One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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Making a difference #ForTheNextWoman

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

With a big mission to transform the lives of one million women leaders, International Women’s Day is an annual celebration for us. And in 2021, our campaign focuses on WHY we’re doing what we’re doing. #ForTheNextWoman

Why #ForTheNextWoman?

In these volatile times it’s become more and more clear how much inequality and injustice there is in the world. The UN theme for #IWD21 is ‘Women in leadership: Achieving an equal future in a COVID-19 world’.

Which has led to many of us asking ourselves the question — is changing my own life really enough?

In the face of all the GIANT things that need to change in the world, is focusing on your own needs selfish?

Here’s my take on this.

I believe that one of the ingredients we need in order to create a thriving, just and equal world is capable, empowered women.

Women who are not afraid to say ‘I matter’ and ‘what I want counts’ and to bring pleasure and joy and excitement into their own lives.

It’s really important, of course, that we also change the systems. The exploitative, extractive cultures and our unconscious biases that cause harm without us realizing it.

But I don’t think we can wait until the systems themselves are fair to take action. If we can equip and empower women by showing up in SPITE of the current systems, we can become one of many women moving the dial for the ones who come next.

If, right now, your focus is on sorting out your finances, or being there for your kids, or supporting your team — never think what you’re doing isn’t enough.

You’re modelling a new way of being in the world. And it’s one that will, I hope, have repercussions for generations to come. #ForTheNextWoman in fact.

And when you’re fully resourced, capable, energised and ready to make a difference your impact will be far greater. When you’re standing in your power – nothing is impossible.

How are you making a difference?

Someone shared a gorgeous quote into the BeOne community this week. It’s a Chinese proverb:

When sleeping women wake, mountains move.

And women in our community are part of that process of waking up. When we know how to fill up our energy, set clear boundaries, make powerful decisions and collaborate effectively, it’s time to turn that power back out into the world.

To create a better future #ForTheNextWoman

The tools we share at One of many are designed by women, for women, and they help women around the world create extraordinary results.

For our coaches, they’ve allowed them to make an extraordinary impact this year.

Take Caroline Doran. We spoke to her at the end of last year, when she shared how profound an impact she’d had with her clients in 2020.

“My clients are in the charity sector. There’s a lot going on and it’s very difficult. I started quite a big coaching contract just as lockdown started, which was just amazing timing. And I got so much from helping people through this huge kind of ‘what the hell is happening?!’.

Being able to support people through that space of coaching, it gave me such a great sense of purpose and focus”.

Or Jen Goddard, an actuary. She told us

“I’m involved now in our gender diversity network in the office, trying to bring more of the coaching skills across the board and trying to get people to recognize how that can work.

Because what you so often see in talent programs is that people who are doing well get better. And the ones getting left behind are still left behind.

So I wanted to find the people who aren’t thriving, but would be talents if we could just get them to look after themselves. You know what I mean? It’s going from “let’s find some female talents and promote them” to “actually, let’s make everybody better”. And even the playing field in that way.”

I love seeing our coaches doing the work they do #ForTheNextWoman.

How about you?

And so, this International Women’s Day, we’re inviting you to join us in this celebration of women and the difference it makes to the world when we’re empowered. Here’s what to do.

#1 Spend some time thinking about who you’re making changes for.

Are you standing up to your boss so that the next woman in your role won’t have unreasonable demands on her? Are you sharing the honest version of your life on social media, so that the next women feeling like a failure will laugh and know she’s not alone? Are you showing your kids, your niece or nephew that you’re stepping up and making the world a better place?

Take a moment to acknowledge what you’re doing. It might seem small, but you’re part of a far bigger movement. Celebrate the impact you’re having on your own corner of the world — together, we are having a mighty impact.

#2 Shout your message from the rooftops!

We’re giving away a scholarship to our Coaching Certification for one of the women sharing the changes she’s making #ForTheNextWoman. So if you’ve been inspired by the difference our coaches are making in the world, make sure you take part to be in with a chance of getting your training costs covered by us! To take part, simply:

  1. Post a message/photo/video on your personal page or profile on social media AND in the BeOne group, explaining who you are stepping up for
  2. Tag @oneofmanywomen and, if they’re on Facebook, a friend/relative/client you’re stepping up for this International Women’s Day.
  3. Make sure to use the hashtags #FortheNextWoman and #IWD2021 and tag @oneofmanywomen

    4. We’ll select a winner from the posts shared and Jo will officially announce the winner on her Lunch and Learn live on Tuesday 9th March.

Have fun!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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6 reasons we need community (and how to find it)

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Right now many of us are isolating ourselves from connection with others more than we ever have before. And I am more present than ever to the effect that’s having on all of us. Because the fact is, we need community.

We overlook the importance of connection at our peril – as I’m going to share with you today.

I know I’m not alone in really, really missing my nearest and dearest. Lately, I’ve found myself looking back over photos of retreats and events. Where we used to come together in a room and dance together and hug each other without even thinking about it twice. We would go to concerts. We would go to bars. We didn’t care how many other people were in a small enclosed space with us.

For many of us, those times feel very, very far away.

The problem with isolation

The isolation and loneliness we’re facing are compounded by the additional stress we’re all under.

Maybe you’ve had a bad night’s sleep, got a looming work deadline, or your kids are being particularly challenging.

Maybe you’re grieving. Or sick.

Many of us are having to navigate redundancies or put people on furlough, or work out whether we should or shouldn’t open for business. All the sorts of things we’re facing at the moment are causing us to be way more stressed than usual.

And yet, for some reason, the more stressed we get, the more we isolate.

I have seen it again and again in our community.

Could our “Superwoman” streak be stopping us from connecting?

Many of us have an unconscious belief that if things get stressful, we have to draw away. We think we can only be in the world when we are positive, or when we’ve all got it all figured out.

Many of us grew up being taught to share happy things and hide sad things. And if that’s what you grew up with, then at a time when stress is magnified, we are tending to isolate even more.

So let’s talk about why we need community and why connection is so critically important.

Here are 6 reasons why connection is critical to all of us.

#1 We need to belong

As the wonderful Brené Brown puts it, we are “hardwired for love and belonging”. It’s in our very DNA, the fabric of our being to love, to be loved and to feel like we belong somewhere.

