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6 reasons we need community (and how to find it)

January 15, 2021 By Joanna Martin

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

Right now many of us are isolating ourselves from connection with others more than we ever have before. And I am more present than ever to the effect that’s having on all of us. Because the fact is, we need community.

We overlook the importance of connection at our peril – as I’m going to share with you today.

I know I’m not alone in really, really missing my nearest and dearest. Lately, I’ve found myself looking back over photos of retreats and events. Where we used to come together in a room and dance together and hug each other without even thinking about it twice. We would go to concerts. We would go to bars. We didn’t care how many other people were in a small enclosed space with us.

For many of us, those times feel very, very far away.

The problem with isolation

The isolation and loneliness we’re facing are compounded by the additional stress we’re all under.

Maybe you’ve had a bad night’s sleep, got a looming work deadline, or your kids are being particularly challenging.

Maybe you’re grieving. Or sick.

Many of us are having to navigate redundancies or put people on furlough, or work out whether we should or shouldn’t open for business. All the sorts of things we’re facing at the moment are causing us to be way more stressed than usual.

And yet, for some reason, the more stressed we get, the more we isolate.

I have seen it again and again in our community.

Could our “Superwoman” streak be stopping us from connecting?

Many of us have an unconscious belief that if things get stressful, we have to draw away. We think we can only be in the world when we are positive, or when we’ve all got it all figured out.

Many of us grew up being taught to share happy things and hide sad things. And if that’s what you grew up with, then at a time when stress is magnified, we are tending to isolate even more.

So let’s talk about why we need community and why connection is so critically important.

Here are 6 reasons why connection is critical to all of us.

#1 We need to belong

As the wonderful Brené Brown puts it, we are “hardwired for love and belonging”. It’s in our very DNA, the fabric of our being to love, to be loved and to feel like we belong somewhere.

#2 We need support and belief

I often work with women entrepreneurs, in my one-on-one consultancy. And there’s often this sense of imposter syndrome. We think “I really should believe in myself more”. To a certain extent that’s true, but there is a big part of self-belief that actually comes from others.

I tend to surround myself with people who believe in me more than I believe in myself. And that works beautifully for me. I am surrounded by a team of incredible men and women who believe in me more than I believe in me. They create a leadership space for me to lead them in. And I keep stepping into that.

Having people around us who believe in us is so important, so that when we hit something that’s hard to navigate, whether it be a work thing, a family thing, a relationship thing, we’ve got someone to tell us “I know you’re having a tough time, but I believe in you. I really believe in you. I know you can do this. Let’s see if we can come up with some ideas together.” Sometimes that support looks like troubleshooting and problem solving together. And sometimes that support looks like just being there.

#3 We need collective wisdom

When it comes to solving a problem, a group does better than any individual out there. We can get to a point beyond where any one person could go on their own. And that’s connected to the fourth reason, which is:

#4 We need to push our own limits

We will all stop ourselves at some point. Oftentimes others give us that gentle push that has us grow and expand into an area that we might not have otherwise gone into. We need community for that. It’s something we can’t do for ourselves.

#5 We need accountability

We need other people to declare our intentions to. They can remind us of what we’ve decided and help us stick to our plans, whatever plans they may be.

#6 We need others’ energy

I confess: This is something I don’t quite know how to describe. I know that for myself, some of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve had happen, not in one-on-one coaching sessions, but where I’m part of a collective coming together as a group. It can happen virtually. I’ve seen it in the group who have gathered for the Activate Challenge this week. There’s a motivation in there. We can share energy when we come together in community, and it’s powerful stuff.

Is it time you got connected?

My challenge for you today is to reach out and get connected to somebody.

If you have a good friend you’ve not connected with for a while, reach out, have an evening with them on zoom and talk it through. Send a care package. Send a postcard. Connect!
If you’re friends with someone on social media, why not ask them if they’d like to have a virtual coffee together?
And if you don’t even know where to start with community, please start by joining one of our online groups because they are full of exquisite and extraordinary women who know how to be a fierce, committed stand. They know how to be supportive and gentle and nourishing when they need to, they know how to love and they know how to accept love. That is one of the things that makes our community so deeply rich and profound.

And if you’d like to experience what it’s like to gather virtually with hundreds of women – and discover how to reconnect to your joy and optimism for the future – join us for the Activate Your Vision workshop, happening tomorrow. It would be an absolute pleasure to have you there, as part of our global community of women.

Click here to register for your free place at the training.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Guest blog: Perfectionist or bitch?

October 15, 2020 By Thea Jolly

About
Latest Posts

Thea Jolly

In-house Coach at One of many

Thea is one of our Certified Coaches and part of the coaching team on our the Lead the Change and Be Powerful Programmes.

Thea's mission is to help women feel at peace with themselves - because only then can they make their biggest and boldest contributions to their families, communities and the world.

Disempowering Archetypes are Motivated by Fear

Perfectionists need to get things right. It’s not so much about perfection per se but about NOT getting things wrong, NOT making mistakes and ALWAYS being in control (to minimize risk of mistakes). This makes for a rather rigid set of rules and expectations, which children (and partners or colleagues) are not great at sticking to!

Conversely, situations that feel out of control, emotionally messy, or just plain wrong feel deeply threatening at a core level. It’s physiological. Our bodies get triggered by a comment, behaviour or thought and our sympathetic nervous system switches on to help us survive. We have a visceral reaction to the threat and our bodies react accordingly – with flight, fight or freeze.

When the Perfectionist feels completely out of control she often brings in the Bitch to fight. She is only trying to protect you in what she perceives as a threatening situation. She’s seen a danger of some sort (possible conflict, being taken over by negative emotions, uncertainty, chaos, being out of control) , and being unable to run away (as much as she’d love to) and too angry to freeze, she resorts to Bitch Mode.

Trigger Tracking

When you slip into the disempowering Bitch mode, there is a fear of some sort motivating this behaviour and you need to get to the bottom of it.

At One of many we use Trigger Tracking to help us understand what’s going on.

Track what triggered your Bitch to jump into action.

Were you criticised? Did you feel out of control? Are you scared of negative emotions? Did you feel like a rabbit in the headlights not knowing what to say or do next?

Then you can journal and dive deeper into the fear underneath the trigger.

Why is criticism so dangerous? What does it mean about you/life if someone criticises you?

