One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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Guest blog: How to build inner confidence

By

Helen Reynolds
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Helen Reynolds

Image Consultant | Professional Shopper | Blogger | Mum of two boys | Sock Washer |Confidence Booster
Helen Reynolds
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Latest posts by Helen Reynolds (see all)

Equipping you with the tools you need to go out and make positive change happen is our number one goal. And one vital tool that we could all do with a bit more of is confidence – the kind that lights us up from the inside.

As a gender, on average, we are far less confident than the average man. Lower confidence levels mean that we are far less likely to take the brave, crucial, and damn difficult, first steps needed to make the progress that our world needs.

How to build inner confidence

Why is this? Well, there is lots in the mixing pot, from our likelihood of suffering from imposter syndrome, to the effect of the media and the way we beat ourselves up about not being ‘perfect’ enough.

Sadly, it’s a fact that the way we feel about how we look impacts the level of confidence we have. If you aren’t happy with how you look on the outside, especially if you don’t feel that the clothes you wear truly represents the you on the inside, it can monkey with your confidence.

If you’ve ever had that horrible sensation of not ‘looking the part’ you know that it can prevent you from having the courage to ask for a promotion, get out and meet people, or take on a job that involves regular board meetings or speaking engagements. This is wrong, but it’s also fact.

Having ‘What the heck am I going to wear today?’ squared away FOR LIFE means having one less thing to worry about, and brings with it the confidence of knowing that you always look authentically yourself.

So, how to get this sorted?

Well, when Jo wanted to deal with this herself she asked me for my help. And today I want to share the advice I gave her – and my other clients – when it came to creating a signature style that would really help her to have the biggest impact.

I’ve created this video to help you learn how to develop a ‘personal style’ that reflects your personality and makes choosing the right outfit for the right occasion effortless.

You’ll discover:

• Why some clothes, no matter how nice or expensive they are, make you feel terrible.
• The 3 steps you can take today to figure out your personal style.
• How to get your image sorted for life, so that you can get on with everything else!

Here it is….

 

There’s something truly empowering about knowing that you look the best version of yourself, without having to resort to spending a fortune, or slavishly following fashion.

So you can carry on being the leader you are here to be.

 

About Helen Reynolds

Helen Reynolds: How to build inner confidenceHelen Reynolds is one of our BeFruitful mentors, and works personally with Jo to put together her powerful outfits for the stage.

As an image consultant she’s helped hundreds of women to turbo-boost their personal style and develop killer confidence. Her speciality is in helping women who have lost their way with style and need a boost find clothes they love – and which love them back.

Time to get your style sorted?

If you’d like an easy way to get this stuff sorted out, and learn more, why not join Helen at her ‘Get Your Style Sorted!’ Masterclass in London on 12th of May. Helen has been running this annual event for the past five years and plenty of women in our community have attended.

Not only is it a great day out, but you’ll come away knowing the fundamental lessons that you need to create a personal style for yourself. Having this stuff nailed takes the stress out of shopping and ends wondering what to wear FOR LIFE.

To get £27 off the usual ticket price (and bring a friend for half price!) click here to book your ticket.

This will be an awesome day out, and a fantastic opportunity to spend some time on yourself in the company of great women, so, don’t miss out on the opportunity to get your style sorted!

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What are good money habits?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

In my work I’ve met many women who have made and grown wealth for themselves and their families. And as I’ve talked to them about how they created and sustained that wealth, I’ve noticed certain patterns. So many of us many of us didn’t grow up with strong role models of how to create wealth. Maybe you’d like to make more money, but you’re unsure: What are good money habits?

Very few of the wealthy women I spend time with didn’t wake up one morning with a huge number in their bank accounts, and then learn how to manage that money. Instead, they developed strong financial skills which led to the wealth they enjoy. Financial skills spring out of good money habits. As part of our 10-Week Wealth Turnaround we focus on 10 good money habits. I’ve picked off 5 of these that can implement no matter what the balance in your account right now. So, as you read this today, think: which of these will you implement first? Let us know how you go in the comments!