#2 We need support and belief

I often work with women entrepreneurs, in my one-on-one consultancy. And there’s often this sense of imposter syndrome. We think “I really should believe in myself more”. To a certain extent that’s true, but there is a big part of self-belief that actually comes from others.

I tend to surround myself with people who believe in me more than I believe in myself. And that works beautifully for me. I am surrounded by a team of incredible men and women who believe in me more than I believe in me. They create a leadership space for me to lead them in. And I keep stepping into that.

Having people around us who believe in us is so important, so that when we hit something that’s hard to navigate, whether it be a work thing, a family thing, a relationship thing, we’ve got someone to tell us “I know you’re having a tough time, but I believe in you. I really believe in you. I know you can do this. Let’s see if we can come up with some ideas together.” Sometimes that support looks like troubleshooting and problem solving together. And sometimes that support looks like just being there.

#3 We need collective wisdom

When it comes to solving a problem, a group does better than any individual out there. We can get to a point beyond where any one person could go on their own. And that’s connected to the fourth reason, which is:

#4 We need to push our own limits

We will all stop ourselves at some point. Oftentimes others give us that gentle push that has us grow and expand into an area that we might not have otherwise gone into. We need community for that. It’s something we can’t do for ourselves.

#5 We need accountability

We need other people to declare our intentions to. They can remind us of what we’ve decided and help us stick to our plans, whatever plans they may be.

#6 We need others’ energy

I confess: This is something I don’t quite know how to describe. I know that for myself, some of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve had happen, not in one-on-one coaching sessions, but where I’m part of a collective coming together as a group. It can happen virtually. I’ve seen it in the group who have gathered for the Activate Challenge this week. There’s a motivation in there. We can share energy when we come together in community, and it’s powerful stuff.

Is it time you got connected?

My challenge for you today is to reach out and get connected to somebody.

  • If you have a good friend you’ve not connected with for a while, reach out, have an evening with them on zoom and talk it through. Send a care package. Send a postcard. Connect!
  • If you’re friends with someone on social media, why not ask them if they’d like to have a virtual coffee together?
  • And if you don’t even know where to start with community, please start by joining one of our online groups because they are full of exquisite and extraordinary women who know how to be a fierce, committed stand. They know how to be supportive and gentle and nourishing when they need to, they know how to love and they know how to accept love. That is one of the things that makes our community so deeply rich and profound.

And if you’d like to experience what it’s like to gather virtually with hundreds of women – and discover how to reconnect to your joy and optimism for the future – join us for the Activate Your Vision workshop, happening tomorrow. It would be an absolute pleasure to have you there, as part of our global community of women.

Click here to register for your free place at the training.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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One of many voices: Carib Eats Founder Ali Kakande

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Ali Kakande is one of many women in our community making a big difference in her corner of the world. So when she reached out recently to share her Carib Eats project, we were intrigued to find out more.

Her story of grassroots leadership exemplifies so much of what we’re all about here at One of many.

Women collaborating and supporting each other. Women creating the change that is theirs to make. Women learning, growing and developing their leadership skills as they do it. I think you’re going to love this project as much as we do.

So here’s Ali, in her own words:

Tell us a bit about Carib Eats

Carib Eats started as one response to one request for help. I’m in a few local mutual aid groups on Whatsapp – voluntary groups helping distribute help and resources to people who need them most.

One Sunday back in March – just at the start of the Covid crisis – I saw a message from a resident who was worried her brother didn’t have a meal that night. It was a worry echoed up and down Hackney, as food insecurity quickly became an issue. Well, I was cooking at the time and the solution was obvious: I’d make an extra portion, and bring it over.

I spoke to my best mate, and she was in her kitchen too. “I’ll make some extra to share” she told me, when she found out what I was doing. Within the hour a meal was delivered, and that’s how Carib Eats was born.

Now, Carib Eats delivers food once a week across Hackney to those who would benefit from a meal and a chat.

What makes this project so important?

Carib Eats is more than a meal. It’s a chance for people to connect and feel they are truly part of the wider community and not defined by their needs.

It’s important that people can request home-cooked meals that they are used to eating, and to let the people we serve know they haven’t been forgotten. As the weeks go by we‘ve got to know people a little more, and during lockdown those isolating alone have especially looked forward to seeing us.

One of the residents we support was involved in London’s iconic Notting Hill Carnival for over 30 years. Unfortunately, due to ill health, he is no longer involved, but the volunteers have felt really privileged to listen to his experiences.

We want to use this opportunity to capture the rich stories of Hackney residents that we may not always hear.

Had you done anything like this before?

No! The funny thing is, I don’t even really like cooking! And I honestly had no idea that the project would grow the way it has. But I’ve been so humbled by the response. There’s something about home-cooked food, that people actually want to eat, that’s really needed here.

We’re connecting people, checking in on them, sometimes on people who are vulnerable.

Although we started during lockdown, I don’t see the need for our support going away any time soon. Covid has simply highlighted the issues that were there already.

A recently published report by the independent Social Metrics Commission found that “Some 4.5 million people, or 7% of all people in the UK, live in families that are more than 50% below the poverty line. This compares to 2.8 million people (5%) in 2000/01, meaning that deep poverty is an issue that has worsened over the last two decades… Adding to these concerning figures is the fact that, of those currently in deep poverty, 2.4 million are also in persistent poverty; meaning that they have also been in poverty for at least two of the last three years.”

What have been the challenges?

We’re currently self-funded, and that isn’t sustainable, so we’re planning to keep going on a month-by-month basis depending on the support we have.

We put up a Just Giving page really quickly, just to see if we could keep going. That was when we came up with a name for the project, and a description:

“Four friends (& a Hackney resident on a bike) all connected through Hackney come together every Thursday. The meals have a Caribbean twist with a nod to Jamaican cuisine. We cook, deliver & chat. We would like to continue to do so and in order to do this we need help.”

Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect. But the idea caught on. I think people were drawn to the simplicity and honesty of our set up – there’s no big organisation, no complicated structure.

I was busy with my phone switched off the day after the campaign went up, so it was my kids who messaged me to say “Have you seen what’s going on?”.

Within an hour, the donations were flooding in. That’s when I realised that this was a project that had a life of its own.

How has the team organised?

