One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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One of many Voices: Mary Waring

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Mary Waring is an independent financial advisor for women and author of A Man is Not A Financial Plan, whose mission is to empower women and help them make informed decision about their finances. Today she’s giving us a peek into her day-to-day life, and how she manages her energy to allow her to continue her much-needed work.

Hi Mary! Tell us what you do, in a nutshell

I work with women going through divorce to help them feel confident about their finances, giving them clarity and peace of mind.

Give us the “big why” you feel called to do this work:

My mother was in a very unhappy marriage and couldn’t leave because she had no money in her own right. I saw the power that money, and knowledge about your money, gives you. It doesn’t necessarily make you happy. But it gives you options that may not be available to you otherwise.

What does your daily routine look like?

I love a nice lazy start to the morning with tea in bed, and my 2 spoilt springer spaniels allowed up on the bed. It gives me a good start to the day without frantically rushing around from the start. I have breakfast (always) & then start work around 8 am.

I take time off during the day to take a dog walk by the river/ go to the gym, and usually work till about 6 pm. Then it’s some form of relaxation: bath/gym/ dinner with friends

What demands do you balance every day in conjunction with your work?

I balance running a  demanding, successful business versus taking some downtime for myself.

I find it too easy to pour all my energy into work and then realise I haven’t looked after myself enough.

How do you feel about women’s “lot” these days?

It’s important to get as much help as you can. I delegate or outsource as much as possible so I can then have free time to actually do the things I want to. It makes such a difference to my enjoyment that I am not doing things I don’t enjoy. It also means I’m not doing things that drain my energy, and I don’t end up feeling resentful about the things I’m doing.

How do femininity and Soft Power feature in your business/ career?

When I first did my Women’s PowerTypes Profile, I discovered that my scores on the Queen and Lover PowerTypes were very low for me.

Because I found it challenging to access my “Queen” PowerType, I didn’t set good boundaries with the people around me. I was very much set on being a people pleaser, and keeping everyone else happy – sometimes at my own expense.

My Lover score was low for a similar reason. I was too busy spending my time and energy on others, rather than on taking good care of myself.

Since completing the 12-month Lead the Change program with One of many I’ve been able to not only understand why I had experienced the challenges I did, but take steps to find more balance, and address these issues in a sustainable way.

What is the most common emotion you feel on a day-to-day basis?

On the good days, sheer joy, delight and gratitude that I have the life I have, and that I can experience the growth I can through personal development.

Do you think you people around you (on social media, and face to face) understand who you authentically are?

On social media, probably not. I read posts but don’t often contribute, since I find social media can be too big a time stealer!

But face to face, yes, absolutely. You get what you see.

How important do you think vulnerability is in life and career?

I think it’s really important to be open and honest – to ask for help when you need it, and open up if you have queries or issues. I’ve been vulnerable in meetings when I haven’t known the answer to a question that a client has asked me. I just admitted it and said I’d find out and get back to them. To me, being honest and vulnerable instead of pretending to have all the answers is much more important than just bluffing. Apart from anything, you will often get caught out!

What do you do for SoftPlay? How do you look after yourself?

To be honest, I haven’t done anywhere near as much Soft Play as I would like. Last year I did some things to get me outside my comfort zone – like having dinner on my own, and going to the theatre on my own. I also took singing lessons, which was a big deal – highly uncomfortable for someone who believed they couldn’t sing!

This year I’m concentrating on doing things to have fun. I’m going to do  classes in aerial hoop, aerial Pilates, and try pottery.

How do you juggle your relationship and business?

My husband and I both work from home. So, on good days we can go out for dog walk together, or have lunch.

If not, we will at least generally have some form of communication during the day. I’m also planning to set aside a minimum of one working day each month that we both take off so that we can go out and have some fun.

How do you think tapping into your femininity (playing to your strengths as a woman), has impacted your relationships?

Prior to Lead The Change, my only PowerType was Superwoman! I see now how totally off-putting that can be in many situations. It’s great to be able to use the different PowerTypes as and when required.

My clients are almost exclusively women in difficult emotional situations.  So all of the different Women’s PowerTypes come into play at various stages of our working relationship, and help us to achieve the results my clients want with much more ease.

What’s one “breakthrough” you have had in your life, that shifted the way you saw things – how did it impact those around you?

I’ve gone from being Superwoman, having to win and achieve at all costs, to now concentrating on enjoying my experiences and having fun. I expect I’m much easier to live with! Since Superwoman also tended to want everyone else around her to have superpowers, too…

Who do you look up to as a woman?

So many of the beautiful women I’ve met on Lead The Change who’ve faced their issues, and come out the other side shining.

What are your sources of inspiration?

Same as above! I look at these women, and think “if they can do it, so can I”

What do you tell yourself when times are tough?

Although it can be very hard sometimes, I concentrate on the fact the Universe/God knows what’s best for you. You might not think it at the time, but it is all part of a divine plan.

What’s the soundtrack of inspiration for you?

“This is me” from Greatest Showman

Who have you listened to lately that motivated you to take action on something, anything? And why?

I love Jo’s Soft PowerCast on “your body is your compass”. It reminds me I have all the answers inside myself as to what’s right for me.

(If you’d like to listen to this and the other Soft Powercasts, you can access them at no cost when you join the BeOne community. Click here to enter your details and access this and a ton of other resources, absolutely free.)

What are you doing to help elevate the women of developing nations?

I’m a patron for The Hunger Project, who help to end poverty and hunger in developing nations by empowering women to change their communities.