What are good money habits? 5 starting points to get your money working for you

1. Millionaire women know why

The really wealthy women I know are always clear on one key thing: the answer to the question WHY?

And the answer has a couple of parts.

First they understand WHY they are in the financial position they are in. They take ownership of the good decisions and bad decisions they have made. They bring consciousness to every spending, saving and investing decision.

The second part of the answer to “Why?” is the WHY they’re BUILDING that wealth. When it comes to earning, managing and multiplying their money, they have a clear vision for their money. They know what’s important to them, perhaps their family, their business or their desire to give to the causes that really matter to them. No matter what they have something fuelling and driving their desire to grow wealth, beyond “I just want more money.”

Action: Set aside twenty minutes to journal your WHY when it comes to money. Answer the following questions:

  1. Why are you in the financial position you are in. What good choices have you made, and what not good choices have you made?
  2. What do you want money for?
  3. What would life be like if you were receiving the kind of income you want?
  4. Why is money important to you – does it represent approval, stability, security, power or freedom, for example?
2. Millionaire women are accountable

We’re talking about money habits, but accountability starts with taking responsibility for our own power. The millionaire women I know are really clear about where they put their energy. They don’t lay blame, justify, or make excuses when it comes to their results. If they want things to be different, they take responsibility for making the changes that are needed.

They’re also accountable to others around them, answerable to any promises they’re making.

Finally, they’re accountable in the more usual sense of their financial accounts. They know what’s going in and what’s coming out when it comes to their money.

When we look at the stages of wealth, accountability is one of the key ways we move from financial instability to a place of financial stability. So if right now you’re not sure whether you’ll be up or down financially from month to month- the first and most important habit you need to implement is the habit of accountability.

Action: It can take a few hours to get a clear picture of your finances, so make time for it. Schedule a coffee date with yourself to get really clear on where things are: your debts, savings, and what’s coming in and out for the month. Getting a clear picture of where you are is essential if you’re to start steering your financial ship in the direction you want to be going.

3. Millionaire women manage their money effectively

This habit probably doesn’t come as a surprise – after all, we’re talking about women who are millionaires. They know how to manage their money effectively to make sure that they’re creating the financial future they want.

You might have read things like this before and thought: “Fine, I need to be ‘effective’ – but what does that actually MEAN?”. Well, at the very least, it’s about allocating something towards your financial future every single month – making that a part of the work your money does however much you earn right now.

In the great book The Millionaire Woman Next Door Thomas Stanley shares that 68% of millionaire women know exactly how much they spend every month on living: mortgage, fuel, food etc. They are brilliant budgeters. Of the other 32%, the “non-budgeters”, they make a commitment to INVEST money first each month and then only spend what is left over.

Either way millionaire women organise the money they have, and routinely put some aside to invest (not save) for the future.

One of the biggest mistakes I see women making is thinking that they’ll start to invest their money when they’re making “enough”. Most of us will never grow the kind of wealth we want without a commitment to investment right from the start. Just telling ourselves we’ll invest what’s left over isn’t sufficient. We must start the investing habit first. Creating your financial future means becoming conscious of the flow of money through your accounts. When we start to plan for the future immediately, we open up the amount of focus we give our financial future. So even if its $1 a month, starting the habit of investing in the future is the crucial step.

This is how we start to become truly conscious of our finances.

Action: Are you confident you understand the flow of money in your life? If you’re not really clear on how much you’re earning or spending, go back to the previous step – getting a clear picture of your finances is essential before you move into actively managing your money. Once you understand what’s coming in and out, you can start looking at what you want to invest in your future. Even if it’s only a small amount at first, this habit is one that will pay off in the long term. How much will you commit to investing monthly?