At first, I kept saying “I’m not the boss!”. But I’ve naturally found myself stepping into a leadership role – and I’ve started to acknowledge the skills I have around connecting and organising people. Somehow the fact that I’m doing it for the project, and not for myself, has enabled me to be bolder than maybe I would be otherwise.

As we begin to apply for funding, or I talk to people about helping us spread the word, I’m able to be more assertive because I’m doing it for Carib Eats. I believe in our mission and our team, and that’s pushing me forward. I don’t feel apologetic about asking for help.

Right from the start, we’ve all had some really frank conversations about what we’re good at. Everyone involved has had to be really honest about what we’re able and willing to do. Some of the earliest volunteers needed to pull back from the food side, which I completely understood. But they’re still involved – cheering me on and helping me stay motivated; making connections and sharing what we’re doing; or thinking up ideas for how it could evolve.

We’ve had interest from the Museum of London in documenting the project, thanks to a local contact – and I’m hoping to build the team more.

What’s next?

As the lockdown eases, we’re taking stock and looking to the future. The goal of Carib Eats is to continue to provide meals & connect people on a weekly basis. The challenges for many will not go away and we remain committed to supporting our community.

I’m fortunate. I have a job and a supportive network, so lockdown was easier for me than some. My own personal experience tells me that it is important to help where you can and to pass on kindness and support. We all need each other, especially when times are tough.

Want to help? Here’s how you can help support Ali and the team at Carib Eats

1. Give

You can donate to Carib Eats’ Just Giving page by clicking here.

2. Share

No worries if you can’t donate! You can also help by sharing and spreading the word. Find the team on Instagram and Facebook and give them a like, follow or share.

3. Step up

Carib Eats are currently looking for someone to help with building their website and managing social media. So if you, or someone you know, would be interested in joining the volunteer team, please get in touch at caribeatslondon@gmail.com.

Are you changing your corner of the world?

Ali’s one of many women making a difference in her corner of the world. A grassroots leader learning, growing, and connecting as she goes. We love to share stories from within our community to help spread the word about projects. Come over to our Facebook group and let us know if you’ve got a story to share!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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YOUR voices have been heard

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When I first discovered that the Parliamentary Women and Equalities Committee here in the UK was calling for evidence about the unequal impact of Covid19 on different groups of people (eg: women; Black and Minority Ethnic groups; people living with disabilities or long term illnesses; people undergoing gender reassignment; members of the LGBTQ community) I knew our community would have a lot to say.

And you did.

We heard from women from all walks of life, across the UK – and beyond.

Telling our shared story: One of many ways we give back

In just six short days, with characteristic generosity, you shared your experiences of the pandemic; your observations on the Government’s response and your recommendations for future action.

You shared your fears, your anger, your frustrations, your hopes and your dreams.

We read and listened to every word of every submission we received.

Your words and your experiences, combined with our own research into the unique position of women in the midst of this crisis, formed One of many’s first ever submission to a Parliamentary inquiry.

This marks a milestone for us as a community. Not only are we supporting each other to learn, grow, and make a difference in the world. We’re using our collective voices to guide our political leaders to the change we want to see – and I am so grateful to everyone who contributed.

The final 33 page submission, including all of our recommendations can be read by clicking here.

I warn you now you may need a tissue. I cried when I first read it. I still do.

The power of our collective voice

Our submission doesn’t just represent the voices of the women who responded with their experiences and their recommendations. It is a vivid portrayal of the lived experiences of thousands of women across the UK.

And your voices have been heard.

Last week the chair of the Committee Caroline Nokes MP announced that they had been overwhelmed with responses to their inquiry. She spoke in particular about the impact on women:

“Evidence shows that the economic impact has been experienced differentially by women – and in many respects, more severely”.

Caroline Nokes, Chair, Women and Equalities Committee

As a result of the evidence they received, Caroline Nokes announced that the Committee would be conducting three additional “sub inquiries” looking at:

– Coronavirus and BAME (Black And Minority Ethnic groups) people
– Coronavirus, disability and access to services; and
– Coronavirus and the economic impact on women.

You can find out more about these inquiries here.

Raising each other up

At the end of April, at the peak of the Covid-19 pandemic in the UK, I asked each of you to imagine the voices of thousands of women speaking up and making a difference, and to join me in making that dream a reality.

I know that the past few months have been incredibly challenging for every one of us. We’ve all had to face unprecedented uncertainty in every area of our lives. Even before this global pandemic, time was our most precious resource.

So I am so moved, and so grateful, to each and every one of you who heeded that call.

And of course, the Covid-19 situation continues to evolve. It’s not the only shift the world is undergoing. New movements for change are springing up, some of them led by women in our community. Maybe led by you. The global uprisings for social justice are making their voices heard.

We’re all making daily decisions, small and big, about how each of us can look after our needs, be a stand for our values, and continue to support those around us. And I know we can continue to support each other through the BeOne community. Because we’re stronger together.

What’s next, now your voices have been heard?

No-one knows what’s coming, of course. If recent weeks have taught us anything, it’s that change is the only constant.

But I can tell you this.

We will continue to raise up your voices. Here in the UK, we will continue to call for a response from Government that reflects your experience during this pandemic. And we will continue to do whatever we can to lead the change.

If you want to join us in informing this important inquiry, you can still make your voice heard by making an individual submission to one or all of the sub inquiries.

You can be the change you want to see.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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One of many Voices: Valerie Schlegel Stettler

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

As a former stockbroker and self described “modern witch”, Valerie Schlegel Stettler is a living example of the many different facets women leaders can embody. Today, the One of many Certified Trainer and in-house coach shares her journey to authentic leadership on her own terms, as well giving us a peek into her daily routine…

What do you do?

I’m a leadership coach, facilitator and holistic mentor for women. My focus is helping women take their place in the world for the benefit of all genders. I work with clients on topics like financial knowledge, confidence, inner posture, intuition and joy.

I’ve always been very intuitive and highly sensitive – what I call my “Cassandra Syndrome“. A capacity for “seeing and sensing“ things that I now understand has helped me just as much as it has scared the hell out of me when I was very young! I often had a sense of what was right and (mostly) used it to make my decisions, but struggled to explain it in a logical way.

