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Why we’re so emotional right now

August 27, 2020 By Joanna Martin

Why we're so emotional right now
  • About
  • Latest Posts
Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

“I can’t feel my legs at all now!” I yelled to James as he shivered on the beach. “Come on in, it’s fabulous!”

August in North Wales and I was channelling my inner Brit, stoically frolicking in the freezing surf despite the overcast clouds and drizzle. The sea really was glorious, even if it was undoubtedly very, very cold. And after the initial shock had worn off I really did stop noticing the cold in my fingers and toes. (For the record, that was not enough to get James into the water!)

And thanks to my medical training, I knew why. My body was responding in the appropriate way to the shock of the cold environment – diverting blood flow from my extremities to preserve my core functioning.

So what does this have to do with the fact that you’re feeling so emotional right now?

Well, as I returned this week, I found myself reflecting on that physiological stress response, and how it relates to what we’ve been experiencing on a psychological level.

Many of us are noticing ourselves responding in unusual ways emotionally, having been plunged into the shock of the global pandemic.

Our responses are normal, but they’re also important to pay attention to. Because, if we don’t take notice of our own needs when it comes to processing our emotions, we can store up even greater problems in the future.

Why we’re so emotional right now: the impact of stress

Every single one of us has come under stress in recent months – on top of the existing strains of our usual day to day juggle. Many of us were already in “Superwoman” mode when the pandemic began.

Somehow, we found reserves in the tank to power through that initial shock. And for each of us the impact has been vastly different. Some of us have lost loved ones, have been in frontline jobs, have seen businesses evaporate overnight. We’ve all been through our own challenges, big and small.

Not sure if you’ve been impacted? Think back. Have you experienced:

  • Crazy dreams
  • Flashbacks to particularly stressful moments
  • Crying inappropriately
  • Losing your temper with someone you wouldn’t usually
  • A feeling of numbness or dissociation

These are all symptoms of the stress you’ve been under.

And we’ve adapted. We learned new habits. We learned how to interpret statistics and analyse exponential curves; to carry a mask and wash our hands. We’ve gradually learned to adopt a 17 step process for grocery shopping, and navigate an advanced series of risk management protocols before considering something as previously simple as “visiting grandma”.

Every single one of these adaptations has drawn more on our executive function – requiring energy to make decisions and adjust to change.

And of course, that’s only looking at the Covid pandemic. Everything else in life didn’t stop. If your parent has dementia, your relationship’s breaking up, or your child has additional needs, you’ll have been navigating those things as well. You might have been deeply involved by the Black Lives Matter movement, had your financial foundations rocked, or had another health issue crop up.

Just because many of us have now got through the hard part of full lockdown, doesn’t mean things have got easier.

No wonder we’re feeling so emotional right now!

Now, we’re facing a new and different challenge.

For many of us our energy for change, our drive for stepping up and being creative again, for making change in the world, having an impact through business or leading our family into new ventures – is hugely depleted right now.

We’re frustrated, sad, grieving, procrastinating and confused.

So how does this relate to my tentative steps into those bracing Welsh waves last week?

When we’re faced with extreme stress, just like my shivering limbs in the North sea responded to the physical cold, our psyches react. We tend to shut down our emotional response in order to get through. We go into “functioning” mode, doing what needs to be done – furloughing staff, comforting kids, reassuring partners.

And it’s important to understand that this is a completely normal thing to do.

When we’re facing trauma or stress, we often suppress the emotions that accompany it. It enables us to keep going and preserve ourselves and our loved ones.

But those emotions don’t go away. As time goes on, many of us are starting to feel “full up” with emotion. This is where that “I’m just so emotional right now!” feeling starts to crop up. We’ve experienced fear, panic, anger, rage, division, isolation.

And most of us don’t have an “emotional hygiene” practice for safely letting go of those pent-up feelings.

It’s been a highly emotional time across the planet

Normally when you have a tough time, you can turn to someone who’s not having a tough time. But when everyone’s in the midst of turbulence, we’ve got no one to turn to. We become isolated – and that exacerbates our stress.

You might have gone through periods of numbness, and now find that your emotions are starting to spill over in inappropriate ways.

Or perhaps you experienced a snappy stage a while back, but now you’re starting to feel increasingly withdrawn – and you know you’re comfort eating at night in an attempt to keep those uncomfortable feelings at bay.

There’s no rule book for this stuff, and the science surrounding stress and trauma is still evolving. If you’re feeling so emotional right now, that’s OK.

What’s clear is that almost all of us are experiencing some kind of emotional reaction to stress – and we need to make sure we prioritise addressing that as soon as we can.

What can you do if you’re feeling extra emotional right now?

Dealing with our emotions depends to some extent on the scope of the trauma. If you’ve experienced massive trauma and it’s seriously impacting your life, I suggest you find a professional counsellor or therapist to help guide you through your experience.

Otherwise, there are 4 things you need to allow yourself to safely and powerfully process your emotions. And one simple way you can access them, absolutely free.

1. Safe space

To really allow yourself to process emotions, you need to be in a “safe space”. Physically, you need to be able to relax and know that you’re not under threat, and won’t be disturbed, so that your body can fully relax. And it’s also important to have enough time to get into the process, without being called away to work, parent, or otherwise be a “grown up”. Switch off notifications, close the door, and let others know not to disturb you.

2. Time away from the everyday

Time to delve into your emotions needs a distinct space from all the other demands of your life. Giving yourself the space to hold your feelings acknowledges how important this is. Just as a massage or exercise class might tend to your body, this is an important aspect of supporting your emotional health. Prioritise it, make space for it, and allow yourself to acknowledge everything you’ve been through.

3. Tools to help you work through emotions

There are many different tools you can use for feeling and processing emotion – and a skilled professional will be able to share the ones which will be most effective for you. At One of many we have a host of resources to help women process their emotions healthily – and I’ll share more about our upcoming workshop, which is free to join, in a moment.

4. Support from a competent guide

This might be a coach, counsellor, healer or trainer – you might do this as part of a group or 1:1. Emotional work can be really challenging to do by yourself, and if you have an experienced guide to lead you through the process you’ll be able to more fully release the stress you’ve experienced and trust that you’ll feel freer at the end.

You’re invited to start the healing process together

We’re acutely aware that thousands of women in our community and beyond have been shouldering a huge amount during this extraordinary year. Our submission to the Parliamentary Women and Equalities Committee here in the UK revealed how disproportionately women had been impacted by Covid-19.

And now, as time passes and our challenges and experiences morph and change, we’re hearing the need for support to heal, grow, and reconnect to our energy to be a force for change in the world.

Momentum for Change is a 2-day interactive virtual experience happening on 19–20 September.

We’ll be gathering as a global community of women to create a safe space where we can start this healing work together.

It’s going to be an incredible space for transformation, with amazing guest speakers, interactive workshops, and sessions to address the many and varied challenges we’re facing – from our careers to our wellbeing.

Registration is FREE and we’re committed to inviting as many women as we can to this very special gathering. Please forward this article to anyone you know who’s been experiencing the stresses of the past year, and would love to join us.