In my personal example above, I realised that my Perfectionist was so attached to the impossible ideal of a happy, loving, smooth-running, conflict-free family life, that anything that threatened this perfect outcome was perceived as dangerous.

Emotions and conflict were on the top of the list of dangers and anything that felt like it could lead in that direction had to be squashed immediately. In these situations I would take on the role of peacemaker, an emotional-smoother-overer, diffusing the situation and trying to make sure everyone was OK. I could create harmony out of impending chaos or collaboration out of potential arguments.

But that didn’t always work. And when it didn’t, the threat level was ramped up very quickly and my Bitch came storming in to regain control.

And the crazy thing is that this fear of conflict and negative emotions actually leads to the very thought processes and behaviour that makes conflict and negative emotions more likely!

How to break the cycle

When you have got to the bottom of what triggers your Bitch, and you understand the fear or limiting belief that motivates her, it’s time to consciously choose a different response.

Firstly you’ve got to notice in the moment that you’ve been triggered, or are soon to be.

Label it: “Ah, I’m noticing my Perfectionist is scared it’s all going wrong, and has the Bitch on standby / fully engaged.”

Learn to ignore the indignation of your ego, your Bitch and your scared Perfectionist. This is only the fear talking. Don’t listen to their incendiary scripts: ‘How dare he?’ or ‘It has to be like this!’ or ‘If you let this happen, everything is doomed and you’ll be the biggest failure ever!’

Walk away & calm down: When we feel the physiological urge to fight, it’s really difficult to walk away from the situation because that’s akin to surrender. The Bitch doesn’t want to lose, let alone surrender; she needs to win the fight. But when you’ve labelled this urge as the Bitch, or the Perfectionist or Ego, you can distance yourself from what it’s saying. It’s not you.

This gives you enough space to choose to walk away and calm yourself down. Even if you don’t know how to solve the situation, you can physically take yourself away from your child, partner or colleague (if appropriate – or keep silent if not) and start soothing your nervous system with breathing exercises or shaking the fear out of your body.

I know, it’s hard! I’ve been there! But if I can gradually learn to do this, so can you.

In the early days of implementing this, some nights I had to walk out of my son’s room 8 or 9 times to calm myself down before I could eventually put him to bed.

Use the Women’s PowerTypes: When you feel calmer you can ask yourself which Powertype to use instead of Bitch.

Will your colleague respond to a boundary setting Queen intervention?

Do you need to tune into your Lover energy to resolve a thorny issue with a partner?

Do you need the energy of the Warrioress to fight for what you know is right at work?

Or do you need to step into your Sorceress and trust your intuition, your colleague, or the Universe to provide solutions?

Can you allow your Mother to feel the compassion and unconditional love for your precious child who is hurting too?

When I was asked to write this blog and saw the title I laughed out loud and said “Hell Yeah!” My inner perfectionist has been a big part of my life and is good friends with my Bitch. I know the nitty gritty and the pain of this human response.

The message I want to share is that it IS possible to change your habitual response, so that your Bitch is no longer your first responder. You can train yourself to react differently to the trigger, to the threat response and to the ‘threat’ of negative emotions and conflict. Do the inner work, experiment, build your self-awareness and mindfulness skills and you can completely transform your relationships.

That’s what I’ve been able to do and it’s made a massive difference to our family, and especially my relationship with my sons. Does Bitch still appear? Of course she does. I’m human and get tired, stressed, and triggered occasionally. But when she does come out she’s not as mean and nasty as she used to be and I’m quick to put her back in her box. I know in my bones now that she doesn’t actually help me get the result I want. And I also know that the threat she was responding to isn’t real.

About Thea

Thea Jolly is one of our Certified Women’s Coaches, and is an in-house coach on our Lead the Change and Living the Change Programmes.

To find out more about Thea, click here. Or for a taste of her work, join her Perfectionist Mother HQ Facebook Group or take the free Are You A Perfectionist quiz by clicking here.

How your vulnerability is your strength

September 24, 2020 By Joanna Martin

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

Let’s talk about vulnerability today. If you’ve ever found yourself secretly thinking “everybody seems to be doing better than me!”, read on. I’m going to explain why that’s not true, what stops us from admitting it, and how sharing what’s really going on for you can be a source of radical power and support. Strange as it might seem, your vulnerability is your strength when you find the right space to share it.

But first, let’s start with why this moment in history is wobbly for so many of us. That’s to do with the unique lens through which we’re viewing the rest of the world.

Take a moment to think about how you’re getting your impression of how others are doing.

With the restrictions in place as I write, many of us are increasingly filtering our interactions through the lens of social medias.

We’re not having as many glancing interactions with people – the casual connection at the playground or the pub. Those times you see each other around the water cooler at work, and just feel that someone’s energy is “off”. Tiny moments of compassion for strangers.

So we don’t recognize the fact that a lot of us are suffering.

Recent months have seen an epidemic of mask wearing.

(I’m not talking about the one you pop on to go to the shops.)

I’m talking about the “everything’s okay” mask.

You know the difference, right?

That, “everything’s fine!” or “I’ve got this handled!” mask.

That particular kind of mask wearing seems to have gone up a lot in recent times.

Our virtual gatherings during the pandemic were the first time in some cases, for weeks, months, or even years where many of us felt safe to go:

“You know what? Maybe I can rest my load down a little bit here and actually say how I really am.”

Early on, I noticed lots of people starting to share words to the effect of… “I’m actually really not managing very well.”

I’m not doing okay.

I’m struggling in my relationship.

I’m feeling like I’m failing as a parent.

We heard from women who were struggling to stop weeping. Dealing with real big emotions. Or experiencing that sense of sleepwalking numbness.

So many very deep and powerful shares.

What was revealed was just how much we are collectively challenged and hurting at this time.

Even those of us who are very well resourced. I’m thinking of our Lead the change graduates and participants in our Mastery program who are really deeply embedded in the tools. Even us as trainers! We’ve been working with these tools for years and years and years, decades in some cases.

And even the most resourced of us are feeling the strain of this time.

We are feeling the pressure, but…

We’re not talking about it in any other spaces. Which is why I think it freaked a few people out! A few people felt alarmed by hearing all this big emotion come up – and maybe even wondered if the event itself was causing an outburst.