It felt like a part of me needed to be constantly hidden away, that it was not the “right” way to do it and that I could not be “all of me“.

In my current life, I am delighted to be able to use this talent and to help my clients connect to their feminine intuition and strengths to embrace all of what/who they are and to powerfully and happily BE in the world.

I’m honored to be a One of many Trainer and in-house Coach. Currently based in Germany, I interact in three languages (English, German and French) and I am looking to grow a local One of many community there.

Give us the big “why” you do what you do?

I was born in a feminist family and was told that I could do anything I wanted to… and so I did!

Before I was 35, I was a managing director at a leading investment bank responsible for a global trading and sales business.

I was working crazy hours and eventually nearly burned out. During this time, I had difficulties conceiving which is not so surprising when you experience that amount of stress and I eventually resigned and left the industry.

I was rewarded with two beautiful children AND this still left a bittersweet taste, as I would have liked to truly have the choice. It also left long-lasting “impressions” on me, at soul and body level. Even after becoming a coach, I would not intervene in financial services, “fearing” what I was projecting as a destructive energy there.

It took release work to lose that fear, and to see the advantages that I was bringing when I allowed myself to facilitate in these environments that I know so well.

This is why I accompany women and also pass on the message to men and companies that it is important to allow for a change in the way women do what they do.

It’s also why I was so happy when I discovered One of many. One of many has created such useful tools along with an amazing community of like-minded women. Through the training and deep work, I am living my life at a higher intensity without needing to make up some drama to feel alive. Today, I am truly playing with many keys on the piano and it is fun, powerful, full of love and sustainable!

What’s your daily routine?

Each day is a bit different depending on whether I’m facilitating at a company, speaking, delivering a workshop or coaching virtually from home.

My children are almost grown up now, so the morning routine has become pretty simple. On my part, I get up and do my morning pages. This is part of my daily routine and I miss it if I skip it for a couple of days. I observe my brain getting too full and I become unsettled.

I then take my dog for a long walk, shower, and make a point of being at my desk (I work from home) by 9:00 am. I take a break at lunchtime to eat and nap and often go for a shorter walk before getting back to work. I coach 2-3 times a week in the evenings as this is my clients’ preferred time – so I make sure to have replenishing time during the day.

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

My main “balancing act” is with myself! As I work from home, I have to be very conscious to separate working hours from family hours. I have to develop all sorts of strategies to preserve my working energy mode. It starts when I go to the bathroom and the cat comes purring because he would love a cuddle or some food 🙂 I am now planning on renting an office space, just to increase my concentration and productivity.

How do you juggle all the demands on you?

I have a husband who is absolutely pro-woman, and we share all life admin chores. That was an essential quality for me in a partner, so I probably scared away those who would have wanted it a different way 😀

What I’ve found to be rare unfortunately, but so important, is that beyond loving me, he has always been very supportive and proud of my professional accomplishments. It is probably our secret: we truly admire each other’s successes as much as we support each other when the going gets tough.

How do femininity and Soft Power feature in your business/career?

In my corporate time, I forbid myself to show my feminine side because I wanted to be taken seriously for my work and not for my boobs. That was as exhausting as reductive.

Now, the more I practice being in the PowerType energies the more I feel femininely strong and beautiful.

It gives me a lot of confidence, in a cheeky way and this is important at all ages of course but going now through menopause, becoming a crone, it helps me own it.

I decided to let my hair grow grey naturally a couple of months ago, and not cut it short. It is going to take about three years until the color is grown out. I’m embracing that period as a time of metamorphosis. Just as puberty, you don’t fall into it within weeks. It is a long process and if you let it, a beautiful one.

For me, it is more than just appearance, it is taking a stand to encourage others. A twinkle of the eye: “I see you sister!”.

Do you think people around you (on social media, and face to face) understand who you authentically are?

I love encouraging my clients to see and embrace “all of them“. You are much more than just a mum, or just a lawyer or a banker, or just a woman loving woman or just… the list goes on. We are so many things and this is what makes us so unique. It actually feels so good to be able to show all of oneself, to love all of oneself, to leverage all of oneself…

That can be hard to do “on paper” such as when writing a website, (as I am at the moment!) or on social media.

On the other hand, I also believe people see a lot more of you than you think. I once experienced a training exercise in which people were asked to describe what they saw in you after just a day and a half spent together (we were strangers before). I was amazed by how accurately they described me and how clearly I could describe them!

And this is why it is good and important to be authentic and to allow oneself to be vulnerable – because people see it anyway 😉 Vulnerability is like a little door to our true self, to our heart, where we are good by essence. When we do open that door to others, we allow them to do the same to us.

Do you exercise your #righttobesoft in your workplace? If so, how?

Yes, all the time. I am in soft power when I coach, interact or speak. I do a lot of embodiment which requires me to be in the energy of the PowerTypes, and I love doing this. My clients get so much out of this exercise.

With time, I am more and more consciously connect with the PowerType I want to be in. A couple of days ago, I had a conversation with a person I wanted to get to know “beyond the surface“ because she is responsible for a business that might potentially impact mine. I consciously deeply connected to my Lover energy and within minutes she was relaxing and opening up and that allowed me to better judge whether or not I wanted to be involved.

What’s one “breakthrough” you have had in your life, that shifted the way you saw things – how did it impact those around you?

A big breakthrough for me was to become a coach. It finally gave me the tools to do what I was doing naturally for years already. It showed me that I could work WITH people and not AGAINST them. In investment banking, it feels like it is always “you against the rest of the world” (the benchmark, your fellow traders, the market, the competition,…). AND it allowed me to use that so important part of me, my intuitive sensitive part.

 

Thanks so much, Valerie!

About Valerie

Modern witch | Numbers whisperer | Hippo collector

To find out more about Valerie and connect, click the links below:

Facebook page: Full You With Joy

Website: www.valerieschlegel.com

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Why the climate crisis needs female leaders

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Climate change is perhaps the biggest challenge we’re currently facing as a planet. The scientists have spoken; the technology to turn things around is there.

What we need now are leaders who are ready to make the bold, and perhaps unpopular decisions that will create the change we need.

Whether or not you “believe” the evidence, the level of risk alone should be enough to compel us all to take action.

