One of Many

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Is your relationship draining you?

By

Susie Heath
Susie Heath
One of many master coach and trainer Susie Heath is an expert in love and intimacy and an internationally acclaimed author and speaker. She has been a buyer for Marks and Spencer, a shoe designer, a horticulturist featured at the Chelsea Flower Show and more.

Now, as a coach and trainer she has has worked personally with hundreds of men and women, helping them reawaken their authentic selves with her profound coaching and movement workshops.
Susie Heath
Latest posts by Susie Heath (see all)

Is your relationship draining you? Today I want to explain the importance of energy in relationships – and give you some simple ways you can revitalize a relationship where things are starting to feel draining, frustrating or stale. First, let me explain what I mean by the “energy” of a relationship.

Inside every human being is a life source from which comes life-force in the form of an energy. This is the energy that grows your hair, that heals your body, that sends the blood coursing through your veins. It is the pulsation you feel when you are resting quietly, like a stream of electricity tingling through your body, without you having to do anything to make it happen. It is this energy which when it is harmony with another person can rocket you to the stars, or when at odds with them, will sink you like a stone.

We are like radio transmitters with our energy – we affect everything around us with our thoughts, feelings and actions and it emanates from us like radio signals to be picked up by those on a similar wave-length to us. People who are particularly sensitive can even see our energy around our heads and body in our aura, sometimes in colour but certainly as a fuzzy pattern around the body.

It is this energy that we pick up on when we meet someone and when we are in connection with them, in our communications and in our interaction with them.

Is your relationship draining you?

So does your relationship rocket you to the stars, enabling you to express who you truly are with joy and inspiration? Or is your relationship draining you?

  • Does it make you feel good about yourself, good about the future and positive about life?
  • Does it bring out the best in you?
  • Do you feel healthier and rejuvenated, whole and nourished, loved and loving towards your partner?
  • Do you feel connected and at one with your partner?

This is how a good relationship will make you feel.

If that sounds idealistic, it is because it is rather rare in this throwaway society, because love is in your actions and in the way you speak, move and touch those you love and care about – just in the way you turn up.

Does that mean you will never have moments of feeling that you don’t like your partner or that they irritate you or that you want to get away? No, it just means that like the foundations of a house, it is deep and broad and will withstand the storms and raging that go in life. Love is a gifting and a receiving – it is a generosity of spirit and when you have the desire to sustain and nurture it, like a beautiful plant it can bloom to reveal something truly inspirational.

What you bring to the relationship makes a tremendous difference.

If you are bringing positivity, a healthy way of thinking, an enjoyment of life no matter what it throws at you, and a willingness to be flexible and generous, the energy will be high.

If on the other hand you are bringing old negative memories, hurt, resentment, guilt and shame, you will lower the energy dramatically.

So what are you bringing with you? What are you transmitting? What are you receiving?

How do we create energy?

Much of it is by our thought patterns which influence the way our energy flows. Our temperament allows flow or blocks it. What we put into our body, our food, drink, chemicals, exposure to technology, the way we move and our environment have strong influences on our energy. But what drains our energy mostly is anger, depression, misery and negative thoughts, particularly blame, resentment and shame – these are the most damaging both health-wise and for any relationship.

Here are some ways to help the energy of your relationship thrive.

10 simple energy boosters to revitalise your relationships

  1. Let go of stress by doing things you love to do. Learn to relax! 
  2. Take full responsibility for your emotional state and become more conscious of your moods; move your body and change your energy; empower yourself with new positive beliefs.
  3. Be in allowance of who you are and stop trying to be perfect.
  4. Enjoy yourself. Laugh.
  5. Plan time out for fun, rest time and holidays; for romance and meaningful conversation.
  6. Touch, cuddle, make time for romance and make love.
  7. Think about how you’re nourishing yourself. Drink plenty of water; eat low GI (slow sugar release foods), avoid processed meals and refined foods;
  8. Commit to paying it forward and contributing to others.
  9. Give yourself the gift of regular pampering such as massage, reflexology; regular daily deep breathing; exercise which you enjoy, with proper recovery/stretching; or daily walks outside in sunlight.
  10. Meet up regularly with positive like-minded people.

You might notice that none of these requires any shift in your partner! Revitalising your energy isn’t about trying to shape, change or confront anyone else. To become aware of and harness this energy and ultimately gain access to its source is to cease mental effort – tune into your energy and find out what it wants of you. It is the still, small voice within that often gets drowned by our self-talk.

We need to learn to relax and listen, mentally as well as physically. It’s not easy in our often hectic life, but it is possible particularly as you just wake up in the morning and as going to sleep at night.

What if you had all that kind of wonderful energy continually running through your body? The magic of it is that when you feel it flowing, it will direct you. You can put hopes and dreams onto the energy and watch them materialise. Go with the flow trusting that Life is indeed looking after you.

About Susie

Fashion Designer | Grandmother | Dancer

One of many master coach and trainer Susie Heath is an expert in love and intimacy and an internationally acclaimed author and speaker. She has been a buyer for Marks and Spencer, a shoe designer, a horticulturist featured at the Chelsea Flower Show and more.

Now, as a coach and trainer she has has worked personally with hundreds of men and women, helping them reawaken their authentic selves with her profound coaching and movement workshops.

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How to feel more awake and energised

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Want to feel more awake and energised? When you’re feeling sluggish and exhausted, it can be challenging to know where to begin. If you’re at the point where you’re ready to make change but nothing seems to ‘stick’, it can feel especially frustrating. You want to spring out of bed instead of dragging yourself up every morning. But how can you make change when you feel as though you’ve got lead weights attached to your feet? Where do you start, and how do you keep going?

Here are 3 ways to feel more awake and energised

#1 Track your energy

If you’re feeling exhausted and run down, the last thing you might feel like doing is noticing just how tired you are. But before you start throwing things at the screen, let’s slow down a little. Observing how your energy changes over the course of the day, the week or the month doesn’t mean you’re resigning yourself to things never changing.

What it will do is give you the data you need to make shifts that will actually last.

After all, feeling wiped out after a day picking up your team’s slack at the office, will take different adjustments to addressing a monthly slump around your period.

Instead of feeling hopeless about why you lack energy, it’s time to turn detective.

Keep a journal for a month and track your energy levels and mood. It doesn’t have to be complicated -- perhaps just a smiley or grumpy face, and a rating out of 10 for how much energy you have.

