One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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Before you change your life, do this

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

There’s something so tempting about a fresh start, don’t you think? For lots of us that “blank page” feeling is strongest at the start of a new year – it’s January, you’ve got a crisp new planner, and you’re ready to fill it with juicy actions that will take you to the place you want to be in twelve month’s time. Or perhaps you feel it most on your birthday, at the start of Spring, or some other time when you suddenly feel the urge to commit to real change in your life. But before you do, may I make a suggestion?

If you’re feeling like you want to change your life, read on to find out what to do first.

The allure of the new

What’s really tempting when we feel motivated to create something new is to dive in and focus our energy on what it is we want to create. It’s understandable! What you’re imagining probably sounds delicious.

That vision of the fit and healthy you who wakes up well-rested and feeling energised to get out and get moving…

Feeling a thrill of gratitude when you look at your bank balance and realize you’ve got more than enough at the end of the month…

Laughing with your kids on an unplugged family holiday that’s filled with love…

Those are beautiful dreams. And whatever it is you’re wanting to create, it’s definitely important to have a clear vision in your mind of what it is that’s coming to you. In fact, it’s a vital part of the process when it comes to creating the world we want to live in.

But before you swing into “making it happen”, pause for a second. There’s something important it’s important to ask yourself before you dive into making change.

What’s your motivation?

You might have come across the concept of “towards” or “away from” motivation before, but in case you haven’t, here’s a quick rundown.

Motivation to do anything in your life, whether it’s finally quitting that occasional cigarette habit or moving to a new town for the scary-but-awesome job you’ve landed at your dream company, can be split into two camps.

Towards motivation is whatever’s pulling you in the direction of what it is you want.

It might be “feeling free and energised in my body”, or “being able to buy organic veg for my family, all the time”.

Both of those describe a place that you’d like to get to, and that’s what might motivate you to ask for a pay rise or get up and go for a run, even when it’s dark outside.

Away from motivation is the impulse to leave behind the state you don’t want to be in.

So to use the same examples, away from motivation might be “stop feeling so heavy and lethargic” or “not feel anxious about the budget when I do the weekly shop”.

The action you want yourself to take is the same in each of those examples, but the motivation is very different. And it matters.

“Away from” motivation tends to work well at first, but fizzle out as you get further from where you’ve started. Once you’ve got away from where you started, there’s less and less impetus to keep going.

“Towards” motivation, on the other hand, tends to keep you in action. As you get closer to where you want to be, you feel excited – as your goal approaches,it can even feel like you have more energy for what you want to do.

You often appreciate your progress much more because you’re focused on what it is you desire.

You’re more likely to notice each incremental step towards your goal, and celebrate it.

So when you think about creating change, ask yourself what you’d like to move towards before you start implementing any big shifts.

You may find that the action steps you do take are a whole lot easier to sustain. And if you’re serious about making change, there’s one other question to ask yourself that will make creating a sustainable shift a whole lot easier – and more likely to last.

Who will help you?

Trying to create big shifts in your life by yourself can be tough.

Maybe your family are still expecting you to serve up winter stodge, when you’re ready to eat some green things with a bit more crunch to them. Or your colleagues are wedded to the “who can leave latest?” competition, when you’ve resolved to make sure you finish at a sane time and actually get to hang out with your partner for a change.

Having some support and understanding from someone else can make a serious difference to how effective change is.

And it makes it more enjoyable, too.

So think about it – how can you get the support you need?

If you want to start reading more, why not take it a step further and join a book group?

If you’re committed to spending more time away from the screen, why not ask a friend to come for a weekly stomp in the woods?

It might be that the change you want to make is a profound one, that’s going to take a bit more than just a mate to text when you’re finishing work for the day. Professional support, whether counselling or coaching, is a smart investment when it’s time to create real change. (If you’d like a helping hand, feel free to drop us a line so we can chat about what might be a good fit for you).

A retreat, a course, some financial education… whatever it is, find your comrades in the change you’re making and lean on them when you need to.

What would you like to change?

I’d love to know how you’re growing and challenging yourself – and what you’re doing to give yourself the best chance possible of success. Leave a comment below and let’s cheer each other on to make sustainable changes that feel really good.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to know what you want

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When it comes to setting goals – whether quarterly aims for your business, New Year’s resolutions, or any change you want to create in your life – it’s important to know what you want before moving into action. To do that, there’s a process I use that’s radically different to other goal-setting techniques out there. It’s helped me to achieve some extraordinary things, and I want to share it with you today so you can see if it has the same effect in your life if you’ve found yourself wondering how to know what you want.

This approach is probably very different to others you might have tried when it comes to creating change. But when it comes to figuring out how to know what you want, I believe it’s important to be open to trying new ways of doing things.

After all, many of us find traditional goal-setting, even when we start with the best intentions, leads to stress and exhaustion. The tendency is often to push and strive our way towards the thing we’ve decided we want.

Often, it’s because we go into “Superwoman” mode once we’ve set our goals – and achieve them at the expense of our own wellbeing.

Starting with a different energy from the outset is crucial if we’re going to avoid that old-fashioned way of being and find a new way to create. If there’s anything we’re a stand for here at One of many, it’s creating with less force, push and grit.

So let’s get started.

Cynic or intuitive, this process is for you

You might be someone who’s really happy when you’re using your intuition or connecting to something outside of you – whether it’s a religion, a spiritual practice, or a connection to “Source” or the universe.

But for this process to work, you don’t need to believe in any of those things.

The trick to making this work is simply to work through the steps – even if you’re a cynic or a natural sceptic. With a science background, I certainly approach the idea of “manifesting” with a healthy dose of scepticism, and it’s not the word I use to describe this process. Rather, I think of it as “Forming dreams”.

In my experience, when you allow yourself the space to dream and imagine accurately and using your unconscious rather than your conscious or “ego” mind, you can start to create things beyond your expectations, and with far more ease.

2 key principles

Before we get started, there are two important things to remember.

Firstly, don’t start this process by thinking of what you want. Rather, think of this as a process to help you get clear on what that might be. You might be surprised by what emerges!

And when it comes to you, there are four words to keep in mind: “This… or something better”. Be open to receiving what it is that emerges from this process – or something even better.

Can you see how that already activates an exciting, open energy?

The second thing to bear in mind is this: Make sure your intention is to receive what you want in divine timing.

After all, we have no idea what’s around the corner. Sometimes what we think we want simply isn’t right for us at a given time. And getting into Superwoman mode to “make it happen” isn’t the most effective way to approach things.

Accept that what’s right for you will come when it’s the right time, and you instantly remove a whole lot of pressure.

Using the Sorceress PowerType

We use 5 powerful female archetypes – called PowerTypes – to step into a new kind of leadership that creates truly empowered results. The PowerType to connect to for this process is the Sorceress. She has absolute faith in being able to achieve things that might seem unlikely or even impossible, and knows that unseen forces support and inspire her.

Start by getting yourself into Sorceress energy, and allow your actions to flow from that.

Step One: Set the scene.

