One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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How to make peace with anything

By

Annie Stoker
Annie Stoker
Master Trainer and Head of Coaching at One of many
Annie Stoker is perhaps the UK's most educated coach and trainer in what it takes to be happy. She has distilled 27 years experience in diverse psychological and spiritual perspectives into a simple but profound manual for the mind: The Personal Development Handbook.” She has coached influential figures, and been featured widely on TV, radio and in print.

Having experienced not just health and sickness, but also success and failure, marriage and divorce, wealth and poverty, Annie now knows that real growth is not another ‘let’s make it all ok’ campaign. It’s about finding the truth at the core of ourselves so that we have the inner freedom to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Annie Stoker
Latest posts by Annie Stoker (see all)

When it comes to coaching or being coached, it’s easy to focus on the extraordinary impact it can have on the things you CAN change in your life. Coaching can help you find a new career. Discover relationships that fulfil you in ways you could never have imagined; set powerful boundaries around what’s acceptable; learn to bring joy and delight into your daily life.

But what about the things you can’t change? What if coaching could teach you how to make peace with anything?

After all, some of the biggest challenges we face in our lives are often things that are totally out of our power to change in any way.

Maybe you’re coming to terms with the fact that you’re not going to have children in this lifetime.

Perhaps someone close to you has died, and the grief feels overwhelming.

You might have lost a business, or your home, or life has gone wrong in some other horrible way.

Or you’ve made a mistake, or done something so harmful, you can’t ever imagine moving on.

Can coaching help you then?

Coaching and the things we can’t change

A while back, while having a BIG clear out of a whole heap of old things, I came across a memory from decades ago.

A set of beautiful, colourful baby clothes I’d bought while travelling in Peru. At the time, I was desperate to have children. I imagined the kind of mother I’d be, the lives they’d have, the adventures we’d go on together.

But it wasn’t meant to be.

For a while, coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to do this thing I wanted more than anything was incredibly painful.

But this time, when I came across those tiny outfits, I felt nothing but peace with the way things have unfolded. In fact, they now bring a smile to my face. The pangs of longing are gone. The heartache is over. I’m even happy that I don’t have kids now! I have enough on my plate just looking after me so that I can look after everyone else.

I’m loving the stability, serenity and settledness of post menopause life. And that I get to support many people, not just a couple of small ones! I get to do what I love most… like supporting women to becoming incredible coaches for the women around them. Sharing these tools that have made such a difference in my life.

And helping others find peace with the life experiences they once thought they would never overcome.

What if you can’t “get over it”?

If you’re reading this and thinking that this all sounds well and good, but there’s no way YOU could get over the particular heartbreak you’re facing, then let me give you the brutal truth.

Whatever happens in life, you have two options:

Accept it… or change it.

If you can’t accept what’s happened, you have to change it.

And if you can’t change it?

You have no choice but to accept it, one way or the other.

When we can’t accept the things we can’t change, that’s when all kinds of problems show up. We can turn to crutches like drink, drugs, work, codependent relationships… anything to avoid coming to terms with what’s happened. This is nothing to be ashamed of – it’s far more common than you might think.

Many of us have been squashing down this realization for years. Decades. Maybe even most of our lives.

To understand how you can finally move forward, you need to look at why that is.

What stops us from accepting things?

At the root of the things we can’t accept tend to be feelings we haven’t allowed ourself to fully express. Many of us are terrified of the emotions we’re avoiding.

So if you want to know how to make peace with anything, that’s often a good place to start.

Think about something you find it hard to let go of.

On a scale of one to ten, how strongly do you feel emotionally about it?

If there’s ANY emotion there, it’s a sign there is some work to do.

What kind of work?

Well, all kinds of things. As Women’s Coaches we have a whole range of tools to help women move through emotions they’re feeling. Some things to try might be:

  • Journalling, so you can really be honest about your thoughts and feelings
  • Meditations to help you release unhelpful limitations or emotions
  • Dynamic meditations, which allow you to move feelings through your body
  • Embodiment work, such as dance, movement or massage
  • Getting clear on your needs
  • Learning how to ask for things
  • Setting boundaries with those around you
  • Understanding the role of the different Women’s PowerTypes in your life

… and many, many more.

There are so many tools that help us move through things.

A good coach can help you identify the ones which are right for you. And the impact can transform your life.

When you find peace, the future opens up

The only reason we find ourselves unable to make peace with things is because of the stories we’re holding on to. That keep us stuck to our past experiences, and attached to the meanings we decide they have.

When we’re able to unravel those stories and release them of their power, we find ourselves in a place of new potential. It’s as though, instead of looking at everything through the murky filter of our unexpressed emotions, we’re finally able to look through clear lenses at what’s right in front of us.

Clients I’ve coached in the past have experienced the pain of divorce, of losing their homes, bankruptcy, bereavement, and unimaginable trauma and loss.

With the right support, I don’t think there’s anything we can’t make peace with (with the exception of clinical diagnoses which need support beyond a coach’s expertise).

Start by reminding yourself of that simple fact: You can accept what’s happened, or you can change it.

What are you going to accept, starting today?

Do you want to know how to make peace with anything?

If you’re curious about these simple, powerful ways to move through emotion and find freedom from what’s past, there’s a free workshop coming up which you might be interested in.

