We live in a world that worships certainty.
From career plans to five-year goals, we’re taught that to be “successful” means to have it all mapped out.
From the moment we’re little girls, we’re praised for having it together.
For being organised. Responsible. Reliable.
We learn that knowing what to do earns approval, and that mistakes can cost it.
So by the time we reach adulthood, uncertainty doesn’t just feel uncomfortable.
It feels dangerous.
It’s no wonder so many of us cling to control like a lifeline.
Superwoman thrives on control. She believes that if she can just plan enough, prepare enough, anticipate enough, she’ll finally feel safe.
But all that effort to hold everything together can quietly disconnect us from ourselves.
Because control is a strategy of the mind.
Courage, the kind that allows us to not know, lives in the body.
When certainty becomes a cage
I see this so often in the women I coach.
Their lives look fine on paper – stable jobs, good relationships, full calendars.
And yet, somewhere inside, there’s an ache.
A whisper that is starting to question your path.
But instead of listening, they double down.
They make another plan. Add another course. Set another goal.
Because that’s what we’ve been trained to do: fix the feeling by doing.
The paradox is this:
The more we try to control, the more we lose access to the quiet wisdom that would actually show us the way.
True guidance doesn’t come from forcing answers. It comes from giving yourself enough space to hear what’s been whispering underneath all along.
The space between stories
Every transformation has a middle.
It’s the space between who you were and who you’re becoming.
Between the old story that’s ending and the new one that hasn’t quite begun.
It’s not comfortable. It’s foggy, disorienting, and strangely silent.
There’s no applause for “figuring it out.”
No to-do list to tick.
But this space, the not knowing, is where real life begins to pulse again.
It’s where your nervous system starts to settle after years of overfunctioning.
It’s where your intuition, long buried under strategy and spreadsheets, starts whispering again.
The poet John Keats called it negative capability – the ability to remain “in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason.”
Superwoman can’t do that.
But your Queen can.
She knows that uncertainty isn’t weakness.
It’s the creative field where something new can finally grow.
Three ways to meet the unknown
So how do we live with not knowing, without spiralling into anxiety or rushing to fix it?
Here are three gentle practices that help.
- Name the ending.
Often, we resist uncertainty because we haven’t honoured what’s over.
Maybe it’s a role you’ve outgrown, a dream that no longer fits, or an identity that’s quietly dissolving.
Write it down. Say goodbye. Grieve it properly.
Clarity rarely comes until something has been consciously released. - Anchor in your body.
When the mind panics (“I need a plan!”), bring awareness to your breath, your feet, your centre.
This is the Sorceress’ wisdom – grounding in the present moment, trusting that intuition will reveal the next right step in time. - Ask better questions.
Instead of “What should I do?”, try:
“What feels alive for me right now?”
“What wants to end?”
“What am I being called toward, even if I can’t see it yet?”
The Queen doesn’t demand answers. She listens for resonance.
These practices don’t give you certainty.
They give you stability and that’s far more powerful.
The hidden courage
There’s a quiet bravery in standing in the fog.
In saying, “I don’t know yet… and I’m staying.”
Because to the old identity, uncertainty feels like death.
But to your true self, it’s rebirth.
Courage isn’t always the roar of the lion.
Sometimes it’s the stillness of a woman who chooses to stop pretending she has it all figured out.
If you’re here right now…
Take heart.
You’re not lost, you’re in process.
You’re shedding the old skin of performance and beginning to breathe in your own rhythm again.
You’re learning that clarity can’t be forced, it arrives when you’re ready to receive it.
And when it does, it won’t come from the mind that tried to plan your life.
It will come from the part of you that’s always known…
You were never meant to have it all mapped out.
You were meant to be alive to what’s unfolding before you.
If this resonates…
Join me for Elevate, our free 3-hour online workshop for women navigating change.
You’ll learn tools to steady your energy, listen to your intuition, and meet the unknown with calm and compassion.
Because you don’t need to know what’s next.
You just need to remember how to trust yourself again.
Author of the Amazon best-selling book, Superwoman: Escaping the Myth, she has explored the hidden pressures women face in leadership and offers a roadmap to sustainable success without burnout.
As the founder of One of many, a global community supporting women in leadership, she is committed to equipping leaders with the tools they need to create sustainable impact, without compromising well-being. Her work integrates neuroscience, behavioural psychology, and emotional intelligence to help individuals lead with confidence and authenticity.
Dr. Joanna's insights have been featured in major media outlets, and she is a renowned speaker on leadership, resilience, and high-performance coaching. When she’s not speaking or coaching, Dr. Joanna enjoys exploring new research in human potential, spending time with her family, and championing initiatives that support women in leadership worldwide.
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