About Mary

Recovering superwoman | Dog obsessed | Never too old to change

Mary is a chartered accountant and chartered financial planner – one of only a handful of advisers in the whole of the UK with these qualifications.  She’s passionate about changing the way women think about finance, so that they are better equipped to make informed decisions about their future.

You can find Mary online at the following links:

Twitter: @marywaring

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/marywaring

Website:  www.wealthforwomen.biz

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Personal finances – where to start

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Did you know that in the UK, where I live currently, it’s estimated women are going to hold more than 60% of the country’s wealth by 2025 ?

We are a veritable army of change waiting to be tapped into. If we equip and empower ourselves around money and start making decisions which are in line with our values, then we could transform what the world looks like.

So it’s exciting times with regards women and wealth.

But these are also hugely stressful times for a lot of us, right?

Money can be stressful

To take the UK again, only 7% of the population in this country are on track for the retirement that we want. I’m a little bit concerned about our pensions, if I’m honest. And I’m not alone.

Research tells us that 4.5 million women in the UK are losing sleep over their money situation, and it’s not just that they don’t have enough in the bank right now.

57% are losing sleep because they don’t have enough savings – they’re worried about their future. And 28% are doing okay month by month but they’ve got a huge debt that they don’t know how to manage.

All together, that’s a hell of a lot of sleep we’re losing.

It’s impacting our quality of life. It’s impacting our well-being. And arguments about money are the number one top predictor of divorce.

So unless we do something about this money stuff, our very vitality, our health, our happiness and our relationships, will continue to suffer.

Our money confidence is often our lowest area of power

Here’s a quick challenge: think about your work confidence. Whatever you do, how confident do you feel that you’re the master of your own destiny there? That you can show up, that you can do something to make a difference?

Maybe it’s 100%, it might be 50%, or it might be 10%. Go with the first number that comes to mind.

Now, compare it to how confident you feel about your ability to manage and grow your money: your money confidence.

Interesting, right?

What I think we’re seeing at the moment is that over the last 100 years or so, as women have started to become empowered in the public sphere, we’re finally feeling confident in work.

We’ve fought our way through that glass ceiling and showed up, and we’re performing. Yes, there’s still a long way to go, but we’re doing great.

However, our money confidence is often lagging behind.

(Perhaps it’s still being informed by the last few millennia where we have not been involved in commerce at all.)

We still have a tendency to give our power away – to our partners, financial advisers, or even our parents. And where we are giving our power away, then we are not fully stepping up to the responsibility, or the opportunity that’s there for us.

Because let’s face it – the world needs changing.

And we can change it with our economic power. We can change it with our empowerment. But if you’re giving your power away around money, then you’re giving your power away full stop.

Personal finances: where to start

At Be Wealth, our brilliant retreat all about women and their relationship to money, we use a simple model called the 4 Stages of Wealth to identify our financial priorities and challenges, regardless of how much money we do or don’t have. At the retreat I take a spot survey in the room, asking the women there to put up their hands to say which stage of wealth they’re at.

It’s always a fascinating exercise to me, and not for the reason you might think.

What I see first of all is that an overwhelming majority of women in the room who are at the first stage of wealth – stability, where whatever they have coming in the amount they have left over at the end of each month is zero – feel shame.

They’re like, “Oh, god, I don’t want to admit to this! I’m so embarrassed”

And then, those who are at the next stage: security – where their expenses are a little less than their income, so their savings are increasing gradually to make a rainy day fund – are also thinking ”Oh my god, I don’t want to admit to this. I’m so embarrassed…”

But then those at the next stage, who you might think have got it sorted – because their passive income is making them more than their expenses – also say “Oh, I don’t want to admit to this in public! I’m so embarrassed”.

It doesn’t matter how much money we make, we have money shame

And I believe this is the root of so much of the problem.

We’re embarrassed.

We’re embarrassed because we’re making more than the person we’re sitting next to.

We’re embarrassed because we’re making less than the person we’re sitting next to.

We’re embarrassed because we’re not further along than we “should” be based on what our parents, or our society, tells us.

I would go so far as to say 99% of the women I have spoken to around money have some kind of money shame.

And when you have embarrassment around talking about money, you cannot transform it. Because if you can’t talk about it, you can’t learn about it, and education is the thing that can turn a situation around.

If your financial situation at the moment is not what you want it to be, it’s probably because at some level, you’re embarrassed to have conversations around money.

But if you were never taught how to manage money, if you were never taught to understand how it accumulates and how it grows and how it works, how could you possibly ever do anything about that?

We need to talk about money

I believe if we really wanted to change the way that power is arranged around the world we could do so, purely by changing whether or not money is talked about.

If everybody started talking about money: how much we have, how much we don’t have, what we know about it, what we don’t know about it – if we took it out of the closet, so to speak, I think things would shake up hugely.

But we will not be able educate ourselves until we overcome this first step of speaking about it.

And it’s absolutely time to do something about this, because we have an opportunity right now to transform the world. Not just our own personal financial world, so we can have the retirement that we want, and make the kind of impact for our kids that we want, or have the lifestyle that we want. Of course we know we can change that world if we sort our money stuff out.

But I believe we can change the world for even more people if we actually transform our relationship to money. If we let go of our money shame, and actually get educated on how the damn thing works.

What do you think? Can you relate to a feeling of embarrassment or even shame when it comes to talking about your finances? Let me know what your relationship to money is in the comments.

