One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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How to live life on your own terms

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

One of the greatest privileges we have is to make choices. When it comes to knowing how to live life on your own terms, it’s so important that we take stock of the many freedoms we now have, compared to generations of women before us. That’s not to say it’s always easy. Today I want to share some practical insights into why that is, and how to live life on your own terms.

Recognising how lucky we are

Discrimination, inequality and massive imabalances in power are very real, even in today’s world. And yet, there are many choices we’re able to make as women that would have been unthinkable for our mothers, grandmothers, and generations before them.

I loved hearing Michelle Williams acknowledge this at the Golden Globes 2020. She said:

"I’m grateful for the acknowledgment of the choices I’ve made, and I’m also grateful to have lived at a moment in our society where choice exists...

I’ve tried my very best to live a life of my own making and not just a series of events that happened to me, but one that I can stand back and look at and recognize my handwriting all over, sometimes messy and scrawling, sometimes careful and precise, but one that I carved with my own hand."

Now, if you’re rolling your eyes a little, I get it. A Hollywood actress, receiving a glittering award at a fancy event… it’s easy to feel like she’s got it all sorted.

As though it’s easy to talk about “choice” when you’re wealthy and privileged.

And yet most of us are extremely fortunate to also have choices. If you’ve received an education, have access to clean water and healthcare, and are able to make fundamental decisions about contraception, finances and marriage, you’re better off than millions of women around the world.

So why do we end up feeling like we’re stuck?

Gratitude for your good fortune is one thing. And then there's the daily reality – bills to pay, kids to wrangle, relationships to navigate, jobs to do.

Sure, we might have more freedom than many, many other women throughout history. But it's also very normal to feel as though right now, today, you don't have an awful lot of say in the demands being made of you. 

At One of many we use “archetypes” to explore common patterns of being that show up in the lives of many women.

As well as the 5 Women’s PowerTypes, our models of powerful feminine leadership, we also see 3 “disempowering archetypes” show up.

These can help you understand what’s happening at those times when it doesn’t feel as though you’re living life on your own terms.

We often feel powerless when...

We’re in “victim” mode: We feel helpless, and as though we can’t do anything to change the situation we’re in.

We’re in “martyr” mode. This is the archetype of the woman who sacrifices everything for others, and never has the space to give to her own needs or desires.

We’re in “bitch” mode. This is where our pent up anger and resentment comes out, and we lash out at those around us (yes, often with the people we love most).

How do you find your way back to the life you want?

If these disempowering archetypes help us understand why we’re feeling boxed in or lacking in power, the Women’s PowerTypes are a framework that allow us to connect to the choices we do have in ay given moment.

These might be as simple as the choices you have about how to respond to a situation. The details you notice, the lessons you take, or the aspects you choose to let go of.

We become conscious of our choices when…

We get to know ourselves. We start to explore what we want, what makes us feel good, what our fears and patterns are. This might be through journaling, talking to a trusted friend or coach, or taking time out regularly without an agenda to enjoy some space that’s just for us.

We give ourselves permission. We allow ourselves to (shock, horror!) do things that are only for us, not for anyone else. If you’re someone who spends their time making other people’s lives easier, this can be a truly radical step.

We get support. At One of many we believe that collaboration is key to changing the kind of world we live in. When we support each other and share our journeys, we’re all able to thrive and grow further than we ever could by ourselves.

Do you want to help other women live life on their terms?

At One of many we’ve developed a specific set of tools to help women find their power and take control of their lives. And our mission is to get those tools into the hands of as many women as possible.

Would you like to be part of this turning tide?

Our certified coaches help other women step up, become empowered and write their own script. To find out more about our approach, and how you could become a part of this global movement, you can watch our free training: The Secret To Coaching Women.

You’ll find out what makes our approach so different, and how it’s helping women around the world live life on their own terms.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Guest blog: What menopause means

By

Alexandra Pope
Alexandra Pope
Alexandra Pope is co-director of Red School and co-author of the iconic and hugely celebrated book from Hay House, Wild Power: discover the magic of the menstrual cycle and awaken the feminine path to power.

Together with colleague and co-author, Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, she teaches a radical new approach to women’s health and wellbeing; creativity and leadership; and spiritual life based on the power of our menstruality consciousness.

