One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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Why self care is a priority for leaders

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

For leaders who are serious about having the impact they want to on the world, self care is a priority that’s not to be ignored. I don’t just mean leaders in the ‘traditional’ sense – CEOs, politicians, founders. If you want to set a great example to your kids; be a force for change in your team, organization or small business or simply feel proud to set your own course in life, this needs to be at the top of the list.

Self care and soft power

Soft Power is the term we use at One of many to encompass a whole range of principles and behaviours, which together form a new paradigm of female leadership.

Top of the list?

Soft Power principle #1: First, replenish yourself.

It’s the mantra our team repeat to ourselves when things get hectic; it’s what our coaches teach their clients; it’s what the leaders in our programs support each other to do, time and again.

And yet, something funny happens when we start to understand the importance of taking good care of ourselves. If you’re not careful, you can begin to notice some unhelpful behaviours creeping in…

3 reasons self care can slip down the list

1. Perfectionism creeps in

You don’t have the full hour you wanted to go to that yoga class… so instead you stay slumped on the sofa, scrolling through your phone.

The heavens open right before your grand hike in the countryside – may as well catch up on some work emails instead, right?

Or you commit to sessions at the local pool, since swimming’s the one place you can clear your head, only you need a new costume. And nothing fits. So that time to yourself slips quietly off the calendar, never to return…

Part of our challenges around self care can often come when we imagine a “perfect” scenario for what that self care will look like. Uninterrupted quiet, a partner who’s thrilled to give us time to ourselves, a world that runs smoothly and on time. It doesn’t exist, right?

  • Are you letting perfectionism get in the way of doing any kind of self care at all?
  • How could you consciously choose to lower the bar and make “good enough” self care better than none at all?

2. Superwoman takes over

Superwoman is the archetype of our times. She’s the high achieving, always-on, success-at-all-costs woman who to put it bluntly, is on a fast track to burnout.

Sometimes, she shows up in our self care with a focus on competition and “success”.

Never mind going for a walk – she wants to sign up for a marathon, and set a ridiculous sponsorship goal while she’s at it. If you’re thinking of eating a bit more healthily, she’ll be the voice in your head telling you nothing but a 3-month juice fast will do. And so on…

Take a moment to think about how you’re taking care of yourself. Is it in ways that feel delicious, restorative and precious to you? Or has Superwoman snuck in and slipped on your cape?

  • Try brainstorming a quick list of 5 minute ways to practice self care. Deep breathing, a mindful cup of tea, a stretch, a silly text to a friend… what would fill you up?
  • Set three alarms throughout the day, and pick one from the list. Setting micro-goals like this can help disrupt Superwoman, and start building the habit you need.

3. Life takes over

Probably the most common reason we find ourselves in bad habits when it comes to self care is a very prosaic one. Life just… happens. We make good resolutions, create time, feel great. Then there’s a work crisis, a family drama, or you get super excited about a new project – and before you know it, the calendar fills up.

We all move through cycles and seasons of busyness and activity in our lives.

Don’t beat yourself up, if you’re noticing that things have slipped slightly.

Do take the opportunity to check in with yourself, and take action if you need to.

Hold yourself accountable, and schedule in self care like the priority it is.

Use those around you to support you: Tell a colleague you’re going out at lunch; join a class or book in for a massage.

The overlooked side of self care

One thing it’s important to remember is that self care doesn’t always look like those stereotypical images of long baths or massages.

  • Sometimes, self care might mean getting training in an area of life that’s making you anxious, whether it’s your relationship or your finances.
  • It’s asking for help from your boss when you’re sinking under your schedule; not checking email when you’ve finished work.
  • Saying no, even when it’s met with resistance.

Self care is fundamentally taking care of you – and other people won’t always be happy with that. Managing their reactions, and holding fast to your own priorities, is an art that leaders must cultivate.

You might have heard me talk about self care from the perspective of the Lover PowerType – this beautiful, magnetic, sensual aspect of female leadership.

And it’s true; self care can mean gorgeous robes, spa days and walks in nature; it arises spontaneously when we’re deeply connected to our love for ourselves and our own needs.

But self care is just as applicable when we’re accessing our “Queen” PowerType – decisive, strategic and making the best decisions for her “realm”.

After all, for a Queen to be Queen and leading her realm, she has to prioritize self care.

You can’t have a burnt out, overwhelmed, knackered Queen.

So what does she require her realm to do? Get her the best doctors, chiropractors, nurses and dentists – the best possible care in the realm – to look after her.

She has to accept that as part of her duty, if she’s going to be able to be the figurehead she needs to be.

Every leader needs to take self care seriously

Need a hand setting boundaries?

If you could do with some support to create effective boundaries without feeling like you’re letting people down, take a look at Enough is Enough.

It’s our free guide to creating unshakeable boundaries with grace, and you can download it right now by clicking here.

How are you doing… really?

Let’s have a quick check in, ladies – how are things with you right now? Flat out and flailing, achieving what you need to with grace, or somewhere in between?

Share in the comments, and leave a message of support for anyone who could do with a hand. We’re all in this together!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to create change without burning out

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

When it comes to creating change, collaboration is Queen. Try to do everything yourself and you’ll burnout faster than you can say “who needs weekends off anyway?” And yet, when working with others has been a painful experience in the past, it’s understandable that it can be tempting to avoid conflict and shoulder the load yourself. Today I want to share how to create change using the power of effective collaboration.

Use these 5 key points, and working together will create change far beyond anything you could achieve with that Superwoman cape on. Guaranteed.

5 Steps to effective collaboration

1. Establish trust

There are two aspects of trust to consider when working with others.

Firstly, what we call the “energetic” aspect of trust. If you’re considering whether or not to collaborate with someone, try checking in with yourself about whether you feel instinctively you can trust them. For example, you might ask:

  • Do they feel like someone you’re able to open up with and share your vision with?
  • Does this feel like the right connection?
  • Do they really care about what you’re doing?

In a situation where you don’t have a choice about who’s in the group, such as in your team at work, this aspect is worth taking time to cultivate.

As a leader, how can you encourage an environment of healthy communication, and make sure everyone is able to trust each other?

The most effective results will always come from collaboration that’s built on genuine trust.

Secondly, there’s the trust that comes from knowing someone’s able to deliver – their competence or skillset. Without this, no matter how much you feel a sense of trust, collaboration can’t be effective.