If you’d like to explore a new way of thinking about money that takes away the shame and gives you practical, powerful actions to take at whatever stage you’re at, come along to Wealth Insights. It’s our focused money workshop that gives you the chance to talk about your finances in a safe and friendly environment – and leave with a map of how to change your financial situation for good.  Read the full details and book your place here.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Can wealth make you happy?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Can wealth make you happy? If you don’t have much money it’s tempting to think that it can; if you know you have plenty, you’re probably wondering why it doesn’t.

The fact is, wealth alone is the wrong measure to be looking at when it comes to our happiness, and here’s why: In every area of our lives, our ultimate fulfillment comes down to one thing.

Our values.

The real question we need to be asking

Before you know whether money will make you happy, you first need to be clear on your values.

Your values in relation to your wealth is something we look at in depth at our BeWealth retreat, but in a nutshell, values are those things which are most important to us. They provide all of our upfront motivation in life – you can pretty much guarantee you won’t spend time or money on something if it’s not of value to you.

Values are usually single words or short word phrases like love, achievement, pleasure, joy or freedom, and while they’re nouns, they’re usually things that you can’t put in a wheelbarrow. It’s not books that you value, for example, it’s education.

Using the wheelbarrow test, is money a value? Probably not, because money you could put in a wheelbarrow. It’s what money provides you that’s actually important to you.

That tells us that money in itself can’t be one of our values.

How can you know what is? Take a look at what you choose to spend your time, energy and money on.

If you’re always squirrelling funds towards your next holiday, it might be that you value travel, or adventure, or sunshine. If your amazon wishlist is longer than your arm, it’s a fair bet that reading, learning, or escape is one of your values.

And the books on your shelf are another great clue. Maybe you’re obsessed with spirituality, interiors, or rich imaginative worlds.

Your values are what bring you joy, fulfillment, and happiness.

When you know your values, your relationship to money changes

If money is an area of your life that’s currently causing you stress, looking at it through the lens of your values can give you fresh clarity into what action you need to take.

Say you’re fretting about money because there just never seems to be enough left over at the end of the month. When you think about your values, perhaps you find that security is something that’s really important to you. You want to know that if something unexpected happened, you’d have the funds you needed to fall back on.

If security’s important to you, you probably want to spend some time and energy learning about budgeting, money management and insurances. Perhaps you want to have a chunk of cash earmarked as a “rainy day” fund – like 6 month’s worth of living expenses – so you know the mortgage will be paid no matter what.

Or perhaps helping the environment is a really strong value of yours. Setting up a regular donation to an amazing organization helping preserve ecosystems, plant trees, or support indigenous communities might be a way to feel incredibly fulfilled about where your money is going. Volunteering a few hours a week to clear up a local beauty spot would cost nothing, and yet be a big investment in your happiness.

Whether you’re donating five dollars a month or investing tens of thousands, the fact that your money is aligning with what matters to you is what will ultimately lead you to happiness.

Can wealth make you happy? It’s what you do with it that counts

When we feel stuck, small or uncomfortable around money it’s often because we’ve been taught to use it in a paradigm that doesn’t line up with what really matters to us.

What we’ve learned about money is often outdated, and not particularly useful for us. That is, if we were taught anything about money at all! It’s not uncommon for women to be very successful at work but not understand anything about how money actually works.

After all, it’s only relatively recently that women have actually been allowed, from a societal perspective, to be involved with money. In the UK, it wasn’t until 1975 that a woman was allowed to open a bank account without her husband’s permission. To say nothing of the fact that for millennia, commerce was a strictly masculine domain – one in which we simply didn’t have a say.

When you consider that our grandmothers and great-grandmothers, going back for hundreds of generations, were not allowed to learn about or handle money, it makes sense that historically we don’t have power around it.

But things have changed dramatically for women in the last hundred years. It’s time for that shift to start to take root in the realm of our finances.

Build the future you want to see

If you’d like to explore a new way of thinking about money that empowers you to have the impact you’d like in the world, click here to request a brochure on our money training. We’ve helped hundreds of women around the world get their money stuff sorted so they can focus on the difference they want to make.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

 

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How to avoid money arguments

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

“I just can’t talk to you about this any more!” Never mind going into another room. I was on the other side of the suburb before I’d calmed down, after yet another blow up with my husband about our finances. If you’re wondering how to avoid money arguments, here’s how we learned to get past the conflict and into alignment when it comes to the money stuff.

I can still remember so vividly how it felt, that particular day. I was hurt, frustrated, and confused. I even wondered if this meant the end of our relationship.

What was most maddening was that for the most part we agreed about money. We knew we had aligned long-term goals and our thoughts about money in general were pretty similar. I knew that something had to change.

Finding a way through the financial storms

Years later, my husband and I are working in our third business together, having navigated big financial hurdles like becoming parents, moving countries, and buying property.

These days, I’m pleased to report that our money conversations always end with us both in the same room – even if we’re not always on the same page. So I wanted to share the things I’ve learned that have made all the difference in our interactions on the topic.

Whether it’s your boss, mum, best friend or partner, here’s how to have productive, effective conversations about money.

5 keys to helping you avoid money arguments

1. Be aware and gentle

For many of us, money is an area of emotional or psychological wounding. Questions of how much we earn or what’s left over at the end of the month recall unconscious judgments in our minds about all kinds of things. This is really normal – almost all of us get tripped up by this from time to time.

What that means is that money conversations start to feel really personal. Statements the other person makes can easily feel like criticism, for example, even if they weren’t intended that way.

The first step then, is to be aware that this is likely to be true. If money comes up, know that this might become a tricky conversation and check in with yourself – is now the time to talk about this? Are you already feeling tender or tense?