With a background in teaching, psychotherapy and hypnotherapy and drawing on 40 years collective experience pioneering this emerging field of menstruality, they offer workshops, online courses, training and coaching worldwide based on the power of the menstrual cycle, and the developmental journey from menarche to menopause. Find out more at www.redschool.net
Alexandra Pope
Latest posts by Alexandra Pope (see all)
“Menopause is an opportunity”. Let’s be honest, if you ask most people what menopause means, you won’t often hear that said!

For those of you in menopause right now, you may either be scratching your head wondering what I am on… or throwing epithets of rage at me.

Bear with me!

What menopause means: a different way of thinking about “The Change”

I am not discounting the very real suffering that too many of us experience when we begin to go through the menopause.

However, I believe there is also something very powerful trying to happen at menopause. If you know how to connect with that, menopause can be experienced as a path that supports you to refine and hone who you truly are. And therein lies great freedom.

Menopause is an ending, a death process in short. Your body and soul go through a transformation, and like the caterpillar going into the cocoon, as you enter menopause you go to ‘mush’ first.

Much of the powerful emotion that can emerge at menopause is connected to feelings that can emerge with ‘endings’. You are shedding who you think you are and for awhile may have no idea what it is that you want, or even who you are. You are left feeling psychologically exposed. This is all normal and it is the prelude to waking up to what you are truly about.

This is the opportunity of menopause – the opportunity to know and accept yourself deeply.

To help harness this opportunity, you have two particular superpowers that awaken at menopause very strongly:

1. Inner knowing

As you start to let go into menopause, you will notice the veils fall from your eyes. By that I mean you will suddenly feel, sense, see and know things that you didn’t or couldn’t before.

You’ll know things that you need to do, however difficult or challenging. You’ll just know and can’t argue with them! You have both a deep instinctual knowing and can really see-through both yourself and the illusions of society, particularly all the subtle and not so subtle ways that patriarchy operates. A true ‘emperor’s got no clothes’ moment.

And you’ll have zero tolerance for it!

2. The power of No

You may well find yourself saying No to just about everything.

This is not ‘being negative’, it is about you knowing what is no longer relevant, what you do not want in your life. Be heartened by the words of Warren Buffet who said that ‘the really successful person says NO to practically everything’ and harness this force.

It’s helping you to clear the ground of all those things that aren’t really you anymore, or no longer float your boat, even as you might, for instance, be really good at a certain job.

This process can also include a literal clearing of stuff and people from your life. Some relationships bite the dust at this point. In clearing the ground you create space for something new to emerge or for what is most essential or important in you to flourish. You will find this voice of ‘No’ is uncompromising. But remember:

Behind the No lies a great and powerful Yes to yourself.

The shadow side of your new power

Like all powers, these energies have their shadow side. If you are not sufficiently mindful and self caring, the inner sight and knowing can simply be experienced as overwhelm, grief or rage (the latter two may happen regardless, but you don’t want to get stuck there). And the ‘No’ power can simply come out as reactivity, irritation, frustration and anger.

To activate these powers in a wholesome way you need time and space for yourself. Time and space for yourself are the commodities most often in short supply. You may be someone who still has children at home, elderly parents to care for, a demanding job or any combination of these. In other words, someone who has precious little time for yourself.

But here’s the rub, the one thing that your soul demands of you at menopause is time and space for you.

Time to simply be, with no responsibility for anyone.

Without it you will feel as though you are going mad, with it you will start to slowly and quietly feel the order and meaning of this powerful life transition get to work.

So how are you going to get it?

Here are 4 powerful ways to begin to embrace what menopause means, and tap into the deep well of power that is waiting to be drawn on.

1. Be aware of what is happening

Consciously name what is happening to yourself, metaphorically turn and face the change and greet it with dignity.

2. Recognise that some things will need to change

Be kind to yourself – cut yourself some slack. Do not hold the same expectations that you would normally have of yourself. No more ‘going the extra mile’ for anybody. What you do and who you are will still be enough. You need your energy for yourself now.

3. Start small

Give yourself microdoses, or one percent, of sacred time for yourself with plentiful doses of silence, and no, emphatically, no ‘to do ‘ lists or demands on yourself.

