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How to avoid money arguments

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

“I just can’t talk to you about this any more!” Never mind going into another room. I was on the other side of the suburb before I’d calmed down, after yet another blow up with my husband about our finances. If you’re wondering how to avoid money arguments, here’s how we learned to get past the conflict and into alignment when it comes to the money stuff.

I can still remember so vividly how it felt, that particular day. I was hurt, frustrated, and confused. I even wondered if this meant the end of our relationship.

What was most maddening was that for the most part we agreed about money. We knew we had aligned long-term goals and our thoughts about money in general were pretty similar. I knew that something had to change.

Finding a way through the financial storms

Years later, my husband and I are working in our third business together, having navigated big financial hurdles like becoming parents, moving countries, and buying property.

These days, I’m pleased to report that our money conversations always end with us both in the same room – even if we’re not always on the same page. So I wanted to share the things I’ve learned that have made all the difference in our interactions on the topic.

Whether it’s your boss, mum, best friend or partner, here’s how to have productive, effective conversations about money.

5 keys to helping you avoid money arguments

1. Be aware and gentle

For many of us, money is an area of emotional or psychological wounding. Questions of how much we earn or what’s left over at the end of the month recall unconscious judgments in our minds about all kinds of things. This is really normal – almost all of us get tripped up by this from time to time.

What that means is that money conversations start to feel really personal. Statements the other person makes can easily feel like criticism, for example, even if they weren’t intended that way.

The first step then, is to be aware that this is likely to be true. If money comes up, know that this might become a tricky conversation and check in with yourself – is now the time to talk about this? Are you already feeling tender or tense?

Put it into action:
  • Understand that money can be a source of tension
  • Prepare for conversations about money ahead of time
  • Recognise that money talk can feel like it’s personal, even when it’s not intended that way

2. Know what’s yours

Aside from the numbers, it’s vital to know what’s yours on an emotional level. What do I mean by that? Well, a lot of the conflict that arises about money can actually come from within us. For example…

They say: “I think we should have a chat about setting up a joint account for shared bills”

You hear: “You’re terrible with money – I can’t trust you to handle your finances on your own”

You say: “Stop trying to control everything!”

Or…

They say: “How much did you say that retreat was going to cost?”

You hear: “You’re spending too much on extravagant things that don’t matter”

You say: “It’s up to me what I spend my money on – I don’t criticise you for the crap you waste your pay on!”

Hmm… it’s not hard to see how arguments flare up, right?

Becoming aware of the stuff money conversations bring up for us can open up awareness of deeper things that need healing, for example an area you feel especially defensive about, or a particular person whose criticism had a big effect on you in the past.

What’s important is that, when you are aware of these issues, you take responsibility for changing them. What’s yours to deal with? What do you need support from a coach or mentor around?

And remember, the other person might not be on this journey with you. It’s not your job to point out their limiting beliefs or identify what they need to work on. Approach the conversation with compassion, and deal with what’s yours – no more.

Put it into action:
  • Discern what issues you need to deal with when it comes to money
  • Seek external support where you need to – from a coach, financial expert, or trusted friend
  • Recognise what’s not your responsibility, and let it go

3. Choose your timing

Remember, our first step was being aware that conversations about money can be tender. Knowing that, it’s smart to have them at the right time.

That could include being aware of your cycle, for example. Now, before you think I’m some monster who thinks women are incapable of rational thought, hear me out.

In my own life I know that 7 days before my period comes, I could swear that the world is ending and there’s nothing you, I, or anyone else can do about it. That can actually be an incredibly powerful day for me – I sure as hell get clear on the change I want to make in the world – but it’s also a terrible day for me to have a conversation with anyone.

Knowing that, if I’m aware I need to have an important conversation about something like money I’ll do my best to shift it to a day when I’m likely to be feeling much clearer.

That won’t be the same for everyone, of course, but I wonder if any of that applies to you? Do you know you’re better able to be open, compassionate or empathetic at certain times of the month? Bear that in mind when you make an appointment to discuss your finances.

And make sure you take the other person’s needs into account too – allow them to tell you when would suit them, instead of springing it on them at a time when they’re not really ready.