4. Millionaire women get their money working for them

In a culture which encourages us to continually spend, spend, spend, the millionaire women I know don’t only play the role of consumers in the marketplace. They’re in the habit of seeing themselves as creators of opportunity.

That means thinking of money as a way that we can make things happen for ourselves and for others, not just through our spending but through our investments. Investors see their money as a way of creating opportunities, whether that’s through property, the stock market, becoming a partner in a business, or something else.

Action: What would you like your money to do if it was working for you, instead of the other way round? Brainstorm a few priorities to investigate further, if this isn’t a part of your current finances.

Not sure where to start? Move on to habit 5 – it might be time to make some financial education your first investment.

5. Millionaire women educate themselves

If we start early enough in life, and have the right level of income, simply saving part of what we earn could possibly lead to wealth. But for most of us, creating the wealth we want to requires a little more. Usually our money needs to work a little harder than your average savings plan allows, to really provide for a financial future.

Most of us aren’t born knowing this stuff, so the first step is education to learn how to get our money working harder than a 0.5% annual interest rate in a bank!

Action: When it comes to finances, what do you wish you knew more about? Real estate investing? Stocks? Precious metals? What interests you to learn more about? Do a quick bit of reading today. Great authors on the subject are:

Rebecca Robertson of Evolution Financial Planning.

Gill Fielding of Fielding Financial.

Barbara Huson of Barbara-Huson.com, Author of one of my favourite books on financial power for women “Sacred Success”

Wealth Insights is our own half-day foray into reclaiming your power when it comes to money, and really increasing your wealth. Click here for upcoming events.

The bottom line when it comes to creating good money habits

At One of many we believe wealth is one of the most important areas of women’s power, and we’re on a mission to empower every woman in our community to create and manage the wealth she wants.

Do you recognise these habits in yourself? Is one of them a particular challenge for you, or an area where you have a tip to share for someone else? Let us know in the comments – your experience might be just what another woman needs to read today.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What the hell is empowerment?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Empowerment – What the hell is empowerment? We hear this word so often in today’s world, in the workplace, in all the self-development talk but can we really relate to it? Do we know what it actually means to us?

Ask yourself this:
What does it mean to be empowered? Or

What does being an empowered woman feel like?

For that matter- have I ever felt it?!

What the hell is this empowerment thing?

Sometimes the problem is in the definition. How we define things will either make them easy for us to experience, or difficult to experience.

So first, let’s take a moment to explore what empowerment is not.

Let me introduce you to her sister DISEMPOWERMENT – She’s the complete opposite of her stronger, cheerleader of a sister. Disempowerment can be characterised by the space you find yourself in when you’re not feeling your best.

We define it as “when you want or need to take a certain path of action but don’t because of internal stop signs”

Disempowerment can be a great big brick wall standing between you and your natural power.

What do I mean by internal stop signs?

These are reasons, the justifications and yes as uncomfortable as it is, the excuses that we tell ourselves which lead to inaction. It might result in procrastination or that feeling of just not being able to make that breakthrough.

Stop signs are the little voices that say icky stuff like:

  • I can’t do that.
  • I don’t have the time.
  • I can’t afford it.
  • I don’t have the right skills.

Now, please don’t get me wrong we all have these thoughts from time to time especially when we’re not at our best.

They are often absolutely 100% valid reasons and objections. “Look at my bank account” you might say, “I don’t have any money! Its not an excuse, it’s the truth.”

And while I get it. I also don’t buy it.

Stick with me on this – I promise I’ll explain without you stamping your feet and saying “She has no idea!!”

Let’s take a look at an example of what disempowerment can look like in action or should I say inaction!

Say hello to Suzie…

Suzie has been a stay at home mum for some time but her children are growing up fast and she feels that now is HER time to do something for herself, to get back in touch with the workplace and start up her own bookkeeping business.

She’s excited about this next chapter in her life. She knows what she needs to do – there’s a night class bookkeeping course running at a local college and YET she’s made no move to enrol – What’s holding her back? You got it, those darn stop signs!