Click here to book your place now.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: mindset, Power, presence Tagged With: emotions, feelings, numb, so emotional right now, women leaders

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Guest post: 5 ways to feel empowered about politics

August 6, 2020 By Sara Price

Women at computer: How to feel empowered about politics
  • About
  • Latest Posts
Sara Price
Sara Price
Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author.
Sara Price
Latest posts by Sara Price (see all)
  • Guest post: 5 ways to feel empowered about politics - August 6, 2020
  • How to actually make a difference - February 27, 2020
  • Guest blog: Why are resolutions so hard to keep? - January 15, 2019

I get asked about politics a lot. It’s my own fault. I’m a self-confessed political geek. When I was a child I thought I’d know when I was a ‘proper’ grown up because I would understand finance and politics. I’d be able to watch the news and know what they were talking about. It’s the main reason I studied politics at University!

Well, I never did understand finance but I found it hugely empowering to learn about politics, to be able to discuss current affairs and to be capable of engaging in an informed way on those issues that I am most passionate about.

Now I have a vision of a world in which we all do more than simply turn up every few years and mark a cross on a ballot paper.

So, if you want to feel informed, engaged and empowered; if you want to be able to hold your elected representatives to account and to have your say then I want to help you.

Here are five ways to feel empowered about politics.

#1 Understand the system

Politics can often feel like a private members club that you are paying for but are excluded from. It is a club populated by cliques, speaking a language filled with confusing jargon and running processes and procedures that seem convoluted at best and downright diabolical at worst!

To wield influence, to hold politicians to account, to create opportunities to have your say, you need to clear away the confusion and develop a solid understanding of how the system functions.

One of the fastest routes to failure is to take action inside a system that you do not understand. So get informed: do a course, read a book, speak to experts – make sure you know enough about your political system to know where the entry points are and how you might be able to influence it.

#2 Learn the language

Visiting a country where you don’t speak the language can sap your confidence and make you feel vulnerable and excluded. But often, it’s just a question of learning a few key phrases: being able to say please and thank you and ‘do you speak English?’

You don’t necessarily need to be fluent but if you know enough to get by you will feel more comfortable and more confident when travelling.

The same applies to politics. The language of politics is full of jargon and I know many people who avoid talking to politicians or about politics because they don’t understand the ‘lingo’. My advice: just treat it like any other language and spend some time learning a few key phrases.

But also, don’t be afraid to ask people to explain what they mean ‘in plain English’. If you are talking to a politician or official and you don’t understand what they are saying, there is a responsibility on them to explain more clearly. Remember, they work for you.

#3 Understand how policy is made

All political systems have – sometimes arcane – procedures for initiating, discussing and deciding on policy and legislation and it helps to have at least a superficial understanding of how this works.

Here’s a rule of thumb: by the time a draft law is being voted on in the legislature, the Government has already put a huge amount of time and effort into it and is unlikely to want to change it a great deal. So, if there’s a policy you are passionate about, you need to get involved way before it gets to that point. And that means understanding the processes used to develop policy BEFORE it becomes legislation.

#4 Stay informed

If you want to engage and influence the policies that interest you or you want to hold your representatives to account for the decisions that are making, it stands to reason that you need to stay informed.

Every country and every institution has its own way of sharing news and updates and so it’s not possible to provide an exhaustive list here but here are 3 pointers:

Watch or listen to the news or read a quality daily newspaper

I know the news can be depressing but if you want to know what is going on in the world then the news is a much better and more reliable source than Facebook.

Subscribe to a podcast

There are some brilliant podcasts that will keep you up to date with what’s going on in the world of politics generally. In the UK, the BBC has several:
a. The Week in Westminster
b. Today in Parliament
c. Pienaar’s Politics
d. Westminster Hour
e. Political Thinking with Nick Robinson

Follow your representative

If you want to hold your representative to account then you need to know what they are up to. Follow them on Twitter. Sign up for their newsletter (most of them now issue one)

#5 Take regular small steps

Don’t try and do it all at once. When you first decide to get informed and to engage more in politics it can seem overwhelming. Don’t try to eat the elephant in one sitting. Take small, regular bites. Focus on understanding first; ask questions; find people who are prepared to teach you.

You don’t have to go from vaguely interested to being a prospective candidate overnight. You don’t ever have to be a candidate at all!

But wouldn’t it be empowering just to have a deeper understanding of what the people you have elected are actually up to? Wouldn’t it feel energising to know how to get hold of your representative and how to enlist their help or hold them accountable?

You can do it – it just takes that first commitment to action.

About Sara

The Knitting, Baby-whispering Karaoke queen!

Sara is the Founder of Actually which she set up to empower those who want to make a difference in the world to grow their businesses and their impact by developing great communication skills; overcoming mindset blocks and getting the right support. Sara’s specialises in communications, campaigning and PR – and her flagship training programme, How to Actually Spread the Word, helps purpose-led entrepreneurs, coaches and consultants to step up, speak up and make a difference. She is also a One of many coach and trainer; a mentor with the social enterprise support group Unltd and the co-Founder of one of London’s leading independent communications agencies.

Please visit www.actually.world or email sara@actually.world for more information.

Filed Under: fulfilment, Leadership, Power Tagged With: change the world, confidence, fulfilment, saving the world, something bigger, women leaders

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One of many voices: Carib Eats Founder Ali Kakande

July 2, 2020 By Joanna Martin

  • About
  • Latest Posts
Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

Ali Kakande is one of many women in our community making a big difference in her corner of the world. So when she reached out recently to share her Carib Eats project, we were intrigued to find out more.

Her story of grassroots leadership exemplifies so much of what we’re all about here at One of many.

Women collaborating and supporting each other. Women creating the change that is theirs to make. Women learning, growing and developing their leadership skills as they do it. I think you’re going to love this project as much as we do.

So here’s Ali, in her own words:

Tell us a bit about Carib Eats

Carib Eats started as one response to one request for help. I’m in a few local mutual aid groups on Whatsapp – voluntary groups helping distribute help and resources to people who need them most.

One Sunday back in March – just at the start of the Covid crisis – I saw a message from a resident who was worried her brother didn’t have a meal that night. It was a worry echoed up and down Hackney, as food insecurity quickly became an issue. Well, I was cooking at the time and the solution was obvious: I’d make an extra portion, and bring it over.

I spoke to my best mate, and she was in her kitchen too. “I’ll make some extra to share” she told me, when she found out what I was doing. Within the hour a meal was delivered, and that’s how Carib Eats was born.

Now, Carib Eats delivers food once a week across Hackney to those who would benefit from a meal and a chat.

What makes this project so important?

Carib Eats is more than a meal. It’s a chance for people to connect and feel they are truly part of the wider community and not defined by their needs.

It’s important that people can request home-cooked meals that they are used to eating, and to let the people we serve know they haven’t been forgotten. As the weeks go by we‘ve got to know people a little more, and during lockdown those isolating alone have especially looked forward to seeing us.

One of the residents we support was involved in London’s iconic Notting Hill Carnival for over 30 years. Unfortunately, due to ill health, he is no longer involved, but the volunteers have felt really privileged to listen to his experiences.