Put it into action:
  • Choose a time when you’re both fed, rested and hydrated
  • Find a space where you won’t be disturbed or interrupted
  • Take into account your own rhythm and emotional needs

4. Be respectful in your communication

Sticking to some basic principles of clear and respectful communication is so important when the topic is an emotional one. Always seek to hear the other person out without interruption. You don’t want to be nagged, so don’t nag either.

And make an effort to find things to celebrate together – focus on what’s working, as well as what you want to change.

Put it into action:
  • Be respectful – don’t interrupt or nag
  • Notice when it’s time to take a break
  • Listen curiously and give space for the other person to say what they need to

5. Be clear about what you’re looking for

Now that you’ve chosen the best possible time and place, and you’re aware of what’s your responsibility, it’s time to communicate as clearly as possible what you want to share.

For the best possible outcome, try and recognise what’s driving both of you in the conversation. One of you might be more interested in feeling connected and loved, or seeking reassurance, and one of you might be looking for problems and tasks to solve.

What’s vital is that you’re clear about what it is you’re both looking for.

Put it into action:
  • Start by giving the point of the conversation for you – not the big long story that precedes it
  • Ask for what you need; leave them to decide the “how” of solving it, if that’s something they’re keen to do
  • Allow yourself to be receptive – if they agree with what you’re saying, there’s no need to keep on convincing them

Not being able to talk about money holds us back

It’s really important that we are able to move into more powerful conversations. In all the women I’ve coached and connected with over the years, I’ve noticed that the people who are most comfortable talking about finances tend to be the ones with the highest level of wealth.

In fact, I’d go as far as to say that your net worth increases in direct relation to your ability to talk to key people in your life about money.

How about you?

These steps have played a huge part in Greg and I sorting out our differences and getting to a stage where we can actually enjoy money conversations. Has money been a source of tension for you, and do you have an experience to share? Let us know in the comments.

If money is a problem for you – not just in conversations but also in terms of what you have or haven’t got – and you’re ready to get sorted so you can talk about it confidently, join us for Wealth Insights. If money feels like a challenge, this seminar will turn it into an ally – so that you can feel truly powerful about where you are and what your next steps are.

Click here to join the waiting list and be the first to get access to tickets when we open registration.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What are good money habits?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

In my work I’ve met many women who have made and grown wealth for themselves and their families. And as I’ve talked to them about how they created and sustained that wealth, I’ve noticed certain patterns. So many of us many of us didn’t grow up with strong role models of how to create wealth. Maybe you’d like to make more money, but you’re unsure: What are good money habits?

Very few of the wealthy women I spend time with didn’t wake up one morning with a huge number in their bank accounts, and then learn how to manage that money. Instead, they developed strong financial skills which led to the wealth they enjoy. Financial skills spring out of good money habits. As part of our 10-Week Wealth Turnaround we focus on 10 good money habits. I’ve picked off 5 of these that can implement no matter what the balance in your account right now. So, as you read this today, think: which of these will you implement first? Let us know how you go in the comments!

What are good money habits? 5 starting points to get your money working for you

1. Millionaire women know why

The really wealthy women I know are always clear on one key thing: the answer to the question WHY?

And the answer has a couple of parts.

First they understand WHY they are in the financial position they are in. They take ownership of the good decisions and bad decisions they have made. They bring consciousness to every spending, saving and investing decision.

The second part of the answer to “Why?” is the WHY they’re BUILDING that wealth. When it comes to earning, managing and multiplying their money, they have a clear vision for their money. They know what’s important to them, perhaps their family, their business or their desire to give to the causes that really matter to them. No matter what they have something fuelling and driving their desire to grow wealth, beyond “I just want more money.”

Action: Set aside twenty minutes to journal your WHY when it comes to money. Answer the following questions:

  1. Why are you in the financial position you are in. What good choices have you made, and what not good choices have you made?
  2. What do you want money for?
  3. What would life be like if you were receiving the kind of income you want?
  4. Why is money important to you – does it represent approval, stability, security, power or freedom, for example?
2. Millionaire women are accountable

We’re talking about money habits, but accountability starts with taking responsibility for our own power. The millionaire women I know are really clear about where they put their energy. They don’t lay blame, justify, or make excuses when it comes to their results. If they want things to be different, they take responsibility for making the changes that are needed.

They’re also accountable to others around them, answerable to any promises they’re making.

Finally, they’re accountable in the more usual sense of their financial accounts. They know what’s going in and what’s coming out when it comes to their money.