At the very least, you want to be somewhere quiet and distraction free. When I’m using this process I often choose to create a really beautiful space – lower the lights, light a candle, and make sure I’m in an undisturbed place.

Choose to honour this process and give yourself the space and time to really embrace it.

Step Two: Enter a relaxed state.

This kind of state has been described in many different ways – as an “alpha brainwave”, or “wordless”, or “meditative” state. It really doesn’t matter what you call it. But you want to try to get to a point where your internal chatter has gone, and you’re thinking more in pictures than words.

Here are some ways you might be able to access that:

  • Lie on the floor and relax all the muscles in your body
  • Listen to your heartbeat
  • Focus on your breath
  • Listen to soothing, wordless music
  • Stare at a candle or peaceful image, like a mandala
  • If you find it really hard to quieten your brain, you might want to “dump” your thoughts into a notebook and consciously choose to return to them later

The goal is to get to a place where you’re no longer hearing the “chatter” of your mind, and are connected instead to a deeper, more peaceful state of mind.

Step Three: Feel connection

Tune into your feeling of connection with everything in the universe.

If you’re religious, that might be accessing your connection to God or Creation. My trick is to think about things on a scientific level. Under an electron microscope, I know that my body is largely made up of space. We are literally interconnected, at an atomic level, to the air around us, and everything in the universe.

Really feel your connection to all that is, and open up to the sense of energy flowing through and all around you.

Step Four: Open your imagination

Now, open your imagination to receive the images of what is going to come into your life.

I use the word “receive” mindfully here – because this is very much a sensation of feeling images or visions come to you, rather than trying to create them.

Some of the biggest things I’ve achieved in my life – massive financial goals, professional achievements – have been things that have come to me as visions like this without me understanding necessarily exactly how they were going to pan out.

Focus on receiving what’s there for you in the context you’re dreaming about. See the images, hear the sounds, feel the feelings. Really experience the image fully.

Step Five: Let it go

Once you’ve really absorbed the image, sounds, and feelings of the vision or dream you’ve had, it’s time to release your attachment to it. The easiest way to do that is to literally imagine cutting a cord, or letting go of a balloon – watching the vision float away.

This isn’t a goal you need to guard or hang on to. I know – if you’ve seen a really juicy dream in your mind’s eye, that might feel hard to do!

Trust in the process.

An important part of it is the concept of surrender. Allow change to happen without feeling you need to push or rush it.

Step Six: Write it down

Remaining unattached, grab your journal and write down as many details as you can of what you’ve experienced. This step is a fun one – it means you can return to your dream when it’s come into your life, and see how the details match up!

Step Seven: Move into inspired action

You don’t need to be attached, and you don’t need to grit your teeth and grind this vision into action – but you do need to be willing to take a step towards making your dream happen.

I used this process before I met my husband, when I wanted to find the relationship I was ready for. And my first step after completing the process was to join an online dating site. As it happened, that wasn’t where I met Greg. But I believe it was a vital signal that I was ready for the dream I’d had, and willing to take action to bring it to life.

What’s your dream?

This might seem like an unconventional way to figure out what you want, but it’s one that has given me some truly incredible results. So I’d love to know how it works for you – when you’ve tried it, share your vision in the comments.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Can’t make a decision? Try this

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When you can’t make a decision the feeling of mounting pressure can be intense – and the impact of not taking action can be bigger than you think.

A while ago I coached a woman who absolutely hated her job. I mean, really hated it. She described herself as “feeling slowly suffocated” by the time she spent at work… and yet when we talked it through, she told me there were simply too many options.

  • Should she follow her passion for illustration and try to make it as an artist?
  • Should she create a business sharing the work of other illustrators, using her knowledge of the industry to support others?
  • Should she follow her other calling and become a coach?

The choice felt too tricky to make. And meanwhile, she was stuck in the same routine, spending her time in a place that she hated while she put off making the “wrong” decision.

If you can relate to that feeling of being stuck, I want to share a simple process that can help you. But first, let’s get clear about one thing.

Why make decisions faster?

There are some decisions that you clearly don’t want to rush. If you’re considering something like whether to remain in your marriage; uprooting your family to move halfway round the world; or taking on a massive investment in a renovation project, you’ll likely want to spend some time meditating on the best course of action.

But as a rule of thumb, the faster you’re able to make decisions, the more successful you’ll be.

That’s not because you’re necessarily choosing the best course of action every time. But whatever action you do take gives you feedback – even if it’s that “this isn’t working” – and the opportunity to course correct.

When you stop making decisions altogether, you’re losing that forward motion.

So instead of getting new and different feedback from each choice, you’re stuck in a loop of running over the same options, and the same potential outcomes, without getting anywhere.

Analysis paralysis

This is what we call being in “Analysis Paralysis”. It describes those times when you’re not just taking your time over a decision, but putting off making it all together.

When you’re in that place, the inertia and “stuckness” can start to creep into all kinds of other areas of your life.

  • It starts to chip away at your self esteem.
  • You begin to question yourself, and doubt your ability to make a choice.
  • And eventually, it can even spiral into depression or anxiety.

The faster we can make decisions, the faster we get feedback, the faster we know if we’re on the right path.

So how do you make a decision?

Whether you’re choosing between two options that seem equally good, or gritting your teeth to choose between options where nothing feels ideal, here’s a 5 step process to move you out of inertia and into action.

1. Call it what it is

You’ll know when you’ve moved from “weighing up options” and into paralysis – so be honest with yourself. After a certain amount of time, you’ll find you’ve tipped into a place where it’s no longer about making the “right” decision as making any decision.

Maybe you’ve just set up your own coaching business and you’re trying to decide what to launch with.

Should you offer a group program, one-on-one coaching, or host an event? The reality is, after a while, you’ll get to a point where leaving the decision any longer is going to wind up with you broke.

Doing nothing isn’t an option.

You’re stuck in analysis paralysis – and it’s time to move on to step 2.

2. Get into the right state

We use the 5 Women’s PowerTypes™ to inspire the most powerful versions of ourselves, and the PowerType connected to decision making is the Queen.

When you connect to the Queen PowerType you’re accessing a specific set of resources that will enable you to swiftly take action without second-guessing yourself.

The Queen is serene, decisive, and she’s also visionary: she sees the big picture, and she’s clear. She knows that decisions need to be made, and she also knows they can be difficult.

What’s powerful about the Queen when it comes to decisions is that she’s connected to her logic – she wants to gather all the information that she needs – but she also trusts her intuition to steer her right. Above all, she wants the best for everyone she cares about.

How can you connect to Queen energy? Try thinking about the qualities I’ve described here – is there someone you know, in real life or a public figure, who exemplifies them? What would your posture look like if you were the Queen? How would you look at this issue that’s got you foxed?

If you’d like more inspiration for accessing the Queen, click here to download Life’s Little Toolkit. Along with our favourite resources to help you meet life’s challenges, it contains a guide to all 5 Women’s PowerTypes and some playlists to help you connect to their essences.