We want to use this opportunity to capture the rich stories of Hackney residents that we may not always hear.

Had you done anything like this before?

No! The funny thing is, I don’t even really like cooking! And I honestly had no idea that the project would grow the way it has. But I’ve been so humbled by the response. There’s something about home-cooked food, that people actually want to eat, that’s really needed here.

We’re connecting people, checking in on them, sometimes on people who are vulnerable.

Although we started during lockdown, I don’t see the need for our support going away any time soon. Covid has simply highlighted the issues that were there already.

A recently published report by the independent Social Metrics Commission found that “Some 4.5 million people, or 7% of all people in the UK, live in families that are more than 50% below the poverty line. This compares to 2.8 million people (5%) in 2000/01, meaning that deep poverty is an issue that has worsened over the last two decades… Adding to these concerning figures is the fact that, of those currently in deep poverty, 2.4 million are also in persistent poverty; meaning that they have also been in poverty for at least two of the last three years.”

What have been the challenges?

We’re currently self-funded, and that isn’t sustainable, so we’re planning to keep going on a month-by-month basis depending on the support we have.

We put up a Just Giving page really quickly, just to see if we could keep going. That was when we came up with a name for the project, and a description:

“Four friends (& a Hackney resident on a bike) all connected through Hackney come together every Thursday. The meals have a Caribbean twist with a nod to Jamaican cuisine. We cook, deliver & chat. We would like to continue to do so and in order to do this we need help.”

Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect. But the idea caught on. I think people were drawn to the simplicity and honesty of our set up – there’s no big organisation, no complicated structure.

I was busy with my phone switched off the day after the campaign went up, so it was my kids who messaged me to say “Have you seen what’s going on?”.

Within an hour, the donations were flooding in. That’s when I realised that this was a project that had a life of its own.

How has the team organised?

At first, I kept saying “I’m not the boss!”. But I’ve naturally found myself stepping into a leadership role – and I’ve started to acknowledge the skills I have around connecting and organising people. Somehow the fact that I’m doing it for the project, and not for myself, has enabled me to be bolder than maybe I would be otherwise.

As we begin to apply for funding, or I talk to people about helping us spread the word, I’m able to be more assertive because I’m doing it for Carib Eats. I believe in our mission and our team, and that’s pushing me forward. I don’t feel apologetic about asking for help.

Right from the start, we’ve all had some really frank conversations about what we’re good at. Everyone involved has had to be really honest about what we’re able and willing to do. Some of the earliest volunteers needed to pull back from the food side, which I completely understood. But they’re still involved – cheering me on and helping me stay motivated; making connections and sharing what we’re doing; or thinking up ideas for how it could evolve.

We’ve had interest from the Museum of London in documenting the project, thanks to a local contact – and I’m hoping to build the team more.

What’s next?

As the lockdown eases, we’re taking stock and looking to the future. The goal of Carib Eats is to continue to provide meals & connect people on a weekly basis. The challenges for many will not go away and we remain committed to supporting our community.

I’m fortunate. I have a job and a supportive network, so lockdown was easier for me than some. My own personal experience tells me that it is important to help where you can and to pass on kindness and support. We all need each other, especially when times are tough.

Want to help? Here’s how you can help support Ali and the team at Carib Eats

1. Give

You can donate to Carib Eats’ Just Giving page by clicking here.

2. Share

No worries if you can’t donate! You can also help by sharing and spreading the word. Find the team on Instagram and Facebook and give them a like, follow or share.

3. Step up

Carib Eats are currently looking for someone to help with building their website and managing social media. So if you, or someone you know, would be interested in joining the volunteer team, please get in touch at caribeatslondon@gmail.com.

Are you changing your corner of the world?

Ali’s one of many women making a difference in her corner of the world. A grassroots leader learning, growing, and connecting as she goes. We love to share stories from within our community to help spread the word about projects. Come over to our Facebook group and let us know if you’ve got a story to share!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: fulfilment, Leadership, Voices from Our Community Tagged With: community, saving the world, something bigger, women leaders

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How to actually make a difference

February 27, 2020 By Sara Price

How to actually make a difference
  • About
  • Latest Posts
Sara Price
Sara Price
Sara is a coach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. As well as her ongoing work with Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency that she co-founded in 2010, Sara is a One of Many Certified Coach, a Mastercoach and soon to be author.
Sara Price
Latest posts by Sara Price (see all)
  • Guest post: 5 ways to feel empowered about politics - August 6, 2020
  • How to actually make a difference - February 27, 2020
  • Guest blog: Why are resolutions so hard to keep? - January 15, 2019

I don’t know about you, but I’m not a big fan of feeling cynical and helpless. I am by nature an optimist, and I want to know how to actually make a difference. I believe in the possibility of change, so I focus on the ways in which I can have an impact. It’s empowering to figure out what I can do, even if it is only a little, to affect the issues that are important to me.

You can probably relate. The issues we’re facing in our communities, our societies and as a planet are impossible to ignore. What might surprise you is something else I care about, and which I believe is key to the impact all of us can have on the change we want to see in the world:

Politics.

Now before you click to another page, here’s another thing you might find surprising – so do you.

‘Oh no I don’t…’

‘Oh yes you do…’

‘Oh no I don’t…’

‘Oh yes….’

Sorry, wrong blog, we’re past the Christmas Panto season right? Although given the way that much of our politics is conducted, sometimes pantomime seems apt…

Why you care about politics (even if you think you don’t)

Anyway, back to the point: why do I insist that you care about politics?

Well, here’s a list of issues which almost certainly affect your life in one way or another. I am prepared to bet rather a lot of money you care about at least one of them:

  1. How much tax you pay
  2. How much money you are paid
  3. How much you receive in benefits
  4. What your children learn at school
  5. How qualified the teachers are that teach them
  6. How long the school holidays are
  7. What access you have to childcare, and who pays for it
  8. How many hours you work
  9. How much holiday you can take from work
  10. Your access to healthcare if you’re too sick to work
  11. Your access to sexual health services
  12. What age you can get married
  13. Whether you can get married or not
  14. Whether or not we, as a country, go to war
  15. When your rubbish is collected
  16. Whether that new development near your house gets planning permission
  17. The amount of renewable energy we produce as a nation
  18. Climate change
  19. Plastics in the ocean
  20. GMO food
  21. Nuclear weapons…

Is there something on this list that you care about?

Yes?

Then you care about politics.

Because every single item on that list is determined — or at least heavily influenced — by politicians at a local, national or international level.

Elections, referendums, protests – these are all huge political moments in our lifetimes. But the opportunities for usto have an impact on these big, important decisions aren’t limited to these snapshots in time.

Whether you agree with the outcomes or not, if you want to actually make a difference, you have a choice. You can wait for the next moment to come along – another election, another referendum, another protest…

OR you can get informed, get engaged, get empowered and actually make a difference more regularly than once every few years.

An optimist’s take on creating change

I may have mentioned that I am an optimist?