In my latest blog on joannamartin.com I explain why I think it’s now on our shoulders as leaders, big or small, to turn our knowledge into action.

“Nature gives so much to us. Not just beauty – but life.

The science is clear – our current lifestyle and treatment of her is unsustainable.

And it’s up to all of us: politicians, grassroots leaders, people who care of every ilk – to take personal steps to change our own actions and other’s minds.

We will not get there with only those who are already aware making changes. I believe we have a duty to change the hearts and minds of others too.”

Click here to read the full article – and please, share this with as many people as you can.

It’s up to each of us to do our part.

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Selfish or selfless? How personal development helps you contribute

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

For some of us, embarking on a path of personal development feels oddly, well, selfish. Whether it’s starting an online program, undertaking a full certification training or just setting aside a few hours each week to listen to a 20 minute podcast, taking time out for ourselves can feel as though it’s detracting from our ability to contribute to our work, families or communities. But is it selfish or selfless to take that time for ourselves?

From a young age, we’re taught that it’s important not to be selfish. Learning to share and get along with others is a key factor in most schooling systems, for example. As we get older, we learn to sacrifice what we want to do – our selfish impulses – for self-discipline, contribution, and doing the right thing. 

As students we’re rewarded for those choices with external markers of success. Getting a good job; earning lots of money; having an impressive title.

Michelle Obama has spoken about her early career, which was characterised by such markers of success.

“When I was in my 20s, I thought I had it all. I had degrees from two prestigious universities. I had an office on the 47th floor of a skyscraper in downtown Chicago. I wore nice clothes to work and I was the proud owner of a Saab, which was pretty cool back then.”

What prompts us to turn inwards?

And yet life events can trigger moments where we begin to question our achievements, and perhaps to wonder whether they’re really as fulfilling as we imagined they would be.

For Michelle, it was a moment of bereavement that sparked a process of turning inwards – getting to know herself.

“…after I lost two of the people I loved the most – my incredible father and my free-spirited best friend from college – I started to question it all. I embarked on a journey of self-examination that ultimately led me into a lifetime of public service.”

Is self-examination the same thing as being selfish?

When Michelle talks about a “journey of self-examination” she’s referring to a concept that many of us can relate to.

Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar – a point in your life when you started to read books on topics you’d never previously been interested in.

Or find teachers who were asking bigger questions, about the purpose of life, and the meaning of our actions.

It’s at times like these that we begin to wonder “what makes me tick?” or “why has life led me to where I am now?”

Being selfish is defined as “lacking consideration for other people; being concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure”. But starting to look more closely at your own motivations and desires is rarely something you undertake with a motive of your own profit.

In fact, it can be driven by a deep desire to take better care of those around you

Why do you find yourself yelling at your kids, when you know that’s not the kind of parent you want to be?

What’s driving you to take on so many work projects that you’re drowing in deadlines, and ultimately performing at a level far lower than you could be with more time to think?

Personality tools – like the Women’s PowerTypes Profile – can be invaluable here. They can give you an external perspective on your motivations, patterns and responses that are hard to see by yourself.

When self-examination leads to a bigger contribution

What’s interesting about Michelle’s path is that the “self-examination” she embarked on led her to, in her words, “a lifetime of public service”.

I find it interesting – but not surprising.

It’s something we see time and again in graduates of our programs. It seems that paradoxically, the better we know and understand ourselves, the more motivation we find to begin to direct our energy in service of others. That might mean changing your industry; leading an initiative to support your community; or just being a more loving and engaged partner.

When we begin to tune in to ourselves, we start to access a way of being that’s sustainable.

We take care of ourselves. And it means that we can begin to hear our deepest values.

Your values are the core principles that matter most to you. Some of them might be things you were brought up with; others will be deeply personal to you.

No one else can tell you what your values are; they emerge when you’re able to quieten down the noisy demands around you, and really pay attention to yourself.

For Michelle, that sense of an “inner voice” has pulled her forward.

“In the years since, the issues I’ve been working on have often changed – from working in city government, to leadership development, to community engagement, to the issues of health, education and supporting military families that I focused on in the White House. But what hasn’t changed is the way my work makes me feel.

I believe in the goals I’m pursuing and they resonate with my values and my vision for the kind of communities – and the kind of world – I want to live in.

I feel like I’m connected to something larger than myself.”

For so many women, the process of getting to know ourselves is one which ultimately connects us to a far bigger impact on the world.

Want to understand yourself better?

The Women’s PowerTypes Profile is a quick questionnaire, which asks you to respond spontaneously to detailed questions. It’s been designed to give you deep insight into who you are – so you can tap into the natural way of leading that’s best for you.

Click here to discover your profile today

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

<a href=”http://oneofmany.co.uk/beone/” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”>Become One of many™ women</a> creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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One of many Voices: Shona Easton

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Shona Easton is a designer and business owner whose bright and beautiful handbags and accessories help successful women stand out. Her quality, ethical accessories are made in India by women she works closely with in her workshop and her commitment to making a difference also shines through in her more recent charity work.

We asked her to share some of her inspiration and give us an insight into what her life is like “behind the scenes”, doing such diverse work.

Tell us what you do – how do you fill your days?

Dreaming up new ideas, designing, selling and marketing ethically made handbags, purses, and wallets.

My workshop is in rural India – where the women from the local village are employed to make handbags and leather goods. Before the workshop moved there, there was little prospect of finding jobs locally, especially for women (it’s a rice farming area). Now they have learned many new skills, they work near their homes and see their families every day. And their kids get to go to school.

We also make other accessories, like the luggage tags you might have spotted at the One Woman Conference, and new doggy accessories – leads and collars so far, but we’re planning to expand.

I love creating accessories that are practical, in gorgeous bright colours, which as well as being useful, people love – and make their friends go ‘wow!’.

I love the fact that I can work from anywhere (I’m in France right now) and I work when I want to – which is definitely not full time!

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

As well as running my business, I’m a trustee of a charity I helped to set up ‘Care & Consideration With A Smile’, which helps people with a hidden disability. I became involved when I met the incredibly inspiring founder, Julie Luxton. She told me her story of how she became a person with a hidden disability.

Many people reacted to her by assuming she was drunk or stupid, when she was only trying to learn to speak again and walk again after her massive brain injury. So she wanted to form a new charity to raise awareness of people with hidden disabilities.