When you’re looking to build a team, whether it be for a project, in your business or elsewhere, the energetic piece matters. But it’s also important to ask, can this person do what they say they can do?

How we establish that can be by reputation. If you want to make a real difference, gathering and presenting the evidence that allows others to trust you is a really important skill to have. (It’s something we cover in a lot more detail on our BeFulfilled retreat – working out what your skills are, and how you can present them in a way that really builds trust with employers, clients and colleagues.)

Another great way to establish trust is by making a series of small agreements.

Let me give you an example: I’ve got an awesome nanny, who’s absolutely brilliant. But the first time I met her, was I going to leave my children with her overnight for a weekend? No way. Absolutely no way. Was I going to just watch her play with my children? Yes. Let me see that you can play with my children, and gradually I’ll leave them with you for a day.

The same goes for any kind of collaboration. Some of the problems we face as open-hearted woman, is we tend to go straight for a huge agreement – and then someone lets us down. And we think they’re untrustworthy. We can avoid that pitfall by trusting them to make small agreements first, so that we can gradually ease into a bigger relationship.

2. Ensure contribution

Once you have a basic level of trust, in both the energy each person’s bringing and their competency in what they’re doing, it’s time to make sure everyone’s able to contribute. Allowing each person to have their say, and actually listening to what they have to contribute.

An important part of this is recognizing that some people are more extroverted, and some people are more introverted. So it’s not just listening when someone does speak up, it’s noticing when someone isn’t speaking up.

“There’s gold in the quiet ones” is something I’ve heard said, and it’s true!

So if someone doesn’t seem to be offering much, take a second to check in with them and make sure you don’t miss out on an important contribution.

3. Track progress, and agree on process

Needless to say, creating change requires action. Some kind of momentum. Having an agreed focus or intention is really important, as is introducing accountability.

As a group, think about what tools you can use to keep track of your progress and adjust your course when you need to. Talk about what you’ll do if there’s a disagreement, or if someone makes a mistake, before that situation arises.

It’s really important to agree on your process right from the start.

That includes how you’re going to remain flexible for the realities that tend to pop up when bringing a vision to life. Not just pushing blindly on to meet a goal, but also taking shared responsibility for how you’re getting there.

  • Do you have regular times to check in with each other, and a structure for how that will work?
  • Do you have a system for recording what’s being done, and changing your focus if you need to?
  • Are different people responsible for different aspects, and do they have the capacity to manage them?

Keeping focus is vital, but it’s not the only thing to bear in mind. Which leads me onto my next point…

4. Allow space

So much of collaboration, as you’ve probably already gathered, comes down to balance. And one of the most important aspects to balance is maintaining your focus on progress, whilst making the space to allow whatever else needs to arise.

If you’ve ever been involved with a team on a high pressure project, you’ll probably remember times when something that seemed way off-topic has sparked a huge insight into where you’re at, or where you’re heading.

Sometimes it’s in moments of someone cracking a joke, that you discover this person’s really afraid right now – and it turns out, they’re not the only one having a crisis of confidence.

Or it’s when someone feels like they are allowed to speak up and get it wrong, that an offhand comment triggers something else that gets you where you need to go.

Of course there are time perspectives. There’s focus and intention. But if we plow through without the ability to let the human be there in our collaborating, we can miss so much. We don’t get to read those really important signals – how is the team coping with this situation? What are we missing? What did we not take into account at the planning stage that is asking us to take a look at now?

5. Create consensus

If you’ve ever worked in a committee-heavy environment you might be groaning when you see that word. But bear with me. When it’s approached thoughtfully, consensus can be a truly beautiful process.

Consensus isn’t the same as just going with the majority vote. If someone just gets outvoted and they’re seething about it, and they think that they’re actually really right about something– if there’s dissension – we can’t achieve true collaboration.

But, where we can get to, perhaps, is that most people think this is right… and one person’s not sure, or thinks no, but they’re okay to go with it.

In this model, where we’re coming from a place of deep trust and respect, we don’t have enemies but we have adversaries. We can still disagree, but we can be allowed.

This is important. Because otherwise it doesn’t feel good, and a hallmark of true collaboration is that it usually feels great – even when it leads you down a different path to the one you would have taken on your own.

Want to learn to lead effectively?

Our leadership programs and retreats are designed to help you ditch the “go it alone” mentality and balance powerful connection with rock solid boundaries, so you can make a real impact.

To find out more about BeFulfilled, Lead the Change or any of our other trainings or events, click here to book a call with the team.

How about you?

What’s your experience of collaborating? Have you been blown away by the power of a dream team, or hit hurdles that still make you shudder? Share your experiences, good and bad – and any tips you’ve picked up along the way – below!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to avoid spreading yourself too thin

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

You know when, mid-shower, you realize you left shampoo off the shopping list again – so you try to convince yourself a mouse-sized amount of over-diluted product is going to get you through another wash? So many women find ourselves doing exactly that with our time and energy. We water ourselves down until there’s barely anything left to go around, whilst pretending we’re totally on top of it all. It’s exhausting. So today I want to invite you to join me at my kitchen table, so I can share a nifty distinction I’ve found when it comes to knowing how to avoid spreading yourself too thin.

Why knowing how to avoid spreading yourself too thin matters

The shampoo thing is actually a pretty apt example here. Because when you’re trying to take care of everyone else’s needs – your boss, your neighbour, your mum, your best friend, the friend you’re not actually that close to but who always seems to be popping up on messenger with an urgent request for your take on her latest drama… it’s often your own that suffer most.

It might be that you just don’t have a spare minute to sort out your basic needs: making sure your groceries are stocked up, and your space is organised, rather than being a dumping ground for tasks you haven’t got around to.

Maybe you find yourself skipping your lunch break to help a colleague with the deadline they’re about to miss. Sacrificing a gym session because you’re being “mum taxi” at the last minute. Or staying up past midnight organizing finances for the community association, because they just “don’t know what they’d do without you”.

The cost of “I’m too busy”

When you’re spread too thin, lots of little sacrifices made over time can gradually end up. You might find yourself feeling frazzled, forgetful and exhausted. Your executive function starts to suffer, as you juggle multiple deadlines and demands. And eventually, that stress can take a more serious toll – burnout, exhaustion, and a feeling of chronic overwhelm.