Here’s what I imagine…

…a world in which we do more than turn up once every few years, mark a cross on a piece of paper, and then moan to our friends about how our politicians don’t represent us.

…a world in which the electorate (which means YOU) feels informed, engaged and empowered to have an impact on the issues they care about.

…a world in which we hold our representatives accountable for the actions they take and the decisions they make.

That’s the world I want to live in and the one I want to do something to contribute to.

Why?

Because of that list of issues that you care about.

Because politics is important beyond the moments.

Because I don’t want to feel helpless and hopeless.

Because I want to feel informed, empowered and engaged.

And I suspect maybe you do too.

How to actually make a difference: 3 myths about getting involved

Lots of the myths you might have unconsciously absorbed about becoming ‘politically involved’ simply aren’t true. Here are 3 that commonly stop us from taking action, and the truth behind them.

Myth #1 Getting involved in politics will take up all my time

Something as simple as getting informed about an issue you care about; finding out what organisations are working to improve it or signing a petition might only take a few minutes. Do that every day or week, and you’ll soon be more engaged with what’s going on.

Myth #2 If I want to make a difference, I’ll have to join a party or start a campaign

There are lots of groups, individuals and organizations already doing amazing work on all kinds of issues. So you don’t need to start from scratch. Whether it’s making a donation, sharing their work with your network, or contributing your time and skills, there are ways to get involved at every level.

Myth #3: I need to spend years studying politics before I get started

Politics isn’t for the elite, the wealthy or the educated. It’s for all of us. And starting with grassroots issues that matter to you — a local footpath, a library you love, a policy at work you don’t agree with — is the best way to learn more.

We deserve more

The philosopher and diplomat Joseph de Maistre once said that “In a democracy people get the leaders they deserve.”

Isn’t it time for us to deserve better leaders?

Isn’t it time we stepped up? Spoke out? Held our leaders to account?

Isn’t it time we got involved? Made a difference? Had a say?

Then perhaps when the next political moment rolls around, we will have gone some way to creating that world I imagine.

I’ll be sharing more ways you can get involved and have an impact on future blogs.

For now, I’m curious: What’s your relationship with politics like? Do you feel as though you’re engaged with the issues that matter; does it all feel like a distant circus of posturing egos; do you feel empowered, helpless, or somewhere in between?

I’d really love to know — share your take in the comments below.

About Sara

The Knitting, Baby-whispering Karaoke queen!

Sara is the Founder of Actually which she set up to empower those who want to make a difference in the world to grow their businesses and their impact by developing great communication skills; overcoming mindset blocks and getting the right support. Sara’s specialises in communications, campaigning and PR – and her flagship training programme, How to Actually Spread the Word, helps purpose-led entrepreneurs, coaches and consultants to step up, speak up and make a difference. She is also a One of many coach and trainer; a mentor with the social enterprise support group Unltd and the co-Founder of one of London’s leading independent communications agencies.

Please visit www.actually.world or email sara@actually.world for more information.

Filed Under: fulfilment, Leadership, Uncategorized, work Tagged With: change the world, Leadership, something bigger, women leaders

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How to turn criticism into confidence

October 31, 2019 By Joanna Martin

  • About
  • Latest Posts
Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

When you’re on the receiving end of criticism, it’s easy to slip into reactive mode. Often, the words which hurt most have deep roots. Perhaps when you were growing up being “selfish” was the worst possible insult in your family. Or a teacher describing your work as “sloppy” has left you with a tendency to bristle at anyone who questions your attention to detail. But when you know how to turn criticism into confidence, they don’t just lose their power – they can become tools to help you empower other women too.

Today’s article is inspired by a recent conversation in our coaches forum. One of our Certified Coaches shared a recent experience she’d had of being described as a “strong character” by an acquaintance, and feeling hurt by what felt like an implied criticism. She realised that when she heard someone saying that a woman was a “strong character” she quickly made a judgment about what that might mean – and it wasn’t necessarily positive!

It got her reflecting on the way this often showed up in her work with clients. She began to see that navigating the tension between being perceived as “strong” with all its positive connotations, and “domineering” with perhaps some negative ones, was something many women face.

Reading about her experience, and how she’d managed to turn a defensive reaction into an insightful place of inquiry, prompted me to think about the process our coaches have for responding to criticism. I want you to know how to turn criticism into confidence in your life, too.

Try using these 3 steps next time you receive some criticism that really lands. They might just transform the way you feel about a wounding comment – and turn it into an unexpected source of confidence, and even inspiration, to support others in turn.

How to turn criticism into confidence

Step #1 Observe your reaction

As our coach demonstrated so beautifully in this example, the first step in transforming criticism is to start to become conscious of your emotional responses.

Simply labelling how you’re feeling is a great place to begin. Perhaps you find yourself bubbling up with anger or frustration, or feeling the urge to cry or walk away from a conversation.

Those emotions don’t come out of nowhere. And they often follow distinct patterns. At One of many we refer to the 3 “disempowering archetypes” which often form the basis of our response to triggers.

Bitch, victim or martyr – which do you tend to slip into? 

Or is your reaction something else entirely? Make a note of it next time you’re riled by a piece of criticism.

Step #2 Identify the trigger

Once you’ve started to become conscious of your emotional responses, you can dig a little deeper.

What’s the “trigger” for that reaction? Was it a particular word – in this case, “strong” – or was it more about how it was delivered?

Did you feel scolded, undermined, belittled or abandoned?

You might find, with some journaling perhaps, that the underlying emotion is one you recognise. If you can recall the first time you felt this way, you might be able to draw a connection between that early experience and the emotions that arise for you now.

How can you release those feelings and break that cycle?

Our coaches use the “PowerType Release” process which you might have encountered if you’ve ever been to a One Woman Conference. But journalling, sharing with a trusted partner or consciously telling yourself “it’s safe for me to let this go” can also be effective ways to move on.

Step #3 See the wider pattern

When we’ve noticed the root of the criticism in our own lives, we can start to see a wider pattern at work. Often, we begin to notice this theme in the experiences of people around us.

If you’ve ever confessed a vulnerability to a girlfriend and had her respond “Oh my god! That’s exactly how I feel!” you’ll know what I mean.

When you listen carefully to the conversations you hear around you, or to the challenges other women in your life face, you might start to see the criticism that felt so personal to you occurring in its wider context.

And that can be a powerful clue for a way to shift those patterns to ones that are healthier and more supportive. Knowing how to turn criticism into confidence allows you to be part of a bigger, systemic shift that doesn’t just make you feel better – it actually helps those around you, too.

Let’s look at an example of this in action

Perhaps you notice yourself slipping into “bitch” mode when someone comments on the fact that you’re leaving work at 5pm on a day when there’s lots going on.

“Sod you!” your inner voice sulks, “at least I’m organised enough not to be doing all my tasks at the very last minute, unlike you”. 

Wow. Where did that come from?

Your colleague didn’t deserve that scorn.

So you dig in, by doing some journalling the next morning. What emerges is that your reaction was triggered by the implication that you were putting yourself before others. The feeling that you should always be giving, and never taking, is a pattern you inherited as a child, when your mum was vocally critical of the “selfish” choices of a family member. You internalised the belief that it was important to always put yourself last.