It’s called Essential Skills for Coaching Women, and in it Jo Martin will be introducing One of many’s unique coaching toolkit – designed by women, for women. You’ll discover some practical tools you can use straight away to support the women in your life to move past even the toughest challenges.

If you’d love to know how to share this work with others, and allow them to move forward with their lives, you’d be so welcome. Just click the link below to register for your place:

https://oneofmany.co.uk/essential-skills-for-coaching/

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What makes a meaningful career?

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
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What makes a meaningful career? We all have good days and bad days – times when it feels like your tasks are flying off the to-do list, and others when it’s more like wading through treacle. But apart from the usual ups and downs, do you feel like your days are spent doing work that’s ultimately fulfilling?

It might sound obvious, but it’s worth emphasising: there’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to building a meaningful career.

I started my career training as a doctor – for lots of people, one of the most meaningful careers they can find. After all, it’s helping people at a really fundamental level: with their health. For me, however, it became apparent relatively quickly that while I knew I wanted to help people, it wasn’t as part of the medical profession.

Working in a career that isn’t as meaningful as it could be is often the catalyst for us embarking on a journey to discover what really is our life’s purpose.

You might have had a similar experience of shifting careers or roles. Perhaps you’ve had a break from employment, started your own business, or been a full-time mum for a few years.

Whatever your experience, here are 3 questions to ask yourself when considering whether your career is as meaningful as it could be – and what you might need to change.

1. What are your values?

What makes a meaningful career for you is not the same as it is for me. That’s because each of us has a unique set of values – the things which bring you joy, fulfillment and happiness.

For you to find meaning in your career, it needs to connect to your values in some way. (That’s not to say that you necessarily need to be working in an area that’s directly related to a value.)

For example, creativity might be a really high value for you, but you don’t need to be working in a traditionally “creative” career to express that through your work.

Perhaps you’re an engineer who excels at finding creative solutions to problems, or a teacher who brings creativity to lesson delivery. Maybe your career allows you the time and resources to bring creativity into your life in other ways – art supplies, the band you love to play in, or the garden you’re cultivating.

You might bring your values into the way you manage your team, lead your family, or run your business.

Knowing your values and exploring how they relate to your work can help you see if there are any values that aren’t currently being met at all – and think about how you could pivot to include them.

Prompts for reflection:

Take some time to think about what your top 5 values are. How are they reflected in your life right now? Does your career involve all, some, or none right now? Which ones would you like to have more of? How could you bring them into your career?

2. What’s your life’s purpose?

Granted, this isn’t a simple question, or one you’ll necessarily have an answer to at all right now. Your life’s purpose is a concept that will most likely evolve throughout your life.

I’ve heard of some people who discover their life’s purpose as a dream or a vision that descends from on high. Lucky them! For me, the process has been one of a gradual evolution and exploration.

I compare it to peeling back the layers of an onion – around each version of your purpose are ever more fuzzy versions of it, each one needing to be lived through and “burned up” to get to the next level.

So, start thinking about your life’s purpose in broad terms. Looking back at the experiences you’ve lived through and the work you’ve done so far, is there a common thread that connects them? It might be something really subtle – your values can really help here when it comes to seeing what it is. That can be a clue as to your most meaningful career.

Perhaps you’ve brought a playful energy to serious tasks – been the person who is able to inject a sense of lightness and fun to important responsibilities. Or maybe you’ve had a knack for bonding teams together, connecting people and allowing them to create fruitful collaborations.

When I first started my personal development journey the purpose I came up with was “To transform”. I’ve honed and refined that over the years, but the essence remains.

Prompts for reflection:

Take 5 minutes and play with a one-word life purpose. If you had to break down what you’re here to do into one word, what would you choose? How does it feel? How might that guide you as you think about where your career is heading?

3. How can you connect to yourself?

Getting closer to your life’s purpose isn’t something that happens overnight. It will change and evolve with time. But if you’re starting to think about what makes your career meaningful, the best place to start is to spend some time cultivating your connection to yourself.

In case you needed the reminder, connecting to yourself isn’t selfish. It allows you to show up more fully in your relationships, at work and as a parent. It also gives you a space to tap into your values, the change you want to be a part of, and the difference only you can make.

Try making space each morning to journal your thoughts and feelings. These “morning pages” are suggested by Julia Cameron in the Artist’s Way as a way to reconnect with your creativity – but you don’t need to be an artist of any kind to benefit from the space to explore what’s coming up in a private, safe space that no one else will see.

Creating a meaningful career isn’t something someone else can give you a blueprint for. It starts with you connecting to yourself and understanding what matters most to you – and taking action from that place.

Prompts for reflection

Using what you’ve discovered about your values and your life’s purpose, use morning pages as a tool to explore the level of meaning in your career. Try exploring the idea of a meaningful career in your morning pages every day for a week, and see what you learn.

Find a meaningful career as a coach

If you love asking deep questions of yourself and others – and believe that finding our purpose should be something everyone is able to do – you might want to consider adding coaching skills to your toolkit.

Coaching is one of the most meaningful careers out there, because it revolves around connecting deeply with others and supporting them to have the impact they’re truly capable of. When you have the tools you need to make a powerful difference, the work you do can have an incredible effect on the world.

If you feel called to find out more about becoming a coach, click here to register for our free workshop on The Essential Skills for Coaching Women.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.