But the truth is, those feelings and all of the hurt and challenge were already there.

This year many of us have experienced stress, difficult decisions and emotional strain unlike anything else we’ve gone through.

All that changed was the environment we created where it was safe to say that out loud.

And I’ve been reflecting on just how rare and precious that is ever since.

How vulnerable so many of us are feeling at the moment and just how few safe places we have to say that out loud.

Your vulnerability is your strength – because hiding it saps your energy.

… We’re lacking spaces where we can offload

This is a community of change making women who care. Which means if you’re reading this, you’re very likely to be the person in your space who listens, who’s the “go to” person.

The pillar of strength in the community.

We’re under huge pressure in our home environments, and on top of that we’re often being the strong ones for our family members, our wider family, and in our work spaces for our teams and colleagues.

And we are often the last ones to reach out and say, “I’m not doing okay”.

Because we feel like if we say that out loud, the whole world will fall apart.

But today I want to challenge that assumption. And here’s why.

Our feelings are collective

Part of the power of being open with our vulnerability is the recognition that it is a universal experience. Grief is universal. Fear is universal.

Sometimes we can feel like there’s something wrong with us as individuals – that we are somehow broken or particularly challenged. That our neighbor isn’t feeling this. The other school mums next to us are coping fine. The other women who are out dating or leading teams are not experiencing fear or sadness – that everybody else seems to have it together.

That is absolutely not the case.

Your vulnerability is not a fault or a problem. It’s a normal, healthy, compassionate human response.

In this community, your vulnerability is your strength

When we come together in community and we start talking about our experiences, one of the first and most healing pieces is this realisation that emotions are universal experiences.

“I’m not the only one!”

Why does this surprise us? Well, I’ll tell you why it surprises us… because we don’t bloody well talk about it!

We don’t talk about our innermost feelings. We don’t talk about the fact that we sent an email out to a potential client and they didn’t write back and we feel rejected and alone.

We don’t talk about the fact that we went out on three dates with a girl or a guy, and then we didn’t hear from them afterwards. They disappeared and we feel rejected and alone.

We might talk about what happened, but how often do we actually talk about how we are feeling at a deeper level?

And if I could take that one step forward further, I would say, how many of us actually even take the time to notice how we’re feeling at a deeper level?

What’s missing in our culture and in our society, are safe spaces to be heard, to be the full entirety of who we are.

All of our huge, awesome and rocking magnificence and all of our vulnerable, weepy, uncertain, insecure selves.

We just don’t have those spaces.

At One of many, we’re dedicated to creating safe spaces for women to share

And that for me is one of the things that I’m intensely grateful for.

To see how all of us feel able to come to show up, to share so deeply here, is incredibly moving and empowering for me.

If you’re someone who doesn’t even look at your own emotions, you start hearing from women who are more open.

And you might just start to look for the very first time and start to notice how you feeling.

Or, if you’re very present to how you’re feeling, but not actually telling anybody about it, you might show up on a Living the Change coaching call or in the Be One Global Community on Facebook. And say “this is what’s going on for me right now”.

When it’s said out loud, it becomes a shared experience.

And then what usually happens in this community is hundreds or dozens at least of other women go, “Oh, me too. You know, that’s something similar happened to me. Yeah. Something similar happened to my sister.”

It’s such a powerful thing. And that relief that can follow sharing openly, and not being judged, is so powerful.

Sometimes it’s just the ability to lay down the burden in a safe space, which is a critical piece.

This extraordinary community

So I want to acknowledge and honor you, right now, because whether you found us 5 years or 5 minutes ago, you’re a part of what makes the fabric of this community. You are a part of what makes this a safe space. And I thank you for how you are with each other.

Want more support – along with practical ways to create change?

If you need someone in your corner, if you want to lay down the burden, if you want a place where it’s normal to feel things, it’s normal to have challenges, and it doesn’t make you broken or wrong or helpless… I invite you to come and join us in Living the Change.

You’ll get access to all the tools and resources in our membership site, plus The Hearth, our private online coaching space space. Our in-house coaches are there to answer your questions and provide support whenever you need it.

This isn’t about whining or blaming or being victims. It’s a place to find an empowered sharing of what’s truly going on and practical tools and strategies to help you to create the life you want – to get the results you want to get.

Click here to find out more.

Where’s your safe space to share?

What are you going to do next? How are you going to reach out and to whom?

If you’re already in Living the Change and it’s been a while since you came on a coaching call, maybe it’s to join one of the calls, and prioritize getting your hand up and getting coached?
Maybe it’s coming into the BeOne community and sharing how you’re doing. You could say “I’m not looking for advice” or “I just want to know if anyone feels like this” – or maybe you’d like some tips from someone else who’s been in your situation. It’s up to you. Tell us what you need.
Maybe it’s calling up a friend and saying “I haven’t spoken to you for a long time cause I’ve been having a tough time. Can we have a real conversation about the tough times we’re having, and maybe be there for each other?”

There’s many, many ways to create your safe space, but you need one. All of us need one right now. It’s a really tough time. What are you going to do to support you to handle it with even more support? Let me know in the comments.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

How to handle your inner critic

September 3, 2020 By Joanna Martin

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

Want to know how to handle your inner critic?

Right now, many of us are hearing that nit-picking little voice more than ever. And the things she comes out with can be spiteful.

On a recent Lunch and Learn session over on the One of many Facebook page, we shared some of her best lines with each other.

“You’re a terrible mother. How could you have scheduled yourself to lead a training on the day of your daughter’s nursery visit? ”
“You’re so lazy – you never finish things.”
“Who do you think you are, trying to change?”

If any of these sound familiar, or you’ve got your own unique flavour of self criticism, read on. Today I’m going to explain 3 reasons why many of our inner critics are having a field day right now – and 5 techniques you can use to chill out your inner critic once and for all.

But before we learn how to handle her, let’s dig into to who she is, and why we can actually be grateful for her input.

So who is your inner critic?

Your inner critic is one of the “voices in your head” that we sometimes term ‘sub-personalities’. Their presence isn’t anything to be alarmed about – they’re simply different aspects of your personality.

Often these sub-personalities have both a positive and negative impact on our lives. They can help us respond powerfully to situations in certain circumstances, and yet if they begin to take over, we might find them less than helpful.