With a clear head, you know there was nothing wrong with your decision to end your work day on time. And when you take a step back, you start to notice how many women struggle with putting themselves first. Your office culture is strongly biased towards working long hours and being seen to sacrifice the most to reach your goals. And it’s not helping the business in the long term, as staff burnout and become disillusioned.

How can you begin to discuss that more openly, and help each other model a different way of being?

When you’re able to consider why criticism stings, and find ways to release what’s at the bottom of it, you begin to tap into an extraordinary confidence. You start to become curious about your responses, rather than squashing them down or ignoring them.

And when you know how to transform criticism into confidence, it can be a vital clue to the impact that’s uniquely yours to have on the women around you. 

Want to help create more confident women?

Our coaching methodology at One of many contains a wealth of tools to help you, and the women you work with, identify challenges and move past them – from learning how to listen effectively, to identifying your biggest personal and professional challenges, and releasing emotions with ease.

If you’re curious about how they work in practice, and would like the chance to experience them for yourself so that you can apply them in your own world, join me for The Secret to Coaching Women.

In this free virtual workshop I share proven strategies and tools which have supported hundreds of grassroots women leaders, so you can use them to support the women in your life. To access the training, click here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: happiness, mindset, Power Tagged With: coaching, confidence, women leaders

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How to lead a team through change

September 17, 2019 By Joanna Martin

Woman at work: How to lead a team through change
  • About
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Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

In turbulent times, powerful leadership is crucial. Perhaps you’re going through a big organizational restructure; have some near-impossible deadlines looming or are facing big changes in your family life. Today I want to share a slightly different approach to how to lead a team through change – which can prove hugely effective.

The importance of faith and trust

We’ve navigated some big changes in the business over the years, but one of my greatest personal tests as a leader came not at work, but at home. A while back, our family faced a huge and unexpected upheaval. We discovered that the lease on the long-term rental we’d lived in for years was ending – and we’d need to move house.

It was the same feeling you’ve probably experienced if you’ve ever been shaken by a bombshell in the workplace: The sudden loss of a major client; a restructure that puts jobs on the line or even a very positive, but all too fast, expansion. I knew I needed to help us stay focused and manage the inevitable upheaval – so what kind of leadership was called for in that moment?

When it comes to change, there are many options open to us as leaders. The Women’s PowerTypes we use at One of many give us clues to some of them:

  • Mother focuses on taking care of the team, acknowledging their emotions and creating a haven of safety and security amidst the chaos
  • Queen connects to her powerful vision, inspiring others to take bold action
  • Warrioress rolls up her sleeves and brings infectious energy and enthusiasm to making things happen

But today I want to draw your attention to a different form of leadership – that of the Sorceress.

Who is the Sorceress?

If you’re someone who usually pushes their way to their goals with sheer grit and determination, even the name of this PowerType might set your teeth on edge. So let’s take a minute to discover what we mean by the Sorceress.

For a lot of people, the word sorceress conjures up images of the esoteric – witches huddled round a cauldron, that sort of thing. If that’s your bag, that’s totally OK!

And – that’s not exclusively what we mean.

The name for this PowerType comes partly from the shorthand we like to use for divine, or our connection to the divine: Source.

You might refer to this in so many different ways: God, Allah, Goddess, Jesus, the Tao, the Oak Tree, the Universe, Quantum Physics, Nature.

It’s how you conceptualise the force that’s so much bigger than you; that gives you your energy and connects you to something far beyond your own perceived experience and understanding.

Many of the atheist and agnostic people I’ve coached, who might at first claim to have no spiritual connection at all, can immediately think of an environment or experience they find fulfilling in this way. Perhaps it’s staring up at the night sky; walking among breathtaking architecture or looking at the ocean.

The name Sorceress is a nod to this “Source”. And when you strengthen the relationship you have with Sorceress, the results can be incredibly profound – especially if it’s all been grit and determination. Here are some of the resources this PowerType can give you access to as a leader.

How to lead a team through change with Sorceress

1. Learn how to make miracles

Sorceress is the part of us which can manifest. Now, before you start rolling your eyes – I’m not talking about visualising a pile of money, putting your feet up, and letting “The Universe” do its work. (If you’ve figured out how to do that, go for it!).

But for the rest of us, I’m talking about the part of you that’s already manifesting tiny everyday miracles. You might call them luck, coincidence, serendipity, synchronicity.

The appointment that’s cancelled just when you need an extra hour, or the lights that mysteriously tun to green just when you’re running late.

The more you activate your inner sorceress, the more you can bring these small path-easers your way – smoothing your team’s capacity to adapt and roll with the punches.

2. Connect to faith and trust

One of Sorceress’s most powerful capabilities is her ability to maintain faith and trust that everything will work out for the best – whatever the outcome.

In our family’s sudden house move, it was my commitment to trusting that all would be well that allowed the rest of my family to relax, and see the change as a grand adventure rather than a devastating break.

When others see you trusting and letting go, they trust you too.

In a team environment, when the pressure’s on, individuals often start to unravel. Embodying deep faith can allow everyone to calm and ground themselves, so that they can access their talents and get on with their roles, trusting that as leader you’re confident that you’ll collectively achieve your aims.

3. Allow the team to experience your wisdom

It’s all very well tapping into that faith and trust, but why do those around you lean in so strongly when you’re in Sorceress? One quality I love about this PowerType is that she’s “Master of her chosen technologies”. I often think of her as the wiser, “older” part of us, and part of that wisdom is that she’s devoted to learning and mastering the things she’s really good at. 

When others see Sorceress in action, it inspires real awe and wonder. Often, she seems to achieve things effortlessly or “as if by magic”. If your team can’t believe how fast you come up with punchy communication, or are wowed by your “knack” for budget projections or people management, that’s Sorceress at work.

Sorceress comes up with incredible solutions and her team really value that, often deferring to her wisdom and following her advice. When times are tough, it’s the point at which Sorceress can help you to stop holding back and let your true ability to find creative solutions really shine.

How to cultivate your Sorceress leadership

If you’re ready to bring a bit more ease to your leadership, and tap into Sorceress, here are some ways to do so:

  • Spend some time reflecting on what connects you with Source. What is the divine for you? Has it changed, perhaps, from the concept you were brought up with? How conscious are you of maintaining and cultivating that connection?
  • Start thinking and thanking. Make a habit of ending each day thinking back over the coincidences, good fortune and, yes, miracles that have occurred – and feeling grateful for them. (If you’re not already a member of our BeOne community, click here to join for free and get access to our series of Soft PowerCasts – there’s a whole audio on this practice.)
  • Make some alone time. Sorceress is one of the most independent PowerTypes – she craves time by herself in a place where she can really feel that Source energy. How can you carve out some regular time to tune into the energy that’s more powerful than you, and rest into your intuitive side?

Curious about Sorceress and your leadership?

There are many other sides to the Sorceress – her creativity, her ability to facilitate transformation, and her ability to find extraordinary solutions. If you’d like to find out more about the Women’s PowerTypes, and your current relationship to Sorceress, take a look at the Women’s PowerTypes Profile.

