One of Many

Woman looking to create change

The Foundation of Flow
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The Foundation of Flow

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“I love him … but I’m not in love with him.”

If you haven’t said it yourself, then I’m sure you’ve heard a friend say it. This situation is incredibly common in relationships, and it very often comes down to one thing: a lack of polarity.

A matrix of opposites

Although it sounds like something out of a science experiment, polarity is that state of being in which two opposites come together. It’s a critical part of our relationships with other people, and even our internal balance between masculine and feminine. It’s what makes flow possible. Without it, you end up drained of energy, flat, and uncreative.

This pattern repeats itself throughout the universe, which is itself a matrix of opposites: dark and light, up and down, black and white, and of course, masculine and feminine. And in our lives, when we’ve got polarity going on, we get that delicious flow, those sparks, and that incredible, vibrant excitement of being alive.

But there’s a problem …

Our society is increasingly socialising us to bulk up our non-dominant energies. Men are encouraged to be more feminine, and women are encouraged to be more masculine, leaving us with polarity that’s way out of whack.

So what does this look like practically? Well, imagine that you, being the capable, intelligent, strong, successful woman that you are, are going on a first date with a guy. You turn up in your masculine energy, asking lots of questions and wanting to take the lead throughout the date. Your date, being the man, turns up in his masculine energy too. Do you think that sparks are going to fly? Not likely!

It might be fun, but you more than likely won’t get that delicious tension, that “urge to merge” that you would if the two of you were at opposite polarities. Think of it like an electrical circuit. If you’ve got two positive terminals, you can’t create flow — you’ve got to have a positive and a negative.

This doesn’t only apply to first dates. Lots of couples lose their polarity over time as they become more and more like each other, which leads to a loss of intimacy, passion, tenderness, and even creativity. And this also applies to relationships in a more general sense, for instance, the relationships between you and your male colleagues: polarity creates flow there too.

How to get realigned

The good news is, there’s lots you can do to realign your polarity if you’ve gotten out of whack. The first thing you need to do is to take some time to get a sense of what your dominant energy is, deep down. This often aligns with the gender you were born with, although of course there are exceptions. So take some time to really feel which energy is natural to you. One good way to do this is to ask yourself how you feel at the core when you think about these words:

External, hot, passionate, driven, coming from the head, linear thinking, analytical…

And how about these?

Internal, passive, dark, nonlinear thinking, wild, receptive, of the Earth, instincts, intuition…

Which one of those lists makes you feel energised, and which makes you feel depleted?

Once you have gotten a sense of your dominant energy, you need to consciously spend some time in that energy. Really nourish it! If you’re feminine, then try not taking showers for a week and instead taking a really lovely, soothing bath every day. Or get two massages in a week, instead of just your monthly one.

Finally, think of a way that you can bring that energy out into the world so that you can create space for experiencing the masculine. One way I love to do this is to get dressed up and go out to dinner by myself. I make it a really sensual experience, enjoying great food and wine, and flirting with people — not with seduction in mind, but simply to enjoy the experience of being in the feminine.

My invitation to you…

Over the next fortnight, make the conscious choice to spend some time in your natural energy. How are you going to create that space; what are you going to do? Tell me below in the comments so I can cheer you on!

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Joanna Martin
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