Then, look for patterns. Do you already feel awake and energised at certain times, even if it's not as often as you'd like? Perhaps they correspond to:

  • Something you do (Does fresh air wake you up? Do you sleep better the day after exercising?)
  • What's going into your body (Do you notice a particular slump after a night of drinking, or a heavy meal?)
  • Who you spend time with (A friend who always lifts your mood?)
  • What's happening around you (Is there a work task that has you feeling like you’re flying? Maybe you can't sleep on Sunday nights because you're anxious about what Monday will hold?)

Positive and negative, start to map the ebb and flow of your energy, without judgment. Identify the main areas you think could be factors, and then you can begin think about what you could do differently. A conversation about boundaries? A health check up? A career change?

But first -- a note.

There is no ‘magic bullet’

Getting your energy back so that you feel as awake and energised as you'd like isn’t as simple as eating superfoods or taking the ‘right’ supplement.

If only!

If the fundamental issue is that you’re doing too much, too often, without ever replenishing your energy, no amount of beating yourself up or adding extra activities will make a difference.

I know that can be hard to hear. But it's true.

Making time to rest, play and enjoy yourself is critical. And if you’re slipping into burnout, that might take more of an adjustment than your inner Superwoman would like. Think reducing what you're committed to, or letting yourself off the hook for not doing everything on your list to 100% of your ability, 100% of the time.

This is an aspect of 'self care' that's often glossed over when we think only about adding to our plate (more yoga! more sleep!) and don't consider what we'll need to take away in order to make space for that. But getting honest about your expectations, your commitments and your own capacity is really important.

If you’d like support with this, working with a coach can be a great place to start.

And when it is time to make a change, bear in mind the second vital step.

#2 Start with what feels good

When we think about changing our habits, it’s really tempting to begin with a list of what we’re not going to do. No more carbs, no screens in bed, no working late…. When you’re desperate to stop feeling so sluggish, those hard and fast rules can feel really seductive.

The trouble is, over the long term that motivation often fizzles out. As soon as you start to see a slight improvement that ‘I’ll do anything not to feel this way’ feeling slips away. Before you know it, you’re back at square one.

So, as you review your energy journal, try to focus on times when you did feel energised instead of focusing on when you were most exhausted.

  • Was it when you’d got a proper 8 hours sleep?
  • After a weekend catching up with old friends?
  • Or the day you went outside for a walk at lunch instead of eating at your desk?

Try to connect to how you felt in those moments when you were at your best. What words would you use -- energised, vital, spacious, free, playful…?

When you shift your motivation to the way you’d LOVE to feel, and take steps to get more of that into your life, the momentum you can generate is astonishing.

Feeling good can start to become addictive, and with every boost you get you’ll feel more inspired to keep going.

#3 Take it one step at a time

When you start making changes, it’s important to go slow and steady. Remember step one? Approaching the shifts you make with that spirit of research and experimentation means making a change that feels good, and then observing it.

Maybe an earlier bedtime does the trick, and you find yourself thrilled by how awake and energised you feel in the morning.

Maybe choosing soft drinks over wine has you reconnected to the sparkle that was missing, or having a conversation with your team about the ‘presenteeism’ in your industry takes a weight off.

With every change you make, take notice of the effect it has -- and don’t be tempted to add in anything else straight away. Give yourself time to absorb the difference it’s making, and celebrate yourself for every small win along the way.

Know that things won’t happen all at once.

You’ll make mistakes, you’ll feel frustrated, you might even feel as though you’re going round in circles. And if you really don’t know where to begin, or feel that nothing you do has the effect you want, it might be time to get some support. If that’s the case we’d love to have a chat!

A frank (and free!) talk with one of the team can help you identify exactly what it is you need to focus on -- and whether one of our retreats, trainings or online programs could give you the support you need.

Click here to book a time to talk to one of the team about getting your energy back for good

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ womenBecome One of many™ womenBecome One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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When there’s too much to do, dance!

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
It’s the end of a tough day. Things are always busy – but right now, it feels as though I’m in the centre of a tornado. The team’s almost doubled in size over the past months; we’re launching new events, fine-tuning (OK, creating…) systems and building projects. And the rest of life doesn’t stop, right? Friends need support, kids need time with mum, partners have their own challenges to work through. My go-to remedy is a simple one. When there’s too much to do, dance.

When there’s too much to do, dance

If you’ve ever been to one of our live events, you know we like to start (and end… and break up the day…) with dance parties. It’s one of our secret weapons when it comes to creating the warm, relaxed, focused atmosphere we’re renowned for. But dancing isn’t something we only do when we’re together.

At the end of that tough day, I love to close the door of the office, turn the music up loud, and let loose. Often with the kids involved as well – they instinctively understand the freedom and joy that comes with letting go to music. And they’re the masters of unselfconsciousness!

If you find it hard to imagine letting go and shaking your thing – or if you’re like me, a devotee of the one-woman dance party – read on. I want to share 5 serious benefits to shaking it out when things get tough.

5 reasons dancing is your secret leadership weapon

1. Dance gets you moving.

Moving your body, even slowly, is good for you. It:

  • Raises your cardiovascular activity
  • Stretches your muscles
  • Gets your blood pumping
  • Makes your parasympathetic system work to balance you

… and generally gets your energy flowing again.

On days you “don’t have time for” exercise, if it involved travelling to a class or getting changed to go for a run, dancing can give you the boost of a mini-workout in just a few minutes. And it makes a difference! Moving your body gets oxygen flowing to your brain and has a powerful impact on your performance, even if your job’s a sedentary one.

In a 2018 study, researchers found that dancing is a way to promote the connectivity between the brain’s two hemispheres. They concluded that long-term dance practice positively affects brain activity, and is linked to our “neuroplasticity” – our capacity to adapt and change by forming new neural connections. Pretty useful if your role’s a demanding one, no?

2. Dance shifts your emotional state.

At One of many we work with the Women’s PowerTypes; 5 distinct archetypes that help us access different kinds of female power. When it feels as though there’s too much to do, these become even more important.

At busy times it’s essential to be able to change the way you’re leading, to allow yourself to be most effective in the new context.

So if you need to shift out of decision-making “work mode” to connect with your partner; or you’ve been flat out getting things done and now need to show up for a really sensitive meeting with a staff member; or you’ve come out of a fast-paced creative brainstorm and need to look in close detail at a budget spreadsheet… how do you change your state?

There are lots of ways to tap into the different PowerTypes, but the fastest and most effective one I know is to have a quick dance.

Even in the office, it’s possible if you get creative. Plug in your headphones, find an empty meeting room, and dance it out. This really works at the end of the day, if you’ve been handling a lot. Give it a try next time you’ve not stopped since breakfast. 