Knowing your PowerTypes Profile will give you clear insight into the PowerTypes you currently use most, as well as the ones you could do with a little more support to access. It’s a powerful way to gain a fresh perspective on you strengths and challenges – especially useful if you’re heading into a time of change.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

Filed Under: Intuition, Leadership, Power Tagged With: change the world, confidence, Leadership, Soft power archetypes, women in business, women leaders

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One of many Voices: Valerie Schlegel Stettler

September 4, 2019 By Joanna Martin

  • About
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Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

As a former stockbroker and self described “modern witch”, Valerie Schlegel Stettler is a living example of the many different facets women leaders can embody. Today, the One of many Certified Trainer and in-house coach shares her journey to authentic leadership on her own terms, as well giving us a peek into her daily routine…

What do you do?

I’m a leadership coach, facilitator and holistic mentor for women. My focus is helping women take their place in the world for the benefit of all genders. I work with clients on topics like financial knowledge, confidence, inner posture, intuition and joy.

I’ve always been very intuitive and highly sensitive – what I call my “Cassandra Syndrome“. A capacity for “seeing and sensing“ things that I now understand has helped me just as much as it has scared the hell out of me when I was very young! I often had a sense of what was right and (mostly) used it to make my decisions, but struggled to explain it in a logical way.

It felt like a part of me needed to be constantly hidden away, that it was not the “right” way to do it and that I could not be “all of me“.

In my current life, I am delighted to be able to use this talent and to help my clients connect to their feminine intuition and strengths to embrace all of what/who they are and to powerfully and happily BE in the world.

I’m honored to be a One of many Trainer and in-house Coach. Currently based in Germany, I interact in three languages (English, German and French) and I am looking to grow a local One of many community there.

Give us the big “why” you do what you do?

I was born in a feminist family and was told that I could do anything I wanted to… and so I did!

Before I was 35, I was a managing director at a leading investment bank responsible for a global trading and sales business.

I was working crazy hours and eventually nearly burned out. During this time, I had difficulties conceiving which is not so surprising when you experience that amount of stress and I eventually resigned and left the industry.

I was rewarded with two beautiful children AND this still left a bittersweet taste, as I would have liked to truly have the choice. It also left long-lasting “impressions” on me, at soul and body level. Even after becoming a coach, I would not intervene in financial services, “fearing” what I was projecting as a destructive energy there.

It took release work to lose that fear, and to see the advantages that I was bringing when I allowed myself to facilitate in these environments that I know so well.

This is why I accompany women and also pass on the message to men and companies that it is important to allow for a change in the way women do what they do.

It’s also why I was so happy when I discovered One of many. One of many has created such useful tools along with an amazing community of like-minded women. Through the training and deep work, I am living my life at a higher intensity without needing to make up some drama to feel alive. Today, I am truly playing with many keys on the piano and it is fun, powerful, full of love and sustainable!

What’s your daily routine?

Each day is a bit different depending on whether I’m facilitating at a company, speaking, delivering a workshop or coaching virtually from home.

My children are almost grown up now, so the morning routine has become pretty simple. On my part, I get up and do my morning pages. This is part of my daily routine and I miss it if I skip it for a couple of days. I observe my brain getting too full and I become unsettled.

I then take my dog for a long walk, shower, and make a point of being at my desk (I work from home) by 9:00 am. I take a break at lunchtime to eat and nap and often go for a shorter walk before getting back to work. I coach 2-3 times a week in the evenings as this is my clients’ preferred time – so I make sure to have replenishing time during the day.

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

My main “balancing act” is with myself! As I work from home, I have to be very conscious to separate working hours from family hours. I have to develop all sorts of strategies to preserve my working energy mode. It starts when I go to the bathroom and the cat comes purring because he would love a cuddle or some food 🙂 I am now planning on renting an office space, just to increase my concentration and productivity.

How do you juggle all the demands on you?

I have a husband who is absolutely pro-woman, and we share all life admin chores. That was an essential quality for me in a partner, so I probably scared away those who would have wanted it a different way 😀

What I’ve found to be rare unfortunately, but so important, is that beyond loving me, he has always been very supportive and proud of my professional accomplishments. It is probably our secret: we truly admire each other’s successes as much as we support each other when the going gets tough.

How do femininity and Soft Power feature in your business/career?

In my corporate time, I forbid myself to show my feminine side because I wanted to be taken seriously for my work and not for my boobs. That was as exhausting as reductive.

Now, the more I practice being in the PowerType energies the more I feel femininely strong and beautiful.

It gives me a lot of confidence, in a cheeky way and this is important at all ages of course but going now through menopause, becoming a crone, it helps me own it.

I decided to let my hair grow grey naturally a couple of months ago, and not cut it short. It is going to take about three years until the color is grown out. I’m embracing that period as a time of metamorphosis. Just as puberty, you don’t fall into it within weeks. It is a long process and if you let it, a beautiful one.

For me, it is more than just appearance, it is taking a stand to encourage others. A twinkle of the eye: “I see you sister!”.

Do you think people around you (on social media, and face to face) understand who you authentically are?

I love encouraging my clients to see and embrace “all of them“. You are much more than just a mum, or just a lawyer or a banker, or just a woman loving woman or just… the list goes on. We are so many things and this is what makes us so unique. It actually feels so good to be able to show all of oneself, to love all of oneself, to leverage all of oneself…

That can be hard to do “on paper” such as when writing a website, (as I am at the moment!) or on social media.

On the other hand, I also believe people see a lot more of you than you think. I once experienced a training exercise in which people were asked to describe what they saw in you after just a day and a half spent together (we were strangers before). I was amazed by how accurately they described me and how clearly I could describe them!

And this is why it is good and important to be authentic and to allow oneself to be vulnerable – because people see it anyway 😉 Vulnerability is like a little door to our true self, to our heart, where we are good by essence. When we do open that door to others, we allow them to do the same to us.

Do you exercise your #righttobesoft in your workplace? If so, how?

Yes, all the time. I am in soft power when I coach, interact or speak. I do a lot of embodiment which requires me to be in the energy of the PowerTypes, and I love doing this. My clients get so much out of this exercise.

With time, I am more and more consciously connect with the PowerType I want to be in. A couple of days ago, I had a conversation with a person I wanted to get to know “beyond the surface“ because she is responsible for a business that might potentially impact mine. I consciously deeply connected to my Lover energy and within minutes she was relaxing and opening up and that allowed me to better judge whether or not I wanted to be involved.

What’s one “breakthrough” you have had in your life, that shifted the way you saw things – how did it impact those around you?

A big breakthrough for me was to become a coach. It finally gave me the tools to do what I was doing naturally for years already. It showed me that I could work WITH people and not AGAINST them. In investment banking, it feels like it is always “you against the rest of the world” (the benchmark, your fellow traders, the market, the competition,…). AND it allowed me to use that so important part of me, my intuitive sensitive part.

 

Thanks so much, Valerie!