When we look at the stages of wealth, accountability is one of the key ways we move from financial instability to a place of financial stability. So if right now you’re not sure whether you’ll be up or down financially from month to month- the first and most important habit you need to implement is the habit of accountability.

Action: It can take a few hours to get a clear picture of your finances, so make time for it. Schedule a coffee date with yourself to get really clear on where things are: your debts, savings, and what’s coming in and out for the month. Getting a clear picture of where you are is essential if you’re to start steering your financial ship in the direction you want to be going.

3. Millionaire women manage their money effectively

This habit probably doesn’t come as a surprise – after all, we’re talking about women who are millionaires. They know how to manage their money effectively to make sure that they’re creating the financial future they want.

You might have read things like this before and thought: “Fine, I need to be ‘effective’ – but what does that actually MEAN?”. Well, at the very least, it’s about allocating something towards your financial future every single month – making that a part of the work your money does however much you earn right now.

In the great book The Millionaire Woman Next Door Thomas Stanley shares that 68% of millionaire women know exactly how much they spend every month on living: mortgage, fuel, food etc. They are brilliant budgeters. Of the other 32%, the “non-budgeters”, they make a commitment to INVEST money first each month and then only spend what is left over.

Either way millionaire women organise the money they have, and routinely put some aside to invest (not save) for the future.

One of the biggest mistakes I see women making is thinking that they’ll start to invest their money when they’re making “enough”. Most of us will never grow the kind of wealth we want without a commitment to investment right from the start. Just telling ourselves we’ll invest what’s left over isn’t sufficient. We must start the investing habit first. Creating your financial future means becoming conscious of the flow of money through your accounts. When we start to plan for the future immediately, we open up the amount of focus we give our financial future. So even if its $1 a month, starting the habit of investing in the future is the crucial step.

This is how we start to become truly conscious of our finances.

Action: Are you confident you understand the flow of money in your life? If you’re not really clear on how much you’re earning or spending, go back to the previous step – getting a clear picture of your finances is essential before you move into actively managing your money. Once you understand what’s coming in and out, you can start looking at what you want to invest in your future. Even if it’s only a small amount at first, this habit is one that will pay off in the long term. How much will you commit to investing monthly?

4. Millionaire women get their money working for them

In a culture which encourages us to continually spend, spend, spend, the millionaire women I know don’t only play the role of consumers in the marketplace. They’re in the habit of seeing themselves as creators of opportunity.

That means thinking of money as a way that we can make things happen for ourselves and for others, not just through our spending but through our investments. Investors see their money as a way of creating opportunities, whether that’s through property, the stock market, becoming a partner in a business, or something else.

Action: What would you like your money to do if it was working for you, instead of the other way round? Brainstorm a few priorities to investigate further, if this isn’t a part of your current finances.

Not sure where to start? Move on to habit 5 – it might be time to make some financial education your first investment.

5. Millionaire women educate themselves

If we start early enough in life, and have the right level of income, simply saving part of what we earn could possibly lead to wealth. But for most of us, creating the wealth we want to requires a little more. Usually our money needs to work a little harder than your average savings plan allows, to really provide for a financial future.

Most of us aren’t born knowing this stuff, so the first step is education to learn how to get our money working harder than a 0.5% annual interest rate in a bank!

Action: When it comes to finances, what do you wish you knew more about? Real estate investing? Stocks? Precious metals? What interests you to learn more about? Do a quick bit of reading today. Great authors on the subject are:

Rebecca Robertson of Evolution Financial Planning.

Gill Fielding of Fielding Financial.

Barbara Huson of Barbara-Huson.com, Author of one of my favourite books on financial power for women “Sacred Success”

Wealth Insights is our own half-day foray into reclaiming your power when it comes to money, and really increasing your wealth. Click here for upcoming events.

The bottom line when it comes to creating good money habits

At One of many we believe wealth is one of the most important areas of women’s power, and we’re on a mission to empower every woman in our community to create and manage the wealth she wants.

Do you recognise these habits in yourself? Is one of them a particular challenge for you, or an area where you have a tip to share for someone else? Let us know in the comments – your experience might be just what another woman needs to read today.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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What is true financial freedom?