She inspired me to jump on board and help her get the charity going. I also have other friends and family members with hidden disabilities (most people do…eg, depression, anxiety, MS, stroke – anything you can’t actually ‘’see’) and so I really want to help get this cause out in the open and understood.

I spend time working on social media updates and going to meetings on behalf of the charity.

On top of that, I let out two properties on Airbnb, so there is also cleaning, washing and organizing for them. And I also make time to go out with friends and see family.

And then there’s the usual food shopping, cleaning and running a household.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

I think women’s ‘lot’ is what we make it. For example, I have a ‘traditional’ role at home. I organize the house, cooking, cleaning, etc. – but that really feels like my choice. I love cooking – it’s my main hobby, so I’m pleased that my husband doesn’t want to cook as then I’d have to share my kitchen with him! I do most of the life admin at home too but I’m happy with that.

I juggle the many demands by not trying to fit in too much. One of many has definitely helped with this. I am reminded to have me-time and soft play, and I’ve definitely started saying no to things that previously I would have said yes to.

What is the most common emotion you feel as a woman on a day-to-day basis?

Happy! I am very lucky – I have a great life right now.

How important do you think vulnerability is in life and career? Have you ever been vulnerable in an uncomfortable (or usually unacceptable) situation?

I think that being vulnerable helps to remind you of how lucky you are. I was in India a couple of years ago, with my workshop guy, and our car broke down in the middle of the countryside early one evening on the way back to the city.

He left me by the car (not in it as he’d taken one wheel off) and I felt extremely vulnerable being a lone female beside the highway in the middle of nowhere. As it got dark I became very nervous, imagining all sorts of terrible things that could have happened.

What do you do for Soft Play? How do you look after yourself?

I don’t have a regular soft play slot but I count things like having a pedicure or other pamper session as soft play.

I love cooking and sometimes just spend a couple of hours inventing something – not a cooking session for necessary meals – just a play session for me. Of course, it ends with my having created something to eat, but I did it because I enjoy it and it relaxes me.

How do you juggle your relationship and business?

As my husband is now retired I do have to put my foot down and tell him ‘I’m at work now’ sometimes, so that he doesn’t interrupt me. But having him around has probably made me spend less time working, which is actually good as it means I’m more productive in the time that I do spend ‘at work’.

Who do you look up to as a woman?

Loads of inspirational women, including:

  • Malala Yousafzai for her dedication to the education of girls
  • Michelle Obama for juggling career, kids, charity and being very much in the public eye
  • Coco Chanel for some inspirational quotes – one of my favourites is ‘Luxury isn’t luxury unless it’s comfortable’.
  • Madonna, Adele and Kylie Minogue (and many more!) for showing us how to BE the Brand
  • Dame Maggie Smith for longevity in her career and how to adapt.

So many…

Where do you look for hope?

Looking for hope in the world and for the future: to change peoples attitude to waste – I look to FashionRevolution.org who are leading campaigners to end slave labour, child labour and promote fair wages in the garment and textile industry worldwide.

They inspired me to take the photos of my workshop ladies with the ‘I made your handbag/Purse/Wallet’ signs. They want people to ask – Who Made My Clothes? So that fashion businesses NEED to be transparent about what is really going on in their overseas factories.

For inspiration in business, I get ideas from finding beautiful fabrics and seeing amazing colours when I travel.

I also get inspired by being out in nature, looking at the beauty of the countryside or just gazing at water whether it’s a river, sea or a lake.

What do you tell yourself when times are tough?

Tomorrow is another day! My mantra is ‘Just be yourself’

What’s the soundtrack of inspiration for you?

Right now it’s Get Lucky by Daft Punk and Nile Rodgers. I saw Nile Rodgers live at Hampton Court Palace a couple of weeks ago and he shared how when the song came out he had just ‘got lucky’ and had the all clear from his cancer. Every time I hear it, I just want to get up and dance.

About Shona

World traveller | Stubborn dreamer | Early riser

Shona is Head Designer and Owner at Shona Easton Design Studio, making high-quality ethical handbags and accessories that help successful women stand out. From making her own clothes on her bedroom floor as a teenager, she went on to design for well-known brands including Next, Esprit, M&S, Banana Republic, and Gap, before setting up her own business. She’s passionate about changing attitudes to waste and promoting full transparency in the global fashion industry, and is also a trustee of the UK’s hidden disability charity “Care & Consideration With A Smile”.

You can find Shona online at the following links:

Twitter: @ShonaEaston

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/ShonaEastonHandbags/

Website:  www.eastondesignstudio.com

And learn more about Care and Consideration With a Smile at:

Facebook: https://facebook.com/CareAndConsideration/

Twitter: @CareWithASmile

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One of many Voices: Mary Waring

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Mary Waring is an independent financial advisor for women and author of A Man is Not A Financial Plan, whose mission is to empower women and help them make informed decision about their finances. Today she’s giving us a peek into her day-to-day life, and how she manages her energy to allow her to continue her much-needed work.

Hi Mary! Tell us what you do, in a nutshell

I work with women going through divorce to help them feel confident about their finances, giving them clarity and peace of mind.

Give us the “big why” you feel called to do this work:

My mother was in a very unhappy marriage and couldn’t leave because she had no money in her own right. I saw the power that money, and knowledge about your money, gives you. It doesn’t necessarily make you happy. But it gives you options that may not be available to you otherwise.

What does your daily routine look like?

I love a nice lazy start to the morning with tea in bed, and my 2 spoilt springer spaniels allowed up on the bed. It gives me a good start to the day without frantically rushing around from the start. I have breakfast (always) & then start work around 8 am.

I take time off during the day to take a dog walk by the river/ go to the gym, and usually work till about 6 pm. Then it’s some form of relaxation: bath/gym/ dinner with friends

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

I balance running a  demanding, successful business versus taking some downtime for myself.

I find it too easy to pour all my energy into work and then realise I haven’t looked after myself enough.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

It’s important to get as much help as you can. I delegate or outsource as much as possible so I can then have free time to actually do the things I want to. It makes such a difference to my enjoyment that I am not doing things I don’t enjoy. It also means I’m not doing things that drain my energy, and I don’t end up feeling resentful about the things I’m doing.