So whether you can’t remember what life was like when you weren’t overcommitted, or could just do with a refresher on how to set clear boundaries, take 5 minutes now to watch this:

Need a little more support?

If you know that taking on too much is a real challenge right now, you might want to take a look at BeFruitful. It’s our much-loved online time and energy management program designed specifically for busy women. It’ll show you how to free up 5 hours a week, minimum, whilst actually making you more effective. And setting clear boundaries is just one of the topics we cover in the easy bite-sized modules, to help you get to the root of your busy-ness as well as learning the practical tools to handle it.

Click here to find out more about the course, and enrol.

Who’s at your table?

If today’s video was helpful, I’d love to know how you’ve created better boundaries in your life. Share your tips below so we can help each other take care of our needs as well as those of everyone else.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Liz Gilbert, Mother and the Alpha Wolf

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

You love certain people in your life deeply. Your family, dear friends, partner or team. They’re so precious to you that when something goes wrong in their lives, it affects you too. And for those you care most strongly for, you’d do anything to help them be the happiest version of themselves.

Only… what happens when that care starts to feel like being squashed, controlled or criticized?

Today I want to share an incredibly vulnerable and moving example of this kind of support in action. It’s a story of love through one of the most painful possible times. And it’s also filled with hope, and the wisdom which came from it.

Here’s what Liz Gilbert taught me about balancing our desire to help with respecting the freedom of those you love.

Liz Gilbert, Mother, and the Alpha Wolf

Before we dive in, let me give a bit of background – just in case you’re not as much of a fan of this writer as I am.

Liz Gilbert’s a globally renowned author, speaker and teacher. She’s one of my favourite writers, both for her incredible fiction and her teachings around love, fulfilment and creativity. As well a being the bestselling author of Eat, Pray Love and Big Magic and her latest novel, City of Girls, she’s a passionate advocate for social justice.

In 2016, she celebrated publically the news that a new relationship had blossomed in her life – with her best friend of 15 years, Rayya Elias. Tragically, the trigger for this awakening was Rayya’s diagnosis with terminal cancer. And in January 2018, Rayya died.

The time up to and following Rayya’s death is one about which Liz has been astonishingly lucid, vulnerable and raw about sharing in many of her public posts, talks and appearances.

Caring for a terminally ill partner is a devastating process. And I’m awed by how open Liz has been in sharing what she learned.

First, as a tribute to her fierce and beautiful partner. And secondly, as a profound lesson in the ways we can support and care for those we love, whilst honouring their independence and individuality.

The Mother in relationships

When we’re in a mode of caring and nurturing, the Women’s PowerType we tend to draw on is Mother.

She’s the archetypal version of the strongest Mothering instinct – unconditionally loving, gentle, and powerfully protective of  those in her care.

When does Mother help?

There are 5 Women’s PowerTypes™, and Mother might not be the first to spring to mind when it comes to your partner.

But the PowerTypes are archetypes – embodiments of certain ways of being – not literal descriptions. And there are times, in any relationship, that Mother energy is what’s needed.

  • When you or your partner are feeling hopeless, uncared for and small. We all need unconditional love from time to time, no matter what’s been going on.
  • When you or your partner are feeling vulnerable or unsafe – craving a sense of home, safety, being nurtured and nourished.
  • In times of sickness or exhaustion. Mother is the perfect energy in which to rest and feel cared for.

Just as Mother can be the most effective guide to caring for ourselves, bringing out the best in our team members or helping friends through tough times, so she can be a powerful support in relationships.

And for Liz, navigating the unthinkable – Rayya’s terminal illness and loss of independence – it was naturally an energy which came to the fore.

In a moving podcast for The Moth, called The Alpha Wolf, she shared some of the ways she moved into that caring role.

“I made plans to take care of her… and my whole planning was based on this idea that I was powerless to stop her from dying but by God, I was going to make sure that she had the gentlest, the safest and the most enlightened, the most cushioned death that a human being could possibly have.”

And yet, Rayya – the recipient of her care – was a reluctant – in fact a defiantly resistant patient. She didn’t want to be cosseted and cushioned; she insisted on continuing to live as she always had, right up until the end.

Here’s the beautiful, and even funny way Liz observes and pays tribute to that rebellion.

“She didn’t want to talk to the bereavement counselor that I brought to her house. She wanted to watch football afternoon with her nephews. I made her all this beautiful organic food to keep her as healthy as we could keep her, and she didn’t want it. She wanted to live on Oreos and cigarettes and did live almost exclusively on Oreos and cigarettes for a solid year past her original expiration date. And of course I got her to sign up with hospice, because I wanted to make sure that she had the best and safest quality homecare… and then Rayya got kicked out of hospice.”

There’s such humour, in that description of what must have included some really painful moments.

Overexpressed Mother in action

What Liz has picked up on is the way that Mother energy can sometimes run the risk of going into overdrive. “Overexpressed” Mother energy begins to show up as possessive, controlling or inappropriately ”fussy”.

It also starts to swallow your own resources.

And the situation doesn’t have to be extreme as Liz’s for this to be true.

Maybe you care so deeply about your team that you find yourself losing sleep over their personal lives.

Or you’re so concerned about your friend’s finances that unasked, you draw up a spending plan to help them get unstuck. (Never mind everything else that’s on your plate right now… or the fact that they’ve never stuck to a budget in their lives.)

What feels like care to the overexpressed Mother can feel a lot like being controlled or bossed about by the person in the “child” role.

And in the end, that can be a less effective way of supporting them on their path.

Finding balance with Mother

In Liz’s telling of the story, it was at the end of Rayya’s life that she finally understood the kind of care her lover wanted.

“Rayya didn’t want my help. She didn’t want my pity. She didn’t want my planning. She certainly didn’t want my story. The only thing that really wanted from me was that thing which I had always so effortlessly and naturally given her which was my devotion and my all. She just wanted me there in the room, in love with her and bearing witness.”

That pure, unwavering devotion – that honouring of the wholeness of the other person, and commitment to being there for them without trying to fix or change them – is a wonderful description of the Mother at her most powerful.

And Liz’s courage in sharing this lesson, continuing the legacy of she and Rayya’s love story and her own journey towards greater understanding, is something I find incredibly inspiring.

Taking charge of your Mother energy

If you know Mother’s a PowerType you tend to overexpress, here are some questions to ask yourself when you find yourself slipping into a caring mode.