Put it into action:
  • Understand that money can be a source of tension
  • Prepare for conversations about money ahead of time
  • Recognise that money talk can feel like it’s personal, even when it’s not intended that way

2. Know what’s yours

Aside from the numbers, it’s vital to know what’s yours on an emotional level. What do I mean by that? Well, a lot of the conflict that arises about money can actually come from within us. For example…

They say: “I think we should have a chat about setting up a joint account for shared bills”

You hear: “You’re terrible with money – I can’t trust you to handle your finances on your own”

You say: “Stop trying to control everything!”

Or…

They say: “How much did you say that retreat was going to cost?”

You hear: “You’re spending too much on extravagant things that don’t matter”

You say: “It’s up to me what I spend my money on – I don’t criticise you for the crap you waste your pay on!”

Hmm… it’s not hard to see how arguments flare up, right?

Becoming aware of the stuff money conversations bring up for us can open up awareness of deeper things that need healing, for example an area you feel especially defensive about, or a particular person whose criticism had a big effect on you in the past.

What’s important is that, when you are aware of these issues, you take responsibility for changing them. What’s yours to deal with? What do you need support from a coach or mentor around?

And remember, the other person might not be on this journey with you. It’s not your job to point out their limiting beliefs or identify what they need to work on. Approach the conversation with compassion, and deal with what’s yours – no more.

Put it into action:
  • Discern what issues you need to deal with when it comes to money
  • Seek external support where you need to – from a coach, financial expert, or trusted friend
  • Recognise what’s not your responsibility, and let it go

3. Choose your timing

Remember, our first step was being aware that conversations about money can be tender. Knowing that, it’s smart to have them at the right time.

That could include being aware of your cycle, for example. Now, before you think I’m some monster who thinks women are incapable of rational thought, hear me out.

In my own life I know that 7 days before my period comes, I could swear that the world is ending and there’s nothing you, I, or anyone else can do about it. That can actually be an incredibly powerful day for me – I sure as hell get clear on the change I want to make in the world – but it’s also a terrible day for me to have a conversation with anyone.

Knowing that, if I’m aware I need to have an important conversation about something like money I’ll do my best to shift it to a day when I’m likely to be feeling much clearer.

That won’t be the same for everyone, of course, but I wonder if any of that applies to you? Do you know you’re better able to be open, compassionate or empathetic at certain times of the month? Bear that in mind when you make an appointment to discuss your finances.

And make sure you take the other person’s needs into account too – allow them to tell you when would suit them, instead of springing it on them at a time when they’re not really ready.

Put it into action:
  • Choose a time when you’re both fed, rested and hydrated
  • Find a space where you won’t be disturbed or interrupted
  • Take into account your own rhythm and emotional needs

4. Be respectful in your communication

Sticking to some basic principles of clear and respectful communication is so important when the topic is an emotional one. Always seek to hear the other person out without interruption. You don’t want to be nagged, so don’t nag either.

And make an effort to find things to celebrate together – focus on what’s working, as well as what you want to change.

Put it into action:
  • Be respectful – don’t interrupt or nag
  • Notice when it’s time to take a break
  • Listen curiously and give space for the other person to say what they need to

5. Be clear about what you’re looking for

Now that you’ve chosen the best possible time and place, and you’re aware of what’s your responsibility, it’s time to communicate as clearly as possible what you want to share.

For the best possible outcome, try and recognise what’s driving both of you in the conversation. One of you might be more interested in feeling connected and loved, or seeking reassurance, and one of you might be looking for problems and tasks to solve.

What’s vital is that you’re clear about what it is you’re both looking for.

Put it into action:
  • Start by giving the point of the conversation for you – not the big long story that precedes it
  • Ask for what you need; leave them to decide the “how” of solving it, if that’s something they’re keen to do
  • Allow yourself to be receptive – if they agree with what you’re saying, there’s no need to keep on convincing them

Not being able to talk about money holds us back

It’s really important that we are able to move into more powerful conversations. In all the women I’ve coached and connected with over the years, I’ve noticed that the people who are most comfortable talking about finances tend to be the ones with the highest level of wealth.

In fact, I’d go as far as to say that your net worth increases in direct relation to your ability to talk to key people in your life about money.

How about you?

These steps have played a huge part in Greg and I sorting out our differences and getting to a stage where we can actually enjoy money conversations. Has money been a source of tension for you, and do you have an experience to share? Let us know in the comments.

If money is a problem for you – not just in conversations but also in terms of what you have or haven’t got – and you’re ready to get sorted so you can talk about it confidently, get in touch to find out about our financial training. If money feels like a challenge,we’ll help you turn it into an ally – so that you can feel truly powerful about where you are and what your next steps are.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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How to live generously

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Generosity feels good, and it can have a measurable impact on our health, happiness and overall wellbeing. But it can be challenging to know how to be generous, especially if right now there are certain things you don’t feel you have enough of: like time, energy or money.

In The Paradox of Generosity, American researchers found that those who were generous with their resources tended to be healthier and happier than those who didn’t. For example, there were significantly lower depression rates in those who donated a chunk of their income to causes they supported.

When we’re generous in our lives, we can become conduits for the things we’re sharing. And as they flow through us, they tend to increase.

Here are five ways to bring generosity into your life, without a magic wand.

1. Be generous with yourself

Living generously doesn’t mean sacrificing your own wellbeing. In fact, true generosity starts with how you treat yourself.

When we’re feeling frazzled, it can be surprising how stingy we can be about the little things.