And if you need some inspiration about working this practice into your day, come into the BeOne group where you’ll find a friendly community with great suggestions on integrating this tool into your life.

3. Dancing isn’t an achievement

OK, sometimes stepping away from the screen for 5 minutes feels like an achievement. (While you’re at it, Superwoman, have a glass of water and pop to the loo. Your body will thank you…)

But “dance really badly to an embarrassingly bad pop tune” probably isn’t on your list of quarterly priorities, your daily to-do list, or your life goals. It’s play, pure and simple — something you’re doing just for the joy of it. Because it feels good.

Sticking on a song and throwing some shapes isn’t something that will result in any income, kudos or approval from others. It’s not productive, there’s no value tied to it. And that’s why it’s important. It reminds us of our gift to the world simply by being – of the value of experiencing our lives.

The same goes for any creative activity. We can use it as a way to practice letting go of our competent, high achieving, successful selves and unlock that creative side. In the words of Glennon Doyle,

“If you feel something calling you to dance or write or paint or sing, please refuse to worry about whether you’re good enough. Just do it. Be generous. Offer a gift to the world that no one else can offer: yourself.”

4. Dance gets you out of your head

When we put on music and move our bodies at the same time, we gain distinct benefits that add up to more than the sum of both activities. John Krakauer, a neuroscientist at Columbia University, suggested why that might be:

“Maybe synchronizing music, which many studies have shown is pleasing to both the ear and brain, and movement—in essence, dance—may constitute a pleasure double play.

Music is known to stimulate pleasure and reward areas like the orbitofrontal cortex, located directly behind one’s eyes, as well as a midbrain region called the ventral striatum. In particular, the amount of activation in these areas matches up with how much we enjoy the tunes. In addition, music activates the cerebellum, at the base of the brain, which is involved in the coordination and timing of movement.”

In other words, when we “lose ourselves” in music we’re allowing different areas of our brain to take over, giving our thinking, strategizing, and let’s face it worrying brain a break. It’s one reason I think just a few minutes of dancing can feel like such a powerful break from routine – and really “reset” you for the next mountain you’ve got to tackle. If you have too much to do, giving your brain a chance to rest is a powerful way to find the extra energy you need.

5. It sets a powerful example.

As leaders, we don’t just need to be driving forward, creating results. If you’ve ever faced burnout personally, or led a team who were at the point of exhaustion, you’ll know how unsustainable the “keep going at all costs” philosophy is.

When things get busy, I’ve been known to start a virtual team meeting with some desk dancing. It lightens the mood, gets us connected and replaces those purposeful frowns with bright smiles. It keeps my mood up and replenishes my energy, ready to handle whatever throws at me. And it reminds us all that we exist beyond our targets and priorities, and can support and connect with each other beyond our usual communication.

How about you?

Do you love to dance, or does the thought make you squirm a little? Do you have any other practices that have similar effects, or ways to quickly shift your mood? I’d love to know – share your experience with others in the comments.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to find more energy

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
Ask me how to find more energy so you can focus on the things that really matter to you, and the answer I give might surprise you.

At One of many our Soft Power principle number one is “First, replenish your energy” – and as a doctor, you might expect me to advocate eight hours sleep a night, regular exercise, or an energy-boosting diet.

Those things are all great. But most of us are already doing our best with them. There’s a more powerful question to dig into if you really want to shift the way we’re able to show up for the causes we love.

Where are you losing your energy?

For most of us, there are two big areas where we find ourselves “leaking” energy:

Saying “yes”, and saying “no”.

Let me explain.

Energy leak #1: Saying NO

For some of us, saying NO is costing us a huge amount of energy.

I remember this most vividly from drama school. The school I attended had this amazing motto: “Good humans make good actors”. So as you might expect, as well as the skills training to learn to act there was a lot of personal development type stuff going on.

Initially, I found myself resisting it. Even though I’d made the bold choice to quit my medical career and attend, there was still a part of me that felt really out of my comfort zone. Eventually, I realized that it was actually taking me more energy to say no, explain why I wasn’t going to do something or why I didn’t do it, and to try and hold myself back from the experience than it would to actually just say yes and have a go.

Can you relate?

There’s often a part of us that works really, really hard to protect us from making a mistake, or failing, or looking stupid, or whatever our biggest fear is.

So you might say no to new experiences because you’re worried about failure.

Or about what other people might think – your colleagues, or your partner, or your parents, or your kids. Maybe you’re even worried about what you might think about yourself.

If that’s the case for you, I invite you to ponder this:

How much energy is it taking you to say “no” to opportunities that involve some perceived risk, as opposed to just letting rip and getting it “wrong”?

(The wonderful thing is – you can get it wrong. You’ll learn, and grow, and try again.)

You might be bringing so much energy to saying “no” to things, you’ve lost sight of the fact that it’s actually easier to be a yes. Especially at the beginning of something, when you’re not yet in momentum, yes can be everything.

So if you’ve been saying that you want to start writing your novel, or learn a new skill, or get back into yoga, it might be that one tiny yes is all it needs.

Don’t wait for things to be perfect.

Write for half an hour after the kids are in bed, or stretch for 10 minutes before your morning coffee. Just do what it takes to bring that “yes” energy in and see what gets freed up when you’re no longer resisting.

Energy leak #2: Saying YES

Now, once we start saying yes, then comes the next problem. Because for many of us, when we start saying yes to things we find ourselves expending way too much energy on all the things we’re agreeing to.

Someone says, “Can we have coffee?” You say yes before you even thought about it.

Can you handle this extra project?

Can you take the minutes at this meeting… can you drop everything and pick up the kids from school… can you sort out the car’s MOT

… it never ends, right?

If you find yourself saying yes to everything and ending up completely overwhelmed, it’s time to bring some no in.

You’re showering energy everywhere rather than your vision – no wonder you’re struggling to find the mojo you need to make a difference. 

The simplest question in the world

So here’s what we’ve discovered.

Some of us, in some contexts, need to bring more “yes” into our lives.

Some of us, in some contexts, need to bring a lot more no.

Knowing which is where your discernment comes in.

So here’s a super simple exercise to start off with – this only needs to take 5 minutes, but it can bring you a huge level of insight into where you can tweak things to free up your energy.

Grab a paper and a pen, and think about the different areas of your life which are not currently satisfying you.

You can have a look across a few different areas, but start off with one.

The question to ask is this: Do you need more yes energy or more no energy?

Write for 5 minutes, just freeflow without censoring, and see what comes up.

What would the Queen do?

