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Why confidence isn’t the problem and what you really need instead
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Why confidence isn’t the problem and what you really need instead

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You don’t need to be more confident.
You need to feel safe enough to be yourself.

It’s a subtle distinction, but it changes everything.

For decades, women have been told that confidence is the missing ingredient. That if we could just speak up more, take up space, and “own our brilliance”, we’d be fine. But what if the problem was never you?

What if the real issue is a leadership model that rewards performance over presence, and asks women to show up in ways that feel like self-abandonment?

The Confidence Myth

I’ve lost count of how many brilliant, high-capacity women I’ve coached over the years who say the same thing:

“I just wish I had more confidence.”
 “If I were more confident, I’d finally go for that promotion.”
 “I need to stop holding back. I need to speak up more.”

But here’s the thing, confidence is not the root of the issue.
It’s a symptom. A byproduct. A consequence of something deeper.

Confidence grows naturally when we feel safe, supported, and aligned.
When we feel like we belong. When we’re leading in a way that feels true.

Telling a woman to “just be more confident” is like handing her a ladder without checking whether it’s leaning against the right wall.

What’s really going on

Underneath the surface, there’s often something else going on.

Sometimes it’s burnout.
Sometimes it’s people-pleasing.
Sometimes it’s the residue of trauma, or years of microaggressions, or a cultural environment that rewards push and punishes pause.

For many women, it’s not that we lack confidence.
It’s that we’ve never had permission to show up fully as we are.

We’ve been trained to downplay our intuition.
To second-guess our gut.
To lead like men, or not at all.
To smile when we’re furious.
To stay calm when we want to scream.

And in that environment, “confidence” becomes a mask we wear, not a truth we embody.

So what do we really need?

We need new models of power.
We need tools that help us stop leaking energy trying to “perform” leadership… and start embodying it.

That’s where the Women’s PowerTypes® come in.
They’re archetypes that we can call on to lead from a place of alignment, not exhaustion.

The Queen doesn’t hustle or prove.
She brings calm, grounded authority and sets the tone with a glance, not a shout.

The Lover reconnects us to joy, vitality and worth.
 She reminds us that pleasure isn’t a luxury, it’s fuel.

The Sorceress leads from deep inner knowing.
 She trusts her truth, even when the data says otherwise.

The Mother holds space with compassion, not just for others, but for ourselves.

The Warrioress moves when it’s time to act.
 Fierce and focused, she protects what matters most.

When women access these PowerTypes, something shifts.

They stop “trying” to be confident and start being powerful.

One woman said to me recently:

“I used to feel like I had to brace myself for every meeting. Now, I feel like I bring the meeting to me.”

That’s the shift.
Not louder. Not harder. Just… real.

A different kind of strength

Confidence built on performance is fragile.
It collapses under pressure.

But confidence built on Soft Power® – on alignment, wholeness, authenticity, and embodiment – is lasting. It’s sustainable.
Because it doesn’t depend on approval. Or applause. Or fitting into someone else’s box.
It comes from knowing who you are, what you value, and how you want to lead.

You’re not broken.
You’ve just been trying to lead from a model that was never designed for you.

If you’ve ever been told to “just be more confident”, I invite you to explore a different question.

What if you didn’t need more confidence?
What if you needed more alignment?
More permission?
More support?

That’s the work we do here at One of many®.

If you’re ready to explore how to lead from alignment instead of performance, join me at Elevate, our free 3-hour workshop designed to give you the essential tools to shift from overfunctioning to embodied leadership.

You’ll discover the Women’s PowerTypes®, and how to access the kind of power that enables you to become the most radiant and authentic version of yourself.

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