Staying at our desks instead of getting up and going to the loo when we need to. Racing between appointments without five minutes to catch our breath. Berating ourselves for the things we haven’t done, rather than celebrating the things we have.

Can you relate?

What if you were truly generous to yourself in every moment of your day?

• Recognise that you’re doing your best in every moment instead of focusing on what you don’t have
• Take care of your needs as exquisitely as possible: For instance, when you’re thirsty, prepare a delicious drink, slowly, and choosing a truly beautiful glass or mug to drink from
• Give yourself tiny treats – a new flavour of tea, a bath instead of a shower, your favourite food or a break to listen to your favourite piece of music

This is the starting point of so much of our work here at One of many, because if you’re working from a depleted state it’s impossible to be able to give freely to others.

As the Zen saying goes, we must “give from a full cup”. Because trying to be generous when our own needs aren’t met is a recipe for resentment, anger and even martyrdom.

How can you be generous to yourself today?

2. Be generous with your time

Time is something a lot of us feel we never have enough of. We can become time hoarders, siphoning off a few minutes here and there for ourselves in days packed with appointments and activities.

But the cumulative effect of that feeling that there’s “never enough time” can be that we end up feeling restricted and hemmed in, in every minute of our days.

What if you approached time with a sense of generosity? Of having more than enough to share?

• Build in an extra ten minutes between appointments, for you to use as you choose

• If you tend to run late, allow more time for travelling, so you can stroll rather than run, or take the scenic route

• Give yourself more time than you think you’ll need to complete a task. Notice how that impacts you – sometimes, we’re more efficient when we feel less rushed

Time can be a fluid experience – it flies when we’re having fun, drags when we’re doing something we don’t want to, and is often a lot more accommodating than we imagine.

Look at your schedule in the coming week with a generous spirit.

3. Be generous with your words

Our words hold the power to move, inspire, encourage or deflate people. Choosing them wisely is one of the easiest and fastest ways we can be generous, and the rewards are inspiring.

How can you use your words generously today?

• Tell someone who really matters to you what they mean – how they help you, what they bring to your life, the impact that they have on your day-to-day. Be specific.

• Next time you say thank you to someone during the course of your day – could be a checkout assistant, delivery person, your coach or your partner – take the time to be really generous. Make eye contact, feel the power of your gratitude, let them know how much you appreciate them.

• Telling the truth can be the most generous thing we can do. If you have an insight to share with someone that you’ve been holding back on for any reason, make a note of it. Perhaps you’re worried about hurting their feelings or there never seems to be the right time? Take a few minutes to think about how you can gracefully share what you need to, and give them the gift of your honesty.

4. Be generous with your network

We’re more connected than ever, and yet loneliness is becoming a problem we’re increasingly aware of. In fact, in January 2018 Britain appointed its first “Minister for Loneliness” following a report which showed that more than 9 million people in the country often or always feel lonely.

Connecting people and nurturing your own support network is a generous thing to do. The connection someone else is looking for, whether in friendship, business or any other area of their life, could be one that would be easy for you to make.

And if you become someone who connects others, they’re much more likely to connect people to you.

Create a community of giving in your own life. Here are some ideas:

• Is there someone you keep meaning to “grab a coffee” with but never quite get round to doing it? Next time you see them, pick a date and stick to it. You never know how you might be able to help each other.

• Can you think of two people who work in related areas but don’t know each other? Why not send a quick email connecting them, to see what ideas might be sparked.

• Do you ever see posts on social media asking for help with something you know nothing about? Be generous – make a point of thinking of someone you know who might be able to help. Signpost them to the person making the request, and see if they make all the difference.

5. Be generous with your wealth

If we’re feeling stretched financially, giving can feel tough, but in today’s world even a relatively small amount can make a huge difference to the lives of those in need. Setting up a regular commitment to a cause you love is a fantastic way to get involved and stay up to date with the incredible work they’re doing in the world.

And using your finances generously doesn’t have to mean charitable giving. It might mean getting really conscious of how you spend your money – choosing to buy ethically, whether through clothing or food, is one way of behaving generously towards others in the world.

At One of many we believe you shouldn’t have to choose between investing in yourself, and making a difference. We support The Hunger Project through donations and training to continue their incredible work in the world, and plenty of other businesses now have similar schemes in place.

How can you get creative to be more generous financially in the world?

• What charities are you currently giving to? Check in with your current causes and see if they still feel like a fit for your values. Would you like to add something new?

• How does your spending reflect your values? Can you be more generous in the choices you make?

• Can you be generous to yourself? Maybe you could do with some financial education to help you sort things out.

The practice of generosity

Living generously feels good. It reminds us that there is an abundance of good things in the world, and that by sharing those things freely we welcome more of them into our lives.

I’m curious: is generosity something you’re aware of? Do you practice it, aspire to it, or notice when you’re living it? Share your experience in the comments.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What is your money mindset?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

What is your money mindset? Do you have a sense of your overall approach to money? Are you aware that how you think about money impacts the decisions you make day to day and month to month?

Today I want to share a different perspective on your relationship to your finances – one you might not have come across before.  It can be a powerful frame through which to understand the part you play, consciously or unconsciously, in your financial experience.

Becoming more powerful in the way we create and use our wealth is a vital part of our mission here at One of Many, and is a priority for women globally.

  • Globally, women control a staggering $36 trillion, and that number is growing.
  • According to the National Association of Women Business Owners, one in five firms in the US with a revenue of $1 million or more is woman-owned.
  • Across the pond in the UK, the Office of National Statistics reports that “women accounted for an unprecedented 80% of the new self-employed between 2008 and 2011”, and that number has continued to rise.

