How to make a good decision when you’re too tired to choose

Often, one of the first signs we’re approaching exhaustion is that our “executive function” takes a hit.

When you're too tired to choose, even the smallest decisions feel like a lot. Let alone the big, life-altering ones.  You might find yourself flummoxed by what to have for breakfast.

Or procrastinating on writing the job description for the hire that you absolutely know you need. Or avoiding the confrontation with your teenager over their disrespectful behaviour.

Lately, in our community, women have been opening up about how exhausted they really are. There's a lot going on in the world right now, and it means a lot for us to be able to share honestly how we're getting on. Coaches and trainers with decades of experience supporting others. Women who never thought they were at risk of burnout. All of us, finding ourselves needing more support than usual.

But acknowledging that we're exhausted is one thing. Most of us don’t have the luxury of noticing our exhaustion and just “stopping”. No matter how tired you are, every day brings more decisions. Big ones. Small ones. You can't avoid them.

And sometimes not making a decision has its own repercussions. Doing nothing isn't an option!

So how do you make a decision when you’re tired?

The honest answer is: not the way you've been trying to.

Most of us, when we're depleted, try to power through. We sit at our desks, stare at the choice in front of us, and try to think harder. We ask everyone around us what they think. We make a pros and cons list. And we end up exactly where we started, just more tired.

Here's what I've come to understand. When we're properly depleted, we can't make a wise decision from where we currently are. We have to move ourselves first. We have to get into our Queen energy.

Queen is the part of you who decides. Calm. Clear. Comfortable with not having all the information. Capable of saying yes, no, or "I'll come back to that next week." But you can't just summon her when you're knackered. Queen plummets in the face of exhaustion. That's biology, not character.

So the real question isn't "how do I make a better decision today?" It's "what conditions do I need to be in for Queen to be possible?"

Three things, in this order.

1. Make some space

Not five minutes between meetings. Actual space.

This is the bit most of us skip. We think we can think our way out of overwhelm while still in the middle of it. We can't. The decision you're trying to make is happening in a brain that's running on fumes, surrounded by noise, with twelve other tabs open.

Before anything else, you need to put the decision down. Walk away from it. Stop turning it over.

I remember reaching a point, when the kids were small and the business was needing a lot of attention, when I was literally too tired to function. My dear friend Wendy had to come over to my house, pick me up off the floor, and run me a bath. It really was that bad. I didn't need a better decision-making framework that day. I needed someone to remove me from the situation entirely.

You may not need Wendy. But you do need to get yourself out of the loop.

2. Replenish

Once you've made some space, the next bit is the part most of us treat as optional.

It isn't.

You cannot make a wise decision from an empty tank. You can make a fast one. A reactive one. A "just to get it off my plate" one. But you cannot make the kind of decision you'll look back on with any kind of pride.

Replenishment isn't a bubble bath. (Though it might involve one.) It's whatever genuinely puts something back. Sleep. Food that isn't eaten standing up. A walk where you don't listen to anything. Time with someone who doesn't need anything from you. A weekend away from the noise of your own life.

This is the bit we skip because it feels indulgent. It isn't. It's the work. Every other step depends on it.

3. Now you can access your Queen

Once there's space, and there's something in the tank, your own knowing starts to come back online.

This is the part where the decision starts to feel less like a fight. You can see the situation more clearly. You can tell the difference between what you actually want and what you've been told you should want. You can ask for the information you need without feeling like a failure for not already having it. You can sit with the discomfort of not being sure, and trust that you'll know when you know.

That's Queen.

From here, the three steps to making a decision are simple. 

1. Get the information you need. (logic)
2. Ask: in the presence of all this, what do I know in my heart? (intuition)
3. Decide. 

The decision almost makes itself.

If you need a hand with finding Queen

The One Woman Conference, on 13 and 14 June at Hilton Bankside in London, is, structurally, those three steps.

The two days are designed to give you the space your life isn't currently giving you. Two days, away from the inbox, the family WhatsApp, the meeting that could have been an email. Replenishment (the ‘actively letting go of heaviness’ type, not the ‘spa day’ type) is built into the architecture of the weekend. 

And then, when there's room and there's something in the tank, we do the work that lets you come back to your own clarity. You’ll bring your Queen energy back on line.

Many women arrive at the conference carrying a decision they haven't been able to make for months. Some leave with the answer. Others leave with something more useful: the recognition that they weren't actually stuck on the decision, they were stuck in their own depletion.

If you've been spinning on something, this might be your moment.

https://onewomanconference.co.uk/

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