The Queen is the Women’s PowerType we use to delve into questions like this. The Queen’s always mindful of how she spends her energy, and since she trusts herself implicitly, and knows in her bones how irreplaceably valuable her time and energy are, she doesn’t second guess decisions.

So if you’re finding answering the question challenging, you might want to try stepping into your “Queen” energy.

You could literally imagine placing a crown on your head, try walking a little taller or listen to a piece of music that helps you feel confident and in charge.

Turning insight into action

Once you’ve established the direction your pendulum needs to swing in, it’s time to take action.

If you could do with an extra hand, we have a free guide to making powerful decisions around boundaries that are depleting your energy.

Click here to download your free Enough is Enough PDF guide to creating unshakeable boundaries.

How about you?

Are you the Queen of powerful boundaries, or more of a “say yes first, ask questions later” kind of gal? Share in the comments below – between us all, we’ve got all the bases covered!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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When self care feels like a chore

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
When you’re working flat out just to stay on top of your responsibilities, self-care can feel like one more thing you don’t have time for. If your idea of self-love is crossing the final item off your to-do list – and maybe getting 8 hours sleep to celebrate – today I’m sharing 5 simple steps to try. When self-care feels like a chore, it’s a sign that it’s time to go back to basics, and these simple actions won’t take more than a few minutes out of your day.

If self-care feels like a chore, you’re not alone

Given the media clichés of women lounging in fluffy towels, stopping to grab a coffee with girlfriends, or getting ready for “date night”, you might be surprised how many of us struggle to connect with the idea of taking even a few minutes of time out just for us.

In our recent interview with Sarah Jane Volkers, a graduate of our Lead the Change program, she shared that before finding One of many “I was shocked (can you believe this?) at the idea that you might buy yourself a cup of coffee when you were out shopping – you know, just rock up and take 5 minutes to yourself without anyone else to treat or talk to!”

But self-care isn’t necessarily what you think. To understand why, it’s time to introduce an important Women’s PowerType™ – The Lover.

The Lover and self-care

At One of many we use 5 powerful female archetypes to support our holistic approach to leadership. One that many successful women struggle to connect with is The Lover.

If your Lover PowerType is under-expressed, you might find that life feels like an endless round of rules, discipline and obligations. It might even seem as though your days are “grey” or “monotone”, made up of tasks to be achieved and crises to be dealt with. Relationships, especially intimate ones, can feel stagnant or stuck and taking care of yourself or experiencing pleasure probably falls even lower on the priority list.

We often assume that stepping into our “Lover” means reconnecting to our partners, but the foundation of Lover is in your own experience.

It’s the PowerType that allows you to take care of yourself, and experience the fullest joys of life. The Lover finds pleasure in every sense, whether it’s a delicious scent, an exquisite meal or a piece of music that transports her to a different time.

So learning to embrace The Lover is the perfect way to discover your unique path to self-care. It might have nothing to do with the clichés you’ve seen… or you might find that, as you learn to connect to yourself, you surprise yourself with activities you’ve previously sneered at.

Remember, keeping an open mind is vital. When we’re running in “Superwoman” mode we often switch off from the parts of ourselves that aren’t harnessed to our productivity. So even if it feels silly at first, try building some of these suggestions into your daily or weekly routine, and what subtle differences you start to notice.

5 ways to love yourself when self care feels like a chore

1. Find the music that lifts your heart

Music is an incredibly powerful tool to change your emotional state and allow you to connect to different feelings. In just a few minutes, you can start to connect to parts of yourself you might have long forgotten.

Think about pieces of music that spark emotion in you (or ask the One of many community for their recommendations!). They might be songs with moving lyrics, reminders of a different time in your life (maybe when you first met your partner?) or just pieces of music that are meaningful to you in some way.

Dancing is a wonderful way to take the experience to the next level. If you’re not used to moving physically, just swaying from side to side can be a profound thing to try.

Could you find five minutes to play some music, each day? While cooking dinner, on your way home from work, or alone in your bedroom?

Try it: Cue up a song, close your eyes, and see what comes up for you. 

2. Connect to your senses

What do you see, smell, hear, touch or taste during the course of a typical day? If you find that life passes by in a blur, try just simply slowing down.

Maybe you have an opportunity to walk through a park on your commute, take ten minutes to savour a morning cup of tea or snuggle into a soft blanket when it’s time for bed.

Taking care of yourself means finding opportunities to make yourself feel special in some way, whatever that looks like for you. It doesn’t have to mean extravagant shopping sprees or days at the spa.

Here are some ideas to bring your world alive:

  • Choose stationery that makes you smile. Next time you need a new notebook, could you choose one that really speaks to you with a beautiful cover, or textured pages? Or choose a pen that feels really delicious to write with?
  • Rearrange your space: move a favourite piece of artwork or furniture so it’s the first thing you see when you wake up; or display photos of your loved ones to greet you when you walk in the door.
  • Buy fresh flowers for your workspace, every week. Make it a ritual, just for you.
  • Explore essential oils, or find a new perfume, that makes you feel special.
  • Stop saving your nicest things for a “special occasion” – whether it’s your fancy underwear, special mug or a beloved piece of jewellery. Let yourself enjoy the “best” every day, and see how that changes your perception of yourself.

3. Enjoy touch — without pressure

Touch is often the sense we pay least attention to, especially when we’re living “in our heads” as a leader. If you’re in a partnership which feels like it’s lost its spark; spend most of your time being grabbed and mauled by small children or hate the idea of a full body massage, take baby steps.

Are there parts of your daily routine involving touch, that you could stop and enjoy?

  • Brushing your hair
  • Moisturizing after a shower
  • Stretching and yawning first thing in the morning?

Taking a few seconds to enjoy using a gorgeous hand cream, noticing the way the sun feels on your face or giving your feet a massage when you take off your shoes can be gentle ways to begin to reconnect with your body.

4. Be thankful

Gratitude is a practice that’s becoming increasingly popular – it’s the foundation of our “thinking and thanking” ritual, which you can find in your audio library of Soft PowerCasts when you join our community (it’s free!).

But how often, even when you think about all you’re grateful for, do you remember to thank yourself?

One of the simplest ways to begin is by appreciating your body for everything it does.

No matter what physical challenges you face, there’s so much to be grateful for – from your incredible organs, to your trusty hands and of course your amazing brain.

Try whispering a “thank you” to your body last thing at night, or when you glance in the mirror.

You’re amazing!

5. Connect to others

It might sound like a strange way to practice self-care. But one of the ways you can begin to experience life more fully, and understand that your own struggles are shared by those around you, is to learn to listen to the other people in your life in a new way.

“Devoted listening” is a simple practice of staying quiet and really tuning in to what another person is telling us.