Suzie is feeling disempowered because every time she thinks she’ll enrol she comes up with

  • “We can’t afford it“
  • “I don’t have child-care“
  • “I don’t have the car Tuesdays“
  • “I’m the one that does everything“
  • “I won’t have the time, no-one ever helps me!“
  • “Who’ll cook the dinner?“

This kind of thinking is never going to empower Suzie into action.

All these reasons are driving her lack of empowerment.

They are keeping her stuck in a rut and holding her back from unleashing her creativity, her innovation, her effectiveness.

You see, there’s way too many examples out there of women who may have not had the money, the upbringing, the privilege, the opportunity to do something they wanted to do. But because they had a vision- they still found a way to MAKE it happen.

That’s empowerment.

Let’s look at it another way…

Here at One of many™, we work with archetypes to understand empowerment.

  1. The empowering 5 Women’s PowerTypes™:
    • the Warrioress,
    • the Lover,
    • the Mother,
    • the Queen
    • and the Sorceress
  2. And the disempowering ones of
    • the Bitch,
    • the Martyr
    • and the Victim.

It’s these latter three archetypes that are responsible for those stop signs. They can often be found blaming others, feeling like it’s them against the whole world or the whole world is against them!

They are unhelpful, unsupportive and totally disempowering.

So, how can we be empowered?

Step 1: Ditch the bitch! or whatever disempowering archetype is your poison of choice. Take notice of the part of you that surfaces when you’re feeling less than your best, lacking in confidence or fearful.

Step 2: Tap into the supportive and resilient energy one of your PowerTypes™ – there’s one for every situation!

You don’t have to choose between being a bitch or a martyr – choose to be a Queen.

The Queen PowerType™ is the perfect choice for empowerment. She holds a powerful vision for her future, she is decisive, resilient and not afraid to delegate or ask for support.

Let’s go back to Suzie for a moment – What would it look like if she chose to access to her Queen PowerType™, and ask “What would my Queen do?”

Well, it would probably go something like this…

  • “We can’t afford it“: She’d see the course as an investment in her future. She’d apply for an increase to the credit limit on her card, or draw down on the mortgage, or borrow from her mum, or sell all the old baby furniture cluttering up the garage. She’d get creative about where the money IS and how she can access it to provide a better future for herself and her family.
  • “I don’t have child-care“: She’d get creative in conversations with her husband, her neighbour, the 13 yo next door, she’d look at online courses she can do from home…
  • “I don’t have the car Tuesdays“: She’d look up buses, borrow a bike,
  • “I’m the one that does everything“: She’d ignore this little commentary from the Martyr, and set up a rota so everyone helps out.
  • “I won’t have the time, no-one ever helps me!“: She’ll get her diary out and take control of her time, she’ll ask for the help she needs.
  • “Who’ll cook the dinner?“: She’ll realise that no-one ever died from one microwave meal a week!

How different does that look? – How empowering!

You can almost feel the uprush of “make sh!t happen” energy that comes on the tail of being her Queen.

So just how can we recognise empowerment?

An empowered individual is someone who can access their internal resources to empower themselves.

They are resilient and can easily switch into problem-solving mode when faced with a challenge.

They are able to seek out or build a supportive network to help them to achieve goals and overcome setbacks.

Have you ever been “disempowered” in relationship to a challenge you’ve had, and then shifted your thinking to come up with creative solutions? Share in the comments. Let’s all inspire one another with stories of our own empowerment.

Who knows – your share here could change someone’s life!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What are the Women’s PowerTypes™?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Depending on how long you’ve been with us you may or may not be aware of one of the central tools in our work – the Women’s PowerTypes™.

Allow me to explain a little…

For far too long the only way we have thought we can be taken seriously and get results in the world is to behave like Superwoman. Strong, capable, dominating, often frantic, inefficient, scary…

She is the one responsible for our burn out, our relationship issues, and our lack of joy.