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

What is true financial freedom? The phrase has a delicious ring to it – but for an awful lot of us the actual definition isn’t clear. The reality is, unless you know what you’re aiming for, it’s impossible for you to create strategies that will get you there. When it comes to financial empowerment, too many of us get confused about the basics – like what is true financial freedom – meaning we don’t focus our energy where it’s most effective.

And this stuff matters. According to CNN, the largest growing economic force in the world isn’t China or India – it’s women. We account for 85% of all consumer purchases. If we were all able to make conscious, empowered choices around what we spend, rather than making those decisions unconsciously, we really could change the world.

Financial empowerment is a really important strand of our work here at One of many, because our finances are one area where a lot of us experience a great sense of disempowerment. To be clear, I’m not just talking about how much money you have. When I talk about financial empowerment, I mean being really clear on what our financial situation is, taking responsibility for it, and understanding the strategies we need to move us forward to the next level of growth. Without that level of understanding of wealth, you won’t be truly empowered.

What is true financial freedom?

So what is true financial freedom? The first thing a lot of us think of is an emotional state.

“When I’m no longer stressed about money” or “Never having to think twice about buying what’s best for my family.”

Sound familiar? But these kinds of woolly definitions can actually hold us back, because they don’t give us a clear sense of what we need to do in our lives right now to change things.

(After all, it’s perfectly possible to have millions in the bank and still think twice about buying things – or to be earning very little, but feel great clarity about how you’re moving forward.)

At One of many, financial freedom has a very specific meaning, and that’s what I want to share with you today. It’s one of the 4 stages in our “pyramid of wealth” – a really simple model we use to help us understand where we are financially.

The 4 stages of wealth

1. Stability

Let’s say you work for a salary of $30,00 per year, and your living expenses come to $30,000 – you’re at stability. Your earnings equal your outgoings. At the end of each month, you’ve got nothing left over in the bank account, but your expenses and your income is steady.

2. Security

If you’re earning $50,000 and your expenses are $40,000 per year, you’re probably at stability. Your expenses are covered by your earned income, with a little bit left over. At this stage, your family has a “rainy day” fund that means you’ve got the money in the bank to cover your expenses for the next 3–12 months. You’ve also got relevant wills and insurances in place to make sure you’re covered in the event on an unexpected emergency.

3. Independence

This is the “financial freedom” which a lot of us find hard to define. We describe it very simply: At this stage, if your living expenses are $50,000 per year, then they’re covered by the money generated by your assets – like income from property or stocks and shares.

Any amount of money you earn is a bonus because at this level, your living expenses are covered by your asset income. In other words, once you reach financial freedom, you don’t have to work any more to maintain your standard of living: your investments will cover your day to day costs.

4. Affluence

The final stage of wealth is affluence. As with independence, your living expenses (say $100,000 per year) are completely paid by the income from your assets.This is the point at which you begin to diversify – to invest in lots of different assets, and to begin to understand how you can make a difference with the money you invest. At these stage, we start to become really interested in what we can invest in, and begin to understand entire markets and the part we can play in them.

When we don’t have stable finances

You might be reading this thinking “Jo, that’s all well and good – but I’m not sure I’m on the pyramid at all!”. Maybe you’re a self-employed person experiencing “feast and famine”, your expenses seem to vary wildly, or you’re just not sure what your finances really look like.

First of all, you’re not alone! Instability is the step most of us are at before we get onto the pyramid, and it’s worryingly common among women. (After all, for a long time, women weren’t permitted to have any access to money, and these inherited patterns often persist.)

How do I change the stage I’m at?

Step one: Instability to stability

The key to making this first transition is accountability. This means tracking exactly what all of your incomings and outgoings are and being accountable for earning income. (At this stage, sometimes the simplest thing to do is to get a job.)

Step two: Stability to security

Accountability isn’t enough here, because reaching security means increasing your income or reducing your expenses. Now, the key is finding your flow. That might look like doing something you’re passionate about so your ability to earn income is greater, or tapping into a bigger flow of money by aligning yourself with a business or organization where the money is flowing.

This is something we explore at a much deeper level at BeWealth, where we use the Energy Outcome Matrix to get clear on the different elements to wealth creation and tell us where we need to be focused.