1. Has this person asked for my help in this way?

You might be powerfully attuned to the challenges someone’s facing. But have you asked them what would help the most?

Checking in with them to see what they’d like you to do, or asking “would you be willing for me to…” gives them the autonomy to tell you what would be of most help to them. The answer might be “nothing right now” or “just being here to talk to” – if that’s the case, resist the urge to solve or fix things further.

2. Am I being depleted by my actions?

There are some people in our lives we’d willingly sacrifice energy for. Most mums have probably sacrificed their sleep and at times their sanity to support a sick kid; you might have a handful of drop-everything friends or family members who you’d turn your life upside down to be at their side.

But if you’re regularly being drained or exhausted in service of others, it might be time to take a look at how many people you’re committed to supporting.

Enough is Enough is our free how-to guide to setting boundaries and getting clear on what is and isn’t yours to take on. Click here to download your free copy now.

3. Do I have access to other leadership modes?

As a leader, Mother inspires independence, gratitude and courage in those around her.

But there are times when leaders need to call on other PowerTypes – decisive Queen, visionary Sorceress, energetic Warrioress or magnetic Lover.

If you’d like to find out how you can gain greater access to the full range of PowerTypes, book a call with one of the team today and find out if one of our programs or retreats might be a good fit for you.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How the Women’s PowerTypes can be useful in daily life

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

The Women’s PowerTypes™ are 5 archetypes that guide us to access our power as female leaders. You might have read inspiring stories of women like Carol, who used them to manage an international NATO workshop. Or seen other women in our community sharing big projects and impressive wins. But what about the day to day stresses and struggles? Today we’re celebrating how the Women’s PowerTypes can be useful in daily life. Because sometimes, it’s handling the smallest tasks that can allow you to shine when it comes to the big stuff.

Leadership comes in all forms. At One of many our mission is to empower one million grassroots women leaders. In other words, you don’t have to be a corporate executive, a politician, or a business owner to be able to step up and have an impact, without burning out.

Perhaps you’re a leader in your family, community, or within a team of equally dedicated, sometimes-a-bit-frazzled women.

Grassroots leaders are powerful change agents

That kind of leadership still means you can make a difference.

It still means having great leadership skills up your sleeve can have an impact on what you’re able to achieve.

And sometimes, quite frankly, the biggest leadership battle we all face is with ourselves. Staying motivated; adapting and going with the flow whatever it is we’re doing; and allowing ourselves to have a bit of fun while we do it. 

So today I want to share a fun example of how the Women’s PowerTypes can help you be happier, more effective and more fulfilled at every end of the spectrum.

From world changing events to the most mundane of tasks – knowing that you have these different ways of being at your fingertips can transform every day of your life.

How the Women’s PowerTypes can be useful in daily life

A while back Sara popped into the Facebook group to celebrate the way the PowerTypes supported her during a mammoth day of cleaning and decluttering at home.

Sounds like it could be a recipe for boredom and exhaustion, right?

Well, here’s how the PowerTypes helped her out:

Sara wrote:

“Changing seasons always gives me a spurt of ‘tidying’ energy. So as we head into autumn, I’m having a cleaning and clearing kind of day in full blown Mother PowerType.

Clearing out handbags of all the ticket stubs, old pens and half empty packets of painkillers that collect in the bottoms. Clearing kitchen cupboards of food past its use by date and emptying my wardrobe of clothes and shoes that I’ll never wear again. Emptying the last of the boxes from my storage unit. Tidying and sorting the ‘odds and sods’ drawers.

Marigolds and bin bags and polish. Oh my!”

The Mother

The Mother, as you might imagine, has a powerful nurturing quality. When we connect to our Mother PowerType we’re not thinking of our own children (you might not have them – you can still access Mother).

What we’re connecting to are those wonderfully accepting, nurturing qualities that typify a truly caring, warm and devoted Mother.

And Mother cares deeply about the wellbeing of those in her care. So it’s natural that Sara’s urge to clear and sort might come from that place of deep nurture – for herself, for her home, and for the possessions and objects that fill it.

In the workplace, Mother energy supports those around you to feel safe and secure. She’s a wonderful PowerType to help bring out the unique contributions of everyone and to make sure they feel able to express themselves.

But Mother alone, when over-expressed, can sometimes become less than helpful.

At worst she can tip into “Martyr” – sacrificing herself for the needs of others.

So Sara wisely decided to introduce the beautiful balancing energy of The Warrioress.

The Warrioress

“Still in my PJs – Warrioress and I decided that was much more fun than getting dressed. She’s also selected the accompanying music. Everything is easier with the One of many dynamic dance playlist blaring out!”

Warrioress is the perfect PowerType for tackling a big physical job like cleaning. High-energy and focused, she brings enthusiasm, bags of energy and the will to make even the seemingly impossible happen. She also knows how to have a good time while she does it!

If you’ve got kids, Warrioress is often the part of you who thrives on rough and tumble play – getting a bit silly and letting your hair down. (She can be a lot of fun in the bedroom, too… ;-))

Blasting through house cleaning with music sounds like a lot of fun. And it’s pretty much an open secret that getting rid of things you don’t need and creating a bit more space for living can have a pretty great impact on our mental and emotional state too.

(Does you also like to have a really good clear out when you’re stuck on a project or needing to shift some “mental furniture?”)

So I love that Sara also allowed herself to use Sorceress in her day.

The Sorceress

Sorceress is the PowerType we use to connect to our intuition. The Universe, God, Goddess, Allah, Source… whatever your name is for the “bigger picture” beyond our thinking comprehension, she is it.

In leadership terms, cultivating your connection to Sorceress can allow you to access that hard-to-define quality that helps you navigate the toughest challenges. She can fuel your inner calm and certainty when things get rocky or find inexplicable ways to solve what seem like insurmountable challenges.

Even just 5 minutes in a hectic day can help connect you to Sorceress and open up space for some of the unplannable to come in. So Sara decided to consciously make some space later in the day to access that PowerType and see what might come up.

“Sorceress feels more able to manifest and is planning a smudging and blessing ritual for later.”

And as my house is getting tidier and the energy is getting clearer – I am getting muckier so Lover is looking forward to a long soak in the bath when I’m done.”

The Lover

The Lover, it probably goes without saying, is the part of you that enjoys sensual, beautiful experiences. When it comes to making your space great, connecting and delighting in good company, she’s a great one to invite in.