You can try it with colleagues, clients, friends or family. Even your partner – someone you see every day – might be someone you’ve not recently taken the time to really listen to.

Here are a few prompts to try:

  • Pay attention to what the other person is saying – don’t be tempted to start formulating your response, or assuming you know what they’re expressing.
  • What’s their body language telling you? What do they really look like – if they’re familiar to you, when did you last see them for who they really are?
  • What emotions do you detect they’re feeling? Are they tired, frustrated, enthusiastic? Without judging them, can you observe as closely as possible?

Notice how many people you connect with each day, and how rich and unique their lives, personalities and experiences are.

Without judging, fixing or envying them, how can you begin to cultivate a genuine appreciation for everything they bring to the world?

Deepening your connection with others can begin to awaken your own feelings, thoughts and emotions. And this element of meaningful connection means The Lover is a powerful energy to draw on as a leader, especially when building a network or inspiring others to join a fledgling movement.

Self-care is a practice

If self-care feels like a chore, rather than a reminder to find and appreciate enjoyment in your everyday life, it’s a sign that something needs to change.

When you’ve been locked in “Superwoman” mode, just taking a few minutes just for you can feel like an alien concept, let alone actively seeking pleasure, joy or a connection to your physical body.

Stick with it.

The rewards – from helping you rediscover the pleasure of relationships, to cultivating appreciation for yourself and becoming a more powerful and magnetic leader – are immense.

How about you?

Have you struggled to make time for yourself, or do you have unorthodox ways to practice self-care that work for you? I’d love to know. Share in the comments below, and let’s help each other to take baby steps towards putting our own needs first.

If you’d like to find out about how we support successful, sometimes a little too-busy women like you to discover a different way of leading, click here to book a call with the office. We’d love to walk you through our different programs and see if we have a training that’s the perfect fit for you.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: How to beat stress: 5 powerful mindset shifts

By

Annie Stoker
Annie Stoker
Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of many
Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK's most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Annie Stoker
Latest posts by Annie Stoker (see all)
The work emergency that only you can fix. The full glass of water splashing across the laptop. “Mum, I need a costume for school TOMORROW!”. Unfortunately, we haven’t yet come across a magic cure for the curveballs life likes to surprise us with from time to time.

What I can share are some simple mindset shifts to help you handle the day to day dramas – and prevent stress from growing from a one-off spike in heart rate to a chronic, and serious, background to your life.

What is stress?

Stress can be characterised as your body’s response to a perceived threat of some kind, whether physical, emotional or mental. It creates a “fight or flight” response that helps us react quickly and effectively when we need to. Think about that burst of mental clarity that helps you meet a tough deadline, or the surge of adrenaline behind your just-in-time sprint to catch your train.

New research has indicated that stress can actually be positive in some instances. In one University of Berkeley study in 2013, rats exposed to moderate stress appeared to demonstrate enhanced neural function and ability to learn. There’s also some evidence that reframing stress as positive – for example, seeing a raised heart rate or faster breathing as a sign of excitement or energy rather than fear – can help mitigate its effects.

But when stress becomes chronic or long term, its detrimental effects are well documented. It’s a key factor in burnout, as well as contributing to insomnia, high blood pressure, lowered immunity, and a whole heap of other conditions.

These 5 mindset shifts to control stress can help prevent day to day stress from becoming chronic. See if any of them feel relevant to you right now.

1. Judgment

Judgment comes from the part of us that makes things right or wrong, good or bad.

For example, you might feel that being landed with an additional project on your plate at work is “wrong” or that the driver holding you up on the way to pick up the kids from school is “bad”.

The trouble is, the way we look at events is subjective – it’s only from our perspective.

What if you discovered that in fact your boss had given you that extra assignment to bolster your chances of a promotion they’re lobbying for on your behalf?

Or that the dithering driver was struggling through a devastating day, just doing their best to stay safe and focused as their world crumbled around them?

Judgment can stop you seeing what’s actually happening, and add a layer of stress that doesn’t need to be there.

Where could you let go of your perceptions and look at the neutral facts, rather than your interpretation of them?

2. Comparison

“Comparison is the thief of joy” goes the saying, and there’s a lot of truth in it. Whether you’re comparing yourself favourably to others, and feeling superior, or feeling inadequate and ordinary next to the shining star on your social media feed, comparing yourself to others is unlikely to be serving you.

Comparison gives us the illusion of separation from one another, and increases our tendency to feel lonely, isolated or misunderstood.

When do you tend to compare yourself to others?

How can you gently remind yourself that everyone has their own challenges and struggles, and that no one of us is more valuable than any other?

3. Issues

When we discover what feels like a real “issue” – perhaps it’s with trust, or commitment, or self-confidence – it can feel like we’ve unlocked a mystery. And to an extent, it really is helpful to get a handle on our deep-rooted motivations and fears.

The problem can arise when self-reflection starts to tip into self-obsession, or we begin to define ourselves by our “issues”. It can be stressful to navigate life feeling as though the issues that trouble us are insurmountable, and it removes our power to change.

How can you acknowledge your amazing resilience, and your capacity to change and let go?

Can you find a balance between honouring and accepting your experience, and moving on from it?

4. Discouragement

Many of us have an “Inner Critic” who can be increasingly loud at times when we’re stressed. And it can really impact our ability to rest and unwind, when it tells us we’re “lazy” or “weak” for taking time out to care for ourselves.

If you notice you tend to slip into a discouraging mindset, try imagining what a really supportive friend would say instead. Perhaps they’d encourage you to take time out, or reassure you that everything will work out.

Or maybe they’d simply tell you how amazing you are just for being you.

Try checking in with their voice instead.

5. Expectations

One of the biggest causes of stress can be our expectations.

You’re picturing a perfect reunion of your laughing family… except your mum’s her usual critical self and your brother still has the emotional maturity of a toothbrush. You daydream of hitting a six figure profit… except your business is just starting up and you’re still ironing out exactly who your ideal clients are.

Coming back to reality can help us let go of expectations that just end in disappoinment. Mindfulness is a technique that we can use to bring ourselves back to the present moment. It allows us to be present to what is, instead of being swallowed up by past regrets or future expectations.

Researchers are exploring the impact this can have, with positive outcomes. One study at the University of Surrey reported a 40% reduction in perceived stress after participants completed an online mindfulness course.

How could you be more present in your day to day life, and less fixated on what might happen – whether it’s an outcome you long for, or dread?

If you’d like some support to introduce mindfulness into your life, take a look at Be Happy Now – a video course to help you put mindfulness into action in all areas of your everyday life.

