One of Many

Woman looking to create change

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The Gift of Receiving

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

Last week I had a melt down.

As I looked at the triggers it became clear that I had once more got myself into a situation where I was supporting everyone, and I wasn’t getting the support I needed.

Don’t get me wrong here I have a great supportive team.  They are amazing.  But I’m probably 6 months late on my most recent hire, and when our new General Manager started on Thursday, and we were bringing her up to speed, it became clear just how much I have been managing solo.

I didn’t want to bother my admin team with stuff because they were so busy, so I was doing it, Greg was so busy, so I didn’t want to put anything on him, so I was doing more… you now how it goes.  “I’ll hire a great team, but gee- I don’t want to bug them with the boring tedious things…”

Or maybe that’s just me.

You see I am a reforming S.I.W.  Strong Independent Woman. My catch cry was “I can do anything. I don’t need anyone.”  I avoid neediness like the plague.

This drive to avoid neediness is rife in so many women I coach and mentor.  Strong and successful they have often got there on their own.  Sure, they may have a team, but ultimately they will do anything to avoid being an imposition

At the core of it… many strong women see receiving as a sign of weakness.

Let me be straight here- there’s still a SIW-streak in me who (illogically) thinks that if I were to actually have someone else buy my groceries then I’m a failure as a woman.

(If you can relate to this, you might really benefit from a live 1-day training I’m doing in London in May called “Make the Leap”.  Details here)

So, anyway, this week has gotten me to thinking about receiving.

The Art of Receiving.

Graciousness is a key quality of the Queen.  She’s one of the 5 Women’s Power Archetypes we use in our work at One of Many.

Now, when I say “Queen” there’s not a one among us who would doubt the strength of that archetype.  She is strong, powerful, immense.

Yet- she is exquisite at receiving.

When the explorer kneels at her feet and lays down the rare and exotic fruit he brings back from his travels, she doesn’t say “Oh, no, no I couldn’t’ possibly.” She says, “Why thank you.  It is beautiful, and I look forward to tasting it. Congratulations on bringing it so far.”

The explorer NEEDS her to receive the gift.

Her gracious receiving is a gift to him.

In fact this receiving actually sets up a cycle of energy (or flow).

The act of receiving graciously is, too, a gift. (Tweet this)

Let’s look at it another way.

For most successful women, we are aware we need to “get help”.  We may catch ourselves thinking:

  • “I need to hire a new PA”
  • “I should ask Michelle to help me update my resume”
  • “It’s time I got a regular cleaner”
  • “We need a new customer service manager”
  • “I should ask my sister if she could pick the kids up and take care of them after school once a week.”

But in my experience the thought rarely gets activated.  And even if it does, it often doesn’t work out as well as it could because as women we are not taught to receive.

So your sister picks up the kids once or twice, but because you’re doubting your worthiness to be supported in this way, you find someway to sabotage the arrangement.

You hire a PA, then after 3 months your old “I don’t want to bother her with this piece, I’ll just do it” kicks in (oh yes- I’ve done this many times!)

Instead of turning such delicious opportunities into power trips or ego struggles, we need to consciously receive.

Here’s my recipe for making sure that getting support actually WORKS OUT.

  1. Recognise that you being supported is fundamental to the success of your business, family and/or community.  There’s a lot at stake here.  What you provide is necessary.  Your wellbeing is a must, not a nice to have.
  2. Step into your Queen archetype with your ‘support team’ (whether it’s your spouse, sis, PA, cleaner, your date, accountant or the grocery delivery guy).
  3. When someone helps you out, see it as a gift.  Sure they may be getting paid, but if you see the gift in everything, it activates great receiving.
  4. Receive graciously and let people know they are needed.

How to Receive Graciously.

Here’s a little template you can follow to receive well:

  1. Express gratitude for the gift
    –      “Thankyou so much for…”
  2. Future pace its use
    –      “I’m going to give this pride of place on the mantelpiece.”
    –      “Next time I’m feeling exhausted I’m going to remember that comment and feel better.”
    –      “That has saved me about 5 hours of running in circles.”
  3. Express how it makes you feel
    –      “I feel really honored/relieved/loved/appreciated/taken care of.”
    –      “You saved my life!” (My husband’s personal favourite!)

Sure a simple thank you can be enough.  But I find that going a little further has people feel needed, and deeply appreciated.  This is the gift for them.