3. Ask “what do I know in my heart?”

Once you’re in that Queen energy, ask yourself what you know in your heart.

Sometimes, when it feels as though you’re stuck, it’s because although you know what course of action you should take, you just don’t want to. Maybe it’ll make someone angry or upset someone, even though you know it’s the right thing to do.

Listen for the answer and list out everything you do know in your heart.

One of the biggest ways you can get stuck in decision making is when you start to focus on everything you don’t know.

So shift your focus. Write down everything you DO know about the situation, and trust yourself, as the Queen, to be able to use this when you move forward.

4. Ask “Do I have enough information to make this decision?”

The Queen is happy to make decisions; she knows it’s for the good of everyone in her realm. But she won’t make one unless she has all the information she needs.

Maybe you’re missing a key piece of information that would allow you to make a final choice. If that’s the case, work out what’s missing and take steps to get all the details you need.

It’s not about getting tangled in endless research! Work out what you need to know, and commit to taking action once you have it.

5. Now, make a decision

You’ve connected to Queen energy.

You’re clear on what you know in your heart.

And you’ve made sure you have all the information you need to make your choice.

Now is the time to move into action.

But because this is the part you’ve been avoiding, you might experience a bit of resistance here – what if you make the wrong decision?

Here’s the good news: once you’ve got stuck in analysis paralysis, in most cases there is no longer a “right” decision. The impact of being locked in procrastination and not going anywhere means that ANY action you take is going to improve things.

If you discover that the choice you’ve made doesn’t work out, that’s useful feedback that will allow you to course correct and move onto something else. But you won’t get that until you move into action.

So the woman I was coaching didn’t need to waste her time trying to predict exactly what she should do when she left her job. Having gone back and forth about what to do, the right decision was simply to take action and leave the job that was draining her.

Whatever comes next, trust that you’ll be able to handle it. Whilst every option remains hypothetical, it’s impossible to know how it will pan out or what the “best” step is.

What are you in analysis paralysis about? What are your challenges and how are you going to move forward? Let us know in the comments – let’s celebrate moving into action!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: Why don’t we (actually) change the world?

By

Sara Price

Sara Price

Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author.
Sara Price

Latest posts by Sara Price (see all)

My vision is a world in which everyone who wants to change the world for the better is inspired and empowered to do so.

It’s a big vision. Making this vision a reality is like eating the proverbial elephant – I’ll be doing it one bite at a time and in collaboration with many others – including the amazing Founder of One of Many, Joanna Martin. The current ‘bite’ is to write a book – catchily entitled ‘How to (Actually) Change the World’. That’s a lot to deliver in 55,000 words but I’m going to give it my best shot!

As part of my research, I’ve spoken to hundreds of people all over the world about the kind of changes they want to create, and what gets in the way of them actually doing it. So if you’re on a mission to change the world right now and you’re feeling blocked; or if you are feeling increasingly called to make a difference, to make an impact on this beautiful planet of ours, but you’re not sure how to go about it – please read on, because you are not alone.

Here’s what I’ve found so far…

So…Who Wants to Change the World?

An awful lot of us want to change the world. . If you’re an active member of the BeOne Global Community on Facebook, you may have seen and perhaps completed my survey for actual and aspiring changemakers. Of the people who have filled in the survey thus far, EVERYONE wants to change the world in some way.

When asked if there was something they would like to change to make the world a better place, 47% said that there were so many things they didn’t know where to start! Another 24% had one big issue that they were truly passionate about. Everyone else felt passionate about 2 or 3 main subjects and couldn’t pick one.

How Do We Want to Change the World?

We want to change the world for other women. My survey may be slightly skewed because of where it was posted and the kinds of women who’ve completed it, but of all the issues that we are passionate about, the top three categories are:

  • Women’s issues
  • Environment
  • Education & training

In other words, the issues which matter most to us are: other women; the planet and the next generation.

Some of us are dedicating our working lives to these issues. About 12% of respondents have already set up / run or work for a social enterprise dealing with the specific issue that they are most passionate about. Another 12% are operating in the charitable sphere on their number one issue.

Many respondents wrote in comments that tackling their number one issue was the mission of their business. That’s a lot of women dedicating their working lives to making the world a better place!

Many of those who work in other fields are taking action in their personal time. Nearly 95% of us are talking to friends and family – trying to persuade them of the importance of our cause. 85% have taken to social media to make our point and demonstrate our passion. Over 80% have signed online petitions.

Are We Making Progress?

Most of us feel that we’re not making enough progress. Amongst the social entrepreneurs, charity leaders and those whose professional mission is to change the world, only 30% were satisfied with the progress they are making.

Most of us want to do more: Of those who are taking action in their personal time, a whopping 97% want to do more but are hampered by a perceived lack of time and a feeling of not knowing where to start. The same feeling that stops about 20% of us from taking any action at all.

And that is where I hope that my book will help.

It’s Not Complicated…

I understand that changing the world can seem overwhelming but here is what I believe: changing the world may be hard work but it is not actually that complicated.

I can already feel the waves of disagreement and disbelief heading my way but, I’m sticking to my guns here because I genuinely believe that in principle changing the world is not complicated. It requires only one thing: you have to make people care.

You have to make companies care enough to change their policies; or make politicians care enough to change legislation; or make individuals care enough to change their behaviour and / or their minds. You have to know who holds the power to make the change, and you have to make them care enough to do it.

In Fact, It’s Really Quite Simple…

To make people care, you need to harness the power of great communications. It’s about communicating your message to the right people at the right time in a way that feels compelling to them. That’s it.

Now, there are a lot of experts out there with a vested interest in making you think that this is difficult. The more jargon they use, the more complex they make it seem – the more valuable their expertise appears and the more you are made to feel disempowered and dependent on their expertise.

This is where I hope my book will help. I plan to show you exactly how simple great communications can be. I will walk you through how to develop a comprehensive campaign plan for your vision that makes people care enough to create change.

So at the end of the process, you’ll be equipped to make a difference. You can make people care.

You can ACTUALLY change the world.

So…How Do You Want to Change the World?

This is a community full of changemakers and women with huge visions for how to change the world for the better.

So tell me, what ONE thing would you change about the world if you could wave a magic wand? What causes are you passionate about, and what change are you already creating through your life and work?

Share in the comments below, and let’s support each other to create the change we want to see.

And, if you have a moment, I’d be grateful if you would take part in my survey. Tell me how you want to change the world and how I can help you.

And as a great big thank you for doing so, I’m offering one participant the chance to win a 2-hour PR and communications brainstorm with a leading London PR agency, Pagefield (the one I co-founded!). Just click the link below to take the survey and be in with a chance of winning:

https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/HowToActuallyChangetheWorld

About Sara Price

The Knitting, Baby-whispering Karaoke queen!

Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author!

Sara began her career in Parliament developing an in-depth understanding of the corridors of power. She then moved on to work as a political advisor to UNICEF where she witnessed the power of individuals and organisations to effect change on a global scale. She sat on the UK Board of one of the world’s largest PR agencies, H&K Strategies, and in 2010 she co-founded Pagefield.