So if being Superwoman isn’t the answer, what is?

Allow me to introduce The Women’s Powertypes™

We believe we need a new kind of power to be the leaders the world needs us to be.

We need a new kind of power to lead the fulfilling lives we want to lead.

A power grounded in collaboration, not competition. A power of co-operation not coercion. A power centred in replenishment not depletion.

At One of many™ we call this new power, “soft power”.

And because so few of us have role models of this way of being, we use the Women’s PowerTypes™ to serve as our inspiration and guides.

Work with the PowerTypes™ and you will not only be strong and effective, but also true to the softer aspects of your nature.

You’ll be taken seriously, without having to take yourself so seriously.

You’ll achieve more, without burning yourself out.

The 5 Women’s PowerTypes™ we work with are: the Warrioress, the Lover, the Mother, the Queen and the Sorceress.

Let me explain each of them a little for you, and perhaps you can start to hear which may be your Primary PowerType™.

The Warrioress

Energetic and youthful, the Warrioress is characterized by her commitment to fighting for justice. Like the mythical Amazonian woman, she’s courageous, independent and quick to act. With the strength of a tigress she looks after her own. Others admire her raw energy, but she can be hard to keep up with.

She leads through cause & participation

As a leader you will find her standing alongside her fellow teammates, with her sleeves rolled up, getting involved. She leads by example, often by being the best, or most dedicated and others run to keep up with her.

The Lover

The Lover is characterised not just by her sensuality and sexuality, but by her enjoyment of emotion, feeling and a love of life itself. She’s the source of life, of creativity. She relishes in the exploration of the world through her five senses, and delights in giving and receiving pleasure in all domains. She is the centre of our own self-care and knows how to take care of herself, and not burn out.

She leads through invitation & appreciation.

Rarely denied, as a leader the Lover is captivating and magnetic. Her invitations hold the promise of a rich experience and she is thus able to tempt others to coming on board with her. She showers her team with gifts, appreciation and experiences that delight the senses. People follow her because they love her.

The Mother

A woman does not need to have children to have a robust Mother PowerType. Always available to provide a space of safety, warmth and solace, the Mother is where we all go for nurture and nourishment. She is patient and kind, mothering not just her children, but all children and the planet. She is always looking to bring out the best in others. She will sometimes sacrifice her own needs for those she identifies as her family. She is centred in the earth energy of late summer.

She leads through love & encouragement

As a leader the mother uses gentle encouragement, teaching and coaching as her tools of choice. She patiently works to bring out the best in every member of her team, certain in the knowledge that everyone’s contribution is valuable and important. She looks to the wellbeing of her team, and supports them to take care of themselves.

The Queen

Comfortable in leadership and certain of her place in the world, the Queen epitomises grace and dignity. She is deeply committed to her realm, and holds a clear vision for what she desires for those in it. People are fiercely dedicated to her vision, and will often lay down their lives in the service of her ideals.

She leads through vision & inspiration

Perhaps the most obvious “leader” PowerType the Queen is happy to be in charge and have the final say. She inspires loyalty, service and dedication not because of who she is, but because of the powerful vision she holds for the team. People are driven to provide for her needs, as she holds the space for greatness for all. She provides unbiased guidance and sanction, order and structure. Her team members will often work beyond their own limits to provide for the vision, and exhaustion and burnout can ensue.

The Sorceress

Connected to a higher power, the Sorceress knows that magic and miracles happen in the every day. She understands and works with the bridge between the seen and unseen. She’s highly innovative, and facilitates transformation. She is naturally curious, searching for information, wisdom and knowledge. She is a master of her chosen technologies. She enjoys her own company and her daily life abounds with ritual.

She leads through faith & wisdom.

