One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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How to live life on your own terms

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

One of the greatest privileges we have is to make choices. When it comes to knowing how to live life on your own terms, it’s so important that we take stock of the many freedoms we now have, compared to generations of women before us. That’s not to say it’s always easy. Today I want to share some practical insights into why that is, and how to live life on your own terms.

Recognising how lucky we are

Discrimination, inequality and massive imabalances in power are very real, even in today’s world. And yet, there are many choices we’re able to make as women that would have been unthinkable for our mothers, grandmothers, and generations before them.

I loved hearing Michelle Williams acknowledge this at the Golden Globes 2020. She said:

"I’m grateful for the acknowledgment of the choices I’ve made, and I’m also grateful to have lived at a moment in our society where choice exists...

I’ve tried my very best to live a life of my own making and not just a series of events that happened to me, but one that I can stand back and look at and recognize my handwriting all over, sometimes messy and scrawling, sometimes careful and precise, but one that I carved with my own hand."

Now, if you’re rolling your eyes a little, I get it. A Hollywood actress, receiving a glittering award at a fancy event… it’s easy to feel like she’s got it all sorted.

As though it’s easy to talk about “choice” when you’re wealthy and privileged.

And yet most of us are extremely fortunate to also have choices. If you’ve received an education, have access to clean water and healthcare, and are able to make fundamental decisions about contraception, finances and marriage, you’re better off than millions of women around the world.

So why do we end up feeling like we’re stuck?

Gratitude for your good fortune is one thing. And then there's the daily reality – bills to pay, kids to wrangle, relationships to navigate, jobs to do.

Sure, we might have more freedom than many, many other women throughout history. But it's also very normal to feel as though right now, today, you don't have an awful lot of say in the demands being made of you. 

At One of many we use “archetypes” to explore common patterns of being that show up in the lives of many women.

As well as the 5 Women’s PowerTypes, our models of powerful feminine leadership, we also see 3 “disempowering archetypes” show up.

These can help you understand what’s happening at those times when it doesn’t feel as though you’re living life on your own terms.

We often feel powerless when...

We’re in “victim” mode: We feel helpless, and as though we can’t do anything to change the situation we’re in.

We’re in “martyr” mode. This is the archetype of the woman who sacrifices everything for others, and never has the space to give to her own needs or desires.

We’re in “bitch” mode. This is where our pent up anger and resentment comes out, and we lash out at those around us (yes, often with the people we love most).

How do you find your way back to the life you want?

If these disempowering archetypes help us understand why we’re feeling boxed in or lacking in power, the Women’s PowerTypes are a framework that allow us to connect to the choices we do have in ay given moment.

These might be as simple as the choices you have about how to respond to a situation. The details you notice, the lessons you take, or the aspects you choose to let go of.

We become conscious of our choices when…

We get to know ourselves. We start to explore what we want, what makes us feel good, what our fears and patterns are. This might be through journaling, talking to a trusted friend or coach, or taking time out regularly without an agenda to enjoy some space that’s just for us.

We give ourselves permission. We allow ourselves to (shock, horror!) do things that are only for us, not for anyone else. If you’re someone who spends their time making other people’s lives easier, this can be a truly radical step.

We get support. At One of many we believe that collaboration is key to changing the kind of world we live in. When we support each other and share our journeys, we’re all able to thrive and grow further than we ever could by ourselves.

Do you want to live life on your terms?

At One of many we’ve developed a specific set of tools to help women find their power and take control of their lives. And our mission is to get those tools into the hands of as many women as possible.

Would you like to be part of this turning tide?

Take a look at Living the Change – our groundbreaking community providing the support, community and tools you need to create the life you want.

Click here to find out more.

You’ll find out what makes our approach so different, and how it’s helping women around the world live life on their own terms.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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The Gift of Receiving

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Last week I had a melt down.

As I looked at the triggers it became clear that I had once more got myself into a situation where I was supporting everyone, and I wasn’t getting the support I needed.

Don’t get me wrong here I have a great supportive team.  They are amazing.  But I’m probably 6 months late on my most recent hire, and when our new General Manager started on Thursday, and we were bringing her up to speed, it became clear just how much I have been managing solo.

I didn’t want to bother my admin team with stuff because they were so busy, so I was doing it, Greg was so busy, so I didn’t want to put anything on him, so I was doing more… you now how it goes.  “I’ll hire a great team, but gee- I don’t want to bug them with the boring tedious things…”

Or maybe that’s just me.