Over the course of her career, she has developed communications programmes for some of the biggest brands in the world from Kelloggs to EDF Energy; advised organisations as diverse as Allied Bakeries and Variety, the Children’s Charity; and co-created multi-national campaigns for Global Peace Ambassador Prem Rawat.

Sara’s newest venture – How to Actually Change the World – is in development right now. If you’d like to help to shape the whole programme and be on the list to hear more, please sign up by emailing sara@renaissance-life.co

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Want to change your life? Read this first

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Whether it’s a career change, a house move, or the end of a relationship, change is hard. It’s crazy, right – you can be in a job that feels like it’s sucking your soul, an eating pattern that has you feeling like absolute crap or a relationship you know it’s time to end. And yet when it comes to actually making a big shift, it can feel like wading through treacle.

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking “if it were that easy to change, then I’d have done it already!” then read on – I’m going to shed light on the huge thing that might well be holding you back from turning the change you crave into real action.

Why is change so hard?

When we get bogged down by our fear of taking action it’s usually because we’re being held back by something deep. Something internal, something which we’re often not even conscious that actually impacts us.

And that is shame.

Shame is an amazing emotion for controlling us. When we shame somebody else, it’s often an attempt to stop that person from doing something that embarrasses us.

I remember using it as a teenager. When my father took us out for dinner he had a tendency to be really obnoxious with the waiting staff, and it used to drive me crazy. So I would make fun of him and how he was with the staff because I didn’t want him to embarrass me by treating people in a way which I didn’t agree with. I was consciously trying to lever the power of shame to force him to change.

That’s how big a tool shame can be. The trouble is, as we grow up most of us experience it not as something we’re using (hopefully we’ve developed slightly more advanced ways to communicate our values with those around us!) but as the invisible block that stops us moving forward.

How shame blocks change

When we’re looking at changing our lives, it’s usually because we want to make our life more aligned with who we are.

We want to experience more joy in our life, in our work, or in our relationship, and we know instinctively that the path to more joy is to be more of ourself, to be more authentic, to be more vulnerable.

But to be more authentic, and to be more vulnerable, actually means showing more of ourself to the world.

Even declaring the change that we want to make: “I want to make my green smoothie everyday because I know that will make me healthier”.

…Is quite possibly to be met with a reaction we don’t want. So the commentary swirls round in your mind…

“Will my colleagues think I’m crazy because I want to make a green smoothie instead of grabbing a giant sugary latte like I usually do?”

“Is my husband going to have a go at me because I want to spend a small fortune on a blender?”

Or maybe you really want to have sex more frequently, and that’s the change you’re gearing up to try and make. What will happen when you tell your partner that’s an issue for you? How is that going be met? What will they think?

When it comes to changing something in your life, whether it be your lifestyle, your intimate relationships, or even stepping into more leadership at work, all kinds of fears come up.

It  brings to light who we are at the core, and what is authentic to us. And in doing that we’re also shining that light into what others don’t know about us, and that can really trigger shame.

If you’re thinking about making a career change, you’re saying “this is no longer working for me”, to your family, to your friends. It’s like saying “look – here’s who I really am, and it’s not this.”

The unspoken question then becomes, “Well, who are you? And are we going to approve?”

Because when we step into our true selves, when we declare more of ourself to the world, it brings out who we are.

We get exposed at a deeper level, and that can really cause us to be open and vulnerable to criticism, to be open and vulnerable to shame.

And if we’re still bringing and carrying a lot of shame from our past, that we’re not even conscious of, then it can stop us from making those changes.

Moving past shame

Frankly, it doesn’t matter what anybody thinks about whatever it is you want to change. If it is more authentic and more aligned with who you are. If this new habit that you want to bring into your life. (This new job… new relationship… whatever.)

If it’s more aligned with who you are at a deep and individual level, then absolutely you should do more of it, but you have to move through vulnerability to get there.

If you’re thinking about making a big change and wondering what keeps getting in your way, one of the things I highly recommend doing is watching Brené Brown’s great TED talk on vulnerability.

One of the things she says, if we want to experience more of the positives, and the richness, the joy and the love… All of that great stuff happens on just the other side of vulnerability.

And to get through vulnerability we have to go through shame.

We often numb ourselves from experiencing shame with things like alcohol, drugs, too much sex, too much work, too much exercise. All things which will block us off from having to feel vulnerable, and move through to this more joyful place.

To become leaders, we need to move through vulnerability

What we need to do as women who are growing, as women who are stepping into leadership, which is an incredibly vulnerable place to be, is we need to get okay with whatever we’re feeling ashamed of, and let it go.

We need to step into our vulnerability.

We need to open up to the opportunity of feeling ashamed or embarrassed again. Because on the other side of that, lies the change we’re feeling called to make: and the impact we are truly meant to have.

If you could do with some support to open up and create a big change in your life, then working with a coach might be the answer you’re looking for. Helping women move through big changes and overcome the subtle, self-sabotaging shame that can stop us in our tracks is something coaches specialise in.

No idea where to find the right coach for you? Click here to access the One of Many coaching directory. You’ll find skilled, trained coaches specializing in supporting women in everything from career to health, and a whole lot more – or you can search for someone in your area.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Can wealth make you happy?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Can wealth make you happy? If you don’t have much money it’s tempting to think that it can; if you know you have plenty, you’re probably wondering why it doesn’t.

The fact is, wealth alone is the wrong measure to be looking at when it comes to our happiness, and here’s why: In every area of our lives, our ultimate fulfillment comes down to one thing.

Our values.

The real question we need to be asking

Before you know whether money will make you happy, you first need to be clear on your values.

Your values in relation to your wealth is something we look at in depth at our BeWealth retreat, but in a nutshell, values are those things which are most important to us. They provide all of our upfront motivation in life – you can pretty much guarantee you won’t spend time or money on something if it’s not of value to you.

Values are usually single words or short word phrases like love, achievement, pleasure, joy or freedom, and while they’re nouns, they’re usually things that you can’t put in a wheelbarrow. It’s not books that you value, for example, it’s education.

Using the wheelbarrow test, is money a value? Probably not, because money you could put in a wheelbarrow. It’s what money provides you that’s actually important to you.

That tells us that money in itself can’t be one of our values.

How can you know what is? Take a look at what you choose to spend your time, energy and money on.

If you’re always squirrelling funds towards your next holiday, it might be that you value travel, or adventure, or sunshine. If your amazon wishlist is longer than your arm, it’s a fair bet that reading, learning, or escape is one of your values.

And the books on your shelf are another great clue. Maybe you’re obsessed with spirituality, interiors, or rich imaginative worlds.

Your values are what bring you joy, fulfillment, and happiness.

When you know your values, your relationship to money changes

If money is an area of your life that’s currently causing you stress, looking at it through the lens of your values can give you fresh clarity into what action you need to take.