Step three: Security to freedom

Achieving financial freedom requires learning about investment: investing in oneself; investing in assets; or perhaps investing in teams to run your business for you. Just earning more won’t make that change. Now, the focus is on investing in assets which can generate money. And for many of us, the first step to that is investing in our own education so we can feel confident about making those decisions wisely for us and our families.

Step four: Freedom to affluence

The final stage of the pyramid is all about balance. We learn how to balance different kinds of assets, and to understand the balance sheets which tell us what’s going on in our finances. We also learn to balance our own energy, so that we’re paying attention evenly to every area where we spend energy.

Take action today

Finances can bring up all kinds of emotions and triggers for a lot of us, and it’s not surprising to find that there’s a temptation to “stick our heads in the sand” and ignore what’s going on. Looking at wealth in stages like this helps us understand where we’re at without judgement or emotion, but simply asa stage on a journey. So today, get honest with yourself: where are you right now?

Wherever you are, take a few minutes to notice the habits and the thinking that have got you to that level and be grateful for that. But notice that the same habits and thinking could keep you stuck here. What is it you need to get to the next level? In the next twelve months, what’s the big thing you know you need to do to change your financial circumstances and be in a place where you’re ready to move to the next stage?

The more we talk about these things, the more we can support each other to get empowered when it comes to money, relationships and health. If this is helpful to you, let us know in the comments below!

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Grass Roots Women Who Inspire – Cat’s Story

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Cat’s Story

For as long as I can remember I wanted to make a positive difference in the world. I even started out in my career as a biomedical engineer in Australia, designing aortic stent grafts and literally saving lives! But the problem was… it was boring. I wanted to do something that was exciting and fun.

In looking around at what else I could do I met a graphic designer. Now that was a job that looked like fun. I’d get to make stuff pretty all day and make a living out of it.

It was time to for a change in career

I found a graphic design course that I could take in only 12 months, and broached the idea with my partner Scot. He wasn’t entirely thrilled at the idea of me throwing in my high paid job to become a student again, but we agreed that I’d make up for the disparity in earnings in the future.

So, with no time to waste, I quit my engineering career and signed up for the course – thinking that surely this would be all I needed to make it big in the world of graphic design. Huh!

Twelve months later I made a list of top London design agencies I wanted to work for, and with a flimsy qualification in hand, Scot and I sold all our belongings and bought a one-way ticket to the UK.

Excitement. Fame. Fortune. Here I come!

Only thing is that tens of thousands of design graduates turn up in London every year looking for a design job – and most of those have Bachelors degrees. It was a shock to the system, but the situation forced me to get creative with my application process. I carefully targeted the creative directors at my top 10 agencies and sent them postcards of myself outside their door, explaining exactly why I was determined to work for them. Three months after arriving in London, I secured a foot-in-the-door at the agency which had been top of my list.

The cold hard reality

I quickly discovered that graduate designers typically work for minimum wage or ‘gulp’ for free!

The excitement kept me moving forward, but I had a sinking feeling that it was going to be a LONG time before I could ever make things up financially to Scot. And with the cost of living in London far higher than my income, I moved further and into a feeling of being indebted.

Working at an agency was fun and fast paced. I learnt a lot and got to work with some very prestigious clients. But after a number of years of doing it tight financially, I realised that I was never going to make up the financial gap with a regular agency job.

I turned to freelancing!

With a much higher daily rate, and the freedom to get experience from a range of clients, and change my focus to brand strategy and customer experience, I thought that I was set. But there’s nothing that messes with your mind quite like running your own business.

When I was busy things were fine. When I wasn’t things weren’t so fine. I quickly descended into a desperate cycle of taking whatever work was on offer and working my butt off for several months, and then spending the next few months stressing that I didn’t have enough work.

The freelance gig gave me the freedom to travel and make it back to see my family in Australia semi-regularly. But Scot (now my husband) could rarely travel with me because he was working in a full time employed position. He was the one who was being responsible and providing the stability for us. He was being a grown up. Whereas I felt broke all the time. I felt like a fraud, pretending I had my own business, when I my cash flow was so erratic I couldn’t be relied upon to pay the rent. It didn’t feel great but I had no idea how to change anything.

Money became a taboo subject

Best avoided if you didn’t fancy an argument.

In despair, I threw tens of thousands of dollars at personal development and wealth creation seminars. I learnt about property investment, passive income, multi-level-marketing. Basically, anything that might change my situation for me!