How do you beat stress?

Stress has been described as a modern epidemic. In the largest known study of stress levels in the UK, a 2018 survey of 4619 people, 74% of people reported that in the last year they’d felt “so stressed they have been overwhelmed or unable to cope”.

So it makes sense that ensuring your day-to-day experience is as stress-free as possible will better help you handle the curveballs life likes to lob at you from time to time.

I’d love to know which of these 5 mindset shifts makes a difference in your life. Leave a comment below, let us know.

About Annie Stoker

Psychotherapist. Author. Property Investor. Dog-Lover. Chilled-Out Friend.

Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK’s most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.

Annie is our Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of many.

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Self-esteem versus self worth – what you need to know

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Defining your life's work starts with defining your value. But what does "value" actually mean? Your own sense of how important you are, or something else? Today I want to share my personal distinction between self-esteem versus self worth, and explain why getting the difference clear can be a source of immense freedom (it has been for me).

But first, let’s dig into some definitions.

What do we mean by value?

You probably know by now that I’m a bit of an etymology geek. Looking at the way language has evolved often helps us to better understand the concepts they represent.

When we look at value from this perspective, we see that value generally means the regard that something is held to deserve: the “importance, worth or usefulness of something”.

It comes from the Latin meaning “Be strong, be well, be of value, be worth”.

Now I find it really fascinating that value’s original meaning wasn’t just about worth, but also about strength and wellness.

If you’ve experienced burnout (or are in it right now), you’ve probably already begun to see how much value there is in your ability to stay well and take good care of yourself. It doesn’t matter how “productive” you are in the traditional sense, if you’re falling apart at the seams, right?

So valuing ourselves has to begin with making sure we’ve got the resources we need to be strong and allow ourselves to thrive.

And your value – your importance, worth, or usefulness – builds on that in many other ways, some of which you might not have thought of in this way before.

4 factors to consider when thinking about your unique value

1. Your talents

This is the place where most of us start when we think about our value. We ask ourselves a version of a question like “What's my boss really paying me for?” Or “what do my clients really want of me?”

Usually, the answer to those questions comes out as a version of talents.

Well, I'm really good at writing. 

I'm a really good facilitator.

I'm a genius with an Excel spreadsheet.

But that’s only one piece of your value. There are others – and they're the ones we're going to really dig into right now.

2. Your purpose

Your purpose can be summed up as “why you do what you do”. Given two people with the same skill sets, an employer is always going to take the person whose “why” is driving them.

The reason is simple: if you've got internal motivation to do something, you're more likely to do it, and to do it well. It adds more value to have a clear purpose.

If someone has a vision for their life that they're moving towards – a clear vision for their own life or the legacy they want to leave – that provides internal motivation. It adds to the value of that individual, when they have that clarity that's pulling them forward.

So perhaps your talents include being a great teacher – you're organised, engaging, and good at conveying information. But your purpose is to equip the next generation with the skills they need to respond to the global challenges they'll face.

Can you see how that adds to the value of your talents?

What would your version of those statements look like?

3. Your mission

A mission is what an individual wants to achieve with their work.

Again, being clear on that adds to your value. Start speaking about that mission in your job interviews, or to your clients when you're talking to them, and you’ll find that if they are aligned with the mission, they will be aligned with you.

4. Your values

Slightly different to the value we're talking about here, are those things that you value.

Perhaps as a teacher you value creativity, excellence and teamwork. If those values are shared by a prospective school, they’ll add to the value you can bring as a member of the Senior Management team.

They are also the filters through which you make decisions about how you want to do your work. So you might choose to evaluate a new opportunity in terms of your values.

At our BeFulfilled retreat, we explore each of these aspects in more depth. It can be hard to get clarity on them by yourself, after all – often we’re so immersed in our worlds that we’re not really able to pull back and see the threads that join it all together. If you’d like to find out more, book a call with the team here to get the full details.

Self-esteem versus value

So where does self-esteem come into it? Well, what I want to share next is my own personal definition. Thinking about value and esteem in this way really set me free when I understood it, and I’d love to know if it does the same for you.

Self-esteem and self-value are different. A lot of us believe we’ve got low self-esteem for one reason or another. I believe, whether or not that’s true, it doesn't mean you can't value yourself.

Value is something that you can find immediately. It's already there, within you, waiting to be discovered.

And the fastest way of all to connect to your value is simply to become present to the value that you bring to others.

It might be a tiny bit of value to start with, just that you give really great hugs. You make a great cup of tea.

Self-value therefore comes oftentimes not even from within, but from without. By having it reflected back to us how other people see us.

Self-esteem, on the other hand, is not something you can necessarily experience immediately. Self-esteem, for me, is that cumulative confidence that builds each time you contribute value. It comes from positive feedback, when you’re in an environment that values your particular unique contribution.

You set yourself a goal to lead a project inside your organization and you lead that as well as you can and it's successfully delivered.

That is going to add to your self-esteem. But sitting there trying to psych yourself up to have the self-esteem to be able to do it first is having the cart before the horse.

The way I look at it, self-esteem is about setting achievable goals and achieving them. It's a reward.

But even if just for a moment, you can see yourself the way others who appreciate you see you, you can feel value.

How about you?

I’d love to know how that distinction lands for you. Can you relate? Does it help you to see that your value is made up of so many things, and that you can experience it even if you know your self-esteem is low?

Leave a comment and let us know. Our aim is to encourage and inspire you, so I’d love to know if this is a distinction that helps.

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How to motivate yourself to exercise

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
You already know what you need to do to stay healthy. Eat your greens, move your body, get enough sleep… And yet, so many of us find ourselves lapsing when it comes to taking care of our bodies. Today I want to share a simple mindset technique for how to motivate yourself to exercise, change your diet, or embrace whatever healthy habit is top of your list.

The most effective way to make change

Karen, one of the ladies in our community, asked a great question in our Facebook Group. She wanted to know the group’s tips on finding ‘towards motivation’ when it comes to health.

If you’re not familiar with the distinction, ‘towards’ motivation is a way to describe something that inspires you to take steps in the direction of a specific goal.

For example, if you’re stopping smoking you might be motivated by:

  • Being a great example of healthy living for my kids
  • Enjoying extra energy and good health
  • Treating myself to a monthly massage with your extra cash

It’s different from ‘away’ motivation, which focuses on what you’re leaving behind. In the above example, that would be:

  • No longer being a bad role model to my kids
  • Getting rid of that persistent cough and continual feeling of tiredness
  • Stopping wasting money on cigarettes

You can see the difference, right?