Say you’re fretting about money because there just never seems to be enough left over at the end of the month. When you think about your values, perhaps you find that security is something that’s really important to you. You want to know that if something unexpected happened, you’d have the funds you needed to fall back on.

If security’s important to you, you probably want to spend some time and energy learning about budgeting, money management and insurances. Perhaps you want to have a chunk of cash earmarked as a “rainy day” fund – like 6 month’s worth of living expenses – so you know the mortgage will be paid no matter what.

Or perhaps helping the environment is a really strong value of yours. Setting up a regular donation to an amazing organization helping preserve ecosystems, plant trees, or support indigenous communities might be a way to feel incredibly fulfilled about where your money is going. Volunteering a few hours a week to clear up a local beauty spot would cost nothing, and yet be a big investment in your happiness.

Whether you’re donating five dollars a month or investing tens of thousands, the fact that your money is aligning with what matters to you is what will ultimately lead you to happiness.

Can wealth make you happy? It’s what you do with it that counts

When we feel stuck, small or uncomfortable around money it’s often because we’ve been taught to use it in a paradigm that doesn’t line up with what really matters to us.

What we’ve learned about money is often outdated, and not particularly useful for us. That is, if we were taught anything about money at all! It’s not uncommon for women to be very successful at work but not understand anything about how money actually works.

After all, it’s only relatively recently that women have actually been allowed, from a societal perspective, to be involved with money. In the UK, it wasn’t until 1975 that a woman was allowed to open a bank account without her husband’s permission. To say nothing of the fact that for millennia, commerce was a strictly masculine domain – one in which we simply didn’t have a say.

When you consider that our grandmothers and great-grandmothers, going back for hundreds of generations, were not allowed to learn about or handle money, it makes sense that historically we don’t have power around it.

But things have changed dramatically for women in the last hundred years. It’s time for that shift to start to take root in the realm of our finances.

Build the future you want to see

If you’d like to explore a new way of thinking about money that empowers you to have the impact you’d like in the world, click here to request a brochure on our money training. We’ve helped hundreds of women around the world get their money stuff sorted so they can focus on the difference they want to make.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

 

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What’s my leadership style?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Where are you a leader in your life? At work? Running a business? Or within your family, community, or voluntary organization?

Here at One of many our mission is to create a movement of women ready to become the leaders the world needs. After all, as a planet, the model of power that’s been dominant so far just isn’t going to cut it to get us where we want to be. But what does a new way of leading look like in practice?

Our Soft Power framework is the tool we’ve developed to radically shift our approach in an incredibly effective way. It’s a new kind of leadership for the new world we want to create, and it’s so exciting to see it in action.

Today I want to share one of our Lead the Change participants, Carol’s inspiring story with you.

Stepping into Lover at NATO

One area which you might not associate with innovative feminine models of leadership is the military. But as part of NATO, Carol’s role is all about inviting different ways of thinking to this very hierarchical environment.

Last year, she had an opportunity to put it into practice.

“I was co-facilitating a set of 5 workshops at the NATO Allied Command Transformation “Chiefs of Transformation” conference.

The Chiefs of Transformation are the second most senior level in our militaries, reporting directly to the top tier Generals and Admirals who provide strategic leadership and advice to Presidents and Prime Ministers.

At the conference there were 70 senior officers representing almost 50 nations and around 300 other attendees, including lower ranking military officers, industry representatives and a few post-graduate students from Washington universities.”

Straight away, Carol saw a possibility.

“The opportunity I had was to get these very senior military commanders thinking about the value of becoming more collaborative, and ideally agreeing to develop collaborative opportunities as a result.”

The conference happened to come the week after our BeLove retreat, when our Lead the Change cohort had explored the Women’s PowerType™ of Lover in some depth. So Carol was ready to discover what a new kind of leadership could achieve.

5 PowerTypes – what’s my leadership style?

Lover is one of the 5 PowerTypes™– along with Sorceress, Warrioress, Queen and Mother – we use to model new ways of women’s leadership.

All of us are naturally drawn more to some of these PowerTypes than others. For example, you might naturally step into “Warrioress” energy when you’re in charge. As a leader, you roll up your sleeves and work alongside your team, never asking anyone to do anything you wouldn’t do yourself. Full of energy and ever-resilient, your commitment to fighting for justice and what’s right is formidable.

Or perhaps you connect more to Lover as a leader. Your team are drawn to you because of how you make them feel: special, lavished with attention, and magnetic through your innate persona.

In Carol’s words,

“My story is mainly about using Lover, alongside Queen archetype in order to achieve buy-in and collaboration among senior military leaders across NATO, and other allied nations, to become more diverse in their thinking and collaborative in their style of command.”

Carol’s story

“During the conference set-up, it was immediately noticeable how radically different our workshop set-up was to that of the other 4 nations leading workshops.

We had no top table for the senior commanders, instead spreading them out around our large circle (we had about 70 attendees in each workshop, differing on each occasion).

On the first day of the conference I took conscious steps to step into both Queen and Lover PowerTypes, listening to key songs that really help me embody them.

At the start of each session I had a 5-minute introductory brief, which I delivered using every ounce of Queen PowerType I could muster – serenely and at what felt like an incredibly slow pace to allow for the majority of participants who would be working with English as a second language.

Then I joined my colleague who was leading the facilitation at the central table; at which point I would switch to Lover.

In “fishbowl facilitation”, the style we had chosen to use, anyone who wishes to speak has to step up from the outer circle to join one of the couple of chairs where the conversation happens in the centre of the room.

In a military hierarchy it is a massive challenge for officers to speak their opinion in front of those many ranks senior to them.

My role was to invite people to feel confident enough to come up and speak, then ensure they felt heard and valued when they did.

Although the first workshop worked, and many thanked us afterwards – we learned a few lessons: in particular to wait out silences, and at times to use the two officers we had supporting us to step up and speak.

After that we got people stepping up and joining the discussion much more smoothly: students in their mid-twenties providing responses to questions put forward by senior military commanders; having a non-commissioned officer speaking up for the experience of other ranks; and eventually getting some female voices (other than mine) heard. Women were outnumbered about 15 to 1!

The point I knew I was definitely leading from Lover was when a French General walked past an empty chair at the table saying, “I am Frrrench, I vill sit next to ze lady.”

I had already noticed a tendency for people to sit next to me, walking past the other chair when it was empty.

Prior to my One of many trainings I would have felt nervous getting that attention, but with the balance of Queen and Lover I felt totally safe, and understood I was achieving the leadership that was required in that moment.

After each session my co-facilitator and I had a lot of people (including those who hadn’t spoken) thanking us for a good workshop, sharing ideas and giving us their business cards. I became very good at gracefully excusing myself so I got a few minutes downtime between each session!”

The outcomes:

  • 17 Nations, 3 different organisations within NATO and an international research alliance all expressed interest in collaborating to develop capabilities to make military command more collaborative.
  • The buzz around the conference was that the UK workshops were the best. The report from the UK’s Chief of Transformation to three of the most senior officers in the UK military was glowing. This and the level of interest from other nations is being used to try and secure significant additional funding to enhance our capability in this area.
  • Our team learned a lot about overcoming this discomfort of leading in such an unusual and unfamiliar way – I’m pulling this experience back in to enhance my research and exploitation of the challenging ideas it presents to UK military.

