When it comes to coaching or being coached, it’s easy to focus on the extraordinary impact it can have on the things you CAN change in your life. Coaching can help you find a new career. Discover relationships that fulfil you in ways you could never have imagined; set powerful boundaries around what’s acceptable; learn to bring joy and delight into your daily life.
But what about the things you can’t change? What if coaching could teach you how to make peace with anything?
After all, some of the biggest challenges we face in our lives are often things that are totally out of our power to change in any way.
Maybe you’re coming to terms with the fact that you’re not going to have children in this lifetime.
Perhaps someone close to you has died, and the grief feels overwhelming.
You might have lost a business, or your home, or life has gone wrong in some other horrible way.
Or you’ve made a mistake, or done something so harmful, you can’t ever imagine moving on.
Can coaching help you then?
Coaching and the things we can’t change
A while back, while having a BIG clear out of a whole heap of old things, I came across a memory from decades ago.
A set of beautiful, colourful baby clothes I’d bought while travelling in Peru. At the time, I was desperate to have children. I imagined the kind of mother I’d be, the lives they’d have, the adventures we’d go on together.
But it wasn’t meant to be.
For a while, coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to do this thing I wanted more than anything was incredibly painful.
But this time, when I came across those tiny outfits, I felt nothing but peace with the way things have unfolded. In fact, they now bring a smile to my face. The pangs of longing are gone. The heartache is over. I'm even happy that I don't have kids now! I have enough on my plate just looking after me so that I can look after everyone else.
I'm loving the stability, serenity and settledness of post menopause life. And that I get to support many people, not just a couple of small ones! I get to do what I love most… like supporting women to becoming incredible coaches for the women around them. Sharing these tools that have made such a difference in my life.
And helping others find peace with the life experiences they once thought they would never overcome.
What if you can’t “get over it”?
If you’re reading this and thinking that this all sounds well and good, but there’s no way YOU could get over the particular heartbreak you’re facing, then let me give you the brutal truth.
Whatever happens in life, you have two options:
Accept it… or change it.
If you can’t accept what’s happened, you have to change it.
And if you can’t change it?
You have no choice but to accept it, one way or the other.
When we can’t accept the things we can’t change, that’s when all kinds of problems show up. We can turn to crutches like drink, drugs, work, codependent relationships… anything to avoid coming to terms with what’s happened. This is nothing to be ashamed of – it’s far more common than you might think.
Many of us have been squashing down this realization for years. Decades. Maybe even most of our lives.
To understand how you can finally move forward, you need to look at why that is.
What stops us from accepting things?
At the root of the things we can’t accept tend to be feelings we haven’t allowed ourself to fully express. Many of us are terrified of the emotions we’re avoiding.
So if you want to know how to make peace with anything, that’s often a good place to start.
Think about something you find it hard to let go of.
On a scale of one to ten, how strongly do you feel emotionally about it?
If there’s ANY emotion there, it’s a sign there is some work to do.
What kind of work?
Well, all kinds of things. As Women’s Coaches we have a whole range of tools to help women move through emotions they’re feeling. Some things to try might be:
- Journalling, so you can really be honest about your thoughts and feelings
- Meditations to help you release unhelpful limitations or emotions
- Dynamic meditations, which allow you to move feelings through your body
- Embodiment work, such as dance, movement or massage
- Getting clear on your needs
- Learning how to ask for things
- Setting boundaries with those around you
- Understanding the role of the different Women’s PowerTypes in your life
… and many, many more.
There are so many tools that help us move through things.
A good coach can help you identify the ones which are right for you. And the impact can transform your life.
When you find peace, the future opens up
The only reason we find ourselves unable to make peace with things is because of the stories we’re holding on to. That keep us stuck to our past experiences, and attached to the meanings we decide they have.
When we’re able to unravel those stories and release them of their power, we find ourselves in a place of new potential. It’s as though, instead of looking at everything through the murky filter of our unexpressed emotions, we’re finally able to look through clear lenses at what’s right in front of us.
Clients I’ve coached in the past have experienced the pain of divorce, of losing their homes, bankruptcy, bereavement, and unimaginable trauma and loss.
With the right support, I don’t think there’s anything we can’t make peace with (with the exception of clinical diagnoses which need support beyond a coach’s expertise).
Start by reminding yourself of that simple fact: You can accept what’s happened, or you can change it.
What are you going to accept, starting today?
Do you want to know how to make peace with anything?
If you’re curious about these simple, powerful ways to move through emotion and find freedom from what’s past, there’s a free workshop coming up which you might be interested in.
It’s called Essential Skills for Coaching Women, and in it Jo Martin will be introducing One of many’s unique coaching toolkit – designed by women, for women. You’ll discover some practical tools you can use straight away to support the women in your life to move past even the toughest challenges.
If you’d love to know how to share this work with others, and allow them to move forward with their lives, you’d be so welcome. Just click the link below to register for your place:
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