With her belief that “everything is possible”, her team admire her magical abilities to see solutions, or come up with new ideas. She always has the right piece of knowledge and knows just how to apply it. Because of her deep understanding and connection, her team will follow her advice and defer to her wisdom. She works powerfully with the energies between team members knowing that the energy of the group ultimately impacts the outcome.

Which Women’s PowerType Are You?

Ever since we started teaching these Women’s PowerTypes™, women have been asking “which one am I?” Well- the good news is you can now find out!

We have developed a comprehensive profiling tool so that you can discover which PowerTypes™ you’re great at, and which you’re, well, not so great at (and why that’s important…)

What’s more, we’ve created a three-part mini-training to help you debrief your profile and understand the significance of your personal PowerType™ makeup to your work, your relationships, your health and vitality.

Discover your unique personal and leadership strengths with our brand new Women’s PowerTypes™ Profile.

The Women’s PowerType™ Profile is just One of many tools we have created to help unleash your bold and courageous leadership.

And that all starts with understanding your potential.

 

Discover your true path to bold and effective leadership by taking the Women’s PowerType™ Profile test today.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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When you feel like you have nothing left to give, do this…

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

We all know that woman who is everyone’s saviour… or everyone’s doormat… depending on how you look at it.

Maybe she’s you.

She’s the one who is always there to listen to anyone with a problem. The one that you call at the last minute to babysit, the one who’s always there to co-host the webinar, the one that will whip up two dozen cupcakes for every school bake sale.

Sometimes she’s the one that stays in a situation that even she admits is no good for her, or the one that is waiting for that magical ‘one day’ when other people are going to realise everything she’s done for them and finally start paying her back. Most often, she’s the one that’s gradually sinking under a tide of over commitment, time poverty, exhaustion, and simmering resentment.

 Maybe she’s you.

I think a lot of women go through at least one phase of trying to be everything to everyone at some point in their lives. Perhaps it’s being supermum, a die-hard activist, or the career woman who runs herself ragged at work during the week and then beats herself up for not doing more on the weekends. As women, we sometimes use sacrifice as a way of showing love. But the problem comes when we start sacrificing ourselves and letting people take advantage of us.

If you read nothing past this point, then I really hope you’ll at least take this away:

  • There are no prizes in life for exhaustion and self-sacrifice.
  • You’re not going to be able to help anyone if you don’t learn how to take care of yourself first.
  • And it really, truly doesn’t have to be this way.

We all come to this edge every now and again. As a recovering perfectionist with a side order of Imposter Syndrome I really get it. I want you to know that it’s not uncommon for women to reach this place no matter how wise you are. I think it’s our big hearts that do it to us. But it’s imperative that we put ourselves first and find the solution to this problem.

The answer lies in boundaries.

Boundaries are so important, and yet for so many of us women, talking about them feels uncomfortable. If you want to have strong boundaries, it feels like you either have to run people over and generally be very masculine, or if you want to care for people it feels like you have to be a pushover. But this is absolutely not the case!

You don’t have to choose between being a bitch and being a pushover — what you need to be is a Queen.

Every Queen has a realm; what’s yours going to be? Your realm is those people you care about and choose to impact or have some kind of personal connection with. This could be your clients, your family, your friends, a charity you support, your colleagues … whomever you choose.

But the key is that you have to choose. You can’t be responsible for the whole world, and you can’t take everything to heart. You have a finite amount of time and energy, and it’s incredibly important that you spend these resources carefully! So before you do anything else, ask yourself who’s in your realm.

How to figure out your boundaries

When figuring out your boundaries, you need to have some sense of what you’re OK with. This will intersect strongly with your personality and your needs. For instance, an introvert will likely have a boundary of needing a specific amount of alone time, and would feel infringed upon if they were constantly required to be out and about. Someone else might have a boundary around the amount of chores they do around the house, while another might have a boundary about how they get feedback. And of course, everyone has boundaries around their basic rights and treatment as humans.