The job of the inner critic is a simple one: to keep you safe. She’s protecting you from shame, criticism, failure, and feelings you want to avoid. By getting in there with her criticism before others do, she gives you a chance to adjust your behaviour and learn from mistakes. In this sense, she’s really valuable.

The problem is if the inner critic is the only voice we listen to. The trick is to know how to listen to her and turn those barbs of criticism into helpful strategies for growth.

Why our inner critics are loud right now

If you’ve found yourself feeling more self-critical than ever, you’re not alone.

There are 3 things that tend to exacerbate our inner critics. Have you experienced any – or all – of these lately?

1. You’re carrying around lots of emotion

If we’re sad, or grieving, or angry, or afraid, our inner critic often starts to take charge. She’s responding to the volatility and uncertainty that comes at times of heightened emotion – and her desire to keep us safe from intense feelings can send her into overdrive.

2. You’ve got limiting beliefs

If you hold an unconscious belief like “nothing I do is ever good enough” or “I can’t trust anyone else to do it right”(like many of us did before the pandemic) your inner critic will often be particularly vocal. Whenever she feels you’re at risk of crossing one of these boundaries, she’ll be extra busy wanting to protect you from the perceived risk. This can make things like accepting mistakes, asking for help, or handling criticism from others especially challenging.

3. You’re exhausted

When we’re tired, we’ve been juggling more than usual, or our executive functioning is depleted, our inner critic often takes over. As a coach, a warning sign that extra replenishment is needed often comes when my client starts speaking in the voice of her inner critic, saying things like: “I’m just terrible at this… I’m hopeless… there’s no point.” If you’ve been stressed for a long period of time or having to operate at a high level, resting and filling your energy back up has to be the number one priority.

Then you can move on to handling your inner critic during the moment in a more proactive way. Here’s how.

5 ways to handle your inner critic

1. First things first, rest.

Get your energy back up, nourish yourself, give yourself the love and care you need to feel at your best. The PowerType which helps with this is the Lover – and she delights in beauty and her senses. Walking in nature, treating yourself to a beautiful hand cream, or cooking a special meal are all simple ways to boost your Lover and restore your vitality.

2. Deal with the information your inner critic brings.

The inner critic often has important data to share. What makes all the difference is how you handle that information. Queen is a fantastic PowerType to use here – she’s the part of you that handles the “big picture” vision, and the strategies that will get you there. So, if your inner critic tells you “You really messed up that presentation”, Queen can step in to say “Was that true? If so, what’s the impact? And what steps can I take to mitigate that, so that I can still get the results I want?”

The other PowerType to draw on is Mother. The energy of soothing, unconditional love helps soothe some of the sting of the critic’s words. Perhaps you can remind yourself of times when you’ve done a great job, or acknowledge the other circumstances that meant you didn’t have time to fully prepare as you’d wanted to.

3. Give your inner critic a name.

This sounds silly, but it makes a huge difference in allowing you to separate your inner critic from who you are. Like a grumpy schoolteacher, she becomes someone you can engage with in a playful way without handing over your power. Mine’s called the pixie; other names I’ve heard include PC Pernickety, Rumpelstilsktin, Windbag… have fun!

4. If you’re carrying round a limiting belief, release it.

If you’re on our Living the Change program you can use the PowerType Release Process in your member’s area. And I’ll be sharing that process in a few week’s time at our free online experience, Momentum for Change. You can register for free by clicking here.

5. Deal with your emotions.

Music is a great place to start when it comes to allowing yourself to fully experience emotions, and let them move through you. A coach or therapist can also help you process what you’re feeling, and release it in a safe way. Again, we’ll explore what I think of as “emotional hygiene techniques” in more detail at our upcoming event.

So where do you need to look first?

Is dealing with tiredness your number one priority? Do you have a feeling that you’re full up of emotions, or that a limiting belief keeps popping up? Or perhaps you’re read to start drawing on the PowerTypes to help you handle your inner critic in the moment.

Wherever you’re at, I hope you’re able to join me from the comfort of your sofa on 19–20 September when we’ll be exploring how to handle your inner critic in more detail – along with other tools, resources and techniques to help you handle the particular challenges of the moment.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

7 ways to overcome procrastination

August 20, 2020 By Joanna Martin

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

With the changes and upheaval we’ve all experienced in the last 6 months, many of us are procrastinating like champions. Even if you’re usually someone who’s ruthlessly disciplined, you might find there are some items on your to-do list that are starting to recur. So how can you overcome procrastination – and what if that thing you’re avoiding isn’t actually procrastination at all?

Procrastination is rife right now

Some recent examples from our community of things they’d been putting off include:

Writing a business plan
Reading a book
Completing a tax return
Moving house
Changing jobs
Buying a dining room table (that’s me!)

… and so on.

Some really big, some pretty manageable.

Take a moment to jot down your own version of that list now.

What have you been putting off? From ordering a new lightbulb or sending an email to writing your will, take the time to capture everything that’s in your head.

I’m going to share 7 common reasons we put things off, and give you some tips on how to overcome procrastination so that you can get back into momentum. But first…

Before you overcome procrastination, here’s what it ISN’T

You see, I’ve been a bit sneaky here. At the bottom of that list of things we’d been putting off, I included my dining room table. It’s something that needs doing and I’ve been putting it off for years – classic procrastination, right?

But here’s the thing. Procrastination is defined as:

The act of putting off an IMPORTANT task, set of tasks or decision.

And to be quite honest, in the grand scheme of things, getting a dining table isn’t something that feels important to me. It’d be useful, sure – it would certainly make me feel fancier when guests come round. But when I weigh it up against everything else that matters, I have zero qualms about relegating it to the bottom of the list.

So, here’s your second invitation.

Anything on your list that’s not important to you (or going to become important at some point)? Cross it off.

Congratulate yourself on an excellent piece of PRIORITIZATION.

And move on.

The other thing that commonly gets lumped in with procrastination?

The decision we make to put off a task because we’re tired.

I would call that ENERGY MANAGEMENT.

And let’s take a moment to acknowledge that, at this collective moment a lot of us are more depleted than we have ever been.

We’re exhausted.

When we tell ourselves we’re “procrastinating” we tend to focus on the task. Your business plan, your tax return, that long overdue phonemail to your oldest mate… yes, they need doing. But what’s more important than the task itself, is the person who’s doing the task.