How do femininity and Soft Power feature in your business/ career?

When I first did my Women’s PowerTypes Profile, I discovered that my scores on the Queen and Lover PowerTypes were very low for me.

Because I found it challenging to access my “Queen” PowerType, I didn’t set good boundaries with the people around me. I was very much set on being a people pleaser, and keeping everyone else happy – sometimes at my own expense.

My Lover score was low for a similar reason. I was too busy spending my time and energy on others, rather than on taking good care of myself.

Since completing the 12-month Lead the Change program with One of many I’ve been able to not only understand why I had experienced the challenges I did, but take steps to find more balance, and address these issues in a sustainable way.

What is the most common emotion you feel on a day-to-day basis?

On the good days, sheer joy, delight and gratitude that I have the life I have, and that I can experience the growth I can through personal development.

Do you think you people around you (on social media, and face to face) understand who you authentically are?

On social media, probably not. I read posts but don’t often contribute, since I find social media can be too big a time stealer!

But face to face, yes, absolutely. You get what you see.

How important do you think vulnerability is in life and career?

I think it’s really important to be open and honest – to ask for help when you need it, and open up if you have queries or issues. I’ve been vulnerable in meetings when I haven’t known the answer to a question that a client has asked me. I just admitted it and said I’d find out and get back to them. To me, being honest and vulnerable instead of pretending to have all the answers is much more important than just bluffing. Apart from anything, you will often get caught out!

What do you do for SoftPlay? How do you look after yourself?

To be honest, I haven’t done anywhere near as much Soft Play as I would like. Last year I did some things to get me outside my comfort zone – like having dinner on my own, and going to the theatre on my own. I also took singing lessons, which was a big deal – highly uncomfortable for someone who believed they couldn’t sing!

This year I’m concentrating on doing things to have fun. I’m going to do  classes in aerial hoop, aerial Pilates, and try pottery.

How do you juggle your relationship and business?

My husband and I both work from home. So, on good days we can go out for dog walk together, or have lunch.

If not, we will at least generally have some form of communication during the day. I’m also planning to set aside a minimum of one working day each month that we both take off so that we can go out and have some fun.

How do you think tapping into your femininity (playing to your strengths as a woman), has impacted your relationships?

Prior to Lead The Change, my only PowerType was Superwoman! I see now how totally off-putting that can be in many situations. It’s great to be able to use the different PowerTypes as and when required.

My clients are almost exclusively women in difficult emotional situations.  So all of the different Women’s PowerTypes come into play at various stages of our working relationship, and help us to achieve the results my clients want with much more ease.

What’s one “breakthrough” you have had in your life, that shifted the way you saw things – how did it impact those around you?

I’ve gone from being Superwoman, having to win and achieve at all costs, to now concentrating on enjoying my experiences and having fun. I expect I’m much easier to live with! Since Superwoman also tended to want everyone else around her to have superpowers, too…

Who do you look up to as a woman?

So many of the beautiful women I’ve met on Lead The Change who’ve faced their issues, and come out the other side shining.

What are your sources of inspiration?

Same as above! I look at these women, and think “if they can do it, so can I”

What do you tell yourself when times are tough?

Although it can be very hard sometimes, I concentrate on the fact the Universe/God knows what’s best for you. You might not think it at the time, but it is all part of a divine plan.

What’s the soundtrack of inspiration for you?

“This is me” from Greatest Showman

Who have you listened to lately that motivated you to take action on something, anything? And why?

I love Jo’s Soft PowerCast on “your body is your compass”. It reminds me I have all the answers inside myself as to what’s right for me.

(If you’d like to listen to this and the other Soft Powercasts, you can access them at no cost when you join the BeOne community. Click here to enter your details and access this and a ton of other resources, absolutely free.)

What are you doing to help elevate the women of developing nations?

I’m a patron for The Hunger Project, who help to end poverty and hunger in developing nations by empowering women to change their communities.

About Mary

Recovering superwoman | Dog obsessed | Never too old to change

Mary is a chartered accountant and chartered financial planner – one of only a handful of advisers in the whole of the UK with these qualifications.  She’s passionate about changing the way women think about finance, so that they are better equipped to make informed decisions about their future.

You can find Mary online at the following links:

Twitter: @marywaring

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/marywaring

Website:  www.wealthforwomen.biz

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One of Many Voices: Veronica Roberts

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

As an Educational Psychologist, Veronica has spent her career working with children and parents. But it wasn’t until she became a mum herself that a moment of total vulnerability and overwhelm sparked an idea for a new movement to help women find connection and support. We asked her to share more of her story…

What do you do?

I am an Educational Psychologist – which includes a wide variety of roles (one of the things I love about it!) A lot of my time is spent working with parents and teachers to explore the needs of a child/young person and consider ways of supporting them so that they can thrive, rather than just survive, their school years. I also deliver training and research with the University of Bath.

I went self-employed after having our son and realizing that working for a local authority was just not going to be flexible enough for our family. Now I work 3 days a week.

More recently, for my Lead The Change project, I have founded the i know… parent collective.

Tell us more about that project.

i know… is about building upon the collective support between parents. It’s about those ‘moments’ we all experience as parents; where we can feel overwhelmed, lost, unsure what to do, and alone. In those moments it can feel like the world is watching, and potentially judging us.

The idea behind i know… is that in those moments, we might look around and see other parents wearing a badge that says ‘i know…’ – a visual symbol that they know what it’s like, they get it, they’re not judging us and they’re willing to help if they can.

The aim is that those moments of vulnerability, instead of becoming feelings of fear and shame, might become moments of connection, empathy and compassion.

Give us the big “why” you do what you do?

Part of my motivation for starting ‘i know…’ stems from my personal experience of becoming a mother and the struggles I experienced.

I very much felt that as a trained child psychologist I should know what I was doing all the time (!) and the perfectionist in me also screamed that I should be doing it perfectly all the time.

I judged myself so harshly for every perceived misstep of motherhood that I made and felt so incredibly vulnerable when I struggled in public. I felt like everyone would not only think I was a terrible mother, but also rubbish at my job as well.

When I returned to work I started really hearing what parents were saying, in a way I never had before and I suddenly realized – I’m not alone in this experience, and actually if we share that vulnerability, then ironically, the vulnerability reduces and a collective strength can take its place.