So the next time the grocery delivery guy turns up on your doorstep, why not give him a gift.

“Thank you so much for bringing these. That drive through the countryside in the dark and fog just saved me 2 hours, which I get to spend with my family instead. It’s your job, I know, but it makes the world of difference for me and them. Thanks. Oh, and yes… bring them through to the kitchen, please.”

Maybe I’m mad. But I notice the more conscious I get and the better I am at receiving, the more opportunity comes my way.

Let me know how you get on! And if you’re up for growing in your ability to receive and be supported in your mission, it might be time to Make the Leap.  I’m running a live training in London on the 20th of May.  Check out the details here.

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What does it really mean to play your strengths as a woman?

By

Joanna Martin
Joanna Martin
Founder at One of many
Founder: One of many. Author. Ex-doctor. Entrepreneur. Sister. Sometime Actor. Baby Wrangler. Personal Chef. Mother.
Joanna Martin
Latest posts by Joanna Martin (see all)

What are the first words that come to mind when you think about the feminine? Soft, nurturing … maybe a bit recessive, even weak? And what about when you think about female power? Does your mind immediately go to sports commercials and Superwomen? Seems like a bit of a contradiction, doesn’t it, like you either have to choose between being sweet or being strong.

The truth is, true feminine power is neither one of those things.

Don’t get me wrong: I am 100% for strong women stepping into their power. But not in the way that you might think. See, historically we’ve attempted to level the playing field between men and women in two main ways: by stepping into the Superwoman archetype, and trying to out-muscle the men, or stepping into the sex kitten archetype, and trying to seduce them.

But you’re so much more than that.

There’s nothing wrong with being ambitious or sexy — but the classic expression of both of those things comes from a masculine perspective. It’s fairly obvious with the ball breaking, Superwoman archetype. But the traditional sex kitten stems from that linear, masculine paradigm too. And the truth is, neither one makes particularly good use of the inherent strengths that we have as women.

It’s a matter of biology.

Women and men have vast differences in their biology, particularly when it comes to hormones. Men have a lot of testosterone, which is that “push forward, get it done!” hormone that moderates that aggression, that drive to compete, which is great for working in linear, competitive paradigms. Women on the other hand have about a thirteenth of that testosterone. (It varies a bit throughout your cycle, but that’s about what it is.)

Does this mean that we can’t compete and that we just have to wait at home for the men to take care of us? Absolutely not! But it does mean that if we try to work in exactly the same way as the men around us, we’re going to run out of that testosterone pretty quickly, which leaves us running on cortisol and adrenaline, the stress hormones. Cue frustration, burnout, and all the physical, emotional, and mental problems that come along with them.

Strength from cycles

The great news is that once you realise this, you can start to really step into your power as a woman. Instead of trying to push, push, push your way through using a masculine paradigm, you can find the strength that comes from living and working according to your biological cycles.

As I spoke about last week, we’ve all got cycles of energy, which means that different parts of your day, month, and year are best suited for different things. For instance, those days that you feel really “low energy”? They’re not a waste — in fact, they’re often the best for meditation, connecting with Source, and restoring. When you really start to lean into your own rhythm instead of trying to push through full steam, then you can start to step into your power as a woman.

First steps:

1. Observe. That’s it — just see how your particular rhythms work. What do you feel like at different times of the day, what tasks are you particularly drawn to at different times of the month?

2. As you start to see patterns emerge, try to tailor your activities to different parts of your cycle. If you’re familiar with Embrace or other programmes we’ve done, then try tap into whatever archetype you feel your energy is best suited for at the time. And have fun with this! Remember, you’re not trying to come up with this rigidly regimented schedule; you’re trying to tap into the power of what’s already happening.

3. Care for yourself. If you’re running on empty, there’s no way that you can step into your power. So take care of your needs, and throw some wants in there too — maybe some soft play, a relaxing afternoon, a phone call with a friend; whatever you need to get back to your best.

4. If you want to get deeper into this, then try exploring your archetypes. All of the archetypes have their strengths, but it’s often easier to immediately see the strength in the Queen, for instance, than in the Lover. If you like, try listening to Hymne à la Femme by Vangelis, and see how you can call out your Queenly strength as you move to the music.

OK, let’s try it out now.

Take 30 seconds to breathe and get into your body. Now, tell me, what’s your energy like right now? Can you tell what part of your rhythm you’re in, or what archetype you want to tap into? Tell me below in the comments!