She’s definitely one to access at bathtime – where she’ll encourage you to go all out with candles and the posh bubble bath you’ve been “saving”.

She also plays an important role in preventing you from overwhelm and burnout. Many of us struggle to prioritise self-care and rest, so having access to The Lover ensures you don’t skip the vital work of taking care of yourself. And actually enjoying all of your achievements, along with those you care most about.

The Queen

The last of the 5 PowerTypes is The Queen. For many women, she’s one of the most compelling PowerTypes because of the ability she has to wield power, make decisions and set boundaries – without losing any of her grace or femininity. For Sara, Queen is

“Holding the vision of what my home could and should be. A place of welcome, comfort and sanctuary for me and for those within my realm that I choose to invite into this space.”

The Women’s PowerTypes help you lead powerfully in any situation

Needless to say, the PowerTypes can be used to achieve an awful lot more than cleaning your house. Sara’s a One of many Certified Trainer, a Mastercoach and mentor with over 25 years of experience in campaigning and communications. She co-founded Pagefield, the leading independent communications agency and is founder of Actually, empowering changemakers to use the power of great communications and campaigns to inspire action.

But having a big impact starts when you get really fluent in making the everyday shifts in your state. To keep you focused, flexible and supremely well resourced when it comes to the task at hand.

Want to get to know the PowerTypes better?

Whether you’re ready to change the world or would just love to be able to sail through day to day tasks without losing your marbles, we’ve got all the tools you need.

BePowerful is our 12 week online training that allows you to get in touch with each of the PowerTypes and apply them in your life. Using a blend of audios and meditations, video lessons and downloadable worksheets – as well as our incredibly supportive private Facebook Group – you’ll discover how the PowerTypes can help you have a bigger impact in your world.

Find out all the details here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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When you feel responsible for everything

By

Joanna Martin

Joanna Martin

Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

As a child, did you ever imagine how fun it would be when you could “make all the rules”? When to go to bed (never!)… What to have for dinner (icecream!)… Who to allow in your special secret club (no boys!). Unfortunately, along with growing up comes the dawning realization that “making all the rules” isn’t as fun as it seemed when you were six years old. Here’s what to do when you feel responsible for everything.

When you feel responsible for everything

First things first, let’s get one thing clear: almost every successful woman I meet has struggled with some version of this. You might sometimes feel like you’re the only one who feels she’s responsible for everything – but trust me, you’re not alone.

From coaching team members to “managing upwards” and making sure your boss has all the information they need; keeping track of school holidays to knowing when the car insurance runs out (and finding the best deal); getting your daily steps in to keeping up on social media – there are countless areas that for one reason or another seem to end up on our plates.

And it has an impact.

In a VIP day with a client, she shared how frustrated she felt that she seemed to suddenly be responsible for everything. Her business was going really well – in fact, it was growing. But with success seemed to come an endless list of new responsibilities – tasks to follow up, people to take care of, relationships to nurture.

I could relate. As an oldest child, I’ve been feeling responsible for taking care of those around me ever since I can remember.

And having a partner doesn’t necesarily help lessen the burden.

Studies have shown that in heterosexual partnerships, women tend to take the lion’s share of the household management on top of their other responsibilities. (I read a recent piece of research which showed that women with male partners actually did more housework than single women – how’s that for some extra responsibility?!)

Here’s what to do when you feel responsible for everything

1. Get clear on what responsibility is (and what it isn’t…)

When I’m grappling with a concept in my life, the first thing I do is reach for the dictionary. The history of a word often contains valuable clues as to how we might be misinterpreting it through the lens of our current era.

The word “responsibility”, I discovered, has an original connotation of “being answerable to another for something”.

To be responsible for something, you need to be answerable to someone for it. Simply appreciating that level of specificity brings clarity about how to think about those things you’re responsible for.

Responsibility doesn’t mean “keeping everyone happy”. It means being answerable to someone.

So your responsibility for raising your kids requires you to be answerable to them.

It doesn’t mean your mum, your neighbour or someone on Facebook has any say in your parenting choices.

Responsibility for tending your relationship means you’re answerable to your partner.

So your best friend thinks you’re not getting enough sex? That’s their issue – if things between you and your honey feel good, no one else has a say in the matter.

It doesn’t mean that you have to actually do the thing yourself, either.

You might be answerable for bringing a batch of cakes to the charity bake sale – no one says you need to have baked them yourself from scratch that morning.

2. Recognise when your responsibility level is getting out of hand

If you’re anything like my client, or me, you probably have certain clues when you’re starting to feel your responsibilities as more of a weight than a privilege.

Maybe it’s starting to feel like you’re never any fun to be around. You’re like the class monitor, constantly checking up on things – have you done that? Did I forget this? And never able to let your hair down or relax.

We talk a lot about the Women’s PowerTypes here – the 5 models of female leadership that elicit powerful results without tipping us into burnout. But there are other, less powerful archetypes that come into play from time to time too.

When it comes to responsibility, here are a few to watch out for:

  • The martyr – sacrificing herself for everyone else’s good
  • The people-pleaser – her one goal is to get everyone to like her and approve of her
  • The caretaker – taking care of everyone else’s needs

Notice the thing all of these archetypes have in common? They’re all trying to do something for “everyone”.

And yet, we know that taking responsibility means quite the opposite – it means being answerable to “someone”.

If you notice yourself slipping into one of these archetypes, or beginning to feel that “everyone” is relying on you, stop. It’s time to take a look at what’s going on, and set some boundaries around what’s yours to deal with.

3. Do a “responsibility audit”

I promise this is way easier than the word “audit” sounds – and it’s a powerful way to let go of some of the stuff that really doesn’t need to be stealing your attention right now!

Start by making a list of everything you feel responsible for right now. Just go with whatever comes to mind, and give yourself time – it might be a long list!

Now, next to each item on the list, answer this question: Has someone actually asked you to take responsibility for this?

You might be surprised how many things you’ve “assumed” are your responsibility, without ever being asked.

Next, ask yourself “Do I WANT to be responsible for this?”. Be honest.

If you don’t, is there someone you could delegate to? Or perhaps a way to negotiate sharing responsibility?

Finally, note down who you’re answerable to for that particular area.

Try to write a specific name if you can. If the answer is something like “my team” or “my family”, that could be a clue that you’re taking on an extra area, or that there’s a discussion to be had with the people involved about how and why you answer for that.

