How to Bring Gravitas to Crucial Conversations and Boost Your Confidence

When was the last time you found yourself in a conversation that really mattered—where the stakes were high, and you knew you needed to show up fully? Maybe it was negotiating your salary, asking for a promotion, or standing up for yourself in a difficult situation. These moments can be daunting, but with the right mindset and approach, they can also be empowering.

At One of Many, we understand the unique challenges women face in these situations, particularly in the context of pay equity. The truth is, while there are systemic issues at play—such as ingrained gender bias and organizational structures that often don’t work in our favour—there’s also a personal element we can control: how we show up.

In this blog, we’re going to dive into how you can bring gravitas to these crucial conversations, so you can feel more confident, empowered, and ready to be taken seriously.

The Personal Challenge: Why Confidence Feels Elusive

One of the biggest hurdles many women face is a lack of confidence. But here’s the thing: we’re often trying to model confidence after a version that’s not aligned with who we truly are. We see confident men in the boardroom or on TV—assertive, sometimes aggressive—and feel that we need to act the same. But research shows that when women adopt these behaviours, they can be viewed negatively, as “too bossy” or “aggressive.” This double standard can leave us feeling stuck, unsure of how to be both confident and true to ourselves.

The key is to stop aiming for Superwoman confidence—the kind that feels like a performance—and instead, cultivate a quiet, grounded confidence that comes from within.

Reframing Confidence: Finding the Real You

Let’s take a moment to rethink what confidence really means. Picture this: How confident are you when you tie your shoelaces, or when you sign your name? You don’t have to puff out your chest or “power pose” to do these things, right? That’s because this kind of confidence is rooted in certainty—you know you can do these things.

This is the type of confidence we want to bring to crucial conversations. It’s not about dominating the room or having the perfect comeback. It’s about knowing your worth, trusting in your abilities, and bringing your full presence to the conversation.

Confidence and Respect: Moving Beyond Hierarchies

In many areas of life, we’re conditioned to view ourselves as superior or inferior based on our position—whether that’s in the workplace, within our family, or society at large. We might feel superior to those with less power or money, and inferior to those with more. But true confidence doesn’t involve scrambling to climb the ladder of superiority. Instead, it’s about showing respect for yourself and others, no matter where they sit in the hierarchy.

When you approach a conversation with this kind of grounded confidence, you’re able to command respect naturally—without needing to raise your voice or take up more space than necessary. This is gravitas.

What Is Gravitas, Really?

Gravitas isn’t about trying to lower your voice like Maggie Thatcher or adopting an overly serious tone. It’s about dignity, presence, and influence. It’s about showing up with an energy that demands attention, without having to shout for it. Think of gravitas as embodying what we at One of Many call Queen energy—self-assured, serene, and clear on your boundaries.

So how do you cultivate this gravitas in your own life?

3 Steps to Cultivate Gravitas

Shift Your Mindset Gravitas begins in the mind. Start by connecting with your inner Queen—a Powertype we often talk about here at One of Many. She embodies calm authority, self-assurance, and clarity of purpose. Take time to reflect on the beliefs and emotions that may be holding you back. Who have you known in your life who over-expressed Queen energy, perhaps coming across as cold or detached? And who has modelled a more balanced, empowered version? Journaling on these questions can help you uncover where your blocks might lie.
Embody the Queen Physically Your body language plays a huge role in how you come across. Start with something as simple as your posture—stand tall, shoulders relaxed, and feet grounded. Your voice also carries your presence—speak slowly, clearly, and with intention. Engage in activities that help you embody your Queen: dance, yoga, or even simply walking with awareness. When your body reflects your inner calm, you’ll find that others respond to you with the same respect and attention.
Prepare Strategically Gravitas isn’t just about showing up with the right energy—it’s also about preparation. Know your worth before entering any negotiation or difficult conversation, and come armed with data to back it up. Having clear openers and anticipating key questions will help you navigate the conversation with confidence. Remember, gravitas isn’t about overpowering the other person—it’s about being firm, respectful, and unapologetically direct.

Bringing It All Together

Before you head into your next crucial conversation—whether it’s negotiating pay, setting boundaries, or advocating for yourself—remember this: it’s not about being the loudest or most dominant voice in the room. It’s about bringing your full presence, your Queen energy, and trusting that when you do, people will take notice.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into how to cultivate gravitas and bring this powerful energy to all areas of your life, I encourage you to check out our guide, Serene, Strong, and Self-Assured. It’s available free of charge, and packed with tools to help you access the Five Women’s Powertypes that can transform how you show up in the world.