As more and more women become active participants in the global economy, whether through managing our own business or playing a part in leading others’ organizations, our relationship to our finances matters.

When it comes to money, what’s your motivation?

Money is a subject that often involves a lot of unspoken assumptions and judgments, going right back to childhood.

Perhaps when you were growing up you were told “we can’t afford it” as a way of saying no to things you wanted.

You might have been raised hearing sayings like “A fool and his money are soon parted”.

Money might have been used to confer approval or value – like being given an extra allowance if you did well in exams, or extravagant presents to cheer you up.

As an adult, some of these inherited beliefs will continue to inform your feelings towards money. Contrary to a common misconception, money certainly isn’t a “dry” or “emotionless” topic (and the best accountants aren’t people devoid of feelings!). The numbers we see when we look (or don’t look, as the case may be) at our bank statements can evoke powerful emotions.

And it’s those feelings about money, both what we have and what we haven’t got, that contribute to our money mindset.

Action: Take a few moments to jot down a few ideas about how you relate to money, using these prompts as your starting point.

When I was a child, money was…

When it comes to making money, I believe it’s…

People with money are…

When I think about my future finances, my biggest wish is…

The answer to the final question is what we’re going to take a look at in a bit more detail now.

What is your money mindset? The quick test

Take a look at your goals for your finances and ask yourself this question: do they mainly reflect a “towards” or “away from” mentality?

Here’s what I mean by that: A “towards” mentality means that you’re motivated by something you’re working to.

This can apply to any area of your life, but in financial terms it might be a goal like:

  • Going on holiday
  • Having 3 months of living expenses in savings

It could also be something more general:

  • Understanding investments
  • Feeling confident talking about my finances

The key thing is that the motivation is all coming from that inspiring vision of the future and all the good it brings.

An “away from” mentality is the opposite: this is the motivation that drives you away from a place you don’t want to be.

Perhaps your goal is more like:

  • Stop having arguments about money
  • Never having to think twice before spending
  • Getting out of debt

Can you see the difference in those statements?

Why your motivation matters

You can’t think about “stopping money arguments”, without focussing on the arguments and the pain they bring.

If your drive is “to get out of debt”, you’ll only have enough motivation to get you out of debt… and then no further.

This “away from” mentality is one I often see in entrepreneurs I work with. Business owners can find they’re really fired up by hitting rock bottom, or by starting out with very few funds in place. Lots of small businesses go into overdrive when the cashflow dries up – suddenly, we’re out there meeting clients, making sales, and getting creative with new marketing ideas.

The trouble with this kind of motivation is that when you do reach a place of stability, your momentum flags.

Suddenly, you no longer have the “wolf at the door” to drive you forward. The business loses energy, things start to slip, and before you know it the bottom line’s taking a downward turn… until you get to the next crisis point.

Even if you’re not a business owner, you might relate to this mindset. Perhaps you’re highly aware of your family’s finances when you’re watching every penny you spend. But when a payrise gives you a boost and you’re no longer worried about money you find yourself making purchases and financial decisions without a second thought. And then, whoops – overspending.

Changing our relationship with money

Financial freedom doesn’t mean freedom from thinking about money. It means beginning to think about money in a different way. One of the most fundamental shifts we can use is to shift our motivation to a “towards” approach.

What are you working towards? You might have some quick material ideas in mind:

  • Paying off the mortgage
  • Going on holiday
  • nvesting in something that will make a real difference to your day to day life.

But beyond that, there’s a future which involves a relationship with money. When you think about your goals, start to make that a part of the picture, and to reframe it using a “towards” mindset.

“Never having to worry about money” might become “Feeling confident about the decisions I’m making for my money” or “Being supported by experts who can give me good advice about my money”.

When you think about your future, can you imagine “Knowing that my money is working hard to create opportunities for my family”?

Going deeper when it comes to money mindset

It might sound like simple linguistics.  And on one level it is.

The deeper level to take this to, is when you can release the feelings underneath the away from motivation.

In our example again –

  • When you transform the hurt under the money arguments, you will automatically experience freedom in your communications
  • When you heal the pain of having nothing as a child, you won’t constantly find yourself thinking twice about whether you can now “afford” every purchase
  • When you let go of the guilt you feel because of the debt you’ve accumulated, you’ll find a freedom to get creative and build your wealth.

I’m really curious about which of these mindsets you currently identify with most when it comes to your finances. Share your reflections in the comments below, and let us know what your “away from” drivers are, and perhaps what your “towards” motivation might look like. Let’s inspire each other!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What are good money habits?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

In my work I’ve met many women who have made and grown wealth for themselves and their families. And as I’ve talked to them about how they created and sustained that wealth, I’ve noticed certain patterns. So many of us many of us didn’t grow up with strong role models of how to create wealth. Maybe you’d like to make more money, but you’re unsure: What are good money habits?

Very few of the wealthy women I spend time with didn’t wake up one morning with a huge number in their bank accounts, and then learn how to manage that money. Instead, they developed strong financial skills which led to the wealth they enjoy. Financial skills spring out of good money habits. As part of our 10-Week Wealth Turnaround we focus on 10 good money habits. I’ve picked off 5 of these that can implement no matter what the balance in your account right now. So, as you read this today, think: which of these will you implement first? Let us know how you go in the comments!

What are good money habits? 5 starting points to get your money working for you

1. Millionaire women know why

The really wealthy women I know are always clear on one key thing: the answer to the question WHY?