Over to you

I’d love to know what your challenges around responsibility are.

Did you discover anything you could delegate?

Or perhaps doing the audit revealed something utterly crazy that you’d added to your list – and you’re ready to just let go of right away? Let us know in the comments!

And if you’d like more support with taking back control of your energy, take a look at BePowerful.

This 12 week program is a step-by-step, supportive way to transform how you approach the different areas of your life. It’s not about changing who you are, it’s about becoming MORE of who you are, and you can access it wherever you are in the world. Click here for full details.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: Is positive thinking good for you?

By

Annie Stoker

Annie Stoker

Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of many
Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK's most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Annie Stoker

Latest posts by Annie Stoker (see all)

Positive thinking is everywhere! You can’t have a coffee, go on Facebook or buy a journal without seeing messages to “think positively” and “be happy”. In our modern culture of busyness, stress and overwhelm, staying positive has become ever more popular as a way to keep focused on what we want to achieve and how we want to feel. But is positive thinking good for you, or could it have hidden drawbacks? Here’s a take you might not have thought of – and some important aspects to watch out for.

How can positive thinking help?

Many people are familiar with the saying that we ‘create what we think about’, and from this perspective positive thinking makes sense.

  • When we focus on something positive, such as going for a promotion that we want with a constructive outlook, we will create pleasant feelings which will influence how we act in the interview.
  • If we tell ourselves that we will never get the promotion, are not good enough and that nothing good ever happens to us, then we are likely to create a negative mood which will cause us to show up as anything but our best in the interview.

In this way, what we tell ourselves has a very real impact on our experience and results. However, this is not the only effect of positive thinking. Sometimes it can have some downsides too!

3 downsides of positive thinking

1. It can lead us to ignore our instincts

If we constantly need to change our thoughts from negative to positive, we may be ignoring what those so-called negative thoughts are trying to tell us.

I have met quite a few ‘deluded optimists’ in my time, who insist on putting a positive spin on situations that are clearly really unpleasant or upsetting.

There is a wonderful book by the philosopher Voltaire called ‘Candide’ in which the hero is taught that ‘everything is the best in this best of all possible worlds’. He is told to keep seeing life this way even though life is throwing him disaster after disaster.

By not listening to our thoughts that tell us ‘this is not ok’ we can risk ignoring warnings that could actually help us.

2. It gives power to the negative thoughts

If we constantly need to change our thoughts from positive to negative, we don’t learn how to deal with thoughts as a whole. Think of it this way: The mind is a machine that churns out thoughts. Some are useful and many are not.

However, if we don’t learn how to interact with the mind in a more mindful way, then we are always believing the negative thoughts, not liking them and then needing to turn them into positive ones.

Mindfulness gives us the ability to neutrally observe all types of thoughts, so that we are less affected by their content and don’t automatically believe them, just because they are in our head.

Let’s face it, the mind will always churn out thoughts, so having to always change negative thoughts to positive is quite a task! Mindfulness allows us to accept thoughts just as ‘mental events’ rather than the truth. As such we can engage or disengage from individual thoughts at will which allows us a great degree of autonomy from the mind.

3. It drains your energy

As we discussed earlier, negative thoughts create negative emotions. Positive thoughts create positive emotions. So, therefore, I hear you say, we just need to keep thinking positive thoughts so that we will feel happy!

Well, it’s not quite that simple.

If we insist on thinking positively, we run the very real risk of avoiding the negative feelings inside us. These may be from the past, or from current events. You may think that is a good thing! But research shows that when we avoid or suppress any of our emotions, it has a significant effect in lowering our levels of wellbeing.

Emotions are designed to be felt and released. For example, crying releases oxytocin and endorphins in tears which helps you to feel better. Emotions don’t cause us problems, but avoiding them does. If we suppress our emotions, they don’t go away, but just create a backlog inside us.

This can cause us to be overreactive to small triggers, to develop addictions to substances that make us feel better and can eventually negatively impact our health.

It is therefore important to keep releasing our emotions when they arise so that we fully process our reactions to our daily life. Many of us also have a big backlog from past events that we didn’t process completely, often because we didn’t like the feelings we had. These can turn into what I call ‘emotional allergies’ which we will do anything to avoid. That can include avoiding relationships so that we don’t feel hurt, not going for a promotion so that we don’t feel rejected or not taking our business to the next level in case we feel failure. These emotional allergies can run many of our behaviours – and therefore results – without us knowing about them.

What emotional balance looks like

Developing emotional equity, on the other hand, allows us to feel and welcome all emotions equally. There aren’t actually any negative emotions. Only ones that we find comfortable and those that we find uncomfortable.

Mindfulness gives us the skills to allow, welcome and accept all our emotions with kindness and compassion towards ourselves. This can enable us to both clear the backlog from the past effectively and deal with emotions in the present much more easily.

So, in summary, yes – positive thinking helps us feel positive! But it can also sometimes cause us to either avoid reality as it is, or our emotions as they are.

Bringing mindful awareness to your external life and your internal experience can give you a sense of peace no matter what is going on.

About Annie Stoker

Psychotherapist. Author. Property Investor. Dog-Lover. Chilled-Out Friend.

Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK’s most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.

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What brings fulfilment in life?

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

If I asked you whether you wanted to feel fulfilled in your life – your work, your relationships, your contribution – you’d probably give a wholehearted YES, right? But if I asked how you could actually create that feeling: what brings fulfilment in life, or how we can know when we’re fully experiencing it, you wouldn’t be alone if you found it a bit harder to articulate.

Fulfilment is the answer to making a positive difference in the world without burning ourselves out. And yet many of us aren’t really clear on exactly what we mean by it, or how we can take practical steps to find fulfilment if it’s missing. Today I’m going to share 4 powerful questions you can ask yourself to discover how much fulfilment you’re currently experiencing in your life – and what you could do to increase it.

Fulfilment isn’t static

Before we start, a quick note on one thing I know to be true: Change is inevitable. As time goes by, what brings you fulfillment will also change. So if you find yourself wondering why something you once found fulfilling seems to have lost its sheen, don’t worry: There’s nothing wrong, and you haven’t made a “mistake”.

The trick to finding fulfillment throughout your life is to choose your activities wholeheartedly accordingly to what brings you fulfilment at each stage of your life… and then when that particular season of your life comes to an end, know that you can transition, and pivot into something new. You don’t have to burn bridges or forgo commitments.