About Valerie

Modern witch | Numbers whisperer | Hippo collector

To find out more about Valerie and connect, click the links below:

Facebook page: Full You With Joy

Website: www.valerieschlegel.com

Filed Under: happiness, Leadership, Voices from Our Community Tagged With: awareness, community, Leadership, Soft power archetypes, women leaders, Women's Powertypes

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One of many Voices: Felicity Wingrove

July 18, 2019 By Joanna Martin

  • About
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Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

With three businesses, a busy household and a passion for living life on her own terms, Felicity Wingrove is a force to be reckoned with. In her words “I get shit done better than almost anyone else I know”

A self-confessed linguistics geek, she’s also a One of many Certified Trainer and powerful advocate for women’s empowerment at work and home. We asked Felicity to give us a candid look at what life’s really like behind the scenes, and her secrets to finding balance.

What do you do?

I run my own PR and content creation agency; speak, train and coach C-suite executives to discover their own personal power and to take control of how they’re perceived in all areas of their lives; I’m mum to two delicious little ones (Arabella is 15 months and Alexander is four); and I act as an Associate in my partner’s business, coaching SME business owners and running a Mastermind group.

Give us a daily routine (or a normal day in the life of you)…

I genuinely co-parent with my partner so I’m up by 6am all week (and usually weekends too). Half the week I’m straight off to work and at my desk by 7am, the other half I’m corralling a toddler and a pre-schooler into clothes, feeding brekkie and trying to blank out the strains of Peppa Pig.

Four days a week I work from my agency. A working day usually lasts until 6pm, and I can be anywhere in the country – taking briefings, crafting strategy, or working with my team.

Friday (or ‘mummy day’ as clients, team and everyone else knows it) I’m with my little ones, and usually covered in mud, paint or water. We have a *lot* of fun and I’m careful to be really present with them. And weekends are sacred family time. Walks, adventures, trips out, meals together, snuggles on the sofa, that sort of thing.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

I feel frustrated by this. I ‘get’ that many women have to carry the emotional load of the family. One of my team, for example, has a husband who will do whatever she wants. Need the kids taking to school? He’ll do it with a smile. But she’s the one who has to remember that it’s dress-up day, or that they need £2 for a charity something, or whatever it might be. I’m not doing that down, as I know that lots of women have the same experience, but I chose not to and that required some really honest conversations with my partner before we had kids.

After all, I’m really good at what I do, and I’ve worked really hard to get really good. But I also desperately wanted kids and didn’t want to miss out on that side of life too. To ‘have it all’ I needed someone who would be happy to pick up the other side for me. And my other half did (and does).

On a Friday when I’m mummy, he’s running his business and doing what he needs to do, but mid-week mornings when I need to be suited and booted and off kicking arse somewhere, he’s on the nursery run. And I don’t pack the kids’ bags for him – he’s an intelligent guy and perfectly capable of working out that it’s sunny so they may need sunglasses…

My – controversial I know – opinion, is that we as women have created our own significance from being so essential to the running of our homes and families. ‘I go away for a day and the whole thing falls apart’ is a martyr-esque cry in my mind, and a badge of honour.

Maybe it’s because I’m from a business background (I’m ex-corporate) but a business that can’t run without me is a sign of abject failure on my part. Hell, my entire goal with my own business is to make myself completely dispensable and for my team to be empowered to thrive without me. And while I’m not advocating that for women at home, I love the fact that my home works without me, albeit that it can still bring out vulnerability sometimes.

Let’s face it, it’s tough to be ‘managed without’ but I look to the example that I’m setting my son and my daughter and it’s worth the odd wobble, the odd tears en route to a meeting, or the odd tummy lurch when my daughter reaches for Daddy first. Tomorrow it’s just as likely to be me first and isn’t it great that he’s so important in her life too. And when it all gets a bit much, well then we have the PowerType Release Process ?

How does femininity and Soft Power feature in your business/ career? What does it look like?

I used to be tough, and hard and even a bit brittle. I was the ex cage fighter that Jo talks about at conference… Soft was weak, and yielding made me feel a bit sick. Discovering One of many changed all that. I stopped pushing so hard at everything and chilled the **** out!

Soft power has allowed me to be softer but still unapologetic. Not aggressive by any stretch but I know my worth, my value and also my boundaries, and they’re non-negotiable. I lead from soft power and while I’ll always enjoy my Warrioress yang energy, I also see the real benefit of bringing yin to the boardroom. I work almost exclusively with men, and in masculine sectors such as manufacturing, engineering and tech. Tapping into my genuine femininity allows me to communicate authentically with them. I’m more compelling and inspiring as a result.

What is the most common emotion you feel as a woman on a day-to day basis?

Excitement. We have never had so much opportunity – to see, feel, hear, taste, touch and experience. To lead and to be led into new adventures. To inspire. To shape the world exactly as we wish and need. To bring up the next generation and to learn from those before us. We’re connected like never before.

What’s the soundtrack of inspiration for you?

Oh my gosh, I *love* music. This Is Me reminds me of the Trainers’ Certification and the gorgeous ladies I shared that journey with. Thunder by Imagine Dragons makes me want to conquer the world. Havana by Camila Cabello makes me want to get up and dance. My theme tune though would probably be something like Best Day of My Life, or Reach by S Club 7!

Thanks, Felicity!

Ready to start your journey?

If you’re curious about Lead the Change and would like to find out more about this life-changing women’s leadership program, book a call with the office by clicking here. We’d love to answer your questions and share more about the program.

About Felicity

Psycholinguist | Corporate survivor | Ex-cage fighter

Felicity Wingrove is a coach, speaker and trainer as well as the founder of Zen Communications. Her work centers around giving others a voice, whether that’s helping professionals who are struggling to find theirs; working with awesome businesses who need to authentically position and market themselves; or supporting business owners who have a dream and just need the marketing (and sales) know-how to deliver it to those that matter.

She previously worked in a variety of senior communications positions, applying her language skills on behalf of some of the nation’s leading brands, organisations and associations. After time as Senior Communications Adviser for FTSE100 BAE Systems’ Air Systems, and Account Director at national PR agency Golley Slater, she launched her own consultancy in 2007. Now, she helps clients take positive control of how they’re perceived, truly own their space, and powerfully and ethically influence the people who matter the most to them.

Connect with her at the following links:

Twitter: @Felicity_ZenPR
Facebook page: Zen PR
Website: www.zen-communications.co.uk
Linked In: Felicity Wingrove

Filed Under: career, Leadership, Voices from Our Community Tagged With: change the world, Leadership, soft power, women in business, women leaders

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If you feel disconnected…

July 16, 2019 By Joanna Martin

  • About
  • Latest Posts
Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

One thing which makes the new paradigm of leadership distinct is the fact that it thrives not on competition – success despite others – but in collaboration and connection.

Success with and through others.

I was vividly awakened to the importance of this level of connection when I realised it was missing from my own life.

In my latest blog on joannamartin.com I’m sharing what I learned, and the steps I took to rectify the problem.

“I have a natural tendency to play solo. In the past, I’ve relied on my profound connection to Source – the universe, nature, the vision that pulls me forwards – for my connection needs, rather than other people.