Bringing different leadership styles into your life

Carol’s story shows just how powerful this work can be. We really are changing the world, and having an impact that will ripple out into all kinds of realms.

But you don’t have to be a leader at NATO to use these tools.

If you’re curious about your leadership style, and how to bring more of the different PowerTypes into your life, you might want to take a look at our free bundle of resources.

As part of Life’s Little Toolkit you can download a guide exploring each of the PowerTypes, along with a playlist of music that can help you bring them to life. Click here to access your Toolkit now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Grass-roots women who inspire – Karen’s Story

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Karen’s Story – Finding Purpose and Fulfillment

‘You have so much potential, follow your dreams and create the life you want!’

This had been said to me many times but for some reason it never meant anything. Probably because I never felt I had any clarity and certainly no direction or focus for my life. Depression had taken residence and my life had come to a grinding halt.

This was how I was feeling. I was unemployed and lacking any clarity, direction or focus. I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted to do or what I stood for. I wasn’t despondent but I certainly wasn’t moving and I felt like an octopus with tentacles out feeling for opportunities but grappling around in the dark to no avail.

I had read a lot about ‘creating your lifestyle’ but for me my need was more fundamental than that, more basic. I simply wanted to find a life. I wanted to experience more meaning in my life and a deeper sense of fulfilment.

I’d been studying women’s issues for a few years and I had a really strong sense that international women’s day was important and should be honoured. If you don’t know, International Women’s Day (IWD) is celebrated on March 8th and dates back over 100 years, since the time of the Suffragette’s. It’s a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women and also marks a call to action for accelerating gender parity (the measurement of gender equality).

The global movement encourages women to celebrate the day locally. After attending my second International Women’s Day event in Swindon I couldn’t help but feel a little bit disappointed. It just didn’t have the energy that I thought it could have.

‘What was it really about? What was the point of us all coming together?’ I asked myself.

There was a deep sense within me that this was a truly important day and that women’s progression over the years should be celebrated and honoured but the gathering just felt a bit off.

I happened to find myself in conversation with a group of women, one of whom was the main organiser. Me and my big mouth, I couldn’t help but ask

“What do you want to do this for?”

My question was met with stunned silence and it gradually became obvious that the organisers had other motives in mind. I left the gathering without giving it a second thought but the next year I got approached to organise it. I said no because I didn’t feel equipped to do it.

Shortly afterwards I was at a One of many event talking with Jo Martin (the founder) about what I might do for my project. This was part of the Lead the Change Program I was doing with her.

I had the awareness that I wasn’t in tune with what I wanted to do but I was terrified of letting myself go.

“What would you like to do?” She asked me.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, “I think I’d quite like to run a not for profit that transformed the lives of women and girls. Something that created more equality.”

“Actually,” I continued, “I’ve been asked to organise the next International Women’s Day in Swindon but I said no.”

Jo gave me a quizzical look, smiled and said “Why don’t you do it. Do it for fun.”

Do it for fun!

On returning to Swindon I set about organising the event. With only 6 weeks until the day we were on a super tight timescale. I had been learning about the natural gifts and power of women with Jo and I wanted to use my feminine energy to create this event. I have to confess though, I didn’t do very well with that. Instead I used every ounce of Superwoman to meet the deadlines and make the day a success. I kept reminding myself that this was fun but to be honest sometimes I was telling myself this through gritted teeth.

The trouble is Superwoman, the one who is spinning all plates, taking responsibility for everything, doing the doing and all the organising, driving and pushing to make things happen was not me in my feminine. Instead it was me drawing on my masculine energy and true to pattern I ended up burned out.

The event was a great success, however, with over 600 women joining us but I was left exhausted. I had wanted to learn about feminine energy and my natural gifts as a woman. But I had done it all with masculine energy. I was trying to put what I was learning into practice but I was instead living out old habits.

In 2016 I decided to do it differently. I’d been on a wonderful year of personal growth and decided I would bring everything I’d learned, all my One of many language, tools and techniques.

A lightbulb moment

In the past I have always been very literal, with a mind-set of ‘Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.’ But thanks to being part of the One of many community I had a huge light bulb moment that completely changed the way I approached life.

I love photography and what makes me most passionate about it is I just want people to feel really good about themselves. I felt honoured to be invited to photograph our Lead the Change group and through them all simply allowing me to be myself, it suddenly dawned on me that I could shape the way my world looked. Or more specifically I could shape IWD Swindon into what I saw it could be.

I feel truly blessed to be part of an incredible support network like this. I couldn’t have done what I’ve done without these amazing women. They were there for every wobble that I had and kept me buoyant.

We doubled our numbers in 2016

I decided that in 2016 I was going to learn to collaborate. I created a community group to run the event which consisted of 3 of us and a brand for us to become known for.

The 2016 gathering was a huge success with over 1200 women joining with us on that day. Our brand values of Inspire, Educate and Elevate really seemed to capture women’s hearts and speak to them. Personally, I focused on learning to communicate well. I set about learning about different personality types and the sort of language they used so that I could understand and communicate more clearly with my team and our supporters.

Our 2017 event was also a great success and IWD Swindon continues to go from strength to strength. I’ve learned about managing projects as we expand and how to truly empower others to be in their flow.

I’ve had to dig deep but I can honestly say I wouldn’t change a thing. Each year brings new learnings and new growth. This year I’ve stepped into Leadership. Previously I’d been denying my own leadership skills. The One of Many mission is to inspire 1 million grass roots women leaders, women who are making a difference in their locality. I feel proud and privileged to be one of those women.

I would have shied away from calling myself a leader in the past but it was somewhere inside me, lurking away just waiting to be invited out to play. This year I asked myself…

What sort of leader am I? And who am I leading?

This was another lightbulb moment for me as I realised that I hold a strong vision for IWD Swindon and holding that vision takes a lot. Holding the vision also means knowing where everyone else is at. Are we all moving in the same direction?

The One of many Women’s PowerTypes have helped me grow enormously. Learning to embody the power of The Queen has made a huge difference for me. I recall a group exercise back in 2015 practicing harnessing the energy of The Queen, I felt so uncomfortable and I couldn’t even lift my head to look up. This was a powerless place to be and I certainly could not do what I’m doing today without being able to access this part of myself.

As the one with the vision I have to keep an eye on the goal and deal with any problems that arise such as partners pulling out. It is truly wonderful to deal with these things with dignity and grace, instead of freaking out (which may have happened in the past). Now I simply see the vision then reassess and realign.

True leadership comes from being. As I am being more of the grass roots leader that I am, I witness the wonderful positive effect it has as it ripples out to others and they become empowered into their natural leadership. I love watching Helen (one of our team) blossom into her grass roots leadership. She is married to a Japanese man and is going to a global women’s summit in Japan soon.