Often, the person who’s doing the task (you) is burnt out or exhausted.

I cannot emphasise enough how important that distinction is. If you’re looking at a big long list of things, and every single on of them is on hold right now, that’s probably because you’re totally burnt out.

Your priority needs to be radical replenishment, which often looks like 3 things: rest, sleep, saying no.

(A quick tip: When your list of things you’re putting off goes from one or two things, to a page full, you probably need to replenish your energy.)

So, with that in mind, go through your list and note anything that you’re not doing because you’re managing your energy. That might knock one thing off your list, or it might knock everything off your list. Trust your instincts, and try not to second guess yourself.

Because what you’re left with will be the things you’re really procrastinating on – and we’re about to dig into 7 reasons why that might be and what you can do about them.

Why do we procrastinate?

Once you’ve taken off the things that really aren’t that important, and made sure you’re managing your energy, what you’re left with will likely fall into one of seven categories. To overcome procrastination effectively, you need to know what the items on your list fall into.

Most of us don’t acknowledge these. We look at things we’re putting off and tell ourselves we’re lazy, incompetent, or just a total failure.

But frankly, that noisy inner critic isn’t very helpful when it comes to shifting your energy and allowing you to get things done. Put her to one side for a few minutes, because we’re going to dig in.

The 7 reasons we procrastinate (and what to do about them)

#1 Lack of planning

WHAT? You know where you need to do, you just haven’t planned to do it. And as the old adage goes, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. One of the fastest ways to overcome procrastination is actually the simplest: Make some time (enough time!) to do the thing you need to do.

WHAT TO DO: I’m a BIG believer in planning – in fact, I’d estimate that in my typical 25-30 hour working week, I spend a good 4 of those hours planning. I’m willing to bet you could probably be more effective if you allocated some serious time to doing the same. Especially when it comes to those tasks you’re putting off. Give yourself an extra half an hour to plan when you’ll do them, and see if that takes care of them.

#2 The task is out of flow

WHAT: Each of us have some things we’re great at. Maybe you love nothing more than having a good chat with a colleague, but when it comes to looking at a spreadsheet you’re suddenly overcome with the urge to check Facebook. Others will avoid a phone call like the plague, but happily tinker with a pivot table until it’s working like clockwork.

WHAT TO DO:

Delegate it to someone else (this works for decisions too!)
Decide when you’ll do it and complete it at a time when you’re in the right frame of mind to do it. Maybe that means playing a particular song, doing it first thing in the morning before you’ve had time to think about it, or having a quick pep talk with your best friend before you do it.

#3 Lack of knowledge

WHAT: If the thing you’re putting off is a little bit vague – ‘write business plan’ or ‘get fit’ – be honest. Do you know exactly what you need to do to achieve that goal? If not, who do you need to ask?

WHAT TO DO: Make the next action something you at least know how to do: Perhaps it’s reading a book, googling a “How to” guide or asking in a friendly Facebook Group. Because what’s crazier than giving yourself a hard time for not doing something you don’t even know how to achieve?

#4 Overwhelm

WHAT: Ahh, overwhelm. It’s the pesky sprite that pops up for all of us from time to time. And with homeschooling, risk management and rescheduling an entire year’s worth of events and appointments on our plates, LOTS of us are getting reacquainted with what it feels like to be utterly overwhelmed right now.

WHAT TO DO: If you want to overcome procrastination, you’ve got to get out of overwhelm first. Luckily there’s a nifty tool to help you get past it. Click here to download the Overwhelm First Aid Kit so you can regain your focus.

# 5 Analysis paralysis

WHAT: You don’t know exactly what to do about this issue… so you do nothing. And the problem gets worse. Maybe sprouts some other problems of its own. The options you’re thinking of multiply in response. And still you do nothing. Argh!

WHAT TO DO: You know when you’re driving with Sat Nav, and you get stuck on a roundabout? The computer can’t quite catch up, and so you go round and round, never locking onto the correct route? This is like that. Pick a decision, any decision, and go with it. You’ll soon get feedback on whether it was the right one – but until you take an action, you can’t get into action.

#6 Perfectionism.

WHAT: Whatever you’re going to do, has to be perfect. This is how you put off making your kid’s birthday cake so long you end up with a midnight baking session on your hands. If you’ve found yourself swearing into a packet of icing at 2 in the morning, you can probably relate.

WHAT TO DO: Just start. Think of it as a practice attempt, a “Shitty First Draft” as writer Anne Lamott calls it, or just your route off the roundabout. Done is better than perfect – it’s a wise saying for a reason.

#7 Present self / future self dissonance

WHAT: This one is a recent addition for me, and it’s shed a whole lot of light on things like financial planning or exercise that we often find ourselves putting off. Essentially, we avoid doing something that will benefit our future selves (like going for a run) because our present self is motivated by instant gratification (like eating that cookie).

WHAT TO DO: Find your motivation! Two great ways to do that are by getting an accountability partner, or batching the task you’re putting off with something you really enjoy. Habit expert James Clear calls this “temptation bundling”. So, you go for a run while listening to your favourite podcast. Or complete your tax return whilst enjoying the ambience of your favourite café. That way, you get to experience the present gratification of the temptation with the future satisfaction of having completed the task.

Go through your list again – and next to each item, jot down which of the 7 forms of procrastination it is. Does that help you get clear on your next actions? Are you finding yourself with a bit more energy to face the tasks that are on your plate? If you’re feeling better equipped to overcome procrastination, share in the comments – and if this article helps you, pass it on to a friend!

Finding momentum can be tough

At this moment in history, moving into action can feel harder than ever. But you don’t have to do it alone. Momentum for change is a 2-day live virtual experienced, designed to help you rediscover your momentum and reignite your sense of connection. Registration is now open and I’d love to welcome you to join me and our global community of women. Click here to find out more and register for your free place.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

How to stay engaged without losing your compassion

July 16, 2020 By Sam McNeil

About
Latest Posts

Sam McNeil

Samantha McNeill is One of many’s resident digital support queen, helping us share our programs, trainings and free resources effectively, efficiently and with ease. She’s a devoted pet mom to a small menagerie of rescue dogs and cats, loves geeking out on statistics and analytics, and makes a mean veggie curry. She’s a transplant from the US currently living in Hampshire, where she dreams of one day creating a sustainable farm.