Among other things, “away” motivation tends to wear off once you’ve taken the first steps. (When your cough is gone, that’s no longer driving you forward.)

Whereas, ‘towards’ motivation tends to build and strengthen as time goes on, making the change more likely to stick.

Why motivation to get healthy is hard

Now, health can be a particularly tricky area to find our “towards” motivation for, partly because of the huge role our media culture plays in our relationship to our bodies.

For example, in a 2016 study by Dove, researchers found that one out of every two Australian women reported feeling worse about themselves after looking at images of attractive women in magazines.

When we’re often encouraged to compare ourselves to unattainable physical standards, it’s natural for us to start to frame our healthy choices in negative ways.

“I need to lose weight round my middle.”

“I hate how my arms look in sleeveless dresses.”

“I wish I could stop eating so much junk food.”

This kind of self-talk breaks my heart. It adds to the countless ways women often blame, criticise and find fault with ourselves. What’s more, it often does very little to motivate us to make change.

After all, who’d want to show up for an exercise class with a sharp-tongued drill sergeant, constantly pointing out your perceived faults and shortcomings? (OK, I know the brutal bootcamp thing works for some people – but most of us could do with a bit more support, right?)

How to motivate yourself without criticism

So, when Karen reached out for help finding ‘towards’ motivation when it came to her health she was absolutely on the right track.

As always happens, when someone in our tribe reaches out for help, the women around her rally.

And the responses to this question were brilliant examples of the different ways we each find our own ways to thrive.

Here are 5 that might help you. As you read through each one, think about how this might apply to you right now, today, or this week. How could they support you to feel great about making positive choices when it comes to your health?

1. Focus on the present – not the future

It’s easy to get hung up on future outcomes when it comes to things like doing exercise or eating healthily. But what about how good they feel in the present? Enjoying delicious food, having fun playing frisbee in the park or letting yourself relax into a yoga class – these moments can be their own reward. The clear-headed feeling you get after going out for a brisk walk or the emotional release of a high-energy workout are worth savouring in themselves.

What activities leave you feeling great? How can you build more of them into your life?

2. When you’re healthy, you can give your best

If you’re a leader aiming to make a difference, you’ll be at your most effective when you’re feeling physically fit. That might mean balancing your mood to enable you to lead your team through challenges; making sure you’re really able to make the most of your time; or just having the energy to approach your mission with a positive mindset.

What’s the contribution only you can make, and how will being in full health support that?

3. Taking care of your body is a form of gratitude

However badly we treat our bodies, or unkindly we think about them, they are astonishing, complex, beautiful systems. Every day of your life your heart’s been pumping blood around your body. Your brain’s been absorbing and processing information. Your digestive system has been turning food into incredible cellular chemistry, giving you the energy to keep going; your organs have been processing and integrating a vast array of processes.

How can you show your incredible body how much you value and appreciate it?

4. Living longer means more fun, impact, fulfillment…

Staying healthy is more likely to result in a longer, happier life. If you have kids, they’re often a strong motivator. Who doesn’t want to get to know the amazing grownups we’re helping to emerge? Then there are the sunsets to watch, changes to witness, projects to bring to fruition… not to mention gorgeous dinners, earth-shattering orgasms, fascinating conversations…

What do you want to experience more of in the years to come? How can your choices today contribute to even more of them?

5. Enjoy the benefits of good health

When we focus on things like ‘losing weight’ or ‘looking better’ we often miss out on the real tangible experience of good health. Things like feeling grace and ease when you do things; the sense of confidence and vitality that comes when you’re on top form, or knowing that you’re nourishing and taking care of yourself. These things have nothing to do with your physical ability, the numbers on a scale, or what you see on the outside.

What does true health and vitality mean for you? How does it feel, and what does it allow you to do?

Thriving women make powerful leaders

Supporting women to feel true vitality is an important part of how we equip female leaders to make a difference. If you’d like to have a chat to one of our team about the kind of support we offer, click here to arrange a time to talk.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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The truth about burnout

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
I’m one of many women who know burnout first hand. In fact, once upon a time I’d been running on adrenaline for so long, I ended up in hospital. Which seems nuts to me, now that I know it is possible to be effective without getting swallowed up by everything on my plate. But I’m not alone.

Even if you’ve managed to avoid burnout yourself, I’m willing to bet you know someone who has experienced it – and she was likely a woman. A recent article by Alexandra Michel on Burnout and the Brain got me thinking about how important a topic this is, and re-presenced me to the imperative that we get a collective handle on it.

Frankly, there’s too much at stake for us not to.

In our current cohort of Lead the Change – our year long advanced leadership program – over 70% of our participants have been burned out, or nearly so.

Now that might be an anecdotal statistic. But simply as an observation, it frightens me a little. Because it signals just how common it is for incredibly talented women – ones with a massive contribution to make to the world – find ourselves utterly worn out and broken by the demands of the modern workplace.

And not every woman is able to access the kind of leadership support we offer here at One of many.

It’s an epidemic, and if we want more women leaders we need to recognize it, heal it and then change the culture that fosters it.

Burnout costs business serious talent

There’s plenty of research out there pointing to the positive impact having more women in senior leadership positions has in business.

And almost as much asking why corporations still struggle to achieve gender balance at the top level.

The Global Markets Institute at Goldman Sachs produced a report in 2018 that didn’t explicitly mention burnout.

But some of their findings spoke to me of burnout as an invisible issue.

For example, when considering the lack of women in senior roles, the research found:

“Our analysis of attrition among full-time working women indicates that well-educated women stop working full-time relatively early in their careers at a higher rate than similar men do. While the difference is relatively small at the start of their careers, it widens meaningfully as women grow older, peaking when women are in their early 40s.”

Now, of course, there is a whole range of factors why women might not want to continue in their careers. We might choose not to continue in full-time employment for a whole number of reasons.

But my hunch is that burnout, or the risk of it, has to play a part.

This amazing graphic sums up many of the findings of Michel’s article. One of the quotes I love from it is this:

“Burnout won’t look like we expect. Burnout will tell us “I’m bad at this” or “I don’t even like it or care about it”. This can cause people to abandon a career instead of seeking rest or support.”

How many hugely talented leaders step back because they think they’re simply not cut out for senior roles – when in fact, burnout’s the culprit?

A culture that fuels burnout

And yet many of the most highly valued professions seem to be moving towards increased pressure on their workforce.

A New York Times article in April this year highlighted the insanity of many industries’ expectation from those who work ‘full time’. In elite careers, like medicine or law, the amount that we’re expected to work has increased dramatically in recent years, to the point where being more or less constantly “on call” is almost a prerequisite.