I’d never seen that as a problem until I experienced really great connections in a new environment. But in that extraordinary setting, I experienced a depth of connection, and a feeling of such motivation to deepen and grow my work, that I became vividly aware of what I was missing.”

Click here to read the full article – and do share, if you’ve experienced something similar.

Leave a comment and let’s connect.

Filed Under: Leadership, presence, relationships Tagged With: awareness, burnout, change the world, Leadership, relationships, wellbeing, women leaders

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One of many Voices: Shona Easton

July 9, 2019 By Joanna Martin

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Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
  • Breathing Underwater: stress about stress! - April 8, 2021
  • Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman - March 4, 2021
  • How to develop your intuition - February 25, 2021

Shona Easton is a designer and business owner whose bright and beautiful handbags and accessories help successful women stand out. Her quality, ethical accessories are made in India by women she works closely with in her workshop and her commitment to making a difference also shines through in her more recent charity work.

We asked her to share some of her inspiration and give us an insight into what her life is like “behind the scenes”, doing such diverse work.

Tell us what you do – how do you fill your days?

Dreaming up new ideas, designing, selling and marketing ethically made handbags, purses, and wallets.

My workshop is in rural India – where the women from the local village are employed to make handbags and leather goods. Before the workshop moved there, there was little prospect of finding jobs locally, especially for women (it’s a rice farming area). Now they have learned many new skills, they work near their homes and see their families every day. And their kids get to go to school.

We also make other accessories, like the luggage tags you might have spotted at the One Woman Conference, and new doggy accessories – leads and collars so far, but we’re planning to expand.

I love creating accessories that are practical, in gorgeous bright colours, which as well as being useful, people love – and make their friends go ‘wow!’.

I love the fact that I can work from anywhere (I’m in France right now) and I work when I want to – which is definitely not full time!

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

As well as running my business, I’m a trustee of a charity I helped to set up ‘Care & Consideration With A Smile’, which helps people with a hidden disability. I became involved when I met the incredibly inspiring founder, Julie Luxton. She told me her story of how she became a person with a hidden disability.

Many people reacted to her by assuming she was drunk or stupid, when she was only trying to learn to speak again and walk again after her massive brain injury. So she wanted to form a new charity to raise awareness of people with hidden disabilities.

She inspired me to jump on board and help her get the charity going. I also have other friends and family members with hidden disabilities (most people do…eg, depression, anxiety, MS, stroke – anything you can’t actually ‘’see’) and so I really want to help get this cause out in the open and understood.

I spend time working on social media updates and going to meetings on behalf of the charity.

On top of that, I let out two properties on Airbnb, so there is also cleaning, washing and organizing for them. And I also make time to go out with friends and see family.

And then there’s the usual food shopping, cleaning and running a household.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

I think women’s ‘lot’ is what we make it. For example, I have a ‘traditional’ role at home. I organize the house, cooking, cleaning, etc. – but that really feels like my choice. I love cooking – it’s my main hobby, so I’m pleased that my husband doesn’t want to cook as then I’d have to share my kitchen with him! I do most of the life admin at home too but I’m happy with that.

I juggle the many demands by not trying to fit in too much. One of many has definitely helped with this. I am reminded to have me-time and soft play, and I’ve definitely started saying no to things that previously I would have said yes to.

What is the most common emotion you feel as a woman on a day-to-day basis?

Happy! I am very lucky – I have a great life right now.

How important do you think vulnerability is in life and career? Have you ever been vulnerable in an uncomfortable (or usually unacceptable) situation?

I think that being vulnerable helps to remind you of how lucky you are. I was in India a couple of years ago, with my workshop guy, and our car broke down in the middle of the countryside early one evening on the way back to the city.

He left me by the car (not in it as he’d taken one wheel off) and I felt extremely vulnerable being a lone female beside the highway in the middle of nowhere. As it got dark I became very nervous, imagining all sorts of terrible things that could have happened.

What do you do for Soft Play? How do you look after yourself?

I don’t have a regular soft play slot but I count things like having a pedicure or other pamper session as soft play.

I love cooking and sometimes just spend a couple of hours inventing something – not a cooking session for necessary meals – just a play session for me. Of course, it ends with my having created something to eat, but I did it because I enjoy it and it relaxes me.

How do you juggle your relationship and business?

As my husband is now retired I do have to put my foot down and tell him ‘I’m at work now’ sometimes, so that he doesn’t interrupt me. But having him around has probably made me spend less time working, which is actually good as it means I’m more productive in the time that I do spend ‘at work’.

Who do you look up to as a woman?

Loads of inspirational women, including:

  • Malala Yousafzai for her dedication to the education of girls
  • Michelle Obama for juggling career, kids, charity and being very much in the public eye
  • Coco Chanel for some inspirational quotes – one of my favourites is ‘Luxury isn’t luxury unless it’s comfortable’.
  • Madonna, Adele and Kylie Minogue (and many more!) for showing us how to BE the Brand
  • Dame Maggie Smith for longevity in her career and how to adapt.

So many…

Where do you look for hope?

Looking for hope in the world and for the future: to change peoples attitude to waste – I look to FashionRevolution.org who are leading campaigners to end slave labour, child labour and promote fair wages in the garment and textile industry worldwide.

They inspired me to take the photos of my workshop ladies with the ‘I made your handbag/Purse/Wallet’ signs. They want people to ask – Who Made My Clothes? So that fashion businesses NEED to be transparent about what is really going on in their overseas factories.

For inspiration in business, I get ideas from finding beautiful fabrics and seeing amazing colours when I travel.

I also get inspired by being out in nature, looking at the beauty of the countryside or just gazing at water whether it’s a river, sea or a lake.

What do you tell yourself when times are tough?

Tomorrow is another day! My mantra is ‘Just be yourself’

What’s the soundtrack of inspiration for you?

Right now it’s Get Lucky by Daft Punk and Nile Rodgers. I saw Nile Rodgers live at Hampton Court Palace a couple of weeks ago and he shared how when the song came out he had just ‘got lucky’ and had the all clear from his cancer. Every time I hear it, I just want to get up and dance.

About Shona

World traveller | Stubborn dreamer | Early riser

Shona is Head Designer and Owner at Shona Easton Design Studio, making high-quality ethical handbags and accessories that help successful women stand out. From making her own clothes on her bedroom floor as a teenager, she went on to design for well-known brands including Next, Esprit, M&S, Banana Republic, and Gap, before setting up her own business. She’s passionate about changing attitudes to waste and promoting full transparency in the global fashion industry, and is also a trustee of the UK’s hidden disability charity “Care & Consideration With A Smile”.

You can find Shona online at the following links:

Twitter: @ShonaEaston

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/ShonaEastonHandbags/

Website:  www.eastondesignstudio.com

And learn more about Care and Consideration With a Smile at:

Facebook: https://facebook.com/CareAndConsideration/

Twitter: @CareWithASmile

Filed Under: happiness, Voices from Our Community, work Tagged With: change the world, community, women in business, women leaders

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