I’d leave each event hopeful, but after a few weeks the enthusiasm would fade and all that I was left with was a growing credit card bill.

I decided that the only solution was to work harder.

Work harder and I’ll make more money, I rationalised. But as I doggedly pursued more clients, and increase my earnings something else started to nag at me.

The work I was doing was now ENTIRELY about the money!

I wasn’t making the sort of positive difference in the world I had always wanted to make. In fact, some would go so far as to stay that my work was actually harming the world – selling people more stuff they don’t need, in order to make even more money for the 1%.

I started to make up for my growing sense of guilt, by doing the odd side-project for a cause that I could believe in. Doing good with my work felt so good that I started giving my time away to friends and family for free, afraid to charge for my services.

After all…

You can’t do good AND make money.

Or so the voice in my head would tell me.

But there are only so many hours in the day, and when you start spending more of your time working for free, the logical result is that you spend less time doing the work that makes you money.

There had to be another way of doing things?

Faced (yet again) with the same financial frustrations, I found myself registered for the Be Wealth retreat – not really expecting anything to change, but there was something in the idea of a ‘Soft Power’ approach to wealth that intrigued me.

All those other wealth seminars I’d attended, they’d pump you and challenge you to go out and fight for what you wanted.

I could see that they worked for other people, but that approach just never felt quite right for me. Jo Martin and One of many had made me start to question if maybe the difference was that they were geared around a masculine way of doing things.

What if I could approach things from a more feminine perspective AND still achieve the same results?

I decided to attend with an open mind.

Be Wealth started with an honest and objective look at the facts

Instead of teaching some ‘get rich quick’ strategy, Jo made us take an honest and objective look at ourselves.

We started by facing the real numbers in our individual money situations. I was amazed to discover that despite feeling like a financial failure, and not always having dependable income, that I had actually earned as much over the last decade as Scot had in his stable and steady job.

It turns out I was doing pretty well with the ‘making’ money, I was just lacking in follow through with the ‘manage’ and ‘multiply’ parts of wealth creation.

Jo also taught us about the four stages of wealth – Stability, Security, Independence and Affluence – and I realised another reason why all those wealth seminars, hadn’t worked for me. I was so far in the realm of instability that I hadn’t even reached the first stage of wealth yet! You can’t just jump straight to financial independence or affluence.

Each stage of wealth builds upon the next, so if I wanted to improve my wealth situation I needed to do the work to progress through each stage. Because as Jo explained, the strategy that gets you to one level is NOT the strategy that will get you to the next level.

It fascinated me that stability is also about accountability – something I was definitely lacking. Scott and I never even spoke about our finances. I immediately knew this had to change.

We explored our beliefs and values

I don’t know quite how Jo, Annie and Susie do it but they get right underneath all your programming.

I unpacked the story I had been telling myself about how I didn’t care about money. How I believed that it was more important to be making a difference than making money, and that you can’t do good AND make money at the same time.

A huge shift for me was when I realised that not caring about money was actually preventing me from making a bigger difference in the world!

I realised that working for free on projects that I believe in was actually harming those projects. I wasn’t able to dedicate the time and resources to the projects that they deserved. I wasn’t able to help them make the impact that they possibly could have – all because I was afraid to charge money for something that was doing good.

To say this changed everything is an understatement!

I immediately went back home and created a real, bonafide, creative business out of helping solopreneurs with a social mission, build a brand and make a bigger impact.

Within 12 weeks that business had billed £32k… which was more than I had billed in the rest of the year combined. And I was on holiday for one of those months!

I made the decision to take control of my finances, once and for all.

I realised that I had been behaving like a child when it came to finances. I was abdicating responsibility to Scot and that had to stop. We could be a team, but I had to contribute in more than just the ‘making’ phase.

Importantly if we wanted to create financial stability… and then financial independence, I needed to take responsibility and we needed to start communicating.

Rather than simply wanting to come back and make vague promises, I decided to let my actions speak louder than my words. I started to pay myself a regular wage from my business, and I implemented Jo’s jar system.

The massive surge in my regular income, and the carefully implemented money management system, definitely attracted interest from Scot, and paved the way for a very frank conversation about desires, needs and values.

This time something was different. We didn’t argue or get emotional. He could hear what I was trying to say. He could see that I was really taking action. He could trust that I was serious.