And the answer has a couple of parts.

First they understand WHY they are in the financial position they are in. They take ownership of the good decisions and bad decisions they have made. They bring consciousness to every spending, saving and investing decision.

The second part of the answer to “Why?” is the WHY they’re BUILDING that wealth. When it comes to earning, managing and multiplying their money, they have a clear vision for their money. They know what’s important to them, perhaps their family, their business or their desire to give to the causes that really matter to them. No matter what they have something fuelling and driving their desire to grow wealth, beyond “I just want more money.”

Action: Set aside twenty minutes to journal your WHY when it comes to money. Answer the following questions:

  1. Why are you in the financial position you are in. What good choices have you made, and what not good choices have you made?
  2. What do you want money for?
  3. What would life be like if you were receiving the kind of income you want?
  4. Why is money important to you – does it represent approval, stability, security, power or freedom, for example?
2. Millionaire women are accountable

We’re talking about money habits, but accountability starts with taking responsibility for our own power. The millionaire women I know are really clear about where they put their energy. They don’t lay blame, justify, or make excuses when it comes to their results. If they want things to be different, they take responsibility for making the changes that are needed.

They’re also accountable to others around them, answerable to any promises they’re making.

Finally, they’re accountable in the more usual sense of their financial accounts. They know what’s going in and what’s coming out when it comes to their money.

When we look at the stages of wealth, accountability is one of the key ways we move from financial instability to a place of financial stability. So if right now you’re not sure whether you’ll be up or down financially from month to month- the first and most important habit you need to implement is the habit of accountability.

Action: It can take a few hours to get a clear picture of your finances, so make time for it. Schedule a coffee date with yourself to get really clear on where things are: your debts, savings, and what’s coming in and out for the month. Getting a clear picture of where you are is essential if you’re to start steering your financial ship in the direction you want to be going.

3. Millionaire women manage their money effectively

This habit probably doesn’t come as a surprise – after all, we’re talking about women who are millionaires. They know how to manage their money effectively to make sure that they’re creating the financial future they want.

You might have read things like this before and thought: “Fine, I need to be ‘effective’ – but what does that actually MEAN?”. Well, at the very least, it’s about allocating something towards your financial future every single month – making that a part of the work your money does however much you earn right now.

In the great book The Millionaire Woman Next Door Thomas Stanley shares that 68% of millionaire women know exactly how much they spend every month on living: mortgage, fuel, food etc. They are brilliant budgeters. Of the other 32%, the “non-budgeters”, they make a commitment to INVEST money first each month and then only spend what is left over.

Either way millionaire women organise the money they have, and routinely put some aside to invest (not save) for the future.

One of the biggest mistakes I see women making is thinking that they’ll start to invest their money when they’re making “enough”. Most of us will never grow the kind of wealth we want without a commitment to investment right from the start. Just telling ourselves we’ll invest what’s left over isn’t sufficient. We must start the investing habit first. Creating your financial future means becoming conscious of the flow of money through your accounts. When we start to plan for the future immediately, we open up the amount of focus we give our financial future. So even if its $1 a month, starting the habit of investing in the future is the crucial step.

This is how we start to become truly conscious of our finances.

Action: Are you confident you understand the flow of money in your life? If you’re not really clear on how much you’re earning or spending, go back to the previous step – getting a clear picture of your finances is essential before you move into actively managing your money. Once you understand what’s coming in and out, you can start looking at what you want to invest in your future. Even if it’s only a small amount at first, this habit is one that will pay off in the long term. How much will you commit to investing monthly?

4. Millionaire women get their money working for them

In a culture which encourages us to continually spend, spend, spend, the millionaire women I know don’t only play the role of consumers in the marketplace. They’re in the habit of seeing themselves as creators of opportunity.

That means thinking of money as a way that we can make things happen for ourselves and for others, not just through our spending but through our investments. Investors see their money as a way of creating opportunities, whether that’s through property, the stock market, becoming a partner in a business, or something else.

Action: What would you like your money to do if it was working for you, instead of the other way round? Brainstorm a few priorities to investigate further, if this isn’t a part of your current finances.

Not sure where to start? Move on to habit 5 – it might be time to make some financial education your first investment.

5. Millionaire women educate themselves

If we start early enough in life, and have the right level of income, simply saving part of what we earn could possibly lead to wealth. But for most of us, creating the wealth we want to requires a little more. Usually our money needs to work a little harder than your average savings plan allows, to really provide for a financial future.

Most of us aren’t born knowing this stuff, so the first step is education to learn how to get our money working harder than a 0.5% annual interest rate in a bank!

Action: When it comes to finances, what do you wish you knew more about? Real estate investing? Stocks? Precious metals? What interests you to learn more about? Do a quick bit of reading today. Great authors on the subject are:

Rebecca Robertson of Evolution Financial Planning.

Gill Fielding of Fielding Financial.

Barbara Huson of Barbara-Huson.com, Author of one of my favourite books on financial power for women “Sacred Success”

Wealth Insights is our own half-day foray into reclaiming your power when it comes to money, and really increasing your wealth. Click here for upcoming events.

The bottom line when it comes to creating good money habits

At One of many we believe wealth is one of the most important areas of women’s power, and we’re on a mission to empower every woman in our community to create and manage the wealth she wants.

Do you recognise these habits in yourself? Is one of them a particular challenge for you, or an area where you have a tip to share for someone else? Let us know in the comments – your experience might be just what another woman needs to read today.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What is true financial freedom?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

What is true financial freedom? The phrase has a delicious ring to it – but for an awful lot of us the actual definition isn’t clear. The reality is, unless you know what you’re aiming for, it’s impossible for you to create strategies that will get you there.