This year I built a team of 8 people and they are all leaders in their own right. I also challenged myself to put in a grant application with the Arts Council and it was successful. We received £14.5K as well as funding from some local businesses.

It’s not in isolation that we will change the world. It’s through collaboration, community and a greater mission.

This year a film maker made a film of our 2017 event. I welled up when I saw the footage. It enabled me to actually see what it was I was trying to achieve. And it’s allowed me to really understand myself.

I’ve been battling between what’s my identity. Am I a photographer, a curator, a community activist, an organiser of events.

I realised that for now I am the face of IWD Swindon and the work we do with that is part of my purpose.

I want for all women to participate in this event in their locality. When I say all women I don’t mean every person in every house. What I mean is all backgrounds, all classes, all ethnicities. So that there is representation from all women on the day. I also want us to be thinking about girls and what they need to flourish, as well as the parents of girls. This is important so that we can break these cycles of inequality that otherwise just keep on going.

Amazing people show up all the time to help with our mission. They are all experts in what they do but feel that they want to be more on purpose than on profit.

One highly talented lady approached me recently and said she really wanted to help community groups do their thing. I said to her that there were many community groups at IWD Swindon and she should reach out to them and get involved.

Yes she replied… I am. I’m choosing IWD Swindon. You’re the group I’d love to work with. Sometimes I feel like I’m a little bit slow to catch up with how miraculous this is.

This journey has been an amazing ride, it’s bought me things that I didn’t even know I was missing.

I’m so grateful to have a better sense of myself, my purpose and the type of life I want to lead. I wish you fun on your journey!

While developing her leadership skills on her Project, Karen used her new-found confidence and direction to simultaneously launch her own business as a photographer. She is now regularly booked and doing what she loves for work, as well as making a huge community impact for International Women’s Day. Well done Karen!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

In my 14 years of mentoring and coaching business owners, executives and entrepreneurs there is one question that comes up time and again.

From start up to multi-million dollar business, in times of transition the most common questions is …

Should I start my own business or get a job?

I’ve created a free report to help you answer this question. So if you feel a greater purpose calling you but don’t know where to start this free report can help you gain clarity on the right business vehicle for you.

Download your report here

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The Soft Power Revolution

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Last week saw us hosting our inaugural One of many™ Women’s Coach Training. It was truly a phenomenal week of transformation.

I have to say I am both thrilled and relieved to have accomplished this training at 37 weeks pregnant! And it struck me as a time of giving birth to two babies at the moment. Our own little Pumpkin, who has been upgraded from Peanut in the last month (can you see why from the picture?) and our One of many baby is also ready to be taken out further into the world.

This first coaching cohort are really fired up to share what they’ve been learning about Soft Power with other women and the world. But what is this thing called Soft Power? Where does it come from? Why do we use the term and what does it mean?

The state of women: bad news

According to UK statistics:

  • 29% of us are going to be treated for a mental health condition in our life compared to 17% of men
  • One in four of us are going to be diagnosed with depression compared with one in ten men1
  • We’re twice as likely to suffer with anxiety2
  • We’re 60% more likely to suffer job stress and burnout than men
  • 42% of our marriages are ending in divorce3
  • 40% of us are going to have cancer at some time in our life4
  • A sixth of couples have difficulty conceiving
  • The gender pay gap, at time of writing, is the highest that it’s been in 20 years5
  • We are less happy as a gender than we were 40 years ago6

Indeed, since 1972 more than 6 different studies of millions of people around the world have shown that women’s overall level of happiness has dropped both relative to where they were 40 years ago, and relative to men. Now, this is regardless of whether they have kids, how many kids they have, how much money they make, how healthy they are, what job they hold, whether they’re married, single, divorced, how old they are or what race they are. With the slight exception of African-American women who are slightly happier than they were 40 years ago, but still less happy than their men.

So, we’re getting less happy, even though we find ourselves at a time when we have more access to opportunity and more access to power than we’ve ever had.

So, how does a woman who wants to step up and make her highest contribution in the world and step up to leadership do that in a way which still allows her to be happy and healthy?

The state of women: good news

The good news for we women is that we’ve got amazing opportunities right now.

  • 80% of the newly self-employed since 2008 are women7
  • According to CNN women are the largest economic force in the world – not China or India
  • There’s a huge calling for more women on boards, in parliament, in leadership8
  • The Dalai Lama even said “the world will be saved by the Western woman”9

So, on one hand there’s a calling for us to step up and lead.  Many of us feel in our hearts that that’s the path and our contribution that we need to make. But on the other hand, we’re burning out, we’re sick, we’re infertile and we’re unhappy. What’s the problem here?

The One of many™ hypothesis

We propose that the power that it took to get us where we are, to create amazing opportunities, to compete and be taken seriously as a force in the world; is not the kind of power that is going to be able to sustain us here.

We need a new kind of power to be the woman that the world needs us to be.

Understanding Women’s Power

Stereotypically, there’s two kind of types of power that we’re most aware of right now.

One is, the bossy woman; she wears the trousers, the dominating, effectively very masculine Superwoman. But, she gets some stuff done.

The other powerful kind of woman that we recognise with is the woman who use sex as power. Think of our pop stars and our movie stars using that kind of sexy power.

They’re the two types of power that we tend to see most commonly in women trying to be “powerful”. And that’s because of the cultural paradigm that we live in. They’re the only two types of power that we’ve really given any credit to and, unfortunately, we’re playing with two keys on the piano, neither of which are particularly useful. But we’re in a masculine paradigm.

There is enlightening research by Hofstede’s into the relative masculinity of different cultures.  Highly masculine cultures display a preference in society for achievement, heroism, assertiveness and material rewards for success. Society at large is more competitive. Its opposite, femininity, stands for a preference for cooperation, modesty, caring for the weak and quality of life. Society at large is more consensus-oriented. In the business context Masculinity versus Femininity is sometimes also related to as “tough versus tender” cultures.10 This can lead to women acting like Superwomen to juggle all they have to do. Sound familiar?

What paradigm did you grow up in? Has it been more masculine or has it been more feminine?

Note also that the workplace itself though, is also another masculine paradigm. The domain of commerce and economics, since its inception many thousands of years ago, has been predominately dominated by men. It’s only really been very recently that we’ve seen anywhere near equality in representation inside of commerce. And there are some industries where it is still nowhere near equal. Especially in upper level management and board level, where we’re seeing still nowhere near equality of representation.

So, many of us live in countries that are embedded in a masculine paradigm. Then, we’re operating, as professional women in workplaces with unconscious bias towards the masculine. And then, many of us have individual experiences growing up that program us even further, to take on the masculine Superwoman archetype.

What’s the solution?

Our suggestion here at One of many™ is that instead of operating, always, in this masculine way we need to step into a different kind of power.

And we call that Soft Power. It’s no less powerful than masculine power. It’s just different.

Let’s define soft: “agreeable, calm, gentle, yielding”.