What you really need to remember as you’re setting your boundaries is to set them at the level where your needs are met. You don’t set a boundary below where your
needs are met, or at the point where you put up with it and put up with it until you suddenly explode. You set it at the point where you’re doing fine. But any further
infringement would cause you to feel anger, disrespect or upset.

So when you’re thinking about the different areas of your life, ask yourself, “What is it that I need to be fine in this situation? What boundaries or rules do I need?”

Action Step:  Take some time to think about some boundaries which are important to you right now. You don’t have to have them all, just a few to get started with!
If you’re having trouble, think about things that make you angry. Anger is often a sign that someone is crossing one of your boundaries, so it makes a good indicator.

For more on setting and enforcing your boundaries, Grab your free Enough is Enough report now. In it you’ll learn how to gracefully set unbreakable boundaries and how to say no with ease, in a way that works for everyone. There are specific action steps for you to take to guide you on a gentle journey of reclaiming your space.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

After all stuff happens no matter how intelligent or important we are. It’s how we handle it that determines our impact.

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How to Live Like a Queen

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

In 1533, a girl was born who would go on to do what no woman ever had before in England: take the throne, rule the country for nearly half a century, oversee military victories and a cultural renaissance, survive multiple conspiracies to assassinate her, and keep many of the the male royals of Europe waiting to marry her for most of her life.

Queen Elizabeth I is a brilliant example of a woman who clearly spent a lot of her time in the archetype of the Queen — she ruled the country not by trying to make herself into a pseudo-king, but by using her soft power to create a historical high point in British history. So what lessons can we learn from this archetypical Queen?

Own your court

There was never any question about who was in charge during Elizabeth’s reign — she ruled her court quietly, but effectively, and you can too. But so many women I work with tend to fall into reaction mode in life. When the phone goes off, they go into a mini-panic to answer it, when an email comes into their inbox they go to respond straight away, when anybody needs anything, their priorities get downgraded.

When you’re the Queen of your life, you need to own your court — which means that you know your values and priorities, and you make decisions in line with them, not in line with whatever’s happening around you day to day.

Teach people how to interact with you

As part of owning your court, you have to teach people how to interact with you. Elizabeth was known for her cultured manner, and her court followed suit. But how do you think people would have reacted if she was demanding or a doormat? The court would have had a completely different dynamic.

We all teach people how to interact with us unconsciously via our actions, habits, body language, and responses anyway, so why not control it to create outcomes that you actually want? Start by getting very clear on your values and your boundaries, and then act in ways that reinforce those boundaries for other people.

Now, I’m not saying that you need to go around browbeating people into doing things your way. The Queen is a this brilliant mix of authority and serenity. She’s not out there beating people into submission, and she’s not constantly fighting for control. Instead, she gracefully, naturally steps into a position where she is powerful and people are happy to respect her and follow her — and you can create the same thing in your life by living your own values and standing up for your boundaries.

Be decisive

Queens may have moments of indecision, but they don’t dither, and they know what’s worth spending their time and energy on and what’s not. When the Spanish armada set out for England, she didn’t waste time or second-guess herself; she sent ships out to stop it.

See how you can be more decisive in your own life. It might be that you need to follow your intuition more and stop second-guessing yourself; it might be that you need to get past that fear of missing out and just delete those 1,000 unread emails you have sitting in your inbox.

Delegate

Throughout her reign, Elizabeth had a council of people around her to give her advice and delegate things to. She didn’t try to do it all herself, because Queens know that delegation is key to getting anything really important done. While we tend to think of delegation as something that you do just for work, it’s actually great for any area of your life. Your time is so valuable, so don’t spend it doing things that you hate doing,  you’re not the best person to do, or that take loads of time away from the things you really enjoy doing.

OK, that’s four great ways to step into your Queen, just like Elizabeth. My challenge to you now is to choose one of those and make it your priority for the next week.

Which one are you going to focus on? Tell me below in the comments!