What’s your life’s work right now?

In the following questions, I use the word “work” to describe your day to day activities. At BeFulfilled, the two-day retreat where we explore these themes in more detail, we use the phrase “life’s work” as a nod to the fact that this doesn’t have to refer to paid work or a career. Your life’s work might be:

  • Raising children
  • Making art
  • Being a carer for someone you love
  • Giving back to your community in some way.

How to use these questions

You might want to grab your journal and jot down your thoughts on these 4 points, or simply sit and think about how you’d answer them. Or why not forward this article to a friend and take it in turns to ask each other these questions?

However you choose to explore, it’s worth taking the time to consider which of these ingredients might need a little more attention in your life right now. 

4 ingredients of a fulfilled life

1. Do you find MEANING in your current work?

The first ingredient to fulfilment is meaning.

Finding meaning in what you’re doing doesn’t have to mean you’re engaged in profound or even stimulating activities every moment of every day. Raising children is certainly a meaningful job, but it sure as hell involves plenty of less-than-meaningful activities – most of them involving bodily fluids.

Perhaps your work has you mired in spreadsheets or grappling with awkward clients more often than you’d like, but overall do you feel a sense of meaning behind what you do? Does it fit into a bigger picture you’re invested in – whether for you personally, for your family, or for the planet?

Which leads me to the second ingredient when it comes to feeling fulfilled:

Contribution.

2. Does your work allow you to make a CONTRIBUTION in some way?

Contribution is the feeling that you’re giving something through the work you do. That you’re making a difference to the planet, or your community, or to other people. It will look very different for everyone.

It might be voluntary work that makes a difference to your local community. A position in academia that helps move research forward. Feeling that you’re developing and growing your team into truly outstanding individuals.

To what extent do you feel that your current work allows you to give something back to the world?

3. Does your work bring you JOY?

I’m not suggesting that fulfillment can only arrive when you’re in a state of constant happiness. (For starters, I’m not actually sure that exists). But if we don’t have an enthusiasm for what we’re doing each day, it’s hard to have a sense that we’re really as fulfilled as we could be.

Joy is a feeling that many of us weren’t taught to look for in our work, and yet when we experience it, it can be a catalyst for profound change and impact that’s far easier than if you’re gritting your teeth and “pushing through” each day.

How much joy do you currently experience? How could you find more?

The final ingredient is one that feels great when we get to really experience it:

4. Does your work give you opportunities for EXCELLENCE?

Whether it’s cleaning, coaching or managing million-dollar budgets, when you’re truly excellent at whatever it is you’re doing there’s an unparalleled feeling of satisfaction that arises. Excellence occurs when your gifts, talents and abilities are utilized to the full, so that you’re really aware that you’re doing your very best work.

Excellence is something we often value greatly in others but can sometimes find it hard to acknowledge in ourselves. Try thinking about the moments when you are most “in your flow” – when time seems to pass without you noticing, and you’re fully absorbed in whatever it is you’re doing. Often, they’re the times when you’re working in your most excellent way – and can lead to a sense of intense fulfillment when you look back at what you’ve achieved.

The fulfilment paradox

Of course, while we can identify certain ingredients that can lead to feeling fulfilled, it’s also true that fulfillment is just a feeling. An emotional state. There’s no litmus test anyone can perform to decide whether or not you “should” be feeling fulfilled right now.

If you’d like to explore the idea of fulfillment more deeply, or if you’re at a point where things are shifting and you know you’re being called to adapt what once worked for you, get in touch with our team to find out what tools and programs might make all the difference.

I’d love to know what you found came up for you as you read these questions. Are there any others you’d add? Share in the comments below.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to replenish yourself in 2 minutes

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

If you’re doing something that requires a lot of your energy – managing a job with big responsibilities, wrangling toddlers, travelling, pouring your heart into fulfilling work – it’s really important to take the time to fill yourself up. And yes, getting a good night’s sleep, taking the weekend to recharge or booking yourself in for an hour-long treatment are all great ways to do that.

But what if you simply don’t have time to give yourself a full rest session. Are there any ways to replenish yourself quickly and effectively – in 2 minutes?

That very question popped up in our Facebook community. It was posed by a mum looking to give herself a quick break from taking care of her energetic children over the holidays – but the responses were too good not to share.

So, in no particular order, here are ten of the best quick ways we know to recharge yourself.

10 ways to recharge in 2 minutes

1. Ground yourself

“Lie down on the grass (weather permitting!) or your floor, and breathe consciously in and out.”

2. Untwizzle

“With your feet on the floor, cross your ankles. Cross your wrists the opposite way (eg. left over right, then right over left – it doesn’t matter which order, as long as they’re different) and place them on your hips. Put your tongue behind your top teeth, and breathe through your nose.”

3. The scent of change

“I have trained my brain to link the smell of lavender to feeling peaceful. One sniff now and I am good.”

4. Tree gazing

“Standing outside looking at a tree, taking some slow, deep breaths, feeling the ground beneath you and the sky above, really noticing everything about the tree – the shape, the colours, the way it moves in the breeze. If you can’t get outside, even looking at a picture of a tree can be beneficial!”

5. Tappity tap

“You can make quite an impact by using EFT (a.k.a.Tapping) for just 2-3 minutes. It helps calm the limbic system (which is responsible for emotions) bringing about a sense of peace and calm. There are plenty of videos on YouTube you can look at if you’re not familiar with the basics. Only takes a couple of minutes to pick up and you can do it even while you’re with your kids (and teach it to them too!)”

6. Play!

“A technique a play therapist taught me was to look in the mirror and jump up and down for 2 minutes shouting yes yes yes or anything else positive and special to you.”

7. Show some love

“One for boosting your lover energy is moisturising or applying sun cream mindfully – just enjoying smoothing your skin and appreciate your body sending yourself love whilst you do it.”

8. Smell the flowers

“Go into the garden and sniff a flower close up,a big lung full but mind the bees!”

9. Get present

“Stand still and look up to the sky, look at your feet and look left and right. Ground yourself in the present. Whilst doing this breath in for 4 and out for 5. ”

10. Dance it out

“I love to put on music and dance”

We absolutely love these suggestions – what would you add? What are your go-to’s when the world gets too much and you only have a few minutes to collect yourself?

Is it time you had more than 2 minutes to spare?