Now watch your response to this.  Note that any master of martial arts, will know that the greatest way to get power from your opponent is to absorb the impact of their attack and turn that energy back against them. So, being yielding is sometimes a really powerful thing to do; not always fight, fight, fight.

Power: etymology: the middle English, which is “to be able.”

It’s not about dominion over, it’s just about an ability to do anything.

How do we, as women, start to be more able using a different kind of power?

We find central to it is the collaboration of many and not just the pursuit of one.

Let’s look at another example so that you understand this.  If you were to buy a hairdryer in the USA, it is designed to use the voltage 110 volts. Your US hairdryer works perfectly efficiently on 110V.

If you were to take that hair dryer to the UK where the voltage coming out of the wall is 230 volts and plug it in you would short it out. However, if you were to plug in a British hair dryer into the sockets in the UK, it works with perfect efficiency.

What’s the difference? Is 230 V better than 110 V?

Is 110 V better than 230 V?

I don’t know and frankly it doesn’t really matter.

In just the same way, masculine energy isn’t better than feminine energy, what we would call Soft Power. And feminine is not better than masculine. It’s simply a question of what’s the right energy, the right voltage for your machinery.

Our bodies are designed to utilise more feminine energy than the average Western woman runs through her. We have breasts, a uterus, a different hormonal make up.  Our biology is different to men. Men look different to women, they have a different biological make up.

Does biology impact psychology?  Probably, but that’s not the point. What is relevant is that there are very many women burning out because we’re plugged into the wrong voltage.

If you’re living in masculine energy, with aggression, drive, that adrenaline fueled way of being will soon burn you out. Your marriage isn’t going to last long, your relationships are not going to last long and your health is not going to last long because your machinery is not designed to operate on that voltage.

So, what we invite you to explore- and that’s all we ask- is the possibility that there is a power that is more suited for you.

And it’s not about one or the other. Masculine or feminine all the time.

It’s about harmony.

Most of us ignore the feminine though because we think it is weak.

What are your thoughts when I use the word “feminine”? Let me know in the comments below.

At One of many™ we work with 5 Women’s PowerTypes™, all feminine, all strong:

  • Warrioress
  • Lover
  • Mother
  • Queen
  • Sorceress

What if we were to come from this place of Soft Power? What if we were able flow between masculine and feminine energy as required?

Sometimes you need nothing but a good bit of masculine energy to push through and churn out that project that needs completing by Friday afternoon. But, then you want to be able to go into your Soft Power when you get home to be with your family and your spouse because they’re not going to want to hang out with somebody who’s still pushing through and in overdrive.

It’s about harmony.

So, for many of us, we need to swing the pendulum back the other way. We need to learn to trust what we call our Soft Power. We need to re-discover the power in our softness and that is the journey that we’re all on here together.

If this blog resonates with you and you’d like to discover how you can use cutting edge, proven tools and techniques designed for the unique personal and professional growth of women then click here to find out more about our Coaching Certification.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

References:

  1. National Institute For Clinical Excellence, 2003
  2. The Office for National Statistics Psychiatric Morbidity report, 2001
  3. http://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20160105160709/http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/vsob1/divorces-in-england-and-wales/2011/sty-what-percentage-of-marriages-end-in-divorce.html
  4. http://www.cancerresearchuk.org
  5. Research by the Institute for Fiscal Studies. https://www.ft.com/content/94e2e7b8-6874-11e6-ae5b-a7cc5dd5a28c
  6. The Paradox of declining female happiness by Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers 2009 http://www.nber.org/papers/w14969.pdf
  7. http://www.prowess.org.uk/facts
  8. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/mar/05/not-enough-women-highest-levels-leadership
  9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suojNzKZ8ew
  10. https://geert-hofstede.com/national-culture.html
post

How to change the world without sacrificing your happiness

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

I’m sure you’ve come across or known at least one person who had great intentions to change the world for the better … but they were so caught up in their principles that they came across as off-putting.

And as someone who also wants to change the world, even if you’d never admit it, it kind of makes you think,

“I want to change the world … but I don’t want to become someone like that!”

Let’s get this clear right from the start: you do not have to become a raging fanatic to change the world. (In fact, you probably won’t get very far if you do).

But you won’t be “normal”.

What’s normal anyway?

Larry Smith, an economist, has a fantastic TED talk in which he tells an auditorium of students why they will fail to have a great career. There are lots of reasons, but a large part of it comes down to choosing to be “normal”.

“Normal” is to work your job, take your wage, love your family, enjoying a hobby or two, and do pretty much nothing else. And if you’re reading this blog and thinking about changing the world, I can guess that “normal” isn’t enough for you.

But equally, you don’t have to take a vow of poverty, become obsessive, or go around badgering everyone who isn’t working as hard as you to change the world.

It is completely possible to change the world and live a good, happy life yourself.

I think a lot of us have been taught this idea that if we really want to change the world, we need to make a huge sacrifice, do something we “should” do but actually really hate, or that we have to become consumed by it, to the exclusion of living the rest of our lives.

Don’t get me wrong — if you want to pack up, move across the world, and work for a charity then by all means do it! That’s fantastic if that’s what your calling is. But don’t feel like you can’t make an impact on the world if you don’t do that.

My two biggest pieces of advice for doing this:

1. Define your realm

OK, so what do I mean by this? By defining your realm, I mean choosing the areas that you want to make a difference in. This is key, because if you try to make an impact on everything, you’re not going to make much of an impact on anything.

Deliberately limiting your realm also keeps you from becoming burned out. I know this can be hard for a lot of people (especially women, who tend to feel like we want to take care of everything), but you’ve got to preserve your energy so that you can make the most impact on those areas you do choose to work in.

2. Focus your energy on your actions, not others.

It’s also critical that you focus your energy on yourself first! By this, I mean that you’ve got to take care of yourself (because after all, you can’t help anyone if you don’t have the energy, money, or time to live). Ultimately, the only person’s actions that you can change are your own.

So start by getting your little energy ecosystem sustainable.  Are you nurturing and nourishing yourself, as you pour your energy into your businesses or causes?

If you are super passionate but find yourself struggling with your energy levels and feeling over stretched then join me for this webinar which will show you how to find an additional 5 hours a week (minimum!) so you can do what you feel called to do.

The second element of this piece is how you go about your “world-changing”.

A lot of people tend to focus on getting other people to change, and when that doesn’t happen the way they hope it would, they either get resentful, or they get aggressive.  That’s where you get the people who go around making other people feel guilty or badgering them about their beliefs — which often leads to the exact opposite result they were hoping for!

It’s about living knowing that every tiny action you take, or inspire, could be the one that makes THE difference… and simultaneously laughing at yourself for thinking anything tiny little you could do could make ANY difference.  It’s about big ambitions, and taking yourself and others lightly.

So focus on yourself and your actions first, and set an example that’s so attractive that people want to step up.

And now for the fun bit: since you’re reading this post, it’s a good bet that you actually do want to change the world. So tell me, what are you going to do? Let’s share and support each other in the comments below!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.