You see I am a reforming S.I.W.  Strong Independent Woman. My catch cry was “I can do anything. I don’t need anyone.”  I avoid neediness like the plague.

This drive to avoid neediness is rife in so many women I coach and mentor.  Strong and successful they have often got there on their own.  Sure, they may have a team, but ultimately they will do anything to avoid being an imposition

At the core of it… many strong women see receiving as a sign of weakness.

Let me be straight here- there’s still a SIW-streak in me who (illogically) thinks that if I were to actually have someone else buy my groceries then I’m a failure as a woman.

(If you can relate to this, you might really benefit from a live 1-day training I’m doing in London in May called “Make the Leap”.  Details here)

So, anyway, this week has gotten me to thinking about receiving.

The Art of Receiving.

Graciousness is a key quality of the Queen.  She’s one of the 5 Women’s Power Archetypes we use in our work at One of Many.

Now, when I say “Queen” there’s not a one among us who would doubt the strength of that archetype.  She is strong, powerful, immense.

Yet- she is exquisite at receiving.

When the explorer kneels at her feet and lays down the rare and exotic fruit he brings back from his travels, she doesn’t say “Oh, no, no I couldn’t’ possibly.” She says, “Why thank you.  It is beautiful, and I look forward to tasting it. Congratulations on bringing it so far.”

The explorer NEEDS her to receive the gift.

Her gracious receiving is a gift to him.

In fact this receiving actually sets up a cycle of energy (or flow).

The act of receiving graciously is, too, a gift. (Tweet this)

Let’s look at it another way.

For most successful women, we are aware we need to “get help”.  We may catch ourselves thinking:

  • “I need to hire a new PA”
  • “I should ask Michelle to help me update my resume”
  • “It’s time I got a regular cleaner”
  • “We need a new customer service manager”
  • “I should ask my sister if she could pick the kids up and take care of them after school once a week.”

But in my experience the thought rarely gets activated.  And even if it does, it often doesn’t work out as well as it could because as women we are not taught to receive.

So your sister picks up the kids once or twice, but because you’re doubting your worthiness to be supported in this way, you find someway to sabotage the arrangement.

You hire a PA, then after 3 months your old “I don’t want to bother her with this piece, I’ll just do it” kicks in (oh yes- I’ve done this many times!)

Instead of turning such delicious opportunities into power trips or ego struggles, we need to consciously receive.

Here’s my recipe for making sure that getting support actually WORKS OUT.

  1. Recognise that you being supported is fundamental to the success of your business, family and/or community.  There’s a lot at stake here.  What you provide is necessary.  Your wellbeing is a must, not a nice to have.
  2. Step into your Queen archetype with your ‘support team’ (whether it’s your spouse, sis, PA, cleaner, your date, accountant or the grocery delivery guy).
  3. When someone helps you out, see it as a gift.  Sure they may be getting paid, but if you see the gift in everything, it activates great receiving.
  4. Receive graciously and let people know they are needed.

How to Receive Graciously.

Here’s a little template you can follow to receive well:

  1. Express gratitude for the gift
    –      “Thankyou so much for…”
  2. Future pace its use
    –      “I’m going to give this pride of place on the mantelpiece.”
    –      “Next time I’m feeling exhausted I’m going to remember that comment and feel better.”
    –      “That has saved me about 5 hours of running in circles.”
  3. Express how it makes you feel
    –      “I feel really honored/relieved/loved/appreciated/taken care of.”
    –      “You saved my life!” (My husband’s personal favourite!)

Sure a simple thank you can be enough.  But I find that going a little further has people feel needed, and deeply appreciated.  This is the gift for them.

So the next time the grocery delivery guy turns up on your doorstep, why not give him a gift.

“Thank you so much for bringing these. That drive through the countryside in the dark and fog just saved me 2 hours, which I get to spend with my family instead. It’s your job, I know, but it makes the world of difference for me and them. Thanks. Oh, and yes… bring them through to the kitchen, please.”

Maybe I’m mad. But I notice the more conscious I get and the better I am at receiving, the more opportunity comes my way.

Let me know how you get on! And if you’re up for growing in your ability to receive and be supported in your mission, it might be time to Make the Leap.  I’m running a live training in London on the 20th of May.  Check out the details here.