These are challenging times

Since the start of this year things have felt like a never-ending chain of escalation. Every time you see the news there is some new horrific or shocking event happening.

The stressors seem to keep piling on and we are left feeling we’re an overflowing dam that is cracking and about to burst. The world is pulsing with humanity’s feelings of isolation, fear, anger, desperation, frustration, and depression. Social media and the internet mean we’re more connected and able to share those feelings than ever. And with every negative event and emotion, that feeling grows and starts to creep out.

For many of us, recent events have hit all too close to home

When this happens, empathy, which is one of our most distinguishing traits as humans, can sometimes become a double-edged sword. Not a single one of us wants to idle by while those around us suffer. So now, more than ever, we find ourselves manically inspired and ready to take on the world so that we can protect what is most important to us.

But have you ever heard the saying “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”?

In other words, when we lose sight of our values through a feeling of self-righteousness, we sometimes can find ourselves doing or saying things we’d never normally do.

Sometimes our emotions get the best of us. Even if we go into something with the best of intentions, we may find that after an assortment of twists and turns, we lost sight of ourselves or our original goal.

When this happens, it is important to take a step back and re-evaluate ourselves and the situation.

Finding perspective amidst the storm

So, with that all being said, I invite you right now to take a second. Take a deep sigh of relief, relax your shoulders, unclench your fist, straighten your back, centre yourself and give yourself a moment.

As humans we naturally have reactive and proactive natures, so when we spot something that bothers us, it triggers an emotional response and from there we tend to decide our plan of action.

Very rarely is something as simple as going from point A to point B.

We may read A and respond instinctively with B, but then we are triggered by something else to say C and then D, and maybe even go back later to add an E… and so on.

How to stay engaged without losing compassion

A visual exercise I like to use while self-reflecting, is imagining your inner thought process as a tree. Tall, proud, forever growing, ageing, and changing with the seasons. Every branch, leaf, flower, and root of your tree is its own independent thought and the collective information they provide feeds into the trunk and becomes your base.

Instead of trying to focus on every single bit of information each of your branches, leaves, flowers, or roots may be feeding back to you, try focusing on your trunk/core. Whether you focus on them or not does not change the fact that they are a part of you.

For example – how often have you found yourself in conflict with someone, when you realise you’re being distracted by the nitty-gritty of what you’re talking about?

Maybe you catch yourself arguing the finer points of your cohabiting arrangements with your partner, over exactly who said they’d put the bins out. The issue isn’t the missed chore – it’s your need to be recognised for the responsibility you take in your partnership.

Or you’re deep in debate with a team member, dissecting the semantics of the word “regards” in a discussion about whether or not their email overstepped the mark. It’s not really the passive aggressive tone you’re discussing – it’s your worry that your colleague’s commitment to the team is faltering, and that’s seeping into external communications.

For me and my mom, our shared goal is to end oppression and find a true sense of equality in the world. The real issue was whether we both want the world to change – and we do.

With that in mind, I realise that becoming defensive about how she expresses that is a tangent. A rattling leaf that misses the trunk of our common values.

Life is a journey, not a battle

So, when you find yourself overwhelmed with emotion, try asking yourself this:

What is the core of what you are looking for?

If you had to choose 1 thought out of a 1000 to sum up your vision or goal within that moment, what would that 1 thought be?

Keep it simple – restrict it to a sentence or two.

Once you have that thought write it down. In my experience, the hardest part of a personal journey is finding your path again when you feel like you have lost your way.

With that practice in mind, when you are approaching someone about something, what is the end goal that you have in mind?

And are you conveying your thoughts from your core or are you getting lost amongst your own branches?

We’re trees in a forest

It’s near impossible for us to understand every single branch, root, leaf and flower that make up each other’s trees. Especially on social media, we rarely have the full picture behind someone’s comment. Perhaps they’ve just received devastating news; had a terrible day; or spent long hours debating this issue with someone in another group.

Maybe, like my mom, they’re processing more personal experiences with inequality and suddenly feeling acutely aware of the differences between them and even their closest loved ones.

When a comment or response stings, it can be helpful to step away and take a few breaths. To come back to your “trunk”.

Regardless of who we are, or what we believe in, it is important to remember that our end goal is still to harmonise and synchronise with one another. If we did not care we would not be talking at all, and things would never have escalated in the first place.

Going into any conversation, especially around sensitive topics, it’s really important that you understand the core of your opinion or decision.

Our challenge is to stay informed and to keep engaging with the topics that we are passionate about, without losing sight of the big change we want to see.

How about you? How do you find calm and purpose when events fire up your emotions? Let us know in the comments.

About Samantha

Animal lover | Food grower | Self taught chef

Samantha McNeill is One of many’s resident digital support queen, helping us share our programs, trainings and free resources effectively, efficiently and with ease. She’s a devoted pet mom to a small menagerie of rescue dogs and cats, loves geeking out on statistics and analytics, and makes a mean veggie curry. She’s a transplant from the US currently living in Hampshire, where she dreams of one day creating a sustainable farm.

Emerging Leadership: Starting a business during quarantine

April 29, 2020 By Joanna Martin

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

During this time of unprecedented change, we’ve been humbled and inspired to see how graduates of the One of Many programs are applying their tools to navigate the difficulties we’re all facing. So, over the next week or so, we’ll be sharing some truly inspiring interviews with women whose leadership is helping steer their families, teams and communities towards an emerging future that brings us great hope.

These empowered women are living demonstrations of the opportunity we have to step up and define what comes next. We may be living through lockdown, but even as the current crisis brings great challenges it is also a time ripe with opportunity. To let go of what no longer serves us, to embrace new ways of looking at the world, and to fight for what really matters.

And we hope they inspire you too…

Today, we’d like to introduce you to Wendy McCristal, Founder of The Mental Wealth Company. A graduate of Lead the Change, Wendy has transitioned from working in the rail industry, burning out, and crafting a career that works for her and her clients powerfully. She’s a great role model of compassion and prioritisation.

Please let us know in the comments what lessons you hear in Wendy’s story…

10 rituals to support you when your world turns upside down

March 19, 2020 By Kat Holden

About
Latest Posts

Kat Holden

Kat has 20+ years of professional experience and has worked around the world in the private and public sector.She knows first hand the challenges that come with working in a highly competitive environment and dealing with stress, overwhelm and imposter syndrome - all the while trying to remain authentic to yourself.