Less than a week after that conversation, Scot gave notice at the job that had been getting more and more stressful for him. A month later I became the sole breadwinner in our family whilst Scot concentrated on learning to trade the financial markets.

Suddenly I was the strong and stable financial person in our relationship

As Scot focused on learning his new trade, I grew my business – hiring team members and taking on more and more clients who were doing amazing things in the world.

I revelled in the fact that I was really making a positive difference in the world, and supporting my husband to pursue something he enjoyed.

After six months of working side-by-side in our 1 bedroom apartment Scot and I made the decision to take an even bigger leap. We packed up all our belongings, and set off with laptops and backpacks to travel and work as digital nomads. After more than a decade living in the UK far away from our families, it was a joy to spend a summer in Australia with no rush of moving on.

As I write this we are both sitting by a pool in Bali…

Scot watching the markets, as I exchange emails and the occasional skype call with team members plotting how we can better serve our clients and help them make an even bigger difference in the world. It’s a joy to empower others to share their messages in a bigger, bolder, brighter way.

There are still real challenges. I’m still only finding my feet in financial stability. And I have a lot to learn as I endeavour to progress on to the next stages of my wealth journey.

But the changes in my life have been so dramatic and phenomenal, and I still need to pinch myself to check that it is real.

It feels cheesy to say that this all wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t attended Be Wealth. But for once it feels great not to have had to battle through and learn all my lessons the hard way.

I’m so incredibly grateful to Jo for helping me get unstuck and showing me that there really is a different way.

Cat is an amazing designer and helped us create all our branding. She’s niched herself to help solopreneurs with a social conscience stand out from the crowd. Well done Cat!

Let me know in the comments if any of Cat’s story resonates with you.

And if you’d love to transform your relationship with money like Cat did then take a look at our upcoming Wealth Insights event in London.

It is a 3.5-hour tour-de-force live seminar into what keeps some of us women stuck around money, what millionaire women do differently, and how you can finally set you and your family free. And the best part is a ticket is only £27, and all ticket sale profits support an awesome not-for-profit.

Our intention is simple. To support professional women to handle the day-to-day so they can unleash the bigger impact they feel called to make in the world.

We believe real leadership is less about skill, and more about having a well of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength to draw on. Every week we support thousands of grassroots leaders globally with our free articles, videos and online trainings with powerful tools and methodologies created BY women FOR women.

Become One of many™ women creating strong, meaningful connections in our community.

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Podcast: Why following your passion isn’t enough

By

Joanna Martin

Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.

Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Sophie-Bennett-Author-217x3001Today, Sophie Bennett is an author, book coach, speaker, entrepreneur, and wealth coach.

But at age 30, she was £68,000 in debt, had no job, few skills (with one very important exception), and was on the verge of losing her flat.

For the 13 years leading up to that, Sophie’s life had all come down to one thing: getting onto the Olympic dressage team. She trained day in and day out, single-mindedly following her passion for dressage, waiting for, as she called it, “that one big win”.

It never came … at least not in the form of dressage.

But after attending a Tony Robbins seminar, Sophie changed her entire mindset around money and potential. Seven years later, she had completely turned her life around and had done her first million pound property deal.

Now Sophie uses all of the lessons she learned in that process to help other women on their journey from debt to wealth — and she was kind enough to share some of her fantastic insights in today’s podcast!

In today’s podcast, Sophie and I talk about:

  • How buying into the myth of “Do what you love and the money will come” can be really dangerous — and what you should do instead.
  • The unique advantages we women have in business.
  • The most important lesson Sophie’s learned on her journey from being in a scary amount of debt to selling her first million pound property.
  • How almost everyone mistakes skills for talents, and why this is so important in your approach to trying new things.
  • Why having a mentor is incredibly important, whether you’re just starting out with something or you’ve been doing it for years.
  • Sophie’s best advice for when things get tough.

List to our interview here

I’d love to know..

 What’s the one thing you’ve been inspired to do after listening to Sophie’s story? Maybe it’s time to finally learn that new skill you’ve been putting off, maybe you’ve decided to find a mentor, or maybe you’ve decided that it’s time to evaluate your wealth mindset…

Whatever it is, I’d love for you to share it below in the comments — let’s all support each other!

And if you want to find out more about Sophie or get her great book on shifting your money mindset, click here.