One percent is always doable. It may not be perfect but it’s something and you will begin to feel moments of relief coming into the system. Schedule it in. It might be no more than half an hour at first, but it’s all yours. Sacrosanct. The more you taste it, the easier it will be to claim. You’ll get ruthless with your schedule as you wield that ‘No’ power!

4. Write it out

Keep a journal to hand to help you drop your bundle – sometimes writing everything that’s in you head is a way of slowing down and putting the stuff of the world to one side temporarily.

And as you let go, your inner life starts to speak…emotions, feelings, memories, realisation, revelations emerge. You might feel you want to note some of that. It’s your call. I impose no rules on you in your alone time.

Menopause: A time to come home to yourself

Think of menopause as an opportunity to truly come home to yourself, get some deep rest and repair, and receive utter clarity about who you are and what you truly want. This is the recipe for experiencing a deeply creative and meaningful post menopause life.

Want to learn more about the power of menopause?

If this article has seeded something in you, and you’d like encouragement and support from a like-minded group of women as you undergo this powerful transition, we invite you to join our upcoming online programme, “Menopause: The Great Awakener” starting Tuesday 29th October. To see if this programme is for you, we invite you to join our free introductory webinar on Tuesday 15th October 2019 at 7pm UK, Menopause: Reclaim the Dignity and Power here: www.redschoolmenopause.com

About Alexandra

Alexandra PopeAlexandra Pope is co-director of Red School and co-author of the iconic and hugely celebrated book from Hay House, Wild Power: discover the magic of the menstrual cycle and awaken the feminine path to power.

Together with colleague and co-author, Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer, she teaches a radical new approach to women’s health and wellbeing; creativity and leadership; and spiritual life based on the power of our menstruality consciousness.

With a background in teaching, psychotherapy and hypnotherapy and drawing on 40 years collective experience pioneering this emerging field of menstruality, they offer workshops, online courses, training and coaching worldwide based on the power of the menstrual cycle, and the developmental journey from menarche to menopause. Find out more at
www.redschool.net

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Guest Blog – Are you trapped inside of decisions you made years ago?

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)
Enjoy this guest blog from one of my good friends Tara Marino.

Love Jo

Are there are decisions that you made years ago that aren’t serving you anymore?   Maybe you decided on a specific career or maybe you wanted to live somewhere or own a certain house?  Maybe you wanted to start a particular type of business or you made a decision about a program or package you offered in your business?  And you DID it!  You said YES to it…but now something has changed and the ‘thing’ you wanted doesn’t do it for you any more…and maybe you feel trapped.

You might be afraid to make a new decision because you’re scared what people will think if you change your mind.  Or maybe you judge your old decision as wrong and you are afraid to make another decision that might be “wrong”.  Possibly the old decision brought you “success” and you are afraid if you follow your heart it you will lose your association with that success?

When you hold onto to old decisions you get stuck inside a vicious cycle of self-doubt, overwhelm and CLOSED opportunities.

It can feel scary to let go of something that is no longer serving you… Something that at one point you may have really desired.

Let me explain…

6 Years ago my family and I moved to France, I used to dream about walking the boys to their French school and hearing them speak French to each other.  And we did it! It was fabulous for us, until we needed to make a new decision!

Last year we took our boys out of school and they took their classes online so they could travel around the world.  We spent 2 months in Italy, 3 months in the states and one month on a sailboat in Greece.  This was a HUGE decision for us and I was scared…

Scared to make a mistake, scared what people would think…and ultimately I had a choice.  I sat with myself and asked some very powerful questions which I will share with you in just a minute.

So What Happens?

When we allow ourselves to be trapped in decisions we have made in the past we create a sense of overwhelm.  We are actually HOLDING on to something that is no longer in alignment for us. Feel this for a minute; you may be able to feel this in your body. It feels heavy, suffocating at times and even like a burden.

It is overwhelming to keep these decisions when they no longer serve us.

So Why Do We Do It?

Women feel so much pressure in their lives to get it right, to be a good mom, a good business woman, a good wife, have an amazing body the list goes on and on.  We feel an incredible amount of pressure to make sure we get it right, because let’s be real we know we don’t have any extra time to get it wrong!  To do lists run most women’s days, with an endless list of checkboxes that never get completed, women fall into bed at night exhausted, overwhelmed and many times unfulfilled.