While mini-rituals like this can be really helpful as stop-gaps, if you’re finding that you never manage to take a proper rest it could be that it’s time to rethink the way you’re approaching everything on your plate.

From Frantic to Fruitful: Time and Energy Secrets of Busy Women is our free training that can help you do just that. In it, I show you how to find an additional 5 hours a week (minimum!) so you can do what you feel called to, kick off that business, start that exercise program… or simply replenish yourself the way you need to.

Click here to sign up for this free training.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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The difference between goals and dreams

By

Wendy Harrington

Founder at One of many

Latest posts by Wendy Harrington (see all)

What’s the difference between goals and dreams? Are they simply different words for talking about what’s essentially the same thing, or is there a distinction between them when it comes to creating the future you want?

The language you use to describe what you’re doing matters. Knowing what your aim is can give you access to different tools and behaviours that can help you get to where you want to go.

But first, let’s get clear on what we mean when we talk about these two concepts.

The difference between goals and dreams

Goals are commonly used in a work context, or when we’re talking about something specific.

You might have come across the acronym SMART used when talking about goal setting. There are variations on what the different letters stand for, but an often-accepted definition is:

  • Specific
  • Measurable
  • Achievable
  • Realistic
  • Time-sensitive

Examples of goals might be…

Run 5km by October

Increase business profits by 50% this quarter

Teach my daughter to tie her shoelaces independently by the time she starts school

Dreams, on the other hand, tend to have a more abstract feel to them.

They might not be something you can write down or describe in words – your dream might be an image, a feeling or a very broad idea of something you would like to experience in your future.

Your dream might be…

To have my own business doing work I love

To travel somewhere adventurous

To feel true soul connection to my partner

Why distinguish between goals and dreams?

The difference between these concepts is pretty clear, then. While a goal is something that’s straightforward to describe and plan for, a dream is something less tangible. You’ll know when you get there, but you might not have a clear sense of exactly when that will be or what the steps are for you to achieve it.

Many of us have been brought up in a society where goals are considered to be superior to dreams.

Perhaps you were told by a teacher or a parent that you “daydreamed” too much, or that you needed to make your dreams more concrete.

In the workplace, we’re often encouraged to set realistic, measurable targets – and of course, it makes sense to be able to define when we’ve achieved certain outcomes and to be able to track our progress.

But does that really make dreams inferior?

Dreams vs. goals: The PowerTypes insight

The 5 Women’s PowerTypes™ are powerful role models of female leadership that enable us to access our inner resources and step into our most powerful selves.

When it comes to goals and dreams, we see two PowerTypes come to the fore: The Queen and the Sorceress. Here’s how they can help you get clear on what you’re aiming for.

Setting goals with the Queen

Call to mind an archetypal queen: serene, regal and authoritative, she steers her realm by making decisions for the good of all. Queen is the PowerType we call on when it’s time to set clear goals that will define our activities over a period of time.

Just as the Queen of a kingdom manages her resources, setting clear priorities for her court, her army and her treasury, so you can use your own Queen energy to guide your decisions.

You might choose to set boundaries in service of your goal – for example, agree that your partner will take care of the evening chores three nights a week so you can make progress with your running schedule.

The Queen is a powerful decision maker; she trusts her intuition but she also takes advice from her wise counsellors. So if your boss suggests that your goal of doubling your team’s sales figures isn’t a realistic one, you’ll take their advice into account. And your big vision and sense of clear-eyed certainty will motivate others around you to lend their energy to help your goal.

Dreaming with Sorceress

Sorceress is the PowerType we turn to when it’s time to dream.

It’s important to note that no one PowerType is prioritised over the others, so your connection to your Sorceress is in no way more or less important than your Queen. Instead, we recognise the need to be able to draw on the PowerType that’s most appropriate for what we’re trying to achieve in any given moment.

The ability to dream, to intuit and to feel what might be possible for the future is absolutely as important as your capability for planning and preparing for goals.

The Sorceress “feels” into her visions and is able to see possibilities that might not be open to others, or which might even feel impossible. She’s attuned to nature, and tends to spend time on her own connecting to her inner vision and trusting absolutely in the gifts or insights it brings her.

Your Sorceress might guide you to connect with a certain person, invest in a specific workshop or say “no” to an opportunity that for some reason doesn’t feel “right”.

Learning to trust these visions and stay open to the ways in which they might become a reality can be a challenge for those of us more used to rolling up our sleeves and making things happen – but it’s a skill that the most powerful leaders are often able to use.

Dreaming in action

Jen Le Marinel, a One of many Certified Coach, describes why dreams are so important:

We all have dreams. Some are big, some are small. Some seem impossible, some are forgotten, some are buried deep inside, lost under the pile of stuff that everyday life throws at us. But somewhere, there’s that spark, that every now and then gets fanned, and it flickers. Nurtured, it grows, ignored, it dies down…

Jen’s taken many courageous steps on the path to bringing her dreams to life, and one things she’s learned along the way is that giving appropriate value to your dream allows you to balance your efforts to achieve your goals along the way.

Once you’re on the right path, and living the dream – I mean, living by the VALUES of that dream – you’re actually already there. The achievement of the ultimate dream doesn’t feel so urgent, as you’re already living in alignment with what that dream will give you. And the best bit….when you’re on that path, the ultimate dream even begins to speed up towards you!

It makes sense, doesn’t it – there’s no point putting your energy towards reaching a certain goal if it’s not ultimately leading towards a dream that feels good to be moving towards.

And as Jen has learned, being able to dream – and trust that dream – can lead to a life that you might never have imagined if you had only permitted yourself to stick to those “manageable” or “realistic” goals.

TODAY I’m now considering some steps that could potentially lead me to my “out there” dream in a matter of months. A place I never dreamed I’d reach at all, let alone so soon. It’s not going to be easy and I don’t even know for sure that the time is definitely right, but I do know that if I hadn’t started “living the dream” a couple of years ago I definitely wouldn’t be living the dream today.

Knowing how to balance your Queen and Sorceress – your dreams and your goals – is the key to unlocking your fullest potential – and having the impact you’re ultimately here to make.

Are you more of a goal-setter or a dreamer?

Do you tend to break things down into practical steps, or are you more of a big-picture dreamer? Remember, neither of those is better or worse than the other – and most of us tend to find one comes more naturally, while the other requires more conscious cultivation.

Let us know in the comments below.

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