal development as a way to push yourself further, and do you have any tips to share when it comes to stepping off the treadmill?

I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments below.

And if you’d like to know more about One of many‘s approach to coaching, make sure you’re part of the BeOne community. We’re going to be sharing details of an upcoming workshop very soon, to give you the chance to experience it firsthand.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

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Who Is the Most Important Person in Your Life?

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So who did you think of first? Your baby? Your partner? Your mother?

The most important relationship you will have in your life is the one you have with yourself.

But let’s get real here. Not many of us have a stack of time these days to spoil ourselves. Right now, heading off to the spa or going away with the girls for a week just isn’t realistic. What’s more, most of us are so busy holding up everyone else in our lives, we barely have a minute to take for ourselves.

When someone tells me to “take care of myself”, I think: “When?”

So if doing more isn’t the answer, what is?

Today I want look a little more deeply at how you connect with yourself. Because actually, when you strip away the external ways we take care of ourselves, we have an opportunity to explore the fundamental beliefs that lie beneath. And when you know how to accept yourself – even love yourself – that’s when things really start to change.

After all, you can have all the massages in the world – but if you fundamentally think of yourself as being useless, inadequate and a failure, they’re not going to make much of a difference to your day to day experience.

Maybe it’s time to start thinking about the relationship with ourselves the same way as we think of our relationship with other people, especially the significant people in our lives. We spend a lot of mental and emotional energy on maintaining and improving those relationships. But how much positive emotional energy do you put back into yourself?

Here are 4 ways to begin to cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself.

They’re simple, free, and you can do them anywhere.

Why not pop them on a post it note, stick them to the fridge, and start reconnecting to yourself today?

4 ways to nurture your relationship with yourself

#1 ATTENTION

Developing a relationship with yourself is not selfish. It doesn’t have to be about spending more time alone. By paying attention to how you really are, you can begin to notice how you react to things, instead of jumping to feel the way you think you “should”. Try simply being mindful of your emotions as you go about your day and tuning into how you really feel. Be heard.

#2 APPRECIATION

One essential element of a good relationship is appreciation. Think of how much you do in a day! Be thankful you can do these things and appreciate your ability do them. Be grateful for yourself; for your mind, for your body, for your heart. No one else knows all the things you do – the way you take care of your team; the hours you spend worrying about people you care about; the juggle that goes on every day for you to be present for the things you need to do. Take a second to really appreciate yourself for trying, and for everything you do – however imperfectly.

#3 AFFECTION

As your relationship with yourself develops, you have to be willing to both give affection and receive affection. You have to be open to being gentle with yourself. Give yourself time, give yourself patience, give yourself love. Can you introduce some gentle physical affection too? If that feels hard, start with something small, like a lovely hand cream or a soft pair of gloves for walking are a great place to start.

#4 ACCEPTANCE

No relationship is perfect. We’ll all probably do things that make no sense as we go about improving the relationship we have with ourselves. We’ll go to bed mad with ourselves. We’ll be critical and judgmental – we’re only human, after all. But we’ll make up. Accept the relationship will have its ups and downs. Because every relationship does. Learn how to accept yourself – flaws, frustrations and all – and life will get a whole lot easier.

How about you?

How do you feel about yourself today? What small act of kindness could you do for yourself to show how much you care?

Does your most important relationship need a boost?

Love and Intimacy is a free 3-hour workshop to help you nurture the relationships in your life – with yourself, your partner, family and friends. In this warm, practical session we’ll gather to explore what challenges we’re facing in our relationships and how you can learn to overcome them.

Registration is free, and if you can’t make the live session we’ll share a recording.

Click here to sign up for your free place.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.