Today, Kat works as one of the in-house coaches for One Of Many, alongside her own work where she coaches exceptional people all over the world, helping them to figure out how to define their lives in a positive, healthy and fulfilling way, helping them to discover their best selves and live their very best lives after their battle with cancer.

My journey to thriving after trauma

As I sat in my oncologist’s office, doing my best to focus on his words but in reality just listening to white noise, feeling helpless and hopeless, he said something that snapped me out of my reverie:

“Are you listening to me Katrina? It’s really important for you to hear this… your survival is dependant on you seeing this treatment through to the end and it’s your responsibility to keep yourself as healthy as possible to be able to do so.”

My responsibility. My responsibility.

I kept turning those words over in my mind, at first feeling overwhelmed by them and then the realisation of what was happening.

The very clever oncologist had just shown me the way out of feeling disempowered and hopeless to empowered and knowing how I was going to play my part during this chapter of my life. And my focus was my vitality.

To feel empowered when our world is spinning out of control takes small consistent steps every day. It’s those steps that encourage us to get up, get dressed and live our best possible day.

Here are the ten daily rituals that took me from lost and overwhelmed to feeling healthy and strong.

10 rituals to support you when your world turns upside down

Morning pages. On a good day, I wrote my morning pages, processing, ranting, raging, accepting. On a bad day, I focused on the mantra, ‘this time shall pass – just keep breathing’.
Gentle exercise. I got outside every day – some days it was a 60 second walk to the gate, a 10 minute rest and then another 60 seconds back. On other days I could walk the 20 minutes to the park, the fresh air in my lungs, my mind focusing on the sky and the trees, feeling the wind on my face.
Wholesome food. Take the chemicals out of your diet and stay hydrated. This part of my vitality plan was most difficult for me as the anti-sickness tablets never worked – I relied on Jo’s homemade recipe of 4 parts water, 1 part orange juice and a pinch of salt to keep my dialytes in check and the only food I could keep down were cream crackers, brazil nuts and extra strong mints – the later being my Mum’s unsuccessful solution to stop me from being sick.
Allow others to help. A tough lesson for me. At the time, I was an independent corporate woman who knew all the answers. I had no idea how to be vulnerable, to ask for help, to share my fears, to show my real emotions. This chapter in my life shaped me and my relationships forever. By showing my vulnerability and finding the courage to allow loved ones to help, past hurts have been healed, love and acceptance shared, forgiveness given and received. Be brave, be you and accept that love and support from loved ones who are able to give. (That’s a whole other blog post – along with the kindness of strangers.)
Mindfulness. Every day find 10 minutes to just sit and breathe. Our breath is our life force and when we are stressed we have a tendency to breath shallow and fast, some of us even hold our breath. These 10 minutes will slow your mind down and bring much needed calm to an anxious mind and body.
Laughter. I guarantee you will laugh again and soon. You will find joy in the smallest of things. The restorative power of a funny film or book, listening to your favourite comedian, crying with laughter after falling down the hole in the bed after radiation treatment and having to be pulled out by two nurses… You will come through this time with moments and memories, stories and wisdom that will replenish you mind, body and soul.
Love. Surround yourself with loved ones who uplift you, support you, bring you cake… the ones who bring normality into your current routine with stories of their days – the ones who don’t look at you with pity but remind you of your strength. The ones who make plans with you, who drive you to the beach, who pack blankets and pillows in the car because they know you’re going to sleep all the way home…
Gratitude. The quickest and most joyful way to reignite your energy, to warm your heart, to bring clarity and appreciation for life. Whether you write in your journal or allow those thoughts to flow through your body – a few moments every day as a reminder of all you have will boost your vitality and pull you forward towards a brand new day.
Rest. Good quality sleep may be elusive for a while and as it’s the corner stone to vitality, you must find a way to rest throughout the day. Whether that’s finding time to nap, or allowing others to cook the dinner whilst you have a bath, make sure you prioritise this time. And remember a relaxing wind-down routine at the end of the day can make a huge difference to your ability to fall asleep.
Extra support. Whatever challenge you’re facing, or have faced, I highly recommend finding a counsellor or therapist who can help you make sense of it all and help you to heal. Our emotional resilience during any trauma is of upmost importance – it is this that takes us from surviving to thriving. The professional help I had during and after my cancer battle was life changing for me.

It was that safe space, support and the kindness that was shown to me that ignited a passion with me and became the driving force behind my own business as I went on to qualify as a coach, an art therapist and an EFT practitioner so I could support others in their success stories as they too came back to life.

What resources and rituals help you thrive?

These practices made all the difference to me. But I’d love to know your rituals – perhaps something that seems small, but made all the difference when times have been tough.

Share them in the comments below.

About Kat Holden

Kat began coaching over 10 years ago. Her ah-ha moment came during 7 long years of serious illness. It was then she discovered the power of coaching, personal development and modern psychology. Unsurprisingly as Kat discovered who she was at her core, healed past traumas and fears, she grew stronger and began to thrive; her happiness and confidence exploded.

Of course everyone around her wanted to know how this transformation came about including the doctors and specialists who had become an everyday part of life, so in 2014 Kat set up Kat Holden – Life After Cancer – Coaching & Consulting to revolutionise the way we live and work post cancer.

Today, Kat works as one of the in-house coaches for One of many, alongside her own work where she coaches exceptional people all over the world, helping them to figure out how to define their lives in a positive, healthy and fulfilling way, helping them to discover their best selves and live their very best lives after their battle with cancer.

Do you need more coffee, or…?

March 13, 2020 By Joanna Martin

About
Latest Posts

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

6 reasons we need community (and how to find it) - January 15, 2021
The secret to rest: Dealing with a “Superwoman hangover” - January 1, 2021
Coaching and burnout: The trap for women who care - November 12, 2020

What do you actually need? Is it more coffee, or something else? It might sound like a strange question, but many of us aren’t great at identifying our needs, day-to-day. For example, we get to the end of the day and find ourselves knackered. That’s it, we think.

"I need more coffee!"

But far too often, we're really only treating the symptom, not the cause.

And if you’ve ever lain awake at night regretting that 6pm caffeine boost, you’ll know it can have unintended side effects.