When it comes to financial empowerment, too many of us get confused about the basics – like what is true financial freedom – meaning we don’t focus our energy where it’s most effective.

And this stuff matters. According to CNN, the largest growing economic force in the world isn’t China or India – it’s women. We account for 85% of all consumer purchases. If we were all able to make conscious, empowered choices around what we spend, rather than making those decisions unconsciously, we really could change the world.

Financial empowerment is a really important strand of our work here at One of many, because our finances are one area where a lot of us experience a great sense of disempowerment. To be clear, I’m not just talking about how much money you have.

When I talk about financial empowerment, I mean being really clear on what your financial situation is, taking responsibility for it, and understanding the strategies you need to move forward to the next level of growth. Without that level of understanding of wealth, you won’t be truly empowered.

What is true financial freedom?

So what is true financial freedom? The first thing a lot of us think of is an emotional state.

“When I’m no longer stressed about money” or “Never having to think twice about buying what’s best for my family.”

Sound familiar? But these kinds of woolly definitions can actually hold us back, because they don’t give us a clear sense of what we need to do in our lives right now to change things.

(After all, it’s perfectly possible to have millions in the bank and still think twice about buying things – or to be earning very little, but feel great clarity about how you’re moving forward.)

At One of many, financial freedom has a very specific meaning, and that’s what I want to share with you today. It’s one of the 4 stages in our “pyramid of wealth” – a really simple model we use to help us understand where we are financially.

The 4 stages of wealth

1. Stability

Let’s say you work for a salary of $30,00 per year, and your living expenses come to $30,000 – you’re at stability. Your earnings equal your outgoings. At the end of each month, you’ve got nothing left over in the bank account, but your expenses and your income is steady.

2. Security

If you’re earning $50,000 and your expenses are $40,000 per year, you’re probably at stability. Your expenses are covered by your earned income, with a little bit left over. At this stage, your family has a “rainy day” fund that means you’ve got the money in the bank to cover your expenses for the next 3–12 months. You’ve also got relevant wills and insurances in place to make sure you’re covered in the event of an unexpected emergency.

3. Independence

This is the “financial freedom” which a lot of us find hard to define. We describe it very simply: At this stage, whatever your living expenses are, they’re covered by the money generated by your assets – like income from property or stocks and shares.

Any amount of money you earn is a bonus because at this level, your living expenses are covered by your asset income. In other words, once you reach financial freedom, you don’t have to work any more to maintain your standard of living: your investments will cover your day to day costs.

4. Affluence

The final stage of wealth is affluence. As with independence, your living expenses (say $100,000 per year) are completely paid by the income from your assets.

This is the point at which you begin to diversify – to invest in lots of different assets, and to begin to understand how you can make a difference with the money you invest. At this stage, we start to become interested in what we can invest in, and begin to understand entire markets and the part we can play in them.

When we don’t have stable finances

You might be reading this thinking “Jo, that’s all well and good – but I’m not sure I’m on the pyramid at all!”. Maybe you’re a self-employed person experiencing “feast and famine”, your expenses seem to vary wildly, or you’re just not sure what your finances really look like.

First of all, you’re not alone! Instability is the step most of us are at before we get onto the pyramid, and it’s worryingly common among women. (After all, for a long time, women weren’t permitted to have any access to money, or educated about how to manage it – and these old patterns often persist.)

How do I change the stage I’m at?

Step one: Instability to stability

The key to making this first transition is accountability. This means tracking exactly what all of your incomings and outgoings are and being accountable for earning income. (At this stage, sometimes the simplest thing to do is to get a job.)

Step two: Stability to security

Accountability isn’t enough here, because reaching security means increasing your income or reducing your expenses. Now, the key is finding your flow. That might look like doing something you’re passionate about so your ability to earn income is greater, or tapping into a bigger flow of money by aligning yourself with a business or organization where the money is flowing.

This is something we explore at a much deeper level at BeWealth, where we use the Energy Outcome Matrix to get clear on the different elements to wealth creation and tell us where we need to be focused.

Step three: Security to freedom

Achieving financial freedom requires learning about investment: investing in oneself; investing in assets; or perhaps investing in teams to run your business for you. Just earning more won’t make that change. Now, the focus is on investing in assets which can generate money. And for many of us, the first step to that is investing in our own education so we can feel confident about making those decisions wisely for us and our families.

Step four: Freedom to affluence

The final stage of the pyramid is all about balance. We learn how to balance different kinds of assets, and to understand the balance sheets which tell us what’s going on in our finances. We also learn to balance our own energy, so that we’re paying attention evenly to every area where we spend energy.

Take action today

Finances can bring up all kinds of emotions and triggers for a lot of us, and it’s not surprising to find that there’s a temptation to “stick our heads in the sand” and ignore what’s going on. Looking at wealth in stages like this helps us understand where we’re at without judgement or emotion, but simply asa stage on a journey. So today, get honest with yourself: where are you right now?

Wherever you are, take a few minutes to notice the habits and the thinking that have got you to that level and be grateful for that. But notice that the same habits and thinking could keep you stuck here. What is it you need to get to the next level? In the next twelve months, what’s the big thing you know you need to do to change your financial circumstances and be in a place where you’re ready to move to the next stage?

The more we talk about these things, the more we can support each other to get empowered when it comes to money, relationships and health. If this is helpful to you, let us know in the comments below!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on . Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings such as binary options with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.