“The returns to working long, inflexible hours have greatly increased. This is particularly true in managerial jobs and what social scientists call the greedy professions, like finance, law and consulting — an unintentional side effect of the nation’s embrace of a winner-take-all economy. It’s so powerful, researchers say, that it has canceled the effect of women’s educational gains.”

If burnout arises when the demands of a job outweigh the resources we have to cope with it, this shift to working ever-longer hours surely indicates a clear increase in risk.

Add in family and household demands and it seems fair to assume that many women who choose to step back from their careers might be making a pragmatic decision to avoid burnout.

And yet, the loss of those leaders has a significant impact on the talent available to businesses and organizations. To society as a whole, in fact.

Ironically, the women leaders who could be the very ones to change this culture are often the ones who find themselves disillusioned and stepping back from it altogether.

Healing a culture takes time

Changing the way we work isn’t a small project. It’s no coincidence that our mission at One of many is to equip one million women leaders. That’s probably only going to be the start of what it’s going to take to create the new way of working, living and leading we need to turn back the tide of burnout and overwhelm.

But it’s one that I’m convinced isn’t just worth doing. It’s essential if we’re going to be able to fully make the most of our capabilities to solve the massive challenges we’re facing.

Burnout and you

Have you experienced burnout? Are you there right now? Share a comment below and let us know – it’s going to take us all getting really honest about our experiences if we’re going to turn this ship around.

And if you’re struggling right now, a good place to start is by clicking here to download the free Overwhelm First Aid kit.

It’s the step by step resource you need when things start to feel like too much, with strategies to get you back on top and tips to get back to a more sustainable way of working.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What procrastination means

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
We’ve all been there. There’s a massive deadline looming, or a really important task to do. And you’re on Facebook. Or tackling a bunch of waaay less important things. Rearranging your desk drawer… watching Netflix… we’ve all got our particular habits, but one thing is certain. You’re not doing the one thing you know you should be. Today I want to talk about the meaning behind that. Here’s what procrastination means – and what you can do when it strikes.

What procrastination means

Let’s first get one thing clear, because an awful lot of us have an inner voice that can be, shall we say, less than kind.

I’m willing to bet good money that you’re NOT procrastinating for any of the following reasons, which may or may not have popped into your head:

  • You’re lazy
  • You’re incompetent
  • You’re destined to fail

Written out like that they look pretty ridiculous, huh?

But so many of us actually use that kind of language to berate ourselves, when we find ourselves stuck in procrastination mode.

When the fact is, almost all of us procrastinate. We’re not robots, right? Some of the most capable, competent women I know put things off from time to time. I know I do. So let’s stop for a minute and think about procrastination from another vantage point.

What if procrastination is a sign?

Procrastination – putting things off – is almost always a sign that something needs attention. Think of it as the equivalent of an ache in your back or a twinge in your wrist. It’s discomfort, albeit of a mental kind, that’s trying to tell you something.

Here are 3 things it might be.

1. Procrastination might mean you’re tired

The #1 reason for procrastination is that you simply don’t have the energy for the task you’re attempting to do. You’re pushing through, maybe even getting into  Superwoman mode, and the result is that your brain’s shutdown.

There’s a reason that Soft Power Principle #1 is this: First, replenish your energy.

When your bum’s numb and your brain’s fried from sitting in front of a screen for six hours solid… and yet you’re still expecting yourself to pull a razor-sharp strategic report out of the bag? Honey, it ain’t gonna happen.

Do yourself a favour.

Have a big glass of water and get out in the fresh air for fifteen minutes – you’ll notice a world of difference when you come back.

Or perhaps you need a different energy boost.

  • A good night’s sleep – is there any way you can start the task you’re tackling again first thing in the morning?
  • Some decent food? (The nearest vending machine or your secret-from-the-kids snack drawer doesn’t count)
  • A blast of your favourite energy-pumping tunes – if you don’t have one, ask the BeOne community to tell you theirs!

But sometimes, replenishing takes more.

I don’t have to tell you that getting your mojo back isn’t always as simple as grabbing some rest or getting a snack.

And here’s where it’s so important to think about your procrastination not as a vice or a weakness, but as a signal that’s trying to tell you something.

If you’ve handled your immediate needs, but you’re still not in your flow, it’s time to dig a little deeper.

2. Procrastination might mean you’re overwhelmed

Sometimes, we procrastinate between tasks because there’s simply too much on our plate. Juggling is one thing, but if you’ve been overloaded for a long time, or you’re in a crisis state where there simply aren’t enough hours in the day, you can find yourself in overwhelm.

It might be that you’re swept up fighting fires while simultaneously fretting about all the really important stuff that’s being dropped.

The outcome is that you begin to lose executive function. It feels impossible to choose. The longer you flounder, the worse it all gets.

When it’s all urgent, nothing is, right? And so you flit from task to task or even find yourself lost in distractions, unable to focus on what matters.

Luckily, we have a tool for just that scenario.

It’s called the Overwhelm First Aid Kit and it does exactly what it says on the tin.

It’ll help you stop, slow down, and walk you step by step through the decisions you need to make to get back on top.

Click here to grab your copy now.

3. Procrastination might mean you’re afraid

This last one is a sneaky one, because when you have high standards you naturally care about doing a good job. But left unchecked, that desire to achieve competence can translate into an inability to make headway.

Simply put, you’re worried about getting it wrong, and that’s halting you from even taking the first step. A great exercise to beat that is what our Head Coach Annie Stoker calls “Future Pacing”.

What we mean is, imagine the worst case scenario for what you’re afraid of. If you’re stalling on starting to write your book because you’re not sure that it’s going to be great then imagine your published book in your hand, and you’re finding typos in it or changing your mind about some of the content.

Go through and imagine all the imperfect things that could actually happen and then ask yourself “Really, is that going to be enough to not do it?”

I think about that and I go “Okay, there’s a spelling mistake in there. Well, I’ll just make sure it’s changed for the next re-run.”

It might sound counter-intuitive, but getting OK with the worse that could happen can be a really comforting thing. After all, it’s rare that you’ll actually come to physical harm from the action you’re putting off.

Still procrastinating?

These 3 enquiries are great places to start when thinking about what procrastination means. But there are lots of other things you can do to tackle it, and ultimately prevent it from happening, in the long term.

We share a deeper perspective on procrastination as well as more ideas and tips on planning sustainably (so you don’t find yourself procrastinating to start with!) in Module 6 of BeFruitful.

It’s a 6-week online time and energy management training designed for women, to help you be more effective without burning out.

You can find out all about it here.

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