In this video I explain a bit more about how this works.

Do you need more coffee, or...?

Needs aren’t always about physical things, like sleep or hydration. Many of us have a basic need for seclusion or alone time -- time for us to gather our thoughts.

You might find you’re not OK unless you’ve been able to get out and get some fresh air, every day, or had a warm hug from someone.

So why don’t we meet our own basic needs?

It’s also true that many of us find it surprisingly hard to know what our needs are. That’s often because we’ve spent much of our life operating it what we lovingly refer to round here as ‘Superwoman’ mode.

Superwoman is 100% motivated by wanting to please others and win approval.

So, when we’ve been in Superwoman mode for a long time, it can really feel impossible to know what it is we really want. Because she’s that part of us that wants to achieve the most, get the most praise, and do the most -- at the expense of her own wellbeing.

Superwoman would far rather neck a double-shot latte if it meant she could deliver a project on time, than set boundaries with a client over what she could and couldn’t deliver.

She'd definitely prioritise baking the "perfect" cake for the school fair than having the sleep her body desperately needs.

Get the picture?

How can you begin to understand your needs?

Getting to know the you that isn't Superwoman can take a bit of effort. We explore some tools to help you find out what your needs are – and, crucially, to begin to implement them effectively in your daily life – as part of our BeFruitful program.

If you've ever tried other "productivity" or "time management" training you'll know how radically different this already sounds. We use an approach you won't find anywhere else – designed by women, for women – to help you use your time and energy to optimal effect.

Click here to find out more

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

How to actually make a difference

February 27, 2020 By Sara Price

About
Latest Posts

Sara Price

Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author.

Politics.

Now before you click to another page, here’s another thing you might find surprising – so do you.

‘Oh no I don’t…’

‘Oh yes you do…’

‘Oh no I don’t…’

‘Oh yes….’

Sorry, wrong blog, we’re past the Christmas Panto season right? Although given the way that much of our politics is conducted, sometimes pantomime seems apt…

Why you care about politics (even if you think you don’t)

Anyway, back to the point: why do I insist that you care about politics?

Well, here’s a list of issues which almost certainly affect your life in one way or another. I am prepared to bet rather a lot of money you care about at least one of them:

How much tax you pay
How much money you are paid
How much you receive in benefits
What your children learn at school
How qualified the teachers are that teach them
How long the school holidays are
What access you have to childcare, and who pays for it
How many hours you work
How much holiday you can take from work
Your access to healthcare if you’re too sick to work
Your access to sexual health services
What age you can get married
Whether you can get married or not
Whether or not we, as a country, go to war
When your rubbish is collected
Whether that new development near your house gets planning permission
The amount of renewable energy we produce as a nation
Climate change
Plastics in the ocean
GMO food
Nuclear weapons…

Is there something on this list that you care about?

Yes?

Then you care about politics.

Because every single item on that list is determined — or at least heavily influenced — by politicians at a local, national or international level.

Elections, referendums, protests – these are all huge political moments in our lifetimes. But the opportunities for usto have an impact on these big, important decisions aren’t limited to these snapshots in time.

Whether you agree with the outcomes or not, if you want to actually make a difference, you have a choice. You can wait for the next moment to come along – another election, another referendum, another protest…

OR you can get informed, get engaged, get empowered and actually make a difference more regularly than once every few years.

An optimist’s take on creating change

I may have mentioned that I am an optimist?

Here’s what I imagine…

…a world in which we do more than turn up once every few years, mark a cross on a piece of paper, and then moan to our friends about how our politicians don’t represent us.

…a world in which the electorate (which means YOU) feels informed, engaged and empowered to have an impact on the issues they care about.

…a world in which we hold our representatives accountable for the actions they take and the decisions they make.

That’s the world I want to live in and the one I want to do something to contribute to.

Why?

Because of that list of issues that you care about.

Because politics is important beyond the moments.

Because I don’t want to feel helpless and hopeless.

Because I want to feel informed, empowered and engaged.

And I suspect maybe you do too.

How to actually make a difference: 3 myths about getting involved

Lots of the myths you might have unconsciously absorbed about becoming ‘politically involved’ simply aren’t true. Here are 3 that commonly stop us from taking action, and the truth behind them.

Myth #1 Getting involved in politics will take up all my time

Something as simple as getting informed about an issue you care about; finding out what organisations are working to improve it or signing a petition might only take a few minutes. Do that every day or week, and you’ll soon be more engaged with what’s going on.

Myth #2 If I want to make a difference, I’ll have to join a party or start a campaign

There are lots of groups, individuals and organizations already doing amazing work on all kinds of issues. So you don’t need to start from scratch. Whether it’s making a donation, sharing their work with your network, or contributing your time and skills, there are ways to get involved at every level.

Myth #3: I need to spend years studying politics before I get started

Politics isn’t for the elite, the wealthy or the educated. It’s for all of us. And starting with grassroots issues that matter to you — a local footpath, a library you love, a policy at work you don’t agree with — is the best way to learn more.

We deserve more

The philosopher and diplomat Joseph de Maistre once said that “In a democracy people get the leaders they deserve.”

Isn’t it time for us to deserve better leaders?

Isn’t it time we stepped up? Spoke out? Held our leaders to account?

Isn’t it time we got involved? Made a difference? Had a say?

Then perhaps when the next political moment rolls around, we will have gone some way to creating that world I imagine.

I’ll be sharing more ways you can get involved and have an impact on future blogs.

For now, I’m curious: What’s your relationship with politics like? Do you feel as though you’re engaged with the issues that matter; does it all feel like a distant circus of posturing egos; do you feel empowered, helpless, or somewhere in between?

I’d really love to know — share your take in the comments below.

About Sara

The Knitting, Baby-whispering Karaoke queen!

Sara is the Founder of Actually which she set up to empower those who want to make a difference in the world to grow their businesses and their impact by developing great communication skills; overcoming mindset blocks and getting the right support. Sara’s specialises in communications, campaigning and PR – and her flagship training programme, How to Actually Spread the Word, helps purpose-led entrepreneurs, coaches and consultants to step up, speak up and make a difference. She is also a One of many coach and trainer; a mentor with the social enterprise support group Unltd and the co-Founder of one of London’s leading independent communications agencies.

Please visit www.actually.world or email sara@actually.world for more information.