By reducing parent stress levels in those ‘moments’, parents become more able to support their child and themselves through the stress and distress and/or ask for the help they need.

What’s your daily routine?

Part of our family life is that no two days are the same! Both my work and my husband’s are so variable that what I’ve ended up doing is having different routine ‘templates’ for the top and tails of different types of day: When my husband is at home, when he’s not, when I’m working from home, and when I’m not.

Things I try to build into every morning are:

  • A bowl of porridge (only way I survive until lunch!)
  • Physio and Mutu exercises (whilst my son is having breakfast)
  • Inspiring piece of music either in the shower or in the car
  • I also try to finish work half an hour before I pick up our son from nursery and have 2 songs that I dance to which I call my ‘End of Day Debrief’ – one track to release emotion and one to recap the things I have enjoyed or feel went well. This was an exercise I designed with my LTC coach as I realized I was really good at shelving difficult feelings and never coming back to them (so they just grew). And I was hardly ever able to take real joy in my accomplishments, so having a few minutes just to recap the positives of a day and dance them into my body has really helped.

Things I try to put in at the end of each day:

  • Playing my Tibetan singing bowl
  • recapping the day with gratitude
  • reading a good book for a few minutes before sleep

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

I’m mother to a very lively and curious 4-year old and wife to a very lively, vibrant and driven man. My husband also runs his own business consultancy firm. A lot of his work is in London or abroad and he can be away for up to 3 weeks at a time. The need for this can arise with a day or week’s notice. This can make it tricky to plan in advance!

To balance the demands that this can place on me I’ve opted to have more childcare than I actually need for work alone and I schedule my self-care, ‘lifemin’, I know… work, exercise etc all within childcare hours so that even when my husband is away, it is still possible for me to meet my needs and therefore manage whilst he is away.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

When I became a mother, I’d never felt love quite like it, I remember thinking that if we could bottle that feeling and drip feed it to dictators we would have the answer to world peace! I felt privileged to be a woman and able to experience it.

But one of the other main emotions I experienced as a new mother was frankly, rage. Because all my life I had been told by society that as a woman I was equal…and I felt like I’d been completely duped!

As I sat there breastfeeding our little boy on the sofa I felt anything but equal.

It felt like my freedom had been stripped away, whilst my husband’s remained intact and untouched by the experience of becoming a father (probably a bit of an overstatement in hindsight, but I was hormonal at the time!).

The dwindling of my maternity pay and then its complete disappearance left me financially dependent on a man for the first time in my life and it made me hugely resentful that because we had chosen to have a child, I was suddenly financially penalized. I still believe this sends a really strong message of just how much society devalues the role of caregivers, mainly performed by women. Becoming a mother was the first time in my life that I had so explicitly felt discriminated against as a woman and I hate that that feeling is tied to one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

However, one of my most profound shifts through my Lead The Change journey followed on from the BeLove retreat. I sat down with my husband and shared how uncomfortable, guilty and at times, resentful I felt that I worked and earned less than he did as a man.

The conversation that followed transformed our relationship. He had tears in his eyes as he said to me, “But you get to make a difference to people’s lives! I don’t get to do that! So let me do what I do, so that you can do what you do, because that means I’m making a difference too.”

And I suddenly realized, in my feminist stance I’d created a financial competition between us that was tearing us apart. But if we both did what we were good at then there was a beauty in the contribution we could make together and the life that we could lead.

I still feel that women are financially discriminated against for being biologically designed to have children…which seems a bit crazy when you step back from it, as the survival of the human species kind of depends on that function! But, I’ve realized there are other alternatives to men and women competing to do the same as one another. So, in a nutshell, I think things have improved, but we still have so much further to go!

How do you juggle your relationship and business now?

At my first One Woman Conference in 2017 my husband and I were going through an incredibly difficult time – it felt like we were leading separate lives and were no longer really connected or hearing one another.

After the OWC I came back and told him (using my Queen PowerType!) that I wasn’t happy and couldn’t see how we were going to survive as a couple without both making some significant changes. Lead The Change was one of those things, my husband receiving some coaching was another, but also, we agreed to make time for each other.

As my husband had just entered self-employment too we had the luxury of flexibility, and so we set aside one morning a week whilst our son was at nursery to do things together as a couple.

There are some weeks where this just isn’t possible, but we have it as a general rule and it has made such a difference to our relationship. Prioritising our relationship like this has helped us rekindle our connection and helps keep things in perspective, because if we’re not ‘right’ as a couple, then it has an impact on everything else, and work isn’t worth that.

Do you think you people around you (on social media, and face to face) understand who you authentically are?

The i know… project has totally pushed me out of my comfort zone in terms of displaying my vulnerabilities ‘out loud’ via social media.

It is only because of the i know… vision and this sharing being an attempt to support other parents with their journey and challenges that I have been able to develop the courage to do that and at times it has felt excruciating. The most amazing thing is, the posts where I have felt most vulnerable have had the most positive responses and that has been such an amazing gift of a lesson!

The Lead The Change community has also helped me really understand I can be who I am and still be appreciated, warts and all. So yes, I think people are beginning to see the authentic me.

But more importantly from my perspective, I am becoming comfortable with the idea that when people see me, they may or may not like me, but that doesn’t mean I need to change who I am to ‘fit’.

Who do you look up to as a woman?

Brené Brown – she is just so fricking awesome!!

What are you doing to help elevate the women of developing nations?

For every i know… badge sold, 20p is being collected for Deki – a charity set up by Vashti Seth, another Lead The Change participant, to support entrepreneurs in Africa grow their businesses.

I had always felt so helpless about the situation in developing countries and unable to support in a meaningful way. Then one fateful retreat I ended up giving Vashti a lift home and she totally changed my perspective – and gave me hope that I could make a difference further afield too.

Ready to lead your change?

If you’re inspired by Veronica’s story and would like to find out more about our Lead The Change program, click here to leave your name and details. One of our friendly team will be in touch to arrange a time to chat.

Veronica Roberts

Parapet head popper | Catalyst for compassion | Coffee addict

To find out more about Veronica and her work, reach her online here:

Facebook page: www.facebook.com/iknowcollective
Website: www.drvroberts.co.uk