Women are also afraid that if they change their mind or require a different direction that they have somehow failed.  They fear that they must have made a mistake and that their original decision was WRONG.

This Is Simply Not True!

Until women decide to allow things to be different in their life, until they really take clear inventory of what’s no longer working, they will continue to be stuck inside of decisions they made years ago.

What Is The Negative Result of Being Trapped Inside Of Decisions?

When you hold onto old decisions you create an accumulation effect of energy that is no longer serving you, it feels heavy. Sluggish and even paralyzing.  When you are in this space you have NO ROOM to open to new opportunities.  In effect you have closed your ability to RECEIVE.  This means you have no space to open up to the opportunities that are calling you forward into the next version of who you are.

It takes a lot of courage to admit this to yourself.  It isn’t always easy, but the freedom and liberation that follows gifts you something very special.

It allows you to feel ALIVE, connected with your life and gives you energy to move forward in your life authentically.

Here is a new process and a NEW Paradigm for making decisions as a woman

7 Step Authentic Decision Making Process

Instead of holding on to the old way of making a decision I invite you to try a NEW way.

Next time you find that you are desiring something new inside, that you are called to make a new decision or shift, give yourself permission to follow that desire with the following insight and self-compassion.

  1. You have made a decision and followed a desire (bravo!)
  2. Then one day, that desire is no longer in service of you. You have grown and evolved through it. You have outgrown it!  Your personal life experience is no longer seeking that.
  3. Now you are seeking something different. You admit to yourself  “I don’t want this anymore”
  4. CELEBRATE YOUR GROWTH.  It is time to let go of the old decision and see it as a form of success, not failure!
  5. Ask a NEW question, instead of asking what is the “right” decision.  Instead ask “What is it that is in alignment with my highest good AT THIS PARTICULAR LIFE STAGE. (This is crucial and detaches you from making a “right” decision that will serve you 50 years from now and gives you permission to make a decision that serves your highest good given where you are now.
  6. Make the new decision and move into your next life stage
  7. Rinse and Repeat

 

Action

Think about how you may be stuck inside of decisions you made years ago.

Make a list:  What is it that you have “decided”, that may no longer be working for you?

Think about: the beliefs you hold about yourself, the place you live, and the relationship you’re in, the habits, etc.

Choose one that is a priority for you in your life

Let Go of a decision that is no longer serving you

Give yourself the Freedom to LIVE the way you desire, the life that truly reflects YOU right now.

 

Blessings

Tara Marino

“Live You Fully”

Being pregnant I am feeling the need to take care of myself more than ever. Seriously. I’m needing 10 hours sleep a night. I can’t sit for more than 30 minutes already! It’s nuts. So I’ve done a little something for myself and I want to share it with you…

I realised recently how great Tara is at taking care of herself first. Something we talk about heaps in One of many. Something I endeavour to do well. But I have to say pregnant, toddler, plus 3 businesses- it’s never easy. So I’m up for every bit of help I can.

Tara is doing this awesome challenge right now called “Live you fully” and I’m thoroughly enjoying it. I noticed a bunch of my Facebook friends in there already. If you know you could do a better job of taking care of you, come and join us. And meet one of my newest, yet I know she will become one of my oldest… friends.

Register for FREE here

 

About Tara tara_marino_crop

Tara Marino has committed to living a Beautiful Life no matter the circumstances.

At the age of 25 she lost her first-born son… And after a year of heartache, depression, anger, Xanax and red wine, she had a choice. Stay in resentment… Or choose life. She chose life.

That pain assisted her in creating the FemmeTypes, an internal technology that assists women in realizing their full potential while receiving their beautiful life.

Her company, Elegant Femme, assists women around the world to live a life full of beauty, travel and soul.

Her most recent endeavor was the creation of her fashion line Tara Paris, which debuted last February with a fashion show in Paris… And she received a standing ovation from the Parisian press.
Her and her husband of 15 years, and their 2 boys live in Paris. And last year they decided to homeschool their children so they can assist their children in the “live you fully” experience.  Up next sailing around the world 😉